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NTA your aunt is insufferably insecure and jealous of a teenager. Maybe if people shamed her for saying stupid shit more often she would keep her mouth shut. Don’t apologize. She doesn’t deserve it. I’ve been where you are. Skinny but still healthy, and the anorexic comments are really harmful. They came from my own mom and at some point I did become anorexic as a result. Don’t fucking comment on people’s bodies if you don’t want to be shamed for yours.
No. You are NTA. I don’t care how harsh your words were, she deserved them. People can have all kinds of healthy weights that are a little out of the usual, but still they’re fine, it’s not always something to worry about. If it is something to worry about then the last thing a caring person would do is to try to shame a family member at a restaurant. If your aunt was honestly worried about you, she would talk to you one on one where no one else could hear it and she would be very, very kind in her delivery. But she’s not concerned about you, she’s embarrassed at her own weight and you being slim is a thorn in her side because she feels that she stands out even more. You were tolerant as long as anyone could expect you to be. She stepped way over the line and she called you hideous and said that you don’t have a boyfriend because of the way that you look? IMO she asked for it right there. This is not on you. It is on her.
NTA. She's jealous. I would have told said "*You know, I think you're right. I'm actually thinking about gaining weight to be like you. What are your favorite medications for diabetes and hypertension?*"
I almost think you should delete this because OP might kick herself for not saying this instead! But I love what she did say, and in no way is she an AH. This aunt is vile. I’m curious about OP’s parents and where they’ve been through all this. I have a nephew who struggled with an eating disorder as an adolescent. It was so hard to see him struggle. I can’t ever imagine being absolutely nasty to him, because I love him, but if I ever did, my sister would have cut me out of their lives!
NTA. Aunt had lots of opportunities to drop her public body shaming of a teenager but she just kept it up.
So you shut it down by saying something shocking, instead of asking her to please stop because it was mean - I think your choice was the only effective one, because your Aunt knew she was being mean and she knew she shouldn't be doing it.
Being "nice" wasn't going to shut that nonsense down, and I don't know what Aunt expected to happen.
1. Congrats on your recovery, it can be hard but you're doing amazing sweetie \*mean girls mom voice\*
2. You were a comeback queen, the next time they text you say "where is the lie" "if she didn't constantly comment on my body, I wouldn't have said anything" "you're a middle aged woman berating a teenager" "this constitutes as harassment, please stop contacting me"
3. Remember your body is your own, unless a medical professional tells you anything about your weight no one's opinion matters but your own. If you feel healthy and are mentally and emotionally okay with your weight enjoy it.
4. Please talk to your parents and show them the nasty text that your middle aged aunt is sending you, tell them if it continues you will have to block them for your well being.
5. What people don't usually know that people with larger bodies can also be anorexic. I was over 200lbs starving myself to lose weight my doctor said I fit into that category. I didn't believe him because I was still being told I'm over weight.
NTA
I have a stepdaughter who is naturally very thin. She wants to gain weight but can’t. She is so beautiful, but she doesn’t think she is, because her whole life people body shamed her for being skinny. It has really affected her self esteem. I wish people would just stop commenting on peoples’ bodies—period. Especially kids! Your aunt is a mean, insecure bully. Where have your parents been through all of this? Or other adult relatives? She should have been put in her place years ago. You are NTA for finally breaking and doing it yourself. Don’t you just love the people that feel entitled to say horrible things to other people, but then when they get it thrown back at them they cry victim? Yeah, she deserved it.
NTA but punctual means "on time". It's not a synonym for "occassional". It sounds like you're saying she was on time for the scheduled glances she was giving you. Which obviously is not the case.
She was dishing it out all night but the moment you served her the same thing you went too far? She can stuff her worthless opinions where the sun doesn't shine. Apologise for nothing
NTA
NTA. No matter your body condition, its for no one to comment on except maybe your doctor if its relevant to your health. I'm not going to pretend your comment wasn't mean, but at the end of the day you're 18 and retaliating against a grown ass woman who is repeatedly body shaming a teenager. She should know to keep her unwanted comments to her damn self and be the **adult** in the relationship.
NTA. What you said was pretty mean yes, but your aunt definitely started it and was being very inappropriate. It’s perfectly fair you would respond with the same energy. I will say that you should try not to snap at people in anger like that even if they are being shitty to you even when it’s justified and feels good. Take it from a 25 year old who is trying to be less reactive myself 😬
NTA.
If she wants to talk shit, she can eat shit.
Simple as that.
If somebody spoke to me like that, i'd do the same. No matter who they were lol.
I've also done the same to an aunt who liked to run her mouth.
You're good.
She sounds borderline abusive. What you said to her wasn’t great, but was mild compared to how terrible she was being! I’m surprised you made it so long without dumping your lunch in her lap or something.
