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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for not retaking the fmaily photo since my DIL was not in it. I may be the jerk because I refused to help her and told her to pay someone to photoshop her in
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I would assume that he knew she went to the bathroom. It's unfortunate that your DiL was not there for the pic, but if she's mad at anyone, it should be him, not you.
And Suzy apparently needs 30 minutes to fix her hair when she should have done that before leaving the house. I mean it's one thing to do a quick touch up but the photo was at 5 and she only came out at 530
Actually the booking was from 4pm and she already missed the small pictures.... so if she got there on time she could've spent an hour in the bathroom doing her hair and still been in it.
# I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Susie. And most of all, I will never, forget that one night. Working late on the catalogue. Just the two of us. And we surrendered to temptation. And it was pre-tty good.
Maybe fixing her hair was a euphemism for having major bowel distress. If someone had said she is in the bathroom please wait, they should have waited. Her husband didn't bother. NTA, OP.
It depends. Waiting a few minutes sure, but half an hour? 40 people, with one working there and getting paid per hour? No way is it reasonable to expect people to wait that long, even if no one got paid to be there. It wouldn't matter, if they asked nicely, it is too much.
Sometimes when people pull shit like this, it is as a power move. In this case op stood their ground and didn't cave. Good for them
I'm 99% sure she had her phone on her. With that being said if it was a "bathroom emergency" she could've called her husband or MIL and explained then and only then MIL could've decided what to do. However I'm 100% sure this is not the case and she fixing her hair. Anyone that can ask someone to regroup 39 other people for them is the same person sitting in the bathroom trying to make sure they're the "prettiest" girl in the photo. Fk that OP stood her ground and I don't blame her. NTA She fkd around and she found out!!!
Well that could also depend on how the photographer placed everybody. Meaning maybe he wasn't standing next to her anyway. Either way the question is for OP and whether or not they were T A which they are not. Regardless how the son plays into it is irrelevant!
Edit to add EVERYBODY knew the time they were still late. And at that point maybe the son was pissed off already cuz they were late which could've been her fault and he had enough. It could also have been his fault or both their faults.
And Suzy would have no problem keeping 39 other people waiting for 30 minutes?!?! F that. Big time. Suzy & her clueless husband (sorry) need to wakeup.
40 people waiting, the photographer would also be waiting, and on ops dime too from the sounds of it.
So dil wanted to waste not only the time of 40 people, but their money too.
It wouldn’t be holding for a minute, but rather an entire half an hour.
What the heck was she doing in a bathroom all that time? There could be more tea to spill there.
Or just maybe at herself? Is she not capable of saying to someone- her husband, her MIL or any of the other adults “I am going to the bathroom please call me if I am not back before the big family picture is taken”
I get the feeling that he's happy she's blaming YOU and not him! It's not your fault they were both too clueless to know what was going on. Expecting you to pay more money and everyone else to reconvene just for her is rather entitled. She can get by with Photoshop for this year!
This scenario almost happened to me but the difference was my husband (bf at the time) came looking for me as soon as the first call to gather happened and we had plenty of time to make it there. I was in the kitchen prepping salads on the other side of the house with no idea. You’re completely right. Absolutely his fault. You’re responsible for your own family unit.
I think he totally knew and let her miss out on purpose. I know a few girls like her. She probably made him late and not for the first time.
There is no way he didn’t know, she would be next to him in the picture. My guess she will not be around for much longer.
Devils advocate but if one of my dil’s were not next to my son for a family photo, I’d notice and ask where is she. Even with 40 people to get together I’d noticed if she was missing. But one of them should have say, wait so-and-so is in the bathroom.
And a side-note but maybe she spent 30 min in the restroom because she had the poopies not because she had to fix her hair😊
Edit - op NTA but damn you others are 🙄
There are 40-family members. OP isn’t there to take attendance. OP isn’t looking for the son or the DIL. OP is there to be in a large photo with 40 other people.
NTA
Poopies = irrelevant. If she's sick, unfortunately she missed a planned family event. Unfortunate, but no one's fault.
>I’d noticed if she was missing
Well, whooptie frickin doo. Congratulations on being exceptional? I guess? OP is not a task master responsible for taking roll call. DIL is an adult capable of telling time, and capable of understanding that 39 other people + the photographer are not required to all inconvenience themselves in order to accommodate her coiffure schedule.
I understand what you're saying but to be fair the OP did call out asking if everyone was there twice. I think it depends on the personality of the OP and who their focus was on. 40 people is a lot and their focus may have been on other people. I'm sure we all have members of our family we have to treat like toddlers at events like this. However, there may still be people who would notice and wait. I think it just depends on who the OP was worrying about and it may have not been DIL.
As someone with IBD I can relate to not wanting to air out your business. However, I would be comfortable enough with my partner to say I need to use the restroom and let me know when the photo is happening. Sometimes you're in and out, and sometimes you are in there for 30 minutes. I would trust that my husband would say something, but I also know my body and sometimes you have to miss out.
I disagree. The timeframe was no secret. The DIL knew when to be present for photos. If the DIL should be mad at anyone it should be herself. She messed up and she should own her error.
It's been own fault, she assumed everyone would wait for her to take 30 minutes to perfect her look for the photo.
Turns out she is not as important as she thought.
NTA
If she's going to be mad at anyone it should be HERSELF, she alone is responsible for being an adult and getting somewhere on time!
I myself am a person who is perpetually late..I have a hard time & lose track of time very easily, probably because of my ADHD but it's No excuse, if I'm late & I Miss something it's 100%On ME not anyone else.
He also probably thought that the photographer was sticking around until his wife was ready for a new picture. A lot of people are generally clueless or careless about how photographers charge for their time.
Did you actually ask him why he didn't let you know?
Say what you will about her being late and taking 30+ minutes to do your hair while being obviously late already but what excuse does he have for not letting people know?
Geez, either way that's bad on the part of your son. If I was his wife (your DIL) I'd be mad at him, not you.
NTA.
Can't stand people who are late for no reason. All the time. Things happens, traffic, kiddos barfing all the sudden. Sure, I'd wait as long as I could. I'm talking about the people who are always late. It's so rude to assume the world revolves around you, and everyone else's time is not as important as yours.
This is on them. NTA. We do the same thing at our family reunions - it’s a bear to get everyone together. Your son and DIL were disrespectful and here’s the consequence if not giving a crap about everyone else’s time.
Why should a grown ass woman be mad at anyone bc SHE fucked around and found out? If she is competent enough to get married, she is competent enough to tell time.
