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> I know it was a birthday gift from her mother so that’s where I might be wrong.
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Ill take your word for it. It appears we got another OP that scrubbed their story and ran for the hills. Presumably to avoid getting featured on some youtubers reddit cringe video... Man i can't help but feel Youtubers and content vultures are having a net negative effect on the Reddit advice pages...
YTA Your ex-girlfriend is correct. Her family's fiance's are none of your business.
>She had a small birthday party, and her mom got her ballerina flats, which cost over $1000. I asked my girlfriend if she could ask her mom to invest in her future instead or maybe return the shoes for cash for our apartment.
It's not her mother's responsibility to financially support either of you or invest in your future.
>I tried talking to her again about the shoes, and she opened her apartment door and told me to” be poor someplace else.” This was out of character for her, so I left to let her sort her emotions out. Later that day, she had all the stuff I kept in her apartment delivered by Uber packages and hadn’t responded to my text.
Well, she's done, it's over.
YTA. It’s not your gift. It’s not your family. Candidly, they’re not *your* finances either. This is about your girlfriend and her family’s money. It’s comical after 6 months of dating that you think you have any sort of say whatsoever in this.
honestly a couple could be married for 20 years and I still could not imagine him telling her that her mother should have given "them" something instead of getting her something expensive.
I've been married for 23 years. My MIL *loves* the opportunity to buy expensive things for her son and has the entire time we've been together. If *I* tried to pull this shit both my husband & his mom would *rightfully* tell me to fuck all the way off.
Well in my household our "love language" is asshole troll. I think I told my husband to go fuck himself a good 10 times today -- he was torturing me with puns. I'm not sure which one of us started using the "fuck all the way off" but it's also often combined with "and the horse you rode in on can fuck all the way off too."
Not an everyday curse that won't start a fight tho, they're "I'm actually pissed at you right now and if you keep talking/acting like a dumbass, we're fighting" words. So I can see the usefulness for shitty co-workers. 😉
You happen to know any Brits? Just cos that's very British turn of phrase. (I'm assuming you're not one of our lot due to "mom" and "dumbass"). If you like British ways of telling someone to fuck off may I also recommend "Get in the fucking sea" as an additional option. 👌
Yeah...if my partner's parent bought her £1k shoes I'd be surprised and confused, and think it's pretty wasteful, sure, but that's because we live together, struggle to make ends meet, and her parents are poor too. I'd never dream of suggesting that her birthday gift should be something that benefits both of us or should be returned under any circumstances. What a knob.
how is it poor money management ?You don't know how much money she or her family has to spend. That's why she told you to be poor somewhere else. Because you don't have a clue and are projecting it on her.
Your ex girlfriend’s mother has no financial responsibility to help you and her daughter move in together. She gave a birthday gift to her child that she deemed appropriate and your ex girlfriend isn’t a tacky human being who is willing to ask for a gift receipt to exchange the gift for cash. It’s far poorer money management skills to pocket watch and complain. Hopefully this break up has taught you the very valuable life lesson of “if it isn’t your gift, it isn’t your business, so hush”.
YTA. And a bit entitled. Good luck being poor and single though.
It's not money management. It was a gift. Her MOTHER was managing her own money and did so by buying her daughter an extravagant gift. You are the AH that decided you wanted in on that and demanded her MOTHER give you both money. On your (ex) GIRLFRIEND'S birthday. You do get what a crappy move that was, right?
It has nothing to do with your girlfriend's financial management. What is was was a way for you to show just how greedy you are.
GO BE POOR SOMEWHERE ELSE.
Lawd Jesus please make this a flair!
Your ex-girlfriend is a legend. She swept the peasant trash right out the door immediately! She is my hero.
Dude. It’s 6 months in. Unless you’re over 40 and are both mature enough to know and communicate what you want out of a relationship, it’s TOO SOON!
I’m guessing you’re probably in your 20s based on how you described the situation. It was none of your business. Stay in your own lane in the future. And grow your relationships slowly along with learning how to communicate better with your partner.
Okay let me get this straight, you've been dating Sammie for **6 MONTHS.** And **HER MOTHER** got her a **GIFT** for **SAMMIE'S BIRTHDAY** with HER MONEY that didn't belong to **EITHER OF YOU.**
And you are asking **HER MOTHER** to invest in your future rather than a **GIFT FOR HER BIRTHDAY**. 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
# YTA YTA YTA!
It's not her mother's job to invest in your future and you're already thinking of a commitment 6 months into dating!? She's going to dump you because you have enough red flags for a circus. You sound controlling and cheap OP. I hope you stay dumped.
Your ex GF decided you were not BF material, to her everlasting credit
It wasn’t your birthday, so your opinion wasn’t important nor was it asked for.
YTA for being a controlling creep
You do realize that THEIR money is not YOUR money, right? You have absolutely no say in how they spend THEIR money and never will. Absolutely wild that you think you can dictate how her parents spend money because you’ve been dating their daughter for 6 months.
Looks like she determined you weren't husband material. You did her a favor. She only wasted six months with you. You should probably get off reddit and be a dumb ass some place else.
HAHAHAHA. After 6 months of dating, you're trying to decide if she's wife material? Ewww. And what the hell do you know of her families' finances? AND WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS? You sound 15 and immature as hell.
INFO: What was your plan here? Would your ex be allowed to keep any gift she received or just the ones which benefited you, too? Was there a price max? Like, she could receive gifts which were under $50, but anything beyond that amount had to be returned for cash?
I realize the point is moot now, but what were you thinking? I’m genuinely curious.
Also, can you ask Sammie if it’s cool if I quote her? Telling you to go “be poor someplace else” is one of the best things I’ve ever read here.
Oh, and YTA. Obviously.
Can her family afford the shoes? If they’re not financially hurting themselves by buying extravagant items like that then they’re not “wasting” the money.
Also, her FAMILY choosing to buy her nice gifts with THEIR money doesn’t in any way mean SHE isn’t “wife material”, wtf. It’s not her family’s obligation to support you.