(Maybe next time try this technique: “Why are you saying all these things, you’re being really rude,” only in a very flat, factual tone. Then she says a bunch more and you say “no, that’s not acceptable,” calmly, like she’s a little kid. You can also say things like “You used to say cruel things to me when I was a chubby child too. It’s wrong to be so unkind. Why are you so fixated on other people’s eating habits and body types?” All very mild and matter of fact, and you can go all night. It takes the air out of a person’s tires because they have no good retort to the plain, unaggravated truth.)
NTA bout your aunt and uncle sure are. She thinks she gets to say whatever God-awful thing she wants to say to you adn there aren’t any consequences. Well, now she know there are. Block them both.
NTA. You're never the a h for dishing back exactly the attitude someone is forcing on you. You made one comment and she made a dozen, she is at fault and you were absolutely restrained to hold back as much as you did.
NTA. Why in 2024 do we still think it’s acceptable to comment on someone else’s body and eating habits? On top of that she has the audacity to comment on your body affecting your love life. You just showed her how hurtful she was to you by giving her the same treatment.
INFO: it does not change my judgment, but I simply must know if the affair is real.
NTA. (Although you edited your original post, which you should do by adding an edit at the end of the post and clearly marking it.) She's been rude to you for years and she couldn't take it when you finally pushed back.
NTA, this wisdom from and a little humor from Butters South Park, replace Grandma with **Aunt
Grandma? I did it, Grandma. I finally stood up for myself. I got real mean and I beat the snot outta Dr. Oz. I can't lie, it felt kind of good. At first. But since then all I have is just... a kind of dark, empty feeling. Then I realized... that's how you must feel. All the time. Poor old Grandma. You know, I-I've been gettin' lots of advice how to deal with you. Stand up to you, tell on you... But I kind of realize there's just people like you out there. All over the place. When you're a kid, things seem like they're gonna last forever. But they're not. Life changes. Why you won't always be around. Someday you're gonna die. Someday pretty soon. And when you're layin' in that hospital bed, with tubes up your nose, and that little pan under your butt to pee in, well I'll come visit ya. I'll come just to show you that, that I'm still alive and I'm still happy. And you'll die. Bein' nothin' but you... night Grandma.
NTA. She brought up weight and romantic relationships, not you. There's an American saying, "If you can't take it, don't throw it." I don't know the French equivalent but I'm sure there is one!
lol wow, no, NTA, well done, you. Don't put up with her crap anymore. Next time she says something like that, a good tactic is to say, loudly, "Did you just say whatever-stupid-thing-she-said ???" and repeat what she said. She's being abusive and you did not go too far.
NTA.
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I (18 F) was at a restaurant for family gathering for my brother's birthday 2 days ago. Everything was going great until I noticed my aunt (40 F) glancing at me punctually. It started to make me uncomfortable but I got over it.
Fast forward to the moment of dinner. It was like a buffet with a ton of dishes. I served myself a correct meal including vegetables, meat and rice. Overall a very basic dish. I was enjoying my dinner with my cousins when my aunt passed by and said "that's what you're eating? No wonder why you're just a pile of bones!" Then she just scoffed and left.
For context I am skinny but not in the unhealthy way, in the conventional way.
I was quite flabbergasted but I thought I maybe just misinterpreted what she said.
Then she came by again and proceeded to tell me very mean things about my body such as "are you playing anorexic again?", "you look like a child dying from the plague." Or "being this skinny just makes you hideous". I was getting overly pissed at this point. Especially since my aunt is objectively really overweight like in an unhealthy way. Like I am healthy and you are not so how dare you comment my body? I was boiling from the inside but once again said nothing. It's only when she said: " maybe if you ate a burger or a pizza once in a while you would have a boyfriend"
Note that she doesn't know anything about my life and I am actually in a 2 month relationship.
At that point I was enraged and said "well maybe if you ate a salade once in a while you're husband wouldn't be cheating on you" she looked shocked for a minute than stormed out of the restaurant.
Now I am getting hatefull text from her and her husband telling me that I went too far and should apologize.
So am I the asshole?
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NTA and you had every right to defend yourself regardless if they are blood related or not. Your aunt wants to comment on your body then you have every right to respond in kind. If she doesn’t like the truth then she shouldn’t have attacked you in the first place.
NTA- IMHO persons who decide that bullying is acceptable should be willing to take whatever unpleasant dish they get in return. OP, good on you for finally defending yourself!
NTA
But unfortunately, people will probably think you are "being mean" to her by body-shaming her back and discussing her husband's affair, even if it is true.
Next time, take the high road and loudly ask her what she means. Make her explain why she thinks you are too skinny. Then, describe how she taunted you when you were bigger and had your ED. Were you not healthy then by these standards? Just keep asking her WHY to explain herself (note: in front of EVERYONE) what she actually means and what you can do to finally satisfy her need to constantly criticize your body. What will make her happy? Why is she so obsessed with you? Why is she being so rude? Talk to her like a child.
She'll likely either clam up finally or dig herself into a deeper hole showing everyone that she's an asshole while you can keep your nose clean.
