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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I can be an asshole for threatening my stepson that I'll take his money even though it belongs to him.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
Not just for threatening his inheritance, but for your overall treatment of your stepson. He is NOT your maid and he is NOT your children's father. Shame on you for treating him like a live-in maid and nanny. If your family breaks up, and I sincerely hope it does for his sake, it will be entirely your fault.
This
Not only are you treating him horribly, but the way you talk about him with such disdain! Go read over what you wrote . The first thing you say after your brief intro is "there are rules in my house and Ron has to abide..." There's a laundry list about all the "bad" (which, honestly, is typical teen stuff - nothing too terrible). Nothing about this kid. Nothing nice, nothing about his character.
What you should have been doing is the past year is supporting him , comforting him, giving him some space, spending time with him. Not bring so nitpicky about his chores.
(I'm not saying that kids shouldn't have chores, they absolutely should. But we should be paying attention when our children are going through a crisis)
YTA
His father was unnecessarily soft on him, and I don't condemn that. I realize that every parent has a different parenting style. I don't think I'm asking too much of Ron. He also loves his little sister and enjoys looking after her. I must have worded it wrong in my post. I got mad at Ron because his little sister wasn't asleep.
He threw a terrible tantrum after I said that. He yelled at me and my wife, he accused her of horrible things, he said she didn't care for him and that only daddy loved him and she wasn't interested in him. That's not true. She cried after he said that all night. And she still let him go out with his friends in the morning.
Sorry for any mistakes, as I wrote before, I'm not from the usa, my first language is not english.
So what if she wasn't asleep. She was calm and simply laying there watching tv. She was not in any danger, he didn't hurt her in any way. You, on the other hand, are the asshole step dad who is overstepping in every way. Your wife is his parent, and you are just the guy trying to replace his dad. You are going about this ALL wrong and you are going to either destroy your marriage, or your wife's relationship with her son, or both.
It's not good for kids to be awake at this hour. Yes, she was calm, but only because he couldn't calm her any other way. And those dishes in the sink, the filth in the house.... I shouldn't have threatened to take his money, I agree with that part. But he lives under my roof and he has to do his household chores
It was one night, it won't harm her, and he is a 16yr old whose world has been turned upside down. You give him no grace at all. Your hard assed, black and white views make you the biggest asshole. You need to back off and stop making this is kid feel like he is nothing but a maid and childminder. You are going to absolutely implode your family by not being flexible. This poor kid lost his primary parent and now step daddy wants to make sure he isn't "soft". You are the the evil step dad caricature come to life. Your wife should leave you, before you destroy her son completely.
So he does well academically, participates in sports, spends time with his siblings, and has just recently started getting an attitude and slacking on chores? He’s a teenager and his dead died recently. You sound like a control freak. Do you know how many people I know that have struggled in life because their dads thought they shouldn’t be soft on their sons? That’s absolutely ridiculous. Plus, you’re the stepdad. That just makes it all so much worse. Then you talked about his inheritance, which was something from his father. You’re 100% TA, and you better start apologizing to everyone involved.
Oh, and you know what’s worse for a child than staying up late one night? Seeing a guardian yell at their sibling.
Then you or your wife should have been home to put her to sleep. She’s not his responsibility. Neither are your children. Neither is mopping the HOUSE!
What do you and your wife do for the kids and the home exactly?
And the answer better not be “pay for it”
And what chores do YOU do? Because it sounds like you're forcing him to do way more than you do while you sit on your ass and threaten him. You really are abusive.
What chores do you do for the household? And bringing a paycheck doesn’t count? Neither does a chore that only helps you aka you donating your own laundry or cleaning your private bathroom.
As a dad myself I have to say you are a shit parent. The housework isn't his responsibility alone. What the fuck are you doing?
My kid also had nights awake when they were a toddler. It happens. Her watching tv on the couch was way less harmful then you having a hissy fit. Grow up.
You should have assumed more responsibility as a parent instead of dumping it on Ron. Just because you’re not his bio dad doesn’t mean you can make him do whatever you want. You have no reason to demand money from him. It’s your goddamn house.
Op, what chores do you do? What chores does your wife do, or your other children do? His father died and you did not even bring him to therapy or anything to help him process his grief, he was only "slacking" recently after his dad died and you make him do all the chores in the house, then threaten him? If I were him I'd be depressed too.
Forced labor, abuse, and threats are not a "parenting style."
Your stepson is angry because he is being abused. His mother SHOULD cry hot tears of shame for not having protected her son from you. For choosing dick over her son's well being.
You are both massive AHs
He told you she was having some kind of night terror that was causing her to cry uncontrollably. So the teenager did what a teenager could do which is turn on the TV and soothe his little sisters fears. Many adults would do the same.
I guess you're not a very involved parent though because you don't seem to be familiar with these kind of events. They are extremely common especially at that age.
I hope you learn to be more involved and more compassionate.
P.S. You threw the tantrum then he joined in. Reflect on yourself.
Wow, Just wow. His dad was unnecessarily soft on him? How would you know, first of all, given that he elected to live full-time with his father - wonder why. It clearly killed you to say anything nice about this young man who you let slip gets good grades, is social, is a nice kid. He is carrying the load for your family. You expectations of him can't be considered chores. Picking up after himself and contributing here and there are chores, not the heavy lifting you are having him do. Washing your car? Are you out of your mind? Watching YOUR kids? wtf. You are abusive, sir, straight up. I'm guessing nothing will change after your post ,You were just looking for affirmation that you are still king of the castle. I will send light to this child to somehow survive you and his absent mother until he can leave your house and go full NC with both of you. His father sounds like he was a lovely man who did a great job singlehandedly raising his son. What a huge loss.
Why is it his job to get his little sister asleep? YOU'RE THE PARENT take care of your own children
You're still treating him like a slave with all the chores and rules, it's insane. You're literally like a wicked stepfather.
If his mom is allowing you to dictate everything he does, use him as a nanny for all the small kids, and you’re mad bc a TEENAGER who had to watch 3 kids BY HIMSELF ALL NIGHT SO YOU COULD HAVE A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR WIFE, had a “dirty house” then he’s right! What kind of mother allows her child to be abused?? And what type of father would want someone to treat their son the way you do?! Think about if he was your bio son and your ex had her new partner treating him how you treat your stepson. If that doesn’t make you change, then nothing will.
Abuse is NOT a "parenting style". It's crystal clear that you hate this poor boy, for whatever reason, and you want everyone here to validate your abusive ways. It's not going to happen.
What chores do you and your wife do? What about the other kids? Why is everything up to Ron to take care of? Why is he responsible for the house, the car, YOUR kids? Oh, that's right, because he's not YOUR son, so he must be your maid and nanny.
You are not a parent. You are an abusive bully. Period. Try to make all the excuses you want, but that's what it boils down to.
>he said she didn't care for him and that only daddy loved him and she wasn't interested in him
I mean...he didn't live with his mom for a while and his dad was his primary caretaker so he probably felt his love more than hers as she was often away or distant. Then his mom's new husband (you) are overtly harsh on him even when his dad died and he got depressed. The husband she picked (you) seemed to treat him like a maid and babysitter and when he starts to have a hard time psychologically, you think he's being nefarious and rebellious. Honestly being depressed is pretty normal for a grieving teen, but neither of you seem to care about that and only focus on his ability to do your work and his performance as a maid. And then her new husband threatens him while mom just watched. Yeah I'd accuse mom of not caring at all if that's what been happening to him while she watches and does nothing mostly.
>I got mad at Ron because his little sister wasn't asleep.
If her being asleep was so important to you, ***you*** should've been home to put her to bed. He's her brother, not a 3rd parent. And I haven't even touched on what he's gone through losing his dad at such a pivotal age. You and your wife need to do a lot better. You are actively failing him.
YTA - he clearly does not have sufficient support to process his grief and instead you've come down with a heavy hand about chores and him babysitting your child/children. He's lost a parent, had to move homes and in the new place he lives his stepdad wants him to stay on top of chores, look after a toddler and also help with step siblings when they are around. This boy should be gIven the space to grieve and adjust.
Also, why do you want to scare him? Because he couldn't handle a 3 year old? Grown people can't handle constant crying sometimes. Because he didn't call? Well maybe your draconian attitude rather than giving him kindness is why. Look at your own phrasing "he moved into my home" not he moved in with his mom or us or our home. He didn't move to your home, he moved in with his mom. So it's all about you and what you want and expecting him at act like he's always been there and as a normal functioning teen instead of a grieving, overwhlemed teen.
