What??? Absolutely not, when you are invited to dinner at someone else's home you pay nothing, although it is good manners to repay the invitation by bringing a bottle of alcohol-usually wine-or a dessert. Ask for money for a house invitation only if you agree in advance for some special reason, such as "I would like to cook you a very expensive and tasty dish, how about we buy the ingredients together?" If they suddenly asked me for money, they wouldn't see me again.
For going out to a restaurant, it depends. If it is an occasion to dine together yes, everyone pays his own regardless of who he invited. For a birthday, it varies a lot depending on the area and the group of friends. You may decide that everyone pays his or her own and the birthday person offers drinks or dessert or that everyone pays his or her own and also what the birthday person consumes as a gift. It is rare for the birthday person (especially kids or young adults) to buy dinner for all invitees, for obvious economic reasons.
totally agree with you, the only exception, but again EXCEPTION, is the case you decide to cook something very expensive and then ask your friend BEFORE if they agree to share the cost, think of Spezzatino with Barolo wine or some expensive caviar recipes, but apart those very rare cases it would be insulting in Italy, everywhere from North to South
Exactly, but in that case I'd not see that as an "invitation to dinner" but as a co-organized dinner (where, beside contributing to the ingredients' expenses, I would also help in cooking the special recipe) where the "host" is just the person who provides the house and the kitchen.
If you're in southern Italy there's no way the birthday person doesn't pay for everyone, it's a custom similar to a law that if it's your birthday (or your nameday) you offer for everyone you know: it goes from offering coffee at the bar for the people you meet on that day, to bringing sweets at your job place, to invite friends and family to your party. Your party your money, the invited only have to bring you a gift
If you make other people pay at your birthday don't expect anything from them tho. I remember my cousin, the first time she went to a birthday here in the north, she came back home with the gift she bought because she had to pay for dinner lol
So you only give the gift if you get something in return? And not just because you would like to gift the other person something? š thats as wild as making people pay if you invite them for dinner in your home
If you invite peoples in your home, you don't make them pay.
If you are going together at a restaurant, you are paying for yourself. If you are going to the restaurant to celebrate someone, it's nice to pitch in to pay the part of the celebration person, but that's not an obligation
If inviting somebody to your home, you're paying (but you might expect them to bring a bottle or some flowers).
If you're just going out and meeting friends at a restaurant, you share the costs or if it's a regular group, maybe just take turns to pay. If splitting usually it's an equal split, one person pays and gets the others to send them the money. Seems different in the USA, where they'll actually get separate bills produced by the restaurant, with every starter and drink assigned.
For special occasions out (e.g. it's your birthday), if you've been invited out, you'd expect everybody to club together to cover your meal. If you invited everybody else, I'd expect to pay - but when similar question came up on UK subreddit, I was in the minority and most people expected the guests to cover their own costs. Might be an age thing?
Iād just add/specify, if you invite people to the restaurant to celebrate something good that happened to you then you should pay. If they invited you (to celebrate you) the bill is on them. If itās a regular get together we each pay our own bill
I mean it depends right? If you are more inviting people to your place for a movie night or watching a football game, them surely you donāt pay for their food if you order pizza or something. Instead you offer snacks, drinks or similar.
If ordering together, when not invited to eat, pay for your own food. If invited to eat, with no other talk, bring wine and expect the host to provide food.
IMO it's fairly situational. Are they there as friends, or is it some kind of meeting with peers. And whether the decision to order was made together or just you.
It is pretty much the same in denmark. It is also very common to hold a "Gille" meaning feast for big purposes like around birthday or a confimation. Typically you either have barn or rent someplace "Gillesal". Sometimes there is catering other times it is homemade (depends on the person and the size of the party). It is not expected that guests pay.
this is it. in greece its customary for the birthday person to pay, but every one gives him cash or a gift to offset it in a card. but I can't imagine being asked to pay for a meal at some ones house when they invite me over. thats insane.
>I just heard a few people share their experiences in Germany, the Netherlands, the UK and Italy and they said they were invited over for dinner and were expected to pay for it.
I'm in the UK. If this ever happened to me I would consider it **one of the strangest social situations I've ever encountered**. I would definitely tell everyone about it ("you would not *believe* what happened to me when I went to [person]'s house for dinner, it was ridiculous...").
This is definitely, 100%, not only not normal, but as **utterly ludicrous** in British culture as it would be in most others.
>Or being invited to a restaurant for someone's birthday and having to pay for your meal.
My family and friendship groups have always followed the convention that the birthday person **doesn't pay** - i.e. you split the bill among everyone else so the birthday person gets a free meal. Like a present. So this is absolutely true.
I'm wondering if there isn't another layer to this or info missing... Certainly asking guests to pay for a home cooked meal is insane. But if you go to a friend's house then everyone orders delivery or takeaway, I could see being asked to pay your own way.
Yeah, I'm also from the UK and I have never encountered this in my life. If people want to have people over, but can't afford to do a full hosting, or if one person is always the host, usually it's a potluck and guests all bring something along. I used to do this in my early twenties where one friend lived centrally and we'd go over there every month for board game club and one person would be tasked with bringing a main, another a salad, someone else with the drinks, someone else with the desert etc (it would all be agreed who was bringing what and the roles would rotate. We never had an issue with people cheaping out either, if anything people would show off a bit by buying increasingly more expensive items). But going round to someone's house and being expected to pay for the food they cooked? Never!Ā
Now I'm 30+ I'd consider it cheap if I went to someone's house, dinner was a takeaway, and they didn't pay for 100%. Certainly I always pay for the food other people eat in my house!Ā
> birthday person doesn't pay
Depends who is celebrating who. If I'm organizing my party and you are a guest, I pay. If you (a group of multiple people) organize a party for me, you are paying.
Ie, organizer pays.
The only time I've chipped in for meals are for my friendship group's big Christmas get-together (where everyone brings a side dish and we pay our share of the expensive meat) and barbecues (again, for the meat). We are a group of mostly single, once-young professionals and we're keen not to burden the host with all the costs.
Anything smaller than that, and I'll typically bring a bottle of wine along for them.
This is not very common in Germany, and if anyone asked me/us (family), we would decline and probably not bother with them anymore. I've never experienced it personally, and only heard of it here on reddit. Being asked to pay reimbursement for hosting a BBQ or whatever is weird. What I've heard of and experienced once is 'bring your own meat' to a BBQ... but this may also be because meat is more expensive and there's consciousness about not wasting. My boss told me recently about a BBQ his wife hosted last year. Turns out more than half the guests were vegetarian or "social vegetarians", and they ended up with lots of extra in the fridge.
Bringing something else, a side dish or a bottle of wine or a snack or something, yes, that's common (depends on the type of dinner/occasion). Maybe a vegetarian or vegan brings their own staple...
And I mean, if you're invited for a birthday dinner at a restaurant, yes it's understood you pay for yourself. This is common in nearly all Western countries, I think.
Yeah this is not common in Germany. I've been living in Germany for 11 years and only experienced it once. I just moved and I thought it is a thing. It was a sushi party and each guest were expected to pay 20ā¬, which was a lot for me back then.
The next time I got invited for dinner from a different person, I asked how much should I pay because I didn't have much money and he was confused.
Where you a student back then?
Because these were the only times it was normal that everyone pitched in when having a ādinner partyā because 20ā¬ times x persons would be quite a lot on a student budget.
And in my friend group that was clear without mentioning before. But of course when inviting someone outside of the group we would have told them prior.
(And thinking about a sushi party my then boyfriend went to, also as a student.. it was agreed upon that everyone pitches in. The hostess said she will go to Metro/wholesale to pick up the ingredients as itās cheaper and easier to get sushi grade fish. BUT she also bought the wholesale sized ginger and wasabi and soysauce etc. for just a bunch of people making the whole shopping super expensive with tons of leftovers that are hard to use in everyday cooking and everyone was pissed but she wouldnāt see the problem..)
This. Also: If you go to a restaurant with someone, it depends on how they ask you. If they say "I'll invite you" I'd think that they are going to pay. If they just say "let's go to that restaurant together" I will pay for myself. And on birthday dinners I also was at a few occasions where the person whos birthday it was payed for everyone else, but again, I wouldn't expect it or ask for it. Asking someone to pay is pretty weird in general. You can ask to bring something, but asking them to pay would be a sign for me to not go anywhere with that person.
Invited over to someone's house for dinner? No, at most bring your own drinks or a symbolic bring desert. Invited to a restaurant? Definitely yes everyone pays for their own consumption. Funnily enough this would apply to every country I've ever lived in.
So you mean if, let's say your uncle, hosts his jubilee at a restautant, his guests would be expected to order and pay? No prearranged meal course + drinks?
I wouldn't describe this as a casual invitation, it's a very long planned event for selected guests where part of the restaurant is reserved for a certain event. Like a wedding reception.
And usually it's communicated pretty clearly to everyone in advance how it's going to be - for example - the food will be paid for, then there's a total limit of 10,000 crowns for drinks, and when it's exceeded, everyone pays for themselves.
I've only seen this kind of thing with purely family events, or if a company is organising such an event for its employees, it's also clearly communicated in advance, including the limit.
Well yeah, it's very different if it's your grandparents 60th wedding anniversary and they've hired a hotel function room for what's basically a wedding reception. Then you don't pay. But that's rare.
When it's your mate Josh on his 27th saying "do you want to grab some pub grub this evening" then obviously you pay for yourself, and probably chip in a bit to pay for Josh as well.
Yeah, but NoSleep mentioned a big birthday event. "Lets go grab something" would be "you pay for yours, I pay for mine, we just go together", but "I'm inviting you" would be "I'm paying for both of us, within reason"
In the places I've lived (UK and Germany) there's no fundamental difference between the two. People will pay for their own, or at the very least split the bill equally.
Even if you use the word "grab", the fact that you're asking a group of people to eat with you on your birthday suggests that it's an invitation even if the word "invite" isn't used explicitly.
From what I've gathered here, however, in parts of Eastern Europe that's a bit different.
Thatās not a meal at a restaurant to casually meet. Thatās considered like a party / event, in which case where I come from the organizer pays for the event, but I know some places like the UK in weddings isnāt common to have an open bar at the venue and guest pay for their drinks, which to me is bizarre
>guest pay for their drinks, which to me is bizarre
We made our guests pay for their alcohol at our wedding, or alcohol during the dinner was included, but for the party they had to pay, why?
1. Alcohol is EXPENSIVE (Norway) with prices averaging 13ā¬ for a drink and 10ā¬ for a decent beer
2. Open bar = drunk AF guests and we did not want that kind of wedding
Absolutely get it, itās a cultural thing, Iām originally South American living in Spain and we party hard in there, but also alcohol is cheaper. Weddings there are made for people to have an absolute blast, and drunkenness wouldnāt be necessarily a bad thing, itās just different cultures and approaches to it. But in general for an event / party (different than a dinner at a friends house) regardless of if itās a wedding, baptism, communion, birthday etc, the hosts pay for everything
Norwegians get black out drunk, throw up and get into stupid situations xD Fine for a birthday, I am one of those that get way to fucked up- but for weddings its just not charming xD
When we host parties, we pay for food, snacks etc tho, but we usually do BYOB (with the exception of maybe a welcome drink/punch) and eventually when we are all drunk we make eachother drinks from our own stuff and share etc
When your uncle host his jubilee and invite you, he pays. When your friend asks you to go to a restaurant to eat and chat, everyone pays for itself. The uncle part in here compares to a weddingparty in my opinion, so he pays for it.
I mean it could happen but i certainly wouldn't expect it. If he wanted to make it that big of an event at a restaurant I'd even say the rest of us pay for his share, not him paying for us. If the bill was 1000 and there are 11 people, then 10 people would pay the 1000.
I've been to exactly one party where guests would pay money, but that was a bit special (big New Years party with lobster, champagne, and a rather long guest list, meaning it'd be a bit hard to arrange for someone with a normal income). It was also clearly announced in advance.
That said, I've been to plenty of social occasions with a sort of implied potluck setup (we go to their place, they bring the main course, we bring the desert and the drinks). For that reason, it might be good to ask "Should we bring something?" just to get a sense of what's expected.
Absolutely common in Switzerland too.
Swiss barbecues don't really have standard meats we'd put on, so the side effect of this is that everyone gets something they like. Usually people aren't stingy about it, if you underestimated your own hunger and they have spares they'll share, but if someone shows up without bringing anything, that'd be seen as a bit cheap/taking advantage.
