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TBF though a lot of people just lurk on here before they need to make a post, so I wouldn't judge someone by their post count. There are a lot of bots, true, but there are a lot of people who just haven't posted yet. I was scared shitless before my first post because I expected the usual reddit pile-on. I'd been here for years, but my profile would have shown basically zero.
People complain at how useless it is for OPs to start with "This is a throwaway," then judge a post as "fake" when this OP fails to disclose this! There is no winning here....
Also it seems like people don't understand what a throwaway is for. The point of a throwaway is to prevent people from learning your reddit username. The idea is that a non-Reddit-using family member might recognize the specific story details if blows up on other social media, but you'd have a clean account so they can't look through all your shameful reddit activity. It bugs me so much when someone says "throwaway because my family knows my username," like what is the point? They'll know it's you anyway!
>what is the point?
Reddit has over a million new posts on any given day. Most posts don't "blow up," but remain obscure, so the odds that family members will happen to see a post by an anon are vanishingly low. It's very rare that a post will be popular enough to risk being seen, even when specific (and unchanged) details would mean that it being seen would give away the identity.
However, if you family member knows your ID, one member might just idly browse your history and thus be guaranteed to find the post.
*That's* the point. Maybe at some point in the future if AI gets advanced enough and privacy laws don't keep up, it will be easy for people to find buried posts from family members. But not today.
It is surprising that everyone went to war over the flower girl but never thought of 2 flower girls as a possible peaceful solution. How we go into attack mode over trivial issues is amazing
She shouldn't have to compromise. She never told her sister that her daughter was going to be in the wedding. Why should we reward people who assume things then throw tantrums when they don't get what they want?
OP (the groom) says “Sam (the bride) supports my decision …” ? About the flower girl?
That alone makes me pause. That, and the fact that two flower girls is s no brainer. This whole story seems off.
Yeah, I thought my post would have the usual hundred plus comments and side discussions. Then I posted and realized that the vast majority of posts only ever get like one or two comments
Seriously, that part I never understood. In my family, when you hear about drama going on between other family members, you judge and gossip behind their back while the tea is still hot and then move on with your life… 🤷🏻♀️
Pretty sure this is just a rewritten version of another post we had a few months back. Details are pretty much the same. Op had a niece they were close to. But BFF also had a young daughter OP wanted as flower girl more. Actually out of curiosity I found the other post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/199qg3j/aita_for_not_letting_my_niece_be_the_flower_girl/
Op was a woman. Girls were also a year apart. Funny enough they even re used the name Emma. Except Emma is the friend now. 😂
I have 2 family members, used to have another too, that will blow up my phone if I don’t answer immediately. As far as I’m concerned it’s a form of bullying and I don’t respond.
I’ve seen that used as a manipulation tactic. “See! You didn’t give me what I wanted and now I’m actually shaking, you’re making me ill, give in immediately”. On those occasions, a disgusted look and “Grow the fuck up” seems to be a miracle cure when they realise it doesn’t work.
I guess it's a good thing reddit didn't exist when I was pregnant with twins! To be fair, I've also never posted in AITAH. I'm just here to read about other people's drama.
In our town of less than 10k, each of my 3 kids had *at least* 1 set of twins in their grade. There were also more twins in other grades and 2 sets of triplets that I can remember.
Yeah, I know several sets of twins too. In a town of less than 30,000. We have some in my family (one of my sisters - she was in her late 20’s), my little sister’s best friend had twins run in her family and she had some too (she was in her early 20’s), I went to school with a couple sets of twins… I didn’t think they were all that rare.
I’m all in for the incel fantasies of noble men who put up with horror-show wives/GFs until some turning point, in which case they announce their intention to leave, usually followed by more or less the exact phrase “that broke her“—and then the evil vixen becomes a mess of weeping and screaming, with her family “blowing up” the phone as Our Hero exits stage right, usually to some form of the people on his side of the drama clapping for him.
And they all end the same way too. “My entire extended family, my entire friend group, my drone hobby group, my pastor, and the doctor that delivered me are all split on whether I’m the AH or not. AITAH?”
Thanks for pointing out this. Blowing up Op's phone by friends of friends and different relatives on minor issues seems so fake. Like dont those people have a life. Geeeez
What right does sister have to dictate who is in his bridal party? Absolutely not. If she doesn’t want to come to the wedding enjoy saving the money on her plate
because it’s OPs wedding. i think a wedding is the one situation where you kinda have every right to do everything your way. it’s *your* wedding. having two flower girls would put an end to the drama but i don’t think the bride or groom should have to compromise on their *own* wedding because of what a *guest* wants. like, if OP would rather just put this issue to bed and not deal with it anymore, two flower girls is the answer. but if they’d rather fight to have their wedding the way they want it, that’s their right, even if it’s selfish.
OPs wedding is not about family. there is no reason they should have to “put family first”. it’s their wedding, they should put themselves and their partner first.
Except if his sister is this crazy about assuming her kid will be flower girl and this mad she isn’t I feel like there would be a great deal of catering to Lily and making her the center of attention and his sister overstepping throughout the whole thing.
My husband and I had 5 flower girls because our older siblings all had daughters and we couldn’t choose. The girls were so excited and everyone at the wedding LOVED it. They were little celebrities for the whole day.
I have 3 nephews and my fiancée has two nieces. One niece is too young to participate (9months ish) but the oldest nephew is the ring bearer (5y) then I’m having 3 flower children (1 girl, 2 boys) everyone participates and we all get to enjoy the cuteness of toddlers.
>and we all get to enjoy the cuteness of toddlers.
I mean, right?
Isn't the whole point to just have little kids do cute/funny things?
More little kids just means more cute/funny things!
(Obviously OP isn't the AH for saying no to her presumptuous sister, and after the theatrics, I can understand not wanting to "give in"... but sometimes it's worth looking at the bigger picture...)
An elder couple in our family got married and there were 7 flower girls to include all the granddaughters. The oldest ones were in their teens and a little embarrassed but just said yes to not rock the boat and make their grandparents happy. :)
We “fired” our flower girl at the rehearsal, lol. It was easier on everyone, flower girl included. Her dress was beautiful and she was in all of the pictures.
My friend just had four...her daughter and three nieces. They are all close in age, they all got to wear pretty dresses, get their hair done and even wear some lipgloss. They were adorable.
I've just given a standard reddit reply of "don't negotiate with terrorists" but the reality is that both those girls would probably LOVE having a companion for this and to be special together and create bonds that might last.
Kids this age rarely have problems sharing stuff like this because it also gives them a partner in crime to share the joy with. This isn't like fighting over 1 toy or 1 piece of cake, kids are smarter than the rest of us in knowing that love and attention comes in unlimited amounts in many cases.
Yep. My daughter and son-in-law each have one niece and one nephew, so they had two flower girls and two ring bearers. They wore matching outfits, one set in blush pink and the other in olive green. It was precious!
