Um - your older relative is mistaken. It is pretty much trivially easy that you could match with just one person, and that could reveal all.
For example - let's say your mother's maternal aunt took a DNA sample - and posted all her family tree. You would match to her, as a grand-neice, pretty much certainly. You could drop her a text via ancestry, and she may remember when her sister had a pregnancy and put the child up for adoption. Boom, all done.
But it does depend on the luck of having relatives having submitted a DNA sample, and how open they are via Ancestry about who they are, and their willingness to respond to texts. So there can be luck involved.
Screenshot any matches you get before reaching out just in case. I've seen people on the same type of mission say they got immediately blocked when they contacted someone. Good luck!
I highly recommend you take both Ancestry and 23andMe.
My mother was adopted and we would not have been able to figure out who her biological father is if she and I had not taken both Ancestry and 23andMe. I was able to cross reference matches on both testing companies and build a tree on Ancestry using information from both companies.
Do you have any siblings?
I just ordered a 23andMe yesterday, I'm going to take both of them, I think that's a great idea! I do have a brother, same mother same father, I'm trying to get him to take the test. He had his first but he's been slow to submit his
Once you receive the results you can also upload the raw data from to MyHeritage and GEDmatch, both of which also look for DNA matches. In fact my mom had a half brother that we were not aware of at alll, because I uploaded my Raw Data into MyHeritage. His mom had passed when he was very young and he’s not sure if my grandpa even knew about him. He took a DNA test to try and find his bio family. While my grandpa unfortunately passed around 20 years ago, he messaged me immediately when he saw my family tree and our close relationship estimate. He was 55.
My dad's adopted, we couldn't access information on his birth dad because the information was blacked out in records. We ended up finding him via Ancestry through his family that had taken the DNA tests.
Fyi, you are getting some bad advice so far. Your question (I believe) was whether or not you will get a DNA match to someone on your Mom’s side. The answer is 100% yes. For all you know, you will have twice as many maternal matches than paternal matches.
It sounds like your older relative doesn’t understand how DNA works.
Ancestry will sends you the results, which will be hundreds or thousands of matches, and they will be divided up by maternal and paternal (this gets done manually but it is easy). Many of your paternal relatives will be the usual suspects (names you know).
All of your maternal matches will be unknown names. You will even possibly have a maternal Aunt or maternal Uncle on there or 1st or 2nd maternal cousins. Maybe they will be clueless as well, wondering who you are. This isn’t anything new, people have been doing this online for 15+ years.
Edit-
Ancestry works best for Americans, not sure on foreign countries.
> It is pretty much trivially easy that you could match with just one person, and that could reveal all.
I was pretty shocked how easy it was. My paternal grandmother was adopted. Back in the 1930s, she did some searching and apparently found her biological mother's family. She passed down to us some written correspondence from who she believed was her biological aunt. There was also a scrap of paper with a man's name on it, who we could only guess was her father's name.
For the past 80 years, the family lore has gone off of what she learned back then. Within only a few hours after I had received my DNA results, using the research she had done nearly a century ago, and Ancestry's freely-searchable family tree records, I had confirmed both of her biological parents.
I have over a dozen DNA matches to people who are my second- and third-cousins, from both sides of her biological family. If I hadn't known that she was adopted or have a pretty good idea of her parents going into the process, I'd be like a lot of other folks who post here, who wonder about all of the matches they see.
Yes, I found my dad’s half-sister last year (she was adopted in 1962). She shows up as a 96% chance of being a: 1st cousin, Great-grandmother, Great-granddaughter, Grandaunt, Grandniece, Half aunt, or Half niece. It took about five years for her to test and show up, but it’s not impossible.
He would like to meet her, but she didn’t answer me back. I kept my message vague to keep from alarming her (so she might think I’m just a first cousin), and I’ve just left it up to her.
My dad was adopted and through Ancestry DNA, I was connected with one of his half brothers. I now know quite a lot about my bio-grandma and her family.
Your relative is extremely wrong.
My grandmother never knew her father so I got her to take a DNA test when she was 91 years old. Besides myself and my mother, she didn’t have any super close matches but I was able to map out potential candidates through trees and research. It took a while and looking through many obituaries but I was eventually able to narrow it down!
It’s pretty easy to figure out who your grandparents are from these tests actually - I highly suggest the Facebook group dna detectives where people volunteer for free to use your results to solve these types of mysteries.
I was able to find my great grandfather - my great grandma never told anyone who he was.
I am having a difficult time finding my paternal great grandfather. My grandfather died in 1940, at age 53; he never knew the identity of his birth father. I wanted to find that information out before my own father died, but, alas, time ran out. Since this involves records from countries that don't exist anymore, it is difficult to parse.
You’ll most likely get at least some 2nd to 3rd cousins on your mom’s side. Hopefully you might get closer than that, if not now then there’s always the chance of new matches in the future.
I’m adopted as was my sister, but from different birth families. I found mine without DNA, I helped her with Ancestry dna. I was able to find both her birth parents. It’s definitely doable.
I have helped two people who had family members who were adopted find their biological family by taking ancestry dna tests. It is very easy once the results come in.
It makes my heart race (in a good way) with possibilities. I can't stop checking for updates, I haven't been this anxious about anything since I believed in Santa and it was Christmas Eve
Please update us! I love these stories. My mom was adopted too, sealed records too, and while my DNA results haven't pulled up anything closer than 2nd-3rd cousins (yet) I eventually hired a private investigation company who gave me my mom's birth mother's info within *days*. That was after 20 *years* of me trying to search on my own! Wasn't cheap but worth every penny so DM me for info if DNA doesn't pan out. But I think you'll learn quite a bit from your ancestry test so try to hang in there!
