I fully agree that being a SB and SD/SM is a two-way street. \
They have known each other for less than a week, and it sounds like OP was put in a difficult situation.
If he can afford it and is willing to do it, then it's his choice. You should do something you can't do or don't want to do.
The “chemistry” you’re feeling is probably similar to the chemistry straight guys feel with a dancer at a strip club that they’re convinced really likes them. Some people are just very good at making you feel like there’s a connection when they want from you.
When i was 36 i dated a hot little 23 year old who kepr hinting that I should buy him various expensive things. I drove him to his parents' New Jersey home, at his request and left him there for good.
Soooort of. Maybe. Kind of.
I’m 13 years older than my husband. I met him when he was a college student. I supported him into he graduated. 18 years later, we have a damned good life.
A former friend of mine continually falls for guys who “need help”. This string included importing a 20-yr-old from a Central American country, sponsoring him for a fiancé visa after meeting him in his country 2x, and paying for everything for this guy (flights he missed because he was getting highlights to his hair, buying him a US iPhone, all his travel, etc.), just to have the guy hooking up left, right and center using Grindr on the phone that my friend paid for.
His latest escapade, after Mr. Dominican lost his passport and couldn't get a replacement visa, he met several years ago (prob was paying him for sex from the start, though he was dodgy about that fact), found out the guy was living in his car, offered to let him move in. Had sex with this guy, but the guy wouldn’t sleep in the same bed with him, had to have his own room. Fucked the friend for free rent.
This guy never contributed rent or utilities. After a year or so, the guy picked up and left while my then-friend was at work (taking valuables in the process), and moved to Phoenix (from the Mid-Atlantic). Friend kept calling him his "boyfriend". We all told him he was crazy. Friend would text him nearly continually when we went anywhere, including when he visited me in the West. Freeloader got in some sort of trouble in Phoenix (it was someone else's fault, of course), and friend got a credit card for him to travel back to PA. Freeloader maxed out the card and didn't move back, so friend flew out and rented a car to move him and his dog back to PA.
After several months, freeloader left again. Yep, for Phoenix. Same thing repeated. Friend moved him back to PA (unsure of the details, b/c I didn't want to know that time around).
After a few months, freeloader was driving to a city 3-ish hours away for an escort appointment, and he shot someone in another car on the highway with an illegal gun. Kept driving and tried to hide the gun in his trunk, then got back on the same highway. Pulled over by cops, arrested. Friend bailed him out for $100K and got him a private attorney, "so that he can get a fair shake". Thankfully the woman he shot survived.
It took 2 years of the freeloader going to social media blaming everyone under the sun for his actions, but he finally was sentenced to 5-10 years in jail. Can't believe he got off that lightly. The whole time the freeloader was out on bail, he was filming Onlyfans in my former friend’s house and raking in money, of course not paying a penny to his defense, I'm sure. His OF page is still up and earning him money while he's in jail (anyone know how to report that?)
These things start innocently enough, but no one is worth paying money to fuck them.
Sounds like your friend liked the drama in his life. There can't be any way he supported this freeloader thinking there was a LTR at the end of the tunnel. He should write a book - totally sounds like it would be a good movie though!
Former friend is keeping freeloader’s dog while he does time (always sniffed and complained about others’ dogs and his allergies… I observed to him how he must be dying from allergies living with a non-allergenic pit bull), and from what I hear still refers to him as his boyfriend. Really sad.
Your friend sounds extremely similar to a good friend of mine who keeps flying to 2 specific SE Asian countries and is on fiance visa #3 now....luckily none of his have shot anyone but they were absolutely using him for access and relocation to the US
that is so far fetched, but I totally believe this story about your friend. your friend is so dysfunctionally co dependent. I think it would be hard to stay friends w/ him , given how nuts he is.
After watching our 65 yo gay friend ‘fall in love with’ (ie get scammed) by a young gorgeous man he actually never met and gave 10k for the purpose of him moving in. He never came. I reverse image searched the photos he showed us. Not the guy he thinks is. The photos are of a model who’s married to another man, a doctor.
Our friend still believe this guy, says he’s in love and waiting for him still (there is always and excuse he hasn’t moved and need more money). Our friend has cut us and his sister off.
I can believe anything. Lonely, love/sex starved people fall easily sometimes.
Is your friend looking for a new bf? Asking for a friend *wink*
In all seriousness, that kind of person is never satisfied. Once they get some money, they will need more and more. All it takes is an enabler with enough money to get them living a big life and still throwing it away
It took me a while to realize once that a boy was just great at faking interest and love. I thought he really was into me and just had bad luck- always needing help out of a tight spot. I was an idiot.
No, and it is an arrangement I would never entertain. Giving someone thousands of dollars (!) per month in exchange for regular sex might sound good (that is not the right word, or at least easy, don’t need to put in a ton of effort and you both get what you want) in theory, but of course he is going to demand more over time, and will milk you for all he can get his hands on. You know who was a “kept boy” for many older men? Versace killer Andrew Cunanan.