Both my kids were flower girls in my brother's wedding. It was extra perfect b/c if one had a meltdown or otherwise wouldn't "perform" you had a backup.
The flower girl at my sister's wedding refused to perform. Too bad she didn't have a second, back up flower girl, but didn't have a lot of little girls in either of our families at the time.
If I need to do “x, y, or z” to *keep the peace* with someone—family or not—at my own wedding, I’d rather they not come. It’s not about them, and they can kick rocks.
Sad I had to scroll this far down to see a rational comment. Why does the bride have to do anything to keep the peace? She wants 1 flower girl? 1 FG it is. The 4 year old can learn that just because Mommy screams and throws a temper tantrum, doesn’t mean she’ll get her way. Important life lesson to learn.
I think keep the peace is definitely the wrong angle.
I think it’s more important to think about being generous and considerate of your relationship with the younger generation in your family and friends group.
Picking just one flower girl when there are two kids of a suitable age that you care about is completely unnecessary.
It’s not about the mom, it’s about the little girl.
Maybe "keep the peace" was the wrong wording, I meant both little girls could be happy, as you say picking one over the other isn't fair, and it's unnecessary to pick one based on their mother being an AH.
He CARES about them, but he only wants one of them to be his flower girl. His decision. End of story. It doesn’t matter if there are 50 girls in the family that are a suitable age and want to do it. If the bride or groom want the 1, it’s their choice.
My bridal party had 3 boys roughly the same age. I asked my MOHs son to be my ring bearer. Could I have asked all 3? Sure. Did my bridal party throw a fit? Nope. Because it was MY CHOICE. And from the day MOHs son was born, I knew he’d be my ring bearer.
Edited: Corrected OPs gender from female to male and bride to groom
Just to note, OP is the groom, not the bride. I mean, what you wrote still stands! It's the people getting married who make the decisions. If I were OP's sibling I might be disappointed but I wouldn't threaten not going to his wedding.
When I married my ex, my parents were upset when we didn't include X beer on the menu. We only had 2 beer choices so we picked Y and Z. Parents said an old family friend wouldn't come to the wedding if we didn't serve X beer. I said, ok fine then he's not coming. We weren't changing our wedding plans just to accommodate one person who would rather drink a certain beer than go without for 4 hours and celebrate our day.
This is a perfect example of a place where you could not get every single little thing you want in order to make some of your guests happy. It sounds like OP doesn’t have 50 suitable girls in his family who could be a flower girl, but just one who really wants to. Does it honestly matter if there are two flower girls? OP hasn’t given any reason why he needs only one flower girl, or why he specifically doesn’t want his niece to do it. So what’s the big deal?
Now OP is causing completely unnecessary drama over something that cannot possibly be this important. Most weddings have more than one flower girl. This is important to his niece and sister. He’s really going to hurt family (including small child) and cause negativity around his wedding just to what? Prove that his sPeCiAl DaY is all about him? Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean that the entire world revolves around you. You can still consider other people’s feelings and needs.
On the other hand - a wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion which is about welcoming a new member to the family, not about causing rifts with existing family.
A little less ego and a little more love on all sides would be more in keeping with the idea of a marriage, so this is an ESH for me.
This would have been my immediate response but there’s no way I’d go back and offer it now after they’ve been ridiculous AHs and showed their true colors. NTA OP.
Also, how does a five year old "always" dream of being a flower girl?
Pick the flower girl you want, but it's weird to say this is some lifetime dream... of a five year old.
Dream of a lifetime for the 5yo, but the 4yo is still young and will have other opportunities
Like bro they're both in preschool, there's not some earthshattering distinction here
My daughter was a flower girl at 2 weddings. There were no issues, God didn't strike anyone down, both girls had a blast. It actually worked out better as they were little and needed each other's support to walk down.
Because he doesn’t want her to be in his wedding, he shouldn’t have to accommodate anyone on his wedding day but his wife. People are so entitled these days just in the name of family, it’s not their day to choose what someone else does on their day if they have a problem don’t show up tf. NTA
Except OP doesn’t say he wants to exclude his niece. He writes like excluding her is an inevitable byproduct of his friend’s daughter being flower girl, so it’s reasonable to question that. It’s an artificial issue he seems to be creating.
Bizarre they thought it had to be a her or her. You can literally do whatever you want and you decide to start a war over a kid throwing rose petals for 10 seconds.
This! I didn't need to keep the peace, but I still had 2 flower girls and 2 ring bearers because I wanted the special people in my life to have important roles in my wedding. Hilariously, one of my flower girls decided it was nap time right before the ceremony, so went down the aisle in her parents' arms and then took a nap in Grandma's arms. It was the cutest thing. Some of the family photos post ceremony are with me holding her in my arms as she slept.
NTA OP, but you could have definitely tried to have 2 flower girls. Now, if your sister then proceeded to cause a huge issue because she didn't want her daughter to share the role... well, that's something entirely different.
My sister divorced shortly after college. She had a daughter. Her ex later had two daughters. My niece included them both by having them walk in ringing bells at the start of the service. It was great!
This was exactly what I was going to suggest. Maybe introduce the girls to each other first so that they become friends in order to reduce the likelihood that one of them will get upset at having to share.
Like how did this even escalate? It feels like everyone is digging in to dig in OR there's relational things OP isn't sharing bc this is so obvious Sophie and Lily could have come up with it.
Seriously. I had two flower girls. They each had their moment. The older one had a dress similar to mine, and the younger one had the most extra poufy princess skirt known to man. They were a hit and loved being a part of things.
I can’t imagine picking between two important little girls in your life like this.
Two flower girls is the way. Little kids can get shy/scared when they get ready to walk down the aisle and see a crowd watching them.
My wife and I had two flower girls. Our niece and my cousin’s daughter. Our niece threw her basket of flowers and ran away right before it was time to walk. Luckily my cousin’s daughter had no issues walking, she was a pro. But if we had just chosen my niece we would have had no flower girl.
This! In pretty much any case I've seen where there's more than one girl of flower girl age who wants to wear a pretty dress and throw flower petals, they've both/all been allowed to do so. This is not rocket science lol.
The entire time I was reading this post I was wondering how OP hadn't considered this. If money is an issue, how about you pay for half of each girl's dress rather than paying for one dress in full.
How much does a f-ing kids dress cost?? (Not meant offensively towards you, just saying!) I would get my flower girls dress from Amazon for £8 lol. I could afford 2 flower girls/boys.
Just have 2 flower girls, it's not rocket science. That way if one little girl freezes up or has a meltdown and refuses to walk you will still have one. And hey maybe the girls could be friends, they are very close in age. I also wonder why you are so set on being a hero to the one and excluding your niece. I can understand why your sisters feelings are hurt. ESH except the kids.
Also weird how Lily is young so there will be more opportunities, whereas Sam is….just a year older? A literal 5 year old with many years of being a part of weddings ahead of her, just like Lily?
Also Sophie has “always dreamed of this” …. She’s 5 and prob didn’t know this role existed until this wedding. Having 2 flower girls is the obvious solution and is actually a pretty common thing.
