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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think the whole “tradition” thing is just Melinda wanting to be in everyone’s houses, but maybe I’m in the wrong here and should’ve just thrown the party?
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NTA
Look, I love a neighborhood with a good, friendly community. It really helps make the world a better place when people are kind to each other and help out.
But some people, like Melinda, take it way too far. A person should host a party and open their home because they want to, not because they've been volun-told to do so.
I think Melinda is just nosey as fuck and wanted to see the inside of the new neighbor's house.
Saying the neighborhood is like a family screams *I plan on trampling all over your boundaries*
Did OP buy the house? Because, SURE, pay out lots of money to close on a house, then within 2 weeks spend a bunch more money to host a "grand party" for people you don't know. Plus it's a lot of effort for someone that's just physically moved into a house and has probably spent the last few weeks unpacking, rearranging, etc. No, just no.
Tell Melinda to host the party her damn self, OP.
Oh, NTA.
We moved in \*a year ago\* and we are still updating, remodeling, etc. We had a smallllllllllllllllll housewarming party for our dear friends, but I wasn't about to show it off to a bunch of strangers! Right on! :)
No, I meant that Melinda should throw a party to welcome OP to the neighbourhood, not that Op should - no normal person can get their new house ready in 2 weeks, you are totally right!
My sister in law. 2 days after moving in, her house looks like she's been there for years. No lie. Most of the time, she wasn't working when they moved, but still, how late did she stay up putting everything away? It takes me a while to get everything done the way I want.
Bringing food to a new neighbor is a welcoming tradition. Demanding that they host a party isn't welcoming, it's hazing.
No way Melinda should be invited into the house, ever.
We've been in our home for over three years and I've still got a half dozen boxes still with stuff in them. Mind you we hosted extended family for Christmas three DAYS after moving here.
We kept expectations low, slept very little for a couple of weeks before and after the move and had all boxes, unopened or otherwise, shoved in the garage so they weren't visible. We still managed to make the place presentable. That is effort I sure as hell wouldn't have agreed to for anyone else.
I think it was 6yrs and 3 houses before I unpacked a box my hubby and I had packed when we moved out of the first house we had together. It was like opening a time capsule and seeing all the things we had forgotten we had 🤣.
Melinda needs a refresher course in how to be a good neighbour.
In 1982 I moved to Saudi Arabia from Montreal with my parents and a box came with us, in 1984 we moved back to Montreal and the box came with us, in 1988 we moved to England and the box came with us, in 1991 we moved to Toronto and the box came with us, in 1996 my parents moved back to England but decided to look in the box first. It held my winter coats from when I was a child 🤣
We’re on our 3rd move in 4 years this month (yay rentals!), and I’m pregnant this time. Absolutely zero system in place for our boxes and I assume I’ll find things at some point in time otherwise they shall rot in the garage. 🤣
We moved into our house in 2005. We finally opened the last box during lockdown. It was definitely like a time capsule and a proper wonder down memory lane
My house absolutely isn’t. There’s so many boxes that I need to still get rid of, put things away, clean some rooms and more. I sleep on the couch for now with the TV on the floor since it hasn’t been mounted yet.
I feel like that’s going to be me haha. I’m expecting about 2 more trucks to come throughout the week and I’m sure going to just put the bigger boxes in the garage and call it a project for another day.
We moved into this house, 4 years ago. The garage houses many tubs and crates, that have yet to be opened😂 Gonna be a bit longer before they are unpacked, I’m sure.
I moved in December, with admittedly a lot of stuff jenga-d into a 26 foot truck, plus breakables crammed into an SUV. I wasn't working when I arrived, so steadily worked to unpack, decorate and hang artwork, which took me until April. I finally got everything put away, then had to return to my hometown for the final things I couldn't fit into the truck, filling an SUV and a car topper. I just finished unpacking those things in June.
Yes, it took me 6 months of assiduously working on it to unpack. I did have family over for Christmas because I cleared and decorated the kitchen and living room, and they're the kind of people who wouldn't look askance at boxes stacked in corners.
But host a party for strangers 2 weeks after I arrived? GTFO.
I have an apartment, not a full house and it took me from March to May to have it all put away properly and I still need to get some new picture frames to finish putting up my art.
As someone currently two weeks into setting up my new house, the idea of throwing a grand party gives me hives. Melinda can fuck off and look for free beer elsewhere.
I'm the type of person where if you tell me to do something I feel is unreasonable there is 2 outcomes for this type of situation.
1. I host the party and invite everyone **but** Melinda and her posse.
2. On the day of said party I never agreed to host I'll sit on my lawn in a camp chair listening to an audio book drinking beer and stare in amazement at the people who turn up.
Maybe I can be an asshole but fuck that noise.
I was. But I hate living out of boxes, so unpacking takes precedence over everything but work. And when I moved regularly, I only had furniture and 2 or 3 hatchback loads of stuff. Mostly books.
- "Melinda, you are right, I will just do the party. It's a thematic full nude party, as I'm nudist myself and, as a good neighbour, you surely will respect my tradition".
OP can game this up to The Office levels of insanity. Satanic Adoration parties, New Neighbour Orgy, Talk like a Pirate Day Party...
Right? I know for certain when there were showings and open houses, Melinda and her troupe of nosy neighbours were for damn sure in that house. We were recently at an inspection and auction of a home where half the attendees (and their children!) were just neighbours making themselves at home just to gawk and watch the auction and bidding process. It was a spectating event for them. They were sitting all over the furniture and put themselves front & centre to the action. It made us not want to buy the house. Friendly neighbours are one thing, but ones who feel entitled to be in your personal space are another matter entirely. We told the estate agent this.
That’s every auction. Some neighbours are just more subtle than others. Realtors love it because there is nothing sadder than an auction with only 2 people attending.
Also, who in the world is completely moved in to a party-ready state with curtains and artwork hung inside of two weeks?!? Like, if you have a fulltime job, it can take months (years for some people) to get fully unpacked and settled in!
I've lived in my house since 2018 and just started getting all my pictures hung *this year.* We did have to do some plaster repair and painting first, but still.
I’m someone who really needs a calm, pleasant space to live in or it gives me anxiety, so after a move, I unpack and decorate as quickly as possible, but even so, it takes ME a few months at least! Two weeks is absolutely bonkers.
I never understood housewarming parties. I am not going to throw a party for the first 3 months when I am still recovering from the move, unpacking boxes and waiting on furniture to be delivered. I’m definitely not inviting you while I paint and have trades in to renovate. Still not throwing a party until about 3 years after the renovation when I finally stop cringing every time a heathen puts their manky hands on my white walls.
So yeah my timeline for a housewarming party is about 4 years after I moved in.
The nearest thing I had to a housewarming party was the day all my immediate family came over (with new-home presents like mugs) and helped me clean and put up the flat-pack furniture I'd bought but hadn't managed to assemble by myself.
But assembling IKEA is the most fun part right!!!??? Why should I let other people take all the fun? OHH, that's why it's a party, because IKEA is fun and we're sharing.
Why are you all looking at me like I'm crazy? Is it because I started getting out Hex and Pozidriv bits in anticipation?
My immediate thought was "no way my house would be ready for a proper party before year 3 at least." Family has been coming over the entire time, but there's no way I'm inviting my husband's coworkers over when the kitchen countertop is caving in and I haven't installed the flooring transition strip to the bathroom and laundry rooms and there are four different paint samples on the kitchen wall. I need another half a year before we can host a party, sorry love. The rest of the house isn't totally done either, but it's at least acceptable for company. Almost done!
