This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations.
[Sub Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ||| ["FAQs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
When you said that you got pregnant and he moved in, I assumed that that was to help you and kiddle to start a family. Apparently not the case at all.
I'm going to be very harsh here. He has to stop talking about finding a job and find a goddamn job. You have to stop working two jobs to help support him. Your job is to support that baby not him. Actually that's his job as well.
You may notice I have not discussed the burger and that's because it's irrelevant.
You are NTA but you need to take several steps back and evaluate your options.
Edit: I want thank everyone who upvoted my comment and gave me an award. I am bowled over by your kindness.
OP please listen to the advice here. When your baby arrives, your BF isn’t going to change, it’s likely to get worse.
He needs to get a job, help at home in a meaningful way, does what he says he will, and apologize when he messes up. I’d give him a timetable on those things, and boot him permanently if it doesn’t happen well before the baby arrives.
Not only did he fail at providing her sustenance while she's pregnant and working TWO JOBS but he used ALL of the hot water... Doing what, exactly? Bet it wasn't dishes or laundry
He sat around all day gaming and took a shower right before OP got home because he had to look productive. I know what it looks like to procrastinate all day and only get showering done at the very end. I'm the master and it takes one to know one .
I'm a showerer!
Job hunting takes hardly any time anymore with applying electronically. He’s being a slacker and i ought to know because I’m a mother fucking professional
Honestly, when applying through a job hunting site itself, it's about as easy as clicking a few buttons and typing three lines. Applying directly on company websites, maybe more than three lines. If you're spending a full work day applying to jobs online, you've either applied to hundreds in a day or you're just sitting there playing video games with the tab open (speaking from my own experience lol)
Filling out boring forms and having to look up and find all your info is so freaking easy to put off. It will take me weeks to do simple shit like that but when I do it, I do 4 other tedious things and fucking kill it the entire time.
Had one of those days yesterday. It's all feast or famine here .
Oh I totally agree, it's REALLY easy to just slack off and not do it. But when you have a family to support and, yknow, aren't a total leech, you kinda have to buck up.
I don’t see how it could even be possible for him to be applying all day, presumably every day, for however long this arrangement has been going on. I luckily haven’t had to job hunt in a little while, but when I was I could easily send out roughly 5 applications in an hour (not all of these needed cover letters or additional work, so let’s be generous and say he could complete 3 an hour). Even if he only did this for 1 full day he should gotten close to 30 applications out in that 1 day. I refuse to believe that he’s been doing that for months with no luck. I understand it’s not always that easy, but I mean at some point he’s got to either get hired or run out of places to apply to, right?
When I was unemployed I didn’t even look but every other day. Because what was the point of it? It’s the same jobs over and over and over again. I set a schedule for myself and every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I searched all my job sites, looked in the paper, went on support message boards, etc. Once I had covered all of that, then I had to spend time cleaning or doing something useful in the house and then after that what else was there to do? So this guy is a complete jerk. Unless he’s going on job interviews most of the time you don’t even leave the house to look for a job anymore. Period
Last time I was job hunting I'd do housework all morning Monday to Friday then have lunch, check emails, online job search and apply for 2 hours, then phone a few applications from the previous week to chase up any progress then at 3pm I'd go out and look for work. I'd spend 2 hours walking through town checking in on small businesses who might not have an online presence or going to construction sites asking if they need a labourer. My work history is hospitality, retail and construction so quite a few places don't have an online application. The way I saw it was while my partner supported us my full time job was housework and job hunting. The other benefit of walking for two hours a day looking for work was getting out of the house and exercising. I got a few weeks of casual work on sites this way and they helped cover costs until I got permanent work. It still took me five months to get a regular job.
Lol for real. My husband works weekends, and I am a pro at, "Okay, it's 4pm, let's marathon clean for an hour so it doesn't look like I played video games all day."
(He's aware. He doesn't mind, it's all in good fun and teamwork.)
Seriously! Get up, get your shower, then do whatever piddley thing you do all day. Waiting until she id about to get home to take a shower - thus using the hot water - is just him trying to look like a good boy for mommy.
He didn’t have time to order a burger but had time to use all the hot water?? “Job hunting all day” - imma call bullshit entirely on that. He’s full of nonsense, and he’s the lying, gaslighting, mean nasty asshole. He can live in his car full time until he’s earning $$ and doing whatever possible to lighten the load for the woman that’s supporting him while carrying his child!
The age difference bothers me because she's just entering adulthood and will be a mother and he's almost 30, has no job, and apparently missed learning about being considerate and giving a crap about people you love.
This! I was a SAHM for almost 20 YEARS due to a special needs kiddo and an overprotective MIL. My son Graduated the last week of May and I went job hunting the first week of June and was employed by the end of the 1st day of job hunting. I hadn't worked in almost two decades and was still considered employable, and at 45yrs old. Sure, I started as a sales associate, but I knew I had to start somewhere and I've been managing the joint for a couple of months now. I'm having a hard time believing this guy is taking his job search very seriously.
She said, “I don’t believe you tryin to find no job. I seen you today, leanin’ up against a lamppost.”
I said, “But I’m tired. I’ve been walking all day lookin for a job.”
He’s a free loader. What proof do you have that he’s job hunting and not playing video games all day? Not getting the burger proves he’s only thinking of himself and not you. You’d be better off alone because he’s not going to help with the baby while you work.
Anyone saying they're job hunting for more than a week is being extremely picky, or just not actually looking. At the very least get some shitty job and keep looking for one that you want. Dude is definitely sitting at home fucking off most of the day and putting apps in for 6 figure jobs.
Taking weeks is for when you already have a job and are planning a step up in your career, not when you're a deadbeat being supported by a barely-adult's two jobs after you knocked her up. What's the betting he's angling to be a SAHD with no intention of doing more than the bare minimum amount of the Dadding?
It's perfect because he can get mommy treatment at home while looking like a caring, contributing and responsible person to everyone else.
We all know that loser uncle who mooches off the grandparents but claims he's taking care of them.
Lol he should apply there. When my wife and I were dating and she was pregnant with our first child I worked at a taco time and she loved the veggie burrito with chicken added to it. I'd bring it home for her 3-4 nights a week. It's been 9 years since and I'm working in a sawmill now but she still brings up how awesome that was
NTA
Girl. This is going to be your life soon. Why are you bringing this man into the fold? What is he really doing for you?
He’s 28 without a job and you’ve got a baby coming in 2-3 months… obviously this one situation is likely a hormone response but it isn’t going to get better if he isn’t contributing to your life.
Looking for a job can’t definitely take time but not 12 hours a day. That’s BS.
He needs to get *ANY* job until he finds *THE* job. Finding a job does take time and dedication but OP is freakin pregnant and working two jobs and he’s telling her he’s tired?! What the heck is wrong with this guy?!
The vast majority of job applications these days are online. I agree that he most likely isn’t looking and he definitely is the AH in this situation, but it’s not because he isn’t out there applying for jobs physically.
OP is barely into her 20s, pregnant, studying for her career, and still found the time to get TWO jobs. Dude is almost 30 and can't get it together enough to find even one singular job. He sucks. Why is it so hard for him but easy for OP? I'll tell you why: because he isn't trying hard enough. Dude is a loser. 28 and no job with a pregnant girlfriend? Gross. I hope he's embarrassed.
NTA
NTA. I have to say this; I think the fact you are pregnant, with maybe a less than easy pregnancy( if I am reading right) You are working 2 jobs. Your BF is unemployed. I am seriously wondering if the crying was all about the burger?
Dude has nothing going on and can’t even have a dinner he doesn’t have to cook ready for OP when she gets home from carrying him and their child. Woof.
Absolutely. The burger was the last straw. It’s never about the little thing, the little thing is the last straw in a pile of “little things,” and I really hope OP gets her burger.
From my perspective you didn't cry over a burger... you cried because he just doesn't care.
So you're pregnant, working 2 jobs and have a craving.
He's at home "searching for a job all day" and can't even go out to buy a burger? And he even takes a hot shower, and now you can't because you're out of hot water?
So he didn't even think that maybe his pregnant girlfriend working 2 jobs need hot water in the end of the day.
You're not TA. He is... a big one
Op would be better off alone. More hot water, only worry about feeding yourself and your baby. Does he help with housework or do you come home to a mess? NTA
And I doubt that OP’s boyfriend will be able to be left alone with the baby, so OP is either going to need to pay for childcare or to stress herself out every day wondering if her boyfriend has been bothered to feed / change the baby.
Oh my gosh that just made me cringe a little. This man cannot be counted on to order food before the restaurant closes. He cannot be counted on to watch any human of any age, especially a newborn.
OP, you were only dating for five months when you became pregnant.
You’ve been pregnant in this relationship longer than not pregnant.
How quickly did he move in? How long has he been without a job? And how was moving in with you while you were pregnant helping you?
Because all these things combined make him sound like a man in his late twenties who intentionally latched on to you so he wouldn’t have to take care of himself.
He bought up moving in with me a week after we found out we’re pregnant, moved in a month into the pregnancy…he offered to support me by doing housework and when he found a job we’d split bills.
I saw the red flags, but not having the baby wasn’t a choice for me and I didn’t want to be alone.
But my darling you **are** doing it alone. You are not only doing it alone but you have his dead weight around your neck too?? You are working two jobs to take care of all three of you while he…does what? He “looks for a job”. Girl, he could be working at the burger place up the road right now if he wanted a job but nope. He has you to take care of him. Kick him out and keep him out.
THIS. *SO MUCH THIS*
You may not see it yet because he's in your home but you're already doing it alone. It's been how many months and he hasn't found a single job? Shitty words to hear when you're pregnant but at least you now have time to prepare.
All of this.
It might be better if you find another single mom with a young one to room with so you can share costs. He can have visitation that makes sense for the baby’s development but he’s causing your pregnancy to be less pleasant and willingly forcing you to over work. You don’t have to be in a co-habiting relationship with the father of your child, just a good co-parenting relationship.
You need to make decisions that are best for you and your little one now and having him sit around isn’t it.
NTA.
Having a deadbeat like that around is worse than being alone IMO.
She's carrying him at least as much as she's carrying that baby.
Were it me in that situation, I'd cut my losses and kick him out.
100% this - and one more thing to consider. What is his plan if he’s still “looking for a job” when the baby arrives? Is he going to stay at home and take care of the baby? Most importantly - do you trust him to be alone with and take care of your baby?
Indeed. He gets a home and food (and probably also some fun stuff) for free. He also has a girlfriend for both chores and fun times, too. And lots of time for gaming on top of that. His life couldn't get any better.
What birth control were you using? Any chance he sabotaged the condom? He sure landed in a cushy situation. You grow his kid, work 2 jobs, let him live off of you, he does nothing around the house. Real convenient for him...
