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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Should I have kept my mouth shut to keep the peace? They asked their friends to leave today based on last night.
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My understanding is that the friend thought his wife talked to us after the first night. She did not, but my husband also didn't step up and say anything when he Knew how much it bothered me
NTA
The friends and your husband are assholes. Your husband needed to have your back, but he needed to stand up for his own vacation and his own money spent out of pocket too!
He needed to set a boundary and keep your room..."your room" not shared with other people.
As for his friends and their friends of friends and emergencies...it honestly sounds like excuses, like his friend sublet the rental to others and made money off giving up his room.
As you say, you spent thousands. So presumably so did the friends. And they were just willing to give away generously their own vacation space they paid for, but also, YOUR vacation space YOU paid for. That's far too overly generous with someone else's money, time and space.
If they live locally why did they even stay? Why didn't they offer their own empty home at that time to their friends?
Finally, after all the BS excuses(coz that's what it sounds like) they have just fundamental communication issues. They aren't worth the stress of going on vacation with again.
And if the intruders were friends of OPs friend, I don’t understand why they got their own room…why didn’t they have to share with the other family instead of OP? They didn’t pay for a room at all.
You just summed up the entire issue for me. I wouldn’t have even been mad about the friends needing a place to stay if they all stayed in the room of the people who invited them (wouldn’t even make a fuss about splitting the cost) — it would only have become a problem when *my* space that I paid for was violated. OP and/or her husband should have said something - and should get a portion of their costs reimbursed for the imposition they endured due to the uninvited guests. Totally NTA.
>As for his friends and their friends of friends and emergencies...it honestly sounds like excuses, like his friend sublet the rental to others and made money off giving up his room.
Yep!
I don't blame you for being mad. You paid for a vacation with certain expectations. It's hard to stand your ground when your husband doesn't have your back. I would definitely clock this and not plan any more vacations with his friends.
I'd just go home. Chalk it up to sometimes life shits on our plans, and then never go on vacation with others again. Of course, I am the type of person that would have addressed this the second I found out because, "no, I am not sharing my vacation house with people that did not pay... especially people that are strangers to me. No way. No how.
NTA. How is it a vacation if you have to just get through it? Sorry your husband has no spine and let's people walk all over him and by extension walk all over you. You are never the AH for standing up for yourself. Why should you have to pay for others? There's something wrong with their rental? So what? How is that your problem or concern?
And why is OP now sharing a room with the friends while the vacation-crasher has their own room? Shouldn't they be crashing with the original friends in the OF's room and leave OP, who doesn't know these new people, alone? Especially as OP and family have PAID and the crashers have not.
I went through this last year, where my husband invited his entire famdamnily along. It was awful. My kids were bullied by the cousins for being disabled, there was screaming and tantrums from the 16 yo cousin, it just sucked. I wasn't happy they came along in the first place, and then when they came it was worse than I feared.
I went back to work completely stressed out, and I hated every minute of that "vacation". I should have cut my losses and flown home, and so should you.
NTA at all. First of all, I'd be pissed if I paid my way and there were others staying for free. If your friends want to cover the cost of their friends, great. But you should not be expected to front that money.
Also, why are your friends sleeping in YOUR room?? That's totally unacceptable, especially if your child is already sleeping in there.
My children were given the room with multiple bunk beds so our friends stayed in our room since we had extra beds. They gave their friend their daughters room with two beds. They also have the master bedroom but the wife and daughter chose to stay in our room instead of the king bed with the husband in the master. I know, I should have said something night one.
This just sounds like a plan to get you guys to help pay for a holiday for the other friends. They were the people who actually wanted to holiday together, you were only invited to front the cash.
At the very least, get back the room YOU PAID FOR.
I think it is time for a group conversation.You are all adults so your husbands comments about keeping your mouth closed and bearing with it is bullshit.
Sit folks down and say hey I have some issues I would like to talk through for this vacation.
* I was under the impression this vacation was for our two families to hang out. Instead we are hosting a bunch of friends
* There has been zero communication ahead of time about any of this and putting it on us at the last minute puts us in a hard situation where we are assholes if we say no
* Your other friends are staying here free, we paid for half of this and are sharing a room with you that should be our own.
Honestly at this point I would be asking them to refund you your half so you can get a hotel and enjoy the rest of your vacation. If your husband sides with them, say great enjoy your vacation together I am going to find myself my own place and enjoy my time.
It is your vacation and you are not enjoying it and you are paying for other people to have a good time. Stand up for yourself and don’t let yourself be pressured or walked on.
>You are all adults so your husbands comments about keeping your mouth closed and bearing with it is bullshit.
The best part of a vacation is gritting my teeth and suffering through it until I can go home again.
NTA. The entire dynamic was changed unilaterally. One that makes a material difference in deciding whether to even go on the vacation. Of course, you two didn't get any opportunity to bring someone and the other couple would complain if you did. Of course their people are staying for free.
Your husband is a wimp. Consider staying at lodging nearby for privacy.
Why do you have to share our bedroom? You paid for it. If they want their friends there then they double up with them, not you. Only the freeloaders get privacy?
And why is your husband scared of his friend?
The whole payment scheme should be recalculated. However the rental fee was divided needs to be rejiggered to account for the loss of usage. Total rental divided in half between bedrooms and common areas. Then divided again based on who got useage of what rooms. Then split the common area usage by total visitors and figure out those shares. Then add that up. Then write out how much everyone now owe's OP for the shares they overpaid for.
Then learn your lesson and never vacation with these people again.
NTA In their eyes, you contributed to your friend's vacation. It wasn't *your* vacation *at all*. You were guests (for a fee), and they were the hosts.
If there's any time left on the vacation and your husband is enjoying himself, let him stay in the vacation rental and get a hotel room for you and the kids. Don't make a scene or anything. It seems as if he's mostly ignoring you in favor of your friend, so he probably wouldn't notice if you slipped out and made the whole house conflict-free for the friend group. It's a 13-hour drive, so you could probably even stretch your stay another day by getting plane tickets to fly back. Will it be expensive? Yes. Will you save at least a sliver of your vacation? Maybe.
Send a text that you don't want to be a Debby Downwer in the party house, so you're going to excuse yourself and go elsewhere. And don't answer any calls or texts from your husband. A face to face conversation can be had when you return about respect and safety on vacations.
ETA: You *do* realize that "friend "was charging everyone who stayed in the vrbo. It wasn't generosity at play.you all were being taken advantage of. What happened was, you paid for half of a vrbo, and *he* made a hefty profit!
Why was one husband sleeping ALONE in a king bed and his wife and child sleeping in YOUR room?! That doesn’t make sense, and I would have asked them what the eff they were doing the moment they suggested it. NTA for speaking up (eventually). YTA, for letting yourself be a doormat in the first place.
You didn't handle it poorly, he did. He needs to prioritize you. In the short term it causes conflict, but in the long term you feel so much better because everyone is on the same page.
Unfortunately you married someone that wants to stay small.
If this friend is from high school, I bet he was higher in the social pecking order, and your husband still subconsciously wants to defer to him, and maybe seeks his approval.
Nta your family paid money to have a room to yourselves not share. The husband definitely should have backed you up on that part of the situation. As for the friends friends showing up and being there you might as well definitely try to make the best of it the money is spent and it's a valuable lesson in not doing this again. If you try to get the other people to leave that will make you the asshole unfortunately so defending the privacy you spent time and money on is the only real way to not be the asshole.
