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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to book a driving test for my daughter and told her she needs more practice this might make me an asshole since she thinks she is ready and wants to not have to do driving lessons anymore.
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Where I live you have to take a driving course with a professional and I am not one. Granted she has completed that now.
I think she has to learn also that expensive things aren't always better. She is the type of person who might buy the same rebranded product for more money because she thinks expensive is better.
Expensive isn't always better, but you also get what you pay for a lot of the times. For what you've paid, you got an instructor who has inappropriately touched your daughter, yelled at her, spits when he talks to her, and can't be bothered to clean his car. All this while you completely disregard what your daughter is telling you. You sound like you'd rather have this instructor as your kid over your daughter.
"I think she has to learn also that expensive things aren't always better. She is the type of person who might buy the same rebranded product for more money because she thinks expensive is better."
What the h, e, double hocky sticks does that have to do with her not being comfortable with this man?
Edited to add: Also, you paid for your son to have driving lessons, but are not willing to pay anyone for your daughter to have driving lessons? Dude...
Have you considered *why* he isn't willing to accept payment for teaching your daughter (who has expressed REPEATEDLY that he's being physically inappropriate with her 🤔) but he DID accept payment for teaching your son?
Of course he refused to take anything for the girl, he is probably thrilled that he has full access to harass a young woman all he wants. And of course he says she's not ready for the test, he wants more time to intimidate and grope her as much as he wants. And he knows you aren't going to care.
*Sir*… let’s look at the objective facts for a moment.
1. You come here telling your side of the story (already biased and skewed to show you in the best light) and everybody tells you that you are wrong.
What does that tell you?
2. You have consistently ignored everything your daughter has told you, and put 100% of your trust in somebody you don’t know very well, but for some reason trust more than your own child.
Ask yourself what it would take for her to count on you, her own father, for protection. Would she have to come home with torn clothes - or would you still convince yourself that she’s lying? Would she have to come home bleeding - or would you convince yourself that she had “provoked” him somehow and that he was still in the right.
What would it take for you to react?
I’m asking because she has already told you, and because you got something for free you refused to listen.
She’s not the one obsessed with money - you are. As long as you get a good deal, you don’t care what happens to her. I’m sure that’s not true, and you scoff as you read this - but that is how you act. That is what your actions tell your daughter and the kind stranger that offered to teach her for free…
Stop damaging the relationship with your daughter (at best, compromising your daughter’s safety at worst) to save a buck.
YTA.
I learned in a parking lot with my dad's girlfriend, and took my test and passed in 2 weeks. Let her take the test, there's no penalty for failing, and after this much time, maybe she's ready.
When she chooses your nursing home, your daughter will remember that expensive things aren’t always better and that complaints, no matter how egregious or justified, should be treated with contempt. Enjoy Shady Pines.
But a driving instructor is someone you should feel comfortable round and safe with and you shouldn't be coming out with gin in your hair....stop being a cheap skate and consider your daughter's word over his for once instead of keeping her in an uncomfortable position just to save money
The worst part of this whole thing is that OP’s daughter doesn’t have to take lessons anymore. It wouldn’t cost him anything, he could teach her himself if he thinks she needs more practice, or he could let her take the test now and then just restrict her driving to places he’s comfortable with while she practices. He’s letting this lech of an instructor keep teaching her because he what, doesn’t want to rock the boat with his creepy friend and is too lazy to teach her himself?
What about the non consensual touches?
Why is it ok for you to side with a stranger over your daughter?
Why is it ok for her to put up with unwanted behavior from a creepy adult?
Why are you so callous and lack so much empathy for one of the people in your life you are supposed to love unconditionally and protect?
Why do you think 'the girl' is the one who has to adjust and accommodate to grown men?
There are times when it is okay to accept free or inexpensive items, but this is not one of them. I would be extremely suspicious of someone offering low cost or free professional services to adolescence. I would not trust a man with my daughter (or any of my children) unless I knew them very, very well.
Your daughter has expressed on multiple occasions that she is uncomfortable with this person, and you continue to brush off her concerns. You trust an acquaintance more than your daughter - a member of your own family.
Furthermore, your daughter is telling you that she is ready to take the test, and you continue to trust this acquaintance who benefits by being allowed more time with your daughter. Honestly, your blind tried in this person is gross.
Yta you don't get to make your daughter keep driving with this guy she hates just because you don't want to pay for something. Let her take the test and then have her practice more without that teacher.
Info: why not let her take lessons with a different person? Obviously your daughter and your friend are not vibing together
He is doing it for free as a favor and I know he is an excellent instructor as per my relative and other people who I trust.
My daughter has always thought expensive things are better. She is free to get a job and pay for her own lessons if she wants. At this point she has already done 6 months and it doesn't make sense changing. Our disagreement is about the taking the test now.
I didn't say one bad word about the instructor, I said they are not getting along which is objectively true.
I think a fair compromise is to offer her lessons with someone else. She shouldn't have to continue with a teacher she hates. If the money is the issue then it can be paid for by her doing chores or getting a job.
But you're an asshole if you make her continue getting lessons from this guy she hates just because he's free.
I'm not willing to pay for someone else for no reason. And I think she only hates him because it is free which is something she needs to learn as well.
I have already told her she is free to get a job and pay for another instructor before. But she doesn't want to and said she didn't have time with school etc. She has already completed the course now so technically she can take her test
And what if she hates him because he's bit of a creep to her? Are you still going to make her get back in the car with him?
Let her take the test. If she passes you can work with her more. If not, work out a deal for her and finding her a teacher that she gets along with.
Edit typo
Who cares what you think?
You’re totally invalidating your daughter’s feelings. This guy IS a creep for making her uncomfortable. You’ll defend him to the death because he’s free and you’re cheap
Well one day your daughter will go NC with you, and you’ll find out just how expensive your decision was
And what would your daughter say?
Plenty of creeps have wives. Edit and even more creeps play it off as just being a joke. But if he's off color with her and you insist that she learn from him, YOU get in that car every time. Be there for every lesson.
But let's say he's not. She doesn't like him. So you really think that will be an effective way to get your daughter to become a better driver?
They said the same thing about the guy who raped all the USA gymnasts. Turns out the girls weren't lying and he was beyond a creep. How would you feel if something does happen to your daughter due to your inaction/apathy?
Oh, you’re one of *those* dads. How unfortunate for your daughter.
He put gum in my hair. *He’s not a creep/it’s not that bad/that’s just his sense of humor/he’s a happily married man.*
He touches me. *He’s not a creep/it’s not that bad/that’s just his sense of humor/he’s a happily married man.*
He screams at me. *He’s not a creep/it’s not that bad/that’s just his sense of humor/he’s a happily married man.*
He spits at me. *He’s not a creep/it’s not that bad/that’s just his sense of humor/he’s a happily married man.*
Your daughter is learning a lesson all right. She’s learning that her father is willing to ignore her safety if it saves a buck. She’s learning you’ll come up with every excuse in the world for a man rather than believe her. She’s learning you’re not a safe person to talk to when she’s harassed or assaulted — and trust me, if she’s old enough to drive, she’s already been harassed and has been for years.
YTA. She likely knew you weren’t going to take her seriously but she told you anyway because it’s that desperate of a situation. *Listen to your child* before something worse happens.
Your daughter has repeatedly expressed he’s touching her and making her feel unsafe. You’re a sorry excuse for a father if you’re really gonna continue defending this creep just so you can save a couple bucks. You should be damned ashamed of yourself.
I guess according to OP my neighbor who creeped on me as a teenager and my friend’s dad who touched me inappropriately in elementary school weren’t married? Weren’t actually creepy? Figments of my imagination?
This guy is so dense he gives osmium a run for its money.
He’s a man who is alone in a car with your daughter and he makes her uncomfortable! He touched her and all you have to say is that “it was an accident”. Are you serious? Maybe it was, but this man makes your daughter uncomfortable and that’s all that should matter!
It sounds to me like this creep just wants more alone time with your daughter and you’re happy to oblige. Stop being a lazy and neglectful parent. I’d never put my kids in a car alone with someone they’re uncomfortable with.
Dude. Creeps can carry on being creeps because they are careful who they are creeps around. OF COURSE he wouldn't act creepy around you if he was a creep.
His "sense of humor" is creeping your daughter out. Get her another instructor.
You are teaching your daughter that she has to put up with people who make her feel creeped on. You should be teaching her to GET OUT of those situations and backing her up when she does so!
dude some of the biggest creeps are “happily married.” you saying it’s “his sense of humor” is sounds like bullies who say “it’s just a joke” when you call out their bad behavior
Wow. You really don't pay much attention to the news do you? There are plenty articles of "happily" married men just like him, who had the same "sense of humor", who ended up getting arrested because they harassed and SA'd young girls. And the truly sad part is that many were able to get away with it for a long time because parents just like you dismissed their poor daughters' pleas and discomfort just like your doing.
WTAF? Do you hear yourself? This man is harassing and abusing your daughter. He is touching her inappropriately. And you're not only letting him, you're forcing her to be near him. Does he have to SA her or worse to get you to open your eyes? You're not paying for sh\*t. Your daughter is.
This guy is a creep. He is inappropriate. And you're a massive AH (and at this point, thinking you're probably a troll for doubling down instead of listening to what your daughter and EVERYONE rendering judgment on this thread is telling you.) You're forcing your daughter to be in proximity with a predator. YTA.
Why are you here? You don't care about your daughter, and nothing anyone says here is going to make you change your mind. Your daughter deserves better
It's an act creepy man puts on!! I hope YOUT DAUGHTER tells another about the creepy driving guy.
Why Hire somebody to teach her when she has a father who can teach her for free. Money free creepy guy free. Unless you a creep too? I bet you are. Why else defend the other creepy guy?
Cis het married men make up the largest demographic of sex offenders who hurt children. Why are you willing to gamble with your daughters life, safety, and person???
Oh how “naive” and privileged you must be to think that a happily married man can’t possibly be a danger to your daughter.