FYI, that's bullshit advice you got about fertility and not taking BC... "Difficult" does NOT mean impossible. The body *wants* to get pregnant, as you discovered. Plus you're really young...which makes sense why a hobosexual guy latched onto you. Hope you see that you're already taking care of one child, a 28 year old child. And you "dont want to be alone", ummm...girl...your hobosexual bf is dead weight and is going to contribute nothing to you and the kid because he already contributes nothing. Older guys go after young naive girls because women their own age don't want anything to do with them...as in women their age see the red flags and stay away. The only women these older guys can get are young women who don't yet have enough life experience to know what red flags look like at the beginning of a relationship. Don't let the hobo come back; let him deal with being in his car. At the very least you have hot water for your showers. You won't have to buy all his food for him....and your household monthly bills will be lower. Tell him the gravy train is over and he's kicked out.
He’s not doing his end of an already unfair bargain. My guess is he never intended to follow your agreement in the first place.
There are worst things than being alone. Please look into local resources in your area to help you, and don’t be afraid to reach out to family and friends even if it’s been awhile.
NTA but judging barely matters here. Pease take care of yourself and your child.
>Please look into local resources in your area to help you
Yes! In my area, we have a local group called Moms Bloom, which matches volunteers with new moms to help with housework, cooking, and the new baby at no charge. I know groups like this are popping up in many places! There are groups of doulas that will do reduced rate or free work, too. Same for night nurses (or they may also be called doulas) to help in the postpartum period. If OP does not have a support system nearby, there are still options with highly trained, compassionate individuals. Local churches may also offer meal trains and free diapers.
u/Ready-Significance13 if you need any help finding local resources, please message me and I will hunt them down for you! There were so many programs I didn't even know existed until long after I needed them and I don't want you to miss out. My inbox is also always open if you need to talk. My son is almost two but pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period are still fresh in my mind!
Roughly 4-5months And sometimes, like I’ll ask him to empty the rubbish that morning and it’ll still be there that night but if I ask again it’ll get done, I don’t like asking twice though.
You realize he should be doing most the chores, as in clean the house, do groceries, cook, wash laundry etc. while job hunting to support his pregnant wife that works two jobs, and that without you having to ask??? That would be normal and expected of any partner without a job atm!
Yeah to “do housework & look for jobs” should not require a to-do list. Effectively she is still managing the house by identifying tasks. And he can’t complete simple ones. If being SAH is his job rn, he should be fired
There is no way he has actually spent 4-5 months job hunting all day and hasn't found anything. Unemployment is at an all time low right now. Either hes looking in a very specialised field with very few jobs, and need to find something hes overqualified for in the mean time, or hes bullshitting you.
Also it’s years before a kid even has a proper concept of what a job is/what their parents do. Crap wages are better than no wages when you have a freakin baby on the way and the pregnant partner has to work two damn jobs. He can keep applying to the jobs he considers to be good but any responsible person would be getting what they could in the mean time. Guy is a freeloader.
it seems like he’s using weaponized incompetence and OP’s young age & vulnerable state to manipulate them. he got in by saying he would help, hasn’t done anything of the sort but makes excuses saying he will in the future. so you expect him to fulfill these commitments, and when he doesn’t, you get frustrated and do it yourself/give up on the goal. he could be doing this when it comes to the job search. like, who spends nearly half a year looking for a job unless they’re not actually looking?
OP... This is a shitty situation. You are going to be more miserable with him than without, he's not contributing anything. If you have friends or family they should support you, you aren't alone
Ask yourself if this is the kind of environment you want to bring your baby into? It’s hard to be a single mom but sometimes that is a lot easier than doing it with a boyfriend like the one you currently have. You are so young, please don’t do this to yourself. I became a single mom at 23, with 3 kids - 5, 3, 2, it was hard but my peace of mind and my kids not growing up in an abusive household was worth so much more than the hard times. My kids are now 20, 17, 16 and I can guarantee you the load lightens with time. Prioritize yourself and your baby.
I'm doing the teacher training course too, but I'm in my first semester. I have no idea how you find the energy to do everything for the course, clean and work a part-time job!
If you have any tips, throw them my way! I really want to get a weekend job but I'm afraid I wouldn't manage the course load!
u/Ready-Significance13 Yeah no babe. You’re pregnant but you already have a kid at home.
There’s a reason why him, as a 28yo dated a 21yo. He’s got the maturity of a Spoon. I’m not saying he’s a predator but guys like that like to leech onto young girls for this exactly. He’s 28 and had no job. He’s *living off of you* not with you.
And I really hope you know this by now, but he has no intentions of getting a job. I’m sorry but what exactly was appealing about him? I can promise you if his sorry ass was hungry he would’ve gotten that burger. He had all day. Stop excusing his behavior.
Please do yourself and your baby a favor and drop the dead weight. Once that child comes into this world and your emotions, mind and body are fcked for a good 6 months this man will push you into a hole. Trust me it is much easier to be a single mom than a single in-a-relationship mom.
See sweetheart! You **are** so strong already!! You absolutely will thrive when you’re no longer cleaning, cooking, and working to support him! It’s much less expensive and stressful to just worry about you and baby.
I know you said your parents will disown you, and if they actually went through with the threat, it would be their loss! I also know this isn’t the first time they’ve threatened it, unless you do what they want. You’re an adult who pays their own bills and are about to have a fantastic, stable career that has room for advancement!
I know it is extremely terrifying to think you’ll have to do this alone, but you aren’t alone! Granted we aren’t physically with you, there’s a village of us in your post alone to help carry the mental burden, talk with you, and guide you.
I know you’ve got some amazing friends and relatives that would t dream of you going this alone!
I also suspect that the child’s father has slowly been isolating you from them, even if you’re not fully aware of it yet.
Does he often complain when you talk/text friends and relatives and aren’t giving him your undivided attention?
In the rare instances where time and energy allow you to go out and meet up with friends, does he guilt trips you into staying home? Typically they accomplish this by complaining that he never gets to “see/spend time with you”, “you can’t afford to go out/need to save money for baby”, or some other variety of...
Once you’ve acquiesced to his pleading/demands to not meet up with people, or even talk/text them in his presence, does he often ignore you to game, use social media, watch tv/videos , or even talk with his friends?
These are isolation techniques. They are intended to make you feel like there is no one else and that if he isn’t with you, you’ll be completely alone.
Reach out to your friends and relatives. They will be happy to hear from you and gladly help you offload the extra weight. I promise you aren’t the first to be in this situation, and you really won’t be alone!
Isn't having someone you have to *carry* on your back worse than just doing it alone? Sheesh girl. He's a selfish, inconsiderate human being. At 28, he's not growing out of that.
How do you think that's gonna translate when baby gets here? He'll blame playing with baby as the reason he didn't look for jobs. And yeah, I'm making a huge leap in even assuming he'll actually look after the baby.
NTA. He was "job hunting" until 8:40 PM? Not likely. You are working two jobs and he isn't working and he couldn't be bothered to call in an order. And he didn't apologize for his screw up.
Places are hurting for work. He can literally apply to any food service place and start the next day.
I get wanting to get the right job I do.
However he has responsibilities and needs to get money now and look for his next step. His excuses stink like shit.
Yeah, getting the 'right' job is ideal. But in his situation, you get a job at Burger King, then keep looking for something you actually want to do. She doesn't say how long he's been "job hunting" but if you're willing to do anything to support yourself and your family, you can absolutely have a job within a week.
And I say this as someone who dicked around while job hunting, looking for the 'right' job. But then I hit the point where I needed A job, so I took the best of what was readily available. This guy was at that point the minute he moved in with OP and still hasn't acted on it. He's a leech.
Don't be the AH to yourself
> 28y old
> he’s currently looking for employment, technically I’m working two jobs to support the both of us it’s tiring, but he’s looking so it’s not over that.
He doesn't bring anything to the table, kick him out and file for full custody and child support. It'll be easier than supporting him.
He could go flip burgers if he really wanted to get a job
Yep, I’m not seeing one positive about this AH. He’s ‘overwhelmed’? From what exactly since he’s jobless and can’t even do one simple task of ordering food in time (he wasn’t even asked to cook)?
You'd be out the door at most workplaces if your manager had to micromanage you so much that you constantly needed a list of what you had to do!
Probably explains why he's unemployed at 28. Nobody seems to have told him he has to take some initiative from time to time.
The list:
1. Don’t use all the goddam hot water right before your pregnant gf is due home
2. Order a goddam burger
I don’t think it would have helped, somehow.
Read up on the mental load. Sooner rather than later!!
Edited for the link: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
Why is he always telling you what his friend says?
Tell him clearly he’s about to be a father and he’s currently unemployed while the mother of his child works 2 jobs while carrying/growing said child
Ask him: is this the man he wants to be?
Also, ask yourself if that's the example you want to give your child. If you have a son, do you want him to normalize that he won't ever have to lift a finger because women have to do anything? Would you want a daughter to normalize that?
Oh sweetie. You’re going to be in for a miserable time if you keep this “man” around. He is a leech and he will suck you dry and then leave you and your baby.
Ding ding ding. You don’t need a list and neither does he because you are adults who can figure out what needs to be done. Trash full? Take it out. Groceries low? Buy groceries. If he doesn’t know what needs taken care of he can google a list of a normal cleaning schedule. Then he can come to you and say hey, I see x,y, and Z need done, but can’t do all today, any priorities you have? I also guarantee he’s not applying to jobs and following up on leads, polishing his resume, interviewing, etc 40 hours a week for months. This is not about the burger, this is about him not pulling his weight and not doing the 1 or 2 minuscule things you have asked him to do.
What was he overwhelmed by? Job applications? I realize job hunting is more work than one would think but you had literally been working all day and his had promised to get the burgers. He’s a grown up and should know how to plan his time so that he can make the order before the restaurant closes. It’s not that hard. He needs to step up. NTA.
I was recently unemployed for 3 months, and job hunting for a very specific role in a very specific field in a very slowed-down industry. I spent a couple hours a day most week days sending out applications and scouting job posts. At some point you run out of posts. You can't spend an entire day job hunting! In those 3 months I had time to travel and go on adventures and cross things off my bucketlist. And with all that - I still found the exact job I wanted within 3 months. If the BF was actually job hunting in the last few months as he's saying he has been, even if it's a specialized role, he would have had a job by now. NTA but wow, OP is really stuck with another child she didn't want to begin with.
NTA. Sounds like he’s being picky about what kind of job he wants (because literally everywhere is hiring especially fast food) OR he only pretends to be job hunting for 12 hours a day. I mean, with 12 hours, I could probably apply to hundreds of jobs. It doesn’t mean that I’m qualified to work those jobs but at least he’d be trying.
In all this time he has been “job hunting” how many interviews has he had? It sounds like he’d rather free load off of you than actually go and get a job. He’s gonna have a rude awakening when this baby comes and he has to help out.
