Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I am going to use my stepdaughter’s private school money to pay for my son’s lawyer
2. My husband saved up that money for the sole purpose his daughter’s education so it could be seen as stealing
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA- That money was set aside by her father specifically for her education. Are you asking her to transfer to an entirely new school for \*just\* her last year or two of high school? You want her to derail her entire social life and the connections she's made at her school so you can get your son out of trouble? He's 12, and drug charges won't follow him for the rest of his life. If you do this, she will sacrifice the last real year of her childhood to keep him from facing the consequences of his actions. If you force her to transfer to a new school, she won't get to graduate alongside her friends because of you. Not your son- you. If you spend her tuition money on this, she will likely never forgive you, and I wouldn't blame her. The money was set aside for her education by your late husband. Do you not want to respect his wishes? Your son broke the law. The punishment needs to fall on him. Not your stepdaughter. Get a public defender for your son. There are other options.
Also worth flagging up; she is 27, and has a 12yo son. So at 15 (FIFTEEN!) years of age, she got pregnant, to a man old enough to have a daughter just 10 years younger than OP?
I feel like there's a LOT of back story which would mean OP and stepdaughter already have a less-than-harmonious relationship
Right?? And I know life is different now from when I was that age, but I think 12 is REALLY young to be getting into that kind of trouble. I have a nephew that's 16 and I highly doubt he's ever SEEN any "drugs" other than my weed gummies, especially when he was 12.
Idk how old you are but I think this is probably more to do with geography and privilege than “times changing”. I’m in my 30s and I knew people doing drugs (mostly weed and alcohol, but some people had access to things like coke and e) and having sex when I was 12. I didn’t do any drugs until I was 15/16 but that was a conscious choice and I could have easily gotten them and definitely saw them in person
I would add...if she goes through all the trouble to essentially ruin the teenage girls' life...
There is no guarantee that her efforts will influence the future of her son in any way, shape, or form. If she manages to spend money on a lawyer, the kiddo might still get juvie or worse. Better to roll the dice with the public defender. IMO
Sorry, OP, but YTA.
Your daughter is right - if your son didn't want to face consequences for his actions, he shouldn't have been doing whatever it was he was doing to be caught with DRUGS. For a first-time offender to go to juvie, it likely wasn't some little bit of weed or something.
That money was set aside for her, and while it's in a trust fund for her (or it SHOULD BE) it's not yours to spend. It was set aside for her to make plans for her future accordingly, which she has been doing. If you can't afford the legal fees, how will you pay back the money you plan on taking for your son?
YTA- Your husband left that money for his daughter. You should not be taking her out of the only school she knows in her last year because your son broke the law. At the end of the day, that is not your money.
Your husband passed from an illness that destroyed you financially, but he had enough to pay for two years of private school. This seems fishy to me. I’m not saying it isn’t possible, but it seems odd.
I’m also concerned about the fact that your 12 year old has issues with drugs so young. I know you think juvie is scary, but what is your alternative to help him? Let’s say you use the money and get that great lawyer. What do you plan to do to keep him out of another situation like this? YTA for taking the money, but these are important question to indicate if you are just in a panic or if you are being completely heartless.
I mean, her kid's example was a 15-year-old mother who admits to having been a juvenile delinquent as well, and whose life plan was to hitch her wagon to a wealthy older man's star . . . only to be foiled when he dared to get sick enough to have large medical bills and not leave her set for life. I agree that her kid is on a worrying path, but it's hardly surprising.
In the US, a 12 yo first time offender with a clean record picked up for something like simple possession, they'd probably get some sort of diversionary program, community service, maybe fines and probation.
I was a little thief when I was a kid and I got caught a couple of times and never went to juvie. Just fines, probation, restitution, and lots of community service picking up trash along the highway.
YTA. You don't see why daughter who had money that her biological parent saved for her education being taken to instead deal with consequences of a drug addict doing drugs.
Especially when the person doing so is taking money from their STEPdaughter to pay for her BIOLOGICAL son?
Don't you see that the obvious implication is that to you some stepdaughter is less important than your "real" child?
Take loan to pay for your son's legal trouble.
That’s her money. Figure out something else . Especially since you’d be pulling her away in what is likely her last or penultimate year of high school?
YTA
And btw ‘it could be seen as stealing’…no, it IS stealing.
YTA. The money (both private school and college tuition) is HER money. If you spend it I hope she takes you to court and that you are forced to pay it back. It is unfortunate that her dad didn't leave the money and other assets in her name. Did your husband not have life insurance?
Given your age, you couldn't have been married to your husband for very long.
Your son got into drugs at the ripe old age of 12 and can work with a public defender. He may have to go to juvie. There is no point in paying a high-priced defense attorney for something like this.
YTA
This is your husband's money that he set aside for his daughter's education.
Using it to cover a drug problem your son got into isn't fair.. If you can't afford a lawyer and you're in the US, use a court-appointed one. Also, if he's 12 in the US, and this is a first offense, he'll probably get off with a wrist slap.
She didn't demonize your child. And she's right -- why should she suffer because you don't want your adolescent child to face the consequences of what they did?
The way you describe your child sounds like you don't hold him responsible either -- That's poor parenting.
YTA. She's right, you're *flat out stealing from her* to cover for your son who broke the law and got caught. Don't steal her future that *her father saved for her use* to try to dig your son out of trouble.
As I mentioned in my own comment, I wouldn’t be surprised if OP Teen Mommy here was getting and doing the drugs with her kid!
Maybe they’ll end up in jail together while the sister is in an Ivy-League school enjoying the education her father saved for and left her!
INFO Was your husband actually the father of the child you had at 15? Why was there a college fund for your step daughter but not your son? Was there no life insurance for you and the kids? Seems like there's something off here. YES YTA as the money was earmarked for your stepdaughter's education and you're basically stealing it from her.
Yup, YTA.
In this climate, education is crucial - for your daughter, her education is paramount and touching that money when your late husband specifically put it away for her education kinda sucks. Further, that is your daughter, never understand why people have to specify "that's not my actual child" with that step- part.
Lastly, hire a public defender. It is cheap and they do a good job.
You can't "hire" a public defender. They're just automatically appointed by the court, which is exactly what will happen here. And it's not "cheap", it doesn't cost anything; that's literally the point of them being public defenders. I feel like you don't know what a public defender is/does.
Either way, OP is a massive AH. But then her staggeringly poor judgement in thinking that it's a good idea to steal from her orphaned stepdaughter and mess with her education (and BTW, OP, "almost an adult" is still *not an adult*) in order to get her own delinquent child a get-out-of-juvie-free card is pretty predictable, given that she was a 15-year-old mother, who it seems attached herself to a wealthy older man, and is now upset because he dared to get terribly ill and have medical bills.
YTA.
That money was meant for her education.
And she’s not wrong. Your son isn’t innocent here.
Look, I’m not suggesting anyone throw the book at him. He’s 12 and grieving.
But that doesn’t mean you come to the rescue and bail him out either at the expense of the child who didn’t do anything wrong.
There are consequences for actions. And he needs to learn that.
YTA you are not following your late husbands request of you to take care of her education as he meticulously planned. Take out a personal loan using her money is essentially stealing from her. Your son is twelve and can use a public defender.
Agreed this has to be bait a 12 yr old with drug charges and a parent that's previously trouble with the law that would more lead to a cps investigation and removal of all minors if found to be an unsafe environment.
Plus a mother who was 15 when her son was born. Not saying it doesn't happen (ug!) but she seems to be saying that her son was her late husband's child. So she married an adult man, old enough to have a 5 year old daughter, when she was 15?
Nothing in this story makes sense.
tbh it's just sad really that these bored kids have nothing better to do except troll online forms. They really need to do a better job or pay attention in school with math this bad.
Also these fake stories (in general not just this one) they make up could also be something someone is currently going thru.
I started typing out a response and then thought about how someone who was really in this situation (unfortunately, they exist) would not be the type to make a throwaway and post on Reddit lol
My father is an accountant. This isn't even close to the worst version of a situation like this that I know of.
Regardless of whether this particular post is true, there are absolutely people who do this to their kids/step kids/grandkids and think they are doing the right thing
YTA (although this story beggars belief). Why should your stepdaughter (whose father provided for her private schooling and college education) be forced to go to another school because you want to steal her money to take care of your JD son?
Asking your step-daughter to change schools and leave friends behind after also losing her father because of mistakes your son made is the wrong way to go about solving this problem.
Reach out to other family member's for help . . . try to find an attorney that will allow you to make payments on a payment plan . . . anything to avoid doing what you are wanting to do.
Not only ate YTA I think you would be the criminal, if the will stated what the money was for it won’t only be your son behind bars. Unless your son was trafficking drugs over the border I doubt he is looking at hard time.
Senior is a big ficking deal moving schools for her last year is cruel also public defenders are a thing .
You gotta be kidding me? You can’t possibly think it’s okay to take the money her father worked hard for to make sure his daughter had the education he obviously felt she deserved! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! Your son apparently needs to learn a rough lesson, and he will hopefully be a better human for it! Juvenile detention is not going to ruin his life! You’re being silly! You need such a reality check.
Based on the fact this account is 20 mins old, I have to doubt the veracity of this story, but if you really came here to be told you did the right thing, you came to the wrong place.
YTA. That money was saved to be used for a very specific purpose, and it wasn't to bail your kid out of legal hot water. There are other ways you can help with his situation, short of effectively "stealing" from your stepdaughter whose last serious link with her late father was his arranging funds for her education.
YTA. It is not your stepdaughter’s fault your son did ILLEGAL STUFF HE KNOWS IS ILLEGAL!!! Not to mention the money was specifically for the school, not your delinquent son.
Your son is old enough to know right from wrong and what is legal and illegal, especially drugs because that is taught from a very young age. Your kid is NOT an innocent boy like you think he is. The only way your son will learn is by going to juvie
YTA, you screwed the good kid to save the fuck up. Also, You no right to touch that money for your kid when it was set aside for his daughters education. What you did was selfish. Your 12 year old has 6 years to hopefully pull his head out of his ass before consequences really hurt. You've permanently set this girl, who did nothing wrong, back for the rest of her life. Her chances of college is hurt, she now most likely has to take out student loans. I hope she can over come this in spite of you and her step bro; if she even considers him that any more.