There a literally hundreds of wiki pages for “happily married men” along with a list of their various violent and sexual crimes. I went to work just today and served a cute little old man, also happily married, who spent his entire stay sexually harassing me and making perverted jokes. Luckily, I’m able to walk away from the situation for the most part, unlike your daughter… but these scenarios have been happening since I was a minor… just as it has for millions of girls/women… just like your daughter. How nice it must be for you to just be able to dismiss it as “just a joke”
I guess it’s fine for you since you wouldn’t be the one victimized. Just remember that if you get a call learning your daughter is in the hospital going through a SA kit and being further traumatized - YOU will have aided in putting her there. YOU dear dad, will have to live with that for the rest of your life. Hope the money you saved was worth it. Women spend their lives being dismissed and told to “take a joke” …accept being treated as an object for pleasure… they must have done something to invite it…it’s not as bad as you make it sound. Many girls and women don’t come forward because of this and YOU as a father, are teaching and telling your daughter this…. that she won’t be believed. How do you live with yourself?
Just because hes a happily married man doesn't mean he can't be a creep but regardless, making your daughter keep going to someone who makes her uncomfortable cos you wanna save money is genuinely disgusting.
Your daughter has told you how uncomfortable he makes her. Listen to your daughter. You shouldn't be telling her that it doesn't matter when someone touches her "accidentally". It's very suspicious if he keeps "accidentally" touching her. You are putting your daughter in an *unsafe* position. His creepy behavior could easily escalate to something even worse, and frankly, it's bad enough already.
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1: Happily marriaged men can be creeps. I recommend looking up killers and rapist who were married.
2: "I dont think he's a creep." Yeah, because he's not going to show that he's a creep around you. Thats how they work.
3: Do you even love your daughter? You constantly ignore what she says and refuse to protect her. She's told you out, right? "i dont like him because he's violent and predatory to me," and you instead go "no its because he's free."
4: What are you doing to do when it turns out She's right and he's been touching her? Are you going to brush it off as his humor is going too far? Are you going to blame her? Not once have I seen you say anything good about your daughter, and it's leading me to believe that you're just as bad as him.
I hope she passes and she leaves the second she can because you're unfit to be a parent to her. If you can't protect her, then you're unfit as a father and a man.
Listen to your daughter before she leaves you permanently and you're left wondering why no one likes you.
Not willing to pay someone else for no reason? So you admit there is no reason for your daughter to keep having lessons? Let her take the test. If she passes she passes. If she fails she fails and you take it from there
Did her brother have to pay for his lessons, or did you? Since we all know you paid for them, why is your son worth spending money on, but your daughter just has to get used to trading her body for things instead?
She hates him because he touches her and makes her uncomfortable.
Ask how many other teenaged boys he’s taught for free vs how many girls.
Even if he’s totally innocent she should not be with him.
You are a very icky parent. Seems you condone this disgusting behavior because you secretly dislike your daughter and feel she deserves to be treated so abhorrently
There is a reason: she is not getting along with the instructor, and besides the point that he is making her uncomfortable, this will influence her learning and confidence while driving. He might be a good instructor in other cases, but not this time. I didn't get along with my first instructor as well and thought I'll never learn driving. My other friends had no problem with him. I changed and voilà... somehow learning to drive was suddenly fun and not stressful.
How does your daughter even know how much you did or didn't pay? Were you bragging about it and now, you're perfectly content to let her keep getting creeped on as long as you don't have to pay. You've never even seen her drive but are convinced she wouldn't pass the test, because your creeper friend of a friend said so
Why do you trust this man more than your own daughter?
Your daughter has said he makes her uncomfortable and your repose is essentially “no he doesn’t.”
You’re awful, and your daughter will remember this for the rest of her life.
she hates him because he spits at her and inappropriately touches her with bs excuses. ive driven different sized cars and never inappropriately touched my passenger multiple times looking for the shifter. how good of a driving instructor is he if he cant shift gears without having to have his hands on your daughter?
god forbid this creep decides he can get away with just this and wants to take things further, youre still not going to believe your daughter just because youre getting this for free. meanwhile she will have to deal with the uncomfortable feelings this brings her every lesson. did you stop to think the reason the instructor says she “isnt ready” is so he can have more chances to victimize your daughter? did you stop to think the reason she’s “nervous” driving is because of him and not actually from driving?
you even said yourself she has good shift control and only seemed to have trouble with parallel parking a little, which isnt uncommon as most people struggle with parallel parking unless they live somewhere like nyc where parallel parking is essentially required for street parking. i feel so sorry for your daughter that she doesnt have a father who has her back.
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As a former teenage girl who was harassed by an older man, listen to me very carefully:
HE'S DOING IT FOR FREE BECAUSE HE LIKES TOUCHING YOUR DAUGHTER.
My harasser was a married grampa, by the way.
Your daughter is not going to forget you aren't protecting her.
You are a complete asshole. Complete.
YTA
“As per other people who I trust”
Which does not include your daughter. You trust your relative and your friends, co-workers maybe.
But your daughter is begging you to not force her into being possibly molested. But hey, she’ll get the whole traumatic experience for free, so who cares?
You, sir, are a trash human being. And YTA
>He is doing it for free as a favor and I know he is an excellent instructor
Nah he is doing it for free cause he wants to cop a feel and you are allowing it. You are a sick person who basically is too cheap so you are selling your daughter for free lessons. Gross
A proper instructor would've been done teaching her what she needed to know. I learnt how to drive with a manual transmission car, and it took me less than 3 months to get my driver's license because my instructor was serious about teaching me. He was also very kind and patient.
So what your saying is you don't trust your daughter. YTA. He makes her uncomfortable, that should be enough. She completed the drivers ed course so you could drive with her for more experience but you just don't want to. You would rather invalidate her feeling and show her you don't believe her and you won't protect her.
I am getting a very strong feeling that if this guy does something bad to your daughter, you'll refuse to believe her or blame her for it. Father of the year here making lots of excuse for a man who makes his daughter uncomfortable.
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I believe the point is that it's not wasted because the test produces a result either way: she passes, or she doesn't. In the second case, the test provides evidence that the daughter needs to learn more.
You admit you haven't seen her drive yet you think you can judge whether she is ready to take her test? Someone NOT taking the test definitely should not drive. YOU put your daughter in an UNSAFE situation. So YOU wouldn't have to pay. Driving instructor behaves inappropriately with daughter. Of course she's pissed off that you ask her to pay for her own lessons when you paid for her brother's lessons. The fact that driving instructor is married does NOT mean he would never be a creep.
Info: why are you so interested in your daughter continuing lessons with this guy?
The obvious answer is for her to take the test, then if she passes you can all move on, but you have pushed back on that every time it’s suggested.
You’ve claimed both that she isn’t ready for the test and that the test isn’t an accurate assessment of her driving ability. You also seem unwilling to even drive with her once to see how you personally assess her driving skills.
It’s like the only person whose judgement you trust (above the government’s trained professionals, and yourself, presumably a seasoned driver) is this one acquaintance of yours.
Why is his opinion so important to you? He’s essentially a random man you never have to interact with again if you don’t like.
How many hours of test driving did you do before you got your license? You seriously think testing has gotten less rigorous since you took it presumably 20ish years ago? Seriously?
INFO Why is he teaching your daughter for free and not for a small fee as you son? I think it's a bit sus. They are together in a small space and he has at least once touched her in a way she doesn't like.
He knew me less well back then but now that he does he is being nice as he is a very nice person but just has what some think of as politically incorrect humor.
It's also a cultural thing in his background to help women.
He’s a predator! He’s doing it for free because he’s gaining something from spending time, alone, in a confined space with your FEMALE child. He didn’t make the same offer for your son and you’re really acting like it’s because he’s “nice”? You keep delivering your daughter to him on a silver platter then shutting her down when she tries to express her discomfort. You make me sick! You have absolutely no business being a parent.
> politically incorrect humor
I'm willing to bet that means he says creepy weird shit and then laughs about it. And you think him laughing means he doesn't mean it, and anyone who accuses him of inappropriate behavior just doesn't get how that's part of his little joke.
> it's a cultural thing in his background to help women
it's honestly crazy how many of those patriarchal "respect and take care of women" cultures are exactly the same ones where creeps are most tolerated, because women are viewed as property and not people. You tend to hear the sentences "You should never hit a woman" and "She was asking for it" come out of the same mouth.
But what does it matter what I say? You've already decided not to listen to your daughter. I hope we're wrong and nothing traumatic happens to her, but if it does, we know you won't do shit about it.
Seriously??? Are you trolling or really so dense??
He is doing it for free to get access to your daughter in a confined space, where he can touch her and claim it’s an “accident” and he’ll probably try and get away with more and more since he’s realised you dgaf about your poor daughter and would rather believe the “nice guy” over her.
Unless YOU are a teenage girl, it will not be obvious to you if he is a creep. You're a grown man. He's not going to creep on you. Even if you think your daughter is a little spoiled you should believe her when she says she's uncomfortable.
You trust the instructor who is making her feel really uncomfortable over trusting her with your car? This is a pretty clear YTA. Whatever level of dismissiveness you d got towards your daughter, you need to figure it out in a healthier way.
YTA
"Sometimes when the instructor is driving to show her things he accidentally touched her while changing gears and she claims it was on purpose. " .. you are an AH for ignoring that. if your daugthe rhas any sense, she will make a police report YOU are a shitty parent.
"come back with gum in her hair and claimed he either put it there or it was in the car." .. so she is rigth about the state of his car, too.
" I do believe the instructor and trust him in this regard especially with all the experience he has." .. you are refering to his experience for grabbing feels from young girls?
YTA - However you feel about your instructor, she doesn't feel comfortable learning from him. Either let her take the test, teach her yourself, or pay for a professional instructor. Listen to your daughter OP.
YTA. My first driving instructor sounds exactly like the one you’re describing, granted I’m a male but he made inappropriate comments about my sister’s breasts (having previously taught her), had a sense of humour which made me feel greatly uncomfortable with him, and would shout and get angry when I did things wrong.