NTA. For them to invite a random bunch of their own friends to take advantage of you space wise and financially is some next level BS. If they wanted to share the space, they should have shared a room with however many friends they wanted to let in. It shouldn't have been you left sharing a space so people could have their own room for free.
And you are justified in being upset with your husband as well. I'm questioning what the friend meant when he said he thought it was discussed? Did he discuss it previously with your husband? Either way, there were 2 couples paying for the accommodations and no one else should have been invited without a real conversation, and they should have expected to pay for their stay.
NTA.That sounds like total chaos, and I'd be so pissed!
It kinda sounds like the friend ran it by your husband and your husband didn't share the info (or choice) with you. Especially the way he tried to keep you from speaking up. Then to not support you at all!
Sorry, op. You have every right to be pissed and go home to at least get some privacy and relaxation for the rest of your time off. 😠
NTA
This is awful behaviour. It was a joint rental. Your holiday was impacted upon by other people who were not your guests and not discussed with you. When you paid.
Don't holiday with these people again.
Oh and your husband is an asshole for being more concerned about his friend who was behaving badly than his wife.
Yeah keep your mouth shut. Don't embarrass a man ever! You need to suffer, your voice doesn't matter . Your kids will be allowed to belittle you. Your feelings don't matter. Saving face is way more important than you. That's the message I'm getting .
NTA. Aw hell no. I always get my family our own airbnb or hotel, and we have our itinerary planned, if friends want to tag along to our plans then cool, but I'm not sharing spaces or changing my plans for friends, it never ever works out that way.
Don't leave ask them to leave. They live close you don't. Tell them they've exhausted their half of what they paid by bringing other unaccounted, unpaid guest. And you won't be paying for them therefore they need to leave so you can enjoy what you paid for. NTA.
NTA - that's absolute BS. Why even let anyone sleep in a room you paid for. That should have been stopped immediately. Your husband needs to grow a set. You're all guests in the rental and guests do not get to invite other guests. For free no less.
Definitely NTA.
My brother tried to do this to me and the rest of my family. I could write an entire post about it but the TLDR is my 83 year old mother agrees to pay for a vacation rental for her children and their immediate family but my brother thinks it's okay to invite four extra people on her dime and expect the rest of us to make space for them... and for my mother to pay for the whole thing including buying food and cooking. So that was a hard no from me. Can't ask my wife and son to sleep on a couch so my brother's friends can enjoy a nice free vacation.
So my only suggestion is to just get in your car and go home, with or without your husband. The vacation is already ruined. OR go get a hotel room and leave your husband there.
The friends are assholes but your husband is too for prioritizing them over his family.
If all of you are supposedly close enough the wife feels comfortable crashing in your kids' room instead of hers, you are close enough to tell them to knock it off.
Everything else can be a difference between being more or less social. Them giving away one of their rooms and taking over one of yours is simply rude. They can all sleep in their main bedroom.
The husband didn't interject to say the other friends will be gone tomorrow. Are you sure they will be? NTA
NTA. Not at all. Especially since all these extra guests are riding for free on your share of the rent and the space. The "friends" you are "sharing" with should pick up a larger share of the cost.
NTA you paid for your portion of the rental to stay with specific people, and they invited others and doubled up on your room without asking, and you think you're TA? No way. They all took advantage of you guys, and your husband was willing to let that happen.
You need to stand up for yourself.
“If they are staying with us why are we still paying half? I’m not comfortable getting less space than I paid for”
“They can stay but our sleeping arrangements are not changing without changing the division of costs.”
“I will not be taken advantage of. Don’t ever tell me to shut up again. You need to do better.”
“This is my vacation too. It’s not fair that I am expected to accommodate everyone to make you comfortable.”
“This situation is untenable and not what I signed up for. I’m taking kid and going home. Feel free to stay and find your own way home.”
Why aren’t the strangers sharing a room with your friends instead of taking your room?? Seems strange they would take your space instead of bunking with the folks that offered up the rental. I would have said no the first night and kicked them out the next.
NTA
But why the hell were the freeloaders given a full room while *you* had to share? These were the friends' guests, not yours. If allowed at all, they should have been doubled up with *them.* And this is after a rotating string of other guests who hadn't been agreed upon? WTF? And your husband's just...totally on board with this?
Are you *certain* the other people, who were given their own room, were actually staying for free and you're not being lied to? Because that's the sanest possible explanation here (and it'd *still* be pretty wild).
NTA. That is why I stopped making plans with friends. They flaked out or made a good time a big mess, especially the men. They thought nothing of walking all over us. They aren't friends anymore.
Their Friends left. According to my husband, our friends asked them to leave as damage control but honestly damage is done. It's awkward and I somehow feel like the bad guy
I'm sorry, OP. The person setting boundaries is often the person left feeling like the bad guy. The vacation may not be total salvageable but stay polite and positive. Maybe the last night say, hey, can we hash out the elephant in the room under the guise of wanting to avoid this in the future. I don't know what to say about your husband though. He should have your back.
Don't feel bad. They changed the dynamics of the vacation repeatedly without caring about your input. I've had to spell it out to people acting like this before, "I paid for half of this room so my wife and I would only be sharing with two other people. You can't tell a bunch of people they can crash her for the weekend for free, because it's not just your space. Get your own room if you want to do that."
It's gotten easier the older I get to set and maintain boundaries because I hate being taken advantage of. I can understand exceptions for emergencies, but this didn't sound like an emergency.
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NTA. I've been in this position, someone inviting a couple people to stay in our hotel room during a sci fi convention without running it by anyone else (or asking them to contribute to the room cost). Booting someone from the room is awkward, but you have to enforce boundaries for them to mean anything. You also know that these friends have no problem inconveniencing you without discussing the matter. It's infuriating that you have to actually tell someone that you didn't pay for accommodations just to have random people invited without your approval.
Back in the 90s my wife and I would attend sci-fi conventions with a group of friends that did the same LARP. Got a room with two queens and was sharing it with two guys we'd known for awhile.
One of them would get drunk and be a dumbass. He told one gal she could crash in our room without consulting anyone else, my wife set that straight when the gal said something about it.
Another guy whom the dumbass worked with was hanging out in our room a lot, to the point of trying to hook a game station up to the tv. We didn't like how comfortable he was getting in our room and told dumbass to take care of it. I went back to the room later and saw that this guy had changed into pajamas and was sleeping in one of the beds. Dumbass roommate hadn't sorted it out as requested. I got to wake the guy and tell him to leave. It was uncomfortable but he went without a fuss. Of course he made a comment about how he was going to give us some money for the room but no one believes it.
Going forward we didn't share rooms with him for reasons like this, mostly related to his drinking. It also taught me in situations like this to shut it down fast because it will keep getting worse since nothing is stopping it.
Wow. That is some serious dumbassery. I would have been like WTF? You're right. It has to be nipped in the bud. In this case, the wife had to be the one to step up and then be 'the bad guy'.
WOW - NTA. I would have been beyond pissed. Your husband and his friends were the AH - it is one thing to allow friends to stay over, but for them to just "take" over your rental and assume that everything is fine is an AH move. At the VERY minimum they should have crashed on a couch or did their best to minimize their impact. It sounds like that did not occur - and while your husband may have just been trying to avoid confrontation - he should have totally listened to your concerns and addressed them on the spot(in private) to alleviate putting you in a bad position.