NTA you should have told both your son and Dil they can round everyone up , ask the photographer if they have Time to redo the photo and of couy PAY FOR the extra work
Uh yeah for these things we’re always responsible for our own nuclear families. If my wife is missing that’s on me. NTA. You made calls and the photographer was packing up.
The last time, my wife said I was missing and my SIL said my BIL was missing. That’s accountability. That said, we were the ones setting up the camera.
This is the NTA for me. The son should have spoken up, especially since he was in the photo and they took 15min there was time at that stage to yell one person was missing. DIL should have said before going into bathroom I just need to check hair since she was running so late already.
Photoshop sounds like a solution , or the son arranges for 40 people to gather again and finds out how hard that is to do and how much an hour photographers charge.
Yes, one would think so, but he obviously didn't care. Still haven't read a clear answer on why the dude didn't say squat when his mother asked 2x if everyone was present.
This is the MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION right here. Now he wants to put on a brave show for his wife. If he cared, he would've made sure she was present for the picture.
Thaaaaank you. I was like wait… he didn’t realize his wife wasn’t next to him? He didn’t think at any point while everyone was being positioned shit my wife isn’t here
NTA, its not your job to make sure inconsiderate family members get in the photo. Sounds like you did your due diligence, and DIL was being an inconsiderate AH, there's no way you run an ***hour and a half*** late to a photo you want to be in. You're not responsible for her carelessness.
If your son does agree to ppay for the photoshop, it would be nice if you were the bigger person and used the photoshopped version instead of the one without her, although I personally would be petty about that.
I did this. My nephews couldn't be in the huge family photo so I had to photoshop them in. Then for fun I did one where all the women had my MILs face and all the men had FILs face, it's hysterical. They have it framed in their office, lol.
I completely agree. When a large group gathers, every minute truly counts. The DIL must understand how important it is to be on time in these situations.
Especially for the photographer who had already finished the job and was packing up gear. It really takes a special type to see this situation and think they need to be accomodated.
NTA and agree her husband should have spoken up and if he/they are upset about it, then they can pay to edit her in.
Funny aside, I was terribly late to a cousin's wedding due to a work emergency. I missed the vows, but they were just taking a huge group picture (with the brides on the altar and the guests behind them) when I drove up and someone yelled that I was coming. In the professional portrait, huge and hanging in their living room, I am running like a fool, trying to make it into the group . It is hilarious and cracks me up every time I see it!
Photoshop her in. Done and dusted. My brother covered my sister’s face with his big head so I took a photo of her against a plain wall (same room so lighting was the same) and just photoshopped her in. Can’t really tell. If this was day of, I’d say ask photographer for one photo of just her
Forgot to say NTA
NTA your son, her husband should have spoek up and said she was not there. He didn't. Hes blaming you because it takes the attention away from him and the fact that he didn't even notice or care that his wife was missing. If it was really that important to them then they would have one, been on time, and two, offered to cover the extra hour of wages for the photographer if they were even willing to stay. They very well made have had another gig they needed to get to. Your time is important and so is the photographers. They can pay for a GOOD photo editor to photoshop her into the pictures or deal with it. Put the blame where it lies next time they bring it up, which is on them for being late and your son for not speaking up about his wife being missing.
NTA and its pretty self-centered to assume that 39 people and a photographer that your in laws are paying for will wait and should wait for you to fix your hair for 30 minutes. She should be annoyed at herself and her husband.
Took too long to find a comment like this. My husband has an aunt who creates trouble at every family gathering. In 20 years I seen her be on time for one event, her brother’s funeral. I refer to her as the bride at every funeral and the corpse at every wedding.
NTA.
Do they understand how expensive photographers are?
Your son should've alerted you to the issue before it was too late.
And DIL needs to arrive on-time.
This is on them, not you.
NTA. DIL is understandably hurt, but her hurt should be directed at her *husband*, standing *right there* for fifteen freaking minutes without even noticing that his wife was missing.
No. She should be mad at HERSELF and her husband. Because so what he did not notice her? That’s shitty, obviously, and it’s his fault no one was alerted to her absence. But what ultimately could be done if he did notify OP? Have her pay for the photographer to stay longer just so the DIL can take up everyone’s time and patience while she does her hair that she was supposed to have done earlier in the day?
Her inability to manage time effectively should not land on the shoulders of OP or the other ~39 guests. This is 80% on DIL, the other 20% on the son for staying silent regarding her absence. How entitled can these two get? Just…wow.
NTA She missed it, her husband didnt tell you she wasnt there. And noone spoke up for her. If she wanted to redo of the photos she could have went up to talk to the camera man themselves and paid for the extra hour out of their own pocket. I am sure the family would not mind too much taking another picture. But the whole aspect that she expected you to pay for the photographer and then round everyone up when she could have done all that is on her not you.
NTA. This is another adult who knew the schedule. I feel bad for her that her own husband didn’t seem to notice (yikes!), but you can’t be expected to turn back time because she didn’t follow the plan.
NTA. 1.)They were late by at least an hour so 39 people are not a priority to them but 39 people have to accommodate her? 2.)Your son couldn’t speak up or WOULDN’T speak up? (Did he not want her in the family photo and is only putting on a front for her now?) 3.) She couldn’t hear people shuffling and leaving? I know when getting ready for church, I could tell when I was the last person in the house and finished in the minivan when I was a teenager. This on your DIL 100% and I hope she drops it before 39 family members get involved and it gets messy.
NAH/NTA
I know this is going to get buried but I’m going to share it anyways.
My grandmother took family photos for the family reunion. She’d do group photos or a larger group photo. Occasionally individuals if someone asked. But. Nothing was ever set in stone or a hard rule.
After she died I kind of defacto took over taking pictures. Just so happened to be I was the one picking up the camera to take the photos. I ended up putting together books and taking group photos every year. Doing this out of love of what had become tradition and carrying on something grandma started.
I would run myself around trying to get enough people together for a group photo and kind of forget that it was my vacation too. One particular year all I was able to get was a couple individual family photos. Every time I tried to “rally the troops” someone was either sleeping or swimming and I would be told “later” so I left it.
The winter time comes and my (step) aunt had the nerve to complain they didn’t get group photos for her yearly calendar. I explained what had happened and said that it wasn’t my responsibility to make sure everyone was together.
The next year the rule became that you had to be at the park by Saturday at noon to be included in the yearly group photo. If you wanted individual family photos you needed to make sure everyone was ready to go and let me know when you were ready.
Since then, there hasn’t been a problem with anyone missing out on photos and no complaints.
NTA
Your son, her husband, shouldve noticed she was missing and spoken up. She was also told what time the photo would be taken, if anything she can redirect her anger towards her husband. Agreed, he should pay for her to be photoshopped in. He can get the photogs contact info so that this can be done before the photos are distributed to the family with her not in it.