He’s very picky; my mother has a friend who offered an interview for a care home and he wouldn’t, his friend is saying he shouldn’t settle for a job our child wouldn’t be proud of…although said friend is also the one who said I don’t want him to do chores that much because I didn’t leave him a list.
He really can’t afford to be picky. You’ll be taking leave from your jobs after you have this baby. Someone needs to be working.
Also his friend is a dumbass. Your child literally will not care what job their dad has while they’re a newborn.
At this point, he needs to suck it up and take whatever job he can get until he finds something better. The experience from working any job will help him get a different/better job. He can’t just go from unemployed to his “dream” job without hustling and working jobs he doesn’t like in between.
What happens when you’re baby is born and he decides to be picky about what he will do with the baby? Or what if he just doesn’t help with the baby?
There was a time when my husband with 3 engineering degrees worked the floor at CompUSA for $9/hour because it meant we'd get health insurance. Our son was on the school lunch program and I went back to work full time. I wasn't earning enough to cover household expenses although it was the only time in our marriage I earned more than he did. I'd never been prouder of him for taking the it to his pride and doing what needed doing.
The BF has no leg to stand on. He needs to swallow that pride and get a jog, any job, although keep looking. The funny thing is, when you already have a job, you get better offers.
Edit to add: NTA but he is.
then he'd better go live with this friend. In the long term better for your mental health to be solo and managed your own thing - then you would have your meal and a hot shower.
No. His friend doesn’t get to be involved in the way your household is ran. If your boyfriend wants his friend to have a say, he needs to go live with his friend.
It’s time to have a conversation about this with your boyfriend. Job hunting is important but he can do that in an organized way and have time to do the things that need to be done around the house.
Just IMO, but I don't think you should let him live with you until he gets a job. I'm not telling you that you have to straight up to dump him but.... I don't think I'd be dating him.
I'm not against stay at home dads if you can swing it financially, but since he doesn't even do chores on his own without being explicitly asked it doesn't seem like a good fit for him.
If he does not do chores, does not have a job, and won't even run one errand for you to get you food you are craving ..... Like how is this even a partnership? He just sounds like a leech right now.
After he was made redundant, my dad worked as a call center operative, a taxi driver, and a nude male model. All of these things were WAY beneath what his skills and experience deserved. And you know what? I was, and am, so incredibly proud of him for putting his dignity aside for the sake of his family.
Your bf’s friend is an AH, and so is your bf for listening. You are NTA, and would probably be better off single.
He could take that job, and also keep looking for something better. You have a baby on the way, he needs to take some responsibility here.
Your baby won't care what job he has. And he's an adult. He shouldn't need to be given a list of chores. 🤦♀️
NTA
It’s not about the burger…it’s about the lack of respect he demonstrated towards you.
You are working two jobs and supporting everything, while pregnant, and he can’t even do something that he said that he would do. Because he’s ‘overwhelmed’ by job hunting. That’s a BS answer.
He’s nothing more than a inconsiderate, lazy leech at this point and is causing you more stress and work than help.
Older man knocks up someone who’s barely experienced adulthood, immediately moves in with her while she works 2 jobs to support him.
Sounds like he hit the lottery and you’re being ridiculously taken advantage of. You’re only 21. Do you really want to be supporting a grown man? This situation WILL NOT CHANGE unless you change it.
Do it now.
Your boyfriend is essentially living off of his almost due girlfriend and can't take 5 minutes to do something for the one paying for his home? You're NTA, but unfortunately you're already dealing with a child even before you've finished pregnancy
It’s always small things like using the last of the hot water, or insisting on talking to me while I’m using the loo when he knows I hate that, or finishing the OJ and not replacing it, or not emptying the washing machine or cooking when he offers to
So, my initial thought still stands NTA.
You're growing another hunan, working two jobs and got back after 8pm and all you asked was that he got you dinner and he couldn't be bothered?
That's not OK. I would be talking to him about the whole relationship tbh, you need to be able to rely on each other and it doesn't sound like you can do that now.
Hum. It doesn't look great. Sure those are little things, but life is full of little things. Having a baby together doesn't mean you have to "be" together, you know. You could be friends, allies, co-parents... But you don't have to be the wife of the girlfriend of this guy just because you are pregnant.
He’s a very inconsiderate person. That’s not something you can reason with. You would honestly be better off without him.
Think about how he would treat a child if this is his pattern. “Yeah I’ll totally do X!” … “Okay yes I forgot but my life is hard so shut up about it.”
I’m also amazed that he remembered to shower(?) and use the hot water before you got home, so he had time to order and simply didn’t. He wasn’t immersed in annoying applications to the point he couldn’t have taken a moment to do what he said he would.
I imagine you asking him to pick up the lil bean from school and him forgetting. I imagine you baking cupcakes for kiddo’s bday party and him absentmindedly eating all of them. And it may be accidental. It may not be malicious. But it’s still awful and not an acceptable way to treat people. He’s a clear AH here and honestly sounds like nothing but a drain on you.
He needs to go. You know it. It will calmer, cheaper and easier on your own. He's bringing zero to the situation. He can be a father after the baby arrives but just seems a big speed bump right now. NTA
Will get worse when the baby comes. You'll be working and raising two children then. Better talk about this issue* and get out expectations now. Write it all down so you can calmly lay it down. Let him absorb. If he still is lacking maybe be together but not living together. Be for a smoother home life than constant fights over his lacking responsibilities in the home.
Edit:typo
It sounds like this isn't about the burger so much as not getting the support you need from your partner. If you're working two jobs and he's job hunting, he should be doing more to support you. The idea that he's exhausted is a cop out when you are clearly doing more than he is, both in terms of physical work, finances, and likely household responsibilities, since he can't even manage to get food.
NTA, and be aware that this approach to things is likely going to continue once the baby comes, unless something drastic changes.
NTA. Forget the burger (sort of) here’s where I say kick him out:
He knows you get home about 840 after a twelve hour day working two jobs, and like to take a hot shower to decompress. He’s sitting around all day, and takes a long enough shower right before you get home to use up all the hot water. That’s a total asshole move.
NTA
I don't believe he's looking for work after 6:00pm. What was he doing in the evening when you weren't there?
I understand he's stressed. But he has no idea what it's like carrying a baby *and* working two jobs. You're really doing three jobs. Making a baby is exhausting in and of itself.
You asked for your dinner to be picked up at a desired place and he failed. He also had to shower in the evening?
You're both stressed but you're the one who takes priority because you are working the two jobs and pregnant.
Where is he job hunting after 8 p.m.?
You are working 2 jobs and pregnant, and he didn't prioritize this one thing you asked of him. I am sure he's frustrated with the situation as well, but I think you're NTA for needing a little space under the circumstances.
NTA. He sounds like a complete dick and you have hormones raging that you can’t control. You are 100% working harder than him. Job hunting is exhausting but he had time to get you a burger you really wanted. Growing a human is one of the hardest things one can do. You deserve that burger. And you deserve hot water and not not loser griping instead of going out of the way for you
The fact that I'm seeing even one YTA is bizarre. People need to understand this is not about a burger anymore. This is about her freeloading "boyfriend" getting upset that she didn't want burger king.
NTA. He is bringing nothing to the table, quite the contrary, so you have every right to loose the dead weight. As if you didn’t already have enough with two jobs and a pregnancy. Does he even do chores around the house? Why has he not taken a cashier or waiter job in the meantime? Do you get anything out of him living with you?
Edit: misspelling
NTA. You’re pregnant, exhausted, and overwhelmed. You deserve the damn burger.
Sounds like my dude needs a job *while* he’s job hunting. Anything, pick up some shifts and Target or Chipotle. It’s next to impossible NOT to find a retail or service job right now they are desperate. I know he is probably looking for something long term (and that’s fine to do as long as he has SOMETHING for the moment) but he needs to lock down some income STAT bc you can’t go on like this.
NTA. Honestly, if he's this little help while you're pregnant, imagine how much worse it's going to get when you finally have the baby. This is passive aggressive nastiness that he's pulling.
NTA believe me he could be working in fast food or something else that isn’t glamorous or comfy. Why is he happy to “look” for employment while his pregnant partner works 2 jobs??????
Didn’t get his pregnant partner food
Knew you worked all day while he didn’t and still used the last of the hot water
This man will not improve. Plan to do this alone and the moment he is employed get child support.
NTA. Girl you sound exhausted. I get that your friends think it's 'over a burger' but you're working a 65 hour week, dealing with a complicated pregnancy, with a selfish hot-water using, freeloading, unapologetic boyfriend who seems to think job-hunting qualifies as a job?
I'm glad he had to sleep in his car for a night, it should be a reminder of what his life would be without all that you do for him. He needs to grow up, and in the next 3 months. For the sake of your future child, I suggest you have a serious conversation with him about what he intends on bringing to the table because he is not remotely pulling his weight.
NTA. If done daily, job hunting isn’t that hard. The first day took me an hour tops to scan through jobs that met my standards and then 10 minutes each day after. What’s he actually doing?
NTA. Please don’t listen to anyone saying that making him leave was an overreaction. This guy brings absolutely nothing to the table. If anything he adds to your stress and burdens. He’s an inconsiderate moocher, and it will be worse after the baby comes. You said food and saving hot water are little things. Yes they are in a sense, but also no they’re not when you come home after a long, hard day. My husband and I have been together almost 24 years and we will take shorter showers or even cold showers so that the other can have a hot one. If we know the other is tired or had an exhausting day, we do little things to make the day easier or more pleasant for the other. Little things make a huge difference. You deserve someone like that. This guy is not it!
NTA it sounds like you are cracking under all the weight of doing everything. You’re working two job to support the both of you, which will include the baby soon. Your BF can’t be bothered to leave hot water for you or order a burger from a place you can tolerate. He wasn’t job hunting for 12 hours. If he really was job hunting 12 hours a day every day for 6 months, he would have a job by now.
How are you going to manage when the baby comes? I don’t see how your boyfriend becomes a team player in 3 months.
NTA and give yourself some grace. You didn’t kick him out because of the burger. The burger was the final straw I what sounds like a series of stressors.
NTA. it's not really about the burger. It's that he said he would take care of something he knew was important to you, then dropped the ball, then told you you weren't allowed to be upset about it. And to top it off, he then tries to turn it around on you because he's overwhelmed by being home all day looking for employment while you work two jobs at 6 months pregnant to support him. Eesh.
Where is he job hunting? Maybe you aren’t in the US, but no one lets you just walk in and ask for a job. Everything is done online now. If he’s not doing interviews, after applying online, then he’s just out screwing off. He sounds pretty useless. You’ll be better off without him. You’re an adult. Screw what your parents think.