If no one else helps in this case or takes her side, then you should consider cutting these people out of your life completely at this point.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I said something really rude to my aunt and my family is telling me that I shouldn't have
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What a piece of shit your aunt is. You're not an asshole. Some people are the reason we are born with 2 middle fingers.
Keep living your life and be happy don't take that shit from anyone.
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NTA!!!!!! Your aunt was being rude & mean. I hate confrontation but I'm a 50yr old F and have learned to nip it in the bud. She was WAY out of line! You're my hero both for not engaging and for sticking up for yourself when your patience ran out!
NTA. Why are you not no contact with your childhood bully? Her obsession with your body is so gross. Stop seeing her or attending events if she’ll be there. And why haven’t your other family members stood up for you and chased her off when she starts body shaming you? You didn’t go too far.
OP- before I read your post... I want you to know I read your edit about misspelling salad.
From now on I will be referring to "salad" and "sah-laid" my husband and I play a funny (to us) game of making every Dat words sound fancy by making it "french" (think Target being called "Tar-Jay with a soft J sound) and your misspelling was so up our alley.
NTA.
I am curious though because you mentioned her husband texted you too...
Hon.. I need to know. *IS* he cheating?! (You don't have to answer but... if you're willing to I'm here for the tea lmfao)
NTA. You had, as you say, a balanced plate- veg, protein and a starch.
She had absolutely no right to say *anything* to you, ever, about your eating habits. *Especially* if she is not your doctor, let alone your parents.
The woman needs to examine her own life and figure out why bodyshaming a child, then a teenager, is something she thinks she should do.
Your parents also needed to step up and tell her to mind her own business when you were a child, if they haven't, then you really need to find out why.
Absolutely NTA.
Good for you.
I'm a skinny dude who has just started sticking up for himself about it. People are flabbergasted when they get called fat, short, or bald when they say I'm skinny.
Bodyshaming is bodyshaming, and your aunt finally got a taste of her own medicine.
You were harsh, but then again your aunt sounds like a pain and sometimes people learn how to behave once they get hit on the nose back.
Has your mom or dad spoken to her before? ( Which ever parent is your aunt's sibling)
NTA
Inquiète pas OP, ta tante a tout simplement goûtée à sa propre recette. À pas faire aux autres ce qu'ont veux pas se faire faire.
I just laughed so hard!! I experienced this as a bartender with one of my regulars. Yep skinny but never unhealthy. I never had a eating disorder but I totally understand how others actions can affect someone to a detrimental point. With that said, the last time the lady who constantly made crappy comments to me told me I needed to eat a cheese burger I ordered myself dinner to be delivered to the bar. When it arrived I purposely pulled my burger and fries out directly in front of her unwrapped my burger took a big bite.. I smiled at her then reached in the bag and pulled out the salad I ordered her and moved her beer sitting in directly in her space.. to say the least she was pist off.. the owner of the bar was sitting two bar stools over and had to go to the back because she was laughing soo hard.. Martha never commented on my weight again.. Oh, and I made bank that night! All the other regulars and some randos literally tipped me extra hard for finally standing my ground with her!
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As someone who grew up being very underweight, I also dealt with those annoying remarks from extended family. “Pile of bones”, “eat a burger”, “toothpick”, “anorexic”, I heard it all. I wish I had the guts to speak up for myself. Good for you.
NTA. Your aunt can stfu.
NTA. You stood up for yourself, nothing wrong with that! And she’s obviously projecting her feelings about herself onto you, shameful behavior from an adult. She acted childish, she got what she deserved, so maybe now she’ll stfu and eat a salad.
ESH. Yeah, she dished it and you dished some, too. Justified.
These comments suggesting more hurtful things you could've said to her are very fucking weird. Not realizing they're not helping the situation or are better than your Aunt.
Although it’s warranted to speak up, the way you did makes YTA as well as your aunt. The best way to shut up an adult is not to sink to same level in which you say things that are hurtful on purpose and instead just straight up call them out for stepping over a line.
“Your comments are unnecessary and inappropriate and I need you to stop now please. This isn’t becoming behavior for a grown up especially when you’re commenting on a child’s body. I will talk to you when you learn how to hold an appropriate conversation rather than bully me about my weight.”
Agree. When I figured that out I instantly became much more respected, people trusted me, people would rather spend time with me and listen to me because while I set a boundary I did my absolute best to be kind. It's not always to be kind to be kind to THEM, but to know that I am not like them and I can hold my head up high.
Idk if I agree it goes as far as y t a, but even when someone is or may feel justified... it's still asshole behavior. You don't fight fire with fire and then become the better person for retaliating in the same way.
ESH.
While as an overweight person the salad comment bitters me, you took it too far with the cheating husband part, regardless of it being true or not. However, “are you playing anoreix again” is such a fucked up thing to say I had to read it twice to make sure it wasn’t a missreading. She doesn’t have the right to judge your life, specially if she doesn’t know anything about it, and you did the right thing to stand your ground. Def should’ve taken a different aproach to do so, thought.