Yeah YTA. it IS your daughter's money FOR school. i'm sorry but your son getting in legal trouble with drugs is in no way your daughters fault and she should not be blamed for it...
Is this a serious question? Of course YTA and it’s no wonder you’ve raised a child who makes as poor choices as his mother.
Let me get this straight, this man worked hard to provide for his daughter, while also caring for you and your son.
And now, this poor girl has lost her father, is stuck with a step-family she had no say in comprised of two juvenile delinquents and you decide as if that’s not enough, you want to pull her out of her school and destabilise her more? Using money her father left for her?
She is right, your son isn’t innocent. If he doesn’t want to go to juvie, he shouldn’t do things that get you in legal trouble. But again as I say, it’s understandable why he has a poor sense of ethics given his mother is basically a thief.
YTA - your late husband provided for his daughter...that is HER money for HER education. Your 12 yr old is not a 'young and impressionable child' if he's involved in drugs to the point where he is arrested and charged with a crime. The are lawyers available for those who cannot afford them. My guess is your 17 yr old stepdaughter knows a lot more about your son and his activities than you do. Leave her alone...and leave her money alone.
YTA it’s not your money and it’s not the use that it was intended for. Your stepdaughter is right - if your son has done something wrong he needs to pay the consequences. She shouldn’t have to switch schools due to your son’s bad decisions. Again- listen up- YTA!
YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. Be prepared for her to get a lawyer and sue you for the money! If it was earmarked for her education you just broke the law. Maybe you and your son can get a two’fer discount with the lawyer!
Do you seriously need to ask? Sorry it didn’t work out marrying rich to an older man. But clearly you not set a very good example for your child if he’s 12 and already doing drugs. But that ain’t your step-daughter’s fault, that is yours and your son. If you take them I hope sue the shit out of you. YTA
Your failure as a parent is not her problem. That money is hers for her future morally AND legally depending on how it was set up. A TWELVE year old doesn't just accidentally stumble into this mess. Get him a public defender, see if they can make a deal that avoids juvie. YTA.
YTA, and I’m sure your late husband would be so upset with you!
Don’t touch her money! Let your son have some real consequences for his behavior.
I hope she sues the you know what out of you if you touch that money.
YTA.
You’re only ten years older than your step daughter and you’re stealing her money.
So you were 15 years old when you had your son, with your husband? You couldn’t have been married very long. He also saved for private school but his illness ruined you financially.
I feel like a lot of numbers aren’t adding up.
Was your stint in juvie because you stole money the way you want to steal your daughter’s tuition savings? That is *her* money, and if you take you *are* stealing it. Paying for a lawyer doesn’t even guarantee your delinquent son will stay out of juvie. How can she trust that you won’t want to also take her college fund when your son that doesn’t understand consequences suddenly needs has more legal fees in the future when you pull this kind of crap? I hope you’re prepared to have her go no-contact with you once she’s a legal adult. YTA, and a major one.
YTA and an effin thief! You breached your deceased spouse's trust. She should sue your ass and send you right back to jail for stealing when you can't repay the amount.
YTA - you are literally making your daughter pay with her future for your son who messed up. You need to wake up before you destroy not only your daughters happiness and achievements, but any chance your son will learn to hold himself accountable.
YTA. Sorry but your son broke the law. He isn’t innocent and needs to face up to what he has done. If that’s juvenile detention then so be it. Your step daughter isn’t response for him or his choices and his poor behaviour should not impact her at all.
YTA - it sounds to me that you are favoring your son over your stepdaughter. The money set aside for her education is indeed HER money. I am sorry that your 12-year-old is already wrapped up in the drug scene, but your stepdaughter should not be the one that pays the price for his misdeeds. Your son will get free legal representation if you cannot afford it. And take the blinders off, honey. That "little boy" is big enough to get involved with drugs, so he will be big enough to pay the price for his crimes. Maybe he will learn that if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.
YTA- Your bad parenting caused your son to break the law. He needs to face the consequences. That money was specifically set aside by your stepdaughter's dead father to pay for her education. Your son isn't innocent and he's not entitles to money that's his or even yours. It's your stepdaughter's. You're an evil stepmother and you're screwing over the good kid to help the screwed up one. And if you did time in juvie as a teen, no wonder where your bio kid got his issues from. The apple doesn't fall far.
YTA: You're going to sell your daughter's future for your son's mistakes?
The daughter is right, your son made his own mistake. There's no reason you daughter who is doing things right, should be penalized.
HUGE YTA. Don’t touch her money. She’s right. Your son needs consequences and you should have taught him better considering you spent time in juvie too.
If this is not a joke, YTA, not only for using the money for not parenting your kid at 12 to keep him out of legal trouble.
Also, one of the reasons I believe this is not genuine problem if you're in the US, almost every state has court appointed attorneys for people with low income, particularly if they're a juvenile. There's also legal aid.
Finally, you are asking your stepdaughter,, who recently lost her father BTW, to give up her school her senior year, leave all of her friends behind? are you serious? Don't you remember how important this was when you were in school?
If this isn't a made up post (I forget the term) you are one heartless self-centered mother of a possible criminal.
YTA
So not only are you taking money specifically set aside for her education to mitigate your son's bad decisions but you also clearly don't give a monkeys about the social aspects of moving her before her final year unsettling her and taking her away from her friends. If you do this you will be an asshole. She is right to be angry with you. Your sons actions should not be her consequence.
YTA. That money is set aside for your stepdaughter's education. You have no right to use it for your son, who is in this position because he broke the law.
Yta. Take her out of the school she's been going to in her last year? That's just horrible all its own. Couple that with her losing her dad and you want to destabilize her life more due to your son's legal woes? Why not just rent her room out and have her sleep in the garage while you're at it?
YTA
You survived the Juvenile Justice system. If your son ends up there, he will too.
What won't survive is any relationship between the step siblings if you punish your stepdaughter for the sins of your son.
YTA. You stole from her to bail out your delinquent son. You negatively affected her future to try and make your shitty son's better. I hope her father specifically earmarked that money legally for her schooling so when she turns 18 she can sue you for it.
Yta and a thief. It's not your money to take. And your son demonized himself by being involved with drugs.
If I were her, I'd scream loud to every family member I still had and get them and police involved.
YTA-the court will appoint him an attorney. They will do just as good a job on a simple drug charges as a high dollar lawyer. Now if he was up on serious charges like murder that's when you need to pay someone. However what you are proposing is to STEAL money to get your son out of trouble for breaking the law. No wonder he was breaking the law in the first place. As a recovering addict what your son needs is consequences. At 12 it will not ruin his life but if you have to do the same thing at 16 or 18 it will.
YTA. Switching schools senior year would already suck let alone knowing that it’s to pay for your brothers legal fees.
As far as your son- you kind of sound like one of those parents that thinks it’s never their kid’s fault.
I feel bad for the stepdaughter.
YTA. That money belongs to your stepdaughter. Why are you punishing her for the decisions of your son? If you do this, I can imagine your relationship won’t recover. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?
Unfortunately this will be a hard lesson for your son that actions have consequences. The fact he is only 12 and already involved in drugs is troubling. While you shouldn’t spend your stepdaughter’s money, he needs your emotional support more than ever.
YTA
She's right about your son facing consequences. He needs to get his shit together while he's not considered an adult. Juvie is far from the worst thing that could happen to him now and in the future.
That aside though, it's kinda crazy to me that you don't understand how important and expensive a good education is. For someone lining up their college applications, switching schools after you've started junior year is bad. Not insurmountable but it's really not good. It's even worse if she's applying for early acceptance, which is fairly common now. It's not just the school she's leaving. It's all the programs she's also putting on her applications.
It's kinda wild to me that you don't get this.
I’m sorry for the loss of your husband as well as the trouble your son got into but without question, YTA.
You’ve now ruined two childhoods, your stepdaughter’s in particular. You know what your husband’s wishes were for her and likely did exactly the opposite. Please watch over her as she’s definitely “at risk” for self harm in my experience with teens. Congratulations, now you have potentially two drug problems on your hands. Where’s the money for her attorney coming from? SMMFH
YTA but i bet you don't care about everyone calling you that because your baby made a mistake and still take the money for your delinquent son.
If you do she will hate you for ever and yes you are stealing from her funds set aside by her father. Your son will never learn and at 12, please don't pretend he was too young to know. He knew what he was doing and you can bet he will be in more trouble down the years, are you going to continue to bail him out when he does with other peoples money?
I sincerely hope she sues (which as far as I know she can do it even after a few years) you if you ever touch her education money. You don’t get to make her pay the actions of your son’s.
YTA
Majorly wrong on your end. This poor girl lost her father and now because your child messed up you want to derail one of the last things she has from her dad? He put her in private school for a reason and you have no right to the tuition money or her college money. If your son is already making these choices at 12 then this is a lesson for both you and him, take out a loan or find a lawyer with payment options.
YTA. I know your family has gone through a lot… but step-daughter is the last person who should be paying the consequences of you and your son’s poor choices.
YTA.
That money was your husband's left behind for his daughter; thus making that money HER money. You have to find a way to get that money back OP because what you did wasn’t right
YTA. He broke the law but let’s punish the daughter who just wants to continue going to school with her friends? Hopefully this is the wake up call your son needs to get on the right path. He messed up. He needs to face those consequences.
YTA don’t punish your daughter for your son’s mistakes. Let the judicial system have at him and provide him with a court appointed attorney. He earned that.
Undoubtedly YTA. You're essentially stealing.
And even if you get a lawyer you're son could find himself in jail. So nothing gained except you've blown a wad of cash.
And WTF is a 12yo getting involved with drugs for anyway!?!! It might be good for him to learn a few lessons that he seemingly missed in the last 12 years.
YTA - like the whole premise of your questions is absurd.
Your son is 12 and is already breaking the law. He committed a crime. Like what do you not get about that? How does that have anything to do with your step daughter? You’re punishing her because of his actions. Do you not see how backwards that is?