NTA. Man was job hunting on either a phone or computer right???? So why couldn’t he just place the order? He is a mooch and a weirdo and your friends fucking suck for trying to defend this. Dump the lot of em
NTA
He is either bringing something to the table making your life much better or he isn't. If he isn't making your life a lot better, he needs to go. You have to take care of yourself and the baby. You do not have time to raise another child.
NTA. But you are being played. He wasn’t exhausted from job hunting all day. I would be surprised if he is actually looking at all. Tell him you have proven you can do this without him, so he has 1 month to show what he brings to the table or he can “support” you through child support and every other weekend visitation.
NTA. Not even close. Even if you weren’t pregnant. You are supporting him and all you asked for was a burger. I bet if he’d have said no when you asked him to get it, you’d have made arrangements to get it yourself. He let you down. He made a promise he didn’t keep and is mad at you for it.
NTA. But do yourself a HUGE favor and kick him out. You are already going to be fully supporting your baby and yourself you don't need to support him too. He is not looking for a job, if he was truly looking to step up and help he would take any job and keep looking for something better. Don't let him suck you in.
NTA. Maybe he should go stay with his “friend” with all the toxic relationship advice. Even if you weren’t pregnant you didn’t over react to kick out a deadbeat who can’t do the ONE thing you asked. He is absolutely not looking for a job for 12 hours. Also a baby doesn’t care about what job you have. That’s crap. He’s using you and will not lift a finger once that baby comes.
Btw he can get a job while job hunting. I did freelance work while job hunting. Other friends of mine got retail or server jobs while they were job hunting. The idea that you would spend all day “job hunting” while your pregnant girlfriend works 2 jobs is frankly despicable.
NTA. Your life right now sounds exhausting. Honestly I don't think this was solely about the burger. You have a lot of stress, and he's not doing enough to reduce it. One thing that is noticeable is that you are working to support the living expenses of two adults and soon two adults plus a baby. It probably would be easier on you if he lived somewhere else. Him stressing you out in your own space, plus adding to your expenses, isn't working out. It would make sense if his presence reduced your stress (massages, moral support, preparing meals, etc) and cut your expenses (splitting bills), but that's not how it worked out. This doesn't necessarily have to mean a breakup. People have relationships all the time while living separately. But right now this seems best for both you and the baby. I hope there are other people in your life you can count on, because it doesn't sound like he is reliable or holds himself accountable for doing better.
NTA he sounds inconsiderate. Also he got you pregnant, moved in with you and doesn’t have a job? And he’s 7 years older than you?
Also he has no job why couldn’t he get your burger? What job was he looking for at 8PM? And he used up the hot water??? Girl
He sounds like that TLC song
NTA. Red flag that he’s acting like his day is even in the ballpark of how rough yours is. He doesn’t even *have* a job, and you have two! Plus you’re pregnant. Physically, it’s pretty easy to not have two jobs and not be pregnant. Can’t believe he is arguing with you about that.
First off, you’re allowed to have complicated feelings about being pregnant at any point in time and especially when you’re 21, still in school and getting no assistance from your partner. It doesn’t mean you don’t love or want your baby, it just means that things are rarely black and white and this is no exception.
NTA but honestly, maybe it’s time to consider getting some space from him for longer than a night. He’s had 6 months to show you that he’s a partner capable of pulling his weight and that’s not happening. If it means that he has to move back home for a while to get his shit together then maybe he has to do that but this current situation where you’re doing everything while being pregnant and he’s whining about the great stress that is filling out some job applications is unsustainable and will breed resentment.
Oh look,another girl stuck with a much older, completely useless guy who no girl his own age would tolerate.
So, same advice as every other time we have this exact same scenario: walk away, a life as a single mother of 1 is way better than the life of a single mother of 2 children (one being nearly 30).
NTA
NTA … While job hunting does suck there’s no way he sat there for 12.5 hours looking for jobs. He could have woken up earlier. I use sticky notes or an alarm on my phone to set reminders for simple things cause I know I’ll forget. If he was tired from the search (it can be daunting) he could’ve taken a break. I.E. walked to get some fresh air (or driven cause that helps clear the mind too), grabbed the burger, and some food for hisself. I don’t think he should necessarily grovel, but it’s so simple to own up to a mistake and think of a way to resolve the issue. (No Burger King doesn’t count as a solution since it’s nasty as f*ck).
NTA this is a mess. You have a bf you don’t know very well and you’re bringing a baby into this world. He does nothing, has no job and doesn’t even respect you. And when the baby comes it will be even worse. Makes sense that he cannot find someone his age because he’s a freeloading loser dating someone of college aged. You’re tired, overwhelmed and not super excited about being pregnant in a new relationship. I don’t see this ending well frankly and you should prepare to do this yourself and give him the boot. Because if it’s between doing this alone and not supporting your bf or doing this alone and having a freeloader I would choose the former
NTA—But how hard is he looking for a job? Do you believe he’s actually out looking for a job at 9pm? He can’t get hired at a grocery store stocking shelves? What about as a janitor somewhere? You’re six months pregnant and working 2 jobs, and he has no job. How long has he been unemployed?
NTA for being upset, every right to.
Pretty uncool to make him leave and sleep in his car, but you do pay the bills so that is your right.
Hes being childish.
'Nuff said.
NTA. He is though. He could have taken 5mins any time of that day to take care of the order, but chose to not do so.
When I found out I was pregnant, my now husband (then boyfriend of a few months) went out the next day and got a job at McDonald’s, before that he was looking for a job he wanted. After hearing a kid was coming, went for any job that would hire him. And I’ve always been thankful for that kind of mind set.
NTA
I’m sorry to say but from this I would say you need to lose him now. Job hunting is hard but not hard enough to be that exhausted and dickish. You’re 6 months along and he can’t figure something out by now? Honestly you might wanna think of the possibility he isn’t job hunting and rather is going out with someone.
NTA. Your boyfriend is absolutely taking advantage of you when you are most vulnerable. Jobs are still pretty plentiful right now, if he wants to work, he’ll find a job, even if it’s not ideal, just to bring in cash for the family. How is he benefiting your life at all? He’s wasting all your resources for what? He can’t even do less than the bare minimum and shower earlier in the day so that you get a hot shower. That was calculated, he’s keeping you uncomfortable, mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, and when he should be doing something to help, he just makes it worse AND then let’s you doubt yourself and think you’re crazy. He’s not being a good partner or friend right now. Get out while the getting is good.
ESH, but very soft for you. He was definitely an A. Being mad at him is warranted, sending him to sleep in his car was an overreaction.
But the issue is not here, honestly. The issue is, do you want to be with this guy? He doesn't sound like a prize.
I'd even argue he doesn't want to be with you. Being unreliable and selfish is often a passive aggressive way for men to get dumped when they don't have the courage to break up themselves. Not ordering a burger to your pregnant girlfriend who works two jobs seem like an unconscious strategy to have her mad at you and break up with you in time, do he doesn't have to say, I dumped my pregnant girlfriend.
In short, he doesn't want to be here, he is not happy supporting you, but he is too much of a coward to leave, so he's acting up like a grumpy kid.
NTA for being upset, although asking him to leave and letting him sleep in his car was a bit extreme. I do worry about what's going to happen when the baby arrives. If he can't handle ordering you a burger in time, will he be reliable when it comes to taking care of the baby? Perhaps this is an opportunity to have some honest conversations about expectations about partnership and parenting.
I would’ve order it at like 7 and had the oven pre heated to warm up your burger when you got home. The bar is set SO SO LOW for soooo many men and yet they STILL manage to trip over it. Dude needs to apologize, you weren’t asking for that much. NTA especially for him calling YOU an asshole for being emotional. Not only are you pregnant, but you’re working two jobs. All you wanted was a night with your preferred entrée and a hot shower. Those are by no means Big asks
NTA. I find it VERY hard to believe that he is legitimately job hunting for over 12 hours every single day. You’re pregnant, working two jobs and supporting him and he couldn’t take 10 mins out of his oh-so-busy day to do one thing for you?
Nahhh, there’s something fishy with that. You might as well start getting used to the idea of being solely responsible for your baby, because if he is this selfish and inconsiderate before baby gets here, he won’t get any better after.
NTA. Not only are you supporting the household and growing a person, but (having been pregnant myself) there are few things so certain to make a pregnant person cry than having major disappointment around cravings and needing to rest. He should’ve apologised properly instead of picking a fight and playing the ‘I’ve had it worse game’ with you.
This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations. [Sub Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ||| ["FAQs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
When you said that you got pregnant and he moved in, I assumed that that was to help you and kiddle to start a family. Apparently not the case at all. I'm going to be very harsh here. He has to stop talking about finding a job and find a goddamn job. You have to stop working two jobs to help support him. Your job is to support that baby not him. Actually that's his job as well. You may notice I have not discussed the burger and that's because it's irrelevant. You are NTA but you need to take several steps back and evaluate your options. Edit: I want thank everyone who upvoted my comment and gave me an award. I am bowled over by your kindness.
OP please listen to the advice here. When your baby arrives, your BF isn’t going to change, it’s likely to get worse. He needs to get a job, help at home in a meaningful way, does what he says he will, and apologize when he messes up. I’d give him a timetable on those things, and boot him permanently if it doesn’t happen well before the baby arrives.
Not only did he fail at providing her sustenance while she's pregnant and working TWO JOBS but he used ALL of the hot water... Doing what, exactly? Bet it wasn't dishes or laundry
He sat around all day gaming and took a shower right before OP got home because he had to look productive. I know what it looks like to procrastinate all day and only get showering done at the very end. I'm the master and it takes one to know one . I'm a showerer!
Job hunting takes hardly any time anymore with applying electronically. He’s being a slacker and i ought to know because I’m a mother fucking professional
Honestly, when applying through a job hunting site itself, it's about as easy as clicking a few buttons and typing three lines. Applying directly on company websites, maybe more than three lines. If you're spending a full work day applying to jobs online, you've either applied to hundreds in a day or you're just sitting there playing video games with the tab open (speaking from my own experience lol)
Filling out boring forms and having to look up and find all your info is so freaking easy to put off. It will take me weeks to do simple shit like that but when I do it, I do 4 other tedious things and fucking kill it the entire time. Had one of those days yesterday. It's all feast or famine here .
Oh I totally agree, it's REALLY easy to just slack off and not do it. But when you have a family to support and, yknow, aren't a total leech, you kinda have to buck up.
I don’t see how it could even be possible for him to be applying all day, presumably every day, for however long this arrangement has been going on. I luckily haven’t had to job hunt in a little while, but when I was I could easily send out roughly 5 applications in an hour (not all of these needed cover letters or additional work, so let’s be generous and say he could complete 3 an hour). Even if he only did this for 1 full day he should gotten close to 30 applications out in that 1 day. I refuse to believe that he’s been doing that for months with no luck. I understand it’s not always that easy, but I mean at some point he’s got to either get hired or run out of places to apply to, right?