I was waiting for someone to say this! There's no way that kid was dreaming of doing this unless her mother made her think it was the most important milestone in her life. These kids really don't care about stuff like this. I mean how many weddings have they been to? This is the moms pushing this and then making it seem like the kids will be devastated they didn't do something they won't even remember doing.
Exactly, these kids are both so young they might not be able to reliably form memories yet. No way has either of them been dreaming of this since diaper times. They might remember bad feelings from the parents causing drama if anything.
Exactly, his reasoning and the gushing over giving her this "moment" and being her hero is giving me weird vibes. Like is he in love with her mother and wants to be her dad? And his own niece who is literally the same age doesn't deserve that? It's all very weird.
It may be due to family - if the child’s mom is an only child/doesn’t have many single adults in her family, there may be minimal family weddings in the future whereas OP might have a larger family.
My guess is that, with OP's reference to her being a single mom and the fact that OP feels like a parent to her, Emma just doesn't have that much close family. If Emma doesn't have siblings, and doesn't have a partner (who might have siblings), that does mean Sophie's got very few chances at being a flower girl.
lol, you said the opportunity thing was weird, I suggested an answer, and now you're spouting off at me for things I didn't say. Internet gonna internet, you go off and get your flower girl anger out!
I'm going to agree and say that they could both be flower girls. It's not that big of a deal unless you make it. In fact I have 2 flower girls but I've brought the same dress for my other half's other 2 neices so they don't feel left out. My side my neices are not fussed. It's only drama olif you make it into a drama.
Definitely fake. I said it another comment it's just a slightly edited version of an older post. Used similar names and everything. Op just changed their gender and the ages a little bit. The fact that there is an Emma in both posts it's a big clue.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/199qg3j/aita_for_not_letting_my_niece_be_the_flower_girl/
I know 90% of the posts here are fake but at least be more creative.
You'd be surprised the level of entitled and selfish that comes out during weddings. They probably don't want the niece to have to share the spotlight or some other bs. Drama like this makes me glad we eloped
I had something like this. My SIL for years fed my two nieces BS that they would be flower girls for my wedding, or a “Junior bridesmaid” as they got older and I didn’t get married. In the end I had no flower/ring bear and I don’t feel guilty at all.
Yeah, he wanted it to be believable he should have at least told us what the bride thinks, since the flower girl(s) are typically with the bride and bridesmaids.
Except there's any number of reasons why they don't want to do that. Maybe the bride doesn't want two. Maybe OP just really want Sophie to have her moment to shine in the spotlight. Maybe OP just doesn't get along with his sister and this is another moment where's she's kicking up a fuss to get her way.
It doesn't have to be 'they didn't pick the obvious compromise so therefore fake', there are often all sorts of reasons why 'obvious compromises' don't work for people.
When I was 5 I didn’t even know what a flower girl was. My mum just put me in a really itchy dress one day and made me go to a cold, creepy building with lots of images of some dead guy with all my family and I had to hold some flowers for a bit. My cousins all had to do the same too.
Plus, Sophie has a single mom so she may have the chance to do it again if her mother ever gets married. On top of that, why should having a single mom be the excuse for her getting to be a flower girl over the other girl?
This may be one of the dumbest posts I’ve ever read. You “stood your ground” about small children and their roles in a wedding? Preschoolers “have their hearts set” and “have always wanted to be” flower girls? Like…what? I don’t know any 4 or 5-year-old who sits around dreaming of something so random.
If this is real, I honestly do not understand this entire thing. Why is this a big deal? Flower girl isn’t huge part of any wedding, and it’s more to show off the adorable children in your life. Also, this isn’t even about the small children involved, it’s some weird power struggle or something I cannot wrap my head around. Like other Redditors have suggested, just have two flower girls and maybe move on to things of actual importance here, like the fact that you are getting married and adding to your family. Now go be kind to both tiny humans who presumably love you.
My 4 year old was a co-flower girl last year. She barely understood what a wedding was even though it wasn't her first. I'm pretty sure she didn't even notice who the actual grooms were, or care. We just showed up, introduced her to the other girl, told them to throw the flowers and stand for pictures, and that was it. There's no way a 4 or 5 year old gives that much of a shit about this. My daughter loved it but had no context for what it was or why she should care, just that it was fun to dress up and throw flowers and have a new friend to play with.
ESH, and I know I’ll get downvoted but I can handle it. The girls aren’t that far apart in age - one year? “Lily is young and there will be other weddings…” She’s FOUR. Sophie is FIVE. Why not make them both the flower girl? Or, has anyone asked what Lily wants? Or, don’t have a flower girl at all? It seems to be an easy compromise.
Also your uncle’s and aunt’s weddings are the flower girl opportunities. Is anyone else getting married in the next 2 years? If not she isn’t getting to be a flower girl.
I'm going with ESH. Your sister shouldn't demand her daughter to be flower girl, but you're being very weird about the reasons your friend's kid should be it instead.
>that Lily would be heartbroken if she wasn't the flower girl
>Sophie had her heart set on this
Why do you only care about the feelings of the one kid?
>Lily is young and there will be other weddings
They are practically the same age jfc.
Let both of them be a flower girl and don't make this into some weird competition between small children.
NTA. I struggle to understand people who make assumptions or threats when it comes to weddings. You explained your stance and reasoning which is more than enough. It’s your wedding so the decisions are between you and your fiancé. If you’re having second thoughts and would like your niece to be included you can have two flower girls. If not, tell your sister you’re sad she won’t be attending but your decision is final.
Your wedding, your decision. You also must accept the consequences. Is it worth harming relationship over this.
2 flower girls. Not rocket science. Extremely common thing.
I was gonna say the same thing. More than one flower girl is extremely common. My cousin had 3 flower girls at his wedding because his wife had 3 nieces and she wanted to include them all. I feel like OP is creating a problem over nothing.
NTA, but just because Sophie is the flower girl, it doesn't mean there isn't a role for Lily. Maybe she can be the ring bearer, or God forbid you just have two flower girls.
I was also thinking ring bearer - there were no little boys when my stepsister got married years ago so I was chosen. I was 7 and felt very important lol
ESH so one kid gets to be flower girl because her heart is set on it, but the other child whose heart is also set on it doesn’t?
Have two flower girls. Problem solved.
This drama is so unnecessary. YTA but not because you chose Sophie but because you did not want a simple solution. Actually you come from a family of assholes apparently because y’all are just acting stupid
NTA.
1) It’s bad form to ask, let alone demand, a position in a wedding.
2) There is no such thing as “family” comes first when choosing a bridal party.
3) People that make threats should stay home. If you can’t support cause you can’t get your way, you were never my supporter.
Life events truly show a person’s true colors. Sis is the AH.
That’s not really what I meant…
I more meant that family is people you should be able to be your real self around and express how you really feel without the fear of being rejected and cast out… that’s what unconditional love is, you can fight at disagree but still love each other.