It's possible to figure you who your biologicsl grandparents were. I got matches to a 1st cousin once removed (and later, more) I would have been successful in using Ancestry if my bio dad wasn't a butt lol. I actually talked to him when I was searching.
Would have also been easier if my great grandma wouldn't gotten pregnant from a married man and then pretended that all her kids had the same dad. That man's family (he died years ago) didn't know about us.
It might be harder if your mom was older and a lot of the prior generation have already passed away(taking their knowledge with them).
You think it is only just “possible” that she will have a maternal match? You think her results are going to say 6,000 paternal and 0 maternal because her mom is older?
Sorry I misread your comment I think. I presumed everyone was telling her that she had like a 50-50 shot to the question being posed, but I think everyone interpreted her post to mean her finding the bio grandparents.
Figuring out who the bio parents of her mother were? Without professional help, I’m going to say 50% odds.
With help, it is 100%. Genealogist have already confirmed that basically. The database is so large now that the can basically guarantee that the person can be identified or dangerously close to identified (ie it would be 1 of these 2 brothers). At least in America. Hence why you are seeing so many cold cases solved.
I know of an arrest where they uploaded the sample to a major database (my guess is 23&me) and that sample only had like 600 total matches or something low the cop claimed. They hired the expert and had their guy within a week.
Yes, it is. I found a 1st cousin who had been given up for adoption. He found his birth mom, and she told him who his birth dad was (my dad's youngest brother). No one in the family knew anything about him. He grew up in our parents' adoptive hometown. He actually went to school with a bunch of the 1st cousins.
No offense to your relative, but they probably have very little knowledge about how DNA matching works. You will definitely get DNA matches back. Hopefully you get some close matches, as that will be your biggest help in finding out who your biological grandparents were.
My mum was adopted and did not test her DNA before she passed . I did test. My 1/2 uncle who my mum knew of but had no relationship with I contacted him. He’s in his 80s. He kindly tested for me. So now I have access to her maternal family .
But say my mum never knew she had a 1/2 brother when I tested myself and say he had well it would have been a very close match .
With the help of “‘DNA angels” I was able to figure out who her biological father was . Long gone but his granddaughter was a very close match to me. She was shocked her grandfather had a secret child but the photos of her grandfather and my mother proved he was for sure my mums father. Remarkable likeness .
The granddaughter sent photos and now I have photos of my maternal grandparents and access to maternal DNA ( my 1/2 uncles results .. they shared the same mother )
Shame my mum wasn’t alive to know of all my discoveries.
I'm so sorry she didn't get to know too. It makes me sad I might find out and my mom never got to ... But in the same breath it makes me happy I'm doing something she really wanted.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, (and Happy Cake Day)
Someone may come forward and help you ,there are a lot of kind ,VERY intelligent members on Ancestry who might help you out. The 2 who helped me were matches to me.In fact they found who my mums biological father was through my matches well before I contacted my 1/2 uncle . His results were far better than mine of course and my hobby is matching his maternal matches into my extensive tree. Good luck !
So as I'm reading, am I understanding that males get better results? My brother and dad are willing to take a test, but I submitted mine really quickly, I couldn't wait.
Awe this is awesome. My mom is adopted and her bio mom died a few years after giving birth to her. We have no idea who my mom's real dad is. It would be awesome to find out who he is. I wonder if somehow ancestry DNA could do this.
Yes but it would take some homework and is best if you are familiar with your biological paternal side that way it would be easier eliminating potential relatives and not getting them mixed up. I would also suggest contacting an expert on online there’s a couple groups on facebook free of charge who help people like yourself find relatives through DNA and lastly don’t assume anything until you are %100 sure , I have a half niece who believed my father was her dad when in reality she is related to me through my maternal side , I have an older half brother from my moms first marriage who father her and other kids then abandoned then making her a half niece but Ancestry has her as a half cousin so just beware Ancestry doesn’t always pairs people correctly especially if they are only half nice, aunt , grandma etc.. usually only close relationships like full siblings or even biological parents tend to be %100 accurate the farther you go family sides the more difficult it’s going to be trying to figure out how you are related to the person. Good luck and keep us updated.
The answer to her question is yes 100%. She is wondering if submitting DNA will match her with some of her maternal branch. She is likely not grasping how wide the net grows in genealogy. Not to mention how many samples these websites have obtained.
She will be able to assign parent 1 and parent 2. She knows what her parents look like and knows her paternal line relatives.
Yes. My non-bio cousin tested after her mom (my dad's adopted sister) passed away, and she (cousin) matched right away to her mom's 80-year-old half-sister. They're in contact.
You should find reasonably close matches--enough for someone knowledgeable to help you ID--assuming the bio parents were from the US and especially if their families had been in the US for some generations.
I’ve done both Ancestry and 23&Me DNA tests. Be aware that some people may do one and not the other. We found my dad’s biological father’s surname in 23&Me, but no trace of it in Ancestry. (I reached out and never heard back from them, which is another story in and of itself.)
Sorry for your loss. I had a close cousin (estimated between 1st and 2nd) message me a while ago. I didn’t recognize her name. She told me that she was adopted. I asked members of my family who she could be and my first cousin ended up contacting me asking if the relation’s name was xxxxx. It was indeed. Long story short, my first cousin had to give up a baby and always wondered about her and with permission from both parties, I put them in contact with each other.
Even if you do not have super-close matches, there can still be surname info and such to discover. My mother found 3 (predicted) half 2nd cousins, and from that we figured out the likely surname of her unknown great-grandfather (pretty much confirmed by other more distant matches). We're still plugging away with research, but just know that with some time even distant connections can be helpful.
Also, many of us with memberships are happy to share resources. Linking your Ancestry results with a person with a membership can auto-sort your maternal/paternal matches after that was put behind a paywall. Message me if you want.
r/genealogy has a weekly "paid record request lookup": you ask people who have paid database subscriptions to obtain documents for you, though they have to be deceased people you are searching for, if you post publicly.
