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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My mum left her 2 daughters (3 and 5y) when she was in her 30s because she cheated on her husband with my Dad (my dad was also cheating with his wife and had 3 children) for several years, after being caught red handed. She really didn't look back and contact them until several years.
(When she finally found them after many years. I asked her she should provide them with something and at least help them settle down - and my mum said her children are my responsibility not hers.)
She's always taught me (32F) since I was 7 that it's not her fault and she's a good mother everyone makes mistakes.
Growing up both my parents seemed like they never wanted me as I was a constant reminder of what they could have had if they didn't cheat. Even though I came about several years after their official relationship they have always blamed me for what happened - " we cheated because you were meant to be born ". Long story short I've always been treated as a unwanted child who reminds them of the cheating.
When I got pregnant my dad decided to go back to his wife and children and left my mother all alone in her old age. I also moved far away as I couldn't afford cost of living in the city.
My mum always has used me as a punching bag but when I was pregnant she just was plain right mean and cruel. Her last straw with me was when I announced I was pregnant with my second child.
She cried and said " you took what I had the 2 children a husband and a house".
I can't really trust her as a person after that comment.
I've gone almost no contact. But I feel like she's raised me and gave birth to me, and she didn't abandon me until I finished my university. She kicked me out as soon as I stopped providing income plus benefits around 21.
She's now old, has many health problems and has a carer looking after her. She does have friends and her sisters still contact her. I don't know if I should just forgive her.
Am I the asshole?
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> Going no contact because she is old and frail, and does it affect the grandchildren not seeing their grandparents
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NTA there are some really great nursing homes where they probably don't abuse the elderly. Those sound great for your mother. Keep her and her toxicity away from you and your children.
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NTA.
You are not responsible of her mistakes, but it seems she will never understand. It's time to let go. Do not expose your children to her toxic behaviour.
Break free of her.
NTA. You should forgive her. You should forgive her for yourself to not hold the burden of the feelings of animosity but that doesn’t mean you need to see her or have a relationship. She doesn’t sound like she can be trusted to do or say the right things around your children. Also, people build relationships with their children over a lifetime and she didn’t think working on your relationship to have one now was worth the time and effort.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving changes to contact levels with friends, family members or acquaintances. This includes ghosting, breaking off, cutting or reducing contact, or denying a relationship (or not) with anyone. We have a relationship focused sister sub, r/AITA_Relationships, as an alternative. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. Regardless of the reasons, you're not obligated to look after parents when they get old, especially if they've been AHs
NTA. You owe nothing to your birthing unit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mum left her 2 daughters (3 and 5y) when she was in her 30s because she cheated on her husband with my Dad (my dad was also cheating with his wife and had 3 children) for several years, after being caught red handed. She really didn't look back and contact them until several years. (When she finally found them after many years. I asked her she should provide them with something and at least help them settle down - and my mum said her children are my responsibility not hers.) She's always taught me (32F) since I was 7 that it's not her fault and she's a good mother everyone makes mistakes. Growing up both my parents seemed like they never wanted me as I was a constant reminder of what they could have had if they didn't cheat. Even though I came about several years after their official relationship they have always blamed me for what happened - " we cheated because you were meant to be born ". Long story short I've always been treated as a unwanted child who reminds them of the cheating. When I got pregnant my dad decided to go back to his wife and children and left my mother all alone in her old age. I also moved far away as I couldn't afford cost of living in the city. My mum always has used me as a punching bag but when I was pregnant she just was plain right mean and cruel. Her last straw with me was when I announced I was pregnant with my second child. She cried and said " you took what I had the 2 children a husband and a house". I can't really trust her as a person after that comment. I've gone almost no contact. But I feel like she's raised me and gave birth to me, and she didn't abandon me until I finished my university. She kicked me out as soon as I stopped providing income plus benefits around 21. She's now old, has many health problems and has a carer looking after her. She does have friends and her sisters still contact her. I don't know if I should just forgive her. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA there are some really great nursing homes where they probably don't abuse the elderly. Those sound great for your mother. Keep her and her toxicity away from you and your children.
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NTA. You are not responsible of her mistakes, but it seems she will never understand. It's time to let go. Do not expose your children to her toxic behaviour. Break free of her.
NTA. You should forgive her. You should forgive her for yourself to not hold the burden of the feelings of animosity but that doesn’t mean you need to see her or have a relationship. She doesn’t sound like she can be trusted to do or say the right things around your children. Also, people build relationships with their children over a lifetime and she didn’t think working on your relationship to have one now was worth the time and effort.
NTA. Your mother sounds like a piece of work, I’m sorry she wasn’t much of a mother. You deserve better. Stick by your guns.