You're mad he wasn't sleeping or had the tv on? So he was overwhelmed at his toddler half-sister crying, tried to stop it by using the tv, didn't call because he probably is already afraid of you, didn't fall asleep (because he's probably stressed and wound up) and you threaten to take his small inheritance.
Yes, you're a massive abusive jackass because you have no legal right to that inheritance. You do not control it. His mom does until he's of age. I read this whole thing and wondered where his mother is - either absent, uncaring, an A like you or abused by you. I vote the last because YOU have zero control and should have zero access to his money. It is not a tool for you to leverage and the fact your mind even thought that shows how controlling and irrational you are. You stepped way out of line.
You have traumatised this poor child. He lost his Dad he lived with and now has a mother who doesn't protect him, a stepdad who dominates and threatens him and 3 siblings he has to provide support to at various levels. To top it all, a link to his Dad that can give him a start or just something fun to lift his spirits is being threatened to be taken away by stepdad who should have no access and authority in that regard.
YTA
Holy shit, his father dies and then he has to become your butler and raise your children for you.
Then you threaten to take his inheritance from him.
It’s not even a question, there is no justification for your behaviour. If your current wife has any sense she will remove herself and her son from you.
You are not fit to be his step father. If his mother stays with you, this boy will grow up to never speak to you and eventually likely his mother too.
I say this completely and unequivocally: YTA. His dad dies of cancer and you treat him like your live-in butler. You need to seriously reconsider your attitude towards him.
Edit: a word
1) your 10 year old should be learning to help with chores when they are at your home.
2) Your car is yours to wash not Ron's to take care of as a chore.
4) Ron is not a free babysitter for you
3) YOU NEVER MAKE A THREAT ABOUT MONEY TO A YOUNGER PERSON ESPECIALLY INHERTITANCE.
YTA - You need to learn how to support Ron and understand him without being a bully.
Damn, my mother was just like this guy. She would heap every single chore and hour of childcare she could onto me, yet would claim it "wasn't much"...she even once tried to make off with my leftover college grant money. My father had to stop her after she spent hundreds (he paid me back) and tried to steal my checkbook.
Turns out she was hiding how much she was putting on me from our father, who worked until midnight every day. Eventually I got cancer and had major surgery and could barely care for myself, let alone do my usual workload...she literally lasted 3 days before the entire household fell apart and my father discovered what she had been doing to me for years.
She forgot how to be a parent, and instead of getting her shit together...resented me for being forced by her to step up.
OP's wife thankfully fought him over this one, but that isn't enough. This poor kiddo needs action. I think the only reason why my father finally took action instead of just arguing with my my mother was because my health was so fragile and she was making things unsafe for me. It took him having to choose between her or my life. I hope OP's wife takes action before it comes to either that...or the stepson leaving and cutting them both off.
YTA
Ron is NOT your maid !!! You seem to not care about him at all, no wonder he is rebelling, You are failing big time as an adult and as a step figure !
You are the reason the family will break up ! Come to your senses or go to counselling !
You're being downvoted because you're a PARENT, and you're not paying for a babysitter. You're parentifying your stepson, complaining that he didn't call you (you likely would have punished him if he HAD called you, because you seem to enjoy handing out punishment) Step up or step out.
You have a 3 year old child you're responsible for! You're the parent, it is the parents' job to take care of their children!
You should not be going out with friends and leaving Ron to act like a parent. He's 16. He's not their parent.
YOU are the parent. They are YOUR children. Therefore YOUR responsibility.
Make it make sense; you and your wife can go hang out at your friends’ house until 1AM but Ron, who is sixteen years old, has to watch over your toddler children and clean up your house and comply with all of your other expectations??
Because that child has two parents, and your stepson is neither of them. Did you even pay him for babysitting? Or do you feel his time belongs to you by default?
The inheritance has clearly been on OP's mind. I can't imagine even thinking about "taking" a child's inheritance from them. It's just a thought that would come to my mind. But it obviously came into OP's mind. I'm guessing there is some resentment from OP towards the stepson having an inheritance that he can't access. OP probably resents having to support the stepson without being compensated for it.
YTA
Not sure why you even need to ask. You sound like a terrible step parent.
You are using him as a free baby sitter and cleaner for your house.
Then you go and threaten something totally outrageous involving his deceased father.
You should apologise to him regarding what you said. Additionally he is not your slave or free baby sitter. Chores are okay, but why is he doing so many tasks around the house.
YTA. Your stepson is grieving, does well in school and extra curriculars, and you’re treating him as a maid and babysitter. Then you threatened him with the theft of his inheritance. What a horrible little man you are.
YTA. You should know that you do not win over a heart with fear. You said yourself, you were trying to scare your stepson, which is never going to bring him closer to you or make him want to help you out around the house.
Yta everything in that story reads that you view your kids (mostly your step son) as conveniences, as in as soon as they are convenient to do use, to do so. He does well academically and socially despite his recent loss you said he lived with dad fulltime from your post not with his mom and yet he still started out well. Cleaning, caring for your kid (not much my foot, take them on walks? Are they dogs?) Then he flipped "suddenly" hah I don't believe you are sharing important things the inheritance was a bullshit thing to say (dumbassery is wild on that one) and you think it'll get better now? I have a feeling this isn't the only time that you've spoken to him this way cause that is a hell of a leap into a fight from never saying anything at all. Yeah this story is missing details about what you've done... and threatening something you don't even have rights to? Yeah tells me how entitled you are.
>not much my foot, take them on walks? Are they dogs?
I apologize for my poor English. I meant he takes them outside. They go for walks to parks, he takes them to McDonald's, sometimes he goes shopping with them, sometimes we ask him to take the siblings to the movies. Nothing too much. The kids love spending time with him, and he gets to have fun with them too when they are all together watching a movie or eating burgers.
You say it's not a lot but that is a lot for a 16yr old, let alone one who has been through what he has. How can he say no anyway, he knows you will likely pitch a fit if he says no. He does so much I wonder how much time you spend taking your kids to the park, McDonald's, shopping, and to the movies. I'm pretty sure what the real answer is tbh.
I think "sometimes" you may ask for too much, just sounds like you are a layzee ass who thinks the kids should do everything and uses chores as an excuse. You also threaten to take money does not even belong to you at all, imagine me if i did this to your kids if i was dating your ex wife.
What you're describing is babysitting, and he's been doing it without complaint time and time again even while working, doing school, participating in an extracurriculars, and mourning his dead father. Does he even get paid for these excursions? Is he paying his own way for movies and food, or do you actually expect him to pay for that?
You're defending yourself poorly. It's not about asking him to help around the house. Your story reads as if you weaponize your home against him do this or else, do that or else, the littles love you so do this with them or else. You have nothing and we took you in you need to EARN your place. That's how YOU are writing your own story it's not your English that is the problem it's your entitlement that is. This was not "sudden" and you are treating this kid who on fact has LOST EVERYTHING like a convenience to you. You're writing it that way, it isn't a language barrier issue here it's a You're an asshole issue. Which you are, and the big give away is weaponizing something you don't even have rights to. Yeah you are an asshole.
For a 16 year old that is a lot
Does he have any free time? Does he ever get to spend time with friends?
When he's in your house is he allowed to have any alone time where he reads or plays a video game or acts like a 16 year old kid???
From the sound of it he's busy 24/7 with 3 things
- Taking care of children that are not his
- Taking care of a house that other people live in but aren't contributing to cleaning
- Studying hard to get good grades
YTA. You are treating Ron as a nanny and a maid. He is not there to make your life easier and to take over your responsibilities as a parent. He lost his dad and his mom needs to stand up for him. I do hope your wife takes her children and leaves as soon as possible.
YTA
Why are you acting like the evil step mother from Cinderella? He's not a Butler and baby sitter. You have no right to "*spend his inheritance as I saw fit.*"
This is a completely serious question; who do you think you are?
You shouldn't have threatened Ron's inheritance..that was out of line, and it's understandable your wife is upset. It might help to apologize and find a better way to address the issues with Ron and your family.
I'm not sure what the laws about stealing from minors are, but Ron should take applicable legal action if you so much as think about spending his inheritance money.
His mother should help him set up a trust or account that you have no access to.
Your family SHOULD break up. If your wife cares about her child, she would take him and your youngest and leave you. How dare you turn this child into your houseboy/nanny after he lost his father?
If you have a problem with something your stepson is doing, talk to his mother. SHE is the parent. YOU are not.