Edit: agreeing about the photoshop
don’t ever go on a cruise with suzy. she sounds like the type to think the ship will wait for her lol.
so NTA your son chose not to speak up, and she chose to spend 1/2hr doing god knows what in the bathroom.
NTA. Tell your son he’s welcome to pay for a new picture to be taken. He was told not to be late. Does he expect them to turn planes around when he’s running a few minutes behind?
NTA
Her vanity and inability to manage her time aren’t the problem of the 40 other people who managed to be there and be ready. Unless there was a completely unavoidable emergency, being an hour and a half late is unacceptable behavior from someone who is supposed to be an adult.
NTA-
He’s upset but didn’t even realize she was missing when you called out if anyone was missing? He’s the asshole for trying to shift blame onto you, it’s his wife why did he not notice she wasn’t there is hen you asked? He can pay the photographer for the next hour if he wants her in the photos this time around sooo bad. As for DIL maybe now she’ll be on time to things or give herself more time to get ready and arrive where she needs to be with ample time to “fix herself”
I am pretty good w/ photoshop, I can edit her into the family picture. With it being 40 ppl, it would be very easy to crop her in and make it look like she was actually there
ooh ... NTA. "poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part"
NTA! How long was she in the bathroom? Why didn’t your son say anything? She needs to be mad at him, not you.
And she could have also announced she needed to fix her hair and makeup and to wait. You would have waited.
My sister would have done this on purpose. She disappeared during my wedding pics and then had the same reaction. Some people get their jollies out of causing trouble.
She never saw any consequences for her actions. She was the golden child. Now she is a barely functioning alcoholic who lives with my father. I wouldn't trade places for all the money in the world. They did her no favors.
So a grown adult couldn’t be bothered to be on time for a professional photographer, showed up late then instead of staying put went to fix her hair. Then her husband didn’t notice she wasn’t there and/or didn’t care and missed the cue to say hold up, she’s in the bathroom. But somehow it’s your problem to fix?
Tardiness has consequences as any school age child learns. So unless they were late because they had an accident the only AH in this scenario is the DIL and son for not being able to effectively manage their own time.
The best idea is to kindly throw your son under the bus.
“Look Debra, I know this is only an issue because Jake didn’t notice that you were missing when I asked if everyone was here. I really don’t think it’s fair for him to be deflecting the blame onto me when I asked if everyone was here. This is an issue the two of you need to work out between yourselves and not deflect your anger onto me please.
Nta
I would try posting in r/Photoshoprequests lol. Let them take a crack at it, but that's already a generous offering for someone who couldn't even tell someone she needed to fix her hair.
If you can't communicate, don't be mad when you mess up being late. NTA
NTA, everyone else managed to make it on time. If there is a next time, she will be on time.
ETA unless DIL was paying no one was obligated to wait. Pretty impressive to get 40 people together for a photo and 39 were photographed. You OBVIOUSLY KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE.
This was an episode of Malcolm in the Middle 🤣
This post and your responses is giving off a vibe that you don't like your DIL and using this as an excuse to be mean. You also work it like it's her fault they were late arriving. Did you also have a go at your son? Or just his wife?
Photographer here.
This is 100% on the DIL. she knew when and what was happening and she wasn’t there.
This is exactly what I tell my clients (usually wedding clients during family formals) if someone is missing - that is on them ESPECIALLY if they were told to be there.
Nta
Also. Didn’t her husband notice she wasn’t there?
I’m also from a very large family - and I don’t care how many people are in the room. We can see who isn’t there at a glance.
It takes a long time to get all these people positioned by height so no one's head is cut off. I'm not understanding why she didn't hear any calls for people to gather or see people heading to one spot. It just seems odd she was the only one not realizing what was taking place.
Ha! I wasn't around when my wife's family took a group picture. Her dad photoshopped me in and it's actually a great picture as it's obvious I wasn't really there. Do something fun with it.
Is she the ‘golden child’ in her family? Everyone is expected to cater to her needs? Weird that she is late, but expects 39 other people and the photographer to cater to her ! Hard to believe that she would even ask 39 in-laws to redo 15 minutes of posing .
Was her hair so incredibly unkempt that she would have stood out in a picture with 39 other people? Probably not. She just wanted it to look better than the other 39 people, which isn’t something you get to do when you are already late. And to spend an extra THIRTY MINUTES holding everyone up when she knew she was late already? She sounds incredibly vain, selfish and entitled. NTA.
ETA-I’d spend money to have an unflattering picture of her photoshopped in, because I’m petty like that. Beggars can’t be choosers, especially when they’re an asshole about it.
NTA my husband comes from a large family. When we did family picture over memorial weekend it was 46 people. Picture time and location was announced, everyone knew it. When you have that many people it takes awhile to set the group up so everyone can be seen. There's no way anyone wouldn't have had ample time to be aware that picture was being taken. Just the noise of getting 40+ situated is crazy.
your DIL should have been on time and ready for photo.
You asked if everyone was there, and nobody said she wasn't, including your son 🤷♀️ if they want her in it, they can pay for and organise another session or pay someone to photoshop her in. Next time, they should get there on time and not dither about and ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION. NTA.
I’m gonna say ESH
how did your son not realize his wife was missing?
It’s still DIL’s responsibility to not fix her hair for 15min straight when they’re already late
And Idk the history between you and your DIL, but if your first reason was because you decided she doesn’t care (instead of not paying additional photographer time as the first reason), your feelings seem to be breaking through the actual issue. Do you *really* care about the photographer price for another half hour? If you had only said the photographer price, I’d be fully on board.
But you saying first that you don’t think she cares enough kind of makes it sound like you might have gotten the additional photo time for another family member.
It kind of just sounds like you don’t like or respect your DIL and the photographer putting a camera in a bag (which would take approximately 15 seconds to pull back out) was a convenient excuse.
Maybe you should read the post against. You seem to be implying there's a bad history between the OP and the DIL. The OP did the organizing (which was undoubtedly a lot of work) and probably even hired the photographer. Everyone knew the scheduled times. Her son and DIL were the only ones who arrived late. Everyone was gathered for the big photo and the OP asked if anyone was missing. That was the son's responsibility to speak up at that point, and he didn't.
The DIL comes out of the bathroom as the photographer is preparing to leave. I'm guessing that for a major photoshoot, he has a lot of equipment -- lights, maybe a background -- that he has put away in his vehicle by then. Most likely, it's more than just a matter of the photog taking a "camera out of a bag." And maybe he has another shoot to travel to that evening.
Many of the 40 people (who were there on time) were hungry and wanted to go eat.