There are a lot of folks---myself included--that are happy to volunteer some hours to help, as many of us have been helped by others.
I have a close cousin match with someone with a name/surname I don't recognise, nor do I recognise a single name on her family tree, nor do I have any known relatives in the area she's from. It's looking likely she's an adoptee/daughter of an adopted person, or was brought up by family members on a side unrelated to mine. I've left my privacy settings open if she ever wants to get in touch.
You won't know until you get your results. Good luck!
I literally found my father’s mother my first day on ancestry. Verified by a birth certificate. His half-brother matched with me. I suspected I found my grandfather for a while, I had a cousin I matched with, but he dismissed me. It wasn’t until HIS mother did her’s to see who I was that I found out she was my father’s half-sister. She thought I was her sister, for some reason her father thought my father was a girl. He told her later in life she had a sister. It is definitely worth joining multiple sites!
It is very possible. My mom and dad has been contacted by several adopted relatives. A great uncle, a half sister (at least one on each of their blood lines), and 2 nieces. Wild stories (about the pregnancies) and now new bonds were formed.
Please do it. I think your mom would have approved and appreciated whatever you find out.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. All respect to your older relative but they do not understand how DNA tests work.
I'm donor conceived and I was able to figure out my donor and build out his entire family tree from a third cousin match. It was work and took some time but it was fun to do and has left me with such a sense of peace. Hoping you're able to find closer matches than that but even a more distant one is doable. Feel free to message me if you'd like any help!
Absolutely. There's a reason why it was a closed adoption, and I'm not trying to step on any toes in any way. I'd be happy just having a idea of heritage
Your scenario is the exact same as mine and my Mom's. I'd say almost immediately I found my mom's birth mother and birth father. Decades of unanswered questions were answered just by me taking the test!
My dad is adopted, and we’ve found four half siblings so far! Two showed up on 23 and me, and one of them provided us with info about two more and his bio dad! Pretty awesome!
I have a very similar situation as you, my mother was also adopted from a unwed mother’s home via the Catholic Church. I got the results back and several matches of second cousins and 1 first cousin with 1,034 cm. Now, I just want to let you know that first cousin is just ancestry’s estimation and I think it’s actually my half uncle. Unfortunately he did not message me back and I did what I could research on fb and old obituaries. There are 5 girls and 2 boys in the family so it could be any of the 5 girls. But based on age, who I believe is bio granny passed away. Bio Gramps side is much more confusing. I have some second cousins that I believe to be on his side but the ages seem off. But both these families lived in the same area and I’m on the right track. But I have to take breaks every so often because it’s very confusing and frustrating. And Beware not everyone’s trees are correct. And like I mentioned what you are told is a first cousin could be a much closer relative. I spoke to someone on here who found their bio father and ancestry also estimated it was their first cousin or uncle as well. She met the man and he confirmed that he placed her up for adoption. I just wanted to let you know that. Helped me out so much once I realized that the guy I matched with is probably way more than a cousin. His picture in his youth next to my nephew is absolutely uncanny. They look so much alike it’s crazy. Good luck and I hope you find something to lead you in the right direction!
Yes - I can tell you that from experience. You will get maternal relatives, and they may be quite close relatives.
It probably won't be immediately obvious how they are related, and that will involve some detective work and (hopefully!) helpful DNA relatives who want to figure out how you're related.
But when I've hit brick walls with my tree, a hunch based on a DNA connection has often been the best way to find the clue I needed.
Your older relative is wrong. I was able to figure out who my great-great-great grandmother was using a match Ancestry, so finding your grandparents should be relatively simple. (Caveat: If you’re Ashkenazi Jewish, French Canadian, or Native American, genetic genealogy is a lot more difficult.)
There are various organizations, such as Search Angels, that help adoptees find their bio relatives using DNA. If you need help after getting your results, try reaching out to them.
That said, the law preventing adoptees from accessing their records is ridiculous. You should reach out to lawmakers to advocate for opening up adoption records.
Thank you!! I absolutely agree, what makes 1963 and on okay to open adoption records, but not before? It makes no sense to me! What happened prior to 1963 that is so delicate 🤷♀️
I connected with 2 half uncles - 3 it you count one of them being a twin but i haven't talked to - that were adopted and unknown to my family without my parent or their shared bio dad.
As others have said …. DNA can make finding relatives rather easy or it create a near unsolvable puzzle. But to be on the positive side of things, this happened this morning.
Looked at my newer matches and spotted a 49cM match with a moderately built out tree. She happens to be a descendant in one pair of my 2G-grandparents … a line I’ve done extensive research on documenting about 1,000 descendants from 1869 to near present. It took about 3 minutes to figure out who she was, that’s she was a 3rd cousin and I already had her in my tree. Messaged her and few hours later chatting with a cousin.
Now your situation likely will not be that easy as you don’t have an extensive tree on that side … but you might have a cousin or half-aunt/uncle who does.
Do your sample, find matches on her side. If you don't come up with one right away, don't worry. People take those tests all the time and eventually someone from that side will drop into your DNA match results.
It’s absolutely possible!
My husband found his bio family via the information that a first cousin once removed was able to provide!
I myself discovered a first cousin because she did the test and discovered her father was not her bio dad. She then put us in touch with another cousin who had been given up for adoption when her birth mother was 15!
You never know what information a connection will have that will lead you to finding stuff out!
