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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I banned my sister from family gatherings because she obviously dislike kids
I could be wrong because I told her to act like family if she wanted to be treated like family. She blocked me because of this and several other family members think I'm an ass
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA Your list of grievances about your sister is ludicrous. No "uppies"? No hugs? Won't watch *your children* for 15 minutes. I hope this post is a wind up but if not you and your siblings are ridiculous.
>Hence, I spoke to my siblings and concluded it was best if we didn't invite her over for the next gathering, that was this weekend. I knew she would see the photos on Instagram, but I so hoped she would see how her attitude had isolated her and would learn a lesson.
>Boy, I was wrong. She sent me a short, dead cold message asking why she wasn't invited, I told her the reason and told her we expected her to behave like a member of the family if she wanted to be treated like family. She responded "Okay" and proceeded to block us everywhere. Not only her, her boyfriend did too.
Oh well, I guess your sister decided if you couldn't accept her for who she is she's better off without you all.
YYA. Overconfident? Her boyfriend seeks her advice before making financial decisions? She became upset and wanted to be compensated when a child broke her computer (she later realized her single mother, welfare-receiving sister couldn’t pay for the damage her child caused and dropped the subject)? None of these things make her a bad person. You have to twist yourself in knots to try to frame her in a negative light.
Your sister wanted to have a relationship with her family despite your looking down on her for having a great job and no children. Those are superficial reasons to freeze a sibling out.
You and your siblings are the ones who need to learn to behave like adults. You really need to behave better. Your children need better role models.
Piggybacking to add on that the misogyny and jealousy are so strong with this man. It probably eats him alive that his sister is so smart and earns significantly more than him and the rest of the family and has a male partner who supports and respects her !
The audacity to come here and complain after someone's expensive personal belongings were broken, and not apologize and offer to replace immediately shows what a pathetic, rude, and entitled person he is.
I love that his lame attempt to control her backfired spectacularly on him.
I really really hope that the children in this family have better role models than this sorry, insecure excuse for a person and it's so sad that they are missing out on knowing their smart, capable aunt !
Soooo much jealousy!
> She was gifted, I get it, but we were kids and got bored when she talked
OP is 10 years older. So he was 18 when Vera was 8. And he couldn't keep up with her level of conversation.
So as a child, she was kept at arm's length because she bored them. Now she treats his brats the same way, and she's the bad guy. Sounds like the siblings are reaping what they sowed.
She probably just assumed that's how you interacted with children because it was her only reference -her siblings interacted with her at arms length
Honestly just smells of jealousy it's grim
She probably didn’t “bore them” so much as they couldn’t keep up with what she talked about, so they got bored! ;)
The jealousy is thick with this OP, with zero ability to mask it.
Or at the very least he acknowledges that he wasn’t interested in connecting with children when he was 18, found them tiresome and boring, but I guess because she is a woman she’s supposed to be excited for uppies and conversation with her niblings?
> So he was 18 when Vera was 8. And he couldn't keep up with her level of conversation.
I got the impression the sister might be mildly autistic. She'd delve deep into some subject that no one else was interested in, and the other kids did not have the same interests as she did.
When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, the other schoolkids weren't interested in my discussion about the second radiator in the P51 Mustang. They mostly seemed confused.
As an autistic woman, that’s the first thing I thought but would make a lot of sense why she seemed so different and unrelatable. We relate with people by sharing information and if her siblings reject that, she likely learned to keep her distance.
It was the first thing I thought of too. It sounds like she was a mildly autistic person just trying her best to survive in a busy household with lots of siblings...probably a nightmare scenario for autistic and/or SPD and/or introverted peeps.
The jealousy and calousness from OP is just wild...and pretty darn sad and upsetting :-/
I sincerely hope none of his kids are smart girls, lest they be looked at in the same, crappy light he looks at his sister in.
I agree. It's a real shame these kids will miss out on getting to know their aunt who has a different lifestyle. It's a little diversity. The girls in the family won't get to see that their entire value is not placed in procreation.
Gigantic YTA.
My brothers' have the same issue with my husband. He's an equal and active parent, and a doting partner. Just all around baller, and he makes them look like not particularly bright jackasses. The support and respect is exactly what they have a problem with.
We thought she was boring and ignored her when she was little...why won't she act like part of the family???? For fuck's sake, this man thinks she's overconfident but can't spell "grail" correctly. There's audacity, and then there's this man.
Right? I commented pointing out that this guy isn't even smart enough to realize that she could someday get used to his older children and be there Rich Aunt so and so LOL
I get a very strong 'I am angry because I realized I peaked in high school' vibe from OOP. My bet is that he works some OK job like store manager at AutoZone and is mad because he can see Vera can afford things that he never will, so he has to reframe his life choices to make it look like she is the loser.
100%, the entitlement of some parents is so beyond the pale. “How dare she not be as in love with our kids as we are and pick them up and babysit at our whim. How dare she have feelings about when her work laptop gets destroyed, we should not invite her to future family gatherings.” YTA
Having kids is one of the easiest things you can possibly do. You didn’t pull out, congratulations, what an achievement. Your sister probably worked a lot harder for her career than you did making those kids, but that doesn’t mean anything to you because being a parent you feel entitled to all the attention and free babysitting and “it should be fine your laptop got destroyed”.
It seems like she has a busy, demanding job and did the best she could to actually spend time with these assholes but still got shit for it.
Reminds me of a time when my aunt screamed at me for not calling out of work for my uncle's birthday party. She shut up when i asked her when my birthday was.
>Having kids is one of the easiest things you can possibly do. You didn’t pull out,
With the effectiveness of the pull-out method, he probably *did* pull out.
Giving birth is hard and possibly deadly for women. Not so much for men though. Not saying giving birth gives you a right to be an entitled a hole though.
Yep! He's the eldest and the others all defer to him...except this one sister who can think for herself. How dare she not think the same way he does?!
What an awful brother.
As early as I could remember I was told not to go near a computer that wasn’t mine. If one of my elders came on we and were working on a computer/laptop I was not to approach the table with food/liquids or touch it (early 2000’s).
I’m 28 not and I still won’t touch someone else’s device without permission.
I saw over confident and actually thought for a second they meant confident and accidentally added the over.
That alone tells me more about OP than anything else in this post.
Op also seems to look down on sister's BF because he asks his financial wizard of a partner financial advice. I'm like, hey OP, you had a connection to the same thing, and your response was to blow it up? In my family, we all have our expertise, and I talk to them when I need advice outside my skill set, and they do the same for me.
The weird thing is that OP apparently dislikes his sister so much that he seemed relieved that her bf had a vasectomy. It could just be me, but OP really does not like Vera for...reasons of some kind.
Plus - it's actually good for kids to see that people are different. She is not rude or harm the kids in any way. She just likes to keep her distance. And this is _fine_.
My favorite part is he's 10 years older than her, and went on about "we were kids and she was boring so we couldn't be bothered..."
When she was 7, he was 17... as a 17 yr old he couldn't be bothered to listen to his sister speak, yet he wanted her to treat his kids better than he treated her as a kid.
I love kids... I do all the same things she does with kids. She is not the problem, her selfish, self-centered,judgmental, inconsiderate, bullying family def is, and I'm glad she's done putting up with people who dont want to accept her for who she is. YTA
I’m also, so she read instead of play with the others, ie. text book introvert, and likely felt outside, anxiety in social situations or the like.
Reading the idiot OP, they likely razzed, ie. bullied her for it, and just thought it was the way to get her to be part of it all.
Good on her for shutting out the breeders that don’t understand the world doesn’t revolve around their kids.
She didn't do anything that wasn't "acting like family." She didn't isolate herself from the family-- she did her best to get out of her severely introverted self and spend time with her family. I bet she's on the spectrum or has sensory processing issues that make it hard for her to interact socially/with kids. That or all the rejection and people ignoring her growing up made her think that that's the normal way of treating children.
The family never treated her like family. She was always neglected and sidelined because she was different. That HURTS. The pain of being rejected by your family for things that are out of your control stings very hard. It's hard to recover from that. This was the last straw for her after a lifetime of rejection and pain. "Acting like family" to OP doesn't mean making time for family events, being cordial to everyone, taking an active interest in everyone's lives, trying to build bridges...it means not being neurodivergent or introverted.
I wish the best for OP's sister as she heals from going NC. No contact is hard even when it's the right choice. I doubt OP will ever internalize the message but absolutely YTA OP.
YTA. You don't like her and you seem upset that she didn't react as you wanted when you didn't invite her.
>I so hoped she would see how her attitude had isolated her and would learn a lesson.
Didn't you think of having a conversation with her?
>she greets the kids from a distance, never hugs them and if one of them comes to her she will keep them at arm length, will be polite but way too serious and somehow cold with them.
She hasn't done anything wrong here, she's just different from you.
>Let alone will watch the kids even for 15 minutes
Why would she need to if they're all playing together and their parents are present?
>She brought along her laptop because she had some work to do, and one of the kids dropped it accidentally, damaging the screen.
Why would the child have the laptop in the first place?
>just wanted to keep the kids on a friendly environment and expected her to be an adult
She is an adult. You wanted her to conform to your expectations. You don't say anything about how you miss her company, it's all about how you expect her to behave around children. Not everyone is like you but it doesn't make them bad people.
and it seems like these kids have not been parented properly otherwise they would not have touched someone else's laptop. this kids are kids argument is bullshit.
It seems like the family is very child focussed, everyone must love them and isn't it great when they're all running around causing havoc! The sister is outcast because she isn't like this.
TBH it sounds like the sister has her shit together and her own life, has done the right thing in finally cutting them off and no longer trying to find inclusion from the family. They're very different people and the family is not willing to accept her as she is.
Exactly this. She seems to have always tried to be included despite being left out regularly. Without asking anything in return. Then this guy decided to cut her out to teach her a lesson and got what he deserved. One less sister. FAFO
This.
Kids being kids only goes so far. Like yes, kids are going to be kids, but the parents are still responsible.
My nephew get excited and wants to run around a restaurant when our whole family gathers. That's normal, he's 3 *BUT* my sister and BIL don't let him because *they as adults* know its not safe for either him or the servers, and other guests. Yes, kids have accidentally destructive or dangerous impulses, but it's up to the parents to stop that behavior from happening.
My inlaws have 7 grandkids under 7, all in the same county, we spend time together all the time due to the proximity. I can leave my laptop unattended because they're not shitheads.
YTA. She didn't isolate herself, you and your other siblings isolated her because you found her "boring." And now your major complaints are about how she doesn't pick up your kids or play with them and how when one of the kids, who should have been supervised, dropped her laptop it was somehow on her and not on the parent of said child.
YTA
Your sister isn’t you. She doesn’t like children and doesn’t like/doesn’t know how to interact with them. It’s not a criminal offense.
Your entire post is about how she doesn’t do exactly what you’d like her to do. She’s a grown ass woman.
Her asking to pay for a broken laptop may have been a bit much (those are usually insured) but not completely outrageous.
It sounds like you were all just waiting for a reason to cut her off and it finally happened.
YTA.
We get it, your children are the world and your best things, and you love them dearly. That okay.
Have you ever thought about what she likes, does and do with her own time? There is some missing pieces here.
But anyway, you just cut away your own blood and their partner because, you know, you couldn't handle that someone makes other choices.
As for your sister.
I'm thinking she's saying "the trash took it self out".
YTA. This is coming from an aunt with 16 nieces and nephews of her own: You and your remaining siblings need to get over yourselves and stop being so damn snotty.
Your sister is under no obligation to have a relationship with the kids or deal with them if she doesn't want to. Just like she doesn't have to watch them, regardless of how long it might be. For the simple fact that they aren't her kids. So if she says no, then leave it at that and stop making a production out of it.
As for the laptop, the kid had no business messing with it in the first place. Since it was broken though, then your youngest sister, as the parent, is obligated to pay for it. Doesn't matter what her financial issues are. Her kid caused the issue, so it's her responsibility to make up for it.
When it comes to blocking everyone, I don't blame your sister one bit. The majority of your family sounds like an entitled bunch of snots. Not the sort of people that anyone with common sense would want to waste their time with. Which is why if anyone needs to learn a lesson, it would be all of you. Mainly on how to act like decent human beings and respect how other people feel.
The youngest sister shouldn't have let her kid play with her aunt's laptop if she can't afford to replace or repair something like that. I know my mother wouldn't let me touch other people's stuff, and (as we were also on welfare) "I can't afford to replace that" might have going through her mind.
No kidding. My nieces and nephews range in ages from 5 to 28. All of them, right down to the youngest ones, know that when auntie says do not touch her things, then she means do not touch. Because they know they'd be in for a world of trouble if they broke anything, least of all my laptop.