Just because the son didn't speak up and didn't ask someone to go check on his wife, it doesn't mean that the two of them should be demanding that the photographer set everything back up and everyone returns to the stage.
Not the OP's fault or responsibility. And there's nothing to indicate that she was disrespecting her DIL. In reality, this couple was disrespecting everyone else's time.
If it was a matter (as some people are suggesting) that Suzy had a digestive problem (maybe they had to leave the house late because of that), the hubs should have kept tabs on his wife when she went to the bathroom. If it was simply that she was futzing with her hair all that time, she's definitely the AH in this situation to keep everyone waiting.
Yall spent 15 minutes taking the big picture and your son didn't once speak up about Dil not being there? He either didn't want her there or he's a little bit of an idiot? Either way, not your fault. You called out and asked if everyone was there and no one said anything, you did your part. If they wanted to do one more picture they should have ponied up the money to either get the photographer to stick around a little longer or, like you said, get her photoshopped in
NTA
NTA. All your dil had to do was tell anyone in the group that she was going to fix her makeup and let her know when they started. This is on her, not you. Add her in after the fact. My sister is in a bunch of Photoshop groups online. She taught herself, and has become quite adept at adding people in, taking them away, and changing aspects of pictures for people. If your photographer won't add your dil in, DM me and I'll ask my sister to do it for you.
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Every couple of years we get everyone together and do family a giant family photo. In total it is about 40 people.
Our last one was in 2018 and we decided to do this again. I organize the whole thing and everyone was told that small pictures will be done at 4 and the big picture was at five. Afterwards we get dinner.
The issue is that my son and DIL were running late. Wasn't a big deal since it was just small pictures. They get here in time for the large picture. I asked everyone to be there on time. I called twice asking if anyone is missing. Everyone is lined up and the photographer takes like 15 minutes of the big picture.
Everyone is hungry and hurrying to get food. My DIL soon comes out asking about the picture. It is around 5:30 at this point. She told me that she was in the bathroom fixing her hair when the picture was being taken. She asked me to round everyone up again to get a picture
I told her no, that she was late coming to the event and couldn't care enough to actually be on time for the picture. I am not gathering everyone up again and paying the photographer an extra hour ( he was done and packing up at this point)
This caused a huge argument between her and me. My son is demanding I get her in the picture and I told him to pay someone to photoshop her in
AITA?
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I’d say NTA, she should have had enough respect for yours and everyone else’s time to make it into the photo. Yes everyone has a hectic life and any number of things could have slowed her down, but a simple conversation or reaching out on her end prior to simply being late and demanding to inconvenience everyone else could have helped.
NTA.
She knew what time the photo was being taken and your son knew she wasn't there & didn't speak up when you asked. Then they have the gall to expect you to pay to have the photographer set up again, and put rveryone else out, to take another photo, when the food is waiting ... when they couldn't be bothered to make sure they were both there?! Oh, I don't think so!
They are both entitled AHs.
That was your son’s job to speak up. You asked and he should have looked and spoke up. Your DIL did not need to be in the bathroom fixing her hair if she was already late. Rude on their part
NTA
She should have been there on time. I agree with what you stated, if she wanted to be in the picture she should have made a point to be there at 4 PM. They can wait till the next one or go get their own done. Not your problem.
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Why did your son not speak up and mention that she was not there when the pic was taken? Weird.
I don’t know, seriously I don’t know why he didn’t speak up. Either he didn’t care or didn’t notice
I would assume that he knew she went to the bathroom. It's unfortunate that your DiL was not there for the pic, but if she's mad at anyone, it should be him, not you.
I agree that this is 100% on him for not speaking up. "Hey, can we hold a minute, Suzy is in the bathroom."
And Suzy apparently needs 30 minutes to fix her hair when she should have done that before leaving the house. I mean it's one thing to do a quick touch up but the photo was at 5 and she only came out at 530
Actually the booking was from 4pm and she already missed the small pictures.... so if she got there on time she could've spent an hour in the bathroom doing her hair and still been in it.
Instead Suzy showed up an hour late and still needed half an hour to primp herself
Isn't that just like Suzy
Lol
Typical Suzy.
Not all Suzy's are like that. 🥺
My grandpa used to say "pretty girls dress fast" when either of us took too long in the bathroom getting ready. Edit: typo
And they undress slow
Grandpa…?
# I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Susie. And most of all, I will never, forget that one night. Working late on the catalogue. Just the two of us. And we surrendered to temptation. And it was pre-tty good.
Maybe fixing her hair was a euphemism for having major bowel distress. If someone had said she is in the bathroom please wait, they should have waited. Her husband didn't bother. NTA, OP.
It depends. Waiting a few minutes sure, but half an hour? 40 people, with one working there and getting paid per hour? No way is it reasonable to expect people to wait that long, even if no one got paid to be there. It wouldn't matter, if they asked nicely, it is too much. Sometimes when people pull shit like this, it is as a power move. In this case op stood their ground and didn't cave. Good for them
Oooh, maybe so
I'm 99% sure she had her phone on her. With that being said if it was a "bathroom emergency" she could've called her husband or MIL and explained then and only then MIL could've decided what to do. However I'm 100% sure this is not the case and she fixing her hair. Anyone that can ask someone to regroup 39 other people for them is the same person sitting in the bathroom trying to make sure they're the "prettiest" girl in the photo. Fk that OP stood her ground and I don't blame her. NTA She fkd around and she found out!!!
Her husband should have asked one of the women in the group to go check on his wife when she didn't come out in a few minutes.
Well that could also depend on how the photographer placed everybody. Meaning maybe he wasn't standing next to her anyway. Either way the question is for OP and whether or not they were T A which they are not. Regardless how the son plays into it is irrelevant! Edit to add EVERYBODY knew the time they were still late. And at that point maybe the son was pissed off already cuz they were late which could've been her fault and he had enough. It could also have been his fault or both their faults.
Next time, Suzy can wear a baseball cap and just smile for the camera.
Fuck that. The only person at fault here is the person who chose to go to the bathroom during the time when it was known the photo was being taken.
And Suzy would have no problem keeping 39 other people waiting for 30 minutes?!?! F that. Big time. Suzy & her clueless husband (sorry) need to wakeup.
40 people waiting, the photographer would also be waiting, and on ops dime too from the sounds of it. So dil wanted to waste not only the time of 40 people, but their money too.
Exactly
Agree. And with that many people in the picture does it really matter about your hair? How much would you actually see in the photo???
I was thinking this, too. Unless it was going to be a wall size photo, no one's head is going to be in close up.
It's 100% on DIL. She's an adult who knows how to tell the time.
