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NTA, but you are delusional if you believe that you can have it all. Either you deal with crap that makes your life miserable or you suck it up and make yourself a lovable and nice person.
I would not care if my brother is sleeping with his wife if they took my things into their room, I would go in and take my charger when I need it and on any their complaints would just say "don't give a crap, don't take my shit and I won't wake you up". Respect is earned, nobody will respect you if you don't respect yourself and you clearly don't.
Eh - it’s not OPs house it’s her mums. And the common room is her brothers room when he visits his mum. I think OP should just take her shit and have it in her own room. If her brother takes her charger from her room into his then she should just knock and ask for it or borrow someone else’s for a bit. It sounds like OP is making a lot of drama for something quite normal. I would love to see brothers side.
Honestly OP you also come off a bit insufferable with your not being able to stand people who sleep in and stomping around the house instead of just resolving quite simple issues.
Omygoshh! I was thinking the same thing at the back of my head. 😅 But I am not really this kind of person, but I always wanted to haha
Edit: I didn't notice the last statement. You're wrong. I feel like its not just me or my personality to be that frank but I'm working on it. I respect my self more than anyone else.
Bing bang boom my kind of realist. like what is this Sesame Street? HAS THE WORLD BECOME SO SENSITIVE? I just heard a kid last week in the projects being touched by their own family members and I tried to fight everyone including the projects afterward.
@er1cat
. be who you are because im sure your brother looked at you like that cause your his sister and he loves you but im sure there’s something more between the dynamic of you and their relationship for whatever reason. i am not sure if she/he/they just doesn’t understand your lifestyle but she adjusted to him it seems like and if that were me i would be up and Adam with you. that’s family and if you wanted to be alone you tell her. maybe she’s not use to that but idk
Nta however next time they stay just ask them to bring their own charger, they probably left because they felt awkward after you started slamming things around and they obviously knew it was because of them.
INFO (Not Enough Information)
This whole situation sounds kinda petty:
1. You allowed your brother and his wife to use the common room as a bedroom.
2. You can just ask your brother to bring his own phone charger or maybe just buy one if you're willing to have guests over.
3. You need to just talk to your brother about this. I feel there's more to the story being left out here.
For context: he's not really my brother brother. We just grew up together in one household because we are living as an extended family. He just moved out recently because they got married.
But thanks! Will definitely try and talk to him. Because I also felt uncomfortable about this situation. 😅
I raised three girls. Never had a common space for skincare. They were all capable of handling it in their room or in the bathroom. And I have my own space for that (vanity and bathroom). I can think of 100 plus better uses for a common area of a home.
So your issues with people sleeping in late and all of that are something you just should have dealt with quietly because it isn't your house and if your mom wanted them there then she gets final say.
Great response
Once you realise the post is written by a younger sister, and not an adult home owner, it reads very much like a disgruntled sibling
And +1 for it being unusual to have a whole room dedicated to ‘skin care’
Unless they’re possibly Lizard People and need ample space to shed their skins and maintain them regularly
This is the only possible explanation for requiring a whole room
I live in an all woman household, and I am mystified by the concept of a common space for skincare. We keep our stuff in the bathroom or our own bedroom.
Tell your brother he can't use your charger because you need it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe. I just did.
AITA for Wanting My Brother and His Wife Out?
We have a common room at home where we do our skin care and get dressed. But every time my brother and his wife (newlyweds) are here, they use it as their own room. We've adjusted for them by moving our skin care stuff to the living room so we don't disturb them. However, it's getting frustrating because they wake up super late (around 11am) and use our phone chargers at night, leaving me without a charger in the morning.
Oversleeping is one of my biggest pet peeves. I believe in starting the day early and being productive, so it really bothers me when people sleep in late, especially when it disrupts my routine and prevents me from accessing shared spaces and items.
Just today, I was really frustrated because I couldn't find my charger again (I admit I have some anger issues). I started slamming things out of frustration because I needed my charger urgently. They were still asleep, but I'm sure they heard me. When they finally got up, they decided to go back home without eating breakfast or lunch. My brother said goodbye and asked if it was okay for them to leave. I asked why they weren't eating first, but he just smirked and left.