FR, coming from a large extended family as well, I have aunts, uncles and cousins older or younger by 2-20 years that I’ve always been on “hugs and personal subjects” with, and others I’m on “handshakes and hi how are you’s” with - and it’s literally not an issue, bc every person is different and connects differently with other people. OP and the other siblings don’t seem to have given their sister much of an open opportunity to connect, if they all think of her this way while placing their disrespectful kids on a pedestal. I can’t imagine the amount of chaos, if this guy alone has five kids, 3 other siblings have children as well, and they somehow manage to get into other people’s personal property and break it, and he’s trying to paint a picture of his sister as the worst person ever for not being all giddy and happy to play along in the mess 😵💫 she’s better off blocking them lol.
For judgement, YTA OP
Of course not. Nor would he judge him as “overconfident” when what he means is “Even her *man* respects *her* specialist knowledge”.
I’ve also never read a single post on Reddit that includes “Teacher her a lesson” that isn’t written by an absolute tosser. Not one
also this guy having such an issue with her boyfriend asking her before making decisions. is she, as a woman, capable of maybe, just maybe, being able to do financial skills? woah! that’s a man’s work. lol this guy makes my head hurt
OP is definitely the AH. I’m laughing that he’s so aggrieved that the boyfriend would get advice on financial matters. If my SO was as smart and accomplished as Vera, I’d be asking their advice, too.
YTA.
>she greets the kids from a distance
So?
>never hugs them and if one of them comes to her she will keep them at arm length
So?
>will be polite but way too serious
So?
>she will refuse to do "uppies" with the toddlers
So?
> or just refuse to play along with the older kids who want to make questions, or just talk like kids do.
So?
>et alone will watch the kids even for 15 minutes
BIIIIIG SO???? Not her circus, not her monkeys, *never* a mark against her for not wanting to watch someone else's kids.
Your whole list just reads as "person who doesn't like kids but remains respectful", and that's FINE.
>She brought along her laptop because she had some work to do, and one of the kids dropped it accidentally, damaging the screen
Perfectly fine to bring the laptop; perfectly understandable to be upset by the incident, especially when she has made her stance on things very well known yet her siblings can't be bothered to teach their kids to leave auntie alone....
>, I told her the reason and told her we expected her to behave like a member of the family if she wanted to be treated like family. She responded "Okay" and proceeded to block us everywhere.
Yup, you made your bed. You told her she isn't family because she won't play with *your* kids, pick up *your* kids or watch *your* kids. So, because she's responsibly child free given her feelings on kids.... she's just not welcome in the family now? Really bad take
What a clown. He wrote all that. Probably read it over a couple of times. And still hit post? In the face of smarts like this, anyone with even slightly above average intelligence would seem like they were were a gifted kid.
Second paragraph: setting the background on how your sister was unlike you. And boring.
Third paragraph: "she's just a bit much." Because she's successful. We get it. Actually we don't. She sounds like the ultimate career woman. And it sounds like she's good at what she chose to do.
Fourth paragraph: She has no kids, she's in a relationship with someone who agrees on that. And then a snarky "Good for him."
Fifth paragraph: everyone else has kids, they are normal kids. But they are sensitive too.
Sixth paragraph: She is polite with the kids, but you and your siblings don't like that she's not willing to pick them up, or keep them busy or be a babysitter. If she knows absolutely nothing about kids and feel uncomfortable watching them why would you force her to watch them?
Seventh paragraph: She told you she needed to get some work done. There was an incident. She got upset. Did she act correctly in the heat of the moment? Probably not, she was upset, but she finally backed off her demand that she be repaid for something a child broke.
Eight paragraph: "how her attitude had isolated her and would learn a lesson." So instead of approaching this like an adult and discussing it with her, you know, like an adult would, you just cut her out of your life and family gatherings.
Ninth paragraph: Ultimatum issued: you act like we expect you to or you don't get to be part of this family.
Tenth: Am I the asshole to expect her to be an adult when I don't communicate, expect people to change themselves and passive aggressively cut people out when they don't act the way I want them to.
Yes. Yes you are the asshole. You just effectively disowned your sister. You hurt her really really badly. And she might forgive you if you adjust your worldview and stop treating her like her choices for her life is wrong. But don't be surprised if she doesn't want to.
YTA. Even your first paragraph is insufferable, let alone the rest. You sound like a poor parent and your sister is better off away from your nonsense.
Obviously YTA, with plenty of details above about why, in this specific instance, YTA.
But your assholery is compounded when we look at your comments about how boring and self-isolating Vera was as a child and see that you're 10 years older than your sister. That means that she would have been getting interested in "boring" topics that she could attempt to engage older people would probably have been around age, whet, 6? At which time you were 16.
So, fine, we're all myopic and self-involved at 16 and you weren't interested in your kid sister and you probably showed all the disdain you felt for her because that's 16 year olds for you. (Though from your post, I think it's extremely likely that 6yo Vera was on the receiving end of identical disdain from your other siblings, which would make the hardiest introvert turn inwards.)
But when she was 8, you were 18. When she was 10, you were 20. You were 28 years old before Villiers raeven became an adult, which means that all your "kids aren't interested in boring shit" stuff is literal nonsense. You were not a kid. You want Vera to interact with your children on their terms, but apparently you never extended that same grace to Vera when you were an adult and she was a child.
And you decided, over and over and over again, throughout Vera's childhood and into her adulthood, that your sister—your sister who was, again, a child when you were an adult—was worthy only of your disdain, because she's different to the rest of you. And still she kept showing up to this family that is apparently united in regarding her as less than them, presumably because she thought that there was still some underlying family love and belonging with her siblings, until you all banded together to tell her in terms she could no longer ignore, that you don't love her and you don't think she belongs with you.
Which, let's be honest, is something you and your siblings have been telling her all her life, one way and another. Again, when you were an adult and she was a child.
I hope Vera has a happy life with people who value and understand her as she is and that the pain she must be feeling now is mitigated by the understanding that in the long term, she hasn't lost a family, because you never treated her like your family to begin with. Instead, she's excised a cancer that was probably draining the life from her. She'll be so much better off without you.
Vera: if you ever ever ever see this thread, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF KITTENS AND PUPPIES, post what and how you feel about this, and also what consequenses your dense brother and sister got.
This. So much this. It is soul crushingly lonely to forever be on the outside looking in on the family that should have been yours.
I too hope Vera finds her people and all the joy and happiness she missed out on as a child.
This is amazing, I didn't even connect what their ages would have been when she was a kid. So yeah, she's essentially interacting with their kids the same way they interacted with her when she was a kid. But now they're all mad about it.
OP YTA
YTA
I don't understand people who do not like children, but people who don't like children are not assholes. The way you fail to tolerate that makes you the asshole, and not compensating someone for damage that children cause to their property is absolutely outrageous.
tbh it sounds like she just keeps the same distance from the kids as she does with the rest of OP’s family, not that she doesn’t like them. OP mentions that she’s polite to everyone, she just doesn’t do physical forms of affection like “uppies” the way everyone else apparently does. Which according to OP means she’s a bad aunt because how dare she not bend over backwards to take care of family members that she has a strained relationship with?
My ex-BIL used to call me a bad aunt all the time for not wanting to watch their baby, or change their baby, or clean their baby, or take their baby for over nights at my house. Luckily my sister would step in and remind him that I didn't have kids because I don't want kids. And that their baby was not my responsibility.
Absolutely, YTA.
You clearly have never liked your sister and have never respected her for not being more like you.
Also, adults respect others' belongings and pay for the damage they or their children do to those belongings.
You want her to act like family? Treat her like family, with love and respect, which from the sounds of it you never have.
YTA..... You sound jealous and your attitude towards your sister is ridiculous. You have different lifestyles, ambitions and attitudes, so what.... She is polite towards your children and that's all you should expect. Not everyone will think that your children are the best thing since sliced bread and want to be involved in their activities.
YTA. she learned at young age that the topic she is interested and talks about bore you, so she stopped talking to you about them. now you're offended that she doesn't speak. she doesn't like kids much but she still comes to your children filled parties and is polite to the kids, but for you that's not enough. would it be great if your sister was a clone of you and had all the same interests and behaviors and opinions as you? probably for you yes. but she's not. she's a different person. who despite all your disinterest and obvious condescension has done her best to be around you.
and this is how you choose to treat her.
you asked our opinion so stop arguing and start thinking.
I say this as a mom with 3 kids of my own: YTA. Majorly. First of all, your post drips of contempt and jealousy toward your sister and her accomplishments. Aside from that, there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting to hang out with/watch/hold kids. *I* don’t even like holding/cuddling or spending a lot of time with kids that aren’t my own. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their boundaries and comfort zones.
What *is* wrong is essentially ostracizing your sister as a kid because you considered her boring and then getting pissed that she’s cold and distant as an adult. My brother did the same to me when we were kids. When he wasn’t ignoring me, he was bullying me. I can tell you, the 10 years we haven’t spoken have been some of the most peaceful of my life. Your sister finally decided it wasn’t worth the bother to keep trying with you lot and you absolutely are at fault. I hope she has a long happy life away from you people.
You are a huge, gaping ah. YTA big time!!
In every single response you keep blaming your sister and not taking to heart what anyone is saying - Literally none of the reasonable perspectives or criticism you're getting. You just wrote this post to try to validate your immature, selfish actions and are now upset that people aren't seeing this the way you wanted them to. Holy cow is your sister better off without you!
ETA: Your sister is just different from you, and it doesn't sound like you've _ever_ made an attempt to understand how _she_ works. Your words are dripping with disdain. Hasn't it occurred to anyone in your family that she may be neurodivergent (not necessarily, of course, but still, you could make an effort to be kind, curious and respectful about _her_) and you have an opportunity to learn how other people function in this world?
Yes! She really might be neurodivergent.
And don't forget, there is 10 years difference between OP and sister. Of course most of times a 15 y.o. boy would be bored to talk with 5 y.o. girl, or 20 y.o. guy — to talk with 10 y.o. girl. She was a quiet book worm, he was the opposite. And he was and still is a macho ego man who doesn't care about her, and she is a smart independent assertive woman with a well-paid big job and a good BF who loves and respects her for who she is.
YTA. If she was a radical child free person and said spiteful words, I would get it why OP chose to exclude her. But she was respectful towards children and just kept the distance, so the only toxic AHs there are OP and others who despise her for not bending over for them.
YTA . You or your kids are not entitled to any type of affection from anyone. Not everyone wants walking germ factories crawling all over them. Kids are disgusting and annoying. I don't understand why your sister would even WANT to be around the brats let alone get offended by not being invited.
YTA. She has boundaries that you don't like. She's not rude to the children, she's politely maintaining those boundaries, and that upsets you. I doubt the children even care, if they did it would be a teaching opportunity for them, others have the right to say no.
YTA. It's not that Vera doesn't understand, she might just not be comfortable handling kids or she simply didn't know how to do it. But it doesn't mean that she hates being in the family, because she did come to the family event. Also, it's totally valid for her to be mad when her laptop breaks since she needs to do some work. I would be mad af too.
But you decided not to invite her to "teach her a lesson" is very unnecessary because why? What are you hoping for her to learn? Such a stupid move. You should have a conversation like adults, ask her what's wrong, and be more understanding. But you keep assuming things and end up hurting her.
YTA. You sound insufferable and entitled. You moan and complain because she won't play with the kids, you expect her to babisit a bunch of toddlers (!!!), you're trying to minimize her work laptop being broken and you keep trying to twist her honestly normal behaviour to make her seem bad.
So she likes to read, is organized and reserved? How is all this a flaw? How does this justify all your family trying to ostracize her? Why were kids allowed near her laptop? She was even gracious enough to drop her expectations of being paid for the damages (which she had every right to). What was all that BS you spewed in the comments about it being "probably insured"?
I don't know if it's jealousy and you're just envious or what, but she's better off cutting you out of her life. You sound so self centered and exhausting.
So you blocked her from family gatherings, but now you’re annoyed that she blocked you? That’s priceless.
You tried to justify your actions by saying how different she was from you …that resentment is dripping all throughout this post
She’s better off without you all
YTA
YTA. You are the intolerant one, not your sister. Not everyone likes kids, she has chosen to be child free, and why should she provide you free childcare?
If you have a child, you are responsible for that child. Why is the child playing with har laptop? Why is the child not being watched? Where was the child's mother or another responsible adult who had agreed to watch them at that point?
Your entire post is angled towards building a justification for why you seem to think your sister should conform to your standards. Why should she? Your standards are those of an intolerant A hole.
You are required to care for your kids, noone else is. If she is uncomfortable around kids, why should she be made uncomfortable to please you?
The main point at which you were a huge AH though, was when you made an AH decision on behalf of your whole family, and presented it as though it was from the whole family, without consulting them. You had no right to do that, but she naturally responded to that. Now your family is pissed at you for your actions, and maybe you are now feeling some heat.
This problem is entirely of your personal making, due to not respecting your sister's boundaries and acting in a superior, intolerant, high handed manner. You owe your entire family apologies, but mostly your sister. Though I can understand if she wouldn't really want to re-engage with you, you sound exhausting.
Its hard to say if the rest of the siblings agreed or not. OP is clearly a very "My way, or the highway" kind of person. We know he told his siblings he was unhappy, but not what they said in response, and the decision not to invite his sister appears to have been all him.