Now manipulating, cheating, stealing causing physical or mental harm, that should never be tolerated… but if your sibling or parent are expressing feelings and emotions you don’t agree with… that’s just normal family dynamics. People should feel comfortable being themselves and speaking their peace around family… it should never be a walking on egg shells gotta be sure I always say the right thing situation.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i made my friends daughter the flower girls and that might make me a asshole since that didn't allow my niece to have the role of flower girl. I think i might be an asshole since it might cause drama in my family and it might make my niece feel bad.
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ESH OP - you have a bleeding heart for a friend's daughter but not your own niece? You care that Sophie has her heart set on this but don't care that Lily will be heartbroken? Sure, you can choose who you like but what would be the issue with having 2 flower girls? You have such a strong stance on something so ridiculous.
NTA but how would Sam feel about two flower girls?
When I (now-45f) married my husband (now-45m) we had two. I had a niece that I wanted to be the flower girl, and her brother was the ring bearer. Hubs also had a step niece (then 5) who had been the flower girl when her mom married my BIL, and she had also been one of two flower girls when my SIL got married. So she would not have understood not being a flower girl for us, too. In fact, the first family night after we got engaged, she paraded into the house and announced, “X!!! You’re going to be AUNT X because you’re going to get married with Uncle Y!! And I’m going to be your flower girl!!!” She truly just assumed she was all-time flower girl for all weddings everywhere.
And that was fine.
ESH. It's your wedding but why can there only be one? You seem overly attached to your friend's child to feel the need to create these opportunities for her. It's weird. Back off buddy. Are you actually the dad?
Your sister shouldn't be making demands of you at your wedding. It's rude.
This post seems incredibly fake or just stirring up drama.
NTA. It’s your wedding, your choice. Your sister assumed that your niece would be the flower girl without, I’m assuming, asking you. Your sister set up her own daughter for disappointment.
Stick to your guns and make your friend’s little girl the flower girl. Do the nice thing for a little girl who might not get another chance to have the experience.
Although you're clearly NTA....
I would put both girls. They can hold hands. Your niece isn't too young at all. I had 2 flower girls the same age.
Your sister sucks for demanding it and for telling your niece she had that role, but why not also include your niece just because you love her?
It keeps the peace, everyone's happy and I don't think it's something you'd look back on and regret.
Oh gosh how would either of the children go on if they can’t be flower girl?! Their lives will be ruined forever!
Jfc YTA for making me read this stupid post. Either make both flower girl or don’t have one at all it’s really not a big deal at all
NTA and do not give on to keep the peace. If your sister doesn't want to attend your wedding unless you make her daughter a flower girl then that's her decision. If anyone asks on the day why she isn't there, simply point out that you refused to be blackmailed.
NTA but I’ve been to so many weddings where there were two sometimes even three flower girls.
Your sister is pretty petty and selfish trying to make something of yours about her. In the end, it’s your wedding, but you also can’t be mad if someone declines for personal reasons.
INFO - why on earth can’t you have 2 flower girls? It’s a common enough practice nowadays that nobody would even blink at it
Edit bc I forgot to say that, at this moment and with the information given, it seems like ESH except for the kids. Y’all should have better problem solving skills by this point in life forreal (the adults).
Keep what you want for your wedding. nicely tell your sister that you're not changing your mind And that as much as you want her at your wedding and to stop all the drama in the family that she started, you will respect her wishes.
Don't have two flower girls. Don't cave in and just be polite. Say well I hope everyone's going to come my wedding, but I respect your wishes.
Be nice, don't feed into the stupid drama and enjoy your day. Day. I know you want your family and friends to show up, but if your sister shows up she's going to make a scene.
Nta
Why don't you have two flower girls? Why disappoint either one? And why not have family and friend harmony at your wedding? Two little girls walking down the aisle holding bouquets sounds adorable to me.
ESH It's your wedding but family has a point too. I've never been to a wedding with ONE flower girl. All of us cousins were flower girls to our family's weddings growing up. Why can't you have both?
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NTA, but to keep the peace, why can't you have two flower girls?
I mean that's the most obvious solution. Why is everything either my way or the highway in AITA land.
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TBF though a lot of people just lurk on here before they need to make a post, so I wouldn't judge someone by their post count. There are a lot of bots, true, but there are a lot of people who just haven't posted yet. I was scared shitless before my first post because I expected the usual reddit pile-on. I'd been here for years, but my profile would have shown basically zero.
and i feel like half the posts start with “this is a throwaway” or some variation. so i wouldn’t think post history is an indicator at all
People complain at how useless it is for OPs to start with "This is a throwaway," then judge a post as "fake" when this OP fails to disclose this! There is no winning here....
>There is no winning here.... Congrats!!! You now understand reddit 🥳
The only winning move is not to play. ~ Joshua.
Niiiiice
Also it seems like people don't understand what a throwaway is for. The point of a throwaway is to prevent people from learning your reddit username. The idea is that a non-Reddit-using family member might recognize the specific story details if blows up on other social media, but you'd have a clean account so they can't look through all your shameful reddit activity. It bugs me so much when someone says "throwaway because my family knows my username," like what is the point? They'll know it's you anyway!
>what is the point? Reddit has over a million new posts on any given day. Most posts don't "blow up," but remain obscure, so the odds that family members will happen to see a post by an anon are vanishingly low. It's very rare that a post will be popular enough to risk being seen, even when specific (and unchanged) details would mean that it being seen would give away the identity. However, if you family member knows your ID, one member might just idly browse your history and thus be guaranteed to find the post. *That's* the point. Maybe at some point in the future if AI gets advanced enough and privacy laws don't keep up, it will be easy for people to find buried posts from family members. But not today.
Idk, most the time I read a story on here then days later a YouTube channel I watch posts the same story as a reaction/reading video.
My husband and my daughter both know my ID. They enjoy reading my posts.
|There is no winning here....| That should be inscribed above the Reddit door.
Especially when if you check the rules of AITA they *TELL YOU TO USE A THROWAWAY.*
It is surprising that everyone went to war over the flower girl but never thought of 2 flower girls as a possible peaceful solution. How we go into attack mode over trivial issues is amazing
She shouldn't have to compromise. She never told her sister that her daughter was going to be in the wedding. Why should we reward people who assume things then throw tantrums when they don't get what they want?
OP (the groom) says “Sam (the bride) supports my decision …” ? About the flower girl? That alone makes me pause. That, and the fact that two flower girls is s no brainer. This whole story seems off.
"He" shouldn't have to compromise. OP is (30M).
I came up with that by the 2nd paragraph
Yeah, I thought my post would have the usual hundred plus comments and side discussions. Then I posted and realized that the vast majority of posts only ever get like one or two comments
You can also look at comment history. I think I’ve made one post, but I’ve commented all over the place in clearly non-bot ways.
The single letter comments are in askouija which I assume is the gimmick of that sub.