I feel like an asshole because I let my irritation get the best of me and acted out in anger. My brother and his wife probably felt unwelcome and uncomfortable, which wasn't my intention. I didn't communicate my frustrations calmly or respectfully, and instead, I let my pet peeve and anger issues dictate my behavior. Now I'm relieved that they left, but I also feel guilty for handling the situation poorly.
AITA for being relieved that they went back home?
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So you're annoyed that your mother is happy to have her son visit her at her own home, and that she gets to dictate the use of public spaces in the home that she owns, pays for and lives in.
Single solution then: move out. When you have your own house that you pay for, you get to dictate the conditions of how you host and how often.
Until that happens, however; you have an obligation to be a gracious host. And you've failed to do that. YTA
YTS for how you handled it. It's your mom's house, he lived there too until recently. You don't get a say in other people's sleep schedule. Ask then to bring their own charger. The only nta I'll give you is because you can feel relieved they left. But YTAH for how you handled it and your micromanagement of your brother in the house he also grew up in, that also isn't yours. It's your mother's house and if she wanted them in a different room, she would put them in a different room.
YTA. I understand the frustration behind chargers. But they are in the room, not disrupting your routine in any way. If they oversleep, it's their business. Keep your nose out of it. No one has any right to dictate how other grown adults should live their life.
NTA for being relieved they left, but you could have handled the situation better. It's okay to be frustrated when your space and belongings are constantly being used by others, especially when it disrupts your routine. However, your reaction of slamming things out of frustration was not appropriate. It created an uncomfortable environment for everyone, including yourself.
I agree, I could have handled the situation better. 😅 I let my frustration get the best of me, and my reaction was inappropriate. I'll work on communicating my needs more calmly next time. Thanks again for the perspective!
Why on earth don't your brother and his wife bring chargers with them? It's not like they take up much space. Just assuming that you can use someone else's charging spot is rather rude.
NTA.
They are poor houseguests.
When you are in some else's space you should be considerate of the hosts and their property.
If they wish to sleep in that is fine as long as do not have any of the things that you need in their room.
Nobody wants to interrupt newlyweds .
If they want to use your charger they can but return it as soon as they are done using it.
No- but really, set some boundaries. There’s no reason they can’t bring their own chargers. Next time, if there is a next time, when they ask for your charger say they can use it after you. And the charger must remain in the common area. Or even, buy a couple new chargers- they’re not very expensive- for them to use when they visit. If you’re not too POed that is.
It’s better to use your words than let frustration build up until you crack. So, give them some house rules. If they don’t like it, well, problem solved. Good luck!
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We have a common room at home where we do our skin care and get dressed. But every time my brother and his wife (newlyweds) are here, they use it as their own room. We've adjusted for them by moving our skin care stuff to the living room so we don't disturb them. However, it's getting frustrating because they wake up super late (around 11am) and use our phone chargers at night, leaving me without a charger in the morning.
Oversleeping is one of my biggest pet peeves. I believe in starting the day early and being productive, so it really bothers me when people sleep in late, especially when it disrupts my routine and prevents me from accessing shared spaces and items.
Just today, I was really frustrated because I couldn't find my charger again (I admit I have some anger issues). I started slamming things out of frustration because I needed my charger urgently. They were still asleep, but I'm sure they heard me. When they finally got up, they decided to go back home without eating breakfast or lunch. My brother said goodbye and asked if it was okay for them to leave. I asked why they weren't eating first, but he just smirked and left.
I feel like an asshole because I let my irritation get the best of me and acted out in anger. My brother and his wife probably felt unwelcome and uncomfortable, which wasn't my intention. I didn't communicate my frustrations calmly or respectfully, and instead, I let my pet peeve and anger issues dictate my behavior. Now I'm relieved that they left, but I also feel guilty for handling the situation poorly.