I agree- when we moved into our house, we had to do a lot of fixing up just to get it to where we would have felt comfortable showing it off. Two weeks after we moved, it was still disorganized to the point that we didn't want our friends to see it, let alone a bunch of strangers we'd never met before.
I'm in the middle of moving (almost done packing) and ain't no way the new house would be ready to host anyone after just two weeks. I'll be happy if I find a can opener by then. :) Lookie lous (or louises) can get used to the disappointment. See if there are photos on Zillow, cos you're not inviting yourself into my home.
Sounds to me like someone has been watching too much House Hunters on HGTV. They usually show a "meeting the new neighbors" party at the end of the episode.
We moved into our house 1.5yrs ago and it’s just starting to be anything near a level I’d be comfortable having a party in. 2 weeks? It still looked like a bomb went off because hubby and I were still working 12hr nights!
That neighbor is insane!
It’s interesting that Melinda and the others who came to OP’s house are worried about OP making a “good impression” but don’t seem to have the same concern about themselves & especially Melinda making a good impression on OP. OP is definitely NTA and I love the response of ignoring the doorbell & going about your business. Melinda is a weirdo.
Yep, and the people saying she should just do it know Melinda is unreasonable and don’t want to deal with her meltdowns, so they want OP to appease her. Ugh. I cannot even imagine the gall of this “tradition.” “Welcome to the neighborhood, now you MUST entertain us even though you don’t have any reason to trust us!” NTA.
A normal neighborhood would welcome you, not expect you to welcome them.
Melinda wanted to snoop around the house and look for things to gossip about with the rest of the biddies. Perhaps she wanted to determine if OP was a suitable person for her to be friends with,
> *I plan on trampling all over your boundaries*
I think this is the real deal, here. Melinda and her mean girl backup dancers are trying to see if they can bully OP into falling in line. If OP doesn't show her spine right away, she'll endo up as one more little soldier in the peer pressure army.
I hope you don't have an HOA, cause Melinda has perfect (and by perfect, I mean worst possible choice) HOA potential.
Exactly. When I bought my house, which is an old Victorian, several of the neighbors, who I JUST met kept asking when I was having a housewarming party. I knew they were all just nosy to see inside!
My answer was "I'm not" - I'm super busy with work, have lots to do in the house, and mostly, because I don't know these people and don't want to fork out a ton of cash and time to throw a party for people I don't know. The one who pushed the most and mentioned it every time she saw me? I've never invited her over.
She wants to be nosy and be able to judge OP on how "expensive" their furniture and decor are... She wants a chance to snoop through cupboards, closets and drawers to see if OP might be hiding anything "untoward" (i.e sex toys) so then she can make a "proper" judgement about OP
Housewarming parties can be a thing. But you give the new owners time to get settled, maybe change the decor etc. It is on the new owners schedule, not the neighborhoods's schedule. A housewarming, can be held a year or more later depending on renovations etc.
Melinda was pushing this too far.
NTA
The "you have two weeks to do this" made my jaw drop. Obnoxious enough to demand a "grand party" from someone you've just met, but to inform them there's a deadline? OP "has two weeks" or what? What happens then? They *punish* her?
Frankly, I don't see how you can refer to the neighbours as "a big family" (unless you mean an exceptionally dysfunctional one) whilst basically *threatening* a young woman who just moved in, if she doesn't throw you a huge shindig within two weeks. That's more gang/bully behaviour than family.
I think that if you are accepting hospitality from other people, you do need to reciprocate at some point and in some way. OP goes to neighbourhood parties, so I would say she is obligated to host herself eventually, even if she doesn't want to. But that means organizing a gathering when it suits her (probably after she has settled into her new house) and in a way she feels comfortable. This whole "you need to do it within 2 weeks and let everyone see your new house" thing is insane.
I disagree. No one is obligated to throw a party. We would have gone to this party to meet the neighbors, but we don’t throw parties. Ever. My reciprocity would be limited to homemade cookies and candy at Christmas. If I got closer, then I would invite them and 1-2 other couples, no more than 6 guests, to dinner. But only I could tolerate them for an evening.
> I think that if you are accepting hospitality from other people, you do need to reciprocate at some point and in some way.
I agree, but I don't think hosting is the only way to reciprocate. Like, when I'm invited to someone's house, I always bring a gift and contribute food (if it's that kind of shindig). Later, if this person asks for a favor, I'm likely inclined to say "yes".
I’m so tired of ‘hospitality’ being used as a label to shame ppl that aren’t nosey extroverts. Most people who throw parties *enjoy* throwing parties…they’re not doing it solely out of some obligation of hospitality to others 😂 The only ‘obligation’ is to attend bc the host will be offended, in NO way is anyone then obligated to return the forced “hospitality”
Another thing that irks me: You've just moved houses, that is usually not a cheap thing to do, and then they expect you to have a party? Do they just have unlimited money?
I tend to find "mandatory " social events and interactions to be a lot less fun.
In my last office job, our team had a mandatory team lunch on the first Thursday of each month. On the Monday before, there would be some light email bickering over where to go, who had already ate there, etc. The actual lunch would be very forgettable and most people were introverts so it was mainly the team leader and another senior guy chatting.
Anyway, I think Melinda has issues. It's just not clear what they are.
There are neighbors disputing that it's a tradition for new neighbors being forced to host parties.
If she wants a neighborhood party, she is a grown adult and can organize and host it herself.
If she can't afford to pay for the food and beverages for her party, she can ask people to BYO.
If she is an alcoholic and doesn't want to drink alone, she can host her own party.
Maybe Melinda watched too much desperate housewife.
Becouse it sure sounds like it's only her and her mini group (that probably don't want to be on her bad side) that cares about this stuff.
> A person should host a party and open their home because they want to, not because they've been volun-told to do so.
OP wasn't 'volun-told.'
> as she said she was serious and it was a tradition in the neighborhood and that I had 2 weeks to host a party.
She was ordered. Don't sugar-coat it.
I'd be curious to know if you'd use the same sort of gentle framing if it was Matthew who came over and told OP (25f) that she had two weeks to plan a party, then showed up ringing the doorbell.
Absolutely NTA
I’ve never heard of a tradition like this and I think it’s ridiculous they are getting so upset over it
Whilst it’s always great to have a friendly relationship with neighbours there’s no law that says you have to host parties
I’d stay clear of Melinda my gut feeling is she’s a troublemaker
Exactly! Melinda wants to be the first to see how you decorated your home then gossip to all the neighbors that weren't 'invited' to the "tradition" party. She's nosey and hella annoying. You did nothing wrong.
Seriously, imagine demanding that someone who just moved host a giant party. WHAT?? There's a reason that actual neighborly traditions involve ways to make things EASIER on the neighbor who just moved in, like bringing them a casserole or hosting a Welcome Wagon party for them or whatever.
NTA
Trying to force someone to have a party that they're not comfortable having in their own home is rude af!
Ignore her and the other ones trying to pressure you. None of them matter. It's not your job to do as they say and you don't have to impress anyone, least of all them.
I would get security cameras, if I were you, the kind that you control with your phone so you can see who's at your door and around your whole house. Hopefully, you won't have to call the cops on her.
Enjoy your new home!
Nta but this is ridiculous. There are places like this? It's not a sitcom? Cause I bought my house several years ago and still haven't met my neighbors... I recognize every dog and their general neighborhood but I wouldn't recognize them without their dog or outside of their car to door travels. Anyway no, you don't need to do anything like throw a party. But neighborhood bullying isn't supposed to be tolerated either, right? Yall need to stop with the whole outsiders/west side story nonsense going on here. If the neighborhood is like a family then the home is like the bedroom, if you do not have permission to enter, then you should not enter. And locking the door is also allowed in this family scenario. No is an answer.