Absolutely not. Cool if that’s what you’re into and specifically looking for, but anyone who’s lured you in first and then dropped that is seriously skeezy.
He'll no! Not that i can afford it, butt he'll double no.
I get pitched with scams all the time from guys wanting money and gifts. I've learned to weed them out. Sometimes, I'll play along for a bit just to see what they want. They think I'm lonely and can't get hookups. If only they knew.
I'd definitely never be a sugar daddy. It can only lead to disappointment and resentment on your part while he's just socking away money until he finds his next victim, I mean sucker, I mean sugar daddy. He may also already have a few of them.
There is no organic chemistry (pun intended). He is just a salesman who put on a show for you and hopes you would pay for his services. Nothing wrong with him doing that since he’s not scamming you. You just need to ask yourself if this is what you are looking for.
"You don't pay them to stay, you pay them to leave"
I had a buddy with $$ who liked those arrangements, he was 63 and fucking a 22 y/o last I talked to him and knew the deal AND thought it was a bargain
Hard pass. He already led the situation with a lie. He took longer than most to get to the truth of the matter, but that was only to manipulate you more effectively. If you want to be poor, lonely, and objectified, he's your guy!
When I was 47, I'd only been out about a year. I moved to Atlanta. My first night out, I met a younger guy at a bar and hung out all night. At one point, he said I was too naive, and Atl was too much of a game town. He sat there and told me what my risks were and how I'd get played. A year later, I figured out HE was the one that was going to play me. Wiped out my bank account and moved away with a truck I had cosigned for.
So I say all that, to say.....RUN!
I would tell him I'm barely earning enough to support myself, and don't have enough left over to support somebody else.
I would also tell him that I expect prostitutes to advertise themselves as such up front, rather than trying to catch customers via a "bait and switch" tactic like this.
I would further tell him that I can get plenty of sex for free, so I would ask what's he offering that I can't get from everybody else.
C you later....my response is always;
What are they offering to pay for me, thanks but no they dont need to? They get confused with this...and when they say nooo, they mean i pay for them...
I say (politely) why would i pay for the "privilege" of hanging out with them when i can have plenty of meets with other guys without the need to buy their affections. I find the suggestion from them inherently patronising and often the ones asking really aren't that special and if they were im still not interested.
Dudes are horny all the time and will fuck anywhere anytime for any reason. Unless it's a fetish thing there is really no need to do this as a gay man.
I’ve had a few run-ins with these “sugar babies” that rely mostly on their youth and oversell themselves.
I hit them with a hard-hitting economic lesson: If you’re going to make this transactional, what are you bringing to the table that’s different than a sex worker? Can you compete with an escort who works on his body 24/7? What about newer younger sugar babies in a few years?
Then I leave hopefully thinking about their lives a bit and abandon their sugar baby ambitions… or find a more desperate daddy lol
In the millennial sense, yes.
One of my boyfriends owns a house and is house poor. He lets me sleep at his place when I'm traveling, and I take him out to restaurants and spas. Win win since these trips would be thousands in hotel rooms otherwise.
Those exchanges are perfectly fine, dare I say good manners even. Whether you are sleeping with them or not a million of us let friends stay while visiting and in return usually get a free meal (or meals) or parting gift from the traveler while they are in town.
It is up to you, but I have talked to a few sugar babies / sugar daddies. At some point, most feel they are getting cheated in some way.
The first time he does not immediately reply, you will wonder if you are the only one. He will wonder if he should be getting more, he probably will ask for more.
I wasn't a sugar daddy per se but I made like double amount the money than my ex and I pretty much paid for a lot of things. I didn't like pay for gifts or clothes but if we went out I'd get the bill or if we traveled.
It became a huge sore spot tho for him. Which is totally understandable
>But then he said he wanted to be my sugar baby, I can have him whenever I want but I’ll need to “support” him.
Absolutely not. I can be a little generous with my partner, but completely on my own choice/free will. No expectations, contracts, or conditions, just a spontaneous expression reflecting how I feel for a man. I would never allow myself to be used or taken advantage of by someone asking to be my "sugar baby". Also, I can see right through someone with ulterior motives pretending to like me. Nope. Nope.
How interested are you in paying for sex?
Make no mistake, that's what this is. You're keeping an escort on retainer.
Now, don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with any of that as long as you both *really* understand that's what's happening.
Are you really that desperate?
SD are usually much older, and lonely guys using their money in exchange for physical intimacy (note it's physical only).
At 35 you most likely have other options.
You should be in your prime.
As long as you understand that he's in it for the financial support and you're okay with it? Go for it.
Personally I would rather spend that precious time getting to know someone who is actually interested in me as a person. Even a "situationship" would be preferable, at least you know the person sleeping with you is attracted to qualities besides your bank account.
