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I mean… if it was a nickname that didn’t also have an insulting connotation, I’d say he was an asshole, but PIGGIE? You know very well that word is often used to call someone fat, or gross, or messy, or a whole host of demeaning things. It may be cute while he’s a little kid, but that is not a nickname you want to use as he gets older. I think dude has a point. YTA
100%. There’s no need for a nickname like this to have lasted any longer than a week. My kid was the Michelin man as a baby. “Roly-poly” and “chunky munch” were his nicknames but I stopped using them. There’s no reason to drag an embarrassing nickname into toddler/child hood. YTA OP. You’re putting the fight with your ex first rather than co-parenting in a healthy manner.
Yeah my mom STILL occasionally refers to my sister (30) as Chunky Monkey, a “cute” nickname from her toddler days… however my sister has struggled with her weight AND my parents comments about her weight for decades. My mom always chalks it up to a cute memory/ accident/ oops you’re not my baby anymore moment- completely disregarding my sisters feelings and wishes on the subject.
The heel digging against dad may well result in difficulties for little piggie down the line 🤷🏻♀️
Your poor sister. Nostalgia shouldn’t win out over disregarding your sister’s feelings. I stopped by the time he was 1, just fell out of habit tbh. Probably cos I was due another one and my mind couldn’t handle coming up with another nickname for a diff child.
Oh yeah she’s not great. All us are very low contact with her, and she lives 3000 miles away, so our relationship has never been better (aka idw throw my phone into the ocean when I see a call or text from her).
I knew a woman who called her daughter “Turd”. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to find out the girl left home about as soon as she wouldn’t be dragged back home by the cops.
My now 5 year old was "Little Butt" as a baby as it was a play on "LittleFoot" from Land Before Time and she was in 6m clothing at a year old. I haven't called her that in 2-3 years now because as she aged it was no longer appropriate.
"Piggie" is just insulting all the way around and even if not mocking his weight they were mocking his (baby) laugh which isn't nice either.
Exactly, how did 3 women not realize how hurtful being called that could be. It was innocent enough when he was a baby but now he's 4 and way past an age it's appropriate to call a derogatory name. I bet every one of those women would be insulted if THEY got that as a nickname.
OP seems more interested in fighting her ex than actually thinking about her child's best interest. Piggie is a horrible nickname for anyone.
Yeah…YTA for sure. Piggie is a mean nickname. And I say that as someone whose kid has an animal nickname we gave her based on how she sounded as a baby too! But it’s not something rude like pig or dog or chicken or whatever. More along the lines of birdie or kit or lamb, and nobody calls her that but her dad and me, and we never use it in front of her friends.
I call my granddaughter Birdie. Her name is Ravyn. Shes autistic and makes bird chirps otherwise she’s nonverbal. So she became Grandma’s Birdie. She smiles every time I call her that. If my daughter had a problem with it, I’d stop of course. But she really is great at bird sounds.
My son has an animal nickname. I call him “my lil chicken” only because he realised he can copy animal noises and makes chicken noises. I think the important thing is whether the kid likes their nickname. I don’t think they should use the nickname around everybody though
Honestly, even if it wasn't an insulting nickname I feel like the kid has every right to say if they don't like it. My nephew had the nickname "toot-toot" as a baby. When he was 3 he said he didn't like it anymore. So we all stopped.
Even when you're that age, I feel like it's important for parents to have respect for little choices like that, especially when it's something as harmless as not liking a nickname. Kids have every right to feel heard, I say.
Wait a sec, you're actually right. I should have looked more closely at the post. Uh, actually yeah I'm changing my answer then to something more nuanced:
So calling him that in private, IMO, is fine, presuming the kid isn't bothered by it himself. But they should be wary about using it around other kids, and should absolutely stop when the kid doesn't like it anymore.
However, the ex's reasons for not liking the name are stupid. He's clearly caught up in this idea that this four year-old kid should be a MAN with a MANLY name, which is just nonsense. The kid's 4. Let him decide if/when he wants to start acting like a man, and leave your obsession with masculinity out of it.
In any case, you're right and I should have read the post better before saying something.
Except the kid won't know he doesn't want to be piggie until some friend ridicules him for it and by then it's too late and it follows him the rest of his life. You know how kids can be.
my dad had a demeaning nickname for me but he was the only one whoever used it. no one else ever called me that. he insisted it was a shortened version of something more endearing.
My ex and I had a cute nickname for our son and it wasn't until he was a teen that I found out his dad stopped calling him that and I was the only allowed. it wasn't demeaning though.
Agree, I feel like almost any other nickname I would’ve been ok with but…I purchased a horse a couple years ago and asked what his barn name/everyday name was and they said “Piglet”. I was like nope nu-uh not happening and that was a HORSE not my baby lol
Idk the ex does sound horrible with how he keeps referring to it as his "man name" and "that's no name for a MAN". Makes me suspicious that if it were a girl, he'd be fine with it? Just the phrasing gives me the ick.
Yeah, that's why I gave the everyone sucks in my judgement. I'm just saying the ex's behaviour is very clearly stated, and I wouldn't call it "advocating".
It is the closest thing to advocating for the kid we saw in the original post though. OP definitely needs to think about their kid first and their feud second.
Just because the father is wrong about using "man name" in his reasoning doesn't make him wrong about continuing to call him "piggie" isn't a good choice.
The father can be wrong and correct at the same time.
That's exactly what I thought when I read this, that book was so sad! The way the other boys treated "piggy" just goes to show how easy it is for kids turn their feelings on the weaker person, so they don't have to look at the faults within them. And, young kids can be cruel. It's a defense mechanism, to not become a target themselves.
When my daughter was a baby, she was a very chubby baby. The most adorable rolls and dimples you could imagine. And we would use all sorts of very much joking but also derogatory nicknames for how adorably fat she was.
But when she got to the age where she was starting to use words, those sorts of nicknames stopped immediately and replaced by others that were significantly less derogatory.
Yes, your ex sounds like a horrible human being, and generally, there is nothing wrong with using a nickname. But pick something different.
I was that baby in my family lol I didn't find out until I was a teen that my parents would privately refer to me as the Michelin Tire guy lol
But that's the difference; like you, they never did it in public, with others, or when I was aware
I wasn't talking about the post at all lol I was replying to this specific person and how the way they're raising their kid is how I was raised when it comes to mean nicknames
This and OP also mentioned that the courts had to get involved so he could see his child... like... was I reading that right? He had to get the courts involved in order to have VIDEO CALL VISITATION WITH HIS CHILD??????? And he's the controlling one?
None of these people seem to care what the kid wants. The father wants it to stop so his son can be a “man.” The mother doesn’t want it to stop because the father wants it to stop. Nobody has asked the kid how he feels about it. So I’m going with ESH. Heck, even the visit monitor was using it without presumably caring what the kid thinks of it. Poor little guy.
Cuz she wants to take it to court and say "see this is the controlling behavior I was trying to get yall to understand" she doesn't give a shit about her son. She wants the dad out of the picture again period. I absolutely hate women like this. There is a man that actually fought to see his child and you don't want him too. When there's so many deadbeat parents (mothers included) that don't want to be there. This man does. YTA for sooo many reasons beyond his demeaning nickname. I feel sorry for your son cuz it sounds like the controlling behavior is from you (like keeping him out of his sons life) not him. Go ahead and piss the courts off and see how much that helps you.
Yes, any time that someone so fervently paints their ex as completely unreasonable and always wrong then it’s pretty obvious that they’re actually the one with issues. YTA
100% the farther has made it clear he wants to be in his sons life.
He’s asked a nickname not be used for his son as it’s demeaning and that’s fair it’s his son.
She may think it’s stupid but that’s just dismissing the other parents feelings.
The fact that this mother made her ex go to court when he clearly wanted to be in his sons life screams dodgy to me especially if this is the type of behavior she thinks is controlling
What is wrong with you? It's one thing to have said that when he laughed or you tickled him and moved on, it's another that you and your family call your son that regularly and trained him to respond. Only your immediate circle(and now reddit) know that cute context, and even then, not good enough.
Had it been a normal nickname or not one associated with demeaning someone, I'd say keep it up, dig that heel in. Unfortunately, on this occasion, your ex is right, and you're using your son to make a point.
Please save your son the humiliation whilst you can and pick a new one before he starts school and introduces himself as Piggy because you've taught him it's okay. Or you slip up at the school gates and loud and clear in front of everyone you wave goodbye to Piggy.
💯.
Kids are cruel enough already, why is OP giving ammo for kids to use to bully her son? At some point, OP has to stop using the nickname for the mental and emotional well being of her son, and it's gotta be now -- before he starts kindergarten so he learns to respond to his given name at school.
I call my 2.5 yo Mr Monkey Jocks because he climbs on everything and loves to only be in his diaper. And we love Bluey.
THAT is a cute nickname, Piggy is NOT. I'm a bigger guy, and I'd be livid if someone I loved called me Piggy.
I wish I could upvote this a million times. Congrats, you're that jackass parent using her kid to prove a point and harming the kid in the process.
You need to take 1 million steps back and get your crap together before you do some serious, lifelong harm to him and your relationship with him.
It isn't your son who will "grow out" of the your actions. IT'S YOUR FREAKING ACTIONS - YOU NEED TO GROW OUT OF IT. You're going to be that woman on the cover of a magazine breastfeeding your 12yo and ruining his life forever.
Total agreement. Baby nicknames that are cute for an infant can be demeaning when past infancy. I don't even know why you want to keep calling him this name. He needs a respectable name and that is not one!! YTA big time.
Seriously. My niece had adorable baby chunky fat thighs when she was a baby. My sister and I liked to call her “Thunder Thighs” as a joke. We immediately phased that nickname out as soon as she started learning how to talk! It’s one thing to love on a cute baby’s silly features, it’s another thing to keep it up when they are learning that words mean something.
YTA
> My ex was a control freak
Says the person insisting that they call their son "piggie"
> I plan to bring this behavior up in court
Would love to be a fly on the wall for that one
You should really stop calling him piggie. It might have been cute when they were a baby but this is going to cause all kinds of issues for him....