He says family members were angry at him when his sister blocked them all, but doesn't say whether his other siblings were included in that.
Like 99% of AITA problems, the solution is communication, which OP is frankly terrible at, having not progressed beyond childish demands.
Do you see the irony? When SHE was a child you wouldn’t talk to her because you thought her topics of conversation were boring. But she has to find YOUR kids fascinating and adorable? YTA.
YTA. You can't police how someone interacts with others just because they aren't like you. Not everyone like kids, even when they are related and your sister has obviously chosen to be child free for a reason. As for the laptop, the parents of the child should have paid for it. Kids being kids is a pathetic excuse for damaging someone else's property, even if it was an accident. Though I have to question if it was actually an accident, they shouldn't be touching other peoples items without permission for it to be "accidentally" dropped in the first place.
What you did was cruel. Clearly, your sister cares enough to attend family events. Her being there spoke volumes. The kids, over time, will figure out how to deal with their Aunt Vera, who may be a wonderful mentor later in life. Never exclude family who are nontoxic and want to be present. YTA.
YTA. I've read through the post and all your replies up to this point, so I'm going to point some things out.
1 - You and your siblings isolated your sister. You say it's because she was into other things that you and the other flying monkeys weren't into. This might be true, but the side of that coin is she wasn't interested in what she was either, and it's not like you made a point to try and include her by doing something she wanted.
2 - The kid who broke the laptop was 7, which is a parenting fail on whoever the kids' parent is. By 7, they should know to watch their surrounding and know that playing tag of all things is to be done away from seating and the BBQ.
3 - You've continued on with the isolation of your sister by making sure she wasn't invited because you and your other siblings refuse to have a conversation with your children about respect and personal boundaries (which can include not liking being touched)
You're 41 years old. It's time to grow up and stop being a high-school bully. Your sister was right in cutting all of you off. Her life will be so much better now without your judgment.
Are you sure those children aren't out-of-control hooligans being "gentle parented" (translation: never told no, allowed to shriek and get into absolutely everything, including other people's expensive laptops).
She probably shouldn't have left it where children could get it, but children should also be taught not to touch other people's stuff, and mom should have taken responsibility there.
Some people just aren't all that interested in kids, and that's OK.
OP failed to mention that she didn't leave it anywhere. She was in a lawn chair, working on it, when a 7 yo playing tag literally ran into her so hard she dropped the laptop. OP wrote that in a comment, but won't mention that bit when someone criticises her for "leaving her laptop". It's such bizarre behaviour from OP.
I hate that that’s how gentle parenting is seen by so many people now. Because of so many shitty parents on TikTok calling what they’re doing gentle parenting when they’re literally just not raising their kid at all.
YTA, and all siblings that agree with you are also AH.
I hope Vera goes on to a great fulfilling life without the rest of you.
Your lack of self awareness tells me you will be back in the future BLAMING your sister when she refuses to open her wallet after being asked.
Your reasoning will be all about "FAMILY" conveniently omitting the ass h***s you ARE.
Yta. Have always been. Not every kid likes to hug, do uppies. Some of us like to read, observe and be smart. She was there, every time you had a gathering. She even came when it actually didn’t fit her working schedule, only to find a nosy kid with her hands on her laptop. All of this, while she probably knows you resent her.
For being smart? For being a good consultant? For learning and reading?
I sincerely hope there isn’t a young child in the family that ‘is different’ as well. One kid that could benefit from being showed that boundaries are to be respected, women can be smart and it’s ok to not engage in all the fAMilY stuff. Because that kid could use a role model like this aunt.
The irony of telling someone to act like family when you're the one who doesn't act like family.
Guy, get off the high horse you've put yourself on because you're not some good "family" man. You're a sad, small, judgemental jerk who's so jealous of his superior sister that you actually can't even invite her to things because God forbid you have to see her and accept she's pretty awesome and has a good job and life. Her only flaw is...being serious and not wanting to pick up kids? Good lord you are pathetic.
And fyi, you set a shit example of family for your kids. Imagine someone not including them in the future the same way you did your sister.
YTA and being an overall shit human.
Wow..what a control freak! You want her to adjust with kids but you can't adjust with her attitude? She isn't interfering with your business and even if she wanted to replace the screen of the laptop any one can come forward and pitch to replace it. She is not a baby sitter to take care of kids for more than "15 minutes".She doesn't have to babysit at all!!You sound jealous of her success,her knowledge , overall her whole personality and plus you are a BULLY.
And now she doesn't react as per your expectation..that too is a problem for you and your siblings.Major YTA and your siblings too!!
Children need only their parents attention for discipline and guidance, the rest is playing with their peers, stop being weird about your sister, she is the only sane adult in the family, no adult wants to hear boring children talk, if they are bored buy more toys, get them outside more, they need to delevop a personality instead of just being annoying clinging humans to their aunt
YTA You don't say anywhere in your post that any of you tried talking to her beforehand to see what the problem was. You just all decided behind her back that she was no longer welcome since everyone should love your little Angel's, right? You told her afterwards, but she had to ask first. Even though she didn't interact much she cared enough about you all to show up. Until she found out none of you felt the same. Did you think that sister may be autistic or have some other issues? No, and none of you cared about her enough to find out. She was acting like an adult, an adult who isn't comfortable around loud children, an adult who doesn't like to be touched alot, an adult who gets upset when something of hers gets broken. Have you, an adult never fit yourself into those same categories?
YTA Your sister is wicked smart, successful, in a committed relationship and doesn’t care for kids. She is not like you. Good job teaching all the kids how to be accepting of others. /s
She made a mistake leaving her laptop where it could be broken and dropped the issue quickly. Good for her.
And if she was involved with the kids and voiced an opinion, you would be the one to say “You don’t understand, you don’t have kids.”
You did the passive/aggressive action of not inviting your SISTER to a FAMILY event. You didn’t call her, text her or email to ask if she was comfortable coming? You didn’t talk to her about YOUR issues?!
Please don’t talk about family until you grovel to her. You are the toxic ones, not her.
So when your sister was a child you found her 'boring' and didn't want to interact with her. And now Vera doesn't want to interact with your kids and the shoe is on the other foot you suddenly have an issue with adults not wanting to hang out with kids.
YTA. I wouldn’t wanna hang out either with adults who made being a parent their entire personality and expected every adult in the room to fawn over your spawns.
My parents accused me of isolating myself too as a child but I only isolated myself because I felt like they didn’t like me. It’s very obvious that you and maybe your siblings dislike Vera for whatever reason. Y’all are horrible siblings. YTA
YTA Wtf, are you delusional? You think the world has to be cordial to kids? You're in for a shock. She had every right to get upset about her laptop unless she was careless with where she had it. If the child took and damaged it, mom is totally responsible. Sounds like y'all were intolerant bullies then and you are the same now.
yta, for the reasons everyone else has mentioned
and I'd bet money on Vera being neurodivergent, probably autistic. the quiet gifted kid bookworm who talks about topics everyone finds weird/boring is damn near textbook, and pretty much a bang on description of me as a kid to boot. if that's the case, and she's like me, kids can be sensory nightmares. I actually happen to be pretty good with kids, especially my cousins... who are also probably autistic...but I'm very sensitive to skin contact (especially my arms. I have to wear long sleeves if I go out even in summer), sticky textures, crying/screaming noises, that sort of thing. you see how all of that means kids can be difficult?
Vera's entitled to her personal space and this would've been an excellent opportunity to teach the kids about not touching those who don't want to be touched. Vera being mad that someone let their kid pick up an expensive piece of equipment and drop it is also reasonable
honestly the whole thing just reads like you've never liked Vera for being different and are still trying to force her to be who you want, rather than who she actually is. why wouldn't she block you? I wouldn't want to be around you either
YTA. it seems like your sister was the only one being an adult about the situation. she has no obligation to show any warmth kindness or affection towards your pet sperm.
instead of you being an adult and trying to have a conversation with her to understand why she doesn't behave like you do. you turn her into the family pariah and refuse to invite her to a gathering. you are the one that made it very apparent to her that she is not a member of your family and she was not welcome.
YTA
Why should her insurance pay for if it's a nother persons kid who broke it. Your younger sister is definitely responsible for the broken laptop, + her 7 YEARS old child could maybe stop running into people?!?
YTa. Not. Everyone. Likes. Kids. It is literally impossible for someone to engage with children. Kids stress me out and give me anxiety and forcing myself to interact with them is exhausting. I can literally get migraines and something close to nausea. this is why I'm glad I live several states away from my nieces and nephews so I'm left alone. Nobody is obligated to coo and fawn over kids. I don't expect people to play with and gush over my cat.
And yes, if your kid breaks my shit you pay, at least over time if she can't pay all at once. Your sister should've been watching the kid.
The sanctimommies. They think everyone should like kids and are selfish for not wanting any. Why do child free people get such a bad rap? Honestly, why are you pissed someone doesn't want to watch your child? It's yours not hers and uppies? It's not just watching the kids you want them to parent them. The only one I give uppies to are puppies and cats .
YTA
It's not because you like children that you can expect everyone to like children!
And "kids will be kids" is just an easy way to say you're too lazy to teach your kids about boundaries...!!
Vera has done nothing wrong, she's not abusive or hostile to children, and she's still coming to family events where she knows children will be present, even though she clearly doesn't like them!
Have you considered that maybe one in every five family gatherings could be without children?
Since she doesn't have any, that only seems fair.
And it's not impossible to get a baby sitter once in a while, right?
YTA.
Your sister is clearly child free, and I don’t blame her, especially if all your kids are the majority of her experience with children.
You seem to believe your kids can do no wrong. “Kids will be kids” is not an excuse for them breaking a laptop. Why was the kid allowed to touch her laptop? Where the heck were all the adults while this was happening?
Your sister was trying to be a part of the family by showing up. She brought her laptop because clearly you exclude her a lot. And then it gets broken, no doubt when she ducked off for a few minutes to the toilet or something.
Parents are responsible for their kids. Not their child free aunt.
You are a giant flaming post-red-hot-spicy-meal-shit arsehole.
I sincerely hope that one day you grow up, for your kids sake if nothing else. Because it appears it’s too late for your sister.
YTA. She is not required to like your children to be part of the family. Your youngest sister’s kid broke her laptop. Yes, mom paying to fix it is a reasonable expectation. Sounds more like you are jealous that she has succeeded - not just in business but in having boundaries.
What the fuck is wrong with you? She doesn't want kids. She's been nothing but polite to you, the family, and the children of the family despite her not wanting to be a mother (which apparently is sacrilege to you). What exactly do you want from her?
YTA - you sound like an irresponsible parent. When the croch spawn started playing with your sisters laptop, who stopped the brat. Of course she was pissed that some idiot's kid broke something she owned, let alone used for work. Being a single mom does not make her not responsible for her kid.
Then you're upset that she doesn't want to hug or interact with the misbehaved children or hold the baby's.
Then you don't understand when she blocks you and all the terrible family that thought it was a good idea to exclude her. You told her she isn't family, and she reacted as one should towards hurtful people who aren't family.
YTA: Are you the one with the problem? She’s bright: she doesn’t process things “YOUR” way, so she’s wrong, unless you were elected supreme being, you don’t get the make the family decisions.
She knows she’s different. It’s hard, and I would imagine she has to psych herself up for such gatherings, because she NEEDS some control of your “chaos” to cope, but she tries.
You exiled her. Are you jealous of her abilities? I guarantee she is lonely in her much smaller world where she maintains just a smudge of control. Are you jealous she’s a short bus kid?
You need to check your mean boy score ( I’m pretty sure you‘re Hitting the high spots) and stop speaking for your family, and excluding someone who has most likely had to psych themselves up for these gatherings ( because she loves MOST of you, and tries- you’re off the Christmas Card List), and you just kicked her off the list.
Hope you wear that “Mean Boy” crown with pride in your closet. You’re a bully, and should be ashamed of yourself.
And yes: 5 point harness and a window licker ( isn’t that what YOU are implying?) on that bus myself. You should be ashamed of yourself, and YOU are no family spokesperson.
YTA--- "Kids will be kids" is a dangerous way to raise children. Also, you distanced yourself from her at a young age, but you are the oldest child- YOU were suppose to be the man of the house that keeps the family together when your parents passed. What happened to being a good brother and accepting her for the choices she made? Terrible brother, terrible father.
YTA. do you love your sister or not? Is your love contingent on how she interacts with your kids? Your grievances are nothing… at best she ignores them. So what? Not everyone is comfortable around kids? And any sane person would be upset at damaging property, she even dropped the issue.
The only thing bringing me joy is the knowledge they without the scapegoat around for the siblings to jointly mock they are going to turn on one another.
I’m standoffish. I hug my Mom and give her a kiss hello, but that’s it. During emergencies I keep it together, I don’t cry, or get anxious. I save that for when it’s over and Im alone. This has lead them to affectionately call me an android. And it IS with affection, because my siblings understand and respect my personality. They also all come to me with their problems since I don’t let emotion dictate my actions and they sometimes do. During emergencies they fall apart if Im not available to handle it. Hell my brother called me from ICU when I was in
Baltimore for work and wouldn’t take or do what they asked without my approval (I’ve been a licensed nurse since I was 22, and have well over a decade of experience).