One of our rooms has multiple bunk beds and we had several empty beds. Our friend's daughters room had only two twin beds and they gave it up for their friends and crashed in our empty beds
I can't even imagine intruding on people like that. Especially strangers! Like, obviously, you're going to want privacy in your own bedroom with your family. The mom must have been assured by someone that it was not a problem at all, but why wouldn't she ask you directly since it is your family who is impacted by their presence? I wouldn't even put someone on the spot by asking! Wild!
Now you know never to vacation with these people again.
They considered the rental to be theirs and you were simply
guests they had invited.
Your husband needs to grow a spine and not let people
ride roughshod over him/you.
NTA No multi-family/couple vacations from now on, so much less hassle.
I would have been upset also and told the friend that you paid for X rooms and you are not sharing and that you also want money back die to the extra people. They can contribute to the cost.
No need to handle it better when your space was invaded. Your husband need to have a backbone and learn to tell you all the details.
NTA. You're paying for a private room for you and your family, they had no right to take over that privacy. If they wanted to share, then they should have shared with the "extras", or slept on the couch.
Your husband on the other hand... Boy he needs to grow a spine!
NTA. You are still owed for two nights that were not the accommodations you paid for. Whether the extra friend reimburses you or the other couple, it needs to happen. This was not the vacation that was paid for.
>The husband apologized and said that he thought this was discussed and agreed upon
Seems like he either discussed this with your husband behind your back OR he's lying
NTA because the absolute cheek of it! You're paying for their friends? Nope
NTA , going forward now you know you will not be vacationing with said friends for a long period of time and if you do you dedicate room space when planning and it is not agreed with between all parties you just don’t go together. Think of it as a learning experience
I'd have said how relieved you were that their friends would be sharing the cost of the rental, and being able to just split one room with the people you were sharing a room with instead of having to pay for the room their friends used will help you so much after you stretched your budget to join the vacation, and it's such a relief to be sharing with everyone else who has stayed without you agreeing.
You're not the bad one here.
You and your family need to have a vacation of your own and not with friends.
Life has a strange way of presenting obstacles, and you had it all thrown at you.
This was a terrible situation. I never share space, its hell. I only share w very close fam or friends. I would not let my hub bs me and let everyone have it. You overpaid and were taken advantage of. Just do your own thing.
Your friends and your husband are assholes.
He needed to set a boundary and keep your room..."your room" not shared with other people. I would be asking to pay for a refund proportional to their friends being there. Instead of paying half or by room, you would pay 1/3 or one less room on the days the others were there.
Im betting it was discussed and agreed to by the OPs husband. He likely said “sure, itll be fine”, without discussing it with his wife, ergo why he doesnt have her back. Guess she embarrassed him. GOOD! if so. NTA. But I think you have a bigger prob than this one (non) vacation.
Soooo... you're asking if you've a right to be angry because you're subsidizing someone else's vacation without having been asked?
NTA
You bought access to half a lake house and you're not getting that. I'd ask who was going to pay me back 1/2 of my cost since I'm the one losing access to my room. If the couple who INVITED the other couple wants to share THEIR room that's their room, their money, their burden. They made it your burden. That's a huge AH move.
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Drove 13 hours with two young kids to a vacation rental that we are sharing with friends. They live close to rental whereas we do not. We paid our share and they paid theirs. Get there after driving overnight and find out our friends had friends over without mentioning it to us. Annoying but no big deal. We were then told that our friends daughter had a friend coming to stay with us for two nights later in the week. I was surprised to hear this as it wasn't mentioned before. A day and a half later, we are told that another friend (and child) had an issue with their rental down the street and "asked" that they stay one night in our rental. I was caught off guard and said Ok. One night turned into two without any further discussion or permission. Both of these nights, their friend had their own bedroom and we then had to unexpectedly share a bedroom with our friends. I told my husband multiple times that the situation bothered me and he asked that I try to keep the peace for him. It's his friend from HS. I tried my best not to say anything, but after telling my husband multiple times that this is not what was agreed upon, it came to a head. On the second night, I took my son to bed in our room and our friends came in later and slept in our room again without asking. I was mad. I went outside and told my husband and his friend this was not OK and that I was upset. I felt as if this wasn't my own vacation and I was simply joining them on their vacation. We spend thousands and took a week off from work. The husband apologized and said that he thought this was discussed and agreed upon. It was not. We had a few words and, he went to bed. My husband told me that I handled it poorly and that I should have kept my mouth shut and just got through the vacation. I woke up this morning very upset. Upset that my husband didn't support me, that our friends were more concerned about their friends than us and that my vacation has taken a turn for the worst. I've kept to myself for most of today and I honestly just want to go home at this point. AITA? For clarification, their friends stayed for free.
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So you paid and their friends not only got a free vacation but took your room and made you puke in the same room with friends. I would not even agree for one night. Ridiculous.
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Good. Your husband's friends were taking advantage of your husband's spinelessness. You had the backbone to stick up for yourself in untenable situation your were paying top dollar to live through. I would also ask that the various people who showed up and got better use of the cabin than you did chip in to cover their share of the costs, or that your husband's friends who invited them should. You should not be paying for them to "keep the peace." You did nothing wrong. They did.
Your husband seems to be in a state of believing that if only he puts up with whatever people do to him, maybe they'll like him. Given that this is a high school friend taking advantage of him, I wonder if this is a reversion to a much earlier dynamic. Please talk with him about it. It's no way for an adult man to live, and certainly not the way to protect your wife and family.
NTA
NTA - no-one agreed to it, they just forced it upon you.
Ask the "friends" for compensation for the rental.
If they're staying in your room, that you paid for, then they should compensate.
NTA. I am angry on your behalf 😡. The rudeness and entitlement of this is not something that you can just get through and try to enjoy the rest of the vacation. If the situation was a complete emergency and the others had come to stay two nights it might be understandable but there are multiple uninvited people joining you in a holiday rental that you paid 50% of while they paid nothing. You even had to share your room to make space for them. Even worse if they are strangers to you. With no suggestion that they chip in. Nopeity nope nope nope to the entire situation. Your husband should absolutely have defended you and made it clear how unacceptable the situation is. Solo family vacations in future and some distance from these inconsiderate "friends" is in order. I am angry for you 😡
You wrote this I. A way that is very confusing. Is sounds like your friends didn’t “stay in your room” which sounds like staying in the same room as ou and your husband.
You were in a 4 bedroom house (at least) and they used the extra bunks in your kids room while their friends slept in their daughters room. It sounds like a big miss understanding and they thought you would be fine with
That would be my last time going, and if my husband was to go again, I would make sure no joint money was used; he would have to pay for it himself with no help from me
NTA! I’m sorry but the friends SHOULDN’T even ask, they knew they were SHARING a vacation home with another family and that you guys paid half. I’m not comfortable just sleeping under the same roof as strangers ESPECIALLY if I have kids with me, they might know them but you don’t.
You handled it perfectly, and politely. Some people no matter whose side they’re on can’t handle directness. Your friends used you to partly finance their vacation. They’re not necessarily bad people, but they are inconsiderate towards your family. Make plans without them next vacation.
NTA
> My husband told me that I handled it poorly and that I should have kept my mouth shut and just got through the vacation.