Yes, you can absolutely meet your potentially close family members despite her death, also, I’m very sorry for your loss. My mother was adopted at birth in a closed adoption in 1962 and through an Ancestry DNA match I found my biological first cousin, who is the daughter of my mothers biological sister. Although both my mother and bio aunt’s adoptions were private/“closed” my mom did have her birth mother’s name. When I messaged the DNA match for my first cousin to ask if the name rang a bell to her, she said yes, that’s my bio grandmother as well. I know I had some luck here, and I had clues that not everyone is blessed enough to have, but I was able to unite my mother and her bio younger sister and me with my cousin. They grew up living less and an hour from eachother without knowing either of them ever existed for most of their lives…. Don’t give up. Feel free to DM if you need advice or support. This could be a life changing experience you may go through. Adoption has ripple effects for generations.
My grandmother found out in her 60s that the man on her birth certificate wasn’t her father. I matched with my grandmothers half sisters daughter on ancestry. If I matched with my half great aunts daughter you will match with your mothers parents families. This is so exciting for you!
My mom was adopted and I wanted to know who her birth parents are so I took the test. Took me a little while to suss things out but I figured it out! It absolutely can be done, though sometimes all you can figure out is a list of candidates. If you need any help, feel free to DM me. I’m a volunteer search angel who works with adoptees and NPEs.
You can most definitely find your relatives and doing proper DNA and ancestry research you will be able to pinpoint those relatives. I have been on a brick wall for bulk and relatives connected to my great-grandfather for 2 years and we finally just connected with living family in Croatia they have confirmed that they know our relatives they remember them and they lived in the same house it's wild and Incredibly emotional.
I am really into genealogy and DNA. So feel free to PM me and I'd be more than willing to help you.
I’m working on an adoption case at the moment. Found the mother within hours of accessing the person’s DNA match list which showed third cousins at best.
The paperwork arrived confirming it about a week later. A letter has been sent to the birth mother. Hoping she reveals the father’s name, because there are strong contenders at the moment (brothers, one still alive)
I am not in the same situation as you but my maternal grandfather was completely unknown until my nan told me his name and this was backed up by his 2nd cousins being my DNA matches.
And if your dad is willing to (or can) test so his DNA is a filter for paternal or maternal matches, that would help you find your mum's biological relatives (if they have tested).
I see what you're saying, if my dad will test I can narrow down which is my mom's relatives versus my dad's. Thank you! That's a great idea and I think he would be willing to help me
Ancestry worked best for me rather than 23 and me. using Dna matches and shared trees i was able to identify my most likely maternal G Grandfather and most likely maternal GG Grandmother, there are no paper records (birth or marriage) for these people and as they are long gone i can not conclusively prove it’s them by testing them, but Ancestry got me to the correct family and most likely individuals. It does take some detective work on your part though.
I discovered an unknown aunt when I was 65, who gave me the info on her older brother who was my bio-father (passed away decades ago) and an entire new family that had no idea I existed. The info-gathering process took about a day and some time on the 'net. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes not. Never know until you try.
I grew up with this image... I always thought my Catholic grandparents picked her up as a baby, and with their 3 bio daughters who were all over 25, I assumed one of my aunts got pregnant out of wedlock and to keep the baby in the family my grandparents adopted my mom. One of my aunts was VERY involved in mine and my brothers lives growing up, so we thought Mom was her daughter. Come to find out, mom lived in this foster center where Catholic families came to get a weekend kid until she was 4, and that's when my grandparents decided to keep her. Nobody ever told us that, not even mom, until she passed. She had a really hard life, and went way too young, it put so much into perspective.
I did both 24 and me and ancestry. On both I had relatives from my previously unknown paternal side. I had a first cousin reach out to me and she was like "get I thought I knew an the family names how are we cousins?" I explained my mom to get she talked to her dad and it turns out her estranged uncle cheated with my mom and made me and no one on their side one I existed BC my mom left town when she got pregnant.... My paternal grandparents are both deceased unfortunately but I know of aunts, uncles, cousins etc in both the us and Canada. Chances are great imo that you'll get some matches! Even if they are 3rd cousins to you they would've been closer to your mom and trees can be built up and backwards based on these cousins and other relatives! I personally don't want a relationship, I just wanted to know about health issues BC I struggle a lot, my cousin was really nice about that and her and her dad were super informative. For me, I have a dad who was there when I was born and I never was looking for another, my cousin obviously might've told family about my existence which is fine, but no one else has reached out and that's ok to! I've been able to read obituaries and see different health things that way and through her and her dad.
When you do get DNA matches, screenshot them and everything about them before reaching out to contact them. I've seen ppl on here find family who didn't want secrets unlocked so they blocked the person when they reached out. Screenshots also make it easier to reference things offline esp if you want to go to the library and look for specific events or names!
Um - your older relative is mistaken. It is pretty much trivially easy that you could match with just one person, and that could reveal all. For example - let's say your mother's maternal aunt took a DNA sample - and posted all her family tree. You would match to her, as a grand-neice, pretty much certainly. You could drop her a text via ancestry, and she may remember when her sister had a pregnancy and put the child up for adoption. Boom, all done. But it does depend on the luck of having relatives having submitted a DNA sample, and how open they are via Ancestry about who they are, and their willingness to respond to texts. So there can be luck involved.
Thank you, I'm really hopeful, but trying not to get my hopes up.
Screenshot any matches you get before reaching out just in case. I've seen people on the same type of mission say they got immediately blocked when they contacted someone. Good luck!
And if someone isn't interested in contact, I respect that. At least I'll have a little idea of where our heritage is. Thank you
Just wishing you luck; enjoy the journey you are now on, wherever it may lead.
I highly recommend you take both Ancestry and 23andMe. My mother was adopted and we would not have been able to figure out who her biological father is if she and I had not taken both Ancestry and 23andMe. I was able to cross reference matches on both testing companies and build a tree on Ancestry using information from both companies. Do you have any siblings?