Also, you do not need her money to get a lawyer. Ask for a public defender. They cost you nothing. When he was arrested they should have provided you paperwork which gave you resources such a how to get a public defender.
I can’t even begin to fathom how you’re justifying this in your mind. Then you have the audacity to say he’s a little boy and impressionable after all that?? You’re step daughter has a better head on her shoulders then you do. He isn’t innocent and he needs to face the consequences of his actions. Stop making incredibly weak excuses for him.
YTA. Since you're so poor, you should let the court appoint a public defender for your son. Now you're going to have to figure out a way to repay that money so your stepdaughter can continue to go to the school her father planned for her to attend. Right now, you're forcing punishment on her, the kid who doesn't get in trouble, and that's not right.
Do you still have any of that money? I'd guess so, as you'd have continuing legal fees if you'd stuck with the pricey lawyer. That should go right back in her tuition account. Then sell whatever you can or borrow money from relatives to make up the difference.
YTA
You picked your biological kid over your stepdaughter. She will never forget that and will never forgive you and may never forgive him. Extremely bad parenting here. Especially since your 12 year old is supposedly committing drug crimes that will send him to jail.
YTA
I mean, come on. You have no damn right to that money. You know this, thats why you asked. Your son fucked up and now he has to answer for it.
Growng up for me was pretty simple, Dad said if I screwed up and got arrested to stay in jail and face the judge. Better that than me coming home to face him. I never got in trouble with the law.
Leave her money alone and tell your son he broke the law and now he has to answer for it. Mommy saving him will only teach him this shit is OK. God, you do want your son to be better than that right? He's 12, his life isn't over ffs.
I cannot think of a worse idea than stealing the money your husband saved for his daughter's education to pay for your son's self inflicted legal issues. If you do this, be prepared for 2 things
1. You will not have a relationship with your step daughter
2. Your son will not learn and grow from this and will end up in juvie anyways when he screws up again.
It is a tough situation for sure, and no one wants to see their kid go down that path, but taking from you step-daughter to give to your son is a horrible, horrid, awful way to mess up both kids.
YTA
YTA you have failed both these kids as a parent. Your son needs to see the consequences of his actions or most likely he’s gonna continue on the same path if you bail him out. Honestly I think he would benefit more from being in juvenile than with you. Your moral compass is off and you’ve raised your son the same way.
It sounds like your stepdaughter is a smart girl and thinking of her future. After doing this to her you can expect her to go no contact with you when she’s of age as well as possibly suing you. Which if she has ground to do I hope she chooses too.
I’m assuming your son isn’t your late husband or he would have set up funding for his school also. You married an older man for money, it didn’t go the way you hoped and now you want to take from his daughter. I’m disgusted. Your son is not a child anymore. You should be doing side jobs or taking out a loan for YOUR problem. You bail him out this time and next time he gets in trouble you will be dipping right back into your stepdaughter’s account.
YTA your 12 year old is a juvenile delinquent and that's on YOU. Why should your stepdaughter suffer because you fell down on the job of parenting? 12 years old and into drugs already? I really really hope there are provisions in place to keep your hands off that money. Unbelievable.
> The only money available was my stepdaughter’s private school fees
That money isn’t available. It is not free money. It is not your personal savings. It is money for her education and she shouldn’t have to sacrifice for your son’s actions. YTA.
YTA.
This is likely bait but it case it isn’t I have questions.
Plus why do you assume they will send him to juvie? If he was in possession of drugs they usually don’t go. Especially for any length of time at his age. Sure it happens but it’s usually a short sentence with court ordered services when he gets out. Was he dealing drugs too? It might do him some good to see what it is like when his freedom is taken away.
Also…Doesn’t he have a public defender? Why do you need to spend her school money on this? Your stepdaughter isn’t wrong at all, btw.
Why doesn’t your son have any sort of education fund?
YTA. Son got himself in trouble. Stepdaughter had nothing to do with it, and should NOT be punished in any way. Taking the money her Dad set aside for her tuition to bail him out (or pay for his Lawyer) will just prove to the Stepdaughter that he is more important to you.
INFO: you had a child with your late husband when you were FIFTEEN? How old were you when you married him?
Regardless of the answer to that - YTA. You KNOW your husband put aside that money because he wanted his daughter to have the best education possible. And if your son is having legal problems because of drugs at TWELVE, spending a few weeks in juvie might prevent prison time later. It's not fair for your stepdaughter to have to set herself on fire to keep your son warm.
INFO Is your Son your late husbands child?
If he is its fine to use money left by your husband to cover urgent expenses for your (combined) child. If it isn't I feel that its misappropriating funds meant for your daughter.
YTA. If this is real, and I hope it's not because the ages here are hinky and this all sounds like rage bait-- I REALLY hope that money is in a trust where you can't get it. You can get a court-appointed lawyer. She can't get a court-appointed final year at her school.
I dare you to touch it you’ll get sued. Rightfully so. And you and your son will be in jail. If you don’t want him to go to jail, you should’ve raised him to be a better kid.
YTA this is mindblowing. Your son isn‘t a sweet innocent child anymore, he‘s a fully responsible teenager who needs to learn from his mistakes. Get a court-appointed lawyer and have your son do community hours, it will be a steep learning curve he desperately needs, and grant your step daughter the future she deserves.
She will never speak to you again if you blow through her school fund, I‘ll tell you that much
YTA YTA YTA and your favouritism is showing. Do better by your late husband
Call Disney!!! We have found the next evil stepmother!!!
Seriously... Stop babying your son. If he wants to play with drugs at the age of 12, you have already failed him. It's time you step up and realise you can't help him on this route and let him face the consequences of his own actions. As a mother you get to be by his side and comfort him, but you cannot take his sisters education money just to throw them at your sons drug hole. It's time he learns about consequences and he won't learn shit if mommy steals money from sister to bail him out.
I read the title and yes YTA.. as soon as you treat a step kid any different then your biological kid it’s just wrong. You’re taking away your step child’s future for your biological kids gain and that just not right! It’s not your money to touch nor did you earn it! The fact that you are even thinking about using your husbands hard earned money for something other then the sole purpose he saved it for astounds me! You don’t have that right! It was his money before you got married therefore it is him money. Not yours
Just use a public free attorney like everyone else. Don’t just blow cash when you don’t need to. If your son is guilty the so be it. He need to suffer the consequences of that. Don’t change the corse of someone else’s life because of it. It’s not fair on her. She doesn’t owe you anything.
Odds are if you spend that money and get your son out if the consequences for his actions....he will continue to act up and keep expecting you to bail him out.... Absolutely YTA he needs the consequences of his actions hopefully it will be the reality check he needed.
Info: So, you were 15 when you had your son? Was that before or after you were in juvie? Then conveniently married a man with enough money for his daughters private school tuition, but not enough for decent medical insurance. Something smells here and it's not the fish.
YTA, your daughter shouldn't be punished for something your son did. Your son shouldn't have broken the law in the first place, so he should be facing the consequences. Also, your husband left the money for HER. Not for you to use.
YTA I’m sorry your son is going through that but your daughter is right. You shouldn’t punish her for your son’s mistakes. You’re about to lose your daughter
So, let's see...
* You had your son at age 15. Which means you got pregnant at early 15, or late 14.
* Your husband's illness "ruined us financially"
* Yet your stepdaughter has continued to go to an expensive private school during this "ruinous" financial period. No one thought about saving the money (or using the savings) 2 years ago, during the "ruinous" period. Only when your kid got arrested did this occur to anyone.
* All of this money has been "saved" in a manner that allows you to access it (otherwise, this isn't a real question). So it could have been easily accessed 2 years ago.
* Your ***12 year old*** has gotten into legal trouble involving drugs. So not just a drug-using 12 year old, but one who is subject to legal prosecution issues at age 12.
I think the answer to your question is clear:
You should sell you and your son's DNA to science so they can figure out where the 'precocious gene' is located on the human genome, since the two of you seem to be able to do all kinds of things before you even reach high school.
What a terrible parent you are. You steal from your step kid who is doing good things because you are a screw up with your own child. I hope your step daughter is able to get her money back and then some. Or you can spend time in jail, maybe that will help your own kid have a better parent.
What in the name of Cinderella did I just read…
YTA YTA YTA omg can I say it again? YTA. Her dead FATHER, you know the man you promised to love honor and cherish and all that, set aside that money for her EDUCATION, not for your 7th graders criminal charges (yes I know it’s in family court, he is still charged with crimes).
Maybe the reason that your son turned to drugs in most likely elementary school was because whenever he messes up you make other people bear the consequences of his actions.
It is not your minor stepdaughters responsibility to pay for your 12 year old sons *who is not even her brother* legal fees. It’s yours. Use a credit card, get a loan, ask family or *gasp* use the public defender.
That poor girl.
YTA who clearly married your late husband for money ONLY, and now you want to destroy your stepdaughter’s education and life because YOUR son couldn’t fly right?? What does that say about YOU AS A PARENT?? Maybe you were providing the drugs for a child you had at 15?!? You’re more like his playmate than a parent!!!
As to your stepdaughter: LEAVE HER MONEY ALONE. You work two jobs, public defenders and legal assistance exist (at least here in the US), so use your own money and state help to get your son on the right track! Your stepdaughter needs to get as far away from you as she can. You can’t even call yourself a “mother” of any kind. You are a seriously greedy AH.
Oh, yes…one more thing: IF YOU WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY GOING TO JUVIE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MOM AND MADE SURE HE DIDN’T GET INVOLVED WITH DRUGS!! YO, DUH, DUMMY!!
YTA
This is what public defenders are for.
Your son is 12, for fucks sake. It’s juvenile court, he doesn’t need a private attorney and that money was very clearly saved for a specific purpose.
YTA. I’m sorry for your situation, but you need to realize that getting an expensive lawyer doesn’t mean your son will escape juvie. You would be better off talking with the prosecutor and seeing what they willing to do given his young age and plan for staying out of trouble that you will develop.
Not sorry, YTA. Your stepdaughter is correct and if she's reading this and you do take her money she should report you for theft. She lost her father and now you're going to take away every other constant from her and you will not have a relationship with her if that even matters to you.