Maybe this didn't come through the Reddit post as he said it, but that's really awful. Vacations are not for "getting though". It's supposed to be a time to relax and enjoy.
I would hate to be in that situation, but I know others that would love it. Is this perhaps an introvert vs extrovert thing?
NTA
You should have refused to have any of them come sleep in your room. You paid for it, its yours to use. If the friends have invited other people then no problem, that's up to them, but THEY are the ones sharing their space, not you. Let them put up the entire high school marching band in THEIR bedroom.
Your husband can pound sand. When did "keep your mouth shut and just get through it" become the way anyone wants to spend their vacation???
NTA And present them with an invoice concerning the vacation.
And if your husband says anything about "keep the peace", just tell him to shut up if he can't stand up for his family.
NTA since you had to share your room, your “friends” need to pay you back 50% of what you paid. They should have shared their own space. I would have told them to get out when they first walked into your bedroom.
NTA are you spent your money to be at the rental be on holiday. Not to play musical beds and have random people who didn’t know and didn’t pay stay with you. I would be livid and would want them to pay me back for some of the money as this was not what you agreed when you split the cost.
As far as I am concerned it's on her husband for telling her not to say anything and his friends for inviting people on their dime to vacation with them
NTA
Did these friends pay anything for their time there, or were you and your husband expected to just pay for everyone?
Your husband was the AH and bent the wrong way to support HIS family.
NTA. You paid for a certain share of the vacation and got less than that. That’s not ok. If you’re on a shared vacation and want to invite other people, it needs to be ok with everyone. I’d have a problem with it, too, and it would probably mark the end of shared vacations unless I liked this other family enough to want to start including them.
Nta
So you were forced into more cramped conditions, less privacy and his friends got to join in for free.... at your expense. He'll nah, his friends should be compensating you for their extra use.
Also it was disrespectful to your plans together, inviting extras to vacation plans is like inviting extras on a romantic date. Not suggested, will change the mood, has to be communicated beforehand or it is mad disrespectful.
NTA
You did nothing wrong.
You have a husband problem. Why would you spend thousands on a vacation that you have to ' get through.'
They are spongers and are abusing your good nature.
OK, there's mentally disturbed and then there's evil. And I would say your sister is more in the latter category. And that thing you said to her? Hmmm, perhaps spawn of Satan would have been more accurate, but in the heat of the moment, what you said works just fine.
I would suggest you go NC with this heartless, soulless, appalling excuse for a human being.
NTA
NTA but you did handle it poorly. You weren’t clear about what you wanted to happen and let your unhappiness be known after the fact in a way which could only make people feel shitty in retrospect. Next time speak up or let it go, make the most of it, and don’t vacation with them again.
Well the OP feels bad about how the vacation went and I can understand why. My point is, fix the problem while it is happening, or accept it and make the best of the situation. Tolerating it then having an “I’m unhappy” scene after the fact just isn’t a mature way to deal with it. Now everyone feels awkward and shitty AND it’s too late to fix it. Use your adult voice and sort things out. Sucking it up then melting down or blowing up isn’t constructive. Why should they feel shitty if nobody told them that their behavior wasn’t okay?
She didn’t sit down with him (or them) and discuss expectations going forward (like an adult). It sounds like she stuffed her feelings and created a scene. Maybe you are okay with that but I think she turned an easily soluble communication problem into an uncomfortable time for all concerned.
I agree, but it sounds like op tried and her husband dismissed her concerns and told her to suck it up and not make her issues with it known. 🤷♀️
Sounds like there were agreements made that she wasn't included in and didn't know about until they were already set in motion. She was put in a very awkward position as the only person who wasn't happy with what was happening. Even her own husband sided with the other people openly.
What would you have done if very impactful decisions had been made without you and your husband told you not to say anything and didn't have your back?
Calling her speaking up a "meltdown" is a little dramatic and excessive, don't you think?
Yes I did for 1 night. I was told there was a young girl and mother crying because their vacation was ruined due to bugs being in their rental and that they couldn't stay there.
You sound like me, I can see myself doing something like that, and considering the horror stories you hear about AirB&Bs and hotels it might be true. The musical room thing though? Weird. NTA, my inability to stand up for myself when someone is taking advantage is due to low self esteem. Good on you OP.
So your AH friend was generous with YOUR money and YOUR room, but not generous enough to give them his own money for a separate room.
You will enjoy your life more when you stop being a doormat - don't fall for every sob story, and learn to say NO.
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> The husband apologized and said that he thought this was discussed and agreed upon. Any chance your husband agreed to all this?
My understanding is that the friend thought his wife talked to us after the first night. She did not, but my husband also didn't step up and say anything when he Knew how much it bothered me
NTA The friends and your husband are assholes. Your husband needed to have your back, but he needed to stand up for his own vacation and his own money spent out of pocket too! He needed to set a boundary and keep your room..."your room" not shared with other people. As for his friends and their friends of friends and emergencies...it honestly sounds like excuses, like his friend sublet the rental to others and made money off giving up his room. As you say, you spent thousands. So presumably so did the friends. And they were just willing to give away generously their own vacation space they paid for, but also, YOUR vacation space YOU paid for. That's far too overly generous with someone else's money, time and space. If they live locally why did they even stay? Why didn't they offer their own empty home at that time to their friends? Finally, after all the BS excuses(coz that's what it sounds like) they have just fundamental communication issues. They aren't worth the stress of going on vacation with again.
And if the intruders were friends of OPs friend, I don’t understand why they got their own room…why didn’t they have to share with the other family instead of OP? They didn’t pay for a room at all.
You just summed up the entire issue for me. I wouldn’t have even been mad about the friends needing a place to stay if they all stayed in the room of the people who invited them (wouldn’t even make a fuss about splitting the cost) — it would only have become a problem when *my* space that I paid for was violated. OP and/or her husband should have said something - and should get a portion of their costs reimbursed for the imposition they endured due to the uninvited guests. Totally NTA.
"friends and their friends of friends" ---It is THAT ridiculous.
>As for his friends and their friends of friends and emergencies...it honestly sounds like excuses, like his friend sublet the rental to others and made money off giving up his room. Yep!
I don't blame you for being mad. You paid for a vacation with certain expectations. It's hard to stand your ground when your husband doesn't have your back. I would definitely clock this and not plan any more vacations with his friends.
No more letting HUSBAND be in charge of ANY planning of events that involve other people.
I'm sure he'll be devastated. /s
If he is in favor of it, then all the better.
I'd just go home. Chalk it up to sometimes life shits on our plans, and then never go on vacation with others again. Of course, I am the type of person that would have addressed this the second I found out because, "no, I am not sharing my vacation house with people that did not pay... especially people that are strangers to me. No way. No how.
NTA. How is it a vacation if you have to just get through it? Sorry your husband has no spine and let's people walk all over him and by extension walk all over you. You are never the AH for standing up for yourself. Why should you have to pay for others? There's something wrong with their rental? So what? How is that your problem or concern?
And why is OP now sharing a room with the friends while the vacation-crasher has their own room? Shouldn't they be crashing with the original friends in the OF's room and leave OP, who doesn't know these new people, alone? Especially as OP and family have PAID and the crashers have not.
Or sleeping on the sofa.