I just ordered a 23andMe yesterday, I'm going to take both of them, I think that's a great idea! I do have a brother, same mother same father, I'm trying to get him to take the test. He had his first but he's been slow to submit his
Once you receive the results you can also upload the raw data from to MyHeritage and GEDmatch, both of which also look for DNA matches. In fact my mom had a half brother that we were not aware of at alll, because I uploaded my Raw Data into MyHeritage. His mom had passed when he was very young and he’s not sure if my grandpa even knew about him. He took a DNA test to try and find his bio family. While my grandpa unfortunately passed around 20 years ago, he messaged me immediately when he saw my family tree and our close relationship estimate. He was 55.
Oh wow!!🥺❤️
My dad's adopted, we couldn't access information on his birth dad because the information was blacked out in records. We ended up finding him via Ancestry through his family that had taken the DNA tests.
Fyi, you are getting some bad advice so far. Your question (I believe) was whether or not you will get a DNA match to someone on your Mom’s side. The answer is 100% yes. For all you know, you will have twice as many maternal matches than paternal matches. It sounds like your older relative doesn’t understand how DNA works. Ancestry will sends you the results, which will be hundreds or thousands of matches, and they will be divided up by maternal and paternal (this gets done manually but it is easy). Many of your paternal relatives will be the usual suspects (names you know). All of your maternal matches will be unknown names. You will even possibly have a maternal Aunt or maternal Uncle on there or 1st or 2nd maternal cousins. Maybe they will be clueless as well, wondering who you are. This isn’t anything new, people have been doing this online for 15+ years. Edit- Ancestry works best for Americans, not sure on foreign countries.
works really well here in Australia as well.
> It is pretty much trivially easy that you could match with just one person, and that could reveal all. I was pretty shocked how easy it was. My paternal grandmother was adopted. Back in the 1930s, she did some searching and apparently found her biological mother's family. She passed down to us some written correspondence from who she believed was her biological aunt. There was also a scrap of paper with a man's name on it, who we could only guess was her father's name. For the past 80 years, the family lore has gone off of what she learned back then. Within only a few hours after I had received my DNA results, using the research she had done nearly a century ago, and Ancestry's freely-searchable family tree records, I had confirmed both of her biological parents. I have over a dozen DNA matches to people who are my second- and third-cousins, from both sides of her biological family. If I hadn't known that she was adopted or have a pretty good idea of her parents going into the process, I'd be like a lot of other folks who post here, who wonder about all of the matches they see.
Yes, I found my dad’s half-sister last year (she was adopted in 1962). She shows up as a 96% chance of being a: 1st cousin, Great-grandmother, Great-granddaughter, Grandaunt, Grandniece, Half aunt, or Half niece. It took about five years for her to test and show up, but it’s not impossible.
Was your Dad able to meet her?
He would like to meet her, but she didn’t answer me back. I kept my message vague to keep from alarming her (so she might think I’m just a first cousin), and I’ve just left it up to her.
If the message was via Ancestry you run the risk of them not logging on. You may want to find another option.
She has logged in several times since then.
It’s not at all unusual to find the secrets in a family. I sure did!
So did I, heaps!
My dad was adopted and through Ancestry DNA, I was connected with one of his half brothers. I now know quite a lot about my bio-grandma and her family. Your relative is extremely wrong.
My grandmother never knew her father so I got her to take a DNA test when she was 91 years old. Besides myself and my mother, she didn’t have any super close matches but I was able to map out potential candidates through trees and research. It took a while and looking through many obituaries but I was eventually able to narrow it down!
It’s pretty easy to figure out who your grandparents are from these tests actually - I highly suggest the Facebook group dna detectives where people volunteer for free to use your results to solve these types of mysteries. I was able to find my great grandfather - my great grandma never told anyone who he was.
I am having a difficult time finding my paternal great grandfather. My grandfather died in 1940, at age 53; he never knew the identity of his birth father. I wanted to find that information out before my own father died, but, alas, time ran out. Since this involves records from countries that don't exist anymore, it is difficult to parse.
You’ll most likely get at least some 2nd to 3rd cousins on your mom’s side. Hopefully you might get closer than that, if not now then there’s always the chance of new matches in the future.
I’m adopted as was my sister, but from different birth families. I found mine without DNA, I helped her with Ancestry dna. I was able to find both her birth parents. It’s definitely doable.
I have helped two people who had family members who were adopted find their biological family by taking ancestry dna tests. It is very easy once the results come in.
It makes my heart race (in a good way) with possibilities. I can't stop checking for updates, I haven't been this anxious about anything since I believed in Santa and it was Christmas Eve
Please update us! I love these stories. My mom was adopted too, sealed records too, and while my DNA results haven't pulled up anything closer than 2nd-3rd cousins (yet) I eventually hired a private investigation company who gave me my mom's birth mother's info within *days*. That was after 20 *years* of me trying to search on my own! Wasn't cheap but worth every penny so DM me for info if DNA doesn't pan out. But I think you'll learn quite a bit from your ancestry test so try to hang in there!
I wish you the very best <3
It's possible to figure you who your biologicsl grandparents were. I got matches to a 1st cousin once removed (and later, more) I would have been successful in using Ancestry if my bio dad wasn't a butt lol. I actually talked to him when I was searching. Would have also been easier if my great grandma wouldn't gotten pregnant from a married man and then pretended that all her kids had the same dad. That man's family (he died years ago) didn't know about us. It might be harder if your mom was older and a lot of the prior generation have already passed away(taking their knowledge with them).
You think it is only just “possible” that she will have a maternal match? You think her results are going to say 6,000 paternal and 0 maternal because her mom is older?
I'll edit it. I meant possible to figure out who her biological grandparents were. Of course she will have matches on both sides.