I know every dog by name, but I wouldn't know my actual neighbors if I saw them on the street lol. But I do have all their phone numbers from their dogs tags when they come meandering up my driveway, just in case (stored in my phone under their dog's name 🤣) my poor husband is like "who tf is River the bird dog?"
You're my people. Haha one house over is a Scottish terrier next to them is a vizla and corgi next to them is a giant mastiff on my other side is a blue heeler terrier mix next to them us a giant block head pit and across the street is a hunting stock black lab. And i have my 3 weirdos on the block as well. I wouldn't recognize the humans without their dogs and none are by name. Pretty sure I'm just known as "that house with Sam and Dean in the window and the big dogs." And maybe the neighbors with the sticker on their car that says tell your dog I said hi.
I have phone numbers for 2 dog park people to be able to set up play dates for bad weather days. They're in my phone as "Eli - Azula's dad" b/c I would 100% not know who they are without the dog's name & I see them like 5 days a week.
It's one thing if you don't have any relations with your neighbours, lots of people don't (I mostly don't). But if you are invited and go to their parties, I would say you should do something to reciprocate at some point. Not invite everyone for a huge party within 2 weeks of moving in and let them see your entire house, of course, but offer some kind of hospitality.
I know some of the neighbors. We have discussed things that would affect the boundaries of our properties. And I get myself introduced to their dogs, so I can do my yardwork. Otherwise, we greet each other and that's about it.
NTA, I would laugh in her face and tell her that in two weeks, I wouldn't even have my furniture arranged, no way I would be hosting a party.
So, they showed up at your house without any sort of invitation or confirmation from you that you were hosting a party? They are TA
It sounds to me like her 'party tradition' is an excuse to get in your house and see what you have so she can come 'borrow' stuff from you, because after all, the neighborhood is a big FAMILY! But I'm a suspicious, cynical sort.
This is a big NO! I have been friendly with my neighbors for over 15 years, I've never been inside their houses, and they have never been in mine. We know phone numbers so we can contact each other if something seems odd in the area, but we don't insist each other host parties.
Only twice in my adult life have I been inside the home of a neighborhood or them inside my home, that I wasn't already friends with. Both times had to do with bad weather, and which house was close enough to get to safely.
I've only had a neighbor in my house once and that was because my grandma fell. She was fine, she fell on her butt, but I wasn't strong enough to lift her back up by myself. So I asked my nextdoor neighbor for help.
But this is a neighborhood that does host parties. She's been in a few of their houses already. So, it's a very different social environment than your neighborhood.
Hosting parties is normal in this neighborhood, so Melinda's behavior is pushy as hell but has some, completely non-suspicious basis.
OP should have made it clear she wasn't prepared to host a party so soon and/or isn't comfortable hosting in her own home when Melinda brought it up the second time. And if she keeps going to parties, then she should figure out some way to reciprocate even if it's just baking the neighbors cookies.
GREAT for the neighborhood
I'm sure OP didn't move there because of this - they moved there because of their budget and liked the house. They are under ZERO compulsion to join a neighborhood "tradition". That isn't how it goes.
NTA. No one gets to demand access to your home or time and resources. The next time they get mean on your porch, trespass them and let the neighbors who aren't part of their clique know that you've rejected her demands again. They'll probably know how to help you piss her off or report her to the HOA etc.
If this was such a tradition, it should have been mentioned when they first met you so you could have declined then. Hell, the neighborhood's traditions should have been mentioned before you moved in. I think I might have chosen another place. NTA.
When I asked a neighbor that lives to the right of me, she told me that shes been here for 3 years and Melinda did the same exact thing to her. She had to rush to get everything ready and even when doing the party she just led everyone to the backyard to relax since her home wasn’t ready.
I would sandbag Melinda at the next party you go to. Bring something nice, be very friendly, then say to the\ neighbors, "Melinda told me how you have to have a 'welcome neighbors party' within the first two week, but Gosh, I'm just so busy from the move and haven't even unpacked!!"
Chances are most of your neighbors will tell you there's no such tradition and to ignore her. I suspect a few of them have some Melinda stories already.
They're bullying you to host a party? isn't that like highschool mean girls' behavior? what if you don't have money or completely hate parties? NTA, it's ridiculous.
NTA this sounds like a plotline from Desperate Housewives or something. Also wondering if Melinda’s garbage cans make that clink-clink “we are full of secret chardonnay bottles” sound when she drags them to the curb.
When we bought our house, the next door neighbor was a "lush". Garbage day was "clink clink". She would leave her garage door open so people could come through into the backyard to drink the night away (through covid). Thing was..it was only one or two that would do this, rest of us would stay away.
She sold about a year after we moved in and then got the story from another neighbor..."pity the person whoever buys that".
Turns out she was a chain smoker, most of the neighbors were worried she'd fall asleep drunk in bed and the house would go up. Not only that..the house STANK. When we moved (got the fuck out of Texas) we gave some furniture to the guy that bought it - over 2 years later and the house still stank of tobacco. The only way to remediate is tear out the drywall and redo
NTA - Melinda is a busybody. Ignore her and hang out with the neighbors you like and feel comfortable with. If Melinda wants to have a party on her own, fine, but it is not your problem.
NTA. This should be something someone decides to do on their own, not an expectation. It’s presumptuous and rude, especially to new homeowners who probably have a lot of move in expenses and aren’t budgeting for a neighborhood party.
NTA.
Story time. My friend bought a house on a street that goes crazy with decorating their houses with Christmas lights each December. She had no idea this was a thing when she bought this house - her realtor mentioned nothing.
She still lives there, and still doesn't participate in the Christmas lights tradition a decade later. I think a small number of neighbours were a bit disappointed the first few years, but they're adults & they got over it. They accept it's her home and she gets to decide what she does there.
No OP.....let me show you the Subtle art of Not Giving a Fuck! by Mark Manson
Lil excerpt from Mark Manson's website:
"*most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. We give a fuck about the rude gas station attendant who gave us too many nickels. We give a fuck when a show we liked was canceled on TV. We give a fuck when our coworkers don’t bother asking us about our awesome weekend. We give a fuck when it’s raining and we were supposed to go jogging in the morning.*
*Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring time. And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe?*
*This is the problem, my friend.*
*Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.*
*Indeed, the ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier*."
The point I'm trying to make is......fuck Melinda and her flying monkeys.
"like a big family"
Fuck right off with that. She's going to be in all your business, asking for favors she won't repay, and just an all around pain in your ass.
NTA
What kind of Stepford Wives neighborhood did you move into? Next thing you know Melinda will tell you to put a fishbowl by the door for everyone to drop house keys into (IYKYK).
She sounds insufferable, to say the least.
Get to know the neighbors, except her, and have a party on your own terms if you like.
NTA
If she approaches you again tell her you aren't a swinger and not interested in any of her parties and the topic is closed for discussion. She won't have a quick comeback for that and you can just say 'goodbye Melinda's in a bored drawn out way and continue what you are doing. She'll probably avoid you after that.
NTA Moving is a lot of work! It’s tiring and stressful and messy…the last thing I’d want to do is have to worry about my home being “company ready” in such a limited timeframe. That’s not a kind tradition to welcome a new neighbor.
...although the idea of OP moving all of their boxes of stuff, as well as their living room and dining room furniture into some rear rooms, closing off those rooms, and holding the "required" party in the undecorated, front couple of unfurnished, undecorated rooms of the house would seem to meet the party "requirements". And +1 if OP has a protective dog in the house during the "party".