I think this may also be affected by the typical friend group (at least at my age) having one or two people living in places better suited to hosting, so we don't want the people who have a nice garden/barbecue to always have to pay for food.
In Sweden that could happen, as a sort of potluck kind of thing. But it completely depends on the event, sometimes the host will provide all the food, sometimes you can bring your own potato salad or some nice sausages or meat or whatever, and everyone will share.
Dutchies have the name of being cheap-ass, but here its the same. At least in the (eastern) part of The Netherlands where I live. When friends agree to go out eating at a restaurant, bills mostly are split.
Yeah, I wouldnāt expect someone to pay me for eating at my house, although I wonāt mind if they do. As long as they return the favour sometime Iām happy.
Kind of baffled when you say in Italy, that is absolutely insulting and disrespecting in Italy, if you invite someone and ask for money would be very insulting and inappropriate.
It can happen that maybe you plan to cook something very expensive and then you can ask your guest if they agree to the meal and share the cost but that is an exceptional situation. No one ask you to pay if they invite you for dinner in Italy, if they do they are absolutely assholes.
There is a phrase like "Zvu tÄ na pivo/obÄd", which literally means "I'm inviting you to beer/lunch", but generally means "I'll buy you a beer/lunch".
Generally at a party, the person inviting you as a guest should make it clear that they are paying for you (I've never experienced this BTW, at most someone said - I'll buy you a beer)
Otherwise, it's assumed that your friends are organising the party, but at the restaurant everyone pays their own bill. In restaurants, they are used to each member of the group paying their part of the bill.
It's another thing if the party is at someone's house/apartment. Then it is assumed that the hosts will prepare the food and drink, however, guests are often expected to bring a little something, like a bottle of wine, or homemade sandwiches or cakes.
However, if someone invited me to lunch at their house and then asked me to pay for it, that would be really weird.
A guy from Czechia here. An invitation for dinner translates to "come for a dinner, its on me!"
When I invite my grandmother, I know she will try to pay for me, because she is grandmother... But I would never invite someone and then expect them to pay for themselves.
Yes, I do that sometimes when we go drinking with friends. I say come to my house, I will provide food, but you buy yourselves drinks. I state that they shall pay for their own drinks before they come!
Though as a Brit, a restaurant is a bit more nuanced. If I was invited to a meal out for somebody's birthday, it would be very dependant on the group as to wether I'd expect somebody else to pick up the tab. I'd certainly make my excuses and not attend if I wasn't comfortable with the idea I may have to pay my own way
Yep, same in the Netherlands. I never expect people to pay my restaurant bill even tho they often do if they sent out the invite. Dinner parties in restaurants can be crazy expensive and I just donāt feel comfortable with someone coughing up ā¬100 for my meal if theyāve got 5 others to cover.
Invite at home -> I bring dessert or wine but not expect to pay*
Invite at restaurant -> we share the bill.
* Exception can be the new year's eve or very big events were everone brings some food or share a part of the cost because otherwise who will invite 15 person to a barbecue ?
Come over (to my house) - there's nothing to pay for.
I'm inviting you to this restaurant for such and such occasion - i cover all the costs.
Let's go to a restaurant to grab something to eat - everyone pays for themselves.
I helped my friend with something important, and then they invite me for dinner at a restaurant to thank me for the favor -> I don't pay.
A friend says, 'Could we go for dinner at \[the name of the place\] maybe?' -> Each person pays for themself.
If it's a dinner at home, no one is expected to pay, but bringing a gift may be a good idea. Invitations for dinner at home were common in older generations, but they are almost unheard of among younger people, at least where I live.
If the meal is at a restaurant they yes, you should expect to pay for your part or a fair percentage of the total bill.
If the meal is in a home, then no. I have never come across that (in France, Italy, the UK or Ireland, all countries I have lived in).
If you are invited to someone's home then hard no. You might bring a drink or some small gift (box of chocolates, coffee), but you are not paying. For restaurants it depends, but if someone is inviting then mostly no, you are not paying unless you have something especially extravagant or expensive. The expectation is the host picks up the tab if they invited people (like a birthday party) and everyone splits if it's a get together.
See, I think here if it's more "extravagant" or expensive, guests aren't expected to pay or even order, except for choice of drinks when the bottles that were put on the table initially, run out. If it's a smaller get-together, it's more likely that people will pay.
These big events are usually family-related celebrations like weddings, birthdays, a child's baptism, a jubilee of an older member of the family etc.
Of course not. If I invite someone over, or out, for dinner it's on me. The only thing is sometimes with my buddies it's more like we're hanging out and don't feel like cooking. Then we'll split regardless of whose idea it was.
This is not the first time that I see this exact claim. I'd like to see your source, because it's complete bogus that you'd be asked to pay at someone's house. Going out it really depends on the relationship. Friends will likely split, but if I go out with my parents they would never make my buddy pay that tagged along. I can't imagine anyone would do that.
I think it's more that if you have an arrangement with someone where it's like you regularly come over to one person's place for dinner, then the expectation will be that at some point you bring something or contribute to the cost in some meaningful way or pay back by taking them out for dinner to a nice restaurant.
Among students it's more common to share the costs because the expectation is that everyone's broke, but everyone also still needs to eat.
If it's adults who are working a job and aren't poor, it's only the extreme cheapskates who invite you over to dinner and then send a tikkie afterwards (aka request to pay you back), but their behaviour is sufficiently noteworthy that it keeps coming up in threads like these.
I'm pretty sure these are all misunderstandings, perhaps motivated by unconscious stereotyping. Someone who asked for money from someone he invited to dinner at home would be considered a cheapskate across the continent, without exception.
Well it's not a source, it's just a few people's anecdotal experience, it's not a study. It didn't sound right to me and that's why I asked here so more people can chime in with their experience as natives.
Alright, well it's not right. In fact the dutch being cheepskates is a stereotype from when the world was more religious. We were a majority calvinist country and so we were very sober here and lived a life in relative modesty. Traces of that are of course embedded in our culture, so we have a different culture towards luxury and spending here than let's say southern italy.
There's also just the fact that catholic cultures didn't like the reformation. So they'd do anything to make us seem like bad people at that time. The stereotype that you get one cookie at tea and that the lid is smashed back on the tin and tucked away is also nonsense. It might have been true once, but we are just very normal in the present when it comes to social spending. We might be a bit more reserved when it comes to personal spending than other cultures in my observations though.
> it's just a few people's anecdotal experience
People you know personally who have directly experienced this, or something you read online or heard second-hand?
Yeah, pretty much the same here. If you're just going out with friends everyone orders what they want and pays for their order, though it's not unusual for someone to offer to pay for everyone. Or if it's a house party type of thing, the bill is split. But if it's an official celebration, the host books a restaurant, chooses the meal course, perhaps asks the guests for their food preferences, buys a few types of alcohol and soft drinks, and it's unthinkable that a big celebration will run out of alcohol and you'll have to pay extra and order it yourself.
There will always be weirdos in both real life and on social media. If there's anything I've learnt from meeting a lot of different cultures it is that other cultures are 99% of the time just "normal" and people blow up cultural differences. Especially within europe the differences won't be outrageous.
My home, no, although if I'm hosting something like family Xmas people bring things
Restaurant, yes, you pay your way unless explicitly otherwise stated
If you are having a small party at someone's place it's not uncommon that everyone is expected to contribute something. This is mostly a thing among students that done have much money. Sometimes one person is tasked to buy drinks and snacks, the others pay there share.
But for a normal dinner invitation it would be considered rather rude. I'm sure that it happens, though. Some people are just tone deaf.
I live in the Netherlands and have been into probably 100 people's homes and have never heard of anyone asking anyone to pay for anything. Maybe they ask us to bring a bottle of wine or a dessert or a salad.
At a restaurant it is normal to split the bill, but sometimes the person inviting will pay (especially if it is their birthday or some other major milestone).
Would never ask someone to our home and expect them to pay. It is normal to bring a bottle of wine, box of chocolates etc when you're invited for food to someone's home.
If a group is going out for dinner to celebrate a birthday, we might treat the person who's birthday it is but its generally understood everyone pays for themselves and the bill is split.
Yeah, I think this is a main difference between Eastern and Western Europe, in the west it seems that the birthday person is treated and paid for, where in the east the birthday person treats and pays for everyone else. I'd be surprised if I went to a restaurant for someone's birthday and I'm handed a menu lol
There is a similarity that happens during birthdays at work in the UK. Iām in France now, but in England if it was your birthday, you would bring in a cake or snacks for your workmates to share.
- In a restaurant: generally you'd be expected to pay for yourself unless very specifically stated otherwise.
- At someone's home you'll never be expected to pay. Most folks will bring a bottle of wine, some desert or a gift basket with local products and/or some flowers to be polite. However it's not the end of the world if you don't.
>I just heard a few people share their experiences in Germany and they said they were invited over for dinner and were expected to pay for it.
That's definitely not a thing. I never heard anyone doing that. You maybe bring some drinks or ingredients or something "special" that only you eat or is expensive (like alcohol or gluten-free stuff you need and the hosts don't have).
At restaurants you pay for yourself usually. You might be invited for birthdays or special occasions, but I wouldn't expect it, maybe for family.
As an adult, no, absolutely not, unless itās a potluck type gathering, and thatās usually pretty clear from the get go. If Iām invited to dinner I donāt expect to pay a cent and donāt expect my invitees to pay either (but I will bring wine, coffee, flowers or something of sorts anyway).
However, when I was young and poor we sometimes organised dinners so that instead for everyone bringing some food to the table (potluck), everyone pitched some money and one person did the shopping. That way we could have a nicer dinner than weād otherwise be able to have.
No, but it can happen that among students there is an agreement to share costs. Talking about this is not some massive taboo, students are poor and just because your place has the best kitchen for the group to cook at doesnt mean you also have to pay every single time.
This would be communicated before and would happen in a close group of friends that meet up regularly to cook together for example, not in a normal party setting. This would be framed as "we are cooking together at x persons place", maybe some foreign students stumble across something like this and get confused.
If I invite someone over to my house where I would cook dinner for them, then that's on me. BBQ is often bring your own and share, but even those are sometimes on the host. Guests often provide the drinks tho.
If we all go out to a restaurant we usually split the bill evenly between all of us, regardless of what the occasion is
Depends on the personās background/regional culture rather than nationality. Iām born and raised in England but if I invite someone I donāt expect them to pay as I invited them. The only time I expect them to pay is if weāre at a restaurant
Depends. We invite people to our house regularly for Board games and food, and we just have an online tally for how much everyone will pay every so often.
So yes, people are expected to pay. But it was agreed upon beforehand. Communication is key. If you donāt know, ask what the expectation is.
Na thatās not a thing in the UK if youāre invited round for Sunday dinner for example you donāt pay for that you wonāt even think of paying for it.
The only thing I can think of where there may be some slight confusion is if for example your mate invites you over to watch the football. And then they say letās get a pizza or Indian. Then you will most likely both pay for what you order more often than not.
To reiterate, if friend/family is cooking food for you, you never pay them.
Sometimes the host will offer to pay, but usually whenever my friends and I get together we split the bill evenly. If you're making food from scratch this becomes remarkably affordable.
It happened to my cousin once, she was invited to dinner by a friend, and that friend later asked for money for the food. Pretty weird and awkward situation.
Generally no, you invite people to dine at your table, it's not a restaurant, they're your guests and don't pay.
Denmark, and I have never heard of inviting people and then expect them to pay for themselves. For young people parties people might be asked to bring their own booze.
At a restaurant, if it was that everyone pays for themselves, I would expect that it was announced in advance. Like a dinner with colleagues, and the invite says something like that the employer pays for two drinks but you must pay for your own meal.
No (sweden) unless mentioned before hand and that is very unusual. Never experienced it myself. Heard about a few that wants money after the fact idiots.
Only thing I have experienced is to bring your own alcohol to bigger private partys, It's really expensive here and people tend to drink a lot especially if free + there preferences varies.
Also there is a masive difference in saying, want to go out for lunch and I want to take you out for lunch.
1st option, everyone pays for themselves at the restaurant. 2nd one, the one asking is paying.
No, absolutely not. I don't even expect a host gift, but I appreciate getting one, especially if it's something other than a bottle of wine - I prefer to choose my own wine.
Restaurant - it depends. If I'm explicitly invited I expect the host will be paying, but if it's an informal invitation I ask who's paying. However, it's usually everyone for themselves.
