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YTA.
So it sounds like you cheated on your first wife (which doesn't bode well for the second wife) and then after having a Catholic ceremony with the first wife and fully knowing what those beliefs are, decided to confront your first wife out of some sort of sense of being able to set a boundary on what she can and cannot say. That is not what a boundary is. Perhaps you should have set a personal boundary about cheating? Your ex needs to simply send you a message telling you that she will contact the authorities if you continue to harass her about what she can and cannot say in her church.
Can't you ask her for an annulment?
Catholicism technically doesn't allow divorce. But allows for annulment. Call it annulment due to fraud because you're not Catholic yourself. Absolves her - religiously speaking.
An annulment verbally isn't the same thing as a divorce and they would be unlikely to get one. It's basically saying that the marriage never happened or was never valid. While they might be able to get one because there were no kids, the fact that it happened in a catholic church actually makes it less likely. It's more more people going in under false pretenses, a Vegas style wedding that you regret once you sober up, or more historically, parents disapproving of their child marrying their lover when they were intended for someone else.
Why are you making this out to be more than it is. Your ex-wife is a staunch practicing Catholic. In the eyes of the Catholic Church the divorce is not recognized, the only way to end the marriage as far as the church goes is to go for an annulment. If you and your current wife have no contact, I don't see the issue, what your ex says or does should be of no consequence to you. Who cares what she says or does. On the other hand you cannot expect her to change/alter or give up her beliefs to suit you. NAH
Yep YTA.
You're divorced. Move on. Who cares. You can't control what your ex wife says or does. You literally are married to the person you want to be with. You randomly spoke to your ex wife to ask her to not call you her husband. Why are you so focused on this? You don't speak to each other. How does this impact you or your wife?
Just leave her alone. She's clearly not doing well.
YTA.
You willingly had a Catholic religious ceremony. You involved *yourself* in her religious beliefs. Don't tell me you didn't know that Catholics don't believe in divorce. So don't be surprised that your ex saw the marriage through a religious definition, and specifically a Catholic one.
You see marriage civilly, and consequently you don't see yourself as married to your ex. I get that. But that's not her view of marriage and you knew that going in.
I understand that it is awkward that you have different views of marriage, but insisting yours is somehow objectively true for her as well as you makes you TA
NTA
You are absolutely right that it is inappropriate for your ex-wife to be claiming that you are still her husband and that it is disrespectful to you and your current wife. However, you are no longer in a relationship with her and you have no control over the things that she says or does.
Suggesting a meeting was reasonable and you weren't the AH if you weren't too harsh in your demands.
Probably the best thing to do is not to have contact with her. It doesn't sound like she is going to change and it will only continue to frustrate you.
YTA - in the eyes of the lord, you are her husband.
Personally, I think thats silly. But she can believe what she wants to. Youve already moved on (maybe cheated on her too?) so this doesnt matter.
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In 2019 I (31M) got married to my now ex-wife (29F), who I had dated for a few years prior. She is rather religious and insisted on a Catholic ceremony, which I agreed to even though I am not religious (this is important). Last year, we finalized a divorce that I asked for so I could marry my current wife (30F), who I met after my first marriage. I understood that this was unkind to my ex and was a lot to ask, but it was something I felt I could not be satisfied with not doing, and I appreciated immensely how gracious and cooperative my ex was through the process. We did not have kids and the divorce was free of major conflict.
Recently, I spoke to a mutual friend and asked if my ex had started dating again. From this conversation, I learned that she has not started dating and has no intention to, because due to her Catholic beliefs about marriage she is still married to me despite the fact that we are legally divorced and still refers to herself as my wife and me as her husband. I found this shocking to learn, and really object for three reasons. First, she is factually not my wife, my wife is my wife. It is highly disrespectful towards my wife for my ex to insist she's still married to me, not to mention confusing to others. Second, by claiming that I am her husband on religious grounds, she is involving me in her beliefs without my consent. It would be one thing to speak of our relationship in religious terms if we were still together (I did consent to the initial wedding), but now that we are no longer together she has no right to insist that I am occupying any sort of role in her church, as I do not follow her religion. Third, I do feel bad for her and want her to be able to move on, and by continuing to cling to the idea of our former marriage she is preventing herself from finding happiness. By maintaining this belief, she is hurting not only my wife and I but also herself.
After some thought, I decided I didn't need to allow this and asked to meet with my ex to discuss this. I reiterated to her that we are no longer married and demanded that she stop telling people that I'm still her husband for the reasons listed above. This made her rather upset but I stood my ground and insisted that she give me her word that she would stop. She refused to agree in a satisfying way, which frustrated me and I shut down the discussion as it was not productive and left. In the days after this, several mutual friends have reached out to me, saying that I was being cruel to my ex and that what I did was unnecessary. I genuinely did not expect either the meeting with my ex to go so bad nor the blowback from my friends to be so strong.
I understand that because this was my first contact with my ex since we were divorced, she may have perceived me as being cruel. Admittedly I was not very gentle or sensitive about what I asked. However, I felt it was important to firmly assert this boundary. Was I being unfair or should she change her outlook? AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I firmly asked my ex-wife to stop referring to me as her husband after we were divorced. This could make me the asshole because it was the first contact I had with her since the divorce and it does not affirm her religious beliefs about marriage, so I may have been cruel.
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NTA I guess? Why is this an issue? Do you work together or something? Mutual friends? Just laugh and say no I'm married again - she is my ex wife......or something.....leave her to her delusions.
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It doesn't sound like the words marriage or divorce have much meaning to any of y'all.
Right?