You were with your gf for 6 months, and your immediate thought to her getting a gift from her parents was "man, I wouldn't consider marrying her unless she declines these gifts in the future and insists her family pays for our lifestyle instead?" Can't think of many red flags bigger than that...
What does her family have to do with her being "wife material"?
Whatever her family spends money on is none of your business. Marriage, kids, vacations. That financial responsibility is on you.
So $1000 shoes is too excessive a gift but $1000 towards your apartment wasn’t? It’s the same value ethier way, just mad that the gift she got was solely for her alone.
a) Are you seriously using her mother's choice in spending to judge whether or not she's wife material?
b) Do you really think a family that would buy their daughter a $1000 pair of shoes wouldn't also help out with her living expenses if she needed it? You're the idiot.
YTA well you got dumped, so good news on that front. You have no business asking anyone to use their birthday and their birthday gifts to “invest in her (our) future” or for YOUR finances. It’s her BIRTHDAY gift, for her personal use and benefit only.
It feels like you are the kind of guy who would get his wife a vacuum for her birthday.
YTA
> found her mom’s birthday present ridiculous
No one cares what you think it's not your present
> I asked my girlfriend if she could ask her mom to invest in her future instead or maybe return the shoes for cash for our apartment.
This is not your place to demand. Sammie's mom uses her money for what she sees fit, not what you see fit.
> I told her I was being practical about our finances
It's 6 months in. There is no "our" finances. The tone of this post leads me to believe that you are bringing nothing to the relationship and you are trying to get in good with a wealthy family. Presumably you have an idea for an app that *just* needs a developer, UI specialist, marketing, payment processing and ongoing maintenance.
> she told me to be useful with mine and leave her family finances alone because it’s not my business
You should be more concerned with your own. You should leave her family's finances alone. It's not your business.
> I tried talking to her again about the shoes, and she opened her apartment door and told me to” be poor someplace else.”
She told you once and you kept picking at it. Her jab leads me to believe she also sees you as a lamprey eel.
> I thought I was practical
No you're a parasite
> wanted her to invest that money in our future, not on shoes
Not every godforsaken thing in the world needs to be some kind of investment or scheme. You sound like a Forex mf, LLC mf, "buying land" mf, or someone that got their MBA from IG reels.
YTA.
What your girlfriend's mom does with her money is her choice OP; you don't get to dictate what she does with it. Also, y’all are talking about moving in together after only 6 months of dating?
Also, anything could happen OP. For any reason you and Sammie could break up, what will happen to that "investment"? Also, y’all future is for you two to work on and invest on not her mom
>Leave her family finaces alone because it's not my business
She is 100% right, it *isn’t* your business
YTA
You weren't being practical, you were being controlling.
How could you possibly think telling her to sell a gift so she could use the money on something you thought made more sense was OK? He mom gives her a present and you insist she sells it so she can get a better apartment for you? WTF dude?
Also, she's not your girlfriend anymore. You're single now.
YTA.
It was a gift from her mother. Her mom has no obligation to give you money for an apartment and I am sure she has invested plenty in her child's future though raising her, schooling etc. Again, it was a gift. And you have only been together six months, there is no "our finances."
Been dating for 6 months, share no expenses and you're trying to tell her how to spend her money?
at the expense of her chosen gift from her mom?
lol YTA and also you no longer have a girlfriend, nice work
So uou wanted her bday present to be some practical investment for your future?
TFOH
‘Be poor somewhere else’s had me rolling. And her breakup swiftness savagery was expert precision.
YTA
is the answer any difference if this clown had been married to her for 10 years?
not in my book, still a gift from mom for her birthday
this guy is truly special
YTA!
Operative word here, is girlfriend and six months!
She can buy as many shoes, shades or anything else. You were only six months in to a relationship with someone and you have no right to tell them what to do. Someone called that controlling so I’m giving you a heads up, you should stop your horseshit!
YTA. All of six months in and you're trying to get her to return her birthday gift and ask her mother for something that benefits *you*!?!??! Get over yourself! You have no right to shame her for a gift.
YTA.
The gifts your GF receives from her family or anyone else is none of your business and you were out of line. Way out of line.
The stupid thing here is, if the shoes cost $50 you would not have cared. It's the loss of the chance to put $1000 toward "your future" that made you say something. But the gift wasn't to you in the first place.
I'm giving her full props though, having Uber deliver your crap.
YTA. While I do agree with you that spending $1,000 for a pair of shoes is absolutely ridiculous, you have no right to tell your girlfriend what her mother's money should be spent on. You guys don't live together, you're not engaged, you've only been dating 6 months. Do you expect your girlfriend's mother to help you guys out financially? That's not her job. Her job is to be mom, and that's it. And if she wants to splurge on a pair of shoes for her daughter, she can do that.
WTF is wrong with you? Your girlfriend didn't invest in shoes, her mom did, as a gift. If she had bought them herself, that might be worth a discussion (1, not repeated), but you still wouldn't have any right to tell her how she spends her own money. And you sure as hell don't have any say in her family's finances. Hope you enjoy the single life, cause that's what you have in front of you now. YTA.
YTA. It was her mom's gift TO her daughter right? You had nothing to do with the purchasing of the shoes? Unless you had to fork over any of the $1,000, then it's not your place. In no way should you be dictating what her mom is giving her as a birthday gift.
Theoretically, i could see that if you were having money troubles, you could ASK your gf if she'd be willing to sell the shoes, but then again, she's under no obligation to actually do so. And based on your uber delivery, sounds like this relationship has been returned to previous owner.
YTA
It was a gift from a family member. Maybe her mom just wanted to get her something nice because she knows her daughter is saving for a future and can't spend frivolously. Regardless, it was none of your business how your gf's mom chooses to spend her money, or what gift she chooses to buy.
You've come across as just wanting access to her family's money. No wonder she showed you the door.
He also comes across as an idiot.
The people I know who buy $1000 shoes as gifts for their kids are also the people who give trips to Europe as wedding presents, or *houses* when their first grandchild is conceived.
YTA - It’s a birthday present which is not for you 🙄. It’s also a gift which she should accept gracefully. And you don’t get an opinion. You also don’t get to comment on her family money which is once again not yours.