Sorry I misread your comment I think. I presumed everyone was telling her that she had like a 50-50 shot to the question being posed, but I think everyone interpreted her post to mean her finding the bio grandparents. Figuring out who the bio parents of her mother were? Without professional help, I’m going to say 50% odds. With help, it is 100%. Genealogist have already confirmed that basically. The database is so large now that the can basically guarantee that the person can be identified or dangerously close to identified (ie it would be 1 of these 2 brothers). At least in America. Hence why you are seeing so many cold cases solved. I know of an arrest where they uploaded the sample to a major database (my guess is 23&me) and that sample only had like 600 total matches or something low the cop claimed. They hired the expert and had their guy within a week.
Yes, it is. I found a 1st cousin who had been given up for adoption. He found his birth mom, and she told him who his birth dad was (my dad's youngest brother). No one in the family knew anything about him. He grew up in our parents' adoptive hometown. He actually went to school with a bunch of the 1st cousins.
No offense to your relative, but they probably have very little knowledge about how DNA matching works. You will definitely get DNA matches back. Hopefully you get some close matches, as that will be your biggest help in finding out who your biological grandparents were.
My mum was adopted and did not test her DNA before she passed . I did test. My 1/2 uncle who my mum knew of but had no relationship with I contacted him. He’s in his 80s. He kindly tested for me. So now I have access to her maternal family . But say my mum never knew she had a 1/2 brother when I tested myself and say he had well it would have been a very close match . With the help of “‘DNA angels” I was able to figure out who her biological father was . Long gone but his granddaughter was a very close match to me. She was shocked her grandfather had a secret child but the photos of her grandfather and my mother proved he was for sure my mums father. Remarkable likeness . The granddaughter sent photos and now I have photos of my maternal grandparents and access to maternal DNA ( my 1/2 uncles results .. they shared the same mother ) Shame my mum wasn’t alive to know of all my discoveries.
I'm so sorry she didn't get to know too. It makes me sad I might find out and my mom never got to ... But in the same breath it makes me happy I'm doing something she really wanted. Thank you so much for sharing your story, (and Happy Cake Day)
Someone may come forward and help you ,there are a lot of kind ,VERY intelligent members on Ancestry who might help you out. The 2 who helped me were matches to me.In fact they found who my mums biological father was through my matches well before I contacted my 1/2 uncle . His results were far better than mine of course and my hobby is matching his maternal matches into my extensive tree. Good luck !
So as I'm reading, am I understanding that males get better results? My brother and dad are willing to take a test, but I submitted mine really quickly, I couldn't wait.
Awe this is awesome. My mom is adopted and her bio mom died a few years after giving birth to her. We have no idea who my mom's real dad is. It would be awesome to find out who he is. I wonder if somehow ancestry DNA could do this.
Yes but it would take some homework and is best if you are familiar with your biological paternal side that way it would be easier eliminating potential relatives and not getting them mixed up. I would also suggest contacting an expert on online there’s a couple groups on facebook free of charge who help people like yourself find relatives through DNA and lastly don’t assume anything until you are %100 sure , I have a half niece who believed my father was her dad when in reality she is related to me through my maternal side , I have an older half brother from my moms first marriage who father her and other kids then abandoned then making her a half niece but Ancestry has her as a half cousin so just beware Ancestry doesn’t always pairs people correctly especially if they are only half nice, aunt , grandma etc.. usually only close relationships like full siblings or even biological parents tend to be %100 accurate the farther you go family sides the more difficult it’s going to be trying to figure out how you are related to the person. Good luck and keep us updated.
The answer to her question is yes 100%. She is wondering if submitting DNA will match her with some of her maternal branch. She is likely not grasping how wide the net grows in genealogy. Not to mention how many samples these websites have obtained. She will be able to assign parent 1 and parent 2. She knows what her parents look like and knows her paternal line relatives.
I found my surprise birth father through matching with a first cousin on Ancestry. You will definitely find some family members that way.
This may not be much of a problem. Anyone who is related to your mom will also be related to you by DNA. You may find many many close relatives.
Yes. My non-bio cousin tested after her mom (my dad's adopted sister) passed away, and she (cousin) matched right away to her mom's 80-year-old half-sister. They're in contact. You should find reasonably close matches--enough for someone knowledgeable to help you ID--assuming the bio parents were from the US and especially if their families had been in the US for some generations.
I’ve done both Ancestry and 23&Me DNA tests. Be aware that some people may do one and not the other. We found my dad’s biological father’s surname in 23&Me, but no trace of it in Ancestry. (I reached out and never heard back from them, which is another story in and of itself.)
Sorry for your loss. I had a close cousin (estimated between 1st and 2nd) message me a while ago. I didn’t recognize her name. She told me that she was adopted. I asked members of my family who she could be and my first cousin ended up contacting me asking if the relation’s name was xxxxx. It was indeed. Long story short, my first cousin had to give up a baby and always wondered about her and with permission from both parties, I put them in contact with each other.
Even if you do not have super-close matches, there can still be surname info and such to discover. My mother found 3 (predicted) half 2nd cousins, and from that we figured out the likely surname of her unknown great-grandfather (pretty much confirmed by other more distant matches). We're still plugging away with research, but just know that with some time even distant connections can be helpful. Also, many of us with memberships are happy to share resources. Linking your Ancestry results with a person with a membership can auto-sort your maternal/paternal matches after that was put behind a paywall. Message me if you want. r/genealogy has a weekly "paid record request lookup": you ask people who have paid database subscriptions to obtain documents for you, though they have to be deceased people you are searching for, if you post publicly. There are a lot of folks---myself included--that are happy to volunteer some hours to help, as many of us have been helped by others.
I have a close cousin match with someone with a name/surname I don't recognise, nor do I recognise a single name on her family tree, nor do I have any known relatives in the area she's from. It's looking likely she's an adoptee/daughter of an adopted person, or was brought up by family members on a side unrelated to mine. I've left my privacy settings open if she ever wants to get in touch. You won't know until you get your results. Good luck!