YTA, setting some kind of record for stepparent assholery which is saying a lot on this sub.
YTA...he lost his dad...he had to move in with you and become a slave. I hope your wive leaves you cause what you said was wrong and you suck as a step parent
YTA. Yes, you have no right to threaten Ron's inheritance - his link to his father is none of your business.
And it sounds like he turned on the TV because his little sister was having trouble sleeping. You and your wife were out frolicking til 1am expecting Ron to do your parenting for you and he did. This was his solution to his sister crying for a long time and it worked.
You need to back off. These "chores" you have set up for Ron seem a bit much. Do either of you wash the dishes or clean the floors? He's not your maid and unpaid babysitter just because his father died and he's stuck with you.
I would suggest family therapy, but honestly it would be best for Ron if he and his mother left you.
YTA. His father died, he's moved into a new place and immediately put in charge of three younger siblings, two of whom he's not even related to. Then when he tries to look after one instead of cleaning the house, you make a ridiculous threat that you can't carry out that involves the money his dead father left him?
Yeah, you better start groveling if you want to stay married.
YTA, massive. If you want to try to make this situation better, I suggest taking parenting classes, and getting your stepson into therapy. You sound insufferable but hopefully you aren't as big a jerk as you sound.
Bro, YTA on so many levels here. Ron is a family member (that is grieving the loss of his father). He is not your maid or your babysitter. It’s one thing to ask him to help out, and another to treat him like he’s a maid/nanny in his own home. He is probably throwing tantrums and “rebelling” because he doesn’t feel welcome or loved.
It’s not his job to watch his 3 year old step sister or to watch and help out with your children. It’s also not solely his job to keep the house clean. Yes, I believe kids should do chores, but also to an extent.
It’s one thing to ask him to help babysit his siblings once in a while and another to have him do it constantly
YTA
For all of it. Every single bit of this post. Treating your stepson - your grieving stepson - like a lodger who has to earn his way, escalating to threatening him for - *checks notes* - calming your child down while you were absent.
Your wife is the bigger AH for having allowed you to treat her son this way. I hope this is the wake-up call she needs to get him away from you.
Yeah it's kind of telling that the stepson lived full time with his dad instead of joint custody with his mom. The fact that she let's her husband treat her son like this is disturbing. Glad she finally stood up for the kid, it was a long time coming.
YTA I compare this to another family I’ve known where the stepson moved in with his stepdad and mother after his father’s death…only for his mom to die too before he turned 18. His grandparents offered to take him but his stepfather had built such a good relationship with him that they both decided they wanted to stay together as a family. And they did. Even when the stepfather remarried later, the son still came home to visit and was a part of the family. Then I read this post and I’m just grossed out.
You’re an asshole. Shame on you, we see a lot
Of wicked stepparents on Reddit but you may take the cake for the worst of the worst. Good god, you should be ashamed of yourself. No wonder your other children don’t live with you.
Please I hope your family breaks up and your wife gets a freaking brain and leaves you. No wonder you don’t hardly ever see your other biological children. You’re horrible. You’re horrible to run this poor kid grieving his father and his mother better smarten up and get rid of you! YTA x100
YTA, you have turned a grieving 15 y.o. into your personal servant. Shame on you and shame on his mother for allowing it. Raise your own kid...Ron should not ave to take care of a 3 y.o. nor your kids from your first marriage.
As a start to making this right, you and his mother take Ron to a financial planner/bank/lawyer and set up what his father left to him and set it up so it is his and his alone. Show that there is no way for you to touch it. Then you get him into therapy and yourself and your wife. What you're doing is called parentification. Knock it off. The child doesn't physically have a father anymore. You could have taken this opportunity to step up and be a positive male role model. He doesn't need you to become his dad and you should not expect him to treat you like you're his dad. You could have been someone he could look up to, take him out one on one to a sporting event. Do things, even chores, together. Instead you made him your Cinderfella.
You are a weapons-grade asshole.
He's a teenager and you are the adult. Rebellion, hormones, pushing boundaries are all perfectly normal teen behaviours. In addition he's also grieving the loss of a parent.
You are supposed to be the mature one. What's your excuse? You deliberately bullied someone who is much younger than you, and who is vulnerable because he is dependent on you for food and shelter. You used the one thing his Dad left him, and you did it for no other reason than you were pissed off and wanted to lash out and hurt him.
How would you feel if another adult did that to one of your biological children? Looks a bit different through those eyes, doesn't it?
If your wife has any sense she will prioritise her child's needs over you and file for divorce.
So basically, you're a lazy asshole and a bad father. And you're an abusive stepfather. YOU should wash your own car. YOU should help your own kids with their homework. You forced a grieving teenager to become your slave. And now you're threatening to rob him to force him to continue doing all of YOUR work. Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself. I hope your wife does leave you. You've literally and repeatedly abused her son. YTA
This child is grieving the loss of who had been his primary parent. He is now living in a new place with new rules and trying to process this grief. He is in desperate need of compassion and support, and instead is getting treated like a maid and nanny, with threats that ensures him there is no one in his life now that he can trust.
You’ve literally done everything wrong. Every damn thing. This kid needs support and compassion. I’d ask you why you didn’t just talk to him and ask what’s going on, to get the full story and try to help, but it’s clear you really don’t care. And I’m sure Ron knows that too, so he wouldn’t give you a straight answer even if you did ask since you can’t be trusted.
From now on, chore assignments, parenting, and punishments should really only come from your wife.
YTA
JFC You are a raging a******. This kid lost his father. Instead of helping him. Maybe being empathetic. Listening to him. You turn into the guy that decides boot camp is the appropriate way to go.
Maybe go visit the wizard. Ask for a heart.
YTA
YTA. Your lack of self reflection is astounding. He's a child, who lost his primary parent and you turned him into Cinderella. His room have a bed or does he have to sleep on the floors after he scrubs them?
I hope your wife gets full custody of them all in the upcoming divorce. You showed your true face.
*You* an adult man threatened to use your step child's inheritance as an admitted scare tactic.
Why?
His baby sister was awake very late watching TV. Your stepson was left to watch your child as you socialized. He calmed her best he could as a 16 year thrust very recently into regular childcare.
You didn't like his method.
Couple with a messy home, you lashed out.
Sir. You had a tantrum.
You keep harping on his reaction when in fact yours escalated the situation and was objectively worse.
You didn't consider your wife's rights as his mother. You showed her NO respect as his parent. Immediately, your emotions were most important. No discussion with your wife and some cool off time for the whole family which would jave only entailed going to bed. You didn't consider your stepson and how his life has changed incredibly in a few short months. Only you and you perception of right.
You aren't looking for respect, you want blind obedience and control.
This isn't a bad kid. It's a normal teenager whose recently lost his primary parent and is now in a blended family. He's going to rebel in normal teenage ways.
As a parent your job is deal with it healthily not using his father's legacy ie the inheritance as a tool for manipulation and pain.
YTA
You should lose your second family.
You aren't good at this whole husband and father thing.
Consider being single and a some parenting classes.
YTA Your stepson is a child who you are supposed to be taking care of. He is not your servant. You are a failure as a parent and have terrible judgement. You should not be making any important decisions or assigning tasks to anyone. You’re not smart enough to manage the subtleties of raising teenagers.
YTA and I hope your wife leaves you. Why is Ron cleaning your house and car and watching your kid? The money isn’t yours to spend or even have any thoughts on.
YTA. You are parentifying this kid and using him like a slave, and then you threaten him.
He is a friggin' teenager. Of course he's going to rebel. Fortunately, he's got you to crack the whip and get him back in line so he can continue with his duties /s.
What a dick. You are going to find that he bails out as soon as he legally can, and will have nothing to do with you. If you do in fact steal his inheritance, you may also find yourself on the receiving end of a lawsuit (and rightfully so)!
You don't sound like a step dad but a military commander, kid is young, just lost a father and will be going through a world of hurt... Support him and go bond and spend time with him, take him to a baseball game or footy.. Kids make houses messy so get used to a messy house.
You should be apologizing rather than coming on reddit....
YTA how does it feel to act like being the big man tormenting a kid who lost his dad, I sincerely hope his mother divorces you because it is what you deserve, he is not Cinderella, but you are the wicked stepfather.