Big giant YTA. You can tell how bad you are by the fact it only took 1 hour for this to be reposted on Am I The Devil.
Not only YTA but you also make no sense. If you didn't touch the "college money", why does she have to change schools. Pay for the last year of high school with some of the college money. Making someone change change high schools in their senior year is just plain cruel.
Also, "If you can't afford an attorney, one will be provided for you". You can't afford an attorney, so you should be using a public defender.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (27F) have one son (12M) and one stepdaughter (17F) from my marriage to my late husband. My husband passed away a year and a half ago due to an illness that ruined us financially. He was the sole breadwinner while I was a stay at home mother, and we’ve had a lot of financial troubles since his death.
My stepdaughter attended a private school, and my husband had money saved up to pay for her remaining tuition fees, as well as her future college education.
My son recently got into some legal trouble involving drugs. I desperately need money to pay for a lawyer. I work two jobs and it’s still nowhere near enough to afford the legal fees. The only money available was my stepdaughter’s private school fees. I tried talking to her and asking her if she would switch to a public school for her senior year so that I could use the money for my son’s lawyer.
She completely blew up at me. She accused me of stealing ‘her’ money and purposefully trying to derail her education and social life. She said her dad put her in private school because she was naturally smart and she needed to be in a good school surrounded by like minded people.
I told her that her life isn’t over just because she has to spend one year at public school. She can still hang out with her friends outside of school, and she’ll likely get accepted into a good college anyways (and it’s not like I’m taking her college money). But on the other hand, if my son goes to juvie, then his life might as well be ruined. I’ve been to juvie as a teenager and it was an awful experience. I can’t even imagine making a little boy go to such a traumatic place.
My stepdaughter said she doesn’t care about what happens to my son and he shouldn’t have broken the law if he didn’t want to go to juvie. She said my son wasn’t ‘innocent’ and needs to face the consequences. I said she was nearly an adult, demonizing a young and impressionable child because she thinks that going to school with poor people is the worst thing in the world. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. This can’t be real. What kind of POS parent would take money from a kid with an actual future to give to a kid who can’t even do the bare minimum and stay out of trouble? Also, the money isn’t YOUR money. It’s money that HE set aside for her school. Not money to fund a druggy to dodge accountability and responsibility for their actions. Get your kid a public defender and tell him to quit ruining his life.
Info - does your son have a different father than your stepdaughter? If they had the same father, what fund does he have? Seems radically unfair that she has a private school fund and he has nothing if they both have the same father.
That said, this whole situation was created by your own neglect. He's 12. Using drugs is not his fault - it's yours. You failed *miserably.* This is on you to fix.
You were fourteen when your husband got you pregnant? What the heck is the age of consent where you live?
Look. Families do this all the time. They spend and spend and spend on the troubled child and ignore or take resources away from the children who do not get into trouble. *Don't do that.*
Work with a social worker or a guardian ad litem or the courts or *someone* to get counseling for your son. But do not rob your step daughter's future for him. She didn't break the law. She didn't get in trouble with drugs. Do not punish her for what your son did! Do not screw up her social life and schooling and future for him!
If your son goes to juvie his record will be sealed when he becomes an adult.
If your husband left those funds for his daughter it may even be illegal for you to misappropriate them. Don't do it. Apologize to her for even thinking of it and figure something else out. Talk to the prosecutor. Talk to his school. Talk to anyone and everyone. But don't touch that money.
YTA
YTA. Why would you take your late husband's money he left for his own daughter to finish her 1 year left for your son? He made the mess he's in and needs to take responsibility for his actions. Your step-daughter did not cause his trouble yet you're going to take her education fund as if she did? I would resent my brother forever if he did this to me. Don't know why he's in trouble, but you can't punish your step-daughter to cover his troubled behavior. Super unfair. Also, just 1 year in public school after being in private school prior is a big deal. You're selfishly assuming she'd adapt when she's telling you she wouldn't, which means you are minimizing her feelings. If it was a dire situation like your house went up in flames and on verge of homelessness...then you might be justified in borrowing her education funds, but this post is far from that.
What could you possibly want from us here??? You are literally stealing money from a child. This is not ambiguous. It is at the very least immoral, and likely subject to a civil action if the daughter can get herself to an attorney.
There is no way you aren't getting judged here as a thief and an asshole. Stealing from a child this one time isn't going to solve your long-term and MASSIVE problem, which is that you have a 12 year old that is already in significant legal trouble.
YTA. Do not touch that education money. Deal with your son’s consequences and maybe he will finally grow up before he becomes a criminal and stain on society.
YTA. Your daughter should not be penalized for your son’s mistakes.
I don’t know where you live, but is a public defender not an option? In the US, they are provided free of charge.
YTA unequivocally. And you well know it. She may sue you in the future for stealing funds set aside for her by her father, and probably should if you continue down this path.
Your son's mistakes should not be handled at the expense of your step daughter's future education.
YTA. You have no right to use your stepdaughters money nor to bully her into giving ir to. She deserves a chance to spend the most importanr year of school in a private school so she could get accepted to college. You fucked up big time raising your boy and it's on you. It's your responsibility. Take a loan, sell sometint, bef your relatives to help, but don't you dear to take money from that poor girl.
YTA, maam hes 12 years old he will be in juvenile detention. he will live and if you help him he will learn from his experiences. stealing from his older sister to try to get him out of it will not teach him a valuable lesson it will do the opposite. they have public defenders for a reason. the real question is why the hell you 12 yo was in possession of drugs.
YTA- this is your stepdaughters money, not yours and certainly not the delinquent. Maybe Juvie would be good someone who is already in trouble for drugs at 12.
YTA
Your stealing money left to a child that is not yours by her dead father to try to get your child out of trouble that he got himself into.
And seriously, what sort of trouble is a 12yo getting into with drugs?
Simple possession? Punishment for that type of thing at his age (in the US) generally isn't jail time. Probation, community service, fines is the norm. Nothing to be ruining your stepdaughter's future over.
More than simple possession? Was your 12 yo dealing? Moving weight? Caught up in that banger lifestyle that uses young kids to do the heavy work so the adults don't go to jail? If so, maybe he needs a wake up call to get him out of that life before it kills him or ends up with him in prison for a long time.
Either way, it is completely morally and ethically wrong to steal from her for him.
Gonna say this LOUDLY. YTA!!!!!
That money was left to her by her dad, for her education. Not to be used on your druggy son! By stealing her money, you're not only enabling bad behavior by your son, you're doing bad behavior, and you can send your stepdaughter down a bad path! Not to mention deprive her of a proper education and future.
FIND ANOTHER WAY! Your son is 12. A juvenile. Find resources that don't require an expensive lawyer. Your son is most likely eligible for community service or what not.
LEAVE HER MONEY ALONE!!!!!
If you do take her money, I hope she finds a good lawyer to sue you! Then you'll have even more legal fees!!!!!
YTA for stealing step-daughter’s education fund to pay 12-year-old son’s legal expenses.
When SD hits 18, she will sue you for misappropriating her education funds, and will likely win.
YTA.
That money was left by your husband explicitly for your daughter's education. You could find yourself in serious legal trouble for taking it and using it outside of the purpose your late husband intended.
Legalities aside, it's not just legally reprehensible, it's morally reprehensible too. Senior year is incredibly important- socially, mentally, and educationally- this is the year she will be applying to college, and suddenly going from private school to public will not be seen favorably by many colleges. You're also disrupting her curriculum, as most private schools build their education as a progression over all four years.
As for your son, either take out a loan to pay for a lawyer, or take advantage of your state-appointed representation. If he's arrested for anything, legally he has a right to an attorney, and if he (or you) cannot afford one, it is his constitutional right to have one appointed. Legal Aid is also an option, and so is a loan.
Stealing money from your stepdaughter, that her father left her for her education, and using it so your biological child doesn't have to face consequences for his actions is raging asshole behavior.
Yes you are the asshole. You care more about your kid and his criminal life and want to derail the stepdaughter’s life to bail out a fucking druggie who will never be anything. You just want to enable him. Let him go to prison. He was will either get straight or continue on in his corrupt life. The fact that he is into drugs doesn’t say much about your parenting
you are such a dick, oh my fucking god. your stepdaughter is 100% correct and your son shouldn't have gotten into drugs if he didn't wanna go to juvie. she should not have to suffer because your little golden child baby boy made an oopsie. YTA.
i seriously hope this is ragebait
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I am going to use my stepdaughter’s private school money to pay for my son’s lawyer 2. My husband saved up that money for the sole purpose his daughter’s education so it could be seen as stealing Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA- That money was set aside by her father specifically for her education. Are you asking her to transfer to an entirely new school for \*just\* her last year or two of high school? You want her to derail her entire social life and the connections she's made at her school so you can get your son out of trouble? He's 12, and drug charges won't follow him for the rest of his life. If you do this, she will sacrifice the last real year of her childhood to keep him from facing the consequences of his actions. If you force her to transfer to a new school, she won't get to graduate alongside her friends because of you. Not your son- you. If you spend her tuition money on this, she will likely never forgive you, and I wouldn't blame her. The money was set aside for her education by your late husband. Do you not want to respect his wishes? Your son broke the law. The punishment needs to fall on him. Not your stepdaughter. Get a public defender for your son. There are other options.
Also worth flagging up; she is 27, and has a 12yo son. So at 15 (FIFTEEN!) years of age, she got pregnant, to a man old enough to have a daughter just 10 years younger than OP? I feel like there's a LOT of back story which would mean OP and stepdaughter already have a less-than-harmonious relationship
If it was his son he would have had an education fund also.
Right?? And I know life is different now from when I was that age, but I think 12 is REALLY young to be getting into that kind of trouble. I have a nephew that's 16 and I highly doubt he's ever SEEN any "drugs" other than my weed gummies, especially when he was 12.