I’m glad she sent you away.
YTA
It's a birthday gift. You have zero right to dictate how your GF's mom decides to treat your GF on her birthday. Way outta line to ask that, especially since you guys have only been together for 6 months. I could see if your GF was being frivolous spending money she didn't have, but it's literally a gift from mother to daughter.
Congrats on being single though. Maybe your next GF will be more practical than your ex
“Be poor someplace else..” LOL i like ur ex!
YTA. 6 months and you act like you can dictate her financial decisions… wait, her mom’s financial decision! You seem toxic. You worry about her not being wife material; maybe worry if you’re husband material for women like her, no?
YTA
She is right. You want her to return the gift she got from her mom and then ask her mom for money to help her move in with YOU? A man she has barely known for 6 months. This sounds controlling tbh. You two aren't at that point and she is right, you need to stay out of her family's finances. This wont' end well for you.
YTA - You’re not entitled to the money for a gift that SHE received. It’s not like she went out and spent her whole paycheck on the shoes and couldn’t pay rent, they’re a gift.
It sounds like her mom is willing to help her financially, if needed. This clearly is you overstepping your boundaries.
YTA. Its been 6 months. "We have talked about getting a place together or me moving in together", " I told her I was being practical about our finances", PUMP THE BRAKES. YTA and also already the ex. This is what being controlling is. Stop it.
Good lord, do you seriously think you should get to dictate where your girlfriend of ONLY 6 months' MOTHER spends HER money that belongs to neither your girlfriend nor you?!?! YTA and a controlling one at that.
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I’ve been dating my girlfriend Sammie for 6 months and found her mom’s birthday present ridiculous. Sammie has a different taste in clothes and goes for an edgier look. We have talked about getting a place together or me moving in with her.
She had a small birthday party, and her mom got her ballerina flats, which cost over $1000. I asked my girlfriend if she could ask her mom to invest in her future instead or maybe return the shoes for cash for our apartment.
Sammie said her mom likes to get her nice things, and it’s just a pair of shoes, and it would be tacky to ask for a specific gift. I told her I was being practical about our finances, and she told me to be useful with mine and leave her family finances alone because it’s not my business. I tried talking to her again about the shoes, and she opened her apartment door and told me to” be poor someplace else.” This was out of character for her, so I left to let her sort her emotions out. Later that day, she had all the stuff I kept in her apartment delivered by Uber packages and hadn’t responded to my text. I thought I was practical and wanted her to invest that money in our future, not on shoes.
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YTA- 6 months! You've been together 6 months and you have the audacicty to ask something of this nature to her! Btw you don't say if she wants you to move in. Also sounds like an ex girlfriend who saw your shiny red flag
YTA - first off dating for 6 months is way too soon for this sort of comment. Second if you guys were struggling with money and SHE spent $1000 you needed for rent on shoes that would be one thing, but it’s not.
She was given a gift. You have no say in what someone wants to give someone else as a gift. It’s good to be financially responsible with your own finances, but this does not involve you. Learn from this for your next relationship cause it sounds like she’s done.
Yta what is wrong with you? Personally I would never spend that much money on shoes, so I don't. And I don't criticize how other people spend their money or tell them what they should or should not get for gifts from other people.
Your audacity is off the charts.
YTA. It was neither of your money. It was her mother's money - to do with as she pleases - which is to spoil her daughter with a gorgeous pair of shoes (yay mom!). And your reaction is...what..."how dare this mother buy her daughter a gift vs give cash so I can use it to?". Yup - you'll never see that family again!
YTA. You don't get to pressure a gf of 6 months about something like that, especially as the shoes were a gift, not something she spent her own money on. One mention, maybe - "nice shoes, but that amount of cash would have been a great help with our apartment wouldn't it". Then drop it!
Had you not been an AH, and there was time for your relationship to develop, at some point you could have had some serious discussions about your respective views on money and finances; but even then you don't get on her case like that unless you are mingling your resources and she's spending your money.
YTA. Entitled much? Why do you think your (ex)GF’s mother bears any responsibility for subsidizing your future apartment? Her sole responsibility is to her daughter.
YTA. It's not her mom's place to invest in you all's future. You can make that argument when it comes to your now ex-girlfriend's money, but she shouldn't have to sacrifice gifts to save for the future. If she's saving as much as possible then gifts are the way she gets things she can't afford on her own.
You're clearly not poor and you're both going to be okay. I'm sure if worst fame to it, her mom would help you both if times got touvj. But they're not tough, are they?aybe you're jealous you don't get expensive gifts, maybe you're just upset that it didn't benefit you in some way. You wanted it to be about you. YTA. It's super over btw. I grew up poor and couldn't possibly imagine treating a partner like thst, after they've been a solid partner, just because their family can give them nice things. You clearly need to deal with that insecurity alone
YTA.
I love her platinum spine. And her sending all of your belongings back to you via packages was a boss move. I hope she went out that night wearing her fabulous new shoes.
By the way, she is your ex girlfriend now. Don’t be even more delulu thinking that you’re still in a relationship with her. Now please listen to your ex and “be poor somewhere else” that doesn’t involve her existence.
YTA. It's not your gift. You have no right to ask for an exchange or say it's not practical or whatever other bs.
"Return the shoes for cash for our apartment"
Uh, what??? It's HER birthday. So whatever present she gets is for HER.
And even if her mother gives her daughter cash for the future, her mother would still only be giving that money to her to support her, none of that money would belong to you or be used for you.
Yta- you’re not entitled to her family’s money and cant tell them what they can or cannot spend it on. It’s her birthday, her special day. She can be gifted certain luxuries if she wants to. Why would her parents give you money on her birthday? You haven’t even been in her life long enough and they barely know you. Her parents are not responsible for your future and your life. If you want a good life and future then you work hard for it like they did. Your ex is iconic and honestly, good for her.
Let me get this straight, you were upset that HER birthday gift that she got from her mother did not benefit YOU?
YTA and also the ex.
She dodged a bullet with you, you selfish prick.