As a teenager if my dad died and a stepfather I didn't live with before starts treating me like a maid and making me care for his children I'd be upset too. Plus you are describing his grief as a tantrum because YOU had one and decided to threaten him with something you have no say in. YTA and I'm sorry if that's harsh but it is what it is
I was this kid at one point in my life and let me tell you your marriage will not last if you don't stop being an asshole to someone WHO JUST LOST THEIR FATHER YOU MISERABLE INGRATE
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My stepson Ron (fake name, 16M) living with me (M, 45) and my wife (F, 42) for almost a year now. When my wife and I met, Ron was living with his father. A year ago Ron's father passed away from cancer and he moved into my home.
There are rules in my house and Ron has to abide by them. Ron's chores at home include washing dishes, scrubbing floors, washing my car (tbh usually I use it as a punishment and the rest of time I prefer car washes). He also has to help me and my wife look after his younger siblings. It's actually not as horrible as it sounds because my wife and I have only one child together (3F). On vacations, my kids from my 1 marriage (7M, 10M) come to me. They don't need constant care, but Ron helps them occasionally. Nothing too much: sometimes I ask Ron to help them with math or take them for a walk.
Ron has free time, because he does well academically and goes to the school soccer section. He has also looked for a job from home several times, but always quit after 3-4 weeks, because he tends to be fickle.
About 1 and ½ months ago Ron started having teenage rebellion. Ron has started snapping, he's often locked in his room. Ron is doing his chores poorly. He doesn't wash dishes well (there are dried sauce stains on the dishes), he uses the vacuum cleaner about 1 a month, and he hasn't wash the floor with a mop in 2 months. I think his grief from father also affected here as well.
And here's why I can be an asshole. Ron's father was not wealthy, and he left his son a rather modest inheritance. I'm not from the US, and I don't think it makes sense to write the dollar amount. But that money could cover some of the cost of college tuition or it could be used to buy a used car.
Yes, I admit I did something stupid. But I couldn't take it. I lost it. Yesterday, my wife and I got home at 1:00 a.m. and the house was filthy. There were dishes on the kitchen sink. Ron was sitting in the living room watching f TV (he supposed to be asleep at this time). His little sis was sitting next to him. Ron said she cried for a long time and she calmed down when he turned on the TV. I asked why Ron hadn't called us. He didn't say anything. I don't know what came over me, but I said that since Ron didn't want to fulfill his domestic duties I would spend his inheritance as I saw fit. I didn't really mean that and only wanted to scare him, but it ended in his tantrum. He was yelling, shaking, and threatened to leave the house. My wife had a hard time calming us down and sent him to bed.
This morning my wife and I had the biggest fight of our lives. Ron wasn't home because my wife had let him go out with friends after the incident. She yelled at me I acted like an ah and I had no right to talk about Ron's inheritance.
I realize I really have no right to claim Ron's inheritance, but I didn't want to take money from him either. I just wanted to scare him.
I'm afraid my family might brake up
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YTA WTF is wrong with you? Everything you've done towards your stepson has been wrong. No wonder hes rebelling. I hope your wife takes her son and leaves you.
Wow. You really are an evil step parent aren't you? Keep this up and your biological children will grow up, leave home and never speak to you. They will all turn to Ron as a father figure since he's the one that's actually raising his siblings! You are definitely TA!
YTA Seriously?? This is a child who just lost their father and you're very worried about getting unpaid labor out of him and have no compassion for his situation at all. After the last stunt you pulled, if I was your wife, I'd leave you to protect my son.
YTA. He's going to ghost you (and his mother) from his life the second he turns 18, and that will be on your head. Your family might BREAK up, and it will be entirely, objectively your fault.
YTA I hope the family does break up tbh. Your on a power trip and acting like a really s**** parent to your bio kids and an abusive control freak to your step son. It's not your place to discipline him or control him.
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I had a stepfather just like you. He actually managed to take money from me cause my mom let him. I was cleaning, cooking and working at the same time. I also paid rent but he managed to get my mom to take money out of my account. They broke up after 15 years. Ya I don’t miss him at all.
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YTA
Have you ever seen Cinderella? Because you're the evil stepmother here. If there weren't a grieving child in the mix, it would be almost funny that you're so oblivious that you are the villain in this story.
I truly hope you are not only reading the responses to your post but taking notes. There is a small percentage you can fix this but man you got an uphill battle.
YTA 10000 times over ! This young man lost his father. You obviously have no empathy for what that kind of loss is like (I have lived through being divorced and having the ex-spouse pass. Our son was 12). And on top of it, you are treating him as a maid and parentifying him on top of it!!!! The emotional damage you are doing is incalculable . The inheritance issue is not the main issue here. Hope this young man's mom does the right thing.
That wasn’t a tantrum, YTA big time. Leave parenting Ron to his mother and stay out of it. You have no right to treat her son that way. His primary care parent just died of cancer. I cannot think of a bigger AH than what you just described about yourself. That boy is your wife’s son. Support HER parenting and stay the fuck out of it.
YTA.
DId you try having putting on your big boy pants and having a conversation with your son about why he's not doing his chores as well or why he's becoming "rebellious"? The could be more than teenage rebellion or laziness going on. These could be symptoms of mental health issues.
And let me address scaring your son. This is not how adults act. This is how playground bullies act. And if you continue like this, there's a good chance the family will "brake" up. My father tried this crap when he didn't like my behavior. Threatened to leave me and my mother. Threatened to call the police on me. Threatened to kick me out into the streets. All it did was make me and my mom get out and teach me I couldn't trust my own father. It doesn't mean shit if you weren't going to follow through, you were deliberately scaring your son because you're too immature and lazy to communicate.
YTA.
Have some self-respect. This kid is not your servant, he’s your STEP-SON. Take care of your own children, YOU’RE the father. His father died of cancer, do you not have any proper manners? You definitely should be worrying about the family breaking up because I can’t imagine how a parent could do this. His inheritance is his inheritance, you want to punish him? You do it in a healthy manner. NOT BY TREATING HIM LIKE A SLAVE YOU POOR EXCUSE OF A MALE. Seriously, do Redditors have to teach you how to be a parent?
You are a big AH.
YTA. Yeah, your wife might dump you over this, and you will fully deserve it for what you did. You treat him like a servant and a babysitter, and then you decide to have a tantrum and threaten to take away his inheritance? You're a monster
How DARE an emotionally scarred teenager act like an emotionally scarred teenager! I mean, really, of all the indignity, doesn't Ron know MEN don't get upset about their dead fathers? And why on Earth was your daughter up in the middle of the night, SCANDALOUS, I say!
You sir are not an asshole AT ALL. You should take Ron's inheritance and use it to buy yourself some prime steaks and fine wine - but don't share it at all with your harpy of a wife who DARED call you such horrid names. Doesn't she know you, sir, are the head of the household and thus get full access to whatever money you damn well please?
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YTA Not just for threatening his inheritance, but for your overall treatment of your stepson. He is NOT your maid and he is NOT your children's father. Shame on you for treating him like a live-in maid and nanny. If your family breaks up, and I sincerely hope it does for his sake, it will be entirely your fault.
This Not only are you treating him horribly, but the way you talk about him with such disdain! Go read over what you wrote . The first thing you say after your brief intro is "there are rules in my house and Ron has to abide..." There's a laundry list about all the "bad" (which, honestly, is typical teen stuff - nothing too terrible). Nothing about this kid. Nothing nice, nothing about his character. What you should have been doing is the past year is supporting him , comforting him, giving him some space, spending time with him. Not bring so nitpicky about his chores. (I'm not saying that kids shouldn't have chores, they absolutely should. But we should be paying attention when our children are going through a crisis) YTA
His father was unnecessarily soft on him, and I don't condemn that. I realize that every parent has a different parenting style. I don't think I'm asking too much of Ron. He also loves his little sister and enjoys looking after her. I must have worded it wrong in my post. I got mad at Ron because his little sister wasn't asleep. He threw a terrible tantrum after I said that. He yelled at me and my wife, he accused her of horrible things, he said she didn't care for him and that only daddy loved him and she wasn't interested in him. That's not true. She cried after he said that all night. And she still let him go out with his friends in the morning. Sorry for any mistakes, as I wrote before, I'm not from the usa, my first language is not english.
So what if she wasn't asleep. She was calm and simply laying there watching tv. She was not in any danger, he didn't hurt her in any way. You, on the other hand, are the asshole step dad who is overstepping in every way. Your wife is his parent, and you are just the guy trying to replace his dad. You are going about this ALL wrong and you are going to either destroy your marriage, or your wife's relationship with her son, or both.