I literally found my father’s mother my first day on ancestry. Verified by a birth certificate. His half-brother matched with me. I suspected I found my grandfather for a while, I had a cousin I matched with, but he dismissed me. It wasn’t until HIS mother did her’s to see who I was that I found out she was my father’s half-sister. She thought I was her sister, for some reason her father thought my father was a girl. He told her later in life she had a sister. It is definitely worth joining multiple sites!
Join DNA Detectives on Facebook, the really big group. Once you have your results you may be able to get help from members/search angels.
It is very possible. My mom and dad has been contacted by several adopted relatives. A great uncle, a half sister (at least one on each of their blood lines), and 2 nieces. Wild stories (about the pregnancies) and now new bonds were formed. Please do it. I think your mom would have approved and appreciated whatever you find out.
I miss her so much, and she would have loved all of this... Thank you
I’m so sorry for your loss. EDIT: Please keep us posted on any results.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. All respect to your older relative but they do not understand how DNA tests work. I'm donor conceived and I was able to figure out my donor and build out his entire family tree from a third cousin match. It was work and took some time but it was fun to do and has left me with such a sense of peace. Hoping you're able to find closer matches than that but even a more distant one is doable. Feel free to message me if you'd like any help!
We discovered my grandfather's half brother through ancestry! He'd spent his whole life looking for his paternal side
Yes. You could probably find someone but keep in mind not everyone wants to be contacted.
Absolutely. There's a reason why it was a closed adoption, and I'm not trying to step on any toes in any way. I'd be happy just having a idea of heritage
I understand.
You may want to upload your DNA to [gedmatch.com](https://gedmatch.com) to ensure more matches from other services (23andme and FamilyTreeDNA).
Thank you! I wasn't aware of this, appreciate the lead
Your scenario is the exact same as mine and my Mom's. I'd say almost immediately I found my mom's birth mother and birth father. Decades of unanswered questions were answered just by me taking the test!
This makes my heart flutter, I just want to know for her. I want to make her wish come true... I miss her so much
My dad is adopted, and we’ve found four half siblings so far! Two showed up on 23 and me, and one of them provided us with info about two more and his bio dad! Pretty awesome!
I have a very similar situation as you, my mother was also adopted from a unwed mother’s home via the Catholic Church. I got the results back and several matches of second cousins and 1 first cousin with 1,034 cm. Now, I just want to let you know that first cousin is just ancestry’s estimation and I think it’s actually my half uncle. Unfortunately he did not message me back and I did what I could research on fb and old obituaries. There are 5 girls and 2 boys in the family so it could be any of the 5 girls. But based on age, who I believe is bio granny passed away. Bio Gramps side is much more confusing. I have some second cousins that I believe to be on his side but the ages seem off. But both these families lived in the same area and I’m on the right track. But I have to take breaks every so often because it’s very confusing and frustrating. And Beware not everyone’s trees are correct. And like I mentioned what you are told is a first cousin could be a much closer relative. I spoke to someone on here who found their bio father and ancestry also estimated it was their first cousin or uncle as well. She met the man and he confirmed that he placed her up for adoption. I just wanted to let you know that. Helped me out so much once I realized that the guy I matched with is probably way more than a cousin. His picture in his youth next to my nephew is absolutely uncanny. They look so much alike it’s crazy. Good luck and I hope you find something to lead you in the right direction!
Your story sounds almost identical to mine, and I really am hopeful. Thank you so much
Yes - I can tell you that from experience. You will get maternal relatives, and they may be quite close relatives. It probably won't be immediately obvious how they are related, and that will involve some detective work and (hopefully!) helpful DNA relatives who want to figure out how you're related. But when I've hit brick walls with my tree, a hunch based on a DNA connection has often been the best way to find the clue I needed.
Yes it is possible and I would say even likely. I find a bunch of relatives I didn’t know.
Your older relative is wrong. I was able to figure out who my great-great-great grandmother was using a match Ancestry, so finding your grandparents should be relatively simple. (Caveat: If you’re Ashkenazi Jewish, French Canadian, or Native American, genetic genealogy is a lot more difficult.) There are various organizations, such as Search Angels, that help adoptees find their bio relatives using DNA. If you need help after getting your results, try reaching out to them. That said, the law preventing adoptees from accessing their records is ridiculous. You should reach out to lawmakers to advocate for opening up adoption records.
Thank you!! I absolutely agree, what makes 1963 and on okay to open adoption records, but not before? It makes no sense to me! What happened prior to 1963 that is so delicate 🤷♀️
I connected with 2 half uncles - 3 it you count one of them being a twin but i haven't talked to - that were adopted and unknown to my family without my parent or their shared bio dad.
As others have said …. DNA can make finding relatives rather easy or it create a near unsolvable puzzle. But to be on the positive side of things, this happened this morning. Looked at my newer matches and spotted a 49cM match with a moderately built out tree. She happens to be a descendant in one pair of my 2G-grandparents … a line I’ve done extensive research on documenting about 1,000 descendants from 1869 to near present. It took about 3 minutes to figure out who she was, that’s she was a 3rd cousin and I already had her in my tree. Messaged her and few hours later chatting with a cousin. Now your situation likely will not be that easy as you don’t have an extensive tree on that side … but you might have a cousin or half-aunt/uncle who does.
Good luck to you! My mother is adopted and recently submitted mine with hopes of finding some bio family <3
I really hope you get some answers too
You should get matches.
Suggest you do both Ancestry and 23andMe since those are the 2 most likely places where your bio-relatives would send in samples.
Don't you have a random 50% of your Mom's DNA. Testing a previous generation would be amazing if they will do so.