I also tend to get overwhelmed around too many people after a while.
YTA for never accepting your sister for who she is. My siblings were able to, and they figured out that I may seem cold on the surface, but they know I love them because Im always there when they need me. Try breaking out of your childish, myopic viewpoint and actually try to understand her. It won’t do you any good now that she’s cut you all out, but it’s good that she did
"Expected her to be an adult"? She's not the one acting like a mean girl and banning her for not liking "uppies"
She handled things very maturely. Her so-called "family" excluded her for petty reasons so she removed herself from the situation instead of begging to be let back in like you wanted her to do.
She doesn't need to change to please you.
If your relatives are upset with you for excluding your sister and making them look bad by doing so, that's on you.
YTA
You describe her as “overconfident”, and say her boyfriend is “convinced she’s the holy grail of management” and that “she’s a bit much”. That is VERY condescending, and reveals that you don’t like her to begin with, in areas that have NOTHING to do with your kids.
And yes, if a kid breaks someone’s things, it’s the parents’ responsibility to pay them back.
YTA big time, and you have earned the vitriol you’re getting from your extended family.
Guarantee if your sister was your brother you wouldn’t be throwing a tantrum about them not giving a toddler uppies. You’re a raging misogynist who thinks it’s their place to teach women lessons. She’s an adult. You’re not her teacher, her boss, or her parent.
YTA. You all should have spoken to her about your concerns. If she didn't respond well then you should have at least warned her that there was a family gathering and that she is not invited because of the issues she has with being around kids, the flipping out when one dropped her computer being the only one to have any real footing. To sideline her and then let her just find out online is extremely immature. You should be ashamed of yourselves for not acting like grown adults and simply being upfront and honest.
YTA. With family like you, who needs enemies. Your children sound like unmanaged brats. You sound insufferable. You decided when you were kids that you didn’t like her because she had different interests than you (she is 10 years younger than you and you expect her to extend the grace to your children that you didn’t extend to her). You have even admitted you know nothing about her hobbies. You are a sad excuse of a big brother and if the rest of your siblings are like you then she is better off without the flying monkeys.
Honest question, do all of your other siblings feel the same way as you? Either way, congrats on losing a sister and possibly more extended family. They obviously like her more than you and it’s not like you haven’t shown them exactly who you are over the years with the cherry on top being this stunt. Hope you feel happy you put your sister in her place. I just hope she remembers that a happy place for her is far from you.
YTA
You fucked around and found out. You never liked your sister (you got bored when she talked?) and were looking for reasons to not have anything to do with her. You never actually had a conversation with her about how she interacted with your children (which...isn't that bad? I never did "uppies" or whatever that is with my niece and it wasn't an issue) and instead just cut her off. Something tells me this isn't the first thing you've done since she went straight to no contact and blocking everyone. You sound like a pretentious, entitled snot.
YTA, your post is dripping with resentment. Not everyone has to like your brats that are loud and break things just as not everyone loves fantasy football or concerts
>Vera doesn't seem to understand this, she greets the kids from a distance, never hugs them and if one of them comes to her she will keep them at arm length, will be polite but way too serious and somehow cold with them. Neither my siblings nor me like this, or the way she will refuse to do "uppies" with the toddlers or just refuse to play along with the older kids who want to make questions, or just talk like kids do. Let alone will watch the kids even for 15 minutes (would not ask more from her).
YTA. Not everyone likes kids, and she's not a bad person for not wanting to hug them and pick them all up. Frankly it's weird you feel she *has* to do these things and that you judge her for not doing them.
It's also the kid's fault he or she broke the laptop, and they need to learn a lesson more than Vera does. Kids should be taught not to play with things that belong to other people, especially when they're expensive and fragile. I'm not sure why no one was supervising this kid and correcting his behavior. This is probably why Vera has kept her distance from the kids, since apparently no one is teaching them manners and how to behave.
YTA, “she was introverted as a child, won’t play w my kids, won’t pick up me kids, won’t babysit, and gets mad when our kids break her shit, so we don’t want her around” you are a terrible sibling.
YTA.
You and your siblings are a bunch of immature, blindly entitled assholes who can't for the life of them respect their sister and her preferences. Cutting ties with you as she did is the only sane thing I've read in your post.
The way you speak about her is the way mediocre, dumb and envious people talks about competent, intelligent persons.
Nobody deserves a family like this.
Yta
Speaking from experience she's likely on the spectrum
And your uncontrolled children broke her stuff.... single moms on welfare especially should make sure their kids aren't destroying things they can't afford to replace.
And never use "hence" again.... or maybe get your gifted sister to teach you how to use it correctly.
YTA
Some people don't like children, or being touched, and that's ok. Some people are reserved by nature, and that's also ok. I don't hear anything in this post that makes me think your sister is abusive.
If your child breaks an expensive computer then yes, you are indeed responsible for repairing it. Teaching children respect for other's possessions is the responsibility of the PARENTS, especially when they KNOW they don't have the finances to pay for fixing or replacing what their child damages.
YTA
The laptop damage…the parent SHOULD pay for it.
Further, you want her to act…like YOU want her to act. Not like herself.
She doesn’t like kids. That’s who she is. She’s polite with them, but doesn’t want to really deal with them. Apparently for her to be fully your sibling she has to change her preferences.
Say bye to interacting with this sibling.
YTA its not her job to look after your kids or interact with them if she doesn't want to. She makes an effort to go to an environment that is not comfortable for her, does nothing wrong what so ever and you ostracize her?? Shocking, I think its clear from the post you are jealous of her. She respects your life choices but you don't respect her's. YTA!!!
Good lord, you are awful. I am glad your sister has decided to go NC with the amount of self righteousness, petty jealousy, and toxic judgement from you and your siblings. You made your choices, she made hers, you can't respect hers, so you cut her off from invites?
Guess what, she is going to have a better life than you. And when you need her help, she won't be there. When that happens, remember the day that you severed the relationship over your petty BS, and don't you dare try to play the 'we are family' card.
YTA, and you are in the FA part, the FO part is coming soon.
I'm going to say NTA because you did your younger sister a huge favor by banning her from family functions, mostly because y'all absolutely do not treat her as family.
You say she pulled out the laptop for attention, but folks that actually have real careers and not just a job work at odd times like weekends, or the middle of the night ad the work has to get done no matter where you or your family want to be or do.
She stays away from the kids because honestly, her relationships with her siblings were pretty horrible, and it's well known the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... so she kept her distance from the kids because she assumes with y'all as parents, they must be as obnoxious little turds their parents were... and since no one stepped up to take responsibility for their child, she's right.
You thought that having a party that you didn't invite your sister to, then posting it all over social media would result in her abandoning all of the lessons she learned throughout childhood from her family and cling to y'all's bosom? The kid that spent all her time in her room reading because the rest of you were to self-absorbed to relate to her? This is the girl you thought would immediately jump to "family is everything", and now you're all shocked pikachu face because you've reaped what you've sown - the lone middle sibling can finally be a happy only child.
INFO. If you don't actually like your sister at all, why do you care? Nothing you have said, not one single word, indicates you like your sister and want to spend time with her. You don't like that she isn't like YOU. You don't like that she is doing better than you. You also can't fathom that she's smart and good at what she does because you wrote her off for being a quieter child.. or maybe it's because she's a woman, since your post was peppered with misogynistic overtones..
Family supports one another, or that's how it's supposed to work anyway. It sounds like she shows up to family events despite loud, boisterous environments maybe not being her scene. She was meeting you halfway, and you couldn't be bothered to show her the same effort. She showed up, you shunned her for not conforming to what you think she should be doing. You showed her that your love is conditional. So, again, why do you care? You didn't want her around, she's not around. Wish granted.
>Shes authoritative,strategic, and overconfident. Even her boyfriend would not take a business or financial decision without consulting her
So she's a smart and successful business person. She sounds *terrible*. And she is an adult, just not an adult whose existence revolves around someone else's kids.
"Learn a lesson" Jesus Christ.
YTA
YTA.
On top of everything everyone is already saying in the comments, I'm hung up on the "but we were kids and got bored when she talked so we just didn't get along". At what ages is this? Because you are 10 years older than her.
YTA and all this reads like you're just jealous of your sister. She sounds smart, successful, and confident and has chosen a child-free life. For some reason, this gets on your nerves because she's not, what...motherly?? Grow up man.
YTA. Of course you are. As are your other siblings, except for poor Vera.
You sound bitter and extremely jealous of Vera and her many accomplishments, while your own achievements seem to be limited to popping out babies/making babies.
Which, in and on its own, is totally fine. However, you and your other siblings with kids don't seem to be very competent parents either.
Anyway, Vera is much better off without you and the other bitter hags.
YTA. All of you are upset that she’s not like you and you’re wrong.
I will concede that she could have had the laptop in a more secure place or not have brought it at all, but regardless of welfare status, the mother should pay for it.
You all have a lot more growing up to do.
YTA.
Her behavior makes me wonder if she has some sensory issues. Avoiding y'all from childhood and then avoiding other children as an adult.
-You wanted her to be a sitter, but she has no obligation to do that (though if there were an emergency one could argue otherwise) and she didn't actually mistreat anybody's children.
-You don't hold the parent of the child who damaged her work computer, liable for the damage, and then she lets it go and you still think *she* was wrong?
Did you and all your siblings just get on the bad decision train and never get off?
By the way, she's not 'arrogant' she is *competent* and *confident*, and that's not a bad thing.
And what's a 'cold, dead message'? Were you expecting an outpouring of agony? She got directly to the point.
And you essentially told her that since you and your twit siblings define themselves by their children and nothing else, unless she was willing to do the same thing, you didn't want her around.
You wanted her to change into a completely different person, a person who by your own account (even if you tried to make it seem otherwise) is just fine. or you just didn't want her at all.
She saw that, and so she cut you off.
She was right.
You were wrong.
YTA, you all *absolutely suck*. One more stop on the bad decision train for all of you.
I can just see it now, five or ten years down the line, 'Kid has some expense'
"Hey, let's go ask the sister we ejected from the family if she'll contribute. Of course she'll want to! She has to want us back! And she owes us because *fa-mi-ly*" with zero sense of irony or self awareness whatsoever.
Then you or one of your siblings will be posting on Reddit asking if it was wrong to expect her to make amends or to expect her to help.
I don't often see a case where 100% of the brains go to only one child, but here we are.
No “uppies”? She won’t watch YOUR kids for you? She got upset 😭 be of them destroyed her laptop? What a horrible human! You should expose her online. Go tell everyone how she wasn’t happy when a kid destroyed her belongings and how the deadbeat mom did nothing.
Obviously YTA. But don’t worry, your kids def aren’t in the will now.
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YTA Your list of grievances about your sister is ludicrous. No "uppies"? No hugs? Won't watch *your children* for 15 minutes. I hope this post is a wind up but if not you and your siblings are ridiculous. >Hence, I spoke to my siblings and concluded it was best if we didn't invite her over for the next gathering, that was this weekend. I knew she would see the photos on Instagram, but I so hoped she would see how her attitude had isolated her and would learn a lesson. >Boy, I was wrong. She sent me a short, dead cold message asking why she wasn't invited, I told her the reason and told her we expected her to behave like a member of the family if she wanted to be treated like family. She responded "Okay" and proceeded to block us everywhere. Not only her, her boyfriend did too. Oh well, I guess your sister decided if you couldn't accept her for who she is she's better off without you all.
YYA. Overconfident? Her boyfriend seeks her advice before making financial decisions? She became upset and wanted to be compensated when a child broke her computer (she later realized her single mother, welfare-receiving sister couldn’t pay for the damage her child caused and dropped the subject)? None of these things make her a bad person. You have to twist yourself in knots to try to frame her in a negative light. Your sister wanted to have a relationship with her family despite your looking down on her for having a great job and no children. Those are superficial reasons to freeze a sibling out. You and your siblings are the ones who need to learn to behave like adults. You really need to behave better. Your children need better role models.
Piggybacking to add on that the misogyny and jealousy are so strong with this man. It probably eats him alive that his sister is so smart and earns significantly more than him and the rest of the family and has a male partner who supports and respects her ! The audacity to come here and complain after someone's expensive personal belongings were broken, and not apologize and offer to replace immediately shows what a pathetic, rude, and entitled person he is. I love that his lame attempt to control her backfired spectacularly on him. I really really hope that the children in this family have better role models than this sorry, insecure excuse for a person and it's so sad that they are missing out on knowing their smart, capable aunt !
Soooo much jealousy! > She was gifted, I get it, but we were kids and got bored when she talked OP is 10 years older. So he was 18 when Vera was 8. And he couldn't keep up with her level of conversation.
HAHA you are so right. How pathetic.
Omg I didn’t even do that math yet. OP really telling on himself there, ain’t he?