Melinda hasn’t outgrown high school yet? Sounds like a mean girl clique & Melinda didn’t get to manipulate the new kid. Good for you💪 now mage knows you won’t be pushed around
Just because some people enjoy throwing themselves a housewarming party, completely unpacking within two weeks, parading strangers through their personal space, and spending a lot of money to feed & impress said strangers, that doesn't mean everyone who moves there is obligated to do so.
You know what's more logical? Melinda and her entitled ilk hosting a "welcome to the neighborhood" party for their new neighbors.
Edit: Forgot to say NTA.
NTA, of course. I'm rather baffled at the concept of a tradition that relies on new people, who don't know about it, being responsible for taking action to perpetuate it.
NTA Don't even start throwing parties simply because one or some of
your neighbors seem to think that it's some sort of tradition.
LOL I do think that you should also avoid going to their parties
now - you don't want them accusing you of being a parasite.
Hold on, this woman has given you a DEADLINE to hold a party, and decided a date for you? WTF?
NTA.
If you hadn't been to neighbours' parties already, I'd say hold your ground - you are definitely not obliged to comply with "neighbourhood traditions".
As you HAVE been to a couple of parties though, it might be good to do something in return? - only what YOU are comfortable with though, if you are taking contributions of food or drink to other people's events then you are already being neighbourly.
Melinda will be talking about "for the greater good" soon, she sounds like a nosy nightmare.
NTA, trying to guilt trip someone who just moved to host a party for a bunch of strangers is so rude. Why doesn't she host one in your honor if she wants to keep the tradition alive?
NTA. I once explained to my coworkers that I couldn't possibly get a cleaning service for my apartment (much less throw a party) as our workplace provided for on out-of-state contracts because I had far too many explosives laying around. You might try that for an excuse if you need one.
NTA Tell them that you've talked to some of your neighbors and it's not actually a tradition it's just something one of them tried to start so they could be nosy while checking out other people's homes and belongings. If they all want to be nosy neighbors they can do it without you.
"Hey, you just moved in! You don't know any of us yet, so that makes it a *perfect* time to let the whole neighbourhood troop through and case the joint!"
Two weeks is enough time to unpack your valuables, but not enough to know who the neighbourhood thieves are. Hard pass. NTA!
NTA It seems like something like that should have been mentioned before you moved in. Surely, the Realtor (or landlord) are aware of something that "big" in the area.
It sounds like an excuse for people to be nosy and gossipy and I wouldn't do it either. But, expect the busy bodies to spread around a lot of nasty rumors since you didn't get bullied in their childish games.
That’s weird AF. Like, if someone just moved in I’d assume they probably don’t have a lot of extra money around to throw big multiple people events.
ETA: NTA
NTA - I want to know why a complete stranger would be angry bc you won't let her into YOUR new home? She seems unhinged and that reaction is very suspicious. Invest in security cameras ASAP. If your neighborhood is a "big family", I'd say she's the toxic cousin.
Personally, I don't ever want to get to know neighbours. I would never even have met Melinda, because I wouldn't have been at the other neighbours party.
NTA
NTA i’m sorry, but you’re not under any obligation to throw a party for people you barely know. It’s your home and you’re free to invite, or not, whoever you want into it whenever you want to do so.
INFO:
Does Melinda know about y or r family tradition know about your family tradition where, whenever you move, your new neighbours buy you takeout every day for a month?
Nta I'm not being forced into letting a bunch of strangers into my home in the name of "tradition." I don't even host parties for friends, it's just not my thing.
I'll get to know the neighbors by waving and making small talk walking by them in the neighborhood.
NTA - what an odd tradition. No one can demand that you to host a party, your neighbour is cuckoo bananas, basically inviting herself and the whole neighbourhood into your home.
I’ve been in my house a full year now and there’s STILL boxes sitting around. Ain’t no way I’d be hosting a party for the neighborhood after two weeks.
It is not normal for people to invite themselves to your home for a party. If you want, you will, but when you want and not on their schedule. Shit, you just moved, which is one of the top stressors in life.
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NTA Look, I love a neighborhood with a good, friendly community. It really helps make the world a better place when people are kind to each other and help out. But some people, like Melinda, take it way too far. A person should host a party and open their home because they want to, not because they've been volun-told to do so.
I think Melinda is just nosey as fuck and wanted to see the inside of the new neighbor's house. Saying the neighborhood is like a family screams *I plan on trampling all over your boundaries*
Did OP buy the house? Because, SURE, pay out lots of money to close on a house, then within 2 weeks spend a bunch more money to host a "grand party" for people you don't know. Plus it's a lot of effort for someone that's just physically moved into a house and has probably spent the last few weeks unpacking, rearranging, etc. No, just no. Tell Melinda to host the party her damn self, OP. Oh, NTA.
Exactly! Melinda should be throwing a "Welcome to the neighborhood" party!
This sounds far more logical, tbh
Who moves and has their new house ready to show off in 2 weeks?!
I moved nearly 2 *months* ago, my house is absolutely not in any condition to be shown off, can't imagine inviting someone over 2 weeks in!
We moved 2 years ago and there are still a couple of boxes of books in my office that I haven’t gotten around to unpacking yet.
We moved in 20 years ago and I still don't want the neighbors in my house! They're all lovely but this is my space. We can chat in the yard.
I am SO with you on that! Plus, I'm more slobby than I like to admit or give evidence of it's truth.
I’ve been in my house for almost 8 years and still have a box that I haven’t unpacked. I don’t even really know what’s in it anymore.
We moved in \*a year ago\* and we are still updating, remodeling, etc. We had a smallllllllllllllllll housewarming party for our dear friends, but I wasn't about to show it off to a bunch of strangers! Right on! :)
No, I meant that Melinda should throw a party to welcome OP to the neighbourhood, not that Op should - no normal person can get their new house ready in 2 weeks, you are totally right!
My sister in law. 2 days after moving in, her house looks like she's been there for years. No lie. Most of the time, she wasn't working when they moved, but still, how late did she stay up putting everything away? It takes me a while to get everything done the way I want.
Volunteer Melinda to be the "welcome wagon" for every new neighbor from here on out
It’s a new tradition, Melinda!
Bringing food to a new neighbor is a welcoming tradition. Demanding that they host a party isn't welcoming, it's hazing. No way Melinda should be invited into the house, ever.
Yea, no way is my house even fully unpacked within two weeks.
We've been in our home for over three years and I've still got a half dozen boxes still with stuff in them. Mind you we hosted extended family for Christmas three DAYS after moving here. We kept expectations low, slept very little for a couple of weeks before and after the move and had all boxes, unopened or otherwise, shoved in the garage so they weren't visible. We still managed to make the place presentable. That is effort I sure as hell wouldn't have agreed to for anyone else.
I think it was 6yrs and 3 houses before I unpacked a box my hubby and I had packed when we moved out of the first house we had together. It was like opening a time capsule and seeing all the things we had forgotten we had 🤣. Melinda needs a refresher course in how to be a good neighbour.
In 1982 I moved to Saudi Arabia from Montreal with my parents and a box came with us, in 1984 we moved back to Montreal and the box came with us, in 1988 we moved to England and the box came with us, in 1991 we moved to Toronto and the box came with us, in 1996 my parents moved back to England but decided to look in the box first. It held my winter coats from when I was a child 🤣
We’re on our 3rd move in 4 years this month (yay rentals!), and I’m pregnant this time. Absolutely zero system in place for our boxes and I assume I’ll find things at some point in time otherwise they shall rot in the garage. 🤣
That has been my system!