Only do this in the UK if it is a group getting a takeaway, or contribute food and a bottle if you are having a barbecue. Being asked to pay for some supermarket food that they have cooked up? Nah. Restaurant kinda depends, if it is a group then usually they offer to pay for the birthday person rather than them cover what would likely be a very big bill. Different if it is a small group like a family or two couples, they may do a show of offering to pay then they say "no let's split it". Don't think there is a real rule there.
>I just heard a few people share their experiences in Germany, the Netherlands, the UK and Italy and they said they were invited over for dinner and were expected to pay for it.
Imagine this has only ever come up because it is totally outside the norm and very rude.
Huh what no never. That would be considered absolutely insane to me ngl. If we go to a restaurant then maybe yeah, but also depends on the occasion. If i cook home and invite someone then absolutely no. Never would that cross my mind
No. If you are invited to someones house, you are not expected to pay. Usually you bring some Desert, Side or Wine or something like that.
In a Restaurant, it's different. It kinda depends on how it's formulated and how your relation is, but usually you pay for yourself. But usually it's formulated like "Lets go to this restaurant to do X".
In the UK:
Invite people for a meal at your home - youād never expect payment
Invite people to join you for a meal at a restaurant - everyone pays
Invite people to an event at a restaurant - it depends. Ifās it your wealthy uncleās 80th birthday he might foot the bill. If youāre all in your 20s and itās someoneās birthday youāll probably all pay
I have never had to pay for dinner at someone elseās home. But a restaurant? Holy hell, I donāt have the money to pay for other people in a restaurant!
I would say it depends on the occasion and should be discussed beforehand. It can vary a lot, but let's say you just work your normal 40h job, it is nearly impossible to pay for everyone's meal if you go to a restaurant, because it would already maybe cost your entire income.
Absolutely not, it's common courtesy to pay for the people you invite here. Maybe if you're hanging out with a small group of friends at a restaurant then yes, you'd all be paying for your own food but even then someone will usually offer to pay for everyone else out of politeness. If it's a big event though it's all on the organizer.
Norway, it is not common to pay if you are invited to someones home here. The exception is if it is one person that hosts a group activity regularly, then it becomes a bit more complicated.
Ofc not.... The misconception of this being normal in the Netherlands (and it is not).. if you have day guests... And they decide to stay longer and you all are ordering food or something... This is where it CAN happen that you split the bill...
I have Dutch family, all my closet friends are Italian, Iām Irish. Iāve ate at family homes all over Europe and never once heard this utter nonsense!
Perhaps the people youāve heard this from just are at the house of a total bastard ?!
If someone invites me to their place for dinner, I wouldn't expect to have to pay for it. Unless maybe we're ordering food, especially if that was agreed upon beforehand.
If someone wants to meet up at a restaurant, we each pay what we had. But sometimes with a friend I'd meet up with fairly regularly, we might just take turns paying.Ā
If I'm invited to someone's birthday party, the birthday kid pays and I bring a present.Ā
Unless they're my English husband's friends and have invited us to a pub.Ā Ā
But then again, probably wouldn't pay for anything for them either because those bastards came to our wedding, had food and unlimited drinks paid for and still didn't bother even getting us a card lol.
In the UK you wouldn't expect guests to pay anything towards a homecooked meal.
There are times when you will be visiting someone's home not specifically for a meal where you all might pitch in together (or just pay separately) to order food in. Perhaps this is the source of the confusion.
I am from Austria, and when I invite someone to dinner at my home, it is an invitation and I do not expect anything. Of course it is common for the guests to bring some wine or cookies, but the evening should not be dependent upon their gifts. When I meet with friends at a restaurant, then everybody pays his share, but when i explicitely "invite" them there, then it is my gift.
But usually, invitations are returned and so nobody "loses" any money in the long run.
If you invite someone to your home for dinner, you pay.
If you invite someone to a restaurant for dinner, you pay.
If you agree with someone to have dinner at your/their home or go to a restaurant and have dinner, you both pay your share.
When someone comes to my home, I will definitely not expect them to pay anything, it's nice if they bring something like wine.
At restaurant, when I invite them to my birthday, it can be a big group, I usually pre-pay some meal for everyone and them everyone pays for his consumption
Romania š·š“
I've been living here twenty years and if you go to a restaurant everyone pays for themselves even if invited.
If it's a birthday you should bring a gift and flowers if it's a woman.
Occasionally the birthday person pays for everything.
When being invited to someone's home for dinner the only time money is exchanged is if friends plan a party or BBQ together and everyone goes in on the costs.
It's not standard at all to invite someone for dinner and ask them to pay especially the first time.
Exchanged money is only done between close friends to prepare a feast.
What? hell nah. Invited at my or my familys house, eat what you want, eat as much as you want, feel at home. If we go lunch or dinner together, it depends, usually people say āyouāre invitedā and then you donāt pay, but itās often older people inviting their younger kids plus partner/friends, or someone celebrating something and then inviting their guests. I earn more than my brother, I would invite him, I earn more than my best friend, I would invite her, but I also got invited by another close friend pretty often bcs she earns a lot more than me. If its just a group of friends chances are bill will be split. So yeah it depends, but I never heard of someone having to pay for their food at other peoples house, at least not in the area of germany where Iām from (southwestern germany) - but people here are usually less stuck up / distant than northern germans.
> Or being invited to a restaurant for someone's birthday and having to pay for your meal.
Yes, this is quite typical in Germany. The one celebrating pays for the drinks, but the food is on each one.
Not really in my region there are different kinds of invitations:
Formal invitation to a restaurant/venue (birthday, wedding, etc.): The host pays for everything, including drinks. Guests bring presents.
Formal invitation to somebody's home (birthday, or other family occasion): The host usually covers the costs for the main course and drinks. Guests bring additional food (salad, cake) and a present.
Informal invitation to a restaurant (let's have dinner at...): People split the bill or everybody pays for himself.
Informal invitation to somebody's home (let's have a BBQ at mine): Usually everybody contributes to the food and drinks.
A night out for a special occasion: The host usually pays a round or two or starts the evening at his. Afterwards everybody pays for himself.
To say it's typical German is simply wrong as this really depends on the region, occasion and type of setting.
Northern Italy. You definitely pay for everyone else if you invite them over, if youāre the one cooking. The only few exceptions I can think of are: if you order takeout and youāre not rich, you can ask each guest to pay their share (though most people prefer to pay for everyone if itās not too many people). Alternatively, you may decide that everyone has to bring something to eat/drink together (you, the host, included).Ā
Heh, tricky one. If someone invented you just to have some dinner - everyone pays for their own. If sort of celebration like BDay - the person who celebrates - will pay. But! If someone invites you for dinner at their place/home - homeowner will pay.
Denmark here - if you invite - you pay.
Unless you in your invitation clearly state, that is a potluck dinner or bring your own drink.
It would be considered extremely rude to invite people to home or a restaurant and then surprise them with a bill to pay.
You should probably never expect to see that guest again to anything you arrange or ever expect to be invited by them.
if invited in a home we usually bring desert or alcohol
if invited in a restaurant for an occasion: if gifts are expected then I do not expect to pay. If no gifts are given I pay for my meal.
No, no paying
The exception might be a big group BBQ where everyone contributes and you're providing the garden and BBQ. But if you're inviting people for your birthday or something then you provide everything too except maybe some special booze
Invite them over at my house? Absolutely not, they can bring a bottle or wine or appetiser if they want. In a restaurant we'll probably eat something similar in price so we'll probably split it evenly.
Birthday person usually pay for the lunch/dinner if it's guests so of course not.
If it's someone's home, I don't expect to pay, and never expect my quests to pay when I'm hosting. When it's a restaurant I'm not expecting someone to take up the bill and pay for my meal and drinks, if previously not agreed differently.
If I invite you to my place, you are not paying.
If you invite me to your place, I am not paying.
If we mutually decide to go out to dinner together - neither one inviting the other - then maybe we will split it, but only after having done the routine of: 'I'll pay. No, I'll pay. Don't be silly, I'll pay. Put your wallet away, I'll pay. No, really, I'll pay. No, I'll pay, I insist.'
At my home? They can bring alcohol. People always ask "what can I bring", in fact
At a restaurant? It depends, it's decided beforehand, one thing is " Hey, let's go for dinner for my b'day, drinks are on me", another is "hey, it's my retirement dinner party, iciver all". We always specify and do battle after to pay the bill (in the sense of battling TO pay, not battle to avoid paying)
I'm German. It is *not* normal to be asked to pay for dinner if you have been invited, however, it is customary to ask what/if you may contribute something such as a dish (if a pot luck type affair) or a host/ess gift (flowers, wine, etc.). If the host asks you to contribute financially, it may be towards the cost of beer or alcohol, which is considered normal if it's a communal barbecue or party so more beer (typically) can be organized if it has run out during the party (a beer run, in other words). If it's an actual dinner party, no, asking for a contribution would be considered extremely gauche unless it's a group of students, where it's not considered unusual.
Absolutely not. Unless this is something everyone involved agree on beforehand (very expensive ingredients perhaps, or special wine that everyone is interested in trying) it is absurd to ask for money when you ask someone home for dinner.
do you mean at home or at a restaurant? if at home, no. if at a restaurant it depends on whether they say they'll invite me (which means they will pay "ich lade dich/Sie ein") or if it's more like hey I'm going to a restaurant on my birthday join me then I expect that I pay, but often the host will pay for the first drinks or meal
It really depends on the general agreement.
In many cases, it's more an invite to hang out together, which doesn't necessarily mean that the person "inviting" pays for everyone. We're not talking of hosts and guests but more people going out together. Now the way people pay can vary, with some preferring to split the bill or not.
Now for special occasions it's different. In my experience, the host tends to pay for everyone, be it at home or at a restaurant. Guests just show up and have fun. Having guests pay for their food is greedy in my books. So I wouldn't say guests paying is a cultural norm.
Nope, that's definitely weird and I would say it's not socially acceptable. You don't invite people over and expect them to pay. If you casually meet up for a video night or boardgames or something and then order pizza I'd expect everyone to pay for their own pizza, or if you have something like a regular meetup at one person's place (say because they have more space tha everybody else) I obviously wouldn't expect them to provide food and drinks everytime (in that scenario I'd usually expect people to bring food and drink to the meetings). It's also not that unusual to have something like a birthday party and ask people to bring some food instead of presents (the classic oh, we now have four bowl of pasta salad and nothing else scenario). With people who are rather strapped for money (so something like a student party) i can also see people agreeing beforehand to divide costs. But straight-up inviting people and expecting them to pay seems entirely unthinkable to me...
If itās a festive dinner like new years or a Halloween party everybody offers to either bring something (of value) or pay 15ā¬. Thatās the norm and at times the hosts announce that itās on them. Of course, if you donāt drink the Champagne or eat seafood or meat you donāt have to pay for the others.
German here - Expecting people u invited to pay is probably the rudest and most embarrasing behaviour i have heared of in the last 24 hours.
U could make a case for it if u went to a restaurant that everyone pays for their meal but only if u came together with that idea. If one person is like "I invite u to that restaurant" than this person will most likely pay for it. And even than i am still ready to pay my own bill if it comes to that.
If you invite people over to your place for dinner - definitely no charge, they are a guest at your house
If you invite people to a restaurant then everyone should cover there own meal
I am from Germany.
It is highly unlikely you will ever get into a situation where you are invited to someone's home and asked to pay for food.
However at a restaurant it depends.
When you ask your friend out to a restaurant, you are not obliged to pay for his/her food. In case of uncertainty, just talk to people. The bill is usually split.
When you're invited to a birthday party at a restaurant, I also witnessed both scenarios. It basically depends whether the inviting person can afford and is willing to pay the bill for everyone.
I imagine the reason those people are sharing that experience is because its a bit ridiculous.
In the UK I would say it goes as follows:
1. Inviting someone to your house for dinner? Host pays. Invitees inevitably ask "what can I bring?" or "do you need help with anything?". Host is typically obligated to reply "Just bring yourself!". Invitee brings a random bottle of drink or something anyways that doesn't usually end up getting opened unless they're making a point to use the item they brought.
2. Big party/event as an excuse for a family gathering. Only the organiser pays. They will usually put some money behind the bar for their party but at a certain point once that runs out the guests have to pay. I have been to an event where the biggest faux pas was that the organiser put no money behind the bar. Personally I don't give a shit and understand that not everyone has the money to do so but some of the reactions were a bit perplexed. If its a big birthday then guests should bring a present.