When I was unemployed I didn’t even look but every other day. Because what was the point of it? It’s the same jobs over and over and over again. I set a schedule for myself and every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I searched all my job sites, looked in the paper, went on support message boards, etc. Once I had covered all of that, then I had to spend time cleaning or doing something useful in the house and then after that what else was there to do? So this guy is a complete jerk. Unless he’s going on job interviews most of the time you don’t even leave the house to look for a job anymore. Period
Last time I was job hunting I'd do housework all morning Monday to Friday then have lunch, check emails, online job search and apply for 2 hours, then phone a few applications from the previous week to chase up any progress then at 3pm I'd go out and look for work. I'd spend 2 hours walking through town checking in on small businesses who might not have an online presence or going to construction sites asking if they need a labourer. My work history is hospitality, retail and construction so quite a few places don't have an online application. The way I saw it was while my partner supported us my full time job was housework and job hunting. The other benefit of walking for two hours a day looking for work was getting out of the house and exercising. I got a few weeks of casual work on sites this way and they helped cover costs until I got permanent work. It still took me five months to get a regular job.
Lol for real. My husband works weekends, and I am a pro at, "Okay, it's 4pm, let's marathon clean for an hour so it doesn't look like I played video games all day." (He's aware. He doesn't mind, it's all in good fun and teamwork.)
Seriously! Get up, get your shower, then do whatever piddley thing you do all day. Waiting until she id about to get home to take a shower - thus using the hot water - is just him trying to look like a good boy for mommy.
He didn’t have time to order a burger but had time to use all the hot water?? “Job hunting all day” - imma call bullshit entirely on that. He’s full of nonsense, and he’s the lying, gaslighting, mean nasty asshole. He can live in his car full time until he’s earning $$ and doing whatever possible to lighten the load for the woman that’s supporting him while carrying his child!
The age difference bothers me because she's just entering adulthood and will be a mother and he's almost 30, has no job, and apparently missed learning about being considerate and giving a crap about people you love.
This! I was a SAHM for almost 20 YEARS due to a special needs kiddo and an overprotective MIL. My son Graduated the last week of May and I went job hunting the first week of June and was employed by the end of the 1st day of job hunting. I hadn't worked in almost two decades and was still considered employable, and at 45yrs old. Sure, I started as a sales associate, but I knew I had to start somewhere and I've been managing the joint for a couple of months now. I'm having a hard time believing this guy is taking his job search very seriously.
She said, “I don’t believe you tryin to find no job. I seen you today, leanin’ up against a lamppost.” I said, “But I’m tired. I’ve been walking all day lookin for a job.”
She said, “that don’t concern me, as long as I get my rent by next Friday.”
And out the door I went!
“Packed up my Johnny Lee Hooker records, and out the door I went. She’s talked about the back rent, she lucky to get any front rent.”
He’s a free loader. What proof do you have that he’s job hunting and not playing video games all day? Not getting the burger proves he’s only thinking of himself and not you. You’d be better off alone because he’s not going to help with the baby while you work.
Anyone saying they're job hunting for more than a week is being extremely picky, or just not actually looking. At the very least get some shitty job and keep looking for one that you want. Dude is definitely sitting at home fucking off most of the day and putting apps in for 6 figure jobs.
Taking weeks is for when you already have a job and are planning a step up in your career, not when you're a deadbeat being supported by a barely-adult's two jobs after you knocked her up. What's the betting he's angling to be a SAHD with no intention of doing more than the bare minimum amount of the Dadding?
This totally. Him moving in isn’t supposed to make your life harder. He needs to work. Otherwise you’ll soon have 2 children. NTA
It's perfect because he can get mommy treatment at home while looking like a caring, contributing and responsible person to everyone else. We all know that loser uncle who mooches off the grandparents but claims he's taking care of them.
Yep...he can apply at Burger King...
Or the place with the veggie burgers OP likes 😏
And he could get an employee discount...
Lol he should apply there. When my wife and I were dating and she was pregnant with our first child I worked at a taco time and she loved the veggie burrito with chicken added to it. I'd bring it home for her 3-4 nights a week. It's been 9 years since and I'm working in a sawmill now but she still brings up how awesome that was
Much like the Iranian yogurt, the burger is not the issue here.
NTA Girl. This is going to be your life soon. Why are you bringing this man into the fold? What is he really doing for you? He’s 28 without a job and you’ve got a baby coming in 2-3 months… obviously this one situation is likely a hormone response but it isn’t going to get better if he isn’t contributing to your life.
[удалено]
Saying he failed implies that he’s tried… not the case here. NTA, but you will be if you keep this deadbeat around.
There’s no way he spent alllllll of his day looking for work. He would already have a job if he were really looking that hard. He’s lazy
Looking for a job can’t definitely take time but not 12 hours a day. That’s BS. He needs to get *ANY* job until he finds *THE* job. Finding a job does take time and dedication but OP is freakin pregnant and working two jobs and he’s telling her he’s tired?! What the heck is wrong with this guy?!
The vast majority of job applications these days are online. I agree that he most likely isn’t looking and he definitely is the AH in this situation, but it’s not because he isn’t out there applying for jobs physically.
OP is barely into her 20s, pregnant, studying for her career, and still found the time to get TWO jobs. Dude is almost 30 and can't get it together enough to find even one singular job. He sucks. Why is it so hard for him but easy for OP? I'll tell you why: because he isn't trying hard enough. Dude is a loser. 28 and no job with a pregnant girlfriend? Gross. I hope he's embarrassed. NTA
He's lazy, that's true. But he's probably great at gaming and can reproduce, so there's that. /s
He's gaming her, that's for sure
He’s not embarrassed: He’s probably high-fiving his fellow mooch friends about how he lucked out with gullible OP .
NTA. I have to say this; I think the fact you are pregnant, with maybe a less than easy pregnancy( if I am reading right) You are working 2 jobs. Your BF is unemployed. I am seriously wondering if the crying was all about the burger?
Yeup my first thought was this isn't a burger problem this is a boyfriend problem.
Dude has nothing going on and can’t even have a dinner he doesn’t have to cook ready for OP when she gets home from carrying him and their child. Woof.
Damn. I was already on her side, but you really laid it out with this comment. He literally couldn't be bothered to order food.
HE WASNT EVEN EXPECTED TO GO PICK IT UP HE JUST HAD TO PLACE THE ORDER AND HE ORDERED. NOTHING BUT A 99¢ SIDE OF FAIL SAUCE
He was apparently too busy having an hour-long hot shower before she got home 🙄
“Carrying him and their child” Yup.
Absolutely. The burger was the last straw. It’s never about the little thing, the little thing is the last straw in a pile of “little things,” and I really hope OP gets her burger.
For sure!!
From my perspective you didn't cry over a burger... you cried because he just doesn't care. So you're pregnant, working 2 jobs and have a craving. He's at home "searching for a job all day" and can't even go out to buy a burger? And he even takes a hot shower, and now you can't because you're out of hot water? So he didn't even think that maybe his pregnant girlfriend working 2 jobs need hot water in the end of the day. You're not TA. He is... a big one
Op would be better off alone. More hot water, only worry about feeding yourself and your baby. Does he help with housework or do you come home to a mess? NTA
And she would have known to order herself if he wasn't in the picture. He is actively making her life worse right now.
Yes she simply would have ordered the burger, had a nice hot shower, and went to bed feeling great. Well as good as one can feel when pregnant.
And I doubt that OP’s boyfriend will be able to be left alone with the baby, so OP is either going to need to pay for childcare or to stress herself out every day wondering if her boyfriend has been bothered to feed / change the baby.
Oh my gosh that just made me cringe a little. This man cannot be counted on to order food before the restaurant closes. He cannot be counted on to watch any human of any age, especially a newborn.
[удалено]
Meaning, he just got up and started his day about an hour ago
He needed to wash the weed smell of off himself, lest she find out he smoked weed and played video games all day.
OP, you were only dating for five months when you became pregnant. You’ve been pregnant in this relationship longer than not pregnant. How quickly did he move in? How long has he been without a job? And how was moving in with you while you were pregnant helping you? Because all these things combined make him sound like a man in his late twenties who intentionally latched on to you so he wouldn’t have to take care of himself.
He bought up moving in with me a week after we found out we’re pregnant, moved in a month into the pregnancy…he offered to support me by doing housework and when he found a job we’d split bills. I saw the red flags, but not having the baby wasn’t a choice for me and I didn’t want to be alone.
But my darling you **are** doing it alone. You are not only doing it alone but you have his dead weight around your neck too?? You are working two jobs to take care of all three of you while he…does what? He “looks for a job”. Girl, he could be working at the burger place up the road right now if he wanted a job but nope. He has you to take care of him. Kick him out and keep him out.
THIS. *SO MUCH THIS* You may not see it yet because he's in your home but you're already doing it alone. It's been how many months and he hasn't found a single job? Shitty words to hear when you're pregnant but at least you now have time to prepare.
All of this. It might be better if you find another single mom with a young one to room with so you can share costs. He can have visitation that makes sense for the baby’s development but he’s causing your pregnancy to be less pleasant and willingly forcing you to over work. You don’t have to be in a co-habiting relationship with the father of your child, just a good co-parenting relationship. You need to make decisions that are best for you and your little one now and having him sit around isn’t it. NTA.
Having a deadbeat like that around is worse than being alone IMO. She's carrying him at least as much as she's carrying that baby. Were it me in that situation, I'd cut my losses and kick him out.
100% this - and one more thing to consider. What is his plan if he’s still “looking for a job” when the baby arrives? Is he going to stay at home and take care of the baby? Most importantly - do you trust him to be alone with and take care of your baby?
He’s not actually looking for work. You realize this, right? Why would he when right now he’s getting everything he wants? NTA
Indeed. He gets a home and food (and probably also some fun stuff) for free. He also has a girlfriend for both chores and fun times, too. And lots of time for gaming on top of that. His life couldn't get any better.
What birth control were you using? Any chance he sabotaged the condom? He sure landed in a cushy situation. You grow his kid, work 2 jobs, let him live off of you, he does nothing around the house. Real convenient for him...
Condom + I was told it’ll be difficult for me to even get pregnant, otherwise I wouldn’t also used BC
FYI, that's bullshit advice you got about fertility and not taking BC... "Difficult" does NOT mean impossible. The body *wants* to get pregnant, as you discovered. Plus you're really young...which makes sense why a hobosexual guy latched onto you. Hope you see that you're already taking care of one child, a 28 year old child. And you "dont want to be alone", ummm...girl...your hobosexual bf is dead weight and is going to contribute nothing to you and the kid because he already contributes nothing. Older guys go after young naive girls because women their own age don't want anything to do with them...as in women their age see the red flags and stay away. The only women these older guys can get are young women who don't yet have enough life experience to know what red flags look like at the beginning of a relationship. Don't let the hobo come back; let him deal with being in his car. At the very least you have hot water for your showers. You won't have to buy all his food for him....and your household monthly bills will be lower. Tell him the gravy train is over and he's kicked out.