We moved into our house in 2005. We finally opened the last box during lockdown. It was definitely like a time capsule and a proper wonder down memory lane
We moved 2 times in 3 years , been in the last house 2 years and still have boxes that haven't seen the light of day .
My house absolutely isn’t. There’s so many boxes that I need to still get rid of, put things away, clean some rooms and more. I sleep on the couch for now with the TV on the floor since it hasn’t been mounted yet.
Exactly. Because you’re normal.
We moved in March and have 3 closets full of boxes we haven't opened yet 🤣
I feel like that’s going to be me haha. I’m expecting about 2 more trucks to come throughout the week and I’m sure going to just put the bigger boxes in the garage and call it a project for another day.
I’ve been in my house 5 months and still haven’t found the legs to my platform bed lol.
We moved into this house, 4 years ago. The garage houses many tubs and crates, that have yet to be opened😂 Gonna be a bit longer before they are unpacked, I’m sure.
I moved in December, with admittedly a lot of stuff jenga-d into a 26 foot truck, plus breakables crammed into an SUV. I wasn't working when I arrived, so steadily worked to unpack, decorate and hang artwork, which took me until April. I finally got everything put away, then had to return to my hometown for the final things I couldn't fit into the truck, filling an SUV and a car topper. I just finished unpacking those things in June. Yes, it took me 6 months of assiduously working on it to unpack. I did have family over for Christmas because I cleared and decorated the kitchen and living room, and they're the kind of people who wouldn't look askance at boxes stacked in corners. But host a party for strangers 2 weeks after I arrived? GTFO.
I have an apartment, not a full house and it took me from March to May to have it all put away properly and I still need to get some new picture frames to finish putting up my art.
As someone currently two weeks into setting up my new house, the idea of throwing a grand party gives me hives. Melinda can fuck off and look for free beer elsewhere.
I'm the type of person where if you tell me to do something I feel is unreasonable there is 2 outcomes for this type of situation. 1. I host the party and invite everyone **but** Melinda and her posse. 2. On the day of said party I never agreed to host I'll sit on my lawn in a camp chair listening to an audio book drinking beer and stare in amazement at the people who turn up. Maybe I can be an asshole but fuck that noise.
I was. But I hate living out of boxes, so unpacking takes precedence over everything but work. And when I moved regularly, I only had furniture and 2 or 3 hatchback loads of stuff. Mostly books.
Right?!
I just found a couple of boxes in the closet from when I moved in 2015.
Yeah, I bought my house 2.5 years ago and I still have some boxes. I’m also still rearranging and decorating it. lol
And im sure Melinda and those other nosey fucks have already been in that house. Unless the previous neighbouor didnt put up with her bullshit either.
But she wants to see how expensive furniture OP has
- "Melinda, you are right, I will just do the party. It's a thematic full nude party, as I'm nudist myself and, as a good neighbour, you surely will respect my tradition". OP can game this up to The Office levels of insanity. Satanic Adoration parties, New Neighbour Orgy, Talk like a Pirate Day Party...
Nah, grilling event and nobody is allowed to go inside
I wish I had the energy, in that situation, to decorate the house like a Hellraiser movie. Or do a Rocky Horror Event. Or both.
A Hellraiser nudist party is a vibe.
>Rocky Horror Event Dress code is Transylvanian. Corsets are also acceptable.
Ah but the snag is, this could backfire spectacularly on OP if Melinda is a nudist!!
Right? I know for certain when there were showings and open houses, Melinda and her troupe of nosy neighbours were for damn sure in that house. We were recently at an inspection and auction of a home where half the attendees (and their children!) were just neighbours making themselves at home just to gawk and watch the auction and bidding process. It was a spectating event for them. They were sitting all over the furniture and put themselves front & centre to the action. It made us not want to buy the house. Friendly neighbours are one thing, but ones who feel entitled to be in your personal space are another matter entirely. We told the estate agent this.
That’s every auction. Some neighbours are just more subtle than others. Realtors love it because there is nothing sadder than an auction with only 2 people attending.
Guaranteed they went to the open homes when the house was on the market.
Maybe that’s why they moved!!!
Also, who in the world is completely moved in to a party-ready state with curtains and artwork hung inside of two weeks?!? Like, if you have a fulltime job, it can take months (years for some people) to get fully unpacked and settled in!
I've lived in my house since 2018 and just started getting all my pictures hung *this year.* We did have to do some plaster repair and painting first, but still.
I’m someone who really needs a calm, pleasant space to live in or it gives me anxiety, so after a move, I unpack and decorate as quickly as possible, but even so, it takes ME a few months at least! Two weeks is absolutely bonkers.
I never understood housewarming parties. I am not going to throw a party for the first 3 months when I am still recovering from the move, unpacking boxes and waiting on furniture to be delivered. I’m definitely not inviting you while I paint and have trades in to renovate. Still not throwing a party until about 3 years after the renovation when I finally stop cringing every time a heathen puts their manky hands on my white walls. So yeah my timeline for a housewarming party is about 4 years after I moved in.
The nearest thing I had to a housewarming party was the day all my immediate family came over (with new-home presents like mugs) and helped me clean and put up the flat-pack furniture I'd bought but hadn't managed to assemble by myself.
Now that does sound like a good housewarming party! Have the whole family assembling IKEA !!
But assembling IKEA is the most fun part right!!!??? Why should I let other people take all the fun? OHH, that's why it's a party, because IKEA is fun and we're sharing. Why are you all looking at me like I'm crazy? Is it because I started getting out Hex and Pozidriv bits in anticipation?
Reddit! We have a live one! I hope that your side hustler is IKEA furniture assembler.
I am thankful that I don't need a side hustle. The most I usually get is dinner for setting up computers/electronics for people.
My immediate thought was "no way my house would be ready for a proper party before year 3 at least." Family has been coming over the entire time, but there's no way I'm inviting my husband's coworkers over when the kitchen countertop is caving in and I haven't installed the flooring transition strip to the bathroom and laundry rooms and there are four different paint samples on the kitchen wall. I need another half a year before we can host a party, sorry love. The rest of the house isn't totally done either, but it's at least acceptable for company. Almost done!
I think my housewarming party (with just family and a few close friends) was over a year after we had moved in. And even then, it still felt rushed.
I agree- when we moved into our house, we had to do a lot of fixing up just to get it to where we would have felt comfortable showing it off. Two weeks after we moved, it was still disorganized to the point that we didn't want our friends to see it, let alone a bunch of strangers we'd never met before.
Omg that's what we did. Moved into our new build house and the housewarming/husband's birthday party was like the day after lollllll. So tired.
I'm in the middle of moving (almost done packing) and ain't no way the new house would be ready to host anyone after just two weeks. I'll be happy if I find a can opener by then. :) Lookie lous (or louises) can get used to the disappointment. See if there are photos on Zillow, cos you're not inviting yourself into my home.
But Melissa is noT tHe NEweSt nEIghBouR!!1!11!
Sounds to me like someone has been watching too much House Hunters on HGTV. They usually show a "meeting the new neighbors" party at the end of the episode.
We moved into our house 1.5yrs ago and it’s just starting to be anything near a level I’d be comfortable having a party in. 2 weeks? It still looked like a bomb went off because hubby and I were still working 12hr nights! That neighbor is insane!
"We're like a family here" is the same manipulative b.s. that employers (and others) use to manipulate someone into doing something voluntary.
It’s interesting that Melinda and the others who came to OP’s house are worried about OP making a “good impression” but don’t seem to have the same concern about themselves & especially Melinda making a good impression on OP. OP is definitely NTA and I love the response of ignoring the doorbell & going about your business. Melinda is a weirdo.
