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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
(Posting for a friend who doesn’t have Reddit)
I (31F) and my husband (31M) have a two year old son. Important context, I am white and my husband is black, so our son is mixed. We are over the moon about our son because we were worried we wouldn’t be able to have kids. He is perfect and we love him very much. My parents are in town for a week this summer. I love my parents, but they have very different ideas about the world than my husband and I because they have never really experienced racism or oppression in any way and don’t believe that racism or oppression in America are real. Yesterday, they asked to take our son to the park while my husband and I go on a date or something. I told them I’m not comfortable with them taking him outside the house without me or my husband present. When they asked why, I explained that the world is different for kids like my son than it is for their other grandchildren and since they are unwilling to confront that, I don’t want them taking my son in public places without me or my husband present. My parents got super upset and basically said I’m doubting their childcare abilities because they are republicans. I told them being republicans had nothing to do with it, but that without basic acceptance of the realities of racism and oppression, they are not equipped to recognize if something was happening to my son and appropriately protect him. My parents got really upset and left and said that if I can’t accept them as loving grandparents then they don’t have to be here. They plan on flying home early. My husband agrees with me, but said I should have just suggested they stay home and watch a movie with our son instead of breaching such a difficult conversation and that we might have avoided the conflict of I hadn’t jumped the gun. So am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My friend I posted this for thinks she might be the asshole for telling her parents to abrasively that they couldn’t take her son out in public without her or her husband because they don’t accept racism as a reality and she is afraid they won’t protect him if something happened racially since her son is mixed.
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YTA - you (well, your friend) more or less called your parents racist. This was a fun trip to the park, and you turned it into something it just didnt need to be.
YTA. This seems extreme. I go to parks a lot and see mixed kids, white kids and many races, and nobody is in danger.
Your parents did a good job raising you with a keen social awareness, so why not trust the grandchild with them for a few hours?
In my neighborhood, in local parks and schools, etc - kids are all different colors and mixtures - they are kids and treated the same. Are you 'oppressed'? Don't think so...but it's a great buzzword.
I forgotten when my son was two, people asked if was mixed. He grandfather is South American and he had very curly hair. All I got were fist bumps and high fives, and I live in the South where the Klan is still around.
YTA - you are expecting problems - you are projecting issues - and you will pass this same distrust and suspicion and negativity to your son. YOU appear to be the racist...not them.
YTA I think. Your parents may not agree with you about the prevalence of racism, but you honestly just told your parents that they aren't allowed to do anything with their grandchild without you? I mean that seems over the top. Have they done anything to make you concerned about taking care of him? I understand concern that non-white kids have to learn different life rules (just like women have whole sets of rules and concerns men don't have) but you didn't even give them a chance.
Definitely can see this perspective… maybe I’m being too overprotective? It was super hard to conceive my son and I’m just so scared something might happen to him and my parents won’t realize something is wrong and can’t help. But maybe that is kinda over the top…
Of course your parents would defend your child is there was a danger to him. If you honestly think they wouldn't then they shouldn't be around him at all, ever. They would realize something was wrong because the things that go wrong with toddlers are pretty consistent without regard to race or ethnicity and they themselves are not racists so if there was someone making comments or otherwise out to harm your child because of his racial identity they would protect him.
You are confusing a disagreement about the prevalence of racism (which is very dependent on where you live, the culture of the area etc) with them being unwilling to defend their grandchild.
I'm not sure what farfetched fantasy of her two year old being grossly oppressed at a local park she may have, that could be detected and handled by his woke white mother, but not her sadly less enlightened parents. But don't let rational risk analysis get in the way of her heroic story of struggle.
YTA because you are MAKING "the world different" for your son. How are your parents supposed to "confront" this different world? Not only did you hurt your parent's feelings, but you fully intend to make your son into a victim.
Honestly YTA.
You are proactively judging them because they don't share your worldview.