I’d definitely be asking for some of my money back, since then rental was split with so many additional adults. Nta
I went through this last year, where my husband invited his entire famdamnily along. It was awful. My kids were bullied by the cousins for being disabled, there was screaming and tantrums from the 16 yo cousin, it just sucked. I wasn't happy they came along in the first place, and then when they came it was worse than I feared. I went back to work completely stressed out, and I hated every minute of that "vacation". I should have cut my losses and flown home, and so should you.
NTA, and just don’t let them stay at all ever again.
Your husband needs to grow a fucking spine
I'd go home after the first night and husband telling you to shut this up.
That's a cop out. Why the friend wife have to talk to his friend? If they're such colse HS friends he should have spoke to your husband directly. NTA
Of course this is what happened. Husband threw OP under the bus so he wouldn’t look like the bad guy.
NTA at all. First of all, I'd be pissed if I paid my way and there were others staying for free. If your friends want to cover the cost of their friends, great. But you should not be expected to front that money. Also, why are your friends sleeping in YOUR room?? That's totally unacceptable, especially if your child is already sleeping in there.
My children were given the room with multiple bunk beds so our friends stayed in our room since we had extra beds. They gave their friend their daughters room with two beds. They also have the master bedroom but the wife and daughter chose to stay in our room instead of the king bed with the husband in the master. I know, I should have said something night one.
So... the friend's wife & daughter slept in your room instead of the main BR with the husband? Something strange was going on.
This just sounds like a plan to get you guys to help pay for a holiday for the other friends. They were the people who actually wanted to holiday together, you were only invited to front the cash. At the very least, get back the room YOU PAID FOR.
Super weird. Why on Earth wouldn’t they all stay together in the master instead of encroaching on your space? Good for you for speaking up
This is horrible! Your husband is weak for not supporting you when you spoke up to his friend. At least you have balls out of that relationship!
So they unnecessarily slept in your room? That's just weird and inappropriate. How on earth did they even try to justify that?
Can you get any of this undone at this point?
I think it is time for a group conversation.You are all adults so your husbands comments about keeping your mouth closed and bearing with it is bullshit. Sit folks down and say hey I have some issues I would like to talk through for this vacation. * I was under the impression this vacation was for our two families to hang out. Instead we are hosting a bunch of friends * There has been zero communication ahead of time about any of this and putting it on us at the last minute puts us in a hard situation where we are assholes if we say no * Your other friends are staying here free, we paid for half of this and are sharing a room with you that should be our own. Honestly at this point I would be asking them to refund you your half so you can get a hotel and enjoy the rest of your vacation. If your husband sides with them, say great enjoy your vacation together I am going to find myself my own place and enjoy my time. It is your vacation and you are not enjoying it and you are paying for other people to have a good time. Stand up for yourself and don’t let yourself be pressured or walked on.
>You are all adults so your husbands comments about keeping your mouth closed and bearing with it is bullshit. The best part of a vacation is gritting my teeth and suffering through it until I can go home again.
NTA. The entire dynamic was changed unilaterally. One that makes a material difference in deciding whether to even go on the vacation. Of course, you two didn't get any opportunity to bring someone and the other couple would complain if you did. Of course their people are staying for free. Your husband is a wimp. Consider staying at lodging nearby for privacy.
*Your husband is a wimp. Consider staying at lodging nearby for privacy.* The big question is: Should she take the husband with her? LOL
I should have said, hers. Let him handle the kids. So she can have a vacation from her vacation.
Why do you have to share our bedroom? You paid for it. If they want their friends there then they double up with them, not you. Only the freeloaders get privacy? And why is your husband scared of his friend?
The whole payment scheme should be recalculated. However the rental fee was divided needs to be rejiggered to account for the loss of usage. Total rental divided in half between bedrooms and common areas. Then divided again based on who got useage of what rooms. Then split the common area usage by total visitors and figure out those shares. Then add that up. Then write out how much everyone now owe's OP for the shares they overpaid for. Then learn your lesson and never vacation with these people again.
NTA. Your husband needs to step up. His friend is a user. Never again
NTA In their eyes, you contributed to your friend's vacation. It wasn't *your* vacation *at all*. You were guests (for a fee), and they were the hosts. If there's any time left on the vacation and your husband is enjoying himself, let him stay in the vacation rental and get a hotel room for you and the kids. Don't make a scene or anything. It seems as if he's mostly ignoring you in favor of your friend, so he probably wouldn't notice if you slipped out and made the whole house conflict-free for the friend group. It's a 13-hour drive, so you could probably even stretch your stay another day by getting plane tickets to fly back. Will it be expensive? Yes. Will you save at least a sliver of your vacation? Maybe. Send a text that you don't want to be a Debby Downwer in the party house, so you're going to excuse yourself and go elsewhere. And don't answer any calls or texts from your husband. A face to face conversation can be had when you return about respect and safety on vacations. ETA: You *do* realize that "friend "was charging everyone who stayed in the vrbo. It wasn't generosity at play.you all were being taken advantage of. What happened was, you paid for half of a vrbo, and *he* made a hefty profit!
Send friend a venmo request for half the money back.
Why was one husband sleeping ALONE in a king bed and his wife and child sleeping in YOUR room?! That doesn’t make sense, and I would have asked them what the eff they were doing the moment they suggested it. NTA for speaking up (eventually). YTA, for letting yourself be a doormat in the first place.
I would like to know as well but didn't have the guts to ask. He has had the bedroom to himself for the entire trip.
That is absolutely bizarre, and also not your problem.
I would be ropeable.
You didn't handle it poorly, he did. He needs to prioritize you. In the short term it causes conflict, but in the long term you feel so much better because everyone is on the same page. Unfortunately you married someone that wants to stay small. If this friend is from high school, I bet he was higher in the social pecking order, and your husband still subconsciously wants to defer to him, and maybe seeks his approval.
Nta your family paid money to have a room to yourselves not share. The husband definitely should have backed you up on that part of the situation. As for the friends friends showing up and being there you might as well definitely try to make the best of it the money is spent and it's a valuable lesson in not doing this again. If you try to get the other people to leave that will make you the asshole unfortunately so defending the privacy you spent time and money on is the only real way to not be the asshole.
NTA And husband if you are reading this, you done effed up by not backing up your wife. You need to at least demand a private bedroom.
NTA. For them to invite a random bunch of their own friends to take advantage of you space wise and financially is some next level BS. If they wanted to share the space, they should have shared a room with however many friends they wanted to let in. It shouldn't have been you left sharing a space so people could have their own room for free. And you are justified in being upset with your husband as well. I'm questioning what the friend meant when he said he thought it was discussed? Did he discuss it previously with your husband? Either way, there were 2 couples paying for the accommodations and no one else should have been invited without a real conversation, and they should have expected to pay for their stay.
NTA. I bet dollars to donuts your husband knew what was going on.
Nah, It sound like a classic wimp situation. He doesn't want to risk awkward unpleasantness.
NTA, and I'd leave, but not before asking the "squatters" to pay their share of the rent !
NTA.That sounds like total chaos, and I'd be so pissed! It kinda sounds like the friend ran it by your husband and your husband didn't share the info (or choice) with you. Especially the way he tried to keep you from speaking up. Then to not support you at all! Sorry, op. You have every right to be pissed and go home to at least get some privacy and relaxation for the rest of your time off. 😠
NTA This is awful behaviour. It was a joint rental. Your holiday was impacted upon by other people who were not your guests and not discussed with you. When you paid. Don't holiday with these people again. Oh and your husband is an asshole for being more concerned about his friend who was behaving badly than his wife.