Yep, and the people saying she should just do it know Melinda is unreasonable and don’t want to deal with her meltdowns, so they want OP to appease her. Ugh. I cannot even imagine the gall of this “tradition.” “Welcome to the neighborhood, now you MUST entertain us even though you don’t have any reason to trust us!” NTA.
A normal neighborhood would welcome you, not expect you to welcome them. Melinda wanted to snoop around the house and look for things to gossip about with the rest of the biddies. Perhaps she wanted to determine if OP was a suitable person for her to be friends with,
Exactly my thought. I also think Melinda is that angry because she did not get the chance to snoop
> *I plan on trampling all over your boundaries* I think this is the real deal, here. Melinda and her mean girl backup dancers are trying to see if they can bully OP into falling in line. If OP doesn't show her spine right away, she'll endo up as one more little soldier in the peer pressure army. I hope you don't have an HOA, cause Melinda has perfect (and by perfect, I mean worst possible choice) HOA potential.
I don’t talk to my family , Melinda
Exactly. When I bought my house, which is an old Victorian, several of the neighbors, who I JUST met kept asking when I was having a housewarming party. I knew they were all just nosy to see inside! My answer was "I'm not" - I'm super busy with work, have lots to do in the house, and mostly, because I don't know these people and don't want to fork out a ton of cash and time to throw a party for people I don't know. The one who pushed the most and mentioned it every time she saw me? I've never invited her over.
Zillow usually still has pictures up even after the sale. Melinda can totally be nosey that way.
She wants to be nosy and be able to judge OP on how "expensive" their furniture and decor are... She wants a chance to snoop through cupboards, closets and drawers to see if OP might be hiding anything "untoward" (i.e sex toys) so then she can make a "proper" judgement about OP
Melinda is also probably the idiot at work who persists "we're a family here!!!!"
Should've done it at the open house like a civilized person. Lol.
Throw party. Invite neighbors. Don't invite Melinda. Problem solved ha ha ha.
Thing about families is not everyone likes everyone in their family. Melinda is the family member nobody likes.
She should have looked at the house when it was up for sale. Also, the guy didn’t even have a bed yet.
Housewarming parties can be a thing. But you give the new owners time to get settled, maybe change the decor etc. It is on the new owners schedule, not the neighborhoods's schedule. A housewarming, can be held a year or more later depending on renovations etc. Melinda was pushing this too far. NTA
Also, housewarming is your friends and family, maybe a few neighbors, not the whole neighborhood.
The "you have two weeks to do this" made my jaw drop. Obnoxious enough to demand a "grand party" from someone you've just met, but to inform them there's a deadline? OP "has two weeks" or what? What happens then? They *punish* her? Frankly, I don't see how you can refer to the neighbours as "a big family" (unless you mean an exceptionally dysfunctional one) whilst basically *threatening* a young woman who just moved in, if she doesn't throw you a huge shindig within two weeks. That's more gang/bully behaviour than family.
I think that if you are accepting hospitality from other people, you do need to reciprocate at some point and in some way. OP goes to neighbourhood parties, so I would say she is obligated to host herself eventually, even if she doesn't want to. But that means organizing a gathering when it suits her (probably after she has settled into her new house) and in a way she feels comfortable. This whole "you need to do it within 2 weeks and let everyone see your new house" thing is insane.
I disagree. No one is obligated to throw a party. We would have gone to this party to meet the neighbors, but we don’t throw parties. Ever. My reciprocity would be limited to homemade cookies and candy at Christmas. If I got closer, then I would invite them and 1-2 other couples, no more than 6 guests, to dinner. But only I could tolerate them for an evening.
> I think that if you are accepting hospitality from other people, you do need to reciprocate at some point and in some way. I agree, but I don't think hosting is the only way to reciprocate. Like, when I'm invited to someone's house, I always bring a gift and contribute food (if it's that kind of shindig). Later, if this person asks for a favor, I'm likely inclined to say "yes".
What a weird ass mindset. Are you Melinda?
But OP hasn’t accepted hospitality from anyone. She just moved in.
The post says she attended several parties to get to know her neighboura.
I’m so tired of ‘hospitality’ being used as a label to shame ppl that aren’t nosey extroverts. Most people who throw parties *enjoy* throwing parties…they’re not doing it solely out of some obligation of hospitality to others 😂 The only ‘obligation’ is to attend bc the host will be offended, in NO way is anyone then obligated to return the forced “hospitality”
What is this? Desperate housewives?
Now I know where they got inspiration from.
The Age of Innocence! What a weirdly regressive mindset some of these people have...
Another thing that irks me: You've just moved houses, that is usually not a cheap thing to do, and then they expect you to have a party? Do they just have unlimited money?
I tend to find "mandatory " social events and interactions to be a lot less fun. In my last office job, our team had a mandatory team lunch on the first Thursday of each month. On the Monday before, there would be some light email bickering over where to go, who had already ate there, etc. The actual lunch would be very forgettable and most people were introverts so it was mainly the team leader and another senior guy chatting. Anyway, I think Melinda has issues. It's just not clear what they are. There are neighbors disputing that it's a tradition for new neighbors being forced to host parties. If she wants a neighborhood party, she is a grown adult and can organize and host it herself. If she can't afford to pay for the food and beverages for her party, she can ask people to BYO. If she is an alcoholic and doesn't want to drink alone, she can host her own party.
You just know that Melinda would be president of the HOA if they had one in their neighborhood.
Maybe Melinda watched too much desperate housewife. Becouse it sure sounds like it's only her and her mini group (that probably don't want to be on her bad side) that cares about this stuff.
I'm afraid you just moved into a Stephen King novel. Yikes.
> A person should host a party and open their home because they want to, not because they've been volun-told to do so. OP wasn't 'volun-told.' > as she said she was serious and it was a tradition in the neighborhood and that I had 2 weeks to host a party. She was ordered. Don't sugar-coat it. I'd be curious to know if you'd use the same sort of gentle framing if it was Matthew who came over and told OP (25f) that she had two weeks to plan a party, then showed up ringing the doorbell.
Absolutely NTA I’ve never heard of a tradition like this and I think it’s ridiculous they are getting so upset over it Whilst it’s always great to have a friendly relationship with neighbours there’s no law that says you have to host parties I’d stay clear of Melinda my gut feeling is she’s a troublemaker
Exactly! Melinda wants to be the first to see how you decorated your home then gossip to all the neighbors that weren't 'invited' to the "tradition" party. She's nosey and hella annoying. You did nothing wrong.
Seriously, imagine demanding that someone who just moved host a giant party. WHAT?? There's a reason that actual neighborly traditions involve ways to make things EASIER on the neighbor who just moved in, like bringing them a casserole or hosting a Welcome Wagon party for them or whatever.
NTA Trying to force someone to have a party that they're not comfortable having in their own home is rude af! Ignore her and the other ones trying to pressure you. None of them matter. It's not your job to do as they say and you don't have to impress anyone, least of all them. I would get security cameras, if I were you, the kind that you control with your phone so you can see who's at your door and around your whole house. Hopefully, you won't have to call the cops on her. Enjoy your new home!
NTA - Melinda needs to stop partying, it’s interfering with her touch on reality.