3. Takeaway at someones house by reason of playing games, watching football etc: Everyone pays their part. The host may have drinks or some snacking food which is not expected to be paid for. The house in this scenario is just being used as a "venue" for whatever activity it is.
4. Normal birthday where the host has been like "I feel like going to XYZ for my birthday, wanna come?" then everyone pays and often people chip in to pay for the birthday person.
5. Students with lack of money - usually trumps all the rules, everyone understands they don't have money and any events are organised with the knowledge before hand that there is an expectation of people to bring their own food/drink or pay towards what is being made. At that point everyone is working out the exact amount they owe based on what they plan on eating and effort is made to make as much out of the pooled money as possible.
6. Party - bring your own drinks, food may or may not even be decided in advance. More than likely you'll be going out to find a kebab shop on the way home or everyone will pitch in for something to be delivered.
I would say its the same in Spain - although I doubt I can speak for all in general. The only big difference is weddings. In the UK you would still give some gift obviously to the ones that are getting married but at least in Spain - unless I've been committing a ridiculous faux pas in the UK as well - is that the expectation of money is pretty big. Minimum ā¬100-150 per guest, ā¬250-500 if they're close friends and ā¬500+ if its family. Obviously not everyone can afford this but that doesn't stop people from complaining behind closed doors if you don't give that amount. I may be wildly incorrect about that, its the rule I've been following so far while here based on various articles - but maybe those have been written by some people that wanted to receive large amounts of money on their wedding day.
Without reading the full accounts I canāt really comment but when I was living in the UK, I donāt think I paid anything when eating at another persons house. 7 years and I donāt think I ate in a restaurant that wasnāt work related so the job paid.
In Ireland I donāt pay when I go to others to eat unless itās takeaway thatās been decided when we were actually there. Going out depends upon the situation. Invited to a party, no paying for finger food. Sit down meal I expect to pay a share but not always expected if itās party. Friends meeting we pay equal shares regardless of who orders what mostly but I have a certain set of friends who only pay their share.
Long story short, it depends.
I have never asked anyone for money to come and have dinner at my house, and I have never been asked for money for this either. The guests bring a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates, or a dessert or something. A potluck style invitation is acceptable, where the host provides the main course, and guests each bring another course.
If someone asked me for money for a dinner party in advance, Iād side-eye them. (Unless it was going to be a special dinner with highly expensive ingredients.) If they did it after the fact, Iād ask if they were tripping. That would be the end of the friendship.
Restaurants - itās nuanced. In general, everyone pays for themselves. In my friend group, we would split the alcohol bill separately from the food, so that people who donāt drink wouldnāt be paying for that, because thatās not fair. Usually if weāre celebrating a birthday, the birthday boy or girl gets theirs paid for by the group.
Occasionally I have been invited out to a restaurant for dinner where the host paid for everyone, but it was made clear in advance that that was going to be the case.
At someone's home you don't pay, but I would feel obliged to ask if you can bring something (like a dessert or a bottle of wine), and the host has every right to say yes. For grilling specifically, it's common for every guest to bring their own meat, but the hosts would likely provide some sides and drinks - this is partially because buying a lot of meat is expensive but also because everyone likes different things so it's best if everyone can eat what they like.
At a restaurant I'd say it depends on the person inviting. If it's me, a student with little money, I'd expect others to pay their part; in return I give them input on the restaurant and would ask "is it okay to go to this place?". For "full adults" like, say, my parents, it could be either everyone paying for their own dishes or the one who made the invitation pays for everyone. For a special occasion the person who is being celebrated may have their meal paid for by everyone else, but that depends on the group and occasion.
When I lived in the Netherlands it happened sometimes that we'd pay a friend for food that she cooked. But that was mostly because it was a pretty large group and we didn't have the thing you usually have where everyone invites everyone over time, so we thought it was fair. It also wasn't her inviting us specifically for food and more "we're all meeting up, and she suggested to cook rather than get takeout".
No, if someone comes to my house they donāt pay. I never experienced such thing here in The Netherlands. If we go out for diner to a restaurants, yes itās possible each person pays for themselves. So one pays the bill and send a tikkie. Often people this beforehand so no mistakes are made and every one pays their fair share.
France and UK experience here - communication is key. I cook for friends quite often - if I invite someone round I'll explicitly communicate what the deal is.
2 or 3 friends round for pasta? "don't worry guys, I've got this, just bring a bottle".
8 friends round for a 3 course meal? You best believe I'm gonna open my invite with "I'm a bit short of cash at the moment but it'd be nice if we could all, get together - fancy going 5 ways on a feast with me and [3 other people]".
I've never offended anyone, never upset anyone, and many many times when I've made clear that I can't afford to pay for everyone's ingredients but I'm happy to do all the cooking and cleaning - they'll then pay for mine. It's just fair and clear communication, I trust all my friends well enough that if they have a problem, they'll tell me - or rather they'll be too embarrassed to say that they can't afford it and make a polite excuse. Just talk it out. I realise that's easy for a loud mouth brit to say but if you're too timid to ask people to pay their fair share, should you really be hosting dinner parties?
Those fellers who take a girl on a date and expect 50/50, though... They can get in the fucking sea. If you're taking someone out for food then it's on you. I've heard stories of blokes telling women "I can't see us going on another day so we're going halves" after already sitting down and ordering. If I was the woman in that scenario I'd walk clean out of the restaurant
At home dinner? Of course not, the host pays. If in a restaurant, you decide in advance. If there is two of you, turn system sometimes works. If there is a party, host also pays, though you are expected to bring some gifts etc.
Is this some made up BS? I know that the southern/eastern European countries look at us as somewhat greedy. But this is absolutely unheard of, also over here.
I'd never ask someone to pay for something I'm cooking. If we go to a restaurant everyone pays for themselves and or splits the birthday person's cost but that's it.
In Sweden it is specified what kind of party it is. If it's just an invite and no further info about anything other than the usual stuff time and location etc, you are not expected to pay for anything.
Other variants exist. Sometimes it is the host provides condiments and sides, as a guest you bring what you want to throw on the grill/barbeque basically. This is common for larger celebrations like midsummer etc where it is not uncommon for 20+ guess to arrive. Another variant of this is "knytkalas" wich means there is a list of stuff and dishes and people tag themselves as to what to bring. So someone brings a pie, the other some herring etc etc.
Sometimes it can be host provide all the food and some welcome drinks and/or snaps, but each guest brings any alcohol they will consume themselves.
And lastly I have been to the kind of party you asked about. Where the host fix everything, but each guest share the cost. Usually we are talking about very expensive food and maybe only the host is good enough to do that specific dish well. Or for practical reasons etc. There is usually always a special case to go this route.
These are very rare in my experience. The most common for aquantainces and friends being, host provides everything except alcohol or any of the first two variants for large celebrations like midsummer. And host provide everything including alcohol if its just close family and close friends.
It has also happened that when celebrating someone at a restaurant they ask that you pay for your meal, but that is basically the gift for the one celebrated. You showing up and eat and pay your own tab is the bd gift. This was more common among students where the student apartments was a bad choice to throw a dinner party and students can't afford to pay for a lot of people to eat at a restaurant.
Point is, you will know what kind of party long in advance before you even accept the invite. So it'll never be a surprise for you after you have accepted or where someone just expects payment out of the blue.
In the Netherlands it depends. Ofcourse if youāre invited to a dinner at someoneās house you donāt have to pay. But if you decide together to have dinner and you suggest āwe can do it at my placeā, everybody pays for themselves most of the times. Mostly this is the case with students, if youāre invited to another students house for casual dinner donāt be surprised to receive a tikkie the next day
If I invite you I pay. If if its something like some friends who like to go out to eat everybody pays for himself.
Thats how I as a german would handle this. For a non native speaker it may be difficult to hear the nuances between these two.
In the Netherlands I think in general there is the difference between a direct invitation. Like if i ask someone would you like to come over for dinner, then you would normally never be expected to pay (maybe except among students). But if I'm planning with my friend group to meet up for dinner and I say okay we can do it at mine, I'm already putting a lot of effort into hosting, I'm not also going to pay for 10 or more people. In restaurants it is always expected that everyone pays for their part. With the current prices it is already hard to afford food for one. If one person would pay for all it would bankrupt them.
Swedish xennial here, speaking from my urban experience with gen x, xennials and mid-older millennials.
If you are invited to someone's home - absolutely not. Bring a bottle of wine or snacks or something else that is appropriate, mostly as a symbolic gift to the hosts. It may be opened during the evening, it may not. Sometimes it's BYOB. Nobody bats an eye.
If it is an occasion - maybe if it is decided in advance. Like a big new years or midsummer fest. But usually they are a potluck that everybody brings something to the literal table. Is commonly BYOB though beverages are treated and shared frivolously.
If it is to a restaurant - yeah. You pay for your own meal and beverages. You might treat each other when you go for drinks after. Sometimes everybody pools up to treat the birthday baby.
I've heard comments that *some* younger millennials and gen z are having different ideas that everybody needs to pay always, but I don't know how widespread it really is.
Like at home dinner or restaurant dinner? In restaurant sure everyone pays for their food but at home? What kind of uncivilized, uncultured, barbaric kind of behavior is that? Like I guess you āpayā with some gift, dunno a bottle of alcohol or some sweets or whatever but Iād feel offended if my guests handed me money.
It depends on the context. I would never even think to ask for payment for a meal that Iām cooking for others, especially because usually they offer to bring wine or dessert or something. Even if they donāt it would be very rude to ask for money.
Going to a restaurant, everyone pays for their own meal. This might be because I only just stopped being a student, but none of us have enough money to pay for everything. Sometimes there are exceptions. For example, my immediate family often goes out to eat with one of our family friends who lives close by. Because itās 4-5 of us plus one guest, my parents offer to pick up the whole tab. Itās easier for everyone and a nice gesture.
Events that I would not expect to pay for my own meal or drinks would be large parties or events with prearranged meals (like a wedding or a 50th birthday), but in the U.K. an open bar is not common either.
I'll give you a better one. A couple of friends got engaged so my then boyfriend and I took them out for dinner at a Michelin star restaurant to celebrate and of course, we paid. Skip forward a year or so later. My husband and I got engaged and this same couple told us they had a voucher for a nice restaurant, it was BYOW, and invited us out to celebrate our engagement. They didn't bring wine for us, no big deal, my husband went out to get some. The bill arrived after the meal, turns out the voucher was only to cover their portion of the bill, we had to pay for ours š
Obviously not gonna charge someone for dinner. The only exception being a group bbq or something that we all agree the split the bill evenly: one person goes and buys the meat/beer/whatever and we split the bill usually between 10/15 people (doesn't really make sense for one person to foot a 300ā¬ bill alone).
What??? Absolutely not, when you are invited to dinner at someone else's home you pay nothing, although it is good manners to repay the invitation by bringing a bottle of alcohol-usually wine-or a dessert. Ask for money for a house invitation only if you agree in advance for some special reason, such as "I would like to cook you a very expensive and tasty dish, how about we buy the ingredients together?" If they suddenly asked me for money, they wouldn't see me again. For going out to a restaurant, it depends. If it is an occasion to dine together yes, everyone pays his own regardless of who he invited. For a birthday, it varies a lot depending on the area and the group of friends. You may decide that everyone pays his or her own and the birthday person offers drinks or dessert or that everyone pays his or her own and also what the birthday person consumes as a gift. It is rare for the birthday person (especially kids or young adults) to buy dinner for all invitees, for obvious economic reasons.
totally agree with you, the only exception, but again EXCEPTION, is the case you decide to cook something very expensive and then ask your friend BEFORE if they agree to share the cost, think of Spezzatino with Barolo wine or some expensive caviar recipes, but apart those very rare cases it would be insulting in Italy, everywhere from North to South
Exactly, but in that case I'd not see that as an "invitation to dinner" but as a co-organized dinner (where, beside contributing to the ingredients' expenses, I would also help in cooking the special recipe) where the "host" is just the person who provides the house and the kitchen.
If you're in southern Italy there's no way the birthday person doesn't pay for everyone, it's a custom similar to a law that if it's your birthday (or your nameday) you offer for everyone you know: it goes from offering coffee at the bar for the people you meet on that day, to bringing sweets at your job place, to invite friends and family to your party. Your party your money, the invited only have to bring you a gift
Which is so ridiculously stupid and really causes a big divide in people who are from different levels of wealth.