When I was younger, we knew a family with 2 boys. The mom called the younger one "baby". Never ever called him his given name. He grew to hate it. She called him it in public even when he begged her not to. It was the old "I'm your mom and I'll call you what I want" trope. It only ended when he turned 13 because at his birthday party, in front of all of his friends singing happy birthday, she brought out the cake with lit candles on it. When she put it on the table, everyone saw that it said "happy 13th birthday baby". He burst into tears when his friends laughed, flipped the cake upside down on the floor and ran out the door crying. His mom was LAUGHING and said she didn't know why he was being so sensitive. He took off, and they didn't find him for 2 days. The parents separated a few months later and neither boy wanted anything to do with their mom and chose to stay with their dad.
I’m in family law, albeit in the UK, I’ve been the fly on the wall. It won’t go down well, I assure you. I would refuse to raise this with the court on behalf of a client (assuming the mother was the client), but if dad were my client it would be something I’d advise him to raise.
My dad used to call me “little midget” when I was a kid, not sure what spurred the name but I of course—being like 3–didn’t have an issue with it. Once I was old enough to go to school though, he stopped. Let’s be real, he stopped because he didn’t want the other parents to see him call me “little midget”, not because it was embarrassing. OP is an ass; it’s never cool or kitsch to call your child a derogatory name, especially in front of other parents, and ESPECIALLY in front of his peers. YTA.
YTA. It's not a cute nickname. It's derogatory and disrespectful. And later on when he remembers the name, and he will, he's going to be hurt. This isn't about showing your ex he can't control you. It's about not causing your child humiliation and hurt. Stop calling him that. His well being is much more important than your wants.
Agree. OP, the first time you slip and call him “Piggie” in front of his schoolmates even at his young age, that name will be used to torture him through high school. You give permission to because “that is what your Mom/grandma/aunt called you “ will be the excuse. Stop using it immediately.
It's also very possible he'll introduce himself as Piggie to another child. There are no good outcomes in that scenario. I can't understand why OP thinks it's okay to set her own child up to be humiliated.
Once it becomes a habit, they won't be able to stop. Also, when friends, neighbors, and other family members hear it, they will take it as a green light to do the same. OP is definitely an asshole so YTA
Yup! I had a super round chubby face and no hair when I was a toddler. My parents would call me pumpkin head or pumpkin face etc. and even have a photo of me in a pumpkin patch framed because “you look so cute with your pumpkin head matching all the pumpkins!” They stopped calling me that when I went to preschool… guess who is 37 and still incredibly insecure about their face? Me!
It has stayed with me my entire life and I am so insecure about it. I’m told that I don’t have a round face (my cheekbones are defined, no double chin, nothing pumpkin about me) but I still see a giant round pumpkin face every time I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself.
You may think it’s innocent and cute OP, but it’s not. He’s already too old for this to continue. It needs to stop immediately! Unless you want to risk your son internalizing that he is a piggy, and all of the hurtful things associated with that please stop! You seem more interested in sticking it to your ex than anything. YTA
Will he? Or will it be when he comes home crying because someone heard his own mother call him an insulting name.
4 is plenty old enough to stop. Sounds like you just want to continue because you want to stick it to your ex not because you care about your kid.
YTA
I wonder what other things you do/say if you insist calling your son "piggie" Him insisting that his son is not called "piggie" by his own mother does not show that he is a control freak. It portrays you as being abusive to your son.
Looks like there is a lot missing in this post.
Agree.
Except, its not a kind or nice nickname for a human.
I call my pony Piglet / Piggie bc of the way she eats. She doesn't understand the connotations. So it's not inherently a harmful nickname for everything, but it is for a human and especially a KID that will be bullied as soon as it comes out.
Sometimes I wish OPs put things into cultural context because I usually assume a US writer unless something else is mentioned otherwise. I know Redditors come from everywhere but it’s my initial bias when reading OPs.
If this is a standard US family, it may be time to drop Piggie. One of the things about having an involved father is that you get another point of view on masculinity development, for better or worse.
I recently saw a 90 Day Fiancé show where a South Korean gave his slightly chubby US girlfriend the nickname piggy and it appeared that it didn’t have the same connotation as it did in the US. But when they came to the US, her family made it clear that had to stop.
Here in Mexico, people get nicknames like "Gordo" (fatty) all the time. They take your biggest insecurity and make it your nickname for life. When I moved here as an overweight American, the first time I got called "the big one" devastated me. Cultural context is vital.
100% YTA, what kinda rude parent calls their kid something like that? Poor thing is gonna grow up and probably hate you, especially if it's brought into school and social places and he gets consistently bullied for it. Kids dad is at least more sane than you.
YTA, the problem is that you and everyone around you will get used to it and later on it will slip through. You need to slowly start removing this nickname from your vocabulary and correct others too.
Yep only takes once to slip in front of the wrong person, or a friend who later becomes an enemy and then the poor kid is piggy until he’s 26, and then again for every high school reunion except he prob can’t go now due to name.
Yeah, YTA. Your ex might be the worst person in the world, I don't know, but in this he has a point. These sort of nicknames are never good for the kid. The absolute best circumstance, he doesn't mind, nothing comes from it. But he absolutely might, and I think that's where a lot of the strong reaction is coming from... a lot of people are given shitty nicknames as kids, and feel bad about it growing up, either feel like they can't speak up, or have had issues when they do, and if you haven't experienced that, well fine, but that doesn't mean that others haven't, or that your kid wont feel that way. So yeah, take your ex out of the argument, and just think about your kid for a minute, and what they may feel about it, instead of getting so caught up in the idea of not doing it just because it came from your ex.
YTA
You or you let someone nickname your baby “Piggy” because of the way your baby laughed? That’s honestly demeaning. The only reason you remotely think this is okay to call your son is because he’s too young understand the connotations or to tell you to stop. If you were to call an older child that or an adult, it would be seen as demoralizing and bullying.
Your Ex is understandable pissed. He might not be going about it the right way, but I feel like a lot of info is missing here. I’d be pissed too, especially if a monitor (someone not in the family and frankly has no business using a “family nickname”) called my son “Piggy”.
So the only reason he didn't see his son is because you did not allow him to without a court order?
YTA for ever using that word for your child. A huge one. This is not going away he will be forever known as piggy by some people.
It makes me so sad to even type the word out realizing that is what you, the parent, chose to label a person. He doesn't start being a person when he is older. He is and has been a person since he was born and it is rude to call any person piggy.
I think I’m taking crazy pills reading these comments. NTA.
TIL that apparently having a sweet, funny nickname for your young child is abusive, controlling, and bullying them. Guess my grandmother should be sentenced even after death for calling me her Chunky Monkey and Booby (kinda pronounced like buhby?), and other nicknames my whole life until she passed when I was 19. Heck. I was even called Miss Piggie because I snort when I laugh, and still am to this day. And guess what!! My childhood nicknames were never bullied. I cannot believe there are people legit telling you that *you’re* the abusive and controlling one for…using a cute nickname on a very young child who likely won’t even remember it in 5 years if you plan to stop using it when he starts school.
Unless the kid himself is telling you he doesn’t like it you don’t need to stop using it. Though tbh if your son started suddenly saying that he doesn’t like it/wants you to stop right after your ex is telling you to stop calling him it I’d have reason to believe ex is putting words into him and to see a child therapist or social worker to help navigate that whole mess. The kid is four. It’s a silly, sweet nickname for your child because he does something funny and adorable. You’re not treating him like an animal, abusing him, or being controlling or manipulative because you gave your son a loving nickname and don’t want to be bulldozed into no longer using it after 4 years of it.
As someone who was bullied because of stupid shit my parents said.. You're wrong.
I was cat freak from elementary to high school. My mom in her infinite wisdom played into this, decorating my room with cats, buying me cat clothes...ect. Guess what happened? Not only was I made fun of at school. They chased me with a makeshift leash and choked me out for being a cat person.
Edit because the thread is closed:
She DID force this on me. As in I asked her numerous times to take down the cat things in my room. When I asked, she got mad at me and said "that's where that stuff goes." I'm getting a little tired of seeing replies of: Oh well she supported your interests....
No. I had A pet cat. I did not. And I repeat, did not obsess over them. I loved my pet, but that didn't mean I wanted car stuff everywhere. Like holy shiz, even my curtains had cats on them.
I don't understand. People at school bullied you for being into cats and then your mom made it worse? That's not the same thing at all. But I'm sorry that happened to you.
So it’s your mom’s fault you got bullied because she supported your own interests?? It would be one thing if she forced it on you but YOU liked cats…what did you expect her to do, forbid you to? Are you for real?
My family would lovingly call me a cutesy nickname that poked fun of how chubby I was as a baby. It wasn’t something they called me all the time, and as I got older, they sort of phased it out, but I developed self esteem issues and an eating disorder. Maybe they’re not connected, but I’m pretty sure they are. My parents didn’t intend to bully me, but being called fat all the time really distorted the image I had of myself when I was a small child.
I honestly expected the inverse of the responses - a landslide of NTA.
This is a preschool kid with a whimsical nickname that the entire family uses. They aren’t using it to demean the child, and OP acknowledges that the kid will outgrew the name at some point, but if not, it will likely just be a name used at home (all of my kids have nicknames (bug, bird, LeeLee), and other than Bird, we rarely use them outside of the home.
My only reservation arises from the unknown - was the dad trying to be involved the whole time but mom was fighting him the whole time, or did dad take up an interest only recently?
Don’t ignore this comment people. Y’all who haven’t been bullied have no idea what everyone else is talking about.
It’s freaking rough, especially with a nickname like piggie.
Whimsical? Holy Shiitake.
We found Op's alt account. You've been very insistent that it's not that big of a problem. It is a big problem. The kid will likely get bullied over that nickname. In another comment, you indicated that you're a Pre-K teacher. I feel bad for your students. You should know that kids will bully kids over little things. Having a nickname like piggie is just going to guarantee that the bullies have something to use to inflict pain on the little kid.