I think YTA - you chose to be offensive to someone who did nothing to you - your uncle. Would you like it if someone's arguing with your mom and says well no wonder your daughter's fucked up and has EDs? It's fine to stand up for yourself but it's not right for you to have brought him into it.
1.He made comment about my body in the past (I mean in the perv way)
2.funny how she actually told that to my father 3 years ago at Christmas
3.we are not related in any way, he is just my aunt's husband and I have known him for just 4 years and have seen him roughly 10 times in my whole entire life.
Sorry for not being clear in my post and thank you for your opinion anyway🫶🏻
ESH.
You're very obsessed wih eaing correctly and what is healthy and what is not, and judging other people's health (like bad health is a character flaw? it isn't). It's rude to comment on what you're eating, it's rude to comment on how you look, and it is rude to say you're anorexic/playing it. It's not MORE rude because she's overweight. It's the same level of rudeness no matter who it comes from.
I understand that you reached a boiling point and that you're just 18 so this is a bit hard, but you did go too far and you do have some very... problematic ideas on bodies. She wasn't cheated on because she was overweight or didn't eat a salad, and I hope you know that.
I wouldn't say you need to apologize, just reflect a bit. It's better to say "I do not appreciate comments of my body just like I do not make comments on yours," or similar. You can even do the tone like you're gentle parenting them where you go "no \[name\] we do NOT discuss other people's bodies, what other people eat is their business. No no, focus on your own plate, what is on mine is just for me to decide" etc.
It IS satisfying to clap back, but I believe it does bring you down to their level.
But mostly it's your thoughts that make you an AH, you need to... work on that a bit.
I struggled with ED for years which she knows, I was also fat when I was a kid and she commented that too. I repeat she bodyshamed a 7 year old. I have a strict view of what is healthy and what isn't because I have spent hours with doctors and dieteticians.
Her making rude comment on my body isn't a one time thing it is constant. From the day I was born, to the period I was an overweight kid, to when I was anorexic, to now, when I have finally gained back an healthy weight and a minimum of self esteem. SHE NEVER STOPPED.
I probably shouldn't have said that, it was rude, I totally am aware of that. But sit in a room we're someone spends HOURS criticizing your body and humiliating you in public. I was heated I should have reacted more calmly and compose myself but someone needed to shut that lady down.
And BTW when I said "correct meal" I meant that I wasn't under eating or eating particularly healthy.
I understand what you mean now by correct meal, I'll still say that orthorexia is a thing. Not saying you have it or I think you do, just that some people focus too much on health over a functional life. But I'm really sorry to hear that you've struggled with that, and that an adult can't mind her own business and stop commenting on children and other's bodies.
If it happens again, which I hope it doesn't, or similar situations where someone is crossing boundaries like that, I find it is best to immediately say something. Being rude isn't bad, depending on what type of rudeness it is. Being rude by immediately saying "I don't like it when you/someone talk about what I eat" and continue the same sort of reply for every time to push or step over that boundary. It may feel like it spoils the mood but THEY already spoiled the mood with those comments. Even saying "it hurts me when you talk about my body that way" will make others pay attention and notice how mean this older woman is towards a young girl.
It's not fool proof, and every situation is unique. While saying something mean back is satisfying, it's even more satisfying to leave the situation having corrected them while knowing you didn't stoop to their level. Like... that feeling might be a bit addicting haha
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NTA your aunt is insufferably insecure and jealous of a teenager. Maybe if people shamed her for saying stupid shit more often she would keep her mouth shut. Don’t apologize. She doesn’t deserve it. I’ve been where you are. Skinny but still healthy, and the anorexic comments are really harmful. They came from my own mom and at some point I did become anorexic as a result. Don’t fucking comment on people’s bodies if you don’t want to be shamed for yours.
Thank u sm and especially since I struggled with anorexia for years and fought really hard to be back to being healthy
OP, your aunt is a bully and was intentionally picking on you all these years. You are not at fault.
The anorexia comment was out of line even if you hadn’t. Knowing its a struggle makes this outright cruel. She’s not a safe person to be around.
"I'm sorry Aunt doesn't realize a fat person that tries to bully and bodyshame a teenager should expect a response. "
Tell her “we don’t talk about other people’s bodies,” in a sing song voice like she’s a toddler who hasn’t learned to act right yet.
No. You are NTA. I don’t care how harsh your words were, she deserved them. People can have all kinds of healthy weights that are a little out of the usual, but still they’re fine, it’s not always something to worry about. If it is something to worry about then the last thing a caring person would do is to try to shame a family member at a restaurant. If your aunt was honestly worried about you, she would talk to you one on one where no one else could hear it and she would be very, very kind in her delivery. But she’s not concerned about you, she’s embarrassed at her own weight and you being slim is a thorn in her side because she feels that she stands out even more. You were tolerant as long as anyone could expect you to be. She stepped way over the line and she called you hideous and said that you don’t have a boyfriend because of the way that you look? IMO she asked for it right there. This is not on you. It is on her.