Frankly his teaching set me back a great amount. I was constantly on edge when I was in the car with him, waiting for him to make an uncomfortable joke or shout at me or get angry for my inability to do something I had never been taught to do and didn’t have experience in. He didn’t take time to explain things well, but instead would simply get annoyed I didn’t do them right. Eventually I stormed out of the car when he wouldn’t stop shouting at me and told him he could shove his deposit up his arse.
I found a new driving instructor and advanced more in two hours than I had in twelve weeks with the other instructor. The second one took time to explain things, was patient, allowed me to make mistakes but would take them as teaching opportunities rather than times to get annoyed, and was someone I personally got along with which whilst trivial made a huge difference.
It’s also worth noting that my sister passed her test with the first instructor who I hated. She didn’t mind him as much at it clearly worked for her, but different people are different. Your daughter is NOT just against her instructor because he is free, she has valid reasons which she has explained to you. By forcing her to spend more time with someone she has told you is expressing inappropriate behaviour towards her you are greatly degrading her trust not only in him but in you and your willingness to protect her.
Do better you absolute assclown.
So your daughter has told you that the instructor touched her when she doesn’t like it and you want her to carry on because she likes expensive things? OP????
Why don't you see for yourself, one on one, if she can drive by actually taking her out in your car?!? Just drive the vehicle to a large empty parking lot or similar open space, then change seats so she's driving. You'll know pretty quickly if she can actually drive and safely control the vehicle! My dad did this with both me and my younger sister. The local mall parking lot, very early before it opens is always pretty empty. We learned stick shift there. I did well, so he had me drive home on the road, and took me the long route involving a hill. So I got my license quickly. My sister did a wheelie over a speed bump in the parking lot and had to keep practicing (dad swears this, she doesn't disagree LOL). Your daughter is not going to learn properly if she hates the instructor, for whatever her angsty teenage reasons. Good luck!
YTA, you're trying to force your daughter onto a situation that makes her uncomfortable, she sclealry doesn't want to be asking lessons with this man, she may not be ready for the test, but it's not up to you to say. Either way if she needs more lessons it should be woth someone else.
Yea I’m gonna bet daughter cuts contact once she moves out. What father continues to force their child to be alone with someone who is touching them and making them uncomfortable? Do you even love your daughter? What are her mother’s thoughts? Is she okay with continuing to let your daughter be stuck in the car with this creep so you can get a discount?
Ditch the relatives mate's guy and get your daughter some actual driving lessons.
For a start, he either intentionally touched your daughter in an inappropriate way OR he lacks the depth perception and coordination one would expect from a driving instructor.
Your daughter isn't learning anything about driving from Mr. Freebie, and that wouldn't change if you were paying him a fortune per lesson.
It's pretty gross how you trust the dodgy instructor over your own daughter, who is willing to go for her test without decent preparation rather than deal with Mr. Freebie again.
Saying it's OK because he gave you a cheap deal for teaching your son doesn't track. Your son isn't the one saying he "missed" while helping him change gears, and each student is different anyway.
This reads like you're determined to not pay for driving lessons and have made that a greater priority than the quality of instruction, and now you're wanting to punish your daughter for not being OK while stuck in a car with a dodgy instructor.
YTA. This driving instructor sounds horrendous!!! I cannot understand why you think this is acceptable. Either let her take the test or find her an instructor she's comfortable with.
YTA - Your daughter has been telling you that she feels uncomfortable, that she doesn't want to do any more lessons with this guy, and you're electing to ignore her. Let her take the test if she feels like she's ready, or pay for another instructor for the next couple of months if you feel that she's not. She's been learning long enough where you won't need as many lessons, and she would likely feel more comfortable, which should be your goal.
INFO what has lead you to distrust your daughter to the point where you think she would put gum in her own hair so she can make the driver seem dirty or malicious? Also if she did go to that extreme what would make you assume that she is doing this purely out of malice for the instructor rather than feeling so uncomfortable she would put gum in her hair to get out of being around this guy?
YTA
I cannot believe you’re rationalizing letting your daughter be alone in a car with a man who makes her so uncomfortable and has inappropriately touched her. believe your daughter. you know the man, but you know him when he’s in public. you don’t know him when he’s alone with a girl. what the fuck, man? don’t you care about her well being? about her safety? I’m rarely this blunt but how can you call yourself her father and do so wrong by her like this?
YTA and a horrible father. you'd rather make excuses for this man and penny pinch than protect your daughter on the off chance she's right about him being a predator, which is actually not that unlikely from the sounds of it.
So you're OK with your daughter being exposed to someone who touches her inappropriately, yells at her, and clearly makes her uncomfortable because you didn't have to pay him very much?
YTA.
Find your daughter a new driving instructor. Preferably look for one who's not a creep rather than just going for whoever is cheapest.
YTA!
Does she need to be SA'd by this guy before you do something about it or does she have to continue driving lessons with him after that because it's free?
Is this really something you want to risk happening to save some money?
YTA. Do her the courtesy of listening to her complaints and taking fully in. As to her confidence, you need to get in the car while she is driving and you can measure her confidence.
If your daughter were in real big trouble with this guy, you are not someone she would trust to tell, and that’s a fact of your relationship that *you* created and are responsible for.
I really hope the gum in her hair wasn’t from being pushed down on the floor of the back of the car with him on top of her. She wouldn’t tell you if it was though.
YTA, in a major way.
You’re a worthless father. Your daughter is uncomfortable and afraid of this disgusting man and you’ve proven to her that she can’t rely on you to keep her safe. Enjoy losing all contact with her when she’s 18; you deserve it.
Yta. What to teach you daughter that she she put up with people who make her feel uncomfortable and unsafe as l9ng as they are helping her fir free.
Imagine this: your daughter comes home crying after be assaulted. When you ask her why she was with this person in the first place her answer is "well last time I felt uncomfortable like this op said my comfort doesn't matter if someone is helping me so I ignored the feelings just like op taught me."
You're not teaching your daughter anything except her feelings and comfort don't matter as long as she is getting something for "free."
Cars are scary. Learning to drive is scary. Being forced into a. Enclosed space with an older man who makes you uncomfortable is TERRIFYING for a young girl. She was brave and tried to speak up for herself and you dismissed her. What if something bad happens in the future and she doesn't think she can trust you, based on this response? If she did her required instructor learning there's no reason you can't spend a few hours with her to judge for yourself whether she's ready. Don't be an idiot. Yta.
YTA I don't know what to say, I feel bad for your daughter. I hope that she finds a way to be safe from that predator because looks that you don't care.
Yta you and the instructor are creeps and you are teaching your daughter that she can't trust you to listen to her, way to go dad, don't be surprised in the future when she stops telling you things.
Yta op, come on why would u send your daughter back to guy he sound like a predator that grooms little girl that your daugther, she told you she uncomfortable with guy why would u Send her back, anything happen to her by him you will regret it and it will be Your fault.
This is a perfect example of a Prequel to No-Contact. What is the over / under on whether OP took any part of what everyone is saying to him to heart and in any way has moderating his attitude and position with his daughter. No chance. In fact, I bet he doubles down. "Stupid internet can't tell ME how to raise my kid!"
Genuine question. Do you really think your daughter put gum in her own hair?? How in the goddamn fuck else did it get there if not for him either putting it there or it being in the car??
Regardless, your daughter is telling you that this man is making her uncomfortable and you’re failing to do your job as her parent, which is to protect her. You’re showing her that she absolutely cannot trust you enough to come to you when she’s hurt, upset or in trouble. YTA
The driving instructor doesn’t want her to practice a couple months more because “she lacks confidence”, it because he’s a predator. And he doesn’t want her to be the one that got away.
Your daughter is in danger with this man and you’re foolishly contributing to that.
Damn, you're straight up just throwing your daughter to your friend like a piece of meat for the sake of saving a few bucks, huh? Being 'happily married' and 'knowing your friend' doesn't mean shit my guy. There are girls out there who are raped by their own relatives right under the families nose for YEARS and nobody ever knows a damn thing until it all spills out, but sure thing, your buddy wouldn't do that right? Do you really wanna take that risk, man? Doesn't alarm bells ring off to you that he made your son pay but not your daughter? That's cause he thinks he's gonna take payment in kind. You best hope that you can swear on your life that this man isn't doing these things, cause if he does hurt her, really hurt her, you're going to have to look yourself in the face everyday knowing you fed your daughter to that man. I would say think of what'd do to her, but you have proven time and time again that you don't give a damn.
YTA your daughter is telling you he makes her uncomfortable which is something you need in a driving instructor, has told you he 'accidentally' touches her came home with him in her hair and your always taking his word over hers because he's cheap/free. Do you even like your daughter?
YTA I could say as a woman or as a mother of a teenager I would have stopped the lessons free or not as soon as my child expressed her discomfort. Let’s be real no teenage girl would put gum on her own hair. But luckily you’ve taught your daughter an important lesson, that you won’t protect her from predator and the words of a man will always carry more weight with you than hers.
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I have a daughter who is learning to drive. I have a friend of a relative who knows a good driving instructor who has offered to teach my daughter for free. He has previously taught my son for a well under market fee and was excellent.
However my daughter is the kind of person who always thinks expensive things are better and was unhappy from the start that I wasn't paying someone else.
She comes up with all kinds of excuses and unfairly criticizes and accuses the instructor of things.
For instance she has said the car is filthy when it isn't that bad, come back with gum in her hair and claimed he either put it there or it was in the car. Sometimes when the instructor is driving to show her things he accidentally touched her while changing gears and she claims it was on purpose. I told her to tell him you don't like that and she did and he said it was an accident since his other car is wider than the one he uses for lessons.
Then she also claimed he sometimes spits when he talks and that he shouts at her and said it was on purpose.
She dismisses his feedback and when he tells her that she didn't shoulder check or hesitated when changing lanes she claims he is lying.
I'll admit I know this person has a peculiar sense of humor different from my daughter but he means no harm and his heart is in the right place.
My daughter after driving for only 6 months (learning a stick shift) says she wants to take the test to get it over with. However I asked her instructor and he says she should practice for a couple more months as she lacks confidence.