So as a child, she was kept at arm's length because she bored them. Now she treats his brats the same way, and she's the bad guy. Sounds like the siblings are reaping what they sowed.
She probably just assumed that's how you interacted with children because it was her only reference -her siblings interacted with her at arms length Honestly just smells of jealousy it's grim
You hit the nail on the head with what you said.
👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾
She probably didn’t “bore them” so much as they couldn’t keep up with what she talked about, so they got bored! ;) The jealousy is thick with this OP, with zero ability to mask it.
Or at the very least he acknowledges that he wasn’t interested in connecting with children when he was 18, found them tiresome and boring, but I guess because she is a woman she’s supposed to be excited for uppies and conversation with her niblings?
Well sounds like he and the rest are sloth slow. Sheesh
OMG-Right?!
> So he was 18 when Vera was 8. And he couldn't keep up with her level of conversation. I got the impression the sister might be mildly autistic. She'd delve deep into some subject that no one else was interested in, and the other kids did not have the same interests as she did. When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, the other schoolkids weren't interested in my discussion about the second radiator in the P51 Mustang. They mostly seemed confused.
As an autistic woman, that’s the first thing I thought but would make a lot of sense why she seemed so different and unrelatable. We relate with people by sharing information and if her siblings reject that, she likely learned to keep her distance.
It was the first thing I thought of too. It sounds like she was a mildly autistic person just trying her best to survive in a busy household with lots of siblings...probably a nightmare scenario for autistic and/or SPD and/or introverted peeps. The jealousy and calousness from OP is just wild...and pretty darn sad and upsetting :-/
But he expects her to talk to his kids.
I sincerely hope none of his kids are smart girls, lest they be looked at in the same, crappy light he looks at his sister in. I agree. It's a real shame these kids will miss out on getting to know their aunt who has a different lifestyle. It's a little diversity. The girls in the family won't get to see that their entire value is not placed in procreation. Gigantic YTA.
I doubt we have to worry about this guy making smart kids of any gender.
My brothers' have the same issue with my husband. He's an equal and active parent, and a doting partner. Just all around baller, and he makes them look like not particularly bright jackasses. The support and respect is exactly what they have a problem with.
We thought she was boring and ignored her when she was little...why won't she act like part of the family???? For fuck's sake, this man thinks she's overconfident but can't spell "grail" correctly. There's audacity, and then there's this man.
Right? I commented pointing out that this guy isn't even smart enough to realize that she could someday get used to his older children and be there Rich Aunt so and so LOL
I get a very strong 'I am angry because I realized I peaked in high school' vibe from OOP. My bet is that he works some OK job like store manager at AutoZone and is mad because he can see Vera can afford things that he never will, so he has to reframe his life choices to make it look like she is the loser.
100%, the entitlement of some parents is so beyond the pale. “How dare she not be as in love with our kids as we are and pick them up and babysit at our whim. How dare she have feelings about when her work laptop gets destroyed, we should not invite her to future family gatherings.” YTA Having kids is one of the easiest things you can possibly do. You didn’t pull out, congratulations, what an achievement. Your sister probably worked a lot harder for her career than you did making those kids, but that doesn’t mean anything to you because being a parent you feel entitled to all the attention and free babysitting and “it should be fine your laptop got destroyed”.
You really need to see OP's comment where he states she brought her laptop with her "to get attention" 😂
It seems like she has a busy, demanding job and did the best she could to actually spend time with these assholes but still got shit for it. Reminds me of a time when my aunt screamed at me for not calling out of work for my uncle's birthday party. She shut up when i asked her when my birthday was.
How dare she, when his kids should get all the attention / s
Maybe she blocked them all because no one would give her laptop "uppies"
🤣 To be fair, though, the kid sure as shit gave the laptop downies.
The kids should get attention, but only from the women! OP needs time to go stand by the grill and fart.
That is literally the exact opposite of wanting attention. OOP is such an AH.
>Having kids is one of the easiest things you can possibly do. You didn’t pull out, With the effectiveness of the pull-out method, he probably *did* pull out.
Giving birth is hard and possibly deadly for women. Not so much for men though. Not saying giving birth gives you a right to be an entitled a hole though.
Have a feeling Poster is leading the mob.
Probably asked her for money at some point, and Vera turned OP down.
Yep! He's the eldest and the others all defer to him...except this one sister who can think for herself. How dare she not think the same way he does?! What an awful brother.
As early as I could remember I was told not to go near a computer that wasn’t mine. If one of my elders came on we and were working on a computer/laptop I was not to approach the table with food/liquids or touch it (early 2000’s). I’m 28 not and I still won’t touch someone else’s device without permission.
Right. Who goes around bothering other people's computers?
Yeah, "overconfident" might as well have been in 24-point neon red font for showing us how OP *really* feels.
I saw over confident and actually thought for a second they meant confident and accidentally added the over. That alone tells me more about OP than anything else in this post. Op also seems to look down on sister's BF because he asks his financial wizard of a partner financial advice. I'm like, hey OP, you had a connection to the same thing, and your response was to blow it up? In my family, we all have our expertise, and I talk to them when I need advice outside my skill set, and they do the same for me.
Seems like a wind up, laying on the child hating, successful woman thing a bit thick.
The weird thing is that OP apparently dislikes his sister so much that he seemed relieved that her bf had a vasectomy. It could just be me, but OP really does not like Vera for...reasons of some kind.
Plus - it's actually good for kids to see that people are different. She is not rude or harm the kids in any way. She just likes to keep her distance. And this is _fine_.
But the children are *sensitive*! /s
I'm not going to say it about the children because, well, they're children. But OP can sense these nuts going in his mouth.
And to be like, "And what the hell her bf blocked us, too!" Uh, maybe he loves and respects his girlfriend? Just a thought.
This was the first thing I noticed too. Reeks of “bros before hoes” bs.
Yeah but family is family! Unless you don't do exactly what OOP wants of course ..
Yeah the lesson that Vera has learned is that her siblings are assholes and she's better off without trying to please them.
My favorite part is he's 10 years older than her, and went on about "we were kids and she was boring so we couldn't be bothered..." When she was 7, he was 17... as a 17 yr old he couldn't be bothered to listen to his sister speak, yet he wanted her to treat his kids better than he treated her as a kid. I love kids... I do all the same things she does with kids. She is not the problem, her selfish, self-centered,judgmental, inconsiderate, bullying family def is, and I'm glad she's done putting up with people who dont want to accept her for who she is. YTA
I’m also, so she read instead of play with the others, ie. text book introvert, and likely felt outside, anxiety in social situations or the like. Reading the idiot OP, they likely razzed, ie. bullied her for it, and just thought it was the way to get her to be part of it all. Good on her for shutting out the breeders that don’t understand the world doesn’t revolve around their kids.
She didn't do anything that wasn't "acting like family." She didn't isolate herself from the family-- she did her best to get out of her severely introverted self and spend time with her family. I bet she's on the spectrum or has sensory processing issues that make it hard for her to interact socially/with kids. That or all the rejection and people ignoring her growing up made her think that that's the normal way of treating children. The family never treated her like family. She was always neglected and sidelined because she was different. That HURTS. The pain of being rejected by your family for things that are out of your control stings very hard. It's hard to recover from that. This was the last straw for her after a lifetime of rejection and pain. "Acting like family" to OP doesn't mean making time for family events, being cordial to everyone, taking an active interest in everyone's lives, trying to build bridges...it means not being neurodivergent or introverted. I wish the best for OP's sister as she heals from going NC. No contact is hard even when it's the right choice. I doubt OP will ever internalize the message but absolutely YTA OP.
YTA. You don't like her and you seem upset that she didn't react as you wanted when you didn't invite her. >I so hoped she would see how her attitude had isolated her and would learn a lesson. Didn't you think of having a conversation with her? >she greets the kids from a distance, never hugs them and if one of them comes to her she will keep them at arm length, will be polite but way too serious and somehow cold with them. She hasn't done anything wrong here, she's just different from you. >Let alone will watch the kids even for 15 minutes Why would she need to if they're all playing together and their parents are present? >She brought along her laptop because she had some work to do, and one of the kids dropped it accidentally, damaging the screen. Why would the child have the laptop in the first place? >just wanted to keep the kids on a friendly environment and expected her to be an adult She is an adult. You wanted her to conform to your expectations. You don't say anything about how you miss her company, it's all about how you expect her to behave around children. Not everyone is like you but it doesn't make them bad people.
Why would the child have the laptop in the first place? Remember, "kids are kids" /s
and it seems like these kids have not been parented properly otherwise they would not have touched someone else's laptop. this kids are kids argument is bullshit.
It seems like the family is very child focussed, everyone must love them and isn't it great when they're all running around causing havoc! The sister is outcast because she isn't like this. TBH it sounds like the sister has her shit together and her own life, has done the right thing in finally cutting them off and no longer trying to find inclusion from the family. They're very different people and the family is not willing to accept her as she is.
Exactly this. She seems to have always tried to be included despite being left out regularly. Without asking anything in return. Then this guy decided to cut her out to teach her a lesson and got what he deserved. One less sister. FAFO
I really hope she sees this whole post.
This. Kids being kids only goes so far. Like yes, kids are going to be kids, but the parents are still responsible. My nephew get excited and wants to run around a restaurant when our whole family gathers. That's normal, he's 3 *BUT* my sister and BIL don't let him because *they as adults* know its not safe for either him or the servers, and other guests. Yes, kids have accidentally destructive or dangerous impulses, but it's up to the parents to stop that behavior from happening.
My inlaws have 7 grandkids under 7, all in the same county, we spend time together all the time due to the proximity. I can leave my laptop unattended because they're not shitheads.
>Not everyone is like you Thank God! YTA. HUGE YTA. You and your siblings are a bunch of jealous, petty, inconsiderate AHs.
YTA. She didn't isolate herself, you and your other siblings isolated her because you found her "boring." And now your major complaints are about how she doesn't pick up your kids or play with them and how when one of the kids, who should have been supervised, dropped her laptop it was somehow on her and not on the parent of said child.
YTA Your sister isn’t you. She doesn’t like children and doesn’t like/doesn’t know how to interact with them. It’s not a criminal offense. Your entire post is about how she doesn’t do exactly what you’d like her to do. She’s a grown ass woman. Her asking to pay for a broken laptop may have been a bit much (those are usually insured) but not completely outrageous. It sounds like you were all just waiting for a reason to cut her off and it finally happened.
Maybe she would know how to act around kids if her siblings didn't ice her out as a kid.
YTA. We get it, your children are the world and your best things, and you love them dearly. That okay. Have you ever thought about what she likes, does and do with her own time? There is some missing pieces here. But anyway, you just cut away your own blood and their partner because, you know, you couldn't handle that someone makes other choices. As for your sister. I'm thinking she's saying "the trash took it self out".
YTA. This is coming from an aunt with 16 nieces and nephews of her own: You and your remaining siblings need to get over yourselves and stop being so damn snotty. Your sister is under no obligation to have a relationship with the kids or deal with them if she doesn't want to. Just like she doesn't have to watch them, regardless of how long it might be. For the simple fact that they aren't her kids. So if she says no, then leave it at that and stop making a production out of it. As for the laptop, the kid had no business messing with it in the first place. Since it was broken though, then your youngest sister, as the parent, is obligated to pay for it. Doesn't matter what her financial issues are. Her kid caused the issue, so it's her responsibility to make up for it. When it comes to blocking everyone, I don't blame your sister one bit. The majority of your family sounds like an entitled bunch of snots. Not the sort of people that anyone with common sense would want to waste their time with. Which is why if anyone needs to learn a lesson, it would be all of you. Mainly on how to act like decent human beings and respect how other people feel.
The youngest sister shouldn't have let her kid play with her aunt's laptop if she can't afford to replace or repair something like that. I know my mother wouldn't let me touch other people's stuff, and (as we were also on welfare) "I can't afford to replace that" might have going through her mind.
No kidding. My nieces and nephews range in ages from 5 to 28. All of them, right down to the youngest ones, know that when auntie says do not touch her things, then she means do not touch. Because they know they'd be in for a world of trouble if they broke anything, least of all my laptop.
FR, coming from a large extended family as well, I have aunts, uncles and cousins older or younger by 2-20 years that I’ve always been on “hugs and personal subjects” with, and others I’m on “handshakes and hi how are you’s” with - and it’s literally not an issue, bc every person is different and connects differently with other people. OP and the other siblings don’t seem to have given their sister much of an open opportunity to connect, if they all think of her this way while placing their disrespectful kids on a pedestal. I can’t imagine the amount of chaos, if this guy alone has five kids, 3 other siblings have children as well, and they somehow manage to get into other people’s personal property and break it, and he’s trying to paint a picture of his sister as the worst person ever for not being all giddy and happy to play along in the mess 😵💫 she’s better off blocking them lol. For judgement, YTA OP
Yta You sound jealous of her success and miffed that you cannot use her for free babysitting. Would you be this judgemental if she were your brother?