AITA for being relieved that they went back home? 🥲
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Thank you for the comments. I think I got all that I wanted to hear. Thank you for this community. I believe IATA on some parts haha. Will definitely bring this up for my brother. 😊
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NTA, but you are delusional if you believe that you can have it all. Either you deal with crap that makes your life miserable or you suck it up and make yourself a lovable and nice person. I would not care if my brother is sleeping with his wife if they took my things into their room, I would go in and take my charger when I need it and on any their complaints would just say "don't give a crap, don't take my shit and I won't wake you up". Respect is earned, nobody will respect you if you don't respect yourself and you clearly don't.
Eh - it’s not OPs house it’s her mums. And the common room is her brothers room when he visits his mum. I think OP should just take her shit and have it in her own room. If her brother takes her charger from her room into his then she should just knock and ask for it or borrow someone else’s for a bit. It sounds like OP is making a lot of drama for something quite normal. I would love to see brothers side. Honestly OP you also come off a bit insufferable with your not being able to stand people who sleep in and stomping around the house instead of just resolving quite simple issues.
Omygoshh! I was thinking the same thing at the back of my head. 😅 But I am not really this kind of person, but I always wanted to haha Edit: I didn't notice the last statement. You're wrong. I feel like its not just me or my personality to be that frank but I'm working on it. I respect my self more than anyone else.
Bing bang boom my kind of realist. like what is this Sesame Street? HAS THE WORLD BECOME SO SENSITIVE? I just heard a kid last week in the projects being touched by their own family members and I tried to fight everyone including the projects afterward. @er1cat . be who you are because im sure your brother looked at you like that cause your his sister and he loves you but im sure there’s something more between the dynamic of you and their relationship for whatever reason. i am not sure if she/he/they just doesn’t understand your lifestyle but she adjusted to him it seems like and if that were me i would be up and Adam with you. that’s family and if you wanted to be alone you tell her. maybe she’s not use to that but idk
Nta however next time they stay just ask them to bring their own charger, they probably left because they felt awkward after you started slamming things around and they obviously knew it was because of them.
Thank you! I should really work on how I respond.
INFO (Not Enough Information) This whole situation sounds kinda petty: 1. You allowed your brother and his wife to use the common room as a bedroom. 2. You can just ask your brother to bring his own phone charger or maybe just buy one if you're willing to have guests over. 3. You need to just talk to your brother about this. I feel there's more to the story being left out here.
OP didn't allow anything, it's not OP's home. It's her mother's.
I love it when these details are omitted
For context: he's not really my brother brother. We just grew up together in one household because we are living as an extended family. He just moved out recently because they got married. But thanks! Will definitely try and talk to him. Because I also felt uncomfortable about this situation. 😅
OP, I’ve seen in the comments that this isn’t your house- how old are you? You sound like a disgruntled teenage sister
Not enough info. Is this your house alone? Or do you just live there and it's the home of someone else? Why would you use a common space for skincare?
No, I still live with my mom and my sister. If you live with an all-girls household, you can understand why we have a common space for skin care. 😅
I raised three girls. Never had a common space for skincare. They were all capable of handling it in their room or in the bathroom. And I have my own space for that (vanity and bathroom). I can think of 100 plus better uses for a common area of a home. So your issues with people sleeping in late and all of that are something you just should have dealt with quietly because it isn't your house and if your mom wanted them there then she gets final say.
Great response Once you realise the post is written by a younger sister, and not an adult home owner, it reads very much like a disgruntled sibling And +1 for it being unusual to have a whole room dedicated to ‘skin care’ Unless they’re possibly Lizard People and need ample space to shed their skins and maintain them regularly This is the only possible explanation for requiring a whole room
I live with my little sister. That's what bathrooms are for? Like that's where the running water is. But ok.
I live in an all woman household, and I am mystified by the concept of a common space for skincare. We keep our stuff in the bathroom or our own bedroom. Tell your brother he can't use your charger because you need it.
Oh FFS, you do not need a whole room to put stuff on your face. Use the bathroom.