This. Even when they tell you you're "infertile", you still can get pregnant/ get someone pregnant.
Exactly. Infertile does *not* equal sterile.
He’s not doing his end of an already unfair bargain. My guess is he never intended to follow your agreement in the first place. There are worst things than being alone. Please look into local resources in your area to help you, and don’t be afraid to reach out to family and friends even if it’s been awhile. NTA but judging barely matters here. Pease take care of yourself and your child.
>Please look into local resources in your area to help you Yes! In my area, we have a local group called Moms Bloom, which matches volunteers with new moms to help with housework, cooking, and the new baby at no charge. I know groups like this are popping up in many places! There are groups of doulas that will do reduced rate or free work, too. Same for night nurses (or they may also be called doulas) to help in the postpartum period. If OP does not have a support system nearby, there are still options with highly trained, compassionate individuals. Local churches may also offer meal trains and free diapers. u/Ready-Significance13 if you need any help finding local resources, please message me and I will hunt them down for you! There were so many programs I didn't even know existed until long after I needed them and I don't want you to miss out. My inbox is also always open if you need to talk. My son is almost two but pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period are still fresh in my mind!
Has he been doing the housework, etc.? How long has it been that he's been unsuccessfully looking for a job?
Roughly 4-5months And sometimes, like I’ll ask him to empty the rubbish that morning and it’ll still be there that night but if I ask again it’ll get done, I don’t like asking twice though.
You realize he should be doing most the chores, as in clean the house, do groceries, cook, wash laundry etc. while job hunting to support his pregnant wife that works two jobs, and that without you having to ask??? That would be normal and expected of any partner without a job atm!
Yeah to “do housework & look for jobs” should not require a to-do list. Effectively she is still managing the house by identifying tasks. And he can’t complete simple ones. If being SAH is his job rn, he should be fired
There is no way he has actually spent 4-5 months job hunting all day and hasn't found anything. Unemployment is at an all time low right now. Either hes looking in a very specialised field with very few jobs, and need to find something hes overqualified for in the mean time, or hes bullshitting you.
OP said he wants a job “his baby will be proud of”, as if children don’t idolize the garbage man...
Also it’s years before a kid even has a proper concept of what a job is/what their parents do. Crap wages are better than no wages when you have a freakin baby on the way and the pregnant partner has to work two damn jobs. He can keep applying to the jobs he considers to be good but any responsible person would be getting what they could in the mean time. Guy is a freeloader.
it seems like he’s using weaponized incompetence and OP’s young age & vulnerable state to manipulate them. he got in by saying he would help, hasn’t done anything of the sort but makes excuses saying he will in the future. so you expect him to fulfill these commitments, and when he doesn’t, you get frustrated and do it yourself/give up on the goal. he could be doing this when it comes to the job search. like, who spends nearly half a year looking for a job unless they’re not actually looking?
OP... This is a shitty situation. You are going to be more miserable with him than without, he's not contributing anything. If you have friends or family they should support you, you aren't alone
Ask yourself if this is the kind of environment you want to bring your baby into? It’s hard to be a single mom but sometimes that is a lot easier than doing it with a boyfriend like the one you currently have. You are so young, please don’t do this to yourself. I became a single mom at 23, with 3 kids - 5, 3, 2, it was hard but my peace of mind and my kids not growing up in an abusive household was worth so much more than the hard times. My kids are now 20, 17, 16 and I can guarantee you the load lightens with time. Prioritize yourself and your baby.
I'm doing the teacher training course too, but I'm in my first semester. I have no idea how you find the energy to do everything for the course, clean and work a part-time job! If you have any tips, throw them my way! I really want to get a weekend job but I'm afraid I wouldn't manage the course load!
It’s not a choice, I’m the first in my family to even follow a “proper”career so I’m not sacrificing that but also I like to eat…
u/Ready-Significance13 Yeah no babe. You’re pregnant but you already have a kid at home. There’s a reason why him, as a 28yo dated a 21yo. He’s got the maturity of a Spoon. I’m not saying he’s a predator but guys like that like to leech onto young girls for this exactly. He’s 28 and had no job. He’s *living off of you* not with you. And I really hope you know this by now, but he has no intentions of getting a job. I’m sorry but what exactly was appealing about him? I can promise you if his sorry ass was hungry he would’ve gotten that burger. He had all day. Stop excusing his behavior. Please do yourself and your baby a favor and drop the dead weight. Once that child comes into this world and your emotions, mind and body are fcked for a good 6 months this man will push you into a hole. Trust me it is much easier to be a single mom than a single in-a-relationship mom.
See sweetheart! You **are** so strong already!! You absolutely will thrive when you’re no longer cleaning, cooking, and working to support him! It’s much less expensive and stressful to just worry about you and baby. I know you said your parents will disown you, and if they actually went through with the threat, it would be their loss! I also know this isn’t the first time they’ve threatened it, unless you do what they want. You’re an adult who pays their own bills and are about to have a fantastic, stable career that has room for advancement! I know it is extremely terrifying to think you’ll have to do this alone, but you aren’t alone! Granted we aren’t physically with you, there’s a village of us in your post alone to help carry the mental burden, talk with you, and guide you. I know you’ve got some amazing friends and relatives that would t dream of you going this alone! I also suspect that the child’s father has slowly been isolating you from them, even if you’re not fully aware of it yet. Does he often complain when you talk/text friends and relatives and aren’t giving him your undivided attention? In the rare instances where time and energy allow you to go out and meet up with friends, does he guilt trips you into staying home? Typically they accomplish this by complaining that he never gets to “see/spend time with you”, “you can’t afford to go out/need to save money for baby”, or some other variety of... Once you’ve acquiesced to his pleading/demands to not meet up with people, or even talk/text them in his presence, does he often ignore you to game, use social media, watch tv/videos , or even talk with his friends? These are isolation techniques. They are intended to make you feel like there is no one else and that if he isn’t with you, you’ll be completely alone. Reach out to your friends and relatives. They will be happy to hear from you and gladly help you offload the extra weight. I promise you aren’t the first to be in this situation, and you really won’t be alone!
Isn't having someone you have to *carry* on your back worse than just doing it alone? Sheesh girl. He's a selfish, inconsiderate human being. At 28, he's not growing out of that. How do you think that's gonna translate when baby gets here? He'll blame playing with baby as the reason he didn't look for jobs. And yeah, I'm making a huge leap in even assuming he'll actually look after the baby.
NTA. He was "job hunting" until 8:40 PM? Not likely. You are working two jobs and he isn't working and he couldn't be bothered to call in an order. And he didn't apologize for his screw up.
“Job hunting” = video games, probably
Or pornhub
¿Por qué no los dos?
I agree. Job hunting in 2022 is almost solely sitting on your ass in front of a computer. You can even apply multiple places at once.
Places are hurting for work. He can literally apply to any food service place and start the next day. I get wanting to get the right job I do. However he has responsibilities and needs to get money now and look for his next step. His excuses stink like shit.
Yeah, getting the 'right' job is ideal. But in his situation, you get a job at Burger King, then keep looking for something you actually want to do. She doesn't say how long he's been "job hunting" but if you're willing to do anything to support yourself and your family, you can absolutely have a job within a week. And I say this as someone who dicked around while job hunting, looking for the 'right' job. But then I hit the point where I needed A job, so I took the best of what was readily available. This guy was at that point the minute he moved in with OP and still hasn't acted on it. He's a leech.
Don't be the AH to yourself > 28y old > he’s currently looking for employment, technically I’m working two jobs to support the both of us it’s tiring, but he’s looking so it’s not over that. He doesn't bring anything to the table, kick him out and file for full custody and child support. It'll be easier than supporting him. He could go flip burgers if he really wanted to get a job
Yep, I’m not seeing one positive about this AH. He’s ‘overwhelmed’? From what exactly since he’s jobless and can’t even do one simple task of ordering food in time (he wasn’t even asked to cook)?
INFO: What does he bring to this partnership? Other than sperm?
We have good moments, but it was very rushed (having only been together 5months before pregnancy) so we’re still discovering everything
It seems like he’s discovering that he doesn’t have to do anything and you’ll do everything.
His friend has told him I don’t want him to do anything because “I don’t leave a list”
That's a trash opinion. You're not his manager.
You'd be out the door at most workplaces if your manager had to micromanage you so much that you constantly needed a list of what you had to do! Probably explains why he's unemployed at 28. Nobody seems to have told him he has to take some initiative from time to time.
The list: 1. Don’t use all the goddam hot water right before your pregnant gf is due home 2. Order a goddam burger I don’t think it would have helped, somehow.
3. be a goddamn adult
You are about to have 2 kids it seems. NTA
Read up on the mental load. Sooner rather than later!! Edited for the link: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
Why is he always telling you what his friend says? Tell him clearly he’s about to be a father and he’s currently unemployed while the mother of his child works 2 jobs while carrying/growing said child Ask him: is this the man he wants to be?
Also, ask yourself if that's the example you want to give your child. If you have a son, do you want him to normalize that he won't ever have to lift a finger because women have to do anything? Would you want a daughter to normalize that?
Oh sweetie. You’re going to be in for a miserable time if you keep this “man” around. He is a leech and he will suck you dry and then leave you and your baby.
NTA. Oh honey. My heart is with you. [See: Weaponized Incompetence](https://www.fatherly.com/life/what-is-weaponized-incompetence)
Who makes your list?
Ding ding ding. You don’t need a list and neither does he because you are adults who can figure out what needs to be done. Trash full? Take it out. Groceries low? Buy groceries. If he doesn’t know what needs taken care of he can google a list of a normal cleaning schedule. Then he can come to you and say hey, I see x,y, and Z need done, but can’t do all today, any priorities you have? I also guarantee he’s not applying to jobs and following up on leads, polishing his resume, interviewing, etc 40 hours a week for months. This is not about the burger, this is about him not pulling his weight and not doing the 1 or 2 minuscule things you have asked him to do.
You’re not his manager. He’s an adult and if he can’t pull his weight in a partnership he’s gotta go.
[удалено]
And there’s the problem. Two strangers with an age gap having a baby. Lord
What was he overwhelmed by? Job applications? I realize job hunting is more work than one would think but you had literally been working all day and his had promised to get the burgers. He’s a grown up and should know how to plan his time so that he can make the order before the restaurant closes. It’s not that hard. He needs to step up. NTA.