During college, I connected with an older guy when I first came out. I was genuinely attracted to him and our conversations were intelligent, fun, and had substance behind it. He did support me, but I also got an internship and a job during our relationship.
I believe the difference here is my working and contributing something monetarily to the relationship, while also having a genuine connection with him outside of sex. He mentored me, and developed me professionally during our time together.
I would be very wary, if not turned off completely, by someone just saying, “you’ll pay for me to be around.” If he isn’t doing things to improve his life, learn skills, is open to coaching, etc., then he is 100% just looking for that free ride.
I’d suggest passing on this youngster; he’s let his intentions known to you.
My theory is this, men are severely attention/love starved
But they also have the audacity, so when they get attention and treats they lose their grip on reality, they get so overwhelmed they think they deserve it and that people should give it to them
A guy started to hint he needed money several times after we met once, and you know dinner, movie and sex.
Mind you this wasn't a twink, nor a kid, he was older than me and divorced with 2 kids, but in his words I treated him like no one ever treated him
After that he kept messaging me about his money problems and how cool would be to go to that nice restaurant again
I never respond to any of those messages, call me cruel, but the guy thought he found his way out of crippling debt and unlimited sex after being treated nice ONCE and that rubbed me in the worst way possible
Again, this is a divorced man with 2 kids.
I could have kept inviting him dinner and pampering him on our dates, yes I definitely could have done that because I like to make my dates feel like they're special,
But he decided to pull my leg when I offered my hand
For the right 20-year-old, I'd consider an arrangement including paying for housing or providing tangible support like a car. I would never provide money or access to credit. I'd have a pretty strong list of behavior agreed to and signed in advance.
It didn't work with my children... I couldn't get my son to do his chores to pay for his car insurance, or even simple things like taking out cat box leftovers.
If you can get a 20-year-old to do anything in return for a fortune being spent on them please PM me and let me know how... ;)
I would love to know the details of these arrangements. At the very least, go on one more date and get an idea of his expectations. Are you talking about payment per meet-up? How much? Then lowball him and make it a complex sale; see how low he'll go. Play the game and report back to us - stay! I've always wanted to know how these arrangements work.
If this is something you can afford and you enjoy the game and sex - go for it. But please don't confuse those lust feelings for romantic chemistry. It's sexual, and it's arrangement. But get us the details 😂
I sometimes wonder if that's how traditional heterosexual marriage work. The woman doesn't make money and the family live entirely off the husband's earnings. They make it "even" by "selling" their body, affection, uterus and housework in exchange for an easier life. And since pretty women are already considered as some kind of luxury resource a man could own they would be very willing to support that kind of lifestyle to have a hot wife. So isn't pretty girls marrying boys with above average income like a business instead of a marriage? I wonder if couples that are in an relationship like that truly love eachother. Or is it because they're women and women are simply entitled to it?
Can we gay's relationships work like that too? As a young and stupid(as you could already tell from the stuff I wrote above) 19y guy I can't help but feel like there must be something of equity in a gay relationship since we are both male. I must 50/50 anything we buy together and I always try to catch up with his earnings and our top/bottom identity doesn't matter. I'm his submissive bitch in bed but that doesn't mean he owns me like husband owning his wife right? But then my man(34) has been telling me that we could live perfectly fine even if I'm significantly "weaker" than him. I can live off his money like a girlfriend do to her boyfriend too. I don't have to fight too hard trying to make more money. That...he's willing to support me. Is it truly okay? Or is it yet another case of "well if he wants then let him be"? But I constantly feel like it's wrong. We need to stay equal. Or am I wrong and thinking too much? Is this how a gay relationship must function? That, one must be the "lower dog" and another one is superior to them? Or...Is this yet another nonsense my autistic ass is thinking too hard about?
Do you want a sex worker or a boyfriend? Because the boy is clearly the former and he simply gave you a free sample of what he's got to offer.
Nothing wrong with taking care of someone financially, but never mistake financial dependency for love. Not saying they can't coexist, but usually an imbalance of power is a very poor foundation for a healthy relationship.
I haven't been a sugar daddy as such, but I have been in a relationship where my partner was out of work for a long period of time, and where I had to support him financially.
It gets old very quickly when you are paying for everything and having to budget carefully to support someone. Thankfully my partner found a job and things are more equitable now, but I would never want to be in that situation again.
Never enter a relationship with someone you know you'll have to prop up financially. It creates a deep power imbalance, and can breed resentment.
I personally would not, primarily for the long-term psychological implications it would have on the sugar baby. However, that is my opinion based on my preferences and personality and I believe that with a straightforward and clear contract specifically outlining the terms and conditions of the arrangement there is a way to do this ethically and fairly for both parties.
My question for you is, do you believe that you require a sex worker to be on-call 24/7? Conversely, are you ready to add this individual to your regular payroll because, from my understanding, a sugar arrangement implies some manner of engagement on a regular basis? In other words, I get the sense that a sugar baby is expecting a sugar daddy to be a regular source of income. Whether that is a primary source of income or a secondary, tertiary, etc. source of income will vary from person to person, but unless explicitly stated that their services would be required on an as-needed basis, I think the "sweet" aspect is based on the fact that this is meant to be an ongoing renumeration at regular intervals.