If a female tests you should find match’s.
Do your sample, find matches on her side. If you don't come up with one right away, don't worry. People take those tests all the time and eventually someone from that side will drop into your DNA match results.
It’s absolutely possible! My husband found his bio family via the information that a first cousin once removed was able to provide! I myself discovered a first cousin because she did the test and discovered her father was not her bio dad. She then put us in touch with another cousin who had been given up for adoption when her birth mother was 15! You never know what information a connection will have that will lead you to finding stuff out!
Yes, you can absolutely meet your potentially close family members despite her death, also, I’m very sorry for your loss. My mother was adopted at birth in a closed adoption in 1962 and through an Ancestry DNA match I found my biological first cousin, who is the daughter of my mothers biological sister. Although both my mother and bio aunt’s adoptions were private/“closed” my mom did have her birth mother’s name. When I messaged the DNA match for my first cousin to ask if the name rang a bell to her, she said yes, that’s my bio grandmother as well. I know I had some luck here, and I had clues that not everyone is blessed enough to have, but I was able to unite my mother and her bio younger sister and me with my cousin. They grew up living less and an hour from eachother without knowing either of them ever existed for most of their lives…. Don’t give up. Feel free to DM if you need advice or support. This could be a life changing experience you may go through. Adoption has ripple effects for generations.
OMG you're living my story! My mom was 1962 too. One of those Catholic home for children stories.
My grandmother found out in her 60s that the man on her birth certificate wasn’t her father. I matched with my grandmothers half sisters daughter on ancestry. If I matched with my half great aunts daughter you will match with your mothers parents families. This is so exciting for you!
My mom was adopted and I wanted to know who her birth parents are so I took the test. Took me a little while to suss things out but I figured it out! It absolutely can be done, though sometimes all you can figure out is a list of candidates. If you need any help, feel free to DM me. I’m a volunteer search angel who works with adoptees and NPEs.
Thank you I really appreciate that
You can most definitely find your relatives and doing proper DNA and ancestry research you will be able to pinpoint those relatives. I have been on a brick wall for bulk and relatives connected to my great-grandfather for 2 years and we finally just connected with living family in Croatia they have confirmed that they know our relatives they remember them and they lived in the same house it's wild and Incredibly emotional. I am really into genealogy and DNA. So feel free to PM me and I'd be more than willing to help you.
I really appreciate that! It's been a little overwhelming so far trying to figure out the tree, and I cannot stop checking for a DNA update
I am doing research daily. I have become really good at it!
Good luck!
Thank you
I’m working on an adoption case at the moment. Found the mother within hours of accessing the person’s DNA match list which showed third cousins at best. The paperwork arrived confirming it about a week later. A letter has been sent to the birth mother. Hoping she reveals the father’s name, because there are strong contenders at the moment (brothers, one still alive)
I am not in the same situation as you but my maternal grandfather was completely unknown until my nan told me his name and this was backed up by his 2nd cousins being my DNA matches. And if your dad is willing to (or can) test so his DNA is a filter for paternal or maternal matches, that would help you find your mum's biological relatives (if they have tested).
I see what you're saying, if my dad will test I can narrow down which is my mom's relatives versus my dad's. Thank you! That's a great idea and I think he would be willing to help me
Exactly what I'm saying :D
Ancestry worked best for me rather than 23 and me. using Dna matches and shared trees i was able to identify my most likely maternal G Grandfather and most likely maternal GG Grandmother, there are no paper records (birth or marriage) for these people and as they are long gone i can not conclusively prove it’s them by testing them, but Ancestry got me to the correct family and most likely individuals. It does take some detective work on your part though.
I discovered an unknown aunt when I was 65, who gave me the info on her older brother who was my bio-father (passed away decades ago) and an entire new family that had no idea I existed. The info-gathering process took about a day and some time on the 'net. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes not. Never know until you try.
Hmmm... Are you certain it wasn't a family adoption to start with, and the older family simply wants you to not find out?
I grew up with this image... I always thought my Catholic grandparents picked her up as a baby, and with their 3 bio daughters who were all over 25, I assumed one of my aunts got pregnant out of wedlock and to keep the baby in the family my grandparents adopted my mom. One of my aunts was VERY involved in mine and my brothers lives growing up, so we thought Mom was her daughter. Come to find out, mom lived in this foster center where Catholic families came to get a weekend kid until she was 4, and that's when my grandparents decided to keep her. Nobody ever told us that, not even mom, until she passed. She had a really hard life, and went way too young, it put so much into perspective.
I can't imagine you won't find out soon enough.
🙏🏼💕💪🏻
I did both 24 and me and ancestry. On both I had relatives from my previously unknown paternal side. I had a first cousin reach out to me and she was like "get I thought I knew an the family names how are we cousins?" I explained my mom to get she talked to her dad and it turns out her estranged uncle cheated with my mom and made me and no one on their side one I existed BC my mom left town when she got pregnant.... My paternal grandparents are both deceased unfortunately but I know of aunts, uncles, cousins etc in both the us and Canada. Chances are great imo that you'll get some matches! Even if they are 3rd cousins to you they would've been closer to your mom and trees can be built up and backwards based on these cousins and other relatives! I personally don't want a relationship, I just wanted to know about health issues BC I struggle a lot, my cousin was really nice about that and her and her dad were super informative. For me, I have a dad who was there when I was born and I never was looking for another, my cousin obviously might've told family about my existence which is fine, but no one else has reached out and that's ok to! I've been able to read obituaries and see different health things that way and through her and her dad. When you do get DNA matches, screenshot them and everything about them before reaching out to contact them. I've seen ppl on here find family who didn't want secrets unlocked so they blocked the person when they reached out. Screenshots also make it easier to reference things offline esp if you want to go to the library and look for specific events or names!