Idk how old you are but I think this is probably more to do with geography and privilege than “times changing”. I’m in my 30s and I knew people doing drugs (mostly weed and alcohol, but some people had access to things like coke and e) and having sex when I was 12. I didn’t do any drugs until I was 15/16 but that was a conscious choice and I could have easily gotten them and definitely saw them in person
I would add...if she goes through all the trouble to essentially ruin the teenage girls' life... There is no guarantee that her efforts will influence the future of her son in any way, shape, or form. If she manages to spend money on a lawyer, the kiddo might still get juvie or worse. Better to roll the dice with the public defender. IMO
He might also learn that mommy will get him out of any consequences so he has no incentive to do better.
she will also be breaking the law if the husband left a will and she violates it
Sorry, OP, but YTA. Your daughter is right - if your son didn't want to face consequences for his actions, he shouldn't have been doing whatever it was he was doing to be caught with DRUGS. For a first-time offender to go to juvie, it likely wasn't some little bit of weed or something. That money was set aside for her, and while it's in a trust fund for her (or it SHOULD BE) it's not yours to spend. It was set aside for her to make plans for her future accordingly, which she has been doing. If you can't afford the legal fees, how will you pay back the money you plan on taking for your son?
She will be in legal trouble for misappropriating the funds. She will need a lawyer too
That depends on if the father structured the funds into something like a trust or just had the money saved up in a bank account.
She be seating in a cell for fraud.
YTA- Your husband left that money for his daughter. You should not be taking her out of the only school she knows in her last year because your son broke the law. At the end of the day, that is not your money. Your husband passed from an illness that destroyed you financially, but he had enough to pay for two years of private school. This seems fishy to me. I’m not saying it isn’t possible, but it seems odd. I’m also concerned about the fact that your 12 year old has issues with drugs so young. I know you think juvie is scary, but what is your alternative to help him? Let’s say you use the money and get that great lawyer. What do you plan to do to keep him out of another situation like this? YTA for taking the money, but these are important question to indicate if you are just in a panic or if you are being completely heartless.
I mean, her kid's example was a 15-year-old mother who admits to having been a juvenile delinquent as well, and whose life plan was to hitch her wagon to a wealthy older man's star . . . only to be foiled when he dared to get sick enough to have large medical bills and not leave her set for life. I agree that her kid is on a worrying path, but it's hardly surprising.
My question is whether they will even send a kid to juvie for using drugs, or if he was dealing?
Usually, no, they won’t.
In the US, a 12 yo first time offender with a clean record picked up for something like simple possession, they'd probably get some sort of diversionary program, community service, maybe fines and probation. I was a little thief when I was a kid and I got caught a couple of times and never went to juvie. Just fines, probation, restitution, and lots of community service picking up trash along the highway.
YTA. You don't see why daughter who had money that her biological parent saved for her education being taken to instead deal with consequences of a drug addict doing drugs. Especially when the person doing so is taking money from their STEPdaughter to pay for her BIOLOGICAL son? Don't you see that the obvious implication is that to you some stepdaughter is less important than your "real" child? Take loan to pay for your son's legal trouble.
That’s her money. Figure out something else . Especially since you’d be pulling her away in what is likely her last or penultimate year of high school? YTA And btw ‘it could be seen as stealing’…no, it IS stealing.
Some of these are so easy! 😂
YTA. The money (both private school and college tuition) is HER money. If you spend it I hope she takes you to court and that you are forced to pay it back. It is unfortunate that her dad didn't leave the money and other assets in her name. Did your husband not have life insurance? Given your age, you couldn't have been married to your husband for very long. Your son got into drugs at the ripe old age of 12 and can work with a public defender. He may have to go to juvie. There is no point in paying a high-priced defense attorney for something like this.
YTA This is your husband's money that he set aside for his daughter's education. Using it to cover a drug problem your son got into isn't fair.. If you can't afford a lawyer and you're in the US, use a court-appointed one. Also, if he's 12 in the US, and this is a first offense, he'll probably get off with a wrist slap. She didn't demonize your child. And she's right -- why should she suffer because you don't want your adolescent child to face the consequences of what they did? The way you describe your child sounds like you don't hold him responsible either -- That's poor parenting.
YTA. She's right, you're *flat out stealing from her* to cover for your son who broke the law and got caught. Don't steal her future that *her father saved for her use* to try to dig your son out of trouble.
[удалено]
As I mentioned in my own comment, I wouldn’t be surprised if OP Teen Mommy here was getting and doing the drugs with her kid! Maybe they’ll end up in jail together while the sister is in an Ivy-League school enjoying the education her father saved for and left her!
INFO Was your husband actually the father of the child you had at 15? Why was there a college fund for your step daughter but not your son? Was there no life insurance for you and the kids? Seems like there's something off here. YES YTA as the money was earmarked for your stepdaughter's education and you're basically stealing it from her.
INFO PLEASE!
Yup, YTA. In this climate, education is crucial - for your daughter, her education is paramount and touching that money when your late husband specifically put it away for her education kinda sucks. Further, that is your daughter, never understand why people have to specify "that's not my actual child" with that step- part. Lastly, hire a public defender. It is cheap and they do a good job.
You can't "hire" a public defender. They're just automatically appointed by the court, which is exactly what will happen here. And it's not "cheap", it doesn't cost anything; that's literally the point of them being public defenders. I feel like you don't know what a public defender is/does. Either way, OP is a massive AH. But then her staggeringly poor judgement in thinking that it's a good idea to steal from her orphaned stepdaughter and mess with her education (and BTW, OP, "almost an adult" is still *not an adult*) in order to get her own delinquent child a get-out-of-juvie-free card is pretty predictable, given that she was a 15-year-old mother, who it seems attached herself to a wealthy older man, and is now upset because he dared to get terribly ill and have medical bills.
YTA. That money was meant for her education. And she’s not wrong. Your son isn’t innocent here. Look, I’m not suggesting anyone throw the book at him. He’s 12 and grieving. But that doesn’t mean you come to the rescue and bail him out either at the expense of the child who didn’t do anything wrong. There are consequences for actions. And he needs to learn that.
YTA you are not following your late husbands request of you to take care of her education as he meticulously planned. Take out a personal loan using her money is essentially stealing from her. Your son is twelve and can use a public defender.
This has to be bait
Agreed this has to be bait a 12 yr old with drug charges and a parent that's previously trouble with the law that would more lead to a cps investigation and removal of all minors if found to be an unsafe environment.
Plus a mother who was 15 when her son was born. Not saying it doesn't happen (ug!) but she seems to be saying that her son was her late husband's child. So she married an adult man, old enough to have a 5 year old daughter, when she was 15?
Nothing in this story makes sense. tbh it's just sad really that these bored kids have nothing better to do except troll online forms. They really need to do a better job or pay attention in school with math this bad. Also these fake stories (in general not just this one) they make up could also be something someone is currently going thru.
I started typing out a response and then thought about how someone who was really in this situation (unfortunately, they exist) would not be the type to make a throwaway and post on Reddit lol
My father is an accountant. This isn't even close to the worst version of a situation like this that I know of. Regardless of whether this particular post is true, there are absolutely people who do this to their kids/step kids/grandkids and think they are doing the right thing
YTA, your daughter is right, it's not her responsibility to pay for your sons mistakes.
YTA (although this story beggars belief). Why should your stepdaughter (whose father provided for her private schooling and college education) be forced to go to another school because you want to steal her money to take care of your JD son?
I'm thinking same thing, some kid is making this story up to get a good laugh at all the do-gooder comments.
Asking your step-daughter to change schools and leave friends behind after also losing her father because of mistakes your son made is the wrong way to go about solving this problem. Reach out to other family member's for help . . . try to find an attorney that will allow you to make payments on a payment plan . . . anything to avoid doing what you are wanting to do.
[удалено]
YTA because she said no. You stole her $ to pay for his legal fees due to his own transgression.
Not only ate YTA I think you would be the criminal, if the will stated what the money was for it won’t only be your son behind bars. Unless your son was trafficking drugs over the border I doubt he is looking at hard time. Senior is a big ficking deal moving schools for her last year is cruel also public defenders are a thing .
YTA leave her school money alone.
You gotta be kidding me? You can’t possibly think it’s okay to take the money her father worked hard for to make sure his daughter had the education he obviously felt she deserved! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! Your son apparently needs to learn a rough lesson, and he will hopefully be a better human for it! Juvenile detention is not going to ruin his life! You’re being silly! You need such a reality check.
Based on the fact this account is 20 mins old, I have to doubt the veracity of this story, but if you really came here to be told you did the right thing, you came to the wrong place.
I assume it's fake but really even if it were real, I'd expect a person to create a fake account.
how old was your husband? you had your son at 15? this is bull s--t! but, just in case, yes, you very much are the a.h.!
> She accused me of stealing ‘her’ money YTA - You are stealing her money, her money for her education.
YTA. That money was saved to be used for a very specific purpose, and it wasn't to bail your kid out of legal hot water. There are other ways you can help with his situation, short of effectively "stealing" from your stepdaughter whose last serious link with her late father was his arranging funds for her education.
Yta And I hope she sues you the minute she turns 18. If you think you're broke now, you just wait.
YTA. It is not your stepdaughter’s fault your son did ILLEGAL STUFF HE KNOWS IS ILLEGAL!!! Not to mention the money was specifically for the school, not your delinquent son. Your son is old enough to know right from wrong and what is legal and illegal, especially drugs because that is taught from a very young age. Your kid is NOT an innocent boy like you think he is. The only way your son will learn is by going to juvie
info: what kind of drug trouble? hard to imagine what a 12 year old could do to land in juvie
I thought the same - if it's that serious, probably not the kid's first brush with the law.
YTA clearly, your late husband trusted you to use the money per his wishes.
YTA, you screwed the good kid to save the fuck up. Also, You no right to touch that money for your kid when it was set aside for his daughters education. What you did was selfish. Your 12 year old has 6 years to hopefully pull his head out of his ass before consequences really hurt. You've permanently set this girl, who did nothing wrong, back for the rest of her life. Her chances of college is hurt, she now most likely has to take out student loans. I hope she can over come this in spite of you and her step bro; if she even considers him that any more.
Yeah YTA. it IS your daughter's money FOR school. i'm sorry but your son getting in legal trouble with drugs is in no way your daughters fault and she should not be blamed for it...
YTA and I hope she takes you to court. This money was for her. I don't care at all who else "needed it" and for what.