It wouldn’t be holding for a minute, but rather an entire half an hour. What the heck was she doing in a bathroom all that time? There could be more tea to spill there.
Or if one knows when a picture is happening one can be an adult and organise their own time.
She must have been in the bathroom for half an hour. What was she doing in there for that long?
Or just maybe at herself? Is she not capable of saying to someone- her husband, her MIL or any of the other adults “I am going to the bathroom please call me if I am not back before the big family picture is taken”
I get the feeling that he's happy she's blaming YOU and not him! It's not your fault they were both too clueless to know what was going on. Expecting you to pay more money and everyone else to reconvene just for her is rather entitled. She can get by with Photoshop for this year!
Yeah, and if they *had* reconvened, some other family members would have left or become too hard to find by then.
This scenario almost happened to me but the difference was my husband (bf at the time) came looking for me as soon as the first call to gather happened and we had plenty of time to make it there. I was in the kitchen prepping salads on the other side of the house with no idea. You’re completely right. Absolutely his fault. You’re responsible for your own family unit.
I think he totally knew and let her miss out on purpose. I know a few girls like her. She probably made him late and not for the first time. There is no way he didn’t know, she would be next to him in the picture. My guess she will not be around for much longer.
Yea, probably not for the next one at least 😆
Or herself just saying
She should be mad at herself, no one else. She knew what the time the photo was being taken but chose to go to the bathroom instead.
If she is mad at anyone it should be herself, not him.
Devils advocate but if one of my dil’s were not next to my son for a family photo, I’d notice and ask where is she. Even with 40 people to get together I’d noticed if she was missing. But one of them should have say, wait so-and-so is in the bathroom. And a side-note but maybe she spent 30 min in the restroom because she had the poopies not because she had to fix her hair😊 Edit - op NTA but damn you others are 🙄
There are 40-family members. OP isn’t there to take attendance. OP isn’t looking for the son or the DIL. OP is there to be in a large photo with 40 other people. NTA
Poopies = irrelevant. If she's sick, unfortunately she missed a planned family event. Unfortunate, but no one's fault. >I’d noticed if she was missing Well, whooptie frickin doo. Congratulations on being exceptional? I guess? OP is not a task master responsible for taking roll call. DIL is an adult capable of telling time, and capable of understanding that 39 other people + the photographer are not required to all inconvenience themselves in order to accommodate her coiffure schedule.
And shouldn't it be on the husband of the missing woman to notice his wife wasn't there?
I understand what you're saying but to be fair the OP did call out asking if everyone was there twice. I think it depends on the personality of the OP and who their focus was on. 40 people is a lot and their focus may have been on other people. I'm sure we all have members of our family we have to treat like toddlers at events like this. However, there may still be people who would notice and wait. I think it just depends on who the OP was worrying about and it may have not been DIL. As someone with IBD I can relate to not wanting to air out your business. However, I would be comfortable enough with my partner to say I need to use the restroom and let me know when the photo is happening. Sometimes you're in and out, and sometimes you are in there for 30 minutes. I would trust that my husband would say something, but I also know my body and sometimes you have to miss out.
She should be mad at herself. She was late and not ready. NTA
No she should be mad at herself. She has zero right to be mad at anyone else.
I disagree. The timeframe was no secret. The DIL knew when to be present for photos. If the DIL should be mad at anyone it should be herself. She messed up and she should own her error.
how about she be mad at herself?
Yeah I would be livid with my husband
It's been own fault, she assumed everyone would wait for her to take 30 minutes to perfect her look for the photo. Turns out she is not as important as she thought. NTA
She should be mad at herself
She should be mad at herself! No way in this day and age she didn’t know what time it was.
If she's going to be mad at anyone it should be HERSELF, she alone is responsible for being an adult and getting somewhere on time! I myself am a person who is perpetually late..I have a hard time & lose track of time very easily, probably because of my ADHD but it's No excuse, if I'm late & I Miss something it's 100%On ME not anyone else.
Or herself
DIL should be a big girl and be able to tell time. She can only be mad at herself.
He also probably thought that the photographer was sticking around until his wife was ready for a new picture. A lot of people are generally clueless or careless about how photographers charge for their time.
The photographer was packing their gear when Ms. Entitled finally decided to show her face. Hubby knew the photo shoot was over.
Did you actually ask him why he didn't let you know? Say what you will about her being late and taking 30+ minutes to do your hair while being obviously late already but what excuse does he have for not letting people know?
Geez, either way that's bad on the part of your son. If I was his wife (your DIL) I'd be mad at him, not you. NTA. Can't stand people who are late for no reason. All the time. Things happens, traffic, kiddos barfing all the sudden. Sure, I'd wait as long as I could. I'm talking about the people who are always late. It's so rude to assume the world revolves around you, and everyone else's time is not as important as yours.
This is on them. NTA. We do the same thing at our family reunions - it’s a bear to get everyone together. Your son and DIL were disrespectful and here’s the consequence if not giving a crap about everyone else’s time.
Both are bad and your DIL should be mad at your son! Not you. NTA.
Why should a grown ass woman be mad at anyone bc SHE fucked around and found out? If she is competent enough to get married, she is competent enough to tell time.
Tell DIL that!
NTA you should have told both your son and Dil they can round everyone up , ask the photographer if they have Time to redo the photo and of couy PAY FOR the extra work
NTA Tell your son that life doesn’t revolve around his wife. Tell them to pay for the photoshop. Actions have consequences.
Uh yeah for these things we’re always responsible for our own nuclear families. If my wife is missing that’s on me. NTA. You made calls and the photographer was packing up. The last time, my wife said I was missing and my SIL said my BIL was missing. That’s accountability. That said, we were the ones setting up the camera.
How could he not notice? Every family photo I know has spouses stand together.
Easily NTA.
The idea of photoshop is perfect. Dont bother to discuss it any further - she did everything she could to miss the pic.
This is the NTA for me. The son should have spoken up, especially since he was in the photo and they took 15min there was time at that stage to yell one person was missing. DIL should have said before going into bathroom I just need to check hair since she was running so late already. Photoshop sounds like a solution , or the son arranges for 40 people to gather again and finds out how hard that is to do and how much an hour photographers charge.
Exactly....I don't think that OP is the one that the anger should be directed towards. And photocopy sounds like an excellent solution.
Honestly, tho. It's a 40 person group shot. Is anyone really going to notice DIL is missing? Or, if she had been in it, how her fecking hair looked?
Her husband maybe?
Yes, one would think so, but he obviously didn't care. Still haven't read a clear answer on why the dude didn't say squat when his mother asked 2x if everyone was present.
Then perhaps he should have taken charge of getting her ass out there into the photo instead of blaming everybody else.