It's not good for kids to be awake at this hour. Yes, she was calm, but only because he couldn't calm her any other way. And those dishes in the sink, the filth in the house.... I shouldn't have threatened to take his money, I agree with that part. But he lives under my roof and he has to do his household chores
It was one night, it won't harm her, and he is a 16yr old whose world has been turned upside down. You give him no grace at all. Your hard assed, black and white views make you the biggest asshole. You need to back off and stop making this is kid feel like he is nothing but a maid and childminder. You are going to absolutely implode your family by not being flexible. This poor kid lost his primary parent and now step daddy wants to make sure he isn't "soft". You are the the evil step dad caricature come to life. Your wife should leave you, before you destroy her son completely.
So he does well academically, participates in sports, spends time with his siblings, and has just recently started getting an attitude and slacking on chores? He’s a teenager and his dead died recently. You sound like a control freak. Do you know how many people I know that have struggled in life because their dads thought they shouldn’t be soft on their sons? That’s absolutely ridiculous. Plus, you’re the stepdad. That just makes it all so much worse. Then you talked about his inheritance, which was something from his father. You’re 100% TA, and you better start apologizing to everyone involved. Oh, and you know what’s worse for a child than staying up late one night? Seeing a guardian yell at their sibling.
It sounds like he's just doing the household chores, period.
Your house is his home, it's his too. And he should feel safe. He is not your housekeeper and nanny fgs
If you think it’s that important that she’s in bed by a certain time then stay home and put her to bed.
It pretty clear you just get some sick joy out of bullying the kids. You pathetic
Then you or your wife should have been home to put her to sleep. She’s not his responsibility. Neither are your children. Neither is mopping the HOUSE! What do you and your wife do for the kids and the home exactly? And the answer better not be “pay for it”
Maybe you should try being the adult and cleaning that shit yourself. You are not his parent, you are nothing to him but the guy doing his mom.
And what chores do YOU do? Because it sounds like you're forcing him to do way more than you do while you sit on your ass and threaten him. You really are abusive.
What chores do you do for the household? And bringing a paycheck doesn’t count? Neither does a chore that only helps you aka you donating your own laundry or cleaning your private bathroom.
As a dad myself I have to say you are a shit parent. The housework isn't his responsibility alone. What the fuck are you doing? My kid also had nights awake when they were a toddler. It happens. Her watching tv on the couch was way less harmful then you having a hissy fit. Grow up.
BUT HE CALMED HER DOWN!!! Do you want him to help his siblings or not? Because he did that in this case and you got mad at him.
You should have assumed more responsibility as a parent instead of dumping it on Ron. Just because you’re not his bio dad doesn’t mean you can make him do whatever you want. You have no reason to demand money from him. It’s your goddamn house.
What chores do you do? What chores does everybody else in the family do?
Then be the parent and take care of his sister yourself. He is not her dad. You are.
Op, what chores do you do? What chores does your wife do, or your other children do? His father died and you did not even bring him to therapy or anything to help him process his grief, he was only "slacking" recently after his dad died and you make him do all the chores in the house, then threaten him? If I were him I'd be depressed too.
Forced labor, abuse, and threats are not a "parenting style." Your stepson is angry because he is being abused. His mother SHOULD cry hot tears of shame for not having protected her son from you. For choosing dick over her son's well being. You are both massive AHs
He told you she was having some kind of night terror that was causing her to cry uncontrollably. So the teenager did what a teenager could do which is turn on the TV and soothe his little sisters fears. Many adults would do the same. I guess you're not a very involved parent though because you don't seem to be familiar with these kind of events. They are extremely common especially at that age. I hope you learn to be more involved and more compassionate. P.S. You threw the tantrum then he joined in. Reflect on yourself.
Wow, Just wow. His dad was unnecessarily soft on him? How would you know, first of all, given that he elected to live full-time with his father - wonder why. It clearly killed you to say anything nice about this young man who you let slip gets good grades, is social, is a nice kid. He is carrying the load for your family. You expectations of him can't be considered chores. Picking up after himself and contributing here and there are chores, not the heavy lifting you are having him do. Washing your car? Are you out of your mind? Watching YOUR kids? wtf. You are abusive, sir, straight up. I'm guessing nothing will change after your post ,You were just looking for affirmation that you are still king of the castle. I will send light to this child to somehow survive you and his absent mother until he can leave your house and go full NC with both of you. His father sounds like he was a lovely man who did a great job singlehandedly raising his son. What a huge loss.
YOU. ARE NOT. HIS. PARENT.
Why is it his job to get his little sister asleep? YOU'RE THE PARENT take care of your own children You're still treating him like a slave with all the chores and rules, it's insane. You're literally like a wicked stepfather.
If his mom is allowing you to dictate everything he does, use him as a nanny for all the small kids, and you’re mad bc a TEENAGER who had to watch 3 kids BY HIMSELF ALL NIGHT SO YOU COULD HAVE A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR WIFE, had a “dirty house” then he’s right! What kind of mother allows her child to be abused?? And what type of father would want someone to treat their son the way you do?! Think about if he was your bio son and your ex had her new partner treating him how you treat your stepson. If that doesn’t make you change, then nothing will.
Nice try, to make it sound like you were defending your wife. YTA. So much YTA.
Bullying is not a parenting style. You are bullying your son by purposely scaring him. Also, how is his sister not being asleep his fault?
You ARE asking too much. Frankly it’s ridiculous
Abuse is NOT a "parenting style". It's crystal clear that you hate this poor boy, for whatever reason, and you want everyone here to validate your abusive ways. It's not going to happen. What chores do you and your wife do? What about the other kids? Why is everything up to Ron to take care of? Why is he responsible for the house, the car, YOUR kids? Oh, that's right, because he's not YOUR son, so he must be your maid and nanny. You are not a parent. You are an abusive bully. Period. Try to make all the excuses you want, but that's what it boils down to.
>he said she didn't care for him and that only daddy loved him and she wasn't interested in him I mean...he didn't live with his mom for a while and his dad was his primary caretaker so he probably felt his love more than hers as she was often away or distant. Then his mom's new husband (you) are overtly harsh on him even when his dad died and he got depressed. The husband she picked (you) seemed to treat him like a maid and babysitter and when he starts to have a hard time psychologically, you think he's being nefarious and rebellious. Honestly being depressed is pretty normal for a grieving teen, but neither of you seem to care about that and only focus on his ability to do your work and his performance as a maid. And then her new husband threatens him while mom just watched. Yeah I'd accuse mom of not caring at all if that's what been happening to him while she watches and does nothing mostly.
>I got mad at Ron because his little sister wasn't asleep. If her being asleep was so important to you, ***you*** should've been home to put her to bed. He's her brother, not a 3rd parent. And I haven't even touched on what he's gone through losing his dad at such a pivotal age. You and your wife need to do a lot better. You are actively failing him.
YTA - he clearly does not have sufficient support to process his grief and instead you've come down with a heavy hand about chores and him babysitting your child/children. He's lost a parent, had to move homes and in the new place he lives his stepdad wants him to stay on top of chores, look after a toddler and also help with step siblings when they are around. This boy should be gIven the space to grieve and adjust. Also, why do you want to scare him? Because he couldn't handle a 3 year old? Grown people can't handle constant crying sometimes. Because he didn't call? Well maybe your draconian attitude rather than giving him kindness is why. Look at your own phrasing "he moved into my home" not he moved in with his mom or us or our home. He didn't move to your home, he moved in with his mom. So it's all about you and what you want and expecting him at act like he's always been there and as a normal functioning teen instead of a grieving, overwhlemed teen. You're mad he wasn't sleeping or had the tv on? So he was overwhelmed at his toddler half-sister crying, tried to stop it by using the tv, didn't call because he probably is already afraid of you, didn't fall asleep (because he's probably stressed and wound up) and you threaten to take his small inheritance. Yes, you're a massive abusive jackass because you have no legal right to that inheritance. You do not control it. His mom does until he's of age. I read this whole thing and wondered where his mother is - either absent, uncaring, an A like you or abused by you. I vote the last because YOU have zero control and should have zero access to his money. It is not a tool for you to leverage and the fact your mind even thought that shows how controlling and irrational you are. You stepped way out of line. You have traumatised this poor child. He lost his Dad he lived with and now has a mother who doesn't protect him, a stepdad who dominates and threatens him and 3 siblings he has to provide support to at various levels. To top it all, a link to his Dad that can give him a start or just something fun to lift his spirits is being threatened to be taken away by stepdad who should have no access and authority in that regard.
This a million times!