Yeah keep your mouth shut. Don't embarrass a man ever! You need to suffer, your voice doesn't matter . Your kids will be allowed to belittle you. Your feelings don't matter. Saving face is way more important than you. That's the message I'm getting .
NTA. Aw hell no. I always get my family our own airbnb or hotel, and we have our itinerary planned, if friends want to tag along to our plans then cool, but I'm not sharing spaces or changing my plans for friends, it never ever works out that way.
I’m expecting thus subreddit to be extra juicy considering its holiday time. Chock full of cautionary tales.
Don't leave ask them to leave. They live close you don't. Tell them they've exhausted their half of what they paid by bringing other unaccounted, unpaid guest. And you won't be paying for them therefore they need to leave so you can enjoy what you paid for. NTA.
NTA - that's absolute BS. Why even let anyone sleep in a room you paid for. That should have been stopped immediately. Your husband needs to grow a set. You're all guests in the rental and guests do not get to invite other guests. For free no less.
Definitely NTA. My brother tried to do this to me and the rest of my family. I could write an entire post about it but the TLDR is my 83 year old mother agrees to pay for a vacation rental for her children and their immediate family but my brother thinks it's okay to invite four extra people on her dime and expect the rest of us to make space for them... and for my mother to pay for the whole thing including buying food and cooking. So that was a hard no from me. Can't ask my wife and son to sleep on a couch so my brother's friends can enjoy a nice free vacation. So my only suggestion is to just get in your car and go home, with or without your husband. The vacation is already ruined. OR go get a hotel room and leave your husband there. The friends are assholes but your husband is too for prioritizing them over his family.
Wtf? Your husband is a doormat. Demand your money back.
If all of you are supposedly close enough the wife feels comfortable crashing in your kids' room instead of hers, you are close enough to tell them to knock it off. Everything else can be a difference between being more or less social. Them giving away one of their rooms and taking over one of yours is simply rude. They can all sleep in their main bedroom. The husband didn't interject to say the other friends will be gone tomorrow. Are you sure they will be? NTA
NTA. Not at all. Especially since all these extra guests are riding for free on your share of the rent and the space. The "friends" you are "sharing" with should pick up a larger share of the cost.
NTA you paid for your portion of the rental to stay with specific people, and they invited others and doubled up on your room without asking, and you think you're TA? No way. They all took advantage of you guys, and your husband was willing to let that happen.
You need to stand up for yourself. “If they are staying with us why are we still paying half? I’m not comfortable getting less space than I paid for” “They can stay but our sleeping arrangements are not changing without changing the division of costs.” “I will not be taken advantage of. Don’t ever tell me to shut up again. You need to do better.” “This is my vacation too. It’s not fair that I am expected to accommodate everyone to make you comfortable.” “This situation is untenable and not what I signed up for. I’m taking kid and going home. Feel free to stay and find your own way home.”
Go home girl. Have a staycation and just try and chill. You're just gonna be stressed the rest of the week.
NTA, I would just leave husband there with his “friends”.
Why aren’t the strangers sharing a room with your friends instead of taking your room?? Seems strange they would take your space instead of bunking with the folks that offered up the rental. I would have said no the first night and kicked them out the next.
NTA But why the hell were the freeloaders given a full room while *you* had to share? These were the friends' guests, not yours. If allowed at all, they should have been doubled up with *them.* And this is after a rotating string of other guests who hadn't been agreed upon? WTF? And your husband's just...totally on board with this? Are you *certain* the other people, who were given their own room, were actually staying for free and you're not being lied to? Because that's the sanest possible explanation here (and it'd *still* be pretty wild).
NTA. That is why I stopped making plans with friends. They flaked out or made a good time a big mess, especially the men. They thought nothing of walking all over us. They aren't friends anymore.
OK OP, Is there an update? Is something going to be done?
Their Friends left. According to my husband, our friends asked them to leave as damage control but honestly damage is done. It's awkward and I somehow feel like the bad guy
Oh hell no if anybody should feel awkward it should be your husband and his friends
I'm sorry, OP. The person setting boundaries is often the person left feeling like the bad guy. The vacation may not be total salvageable but stay polite and positive. Maybe the last night say, hey, can we hash out the elephant in the room under the guise of wanting to avoid this in the future. I don't know what to say about your husband though. He should have your back.
Don't feel bad. They changed the dynamics of the vacation repeatedly without caring about your input. I've had to spell it out to people acting like this before, "I paid for half of this room so my wife and I would only be sharing with two other people. You can't tell a bunch of people they can crash her for the weekend for free, because it's not just your space. Get your own room if you want to do that." It's gotten easier the older I get to set and maintain boundaries because I hate being taken advantage of. I can understand exceptions for emergencies, but this didn't sound like an emergency.
And any person who pushes back on a reasonable boundary is rightly ignored! Wrinkles suck but giving fewer fucks is a fair trade.
You are nta. This was stunningly rude of your friends to do. I won't even touch the subject of your marshmallow, I mean, husband.
Was there any sort of apology or acknowledgment that they were in error?
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OP, you are not the bad guy! If you vacation with these “friends” again, please get a separate vacation rental.
NTA. I've been in this position, someone inviting a couple people to stay in our hotel room during a sci fi convention without running it by anyone else (or asking them to contribute to the room cost). Booting someone from the room is awkward, but you have to enforce boundaries for them to mean anything. You also know that these friends have no problem inconveniencing you without discussing the matter. It's infuriating that you have to actually tell someone that you didn't pay for accommodations just to have random people invited without your approval.
What was the story that night? How did it go down?
Back in the 90s my wife and I would attend sci-fi conventions with a group of friends that did the same LARP. Got a room with two queens and was sharing it with two guys we'd known for awhile. One of them would get drunk and be a dumbass. He told one gal she could crash in our room without consulting anyone else, my wife set that straight when the gal said something about it. Another guy whom the dumbass worked with was hanging out in our room a lot, to the point of trying to hook a game station up to the tv. We didn't like how comfortable he was getting in our room and told dumbass to take care of it. I went back to the room later and saw that this guy had changed into pajamas and was sleeping in one of the beds. Dumbass roommate hadn't sorted it out as requested. I got to wake the guy and tell him to leave. It was uncomfortable but he went without a fuss. Of course he made a comment about how he was going to give us some money for the room but no one believes it. Going forward we didn't share rooms with him for reasons like this, mostly related to his drinking. It also taught me in situations like this to shut it down fast because it will keep getting worse since nothing is stopping it.
Wow. That is some serious dumbassery. I would have been like WTF? You're right. It has to be nipped in the bud. In this case, the wife had to be the one to step up and then be 'the bad guy'.
NTA. You basically supplemented their friend's vacation with your contribution. I'd be asking for some money back at this point.
WOW - NTA. I would have been beyond pissed. Your husband and his friends were the AH - it is one thing to allow friends to stay over, but for them to just "take" over your rental and assume that everything is fine is an AH move. At the VERY minimum they should have crashed on a couch or did their best to minimize their impact. It sounds like that did not occur - and while your husband may have just been trying to avoid confrontation - he should have totally listened to your concerns and addressed them on the spot(in private) to alleviate putting you in a bad position.