Idk, my mom called me "Pooh" as a nickname when I was a kid (short for Winnie the Pooh). Sure, it was cute when I was really little, but because she used it so much, she continued to call me "Pooh" even as I grew into an older kid. On paper it looks fine; out loud it sounds like "poo" and kids *definitely* noticed. Of course she didn't see anything wrong with it, because she knows what the connection is in her mind, but she's not the one who had to live with being called "poo"—*I* was.
Stubbornly demanding that you keep using a nickname with negative social connotations just because *you* have fond memories of your child associated with it is selfish and kind of an AH move.
"My son’s nickname is piggie (4). He got because how he laughed as a baby and it stuck." This is saying her son laughs like a pig, so he is being equated to a pig. I don't know how that is cute. It's just mean.
This! My nickname is Muffin because of the squishy belly I was born with. I'm 41, and my father still calls me that. I would be absolutely crushed if he stopped. And yes, I still have a squishy belly.
I call my nephews Bubba (18) and Monkey (14). If there ever comes a time they wish to be called by their given names, I will respect that. It's up to them.
What exactly is a "man name" anyway? A given name, a full name, an actual name, just a name - those are all perfectly normal ways to refer to your child's name. But "man name" is a major Ick.
In the minority here, but OP is NTA.
That just made me snort 💀 my grama would be proud of that one. I got called squish at one point because my cheeks and stuff were filling in and getting squishy, but I was self conscious (I was like, 10?) so my mom and her immediately stopped calling me it, apologized, and went back to other things I’d been called. It’s literally that simple
Do you introduce yourself to others as "Muffin"? Is that the name you use at work? I doubt it. A family nickname among family members is one thing. It's different when used around other people.
Most people who hear Muffin don't think fatty. They think delicious food. Muffin and Pumpkin are common terms of endearment. Piggie is not used endearingly.
Problem is that the longer she calls him that the harder it’s going to break the habit. It’s going to slip out in front of his friends one day and that kid is going to absolutely hate his mom for it. I can imagine a future post asking why her son went no contact as an adult. OP will not magically break herself of the habit when he’s older.
ESH. He’s being a jerk but you’re digging in over a nickname that will torture your son as soon as the kids at school hear it in a few years, if not give him a complex.
In my opinion: YTA
So let me get this straight:
You stopped talking to him, and he had to get the courts involved to see his son. I’m assuming this happened during the pandemic. Being a control freak, by itself, does not mean he will be a bad father. You literally took his chance to be with his kid.
You are using a nickname that’s almost entirely always meant in a derogatory way. I’d be digging in if I were your ex as well. I may even decide to take you to court over it. If you call someone a pig, what does that usually denote? Why the fuck would you want your kid to be associated with that? Why the fuck would you want your kid to associate you and your family with that fucked up and demeaning nickname. Your ex is 100% in the right here.
I’m not a lawyer, but based on what you wrote, I don’t think court will go the way you think it will. There is absolutely 0 wrong with pushing for your child to be called by his name, especially over a nickname like piggie(seriously, what the fuck?). Also, how the fuck are all the adults except the father, seemingly ok with this?
I think you’re the massive asshole here, and I’m getting vibes he made valid points, you didn’t like them and want to hear it, labeled him as extremely controlling, and ghosted him. Did he even know if you were pregnant when you ghosted him?
>I refuse to stop calling him this and I plan to bring this behavior up in court next tine we go because my ex has been getting mad and the name even though he’s only been back in my son’s life for 4 months.
Except your ex is objectively right.
Your choice of nickname is a way of bullying and insulting your son. It doesn't matter if you mean it with love.
YTA
I'm not calling you an asshole out of love. I'm calling you one because it accurately describes your actions here. I have to clarify as you seem to need the clarification.
Calling out this behavior will probably help dad. Plus she kinda admits to doing everything she can to prevent dad from seeing his kid- stopped speaking to him when pregnant, gone out of her way to make sure he needs court assistance to be able to see his son. And then claims "he's been out of the picture". This post is a jive mess.
Controversial perhaps, but NTA.
My dad calls me ‘worm’ and I know full well it’s said in a spirit of affection and love, and I’ve known that ever since I was a little kid because there was no hint of it ever being used differently.
Your ex has no right to demand other parental figures stop using nicknames to refer to your son- although he is well within his rights to use his proper name as he sees fit. As long as it’s not 100% of the time (i.e. your son knows what his name actually is), it’s perfectly fine.
It's not a private, loving nickname as was yours. This poor kid's whole family calls him that, and outsiders are picking up on it ( the court appointed monitor). OP is continuing it as a weapon against his dad. I'm betting your dad never did anything like that, or you'd not remember it fondly.
Good Lord. Are you for real? Can you truly be this cruel to your own child? I will be shocked if the courts permit this, should you take this to family court.
What you deem "controlling" behavior sounds to me like your ex is the only person behaving like an adult.
YTA, YTA, YTA, YTA.
Anybody want to make predictions about how long it'll be until this poor kiddo goes no-contact with their mom and maternal grandma?
Yeah, OP sounds more toxic than her ex...
OP cut him out of the kid's life (parental alienation) even before birth, he wasn't allowed around his kid without him needing to go through court cases (which generally takes a lot of time) because OP was jaded. And now that he finally got the situation sorted at court and she legally needs to let him see his kid, now she insists on doing anything to stick it to him and to go against him at any chance, even when he is suggesting / asking something that's in the child's best intrest, like don't refer to a kindergartener kid with derogatory and humiliating terms...
YTA. I think at 4 years old, your son is too old to be called “piggie”. Your ex shouldn’t have a say in things like this after only being back in your kid’s life for a few months, but the man has a point. Nothing good can come out of calling your child “piggie”. He will eventually get bullied, he develop self esteem issues, maybe get some body dysmorphia etc. Not worth it.
He should have been in the kids life the whole time, OP just removed him from the equation and he had to go through the courts to get even supervised visitation. She calls him controlling but from my perspective she's the one who is being controlling.
Why wouldn't he have a say? He hasn't been in the kid's life because she wouldn't allow him to be! But he's the only parent who is concerned with the child here instead of revenge.
YTA insisting on using a derogatory and dehumanizing nickname for your child is a weird hill to die on. You actually come across as the controlling person here, forcing him to go through the courts to have access to his son and insisting on using a terrible nickname for your son.
YTA. All it takes is one kid in preschool or kindergarten to hear it, and he's branded for life. Not to mention the psychological effects that this awful, mean nickname will have on him. Your son as an adult "I had to cut contact with my family asap because they used to bully me by calling me piggie and thought it was cute and funny."
My nickname was Miss Piggy until I was about 10 or so. I hated it but my family thought it was cute. My self esteem never really recovered.
You sound like you’re just trying to prove a point and your son is collateral damage. Just stop already.
YTA.
YTA. You are setting that poor child up to be bullied and ridiculed.
Forget about whether or not you think it’s a control issue. Think about your kid. It’s just mean.
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I still call my son Monkeybutt. Not sure how it started but it stuck. He’s 13 and gets offended if I DON’T use it. It’s all in the delivery. Piggie is not demeaning if it’s not used negatively. Like calling someone Ducky, adding bear at the end of a name, or bunny. Him not liking it because it’s not a “man” name is just toxic masculinity at its finest. Is he going to be pissed off if the boy does dishes or cooks? Cause that’s a woman’s job?
I was actually a little chubby. Not VERY overweight, but a little overweight. My dad’s nickname for me was Fatty Arbuckle. Fatty was a celebrity way back in the day. But my dad would call me this name and then poke me in the belly like the Pilsbury dough boy. What this did for me, even though he said it lovingly, was become aware of my weight at 9 years old. I’ve been obsessed with my weight ever since. Won’t wear certain clothes and I’m very self conscious.
YTA. You call him piggie because he's too young to understand, let alone defend himself. That makes you a bully, and I guarantee you wouldn't call him that to his face if he were 16 and practically a grown man.
NTA Most people don’t get an endearing nickname from a loving parent and it shows. I had a nickname as a kid and I was *never* bullied for it, because even as a kid I understood that’s not my actual name and thus didn’t introduce myself as such and my family were respectful enough to only use it in the home.
Your ex sounds unstable “freaking out” and pulling out weird phrases like “man name”, obviously you shouldn’t encourage others outside the home to be calling him by his nickname or even letting them know about it which it seems you have done but I don’t think the general existence of a nickname makes you the arsehole.
I’m Chinese. My mother calls my brother a nickname that basically translates to “pudgy”. This is meant affectionately after he finally put on some weight and is now healthy (he’s is very young). The main difference here is that only she calls him that, and only during PRIVATE. She has also asked him if he is okay being called that. On the other hand, you are asking everyone to call him piggie, and in public. YTA
100000% YTA. Your ex isn’t controlling, he’s just a normal parent looking out for his kid.
That nickname cute for a stuffy or pet, not a child nearing kindergarten age.
Yeah, a bunch of people see it, and I strongly doubt that she's representing this in a fair way. I hope the court gives the child to the parent who actually cares about the child more than revenge.
NTA, Everyone keeps saying "it's mean and disrespectful" no it's not it's a nickname for crying out loud for a 4 yr old it's not like she's fat shaming her son. The nickname is fine and you ex has no right over what you call your son.
I was bullied hard because of my nickname. I always hated it and said so as soon as I could advocate for myself. My family didn’t care because they thought it was cute, no idea the harm it was causing me. Kids are ruthless. It’s not just a nickname.
YTA That is an awful nickname. I can already hear other kids making oinking sounds at him. Nicknames are cute, but not when they set your kid up like that...
i’m going against everyone and saying NTA. I know a guy that is 22 years old and his name is Piggy he actually prefers to be called that instead of his first name. Your ex is going overboard for no reason, unless your son has told you to stop calling him that, I see no reason to stop using the nickname for now.
I would ask your son what his opinion is. He is just 4. But it will help him to start thingking about forming opinions. If likes it, go on. Of je doesnt like it, stop.