Seriously, that part I never understood. In my family, when you hear about drama going on between other family members, you judge and gossip behind their back while the tea is still hot and then move on with your life… 🤷🏻♀️
Same
Pretty sure this is just a rewritten version of another post we had a few months back. Details are pretty much the same. Op had a niece they were close to. But BFF also had a young daughter OP wanted as flower girl more. Actually out of curiosity I found the other post. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/199qg3j/aita_for_not_letting_my_niece_be_the_flower_girl/ Op was a woman. Girls were also a year apart. Funny enough they even re used the name Emma. Except Emma is the friend now. 😂
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As soon as I hear "pregnant with twins" I stop reading. I swear it feels like almost all women are pregnant with twins based on Reddit posts.
I have 2 family members, used to have another too, that will blow up my phone if I don’t answer immediately. As far as I’m concerned it’s a form of bullying and I don’t respond.
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I’ve seen that used as a manipulation tactic. “See! You didn’t give me what I wanted and now I’m actually shaking, you’re making me ill, give in immediately”. On those occasions, a disgusted look and “Grow the fuck up” seems to be a miracle cure when they realise it doesn’t work.
“Blowing up my phone” is a VERY common phrase LOL
I ignore any post that uses the phrase “blowing up my phone”
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I guess it's a good thing reddit didn't exist when I was pregnant with twins! To be fair, I've also never posted in AITAH. I'm just here to read about other people's drama.
In our town of less than 10k, each of my 3 kids had *at least* 1 set of twins in their grade. There were also more twins in other grades and 2 sets of triplets that I can remember.
Yeah, I know several sets of twins too. In a town of less than 30,000. We have some in my family (one of my sisters - she was in her late 20’s), my little sister’s best friend had twins run in her family and she had some too (she was in her early 20’s), I went to school with a couple sets of twins… I didn’t think they were all that rare.
You had never heard of yelling or screaming? That’s remarkable!
I’m all in for the incel fantasies of noble men who put up with horror-show wives/GFs until some turning point, in which case they announce their intention to leave, usually followed by more or less the exact phrase “that broke her“—and then the evil vixen becomes a mess of weeping and screaming, with her family “blowing up” the phone as Our Hero exits stage right, usually to some form of the people on his side of the drama clapping for him.
Yeah, you’re right, exploding phones are an epidemic in this sub.
And they all end the same way too. “My entire extended family, my entire friend group, my drone hobby group, my pastor, and the doctor that delivered me are all split on whether I’m the AH or not. AITAH?”
When I was a teenager I used to make so many fake posts on Reddit lol. Just bored out of my mind, I guess.
Thanks for pointing out this. Blowing up Op's phone by friends of friends and different relatives on minor issues seems so fake. Like dont those people have a life. Geeeez
Because most of these stories are dishonest or absolute bollocks?
Because people who are capable of solving their own problems don't usually come here.
80% of the posts on this sub should be in r/amIdumberthanarock
What right does sister have to dictate who is in his bridal party? Absolutely not. If she doesn’t want to come to the wedding enjoy saving the money on her plate
because its his wedding not sarahs
because it’s OPs wedding. i think a wedding is the one situation where you kinda have every right to do everything your way. it’s *your* wedding. having two flower girls would put an end to the drama but i don’t think the bride or groom should have to compromise on their *own* wedding because of what a *guest* wants. like, if OP would rather just put this issue to bed and not deal with it anymore, two flower girls is the answer. but if they’d rather fight to have their wedding the way they want it, that’s their right, even if it’s selfish. OPs wedding is not about family. there is no reason they should have to “put family first”. it’s their wedding, they should put themselves and their partner first.
Except if his sister is this crazy about assuming her kid will be flower girl and this mad she isn’t I feel like there would be a great deal of catering to Lily and making her the center of attention and his sister overstepping throughout the whole thing.
My husband and I had 5 flower girls because our older siblings all had daughters and we couldn’t choose. The girls were so excited and everyone at the wedding LOVED it. They were little celebrities for the whole day.
We had 3 flower girls, my stepdaughter and my two nieces. They all loved it so much and I can’t imagine excluding any of them.
I had one flower girl ( god daughter) and 3 page boys no harm in sharing the role it's just like having multiple bridesmaids.
I have 3 nephews and my fiancée has two nieces. One niece is too young to participate (9months ish) but the oldest nephew is the ring bearer (5y) then I’m having 3 flower children (1 girl, 2 boys) everyone participates and we all get to enjoy the cuteness of toddlers.
>and we all get to enjoy the cuteness of toddlers. I mean, right? Isn't the whole point to just have little kids do cute/funny things? More little kids just means more cute/funny things! (Obviously OP isn't the AH for saying no to her presumptuous sister, and after the theatrics, I can understand not wanting to "give in"... but sometimes it's worth looking at the bigger picture...)
An elder couple in our family got married and there were 7 flower girls to include all the granddaughters. The oldest ones were in their teens and a little embarrassed but just said yes to not rock the boat and make their grandparents happy. :)
Haha my sibling was the “flower girl wrangler” at my brother’s wedding.
That’s super cute!!
We had 4 flower kids, 1 girl and 3 boys, they were all thrilled to be doing it, and the photos are soooo great!
how could you let them be celebrities? it was yOuR dAy
We “fired” our flower girl at the rehearsal, lol. It was easier on everyone, flower girl included. Her dress was beautiful and she was in all of the pictures.
My friend just had four...her daughter and three nieces. They are all close in age, they all got to wear pretty dresses, get their hair done and even wear some lipgloss. They were adorable.
I'm legit having 4 cuz my good friend has 4 absolutely adorable little girls lol
This is awesome! What a great memory for them!
I've just given a standard reddit reply of "don't negotiate with terrorists" but the reality is that both those girls would probably LOVE having a companion for this and to be special together and create bonds that might last. Kids this age rarely have problems sharing stuff like this because it also gives them a partner in crime to share the joy with. This isn't like fighting over 1 toy or 1 piece of cake, kids are smarter than the rest of us in knowing that love and attention comes in unlimited amounts in many cases.
We had 8 bridesmaids under 11 down to 3 years (UK) his 4 nieces and my 4 youngest female cousins. Plus two page boys (4&5). Great family memories
My thoughts exactly. I had 2 young nieces when I got married so I had 2 flower girls.
Because that is too reasonable lol… it’d be super cute with matching dresses!
Yep. My daughter and son-in-law each have one niece and one nephew, so they had two flower girls and two ring bearers. They wore matching outfits, one set in blush pink and the other in olive green. It was precious!
Both my kids were flower girls in my brother's wedding. It was extra perfect b/c if one had a meltdown or otherwise wouldn't "perform" you had a backup.
YESSSSS. Like, it's not just the solution to this issue, it's also more practical
And they feel less self-conscious with a partner or two walking with them.
The flower girl at my sister's wedding refused to perform. Too bad she didn't have a second, back up flower girl, but didn't have a lot of little girls in either of our families at the time.