Nta but this is ridiculous. There are places like this? It's not a sitcom? Cause I bought my house several years ago and still haven't met my neighbors... I recognize every dog and their general neighborhood but I wouldn't recognize them without their dog or outside of their car to door travels. Anyway no, you don't need to do anything like throw a party. But neighborhood bullying isn't supposed to be tolerated either, right? Yall need to stop with the whole outsiders/west side story nonsense going on here. If the neighborhood is like a family then the home is like the bedroom, if you do not have permission to enter, then you should not enter. And locking the door is also allowed in this family scenario. No is an answer.
Lol, I'm with you on the neighborhood dogs part.
I know every dog by name, but I wouldn't know my actual neighbors if I saw them on the street lol. But I do have all their phone numbers from their dogs tags when they come meandering up my driveway, just in case (stored in my phone under their dog's name 🤣) my poor husband is like "who tf is River the bird dog?"
You're my people. Haha one house over is a Scottish terrier next to them is a vizla and corgi next to them is a giant mastiff on my other side is a blue heeler terrier mix next to them us a giant block head pit and across the street is a hunting stock black lab. And i have my 3 weirdos on the block as well. I wouldn't recognize the humans without their dogs and none are by name. Pretty sure I'm just known as "that house with Sam and Dean in the window and the big dogs." And maybe the neighbors with the sticker on their car that says tell your dog I said hi.
I have phone numbers for 2 dog park people to be able to set up play dates for bad weather days. They're in my phone as "Eli - Azula's dad" b/c I would 100% not know who they are without the dog's name & I see them like 5 days a week.
This is how I save the parents in my toddler's play group, "Jane Doe - Jack's mom"
It's one thing if you don't have any relations with your neighbours, lots of people don't (I mostly don't). But if you are invited and go to their parties, I would say you should do something to reciprocate at some point. Not invite everyone for a huge party within 2 weeks of moving in and let them see your entire house, of course, but offer some kind of hospitality.
Cookout in the front yard. Everyone can go to their own houses to use the bathroom.
Disagree. Nothing is owed. Just cause they do doesn't mean all must. Or are they a cult?
I know some of the neighbors. We have discussed things that would affect the boundaries of our properties. And I get myself introduced to their dogs, so I can do my yardwork. Otherwise, we greet each other and that's about it.
NTA, I would laugh in her face and tell her that in two weeks, I wouldn't even have my furniture arranged, no way I would be hosting a party. So, they showed up at your house without any sort of invitation or confirmation from you that you were hosting a party? They are TA It sounds to me like her 'party tradition' is an excuse to get in your house and see what you have so she can come 'borrow' stuff from you, because after all, the neighborhood is a big FAMILY! But I'm a suspicious, cynical sort. This is a big NO! I have been friendly with my neighbors for over 15 years, I've never been inside their houses, and they have never been in mine. We know phone numbers so we can contact each other if something seems odd in the area, but we don't insist each other host parties.
Only twice in my adult life have I been inside the home of a neighborhood or them inside my home, that I wasn't already friends with. Both times had to do with bad weather, and which house was close enough to get to safely.
I've only had a neighbor in my house once and that was because my grandma fell. She was fine, she fell on her butt, but I wasn't strong enough to lift her back up by myself. So I asked my nextdoor neighbor for help.
But this is a neighborhood that does host parties. She's been in a few of their houses already. So, it's a very different social environment than your neighborhood. Hosting parties is normal in this neighborhood, so Melinda's behavior is pushy as hell but has some, completely non-suspicious basis. OP should have made it clear she wasn't prepared to host a party so soon and/or isn't comfortable hosting in her own home when Melinda brought it up the second time. And if she keeps going to parties, then she should figure out some way to reciprocate even if it's just baking the neighbors cookies.
GREAT for the neighborhood I'm sure OP didn't move there because of this - they moved there because of their budget and liked the house. They are under ZERO compulsion to join a neighborhood "tradition". That isn't how it goes.
NTA. No one gets to demand access to your home or time and resources. The next time they get mean on your porch, trespass them and let the neighbors who aren't part of their clique know that you've rejected her demands again. They'll probably know how to help you piss her off or report her to the HOA etc.
The odds are pretty high someone like Melinda is on the hoa board.
If so, keep a log regarding any interactions with her or her minions.
If this was such a tradition, it should have been mentioned when they first met you so you could have declined then. Hell, the neighborhood's traditions should have been mentioned before you moved in. I think I might have chosen another place. NTA.
When I asked a neighbor that lives to the right of me, she told me that shes been here for 3 years and Melinda did the same exact thing to her. She had to rush to get everything ready and even when doing the party she just led everyone to the backyard to relax since her home wasn’t ready.
And she, like you, was capable of saying “I won’t be able to host at that time”.
Why are you being downvoted? Unless the neigbor is a vegetable, you just stated a fact.
I would sandbag Melinda at the next party you go to. Bring something nice, be very friendly, then say to the\ neighbors, "Melinda told me how you have to have a 'welcome neighbors party' within the first two week, but Gosh, I'm just so busy from the move and haven't even unpacked!!" Chances are most of your neighbors will tell you there's no such tradition and to ignore her. I suspect a few of them have some Melinda stories already.
100% she’s the neighborhood gossip and just wants in your house to snoop and judge.
I had that feeling too. But there’s really nothing to show for my house at the moment. I still have moving trucks coming in with boxes.
They're bullying you to host a party? isn't that like highschool mean girls' behavior? what if you don't have money or completely hate parties? NTA, it's ridiculous.
It doesn't matter how you feel about parties, you've got zero obligation to do this. As the old saying goes, "No is a complete sentence".
My neighborhood has several " traditions" but NO ONE is indebted to participate. Melinda sounds KooKoo for CocoPuffs. NTA OP.
NTA It sounds like a Melinda thing more than a neighborhood tradition.
NTA this sounds like a plotline from Desperate Housewives or something. Also wondering if Melinda’s garbage cans make that clink-clink “we are full of secret chardonnay bottles” sound when she drags them to the curb.
When we bought our house, the next door neighbor was a "lush". Garbage day was "clink clink". She would leave her garage door open so people could come through into the backyard to drink the night away (through covid). Thing was..it was only one or two that would do this, rest of us would stay away. She sold about a year after we moved in and then got the story from another neighbor..."pity the person whoever buys that". Turns out she was a chain smoker, most of the neighbors were worried she'd fall asleep drunk in bed and the house would go up. Not only that..the house STANK. When we moved (got the fuck out of Texas) we gave some furniture to the guy that bought it - over 2 years later and the house still stank of tobacco. The only way to remediate is tear out the drywall and redo
Ahhh I can smell the house from here
same here and that was 2 years back!
NTA - Melinda is a busybody. Ignore her and hang out with the neighbors you like and feel comfortable with. If Melinda wants to have a party on her own, fine, but it is not your problem.
NTA. This should be something someone decides to do on their own, not an expectation. It’s presumptuous and rude, especially to new homeowners who probably have a lot of move in expenses and aren’t budgeting for a neighborhood party.
NTA-Tradition doesn’t mean requirement. Those who are treating like it does are in fact, assholes.
NTA. Story time. My friend bought a house on a street that goes crazy with decorating their houses with Christmas lights each December. She had no idea this was a thing when she bought this house - her realtor mentioned nothing. She still lives there, and still doesn't participate in the Christmas lights tradition a decade later. I think a small number of neighbours were a bit disappointed the first few years, but they're adults & they got over it. They accept it's her home and she gets to decide what she does there.
If Melinda is like this now I am terrified for the upcoming months.