I had a nickname of Sasquatch growing up because I was always twice the size of my classmates and friends. I was 5’7 in fourth grade… as a girl. The name unfortunately stuck with me throughout life and I still get called it. I’m average height now, I just had puberty very early. It hurts knowing that I was treated the way I was growing up and I truly wish my parents would have picked a different nickname for me. I remember it all and it SUCKS. My friends and their parents all thought it was okay to keep calling me that because after all, I was getting called that by family and it was fine with them so it should be fine for everyone, right? YTA. I’m glad your ex is advocating for your son. God forbid your son grows up with a damn eating disorder when he gets called that name while going through puberty and gaining a bit of weight. Have some common sense, lady. Kids are going to fucking OINK at him at school if you keep this up. Kids are ruthless nowadays and especially in elementary schools. Imagine someone recording that and posting that online and now the whole world and school is going to refer to your kid as piggy.
Please stop calling him that.
My dad called me "chubs" when I was a child and thought it hilarious. He even had it put on a T shirt when I was 4. It's was humiliating and horrifying. It gave me body issues for YEARS. My mom never stood up for me about it even when I begged her to.
It still pisses me off, and I'm not far off from 50 years old.
Reason #723 why I am NC with said parent.
YTA ok I would agree with you if it was something like "Lamb" or "Puppy" but PIGGIE??? I bet your ex would complain about any cute nickname and that's probably why you're so against it because you don't want a repeat of his behavior. But cmon... PIGGIE???? If I heard my mom used to call me piggie and it was associated with baby pictures I might just tear up the photos to avoid her saying anything about them lmfao.
Look, if the nickname were nearly *anything* else I'd say he was the asshole. But you call your son *Piggie*. That alone makes YTA. It's a horrific nickname that will have lasting consequences to his mental health and is probably already getting him bullied by the other kids. It makes me wonder if your ex is truly as awful as you say when in this case he's clearly looking out for your son more than you.
You’re setting the groundwork for your son to be bullied in the near future. And, honestly, you sound like you’re the one with control issues, as you insist on the use of this insulting, demeaning, nickname. YTA
YTA, that nickname is so disrespectful to your child and you don’t even see it. How delulu are you?
If you wouldn’t call him that when he’s older that should be a huge indicator that you shouldn’t be calling him that now.
NTA…. Like. Be fr. There’s a girl I went to school with and her nickname is Piggy. She’s 29 now and that’s what everyone calls her. She doesn’t take offense. It’s just like Bunny. Idk. I don’t think YTA at all. People are just crybabies. And your son is FOUR!! He’s not a man. He’s a kid. Tell him to cry about it.
Oh yeah telling your son to cry, great parenting lmao. Why would you purposely want to call him
Something that will get him bullied for all through school?
YTA.
You attempted to separate the kid from his father and you're calling him by a demeaning name.
There's a control freak involved here and it isn't your ex. I hope he gets primary custody.
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My son’s nickname is piggie (4). He got because how he laughed as a baby and it stuck. His father wasn’t in the picture for most of his life and just got a court order to reconnect with him thru monitored visits. Just 4 months ago.
I still live with my mom and so does my younger sister and we all call him piggie.
My ex thinks it demeaning to call our son that and asked in the family group text set up by the court to stop calling him that. We even lost a monitor because she called my son piggie and he freaked out telling her to use his man name.
My ex was a control freak and it’s one of the reasons I stop talking to him while I was pregnant and why he had to the courts involved to see his son. I refuse to stop calling him this and I plan to bring this behavior up in court next tine we go because my ex has been getting mad and the name even though he’s only been back in my son’s life for 4 months. He keeps saying “that’s no name for a man”
I’m sure my son will eventually grow out of the name but he’s 4 and I think this argument is stupid and I’m not going to stop asking everyone to call him piggie just because my controlling ex asked me to.
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YTA on this. I don't know about everything else in this parental feud. I'm just judging the name. It's derogatory. One day your son will understand that and you will hurt him by calling him that. Why don't you, a grown adult, realize that?
YTA. Your son is going to internalize that nickname. When his friends hear it, they will call him it. They won’t know or care about your “why” they’ll just know he’s a little piggy and oink at him. Kids are vicious. You are doing your son a huge disservice.
But your ex’s reasoning of “mans name” is bullshit too. Neither of you seem to care about your son’s feelings and how shitty nicknames can haunt them.
After reading the first sentence, I don’t have to read anymore. It’s not that it’s “no name for a man” it’s that it’s a hurtful name to call anyone, *especially* your child, regardless of the reason. I think the most hurtful name I’ve ever been called in my life was a “pig” due to the connotations.
YTA. YTA. YTA!!
She didn't post here for everyone to say YTA. She wanted validation for her shitty behaviour that's clearly linked to bad blood with her ex.
Sorry OP. Easiest YTA of the week.
How is it possible a human being can produce, and raise a child but not have the slightest shrivel of self awareness to recognize calling someone PIGGIE is probably never ok.
YTA.
It doesn't matter what the history of the nickname is, it is demeaning to your child. Your ex may be a dick, and may be being ridiculous when he refers to your child's "man name", but he is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT that you need to stop using a demeaning nickname for your child.
I would love to hear his side of this, I bet he paints a completely different story. Stop calling your kid Piggy it's rude and at four it's going to very soon be understood by him. Why have you kept the dad from seeing his kid for all this time?
Yeah, I hardly believe that we are getting a fair representation of what's happening here from a parent who thinks it's cute to call their son "piggy."
Leave aside the issues with your ex for a second:
How would you feel if everyone called you piggie? Would you feel good about yourself? Those little jabs might not feel like a big deal to you—maybe you grew up with them, maybe you’re used to it. But they add up over time and do nothing but tear people down.
I know you love your son and want him to grow up happy and confident and trusting both you and himself. So you need to think carefully about how you choose to speak to him.
YTA
YTA for refusing to stop calling your son this stupid nickname. You're being really selfish by doing this because it just shows who's really being controlling.
Ehhhhh Idk I think it depends on the kid. Does the kid like this name? Does the kid want to be called piggie? I raised pigs. They're highly intelligent and extremely clean. They can be housebroken easier than dogs and far more intelligent.
Also, my male child has a feminine nickname. It's a variation of his name but shorter and feminine. He calls himself that. He initially called himself this name when he started talking, and it stuck. There's a girl on his bus with the same nickname. He doesn't care.
I personally wouldn't call my child piggie, but I call one Bug and one Bear. I just feel like this doesn't have enough information. Yes, she started calling him that, but does he like it? Does he want to be called that? At 4, he's old enough to know what a pig is. Ask the kid himself. She didn't put enough information to show the ex as a controlling ass but reading into it the child is 4 and he just showed up s few months ago so mom has been doing all the work until it's easier. The court appointed person also called the child this which leads me to think the child may like this name. I can assure you if you call a kid something they don't like they will definitely tell you that's not my name.
Stop talking down on pigs. They're fantastic animals. The only reason they're deemed messy is because they roll in the mud. They only roll on the mud because they can't sweat, and it's the only way to cool off.
You’re setting your child up to be mocked and made fun of by other children. How do you not see that?
You decided to stop talking to the father during your pregnancy, so of course he hasn’t been in the child’s life until recently. That was YOUR fault. His best recourse was going through the court, which is exactly what he did. Shame on you for trying to deprive your son of his father.
This child is his child too. Not just yours. He already seems like the better parent, & you will really regret your actions & attitude if you don’t start caring about what’s in the best interest of this child. YTA. Completely.
YTA. It’s such a rude and disrespectful name, and you’re making him the butt of your jokes. At least your ex is advocating for your son’s best interest.
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I mean… if it was a nickname that didn’t also have an insulting connotation, I’d say he was an asshole, but PIGGIE? You know very well that word is often used to call someone fat, or gross, or messy, or a whole host of demeaning things. It may be cute while he’s a little kid, but that is not a nickname you want to use as he gets older. I think dude has a point. YTA
I'd say that age 4 is already too old, honestly. Otherwise, I completely agree.
I'd say any age is too old. It's a demeaning nickname no matter what age.
100%. There’s no need for a nickname like this to have lasted any longer than a week. My kid was the Michelin man as a baby. “Roly-poly” and “chunky munch” were his nicknames but I stopped using them. There’s no reason to drag an embarrassing nickname into toddler/child hood. YTA OP. You’re putting the fight with your ex first rather than co-parenting in a healthy manner.
Yeah my mom STILL occasionally refers to my sister (30) as Chunky Monkey, a “cute” nickname from her toddler days… however my sister has struggled with her weight AND my parents comments about her weight for decades. My mom always chalks it up to a cute memory/ accident/ oops you’re not my baby anymore moment- completely disregarding my sisters feelings and wishes on the subject. The heel digging against dad may well result in difficulties for little piggie down the line 🤷🏻♀️
Your poor sister. Nostalgia shouldn’t win out over disregarding your sister’s feelings. I stopped by the time he was 1, just fell out of habit tbh. Probably cos I was due another one and my mind couldn’t handle coming up with another nickname for a diff child.
Your mom is being abusive. Your sis should go low or no contact! Poor woman!
Oh yeah she’s not great. All us are very low contact with her, and she lives 3000 miles away, so our relationship has never been better (aka idw throw my phone into the ocean when I see a call or text from her).
I knew a woman who called her daughter “Turd”. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to find out the girl left home about as soon as she wouldn’t be dragged back home by the cops.
My now 5 year old was "Little Butt" as a baby as it was a play on "LittleFoot" from Land Before Time and she was in 6m clothing at a year old. I haven't called her that in 2-3 years now because as she aged it was no longer appropriate. "Piggie" is just insulting all the way around and even if not mocking his weight they were mocking his (baby) laugh which isn't nice either.
Exactly, how did 3 women not realize how hurtful being called that could be. It was innocent enough when he was a baby but now he's 4 and way past an age it's appropriate to call a derogatory name. I bet every one of those women would be insulted if THEY got that as a nickname. OP seems more interested in fighting her ex than actually thinking about her child's best interest. Piggie is a horrible nickname for anyone.
Yeah…YTA for sure. Piggie is a mean nickname. And I say that as someone whose kid has an animal nickname we gave her based on how she sounded as a baby too! But it’s not something rude like pig or dog or chicken or whatever. More along the lines of birdie or kit or lamb, and nobody calls her that but her dad and me, and we never use it in front of her friends.