I was recently unemployed for 3 months, and job hunting for a very specific role in a very specific field in a very slowed-down industry. I spent a couple hours a day most week days sending out applications and scouting job posts. At some point you run out of posts. You can't spend an entire day job hunting! In those 3 months I had time to travel and go on adventures and cross things off my bucketlist. And with all that - I still found the exact job I wanted within 3 months. If the BF was actually job hunting in the last few months as he's saying he has been, even if it's a specialized role, he would have had a job by now. NTA but wow, OP is really stuck with another child she didn't want to begin with.
NTA. Sounds like he’s being picky about what kind of job he wants (because literally everywhere is hiring especially fast food) OR he only pretends to be job hunting for 12 hours a day. I mean, with 12 hours, I could probably apply to hundreds of jobs. It doesn’t mean that I’m qualified to work those jobs but at least he’d be trying. In all this time he has been “job hunting” how many interviews has he had? It sounds like he’d rather free load off of you than actually go and get a job. He’s gonna have a rude awakening when this baby comes and he has to help out.
He’s very picky; my mother has a friend who offered an interview for a care home and he wouldn’t, his friend is saying he shouldn’t settle for a job our child wouldn’t be proud of…although said friend is also the one who said I don’t want him to do chores that much because I didn’t leave him a list.
[удалено]
Is he proud that he forces his pregnant partner to work 2 jobs Get him out OP he is a chronic freeloader
He really can’t afford to be picky. You’ll be taking leave from your jobs after you have this baby. Someone needs to be working. Also his friend is a dumbass. Your child literally will not care what job their dad has while they’re a newborn. At this point, he needs to suck it up and take whatever job he can get until he finds something better. The experience from working any job will help him get a different/better job. He can’t just go from unemployed to his “dream” job without hustling and working jobs he doesn’t like in between. What happens when you’re baby is born and he decides to be picky about what he will do with the baby? Or what if he just doesn’t help with the baby?
There was a time when my husband with 3 engineering degrees worked the floor at CompUSA for $9/hour because it meant we'd get health insurance. Our son was on the school lunch program and I went back to work full time. I wasn't earning enough to cover household expenses although it was the only time in our marriage I earned more than he did. I'd never been prouder of him for taking the it to his pride and doing what needed doing. The BF has no leg to stand on. He needs to swallow that pride and get a jog, any job, although keep looking. The funny thing is, when you already have a job, you get better offers. Edit to add: NTA but he is.
then he'd better go live with this friend. In the long term better for your mental health to be solo and managed your own thing - then you would have your meal and a hot shower.
No. His friend doesn’t get to be involved in the way your household is ran. If your boyfriend wants his friend to have a say, he needs to go live with his friend. It’s time to have a conversation about this with your boyfriend. Job hunting is important but he can do that in an organized way and have time to do the things that need to be done around the house.
Just IMO, but I don't think you should let him live with you until he gets a job. I'm not telling you that you have to straight up to dump him but.... I don't think I'd be dating him. I'm not against stay at home dads if you can swing it financially, but since he doesn't even do chores on his own without being explicitly asked it doesn't seem like a good fit for him. If he does not do chores, does not have a job, and won't even run one errand for you to get you food you are craving ..... Like how is this even a partnership? He just sounds like a leech right now.
After he was made redundant, my dad worked as a call center operative, a taxi driver, and a nude male model. All of these things were WAY beneath what his skills and experience deserved. And you know what? I was, and am, so incredibly proud of him for putting his dignity aside for the sake of his family. Your bf’s friend is an AH, and so is your bf for listening. You are NTA, and would probably be better off single.
He could take that job, and also keep looking for something better. You have a baby on the way, he needs to take some responsibility here. Your baby won't care what job he has. And he's an adult. He shouldn't need to be given a list of chores. 🤦♀️
NTA It’s not about the burger…it’s about the lack of respect he demonstrated towards you. You are working two jobs and supporting everything, while pregnant, and he can’t even do something that he said that he would do. Because he’s ‘overwhelmed’ by job hunting. That’s a BS answer. He’s nothing more than a inconsiderate, lazy leech at this point and is causing you more stress and work than help.
Also, WTF at using all the hot water. Could he not have been considerate enough to shower any time other than right before OP got home? NTA.
Older man knocks up someone who’s barely experienced adulthood, immediately moves in with her while she works 2 jobs to support him. Sounds like he hit the lottery and you’re being ridiculously taken advantage of. You’re only 21. Do you really want to be supporting a grown man? This situation WILL NOT CHANGE unless you change it. Do it now.
Your boyfriend is essentially living off of his almost due girlfriend and can't take 5 minutes to do something for the one paying for his home? You're NTA, but unfortunately you're already dealing with a child even before you've finished pregnancy
Info - is this the first time he's let you down like this?
It’s always small things like using the last of the hot water, or insisting on talking to me while I’m using the loo when he knows I hate that, or finishing the OJ and not replacing it, or not emptying the washing machine or cooking when he offers to
So, my initial thought still stands NTA. You're growing another hunan, working two jobs and got back after 8pm and all you asked was that he got you dinner and he couldn't be bothered? That's not OK. I would be talking to him about the whole relationship tbh, you need to be able to rely on each other and it doesn't sound like you can do that now.
Hum. It doesn't look great. Sure those are little things, but life is full of little things. Having a baby together doesn't mean you have to "be" together, you know. You could be friends, allies, co-parents... But you don't have to be the wife of the girlfriend of this guy just because you are pregnant.
He’s a very inconsiderate person. That’s not something you can reason with. You would honestly be better off without him. Think about how he would treat a child if this is his pattern. “Yeah I’ll totally do X!” … “Okay yes I forgot but my life is hard so shut up about it.” I’m also amazed that he remembered to shower(?) and use the hot water before you got home, so he had time to order and simply didn’t. He wasn’t immersed in annoying applications to the point he couldn’t have taken a moment to do what he said he would. I imagine you asking him to pick up the lil bean from school and him forgetting. I imagine you baking cupcakes for kiddo’s bday party and him absentmindedly eating all of them. And it may be accidental. It may not be malicious. But it’s still awful and not an acceptable way to treat people. He’s a clear AH here and honestly sounds like nothing but a drain on you.
He needs to go. You know it. It will calmer, cheaper and easier on your own. He's bringing zero to the situation. He can be a father after the baby arrives but just seems a big speed bump right now. NTA
Will get worse when the baby comes. You'll be working and raising two children then. Better talk about this issue* and get out expectations now. Write it all down so you can calmly lay it down. Let him absorb. If he still is lacking maybe be together but not living together. Be for a smoother home life than constant fights over his lacking responsibilities in the home. Edit:typo
NTA. No one job hunts for a solid 12 hours. He should have said he forgot, and offer a groveling apology.
It sounds like this isn't about the burger so much as not getting the support you need from your partner. If you're working two jobs and he's job hunting, he should be doing more to support you. The idea that he's exhausted is a cop out when you are clearly doing more than he is, both in terms of physical work, finances, and likely household responsibilities, since he can't even manage to get food. NTA, and be aware that this approach to things is likely going to continue once the baby comes, unless something drastic changes.
NTA. Forget the burger (sort of) here’s where I say kick him out: He knows you get home about 840 after a twelve hour day working two jobs, and like to take a hot shower to decompress. He’s sitting around all day, and takes a long enough shower right before you get home to use up all the hot water. That’s a total asshole move.
You threw your freeloading boyfriend out because he couldn’t get you something to eat? He’s unemployed what was he doing that was so urgent? NTA
NTA. This guy has no job, and can’t even help take care of your basic needs? Kick him out, you don’t need him.
NTA I don't believe he's looking for work after 6:00pm. What was he doing in the evening when you weren't there? I understand he's stressed. But he has no idea what it's like carrying a baby *and* working two jobs. You're really doing three jobs. Making a baby is exhausting in and of itself. You asked for your dinner to be picked up at a desired place and he failed. He also had to shower in the evening? You're both stressed but you're the one who takes priority because you are working the two jobs and pregnant.
This is why a guy who is pushing 30 is dating someone who's barely out of her teens. I'm sorry :(
Where is he job hunting after 8 p.m.? You are working 2 jobs and pregnant, and he didn't prioritize this one thing you asked of him. I am sure he's frustrated with the situation as well, but I think you're NTA for needing a little space under the circumstances.
NTA. He sounds like a complete dick and you have hormones raging that you can’t control. You are 100% working harder than him. Job hunting is exhausting but he had time to get you a burger you really wanted. Growing a human is one of the hardest things one can do. You deserve that burger. And you deserve hot water and not not loser griping instead of going out of the way for you
The fact that I'm seeing even one YTA is bizarre. People need to understand this is not about a burger anymore. This is about her freeloading "boyfriend" getting upset that she didn't want burger king.
She's YTA to herself. If the boyfriend gets overwhelmed by job hunting think about him with a baby. What would happen if he gets upset with a baby.
NTA. He is bringing nothing to the table, quite the contrary, so you have every right to loose the dead weight. As if you didn’t already have enough with two jobs and a pregnancy. Does he even do chores around the house? Why has he not taken a cashier or waiter job in the meantime? Do you get anything out of him living with you? Edit: misspelling
NTA. You’re pregnant, exhausted, and overwhelmed. You deserve the damn burger. Sounds like my dude needs a job *while* he’s job hunting. Anything, pick up some shifts and Target or Chipotle. It’s next to impossible NOT to find a retail or service job right now they are desperate. I know he is probably looking for something long term (and that’s fine to do as long as he has SOMETHING for the moment) but he needs to lock down some income STAT bc you can’t go on like this.
NTA. Honestly, if he's this little help while you're pregnant, imagine how much worse it's going to get when you finally have the baby. This is passive aggressive nastiness that he's pulling.
NTA believe me he could be working in fast food or something else that isn’t glamorous or comfy. Why is he happy to “look” for employment while his pregnant partner works 2 jobs?????? Didn’t get his pregnant partner food Knew you worked all day while he didn’t and still used the last of the hot water This man will not improve. Plan to do this alone and the moment he is employed get child support.
NTA. Girl you sound exhausted. I get that your friends think it's 'over a burger' but you're working a 65 hour week, dealing with a complicated pregnancy, with a selfish hot-water using, freeloading, unapologetic boyfriend who seems to think job-hunting qualifies as a job? I'm glad he had to sleep in his car for a night, it should be a reminder of what his life would be without all that you do for him. He needs to grow up, and in the next 3 months. For the sake of your future child, I suggest you have a serious conversation with him about what he intends on bringing to the table because he is not remotely pulling his weight.
NTA. If done daily, job hunting isn’t that hard. The first day took me an hour tops to scan through jobs that met my standards and then 10 minutes each day after. What’s he actually doing?