EDIT: I saw your "wife material" comment, you're a disgusting being.
YTA - how does her mother, not her, but her mother, making “poor money management” choices have any relevance to your relationship with your (now ex) gf? I am utterly baffled that you are treating something that was gifted to your gf as if it was her decision or that it has anything to do with your now non existent future together.
Also.. it’s been 6 months. You have zero rights to be expecting her mother to invest in YOU, which is really what you are asking for when you suggest it’s for her future. You’re not concerned about gf.. you’re concerned about yourself and how you can mooch and benefit from them. Gross.
Glad you’re single now
YTA. Her mother got her $1000 shoes as a gift. On what planet would it be practical for a boyfriend to dictate a gift from wealthy parent is wrong, and that she should ask for money to invest in bfs and her future 🤔 . Insanity, her birthday gift from her mother has nothing to do with you. Since when do boyfriends demand a partners parent invest in their future....her moms already invested in her daughter. You sir are ridiculously entitled wasn't your gift to judge, wasn't your money to judge how it's spent
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YTA so your EX girlfriend's mother got her a birthday present that her daughter likes. But this present doesn't benefit you. You think she wants you to stay with her at all let alone live with her with your attitude. How do you know how much those shoes cost anyway? If YOUR FAMILY got YOU an expensive gift would you liked would you ask THEM to give you the cash value or invest in your future. Or would you keep the gift. Go stay at your apartment. If you have one. You really have no business being at hers.
Obviously yta for his reaction to the shoes. I wonder though if op grew up poor and his gf didn’t. He may be insecure about living arrangements, his day to day life, even food due to growing up poor.
YTA, shouldn't be telling people what gifts to buy their kids and to get money for an apartment with her... but she did call you poor and probably dumped you, I'd say that it paid off and you probably dodged a bullet or if you get back together, I'd watch out for that. Bit of an alarm for me when they use "poor" as an insult. She may just be mad though, so I wouldn't rush to any conclusions.
Seems like a stupid thing to dump someone over, especially with that insult. If she actually dumped you, you may have dodged a bullet.
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This. This is the best sum-up. OP literally upset that her girlfriend’s gift isn’t also for him.
Yep. YTA. Entitled much?
and dude is shocked that she won't sign up for this nonsense long term
Ill take your word for it. It appears we got another OP that scrubbed their story and ran for the hills. Presumably to avoid getting featured on some youtubers reddit cringe video... Man i can't help but feel Youtubers and content vultures are having a net negative effect on the Reddit advice pages...
YTA Your ex-girlfriend is correct. Her family's fiance's are none of your business. >She had a small birthday party, and her mom got her ballerina flats, which cost over $1000. I asked my girlfriend if she could ask her mom to invest in her future instead or maybe return the shoes for cash for our apartment. It's not her mother's responsibility to financially support either of you or invest in your future. >I tried talking to her again about the shoes, and she opened her apartment door and told me to” be poor someplace else.” This was out of character for her, so I left to let her sort her emotions out. Later that day, she had all the stuff I kept in her apartment delivered by Uber packages and hadn’t responded to my text. Well, she's done, it's over.
So it's HER apartment not THEIR apartment
Yep! But her bday gifts are for them both... C'mon man!
YTA. It’s not your gift. It’s not your family. Candidly, they’re not *your* finances either. This is about your girlfriend and her family’s money. It’s comical after 6 months of dating that you think you have any sort of say whatsoever in this.
honestly a couple could be married for 20 years and I still could not imagine him telling her that her mother should have given "them" something instead of getting her something expensive.
I've been married for 23 years. My MIL *loves* the opportunity to buy expensive things for her son and has the entire time we've been together. If *I* tried to pull this shit both my husband & his mom would *rightfully* tell me to fuck all the way off.
I love “fuck all the way off”. I wish I could use it at work for some people I’m thinking about right now.
Well in my household our "love language" is asshole troll. I think I told my husband to go fuck himself a good 10 times today -- he was torturing me with puns. I'm not sure which one of us started using the "fuck all the way off" but it's also often combined with "and the horse you rode in on can fuck all the way off too." Not an everyday curse that won't start a fight tho, they're "I'm actually pissed at you right now and if you keep talking/acting like a dumbass, we're fighting" words. So I can see the usefulness for shitty co-workers. 😉
You happen to know any Brits? Just cos that's very British turn of phrase. (I'm assuming you're not one of our lot due to "mom" and "dumbass"). If you like British ways of telling someone to fuck off may I also recommend "Get in the fucking sea" as an additional option. 👌
Haha I'm definitely saving this and some of the other insults in this thread 🤣
Yeah...if my partner's parent bought her £1k shoes I'd be surprised and confused, and think it's pretty wasteful, sure, but that's because we live together, struggle to make ends meet, and her parents are poor too. I'd never dream of suggesting that her birthday gift should be something that benefits both of us or should be returned under any circumstances. What a knob.
Why would she invest her birthday present money in your combined apartment? Lol. How can you not be embarrassed for even asking her for that 🙄
They don’t live together even, lol.
But. But... What is she bringing to the table? He is a king. And she needs to treat him as such. /s
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how is it poor money management ?You don't know how much money she or her family has to spend. That's why she told you to be poor somewhere else. Because you don't have a clue and are projecting it on her.
Your ex girlfriend’s mother has no financial responsibility to help you and her daughter move in together. She gave a birthday gift to her child that she deemed appropriate and your ex girlfriend isn’t a tacky human being who is willing to ask for a gift receipt to exchange the gift for cash. It’s far poorer money management skills to pocket watch and complain. Hopefully this break up has taught you the very valuable life lesson of “if it isn’t your gift, it isn’t your business, so hush”. YTA. And a bit entitled. Good luck being poor and single though.
>It just shows poor money management to get $1000 shoes when w~~e talked about moving in together~~ ***when she should be supporting me*** FIFY
Dude is just mad that dating a rich girl isn’t panning out for him.
No it doesn’t? She wasn’t given $1000 she was given shoes. Just cause you are poor doesn’t mean her mom is or she is.