I call my granddaughter Birdie. Her name is Ravyn. Shes autistic and makes bird chirps otherwise she’s nonverbal. So she became Grandma’s Birdie. She smiles every time I call her that. If my daughter had a problem with it, I’d stop of course. But she really is great at bird sounds.
This is adorable❤️
My son has an animal nickname. I call him “my lil chicken” only because he realised he can copy animal noises and makes chicken noises. I think the important thing is whether the kid likes their nickname. I don’t think they should use the nickname around everybody though
Honestly, even if it wasn't an insulting nickname I feel like the kid has every right to say if they don't like it. My nephew had the nickname "toot-toot" as a baby. When he was 3 he said he didn't like it anymore. So we all stopped. Even when you're that age, I feel like it's important for parents to have respect for little choices like that, especially when it's something as harmless as not liking a nickname. Kids have every right to feel heard, I say.
My 10 year old granddaughter told us she didn’t like diminutive forms of her name so now we call by her full name. Easy peasy.
Her full name is easy peasy, and she's ok with that?
But the KID hasn’t said anything, she has said if the kid tells her to stop she’ll stop
Wait a sec, you're actually right. I should have looked more closely at the post. Uh, actually yeah I'm changing my answer then to something more nuanced: So calling him that in private, IMO, is fine, presuming the kid isn't bothered by it himself. But they should be wary about using it around other kids, and should absolutely stop when the kid doesn't like it anymore. However, the ex's reasons for not liking the name are stupid. He's clearly caught up in this idea that this four year-old kid should be a MAN with a MANLY name, which is just nonsense. The kid's 4. Let him decide if/when he wants to start acting like a man, and leave your obsession with masculinity out of it. In any case, you're right and I should have read the post better before saying something.
Except the kid won't know he doesn't want to be piggie until some friend ridicules him for it and by then it's too late and it follows him the rest of his life. You know how kids can be.
As in toot toot from Dresden??
Yes. My mother called my sister that and she still suffers at 50 because of it. That's a horribly cruel nickname
my dad had a demeaning nickname for me but he was the only one whoever used it. no one else ever called me that. he insisted it was a shortened version of something more endearing. My ex and I had a cute nickname for our son and it wasn't until he was a teen that I found out his dad stopped calling him that and I was the only allowed. it wasn't demeaning though.
Agree, I feel like almost any other nickname I would’ve been ok with but…I purchased a horse a couple years ago and asked what his barn name/everyday name was and they said “Piglet”. I was like nope nu-uh not happening and that was a HORSE not my baby lol
[удалено]
Idk the ex does sound horrible with how he keeps referring to it as his "man name" and "that's no name for a MAN". Makes me suspicious that if it were a girl, he'd be fine with it? Just the phrasing gives me the ick.
And OP’s insistence on making fun of his laugh in a way that implies negative things about his physical appearance is also icky.
Yeah, that's why I gave the everyone sucks in my judgement. I'm just saying the ex's behaviour is very clearly stated, and I wouldn't call it "advocating".
It is the closest thing to advocating for the kid we saw in the original post though. OP definitely needs to think about their kid first and their feud second.
You are also only hearing one side of the story. If the father were here, perhaps he would be wording it differently.
I could be wrong, but I read that as "man" as in "human" as opposed to referring to him as an animal.
Anytime a man or pick me says something about being/doing something man then it’s not about human, it’s about machismo
Just because the father is wrong about using "man name" in his reasoning doesn't make him wrong about continuing to call him "piggie" isn't a good choice. The father can be wrong and correct at the same time.
That’s just what she’s saying here. We don’t know if any of that is true.
God help this kid if they get assigned Lord of the Flies.
That's exactly what I thought when I read this, that book was so sad! The way the other boys treated "piggy" just goes to show how easy it is for kids turn their feelings on the weaker person, so they don't have to look at the faults within them. And, young kids can be cruel. It's a defense mechanism, to not become a target themselves.
When my daughter was a baby, she was a very chubby baby. The most adorable rolls and dimples you could imagine. And we would use all sorts of very much joking but also derogatory nicknames for how adorably fat she was. But when she got to the age where she was starting to use words, those sorts of nicknames stopped immediately and replaced by others that were significantly less derogatory. Yes, your ex sounds like a horrible human being, and generally, there is nothing wrong with using a nickname. But pick something different.
I was that baby in my family lol I didn't find out until I was a teen that my parents would privately refer to me as the Michelin Tire guy lol But that's the difference; like you, they never did it in public, with others, or when I was aware
The court ordered monitor used the name piggy, OP is using the name in public.
I wasn't talking about the post at all lol I was replying to this specific person and how the way they're raising their kid is how I was raised when it comes to mean nicknames
Who is the actual control freak here?
Not only what's in the best interest of the kid, op doesn't even mention what he wants or how he feels about the nickname, just her vs ex.
This and OP also mentioned that the courts had to get involved so he could see his child... like... was I reading that right? He had to get the courts involved in order to have VIDEO CALL VISITATION WITH HIS CHILD??????? And he's the controlling one?
None of these people seem to care what the kid wants. The father wants it to stop so his son can be a “man.” The mother doesn’t want it to stop because the father wants it to stop. Nobody has asked the kid how he feels about it. So I’m going with ESH. Heck, even the visit monitor was using it without presumably caring what the kid thinks of it. Poor little guy.
Cuz she wants to take it to court and say "see this is the controlling behavior I was trying to get yall to understand" she doesn't give a shit about her son. She wants the dad out of the picture again period. I absolutely hate women like this. There is a man that actually fought to see his child and you don't want him too. When there's so many deadbeat parents (mothers included) that don't want to be there. This man does. YTA for sooo many reasons beyond his demeaning nickname. I feel sorry for your son cuz it sounds like the controlling behavior is from you (like keeping him out of his sons life) not him. Go ahead and piss the courts off and see how much that helps you.
Yes, any time that someone so fervently paints their ex as completely unreasonable and always wrong then it’s pretty obvious that they’re actually the one with issues. YTA
100% the farther has made it clear he wants to be in his sons life. He’s asked a nickname not be used for his son as it’s demeaning and that’s fair it’s his son. She may think it’s stupid but that’s just dismissing the other parents feelings. The fact that this mother made her ex go to court when he clearly wanted to be in his sons life screams dodgy to me especially if this is the type of behavior she thinks is controlling
What is wrong with you? It's one thing to have said that when he laughed or you tickled him and moved on, it's another that you and your family call your son that regularly and trained him to respond. Only your immediate circle(and now reddit) know that cute context, and even then, not good enough. Had it been a normal nickname or not one associated with demeaning someone, I'd say keep it up, dig that heel in. Unfortunately, on this occasion, your ex is right, and you're using your son to make a point. Please save your son the humiliation whilst you can and pick a new one before he starts school and introduces himself as Piggy because you've taught him it's okay. Or you slip up at the school gates and loud and clear in front of everyone you wave goodbye to Piggy.
💯. Kids are cruel enough already, why is OP giving ammo for kids to use to bully her son? At some point, OP has to stop using the nickname for the mental and emotional well being of her son, and it's gotta be now -- before he starts kindergarten so he learns to respond to his given name at school.
At 4, he may already have been doing preschool or other activities with these kids and have them know that he's called Piggie. Poor kiddo.
I call my 2.5 yo Mr Monkey Jocks because he climbs on everything and loves to only be in his diaper. And we love Bluey. THAT is a cute nickname, Piggy is NOT. I'm a bigger guy, and I'd be livid if someone I loved called me Piggy.
If I heard a nickname like that it would make me laugh go awe and ask the backstory that’s so cute!
I wish I could upvote this a million times. Congrats, you're that jackass parent using her kid to prove a point and harming the kid in the process. You need to take 1 million steps back and get your crap together before you do some serious, lifelong harm to him and your relationship with him. It isn't your son who will "grow out" of the your actions. IT'S YOUR FREAKING ACTIONS - YOU NEED TO GROW OUT OF IT. You're going to be that woman on the cover of a magazine breastfeeding your 12yo and ruining his life forever.
Total agreement. Baby nicknames that are cute for an infant can be demeaning when past infancy. I don't even know why you want to keep calling him this name. He needs a respectable name and that is not one!! YTA big time.
Seriously. My niece had adorable baby chunky fat thighs when she was a baby. My sister and I liked to call her “Thunder Thighs” as a joke. We immediately phased that nickname out as soon as she started learning how to talk! It’s one thing to love on a cute baby’s silly features, it’s another thing to keep it up when they are learning that words mean something.
YTA > My ex was a control freak Says the person insisting that they call their son "piggie" > I plan to bring this behavior up in court Would love to be a fly on the wall for that one You should really stop calling him piggie. It might have been cute when they were a baby but this is going to cause all kinds of issues for him....
I’d bet my retirement account this piggie thing ends up in a therapy session.
I’m a therapist, and I’ve had clients bring up self image issues based on nicknames they’ve had along those lines.
When I was younger, we knew a family with 2 boys. The mom called the younger one "baby". Never ever called him his given name. He grew to hate it. She called him it in public even when he begged her not to. It was the old "I'm your mom and I'll call you what I want" trope. It only ended when he turned 13 because at his birthday party, in front of all of his friends singing happy birthday, she brought out the cake with lit candles on it. When she put it on the table, everyone saw that it said "happy 13th birthday baby". He burst into tears when his friends laughed, flipped the cake upside down on the floor and ran out the door crying. His mom was LAUGHING and said she didn't know why he was being so sensitive. He took off, and they didn't find him for 2 days. The parents separated a few months later and neither boy wanted anything to do with their mom and chose to stay with their dad.
I’m in family law, albeit in the UK, I’ve been the fly on the wall. It won’t go down well, I assure you. I would refuse to raise this with the court on behalf of a client (assuming the mother was the client), but if dad were my client it would be something I’d advise him to raise.
My dad used to call me “little midget” when I was a kid, not sure what spurred the name but I of course—being like 3–didn’t have an issue with it. Once I was old enough to go to school though, he stopped. Let’s be real, he stopped because he didn’t want the other parents to see him call me “little midget”, not because it was embarrassing. OP is an ass; it’s never cool or kitsch to call your child a derogatory name, especially in front of other parents, and ESPECIALLY in front of his peers. YTA.