NTA. She's jealous. I would have told said "*You know, I think you're right. I'm actually thinking about gaining weight to be like you. What are your favorite medications for diabetes and hypertension?*"
I almost think you should delete this because OP might kick herself for not saying this instead! But I love what she did say, and in no way is she an AH. This aunt is vile. I’m curious about OP’s parents and where they’ve been through all this. I have a nephew who struggled with an eating disorder as an adolescent. It was so hard to see him struggle. I can’t ever imagine being absolutely nasty to him, because I love him, but if I ever did, my sister would have cut me out of their lives!
You have a beautiful mind.
Nope.. tell her and her husband that if she kept her mouth shut, she wouldn't be crying in her cheesecake. Can't take it? Don't dish it out.
NTA. Aunt had lots of opportunities to drop her public body shaming of a teenager but she just kept it up. So you shut it down by saying something shocking, instead of asking her to please stop because it was mean - I think your choice was the only effective one, because your Aunt knew she was being mean and she knew she shouldn't be doing it. Being "nice" wasn't going to shut that nonsense down, and I don't know what Aunt expected to happen.
1. Congrats on your recovery, it can be hard but you're doing amazing sweetie \*mean girls mom voice\* 2. You were a comeback queen, the next time they text you say "where is the lie" "if she didn't constantly comment on my body, I wouldn't have said anything" "you're a middle aged woman berating a teenager" "this constitutes as harassment, please stop contacting me" 3. Remember your body is your own, unless a medical professional tells you anything about your weight no one's opinion matters but your own. If you feel healthy and are mentally and emotionally okay with your weight enjoy it. 4. Please talk to your parents and show them the nasty text that your middle aged aunt is sending you, tell them if it continues you will have to block them for your well being. 5. What people don't usually know that people with larger bodies can also be anorexic. I was over 200lbs starving myself to lose weight my doctor said I fit into that category. I didn't believe him because I was still being told I'm over weight. NTA
Thank you sm for your comment and support its hard to find people who understand I feel like everyone think bodyshaming a skinny person is okay
I have a stepdaughter who is naturally very thin. She wants to gain weight but can’t. She is so beautiful, but she doesn’t think she is, because her whole life people body shamed her for being skinny. It has really affected her self esteem. I wish people would just stop commenting on peoples’ bodies—period. Especially kids! Your aunt is a mean, insecure bully. Where have your parents been through all of this? Or other adult relatives? She should have been put in her place years ago. You are NTA for finally breaking and doing it yourself. Don’t you just love the people that feel entitled to say horrible things to other people, but then when they get it thrown back at them they cry victim? Yeah, she deserved it.
NTA but punctual means "on time". It's not a synonym for "occassional". It sounds like you're saying she was on time for the scheduled glances she was giving you. Which obviously is not the case.
Sorry for the misunderstanding I am french and we say "ponctuellement" to mean regularly. My bad
You're fine, your English is great.. Seems some on Reddit assume everyone posting is in the US.
She was dishing it out all night but the moment you served her the same thing you went too far? She can stuff her worthless opinions where the sun doesn't shine. Apologise for nothing NTA
NTA. No matter your body condition, its for no one to comment on except maybe your doctor if its relevant to your health. I'm not going to pretend your comment wasn't mean, but at the end of the day you're 18 and retaliating against a grown ass woman who is repeatedly body shaming a teenager. She should know to keep her unwanted comments to her damn self and be the **adult** in the relationship.
NTA. What you said was pretty mean yes, but your aunt definitely started it and was being very inappropriate. It’s perfectly fair you would respond with the same energy. I will say that you should try not to snap at people in anger like that even if they are being shitty to you even when it’s justified and feels good. Take it from a 25 year old who is trying to be less reactive myself 😬
NTA. If she wants to talk shit, she can eat shit. Simple as that. If somebody spoke to me like that, i'd do the same. No matter who they were lol. I've also done the same to an aunt who liked to run her mouth. You're good.
She sounds borderline abusive. What you said to her wasn’t great, but was mild compared to how terrible she was being! I’m surprised you made it so long without dumping your lunch in her lap or something. (Maybe next time try this technique: “Why are you saying all these things, you’re being really rude,” only in a very flat, factual tone. Then she says a bunch more and you say “no, that’s not acceptable,” calmly, like she’s a little kid. You can also say things like “You used to say cruel things to me when I was a chubby child too. It’s wrong to be so unkind. Why are you so fixated on other people’s eating habits and body types?” All very mild and matter of fact, and you can go all night. It takes the air out of a person’s tires because they have no good retort to the plain, unaggravated truth.)
NTA bout your aunt and uncle sure are. She thinks she gets to say whatever God-awful thing she wants to say to you adn there aren’t any consequences. Well, now she know there are. Block them both.
Apologize by saying her husband's cheating isn't due to her diet, but very likely her personality.
NTA. You're never the a h for dishing back exactly the attitude someone is forcing on you. You made one comment and she made a dozen, she is at fault and you were absolutely restrained to hold back as much as you did.