NTA. Please don’t listen to anyone saying that making him leave was an overreaction. This guy brings absolutely nothing to the table. If anything he adds to your stress and burdens. He’s an inconsiderate moocher, and it will be worse after the baby comes. You said food and saving hot water are little things. Yes they are in a sense, but also no they’re not when you come home after a long, hard day. My husband and I have been together almost 24 years and we will take shorter showers or even cold showers so that the other can have a hot one. If we know the other is tired or had an exhausting day, we do little things to make the day easier or more pleasant for the other. Little things make a huge difference. You deserve someone like that. This guy is not it!
NTA it sounds like you are cracking under all the weight of doing everything. You’re working two job to support the both of you, which will include the baby soon. Your BF can’t be bothered to leave hot water for you or order a burger from a place you can tolerate. He wasn’t job hunting for 12 hours. If he really was job hunting 12 hours a day every day for 6 months, he would have a job by now. How are you going to manage when the baby comes? I don’t see how your boyfriend becomes a team player in 3 months.
NTA and give yourself some grace. You didn’t kick him out because of the burger. The burger was the final straw I what sounds like a series of stressors.
NTA. it's not really about the burger. It's that he said he would take care of something he knew was important to you, then dropped the ball, then told you you weren't allowed to be upset about it. And to top it off, he then tries to turn it around on you because he's overwhelmed by being home all day looking for employment while you work two jobs at 6 months pregnant to support him. Eesh.
Nta. He brings nothing to the table. Being a single mom would be less work than raising a baby and a almost 30year old man.
NTA He’s a parasite You and your baby would be better off without him, he’s bringing nothing to your life
NTA.... he had one job.... order you some food.... apparently he can't do that though
Where is he job hunting? Maybe you aren’t in the US, but no one lets you just walk in and ask for a job. Everything is done online now. If he’s not doing interviews, after applying online, then he’s just out screwing off. He sounds pretty useless. You’ll be better off without him. You’re an adult. Screw what your parents think.
NTA. Man was job hunting on either a phone or computer right???? So why couldn’t he just place the order? He is a mooch and a weirdo and your friends fucking suck for trying to defend this. Dump the lot of em
NTA He is either bringing something to the table making your life much better or he isn't. If he isn't making your life a lot better, he needs to go. You have to take care of yourself and the baby. You do not have time to raise another child.
NTA. But you are being played. He wasn’t exhausted from job hunting all day. I would be surprised if he is actually looking at all. Tell him you have proven you can do this without him, so he has 1 month to show what he brings to the table or he can “support” you through child support and every other weekend visitation.
NTA. I have a hard time believing he was job hunting for 12 and a half hours straight. He had plenty of time to get you a burger.
NTA. Not even close. Even if you weren’t pregnant. You are supporting him and all you asked for was a burger. I bet if he’d have said no when you asked him to get it, you’d have made arrangements to get it yourself. He let you down. He made a promise he didn’t keep and is mad at you for it.
NTA. But do yourself a HUGE favor and kick him out. You are already going to be fully supporting your baby and yourself you don't need to support him too. He is not looking for a job, if he was truly looking to step up and help he would take any job and keep looking for something better. Don't let him suck you in.
NTA. Maybe he should go stay with his “friend” with all the toxic relationship advice. Even if you weren’t pregnant you didn’t over react to kick out a deadbeat who can’t do the ONE thing you asked. He is absolutely not looking for a job for 12 hours. Also a baby doesn’t care about what job you have. That’s crap. He’s using you and will not lift a finger once that baby comes.
Btw he can get a job while job hunting. I did freelance work while job hunting. Other friends of mine got retail or server jobs while they were job hunting. The idea that you would spend all day “job hunting” while your pregnant girlfriend works 2 jobs is frankly despicable.
NTA. Your life right now sounds exhausting. Honestly I don't think this was solely about the burger. You have a lot of stress, and he's not doing enough to reduce it. One thing that is noticeable is that you are working to support the living expenses of two adults and soon two adults plus a baby. It probably would be easier on you if he lived somewhere else. Him stressing you out in your own space, plus adding to your expenses, isn't working out. It would make sense if his presence reduced your stress (massages, moral support, preparing meals, etc) and cut your expenses (splitting bills), but that's not how it worked out. This doesn't necessarily have to mean a breakup. People have relationships all the time while living separately. But right now this seems best for both you and the baby. I hope there are other people in your life you can count on, because it doesn't sound like he is reliable or holds himself accountable for doing better.
NTA he sounds inconsiderate. Also he got you pregnant, moved in with you and doesn’t have a job? And he’s 7 years older than you? Also he has no job why couldn’t he get your burger? What job was he looking for at 8PM? And he used up the hot water??? Girl He sounds like that TLC song
NTA. Red flag that he’s acting like his day is even in the ballpark of how rough yours is. He doesn’t even *have* a job, and you have two! Plus you’re pregnant. Physically, it’s pretty easy to not have two jobs and not be pregnant. Can’t believe he is arguing with you about that.
First off, you’re allowed to have complicated feelings about being pregnant at any point in time and especially when you’re 21, still in school and getting no assistance from your partner. It doesn’t mean you don’t love or want your baby, it just means that things are rarely black and white and this is no exception. NTA but honestly, maybe it’s time to consider getting some space from him for longer than a night. He’s had 6 months to show you that he’s a partner capable of pulling his weight and that’s not happening. If it means that he has to move back home for a while to get his shit together then maybe he has to do that but this current situation where you’re doing everything while being pregnant and he’s whining about the great stress that is filling out some job applications is unsustainable and will breed resentment.
Oh look,another girl stuck with a much older, completely useless guy who no girl his own age would tolerate. So, same advice as every other time we have this exact same scenario: walk away, a life as a single mother of 1 is way better than the life of a single mother of 2 children (one being nearly 30). NTA
NTA Side note, i know literally nobody unable to find a job, does he have a profession or degree or training?
NTA … While job hunting does suck there’s no way he sat there for 12.5 hours looking for jobs. He could have woken up earlier. I use sticky notes or an alarm on my phone to set reminders for simple things cause I know I’ll forget. If he was tired from the search (it can be daunting) he could’ve taken a break. I.E. walked to get some fresh air (or driven cause that helps clear the mind too), grabbed the burger, and some food for hisself. I don’t think he should necessarily grovel, but it’s so simple to own up to a mistake and think of a way to resolve the issue. (No Burger King doesn’t count as a solution since it’s nasty as f*ck).
NTA this is a mess. You have a bf you don’t know very well and you’re bringing a baby into this world. He does nothing, has no job and doesn’t even respect you. And when the baby comes it will be even worse. Makes sense that he cannot find someone his age because he’s a freeloading loser dating someone of college aged. You’re tired, overwhelmed and not super excited about being pregnant in a new relationship. I don’t see this ending well frankly and you should prepare to do this yourself and give him the boot. Because if it’s between doing this alone and not supporting your bf or doing this alone and having a freeloader I would choose the former
NTA—But how hard is he looking for a job? Do you believe he’s actually out looking for a job at 9pm? He can’t get hired at a grocery store stocking shelves? What about as a janitor somewhere? You’re six months pregnant and working 2 jobs, and he has no job. How long has he been unemployed?
NTA for being upset, every right to. Pretty uncool to make him leave and sleep in his car, but you do pay the bills so that is your right. Hes being childish. 'Nuff said.
I want to stab myself in the ovaries. I feel so bad for you.
NTA. He is though. He could have taken 5mins any time of that day to take care of the order, but chose to not do so. When I found out I was pregnant, my now husband (then boyfriend of a few months) went out the next day and got a job at McDonald’s, before that he was looking for a job he wanted. After hearing a kid was coming, went for any job that would hire him. And I’ve always been thankful for that kind of mind set.
NTA I’m sorry to say but from this I would say you need to lose him now. Job hunting is hard but not hard enough to be that exhausted and dickish. You’re 6 months along and he can’t figure something out by now? Honestly you might wanna think of the possibility he isn’t job hunting and rather is going out with someone.
NTA, so is he tired from looking on his phone for employment job sites?
Are you sure he's looking for work ? I mean from reading that I wouldn't put it pass him to just be lying
NTA, but your boyfriend is giving hobosexual. You can do bad by yourself sis.
NTA. Your boyfriend is absolutely taking advantage of you when you are most vulnerable. Jobs are still pretty plentiful right now, if he wants to work, he’ll find a job, even if it’s not ideal, just to bring in cash for the family. How is he benefiting your life at all? He’s wasting all your resources for what? He can’t even do less than the bare minimum and shower earlier in the day so that you get a hot shower. That was calculated, he’s keeping you uncomfortable, mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, and when he should be doing something to help, he just makes it worse AND then let’s you doubt yourself and think you’re crazy. He’s not being a good partner or friend right now. Get out while the getting is good.
ESH, but very soft for you. He was definitely an A. Being mad at him is warranted, sending him to sleep in his car was an overreaction. But the issue is not here, honestly. The issue is, do you want to be with this guy? He doesn't sound like a prize. I'd even argue he doesn't want to be with you. Being unreliable and selfish is often a passive aggressive way for men to get dumped when they don't have the courage to break up themselves. Not ordering a burger to your pregnant girlfriend who works two jobs seem like an unconscious strategy to have her mad at you and break up with you in time, do he doesn't have to say, I dumped my pregnant girlfriend. In short, he doesn't want to be here, he is not happy supporting you, but he is too much of a coward to leave, so he's acting up like a grumpy kid.
NTA for being upset, although asking him to leave and letting him sleep in his car was a bit extreme. I do worry about what's going to happen when the baby arrives. If he can't handle ordering you a burger in time, will he be reliable when it comes to taking care of the baby? Perhaps this is an opportunity to have some honest conversations about expectations about partnership and parenting.
NTA. Break up now. You’ll be better off raising that baby alone than with someone who acts like this.
I would’ve order it at like 7 and had the oven pre heated to warm up your burger when you got home. The bar is set SO SO LOW for soooo many men and yet they STILL manage to trip over it. Dude needs to apologize, you weren’t asking for that much. NTA especially for him calling YOU an asshole for being emotional. Not only are you pregnant, but you’re working two jobs. All you wanted was a night with your preferred entrée and a hot shower. Those are by no means Big asks
NTA. I find it VERY hard to believe that he is legitimately job hunting for over 12 hours every single day. You’re pregnant, working two jobs and supporting him and he couldn’t take 10 mins out of his oh-so-busy day to do one thing for you? Nahhh, there’s something fishy with that. You might as well start getting used to the idea of being solely responsible for your baby, because if he is this selfish and inconsiderate before baby gets here, he won’t get any better after.
NTA. Not only are you supporting the household and growing a person, but (having been pregnant myself) there are few things so certain to make a pregnant person cry than having major disappointment around cravings and needing to rest. He should’ve apologised properly instead of picking a fight and playing the ‘I’ve had it worse game’ with you.