How does it show that your gf manages her money poorly for accepting a gift? YTA
It's not money management. It was a gift. Her MOTHER was managing her own money and did so by buying her daughter an extravagant gift. You are the AH that decided you wanted in on that and demanded her MOTHER give you both money. On your (ex) GIRLFRIEND'S birthday. You do get what a crappy move that was, right? It has nothing to do with your girlfriend's financial management. What is was was a way for you to show just how greedy you are.
GO BE POOR SOMEWHERE ELSE. Lawd Jesus please make this a flair! Your ex-girlfriend is a legend. She swept the peasant trash right out the door immediately! She is my hero.
I hope she was wearing the shoes when she kicked him to the curb
Dude. It’s 6 months in. Unless you’re over 40 and are both mature enough to know and communicate what you want out of a relationship, it’s TOO SOON! I’m guessing you’re probably in your 20s based on how you described the situation. It was none of your business. Stay in your own lane in the future. And grow your relationships slowly along with learning how to communicate better with your partner.
OP, it's her MOM's money. Also, what makes you think her mom is going to provide towards an apartment?
SHE didn’t get them. They were a gift, they were FREE If you think Free is too expensive, then you are the one with poor financial literacy
it's her mom's money, how the hell do you think you have say in what her mom spends money on?
Okay but that's something she should worry about, not you. It's not your money..
Okay let me get this straight, you've been dating Sammie for **6 MONTHS.** And **HER MOTHER** got her a **GIFT** for **SAMMIE'S BIRTHDAY** with HER MONEY that didn't belong to **EITHER OF YOU.** And you are asking **HER MOTHER** to invest in your future rather than a **GIFT FOR HER BIRTHDAY**. 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 # YTA YTA YTA! It's not her mother's job to invest in your future and you're already thinking of a commitment 6 months into dating!? She's going to dump you because you have enough red flags for a circus. You sound controlling and cheap OP. I hope you stay dumped.
So glad she realised you’re not husband material.
[удалено]
What does her parents money have to do with you? Oh yea…. Nothing
Op seems to think his gf’s family should have deposited birthday her gifts directly to his bank account. What a keeper 🙄
Now I ain’t saying he a gold digger…
And now that song is stuck in my head 🤣🤣
Your ex GF decided you were not BF material, to her everlasting credit It wasn’t your birthday, so your opinion wasn’t important nor was it asked for. YTA for being a controlling creep
“Wife material”. 🤢
Same reaction. Anyone using that phrase is an automatic asshole.
What the hell does her parent's money have to do with you!?
OP was only in it for the dowry and was worried it would be more **shoes** instead of the cold hard cash that he **deserves**.
To reiterate the comment prior: 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
Ah, so you’re a gold digger. Got it.
>wife material ???? You absolute arse. I am so glad she dumped you. YTA
My family would literally tell my husband to eff off if he ever pulled a stunt like that
Good thing is, it's not your problem anymore! Congratulations!
You do realize that THEIR money is not YOUR money, right? You have absolutely no say in how they spend THEIR money and never will. Absolutely wild that you think you can dictate how her parents spend money because you’ve been dating their daughter for 6 months.
This mindset is controlling and belittling to your current and future partner.
He doesn't have a current partner
I fear for the future ones.
Looks like she determined you weren't husband material. You did her a favor. She only wasted six months with you. You should probably get off reddit and be a dumb ass some place else.
HAHAHAHA. After 6 months of dating, you're trying to decide if she's wife material? Ewww. And what the hell do you know of her families' finances? AND WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS? You sound 15 and immature as hell.
Well you don’t really have to worry about her being wife material considering she doesn’t consider you husband material. :) she dodged a bullet.
What your ex’s *family* buys has no bearing on how she spends her money. But good for her, she will now be doing whatever she wants without you
They won’t waste money on shoes for you tiny Tim
INFO: What was your plan here? Would your ex be allowed to keep any gift she received or just the ones which benefited you, too? Was there a price max? Like, she could receive gifts which were under $50, but anything beyond that amount had to be returned for cash? I realize the point is moot now, but what were you thinking? I’m genuinely curious. Also, can you ask Sammie if it’s cool if I quote her? Telling you to go “be poor someplace else” is one of the best things I’ve ever read here. Oh, and YTA. Obviously.
I think she already decided that you aren’t husband material
Which of their bills do you pay that you have right to say what they do with their money that they earned?
Her MOM can give her anything she chooses to, that is how gifts work Glad she got rid of you YTA
lolol. Six months and you want her to give back a present and request that money in cash to prove she's wife material?
Well since she doesn't seem to think you're husband material it doesn't matter now does it?
A woman who hates you is never gonna marry you. YTA
It's not a waste of money if they can afford it comfortably.
What does her family buying shoes have to do with whether or not she's wife material? Those two things are unconnected.
Can her family afford the shoes? If they’re not financially hurting themselves by buying extravagant items like that then they’re not “wasting” the money. Also, her FAMILY choosing to buy her nice gifts with THEIR money doesn’t in any way mean SHE isn’t “wife material”, wtf. It’s not her family’s obligation to support you.
You were with your gf for 6 months, and your immediate thought to her getting a gift from her parents was "man, I wouldn't consider marrying her unless she declines these gifts in the future and insists her family pays for our lifestyle instead?" Can't think of many red flags bigger than that...
What does her family have to do with her being "wife material"? Whatever her family spends money on is none of your business. Marriage, kids, vacations. That financial responsibility is on you.
No need to worry abiut when she's your wife cos it sounds like she's your ex girlfriend. Problem solved.
You sound like a gold digger. Mind your business and concern yourself with your own finances. YTA.
So $1000 shoes is too excessive a gift but $1000 towards your apartment wasn’t? It’s the same value ethier way, just mad that the gift she got was solely for her alone.
You’ve literally been together six months. Sounds like ur trying to trap ur gf, exposing yourself much?
a) Are you seriously using her mother's choice in spending to judge whether or not she's wife material? b) Do you really think a family that would buy their daughter a $1000 pair of shoes wouldn't also help out with her living expenses if she needed it? You're the idiot.