Of course not. Nor would he judge him as “overconfident” when what he means is “Even her *man* respects *her* specialist knowledge”. I’ve also never read a single post on Reddit that includes “Teacher her a lesson” that isn’t written by an absolute tosser. Not one
Yup, how dare OP's sister have lady parts and not go gaga over a little kid!!! The audacity of her!
And be interested in different things at 6 then he was at 16! Unforgivable!
Exactly. Misogyny at its finest.
He is SO very, very jealous. \[ETA: typo\]
also this guy having such an issue with her boyfriend asking her before making decisions. is she, as a woman, capable of maybe, just maybe, being able to do financial skills? woah! that’s a man’s work. lol this guy makes my head hurt
Somehow "man's work" he wouldn't be capable of! 😂 This dude is seething that she's so smart, successful, independent, and respected by her partner
OP is definitely the AH. I’m laughing that he’s so aggrieved that the boyfriend would get advice on financial matters. If my SO was as smart and accomplished as Vera, I’d be asking their advice, too.
YTA. >she greets the kids from a distance So? >never hugs them and if one of them comes to her she will keep them at arm length So? >will be polite but way too serious So? >she will refuse to do "uppies" with the toddlers So? > or just refuse to play along with the older kids who want to make questions, or just talk like kids do. So? >et alone will watch the kids even for 15 minutes BIIIIIG SO???? Not her circus, not her monkeys, *never* a mark against her for not wanting to watch someone else's kids. Your whole list just reads as "person who doesn't like kids but remains respectful", and that's FINE. >She brought along her laptop because she had some work to do, and one of the kids dropped it accidentally, damaging the screen Perfectly fine to bring the laptop; perfectly understandable to be upset by the incident, especially when she has made her stance on things very well known yet her siblings can't be bothered to teach their kids to leave auntie alone.... >, I told her the reason and told her we expected her to behave like a member of the family if she wanted to be treated like family. She responded "Okay" and proceeded to block us everywhere. Yup, you made your bed. You told her she isn't family because she won't play with *your* kids, pick up *your* kids or watch *your* kids. So, because she's responsibly child free given her feelings on kids.... she's just not welcome in the family now? Really bad take
What a clown. He wrote all that. Probably read it over a couple of times. And still hit post? In the face of smarts like this, anyone with even slightly above average intelligence would seem like they were were a gifted kid.
The irony that icing out family is exactly what OP has been doing for 30 years, so she's finally behaving "like family." ETA: TY for the award!
Take my poor redditors award for that beautiful take. I hadn't even thought of that! 🏆🏅
She's just not a kid person, I'd imagine it'd be easier for her as they got older.
Second paragraph: setting the background on how your sister was unlike you. And boring. Third paragraph: "she's just a bit much." Because she's successful. We get it. Actually we don't. She sounds like the ultimate career woman. And it sounds like she's good at what she chose to do. Fourth paragraph: She has no kids, she's in a relationship with someone who agrees on that. And then a snarky "Good for him." Fifth paragraph: everyone else has kids, they are normal kids. But they are sensitive too. Sixth paragraph: She is polite with the kids, but you and your siblings don't like that she's not willing to pick them up, or keep them busy or be a babysitter. If she knows absolutely nothing about kids and feel uncomfortable watching them why would you force her to watch them? Seventh paragraph: She told you she needed to get some work done. There was an incident. She got upset. Did she act correctly in the heat of the moment? Probably not, she was upset, but she finally backed off her demand that she be repaid for something a child broke. Eight paragraph: "how her attitude had isolated her and would learn a lesson." So instead of approaching this like an adult and discussing it with her, you know, like an adult would, you just cut her out of your life and family gatherings. Ninth paragraph: Ultimatum issued: you act like we expect you to or you don't get to be part of this family. Tenth: Am I the asshole to expect her to be an adult when I don't communicate, expect people to change themselves and passive aggressively cut people out when they don't act the way I want them to. Yes. Yes you are the asshole. You just effectively disowned your sister. You hurt her really really badly. And she might forgive you if you adjust your worldview and stop treating her like her choices for her life is wrong. But don't be surprised if she doesn't want to.
Unlikely. He’s been icing her out her whole life. She’s never been family to him. He’s just made it clear to her that she never will be either.
👏
YTA. Even your first paragraph is insufferable, let alone the rest. You sound like a poor parent and your sister is better off away from your nonsense.
Yta Vera is under no obligation to play with your out of control offspring least of all when you let them destroy her laptop with no repercussions
Yep. Sorry to break it to you OP YTA
Obviously YTA, with plenty of details above about why, in this specific instance, YTA. But your assholery is compounded when we look at your comments about how boring and self-isolating Vera was as a child and see that you're 10 years older than your sister. That means that she would have been getting interested in "boring" topics that she could attempt to engage older people would probably have been around age, whet, 6? At which time you were 16. So, fine, we're all myopic and self-involved at 16 and you weren't interested in your kid sister and you probably showed all the disdain you felt for her because that's 16 year olds for you. (Though from your post, I think it's extremely likely that 6yo Vera was on the receiving end of identical disdain from your other siblings, which would make the hardiest introvert turn inwards.) But when she was 8, you were 18. When she was 10, you were 20. You were 28 years old before Villiers raeven became an adult, which means that all your "kids aren't interested in boring shit" stuff is literal nonsense. You were not a kid. You want Vera to interact with your children on their terms, but apparently you never extended that same grace to Vera when you were an adult and she was a child. And you decided, over and over and over again, throughout Vera's childhood and into her adulthood, that your sister—your sister who was, again, a child when you were an adult—was worthy only of your disdain, because she's different to the rest of you. And still she kept showing up to this family that is apparently united in regarding her as less than them, presumably because she thought that there was still some underlying family love and belonging with her siblings, until you all banded together to tell her in terms she could no longer ignore, that you don't love her and you don't think she belongs with you. Which, let's be honest, is something you and your siblings have been telling her all her life, one way and another. Again, when you were an adult and she was a child. I hope Vera has a happy life with people who value and understand her as she is and that the pain she must be feeling now is mitigated by the understanding that in the long term, she hasn't lost a family, because you never treated her like your family to begin with. Instead, she's excised a cancer that was probably draining the life from her. She'll be so much better off without you.
Vera: if you ever ever ever see this thread, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF KITTENS AND PUPPIES, post what and how you feel about this, and also what consequenses your dense brother and sister got.
This one of the times you hope it goes viral so Vera can see it and reply her side!!!
Can we also get a gofundme started so we can throw this woman a child-free barbecue?
So we'll said that I'm trying not to cry for Vera 😭
This. So much this. It is soul crushingly lonely to forever be on the outside looking in on the family that should have been yours. I too hope Vera finds her people and all the joy and happiness she missed out on as a child.
This is an awesome assessment. Very well said!! This comment should be much higher.
This is amazing, I didn't even connect what their ages would have been when she was a kid. So yeah, she's essentially interacting with their kids the same way they interacted with her when she was a kid. But now they're all mad about it. OP YTA
Yta. But you did her a favor, and now she doesn't have to waste her time going to parties with people who don't know how to parent their kids.
YTA I don't understand people who do not like children, but people who don't like children are not assholes. The way you fail to tolerate that makes you the asshole, and not compensating someone for damage that children cause to their property is absolutely outrageous.
tbh it sounds like she just keeps the same distance from the kids as she does with the rest of OP’s family, not that she doesn’t like them. OP mentions that she’s polite to everyone, she just doesn’t do physical forms of affection like “uppies” the way everyone else apparently does. Which according to OP means she’s a bad aunt because how dare she not bend over backwards to take care of family members that she has a strained relationship with?
My ex-BIL used to call me a bad aunt all the time for not wanting to watch their baby, or change their baby, or clean their baby, or take their baby for over nights at my house. Luckily my sister would step in and remind him that I didn't have kids because I don't want kids. And that their baby was not my responsibility.
Info: how old was the kid who broke the laptop and how did it happen?
Absolutely, YTA. You clearly have never liked your sister and have never respected her for not being more like you. Also, adults respect others' belongings and pay for the damage they or their children do to those belongings. You want her to act like family? Treat her like family, with love and respect, which from the sounds of it you never have.
YTA..... You sound jealous and your attitude towards your sister is ridiculous. You have different lifestyles, ambitions and attitudes, so what.... She is polite towards your children and that's all you should expect. Not everyone will think that your children are the best thing since sliced bread and want to be involved in their activities.
YTA. she learned at young age that the topic she is interested and talks about bore you, so she stopped talking to you about them. now you're offended that she doesn't speak. she doesn't like kids much but she still comes to your children filled parties and is polite to the kids, but for you that's not enough. would it be great if your sister was a clone of you and had all the same interests and behaviors and opinions as you? probably for you yes. but she's not. she's a different person. who despite all your disinterest and obvious condescension has done her best to be around you. and this is how you choose to treat her. you asked our opinion so stop arguing and start thinking.
I say this as a mom with 3 kids of my own: YTA. Majorly. First of all, your post drips of contempt and jealousy toward your sister and her accomplishments. Aside from that, there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting to hang out with/watch/hold kids. *I* don’t even like holding/cuddling or spending a lot of time with kids that aren’t my own. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their boundaries and comfort zones. What *is* wrong is essentially ostracizing your sister as a kid because you considered her boring and then getting pissed that she’s cold and distant as an adult. My brother did the same to me when we were kids. When he wasn’t ignoring me, he was bullying me. I can tell you, the 10 years we haven’t spoken have been some of the most peaceful of my life. Your sister finally decided it wasn’t worth the bother to keep trying with you lot and you absolutely are at fault. I hope she has a long happy life away from you people.
You are a huge, gaping ah. YTA big time!! In every single response you keep blaming your sister and not taking to heart what anyone is saying - Literally none of the reasonable perspectives or criticism you're getting. You just wrote this post to try to validate your immature, selfish actions and are now upset that people aren't seeing this the way you wanted them to. Holy cow is your sister better off without you! ETA: Your sister is just different from you, and it doesn't sound like you've _ever_ made an attempt to understand how _she_ works. Your words are dripping with disdain. Hasn't it occurred to anyone in your family that she may be neurodivergent (not necessarily, of course, but still, you could make an effort to be kind, curious and respectful about _her_) and you have an opportunity to learn how other people function in this world?
Yes! She really might be neurodivergent. And don't forget, there is 10 years difference between OP and sister. Of course most of times a 15 y.o. boy would be bored to talk with 5 y.o. girl, or 20 y.o. guy — to talk with 10 y.o. girl. She was a quiet book worm, he was the opposite. And he was and still is a macho ego man who doesn't care about her, and she is a smart independent assertive woman with a well-paid big job and a good BF who loves and respects her for who she is. YTA. If she was a radical child free person and said spiteful words, I would get it why OP chose to exclude her. But she was respectful towards children and just kept the distance, so the only toxic AHs there are OP and others who despise her for not bending over for them.
I completely agree with you!
YTA . You or your kids are not entitled to any type of affection from anyone. Not everyone wants walking germ factories crawling all over them. Kids are disgusting and annoying. I don't understand why your sister would even WANT to be around the brats let alone get offended by not being invited.
YTA. She has boundaries that you don't like. She's not rude to the children, she's politely maintaining those boundaries, and that upsets you. I doubt the children even care, if they did it would be a teaching opportunity for them, others have the right to say no.
This reads more like “we have **always** hated our sister and made no attempt to hide our hate… why wont she babysit for us? “
YTA. It's not that Vera doesn't understand, she might just not be comfortable handling kids or she simply didn't know how to do it. But it doesn't mean that she hates being in the family, because she did come to the family event. Also, it's totally valid for her to be mad when her laptop breaks since she needs to do some work. I would be mad af too. But you decided not to invite her to "teach her a lesson" is very unnecessary because why? What are you hoping for her to learn? Such a stupid move. You should have a conversation like adults, ask her what's wrong, and be more understanding. But you keep assuming things and end up hurting her.
YTA. You sound insufferable and entitled. You moan and complain because she won't play with the kids, you expect her to babisit a bunch of toddlers (!!!), you're trying to minimize her work laptop being broken and you keep trying to twist her honestly normal behaviour to make her seem bad. So she likes to read, is organized and reserved? How is all this a flaw? How does this justify all your family trying to ostracize her? Why were kids allowed near her laptop? She was even gracious enough to drop her expectations of being paid for the damages (which she had every right to). What was all that BS you spewed in the comments about it being "probably insured"? I don't know if it's jealousy and you're just envious or what, but she's better off cutting you out of her life. You sound so self centered and exhausting.
So you blocked her from family gatherings, but now you’re annoyed that she blocked you? That’s priceless. You tried to justify your actions by saying how different she was from you …that resentment is dripping all throughout this post She’s better off without you all YTA
YTA. You are the intolerant one, not your sister. Not everyone likes kids, she has chosen to be child free, and why should she provide you free childcare? If you have a child, you are responsible for that child. Why is the child playing with har laptop? Why is the child not being watched? Where was the child's mother or another responsible adult who had agreed to watch them at that point? Your entire post is angled towards building a justification for why you seem to think your sister should conform to your standards. Why should she? Your standards are those of an intolerant A hole. You are required to care for your kids, noone else is. If she is uncomfortable around kids, why should she be made uncomfortable to please you? The main point at which you were a huge AH though, was when you made an AH decision on behalf of your whole family, and presented it as though it was from the whole family, without consulting them. You had no right to do that, but she naturally responded to that. Now your family is pissed at you for your actions, and maybe you are now feeling some heat. This problem is entirely of your personal making, due to not respecting your sister's boundaries and acting in a superior, intolerant, high handed manner. You owe your entire family apologies, but mostly your sister. Though I can understand if she wouldn't really want to re-engage with you, you sound exhausting.