If I need to do “x, y, or z” to *keep the peace* with someone—family or not—at my own wedding, I’d rather they not come. It’s not about them, and they can kick rocks.
Sad I had to scroll this far down to see a rational comment. Why does the bride have to do anything to keep the peace? She wants 1 flower girl? 1 FG it is. The 4 year old can learn that just because Mommy screams and throws a temper tantrum, doesn’t mean she’ll get her way. Important life lesson to learn.
I think keep the peace is definitely the wrong angle. I think it’s more important to think about being generous and considerate of your relationship with the younger generation in your family and friends group. Picking just one flower girl when there are two kids of a suitable age that you care about is completely unnecessary. It’s not about the mom, it’s about the little girl.
Maybe "keep the peace" was the wrong wording, I meant both little girls could be happy, as you say picking one over the other isn't fair, and it's unnecessary to pick one based on their mother being an AH.
He CARES about them, but he only wants one of them to be his flower girl. His decision. End of story. It doesn’t matter if there are 50 girls in the family that are a suitable age and want to do it. If the bride or groom want the 1, it’s their choice. My bridal party had 3 boys roughly the same age. I asked my MOHs son to be my ring bearer. Could I have asked all 3? Sure. Did my bridal party throw a fit? Nope. Because it was MY CHOICE. And from the day MOHs son was born, I knew he’d be my ring bearer. Edited: Corrected OPs gender from female to male and bride to groom
Just to note, OP is the groom, not the bride. I mean, what you wrote still stands! It's the people getting married who make the decisions. If I were OP's sibling I might be disappointed but I wouldn't threaten not going to his wedding. When I married my ex, my parents were upset when we didn't include X beer on the menu. We only had 2 beer choices so we picked Y and Z. Parents said an old family friend wouldn't come to the wedding if we didn't serve X beer. I said, ok fine then he's not coming. We weren't changing our wedding plans just to accommodate one person who would rather drink a certain beer than go without for 4 hours and celebrate our day.
This is a perfect example of a place where you could not get every single little thing you want in order to make some of your guests happy. It sounds like OP doesn’t have 50 suitable girls in his family who could be a flower girl, but just one who really wants to. Does it honestly matter if there are two flower girls? OP hasn’t given any reason why he needs only one flower girl, or why he specifically doesn’t want his niece to do it. So what’s the big deal? Now OP is causing completely unnecessary drama over something that cannot possibly be this important. Most weddings have more than one flower girl. This is important to his niece and sister. He’s really going to hurt family (including small child) and cause negativity around his wedding just to what? Prove that his sPeCiAl DaY is all about him? Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean that the entire world revolves around you. You can still consider other people’s feelings and needs.
On the other hand - a wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion which is about welcoming a new member to the family, not about causing rifts with existing family. A little less ego and a little more love on all sides would be more in keeping with the idea of a marriage, so this is an ESH for me.
I wondered this. Most weddings have more than one
Probably for this exact reason
Agreed. Problem solved
I was one of 3 flower girls at my aunt's wedding. We were a blond, brunette, and a redhead in cute little yellow dresses overlaid with white lace.
Neopolitan flower girls!
This would have been my immediate response but there’s no way I’d go back and offer it now after they’ve been ridiculous AHs and showed their true colors. NTA OP.
Also, how does a five year old "always" dream of being a flower girl? Pick the flower girl you want, but it's weird to say this is some lifetime dream... of a five year old.
Dream of a lifetime for the 5yo, but the 4yo is still young and will have other opportunities Like bro they're both in preschool, there's not some earthshattering distinction here
I was going to say. I had three flower girls because I wanted all my nieces involved.
"Keeping the peace" is the way bullies get their way.
This is probably your best option, but at this point do you still want them at your wedding now?
My daughter was a flower girl at 2 weddings. There were no issues, God didn't strike anyone down, both girls had a blast. It actually worked out better as they were little and needed each other's support to walk down.
Because he doesn’t want her to be in his wedding, he shouldn’t have to accommodate anyone on his wedding day but his wife. People are so entitled these days just in the name of family, it’s not their day to choose what someone else does on their day if they have a problem don’t show up tf. NTA
Except OP doesn’t say he wants to exclude his niece. He writes like excluding her is an inevitable byproduct of his friend’s daughter being flower girl, so it’s reasonable to question that. It’s an artificial issue he seems to be creating.
Bizarre they thought it had to be a her or her. You can literally do whatever you want and you decide to start a war over a kid throwing rose petals for 10 seconds.
This! I didn't need to keep the peace, but I still had 2 flower girls and 2 ring bearers because I wanted the special people in my life to have important roles in my wedding. Hilariously, one of my flower girls decided it was nap time right before the ceremony, so went down the aisle in her parents' arms and then took a nap in Grandma's arms. It was the cutest thing. Some of the family photos post ceremony are with me holding her in my arms as she slept. NTA OP, but you could have definitely tried to have 2 flower girls. Now, if your sister then proceeded to cause a huge issue because she didn't want her daughter to share the role... well, that's something entirely different.
When I was a kid my cousin and I were both flower girls at my uncles wedding.
My sister divorced shortly after college. She had a daughter. Her ex later had two daughters. My niece included them both by having them walk in ringing bells at the start of the service. It was great!
This is the solution.
This was exactly what I was going to suggest. Maybe introduce the girls to each other first so that they become friends in order to reduce the likelihood that one of them will get upset at having to share.
Like how did this even escalate? It feels like everyone is digging in to dig in OR there's relational things OP isn't sharing bc this is so obvious Sophie and Lily could have come up with it.
Seriously. I had two flower girls. They each had their moment. The older one had a dress similar to mine, and the younger one had the most extra poufy princess skirt known to man. They were a hit and loved being a part of things. I can’t imagine picking between two important little girls in your life like this.
My first thought. It is kind of weird to exclude your niece
I thought the same! I had 3 flower girls and 3 ring bearers at my wedding, my nieces and nephews.
Two flower girls is the way. Little kids can get shy/scared when they get ready to walk down the aisle and see a crowd watching them. My wife and I had two flower girls. Our niece and my cousin’s daughter. Our niece threw her basket of flowers and ran away right before it was time to walk. Luckily my cousin’s daughter had no issues walking, she was a pro. But if we had just chosen my niece we would have had no flower girl.
This! In pretty much any case I've seen where there's more than one girl of flower girl age who wants to wear a pretty dress and throw flower petals, they've both/all been allowed to do so. This is not rocket science lol.
The entire time I was reading this post I was wondering how OP hadn't considered this. If money is an issue, how about you pay for half of each girl's dress rather than paying for one dress in full.
How much does a f-ing kids dress cost?? (Not meant offensively towards you, just saying!) I would get my flower girls dress from Amazon for £8 lol. I could afford 2 flower girls/boys.
Just have 2 flower girls, it's not rocket science. That way if one little girl freezes up or has a meltdown and refuses to walk you will still have one. And hey maybe the girls could be friends, they are very close in age. I also wonder why you are so set on being a hero to the one and excluding your niece. I can understand why your sisters feelings are hurt. ESH except the kids.