Of course, this is not to say this is what is required in your situation. I am simply stating what I believe to be the standard in such arrangements.
I would say no way baby. I always call myself a sugarfree daddy. This has happened to me and I have declined. But again depends on what you want. If you want a financial liability and get attention
For me? It's a hard pass.
I had two roommates who used hustlers. One was Tom W. who had a BF at Numbers on Sunset circa 1979. I was 24 at the time, he was 35 but looked *much* older. I lived with him in Palm Springs. Man, that bar was a pick up joint! I was so naive. It was *all for money*!
The second was Bob B. who, by then I had moved to LA, met him at 4 Star Saloon where we played pool together. Bob was generous to a fault. It was never sex between us. But he was generous. By 1990 we went to Hawaii. We had been to Cancun. I wasn't even living with him by 1983. But he liked to entertain. He liked people on his dime. Bob was a VP at a bank.
He had a couple of BFs that I have photos of. We lived in a high rise and then a place in the valley. They were nice guys! I think Bob likes the control. Nothing more.
My rent was cheap. I didn't "do" anything for him. I'm 68 now. I have no idea what ever happened to them. But I hope things went how he wanted. He was a nice guy.
It won’t last. If there is a risk of you becoming attached, then it’s a bad idea to get started. The relationship between the two of you will always be transactional because that is the foundation of it.
Meh if you can afford it why not. You pay for everything else in your life so why not pay for sex. Personally I think this is more honest than adopting a "sugar baby".
When you pay someone to come into your life, you don't know what kind of crazy you'll have to deal with when you want them out of your life
Pay a sex worker if you want it, but not a sugar baby. You already know his only long term attraction is to your money.
It depends on you really. If you want to develop an actual relationship it will be difficult since he is looking for one thing. However if this is just an exchange and you don’t mind spending a few thousands than you can. It depends on what are you really looking for ?
I thought a "Sugar baby" was a young man that paid for things?
Apparently not.... This doesn't make sense why Sugar Daddy = pays for things, Sugar Baby = receives things.
I have zero interest in being a sugar daddy.
It’s a scenario that works for some people though. As long as everyone involved is up front about the transactional nature of the relationship I’ve seen it work, but only short term. Eventually the baby starts to get more demanding and/or the daddy catches feelings and it all falls apart.
there was no chemistry on his part. you're his mark and he's putting the moves on you.
Hard pass.
I fully agree that being a SB and SD/SM is a two-way street. \ They have known each other for less than a week, and it sounds like OP was put in a difficult situation. If he can afford it and is willing to do it, then it's his choice. You should do something you can't do or don't want to do.
Exactly… how is this a decent for OP???
Maybe he has been lonely and needing some affection. Seems like he is willing to pay the trade
The “chemistry” you’re feeling is probably similar to the chemistry straight guys feel with a dancer at a strip club that they’re convinced really likes them. Some people are just very good at making you feel like there’s a connection when they want from you.
I mean at least there was sex first. There's no sex, in the champagne room.
True. I'll just say he got a one night sample. Now he needs to pay for his subscription to Boyfriend+
NONE
in this economy??
And in front of his salad?! For shame 😂
[Really?](https://dataismo.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/flork-really-in-front-300x300.jpg)
Mr. Moneybags over here. I can afford neither the crab nor the rangoon
If the trade is cheap enough, often the crabs are free.
😂😂
Pass.. make your own money, support yourself
Ewww find someone who likes you for you and nothing else
It'll create truma he doesn't understand yet for himself also 🤷
Yeah tuna isn’t good to have in a relationship.
He jumped right into that sugar baby pitch after one night together yikes lol.
Absolutely not. I'm selfish and stingy with my money.
Ditto.
When i was 36 i dated a hot little 23 year old who kepr hinting that I should buy him various expensive things. I drove him to his parents' New Jersey home, at his request and left him there for good.
How strong is your drop kick? There are so many available men out there, why settle for a freeloader? Hard pass.
Get as far away from the gold digger as possible. You'll eventually meet someone great who won't take you for granted !
Soooort of. Maybe. Kind of. I’m 13 years older than my husband. I met him when he was a college student. I supported him into he graduated. 18 years later, we have a damned good life.
I don't think the age difference is the point of question here... it's the sugar daddy proposition
But the two often go hand in hand, no matter the genders involved.