YTA. It's not a cute nickname. It's derogatory and disrespectful. And later on when he remembers the name, and he will, he's going to be hurt. This isn't about showing your ex he can't control you. It's about not causing your child humiliation and hurt. Stop calling him that. His well being is much more important than your wants.
Agree. OP, the first time you slip and call him “Piggie” in front of his schoolmates even at his young age, that name will be used to torture him through high school. You give permission to because “that is what your Mom/grandma/aunt called you “ will be the excuse. Stop using it immediately.
It's also very possible he'll introduce himself as Piggie to another child. There are no good outcomes in that scenario. I can't understand why OP thinks it's okay to set her own child up to be humiliated.
Looks like that poor kid got doubly screwed in the parent department.
Once it becomes a habit, they won't be able to stop. Also, when friends, neighbors, and other family members hear it, they will take it as a green light to do the same. OP is definitely an asshole so YTA
Yup! I had a super round chubby face and no hair when I was a toddler. My parents would call me pumpkin head or pumpkin face etc. and even have a photo of me in a pumpkin patch framed because “you look so cute with your pumpkin head matching all the pumpkins!” They stopped calling me that when I went to preschool… guess who is 37 and still incredibly insecure about their face? Me! It has stayed with me my entire life and I am so insecure about it. I’m told that I don’t have a round face (my cheekbones are defined, no double chin, nothing pumpkin about me) but I still see a giant round pumpkin face every time I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself. You may think it’s innocent and cute OP, but it’s not. He’s already too old for this to continue. It needs to stop immediately! Unless you want to risk your son internalizing that he is a piggy, and all of the hurtful things associated with that please stop! You seem more interested in sticking it to your ex than anything. YTA
YTA, your poor kid is going to get bullied.
Yep. Although, I'd say he's already being bullied. By mom.
Already is. The family are the bullies. OP, YTA
Will he? Or will it be when he comes home crying because someone heard his own mother call him an insulting name. 4 is plenty old enough to stop. Sounds like you just want to continue because you want to stick it to your ex not because you care about your kid.
YTA I wonder what other things you do/say if you insist calling your son "piggie" Him insisting that his son is not called "piggie" by his own mother does not show that he is a control freak. It portrays you as being abusive to your son. Looks like there is a lot missing in this post.
YTA. It’s not a nice or kind nickname. Using it only serves to humiliate. You want to keep using it because your ex says to stop. Grow up.
Agree. Except, its not a kind or nice nickname for a human. I call my pony Piglet / Piggie bc of the way she eats. She doesn't understand the connotations. So it's not inherently a harmful nickname for everything, but it is for a human and especially a KID that will be bullied as soon as it comes out.
Sometimes I wish OPs put things into cultural context because I usually assume a US writer unless something else is mentioned otherwise. I know Redditors come from everywhere but it’s my initial bias when reading OPs. If this is a standard US family, it may be time to drop Piggie. One of the things about having an involved father is that you get another point of view on masculinity development, for better or worse. I recently saw a 90 Day Fiancé show where a South Korean gave his slightly chubby US girlfriend the nickname piggy and it appeared that it didn’t have the same connotation as it did in the US. But when they came to the US, her family made it clear that had to stop.
Here in Mexico, people get nicknames like "Gordo" (fatty) all the time. They take your biggest insecurity and make it your nickname for life. When I moved here as an overweight American, the first time I got called "the big one" devastated me. Cultural context is vital.
My youngest kid was Gordita the first two years hahaha. Thanks South American grandparents. They dropped it when the baby rolls went away tho.
You’re not wrong about cultural context, but the worst people for not saying where they’re from are Americans.
True that. Guilty as accused. lol
No it's worse in Korea they are just totally OK with fatshaming
90 day fiancé is not a good baseline btw, that show is reality tv and something else entirely
100% YTA, what kinda rude parent calls their kid something like that? Poor thing is gonna grow up and probably hate you, especially if it's brought into school and social places and he gets consistently bullied for it. Kids dad is at least more sane than you.
YTA, the problem is that you and everyone around you will get used to it and later on it will slip through. You need to slowly start removing this nickname from your vocabulary and correct others too.
Yep only takes once to slip in front of the wrong person, or a friend who later becomes an enemy and then the poor kid is piggy until he’s 26, and then again for every high school reunion except he prob can’t go now due to name.
Yeah, YTA. Your ex might be the worst person in the world, I don't know, but in this he has a point. These sort of nicknames are never good for the kid. The absolute best circumstance, he doesn't mind, nothing comes from it. But he absolutely might, and I think that's where a lot of the strong reaction is coming from... a lot of people are given shitty nicknames as kids, and feel bad about it growing up, either feel like they can't speak up, or have had issues when they do, and if you haven't experienced that, well fine, but that doesn't mean that others haven't, or that your kid wont feel that way. So yeah, take your ex out of the argument, and just think about your kid for a minute, and what they may feel about it, instead of getting so caught up in the idea of not doing it just because it came from your ex.
YTA You or you let someone nickname your baby “Piggy” because of the way your baby laughed? That’s honestly demeaning. The only reason you remotely think this is okay to call your son is because he’s too young understand the connotations or to tell you to stop. If you were to call an older child that or an adult, it would be seen as demoralizing and bullying. Your Ex is understandable pissed. He might not be going about it the right way, but I feel like a lot of info is missing here. I’d be pissed too, especially if a monitor (someone not in the family and frankly has no business using a “family nickname”) called my son “Piggy”.
So the only reason he didn't see his son is because you did not allow him to without a court order? YTA for ever using that word for your child. A huge one. This is not going away he will be forever known as piggy by some people. It makes me so sad to even type the word out realizing that is what you, the parent, chose to label a person. He doesn't start being a person when he is older. He is and has been a person since he was born and it is rude to call any person piggy.
I think I’m taking crazy pills reading these comments. NTA. TIL that apparently having a sweet, funny nickname for your young child is abusive, controlling, and bullying them. Guess my grandmother should be sentenced even after death for calling me her Chunky Monkey and Booby (kinda pronounced like buhby?), and other nicknames my whole life until she passed when I was 19. Heck. I was even called Miss Piggie because I snort when I laugh, and still am to this day. And guess what!! My childhood nicknames were never bullied. I cannot believe there are people legit telling you that *you’re* the abusive and controlling one for…using a cute nickname on a very young child who likely won’t even remember it in 5 years if you plan to stop using it when he starts school. Unless the kid himself is telling you he doesn’t like it you don’t need to stop using it. Though tbh if your son started suddenly saying that he doesn’t like it/wants you to stop right after your ex is telling you to stop calling him it I’d have reason to believe ex is putting words into him and to see a child therapist or social worker to help navigate that whole mess. The kid is four. It’s a silly, sweet nickname for your child because he does something funny and adorable. You’re not treating him like an animal, abusing him, or being controlling or manipulative because you gave your son a loving nickname and don’t want to be bulldozed into no longer using it after 4 years of it.
As someone who was bullied because of stupid shit my parents said.. You're wrong. I was cat freak from elementary to high school. My mom in her infinite wisdom played into this, decorating my room with cats, buying me cat clothes...ect. Guess what happened? Not only was I made fun of at school. They chased me with a makeshift leash and choked me out for being a cat person. Edit because the thread is closed: She DID force this on me. As in I asked her numerous times to take down the cat things in my room. When I asked, she got mad at me and said "that's where that stuff goes." I'm getting a little tired of seeing replies of: Oh well she supported your interests.... No. I had A pet cat. I did not. And I repeat, did not obsess over them. I loved my pet, but that didn't mean I wanted car stuff everywhere. Like holy shiz, even my curtains had cats on them.
I don't understand. People at school bullied you for being into cats and then your mom made it worse? That's not the same thing at all. But I'm sorry that happened to you.
So it’s your mom’s fault you got bullied because she supported your own interests?? It would be one thing if she forced it on you but YOU liked cats…what did you expect her to do, forbid you to? Are you for real?
Don't blame your mom for this. I was the same way but other kids being demons from hell wasn't my mom's fault for getting me stuff I wanted
My family would lovingly call me a cutesy nickname that poked fun of how chubby I was as a baby. It wasn’t something they called me all the time, and as I got older, they sort of phased it out, but I developed self esteem issues and an eating disorder. Maybe they’re not connected, but I’m pretty sure they are. My parents didn’t intend to bully me, but being called fat all the time really distorted the image I had of myself when I was a small child.
I honestly expected the inverse of the responses - a landslide of NTA. This is a preschool kid with a whimsical nickname that the entire family uses. They aren’t using it to demean the child, and OP acknowledges that the kid will outgrew the name at some point, but if not, it will likely just be a name used at home (all of my kids have nicknames (bug, bird, LeeLee), and other than Bird, we rarely use them outside of the home. My only reservation arises from the unknown - was the dad trying to be involved the whole time but mom was fighting him the whole time, or did dad take up an interest only recently?
My family's "cute" nickname for me led to years of bullying and an eating disorder. Family members can be real assholes.
Don’t ignore this comment people. Y’all who haven’t been bullied have no idea what everyone else is talking about. It’s freaking rough, especially with a nickname like piggie. Whimsical? Holy Shiitake.
We found Op's alt account. You've been very insistent that it's not that big of a problem. It is a big problem. The kid will likely get bullied over that nickname. In another comment, you indicated that you're a Pre-K teacher. I feel bad for your students. You should know that kids will bully kids over little things. Having a nickname like piggie is just going to guarantee that the bullies have something to use to inflict pain on the little kid.
Idk, my mom called me "Pooh" as a nickname when I was a kid (short for Winnie the Pooh). Sure, it was cute when I was really little, but because she used it so much, she continued to call me "Pooh" even as I grew into an older kid. On paper it looks fine; out loud it sounds like "poo" and kids *definitely* noticed. Of course she didn't see anything wrong with it, because she knows what the connection is in her mind, but she's not the one who had to live with being called "poo"—*I* was. Stubbornly demanding that you keep using a nickname with negative social connotations just because *you* have fond memories of your child associated with it is selfish and kind of an AH move.