YTA Holy shit, his father dies and then he has to become your butler and raise your children for you. Then you threaten to take his inheritance from him. It’s not even a question, there is no justification for your behaviour. If your current wife has any sense she will remove herself and her son from you. You are not fit to be his step father. If his mother stays with you, this boy will grow up to never speak to you and eventually likely his mother too.
I say this completely and unequivocally: YTA. His dad dies of cancer and you treat him like your live-in butler. You need to seriously reconsider your attitude towards him. Edit: a word
1) your 10 year old should be learning to help with chores when they are at your home. 2) Your car is yours to wash not Ron's to take care of as a chore. 4) Ron is not a free babysitter for you 3) YOU NEVER MAKE A THREAT ABOUT MONEY TO A YOUNGER PERSON ESPECIALLY INHERTITANCE. YTA - You need to learn how to support Ron and understand him without being a bully.
Damn, my mother was just like this guy. She would heap every single chore and hour of childcare she could onto me, yet would claim it "wasn't much"...she even once tried to make off with my leftover college grant money. My father had to stop her after she spent hundreds (he paid me back) and tried to steal my checkbook. Turns out she was hiding how much she was putting on me from our father, who worked until midnight every day. Eventually I got cancer and had major surgery and could barely care for myself, let alone do my usual workload...she literally lasted 3 days before the entire household fell apart and my father discovered what she had been doing to me for years. She forgot how to be a parent, and instead of getting her shit together...resented me for being forced by her to step up. OP's wife thankfully fought him over this one, but that isn't enough. This poor kiddo needs action. I think the only reason why my father finally took action instead of just arguing with my my mother was because my health was so fragile and she was making things unsafe for me. It took him having to choose between her or my life. I hope OP's wife takes action before it comes to either that...or the stepson leaving and cutting them both off.
YTA Ron is NOT your maid !!! You seem to not care about him at all, no wonder he is rebelling, You are failing big time as an adult and as a step figure ! You are the reason the family will break up ! Come to your senses or go to counselling !
INFO: Why the F are you out at 1 am when you have a 3 yr old at home?
we were at friend's get-together
Why were you not at home looking after your child?
You're being downvoted because you're a PARENT, and you're not paying for a babysitter. You're parentifying your stepson, complaining that he didn't call you (you likely would have punished him if he HAD called you, because you seem to enjoy handing out punishment) Step up or step out.
You have a 3 year old child you're responsible for! You're the parent, it is the parents' job to take care of their children! You should not be going out with friends and leaving Ron to act like a parent. He's 16. He's not their parent. YOU are the parent. They are YOUR children. Therefore YOUR responsibility.
Make it make sense; you and your wife can go hang out at your friends’ house until 1AM but Ron, who is sixteen years old, has to watch over your toddler children and clean up your house and comply with all of your other expectations??
You have a 3 year old at home, you don't have to stay at the get together until 1. Stay a bit and then leave a little early.
Why is this replay being downvoted?
Did you pay him for babysitting? YTA either way but I’m curious
Because that child has two parents, and your stepson is neither of them. Did you even pay him for babysitting? Or do you feel his time belongs to you by default?
Because you’re supposed to be the parent, not Ron
You know damn well why.
YTA You do not threaten to commit crimes against a minor because they act out a little! And he had every right to be upset at you.
YTA. Not only for threatening him. You seem an awful stepfather.
First time i have ever seen the evil step-father shine through so much..
True… it’s like a modern Cinderella story.
very much so. Cinderfella in this case... I feel so bad for Ron.
Point is that he doesn’t even seem sorry about it. Just about the fight with his wife …
Totally gender-swapped Cinderella.
True 🤦🏻♀️
YTA Even if you didn’t actually intend to do it that was uncredibly out of line to threaten his inheritance.
The inheritance has clearly been on OP's mind. I can't imagine even thinking about "taking" a child's inheritance from them. It's just a thought that would come to my mind. But it obviously came into OP's mind. I'm guessing there is some resentment from OP towards the stepson having an inheritance that he can't access. OP probably resents having to support the stepson without being compensated for it.
YTA Not sure why you even need to ask. You sound like a terrible step parent. You are using him as a free baby sitter and cleaner for your house. Then you go and threaten something totally outrageous involving his deceased father. You should apologise to him regarding what you said. Additionally he is not your slave or free baby sitter. Chores are okay, but why is he doing so many tasks around the house.
YTA. Your stepson is grieving, does well in school and extra curriculars, and you’re treating him as a maid and babysitter. Then you threatened him with the theft of his inheritance. What a horrible little man you are.
YTA. You should know that you do not win over a heart with fear. You said yourself, you were trying to scare your stepson, which is never going to bring him closer to you or make him want to help you out around the house.
Yta everything in that story reads that you view your kids (mostly your step son) as conveniences, as in as soon as they are convenient to do use, to do so. He does well academically and socially despite his recent loss you said he lived with dad fulltime from your post not with his mom and yet he still started out well. Cleaning, caring for your kid (not much my foot, take them on walks? Are they dogs?) Then he flipped "suddenly" hah I don't believe you are sharing important things the inheritance was a bullshit thing to say (dumbassery is wild on that one) and you think it'll get better now? I have a feeling this isn't the only time that you've spoken to him this way cause that is a hell of a leap into a fight from never saying anything at all. Yeah this story is missing details about what you've done... and threatening something you don't even have rights to? Yeah tells me how entitled you are.
>not much my foot, take them on walks? Are they dogs? I apologize for my poor English. I meant he takes them outside. They go for walks to parks, he takes them to McDonald's, sometimes he goes shopping with them, sometimes we ask him to take the siblings to the movies. Nothing too much. The kids love spending time with him, and he gets to have fun with them too when they are all together watching a movie or eating burgers.
You say it's not a lot but that is a lot for a 16yr old, let alone one who has been through what he has. How can he say no anyway, he knows you will likely pitch a fit if he says no. He does so much I wonder how much time you spend taking your kids to the park, McDonald's, shopping, and to the movies. I'm pretty sure what the real answer is tbh.
I think "sometimes" you may ask for too much, just sounds like you are a layzee ass who thinks the kids should do everything and uses chores as an excuse. You also threaten to take money does not even belong to you at all, imagine me if i did this to your kids if i was dating your ex wife.
Try apologizing for your completely inadequate parenting. This is ALL on you and your wife.
What you're describing is babysitting, and he's been doing it without complaint time and time again even while working, doing school, participating in an extracurriculars, and mourning his dead father. Does he even get paid for these excursions? Is he paying his own way for movies and food, or do you actually expect him to pay for that?
You're defending yourself poorly. It's not about asking him to help around the house. Your story reads as if you weaponize your home against him do this or else, do that or else, the littles love you so do this with them or else. You have nothing and we took you in you need to EARN your place. That's how YOU are writing your own story it's not your English that is the problem it's your entitlement that is. This was not "sudden" and you are treating this kid who on fact has LOST EVERYTHING like a convenience to you. You're writing it that way, it isn't a language barrier issue here it's a You're an asshole issue. Which you are, and the big give away is weaponizing something you don't even have rights to. Yeah you are an asshole.
For a 16 year old that is a lot Does he have any free time? Does he ever get to spend time with friends? When he's in your house is he allowed to have any alone time where he reads or plays a video game or acts like a 16 year old kid??? From the sound of it he's busy 24/7 with 3 things - Taking care of children that are not his - Taking care of a house that other people live in but aren't contributing to cleaning - Studying hard to get good grades
You put far too much responsibility on a teenager.
YTA. You are treating Ron as a nanny and a maid. He is not there to make your life easier and to take over your responsibilities as a parent. He lost his dad and his mom needs to stand up for him. I do hope your wife takes her children and leaves as soon as possible.
I agree with the previous commenters.Also, he was probably looking forward to the inheritance as it would allow him to move away from you. YTA
YTA x 100
YTA Why are you acting like the evil step mother from Cinderella? He's not a Butler and baby sitter. You have no right to "*spend his inheritance as I saw fit.*" This is a completely serious question; who do you think you are?
It should break up. You are a controlling, abusive AH.
YTA and you are cruel. And worse, you don’t even realize it
YTA. Your stepson lost his dad and you're acting like him being a little moddy and a little messy calls for you to tank his future "in a joke." Jesus
You shouldn't have threatened Ron's inheritance..that was out of line, and it's understandable your wife is upset. It might help to apologize and find a better way to address the issues with Ron and your family.
YTA
Holy shit, YTA.