Dude.. you ain’t hubby material if you’re gonna whine and btch about shoes..
Ahahahaha...this is actually comical.. like.. what?!
YTA well you got dumped, so good news on that front. You have no business asking anyone to use their birthday and their birthday gifts to “invest in her (our) future” or for YOUR finances. It’s her BIRTHDAY gift, for her personal use and benefit only. It feels like you are the kind of guy who would get his wife a vacuum for her birthday.
Or edible panties. That way he gets sex AND a snack for her birthday!
Nah. Edible bra. A dude like this would never go down on his significant other
Only in this particular case would I agree with the dude. Edible panties seem like a swift travel to a bread infection town.
> she had all the stuff I kept in her apartment delivered by Uber packages and hadn’t responded to my text Seems about right. YTA
That was an absolute BOSS move by the ex!
YTA Wow the audacity. I'd have kicked you to the curb right there.
she did!
YTA > found her mom’s birthday present ridiculous No one cares what you think it's not your present > I asked my girlfriend if she could ask her mom to invest in her future instead or maybe return the shoes for cash for our apartment. This is not your place to demand. Sammie's mom uses her money for what she sees fit, not what you see fit. > I told her I was being practical about our finances It's 6 months in. There is no "our" finances. The tone of this post leads me to believe that you are bringing nothing to the relationship and you are trying to get in good with a wealthy family. Presumably you have an idea for an app that *just* needs a developer, UI specialist, marketing, payment processing and ongoing maintenance. > she told me to be useful with mine and leave her family finances alone because it’s not my business You should be more concerned with your own. You should leave her family's finances alone. It's not your business. > I tried talking to her again about the shoes, and she opened her apartment door and told me to” be poor someplace else.” She told you once and you kept picking at it. Her jab leads me to believe she also sees you as a lamprey eel. > I thought I was practical No you're a parasite > wanted her to invest that money in our future, not on shoes Not every godforsaken thing in the world needs to be some kind of investment or scheme. You sound like a Forex mf, LLC mf, "buying land" mf, or someone that got their MBA from IG reels.
YTA. What your girlfriend's mom does with her money is her choice OP; you don't get to dictate what she does with it. Also, y’all are talking about moving in together after only 6 months of dating? Also, anything could happen OP. For any reason you and Sammie could break up, what will happen to that "investment"? Also, y’all future is for you two to work on and invest on not her mom >Leave her family finaces alone because it's not my business She is 100% right, it *isn’t* your business
YTA You weren't being practical, you were being controlling. How could you possibly think telling her to sell a gift so she could use the money on something you thought made more sense was OK? He mom gives her a present and you insist she sells it so she can get a better apartment for you? WTF dude? Also, she's not your girlfriend anymore. You're single now.
YTA. It was a gift from her mother. Her mom has no obligation to give you money for an apartment and I am sure she has invested plenty in her child's future though raising her, schooling etc. Again, it was a gift. And you have only been together six months, there is no "our finances."
Been dating for 6 months, share no expenses and you're trying to tell her how to spend her money? at the expense of her chosen gift from her mom? lol YTA and also you no longer have a girlfriend, nice work
So uou wanted her bday present to be some practical investment for your future? TFOH ‘Be poor somewhere else’s had me rolling. And her breakup swiftness savagery was expert precision. YTA
It's only been 6 months! YTA
is the answer any difference if this clown had been married to her for 10 years? not in my book, still a gift from mom for her birthday this guy is truly special
YTA! Operative word here, is girlfriend and six months! She can buy as many shoes, shades or anything else. You were only six months in to a relationship with someone and you have no right to tell them what to do. Someone called that controlling so I’m giving you a heads up, you should stop your horseshit!
YTA. All of six months in and you're trying to get her to return her birthday gift and ask her mother for something that benefits *you*!?!??! Get over yourself! You have no right to shame her for a gift.
Damn, r/amitheex happening in real time
YTA. The gifts your GF receives from her family or anyone else is none of your business and you were out of line. Way out of line. The stupid thing here is, if the shoes cost $50 you would not have cared. It's the loss of the chance to put $1000 toward "your future" that made you say something. But the gift wasn't to you in the first place. I'm giving her full props though, having Uber deliver your crap.
YTA. While I do agree with you that spending $1,000 for a pair of shoes is absolutely ridiculous, you have no right to tell your girlfriend what her mother's money should be spent on. You guys don't live together, you're not engaged, you've only been dating 6 months. Do you expect your girlfriend's mother to help you guys out financially? That's not her job. Her job is to be mom, and that's it. And if she wants to splurge on a pair of shoes for her daughter, she can do that.
he never gets that right, no matter is he's married to her for a few decades
WTF is wrong with you? Your girlfriend didn't invest in shoes, her mom did, as a gift. If she had bought them herself, that might be worth a discussion (1, not repeated), but you still wouldn't have any right to tell her how she spends her own money. And you sure as hell don't have any say in her family's finances. Hope you enjoy the single life, cause that's what you have in front of you now. YTA.
Imagine reporting yourself for this 😅 YTA
Tell me you're a financial abuser without telling me you're a financial abuser.
YTA. It was her mom's gift TO her daughter right? You had nothing to do with the purchasing of the shoes? Unless you had to fork over any of the $1,000, then it's not your place. In no way should you be dictating what her mom is giving her as a birthday gift. Theoretically, i could see that if you were having money troubles, you could ASK your gf if she'd be willing to sell the shoes, but then again, she's under no obligation to actually do so. And based on your uber delivery, sounds like this relationship has been returned to previous owner.
YTA I mean it’s not like she bought the shoes for herself
I'm not sure that would have mattered even if she had. Unless she could no longer pay her bills whatever she spends her $$$ on is her business.
definitely!!
YTA - you don't get to dictate what other people give your girlfriend as a gift.
YTA. You were honestly upset that her mother gave her a nice gift? Wow.
YTA It was a gift from a family member. Maybe her mom just wanted to get her something nice because she knows her daughter is saving for a future and can't spend frivolously. Regardless, it was none of your business how your gf's mom chooses to spend her money, or what gift she chooses to buy. You've come across as just wanting access to her family's money. No wonder she showed you the door.