My daughter is now upset with me as she is confident she can pass but I feel she just wants to stop the lessons. And even if she somehow passes, I do feel that more practice makes sense and will help her. While I haven't seen her drive since I don't trust her with my car yet, I do believe the instructor and trust him in this regard especially with all the experience he has.
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I am a former Army officer and father of two daughters, so hardly a left wing pinko commie, and your “politically incorrect” “friend” is sexually assaulting your daughter - is that clear enough?
Whoa, this is crazy. OP, I doubt you’ll read this comment but you are focusing on the wrong thing. You have put your daughter in a potentially dangerous situation and because you are not willing to switch instructors, your daughter may feel unprepared for the test but may also feel so desperate to get away from this creepy instructor that she thinks her only hope is to take the test even if she isn’t ready. That is disturbing.
You wouldn’t really know if she’s ready to drive or not bc you drove with her literally once just now. There are also a TON of red flags with the instructor but also you.
> OK I get that some of you are concerned about the instructor. However it really isn’t what it seems as what I said here is really how my daughter is putting things and a bit exaggerated
You keep downplaying your daughter’s experiences for some reason. Why do you assume your daughter is exaggerating if you literally weren’t there? How many times does your daughter need to tell you she feels uncomfortable before you actually care?
> I do believe the instructor and trust him
I genuinely do not understand why you trust this man over your own daughter. Oh my god.
> I don’t think he is a creep, he might joke around but that is just his sense of humor. He is a happily married man.
You know creeps can be happily married, right? You know married people still can take advantage of others and that many predators are married, right?
> He is being nice as he is a very nice person but just has what some think of as politically incorrect humor.
Okay, this just confirms to me that he doesn’t only touch her in ways that make her uncomfortable, but he also SAYS creepy things to her, too. You made two comments that make it sound as though your daughter has told you EXACTLY what creepy things he said to her and you just genuinely don’t care because you would rather risk something happening to your daughter than having to pay a penny for her lessons.
> [The touch is] also a cultural thing in his background to help women.
News flash: it isn’t.
ALSO she feels ready to take the test (or just desperate to finally be done with this creep) but he said she needs SIX MORE MONTHS of driving with him because she “lacks confidence”?!?!?!? Give me a fucking break! He is literally TELLING YOU he wants more time alone with your daughter to prey on her.
Wow I feel so sorry and sad for your daughter. I genuinely wish I could take her out of this horrible situation. If only she had a parent she was coming to about this situation… oh wait. She told her dad but he doesn’t care.
yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck! i feel so bad for your daughter! she is telling you that he has touched her and she is uncomfortable and you are doing nothing to protect her and taking a grown adult's side? don't be surprised wheb your relationship with her declines or if you lose her altogether. F- parent of the year. you haven't even see her driving, you are blindly trusting some rando adult (i don't care if you know him), over your daughter. you need a serious wakeup call. it is so blindingly obvious that he just wants to keep her there to bother her more. you and this guy are creeps!!!
YTA!
So let me get this clear you don't trust your own daughter at all. She's rushing exams because she feels uncomfortable. How can you be okay with this? She's your daughter but it sounds like everything else matters for you more than her guess what my dad taught me how to drive. I was mentally unstable kid had many panick attacks out of nowhere was suicidal and had serious mood swings. I was the type of person you don't trust to drive your car but he trusted me and that showed me that i was capable of doing things. Your daughter needs a support and instead of you giving her one you keep undemanding everything she tells you. also as a driver i can tell you it is not that easy to touch someone accidentally while you're driving to the point they feel uncomfortable.
You are the massive asshole and worse than that terrible parant get your s***t together and step up.
Also fact that he's doing it for free says a lot. He spent 6 months teaching your daughter how to drive for free? Do you realize how absurd that sounds? You are putting her in dangerous situation and all you can think about is money? Another example from my dad. he's friends son touched me inappropriately and he's first reaction was "I'm gonna figure that out with them and you can forget it all happened because I'll take care of it." If you cared about your daughter you would talk to him and not ask her ohh did you tell him it makes you uncomfortable? God you suck man.
YTA
You are forcing her to be isolated with a man who makes her uncomfortable. A man you have placed in a position of authority.
He shouts, she's gotten gum in her hair and he's either carelessly creepy or deliberately pushing boundaries with 'accidental' touches. You claim she's exaggerating, based on what?You don't even know this guy well. You know nothing about his character. He's an acquaintance of a relative's friend. Is it because your son had no issues with him? You think it's impossible that he might treat a teenage girl differently than a boy?
>For instance she has said the car is filthy when it isn't that bad
What? A car used for lessons should be somewhere between "very clean" and "immaculate"....and given how dismissive you are being about her concerns, I am betting it's actually somewhere between "filthy" and "truly disgusting".
Either let her take the damn test or find her a woman instructor.
Info: why don’t you go with them both for lessons? Either you will see for yourself he is a creep to your kid, OR he will fucking behave. And you will *also* get to see her driving for yourself.
That way you dont believe or trust your daughter and practically keep throwing her to this instructor is terrible parenting. Do you even like her.
YTA.
I 100% believe you're getting off on making your daughter do this. I bet it's the highlight of your entire day, knowing your daughter is trapped in a car with a man who scares her.
YTA. As a parent how can you be at peace when your child said someone touched them inappropriately. God if that was me I would smashed that mf kneecaps for his behaviour. What a pathetic father you are. 😒
INFO: Where do you live, what country?
Why learning on stick? I can see how the instructor could very easily be perceived as touching her hand inappropriately when changing gears, especially if he's not comfortable with how she's driving.
How the heck did she get gum in her hair? Is her hair that long?
Cause either she planted it to add to the perception that the instructor is terrible, or his car is really that nasty. And I just can't imagine how one could get gum in their hair while driving.
If the instructor was really uncomfortable, then yeah he may have yelled. And spit might come out sometimes.
Either way, you should get in the car with her and assess for yourself. Don't criticize or comment while she drives. Just go to a very safe place. If she needs more lessons, get another instructor. Don't have to pay for more expensive, just don't force her to go back after she's been complaining about him cause it's more likely to escalate and blow up, either by his fault or hers - doesn't matter, just remove her from that situation cause it's not working.
NTA - This is about her safety and those she will share the road with. Do the right thing and withhold your car until she has more experience driving. Meet her halfway by getting her another inexpensive instructor.
Your car isn’t owed to her. It’s a gift that you are willing to share your car. She sounds incredibly entitled and spoiled. You built that so you need to deal with her poor behavior now so she doesn’t crash into the rest of us. Good luck!
If the instructor told me that my child needed more lessons, I would listen to him. Your daughter can only benefit from a little extra experience. The people who are voting you down would vote differently if a young, inexperienced driver asked to borrow their car. They are probably teenagers themselves.
Amusing that your daughter accuses her instructor of being a pervert, but she puts up with it rather than pay herself for another instructor. If she had come home quiet and uncomfortable, and refused to get in a car with him again it would be a different story.
I am a mother of 3 happy, well-adjusted children and someone who has worked extensively with children. It is normally easy to spot the child who is lying to get what she wants.
I would take any reports of unacceptable behaviour very seriously, but this girl is obviously pulling a con to get her way. No teen would say, "He touched me inappropriately but I will still take lessons with him rather than pay with my birthday money/money from part time job." This is a spoiled kid, not a traumatized one.
I will not work with a person who makes me uncomfortable but my father who funded my brother wouldn’t fund lessons for me. i might have school and assignments preventing me from finding time to earn enough money for my own leasons and i even am begging to take the test to end the classes with this guy. plus it’s somehow better to have me raped by him in the car without any evidence and anyone believing me, the same way they did when I told them he touches me inappropriately but under the guise of a mistake or changing gears
I feel sorry for your children for having a mother who supports men touching underage girls. Hopefully they’re better people than you and keep their children away.
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If your are insisting on a driving instructor that CLEARLY makes your daughter uncomfortable, then YTA. Find someone else or teach her yourself.
Where I live you have to take a driving course with a professional and I am not one. Granted she has completed that now. I think she has to learn also that expensive things aren't always better. She is the type of person who might buy the same rebranded product for more money because she thinks expensive is better.
Expensive isn't always better, but you also get what you pay for a lot of the times. For what you've paid, you got an instructor who has inappropriately touched your daughter, yelled at her, spits when he talks to her, and can't be bothered to clean his car. All this while you completely disregard what your daughter is telling you. You sound like you'd rather have this instructor as your kid over your daughter.
"I think she has to learn also that expensive things aren't always better. She is the type of person who might buy the same rebranded product for more money because she thinks expensive is better." What the h, e, double hocky sticks does that have to do with her not being comfortable with this man? Edited to add: Also, you paid for your son to have driving lessons, but are not willing to pay anyone for your daughter to have driving lessons? Dude...
It's the same instructor and it was a tiny token fee. He didn't know me as well back then. I offered to pay him but he refused to take anything.
Why would he offer to teach your daughter for free? Maybe because that would give him the opportunity to be inappropriate with her?
Have you considered *why* he isn't willing to accept payment for teaching your daughter (who has expressed REPEATEDLY that he's being physically inappropriate with her 🤔) but he DID accept payment for teaching your son?
god, you're dense. of course, it's free. He's getting paid by molesting your daughter.
You're pimping out your daughter.
So you offer your daughter?
Of course he refused to take anything for the girl, he is probably thrilled that he has full access to harass a young woman all he wants. And of course he says she's not ready for the test, he wants more time to intimidate and grope her as much as he wants. And he knows you aren't going to care.
Your daughter is paying. She's paying in dignity and pride and self confidence and faith in her parents.