I'm not sure what the laws about stealing from minors are, but Ron should take applicable legal action if you so much as think about spending his inheritance money. His mother should help him set up a trust or account that you have no access to.
Your family SHOULD break up. If your wife cares about her child, she would take him and your youngest and leave you. How dare you turn this child into your houseboy/nanny after he lost his father? If you have a problem with something your stepson is doing, talk to his mother. SHE is the parent. YOU are not. YTA, setting some kind of record for stepparent assholery which is saying a lot on this sub.
YTA...he lost his dad...he had to move in with you and become a slave. I hope your wive leaves you cause what you said was wrong and you suck as a step parent
YTA. Yes, you have no right to threaten Ron's inheritance - his link to his father is none of your business. And it sounds like he turned on the TV because his little sister was having trouble sleeping. You and your wife were out frolicking til 1am expecting Ron to do your parenting for you and he did. This was his solution to his sister crying for a long time and it worked. You need to back off. These "chores" you have set up for Ron seem a bit much. Do either of you wash the dishes or clean the floors? He's not your maid and unpaid babysitter just because his father died and he's stuck with you. I would suggest family therapy, but honestly it would be best for Ron if he and his mother left you.
Yeah if the sister was up crying and cannot sleep, turning on the TV to help calm her down was a pretty good idea.
YTA. His father died, he's moved into a new place and immediately put in charge of three younger siblings, two of whom he's not even related to. Then when he tries to look after one instead of cleaning the house, you make a ridiculous threat that you can't carry out that involves the money his dead father left him? Yeah, you better start groveling if you want to stay married.
YTA, massive. If you want to try to make this situation better, I suggest taking parenting classes, and getting your stepson into therapy. You sound insufferable but hopefully you aren't as big a jerk as you sound.
Cinderfella and the Evil Stepfather. YTA.
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He needs therapy for his abusive behavior as well.
Bro, YTA on so many levels here. Ron is a family member (that is grieving the loss of his father). He is not your maid or your babysitter. It’s one thing to ask him to help out, and another to treat him like he’s a maid/nanny in his own home. He is probably throwing tantrums and “rebelling” because he doesn’t feel welcome or loved. It’s not his job to watch his 3 year old step sister or to watch and help out with your children. It’s also not solely his job to keep the house clean. Yes, I believe kids should do chores, but also to an extent. It’s one thing to ask him to help babysit his siblings once in a while and another to have him do it constantly
YTA For all of it. Every single bit of this post. Treating your stepson - your grieving stepson - like a lodger who has to earn his way, escalating to threatening him for - *checks notes* - calming your child down while you were absent. Your wife is the bigger AH for having allowed you to treat her son this way. I hope this is the wake-up call she needs to get him away from you.
Yeah it's kind of telling that the stepson lived full time with his dad instead of joint custody with his mom. The fact that she let's her husband treat her son like this is disturbing. Glad she finally stood up for the kid, it was a long time coming.
YTA I compare this to another family I’ve known where the stepson moved in with his stepdad and mother after his father’s death…only for his mom to die too before he turned 18. His grandparents offered to take him but his stepfather had built such a good relationship with him that they both decided they wanted to stay together as a family. And they did. Even when the stepfather remarried later, the son still came home to visit and was a part of the family. Then I read this post and I’m just grossed out.
It's nice to read a story like this, it's nice to see a stepparent step up and love their step child as their own.
You’re an asshole. Shame on you, we see a lot Of wicked stepparents on Reddit but you may take the cake for the worst of the worst. Good god, you should be ashamed of yourself. No wonder your other children don’t live with you.
Please I hope your family breaks up and your wife gets a freaking brain and leaves you. No wonder you don’t hardly ever see your other biological children. You’re horrible. You’re horrible to run this poor kid grieving his father and his mother better smarten up and get rid of you! YTA x100
Yta
YTA, you have turned a grieving 15 y.o. into your personal servant. Shame on you and shame on his mother for allowing it. Raise your own kid...Ron should not ave to take care of a 3 y.o. nor your kids from your first marriage. As a start to making this right, you and his mother take Ron to a financial planner/bank/lawyer and set up what his father left to him and set it up so it is his and his alone. Show that there is no way for you to touch it. Then you get him into therapy and yourself and your wife. What you're doing is called parentification. Knock it off. The child doesn't physically have a father anymore. You could have taken this opportunity to step up and be a positive male role model. He doesn't need you to become his dad and you should not expect him to treat you like you're his dad. You could have been someone he could look up to, take him out one on one to a sporting event. Do things, even chores, together. Instead you made him your Cinderfella.
You are a weapons-grade asshole. He's a teenager and you are the adult. Rebellion, hormones, pushing boundaries are all perfectly normal teen behaviours. In addition he's also grieving the loss of a parent. You are supposed to be the mature one. What's your excuse? You deliberately bullied someone who is much younger than you, and who is vulnerable because he is dependent on you for food and shelter. You used the one thing his Dad left him, and you did it for no other reason than you were pissed off and wanted to lash out and hurt him. How would you feel if another adult did that to one of your biological children? Looks a bit different through those eyes, doesn't it? If your wife has any sense she will prioritise her child's needs over you and file for divorce.
So basically, you're a lazy asshole and a bad father. And you're an abusive stepfather. YOU should wash your own car. YOU should help your own kids with their homework. You forced a grieving teenager to become your slave. And now you're threatening to rob him to force him to continue doing all of YOUR work. Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself. I hope your wife does leave you. You've literally and repeatedly abused her son. YTA
Boy, I wonder why your first marriage ended, you seem like such a winner
YTA-On multiple levels. He’s lost his dad. His family has changed and his stepparent enjoys being a bully.
This child is grieving the loss of who had been his primary parent. He is now living in a new place with new rules and trying to process this grief. He is in desperate need of compassion and support, and instead is getting treated like a maid and nanny, with threats that ensures him there is no one in his life now that he can trust. You’ve literally done everything wrong. Every damn thing. This kid needs support and compassion. I’d ask you why you didn’t just talk to him and ask what’s going on, to get the full story and try to help, but it’s clear you really don’t care. And I’m sure Ron knows that too, so he wouldn’t give you a straight answer even if you did ask since you can’t be trusted. From now on, chore assignments, parenting, and punishments should really only come from your wife. YTA
YTA MASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIVELY.
JFC You are a raging a******. This kid lost his father. Instead of helping him. Maybe being empathetic. Listening to him. You turn into the guy that decides boot camp is the appropriate way to go. Maybe go visit the wizard. Ask for a heart. YTA
YTA. He's not a servant and his money is his, not yours. The only thing you SHOULD do is suggest proper investments to not waste most.
YTA. Your lack of self reflection is astounding. He's a child, who lost his primary parent and you turned him into Cinderella. His room have a bed or does he have to sleep on the floors after he scrubs them? I hope your wife gets full custody of them all in the upcoming divorce. You showed your true face.
*You* an adult man threatened to use your step child's inheritance as an admitted scare tactic. Why? His baby sister was awake very late watching TV. Your stepson was left to watch your child as you socialized. He calmed her best he could as a 16 year thrust very recently into regular childcare. You didn't like his method. Couple with a messy home, you lashed out. Sir. You had a tantrum. You keep harping on his reaction when in fact yours escalated the situation and was objectively worse. You didn't consider your wife's rights as his mother. You showed her NO respect as his parent. Immediately, your emotions were most important. No discussion with your wife and some cool off time for the whole family which would jave only entailed going to bed. You didn't consider your stepson and how his life has changed incredibly in a few short months. Only you and you perception of right. You aren't looking for respect, you want blind obedience and control. This isn't a bad kid. It's a normal teenager whose recently lost his primary parent and is now in a blended family. He's going to rebel in normal teenage ways. As a parent your job is deal with it healthily not using his father's legacy ie the inheritance as a tool for manipulation and pain. YTA You should lose your second family. You aren't good at this whole husband and father thing. Consider being single and a some parenting classes.
YTA Your stepson is a child who you are supposed to be taking care of. He is not your servant. You are a failure as a parent and have terrible judgement. You should not be making any important decisions or assigning tasks to anyone. You’re not smart enough to manage the subtleties of raising teenagers.
YTA and I hope your wife leaves you. Why is Ron cleaning your house and car and watching your kid? The money isn’t yours to spend or even have any thoughts on.