YTA you don’t take money from a child who was left it by their other parent. You have no right to her money.
Is this a serious question? Of course YTA and it’s no wonder you’ve raised a child who makes as poor choices as his mother. Let me get this straight, this man worked hard to provide for his daughter, while also caring for you and your son. And now, this poor girl has lost her father, is stuck with a step-family she had no say in comprised of two juvenile delinquents and you decide as if that’s not enough, you want to pull her out of her school and destabilise her more? Using money her father left for her? She is right, your son isn’t innocent. If he doesn’t want to go to juvie, he shouldn’t do things that get you in legal trouble. But again as I say, it’s understandable why he has a poor sense of ethics given his mother is basically a thief.
YTA - your late husband provided for his daughter...that is HER money for HER education. Your 12 yr old is not a 'young and impressionable child' if he's involved in drugs to the point where he is arrested and charged with a crime. The are lawyers available for those who cannot afford them. My guess is your 17 yr old stepdaughter knows a lot more about your son and his activities than you do. Leave her alone...and leave her money alone.
YTA it’s not your money and it’s not the use that it was intended for. Your stepdaughter is right - if your son has done something wrong he needs to pay the consequences. She shouldn’t have to switch schools due to your son’s bad decisions. Again- listen up- YTA!
YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. Be prepared for her to get a lawyer and sue you for the money! If it was earmarked for her education you just broke the law. Maybe you and your son can get a two’fer discount with the lawyer!
Do you seriously need to ask? Sorry it didn’t work out marrying rich to an older man. But clearly you not set a very good example for your child if he’s 12 and already doing drugs. But that ain’t your step-daughter’s fault, that is yours and your son. If you take them I hope sue the shit out of you. YTA
Your failure as a parent is not her problem. That money is hers for her future morally AND legally depending on how it was set up. A TWELVE year old doesn't just accidentally stumble into this mess. Get him a public defender, see if they can make a deal that avoids juvie. YTA.
YTA, and I’m sure your late husband would be so upset with you! Don’t touch her money! Let your son have some real consequences for his behavior. I hope she sues the you know what out of you if you touch that money.
YTA. You’re only ten years older than your step daughter and you’re stealing her money. So you were 15 years old when you had your son, with your husband? You couldn’t have been married very long. He also saved for private school but his illness ruined you financially. I feel like a lot of numbers aren’t adding up.
Was your stint in juvie because you stole money the way you want to steal your daughter’s tuition savings? That is *her* money, and if you take you *are* stealing it. Paying for a lawyer doesn’t even guarantee your delinquent son will stay out of juvie. How can she trust that you won’t want to also take her college fund when your son that doesn’t understand consequences suddenly needs has more legal fees in the future when you pull this kind of crap? I hope you’re prepared to have her go no-contact with you once she’s a legal adult. YTA, and a major one.
YTA and an effin thief! You breached your deceased spouse's trust. She should sue your ass and send you right back to jail for stealing when you can't repay the amount.
Um.. how old are you? No matter what, YTA
YTA. I can’t even believe you have to ask.
YTA - you are literally making your daughter pay with her future for your son who messed up. You need to wake up before you destroy not only your daughters happiness and achievements, but any chance your son will learn to hold himself accountable.
YTA. Sorry but your son broke the law. He isn’t innocent and needs to face up to what he has done. If that’s juvenile detention then so be it. Your step daughter isn’t response for him or his choices and his poor behaviour should not impact her at all.
YTA - it sounds to me that you are favoring your son over your stepdaughter. The money set aside for her education is indeed HER money. I am sorry that your 12-year-old is already wrapped up in the drug scene, but your stepdaughter should not be the one that pays the price for his misdeeds. Your son will get free legal representation if you cannot afford it. And take the blinders off, honey. That "little boy" is big enough to get involved with drugs, so he will be big enough to pay the price for his crimes. Maybe he will learn that if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.
YTA- Your bad parenting caused your son to break the law. He needs to face the consequences. That money was specifically set aside by your stepdaughter's dead father to pay for her education. Your son isn't innocent and he's not entitles to money that's his or even yours. It's your stepdaughter's. You're an evil stepmother and you're screwing over the good kid to help the screwed up one. And if you did time in juvie as a teen, no wonder where your bio kid got his issues from. The apple doesn't fall far.
YTA: You're going to sell your daughter's future for your son's mistakes? The daughter is right, your son made his own mistake. There's no reason you daughter who is doing things right, should be penalized.
HUGE YTA. Don’t touch her money. She’s right. Your son needs consequences and you should have taught him better considering you spent time in juvie too.
If this is not a joke, YTA, not only for using the money for not parenting your kid at 12 to keep him out of legal trouble. Also, one of the reasons I believe this is not genuine problem if you're in the US, almost every state has court appointed attorneys for people with low income, particularly if they're a juvenile. There's also legal aid. Finally, you are asking your stepdaughter,, who recently lost her father BTW, to give up her school her senior year, leave all of her friends behind? are you serious? Don't you remember how important this was when you were in school? If this isn't a made up post (I forget the term) you are one heartless self-centered mother of a possible criminal.
YTA So not only are you taking money specifically set aside for her education to mitigate your son's bad decisions but you also clearly don't give a monkeys about the social aspects of moving her before her final year unsettling her and taking her away from her friends. If you do this you will be an asshole. She is right to be angry with you. Your sons actions should not be her consequence.
YTA. That money is set aside for your stepdaughter's education. You have no right to use it for your son, who is in this position because he broke the law.
YTA and she can file a legal claim against you for misappropriating funds. So if you think things are hard now, wait until that happens.
Yta. Take her out of the school she's been going to in her last year? That's just horrible all its own. Couple that with her losing her dad and you want to destabilize her life more due to your son's legal woes? Why not just rent her room out and have her sleep in the garage while you're at it?
you suck yta
YTA You survived the Juvenile Justice system. If your son ends up there, he will too. What won't survive is any relationship between the step siblings if you punish your stepdaughter for the sins of your son.
YTA you should never sacrifice the future for the present. Or steal from your family. Besides, he's 12.
YTA. You stole from her to bail out your delinquent son. You negatively affected her future to try and make your shitty son's better. I hope her father specifically earmarked that money legally for her schooling so when she turns 18 she can sue you for it.
Yta and a thief. It's not your money to take. And your son demonized himself by being involved with drugs. If I were her, I'd scream loud to every family member I still had and get them and police involved.
YTA Plain and simple and for all the reasons listed above.
Yikes. You’re a huge asshole
YTA
YTA. If you take her money, I hope she puts you in prison.
YTA-the court will appoint him an attorney. They will do just as good a job on a simple drug charges as a high dollar lawyer. Now if he was up on serious charges like murder that's when you need to pay someone. However what you are proposing is to STEAL money to get your son out of trouble for breaking the law. No wonder he was breaking the law in the first place. As a recovering addict what your son needs is consequences. At 12 it will not ruin his life but if you have to do the same thing at 16 or 18 it will.
YTA. Switching schools senior year would already suck let alone knowing that it’s to pay for your brothers legal fees. As far as your son- you kind of sound like one of those parents that thinks it’s never their kid’s fault. I feel bad for the stepdaughter.
Of course YTA. >She accused me of stealing ‘her’ money Because you *are* stealing her money
Don't steal money from your kid.
YTA. That money belongs to your stepdaughter. Why are you punishing her for the decisions of your son? If you do this, I can imagine your relationship won’t recover. Is that a risk you’re willing to take? Unfortunately this will be a hard lesson for your son that actions have consequences. The fact he is only 12 and already involved in drugs is troubling. While you shouldn’t spend your stepdaughter’s money, he needs your emotional support more than ever.
We can see where the son gets his poor judgment from
YTA.YTA.YTA.YTA. DO NOT TOUCH HER MONEY OP.
YTA She's right about your son facing consequences. He needs to get his shit together while he's not considered an adult. Juvie is far from the worst thing that could happen to him now and in the future. That aside though, it's kinda crazy to me that you don't understand how important and expensive a good education is. For someone lining up their college applications, switching schools after you've started junior year is bad. Not insurmountable but it's really not good. It's even worse if she's applying for early acceptance, which is fairly common now. It's not just the school she's leaving. It's all the programs she's also putting on her applications. It's kinda wild to me that you don't get this.
YTA. It's her senior year.
Yes, YTA 100%, full stop.
I’m sorry for the loss of your husband as well as the trouble your son got into but without question, YTA. You’ve now ruined two childhoods, your stepdaughter’s in particular. You know what your husband’s wishes were for her and likely did exactly the opposite. Please watch over her as she’s definitely “at risk” for self harm in my experience with teens. Congratulations, now you have potentially two drug problems on your hands. Where’s the money for her attorney coming from? SMMFH
YTA, you stole. I hope your step daughter sues you.
YTA but i bet you don't care about everyone calling you that because your baby made a mistake and still take the money for your delinquent son. If you do she will hate you for ever and yes you are stealing from her funds set aside by her father. Your son will never learn and at 12, please don't pretend he was too young to know. He knew what he was doing and you can bet he will be in more trouble down the years, are you going to continue to bail him out when he does with other peoples money?
YTA for this fake bs
I sincerely hope she sues (which as far as I know she can do it even after a few years) you if you ever touch her education money. You don’t get to make her pay the actions of your son’s. YTA
Majorly wrong on your end. This poor girl lost her father and now because your child messed up you want to derail one of the last things she has from her dad? He put her in private school for a reason and you have no right to the tuition money or her college money. If your son is already making these choices at 12 then this is a lesson for both you and him, take out a loan or find a lawyer with payment options.
YTA. I know your family has gone through a lot… but step-daughter is the last person who should be paying the consequences of you and your son’s poor choices.
YTA. That money was your husband's left behind for his daughter; thus making that money HER money. You have to find a way to get that money back OP because what you did wasn’t right
YTA. He broke the law but let’s punish the daughter who just wants to continue going to school with her friends? Hopefully this is the wake up call your son needs to get on the right path. He messed up. He needs to face those consequences.
YTA and a thief. Hope your stepdaughter has another adult in her life that can help get her legal counsel to after you.