YTA. So it sounds like you cheated on your first wife (which doesn't bode well for the second wife) and then after having a Catholic ceremony with the first wife and fully knowing what those beliefs are, decided to confront your first wife out of some sort of sense of being able to set a boundary on what she can and cannot say. That is not what a boundary is. Perhaps you should have set a personal boundary about cheating? Your ex needs to simply send you a message telling you that she will contact the authorities if you continue to harass her about what she can and cannot say in her church.
Can't you ask her for an annulment? Catholicism technically doesn't allow divorce. But allows for annulment. Call it annulment due to fraud because you're not Catholic yourself. Absolves her - religiously speaking.
An annulment verbally isn't the same thing as a divorce and they would be unlikely to get one. It's basically saying that the marriage never happened or was never valid. While they might be able to get one because there were no kids, the fact that it happened in a catholic church actually makes it less likely. It's more more people going in under false pretenses, a Vegas style wedding that you regret once you sober up, or more historically, parents disapproving of their child marrying their lover when they were intended for someone else.
Can she get one through the church based on his implied cheating?
Why are you making this out to be more than it is. Your ex-wife is a staunch practicing Catholic. In the eyes of the Catholic Church the divorce is not recognized, the only way to end the marriage as far as the church goes is to go for an annulment. If you and your current wife have no contact, I don't see the issue, what your ex says or does should be of no consequence to you. Who cares what she says or does. On the other hand you cannot expect her to change/alter or give up her beliefs to suit you. NAH
Yep YTA. You're divorced. Move on. Who cares. You can't control what your ex wife says or does. You literally are married to the person you want to be with. You randomly spoke to your ex wife to ask her to not call you her husband. Why are you so focused on this? You don't speak to each other. How does this impact you or your wife? Just leave her alone. She's clearly not doing well.
YTA. You willingly had a Catholic religious ceremony. You involved *yourself* in her religious beliefs. Don't tell me you didn't know that Catholics don't believe in divorce. So don't be surprised that your ex saw the marriage through a religious definition, and specifically a Catholic one. You see marriage civilly, and consequently you don't see yourself as married to your ex. I get that. But that's not her view of marriage and you knew that going in. I understand that it is awkward that you have different views of marriage, but insisting yours is somehow objectively true for her as well as you makes you TA
YTA You can't make anyone do something they don't want it do. You have "boundaries" for yourself you can't impose your will on someone else.
Why she should want to continue claiming you as a husband after you cheated on her is beyond me. I hope she gets over this soon.
NTA. This is weird.
NTA You are absolutely right that it is inappropriate for your ex-wife to be claiming that you are still her husband and that it is disrespectful to you and your current wife. However, you are no longer in a relationship with her and you have no control over the things that she says or does. Suggesting a meeting was reasonable and you weren't the AH if you weren't too harsh in your demands. Probably the best thing to do is not to have contact with her. It doesn't sound like she is going to change and it will only continue to frustrate you.
YTA - in the eyes of the lord, you are her husband. Personally, I think thats silly. But she can believe what she wants to. Youve already moved on (maybe cheated on her too?) so this doesnt matter.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In 2019 I (31M) got married to my now ex-wife (29F), who I had dated for a few years prior. She is rather religious and insisted on a Catholic ceremony, which I agreed to even though I am not religious (this is important). Last year, we finalized a divorce that I asked for so I could marry my current wife (30F), who I met after my first marriage. I understood that this was unkind to my ex and was a lot to ask, but it was something I felt I could not be satisfied with not doing, and I appreciated immensely how gracious and cooperative my ex was through the process. We did not have kids and the divorce was free of major conflict. Recently, I spoke to a mutual friend and asked if my ex had started dating again. From this conversation, I learned that she has not started dating and has no intention to, because due to her Catholic beliefs about marriage she is still married to me despite the fact that we are legally divorced and still refers to herself as my wife and me as her husband. I found this shocking to learn, and really object for three reasons. First, she is factually not my wife, my wife is my wife. It is highly disrespectful towards my wife for my ex to insist she's still married to me, not to mention confusing to others. Second, by claiming that I am her husband on religious grounds, she is involving me in her beliefs without my consent. It would be one thing to speak of our relationship in religious terms if we were still together (I did consent to the initial wedding), but now that we are no longer together she has no right to insist that I am occupying any sort of role in her church, as I do not follow her religion. Third, I do feel bad for her and want her to be able to move on, and by continuing to cling to the idea of our former marriage she is preventing herself from finding happiness. By maintaining this belief, she is hurting not only my wife and I but also herself. After some thought, I decided I didn't need to allow this and asked to meet with my ex to discuss this. I reiterated to her that we are no longer married and demanded that she stop telling people that I'm still her husband for the reasons listed above. This made her rather upset but I stood my ground and insisted that she give me her word that she would stop. She refused to agree in a satisfying way, which frustrated me and I shut down the discussion as it was not productive and left. In the days after this, several mutual friends have reached out to me, saying that I was being cruel to my ex and that what I did was unnecessary. I genuinely did not expect either the meeting with my ex to go so bad nor the blowback from my friends to be so strong. I understand that because this was my first contact with my ex since we were divorced, she may have perceived me as being cruel. Admittedly I was not very gentle or sensitive about what I asked. However, I felt it was important to firmly assert this boundary. Was I being unfair or should she change her outlook? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA I guess? Why is this an issue? Do you work together or something? Mutual friends? Just laugh and say no I'm married again - she is my ex wife......or something.....leave her to her delusions.
NTA I skipped a lot of your story, if you’re divorced then you’re not her husband it’s that simple.