Oh I absolutely agree. I'm blaming him
I wonder if this isn't common for her and he's trying to "teach her a lesson"
Not much of a lesson if he's taking her side.
This is the MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION right here. Now he wants to put on a brave show for his wife. If he cared, he would've made sure she was present for the picture.
Thaaaaank you. I was like wait… he didn’t realize his wife wasn’t next to him? He didn’t think at any point while everyone was being positioned shit my wife isn’t here
He's probably sick of her tardy shit too.
NTA, its not your job to make sure inconsiderate family members get in the photo. Sounds like you did your due diligence, and DIL was being an inconsiderate AH, there's no way you run an ***hour and a half*** late to a photo you want to be in. You're not responsible for her carelessness. If your son does agree to ppay for the photoshop, it would be nice if you were the bigger person and used the photoshopped version instead of the one without her, although I personally would be petty about that.
Hop on over to r/PhotoshopRequest and let one of us wizards put her in the photo for cheap :)
If OP does PLEEEEEEASE photoshop DIL face over every single family member minus the husband 🤣
I did this. My nephews couldn't be in the huge family photo so I had to photoshop them in. Then for fun I did one where all the women had my MILs face and all the men had FILs face, it's hysterical. They have it framed in their office, lol.
Put her in the shitter and in the photo.
Fuck yeah. That would be epic!
As a ghost.
Photoshop her in nicely then lighten the opacity just a bit so she’s there, but slightly not
I completely agree. When a large group gathers, every minute truly counts. The DIL must understand how important it is to be on time in these situations.
Especially for the photographer who had already finished the job and was packing up gear. It really takes a special type to see this situation and think they need to be accomodated.
Depends on how good or bad the photoshop work is... A professional, sure. An amateur that didn't do a good job, no.
I must admit to thinking I would make sure I had a copy framed and on the wall before he had it done.
NTA and agree her husband should have spoken up and if he/they are upset about it, then they can pay to edit her in. Funny aside, I was terribly late to a cousin's wedding due to a work emergency. I missed the vows, but they were just taking a huge group picture (with the brides on the altar and the guests behind them) when I drove up and someone yelled that I was coming. In the professional portrait, huge and hanging in their living room, I am running like a fool, trying to make it into the group . It is hilarious and cracks me up every time I see it!
I'm guessing your cousin loved it too.
That's so funny 🤣
I want to see this LOL
I love everything about this story.
So love this!
Photoshop her in. Done and dusted. My brother covered my sister’s face with his big head so I took a photo of her against a plain wall (same room so lighting was the same) and just photoshopped her in. Can’t really tell. If this was day of, I’d say ask photographer for one photo of just her Forgot to say NTA
Srsly, such a simple solution that requires none of the drama. Woopsie
It does require OP to put in time and effort to do that. Not fair to OP. DIL can photoshop herself in if she wants to be in the picture.
Nta ask your son why the fluff he didn't say 'wife is fixing her hair, let me go grab her real quick'.
NTA your son, her husband should have spoek up and said she was not there. He didn't. Hes blaming you because it takes the attention away from him and the fact that he didn't even notice or care that his wife was missing. If it was really that important to them then they would have one, been on time, and two, offered to cover the extra hour of wages for the photographer if they were even willing to stay. They very well made have had another gig they needed to get to. Your time is important and so is the photographers. They can pay for a GOOD photo editor to photoshop her into the pictures or deal with it. Put the blame where it lies next time they bring it up, which is on them for being late and your son for not speaking up about his wife being missing.
NTA and its pretty self-centered to assume that 39 people and a photographer that your in laws are paying for will wait and should wait for you to fix your hair for 30 minutes. She should be annoyed at herself and her husband.
I have family members that totally would have done this on purpose just to create drama. I really have to wonder what is going on in her head.
Took too long to find a comment like this. My husband has an aunt who creates trouble at every family gathering. In 20 years I seen her be on time for one event, her brother’s funeral. I refer to her as the bride at every funeral and the corpse at every wedding.
NTA. Do they understand how expensive photographers are? Your son should've alerted you to the issue before it was too late. And DIL needs to arrive on-time. This is on them, not you.
NTA. DIL is understandably hurt, but her hurt should be directed at her *husband*, standing *right there* for fifteen freaking minutes without even noticing that his wife was missing.
No. She should be mad at HERSELF and her husband. Because so what he did not notice her? That’s shitty, obviously, and it’s his fault no one was alerted to her absence. But what ultimately could be done if he did notify OP? Have her pay for the photographer to stay longer just so the DIL can take up everyone’s time and patience while she does her hair that she was supposed to have done earlier in the day? Her inability to manage time effectively should not land on the shoulders of OP or the other ~39 guests. This is 80% on DIL, the other 20% on the son for staying silent regarding her absence. How entitled can these two get? Just…wow.
NTA She missed it, her husband didnt tell you she wasnt there. And noone spoke up for her. If she wanted to redo of the photos she could have went up to talk to the camera man themselves and paid for the extra hour out of their own pocket. I am sure the family would not mind too much taking another picture. But the whole aspect that she expected you to pay for the photographer and then round everyone up when she could have done all that is on her not you.
Wasn’t this an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Lois was left out of the family pic?
I came here to say this! Do you think OP's grandkids are going to drive a golf cart into her swimming pool?
That’s why it sounded familiar ! Love that episode.
This is so weird, I absolutely remember this being an AITA like a year ago and someone else pointed out it was like the MITM episode.
the answer is simple, this post and the one you remember FAKE
Yes ! Yes !
NTA. This is another adult who knew the schedule. I feel bad for her that her own husband didn’t seem to notice (yikes!), but you can’t be expected to turn back time because she didn’t follow the plan.
NTA. 1.)They were late by at least an hour so 39 people are not a priority to them but 39 people have to accommodate her? 2.)Your son couldn’t speak up or WOULDN’T speak up? (Did he not want her in the family photo and is only putting on a front for her now?) 3.) She couldn’t hear people shuffling and leaving? I know when getting ready for church, I could tell when I was the last person in the house and finished in the minivan when I was a teenager. This on your DIL 100% and I hope she drops it before 39 family members get involved and it gets messy.