No OP.....let me show you the Subtle art of Not Giving a Fuck! by Mark Manson Lil excerpt from Mark Manson's website: "*most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. We give a fuck about the rude gas station attendant who gave us too many nickels. We give a fuck when a show we liked was canceled on TV. We give a fuck when our coworkers don’t bother asking us about our awesome weekend. We give a fuck when it’s raining and we were supposed to go jogging in the morning.* *Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring time. And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe?* *This is the problem, my friend.* *Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.* *Indeed, the ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier*." The point I'm trying to make is......fuck Melinda and her flying monkeys.
Melinda is going to ask you when your holiday decorations are going up..
Where do you live? Stepford, Connecticut??? NTA!
Or Suburgatory. I swear this was an episode.
That was such a good show. It did such a good job at capturing aspects like this.
"like a big family" Fuck right off with that. She's going to be in all your business, asking for favors she won't repay, and just an all around pain in your ass. NTA
Family doesn’t include my neighbors, I can tell you that, even if they’re nice people. Such a bizarre thing to say.
What kind of Stepford Wives neighborhood did you move into? Next thing you know Melinda will tell you to put a fishbowl by the door for everyone to drop house keys into (IYKYK). She sounds insufferable, to say the least. Get to know the neighbors, except her, and have a party on your own terms if you like. NTA
If she approaches you again tell her you aren't a swinger and not interested in any of her parties and the topic is closed for discussion. She won't have a quick comeback for that and you can just say 'goodbye Melinda's in a bored drawn out way and continue what you are doing. She'll probably avoid you after that.
No one has the right to invade your personal space and demand you feed the entire neighborhood. NTA.
NTA - that's really creepy.
NTA Moving is a lot of work! It’s tiring and stressful and messy…the last thing I’d want to do is have to worry about my home being “company ready” in such a limited timeframe. That’s not a kind tradition to welcome a new neighbor.
...although the idea of OP moving all of their boxes of stuff, as well as their living room and dining room furniture into some rear rooms, closing off those rooms, and holding the "required" party in the undecorated, front couple of unfurnished, undecorated rooms of the house would seem to meet the party "requirements". And +1 if OP has a protective dog in the house during the "party".
Melinda hasn’t outgrown high school yet? Sounds like a mean girl clique & Melinda didn’t get to manipulate the new kid. Good for you💪 now mage knows you won’t be pushed around
NTA. It's like a family and Melinda is the cousin everyone tries to avoid at reunions. Most people aren't even unpacked after two weeks.
Lol what is this, a new game of The Sims? I'm trying to figure out what goes where, screw off with your welcome wagon fruitcake...
Just because some people enjoy throwing themselves a housewarming party, completely unpacking within two weeks, parading strangers through their personal space, and spending a lot of money to feed & impress said strangers, that doesn't mean everyone who moves there is obligated to do so. You know what's more logical? Melinda and her entitled ilk hosting a "welcome to the neighborhood" party for their new neighbors. Edit: Forgot to say NTA.
NTA, of course. I'm rather baffled at the concept of a tradition that relies on new people, who don't know about it, being responsible for taking action to perpetuate it.
NTA Don't even start throwing parties simply because one or some of your neighbors seem to think that it's some sort of tradition. LOL I do think that you should also avoid going to their parties now - you don't want them accusing you of being a parasite.
um... no thank you. Melinda can host her own party. NTA
Hold on, this woman has given you a DEADLINE to hold a party, and decided a date for you? WTF? NTA. If you hadn't been to neighbours' parties already, I'd say hold your ground - you are definitely not obliged to comply with "neighbourhood traditions". As you HAVE been to a couple of parties though, it might be good to do something in return? - only what YOU are comfortable with though, if you are taking contributions of food or drink to other people's events then you are already being neighbourly. Melinda will be talking about "for the greater good" soon, she sounds like a nosy nightmare.
NTA. Hosting parties isn't an obligation. It's not like there's a covenant that runs with the land to do so
NTA, trying to guilt trip someone who just moved to host a party for a bunch of strangers is so rude. Why doesn't she host one in your honor if she wants to keep the tradition alive?
That Melinda is insane lol Either an alcoholic and needs ya to fuckin throw a banger Wants yo scope the ins of your house Or just a weirdo
Fuck that. They showed up without being invited expecting you to throw them a party???? lol tell that lady to fuck off.
You were expected to throw a big party just two weeks after moving?! NTA.
NTA.
NTA - Melinda is a psycho.
Wow. The nerve of that woman, thinking that she’s entitled to a party in your house! Definitely NTA.
If the neighborhood is one big family, then I guess Melinda is the evil stepmom. NTA. What a nosy heifer.
NTA. I once explained to my coworkers that I couldn't possibly get a cleaning service for my apartment (much less throw a party) as our workplace provided for on out-of-state contracts because I had far too many explosives laying around. You might try that for an excuse if you need one.
NTA Tell them that you've talked to some of your neighbors and it's not actually a tradition it's just something one of them tried to start so they could be nosy while checking out other people's homes and belongings. If they all want to be nosy neighbors they can do it without you.
She doesn’t owe her any explanations! Why engage with her?
NTA. You don't owe anyone shit. Melinda sounds nosy, self entitled and controlling.
NTA no HOA enforced friendships
"Hey, you just moved in! You don't know any of us yet, so that makes it a *perfect* time to let the whole neighbourhood troop through and case the joint!" Two weeks is enough time to unpack your valuables, but not enough to know who the neighbourhood thieves are. Hard pass. NTA!
I'd have an open house for MY friends and family. BYOB and potluck. I would provide a guest list to the hired armed security guard. MAKE IT LOUD
NTA It seems like something like that should have been mentioned before you moved in. Surely, the Realtor (or landlord) are aware of something that "big" in the area. It sounds like an excuse for people to be nosy and gossipy and I wouldn't do it either. But, expect the busy bodies to spread around a lot of nasty rumors since you didn't get bullied in their childish games.
That’s weird AF. Like, if someone just moved in I’d assume they probably don’t have a lot of extra money around to throw big multiple people events. ETA: NTA
Melinda sounds like an annoying neighbor.
NTA Melinda is!
NTA - I want to know why a complete stranger would be angry bc you won't let her into YOUR new home? She seems unhinged and that reaction is very suspicious. Invest in security cameras ASAP. If your neighborhood is a "big family", I'd say she's the toxic cousin.
Personally, I don't ever want to get to know neighbours. I would never even have met Melinda, because I wouldn't have been at the other neighbours party. NTA
NTA i’m sorry, but you’re not under any obligation to throw a party for people you barely know. It’s your home and you’re free to invite, or not, whoever you want into it whenever you want to do so.
INFO: Does Melinda know about y or r family tradition know about your family tradition where, whenever you move, your new neighbours buy you takeout every day for a month?
Yep. The neighbourhood is a big family, and I'm gonna shove it down your throat.
NTA Melinda got angry, saying that the neighborhood is like a "big family" yeah and she is the relative nobody wants to deal with
Tell Melinda to duck off and start a new tradition.
Nta I'm not being forced into letting a bunch of strangers into my home in the name of "tradition." I don't even host parties for friends, it's just not my thing. I'll get to know the neighbors by waving and making small talk walking by them in the neighborhood.
NTA - what an odd tradition. No one can demand that you to host a party, your neighbour is cuckoo bananas, basically inviting herself and the whole neighbourhood into your home.
I’ve been in my house a full year now and there’s STILL boxes sitting around. Ain’t no way I’d be hosting a party for the neighborhood after two weeks.
Oh lordy. I can’t stand this incessant involvement in each others lives. It’s too much. NTA
It is not normal for people to invite themselves to your home for a party. If you want, you will, but when you want and not on their schedule. Shit, you just moved, which is one of the top stressors in life.
NTA, Melinda thinks she's part of the Sims 4 welcome wagon apparently