If you make other people pay at your birthday don't expect anything from them tho. I remember my cousin, the first time she went to a birthday here in the north, she came back home with the gift she bought because she had to pay for dinner lol
So you only give the gift if you get something in return? And not just because you would like to gift the other person something? š thats as wild as making people pay if you invite them for dinner in your home
What gifts do grown-ups give to each other, besides flowers and wine?
If you invite peoples in your home, you don't make them pay. If you are going together at a restaurant, you are paying for yourself. If you are going to the restaurant to celebrate someone, it's nice to pitch in to pay the part of the celebration person, but that's not an obligation
If inviting somebody to your home, you're paying (but you might expect them to bring a bottle or some flowers). If you're just going out and meeting friends at a restaurant, you share the costs or if it's a regular group, maybe just take turns to pay. If splitting usually it's an equal split, one person pays and gets the others to send them the money. Seems different in the USA, where they'll actually get separate bills produced by the restaurant, with every starter and drink assigned. For special occasions out (e.g. it's your birthday), if you've been invited out, you'd expect everybody to club together to cover your meal. If you invited everybody else, I'd expect to pay - but when similar question came up on UK subreddit, I was in the minority and most people expected the guests to cover their own costs. Might be an age thing?
Younger generations in the US also do it this way (1 check. Send other person money on app)
So, basically it's like "going Dutch"?
It depends in the US, people prefer to itemize the bills but oftentimes itās just easier for one person to pay and others to pay them back
Iād just add/specify, if you invite people to the restaurant to celebrate something good that happened to you then you should pay. If they invited you (to celebrate you) the bill is on them. If itās a regular get together we each pay our own bill
If you invite people over and order food together you make them pay.
No way, I'm paying for their food. Making them pay would be so rude
I mean it depends right? If you are more inviting people to your place for a movie night or watching a football game, them surely you donāt pay for their food if you order pizza or something. Instead you offer snacks, drinks or similar.
If ordering together, when not invited to eat, pay for your own food. If invited to eat, with no other talk, bring wine and expect the host to provide food.
IMO it's fairly situational. Are they there as friends, or is it some kind of meeting with peers. And whether the decision to order was made together or just you.
I generally make people pay when they come over, socializing bastards
It is pretty much the same in denmark. It is also very common to hold a "Gille" meaning feast for big purposes like around birthday or a confimation. Typically you either have barn or rent someplace "Gillesal". Sometimes there is catering other times it is homemade (depends on the person and the size of the party). It is not expected that guests pay.
this is it. in greece its customary for the birthday person to pay, but every one gives him cash or a gift to offset it in a card. but I can't imagine being asked to pay for a meal at some ones house when they invite me over. thats insane.
>I just heard a few people share their experiences in Germany, the Netherlands, the UK and Italy and they said they were invited over for dinner and were expected to pay for it. I'm in the UK. If this ever happened to me I would consider it **one of the strangest social situations I've ever encountered**. I would definitely tell everyone about it ("you would not *believe* what happened to me when I went to [person]'s house for dinner, it was ridiculous..."). This is definitely, 100%, not only not normal, but as **utterly ludicrous** in British culture as it would be in most others. >Or being invited to a restaurant for someone's birthday and having to pay for your meal. My family and friendship groups have always followed the convention that the birthday person **doesn't pay** - i.e. you split the bill among everyone else so the birthday person gets a free meal. Like a present. So this is absolutely true.
Because it's made up.
I'm wondering if there isn't another layer to this or info missing... Certainly asking guests to pay for a home cooked meal is insane. But if you go to a friend's house then everyone orders delivery or takeaway, I could see being asked to pay your own way.
Yeah, I'm also from the UK and I have never encountered this in my life. If people want to have people over, but can't afford to do a full hosting, or if one person is always the host, usually it's a potluck and guests all bring something along. I used to do this in my early twenties where one friend lived centrally and we'd go over there every month for board game club and one person would be tasked with bringing a main, another a salad, someone else with the drinks, someone else with the desert etc (it would all be agreed who was bringing what and the roles would rotate. We never had an issue with people cheaping out either, if anything people would show off a bit by buying increasingly more expensive items). But going round to someone's house and being expected to pay for the food they cooked? Never!Ā Now I'm 30+ I'd consider it cheap if I went to someone's house, dinner was a takeaway, and they didn't pay for 100%. Certainly I always pay for the food other people eat in my house!Ā
> birthday person doesn't pay Depends who is celebrating who. If I'm organizing my party and you are a guest, I pay. If you (a group of multiple people) organize a party for me, you are paying. Ie, organizer pays.
The only time I've chipped in for meals are for my friendship group's big Christmas get-together (where everyone brings a side dish and we pay our share of the expensive meat) and barbecues (again, for the meat). We are a group of mostly single, once-young professionals and we're keen not to burden the host with all the costs. Anything smaller than that, and I'll typically bring a bottle of wine along for them.
This is not very common in Germany, and if anyone asked me/us (family), we would decline and probably not bother with them anymore. I've never experienced it personally, and only heard of it here on reddit. Being asked to pay reimbursement for hosting a BBQ or whatever is weird. What I've heard of and experienced once is 'bring your own meat' to a BBQ... but this may also be because meat is more expensive and there's consciousness about not wasting. My boss told me recently about a BBQ his wife hosted last year. Turns out more than half the guests were vegetarian or "social vegetarians", and they ended up with lots of extra in the fridge. Bringing something else, a side dish or a bottle of wine or a snack or something, yes, that's common (depends on the type of dinner/occasion). Maybe a vegetarian or vegan brings their own staple... And I mean, if you're invited for a birthday dinner at a restaurant, yes it's understood you pay for yourself. This is common in nearly all Western countries, I think.
Yeah this is not common in Germany. I've been living in Germany for 11 years and only experienced it once. I just moved and I thought it is a thing. It was a sushi party and each guest were expected to pay 20ā¬, which was a lot for me back then. The next time I got invited for dinner from a different person, I asked how much should I pay because I didn't have much money and he was confused.
Where you a student back then? Because these were the only times it was normal that everyone pitched in when having a ādinner partyā because 20ā¬ times x persons would be quite a lot on a student budget. And in my friend group that was clear without mentioning before. But of course when inviting someone outside of the group we would have told them prior. (And thinking about a sushi party my then boyfriend went to, also as a student.. it was agreed upon that everyone pitches in. The hostess said she will go to Metro/wholesale to pick up the ingredients as itās cheaper and easier to get sushi grade fish. BUT she also bought the wholesale sized ginger and wasabi and soysauce etc. for just a bunch of people making the whole shopping super expensive with tons of leftovers that are hard to use in everyday cooking and everyone was pissed but she wouldnāt see the problem..)
This. Also: If you go to a restaurant with someone, it depends on how they ask you. If they say "I'll invite you" I'd think that they are going to pay. If they just say "let's go to that restaurant together" I will pay for myself. And on birthday dinners I also was at a few occasions where the person whos birthday it was payed for everyone else, but again, I wouldn't expect it or ask for it. Asking someone to pay is pretty weird in general. You can ask to bring something, but asking them to pay would be a sign for me to not go anywhere with that person.
Yep. Come with me vs I'm inviting you.
Bring your own meat to bbq is not uncommon and somewhat fair socially if it is a larger group, the host still provides everything else
Invited over to someone's house for dinner? No, at most bring your own drinks or a symbolic bring desert. Invited to a restaurant? Definitely yes everyone pays for their own consumption. Funnily enough this would apply to every country I've ever lived in.
So you mean if, let's say your uncle, hosts his jubilee at a restautant, his guests would be expected to order and pay? No prearranged meal course + drinks?
I wouldn't describe this as a casual invitation, it's a very long planned event for selected guests where part of the restaurant is reserved for a certain event. Like a wedding reception. And usually it's communicated pretty clearly to everyone in advance how it's going to be - for example - the food will be paid for, then there's a total limit of 10,000 crowns for drinks, and when it's exceeded, everyone pays for themselves. I've only seen this kind of thing with purely family events, or if a company is organising such an event for its employees, it's also clearly communicated in advance, including the limit.
Well yeah, it's very different if it's your grandparents 60th wedding anniversary and they've hired a hotel function room for what's basically a wedding reception. Then you don't pay. But that's rare. When it's your mate Josh on his 27th saying "do you want to grab some pub grub this evening" then obviously you pay for yourself, and probably chip in a bit to pay for Josh as well.
Yeah, but NoSleep mentioned a big birthday event. "Lets go grab something" would be "you pay for yours, I pay for mine, we just go together", but "I'm inviting you" would be "I'm paying for both of us, within reason"
In the places I've lived (UK and Germany) there's no fundamental difference between the two. People will pay for their own, or at the very least split the bill equally. Even if you use the word "grab", the fact that you're asking a group of people to eat with you on your birthday suggests that it's an invitation even if the word "invite" isn't used explicitly. From what I've gathered here, however, in parts of Eastern Europe that's a bit different.
Thatās not a meal at a restaurant to casually meet. Thatās considered like a party / event, in which case where I come from the organizer pays for the event, but I know some places like the UK in weddings isnāt common to have an open bar at the venue and guest pay for their drinks, which to me is bizarre
I think it's probably a good thing the UK doesn't go for an open bar policy. With our drinking culture it would be carnage.
>guest pay for their drinks, which to me is bizarre We made our guests pay for their alcohol at our wedding, or alcohol during the dinner was included, but for the party they had to pay, why? 1. Alcohol is EXPENSIVE (Norway) with prices averaging 13ā¬ for a drink and 10ā¬ for a decent beer 2. Open bar = drunk AF guests and we did not want that kind of wedding
Absolutely get it, itās a cultural thing, Iām originally South American living in Spain and we party hard in there, but also alcohol is cheaper. Weddings there are made for people to have an absolute blast, and drunkenness wouldnāt be necessarily a bad thing, itās just different cultures and approaches to it. But in general for an event / party (different than a dinner at a friends house) regardless of if itās a wedding, baptism, communion, birthday etc, the hosts pay for everything
Norwegians get black out drunk, throw up and get into stupid situations xD Fine for a birthday, I am one of those that get way to fucked up- but for weddings its just not charming xD When we host parties, we pay for food, snacks etc tho, but we usually do BYOB (with the exception of maybe a welcome drink/punch) and eventually when we are all drunk we make eachother drinks from our own stuff and share etc
When your uncle host his jubilee and invite you, he pays. When your friend asks you to go to a restaurant to eat and chat, everyone pays for itself. The uncle part in here compares to a weddingparty in my opinion, so he pays for it.
I mean it could happen but i certainly wouldn't expect it. If he wanted to make it that big of an event at a restaurant I'd even say the rest of us pay for his share, not him paying for us. If the bill was 1000 and there are 11 people, then 10 people would pay the 1000.
If it's prearranged that would be communicated beforehand, if it's not communicated the default expectation would be everyone orders and pays.
Sweden here, definitely not. If you're invited, you're invited. The only thing that I've seen is "bring your own alcohol" if it's a party.
I've been to exactly one party where guests would pay money, but that was a bit special (big New Years party with lobster, champagne, and a rather long guest list, meaning it'd be a bit hard to arrange for someone with a normal income). It was also clearly announced in advance. That said, I've been to plenty of social occasions with a sort of implied potluck setup (we go to their place, they bring the main course, we bring the desert and the drinks). For that reason, it might be good to ask "Should we bring something?" just to get a sense of what's expected.
Same could go for barbecues. "Bring your own barbeque food. We have accessories"
So, someone invites you for a bbq in their backyard and you have to bring your own meat?
Thatās common in Norway at least
Yeah. Not all the time though, but it's common to inform about it.
Absolutely common in Switzerland too. Swiss barbecues don't really have standard meats we'd put on, so the side effect of this is that everyone gets something they like. Usually people aren't stingy about it, if you underestimated your own hunger and they have spares they'll share, but if someone shows up without bringing anything, that'd be seen as a bit cheap/taking advantage. I think this may also be affected by the typical friend group (at least at my age) having one or two people living in places better suited to hosting, so we don't want the people who have a nice garden/barbecue to always have to pay for food.
In Sweden that could happen, as a sort of potluck kind of thing. But it completely depends on the event, sometimes the host will provide all the food, sometimes you can bring your own potato salad or some nice sausages or meat or whatever, and everyone will share.
Dutchies have the name of being cheap-ass, but here its the same. At least in the (eastern) part of The Netherlands where I live. When friends agree to go out eating at a restaurant, bills mostly are split.
