forget? no. but think very less about them as more time passed since they're gone? yes.
i don't think most people forget such an experience, rather just move on from it
Ig yeah ppl dont forget but I wonder why ppl change, from getting tears in their eyes even by the thought of you dying to giving no two fucks about you, where does all this love evaporate??
i think that if they just stop loving you out of nowhere, it's because they lost the initial interest they had in you. and it was never really "love" in the first place? because if someone really loves u they would care for the person that u are and it wouldn't change. idk that's just what i think
priorities change , lives change , interests change and after some time , people change . You cant claim 'it wasnt love' just because that happened , sure , they mightve loved someone but couldnt bear the person they'd become , and instead of working it out , they quit on it , it's rare but it happens and it's no one's fault .
You can never forget, but accept. You stop feeling anything for them, neither hate, nor love. Have even written a detailed post about it on my profile (in case someone wants advice)
Yes. Your feelings go away and you feel nothing for them. If they came back to you and asked you to be in a relationship again, apologizing for not picking you or for the shit they did, you would smile and maybe hug them one more time but you would not get back into it with them.
It can take time but you will move on. Unless you're gonna keep in touch with them and keep listening to sad songs and turn into a man/woman hating Kabir Singh type person who basically wants to be a miserable fk.
>you would smile and maybe hug them one more time but you would not get back into it with them.
Does this happen most of the times? I feel like I would still take him back (it's quite recent for me, maybe that's why).
If you're over them and your relationship ended because of fundamental issues, this will happen.
In my case, I was still madly in love with the guy and had to break up because he fell out of love (this happens and is perfectly okay) but didn't realize/want to accept/put un effort. I was starving for his love, time, attention and all the begging-for-love finally got me infuriated. Breaking up with him was one of the most difficult things I've done and it took a couple of years for his thoughts to stop coming in my head and for me to not get teary eyed every time something reminded me of him.
This worked for me - it was a chapter of my life. I do not regret it and will remember it for all the good things but not take him back because of what I had to endure. He simply doesn't get the chance to hurt me again. And all the memories are neatly packed in a box and kept in one corner of me. Maybe some part of me will always love him, and that's okay. But like a fond memory, that's all he gets to be, a part of my past. :)
I am in eerily similar situation as you, word for word.
May I ask how do you stop feeling furious at yourself for putting in so much love, care & effort despite knowing that the person would not reciprocate it? Doing things for them that you wouldn't for yourself. Did you also deal with these self-hatred issues like me?
I didn't deal with self hatred tbh. I mean, if I really hated myself I would have continued the relationship and let him treat me like I'm nothing. So I chose my own self worth over him and ended it. I'm assuming you have done the same?
Distractions helped me not get angry at anyone. Its like, dude he had you. You actually were his, but he didn't appreciate you, didn't know how good he had. And now that you're gone, he probably will not find someone who can love him like you did. And you tell yourself that you genuinely tried - the love, care, effort was you trying your best to make it work, which is what you should do in a relationship. HE didn't reciprocate and took you for granted. HE fucked it up. So..what's the point of hating yourself?
(I'm not implying you're perfect af and didn't make any mistakes, maybe you did, maybe you didn't, but the above works in this situation).
takes time , it takes a fair bit of time and is a lesson learnt through experience , not something most can teach . You'll get it one day , that day might be months from now but , you'll get it
They're not bad per se and there are different categories. Some speak about pain but acceptance and moving on. While most are just pining, missing, wanting, hoping it works out somehow, which is all contradictory to what we want. Once in a while is perfectly okay but the more you listen to sad songs, the more you are reminded about your situation, the more you miss them, the more you are sad.
Had my first love when i was in class 8. She was my first gf. Lasted for 2years or so ig. So its been 10years now,
so few days back i was in my native place.
I was cleaning a table and then suddenly i stumbled upon a birthday card. My heart started racing. It was all very old and dusty. I opened it, a hugee paragraph was written on it. At once the time around me stopped. I read it line by line, i could even feel the cupid on my shoulder reading it with me. It was as if it happened 2days ago. I could recognise that writing, that cursive letters, i kept on reading. I was taken back in time to that alley where she slightly kissed me on my cheek, it was my first kiss, i then had wave of memories gushing towards me and drowning me with it. I sat there with that letter in the birthday card for an hour. Its been 10years since i last saw her but after reading it, it was as if she was sitting beside me and smiling at me.
I closed that letter. And kept it exactly where it was with the dust and spiders.