Also weird how Lily is young so there will be more opportunities, whereas Sam is….just a year older? A literal 5 year old with many years of being a part of weddings ahead of her, just like Lily?
Also Sophie has “always dreamed of this” …. She’s 5 and prob didn’t know this role existed until this wedding. Having 2 flower girls is the obvious solution and is actually a pretty common thing.
I was waiting for someone to say this! There's no way that kid was dreaming of doing this unless her mother made her think it was the most important milestone in her life. These kids really don't care about stuff like this. I mean how many weddings have they been to? This is the moms pushing this and then making it seem like the kids will be devastated they didn't do something they won't even remember doing.
Exactly, these kids are both so young they might not be able to reliably form memories yet. No way has either of them been dreaming of this since diaper times. They might remember bad feelings from the parents causing drama if anything.
Exactly, his reasoning and the gushing over giving her this "moment" and being her hero is giving me weird vibes. Like is he in love with her mother and wants to be her dad? And his own niece who is literally the same age doesn't deserve that? It's all very weird.
It may be due to family - if the child’s mom is an only child/doesn’t have many single adults in her family, there may be minimal family weddings in the future whereas OP might have a larger family.
My guess is that, with OP's reference to her being a single mom and the fact that OP feels like a parent to her, Emma just doesn't have that much close family. If Emma doesn't have siblings, and doesn't have a partner (who might have siblings), that does mean Sophie's got very few chances at being a flower girl.
Oh and her life will just be *ruined* if she never gets to be a flower girl
lol, you said the opportunity thing was weird, I suggested an answer, and now you're spouting off at me for things I didn't say. Internet gonna internet, you go off and get your flower girl anger out!
I'm going to agree and say that they could both be flower girls. It's not that big of a deal unless you make it. In fact I have 2 flower girls but I've brought the same dress for my other half's other 2 neices so they don't feel left out. My side my neices are not fussed. It's only drama olif you make it into a drama.
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He's... Not marrying his sister
Let the man cook
But it’s his wedding too. This is a very stupid post. Just make two flower girls. Honor the friend’s daughter and THE HUSBAND’S NIECE.
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Actually if they’re solidly in the Princess phase that’s the least unrealistic part of this story.
The first thing my husband’s niece (then eight) said when she heard we were getting married was “can I be the flower girl?”
Definitely fake. I said it another comment it's just a slightly edited version of an older post. Used similar names and everything. Op just changed their gender and the ages a little bit. The fact that there is an Emma in both posts it's a big clue. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/199qg3j/aita_for_not_letting_my_niece_be_the_flower_girl/ I know 90% of the posts here are fake but at least be more creative.
You'd be surprised the level of entitled and selfish that comes out during weddings. They probably don't want the niece to have to share the spotlight or some other bs. Drama like this makes me glad we eloped
I had something like this. My SIL for years fed my two nieces BS that they would be flower girls for my wedding, or a “Junior bridesmaid” as they got older and I didn’t get married. In the end I had no flower/ring bear and I don’t feel guilty at all.
I’m still laughing at a 5-year old has “always dreamed of being a flower girl.”
Yeah, he wanted it to be believable he should have at least told us what the bride thinks, since the flower girl(s) are typically with the bride and bridesmaids.
Was thinking the same. The wedding is in a few months and sister mentions it now?
INFO: Why can’t you have two flower girls?
Because that would be the perfect solution to this made up story, and OP wouldn't get much karma.
Except there's any number of reasons why they don't want to do that. Maybe the bride doesn't want two. Maybe OP just really want Sophie to have her moment to shine in the spotlight. Maybe OP just doesn't get along with his sister and this is another moment where's she's kicking up a fuss to get her way. It doesn't have to be 'they didn't pick the obvious compromise so therefore fake', there are often all sorts of reasons why 'obvious compromises' don't work for people.
Or one could be the ring bearer. There were no little boys in our family when my stepsister got married, I was 7 so that was my job.
Sophie, 5, has a LIFELONG dream of being a flower girl. 😂 Who are you to deny a lifelong dream. Also you can have 2 flower girls ya know…
When I was 5 I didn’t even know what a flower girl was. My mum just put me in a really itchy dress one day and made me go to a cold, creepy building with lots of images of some dead guy with all my family and I had to hold some flowers for a bit. My cousins all had to do the same too.
And Lily is so young, she'll have plenty of opportunities, even though she's only a year younger than Sophie.🤦🏻♀️
Right? 4 is young enough that she’ll have more opportunities but 5 is old enough to have a lifelong dream 😂
I bet she's been preparing for the dream too - schooling, extracurriculars, flower girl internships!
Plus, Sophie has a single mom so she may have the chance to do it again if her mother ever gets married. On top of that, why should having a single mom be the excuse for her getting to be a flower girl over the other girl?
The whole thing is so ridiculous and makes absolute no sense. Just another karma farmer who can't write a compelling story.
I had 3 flower girls. Its not an exclusive role. Look at the royal weddings and the number of children in the wedding party. Soft YTA
This may be one of the dumbest posts I’ve ever read. You “stood your ground” about small children and their roles in a wedding? Preschoolers “have their hearts set” and “have always wanted to be” flower girls? Like…what? I don’t know any 4 or 5-year-old who sits around dreaming of something so random. If this is real, I honestly do not understand this entire thing. Why is this a big deal? Flower girl isn’t huge part of any wedding, and it’s more to show off the adorable children in your life. Also, this isn’t even about the small children involved, it’s some weird power struggle or something I cannot wrap my head around. Like other Redditors have suggested, just have two flower girls and maybe move on to things of actual importance here, like the fact that you are getting married and adding to your family. Now go be kind to both tiny humans who presumably love you.
My 4 year old was a co-flower girl last year. She barely understood what a wedding was even though it wasn't her first. I'm pretty sure she didn't even notice who the actual grooms were, or care. We just showed up, introduced her to the other girl, told them to throw the flowers and stand for pictures, and that was it. There's no way a 4 or 5 year old gives that much of a shit about this. My daughter loved it but had no context for what it was or why she should care, just that it was fun to dress up and throw flowers and have a new friend to play with.
My 4 yo is kind of obsessed with brides and marriages. And couldn’t remember the word for “veil.”
I don’t think my 4 and 7 year olds even know what a flower girl is.
Do they even HAVE lifelong dreams??
Most five-year-olds wouldn't even know a flower girl is a thing unless someone told them.
Have two. Then just move on.
YTA There's no limit. Two are fine. Neither will lessen the role of the other. .
ESH, and I know I’ll get downvoted but I can handle it. The girls aren’t that far apart in age - one year? “Lily is young and there will be other weddings…” She’s FOUR. Sophie is FIVE. Why not make them both the flower girl? Or, has anyone asked what Lily wants? Or, don’t have a flower girl at all? It seems to be an easy compromise.