NTA. Why in 2024 do we still think it’s acceptable to comment on someone else’s body and eating habits? On top of that she has the audacity to comment on your body affecting your love life. You just showed her how hurtful she was to you by giving her the same treatment. INFO: it does not change my judgment, but I simply must know if the affair is real.
NTA. (Although you edited your original post, which you should do by adding an edit at the end of the post and clearly marking it.) She's been rude to you for years and she couldn't take it when you finally pushed back.
Sorry I am very new to reddit so I don't really know how it works
It's OK; it's just that things like you previously suffering with an ED and she's been doing this since you were 7 are relevant.
I know I just really wasn't expecting this post to get so many comments so I didn't think I needed to tell sm
NTA. Your aunt is an adult and she’s body shaming a teenager.
NTA. She deserved it. She is hateful, cruel and abusive. I'd go no contact with her personally
Ha ha ha ha! GOOD for you! Let the fat fly in the frying pan!
NTA, this wisdom from and a little humor from Butters South Park, replace Grandma with **Aunt Grandma? I did it, Grandma. I finally stood up for myself. I got real mean and I beat the snot outta Dr. Oz. I can't lie, it felt kind of good. At first. But since then all I have is just... a kind of dark, empty feeling. Then I realized... that's how you must feel. All the time. Poor old Grandma. You know, I-I've been gettin' lots of advice how to deal with you. Stand up to you, tell on you... But I kind of realize there's just people like you out there. All over the place. When you're a kid, things seem like they're gonna last forever. But they're not. Life changes. Why you won't always be around. Someday you're gonna die. Someday pretty soon. And when you're layin' in that hospital bed, with tubes up your nose, and that little pan under your butt to pee in, well I'll come visit ya. I'll come just to show you that, that I'm still alive and I'm still happy. And you'll die. Bein' nothin' but you... night Grandma.
I love Butters
Yeah but it's funny 😂
NTA- as everyone’s favorite saying goes she FAFO’d!
NTA. She was fortunate you were so restrained.
NTA. She brought up weight and romantic relationships, not you. There's an American saying, "If you can't take it, don't throw it." I don't know the French equivalent but I'm sure there is one!
NTA. You're my hero. Awesome response.
NTA. Good comeback, OP! 🤣
lol wow, no, NTA, well done, you. Don't put up with her crap anymore. Next time she says something like that, a good tactic is to say, loudly, "Did you just say whatever-stupid-thing-she-said ???" and repeat what she said. She's being abusive and you did not go too far. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18 F) was at a restaurant for family gathering for my brother's birthday 2 days ago. Everything was going great until I noticed my aunt (40 F) glancing at me punctually. It started to make me uncomfortable but I got over it. Fast forward to the moment of dinner. It was like a buffet with a ton of dishes. I served myself a correct meal including vegetables, meat and rice. Overall a very basic dish. I was enjoying my dinner with my cousins when my aunt passed by and said "that's what you're eating? No wonder why you're just a pile of bones!" Then she just scoffed and left. For context I am skinny but not in the unhealthy way, in the conventional way. I was quite flabbergasted but I thought I maybe just misinterpreted what she said. Then she came by again and proceeded to tell me very mean things about my body such as "are you playing anorexic again?", "you look like a child dying from the plague." Or "being this skinny just makes you hideous". I was getting overly pissed at this point. Especially since my aunt is objectively really overweight like in an unhealthy way. Like I am healthy and you are not so how dare you comment my body? I was boiling from the inside but once again said nothing. It's only when she said: " maybe if you ate a burger or a pizza once in a while you would have a boyfriend" Note that she doesn't know anything about my life and I am actually in a 2 month relationship. At that point I was enraged and said "well maybe if you ate a salade once in a while you're husband wouldn't be cheating on you" she looked shocked for a minute than stormed out of the restaurant. Now I am getting hatefull text from her and her husband telling me that I went too far and should apologize. So am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and you had every right to defend yourself regardless if they are blood related or not. Your aunt wants to comment on your body then you have every right to respond in kind. If she doesn’t like the truth then she shouldn’t have attacked you in the first place.
NTA. Your aunt is a textbook case of FAFO, you should really be proud for standing up for yourself
NTA- IMHO persons who decide that bullying is acceptable should be willing to take whatever unpleasant dish they get in return. OP, good on you for finally defending yourself!
NTA She earned your comment and she fully knows it. Trying to turn the tables on you isn’t going to work.
NTA. she needed to hear that shit.
NTA But unfortunately, people will probably think you are "being mean" to her by body-shaming her back and discussing her husband's affair, even if it is true. Next time, take the high road and loudly ask her what she means. Make her explain why she thinks you are too skinny. Then, describe how she taunted you when you were bigger and had your ED. Were you not healthy then by these standards? Just keep asking her WHY to explain herself (note: in front of EVERYONE) what she actually means and what you can do to finally satisfy her need to constantly criticize your body. What will make her happy? Why is she so obsessed with you? Why is she being so rude? Talk to her like a child. She'll likely either clam up finally or dig herself into a deeper hole showing everyone that she's an asshole while you can keep your nose clean. If no one else helps in this case or takes her side, then you should consider cutting these people out of your life completely at this point.