Not sure whether it reached to the level of love but it was surely a very serious crush, my first and only serious crush till date. Its been 4 years, we're barely in touch, she got a bf and I got jealous, so yeah probably haven't forgotten her yet. Lol
You never forget, never ever.
It's in your mind, heart, thoughts, everywhere.
You just accept that it couldn't be yours.
The moment you see her/him, all nostalgic memories come out. But you have already accepted the truth by now, so you just smile that it happened, and move on.
P.S. : I still remember her. Though she is married now and me too but she will always be my first love.
It's not like that. I love my wife. She is special, we are kinda happy together, things have been on and off but good with her. She is my life partner for this life atleast and I try to make her feel special.
But yes, I am busy with my life so rarely get a chance to think about my first love
First love was pretty easy to move on from.
My second love was a completely different story. I still think about her but tell my friends that I've moved on.
Any lower middle class here who didn't got time to look for love from school days and instead got too busy with dream of studying and breaking chain of rat race. Anyone who Knew that as a boy you need to work hard and go through grind no matter what due to economic status levels??
Its about 2years passed of my breakup, memories start getting faded slowly but still not a single day pass in 2years when i didnt get a thought abt her.
Still wanted to have a call for one last time, a last hug and probably a better good bye i want
Hope someday my wish got fullfilled.
Everytime you recall a memory, the memory alters a bit.
If you don’t recall a memory, you forget it completely
Unless you write down, in time, you’ll have erased the original memory completely with your own version of memory
There is no way to remember a memory exactly as it happened, for ever
I'll never forget it as she was literally wife material but I was in a fucked up place mentally and i treated her like complete shit.
And I was the one who kept breaking up with her all the time.
She set the bar so high that I've never really dated anyone else again because they simply don't even come up to half her level in terms of beauty and intellect as well as character.
She was beautiful, had a really empathetic nature, and was intelligent as well.
And she was 14 and I was 17.
I'm now 24, and girls my age still don't match up to how mature she was at 14.
So yeah, I haven't forgotten her one bit😂
7 fucking years have passed since we parted ways
PS:
Imagine vidya balan, watch her interviews, and you'll understand the kind of girl my ex was. Very very similar in terms of speaking style, and depth of intellect
I am surprised you feel you have met a woman at 14 who is complete in intellect and beauty( at 14 you are pubescent meaning your body is still developing) you cannot tell me that is what beauty standard is for you
Uggh, yeah I know how creepy it comes off in the text, but I've been following her insta and all, and I was talking about her current looks.
She doesn't have big boobs or ass and all that, and by good looks, i meant good skin, and a beautiful and kind looking face
My toxic bf is doing the same to me, taking everything for granted and never putting in effort. I wonder if this is a problem with specific type of men, and if it's worth putting effort in such cases
I suggest communicating with him how he's making you feel unloved and unwanted.
If he doesn't change, dump him.
He will then realise what he's lost.
And I'm sorry for the way you've been treated.
Usually the people who do this are themselves hurting from within, and they don't realise how much they are hurting the other person.
How would you know if someone is indeed out there that can match up to her unless you give it a chance by dating other people? Also, it seems like she was too good for you and you don't really deserve someone that can match up to her.
>seems like she was too good for you and you don't really deserve someone that can match up to her.
True.
That's why I have taken a sabbatical from dating till I fix my issues and be someone worthy of that level of person again.
I am unwilling to date someone who is below that standard, and would rather be alone than compromise my standards.
Sounds self absorbed and delusional, but I do believe I am capable of a lot more.
I am really good looking and receive a lot of attention, that too from attractive women everywhere I go, but this only makes me more disillusioned and disappointed as all these attractive women are the shallow types with whom I don't feel any connection whatsoever
Nope, probably because i haven’t been able to get in another relationship since then. If I did and it was as good as that one then I’d probably have an easier time letting it go.
She rejected me because she was having a crush over some other guy, but she is not in a relationship with him, instead she has her male-best friend in her work city, in our city she has a well-wisher and still I think she will consider me one day in her life above these guys...
Nope with time I came to realise it was infatuation.Also ,I guess I haven't fall in love ,attraction is something else.But love is two way ,I haven't experienced that in all case it was me who was crazy for her.
Nope, not at all. I still miss her smile. Sometimes at night just before falling asleep, I think about her and wonder if I could have done something to make my life different
Still talking with him but not with any feelings. He ghosted me for hours and I am doing the same now. Didn't even post a bday story for him until he told me to do so. He is a narcissistic.
The first person I ever loved changed me for good, I couldn't express my feelings and then it was too late she is dating someone now and even I started dating someone else. I had a breakup and my first love helped me cope through it.