Trading your daughter for free driving lessons. Basically your daughters pimp
*Sir*… let’s look at the objective facts for a moment. 1. You come here telling your side of the story (already biased and skewed to show you in the best light) and everybody tells you that you are wrong. What does that tell you? 2. You have consistently ignored everything your daughter has told you, and put 100% of your trust in somebody you don’t know very well, but for some reason trust more than your own child. Ask yourself what it would take for her to count on you, her own father, for protection. Would she have to come home with torn clothes - or would you still convince yourself that she’s lying? Would she have to come home bleeding - or would you convince yourself that she had “provoked” him somehow and that he was still in the right. What would it take for you to react? I’m asking because she has already told you, and because you got something for free you refused to listen. She’s not the one obsessed with money - you are. As long as you get a good deal, you don’t care what happens to her. I’m sure that’s not true, and you scoff as you read this - but that is how you act. That is what your actions tell your daughter and the kind stranger that offered to teach her for free… Stop damaging the relationship with your daughter (at best, compromising your daughter’s safety at worst) to save a buck. YTA.
I learned in a parking lot with my dad's girlfriend, and took my test and passed in 2 weeks. Let her take the test, there's no penalty for failing, and after this much time, maybe she's ready.
When she chooses your nursing home, your daughter will remember that expensive things aren’t always better and that complaints, no matter how egregious or justified, should be treated with contempt. Enjoy Shady Pines.
The instructor is creeping on your daughter YTA. Listen to her for godsakes before something very bad happens
You already know he'd blame her if something happened
But a driving instructor is someone you should feel comfortable round and safe with and you shouldn't be coming out with gin in your hair....stop being a cheap skate and consider your daughter's word over his for once instead of keeping her in an uncomfortable position just to save money
The worst part of this whole thing is that OP’s daughter doesn’t have to take lessons anymore. It wouldn’t cost him anything, he could teach her himself if he thinks she needs more practice, or he could let her take the test now and then just restrict her driving to places he’s comfortable with while she practices. He’s letting this lech of an instructor keep teaching her because he what, doesn’t want to rock the boat with his creepy friend and is too lazy to teach her himself?
Feels like you are punishing by letting a lech slobber all over you. Would you let a creepy old man fondle you for cheap car insurance?
What about the non consensual touches? Why is it ok for you to side with a stranger over your daughter? Why is it ok for her to put up with unwanted behavior from a creepy adult? Why are you so callous and lack so much empathy for one of the people in your life you are supposed to love unconditionally and protect? Why do you think 'the girl' is the one who has to adjust and accommodate to grown men?
There are times when it is okay to accept free or inexpensive items, but this is not one of them. I would be extremely suspicious of someone offering low cost or free professional services to adolescence. I would not trust a man with my daughter (or any of my children) unless I knew them very, very well. Your daughter has expressed on multiple occasions that she is uncomfortable with this person, and you continue to brush off her concerns. You trust an acquaintance more than your daughter - a member of your own family. Furthermore, your daughter is telling you that she is ready to take the test, and you continue to trust this acquaintance who benefits by being allowed more time with your daughter. Honestly, your blind tried in this person is gross.
and you are clearly cheap.
Bro, he’s sexually harassing your daughter and you’re actually pushing her unto him?!?! You got my vote for worst parent of the year
Yta you don't get to make your daughter keep driving with this guy she hates just because you don't want to pay for something. Let her take the test and then have her practice more without that teacher. Info: why not let her take lessons with a different person? Obviously your daughter and your friend are not vibing together
He is doing it for free as a favor and I know he is an excellent instructor as per my relative and other people who I trust. My daughter has always thought expensive things are better. She is free to get a job and pay for her own lessons if she wants. At this point she has already done 6 months and it doesn't make sense changing. Our disagreement is about the taking the test now.
I didn't say one bad word about the instructor, I said they are not getting along which is objectively true. I think a fair compromise is to offer her lessons with someone else. She shouldn't have to continue with a teacher she hates. If the money is the issue then it can be paid for by her doing chores or getting a job. But you're an asshole if you make her continue getting lessons from this guy she hates just because he's free.
I hardly think your daughters safety and comfort qualifies as “no reason” and my heart breaks for your daughter that you think it is
Just to be sure that message is for op, not me, I imagine
I'm not willing to pay for someone else for no reason. And I think she only hates him because it is free which is something she needs to learn as well. I have already told her she is free to get a job and pay for another instructor before. But she doesn't want to and said she didn't have time with school etc. She has already completed the course now so technically she can take her test
And what if she hates him because he's bit of a creep to her? Are you still going to make her get back in the car with him? Let her take the test. If she passes you can work with her more. If not, work out a deal for her and finding her a teacher that she gets along with. Edit typo
I don't think he is a creep, he might joke around but that is just his sense of humor. He is a happily married man.
Who cares what you think? You’re totally invalidating your daughter’s feelings. This guy IS a creep for making her uncomfortable. You’ll defend him to the death because he’s free and you’re cheap Well one day your daughter will go NC with you, and you’ll find out just how expensive your decision was
Oh, confirmed....either this is a bait post to (attempt to) gain karma or you're also a fucking creep. 👌
And what would your daughter say? Plenty of creeps have wives. Edit and even more creeps play it off as just being a joke. But if he's off color with her and you insist that she learn from him, YOU get in that car every time. Be there for every lesson. But let's say he's not. She doesn't like him. So you really think that will be an effective way to get your daughter to become a better driver?
Oh, well, we all know that "happily married men" can never be creeps. Phew.
They said the same thing about the guy who raped all the USA gymnasts. Turns out the girls weren't lying and he was beyond a creep. How would you feel if something does happen to your daughter due to your inaction/apathy?
Oh, you’re one of *those* dads. How unfortunate for your daughter. He put gum in my hair. *He’s not a creep/it’s not that bad/that’s just his sense of humor/he’s a happily married man.* He touches me. *He’s not a creep/it’s not that bad/that’s just his sense of humor/he’s a happily married man.* He screams at me. *He’s not a creep/it’s not that bad/that’s just his sense of humor/he’s a happily married man.* He spits at me. *He’s not a creep/it’s not that bad/that’s just his sense of humor/he’s a happily married man.* Your daughter is learning a lesson all right. She’s learning that her father is willing to ignore her safety if it saves a buck. She’s learning you’ll come up with every excuse in the world for a man rather than believe her. She’s learning you’re not a safe person to talk to when she’s harassed or assaulted — and trust me, if she’s old enough to drive, she’s already been harassed and has been for years. YTA. She likely knew you weren’t going to take her seriously but she told you anyway because it’s that desperate of a situation. *Listen to your child* before something worse happens.
Your daughter has repeatedly expressed he’s touching her and making her feel unsafe. You’re a sorry excuse for a father if you’re really gonna continue defending this creep just so you can save a couple bucks. You should be damned ashamed of yourself.
You think married men don't ever creep on teenage girls? _Really_?
I guess according to OP my neighbor who creeped on me as a teenager and my friend’s dad who touched me inappropriately in elementary school weren’t married? Weren’t actually creepy? Figments of my imagination? This guy is so dense he gives osmium a run for its money.
He’s a man who is alone in a car with your daughter and he makes her uncomfortable! He touched her and all you have to say is that “it was an accident”. Are you serious? Maybe it was, but this man makes your daughter uncomfortable and that’s all that should matter! It sounds to me like this creep just wants more alone time with your daughter and you’re happy to oblige. Stop being a lazy and neglectful parent. I’d never put my kids in a car alone with someone they’re uncomfortable with.
\*You\* don't think he's a creep because \*you\* are not a young woman alone in a car with him. YTA
Dude. Creeps can carry on being creeps because they are careful who they are creeps around. OF COURSE he wouldn't act creepy around you if he was a creep. His "sense of humor" is creeping your daughter out. Get her another instructor. You are teaching your daughter that she has to put up with people who make her feel creeped on. You should be teaching her to GET OUT of those situations and backing her up when she does so!
Yeah. SHOCKER!! CREEPY SEXUAL PREDATOR IS ONLY CREEPY AROUND THOSE HE WANTS TO STICK HIS DICK IN-- wow. What news.
dude some of the biggest creeps are “happily married.” you saying it’s “his sense of humor” is sounds like bullies who say “it’s just a joke” when you call out their bad behavior
What kind of jokes? I’m going to assume he’s in his 40’s or older humor should not be a pass to make a minor uncomfortable or harass them
You seem to be under the impression that married men are safe from being creeps. Let me assure you - they are *not*.
Wow. You really don't pay much attention to the news do you? There are plenty articles of "happily" married men just like him, who had the same "sense of humor", who ended up getting arrested because they harassed and SA'd young girls. And the truly sad part is that many were able to get away with it for a long time because parents just like you dismissed their poor daughters' pleas and discomfort just like your doing.
Because married men have never creeped on underage girls right? /s
WTAF? Do you hear yourself? This man is harassing and abusing your daughter. He is touching her inappropriately. And you're not only letting him, you're forcing her to be near him. Does he have to SA her or worse to get you to open your eyes? You're not paying for sh\*t. Your daughter is. This guy is a creep. He is inappropriate. And you're a massive AH (and at this point, thinking you're probably a troll for doubling down instead of listening to what your daughter and EVERYONE rendering judgment on this thread is telling you.) You're forcing your daughter to be in proximity with a predator. YTA.
Why are you here? You don't care about your daughter, and nothing anyone says here is going to make you change your mind. Your daughter deserves better
Josh Duggar is a happily married man who is sitting in prison because he had kiddie porn, marital status has no bearing on if a person is a creep.
jesus christ, you have zero respect for your daughter. its sad dude. be better
It’s so cool for your daughter to learn that her dad doesn’t have her back/s
Cause happily married men can’t be creepy?
Lol do you somehow think that married people can't be creeps? WTF kind of logic is that?
It's an act creepy man puts on!! I hope YOUT DAUGHTER tells another about the creepy driving guy. Why Hire somebody to teach her when she has a father who can teach her for free. Money free creepy guy free. Unless you a creep too? I bet you are. Why else defend the other creepy guy?
Well that would be cause he isn't inappropriately touching you
Cis het married men make up the largest demographic of sex offenders who hurt children. Why are you willing to gamble with your daughters life, safety, and person???