NTA, Sounds like you hit a few nerves, for both her and her husband! Ha ha ha
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In my mind you pronounced it like “Sal-aid”
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NTA w roast btw
What a piece of shit your aunt is. You're not an asshole. Some people are the reason we are born with 2 middle fingers. Keep living your life and be happy don't take that shit from anyone.
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NTA!!!!!! Your aunt was being rude & mean. I hate confrontation but I'm a 50yr old F and have learned to nip it in the bud. She was WAY out of line! You're my hero both for not engaging and for sticking up for yourself when your patience ran out!
NTA. Why are you not no contact with your childhood bully? Her obsession with your body is so gross. Stop seeing her or attending events if she’ll be there. And why haven’t your other family members stood up for you and chased her off when she starts body shaming you? You didn’t go too far.
OP- before I read your post... I want you to know I read your edit about misspelling salad. From now on I will be referring to "salad" and "sah-laid" my husband and I play a funny (to us) game of making every Dat words sound fancy by making it "french" (think Target being called "Tar-Jay with a soft J sound) and your misspelling was so up our alley.
NTA. I am curious though because you mentioned her husband texted you too... Hon.. I need to know. *IS* he cheating?! (You don't have to answer but... if you're willing to I'm here for the tea lmfao)
NTA. Clear case of FAFO. I approve this message.
NTA. You had, as you say, a balanced plate- veg, protein and a starch. She had absolutely no right to say *anything* to you, ever, about your eating habits. *Especially* if she is not your doctor, let alone your parents. The woman needs to examine her own life and figure out why bodyshaming a child, then a teenager, is something she thinks she should do. Your parents also needed to step up and tell her to mind her own business when you were a child, if they haven't, then you really need to find out why.
NTA… don’t apologize, she deserved it.
Nta. You're awesome
Absolutely NTA. Good for you. I'm a skinny dude who has just started sticking up for himself about it. People are flabbergasted when they get called fat, short, or bald when they say I'm skinny. Bodyshaming is bodyshaming, and your aunt finally got a taste of her own medicine.
You were harsh, but then again your aunt sounds like a pain and sometimes people learn how to behave once they get hit on the nose back. Has your mom or dad spoken to her before? ( Which ever parent is your aunt's sibling) NTA Inquiète pas OP, ta tante a tout simplement goûtée à sa propre recette. À pas faire aux autres ce qu'ont veux pas se faire faire.
NTA, I'm curious how the rest of the family feels about the situation.
I just laughed so hard!! I experienced this as a bartender with one of my regulars. Yep skinny but never unhealthy. I never had a eating disorder but I totally understand how others actions can affect someone to a detrimental point. With that said, the last time the lady who constantly made crappy comments to me told me I needed to eat a cheese burger I ordered myself dinner to be delivered to the bar. When it arrived I purposely pulled my burger and fries out directly in front of her unwrapped my burger took a big bite.. I smiled at her then reached in the bag and pulled out the salad I ordered her and moved her beer sitting in directly in her space.. to say the least she was pist off.. the owner of the bar was sitting two bar stools over and had to go to the back because she was laughing soo hard.. Martha never commented on my weight again.. Oh, and I made bank that night! All the other regulars and some randos literally tipped me extra hard for finally standing my ground with her!
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INFO why aren't your parents stepping in? Why are they allowing her to bully you?
The only way you would be TA is if you lied about your uncle’s love affair(s).
As someone who grew up being very underweight, I also dealt with those annoying remarks from extended family. “Pile of bones”, “eat a burger”, “toothpick”, “anorexic”, I heard it all. I wish I had the guts to speak up for myself. Good for you. NTA. Your aunt can stfu.
NTA. You stood up for yourself, nothing wrong with that! And she’s obviously projecting her feelings about herself onto you, shameful behavior from an adult. She acted childish, she got what she deserved, so maybe now she’ll stfu and eat a salad.
NTA I think you went just far enough. *Parfait*!
ESH, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t apologize.
ESH. Yeah, she dished it and you dished some, too. Justified. These comments suggesting more hurtful things you could've said to her are very fucking weird. Not realizing they're not helping the situation or are better than your Aunt.
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she mentioned in another comment that she's french, just mistranslated a word which was meant to mean 'regularly'
Didn’t I read this exact thing a few months ago? Including the misspelling of salad?
Can everyone let french people misspell salad please😭
Of course not, but this story is BS
Although it’s warranted to speak up, the way you did makes YTA as well as your aunt. The best way to shut up an adult is not to sink to same level in which you say things that are hurtful on purpose and instead just straight up call them out for stepping over a line. “Your comments are unnecessary and inappropriate and I need you to stop now please. This isn’t becoming behavior for a grown up especially when you’re commenting on a child’s body. I will talk to you when you learn how to hold an appropriate conversation rather than bully me about my weight.”