YTA don’t punish your daughter for your son’s mistakes. Let the judicial system have at him and provide him with a court appointed attorney. He earned that.
Undoubtedly YTA. You're essentially stealing. And even if you get a lawyer you're son could find himself in jail. So nothing gained except you've blown a wad of cash. And WTF is a 12yo getting involved with drugs for anyway!?!! It might be good for him to learn a few lessons that he seemingly missed in the last 12 years.
YTA - like the whole premise of your questions is absurd. Your son is 12 and is already breaking the law. He committed a crime. Like what do you not get about that? How does that have anything to do with your step daughter? You’re punishing her because of his actions. Do you not see how backwards that is? Also, you do not need her money to get a lawyer. Ask for a public defender. They cost you nothing. When he was arrested they should have provided you paperwork which gave you resources such a how to get a public defender. I can’t even begin to fathom how you’re justifying this in your mind. Then you have the audacity to say he’s a little boy and impressionable after all that?? You’re step daughter has a better head on her shoulders then you do. He isn’t innocent and he needs to face the consequences of his actions. Stop making incredibly weak excuses for him.
YTA. Since you're so poor, you should let the court appoint a public defender for your son. Now you're going to have to figure out a way to repay that money so your stepdaughter can continue to go to the school her father planned for her to attend. Right now, you're forcing punishment on her, the kid who doesn't get in trouble, and that's not right. Do you still have any of that money? I'd guess so, as you'd have continuing legal fees if you'd stuck with the pricey lawyer. That should go right back in her tuition account. Then sell whatever you can or borrow money from relatives to make up the difference.
YTA. Looks like you are more concerned about your son following down your footsteps since the fact apparently you got pregnant at age 14.
YTA You picked your biological kid over your stepdaughter. She will never forget that and will never forgive you and may never forgive him. Extremely bad parenting here. Especially since your 12 year old is supposedly committing drug crimes that will send him to jail.
YTA I mean, come on. You have no damn right to that money. You know this, thats why you asked. Your son fucked up and now he has to answer for it. Growng up for me was pretty simple, Dad said if I screwed up and got arrested to stay in jail and face the judge. Better that than me coming home to face him. I never got in trouble with the law. Leave her money alone and tell your son he broke the law and now he has to answer for it. Mommy saving him will only teach him this shit is OK. God, you do want your son to be better than that right? He's 12, his life isn't over ffs.
I cannot think of a worse idea than stealing the money your husband saved for his daughter's education to pay for your son's self inflicted legal issues. If you do this, be prepared for 2 things 1. You will not have a relationship with your step daughter 2. Your son will not learn and grow from this and will end up in juvie anyways when he screws up again. It is a tough situation for sure, and no one wants to see their kid go down that path, but taking from you step-daughter to give to your son is a horrible, horrid, awful way to mess up both kids. YTA
YTA. End of.
YTA you have failed both these kids as a parent. Your son needs to see the consequences of his actions or most likely he’s gonna continue on the same path if you bail him out. Honestly I think he would benefit more from being in juvenile than with you. Your moral compass is off and you’ve raised your son the same way. It sounds like your stepdaughter is a smart girl and thinking of her future. After doing this to her you can expect her to go no contact with you when she’s of age as well as possibly suing you. Which if she has ground to do I hope she chooses too. I’m assuming your son isn’t your late husband or he would have set up funding for his school also. You married an older man for money, it didn’t go the way you hoped and now you want to take from his daughter. I’m disgusted. Your son is not a child anymore. You should be doing side jobs or taking out a loan for YOUR problem. You bail him out this time and next time he gets in trouble you will be dipping right back into your stepdaughter’s account.
YTA your 12 year old is a juvenile delinquent and that's on YOU. Why should your stepdaughter suffer because you fell down on the job of parenting? 12 years old and into drugs already? I really really hope there are provisions in place to keep your hands off that money. Unbelievable.
> The only money available was my stepdaughter’s private school fees That money isn’t available. It is not free money. It is not your personal savings. It is money for her education and she shouldn’t have to sacrifice for your son’s actions. YTA.
YTA. This is likely bait but it case it isn’t I have questions. Plus why do you assume they will send him to juvie? If he was in possession of drugs they usually don’t go. Especially for any length of time at his age. Sure it happens but it’s usually a short sentence with court ordered services when he gets out. Was he dealing drugs too? It might do him some good to see what it is like when his freedom is taken away. Also…Doesn’t he have a public defender? Why do you need to spend her school money on this? Your stepdaughter isn’t wrong at all, btw. Why doesn’t your son have any sort of education fund?
YTA. Son got himself in trouble. Stepdaughter had nothing to do with it, and should NOT be punished in any way. Taking the money her Dad set aside for her tuition to bail him out (or pay for his Lawyer) will just prove to the Stepdaughter that he is more important to you.
INFO: you had a child with your late husband when you were FIFTEEN? How old were you when you married him? Regardless of the answer to that - YTA. You KNOW your husband put aside that money because he wanted his daughter to have the best education possible. And if your son is having legal problems because of drugs at TWELVE, spending a few weeks in juvie might prevent prison time later. It's not fair for your stepdaughter to have to set herself on fire to keep your son warm.
That's is not you or your sons money period. YTA
INFO Is your Son your late husbands child? If he is its fine to use money left by your husband to cover urgent expenses for your (combined) child. If it isn't I feel that its misappropriating funds meant for your daughter.
Doesn't seem possible. She would have been 15 when she had him?
YTA to the level that this has to be rage baitz
YTA. If this is real, and I hope it's not because the ages here are hinky and this all sounds like rage bait-- I REALLY hope that money is in a trust where you can't get it. You can get a court-appointed lawyer. She can't get a court-appointed final year at her school.
Yta why punishment her foe what the kid did? Way to ruin any relationship you will ever have with her. Good job 'dad'
YTA, yikes.
I dare you to touch it you’ll get sued. Rightfully so. And you and your son will be in jail. If you don’t want him to go to jail, you should’ve raised him to be a better kid.
YTA this is mindblowing. Your son isn‘t a sweet innocent child anymore, he‘s a fully responsible teenager who needs to learn from his mistakes. Get a court-appointed lawyer and have your son do community hours, it will be a steep learning curve he desperately needs, and grant your step daughter the future she deserves. She will never speak to you again if you blow through her school fund, I‘ll tell you that much YTA YTA YTA and your favouritism is showing. Do better by your late husband
Call Disney!!! We have found the next evil stepmother!!! Seriously... Stop babying your son. If he wants to play with drugs at the age of 12, you have already failed him. It's time you step up and realise you can't help him on this route and let him face the consequences of his own actions. As a mother you get to be by his side and comfort him, but you cannot take his sisters education money just to throw them at your sons drug hole. It's time he learns about consequences and he won't learn shit if mommy steals money from sister to bail him out.
YTA Was there ever any doubt?
YTA That is her money. It is her inheritance from her father. It is not your son’s get out of jail free card.
Your son has legal troubles involving drugs at 12 years old. Whether or not you're an asshole is the least of your problems
I read the title and yes YTA.. as soon as you treat a step kid any different then your biological kid it’s just wrong. You’re taking away your step child’s future for your biological kids gain and that just not right! It’s not your money to touch nor did you earn it! The fact that you are even thinking about using your husbands hard earned money for something other then the sole purpose he saved it for astounds me! You don’t have that right! It was his money before you got married therefore it is him money. Not yours Just use a public free attorney like everyone else. Don’t just blow cash when you don’t need to. If your son is guilty the so be it. He need to suffer the consequences of that. Don’t change the corse of someone else’s life because of it. It’s not fair on her. She doesn’t owe you anything.
Odds are if you spend that money and get your son out if the consequences for his actions....he will continue to act up and keep expecting you to bail him out.... Absolutely YTA he needs the consequences of his actions hopefully it will be the reality check he needed.
Info: So, you were 15 when you had your son? Was that before or after you were in juvie? Then conveniently married a man with enough money for his daughters private school tuition, but not enough for decent medical insurance. Something smells here and it's not the fish.
YTA, your daughter shouldn't be punished for something your son did. Your son shouldn't have broken the law in the first place, so he should be facing the consequences. Also, your husband left the money for HER. Not for you to use.
YTA - you really didn't even need to ask. There is no explanation you could give that would change the fact that YTA.
YTA Your son committed a crime and your solution is to have your step daughter punished for it. The money is for school fees.
YTA I’m sorry your son is going through that but your daughter is right. You shouldn’t punish her for your son’s mistakes. You’re about to lose your daughter
So, let's see... * You had your son at age 15. Which means you got pregnant at early 15, or late 14. * Your husband's illness "ruined us financially" * Yet your stepdaughter has continued to go to an expensive private school during this "ruinous" financial period. No one thought about saving the money (or using the savings) 2 years ago, during the "ruinous" period. Only when your kid got arrested did this occur to anyone. * All of this money has been "saved" in a manner that allows you to access it (otherwise, this isn't a real question). So it could have been easily accessed 2 years ago. * Your ***12 year old*** has gotten into legal trouble involving drugs. So not just a drug-using 12 year old, but one who is subject to legal prosecution issues at age 12. I think the answer to your question is clear: You should sell you and your son's DNA to science so they can figure out where the 'precocious gene' is located on the human genome, since the two of you seem to be able to do all kinds of things before you even reach high school.
What a terrible parent you are. You steal from your step kid who is doing good things because you are a screw up with your own child. I hope your step daughter is able to get her money back and then some. Or you can spend time in jail, maybe that will help your own kid have a better parent.
What in the name of Cinderella did I just read… YTA YTA YTA omg can I say it again? YTA. Her dead FATHER, you know the man you promised to love honor and cherish and all that, set aside that money for her EDUCATION, not for your 7th graders criminal charges (yes I know it’s in family court, he is still charged with crimes). Maybe the reason that your son turned to drugs in most likely elementary school was because whenever he messes up you make other people bear the consequences of his actions. It is not your minor stepdaughters responsibility to pay for your 12 year old sons *who is not even her brother* legal fees. It’s yours. Use a credit card, get a loan, ask family or *gasp* use the public defender. That poor girl.