Lol these people mugged you for your vacation and your spineless husband let them...nta though.
Why didn’t the “friends friends” stay in the other room with them? Why did they stay in your room? This makes no sense.
One of our rooms has multiple bunk beds and we had several empty beds. Our friend's daughters room had only two twin beds and they gave it up for their friends and crashed in our empty beds
I can't even imagine intruding on people like that. Especially strangers! Like, obviously, you're going to want privacy in your own bedroom with your family. The mom must have been assured by someone that it was not a problem at all, but why wouldn't she ask you directly since it is your family who is impacted by their presence? I wouldn't even put someone on the spot by asking! Wild!
Your husband would rather subject you to this bullshit than speak up. NTA.
Now you know never to vacation with these people again. They considered the rental to be theirs and you were simply guests they had invited. Your husband needs to grow a spine and not let people ride roughshod over him/you. NTA No multi-family/couple vacations from now on, so much less hassle.
I would not want to sleep, or let my children sleep, in a house with people I do not know. It's a creepy world out there.
Your husband is a bag of wet towels. An apology and "keeping the peace" does not suffice a ruined vacation and loss of thousands of money. NTA
I would have been upset also and told the friend that you paid for X rooms and you are not sharing and that you also want money back die to the extra people. They can contribute to the cost. No need to handle it better when your space was invaded. Your husband need to have a backbone and learn to tell you all the details.
NTA. You're paying for a private room for you and your family, they had no right to take over that privacy. If they wanted to share, then they should have shared with the "extras", or slept on the couch. Your husband on the other hand... Boy he needs to grow a spine!
Most definitely NTA. Your husband allowed your family vacation to be stolen from you.
Ask where is your partial refund because they took up part of your room
NTA. You are still owed for two nights that were not the accommodations you paid for. Whether the extra friend reimburses you or the other couple, it needs to happen. This was not the vacation that was paid for.
>The husband apologized and said that he thought this was discussed and agreed upon Seems like he either discussed this with your husband behind your back OR he's lying NTA because the absolute cheek of it! You're paying for their friends? Nope
Absolutely nta. Who are they to do all this for a place that is not theirs? I would hit the roof and this would be near friendship ending for me.
Updateme
NTA. Your husband needs to grow a spine and you both need to have a serious and open conversation with these “friends” of yours.
NTA
NTA , going forward now you know you will not be vacationing with said friends for a long period of time and if you do you dedicate room space when planning and it is not agreed with between all parties you just don’t go together. Think of it as a learning experience
I'd have said how relieved you were that their friends would be sharing the cost of the rental, and being able to just split one room with the people you were sharing a room with instead of having to pay for the room their friends used will help you so much after you stretched your budget to join the vacation, and it's such a relief to be sharing with everyone else who has stayed without you agreeing.
You're not the bad one here. You and your family need to have a vacation of your own and not with friends. Life has a strange way of presenting obstacles, and you had it all thrown at you.
This was a terrible situation. I never share space, its hell. I only share w very close fam or friends. I would not let my hub bs me and let everyone have it. You overpaid and were taken advantage of. Just do your own thing.
Your friends and your husband are assholes. He needed to set a boundary and keep your room..."your room" not shared with other people. I would be asking to pay for a refund proportional to their friends being there. Instead of paying half or by room, you would pay 1/3 or one less room on the days the others were there.
You should have followed ok with “and what’s our compensation for sharing accommodations with strangers. I’m thinking maybe $200 a night.”
Im betting it was discussed and agreed to by the OPs husband. He likely said “sure, itll be fine”, without discussing it with his wife, ergo why he doesnt have her back. Guess she embarrassed him. GOOD! if so. NTA. But I think you have a bigger prob than this one (non) vacation.
Soooo... you're asking if you've a right to be angry because you're subsidizing someone else's vacation without having been asked? NTA You bought access to half a lake house and you're not getting that. I'd ask who was going to pay me back 1/2 of my cost since I'm the one losing access to my room. If the couple who INVITED the other couple wants to share THEIR room that's their room, their money, their burden. They made it your burden. That's a huge AH move.
I think you can order your husband a new spine on Amazon Nta
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Drove 13 hours with two young kids to a vacation rental that we are sharing with friends. They live close to rental whereas we do not. We paid our share and they paid theirs. Get there after driving overnight and find out our friends had friends over without mentioning it to us. Annoying but no big deal. We were then told that our friends daughter had a friend coming to stay with us for two nights later in the week. I was surprised to hear this as it wasn't mentioned before. A day and a half later, we are told that another friend (and child) had an issue with their rental down the street and "asked" that they stay one night in our rental. I was caught off guard and said Ok. One night turned into two without any further discussion or permission. Both of these nights, their friend had their own bedroom and we then had to unexpectedly share a bedroom with our friends. I told my husband multiple times that the situation bothered me and he asked that I try to keep the peace for him. It's his friend from HS. I tried my best not to say anything, but after telling my husband multiple times that this is not what was agreed upon, it came to a head. On the second night, I took my son to bed in our room and our friends came in later and slept in our room again without asking. I was mad. I went outside and told my husband and his friend this was not OK and that I was upset. I felt as if this wasn't my own vacation and I was simply joining them on their vacation. We spend thousands and took a week off from work. The husband apologized and said that he thought this was discussed and agreed upon. It was not. We had a few words and, he went to bed. My husband told me that I handled it poorly and that I should have kept my mouth shut and just got through the vacation. I woke up this morning very upset. Upset that my husband didn't support me, that our friends were more concerned about their friends than us and that my vacation has taken a turn for the worst. I've kept to myself for most of today and I honestly just want to go home at this point. AITA? For clarification, their friends stayed for free. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well NTA but when you turned up after a day’s drive, that was the time to set the rules.
So you paid and their friends not only got a free vacation but took your room and made you puke in the same room with friends. I would not even agree for one night. Ridiculous.
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NTA but- is there the possibility your husband didn’t pay them or cut a side deal or something? There is more going on here
Their friends did not stay for free, you both paid for them! This was a very bad move in their behalf, good job making it clear
NTA - and now you have to talk about them paying their part of the rental
Good. Your husband's friends were taking advantage of your husband's spinelessness. You had the backbone to stick up for yourself in untenable situation your were paying top dollar to live through. I would also ask that the various people who showed up and got better use of the cabin than you did chip in to cover their share of the costs, or that your husband's friends who invited them should. You should not be paying for them to "keep the peace." You did nothing wrong. They did. Your husband seems to be in a state of believing that if only he puts up with whatever people do to him, maybe they'll like him. Given that this is a high school friend taking advantage of him, I wonder if this is a reversion to a much earlier dynamic. Please talk with him about it. It's no way for an adult man to live, and certainly not the way to protect your wife and family. NTA
NTA At this point, how come you don't get to stay for free? The people opening the doors to everyone and Nancy can foot the bill.
NTA - no-one agreed to it, they just forced it upon you. Ask the "friends" for compensation for the rental. If they're staying in your room, that you paid for, then they should compensate.