Oh how “naive” and privileged you must be to think that a happily married man can’t possibly be a danger to your daughter. There a literally hundreds of wiki pages for “happily married men” along with a list of their various violent and sexual crimes. I went to work just today and served a cute little old man, also happily married, who spent his entire stay sexually harassing me and making perverted jokes. Luckily, I’m able to walk away from the situation for the most part, unlike your daughter… but these scenarios have been happening since I was a minor… just as it has for millions of girls/women… just like your daughter. How nice it must be for you to just be able to dismiss it as “just a joke” I guess it’s fine for you since you wouldn’t be the one victimized. Just remember that if you get a call learning your daughter is in the hospital going through a SA kit and being further traumatized - YOU will have aided in putting her there. YOU dear dad, will have to live with that for the rest of your life. Hope the money you saved was worth it. Women spend their lives being dismissed and told to “take a joke” …accept being treated as an object for pleasure… they must have done something to invite it…it’s not as bad as you make it sound. Many girls and women don’t come forward because of this and YOU as a father, are teaching and telling your daughter this…. that she won’t be believed. How do you live with yourself?
Just because hes a happily married man doesn't mean he can't be a creep but regardless, making your daughter keep going to someone who makes her uncomfortable cos you wanna save money is genuinely disgusting.
Room temperature IQ
Your daughter has told you how uncomfortable he makes her. Listen to your daughter. You shouldn't be telling her that it doesn't matter when someone touches her "accidentally". It's very suspicious if he keeps "accidentally" touching her. You are putting your daughter in an *unsafe* position. His creepy behavior could easily escalate to something even worse, and frankly, it's bad enough already.
That never stops them. Even if they're literally family. You're so naive, OP. You need to listen to her saying he's a creep.
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1: Happily marriaged men can be creeps. I recommend looking up killers and rapist who were married. 2: "I dont think he's a creep." Yeah, because he's not going to show that he's a creep around you. Thats how they work. 3: Do you even love your daughter? You constantly ignore what she says and refuse to protect her. She's told you out, right? "i dont like him because he's violent and predatory to me," and you instead go "no its because he's free." 4: What are you doing to do when it turns out She's right and he's been touching her? Are you going to brush it off as his humor is going too far? Are you going to blame her? Not once have I seen you say anything good about your daughter, and it's leading me to believe that you're just as bad as him. I hope she passes and she leaves the second she can because you're unfit to be a parent to her. If you can't protect her, then you're unfit as a father and a man. Listen to your daughter before she leaves you permanently and you're left wondering why no one likes you.
Not willing to pay someone else for no reason? So you admit there is no reason for your daughter to keep having lessons? Let her take the test. If she passes she passes. If she fails she fails and you take it from there
Did her brother have to pay for his lessons, or did you? Since we all know you paid for them, why is your son worth spending money on, but your daughter just has to get used to trading her body for things instead?
She hates him because he touches her and makes her uncomfortable. Ask how many other teenaged boys he’s taught for free vs how many girls. Even if he’s totally innocent she should not be with him.
You are a very icky parent. Seems you condone this disgusting behavior because you secretly dislike your daughter and feel she deserves to be treated so abhorrently
There is a reason: she is not getting along with the instructor, and besides the point that he is making her uncomfortable, this will influence her learning and confidence while driving. He might be a good instructor in other cases, but not this time. I didn't get along with my first instructor as well and thought I'll never learn driving. My other friends had no problem with him. I changed and voilà... somehow learning to drive was suddenly fun and not stressful.
How does your daughter even know how much you did or didn't pay? Were you bragging about it and now, you're perfectly content to let her keep getting creeped on as long as you don't have to pay. You've never even seen her drive but are convinced she wouldn't pass the test, because your creeper friend of a friend said so
Why do you trust this man more than your own daughter? Your daughter has said he makes her uncomfortable and your repose is essentially “no he doesn’t.” You’re awful, and your daughter will remember this for the rest of her life.
she hates him because he spits at her and inappropriately touches her with bs excuses. ive driven different sized cars and never inappropriately touched my passenger multiple times looking for the shifter. how good of a driving instructor is he if he cant shift gears without having to have his hands on your daughter? god forbid this creep decides he can get away with just this and wants to take things further, youre still not going to believe your daughter just because youre getting this for free. meanwhile she will have to deal with the uncomfortable feelings this brings her every lesson. did you stop to think the reason the instructor says she “isnt ready” is so he can have more chances to victimize your daughter? did you stop to think the reason she’s “nervous” driving is because of him and not actually from driving? you even said yourself she has good shift control and only seemed to have trouble with parallel parking a little, which isnt uncommon as most people struggle with parallel parking unless they live somewhere like nyc where parallel parking is essentially required for street parking. i feel so sorry for your daughter that she doesnt have a father who has her back.
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As a former teenage girl who was harassed by an older man, listen to me very carefully: HE'S DOING IT FOR FREE BECAUSE HE LIKES TOUCHING YOUR DAUGHTER. My harasser was a married grampa, by the way. Your daughter is not going to forget you aren't protecting her. You are a complete asshole. Complete. YTA
“As per other people who I trust” Which does not include your daughter. You trust your relative and your friends, co-workers maybe. But your daughter is begging you to not force her into being possibly molested. But hey, she’ll get the whole traumatic experience for free, so who cares? You, sir, are a trash human being. And YTA
>He is doing it for free as a favor and I know he is an excellent instructor Nah he is doing it for free cause he wants to cop a feel and you are allowing it. You are a sick person who basically is too cheap so you are selling your daughter for free lessons. Gross
A proper instructor would've been done teaching her what she needed to know. I learnt how to drive with a manual transmission car, and it took me less than 3 months to get my driver's license because my instructor was serious about teaching me. He was also very kind and patient.
He’s doing it for free to harass your daughter. YTA and a terrible father.
So what your saying is you don't trust your daughter. YTA. He makes her uncomfortable, that should be enough. She completed the drivers ed course so you could drive with her for more experience but you just don't want to. You would rather invalidate her feeling and show her you don't believe her and you won't protect her.
I am getting a very strong feeling that if this guy does something bad to your daughter, you'll refuse to believe her or blame her for it. Father of the year here making lots of excuse for a man who makes his daughter uncomfortable.
You just don’t care if you’re daughter is sexually assaulted just admit it
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She might pass but I don't think the test is really that good at determining whether one should drive or not. And if she fails it is wasted money
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You do realize that driving tests in not America can cost a lot of money (relatively speaking)?
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You said "it's not wasted money", which is objectively false.
I believe the point is that it's not wasted because the test produces a result either way: she passes, or she doesn't. In the second case, the test provides evidence that the daughter needs to learn more.
The lessons were free though, so it should balance itself out. Especially if she passes.
Compared to all the money OP saved by letting some creep perv on his daughter, it still wouldn't be that much. /s
You admit you haven't seen her drive yet you think you can judge whether she is ready to take her test? Someone NOT taking the test definitely should not drive. YOU put your daughter in an UNSAFE situation. So YOU wouldn't have to pay. Driving instructor behaves inappropriately with daughter. Of course she's pissed off that you ask her to pay for her own lessons when you paid for her brother's lessons. The fact that driving instructor is married does NOT mean he would never be a creep.
Info: why are you so interested in your daughter continuing lessons with this guy? The obvious answer is for her to take the test, then if she passes you can all move on, but you have pushed back on that every time it’s suggested. You’ve claimed both that she isn’t ready for the test and that the test isn’t an accurate assessment of her driving ability. You also seem unwilling to even drive with her once to see how you personally assess her driving skills. It’s like the only person whose judgement you trust (above the government’s trained professionals, and yourself, presumably a seasoned driver) is this one acquaintance of yours. Why is his opinion so important to you? He’s essentially a random man you never have to interact with again if you don’t like.
How many hours of test driving did you do before you got your license? You seriously think testing has gotten less rigorous since you took it presumably 20ish years ago? Seriously?
That's literally the purpose of the test.
That is literally the entire point of the test, to determine whether one should drive or not. That's it, I'm calling troll.
INFO Why is he teaching your daughter for free and not for a small fee as you son? I think it's a bit sus. They are together in a small space and he has at least once touched her in a way she doesn't like.
He knew me less well back then but now that he does he is being nice as he is a very nice person but just has what some think of as politically incorrect humor. It's also a cultural thing in his background to help women.
He’s a predator! He’s doing it for free because he’s gaining something from spending time, alone, in a confined space with your FEMALE child. He didn’t make the same offer for your son and you’re really acting like it’s because he’s “nice”? You keep delivering your daughter to him on a silver platter then shutting her down when she tries to express her discomfort. You make me sick! You have absolutely no business being a parent.
Dismissing her belief that he is touching her on purpose because *he's a nice guy* Nice older men perv on young girls every damn day.
I’m starting to wonder if op doesn’t consider himself a “nice guy”… of course the behavior doesn’t seem creepy when you’re a creep yourself
And the guy totally wouldn't do it to a friend's daughter because bro code.
But according to OP that's not possible because he's married!
> politically incorrect humor I'm willing to bet that means he says creepy weird shit and then laughs about it. And you think him laughing means he doesn't mean it, and anyone who accuses him of inappropriate behavior just doesn't get how that's part of his little joke. > it's a cultural thing in his background to help women it's honestly crazy how many of those patriarchal "respect and take care of women" cultures are exactly the same ones where creeps are most tolerated, because women are viewed as property and not people. You tend to hear the sentences "You should never hit a woman" and "She was asking for it" come out of the same mouth. But what does it matter what I say? You've already decided not to listen to your daughter. I hope we're wrong and nothing traumatic happens to her, but if it does, we know you won't do shit about it.
Seriously??? Are you trolling or really so dense?? He is doing it for free to get access to your daughter in a confined space, where he can touch her and claim it’s an “accident” and he’ll probably try and get away with more and more since he’s realised you dgaf about your poor daughter and would rather believe the “nice guy” over her.
Unless YOU are a teenage girl, it will not be obvious to you if he is a creep. You're a grown man. He's not going to creep on you. Even if you think your daughter is a little spoiled you should believe her when she says she's uncomfortable.
