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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I snapped at my mom after she started taking her frustration and anger out at me. 2) I feel like I said some pretty mean things to her because emotions were at an all time high.
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NTA
you were sick and still tried to help her
It's understandable that both of you got frustrated, but she shouldn't have lashed out at you. Maybe once you're feeling better, try having a talk with her to better the things
NTA - she way overreacted to being frustrated with the form.
It could be a cultural difference as well, and having been in the US for a while, you aren’t used to it. IDK.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to travel with someone being so mean. She could have been more “proactive” in how she worked with you while you were sick.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For background, I (21F) have been living away from my mom for a few years now since I moved to the States. I have not visited or seen my mother in almost 4 years, until now. I will be returning to the States next week and my mom has decided to fly back with me to spend the rest of her vacation period.
Earlier today, she came into my room and asked me to help her fill out the ESTA application since her English is very limited. But I've been hit with a bad flu for the past 2 days so I was lying in bed for the most part while she tried to fill out as much of the form by herself as possible. Occasionally, she would get stumped, hand her phone to me, and ask me what a question meant or what the next step is, to which I would always translate for her and then return the phone. Or I would just verbally answer her questions. However, the application never actually went through even after multiple attempts; it would always kick her back to the home page where she'd have to restart the form over and over again.
She got very frustrated because she wasn't sure what she went wrong (understandably so) but then she decided to direct that frustration at me. She quite literally started throwing a tantrum. She said that if I was just more "proactive" and stood next to her while she filled out the form then she wouldn't have potentially pressed the wrong button and that she shouldn't have to keep handing the phone back and forth between us. She was also mad because I was in bed looking at my own phone and would only sit up to help her whenever she had to ask (or according to her, "beg") for translations. I was shocked. I never refused to help her at any point. I thought I tried my best to help. I explained that I was in bed and that I couldn’t possibly stand next to her the entire time because I'm sick, and that I was only on my phone because I was waiting for her to finish the form and leave my room so that I can rest.
She continued, angrily saying that she just has to do everything on her own and that it was a waste of effort to raise a daughter like me, and that other children would try harder to help their parents if they were in a similar situation. It was there that I snapped, telling her that it'll be better if she just did not fly back to the States with me and that no parent would make such a big deal and lash out at their kid over something this small.
More insults and criticisms got thrown at me, and it felt like she wasn't even trying to listen to me or understand how I was feeling at the moment. I was just so upset that I started tearing up at the fact that she's getting mad at me like this over something so small (imo) despite 4 years of not seeing me, and told her to leave.
I’m aware that my retorts weren’t the nicest either, but it just really hurt to hear her say those things when I feel like her initial anger at me was unwarranted? AITA? Sorry for the long post, I really appreciate it if you read until the end!
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YTA. Help your mum out. The best you can. You’re gonna be hosting her. Organise that. Be the best host. This is part of the process. Less stress, more love. Be the better adult. “You can’t change people, you can only change yourself”. You’ll be proud of yourself. She’ll be proud of you. 100% the right thing to do.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I snapped at my mom after she started taking her frustration and anger out at me. 2) I feel like I said some pretty mean things to her because emotions were at an all time high. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA you were sick and still tried to help her It's understandable that both of you got frustrated, but she shouldn't have lashed out at you. Maybe once you're feeling better, try having a talk with her to better the things
NTA - she way overreacted to being frustrated with the form. It could be a cultural difference as well, and having been in the US for a while, you aren’t used to it. IDK. I don’t blame you for not wanting to travel with someone being so mean. She could have been more “proactive” in how she worked with you while you were sick.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For background, I (21F) have been living away from my mom for a few years now since I moved to the States. I have not visited or seen my mother in almost 4 years, until now. I will be returning to the States next week and my mom has decided to fly back with me to spend the rest of her vacation period. Earlier today, she came into my room and asked me to help her fill out the ESTA application since her English is very limited. But I've been hit with a bad flu for the past 2 days so I was lying in bed for the most part while she tried to fill out as much of the form by herself as possible. Occasionally, she would get stumped, hand her phone to me, and ask me what a question meant or what the next step is, to which I would always translate for her and then return the phone. Or I would just verbally answer her questions. However, the application never actually went through even after multiple attempts; it would always kick her back to the home page where she'd have to restart the form over and over again. She got very frustrated because she wasn't sure what she went wrong (understandably so) but then she decided to direct that frustration at me. She quite literally started throwing a tantrum. She said that if I was just more "proactive" and stood next to her while she filled out the form then she wouldn't have potentially pressed the wrong button and that she shouldn't have to keep handing the phone back and forth between us. She was also mad because I was in bed looking at my own phone and would only sit up to help her whenever she had to ask (or according to her, "beg") for translations. I was shocked. I never refused to help her at any point. I thought I tried my best to help. I explained that I was in bed and that I couldn’t possibly stand next to her the entire time because I'm sick, and that I was only on my phone because I was waiting for her to finish the form and leave my room so that I can rest. She continued, angrily saying that she just has to do everything on her own and that it was a waste of effort to raise a daughter like me, and that other children would try harder to help their parents if they were in a similar situation. It was there that I snapped, telling her that it'll be better if she just did not fly back to the States with me and that no parent would make such a big deal and lash out at their kid over something this small. More insults and criticisms got thrown at me, and it felt like she wasn't even trying to listen to me or understand how I was feeling at the moment. I was just so upset that I started tearing up at the fact that she's getting mad at me like this over something so small (imo) despite 4 years of not seeing me, and told her to leave. I’m aware that my retorts weren’t the nicest either, but it just really hurt to hear her say those things when I feel like her initial anger at me was unwarranted? AITA? Sorry for the long post, I really appreciate it if you read until the end! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but you could have just filled the form on her behalf if she was clearly struggling.
YTA. Help your mum out. The best you can. You’re gonna be hosting her. Organise that. Be the best host. This is part of the process. Less stress, more love. Be the better adult. “You can’t change people, you can only change yourself”. You’ll be proud of yourself. She’ll be proud of you. 100% the right thing to do.