NTA. His friends were very out of line and so was your husband!! They all owe you an apology
NTA. I am angry on your behalf 😡. The rudeness and entitlement of this is not something that you can just get through and try to enjoy the rest of the vacation. If the situation was a complete emergency and the others had come to stay two nights it might be understandable but there are multiple uninvited people joining you in a holiday rental that you paid 50% of while they paid nothing. You even had to share your room to make space for them. Even worse if they are strangers to you. With no suggestion that they chip in. Nopeity nope nope nope to the entire situation. Your husband should absolutely have defended you and made it clear how unacceptable the situation is. Solo family vacations in future and some distance from these inconsiderate "friends" is in order. I am angry for you 😡
NTA. Your husband sounds like a doormat which is obviously why his "friends" walked all over him.
You wrote this I. A way that is very confusing. Is sounds like your friends didn’t “stay in your room” which sounds like staying in the same room as ou and your husband. You were in a 4 bedroom house (at least) and they used the extra bunks in your kids room while their friends slept in their daughters room. It sounds like a big miss understanding and they thought you would be fine with
That would be my last time going, and if my husband was to go again, I would make sure no joint money was used; he would have to pay for it himself with no help from me
Leave and get a hotel and bill it to your husband and his friend. NTA.
NTA. I would make this the first and last time I would go on vacation with those "friends".
NTA! I’m sorry but the friends SHOULDN’T even ask, they knew they were SHARING a vacation home with another family and that you guys paid half. I’m not comfortable just sleeping under the same roof as strangers ESPECIALLY if I have kids with me, they might know them but you don’t.
Regarding the update, how is the atmosphere there? Awkward? Getting back to normal?
You handled it perfectly, and politely. Some people no matter whose side they’re on can’t handle directness. Your friends used you to partly finance their vacation. They’re not necessarily bad people, but they are inconsiderate towards your family. Make plans without them next vacation.
NTA Both your friends and your hubby are Aholes. What a crap vacation, sorry...
NTA, of course. Has anyone considered that OP's husband was in on the deal (and pocketing $$$ that the OP wouldn't know about?)
NTA I hope didn’t pay 50%. This is outrageous. Your husband needs a spine
NTA > My husband told me that I handled it poorly and that I should have kept my mouth shut and just got through the vacation. Maybe this didn't come through the Reddit post as he said it, but that's really awful. Vacations are not for "getting though". It's supposed to be a time to relax and enjoy. I would hate to be in that situation, but I know others that would love it. Is this perhaps an introvert vs extrovert thing?
Update me
NTA You should have refused to have any of them come sleep in your room. You paid for it, its yours to use. If the friends have invited other people then no problem, that's up to them, but THEY are the ones sharing their space, not you. Let them put up the entire high school marching band in THEIR bedroom. Your husband can pound sand. When did "keep your mouth shut and just get through it" become the way anyone wants to spend their vacation???
Definitely NTA. Your husband and his mates are though. Their behaviour is beyond rude.
NTA.
NTA And present them with an invoice concerning the vacation. And if your husband says anything about "keep the peace", just tell him to shut up if he can't stand up for his family.
NTA since you had to share your room, your “friends” need to pay you back 50% of what you paid. They should have shared their own space. I would have told them to get out when they first walked into your bedroom.
NTA are you spent your money to be at the rental be on holiday. Not to play musical beds and have random people who didn’t know and didn’t pay stay with you. I would be livid and would want them to pay me back for some of the money as this was not what you agreed when you split the cost.
As far as I am concerned it's on her husband for telling her not to say anything and his friends for inviting people on their dime to vacation with them
NTA Did these friends pay anything for their time there, or were you and your husband expected to just pay for everyone? Your husband was the AH and bent the wrong way to support HIS family.
NTA. You paid for a certain share of the vacation and got less than that. That’s not ok. If you’re on a shared vacation and want to invite other people, it needs to be ok with everyone. I’d have a problem with it, too, and it would probably mark the end of shared vacations unless I liked this other family enough to want to start including them.
Nta So you were forced into more cramped conditions, less privacy and his friends got to join in for free.... at your expense. He'll nah, his friends should be compensating you for their extra use. Also it was disrespectful to your plans together, inviting extras to vacation plans is like inviting extras on a romantic date. Not suggested, will change the mood, has to be communicated beforehand or it is mad disrespectful.
NTA You did nothing wrong. You have a husband problem. Why would you spend thousands on a vacation that you have to ' get through.' They are spongers and are abusing your good nature.
I’d demand friends of friends pay their share. NTA by any means
Sound like you just need to not share rental anymore with these people. They are just taking advantage.
OK, there's mentally disturbed and then there's evil. And I would say your sister is more in the latter category. And that thing you said to her? Hmmm, perhaps spawn of Satan would have been more accurate, but in the heat of the moment, what you said works just fine. I would suggest you go NC with this heartless, soulless, appalling excuse for a human being. NTA
I'm guessing this was meant for the "6yo half brother has cancer and sister says so what" thread instead of this one.
Nope, you did well, it was actually a trick To see if your and your husband would join them For a couple swap.
NTA but you did handle it poorly. You weren’t clear about what you wanted to happen and let your unhappiness be known after the fact in a way which could only make people feel shitty in retrospect. Next time speak up or let it go, make the most of it, and don’t vacation with them again.
They *should* feel shitty, though?
Well the OP feels bad about how the vacation went and I can understand why. My point is, fix the problem while it is happening, or accept it and make the best of the situation. Tolerating it then having an “I’m unhappy” scene after the fact just isn’t a mature way to deal with it. Now everyone feels awkward and shitty AND it’s too late to fix it. Use your adult voice and sort things out. Sucking it up then melting down or blowing up isn’t constructive. Why should they feel shitty if nobody told them that their behavior wasn’t okay?
She sucked it up for one day she shouldn't even had to suck it up for that one day her husband should have had the balls to say something
She didn’t sit down with him (or them) and discuss expectations going forward (like an adult). It sounds like she stuffed her feelings and created a scene. Maybe you are okay with that but I think she turned an easily soluble communication problem into an uncomfortable time for all concerned.
Her husband pressured her to stay quiet about it to keep the peace.
These are not children. They needed to hash it out in private.
I agree, but it sounds like op tried and her husband dismissed her concerns and told her to suck it up and not make her issues with it known. 🤷♀️ Sounds like there were agreements made that she wasn't included in and didn't know about until they were already set in motion. She was put in a very awkward position as the only person who wasn't happy with what was happening. Even her own husband sided with the other people openly.
There are always options to having a meltdown.
What would you have done if very impactful decisions had been made without you and your husband told you not to say anything and didn't have your back? Calling her speaking up a "meltdown" is a little dramatic and excessive, don't you think?
Have you guys never heard of Google calendar? Loony
YTA "I ... said Ok."
Yes I did for 1 night. I was told there was a young girl and mother crying because their vacation was ruined due to bugs being in their rental and that they couldn't stay there.
Then they should have gone to a hotel, not taken over the rental that you paid for.
You sound like me, I can see myself doing something like that, and considering the horror stories you hear about AirB&Bs and hotels it might be true. The musical room thing though? Weird. NTA, my inability to stand up for myself when someone is taking advantage is due to low self esteem. Good on you OP.
So your AH friend was generous with YOUR money and YOUR room, but not generous enough to give them his own money for a separate room. You will enjoy your life more when you stop being a doormat - don't fall for every sob story, and learn to say NO.
Ewwwwwwwww! They could have brought bedbugs with them? This just keeps getting better.
> due to bugs being in their rental yikes I hope those weren't bedbugs. Better ask, and if so, watch out in case some came home with you.