I disagree - sure sugar daddy relationships typically involve large age differences, but not vice versa
A former friend of mine continually falls for guys who “need help”. This string included importing a 20-yr-old from a Central American country, sponsoring him for a fiancé visa after meeting him in his country 2x, and paying for everything for this guy (flights he missed because he was getting highlights to his hair, buying him a US iPhone, all his travel, etc.), just to have the guy hooking up left, right and center using Grindr on the phone that my friend paid for. His latest escapade, after Mr. Dominican lost his passport and couldn't get a replacement visa, he met several years ago (prob was paying him for sex from the start, though he was dodgy about that fact), found out the guy was living in his car, offered to let him move in. Had sex with this guy, but the guy wouldn’t sleep in the same bed with him, had to have his own room. Fucked the friend for free rent. This guy never contributed rent or utilities. After a year or so, the guy picked up and left while my then-friend was at work (taking valuables in the process), and moved to Phoenix (from the Mid-Atlantic). Friend kept calling him his "boyfriend". We all told him he was crazy. Friend would text him nearly continually when we went anywhere, including when he visited me in the West. Freeloader got in some sort of trouble in Phoenix (it was someone else's fault, of course), and friend got a credit card for him to travel back to PA. Freeloader maxed out the card and didn't move back, so friend flew out and rented a car to move him and his dog back to PA. After several months, freeloader left again. Yep, for Phoenix. Same thing repeated. Friend moved him back to PA (unsure of the details, b/c I didn't want to know that time around). After a few months, freeloader was driving to a city 3-ish hours away for an escort appointment, and he shot someone in another car on the highway with an illegal gun. Kept driving and tried to hide the gun in his trunk, then got back on the same highway. Pulled over by cops, arrested. Friend bailed him out for $100K and got him a private attorney, "so that he can get a fair shake". Thankfully the woman he shot survived. It took 2 years of the freeloader going to social media blaming everyone under the sun for his actions, but he finally was sentenced to 5-10 years in jail. Can't believe he got off that lightly. The whole time the freeloader was out on bail, he was filming Onlyfans in my former friend’s house and raking in money, of course not paying a penny to his defense, I'm sure. His OF page is still up and earning him money while he's in jail (anyone know how to report that?) These things start innocently enough, but no one is worth paying money to fuck them.
Sounds like your friend liked the drama in his life. There can't be any way he supported this freeloader thinking there was a LTR at the end of the tunnel. He should write a book - totally sounds like it would be a good movie though!
Former friend is keeping freeloader’s dog while he does time (always sniffed and complained about others’ dogs and his allergies… I observed to him how he must be dying from allergies living with a non-allergenic pit bull), and from what I hear still refers to him as his boyfriend. Really sad.
Sad!
Your friend sounds extremely similar to a good friend of mine who keeps flying to 2 specific SE Asian countries and is on fiance visa #3 now....luckily none of his have shot anyone but they were absolutely using him for access and relocation to the US
that is so far fetched, but I totally believe this story about your friend. your friend is so dysfunctionally co dependent. I think it would be hard to stay friends w/ him , given how nuts he is.
After watching our 65 yo gay friend ‘fall in love with’ (ie get scammed) by a young gorgeous man he actually never met and gave 10k for the purpose of him moving in. He never came. I reverse image searched the photos he showed us. Not the guy he thinks is. The photos are of a model who’s married to another man, a doctor. Our friend still believe this guy, says he’s in love and waiting for him still (there is always and excuse he hasn’t moved and need more money). Our friend has cut us and his sister off. I can believe anything. Lonely, love/sex starved people fall easily sometimes.
That’s why he’s a former friend. I can’t be around people who have such low self-esteem and no self-respect.
Is your friend looking for a new bf? Asking for a friend *wink* In all seriousness, that kind of person is never satisfied. Once they get some money, they will need more and more. All it takes is an enabler with enough money to get them living a big life and still throwing it away
There isn't any ass or dick worth all that. Lol
Someone needs to slap some sense into your friend.
This got to be made up 😦 I'm speechless
https://triblive.com/local/westmoreland/woman-shot-in-apparent-road-rage-incident-on-pa-turnpike/
🫨
This is insane
Indeed it was/is.
Everyone wants to be a baby til daddy starts asking for sugar
Not with todays interest rates
He has made it clear to you what he wants from you and what you will get, it's a transaction and you may not be the only one in his life.
At least he's up front about it. Not hooking up for a month and then just asking favors
It took me a while to realize once that a boy was just great at faking interest and love. I thought he really was into me and just had bad luck- always needing help out of a tight spot. I was an idiot.
I don't have ATM tattooed on my forehead. I barely make enough money to keep my cat in the lifestyle she's accustomed to.
No, and it is an arrangement I would never entertain. Giving someone thousands of dollars (!) per month in exchange for regular sex might sound good (that is not the right word, or at least easy, don’t need to put in a ton of effort and you both get what you want) in theory, but of course he is going to demand more over time, and will milk you for all he can get his hands on. You know who was a “kept boy” for many older men? Versace killer Andrew Cunanan.
Thousands? If I'm forking out thousand he better be on-call 24/7 and keep my place spotless, laundry and be a GQ model.
Andrew Cunanan never had a romantic or "Kept" relationship with Gianni Versace...