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You're not the asshole for being relieved, but you are for how you handled it.
True. Will be handling it better next time 🙏🏻
Kinda TA. NTA for being frustrated, but TA for slamming things around like a child, and not communicating your feelings like an adult.
So you're annoyed that your mother is happy to have her son visit her at her own home, and that she gets to dictate the use of public spaces in the home that she owns, pays for and lives in. Single solution then: move out. When you have your own house that you pay for, you get to dictate the conditions of how you host and how often. Until that happens, however; you have an obligation to be a gracious host. And you've failed to do that. YTA
YTS for how you handled it. It's your mom's house, he lived there too until recently. You don't get a say in other people's sleep schedule. Ask then to bring their own charger. The only nta I'll give you is because you can feel relieved they left. But YTAH for how you handled it and your micromanagement of your brother in the house he also grew up in, that also isn't yours. It's your mother's house and if she wanted them in a different room, she would put them in a different room.
YTA. I understand the frustration behind chargers. But they are in the room, not disrupting your routine in any way. If they oversleep, it's their business. Keep your nose out of it. No one has any right to dictate how other grown adults should live their life.
NTA for being relieved they left, but you could have handled the situation better. It's okay to be frustrated when your space and belongings are constantly being used by others, especially when it disrupts your routine. However, your reaction of slamming things out of frustration was not appropriate. It created an uncomfortable environment for everyone, including yourself.
I agree, I could have handled the situation better. 😅 I let my frustration get the best of me, and my reaction was inappropriate. I'll work on communicating my needs more calmly next time. Thanks again for the perspective!
Why on earth don't your brother and his wife bring chargers with them? It's not like they take up much space. Just assuming that you can use someone else's charging spot is rather rude.
We have the same question. They always don't bring their chargers with them everytime they are here. 🥲
Then buy a cheap spare one or a multicharger with two leads and keep it in a drawer for guests. The frustration isn’t worth it.
NTA. They are poor houseguests. When you are in some else's space you should be considerate of the hosts and their property. If they wish to sleep in that is fine as long as do not have any of the things that you need in their room. Nobody wants to interrupt newlyweds . If they want to use your charger they can but return it as soon as they are done using it.
No- but really, set some boundaries. There’s no reason they can’t bring their own chargers. Next time, if there is a next time, when they ask for your charger say they can use it after you. And the charger must remain in the common area. Or even, buy a couple new chargers- they’re not very expensive- for them to use when they visit. If you’re not too POed that is. It’s better to use your words than let frustration build up until you crack. So, give them some house rules. If they don’t like it, well, problem solved. Good luck!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We have a common room at home where we do our skin care and get dressed. But every time my brother and his wife (newlyweds) are here, they use it as their own room. We've adjusted for them by moving our skin care stuff to the living room so we don't disturb them. However, it's getting frustrating because they wake up super late (around 11am) and use our phone chargers at night, leaving me without a charger in the morning. Oversleeping is one of my biggest pet peeves. I believe in starting the day early and being productive, so it really bothers me when people sleep in late, especially when it disrupts my routine and prevents me from accessing shared spaces and items. Just today, I was really frustrated because I couldn't find my charger again (I admit I have some anger issues). I started slamming things out of frustration because I needed my charger urgently. They were still asleep, but I'm sure they heard me. When they finally got up, they decided to go back home without eating breakfast or lunch. My brother said goodbye and asked if it was okay for them to leave. I asked why they weren't eating first, but he just smirked and left. I feel like an asshole because I let my irritation get the best of me and acted out in anger. My brother and his wife probably felt unwelcome and uncomfortable, which wasn't my intention. I didn't communicate my frustrations calmly or respectfully, and instead, I let my pet peeve and anger issues dictate my behavior. Now I'm relieved that they left, but I also feel guilty for handling the situation poorly. AITA for being relieved that they went back home? 🥲 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Thank you for the comments. I think I got all that I wanted to hear. Thank you for this community. I believe IATA on some parts haha. Will definitely bring this up for my brother. 😊