Agree. When I figured that out I instantly became much more respected, people trusted me, people would rather spend time with me and listen to me because while I set a boundary I did my absolute best to be kind. It's not always to be kind to be kind to THEM, but to know that I am not like them and I can hold my head up high. Idk if I agree it goes as far as y t a, but even when someone is or may feel justified... it's still asshole behavior. You don't fight fire with fire and then become the better person for retaliating in the same way.
ESH you could have handled yourself better and not sunk to her level, but… IS the husband cheating or was this just a statement?
If the comment upset her that much, I’m willing to bet husband has cheated at least in the past
This is exactly what I was thinking and wondering as well.... ESH
lol you got her good! YTA but so is she. It was well deserved but still a very mean thing to do. Hilarious tho!
ESH she was incredibly rude, but the right response was to tell her to mind her own business or leave, not to be insulting back.
ESH. While as an overweight person the salad comment bitters me, you took it too far with the cheating husband part, regardless of it being true or not. However, “are you playing anoreix again” is such a fucked up thing to say I had to read it twice to make sure it wasn’t a missreading. She doesn’t have the right to judge your life, specially if she doesn’t know anything about it, and you did the right thing to stand your ground. Def should’ve taken a different aproach to do so, thought.
I think YTA - you chose to be offensive to someone who did nothing to you - your uncle. Would you like it if someone's arguing with your mom and says well no wonder your daughter's fucked up and has EDs? It's fine to stand up for yourself but it's not right for you to have brought him into it.
1.He made comment about my body in the past (I mean in the perv way) 2.funny how she actually told that to my father 3 years ago at Christmas 3.we are not related in any way, he is just my aunt's husband and I have known him for just 4 years and have seen him roughly 10 times in my whole entire life. Sorry for not being clear in my post and thank you for your opinion anyway🫶🏻
ESH. You're very obsessed wih eaing correctly and what is healthy and what is not, and judging other people's health (like bad health is a character flaw? it isn't). It's rude to comment on what you're eating, it's rude to comment on how you look, and it is rude to say you're anorexic/playing it. It's not MORE rude because she's overweight. It's the same level of rudeness no matter who it comes from. I understand that you reached a boiling point and that you're just 18 so this is a bit hard, but you did go too far and you do have some very... problematic ideas on bodies. She wasn't cheated on because she was overweight or didn't eat a salad, and I hope you know that. I wouldn't say you need to apologize, just reflect a bit. It's better to say "I do not appreciate comments of my body just like I do not make comments on yours," or similar. You can even do the tone like you're gentle parenting them where you go "no \[name\] we do NOT discuss other people's bodies, what other people eat is their business. No no, focus on your own plate, what is on mine is just for me to decide" etc. It IS satisfying to clap back, but I believe it does bring you down to their level. But mostly it's your thoughts that make you an AH, you need to... work on that a bit.
I struggled with ED for years which she knows, I was also fat when I was a kid and she commented that too. I repeat she bodyshamed a 7 year old. I have a strict view of what is healthy and what isn't because I have spent hours with doctors and dieteticians. Her making rude comment on my body isn't a one time thing it is constant. From the day I was born, to the period I was an overweight kid, to when I was anorexic, to now, when I have finally gained back an healthy weight and a minimum of self esteem. SHE NEVER STOPPED. I probably shouldn't have said that, it was rude, I totally am aware of that. But sit in a room we're someone spends HOURS criticizing your body and humiliating you in public. I was heated I should have reacted more calmly and compose myself but someone needed to shut that lady down. And BTW when I said "correct meal" I meant that I wasn't under eating or eating particularly healthy.
I understand what you mean now by correct meal, I'll still say that orthorexia is a thing. Not saying you have it or I think you do, just that some people focus too much on health over a functional life. But I'm really sorry to hear that you've struggled with that, and that an adult can't mind her own business and stop commenting on children and other's bodies. If it happens again, which I hope it doesn't, or similar situations where someone is crossing boundaries like that, I find it is best to immediately say something. Being rude isn't bad, depending on what type of rudeness it is. Being rude by immediately saying "I don't like it when you/someone talk about what I eat" and continue the same sort of reply for every time to push or step over that boundary. It may feel like it spoils the mood but THEY already spoiled the mood with those comments. Even saying "it hurts me when you talk about my body that way" will make others pay attention and notice how mean this older woman is towards a young girl. It's not fool proof, and every situation is unique. While saying something mean back is satisfying, it's even more satisfying to leave the situation having corrected them while knowing you didn't stoop to their level. Like... that feeling might be a bit addicting haha
Good call, fat-shaming isn't the route to go.
Learn to spell salad first before telling people to eat it
Thank you so much for the correction, silly me! English is just not my mother tongue. 🫶🏻
How snarky . Learn to read. She's french.
🫡