"My son’s nickname is piggie (4). He got because how he laughed as a baby and it stuck." This is saying her son laughs like a pig, so he is being equated to a pig. I don't know how that is cute. It's just mean.
How is this a sweet funny nickname?? He'll be in school within a year or less. You cannot be serious.
This! My nickname is Muffin because of the squishy belly I was born with. I'm 41, and my father still calls me that. I would be absolutely crushed if he stopped. And yes, I still have a squishy belly. I call my nephews Bubba (18) and Monkey (14). If there ever comes a time they wish to be called by their given names, I will respect that. It's up to them. What exactly is a "man name" anyway? A given name, a full name, an actual name, just a name - those are all perfectly normal ways to refer to your child's name. But "man name" is a major Ick. In the minority here, but OP is NTA.
Nobody is against nicknames. They are against that particular one
That just made me snort 💀 my grama would be proud of that one. I got called squish at one point because my cheeks and stuff were filling in and getting squishy, but I was self conscious (I was like, 10?) so my mom and her immediately stopped calling me it, apologized, and went back to other things I’d been called. It’s literally that simple
Do you introduce yourself to others as "Muffin"? Is that the name you use at work? I doubt it. A family nickname among family members is one thing. It's different when used around other people.
You honestly don't see the difference between muffin and piggy?
Most people who hear Muffin don't think fatty. They think delicious food. Muffin and Pumpkin are common terms of endearment. Piggie is not used endearingly.
Your right about one thing, kid's going to need a child therapist, especially after he internalizes his identity as the family "pig".
Problem is that the longer she calls him that the harder it’s going to break the habit. It’s going to slip out in front of his friends one day and that kid is going to absolutely hate his mom for it. I can imagine a future post asking why her son went no contact as an adult. OP will not magically break herself of the habit when he’s older.
ESH. He’s being a jerk but you’re digging in over a nickname that will torture your son as soon as the kids at school hear it in a few years, if not give him a complex.
In my opinion: YTA So let me get this straight: You stopped talking to him, and he had to get the courts involved to see his son. I’m assuming this happened during the pandemic. Being a control freak, by itself, does not mean he will be a bad father. You literally took his chance to be with his kid. You are using a nickname that’s almost entirely always meant in a derogatory way. I’d be digging in if I were your ex as well. I may even decide to take you to court over it. If you call someone a pig, what does that usually denote? Why the fuck would you want your kid to be associated with that? Why the fuck would you want your kid to associate you and your family with that fucked up and demeaning nickname. Your ex is 100% in the right here. I’m not a lawyer, but based on what you wrote, I don’t think court will go the way you think it will. There is absolutely 0 wrong with pushing for your child to be called by his name, especially over a nickname like piggie(seriously, what the fuck?). Also, how the fuck are all the adults except the father, seemingly ok with this? I think you’re the massive asshole here, and I’m getting vibes he made valid points, you didn’t like them and want to hear it, labeled him as extremely controlling, and ghosted him. Did he even know if you were pregnant when you ghosted him?
>I refuse to stop calling him this and I plan to bring this behavior up in court next tine we go because my ex has been getting mad and the name even though he’s only been back in my son’s life for 4 months. Except your ex is objectively right. Your choice of nickname is a way of bullying and insulting your son. It doesn't matter if you mean it with love. YTA I'm not calling you an asshole out of love. I'm calling you one because it accurately describes your actions here. I have to clarify as you seem to need the clarification.
Calling out this behavior will probably help dad. Plus she kinda admits to doing everything she can to prevent dad from seeing his kid- stopped speaking to him when pregnant, gone out of her way to make sure he needs court assistance to be able to see his son. And then claims "he's been out of the picture". This post is a jive mess.
You tell people to call a small child Piggie? YTA
Controversial perhaps, but NTA. My dad calls me ‘worm’ and I know full well it’s said in a spirit of affection and love, and I’ve known that ever since I was a little kid because there was no hint of it ever being used differently. Your ex has no right to demand other parental figures stop using nicknames to refer to your son- although he is well within his rights to use his proper name as he sees fit. As long as it’s not 100% of the time (i.e. your son knows what his name actually is), it’s perfectly fine.
It's not a private, loving nickname as was yours. This poor kid's whole family calls him that, and outsiders are picking up on it ( the court appointed monitor). OP is continuing it as a weapon against his dad. I'm betting your dad never did anything like that, or you'd not remember it fondly.
YTA, if you don't get how a nick name like this is problematic, maybe the courts should re-examine custody.
Good Lord. Are you for real? Can you truly be this cruel to your own child? I will be shocked if the courts permit this, should you take this to family court. What you deem "controlling" behavior sounds to me like your ex is the only person behaving like an adult. YTA, YTA, YTA, YTA. Anybody want to make predictions about how long it'll be until this poor kiddo goes no-contact with their mom and maternal grandma?
Yeah, OP sounds more toxic than her ex... OP cut him out of the kid's life (parental alienation) even before birth, he wasn't allowed around his kid without him needing to go through court cases (which generally takes a lot of time) because OP was jaded. And now that he finally got the situation sorted at court and she legally needs to let him see his kid, now she insists on doing anything to stick it to him and to go against him at any chance, even when he is suggesting / asking something that's in the child's best intrest, like don't refer to a kindergartener kid with derogatory and humiliating terms...
YTA. I think at 4 years old, your son is too old to be called “piggie”. Your ex shouldn’t have a say in things like this after only being back in your kid’s life for a few months, but the man has a point. Nothing good can come out of calling your child “piggie”. He will eventually get bullied, he develop self esteem issues, maybe get some body dysmorphia etc. Not worth it.
He should have been in the kids life the whole time, OP just removed him from the equation and he had to go through the courts to get even supervised visitation. She calls him controlling but from my perspective she's the one who is being controlling.
Why wouldn't he have a say? He hasn't been in the kid's life because she wouldn't allow him to be! But he's the only parent who is concerned with the child here instead of revenge.
YTA insisting on using a derogatory and dehumanizing nickname for your child is a weird hill to die on. You actually come across as the controlling person here, forcing him to go through the courts to have access to his son and insisting on using a terrible nickname for your son.
YTA. All it takes is one kid in preschool or kindergarten to hear it, and he's branded for life. Not to mention the psychological effects that this awful, mean nickname will have on him. Your son as an adult "I had to cut contact with my family asap because they used to bully me by calling me piggie and thought it was cute and funny."
My nickname was Miss Piggy until I was about 10 or so. I hated it but my family thought it was cute. My self esteem never really recovered. You sound like you’re just trying to prove a point and your son is collateral damage. Just stop already. YTA.
So sorry they did that. It boggles my mind how families can’t see the pain they inflict.
YTA. You are setting that poor child up to be bullied and ridiculed. Forget about whether or not you think it’s a control issue. Think about your kid. It’s just mean.
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I still call my son Monkeybutt. Not sure how it started but it stuck. He’s 13 and gets offended if I DON’T use it. It’s all in the delivery. Piggie is not demeaning if it’s not used negatively. Like calling someone Ducky, adding bear at the end of a name, or bunny. Him not liking it because it’s not a “man” name is just toxic masculinity at its finest. Is he going to be pissed off if the boy does dishes or cooks? Cause that’s a woman’s job?
I was actually a little chubby. Not VERY overweight, but a little overweight. My dad’s nickname for me was Fatty Arbuckle. Fatty was a celebrity way back in the day. But my dad would call me this name and then poke me in the belly like the Pilsbury dough boy. What this did for me, even though he said it lovingly, was become aware of my weight at 9 years old. I’ve been obsessed with my weight ever since. Won’t wear certain clothes and I’m very self conscious.
YTA. You call him piggie because he's too young to understand, let alone defend himself. That makes you a bully, and I guarantee you wouldn't call him that to his face if he were 16 and practically a grown man.
NTA Most people don’t get an endearing nickname from a loving parent and it shows. I had a nickname as a kid and I was *never* bullied for it, because even as a kid I understood that’s not my actual name and thus didn’t introduce myself as such and my family were respectful enough to only use it in the home. Your ex sounds unstable “freaking out” and pulling out weird phrases like “man name”, obviously you shouldn’t encourage others outside the home to be calling him by his nickname or even letting them know about it which it seems you have done but I don’t think the general existence of a nickname makes you the arsehole.
There’s nothing wrong with a nickname, unless it’s something that’s frequently used by bullies. Also, your anecdote doesn’t prove anything.
Most people don’t get an endearing nickname from a loving parent? You were just special huh? What’s your nickname piggy?
If you were not called piggy please be silent. We all had nicknames and they were or are endearing. But piggie?
I’m Chinese. My mother calls my brother a nickname that basically translates to “pudgy”. This is meant affectionately after he finally put on some weight and is now healthy (he’s is very young). The main difference here is that only she calls him that, and only during PRIVATE. She has also asked him if he is okay being called that. On the other hand, you are asking everyone to call him piggie, and in public. YTA
100000% YTA. Your ex isn’t controlling, he’s just a normal parent looking out for his kid. That nickname cute for a stuffy or pet, not a child nearing kindergarten age.
Anyone catch that she forcibly kept the child away from their father and father had to file with the court to see him? YTA. Repeatedly.
Yeah, a bunch of people see it, and I strongly doubt that she's representing this in a fair way. I hope the court gives the child to the parent who actually cares about the child more than revenge.
NTA, Everyone keeps saying "it's mean and disrespectful" no it's not it's a nickname for crying out loud for a 4 yr old it's not like she's fat shaming her son. The nickname is fine and you ex has no right over what you call your son.
Kids are going to torment him if they ever hear it. For years and years
I was bullied hard because of my nickname. I always hated it and said so as soon as I could advocate for myself. My family didn’t care because they thought it was cute, no idea the harm it was causing me. Kids are ruthless. It’s not just a nickname.
There's a surprising amount of drama over this
YTA That is an awful nickname. I can already hear other kids making oinking sounds at him. Nicknames are cute, but not when they set your kid up like that...
i’m going against everyone and saying NTA. I know a guy that is 22 years old and his name is Piggy he actually prefers to be called that instead of his first name. Your ex is going overboard for no reason, unless your son has told you to stop calling him that, I see no reason to stop using the nickname for now.