NAH/NTA I know this is going to get buried but I’m going to share it anyways. My grandmother took family photos for the family reunion. She’d do group photos or a larger group photo. Occasionally individuals if someone asked. But. Nothing was ever set in stone or a hard rule. After she died I kind of defacto took over taking pictures. Just so happened to be I was the one picking up the camera to take the photos. I ended up putting together books and taking group photos every year. Doing this out of love of what had become tradition and carrying on something grandma started. I would run myself around trying to get enough people together for a group photo and kind of forget that it was my vacation too. One particular year all I was able to get was a couple individual family photos. Every time I tried to “rally the troops” someone was either sleeping or swimming and I would be told “later” so I left it. The winter time comes and my (step) aunt had the nerve to complain they didn’t get group photos for her yearly calendar. I explained what had happened and said that it wasn’t my responsibility to make sure everyone was together. The next year the rule became that you had to be at the park by Saturday at noon to be included in the yearly group photo. If you wanted individual family photos you needed to make sure everyone was ready to go and let me know when you were ready. Since then, there hasn’t been a problem with anyone missing out on photos and no complaints.
NTA Your son, her husband, shouldve noticed she was missing and spoken up. She was also told what time the photo would be taken, if anything she can redirect her anger towards her husband. Agreed, he should pay for her to be photoshopped in. He can get the photogs contact info so that this can be done before the photos are distributed to the family with her not in it. Edit: agreeing about the photoshop
The obvious solution is to photoshop her in with Weird Al Yankovic's hair.
As a fan of weird Al, I'd do this to every family member and then send a copy to Al himself😂
NTA son is the A for not speaking up, to point out that HIS WIFE was missing when taking the picture and DIL the A for being so entitled.
don’t ever go on a cruise with suzy. she sounds like the type to think the ship will wait for her lol. so NTA your son chose not to speak up, and she chose to spend 1/2hr doing god knows what in the bathroom.
NTA. Tell your son he’s welcome to pay for a new picture to be taken. He was told not to be late. Does he expect them to turn planes around when he’s running a few minutes behind?
NTA Her vanity and inability to manage her time aren’t the problem of the 40 other people who managed to be there and be ready. Unless there was a completely unavoidable emergency, being an hour and a half late is unacceptable behavior from someone who is supposed to be an adult.
NTA- He’s upset but didn’t even realize she was missing when you called out if anyone was missing? He’s the asshole for trying to shift blame onto you, it’s his wife why did he not notice she wasn’t there is hen you asked? He can pay the photographer for the next hour if he wants her in the photos this time around sooo bad. As for DIL maybe now she’ll be on time to things or give herself more time to get ready and arrive where she needs to be with ample time to “fix herself”
I am pretty good w/ photoshop, I can edit her into the family picture. With it being 40 ppl, it would be very easy to crop her in and make it look like she was actually there ooh ... NTA. "poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part"
NTA It was up to her to be there. The solution if for your son to pay to photoshop her into his photo.
Nta but I would think this was a sign from the universe that she might not be your daughter in law very much longer.
NTA you shouldn't be responsible for rounding up all 40 people. She should really be mad at her husband who didn't notice she was missing.
NTA! How long was she in the bathroom? Why didn’t your son say anything? She needs to be mad at him, not you. And she could have also announced she needed to fix her hair and makeup and to wait. You would have waited.
My sister would have done this on purpose. She disappeared during my wedding pics and then had the same reaction. Some people get their jollies out of causing trouble.
Ugh! That sucks! People like this need consequence and not being in the pictures is a natural one. Oh well. Sucks for them.
She never saw any consequences for her actions. She was the golden child. Now she is a barely functioning alcoholic who lives with my father. I wouldn't trade places for all the money in the world. They did her no favors.
Now she’s dealing with the consequences. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
So a grown adult couldn’t be bothered to be on time for a professional photographer, showed up late then instead of staying put went to fix her hair. Then her husband didn’t notice she wasn’t there and/or didn’t care and missed the cue to say hold up, she’s in the bathroom. But somehow it’s your problem to fix? Tardiness has consequences as any school age child learns. So unless they were late because they had an accident the only AH in this scenario is the DIL and son for not being able to effectively manage their own time.
The best idea is to kindly throw your son under the bus. “Look Debra, I know this is only an issue because Jake didn’t notice that you were missing when I asked if everyone was here. I really don’t think it’s fair for him to be deflecting the blame onto me when I asked if everyone was here. This is an issue the two of you need to work out between yourselves and not deflect your anger onto me please. Nta
NTA She was over 90 minutes late? Why? Some people have no respect for others
NTA
I would try posting in r/Photoshoprequests lol. Let them take a crack at it, but that's already a generous offering for someone who couldn't even tell someone she needed to fix her hair. If you can't communicate, don't be mad when you mess up being late. NTA
I feel like I've read this exact story here before
NTA, everyone else managed to make it on time. If there is a next time, she will be on time. ETA unless DIL was paying no one was obligated to wait. Pretty impressive to get 40 people together for a photo and 39 were photographed. You OBVIOUSLY KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE.
This was an episode of Malcolm in the Middle 🤣 This post and your responses is giving off a vibe that you don't like your DIL and using this as an excuse to be mean. You also work it like it's her fault they were late arriving. Did you also have a go at your son? Or just his wife?
Photographer here. This is 100% on the DIL. she knew when and what was happening and she wasn’t there. This is exactly what I tell my clients (usually wedding clients during family formals) if someone is missing - that is on them ESPECIALLY if they were told to be there. Nta Also. Didn’t her husband notice she wasn’t there? I’m also from a very large family - and I don’t care how many people are in the room. We can see who isn’t there at a glance.
Malcolm in the Middle ? I remember a show with almost exactly the same plot.
NTA but be gracious and Photoshop her in. Not worth the fight over who is right since these people don't seem to understand courtesy or manners.
It takes a long time to get all these people positioned by height so no one's head is cut off. I'm not understanding why she didn't hear any calls for people to gather or see people heading to one spot. It just seems odd she was the only one not realizing what was taking place.
Ha! I wasn't around when my wife's family took a group picture. Her dad photoshopped me in and it's actually a great picture as it's obvious I wasn't really there. Do something fun with it.
Info. Was your son in the picture? How did he get in it and not her, and if she wasn't there, why didnt' he say anything.
Sounds like NTA but why the heck didn't your son SPEAK UP when you called to ask if anyone was missing?! Did he not notice his wife wasn't there?...
Is she the ‘golden child’ in her family? Everyone is expected to cater to her needs? Weird that she is late, but expects 39 other people and the photographer to cater to her ! Hard to believe that she would even ask 39 in-laws to redo 15 minutes of posing .
Was her hair so incredibly unkempt that she would have stood out in a picture with 39 other people? Probably not. She just wanted it to look better than the other 39 people, which isn’t something you get to do when you are already late. And to spend an extra THIRTY MINUTES holding everyone up when she knew she was late already? She sounds incredibly vain, selfish and entitled. NTA. ETA-I’d spend money to have an unflattering picture of her photoshopped in, because I’m petty like that. Beggars can’t be choosers, especially when they’re an asshole about it.