YTA who clearly married your late husband for money ONLY, and now you want to destroy your stepdaughter’s education and life because YOUR son couldn’t fly right?? What does that say about YOU AS A PARENT?? Maybe you were providing the drugs for a child you had at 15?!? You’re more like his playmate than a parent!!! As to your stepdaughter: LEAVE HER MONEY ALONE. You work two jobs, public defenders and legal assistance exist (at least here in the US), so use your own money and state help to get your son on the right track! Your stepdaughter needs to get as far away from you as she can. You can’t even call yourself a “mother” of any kind. You are a seriously greedy AH. Oh, yes…one more thing: IF YOU WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY GOING TO JUVIE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MOM AND MADE SURE HE DIDN’T GET INVOLVED WITH DRUGS!! YO, DUH, DUMMY!!
YTA This is what public defenders are for. Your son is 12, for fucks sake. It’s juvenile court, he doesn’t need a private attorney and that money was very clearly saved for a specific purpose.
Dawg, I hope she sues you. YTA.
YTA. I’m sorry for your situation, but you need to realize that getting an expensive lawyer doesn’t mean your son will escape juvie. You would be better off talking with the prosecutor and seeing what they willing to do given his young age and plan for staying out of trouble that you will develop.
YTA…end of story.
YTA. Not your kid, not your money… use your money for your problem child.
Not sorry, YTA. Your stepdaughter is correct and if she's reading this and you do take her money she should report you for theft. She lost her father and now you're going to take away every other constant from her and you will not have a relationship with her if that even matters to you.
Big giant YTA. You can tell how bad you are by the fact it only took 1 hour for this to be reposted on Am I The Devil. Not only YTA but you also make no sense. If you didn't touch the "college money", why does she have to change schools. Pay for the last year of high school with some of the college money. Making someone change change high schools in their senior year is just plain cruel. Also, "If you can't afford an attorney, one will be provided for you". You can't afford an attorney, so you should be using a public defender.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27F) have one son (12M) and one stepdaughter (17F) from my marriage to my late husband. My husband passed away a year and a half ago due to an illness that ruined us financially. He was the sole breadwinner while I was a stay at home mother, and we’ve had a lot of financial troubles since his death. My stepdaughter attended a private school, and my husband had money saved up to pay for her remaining tuition fees, as well as her future college education. My son recently got into some legal trouble involving drugs. I desperately need money to pay for a lawyer. I work two jobs and it’s still nowhere near enough to afford the legal fees. The only money available was my stepdaughter’s private school fees. I tried talking to her and asking her if she would switch to a public school for her senior year so that I could use the money for my son’s lawyer. She completely blew up at me. She accused me of stealing ‘her’ money and purposefully trying to derail her education and social life. She said her dad put her in private school because she was naturally smart and she needed to be in a good school surrounded by like minded people. I told her that her life isn’t over just because she has to spend one year at public school. She can still hang out with her friends outside of school, and she’ll likely get accepted into a good college anyways (and it’s not like I’m taking her college money). But on the other hand, if my son goes to juvie, then his life might as well be ruined. I’ve been to juvie as a teenager and it was an awful experience. I can’t even imagine making a little boy go to such a traumatic place. My stepdaughter said she doesn’t care about what happens to my son and he shouldn’t have broken the law if he didn’t want to go to juvie. She said my son wasn’t ‘innocent’ and needs to face the consequences. I said she was nearly an adult, demonizing a young and impressionable child because she thinks that going to school with poor people is the worst thing in the world. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
YTA. This can’t be real. What kind of POS parent would take money from a kid with an actual future to give to a kid who can’t even do the bare minimum and stay out of trouble? Also, the money isn’t YOUR money. It’s money that HE set aside for her school. Not money to fund a druggy to dodge accountability and responsibility for their actions. Get your kid a public defender and tell him to quit ruining his life.
Info - does your son have a different father than your stepdaughter? If they had the same father, what fund does he have? Seems radically unfair that she has a private school fund and he has nothing if they both have the same father. That said, this whole situation was created by your own neglect. He's 12. Using drugs is not his fault - it's yours. You failed *miserably.* This is on you to fix.
You were fourteen when your husband got you pregnant? What the heck is the age of consent where you live? Look. Families do this all the time. They spend and spend and spend on the troubled child and ignore or take resources away from the children who do not get into trouble. *Don't do that.* Work with a social worker or a guardian ad litem or the courts or *someone* to get counseling for your son. But do not rob your step daughter's future for him. She didn't break the law. She didn't get in trouble with drugs. Do not punish her for what your son did! Do not screw up her social life and schooling and future for him! If your son goes to juvie his record will be sealed when he becomes an adult. If your husband left those funds for his daughter it may even be illegal for you to misappropriate them. Don't do it. Apologize to her for even thinking of it and figure something else out. Talk to the prosecutor. Talk to his school. Talk to anyone and everyone. But don't touch that money. YTA
YTA. Why would you take your late husband's money he left for his own daughter to finish her 1 year left for your son? He made the mess he's in and needs to take responsibility for his actions. Your step-daughter did not cause his trouble yet you're going to take her education fund as if she did? I would resent my brother forever if he did this to me. Don't know why he's in trouble, but you can't punish your step-daughter to cover his troubled behavior. Super unfair. Also, just 1 year in public school after being in private school prior is a big deal. You're selfishly assuming she'd adapt when she's telling you she wouldn't, which means you are minimizing her feelings. If it was a dire situation like your house went up in flames and on verge of homelessness...then you might be justified in borrowing her education funds, but this post is far from that.
What does a 12 year old do that warrants thousands of dollars in legal fees drug related.
What could you possibly want from us here??? You are literally stealing money from a child. This is not ambiguous. It is at the very least immoral, and likely subject to a civil action if the daughter can get herself to an attorney. There is no way you aren't getting judged here as a thief and an asshole. Stealing from a child this one time isn't going to solve your long-term and MASSIVE problem, which is that you have a 12 year old that is already in significant legal trouble.
YTA. Do not touch that education money. Deal with your son’s consequences and maybe he will finally grow up before he becomes a criminal and stain on society.
YTA. Your daughter should not be penalized for your son’s mistakes. I don’t know where you live, but is a public defender not an option? In the US, they are provided free of charge.
YTA unequivocally. And you well know it. She may sue you in the future for stealing funds set aside for her by her father, and probably should if you continue down this path. Your son's mistakes should not be handled at the expense of your step daughter's future education.
YTA. You have no right to use your stepdaughters money nor to bully her into giving ir to. She deserves a chance to spend the most importanr year of school in a private school so she could get accepted to college. You fucked up big time raising your boy and it's on you. It's your responsibility. Take a loan, sell sometint, bef your relatives to help, but don't you dear to take money from that poor girl.
Yta
It’s not your money and you know that. Your golden child will just have to face the consequences of his actions YTA
YTA, maam hes 12 years old he will be in juvenile detention. he will live and if you help him he will learn from his experiences. stealing from his older sister to try to get him out of it will not teach him a valuable lesson it will do the opposite. they have public defenders for a reason. the real question is why the hell you 12 yo was in possession of drugs.
YTA- this is your stepdaughters money, not yours and certainly not the delinquent. Maybe Juvie would be good someone who is already in trouble for drugs at 12.
YTA Your stealing money left to a child that is not yours by her dead father to try to get your child out of trouble that he got himself into. And seriously, what sort of trouble is a 12yo getting into with drugs? Simple possession? Punishment for that type of thing at his age (in the US) generally isn't jail time. Probation, community service, fines is the norm. Nothing to be ruining your stepdaughter's future over. More than simple possession? Was your 12 yo dealing? Moving weight? Caught up in that banger lifestyle that uses young kids to do the heavy work so the adults don't go to jail? If so, maybe he needs a wake up call to get him out of that life before it kills him or ends up with him in prison for a long time. Either way, it is completely morally and ethically wrong to steal from her for him.
YTA. Big loser energy here
Gonna say this LOUDLY. YTA!!!!! That money was left to her by her dad, for her education. Not to be used on your druggy son! By stealing her money, you're not only enabling bad behavior by your son, you're doing bad behavior, and you can send your stepdaughter down a bad path! Not to mention deprive her of a proper education and future. FIND ANOTHER WAY! Your son is 12. A juvenile. Find resources that don't require an expensive lawyer. Your son is most likely eligible for community service or what not. LEAVE HER MONEY ALONE!!!!! If you do take her money, I hope she finds a good lawyer to sue you! Then you'll have even more legal fees!!!!!
YTA for stealing step-daughter’s education fund to pay 12-year-old son’s legal expenses. When SD hits 18, she will sue you for misappropriating her education funds, and will likely win.
YTA. That money was left by your husband explicitly for your daughter's education. You could find yourself in serious legal trouble for taking it and using it outside of the purpose your late husband intended. Legalities aside, it's not just legally reprehensible, it's morally reprehensible too. Senior year is incredibly important- socially, mentally, and educationally- this is the year she will be applying to college, and suddenly going from private school to public will not be seen favorably by many colleges. You're also disrupting her curriculum, as most private schools build their education as a progression over all four years. As for your son, either take out a loan to pay for a lawyer, or take advantage of your state-appointed representation. If he's arrested for anything, legally he has a right to an attorney, and if he (or you) cannot afford one, it is his constitutional right to have one appointed. Legal Aid is also an option, and so is a loan. Stealing money from your stepdaughter, that her father left her for her education, and using it so your biological child doesn't have to face consequences for his actions is raging asshole behavior.
YTA, the fuck.
Yes you are the asshole. You care more about your kid and his criminal life and want to derail the stepdaughter’s life to bail out a fucking druggie who will never be anything. You just want to enable him. Let him go to prison. He was will either get straight or continue on in his corrupt life. The fact that he is into drugs doesn’t say much about your parenting
Wait so how did a 12 year old got drugs..
you are such a dick, oh my fucking god. your stepdaughter is 100% correct and your son shouldn't have gotten into drugs if he didn't wanna go to juvie. she should not have to suffer because your little golden child baby boy made an oopsie. YTA. i seriously hope this is ragebait
Yes you are
I guess we know who the favorite child is. Your son. You're such a giant AH.