I never said that, he didn’t know Versace probably and was definitely insane. But when he lived in San Fran he was in more than a few arrangements.
Wait 10 years and you’ll be swarmed with twinks desperate for Daddy’s approval. You can even charge THEM!
Absolutely not. Cool if that’s what you’re into and specifically looking for, but anyone who’s lured you in first and then dropped that is seriously skeezy.
He'll no! Not that i can afford it, butt he'll double no. I get pitched with scams all the time from guys wanting money and gifts. I've learned to weed them out. Sometimes, I'll play along for a bit just to see what they want. They think I'm lonely and can't get hookups. If only they knew. I'd definitely never be a sugar daddy. It can only lead to disappointment and resentment on your part while he's just socking away money until he finds his next victim, I mean sucker, I mean sugar daddy. He may also already have a few of them.
There is no organic chemistry (pun intended). He is just a salesman who put on a show for you and hopes you would pay for his services. Nothing wrong with him doing that since he’s not scamming you. You just need to ask yourself if this is what you are looking for.
Can you afford it? If so, then go for it. If not, then don’t. If you want something emotional, then this is not it. This is just a transaction.
"You don't pay them to stay, you pay them to leave" I had a buddy with $$ who liked those arrangements, he was 63 and fucking a 22 y/o last I talked to him and knew the deal AND thought it was a bargain
Hard pass. He already led the situation with a lie. He took longer than most to get to the truth of the matter, but that was only to manipulate you more effectively. If you want to be poor, lonely, and objectified, he's your guy!
When I was 47, I'd only been out about a year. I moved to Atlanta. My first night out, I met a younger guy at a bar and hung out all night. At one point, he said I was too naive, and Atl was too much of a game town. He sat there and told me what my risks were and how I'd get played. A year later, I figured out HE was the one that was going to play me. Wiped out my bank account and moved away with a truck I had cosigned for. So I say all that, to say.....RUN!
I would tell him I'm barely earning enough to support myself, and don't have enough left over to support somebody else. I would also tell him that I expect prostitutes to advertise themselves as such up front, rather than trying to catch customers via a "bait and switch" tactic like this. I would further tell him that I can get plenty of sex for free, so I would ask what's he offering that I can't get from everybody else.
Did this. Not worth it. Move on and spare yourself the grief.
What happened?
My standard response … “No, I don’t pay for sex” and then I’d probably block him.
C you later....my response is always; What are they offering to pay for me, thanks but no they dont need to? They get confused with this...and when they say nooo, they mean i pay for them... I say (politely) why would i pay for the "privilege" of hanging out with them when i can have plenty of meets with other guys without the need to buy their affections. I find the suggestion from them inherently patronising and often the ones asking really aren't that special and if they were im still not interested.
Wait 'til you're a rich fuck and nearly 60. That's the proper circumstances of being a Sugar Daddy. I only qualify on one criteria.
You’re only 35!!! That’s a hard pass!!
Even if he was 65, that’s a hard pass. The 20-yo was only interested in his wallet!
Not worthy
Nah. If I'm that rich, why settle on just one?
Yes, I have type two diabetes.
Bold, but he's a fool.
Dudes are horny all the time and will fuck anywhere anytime for any reason. Unless it's a fetish thing there is really no need to do this as a gay man.
I’ve had a few run-ins with these “sugar babies” that rely mostly on their youth and oversell themselves. I hit them with a hard-hitting economic lesson: If you’re going to make this transactional, what are you bringing to the table that’s different than a sex worker? Can you compete with an escort who works on his body 24/7? What about newer younger sugar babies in a few years? Then I leave hopefully thinking about their lives a bit and abandon their sugar baby ambitions… or find a more desperate daddy lol
"Most I can do is splenda, not sugar."
In the millennial sense, yes. One of my boyfriends owns a house and is house poor. He lets me sleep at his place when I'm traveling, and I take him out to restaurants and spas. Win win since these trips would be thousands in hotel rooms otherwise.
Those exchanges are perfectly fine, dare I say good manners even. Whether you are sleeping with them or not a million of us let friends stay while visiting and in return usually get a free meal (or meals) or parting gift from the traveler while they are in town.
What are you planning to do with his request?
He does know the top-to-bottom ratios on the apps, right?
I wish I had enough money to even consider being some brat's sugar daddy.
It is up to you, but I have talked to a few sugar babies / sugar daddies. At some point, most feel they are getting cheated in some way. The first time he does not immediately reply, you will wonder if you are the only one. He will wonder if he should be getting more, he probably will ask for more.
Nope. I have had offers for sugar daddy arrangements. However, my morals won’t let me do it. 🥲
My alarm Bella are going off.
I wouldn’t mind playing big daddy, but I sure as hell wouldn’t do it for an unsolicited volunteer. That takes all the fun out of it.
Block.