YTA. You are parentifying this kid and using him like a slave, and then you threaten him. He is a friggin' teenager. Of course he's going to rebel. Fortunately, he's got you to crack the whip and get him back in line so he can continue with his duties /s. What a dick. You are going to find that he bails out as soon as he legally can, and will have nothing to do with you. If you do in fact steal his inheritance, you may also find yourself on the receiving end of a lawsuit (and rightfully so)!
YTA
Yta And your wife should be meeting with a divorce attorney asap.
You don't sound like a step dad but a military commander, kid is young, just lost a father and will be going through a world of hurt... Support him and go bond and spend time with him, take him to a baseball game or footy.. Kids make houses messy so get used to a messy house. You should be apologizing rather than coming on reddit....
YTA just from your tone. You wanted to scare Ron into doing whatever you wanted. Your excuses are flimsy and you know it.
YTA.
YTA how does it feel to act like being the big man tormenting a kid who lost his dad, I sincerely hope his mother divorces you because it is what you deserve, he is not Cinderella, but you are the wicked stepfather.
As a teenager if my dad died and a stepfather I didn't live with before starts treating me like a maid and making me care for his children I'd be upset too. Plus you are describing his grief as a tantrum because YOU had one and decided to threaten him with something you have no say in. YTA and I'm sorry if that's harsh but it is what it is
So you see your stepson as nothing but an indentured servant. Yes, YTA. His mother needs to kick you to the curb.
I was this kid at one point in my life and let me tell you your marriage will not last if you don't stop being an asshole to someone WHO JUST LOST THEIR FATHER YOU MISERABLE INGRATE
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My stepson Ron (fake name, 16M) living with me (M, 45) and my wife (F, 42) for almost a year now. When my wife and I met, Ron was living with his father. A year ago Ron's father passed away from cancer and he moved into my home. There are rules in my house and Ron has to abide by them. Ron's chores at home include washing dishes, scrubbing floors, washing my car (tbh usually I use it as a punishment and the rest of time I prefer car washes). He also has to help me and my wife look after his younger siblings. It's actually not as horrible as it sounds because my wife and I have only one child together (3F). On vacations, my kids from my 1 marriage (7M, 10M) come to me. They don't need constant care, but Ron helps them occasionally. Nothing too much: sometimes I ask Ron to help them with math or take them for a walk. Ron has free time, because he does well academically and goes to the school soccer section. He has also looked for a job from home several times, but always quit after 3-4 weeks, because he tends to be fickle. About 1 and ½ months ago Ron started having teenage rebellion. Ron has started snapping, he's often locked in his room. Ron is doing his chores poorly. He doesn't wash dishes well (there are dried sauce stains on the dishes), he uses the vacuum cleaner about 1 a month, and he hasn't wash the floor with a mop in 2 months. I think his grief from father also affected here as well. And here's why I can be an asshole. Ron's father was not wealthy, and he left his son a rather modest inheritance. I'm not from the US, and I don't think it makes sense to write the dollar amount. But that money could cover some of the cost of college tuition or it could be used to buy a used car. Yes, I admit I did something stupid. But I couldn't take it. I lost it. Yesterday, my wife and I got home at 1:00 a.m. and the house was filthy. There were dishes on the kitchen sink. Ron was sitting in the living room watching f TV (he supposed to be asleep at this time). His little sis was sitting next to him. Ron said she cried for a long time and she calmed down when he turned on the TV. I asked why Ron hadn't called us. He didn't say anything. I don't know what came over me, but I said that since Ron didn't want to fulfill his domestic duties I would spend his inheritance as I saw fit. I didn't really mean that and only wanted to scare him, but it ended in his tantrum. He was yelling, shaking, and threatened to leave the house. My wife had a hard time calming us down and sent him to bed. This morning my wife and I had the biggest fight of our lives. Ron wasn't home because my wife had let him go out with friends after the incident. She yelled at me I acted like an ah and I had no right to talk about Ron's inheritance. I realize I really have no right to claim Ron's inheritance, but I didn't want to take money from him either. I just wanted to scare him. I'm afraid my family might brake up *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA WTF is wrong with you? Everything you've done towards your stepson has been wrong. No wonder hes rebelling. I hope your wife takes her son and leaves you.
Wow. You really are an evil step parent aren't you? Keep this up and your biological children will grow up, leave home and never speak to you. They will all turn to Ron as a father figure since he's the one that's actually raising his siblings! You are definitely TA!
YTA Seriously?? This is a child who just lost their father and you're very worried about getting unpaid labor out of him and have no compassion for his situation at all. After the last stunt you pulled, if I was your wife, I'd leave you to protect my son.
Mr Murdstone, hello! YTA.
You are an anal retentive AH. Your threat was financial abuse. The kid is not your housekeeper and he is not your son. Leave him alone.
YTA. He's going to ghost you (and his mother) from his life the second he turns 18, and that will be on your head. Your family might BREAK up, and it will be entirely, objectively your fault.
YTA. You are an awful person. Your wife needs to take her kids and run from you. Find someone better. Eta. HE IS NOT YOUR MAID OR BABYSITTER
YTA I hope the family does break up tbh. Your on a power trip and acting like a really s**** parent to your bio kids and an abusive control freak to your step son. It's not your place to discipline him or control him.
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You sound like an arsehole in general
I had a stepfather just like you. He actually managed to take money from me cause my mom let him. I was cleaning, cooking and working at the same time. I also paid rent but he managed to get my mom to take money out of my account. They broke up after 15 years. Ya I don’t miss him at all.
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Yta
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YTA
YTA Have you ever seen Cinderella? Because you're the evil stepmother here. If there weren't a grieving child in the mix, it would be almost funny that you're so oblivious that you are the villain in this story.
YTA bigtime, but you can make it up to him by dying of cancer yourself!
I truly hope you are not only reading the responses to your post but taking notes. There is a small percentage you can fix this but man you got an uphill battle.
YTA, and I hope your wife will see the light and leaves you. Her son isn't your servant, clean your dishes.
YTA 10000 times over ! This young man lost his father. You obviously have no empathy for what that kind of loss is like (I have lived through being divorced and having the ex-spouse pass. Our son was 12). And on top of it, you are treating him as a maid and parentifying him on top of it!!!! The emotional damage you are doing is incalculable . The inheritance issue is not the main issue here. Hope this young man's mom does the right thing.
YTA. I hope she leaves you and takes everything.
That wasn’t a tantrum, YTA big time. Leave parenting Ron to his mother and stay out of it. You have no right to treat her son that way. His primary care parent just died of cancer. I cannot think of a bigger AH than what you just described about yourself. That boy is your wife’s son. Support HER parenting and stay the fuck out of it.
YTA. DId you try having putting on your big boy pants and having a conversation with your son about why he's not doing his chores as well or why he's becoming "rebellious"? The could be more than teenage rebellion or laziness going on. These could be symptoms of mental health issues. And let me address scaring your son. This is not how adults act. This is how playground bullies act. And if you continue like this, there's a good chance the family will "brake" up. My father tried this crap when he didn't like my behavior. Threatened to leave me and my mother. Threatened to call the police on me. Threatened to kick me out into the streets. All it did was make me and my mom get out and teach me I couldn't trust my own father. It doesn't mean shit if you weren't going to follow through, you were deliberately scaring your son because you're too immature and lazy to communicate.
YTA. Have some self-respect. This kid is not your servant, he’s your STEP-SON. Take care of your own children, YOU’RE the father. His father died of cancer, do you not have any proper manners? You definitely should be worrying about the family breaking up because I can’t imagine how a parent could do this. His inheritance is his inheritance, you want to punish him? You do it in a healthy manner. NOT BY TREATING HIM LIKE A SLAVE YOU POOR EXCUSE OF A MALE. Seriously, do Redditors have to teach you how to be a parent? You are a big AH.
Look after your own fucking kids, wash your own fucking car. Not your fucking money. YTA
YTA. Yeah, your wife might dump you over this, and you will fully deserve it for what you did. You treat him like a servant and a babysitter, and then you decide to have a tantrum and threaten to take away his inheritance? You're a monster
How DARE an emotionally scarred teenager act like an emotionally scarred teenager! I mean, really, of all the indignity, doesn't Ron know MEN don't get upset about their dead fathers? And why on Earth was your daughter up in the middle of the night, SCANDALOUS, I say! You sir are not an asshole AT ALL. You should take Ron's inheritance and use it to buy yourself some prime steaks and fine wine - but don't share it at all with your harpy of a wife who DARED call you such horrid names. Doesn't she know you, sir, are the head of the household and thus get full access to whatever money you damn well please?
YTA