I don't think I can ever forget my first love but after a while the romantic love from my side transitioned into this platonic relationship.
There's nothing like LOVE. It's all about attachments, you get attached to someone you spend time with/talk for long periods.
Once you break up, the routine stops, slowly you adapt to a new routine or new person.
No , it’s been 4 years now . I have dated other people after him but I cannot forget him . But then I remind myself why it ended and it’s past now so , let’s move on
So its been 8,9 years since we even interacted properly as time passed I completely forgot about her and its great i did coz when we stopped talking initial 1,2 years were so hard
For me it's been 7 years snd still i haven't been in any relationship. And I don't even know if she has been in it or not. At first for me it was very difficult and then after 3-4 years I'm distracted with other things. But the only reason is you never forget your first love is just because They carry a special place in your heart and as well as some precious memories back in the brain.
I don't forget but I just haven't needed to think of her any more as life progressed and I entered the workforce. I've got other stuff to occupy my mind with.
forget? no. but think very less about them as more time passed since they're gone? yes. i don't think most people forget such an experience, rather just move on from it
Ig yeah ppl dont forget but I wonder why ppl change, from getting tears in their eyes even by the thought of you dying to giving no two fucks about you, where does all this love evaporate??
i think that if they just stop loving you out of nowhere, it's because they lost the initial interest they had in you. and it was never really "love" in the first place? because if someone really loves u they would care for the person that u are and it wouldn't change. idk that's just what i think
priorities change , lives change , interests change and after some time , people change . You cant claim 'it wasnt love' just because that happened , sure , they mightve loved someone but couldnt bear the person they'd become , and instead of working it out , they quit on it , it's rare but it happens and it's no one's fault .
okay, yeah that sounds practical. ig it's not as straightforward as i think, so i agree with what u said
it'll happen with everyone some day , some time . People arent so simple , but you have to work at it , you have to work at love if u want it to last
Thanks for your words bro... They made a good impact on me.
+1
I was going to write the same thing but found your comment so just upvoted it instead.
this...
You can never forget, but accept. You stop feeling anything for them, neither hate, nor love. Have even written a detailed post about it on my profile (in case someone wants advice)
r/UsernameChecksOut
Thanks, i did check your post
I read your post. Thank you
it was one sided took me 3 years :\_)
bro my first love was when i was in 3rd grade, so don't even know if she liked me back lol
Dumbledore : After all this time... Snape: Expecto Patronum...🦌
Yes. Your feelings go away and you feel nothing for them. If they came back to you and asked you to be in a relationship again, apologizing for not picking you or for the shit they did, you would smile and maybe hug them one more time but you would not get back into it with them. It can take time but you will move on. Unless you're gonna keep in touch with them and keep listening to sad songs and turn into a man/woman hating Kabir Singh type person who basically wants to be a miserable fk.
>you would smile and maybe hug them one more time but you would not get back into it with them. Does this happen most of the times? I feel like I would still take him back (it's quite recent for me, maybe that's why).
If you're over them and your relationship ended because of fundamental issues, this will happen. In my case, I was still madly in love with the guy and had to break up because he fell out of love (this happens and is perfectly okay) but didn't realize/want to accept/put un effort. I was starving for his love, time, attention and all the begging-for-love finally got me infuriated. Breaking up with him was one of the most difficult things I've done and it took a couple of years for his thoughts to stop coming in my head and for me to not get teary eyed every time something reminded me of him. This worked for me - it was a chapter of my life. I do not regret it and will remember it for all the good things but not take him back because of what I had to endure. He simply doesn't get the chance to hurt me again. And all the memories are neatly packed in a box and kept in one corner of me. Maybe some part of me will always love him, and that's okay. But like a fond memory, that's all he gets to be, a part of my past. :)
I am in eerily similar situation as you, word for word. May I ask how do you stop feeling furious at yourself for putting in so much love, care & effort despite knowing that the person would not reciprocate it? Doing things for them that you wouldn't for yourself. Did you also deal with these self-hatred issues like me?
I didn't deal with self hatred tbh. I mean, if I really hated myself I would have continued the relationship and let him treat me like I'm nothing. So I chose my own self worth over him and ended it. I'm assuming you have done the same? Distractions helped me not get angry at anyone. Its like, dude he had you. You actually were his, but he didn't appreciate you, didn't know how good he had. And now that you're gone, he probably will not find someone who can love him like you did. And you tell yourself that you genuinely tried - the love, care, effort was you trying your best to make it work, which is what you should do in a relationship. HE didn't reciprocate and took you for granted. HE fucked it up. So..what's the point of hating yourself? (I'm not implying you're perfect af and didn't make any mistakes, maybe you did, maybe you didn't, but the above works in this situation).