You trust the instructor who is making her feel really uncomfortable over trusting her with your car? This is a pretty clear YTA. Whatever level of dismissiveness you d got towards your daughter, you need to figure it out in a healthier way.
YTA "Sometimes when the instructor is driving to show her things he accidentally touched her while changing gears and she claims it was on purpose. " .. you are an AH for ignoring that. if your daugthe rhas any sense, she will make a police report YOU are a shitty parent. "come back with gum in her hair and claimed he either put it there or it was in the car." .. so she is rigth about the state of his car, too. " I do believe the instructor and trust him in this regard especially with all the experience he has." .. you are refering to his experience for grabbing feels from young girls?
YTA - However you feel about your instructor, she doesn't feel comfortable learning from him. Either let her take the test, teach her yourself, or pay for a professional instructor. Listen to your daughter OP.
YTA. My first driving instructor sounds exactly like the one you’re describing, granted I’m a male but he made inappropriate comments about my sister’s breasts (having previously taught her), had a sense of humour which made me feel greatly uncomfortable with him, and would shout and get angry when I did things wrong. Frankly his teaching set me back a great amount. I was constantly on edge when I was in the car with him, waiting for him to make an uncomfortable joke or shout at me or get angry for my inability to do something I had never been taught to do and didn’t have experience in. He didn’t take time to explain things well, but instead would simply get annoyed I didn’t do them right. Eventually I stormed out of the car when he wouldn’t stop shouting at me and told him he could shove his deposit up his arse. I found a new driving instructor and advanced more in two hours than I had in twelve weeks with the other instructor. The second one took time to explain things, was patient, allowed me to make mistakes but would take them as teaching opportunities rather than times to get annoyed, and was someone I personally got along with which whilst trivial made a huge difference. It’s also worth noting that my sister passed her test with the first instructor who I hated. She didn’t mind him as much at it clearly worked for her, but different people are different. Your daughter is NOT just against her instructor because he is free, she has valid reasons which she has explained to you. By forcing her to spend more time with someone she has told you is expressing inappropriate behaviour towards her you are greatly degrading her trust not only in him but in you and your willingness to protect her. Do better you absolute assclown.
So your daughter has told you that the instructor touched her when she doesn’t like it and you want her to carry on because she likes expensive things? OP????
Why don't you see for yourself, one on one, if she can drive by actually taking her out in your car?!? Just drive the vehicle to a large empty parking lot or similar open space, then change seats so she's driving. You'll know pretty quickly if she can actually drive and safely control the vehicle! My dad did this with both me and my younger sister. The local mall parking lot, very early before it opens is always pretty empty. We learned stick shift there. I did well, so he had me drive home on the road, and took me the long route involving a hill. So I got my license quickly. My sister did a wheelie over a speed bump in the parking lot and had to keep practicing (dad swears this, she doesn't disagree LOL). Your daughter is not going to learn properly if she hates the instructor, for whatever her angsty teenage reasons. Good luck!
YTA, you're trying to force your daughter onto a situation that makes her uncomfortable, she sclealry doesn't want to be asking lessons with this man, she may not be ready for the test, but it's not up to you to say. Either way if she needs more lessons it should be woth someone else.
Yea I’m gonna bet daughter cuts contact once she moves out. What father continues to force their child to be alone with someone who is touching them and making them uncomfortable? Do you even love your daughter? What are her mother’s thoughts? Is she okay with continuing to let your daughter be stuck in the car with this creep so you can get a discount?
Ditch the relatives mate's guy and get your daughter some actual driving lessons. For a start, he either intentionally touched your daughter in an inappropriate way OR he lacks the depth perception and coordination one would expect from a driving instructor. Your daughter isn't learning anything about driving from Mr. Freebie, and that wouldn't change if you were paying him a fortune per lesson. It's pretty gross how you trust the dodgy instructor over your own daughter, who is willing to go for her test without decent preparation rather than deal with Mr. Freebie again. Saying it's OK because he gave you a cheap deal for teaching your son doesn't track. Your son isn't the one saying he "missed" while helping him change gears, and each student is different anyway. This reads like you're determined to not pay for driving lessons and have made that a greater priority than the quality of instruction, and now you're wanting to punish your daughter for not being OK while stuck in a car with a dodgy instructor.
YTA. This driving instructor sounds horrendous!!! I cannot understand why you think this is acceptable. Either let her take the test or find her an instructor she's comfortable with.
YTA - Your daughter has been telling you that she feels uncomfortable, that she doesn't want to do any more lessons with this guy, and you're electing to ignore her. Let her take the test if she feels like she's ready, or pay for another instructor for the next couple of months if you feel that she's not. She's been learning long enough where you won't need as many lessons, and she would likely feel more comfortable, which should be your goal.
INFO what has lead you to distrust your daughter to the point where you think she would put gum in her own hair so she can make the driver seem dirty or malicious? Also if she did go to that extreme what would make you assume that she is doing this purely out of malice for the instructor rather than feeling so uncomfortable she would put gum in her hair to get out of being around this guy?
YTA I cannot believe you’re rationalizing letting your daughter be alone in a car with a man who makes her so uncomfortable and has inappropriately touched her. believe your daughter. you know the man, but you know him when he’s in public. you don’t know him when he’s alone with a girl. what the fuck, man? don’t you care about her well being? about her safety? I’m rarely this blunt but how can you call yourself her father and do so wrong by her like this?
YTA and a horrible father. you'd rather make excuses for this man and penny pinch than protect your daughter on the off chance she's right about him being a predator, which is actually not that unlikely from the sounds of it.
I would get her more lessons but from a different instructor. Trust her word on this one that he makes her uncomfortable.
So you're OK with your daughter being exposed to someone who touches her inappropriately, yells at her, and clearly makes her uncomfortable because you didn't have to pay him very much? YTA. Find your daughter a new driving instructor. Preferably look for one who's not a creep rather than just going for whoever is cheapest.
YTA! Does she need to be SA'd by this guy before you do something about it or does she have to continue driving lessons with him after that because it's free? Is this really something you want to risk happening to save some money?
YTA. Do her the courtesy of listening to her complaints and taking fully in. As to her confidence, you need to get in the car while she is driving and you can measure her confidence.
If your daughter were in real big trouble with this guy, you are not someone she would trust to tell, and that’s a fact of your relationship that *you* created and are responsible for. I really hope the gum in her hair wasn’t from being pushed down on the floor of the back of the car with him on top of her. She wouldn’t tell you if it was though. YTA, in a major way.
You’re a worthless father. Your daughter is uncomfortable and afraid of this disgusting man and you’ve proven to her that she can’t rely on you to keep her safe. Enjoy losing all contact with her when she’s 18; you deserve it.
Yta. What to teach you daughter that she she put up with people who make her feel uncomfortable and unsafe as l9ng as they are helping her fir free. Imagine this: your daughter comes home crying after be assaulted. When you ask her why she was with this person in the first place her answer is "well last time I felt uncomfortable like this op said my comfort doesn't matter if someone is helping me so I ignored the feelings just like op taught me." You're not teaching your daughter anything except her feelings and comfort don't matter as long as she is getting something for "free."
Cars are scary. Learning to drive is scary. Being forced into a. Enclosed space with an older man who makes you uncomfortable is TERRIFYING for a young girl. She was brave and tried to speak up for herself and you dismissed her. What if something bad happens in the future and she doesn't think she can trust you, based on this response? If she did her required instructor learning there's no reason you can't spend a few hours with her to judge for yourself whether she's ready. Don't be an idiot. Yta.
YTA I don't know what to say, I feel bad for your daughter. I hope that she finds a way to be safe from that predator because looks that you don't care.
Yta you and the instructor are creeps and you are teaching your daughter that she can't trust you to listen to her, way to go dad, don't be surprised in the future when she stops telling you things.
Yta op, come on why would u send your daughter back to guy he sound like a predator that grooms little girl that your daugther, she told you she uncomfortable with guy why would u Send her back, anything happen to her by him you will regret it and it will be Your fault.
This is a perfect example of a Prequel to No-Contact. What is the over / under on whether OP took any part of what everyone is saying to him to heart and in any way has moderating his attitude and position with his daughter. No chance. In fact, I bet he doubles down. "Stupid internet can't tell ME how to raise my kid!"
Genuine question. Do you really think your daughter put gum in her own hair?? How in the goddamn fuck else did it get there if not for him either putting it there or it being in the car?? Regardless, your daughter is telling you that this man is making her uncomfortable and you’re failing to do your job as her parent, which is to protect her. You’re showing her that she absolutely cannot trust you enough to come to you when she’s hurt, upset or in trouble. YTA
The driving instructor doesn’t want her to practice a couple months more because “she lacks confidence”, it because he’s a predator. And he doesn’t want her to be the one that got away. Your daughter is in danger with this man and you’re foolishly contributing to that.
Damn, you're straight up just throwing your daughter to your friend like a piece of meat for the sake of saving a few bucks, huh? Being 'happily married' and 'knowing your friend' doesn't mean shit my guy. There are girls out there who are raped by their own relatives right under the families nose for YEARS and nobody ever knows a damn thing until it all spills out, but sure thing, your buddy wouldn't do that right? Do you really wanna take that risk, man? Doesn't alarm bells ring off to you that he made your son pay but not your daughter? That's cause he thinks he's gonna take payment in kind. You best hope that you can swear on your life that this man isn't doing these things, cause if he does hurt her, really hurt her, you're going to have to look yourself in the face everyday knowing you fed your daughter to that man. I would say think of what'd do to her, but you have proven time and time again that you don't give a damn.
YTA your daughter is telling you he makes her uncomfortable which is something you need in a driving instructor, has told you he 'accidentally' touches her came home with him in her hair and your always taking his word over hers because he's cheap/free. Do you even like your daughter?
YTA I could say as a woman or as a mother of a teenager I would have stopped the lessons free or not as soon as my child expressed her discomfort. Let’s be real no teenage girl would put gum on her own hair. But luckily you’ve taught your daughter an important lesson, that you won’t protect her from predator and the words of a man will always carry more weight with you than hers.