I wasn't a sugar daddy per se but I made like double amount the money than my ex and I pretty much paid for a lot of things. I didn't like pay for gifts or clothes but if we went out I'd get the bill or if we traveled. It became a huge sore spot tho for him. Which is totally understandable
>But then he said he wanted to be my sugar baby, I can have him whenever I want but I’ll need to “support” him. Absolutely not. I can be a little generous with my partner, but completely on my own choice/free will. No expectations, contracts, or conditions, just a spontaneous expression reflecting how I feel for a man. I would never allow myself to be used or taken advantage of by someone asking to be my "sugar baby". Also, I can see right through someone with ulterior motives pretending to like me. Nope. Nope.
How interested are you in paying for sex? Make no mistake, that's what this is. You're keeping an escort on retainer. Now, don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with any of that as long as you both *really* understand that's what's happening.
Holy fuck NO! Have some self respect and tell him thanks but you got standards
I’m forty and I get this more more. My response is usually something like ‘a sugar baby?! In this economy??’
Are you really that desperate? SD are usually much older, and lonely guys using their money in exchange for physical intimacy (note it's physical only). At 35 you most likely have other options. You should be in your prime.
As long as you understand that he's in it for the financial support and you're okay with it? Go for it. Personally I would rather spend that precious time getting to know someone who is actually interested in me as a person. Even a "situationship" would be preferable, at least you know the person sleeping with you is attracted to qualities besides your bank account.
During college, I connected with an older guy when I first came out. I was genuinely attracted to him and our conversations were intelligent, fun, and had substance behind it. He did support me, but I also got an internship and a job during our relationship. I believe the difference here is my working and contributing something monetarily to the relationship, while also having a genuine connection with him outside of sex. He mentored me, and developed me professionally during our time together. I would be very wary, if not turned off completely, by someone just saying, “you’ll pay for me to be around.” If he isn’t doing things to improve his life, learn skills, is open to coaching, etc., then he is 100% just looking for that free ride. I’d suggest passing on this youngster; he’s let his intentions known to you.
I mean if you want to hire a hooker, hire a hooker, but It’d be a hard pass from me.
I was boxed into one when he didn't pay rent... so yes
My theory is this, men are severely attention/love starved But they also have the audacity, so when they get attention and treats they lose their grip on reality, they get so overwhelmed they think they deserve it and that people should give it to them A guy started to hint he needed money several times after we met once, and you know dinner, movie and sex. Mind you this wasn't a twink, nor a kid, he was older than me and divorced with 2 kids, but in his words I treated him like no one ever treated him After that he kept messaging me about his money problems and how cool would be to go to that nice restaurant again I never respond to any of those messages, call me cruel, but the guy thought he found his way out of crippling debt and unlimited sex after being treated nice ONCE and that rubbed me in the worst way possible Again, this is a divorced man with 2 kids. I could have kept inviting him dinner and pampering him on our dates, yes I definitely could have done that because I like to make my dates feel like they're special, But he decided to pull my leg when I offered my hand
He just tried getting his hooks into you. The only chemistry there was, was him hoping you’d fall for it
For the right 20-year-old, I'd consider an arrangement including paying for housing or providing tangible support like a car. I would never provide money or access to credit. I'd have a pretty strong list of behavior agreed to and signed in advance. It didn't work with my children... I couldn't get my son to do his chores to pay for his car insurance, or even simple things like taking out cat box leftovers. If you can get a 20-year-old to do anything in return for a fortune being spent on them please PM me and let me know how... ;)
I'd say "no" and tell him he's a parasitic piece of shit. Alternatively, I'd simply ghost him.
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Absolutely not.
Lmfao absolutely not.
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I would love to know the details of these arrangements. At the very least, go on one more date and get an idea of his expectations. Are you talking about payment per meet-up? How much? Then lowball him and make it a complex sale; see how low he'll go. Play the game and report back to us - stay! I've always wanted to know how these arrangements work. If this is something you can afford and you enjoy the game and sex - go for it. But please don't confuse those lust feelings for romantic chemistry. It's sexual, and it's arrangement. But get us the details 😂
Can you support him though?
I sometimes wonder if that's how traditional heterosexual marriage work. The woman doesn't make money and the family live entirely off the husband's earnings. They make it "even" by "selling" their body, affection, uterus and housework in exchange for an easier life. And since pretty women are already considered as some kind of luxury resource a man could own they would be very willing to support that kind of lifestyle to have a hot wife. So isn't pretty girls marrying boys with above average income like a business instead of a marriage? I wonder if couples that are in an relationship like that truly love eachother. Or is it because they're women and women are simply entitled to it? Can we gay's relationships work like that too? As a young and stupid(as you could already tell from the stuff I wrote above) 19y guy I can't help but feel like there must be something of equity in a gay relationship since we are both male. I must 50/50 anything we buy together and I always try to catch up with his earnings and our top/bottom identity doesn't matter. I'm his submissive bitch in bed but that doesn't mean he owns me like husband owning his wife right? But then my man(34) has been telling me that we could live perfectly fine even if I'm significantly "weaker" than him. I can live off his money like a girlfriend do to her boyfriend too. I don't have to fight too hard trying to make more money. That...he's willing to support me. Is it truly okay? Or is it yet another case of "well if he wants then let him be"? But I constantly feel like it's wrong. We need to stay equal. Or am I wrong and thinking too much? Is this how a gay relationship must function? That, one must be the "lower dog" and another one is superior to them? Or...Is this yet another nonsense my autistic ass is thinking too hard about?