It’s cool everybody. He’s knows a guy called piggy and he fucking loves it! Let’s put those pitchforks away now.
Mine is 16 and still has the same nickname as your son, expanded over the years to several variations of it. Only family uses it. Never been an issue
I would ask your son what his opinion is. He is just 4. But it will help him to start thingking about forming opinions. If likes it, go on. Of je doesnt like it, stop.
I had a nickname of Sasquatch growing up because I was always twice the size of my classmates and friends. I was 5’7 in fourth grade… as a girl. The name unfortunately stuck with me throughout life and I still get called it. I’m average height now, I just had puberty very early. It hurts knowing that I was treated the way I was growing up and I truly wish my parents would have picked a different nickname for me. I remember it all and it SUCKS. My friends and their parents all thought it was okay to keep calling me that because after all, I was getting called that by family and it was fine with them so it should be fine for everyone, right? YTA. I’m glad your ex is advocating for your son. God forbid your son grows up with a damn eating disorder when he gets called that name while going through puberty and gaining a bit of weight. Have some common sense, lady. Kids are going to fucking OINK at him at school if you keep this up. Kids are ruthless nowadays and especially in elementary schools. Imagine someone recording that and posting that online and now the whole world and school is going to refer to your kid as piggy.
Please stop calling him that. My dad called me "chubs" when I was a child and thought it hilarious. He even had it put on a T shirt when I was 4. It's was humiliating and horrifying. It gave me body issues for YEARS. My mom never stood up for me about it even when I begged her to. It still pisses me off, and I'm not far off from 50 years old. Reason #723 why I am NC with said parent.
So everyone should start calling you asshole as a nick name I suppose. Ytah
YTA. Piggy is the kid who is killed in “Lord of the Flies.”
YTA ok I would agree with you if it was something like "Lamb" or "Puppy" but PIGGIE??? I bet your ex would complain about any cute nickname and that's probably why you're so against it because you don't want a repeat of his behavior. But cmon... PIGGIE???? If I heard my mom used to call me piggie and it was associated with baby pictures I might just tear up the photos to avoid her saying anything about them lmfao.
YTA for giving your kid a nickname that doubles as an insult.
Look, if the nickname were nearly *anything* else I'd say he was the asshole. But you call your son *Piggie*. That alone makes YTA. It's a horrific nickname that will have lasting consequences to his mental health and is probably already getting him bullied by the other kids. It makes me wonder if your ex is truly as awful as you say when in this case he's clearly looking out for your son more than you.
YTA. That's a degrading nickname (for both men and women)
YTA. He’s 4. He can’t reasonably object nor understand the connotations. Quit bullying your kid.
PIGGIE?! YTA, holy shit.
You’re setting the groundwork for your son to be bullied in the near future. And, honestly, you sound like you’re the one with control issues, as you insist on the use of this insulting, demeaning, nickname. YTA
YTA, that nickname is so disrespectful to your child and you don’t even see it. How delulu are you? If you wouldn’t call him that when he’s older that should be a huge indicator that you shouldn’t be calling him that now.
NTA…. Like. Be fr. There’s a girl I went to school with and her nickname is Piggy. She’s 29 now and that’s what everyone calls her. She doesn’t take offense. It’s just like Bunny. Idk. I don’t think YTA at all. People are just crybabies. And your son is FOUR!! He’s not a man. He’s a kid. Tell him to cry about it.
Piggy is not even remotely like Bunny.
Oh yeah telling your son to cry, great parenting lmao. Why would you purposely want to call him Something that will get him bullied for all through school?
YTA. You attempted to separate the kid from his father and you're calling him by a demeaning name. There's a control freak involved here and it isn't your ex. I hope he gets primary custody.
YTA. Imagine the bullying the kid is going to go thru when his classmates learn his nickname is Piggie. Start saving for therapy bills.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son’s nickname is piggie (4). He got because how he laughed as a baby and it stuck. His father wasn’t in the picture for most of his life and just got a court order to reconnect with him thru monitored visits. Just 4 months ago. I still live with my mom and so does my younger sister and we all call him piggie. My ex thinks it demeaning to call our son that and asked in the family group text set up by the court to stop calling him that. We even lost a monitor because she called my son piggie and he freaked out telling her to use his man name. My ex was a control freak and it’s one of the reasons I stop talking to him while I was pregnant and why he had to the courts involved to see his son. I refuse to stop calling him this and I plan to bring this behavior up in court next tine we go because my ex has been getting mad and the name even though he’s only been back in my son’s life for 4 months. He keeps saying “that’s no name for a man” I’m sure my son will eventually grow out of the name but he’s 4 and I think this argument is stupid and I’m not going to stop asking everyone to call him piggie just because my controlling ex asked me to. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA on this. I don't know about everything else in this parental feud. I'm just judging the name. It's derogatory. One day your son will understand that and you will hurt him by calling him that. Why don't you, a grown adult, realize that?
YTA. That nickname isn’t cute, it’s insulting regardless of the age of your child.
Not a cute or nice nickname at all. Your kid is going to get bullied out the wazoo. Seriously. Is that what you want for him?
YTA. It's a fucked up "nickname" for a child you supposedly love.
Your kid is never going to want to laugh around anybody ever. Why are you doing this to him? Yta
YTA “I plan to bring this behavior up in court” what behavior? The father not wanting you to bully y’all’s child?
You’re the asshole. I would explain, but I don’t think I need to.
YTA. Life is tough as it is, why start his life by giving other kids ammunition.
Yta piggie is cute for a baby, but seriously you see NO NEGATIVE connections? 🤨 you're being just as much as a control freak in this instance.
YTA. Your son is going to internalize that nickname. When his friends hear it, they will call him it. They won’t know or care about your “why” they’ll just know he’s a little piggy and oink at him. Kids are vicious. You are doing your son a huge disservice. But your ex’s reasoning of “mans name” is bullshit too. Neither of you seem to care about your son’s feelings and how shitty nicknames can haunt them.
After reading the first sentence, I don’t have to read anymore. It’s not that it’s “no name for a man” it’s that it’s a hurtful name to call anyone, *especially* your child, regardless of the reason. I think the most hurtful name I’ve ever been called in my life was a “pig” due to the connotations. YTA. YTA. YTA!!
She didn't post here for everyone to say YTA. She wanted validation for her shitty behaviour that's clearly linked to bad blood with her ex. Sorry OP. Easiest YTA of the week.
You are an AH for calling your son that. It's abusive.
How is it possible a human being can produce, and raise a child but not have the slightest shrivel of self awareness to recognize calling someone PIGGIE is probably never ok.
YTA. It doesn't matter what the history of the nickname is, it is demeaning to your child. Your ex may be a dick, and may be being ridiculous when he refers to your child's "man name", but he is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT that you need to stop using a demeaning nickname for your child.
I would love to hear his side of this, I bet he paints a completely different story. Stop calling your kid Piggy it's rude and at four it's going to very soon be understood by him. Why have you kept the dad from seeing his kid for all this time?
Yeah, I hardly believe that we are getting a fair representation of what's happening here from a parent who thinks it's cute to call their son "piggy."
Leave aside the issues with your ex for a second: How would you feel if everyone called you piggie? Would you feel good about yourself? Those little jabs might not feel like a big deal to you—maybe you grew up with them, maybe you’re used to it. But they add up over time and do nothing but tear people down. I know you love your son and want him to grow up happy and confident and trusting both you and himself. So you need to think carefully about how you choose to speak to him. YTA
YTA - and like wtf is wrong with you??
YTA. I know a girl who her mom called her "her special fat girl".. this reminds me of that. The bullying she got was brutal once other kids found out.
YTA - Read 'Lord of the Flies' by William Golding - It's neither funny or kind.
YTA for refusing to stop calling your son this stupid nickname. You're being really selfish by doing this because it just shows who's really being controlling.
YTA- But I also can't believe how tone deaf OP is. Piggie isn't cute and it will give your child self esteem issues.
"Father, I go by P.G. now. It stands for Perfect Gentleman. Please use this nomenclature to refer to me in the future."
Yta. Piggie? Are you serious?
Ehhhhh Idk I think it depends on the kid. Does the kid like this name? Does the kid want to be called piggie? I raised pigs. They're highly intelligent and extremely clean. They can be housebroken easier than dogs and far more intelligent. Also, my male child has a feminine nickname. It's a variation of his name but shorter and feminine. He calls himself that. He initially called himself this name when he started talking, and it stuck. There's a girl on his bus with the same nickname. He doesn't care. I personally wouldn't call my child piggie, but I call one Bug and one Bear. I just feel like this doesn't have enough information. Yes, she started calling him that, but does he like it? Does he want to be called that? At 4, he's old enough to know what a pig is. Ask the kid himself. She didn't put enough information to show the ex as a controlling ass but reading into it the child is 4 and he just showed up s few months ago so mom has been doing all the work until it's easier. The court appointed person also called the child this which leads me to think the child may like this name. I can assure you if you call a kid something they don't like they will definitely tell you that's not my name. Stop talking down on pigs. They're fantastic animals. The only reason they're deemed messy is because they roll in the mud. They only roll on the mud because they can't sweat, and it's the only way to cool off.
You’re setting your child up to be mocked and made fun of by other children. How do you not see that? You decided to stop talking to the father during your pregnancy, so of course he hasn’t been in the child’s life until recently. That was YOUR fault. His best recourse was going through the court, which is exactly what he did. Shame on you for trying to deprive your son of his father. This child is his child too. Not just yours. He already seems like the better parent, & you will really regret your actions & attitude if you don’t start caring about what’s in the best interest of this child. YTA. Completely.
Yes. YTA!
YTA. It’s such a rude and disrespectful name, and you’re making him the butt of your jokes. At least your ex is advocating for your son’s best interest.
Stop calling your son piggie. Jesus Christ.
Imagine if you grew up with the name Tubbo, not because you are fat, but because you like playing with margarine tubs. YTA.
YTA. Have you never read "Lord of the Flies" for what happens to boys named Pigg(ie)?