That's a very good point. We don't even know how the rest of the OP's family feel. He just decided for everyone. 🤦
The rest of the siblings agreed, though I do wonder how pushy OP was. Can't wait for the situation to explode and some of them cut him off too.
Its hard to say if the rest of the siblings agreed or not. OP is clearly a very "My way, or the highway" kind of person. We know he told his siblings he was unhappy, but not what they said in response, and the decision not to invite his sister appears to have been all him. He says family members were angry at him when his sister blocked them all, but doesn't say whether his other siblings were included in that. Like 99% of AITA problems, the solution is communication, which OP is frankly terrible at, having not progressed beyond childish demands.
Do you see the irony? When SHE was a child you wouldn’t talk to her because you thought her topics of conversation were boring. But she has to find YOUR kids fascinating and adorable? YTA.
Was anyone else cheering at the end when Vera blocked all the AH's in her family?
👋🏻 me! She handled that perfectly.
YTA. You can't police how someone interacts with others just because they aren't like you. Not everyone like kids, even when they are related and your sister has obviously chosen to be child free for a reason. As for the laptop, the parents of the child should have paid for it. Kids being kids is a pathetic excuse for damaging someone else's property, even if it was an accident. Though I have to question if it was actually an accident, they shouldn't be touching other peoples items without permission for it to be "accidentally" dropped in the first place.
What you did was cruel. Clearly, your sister cares enough to attend family events. Her being there spoke volumes. The kids, over time, will figure out how to deal with their Aunt Vera, who may be a wonderful mentor later in life. Never exclude family who are nontoxic and want to be present. YTA.
YTA. I've read through the post and all your replies up to this point, so I'm going to point some things out. 1 - You and your siblings isolated your sister. You say it's because she was into other things that you and the other flying monkeys weren't into. This might be true, but the side of that coin is she wasn't interested in what she was either, and it's not like you made a point to try and include her by doing something she wanted. 2 - The kid who broke the laptop was 7, which is a parenting fail on whoever the kids' parent is. By 7, they should know to watch their surrounding and know that playing tag of all things is to be done away from seating and the BBQ. 3 - You've continued on with the isolation of your sister by making sure she wasn't invited because you and your other siblings refuse to have a conversation with your children about respect and personal boundaries (which can include not liking being touched) You're 41 years old. It's time to grow up and stop being a high-school bully. Your sister was right in cutting all of you off. Her life will be so much better now without your judgment.
Are you sure those children aren't out-of-control hooligans being "gentle parented" (translation: never told no, allowed to shriek and get into absolutely everything, including other people's expensive laptops). She probably shouldn't have left it where children could get it, but children should also be taught not to touch other people's stuff, and mom should have taken responsibility there. Some people just aren't all that interested in kids, and that's OK.
OP failed to mention that she didn't leave it anywhere. She was in a lawn chair, working on it, when a 7 yo playing tag literally ran into her so hard she dropped the laptop. OP wrote that in a comment, but won't mention that bit when someone criticises her for "leaving her laptop". It's such bizarre behaviour from OP.
I hate that that’s how gentle parenting is seen by so many people now. Because of so many shitty parents on TikTok calling what they’re doing gentle parenting when they’re literally just not raising their kid at all.
YTA, and all siblings that agree with you are also AH. I hope Vera goes on to a great fulfilling life without the rest of you. Your lack of self awareness tells me you will be back in the future BLAMING your sister when she refuses to open her wallet after being asked. Your reasoning will be all about "FAMILY" conveniently omitting the ass h***s you ARE.
Yta. Have always been. Not every kid likes to hug, do uppies. Some of us like to read, observe and be smart. She was there, every time you had a gathering. She even came when it actually didn’t fit her working schedule, only to find a nosy kid with her hands on her laptop. All of this, while she probably knows you resent her. For being smart? For being a good consultant? For learning and reading? I sincerely hope there isn’t a young child in the family that ‘is different’ as well. One kid that could benefit from being showed that boundaries are to be respected, women can be smart and it’s ok to not engage in all the fAMilY stuff. Because that kid could use a role model like this aunt.
The irony of telling someone to act like family when you're the one who doesn't act like family. Guy, get off the high horse you've put yourself on because you're not some good "family" man. You're a sad, small, judgemental jerk who's so jealous of his superior sister that you actually can't even invite her to things because God forbid you have to see her and accept she's pretty awesome and has a good job and life. Her only flaw is...being serious and not wanting to pick up kids? Good lord you are pathetic. And fyi, you set a shit example of family for your kids. Imagine someone not including them in the future the same way you did your sister. YTA and being an overall shit human.
Wow..what a control freak! You want her to adjust with kids but you can't adjust with her attitude? She isn't interfering with your business and even if she wanted to replace the screen of the laptop any one can come forward and pitch to replace it. She is not a baby sitter to take care of kids for more than "15 minutes".She doesn't have to babysit at all!!You sound jealous of her success,her knowledge , overall her whole personality and plus you are a BULLY. And now she doesn't react as per your expectation..that too is a problem for you and your siblings.Major YTA and your siblings too!!
Children need only their parents attention for discipline and guidance, the rest is playing with their peers, stop being weird about your sister, she is the only sane adult in the family, no adult wants to hear boring children talk, if they are bored buy more toys, get them outside more, they need to delevop a personality instead of just being annoying clinging humans to their aunt
YTA You don't say anywhere in your post that any of you tried talking to her beforehand to see what the problem was. You just all decided behind her back that she was no longer welcome since everyone should love your little Angel's, right? You told her afterwards, but she had to ask first. Even though she didn't interact much she cared enough about you all to show up. Until she found out none of you felt the same. Did you think that sister may be autistic or have some other issues? No, and none of you cared about her enough to find out. She was acting like an adult, an adult who isn't comfortable around loud children, an adult who doesn't like to be touched alot, an adult who gets upset when something of hers gets broken. Have you, an adult never fit yourself into those same categories?
Why did you post this? It seems you thought people would take your side? #YTA
YTA Your sister is wicked smart, successful, in a committed relationship and doesn’t care for kids. She is not like you. Good job teaching all the kids how to be accepting of others. /s She made a mistake leaving her laptop where it could be broken and dropped the issue quickly. Good for her. And if she was involved with the kids and voiced an opinion, you would be the one to say “You don’t understand, you don’t have kids.” You did the passive/aggressive action of not inviting your SISTER to a FAMILY event. You didn’t call her, text her or email to ask if she was comfortable coming? You didn’t talk to her about YOUR issues?! Please don’t talk about family until you grovel to her. You are the toxic ones, not her.
So when your sister was a child you found her 'boring' and didn't want to interact with her. And now Vera doesn't want to interact with your kids and the shoe is on the other foot you suddenly have an issue with adults not wanting to hang out with kids.
YTA. I wouldn’t wanna hang out either with adults who made being a parent their entire personality and expected every adult in the room to fawn over your spawns.
My parents accused me of isolating myself too as a child but I only isolated myself because I felt like they didn’t like me. It’s very obvious that you and maybe your siblings dislike Vera for whatever reason. Y’all are horrible siblings. YTA
YTA
YTA Wtf, are you delusional? You think the world has to be cordial to kids? You're in for a shock. She had every right to get upset about her laptop unless she was careless with where she had it. If the child took and damaged it, mom is totally responsible. Sounds like y'all were intolerant bullies then and you are the same now.
yta, for the reasons everyone else has mentioned and I'd bet money on Vera being neurodivergent, probably autistic. the quiet gifted kid bookworm who talks about topics everyone finds weird/boring is damn near textbook, and pretty much a bang on description of me as a kid to boot. if that's the case, and she's like me, kids can be sensory nightmares. I actually happen to be pretty good with kids, especially my cousins... who are also probably autistic...but I'm very sensitive to skin contact (especially my arms. I have to wear long sleeves if I go out even in summer), sticky textures, crying/screaming noises, that sort of thing. you see how all of that means kids can be difficult? Vera's entitled to her personal space and this would've been an excellent opportunity to teach the kids about not touching those who don't want to be touched. Vera being mad that someone let their kid pick up an expensive piece of equipment and drop it is also reasonable honestly the whole thing just reads like you've never liked Vera for being different and are still trying to force her to be who you want, rather than who she actually is. why wouldn't she block you? I wouldn't want to be around you either
YTA. it seems like your sister was the only one being an adult about the situation. she has no obligation to show any warmth kindness or affection towards your pet sperm. instead of you being an adult and trying to have a conversation with her to understand why she doesn't behave like you do. you turn her into the family pariah and refuse to invite her to a gathering. you are the one that made it very apparent to her that she is not a member of your family and she was not welcome.
YTA Why should her insurance pay for if it's a nother persons kid who broke it. Your younger sister is definitely responsible for the broken laptop, + her 7 YEARS old child could maybe stop running into people?!?
YTa. Not. Everyone. Likes. Kids. It is literally impossible for someone to engage with children. Kids stress me out and give me anxiety and forcing myself to interact with them is exhausting. I can literally get migraines and something close to nausea. this is why I'm glad I live several states away from my nieces and nephews so I'm left alone. Nobody is obligated to coo and fawn over kids. I don't expect people to play with and gush over my cat. And yes, if your kid breaks my shit you pay, at least over time if she can't pay all at once. Your sister should've been watching the kid.
YTA. You and your siblings, save for Vera, are all selfish assholes. What a waste of space, the lot of you.
The sanctimommies. They think everyone should like kids and are selfish for not wanting any. Why do child free people get such a bad rap? Honestly, why are you pissed someone doesn't want to watch your child? It's yours not hers and uppies? It's not just watching the kids you want them to parent them. The only one I give uppies to are puppies and cats .
That’s a pretty wordy post all to say you hate your sister because she doesn’t worship your special little snowflakes. YTA
YTA.
YTA It's not because you like children that you can expect everyone to like children! And "kids will be kids" is just an easy way to say you're too lazy to teach your kids about boundaries...!! Vera has done nothing wrong, she's not abusive or hostile to children, and she's still coming to family events where she knows children will be present, even though she clearly doesn't like them! Have you considered that maybe one in every five family gatherings could be without children? Since she doesn't have any, that only seems fair. And it's not impossible to get a baby sitter once in a while, right?
Womp womp, cry harder 😂
YTA. Your sister is clearly child free, and I don’t blame her, especially if all your kids are the majority of her experience with children. You seem to believe your kids can do no wrong. “Kids will be kids” is not an excuse for them breaking a laptop. Why was the kid allowed to touch her laptop? Where the heck were all the adults while this was happening? Your sister was trying to be a part of the family by showing up. She brought her laptop because clearly you exclude her a lot. And then it gets broken, no doubt when she ducked off for a few minutes to the toilet or something. Parents are responsible for their kids. Not their child free aunt. You are a giant flaming post-red-hot-spicy-meal-shit arsehole. I sincerely hope that one day you grow up, for your kids sake if nothing else. Because it appears it’s too late for your sister.
YTA. Your jealousy of her is so strong it’s seeping out of your every pore.
YTA. She is not required to like your children to be part of the family. Your youngest sister’s kid broke her laptop. Yes, mom paying to fix it is a reasonable expectation. Sounds more like you are jealous that she has succeeded - not just in business but in having boundaries.
What the fuck is wrong with you? She doesn't want kids. She's been nothing but polite to you, the family, and the children of the family despite her not wanting to be a mother (which apparently is sacrilege to you). What exactly do you want from her?
YTA - you sound like an irresponsible parent. When the croch spawn started playing with your sisters laptop, who stopped the brat. Of course she was pissed that some idiot's kid broke something she owned, let alone used for work. Being a single mom does not make her not responsible for her kid. Then you're upset that she doesn't want to hug or interact with the misbehaved children or hold the baby's. Then you don't understand when she blocks you and all the terrible family that thought it was a good idea to exclude her. You told her she isn't family, and she reacted as one should towards hurtful people who aren't family.
Why are you here when you think you're right? Yes, yta, and yes, you treated her bad even when you were kids.
People like you are exactly why I cut off contact with my family. I can only imagine her life will be better without you and your brood in it.