>When friends agree to go out eating at a restaurant, bills mostly are split. Well, that *is* called "going Dutch" after all :P
I thought "going dutch" meant: going to a friend/ neighbour/whatever and bring your own food and drinks. But, I did some googling and: TIL! Thanks.
Yeah, I wouldnāt expect someone to pay me for eating at my house, although I wonāt mind if they do. As long as they return the favour sometime Iām happy.
Kind of baffled when you say in Italy, that is absolutely insulting and disrespecting in Italy, if you invite someone and ask for money would be very insulting and inappropriate. It can happen that maybe you plan to cook something very expensive and then you can ask your guest if they agree to the meal and share the cost but that is an exceptional situation. No one ask you to pay if they invite you for dinner in Italy, if they do they are absolutely assholes.
It's insulting in the north too. I don't get why/how people think it actually happens.
There is a phrase like "Zvu tÄ na pivo/obÄd", which literally means "I'm inviting you to beer/lunch", but generally means "I'll buy you a beer/lunch". Generally at a party, the person inviting you as a guest should make it clear that they are paying for you (I've never experienced this BTW, at most someone said - I'll buy you a beer) Otherwise, it's assumed that your friends are organising the party, but at the restaurant everyone pays their own bill. In restaurants, they are used to each member of the group paying their part of the bill. It's another thing if the party is at someone's house/apartment. Then it is assumed that the hosts will prepare the food and drink, however, guests are often expected to bring a little something, like a bottle of wine, or homemade sandwiches or cakes. However, if someone invited me to lunch at their house and then asked me to pay for it, that would be really weird.
A guy from Czechia here. An invitation for dinner translates to "come for a dinner, its on me!" When I invite my grandmother, I know she will try to pay for me, because she is grandmother... But I would never invite someone and then expect them to pay for themselves. Yes, I do that sometimes when we go drinking with friends. I say come to my house, I will provide food, but you buy yourselves drinks. I state that they shall pay for their own drinks before they come!
Absolutely not, but I would expect people to turn up with at least a bottle of wine or some beers to share. If not, itās just a bit rude.
Though as a Brit, a restaurant is a bit more nuanced. If I was invited to a meal out for somebody's birthday, it would be very dependant on the group as to wether I'd expect somebody else to pick up the tab. I'd certainly make my excuses and not attend if I wasn't comfortable with the idea I may have to pay my own way
Yep, same in the Netherlands. I never expect people to pay my restaurant bill even tho they often do if they sent out the invite. Dinner parties in restaurants can be crazy expensive and I just donāt feel comfortable with someone coughing up ā¬100 for my meal if theyāve got 5 others to cover.
Invite at home -> I bring dessert or wine but not expect to pay* Invite at restaurant -> we share the bill. * Exception can be the new year's eve or very big events were everone brings some food or share a part of the cost because otherwise who will invite 15 person to a barbecue ?
Come over (to my house) - there's nothing to pay for. I'm inviting you to this restaurant for such and such occasion - i cover all the costs. Let's go to a restaurant to grab something to eat - everyone pays for themselves.
I helped my friend with something important, and then they invite me for dinner at a restaurant to thank me for the favor -> I don't pay. A friend says, 'Could we go for dinner at \[the name of the place\] maybe?' -> Each person pays for themself. If it's a dinner at home, no one is expected to pay, but bringing a gift may be a good idea. Invitations for dinner at home were common in older generations, but they are almost unheard of among younger people, at least where I live.
If the meal is at a restaurant they yes, you should expect to pay for your part or a fair percentage of the total bill. If the meal is in a home, then no. I have never come across that (in France, Italy, the UK or Ireland, all countries I have lived in).
If you are invited to someone's home then hard no. You might bring a drink or some small gift (box of chocolates, coffee), but you are not paying. For restaurants it depends, but if someone is inviting then mostly no, you are not paying unless you have something especially extravagant or expensive. The expectation is the host picks up the tab if they invited people (like a birthday party) and everyone splits if it's a get together.
See, I think here if it's more "extravagant" or expensive, guests aren't expected to pay or even order, except for choice of drinks when the bottles that were put on the table initially, run out. If it's a smaller get-together, it's more likely that people will pay. These big events are usually family-related celebrations like weddings, birthdays, a child's baptism, a jubilee of an older member of the family etc.
Of course not. If I invite someone over, or out, for dinner it's on me. The only thing is sometimes with my buddies it's more like we're hanging out and don't feel like cooking. Then we'll split regardless of whose idea it was. This is not the first time that I see this exact claim. I'd like to see your source, because it's complete bogus that you'd be asked to pay at someone's house. Going out it really depends on the relationship. Friends will likely split, but if I go out with my parents they would never make my buddy pay that tagged along. I can't imagine anyone would do that.
I think it's more that if you have an arrangement with someone where it's like you regularly come over to one person's place for dinner, then the expectation will be that at some point you bring something or contribute to the cost in some meaningful way or pay back by taking them out for dinner to a nice restaurant. Among students it's more common to share the costs because the expectation is that everyone's broke, but everyone also still needs to eat. If it's adults who are working a job and aren't poor, it's only the extreme cheapskates who invite you over to dinner and then send a tikkie afterwards (aka request to pay you back), but their behaviour is sufficiently noteworthy that it keeps coming up in threads like these.
I'm pretty sure these are all misunderstandings, perhaps motivated by unconscious stereotyping. Someone who asked for money from someone he invited to dinner at home would be considered a cheapskate across the continent, without exception.
Absolutely yes.
Well it's not a source, it's just a few people's anecdotal experience, it's not a study. It didn't sound right to me and that's why I asked here so more people can chime in with their experience as natives.
Alright, well it's not right. In fact the dutch being cheepskates is a stereotype from when the world was more religious. We were a majority calvinist country and so we were very sober here and lived a life in relative modesty. Traces of that are of course embedded in our culture, so we have a different culture towards luxury and spending here than let's say southern italy. There's also just the fact that catholic cultures didn't like the reformation. So they'd do anything to make us seem like bad people at that time. The stereotype that you get one cookie at tea and that the lid is smashed back on the tin and tucked away is also nonsense. It might have been true once, but we are just very normal in the present when it comes to social spending. We might be a bit more reserved when it comes to personal spending than other cultures in my observations though.
> it's just a few people's anecdotal experience People you know personally who have directly experienced this, or something you read online or heard second-hand?
I have also heard it once time on social media, of someone invited over in the Netherlands and ask to pay a part of the meal
Yeah, were these people students?
Yeah, pretty much the same here. If you're just going out with friends everyone orders what they want and pays for their order, though it's not unusual for someone to offer to pay for everyone. Or if it's a house party type of thing, the bill is split. But if it's an official celebration, the host books a restaurant, chooses the meal course, perhaps asks the guests for their food preferences, buys a few types of alcohol and soft drinks, and it's unthinkable that a big celebration will run out of alcohol and you'll have to pay extra and order it yourself.
There will always be weirdos in both real life and on social media. If there's anything I've learnt from meeting a lot of different cultures it is that other cultures are 99% of the time just "normal" and people blow up cultural differences. Especially within europe the differences won't be outrageous.
My home, no, although if I'm hosting something like family Xmas people bring things Restaurant, yes, you pay your way unless explicitly otherwise stated
If you are having a small party at someone's place it's not uncommon that everyone is expected to contribute something. This is mostly a thing among students that done have much money. Sometimes one person is tasked to buy drinks and snacks, the others pay there share. But for a normal dinner invitation it would be considered rather rude. I'm sure that it happens, though. Some people are just tone deaf.
I live in the Netherlands and have been into probably 100 people's homes and have never heard of anyone asking anyone to pay for anything. Maybe they ask us to bring a bottle of wine or a dessert or a salad. At a restaurant it is normal to split the bill, but sometimes the person inviting will pay (especially if it is their birthday or some other major milestone).
Would never ask someone to our home and expect them to pay. It is normal to bring a bottle of wine, box of chocolates etc when you're invited for food to someone's home. If a group is going out for dinner to celebrate a birthday, we might treat the person who's birthday it is but its generally understood everyone pays for themselves and the bill is split.
Yeah, I think this is a main difference between Eastern and Western Europe, in the west it seems that the birthday person is treated and paid for, where in the east the birthday person treats and pays for everyone else. I'd be surprised if I went to a restaurant for someone's birthday and I'm handed a menu lol
>I'd be surprised if I went to a restaurant for someone's birthday and I'm handed a menu lol But how else would you know what to order?
There is a similarity that happens during birthdays at work in the UK. Iām in France now, but in England if it was your birthday, you would bring in a cake or snacks for your workmates to share.
- In a restaurant: generally you'd be expected to pay for yourself unless very specifically stated otherwise. - At someone's home you'll never be expected to pay. Most folks will bring a bottle of wine, some desert or a gift basket with local products and/or some flowers to be polite. However it's not the end of the world if you don't.
>I just heard a few people share their experiences in Germany and they said they were invited over for dinner and were expected to pay for it. That's definitely not a thing. I never heard anyone doing that. You maybe bring some drinks or ingredients or something "special" that only you eat or is expensive (like alcohol or gluten-free stuff you need and the hosts don't have). At restaurants you pay for yourself usually. You might be invited for birthdays or special occasions, but I wouldn't expect it, maybe for family.
As an adult, no, absolutely not, unless itās a potluck type gathering, and thatās usually pretty clear from the get go. If Iām invited to dinner I donāt expect to pay a cent and donāt expect my invitees to pay either (but I will bring wine, coffee, flowers or something of sorts anyway). However, when I was young and poor we sometimes organised dinners so that instead for everyone bringing some food to the table (potluck), everyone pitched some money and one person did the shopping. That way we could have a nicer dinner than weād otherwise be able to have.
No, but it can happen that among students there is an agreement to share costs. Talking about this is not some massive taboo, students are poor and just because your place has the best kitchen for the group to cook at doesnt mean you also have to pay every single time. This would be communicated before and would happen in a close group of friends that meet up regularly to cook together for example, not in a normal party setting. This would be framed as "we are cooking together at x persons place", maybe some foreign students stumble across something like this and get confused.
If I invite someone over to my house where I would cook dinner for them, then that's on me. BBQ is often bring your own and share, but even those are sometimes on the host. Guests often provide the drinks tho. If we all go out to a restaurant we usually split the bill evenly between all of us, regardless of what the occasion is
Depends on the personās background/regional culture rather than nationality. Iām born and raised in England but if I invite someone I donāt expect them to pay as I invited them. The only time I expect them to pay is if weāre at a restaurant
Depends. We invite people to our house regularly for Board games and food, and we just have an online tally for how much everyone will pay every so often. So yes, people are expected to pay. But it was agreed upon beforehand. Communication is key. If you donāt know, ask what the expectation is.
Na thatās not a thing in the UK if youāre invited round for Sunday dinner for example you donāt pay for that you wonāt even think of paying for it. The only thing I can think of where there may be some slight confusion is if for example your mate invites you over to watch the football. And then they say letās get a pizza or Indian. Then you will most likely both pay for what you order more often than not. To reiterate, if friend/family is cooking food for you, you never pay them.
In the Netherlands among groups of students it's normal to ask people to pay when they come over for dinner. Among adults with jobs it's unheard of.
Sometimes the host will offer to pay, but usually whenever my friends and I get together we split the bill evenly. If you're making food from scratch this becomes remarkably affordable.
If itās out to a restaurant then I expect you to pay for yourself. If I invite you to my house I donāt expect you to pay
It happened to my cousin once, she was invited to dinner by a friend, and that friend later asked for money for the food. Pretty weird and awkward situation. Generally no, you invite people to dine at your table, it's not a restaurant, they're your guests and don't pay.
Denmark, and I have never heard of inviting people and then expect them to pay for themselves. For young people parties people might be asked to bring their own booze. At a restaurant, if it was that everyone pays for themselves, I would expect that it was announced in advance. Like a dinner with colleagues, and the invite says something like that the employer pays for two drinks but you must pay for your own meal.
No (sweden) unless mentioned before hand and that is very unusual. Never experienced it myself. Heard about a few that wants money after the fact idiots. Only thing I have experienced is to bring your own alcohol to bigger private partys, It's really expensive here and people tend to drink a lot especially if free + there preferences varies.
Also there is a masive difference in saying, want to go out for lunch and I want to take you out for lunch. 1st option, everyone pays for themselves at the restaurant. 2nd one, the one asking is paying.
No, absolutely not. I don't even expect a host gift, but I appreciate getting one, especially if it's something other than a bottle of wine - I prefer to choose my own wine. Restaurant - it depends. If I'm explicitly invited I expect the host will be paying, but if it's an informal invitation I ask who's paying. However, it's usually everyone for themselves.