I fully agree on all points and wonder what else she was paying for since it was her apartment. Then using Uber Delivery is the icing on the cake.
He also comes across as an idiot. The people I know who buy $1000 shoes as gifts for their kids are also the people who give trips to Europe as wedding presents, or *houses* when their first grandchild is conceived.
YTA Worry about your own wallet. If her mom wants to get her a nice gift and can afford to do so that’s none of your business.
YTA. It was a gift. Gal should be asking about returning you instead!!
I think the Uber packages basically took care of that lol
YTA Why would you ever think it'd be okay to say that her mom should give you two money instead of a fun present for her child?
YTA. First of all, it was a gift. Secondly, the two of you have not been together long enough for you to be making gift suggestions for her.
YTA. (ex-)GF family money is not yours, and you were out of place with your recurring comments. No surprise she dumped your ass.
YTA - It’s a birthday present which is not for you 🙄. It’s also a gift which she should accept gracefully. And you don’t get an opinion. You also don’t get to comment on her family money which is once again not yours. I’m glad she sent you away.
YTA It's a birthday gift. You have zero right to dictate how your GF's mom decides to treat your GF on her birthday. Way outta line to ask that, especially since you guys have only been together for 6 months. I could see if your GF was being frivolous spending money she didn't have, but it's literally a gift from mother to daughter. Congrats on being single though. Maybe your next GF will be more practical than your ex
YTA, your gf did the right thing.
“Be poor someplace else..” LOL i like ur ex! YTA. 6 months and you act like you can dictate her financial decisions… wait, her mom’s financial decision! You seem toxic. You worry about her not being wife material; maybe worry if you’re husband material for women like her, no?
YTA She is right. You want her to return the gift she got from her mom and then ask her mom for money to help her move in with YOU? A man she has barely known for 6 months. This sounds controlling tbh. You two aren't at that point and she is right, you need to stay out of her family's finances. This wont' end well for you.
YTA - You’re not entitled to the money for a gift that SHE received. It’s not like she went out and spent her whole paycheck on the shoes and couldn’t pay rent, they’re a gift. It sounds like her mom is willing to help her financially, if needed. This clearly is you overstepping your boundaries.
YTA-Your former girlfriend’s family finances are not and never were your business.
YTA “ our future” meanwhile in 6 months only relationship.. she’s right. Let her live the life she chose to. Go be poor somewhere.
YTA. Its been 6 months. "We have talked about getting a place together or me moving in together", " I told her I was being practical about our finances", PUMP THE BRAKES. YTA and also already the ex. This is what being controlling is. Stop it.
Good lord, do you seriously think you should get to dictate where your girlfriend of ONLY 6 months' MOTHER spends HER money that belongs to neither your girlfriend nor you?!?! YTA and a controlling one at that.
YTA - and Sammie (who is a ROCK STAR) is your EX-girlfriend.
"Why can't my ~~ex~~girlfriend return her lavish birthday present for something that benefits **me?**" YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve been dating my girlfriend Sammie for 6 months and found her mom’s birthday present ridiculous. Sammie has a different taste in clothes and goes for an edgier look. We have talked about getting a place together or me moving in with her. She had a small birthday party, and her mom got her ballerina flats, which cost over $1000. I asked my girlfriend if she could ask her mom to invest in her future instead or maybe return the shoes for cash for our apartment. Sammie said her mom likes to get her nice things, and it’s just a pair of shoes, and it would be tacky to ask for a specific gift. I told her I was being practical about our finances, and she told me to be useful with mine and leave her family finances alone because it’s not my business. I tried talking to her again about the shoes, and she opened her apartment door and told me to” be poor someplace else.” This was out of character for her, so I left to let her sort her emotions out. Later that day, she had all the stuff I kept in her apartment delivered by Uber packages and hadn’t responded to my text. I thought I was practical and wanted her to invest that money in our future, not on shoes. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. A single AH
YTA, not your family, not your gift, not your say
YTA- 6 months! You've been together 6 months and you have the audacicty to ask something of this nature to her! Btw you don't say if she wants you to move in. Also sounds like an ex girlfriend who saw your shiny red flag
YTA You have no right to dictate what gifts your girlfriend receives.
YTA - glad to hear how smart she is.
YTA - first off dating for 6 months is way too soon for this sort of comment. Second if you guys were struggling with money and SHE spent $1000 you needed for rent on shoes that would be one thing, but it’s not. She was given a gift. You have no say in what someone wants to give someone else as a gift. It’s good to be financially responsible with your own finances, but this does not involve you. Learn from this for your next relationship cause it sounds like she’s done.
YTA and now single.
Yta what is wrong with you? Personally I would never spend that much money on shoes, so I don't. And I don't criticize how other people spend their money or tell them what they should or should not get for gifts from other people. Your audacity is off the charts.
it's HER birthday gift. why would you need to benefit from a gift for HER on her BIRTHDAY. you've been dumped gold diggerrrr
OP, I want to thank you for showing her your true colors early enough for her to get out without more investment on her part. YTA
YTA reads like it was written by my finically abusive ex.
YTA. It was neither of your money. It was her mother's money - to do with as she pleases - which is to spoil her daughter with a gorgeous pair of shoes (yay mom!). And your reaction is...what..."how dare this mother buy her daughter a gift vs give cash so I can use it to?". Yup - you'll never see that family again!
‘Be poor someplace else’ 😂
YTA they aren't your fucking shoes, bro
YTA. You don't get to pressure a gf of 6 months about something like that, especially as the shoes were a gift, not something she spent her own money on. One mention, maybe - "nice shoes, but that amount of cash would have been a great help with our apartment wouldn't it". Then drop it! Had you not been an AH, and there was time for your relationship to develop, at some point you could have had some serious discussions about your respective views on money and finances; but even then you don't get on her case like that unless you are mingling your resources and she's spending your money.
Good thing you won’t have to worry about your future with Sammie anymore. YTA. This was none of your business. Condescending and controlling.
Why do you feel you have the right to be in her mom’s finances? Get your hand out of her purse!