YTA: Are you the one with the problem? She’s bright: she doesn’t process things “YOUR” way, so she’s wrong, unless you were elected supreme being, you don’t get the make the family decisions. She knows she’s different. It’s hard, and I would imagine she has to psych herself up for such gatherings, because she NEEDS some control of your “chaos” to cope, but she tries. You exiled her. Are you jealous of her abilities? I guarantee she is lonely in her much smaller world where she maintains just a smudge of control. Are you jealous she’s a short bus kid? You need to check your mean boy score ( I’m pretty sure you‘re Hitting the high spots) and stop speaking for your family, and excluding someone who has most likely had to psych themselves up for these gatherings ( because she loves MOST of you, and tries- you’re off the Christmas Card List), and you just kicked her off the list. Hope you wear that “Mean Boy” crown with pride in your closet. You’re a bully, and should be ashamed of yourself. And yes: 5 point harness and a window licker ( isn’t that what YOU are implying?) on that bus myself. You should be ashamed of yourself, and YOU are no family spokesperson.
YTA--- "Kids will be kids" is a dangerous way to raise children. Also, you distanced yourself from her at a young age, but you are the oldest child- YOU were suppose to be the man of the house that keeps the family together when your parents passed. What happened to being a good brother and accepting her for the choices she made? Terrible brother, terrible father.
YTA. do you love your sister or not? Is your love contingent on how she interacts with your kids? Your grievances are nothing… at best she ignores them. So what? Not everyone is comfortable around kids? And any sane person would be upset at damaging property, she even dropped the issue.
The only thing bringing me joy is the knowledge they without the scapegoat around for the siblings to jointly mock they are going to turn on one another.
I’m standoffish. I hug my Mom and give her a kiss hello, but that’s it. During emergencies I keep it together, I don’t cry, or get anxious. I save that for when it’s over and Im alone. This has lead them to affectionately call me an android. And it IS with affection, because my siblings understand and respect my personality. They also all come to me with their problems since I don’t let emotion dictate my actions and they sometimes do. During emergencies they fall apart if Im not available to handle it. Hell my brother called me from ICU when I was in Baltimore for work and wouldn’t take or do what they asked without my approval (I’ve been a licensed nurse since I was 22, and have well over a decade of experience). I also tend to get overwhelmed around too many people after a while. YTA for never accepting your sister for who she is. My siblings were able to, and they figured out that I may seem cold on the surface, but they know I love them because Im always there when they need me. Try breaking out of your childish, myopic viewpoint and actually try to understand her. It won’t do you any good now that she’s cut you all out, but it’s good that she did
"Expected her to be an adult"? She's not the one acting like a mean girl and banning her for not liking "uppies" She handled things very maturely. Her so-called "family" excluded her for petty reasons so she removed herself from the situation instead of begging to be let back in like you wanted her to do. She doesn't need to change to please you. If your relatives are upset with you for excluding your sister and making them look bad by doing so, that's on you. YTA
You describe her as “overconfident”, and say her boyfriend is “convinced she’s the holy grail of management” and that “she’s a bit much”. That is VERY condescending, and reveals that you don’t like her to begin with, in areas that have NOTHING to do with your kids. And yes, if a kid breaks someone’s things, it’s the parents’ responsibility to pay them back. YTA big time, and you have earned the vitriol you’re getting from your extended family.
Guarantee if your sister was your brother you wouldn’t be throwing a tantrum about them not giving a toddler uppies. You’re a raging misogynist who thinks it’s their place to teach women lessons. She’s an adult. You’re not her teacher, her boss, or her parent.
YTA. You all should have spoken to her about your concerns. If she didn't respond well then you should have at least warned her that there was a family gathering and that she is not invited because of the issues she has with being around kids, the flipping out when one dropped her computer being the only one to have any real footing. To sideline her and then let her just find out online is extremely immature. You should be ashamed of yourselves for not acting like grown adults and simply being upfront and honest.
Holy shit. YTA. Seriously. Asshole.
YTA. With family like you, who needs enemies. Your children sound like unmanaged brats. You sound insufferable. You decided when you were kids that you didn’t like her because she had different interests than you (she is 10 years younger than you and you expect her to extend the grace to your children that you didn’t extend to her). You have even admitted you know nothing about her hobbies. You are a sad excuse of a big brother and if the rest of your siblings are like you then she is better off without the flying monkeys. Honest question, do all of your other siblings feel the same way as you? Either way, congrats on losing a sister and possibly more extended family. They obviously like her more than you and it’s not like you haven’t shown them exactly who you are over the years with the cherry on top being this stunt. Hope you feel happy you put your sister in her place. I just hope she remembers that a happy place for her is far from you.
YTA You fucked around and found out. You never liked your sister (you got bored when she talked?) and were looking for reasons to not have anything to do with her. You never actually had a conversation with her about how she interacted with your children (which...isn't that bad? I never did "uppies" or whatever that is with my niece and it wasn't an issue) and instead just cut her off. Something tells me this isn't the first thing you've done since she went straight to no contact and blocking everyone. You sound like a pretentious, entitled snot.
This doesn't deserve an acronym. You are an asshole. You sound jealous of her, and it sounds like you can't handle her not being like you.
YTA, your post is dripping with resentment. Not everyone has to like your brats that are loud and break things just as not everyone loves fantasy football or concerts
>Vera doesn't seem to understand this, she greets the kids from a distance, never hugs them and if one of them comes to her she will keep them at arm length, will be polite but way too serious and somehow cold with them. Neither my siblings nor me like this, or the way she will refuse to do "uppies" with the toddlers or just refuse to play along with the older kids who want to make questions, or just talk like kids do. Let alone will watch the kids even for 15 minutes (would not ask more from her). YTA. Not everyone likes kids, and she's not a bad person for not wanting to hug them and pick them all up. Frankly it's weird you feel she *has* to do these things and that you judge her for not doing them. It's also the kid's fault he or she broke the laptop, and they need to learn a lesson more than Vera does. Kids should be taught not to play with things that belong to other people, especially when they're expensive and fragile. I'm not sure why no one was supervising this kid and correcting his behavior. This is probably why Vera has kept her distance from the kids, since apparently no one is teaching them manners and how to behave.
YTA, “she was introverted as a child, won’t play w my kids, won’t pick up me kids, won’t babysit, and gets mad when our kids break her shit, so we don’t want her around” you are a terrible sibling.
YTA. You and your siblings are a bunch of immature, blindly entitled assholes who can't for the life of them respect their sister and her preferences. Cutting ties with you as she did is the only sane thing I've read in your post. The way you speak about her is the way mediocre, dumb and envious people talks about competent, intelligent persons. Nobody deserves a family like this.
Yta Speaking from experience she's likely on the spectrum And your uncontrolled children broke her stuff.... single moms on welfare especially should make sure their kids aren't destroying things they can't afford to replace. And never use "hence" again.... or maybe get your gifted sister to teach you how to use it correctly.
Yes. YTA get wrekt for acting like a fucking asshole, asshole.
YTA Some people don't like children, or being touched, and that's ok. Some people are reserved by nature, and that's also ok. I don't hear anything in this post that makes me think your sister is abusive. If your child breaks an expensive computer then yes, you are indeed responsible for repairing it. Teaching children respect for other's possessions is the responsibility of the PARENTS, especially when they KNOW they don't have the finances to pay for fixing or replacing what their child damages.
YTA The laptop damage…the parent SHOULD pay for it. Further, you want her to act…like YOU want her to act. Not like herself. She doesn’t like kids. That’s who she is. She’s polite with them, but doesn’t want to really deal with them. Apparently for her to be fully your sibling she has to change her preferences. Say bye to interacting with this sibling.
YTA its not her job to look after your kids or interact with them if she doesn't want to. She makes an effort to go to an environment that is not comfortable for her, does nothing wrong what so ever and you ostracize her?? Shocking, I think its clear from the post you are jealous of her. She respects your life choices but you don't respect her's. YTA!!!
Good lord, you are awful. I am glad your sister has decided to go NC with the amount of self righteousness, petty jealousy, and toxic judgement from you and your siblings. You made your choices, she made hers, you can't respect hers, so you cut her off from invites? Guess what, she is going to have a better life than you. And when you need her help, she won't be there. When that happens, remember the day that you severed the relationship over your petty BS, and don't you dare try to play the 'we are family' card. YTA, and you are in the FA part, the FO part is coming soon.
I'm going to say NTA because you did your younger sister a huge favor by banning her from family functions, mostly because y'all absolutely do not treat her as family. You say she pulled out the laptop for attention, but folks that actually have real careers and not just a job work at odd times like weekends, or the middle of the night ad the work has to get done no matter where you or your family want to be or do. She stays away from the kids because honestly, her relationships with her siblings were pretty horrible, and it's well known the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... so she kept her distance from the kids because she assumes with y'all as parents, they must be as obnoxious little turds their parents were... and since no one stepped up to take responsibility for their child, she's right. You thought that having a party that you didn't invite your sister to, then posting it all over social media would result in her abandoning all of the lessons she learned throughout childhood from her family and cling to y'all's bosom? The kid that spent all her time in her room reading because the rest of you were to self-absorbed to relate to her? This is the girl you thought would immediately jump to "family is everything", and now you're all shocked pikachu face because you've reaped what you've sown - the lone middle sibling can finally be a happy only child.
INFO. If you don't actually like your sister at all, why do you care? Nothing you have said, not one single word, indicates you like your sister and want to spend time with her. You don't like that she isn't like YOU. You don't like that she is doing better than you. You also can't fathom that she's smart and good at what she does because you wrote her off for being a quieter child.. or maybe it's because she's a woman, since your post was peppered with misogynistic overtones.. Family supports one another, or that's how it's supposed to work anyway. It sounds like she shows up to family events despite loud, boisterous environments maybe not being her scene. She was meeting you halfway, and you couldn't be bothered to show her the same effort. She showed up, you shunned her for not conforming to what you think she should be doing. You showed her that your love is conditional. So, again, why do you care? You didn't want her around, she's not around. Wish granted.
>Shes authoritative,strategic, and overconfident. Even her boyfriend would not take a business or financial decision without consulting her So she's a smart and successful business person. She sounds *terrible*. And she is an adult, just not an adult whose existence revolves around someone else's kids. "Learn a lesson" Jesus Christ. YTA
YTA, and kinda sounds like you're jealous of her or something
YTA. I’m rooting for her tbh I want to hear her side and see her succeed. She really don’t need you
YTA. On top of everything everyone is already saying in the comments, I'm hung up on the "but we were kids and got bored when she talked so we just didn't get along". At what ages is this? Because you are 10 years older than her.
What a pathetic sounding 41 year old. You sound bitter and jealous YTA
YTA and all this reads like you're just jealous of your sister. She sounds smart, successful, and confident and has chosen a child-free life. For some reason, this gets on your nerves because she's not, what...motherly?? Grow up man.
YTA. Of course you are. As are your other siblings, except for poor Vera. You sound bitter and extremely jealous of Vera and her many accomplishments, while your own achievements seem to be limited to popping out babies/making babies. Which, in and on its own, is totally fine. However, you and your other siblings with kids don't seem to be very competent parents either. Anyway, Vera is much better off without you and the other bitter hags.
YTA. So much.
YTA. All of you are upset that she’s not like you and you’re wrong. I will concede that she could have had the laptop in a more secure place or not have brought it at all, but regardless of welfare status, the mother should pay for it. You all have a lot more growing up to do.
YTA everyone of your comments makes it worse. To be honest, you sound like a jealous person. Your sister didn't do anything, it's all you.
YTA. Her behavior makes me wonder if she has some sensory issues. Avoiding y'all from childhood and then avoiding other children as an adult. -You wanted her to be a sitter, but she has no obligation to do that (though if there were an emergency one could argue otherwise) and she didn't actually mistreat anybody's children. -You don't hold the parent of the child who damaged her work computer, liable for the damage, and then she lets it go and you still think *she* was wrong? Did you and all your siblings just get on the bad decision train and never get off? By the way, she's not 'arrogant' she is *competent* and *confident*, and that's not a bad thing. And what's a 'cold, dead message'? Were you expecting an outpouring of agony? She got directly to the point. And you essentially told her that since you and your twit siblings define themselves by their children and nothing else, unless she was willing to do the same thing, you didn't want her around. You wanted her to change into a completely different person, a person who by your own account (even if you tried to make it seem otherwise) is just fine. or you just didn't want her at all. She saw that, and so she cut you off. She was right. You were wrong. YTA, you all *absolutely suck*. One more stop on the bad decision train for all of you. I can just see it now, five or ten years down the line, 'Kid has some expense' "Hey, let's go ask the sister we ejected from the family if she'll contribute. Of course she'll want to! She has to want us back! And she owes us because *fa-mi-ly*" with zero sense of irony or self awareness whatsoever. Then you or one of your siblings will be posting on Reddit asking if it was wrong to expect her to make amends or to expect her to help. I don't often see a case where 100% of the brains go to only one child, but here we are.
No “uppies”? She won’t watch YOUR kids for you? She got upset 😭 be of them destroyed her laptop? What a horrible human! You should expose her online. Go tell everyone how she wasn’t happy when a kid destroyed her belongings and how the deadbeat mom did nothing. Obviously YTA. But don’t worry, your kids def aren’t in the will now.
YTA- and obvious jealous of your sister’s success. Shame on you for excluding her when she did nothing wrong. Control your children