Only do this in the UK if it is a group getting a takeaway, or contribute food and a bottle if you are having a barbecue. Being asked to pay for some supermarket food that they have cooked up? Nah. Restaurant kinda depends, if it is a group then usually they offer to pay for the birthday person rather than them cover what would likely be a very big bill. Different if it is a small group like a family or two couples, they may do a show of offering to pay then they say "no let's split it". Don't think there is a real rule there. >I just heard a few people share their experiences in Germany, the Netherlands, the UK and Italy and they said they were invited over for dinner and were expected to pay for it. Imagine this has only ever come up because it is totally outside the norm and very rude.
Huh what no never. That would be considered absolutely insane to me ngl. If we go to a restaurant then maybe yeah, but also depends on the occasion. If i cook home and invite someone then absolutely no. Never would that cross my mind
No. If you are invited to someones house, you are not expected to pay. Usually you bring some Desert, Side or Wine or something like that. In a Restaurant, it's different. It kinda depends on how it's formulated and how your relation is, but usually you pay for yourself. But usually it's formulated like "Lets go to this restaurant to do X".
In the UK: Invite people for a meal at your home - youād never expect payment Invite people to join you for a meal at a restaurant - everyone pays Invite people to an event at a restaurant - it depends. Ifās it your wealthy uncleās 80th birthday he might foot the bill. If youāre all in your 20s and itās someoneās birthday youāll probably all pay
I have never had to pay for dinner at someone elseās home. But a restaurant? Holy hell, I donāt have the money to pay for other people in a restaurant!
Well iām Dutch and if invite you for dinner at home you definitely donāt have to pay for it! That would be really weird to me.
I would say it depends on the occasion and should be discussed beforehand. It can vary a lot, but let's say you just work your normal 40h job, it is nearly impossible to pay for everyone's meal if you go to a restaurant, because it would already maybe cost your entire income.
Absolutely not, it's common courtesy to pay for the people you invite here. Maybe if you're hanging out with a small group of friends at a restaurant then yes, you'd all be paying for your own food but even then someone will usually offer to pay for everyone else out of politeness. If it's a big event though it's all on the organizer.
Norway, it is not common to pay if you are invited to someones home here. The exception is if it is one person that hosts a group activity regularly, then it becomes a bit more complicated.
If I invite you to eat at my place, I expect nothing from you. If we go out to eat at a restaurant, we are spliting the bill.
Ofc not.... The misconception of this being normal in the Netherlands (and it is not).. if you have day guests... And they decide to stay longer and you all are ordering food or something... This is where it CAN happen that you split the bill...
I have Dutch family, all my closet friends are Italian, Iām Irish. Iāve ate at family homes all over Europe and never once heard this utter nonsense! Perhaps the people youāve heard this from just are at the house of a total bastard ?!
Invited to the home, then no, the host covers the food - guest bring wine. Invited out to a restaurant then each couple shares the cost.
Crazy how this precise topic shows such a big diversity of habits - and backed by so stong positions - even inside countries!
If someone invites me to their place for dinner, I wouldn't expect to have to pay for it. Unless maybe we're ordering food, especially if that was agreed upon beforehand. If someone wants to meet up at a restaurant, we each pay what we had. But sometimes with a friend I'd meet up with fairly regularly, we might just take turns paying.Ā If I'm invited to someone's birthday party, the birthday kid pays and I bring a present.Ā Unless they're my English husband's friends and have invited us to a pub.Ā Ā But then again, probably wouldn't pay for anything for them either because those bastards came to our wedding, had food and unlimited drinks paid for and still didn't bother even getting us a card lol.
In the UK you wouldn't expect guests to pay anything towards a homecooked meal. There are times when you will be visiting someone's home not specifically for a meal where you all might pitch in together (or just pay separately) to order food in. Perhaps this is the source of the confusion.
I am from Austria, and when I invite someone to dinner at my home, it is an invitation and I do not expect anything. Of course it is common for the guests to bring some wine or cookies, but the evening should not be dependent upon their gifts. When I meet with friends at a restaurant, then everybody pays his share, but when i explicitely "invite" them there, then it is my gift. But usually, invitations are returned and so nobody "loses" any money in the long run.
If you invite someone to your home for dinner, you pay. If you invite someone to a restaurant for dinner, you pay. If you agree with someone to have dinner at your/their home or go to a restaurant and have dinner, you both pay your share.
When someone comes to my home, I will definitely not expect them to pay anything, it's nice if they bring something like wine. At restaurant, when I invite them to my birthday, it can be a big group, I usually pre-pay some meal for everyone and them everyone pays for his consumption
Romania š·š“ I've been living here twenty years and if you go to a restaurant everyone pays for themselves even if invited. If it's a birthday you should bring a gift and flowers if it's a woman. Occasionally the birthday person pays for everything. When being invited to someone's home for dinner the only time money is exchanged is if friends plan a party or BBQ together and everyone goes in on the costs. It's not standard at all to invite someone for dinner and ask them to pay especially the first time. Exchanged money is only done between close friends to prepare a feast.
What? hell nah. Invited at my or my familys house, eat what you want, eat as much as you want, feel at home. If we go lunch or dinner together, it depends, usually people say āyouāre invitedā and then you donāt pay, but itās often older people inviting their younger kids plus partner/friends, or someone celebrating something and then inviting their guests. I earn more than my brother, I would invite him, I earn more than my best friend, I would invite her, but I also got invited by another close friend pretty often bcs she earns a lot more than me. If its just a group of friends chances are bill will be split. So yeah it depends, but I never heard of someone having to pay for their food at other peoples house, at least not in the area of germany where Iām from (southwestern germany) - but people here are usually less stuck up / distant than northern germans.
> Or being invited to a restaurant for someone's birthday and having to pay for your meal. Yes, this is quite typical in Germany. The one celebrating pays for the drinks, but the food is on each one.
Not really in my region there are different kinds of invitations: Formal invitation to a restaurant/venue (birthday, wedding, etc.): The host pays for everything, including drinks. Guests bring presents. Formal invitation to somebody's home (birthday, or other family occasion): The host usually covers the costs for the main course and drinks. Guests bring additional food (salad, cake) and a present. Informal invitation to a restaurant (let's have dinner at...): People split the bill or everybody pays for himself. Informal invitation to somebody's home (let's have a BBQ at mine): Usually everybody contributes to the food and drinks. A night out for a special occasion: The host usually pays a round or two or starts the evening at his. Afterwards everybody pays for himself. To say it's typical German is simply wrong as this really depends on the region, occasion and type of setting.
This is how we do it. Friday: BBQ at at friends place, everybody brings something and it will be shared. Host already provides the space, Grill etc
Northern Italy. You definitely pay for everyone else if you invite them over, if youāre the one cooking. The only few exceptions I can think of are: if you order takeout and youāre not rich, you can ask each guest to pay their share (though most people prefer to pay for everyone if itās not too many people). Alternatively, you may decide that everyone has to bring something to eat/drink together (you, the host, included).Ā
Heh, tricky one. If someone invented you just to have some dinner - everyone pays for their own. If sort of celebration like BDay - the person who celebrates - will pay. But! If someone invites you for dinner at their place/home - homeowner will pay.
Denmark here - if you invite - you pay. Unless you in your invitation clearly state, that is a potluck dinner or bring your own drink. It would be considered extremely rude to invite people to home or a restaurant and then surprise them with a bill to pay. You should probably never expect to see that guest again to anything you arrange or ever expect to be invited by them.
if invited in a home we usually bring desert or alcohol if invited in a restaurant for an occasion: if gifts are expected then I do not expect to pay. If no gifts are given I pay for my meal.
No, no paying The exception might be a big group BBQ where everyone contributes and you're providing the garden and BBQ. But if you're inviting people for your birthday or something then you provide everything too except maybe some special booze
Invite them over at my house? Absolutely not, they can bring a bottle or wine or appetiser if they want. In a restaurant we'll probably eat something similar in price so we'll probably split it evenly. Birthday person usually pay for the lunch/dinner if it's guests so of course not.
If it's someone's home, I don't expect to pay, and never expect my quests to pay when I'm hosting. When it's a restaurant I'm not expecting someone to take up the bill and pay for my meal and drinks, if previously not agreed differently.
If I invite you to my place, you are not paying. If you invite me to your place, I am not paying. If we mutually decide to go out to dinner together - neither one inviting the other - then maybe we will split it, but only after having done the routine of: 'I'll pay. No, I'll pay. Don't be silly, I'll pay. Put your wallet away, I'll pay. No, really, I'll pay. No, I'll pay, I insist.'
At my home? They can bring alcohol. People always ask "what can I bring", in fact At a restaurant? It depends, it's decided beforehand, one thing is " Hey, let's go for dinner for my b'day, drinks are on me", another is "hey, it's my retirement dinner party, iciver all". We always specify and do battle after to pay the bill (in the sense of battling TO pay, not battle to avoid paying)
I'm German. It is *not* normal to be asked to pay for dinner if you have been invited, however, it is customary to ask what/if you may contribute something such as a dish (if a pot luck type affair) or a host/ess gift (flowers, wine, etc.). If the host asks you to contribute financially, it may be towards the cost of beer or alcohol, which is considered normal if it's a communal barbecue or party so more beer (typically) can be organized if it has run out during the party (a beer run, in other words). If it's an actual dinner party, no, asking for a contribution would be considered extremely gauche unless it's a group of students, where it's not considered unusual.
Absolutely not. Unless this is something everyone involved agree on beforehand (very expensive ingredients perhaps, or special wine that everyone is interested in trying) it is absurd to ask for money when you ask someone home for dinner.
do you mean at home or at a restaurant? if at home, no. if at a restaurant it depends on whether they say they'll invite me (which means they will pay "ich lade dich/Sie ein") or if it's more like hey I'm going to a restaurant on my birthday join me then I expect that I pay, but often the host will pay for the first drinks or meal
It really depends on the general agreement. In many cases, it's more an invite to hang out together, which doesn't necessarily mean that the person "inviting" pays for everyone. We're not talking of hosts and guests but more people going out together. Now the way people pay can vary, with some preferring to split the bill or not. Now for special occasions it's different. In my experience, the host tends to pay for everyone, be it at home or at a restaurant. Guests just show up and have fun. Having guests pay for their food is greedy in my books. So I wouldn't say guests paying is a cultural norm.
Nope, that's definitely weird and I would say it's not socially acceptable. You don't invite people over and expect them to pay. If you casually meet up for a video night or boardgames or something and then order pizza I'd expect everyone to pay for their own pizza, or if you have something like a regular meetup at one person's place (say because they have more space tha everybody else) I obviously wouldn't expect them to provide food and drinks everytime (in that scenario I'd usually expect people to bring food and drink to the meetings). It's also not that unusual to have something like a birthday party and ask people to bring some food instead of presents (the classic oh, we now have four bowl of pasta salad and nothing else scenario). With people who are rather strapped for money (so something like a student party) i can also see people agreeing beforehand to divide costs. But straight-up inviting people and expecting them to pay seems entirely unthinkable to me...
If itās a festive dinner like new years or a Halloween party everybody offers to either bring something (of value) or pay 15ā¬. Thatās the norm and at times the hosts announce that itās on them. Of course, if you donāt drink the Champagne or eat seafood or meat you donāt have to pay for the others.
German here - Expecting people u invited to pay is probably the rudest and most embarrasing behaviour i have heared of in the last 24 hours. U could make a case for it if u went to a restaurant that everyone pays for their meal but only if u came together with that idea. If one person is like "I invite u to that restaurant" than this person will most likely pay for it. And even than i am still ready to pay my own bill if it comes to that.
If you invite people over to your place for dinner - definitely no charge, they are a guest at your house If you invite people to a restaurant then everyone should cover there own meal
I am from Germany. It is highly unlikely you will ever get into a situation where you are invited to someone's home and asked to pay for food. However at a restaurant it depends. When you ask your friend out to a restaurant, you are not obliged to pay for his/her food. In case of uncertainty, just talk to people. The bill is usually split. When you're invited to a birthday party at a restaurant, I also witnessed both scenarios. It basically depends whether the inviting person can afford and is willing to pay the bill for everyone.