And sure: Perhaps, over time, it would be an issue. But you know damn well that if they love your kid they will not treat him badly on a single playdate.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts must be written by you, from your point of view. Do not post on behalf of others, or from the point of view of another person in the story. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub. Posts should focus strictly on actions in an interpersonal conflict, and not an individual's position on a broad social issue. [Rule 12 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_12.3A_this_is_not_a_debate_sub) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (Posting for a friend who doesn’t have Reddit) I (31F) and my husband (31M) have a two year old son. Important context, I am white and my husband is black, so our son is mixed. We are over the moon about our son because we were worried we wouldn’t be able to have kids. He is perfect and we love him very much. My parents are in town for a week this summer. I love my parents, but they have very different ideas about the world than my husband and I because they have never really experienced racism or oppression in any way and don’t believe that racism or oppression in America are real. Yesterday, they asked to take our son to the park while my husband and I go on a date or something. I told them I’m not comfortable with them taking him outside the house without me or my husband present. When they asked why, I explained that the world is different for kids like my son than it is for their other grandchildren and since they are unwilling to confront that, I don’t want them taking my son in public places without me or my husband present. My parents got super upset and basically said I’m doubting their childcare abilities because they are republicans. I told them being republicans had nothing to do with it, but that without basic acceptance of the realities of racism and oppression, they are not equipped to recognize if something was happening to my son and appropriately protect him. My parents got really upset and left and said that if I can’t accept them as loving grandparents then they don’t have to be here. They plan on flying home early. My husband agrees with me, but said I should have just suggested they stay home and watch a movie with our son instead of breaching such a difficult conversation and that we might have avoided the conflict of I hadn’t jumped the gun. So am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My friend I posted this for thinks she might be the asshole for telling her parents to abrasively that they couldn’t take her son out in public without her or her husband because they don’t accept racism as a reality and she is afraid they won’t protect him if something happened racially since her son is mixed. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA - you (well, your friend) more or less called your parents racist. This was a fun trip to the park, and you turned it into something it just didnt need to be.
YTA. This seems extreme. I go to parks a lot and see mixed kids, white kids and many races, and nobody is in danger. Your parents did a good job raising you with a keen social awareness, so why not trust the grandchild with them for a few hours?
In my neighborhood, in local parks and schools, etc - kids are all different colors and mixtures - they are kids and treated the same. Are you 'oppressed'? Don't think so...but it's a great buzzword.
I forgotten when my son was two, people asked if was mixed. He grandfather is South American and he had very curly hair. All I got were fist bumps and high fives, and I live in the South where the Klan is still around.
YTA - you are expecting problems - you are projecting issues - and you will pass this same distrust and suspicion and negativity to your son. YOU appear to be the racist...not them.
YTA I think. Your parents may not agree with you about the prevalence of racism, but you honestly just told your parents that they aren't allowed to do anything with their grandchild without you? I mean that seems over the top. Have they done anything to make you concerned about taking care of him? I understand concern that non-white kids have to learn different life rules (just like women have whole sets of rules and concerns men don't have) but you didn't even give them a chance.
Definitely can see this perspective… maybe I’m being too overprotective? It was super hard to conceive my son and I’m just so scared something might happen to him and my parents won’t realize something is wrong and can’t help. But maybe that is kinda over the top…
Of course your parents would defend your child is there was a danger to him. If you honestly think they wouldn't then they shouldn't be around him at all, ever. They would realize something was wrong because the things that go wrong with toddlers are pretty consistent without regard to race or ethnicity and they themselves are not racists so if there was someone making comments or otherwise out to harm your child because of his racial identity they would protect him. You are confusing a disagreement about the prevalence of racism (which is very dependent on where you live, the culture of the area etc) with them being unwilling to defend their grandchild.
I'm not sure what farfetched fantasy of her two year old being grossly oppressed at a local park she may have, that could be detected and handled by his woke white mother, but not her sadly less enlightened parents. But don't let rational risk analysis get in the way of her heroic story of struggle.
YTA because you are MAKING "the world different" for your son. How are your parents supposed to "confront" this different world? Not only did you hurt your parent's feelings, but you fully intend to make your son into a victim.
Honestly YTA. You are proactively judging them because they don't share your worldview. And sure: Perhaps, over time, it would be an issue. But you know damn well that if they love your kid they will not treat him badly on a single playdate.