You're a terrible parent. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a daughter who is learning to drive. I have a friend of a relative who knows a good driving instructor who has offered to teach my daughter for free. He has previously taught my son for a well under market fee and was excellent. However my daughter is the kind of person who always thinks expensive things are better and was unhappy from the start that I wasn't paying someone else. She comes up with all kinds of excuses and unfairly criticizes and accuses the instructor of things. For instance she has said the car is filthy when it isn't that bad, come back with gum in her hair and claimed he either put it there or it was in the car. Sometimes when the instructor is driving to show her things he accidentally touched her while changing gears and she claims it was on purpose. I told her to tell him you don't like that and she did and he said it was an accident since his other car is wider than the one he uses for lessons. Then she also claimed he sometimes spits when he talks and that he shouts at her and said it was on purpose. She dismisses his feedback and when he tells her that she didn't shoulder check or hesitated when changing lanes she claims he is lying. I'll admit I know this person has a peculiar sense of humor different from my daughter but he means no harm and his heart is in the right place. My daughter after driving for only 6 months (learning a stick shift) says she wants to take the test to get it over with. However I asked her instructor and he says she should practice for a couple more months as she lacks confidence. My daughter is now upset with me as she is confident she can pass but I feel she just wants to stop the lessons. And even if she somehow passes, I do feel that more practice makes sense and will help her. While I haven't seen her drive since I don't trust her with my car yet, I do believe the instructor and trust him in this regard especially with all the experience he has. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and a shit parent. “I know she’s making it up!!!!” How? Does your daughter have a habit of telling lies about being molested by older men?
I am a former Army officer and father of two daughters, so hardly a left wing pinko commie, and your “politically incorrect” “friend” is sexually assaulting your daughter - is that clear enough?
Whoa, this is crazy. OP, I doubt you’ll read this comment but you are focusing on the wrong thing. You have put your daughter in a potentially dangerous situation and because you are not willing to switch instructors, your daughter may feel unprepared for the test but may also feel so desperate to get away from this creepy instructor that she thinks her only hope is to take the test even if she isn’t ready. That is disturbing. You wouldn’t really know if she’s ready to drive or not bc you drove with her literally once just now. There are also a TON of red flags with the instructor but also you. > OK I get that some of you are concerned about the instructor. However it really isn’t what it seems as what I said here is really how my daughter is putting things and a bit exaggerated You keep downplaying your daughter’s experiences for some reason. Why do you assume your daughter is exaggerating if you literally weren’t there? How many times does your daughter need to tell you she feels uncomfortable before you actually care? > I do believe the instructor and trust him I genuinely do not understand why you trust this man over your own daughter. Oh my god. > I don’t think he is a creep, he might joke around but that is just his sense of humor. He is a happily married man. You know creeps can be happily married, right? You know married people still can take advantage of others and that many predators are married, right? > He is being nice as he is a very nice person but just has what some think of as politically incorrect humor. Okay, this just confirms to me that he doesn’t only touch her in ways that make her uncomfortable, but he also SAYS creepy things to her, too. You made two comments that make it sound as though your daughter has told you EXACTLY what creepy things he said to her and you just genuinely don’t care because you would rather risk something happening to your daughter than having to pay a penny for her lessons. > [The touch is] also a cultural thing in his background to help women. News flash: it isn’t. ALSO she feels ready to take the test (or just desperate to finally be done with this creep) but he said she needs SIX MORE MONTHS of driving with him because she “lacks confidence”?!?!?!? Give me a fucking break! He is literally TELLING YOU he wants more time alone with your daughter to prey on her. Wow I feel so sorry and sad for your daughter. I genuinely wish I could take her out of this horrible situation. If only she had a parent she was coming to about this situation… oh wait. She told her dad but he doesn’t care.
yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck! i feel so bad for your daughter! she is telling you that he has touched her and she is uncomfortable and you are doing nothing to protect her and taking a grown adult's side? don't be surprised wheb your relationship with her declines or if you lose her altogether. F- parent of the year. you haven't even see her driving, you are blindly trusting some rando adult (i don't care if you know him), over your daughter. you need a serious wakeup call. it is so blindingly obvious that he just wants to keep her there to bother her more. you and this guy are creeps!!! YTA!
Have fun being the parent of an adult that has no contact with you! YTA
This is definitly raig bait, no one is this dense or putting their daughter at risk like this.... Or he's a creep as well
You couldn’t be a bigger asshole. This guys sexually assaulting your child and your cool with it and encouraging it
So let me get this clear you don't trust your own daughter at all. She's rushing exams because she feels uncomfortable. How can you be okay with this? She's your daughter but it sounds like everything else matters for you more than her guess what my dad taught me how to drive. I was mentally unstable kid had many panick attacks out of nowhere was suicidal and had serious mood swings. I was the type of person you don't trust to drive your car but he trusted me and that showed me that i was capable of doing things. Your daughter needs a support and instead of you giving her one you keep undemanding everything she tells you. also as a driver i can tell you it is not that easy to touch someone accidentally while you're driving to the point they feel uncomfortable. You are the massive asshole and worse than that terrible parant get your s***t together and step up.
Also fact that he's doing it for free says a lot. He spent 6 months teaching your daughter how to drive for free? Do you realize how absurd that sounds? You are putting her in dangerous situation and all you can think about is money? Another example from my dad. he's friends son touched me inappropriately and he's first reaction was "I'm gonna figure that out with them and you can forget it all happened because I'll take care of it." If you cared about your daughter you would talk to him and not ask her ohh did you tell him it makes you uncomfortable? God you suck man.
YTA You are forcing her to be isolated with a man who makes her uncomfortable. A man you have placed in a position of authority. He shouts, she's gotten gum in her hair and he's either carelessly creepy or deliberately pushing boundaries with 'accidental' touches. You claim she's exaggerating, based on what?You don't even know this guy well. You know nothing about his character. He's an acquaintance of a relative's friend. Is it because your son had no issues with him? You think it's impossible that he might treat a teenage girl differently than a boy? >For instance she has said the car is filthy when it isn't that bad What? A car used for lessons should be somewhere between "very clean" and "immaculate"....and given how dismissive you are being about her concerns, I am betting it's actually somewhere between "filthy" and "truly disgusting". Either let her take the damn test or find her a woman instructor.
YTA. She will always remember that you didn’t protect her.
Yta. You're pimping your daughter out to some guy for free driving lessons. That's how this reads.
Info: why don’t you go with them both for lessons? Either you will see for yourself he is a creep to your kid, OR he will fucking behave. And you will *also* get to see her driving for yourself.
YTA. You didn't even TRY to find out the full story and that's only the tip of the iceberg.
That way you dont believe or trust your daughter and practically keep throwing her to this instructor is terrible parenting. Do you even like her. YTA.
YTA, you let your daughter near a CREEP
your poor daughter
I 100% believe you're getting off on making your daughter do this. I bet it's the highlight of your entire day, knowing your daughter is trapped in a car with a man who scares her.
YTA. As a parent how can you be at peace when your child said someone touched them inappropriately. God if that was me I would smashed that mf kneecaps for his behaviour. What a pathetic father you are. 😒
SCREAMING AT THE FACT THAT A DUDE IS CREEPY TORWARDS YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AAAAAAAAAAAAAH
INFO: Where do you live, what country? Why learning on stick? I can see how the instructor could very easily be perceived as touching her hand inappropriately when changing gears, especially if he's not comfortable with how she's driving. How the heck did she get gum in her hair? Is her hair that long? Cause either she planted it to add to the perception that the instructor is terrible, or his car is really that nasty. And I just can't imagine how one could get gum in their hair while driving. If the instructor was really uncomfortable, then yeah he may have yelled. And spit might come out sometimes. Either way, you should get in the car with her and assess for yourself. Don't criticize or comment while she drives. Just go to a very safe place. If she needs more lessons, get another instructor. Don't have to pay for more expensive, just don't force her to go back after she's been complaining about him cause it's more likely to escalate and blow up, either by his fault or hers - doesn't matter, just remove her from that situation cause it's not working.
NTA - This is about her safety and those she will share the road with. Do the right thing and withhold your car until she has more experience driving. Meet her halfway by getting her another inexpensive instructor. Your car isn’t owed to her. It’s a gift that you are willing to share your car. She sounds incredibly entitled and spoiled. You built that so you need to deal with her poor behavior now so she doesn’t crash into the rest of us. Good luck!
Good job trying to get your daughter plenty of experience. It's so important. NTA
Oh yeah, she’s getting “experience” all right smdh.
If the instructor told me that my child needed more lessons, I would listen to him. Your daughter can only benefit from a little extra experience. The people who are voting you down would vote differently if a young, inexperienced driver asked to borrow their car. They are probably teenagers themselves. Amusing that your daughter accuses her instructor of being a pervert, but she puts up with it rather than pay herself for another instructor. If she had come home quiet and uncomfortable, and refused to get in a car with him again it would be a different story.
Wow. This is just…. I have no words. You’re a disgusting person.
I am a mother of 3 happy, well-adjusted children and someone who has worked extensively with children. It is normally easy to spot the child who is lying to get what she wants. I would take any reports of unacceptable behaviour very seriously, but this girl is obviously pulling a con to get her way. No teen would say, "He touched me inappropriately but I will still take lessons with him rather than pay with my birthday money/money from part time job." This is a spoiled kid, not a traumatized one.
I will not work with a person who makes me uncomfortable but my father who funded my brother wouldn’t fund lessons for me. i might have school and assignments preventing me from finding time to earn enough money for my own leasons and i even am begging to take the test to end the classes with this guy. plus it’s somehow better to have me raped by him in the car without any evidence and anyone believing me, the same way they did when I told them he touches me inappropriately but under the guise of a mistake or changing gears
Even if she is lying- as a parent, that’s not a risk I would take.
I feel sorry for your children for having a mother who supports men touching underage girls. Hopefully they’re better people than you and keep their children away.
You’ve worked with children? So you’re a mandatory reporter who just admitted not believing children smdh.
Bigtime “as a black man” energy lol