I imagine the reason those people are sharing that experience is because its a bit ridiculous. In the UK I would say it goes as follows: 1. Inviting someone to your house for dinner? Host pays. Invitees inevitably ask "what can I bring?" or "do you need help with anything?". Host is typically obligated to reply "Just bring yourself!". Invitee brings a random bottle of drink or something anyways that doesn't usually end up getting opened unless they're making a point to use the item they brought. 2. Big party/event as an excuse for a family gathering. Only the organiser pays. They will usually put some money behind the bar for their party but at a certain point once that runs out the guests have to pay. I have been to an event where the biggest faux pas was that the organiser put no money behind the bar. Personally I don't give a shit and understand that not everyone has the money to do so but some of the reactions were a bit perplexed. If its a big birthday then guests should bring a present. 3. Takeaway at someones house by reason of playing games, watching football etc: Everyone pays their part. The host may have drinks or some snacking food which is not expected to be paid for. The house in this scenario is just being used as a "venue" for whatever activity it is. 4. Normal birthday where the host has been like "I feel like going to XYZ for my birthday, wanna come?" then everyone pays and often people chip in to pay for the birthday person. 5. Students with lack of money - usually trumps all the rules, everyone understands they don't have money and any events are organised with the knowledge before hand that there is an expectation of people to bring their own food/drink or pay towards what is being made. At that point everyone is working out the exact amount they owe based on what they plan on eating and effort is made to make as much out of the pooled money as possible. 6. Party - bring your own drinks, food may or may not even be decided in advance. More than likely you'll be going out to find a kebab shop on the way home or everyone will pitch in for something to be delivered. I would say its the same in Spain - although I doubt I can speak for all in general. The only big difference is weddings. In the UK you would still give some gift obviously to the ones that are getting married but at least in Spain - unless I've been committing a ridiculous faux pas in the UK as well - is that the expectation of money is pretty big. Minimum ā¬100-150 per guest, ā¬250-500 if they're close friends and ā¬500+ if its family. Obviously not everyone can afford this but that doesn't stop people from complaining behind closed doors if you don't give that amount. I may be wildly incorrect about that, its the rule I've been following so far while here based on various articles - but maybe those have been written by some people that wanted to receive large amounts of money on their wedding day.
If I *invite* someone to a restaurant, I pay. If I *meet* someone at a restaurant to have a meal together, I pay mine and they pay theirs.
Without reading the full accounts I canāt really comment but when I was living in the UK, I donāt think I paid anything when eating at another persons house. 7 years and I donāt think I ate in a restaurant that wasnāt work related so the job paid. In Ireland I donāt pay when I go to others to eat unless itās takeaway thatās been decided when we were actually there. Going out depends upon the situation. Invited to a party, no paying for finger food. Sit down meal I expect to pay a share but not always expected if itās party. Friends meeting we pay equal shares regardless of who orders what mostly but I have a certain set of friends who only pay their share. Long story short, it depends.
I have never asked anyone for money to come and have dinner at my house, and I have never been asked for money for this either. The guests bring a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates, or a dessert or something. A potluck style invitation is acceptable, where the host provides the main course, and guests each bring another course. If someone asked me for money for a dinner party in advance, Iād side-eye them. (Unless it was going to be a special dinner with highly expensive ingredients.) If they did it after the fact, Iād ask if they were tripping. That would be the end of the friendship. Restaurants - itās nuanced. In general, everyone pays for themselves. In my friend group, we would split the alcohol bill separately from the food, so that people who donāt drink wouldnāt be paying for that, because thatās not fair. Usually if weāre celebrating a birthday, the birthday boy or girl gets theirs paid for by the group. Occasionally I have been invited out to a restaurant for dinner where the host paid for everyone, but it was made clear in advance that that was going to be the case.
Are these people students? In my experience, in Belgium, I very much expected to chip in for the host's costs when none of us had much of an income.
At someone's home you don't pay, but I would feel obliged to ask if you can bring something (like a dessert or a bottle of wine), and the host has every right to say yes. For grilling specifically, it's common for every guest to bring their own meat, but the hosts would likely provide some sides and drinks - this is partially because buying a lot of meat is expensive but also because everyone likes different things so it's best if everyone can eat what they like. At a restaurant I'd say it depends on the person inviting. If it's me, a student with little money, I'd expect others to pay their part; in return I give them input on the restaurant and would ask "is it okay to go to this place?". For "full adults" like, say, my parents, it could be either everyone paying for their own dishes or the one who made the invitation pays for everyone. For a special occasion the person who is being celebrated may have their meal paid for by everyone else, but that depends on the group and occasion. When I lived in the Netherlands it happened sometimes that we'd pay a friend for food that she cooked. But that was mostly because it was a pretty large group and we didn't have the thing you usually have where everyone invites everyone over time, so we thought it was fair. It also wasn't her inviting us specifically for food and more "we're all meeting up, and she suggested to cook rather than get takeout".
No, if someone comes to my house they donāt pay. I never experienced such thing here in The Netherlands. If we go out for diner to a restaurants, yes itās possible each person pays for themselves. So one pays the bill and send a tikkie. Often people this beforehand so no mistakes are made and every one pays their fair share.
France and UK experience here - communication is key. I cook for friends quite often - if I invite someone round I'll explicitly communicate what the deal is. 2 or 3 friends round for pasta? "don't worry guys, I've got this, just bring a bottle". 8 friends round for a 3 course meal? You best believe I'm gonna open my invite with "I'm a bit short of cash at the moment but it'd be nice if we could all, get together - fancy going 5 ways on a feast with me and [3 other people]". I've never offended anyone, never upset anyone, and many many times when I've made clear that I can't afford to pay for everyone's ingredients but I'm happy to do all the cooking and cleaning - they'll then pay for mine. It's just fair and clear communication, I trust all my friends well enough that if they have a problem, they'll tell me - or rather they'll be too embarrassed to say that they can't afford it and make a polite excuse. Just talk it out. I realise that's easy for a loud mouth brit to say but if you're too timid to ask people to pay their fair share, should you really be hosting dinner parties? Those fellers who take a girl on a date and expect 50/50, though... They can get in the fucking sea. If you're taking someone out for food then it's on you. I've heard stories of blokes telling women "I can't see us going on another day so we're going halves" after already sitting down and ordering. If I was the woman in that scenario I'd walk clean out of the restaurant
At home dinner? Of course not, the host pays. If in a restaurant, you decide in advance. If there is two of you, turn system sometimes works. If there is a party, host also pays, though you are expected to bring some gifts etc.
The thought of being invited to someoneās home and then being asked to pay for the food is hilarious to me
Is this some made up BS? I know that the southern/eastern European countries look at us as somewhat greedy. But this is absolutely unheard of, also over here.
I'd never ask someone to pay for something I'm cooking. If we go to a restaurant everyone pays for themselves and or splits the birthday person's cost but that's it.
In Sweden it is specified what kind of party it is. If it's just an invite and no further info about anything other than the usual stuff time and location etc, you are not expected to pay for anything. Other variants exist. Sometimes it is the host provides condiments and sides, as a guest you bring what you want to throw on the grill/barbeque basically. This is common for larger celebrations like midsummer etc where it is not uncommon for 20+ guess to arrive. Another variant of this is "knytkalas" wich means there is a list of stuff and dishes and people tag themselves as to what to bring. So someone brings a pie, the other some herring etc etc. Sometimes it can be host provide all the food and some welcome drinks and/or snaps, but each guest brings any alcohol they will consume themselves. And lastly I have been to the kind of party you asked about. Where the host fix everything, but each guest share the cost. Usually we are talking about very expensive food and maybe only the host is good enough to do that specific dish well. Or for practical reasons etc. There is usually always a special case to go this route. These are very rare in my experience. The most common for aquantainces and friends being, host provides everything except alcohol or any of the first two variants for large celebrations like midsummer. And host provide everything including alcohol if its just close family and close friends. It has also happened that when celebrating someone at a restaurant they ask that you pay for your meal, but that is basically the gift for the one celebrated. You showing up and eat and pay your own tab is the bd gift. This was more common among students where the student apartments was a bad choice to throw a dinner party and students can't afford to pay for a lot of people to eat at a restaurant. Point is, you will know what kind of party long in advance before you even accept the invite. So it'll never be a surprise for you after you have accepted or where someone just expects payment out of the blue.
My experience in France: inviting over to your house, don't make them pay but often ask to bring some apƩritif/apƩro (drinks and/or snacks). The guests will often offer without needing to ask. Sometimes a guest might offer to bring the dessert too. Inviting to a restaurant meal? This depends, often on the size of the group. I also used to live in the UK and we would often just ask guests to bring drinks, if anything. The drinking is more important than the snacking in the UK (in general). The meal will usually be eaten earlier in the evening too, so less of a need for snacking.
In the Netherlands it depends. Ofcourse if youāre invited to a dinner at someoneās house you donāt have to pay. But if you decide together to have dinner and you suggest āwe can do it at my placeā, everybody pays for themselves most of the times. Mostly this is the case with students, if youāre invited to another students house for casual dinner donāt be surprised to receive a tikkie the next day
If I invite you I pay. If if its something like some friends who like to go out to eat everybody pays for himself. Thats how I as a german would handle this. For a non native speaker it may be difficult to hear the nuances between these two.
In the Netherlands I think in general there is the difference between a direct invitation. Like if i ask someone would you like to come over for dinner, then you would normally never be expected to pay (maybe except among students). But if I'm planning with my friend group to meet up for dinner and I say okay we can do it at mine, I'm already putting a lot of effort into hosting, I'm not also going to pay for 10 or more people. In restaurants it is always expected that everyone pays for their part. With the current prices it is already hard to afford food for one. If one person would pay for all it would bankrupt them.
Swedish xennial here, speaking from my urban experience with gen x, xennials and mid-older millennials. If you are invited to someone's home - absolutely not. Bring a bottle of wine or snacks or something else that is appropriate, mostly as a symbolic gift to the hosts. It may be opened during the evening, it may not. Sometimes it's BYOB. Nobody bats an eye. If it is an occasion - maybe if it is decided in advance. Like a big new years or midsummer fest. But usually they are a potluck that everybody brings something to the literal table. Is commonly BYOB though beverages are treated and shared frivolously. If it is to a restaurant - yeah. You pay for your own meal and beverages. You might treat each other when you go for drinks after. Sometimes everybody pools up to treat the birthday baby. I've heard comments that *some* younger millennials and gen z are having different ideas that everybody needs to pay always, but I don't know how widespread it really is.
Like at home dinner or restaurant dinner? In restaurant sure everyone pays for their food but at home? What kind of uncivilized, uncultured, barbaric kind of behavior is that? Like I guess you āpayā with some gift, dunno a bottle of alcohol or some sweets or whatever but Iād feel offended if my guests handed me money.
It depends on the context. I would never even think to ask for payment for a meal that Iām cooking for others, especially because usually they offer to bring wine or dessert or something. Even if they donāt it would be very rude to ask for money. Going to a restaurant, everyone pays for their own meal. This might be because I only just stopped being a student, but none of us have enough money to pay for everything. Sometimes there are exceptions. For example, my immediate family often goes out to eat with one of our family friends who lives close by. Because itās 4-5 of us plus one guest, my parents offer to pick up the whole tab. Itās easier for everyone and a nice gesture. Events that I would not expect to pay for my own meal or drinks would be large parties or events with prearranged meals (like a wedding or a 50th birthday), but in the U.K. an open bar is not common either.
I'll give you a better one. A couple of friends got engaged so my then boyfriend and I took them out for dinner at a Michelin star restaurant to celebrate and of course, we paid. Skip forward a year or so later. My husband and I got engaged and this same couple told us they had a voucher for a nice restaurant, it was BYOW, and invited us out to celebrate our engagement. They didn't bring wine for us, no big deal, my husband went out to get some. The bill arrived after the meal, turns out the voucher was only to cover their portion of the bill, we had to pay for ours š
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No, I don't expect any of that. Unless we are all university students. Then it's penny-pinching galore, because students are poor.
Obviously not gonna charge someone for dinner. The only exception being a group bbq or something that we all agree the split the bill evenly: one person goes and buys the meat/beer/whatever and we split the bill usually between 10/15 people (doesn't really make sense for one person to foot a 300ā¬ bill alone).
If I invite someone to have dinner with me, I will pay for the meal instead of waiting for someone else to pay for it.
No if I invite them they are my guest. I would find it very rude if someone did that. Itās different if we as group desire we want to cook together and desire to us my kitchen than sure letās splittre the shopping bill but in that case I didnāt invite them we are just using my kitchen. š©šŖ by the way donāt know how you guys got the flag next to your profile name