Not Unless you cooking and cleaning and keeping that ass clean for daddy whenever he needs to use you
Do you want a sex worker or a boyfriend? Because the boy is clearly the former and he simply gave you a free sample of what he's got to offer. Nothing wrong with taking care of someone financially, but never mistake financial dependency for love. Not saying they can't coexist, but usually an imbalance of power is a very poor foundation for a healthy relationship.
I haven't been a sugar daddy as such, but I have been in a relationship where my partner was out of work for a long period of time, and where I had to support him financially. It gets old very quickly when you are paying for everything and having to budget carefully to support someone. Thankfully my partner found a job and things are more equitable now, but I would never want to be in that situation again. Never enter a relationship with someone you know you'll have to prop up financially. It creates a deep power imbalance, and can breed resentment.
I personally would not, primarily for the long-term psychological implications it would have on the sugar baby. However, that is my opinion based on my preferences and personality and I believe that with a straightforward and clear contract specifically outlining the terms and conditions of the arrangement there is a way to do this ethically and fairly for both parties. My question for you is, do you believe that you require a sex worker to be on-call 24/7? Conversely, are you ready to add this individual to your regular payroll because, from my understanding, a sugar arrangement implies some manner of engagement on a regular basis? In other words, I get the sense that a sugar baby is expecting a sugar daddy to be a regular source of income. Whether that is a primary source of income or a secondary, tertiary, etc. source of income will vary from person to person, but unless explicitly stated that their services would be required on an as-needed basis, I think the "sweet" aspect is based on the fact that this is meant to be an ongoing renumeration at regular intervals. Of course, this is not to say this is what is required in your situation. I am simply stating what I believe to be the standard in such arrangements.
The chemistry wasn’t there, and isn’t there, if he wants to be with you in exchange for your wallet
I would say no way baby. I always call myself a sugarfree daddy. This has happened to me and I have declined. But again depends on what you want. If you want a financial liability and get attention
RUN!
LOL.
No, but I’ve been a fool.
I'd tell him to go get a job. Ass is low value and plentiful.
Bye! wtf? What an entitled little shit.
For me? It's a hard pass. I had two roommates who used hustlers. One was Tom W. who had a BF at Numbers on Sunset circa 1979. I was 24 at the time, he was 35 but looked *much* older. I lived with him in Palm Springs. Man, that bar was a pick up joint! I was so naive. It was *all for money*! The second was Bob B. who, by then I had moved to LA, met him at 4 Star Saloon where we played pool together. Bob was generous to a fault. It was never sex between us. But he was generous. By 1990 we went to Hawaii. We had been to Cancun. I wasn't even living with him by 1983. But he liked to entertain. He liked people on his dime. Bob was a VP at a bank. He had a couple of BFs that I have photos of. We lived in a high rise and then a place in the valley. They were nice guys! I think Bob likes the control. Nothing more. My rent was cheap. I didn't "do" anything for him. I'm 68 now. I have no idea what ever happened to them. But I hope things went how he wanted. He was a nice guy.
It won’t last. If there is a risk of you becoming attached, then it’s a bad idea to get started. The relationship between the two of you will always be transactional because that is the foundation of it.
I'd tell him I'm looking for a relationship, not trying to pay a sex worker (not that there's anything won't with that).
Meh if you can afford it why not. You pay for everything else in your life so why not pay for sex. Personally I think this is more honest than adopting a "sugar baby".
When you pay someone to come into your life, you don't know what kind of crazy you'll have to deal with when you want them out of your life Pay a sex worker if you want it, but not a sugar baby. You already know his only long term attraction is to your money.
Nope not me...paying for dinner or a movie is fine but I'm not into guys who want cash from me. Nope.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, I would tell him I want the same thing for myself 🤷🏻
It depends on you really. If you want to develop an actual relationship it will be difficult since he is looking for one thing. However if this is just an exchange and you don’t mind spending a few thousands than you can. It depends on what are you really looking for ?
He didn’t have enough money in his bank account for a Chipotle bowl, so yes.
I thought a "Sugar baby" was a young man that paid for things? Apparently not.... This doesn't make sense why Sugar Daddy = pays for things, Sugar Baby = receives things.
I have zero interest in being a sugar daddy. It’s a scenario that works for some people though. As long as everyone involved is up front about the transactional nature of the relationship I’ve seen it work, but only short term. Eventually the baby starts to get more demanding and/or the daddy catches feelings and it all falls apart.