Also your uncle’s and aunt’s weddings are the flower girl opportunities. Is anyone else getting married in the next 2 years? If not she isn’t getting to be a flower girl.
Why can’t both girls do it?
I'm going with ESH. Your sister shouldn't demand her daughter to be flower girl, but you're being very weird about the reasons your friend's kid should be it instead. >that Lily would be heartbroken if she wasn't the flower girl >Sophie had her heart set on this Why do you only care about the feelings of the one kid? >Lily is young and there will be other weddings They are practically the same age jfc. Let both of them be a flower girl and don't make this into some weird competition between small children.
NTA. I struggle to understand people who make assumptions or threats when it comes to weddings. You explained your stance and reasoning which is more than enough. It’s your wedding so the decisions are between you and your fiancé. If you’re having second thoughts and would like your niece to be included you can have two flower girls. If not, tell your sister you’re sad she won’t be attending but your decision is final.
Your wedding, your decision. You also must accept the consequences. Is it worth harming relationship over this. 2 flower girls. Not rocket science. Extremely common thing.
I was gonna say the same thing. More than one flower girl is extremely common. My cousin had 3 flower girls at his wedding because his wife had 3 nieces and she wanted to include them all. I feel like OP is creating a problem over nothing.
NTA, but just because Sophie is the flower girl, it doesn't mean there isn't a role for Lily. Maybe she can be the ring bearer, or God forbid you just have two flower girls.
I was also thinking ring bearer - there were no little boys when my stepsister got married years ago so I was chosen. I was 7 and felt very important lol
ESH so one kid gets to be flower girl because her heart is set on it, but the other child whose heart is also set on it doesn’t? Have two flower girls. Problem solved.
This drama is so unnecessary. YTA but not because you chose Sophie but because you did not want a simple solution. Actually you come from a family of assholes apparently because y’all are just acting stupid
Why don't you have both be flower girls? I think that would solve your problem.
NTA. 1) It’s bad form to ask, let alone demand, a position in a wedding. 2) There is no such thing as “family” comes first when choosing a bridal party. 3) People that make threats should stay home. If you can’t support cause you can’t get your way, you were never my supporter. Life events truly show a person’s true colors. Sis is the AH.
Family generally doesn’t care about bad form when talking to other family members…
And that’s the problem. It is only family that expects to treat you poorly, get their way and still have a fantastic relationship.
That’s not really what I meant… I more meant that family is people you should be able to be your real self around and express how you really feel without the fear of being rejected and cast out… that’s what unconditional love is, you can fight at disagree but still love each other. Now manipulating, cheating, stealing causing physical or mental harm, that should never be tolerated… but if your sibling or parent are expressing feelings and emotions you don’t agree with… that’s just normal family dynamics. People should feel comfortable being themselves and speaking their peace around family… it should never be a walking on egg shells gotta be sure I always say the right thing situation.
Manipulation is what sis is doing.
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ESH OP - you have a bleeding heart for a friend's daughter but not your own niece? You care that Sophie has her heart set on this but don't care that Lily will be heartbroken? Sure, you can choose who you like but what would be the issue with having 2 flower girls? You have such a strong stance on something so ridiculous.
NTA but how would Sam feel about two flower girls? When I (now-45f) married my husband (now-45m) we had two. I had a niece that I wanted to be the flower girl, and her brother was the ring bearer. Hubs also had a step niece (then 5) who had been the flower girl when her mom married my BIL, and she had also been one of two flower girls when my SIL got married. So she would not have understood not being a flower girl for us, too. In fact, the first family night after we got engaged, she paraded into the house and announced, “X!!! You’re going to be AUNT X because you’re going to get married with Uncle Y!! And I’m going to be your flower girl!!!” She truly just assumed she was all-time flower girl for all weddings everywhere. And that was fine.
ESH. It's your wedding but why can there only be one? You seem overly attached to your friend's child to feel the need to create these opportunities for her. It's weird. Back off buddy. Are you actually the dad? Your sister shouldn't be making demands of you at your wedding. It's rude. This post seems incredibly fake or just stirring up drama.
More info needed: why can't you have two flower girls?
NTA. It’s your wedding, your choice. Your sister assumed that your niece would be the flower girl without, I’m assuming, asking you. Your sister set up her own daughter for disappointment. Stick to your guns and make your friend’s little girl the flower girl. Do the nice thing for a little girl who might not get another chance to have the experience.
Although you're clearly NTA.... I would put both girls. They can hold hands. Your niece isn't too young at all. I had 2 flower girls the same age. Your sister sucks for demanding it and for telling your niece she had that role, but why not also include your niece just because you love her? It keeps the peace, everyone's happy and I don't think it's something you'd look back on and regret.
I’m sorry, why can you only have one?
Oh gosh how would either of the children go on if they can’t be flower girl?! Their lives will be ruined forever! Jfc YTA for making me read this stupid post. Either make both flower girl or don’t have one at all it’s really not a big deal at all
NTA and do not give on to keep the peace. If your sister doesn't want to attend your wedding unless you make her daughter a flower girl then that's her decision. If anyone asks on the day why she isn't there, simply point out that you refused to be blackmailed.
NTA but I’ve been to so many weddings where there were two sometimes even three flower girls. Your sister is pretty petty and selfish trying to make something of yours about her. In the end, it’s your wedding, but you also can’t be mad if someone declines for personal reasons.
I call fake. This is so easily resolved.
I would have them both be flower girls my cousin did this with me and her niece when I was little
Why not have 2 flower girls?
Lots of weddings have two flower girls. That’s normal. Why doesn’t anyone on AITA ever want to just compromise? Sheesh.
I feel like I read this exact same post a few months ago.
Nta your day your way
Seems very similar to this post posted months ago https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/SmCOEq5Tj2
INFO - why on earth can’t you have 2 flower girls? It’s a common enough practice nowadays that nobody would even blink at it Edit bc I forgot to say that, at this moment and with the information given, it seems like ESH except for the kids. Y’all should have better problem solving skills by this point in life forreal (the adults).
Keep what you want for your wedding. nicely tell your sister that you're not changing your mind And that as much as you want her at your wedding and to stop all the drama in the family that she started, you will respect her wishes. Don't have two flower girls. Don't cave in and just be polite. Say well I hope everyone's going to come my wedding, but I respect your wishes. Be nice, don't feed into the stupid drama and enjoy your day. Day. I know you want your family and friends to show up, but if your sister shows up she's going to make a scene. Nta
Definitely spite your 4 yo niece because her mother asked you to have her be a bridesmaid.
Why don't you have two flower girls? Why disappoint either one? And why not have family and friend harmony at your wedding? Two little girls walking down the aisle holding bouquets sounds adorable to me.
Info: why would you not have two flower girls? Taking your sister out of the equation-why do you feel so strongly about excluding your niece?
ESH It's your wedding but family has a point too. I've never been to a wedding with ONE flower girl. All of us cousins were flower girls to our family's weddings growing up. Why can't you have both?