NTA my husband comes from a large family. When we did family picture over memorial weekend it was 46 people. Picture time and location was announced, everyone knew it. When you have that many people it takes awhile to set the group up so everyone can be seen. There's no way anyone wouldn't have had ample time to be aware that picture was being taken. Just the noise of getting 40+ situated is crazy. your DIL should have been on time and ready for photo.
NTA. This one’s on your son
NTA. It's on the son for not speaking up.
The amount of people trying to blame the son bc his wife is an AH. 😂😂😂 The ONLY person to blame is DIL.
I saw this episode of Malcolm in the Middle.
would you retake it if your son missed it bc he was in the bathroom?
You asked if everyone was there, and nobody said she wasn't, including your son 🤷♀️ if they want her in it, they can pay for and organise another session or pay someone to photoshop her in. Next time, they should get there on time and not dither about and ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION. NTA.
I’m gonna say ESH how did your son not realize his wife was missing? It’s still DIL’s responsibility to not fix her hair for 15min straight when they’re already late And Idk the history between you and your DIL, but if your first reason was because you decided she doesn’t care (instead of not paying additional photographer time as the first reason), your feelings seem to be breaking through the actual issue. Do you *really* care about the photographer price for another half hour? If you had only said the photographer price, I’d be fully on board. But you saying first that you don’t think she cares enough kind of makes it sound like you might have gotten the additional photo time for another family member. It kind of just sounds like you don’t like or respect your DIL and the photographer putting a camera in a bag (which would take approximately 15 seconds to pull back out) was a convenient excuse.
Maybe you should read the post against. You seem to be implying there's a bad history between the OP and the DIL. The OP did the organizing (which was undoubtedly a lot of work) and probably even hired the photographer. Everyone knew the scheduled times. Her son and DIL were the only ones who arrived late. Everyone was gathered for the big photo and the OP asked if anyone was missing. That was the son's responsibility to speak up at that point, and he didn't. The DIL comes out of the bathroom as the photographer is preparing to leave. I'm guessing that for a major photoshoot, he has a lot of equipment -- lights, maybe a background -- that he has put away in his vehicle by then. Most likely, it's more than just a matter of the photog taking a "camera out of a bag." And maybe he has another shoot to travel to that evening. Many of the 40 people (who were there on time) were hungry and wanted to go eat. Just because the son didn't speak up and didn't ask someone to go check on his wife, it doesn't mean that the two of them should be demanding that the photographer set everything back up and everyone returns to the stage. Not the OP's fault or responsibility. And there's nothing to indicate that she was disrespecting her DIL. In reality, this couple was disrespecting everyone else's time. If it was a matter (as some people are suggesting) that Suzy had a digestive problem (maybe they had to leave the house late because of that), the hubs should have kept tabs on his wife when she went to the bathroom. If it was simply that she was futzing with her hair all that time, she's definitely the AH in this situation to keep everyone waiting.
NTA. Your son should have spoken up. If he didn’t your DIL can go yell at him.
Yall spent 15 minutes taking the big picture and your son didn't once speak up about Dil not being there? He either didn't want her there or he's a little bit of an idiot? Either way, not your fault. You called out and asked if everyone was there and no one said anything, you did your part. If they wanted to do one more picture they should have ponied up the money to either get the photographer to stick around a little longer or, like you said, get her photoshopped in NTA
NTA this is her and her son's fault. He should have spoken up and said, "Hold on, DIL is in the bathroom, let me go grab her."
This was essentially an episode of Malcom in the Middle.
This is an episode of Malcolm in the middle NTA
NTA. All your dil had to do was tell anyone in the group that she was going to fix her makeup and let her know when they started. This is on her, not you. Add her in after the fact. My sister is in a bunch of Photoshop groups online. She taught herself, and has become quite adept at adding people in, taking them away, and changing aspects of pictures for people. If your photographer won't add your dil in, DM me and I'll ask my sister to do it for you.
NTA Oh well the pictures were taken by a professional photographer that means time is money.
Have photographer photo shop them in
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Every couple of years we get everyone together and do family a giant family photo. In total it is about 40 people. Our last one was in 2018 and we decided to do this again. I organize the whole thing and everyone was told that small pictures will be done at 4 and the big picture was at five. Afterwards we get dinner. The issue is that my son and DIL were running late. Wasn't a big deal since it was just small pictures. They get here in time for the large picture. I asked everyone to be there on time. I called twice asking if anyone is missing. Everyone is lined up and the photographer takes like 15 minutes of the big picture. Everyone is hungry and hurrying to get food. My DIL soon comes out asking about the picture. It is around 5:30 at this point. She told me that she was in the bathroom fixing her hair when the picture was being taken. She asked me to round everyone up again to get a picture I told her no, that she was late coming to the event and couldn't care enough to actually be on time for the picture. I am not gathering everyone up again and paying the photographer an extra hour ( he was done and packing up at this point) This caused a huge argument between her and me. My son is demanding I get her in the picture and I told him to pay someone to photoshop her in AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA unless they want to pay extra and corale everyone back.
I think your photoshop suggestion is excellent! NTA.
I’d say NTA, she should have had enough respect for yours and everyone else’s time to make it into the photo. Yes everyone has a hectic life and any number of things could have slowed her down, but a simple conversation or reaching out on her end prior to simply being late and demanding to inconvenience everyone else could have helped.
NTA. She knew what time the photo was being taken and your son knew she wasn't there & didn't speak up when you asked. Then they have the gall to expect you to pay to have the photographer set up again, and put rveryone else out, to take another photo, when the food is waiting ... when they couldn't be bothered to make sure they were both there?! Oh, I don't think so! They are both entitled AHs.
"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille! Wait! Where's everyone going?" Does she often act like she is the main character? NTA.
That was your son’s job to speak up. You asked and he should have looked and spoke up. Your DIL did not need to be in the bathroom fixing her hair if she was already late. Rude on their part
NTAH! Who does she think she is? The audacity!🙄🤦♀️
NTA She should have been there on time. I agree with what you stated, if she wanted to be in the picture she should have made a point to be there at 4 PM. They can wait till the next one or go get their own done. Not your problem.
NTA. I would put this on your son for not noticing that his wife was missing when the photo was being taken.
NTA.
Photoshop is quite reasonable.
NTA
Son should have noticed his wife wasn't there. He's kind of the butthole because of that. Maybe photoshop him out, LOL.
Your son can pay for it be redone with whoever will show up. He's the one who should have noticed that his *wife* wasn't in the picture. NTA
Just tell her you are happy to retake the picture...in a couple of years. NTA.
NTA: but you did make Thanksgiving more interesting (assuming you’re US)