I like how you seek to profit from her present. YTA. You got what you deserved.
Yta good for her to take the trash out
YTA. Get your hand out of their pockets, who in hell do you think you are?
YTA. Entitled much? Why do you think your (ex)GF’s mother bears any responsibility for subsidizing your future apartment? Her sole responsibility is to her daughter.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha I love her, YTA. A dumped asshole.
Invest what money? It’s not like your girlfriend spent the apartment fund on shoes. Mom did. You never had the money.
Your girlfriend is the hero we all need AND deserve.
YTA. It's not her mom's place to invest in you all's future. You can make that argument when it comes to your now ex-girlfriend's money, but she shouldn't have to sacrifice gifts to save for the future. If she's saving as much as possible then gifts are the way she gets things she can't afford on her own.
YTA. So much so. She’s your EX girlfriend now. Maybe keep your nose out of your future girlfriend’s family’s finances. You are entitled af.
YTA. How in the world did you think this was any of your business, especially after six months?
YTA but I LOVE Sammie and her attitude!
I’m weak af 😭 she’s amazing because why are you in her and her mom’s business?
YTA. Woah, she dumped you FAST for someone you were about to move in with. I wonder if she has past experiences with those kind of requests.
You're clearly not poor and you're both going to be okay. I'm sure if worst fame to it, her mom would help you both if times got touvj. But they're not tough, are they?aybe you're jealous you don't get expensive gifts, maybe you're just upset that it didn't benefit you in some way. You wanted it to be about you. YTA. It's super over btw. I grew up poor and couldn't possibly imagine treating a partner like thst, after they've been a solid partner, just because their family can give them nice things. You clearly need to deal with that insecurity alone
Not only are you an AH you’re also the jackass that’s about to be single
Lmao now that's funny...if you didn't spend your money why do you care? I don't understand what she seen in you from the start
YTA You’re definitely leaving something out. There’s no way it escalated that quickly
You should post to r/amitheex
YTA. I love her platinum spine. And her sending all of your belongings back to you via packages was a boss move. I hope she went out that night wearing her fabulous new shoes. By the way, she is your ex girlfriend now. Don’t be even more delulu thinking that you’re still in a relationship with her. Now please listen to your ex and “be poor somewhere else” that doesn’t involve her existence.
Yta. Wow.
Wow. YTA bigtime
YTA. It's not your gift. You have no right to ask for an exchange or say it's not practical or whatever other bs. "Return the shoes for cash for our apartment" Uh, what??? It's HER birthday. So whatever present she gets is for HER. And even if her mother gives her daughter cash for the future, her mother would still only be giving that money to her to support her, none of that money would belong to you or be used for you.
Yta- you’re not entitled to her family’s money and cant tell them what they can or cannot spend it on. It’s her birthday, her special day. She can be gifted certain luxuries if she wants to. Why would her parents give you money on her birthday? You haven’t even been in her life long enough and they barely know you. Her parents are not responsible for your future and your life. If you want a good life and future then you work hard for it like they did. Your ex is iconic and honestly, good for her.
No, you thought instead of her getting a birthday gift that was just for her, she ought to ask for something that would benefit you instead. YTA.
Let me get this straight, you were upset that HER birthday gift that she got from her mother did not benefit YOU? YTA and also the ex. She dodged a bullet with you, you selfish prick. EDIT: I saw your "wife material" comment, you're a disgusting being.
Woman has anything of value. Broke man tries to take ownership of it. What a nasty boy. 🤮 Good for her! Walking away immediately. 💅
YTA. 😂
YTA - how does her mother, not her, but her mother, making “poor money management” choices have any relevance to your relationship with your (now ex) gf? I am utterly baffled that you are treating something that was gifted to your gf as if it was her decision or that it has anything to do with your now non existent future together. Also.. it’s been 6 months. You have zero rights to be expecting her mother to invest in YOU, which is really what you are asking for when you suggest it’s for her future. You’re not concerned about gf.. you’re concerned about yourself and how you can mooch and benefit from them. Gross. Glad you’re single now
Hahahahaha “go be poor somewhere else.” Look I’m poor and I can’t FATHOM $1000 shoes but YTA.
Imagine being this entitled and delusional. YTA
YTA. Her mother got her $1000 shoes as a gift. On what planet would it be practical for a boyfriend to dictate a gift from wealthy parent is wrong, and that she should ask for money to invest in bfs and her future 🤔 . Insanity, her birthday gift from her mother has nothing to do with you. Since when do boyfriends demand a partners parent invest in their future....her moms already invested in her daughter. You sir are ridiculously entitled wasn't your gift to judge, wasn't your money to judge how it's spent
[удалено]
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YTA so your EX girlfriend's mother got her a birthday present that her daughter likes. But this present doesn't benefit you. You think she wants you to stay with her at all let alone live with her with your attitude. How do you know how much those shoes cost anyway? If YOUR FAMILY got YOU an expensive gift would you liked would you ask THEM to give you the cash value or invest in your future. Or would you keep the gift. Go stay at your apartment. If you have one. You really have no business being at hers.
YTA, but your ex girlfriend is a legend
Imagine dating someone for 6 months and you're already trying to boss their mom around. She was so right to dump you YTA
“be poor someplace else” I love her, I’m stilling this phase
YTA, her Mom can spend HER on HER daughter however she wants. You don't get a say in that. She was right to kick you to the curb.
Obviously yta for his reaction to the shoes. I wonder though if op grew up poor and his gf didn’t. He may be insecure about living arrangements, his day to day life, even food due to growing up poor.
NTA. You don't need materialistic people like that in your life, you're better off without her.
YTA, shouldn't be telling people what gifts to buy their kids and to get money for an apartment with her... but she did call you poor and probably dumped you, I'd say that it paid off and you probably dodged a bullet or if you get back together, I'd watch out for that. Bit of an alarm for me when they use "poor" as an insult. She may just be mad though, so I wouldn't rush to any conclusions. Seems like a stupid thing to dump someone over, especially with that insult. If she actually dumped you, you may have dodged a bullet.