Seems like I know you lol
Good for you...ig
Nah not
takes time , it takes a fair bit of time and is a lesson learnt through experience , not something most can teach . You'll get it one day , that day might be months from now but , you'll get it
Sad songs are that bad?
They're not bad per se and there are different categories. Some speak about pain but acceptance and moving on. While most are just pining, missing, wanting, hoping it works out somehow, which is all contradictory to what we want. Once in a while is perfectly okay but the more you listen to sad songs, the more you are reminded about your situation, the more you miss them, the more you are sad.
Nope. But does it matter now? No
Bkl ko koi bhool skta hai kyaaaa…. 💀
This had me cracking 😂
Had my first love when i was in class 8. She was my first gf. Lasted for 2years or so ig. So its been 10years now, so few days back i was in my native place. I was cleaning a table and then suddenly i stumbled upon a birthday card. My heart started racing. It was all very old and dusty. I opened it, a hugee paragraph was written on it. At once the time around me stopped. I read it line by line, i could even feel the cupid on my shoulder reading it with me. It was as if it happened 2days ago. I could recognise that writing, that cursive letters, i kept on reading. I was taken back in time to that alley where she slightly kissed me on my cheek, it was my first kiss, i then had wave of memories gushing towards me and drowning me with it. I sat there with that letter in the birthday card for an hour. Its been 10years since i last saw her but after reading it, it was as if she was sitting beside me and smiling at me. I closed that letter. And kept it exactly where it was with the dust and spiders.
Not sure whether it reached to the level of love but it was surely a very serious crush, my first and only serious crush till date. Its been 4 years, we're barely in touch, she got a bf and I got jealous, so yeah probably haven't forgotten her yet. Lol
Sorry who ?
Yes Took me two years and now I don't care about him anymore.
You never forget, never ever. It's in your mind, heart, thoughts, everywhere. You just accept that it couldn't be yours. The moment you see her/him, all nostalgic memories come out. But you have already accepted the truth by now, so you just smile that it happened, and move on. P.S. : I still remember her. Though she is married now and me too but she will always be my first love.
Isn't this some sort of cheating to your now partner/wife, if you're saying she will always be your first love?
It's not like that. I love my wife. She is special, we are kinda happy together, things have been on and off but good with her. She is my life partner for this life atleast and I try to make her feel special. But yes, I am busy with my life so rarely get a chance to think about my first love
First love was pretty easy to move on from. My second love was a completely different story. I still think about her but tell my friends that I've moved on.
You never forget, the memories just bury itself deep down somewhere to resurface randomly sometimes.
We’ve become great friends, still hold a lot of respect for each other
How long after the breakup did you become friends
Probably a year. Talked it out.
We don't have any problems between us. We talk and are friends with her. But I'm not over her. Like idk when I'll be able to see her just as a friend.
No one is able to forget anything, it's just you have to reduce thinking about them.
Nope no other girl I have met till now can match her intelligence and wit
You don’t really forget. You just start to care a lot less, maybe even not at all.
I remember I was in love, i remember the moments, I remember the feelings. but I dont remember her face. its been 3 years since I saw her.
Any lower middle class here who didn't got time to look for love from school days and instead got too busy with dream of studying and breaking chain of rat race. Anyone who Knew that as a boy you need to work hard and go through grind no matter what due to economic status levels??
Same same. Hi five brother. Being below average in everything meant extra hours of slogging and extra insecurities.
nope, i haven't. although, i rarely even think about that nowadays.
It's been 12 years. I faintly remember her.
I still remember her in general but I don't have feelings for her, if that's what you're talking about.
Its about 2years passed of my breakup, memories start getting faded slowly but still not a single day pass in 2years when i didnt get a thought abt her. Still wanted to have a call for one last time, a last hug and probably a better good bye i want Hope someday my wish got fullfilled.
Everytime you recall a memory, the memory alters a bit. If you don’t recall a memory, you forget it completely Unless you write down, in time, you’ll have erased the original memory completely with your own version of memory There is no way to remember a memory exactly as it happened, for ever
I'll never forget it as she was literally wife material but I was in a fucked up place mentally and i treated her like complete shit. And I was the one who kept breaking up with her all the time. She set the bar so high that I've never really dated anyone else again because they simply don't even come up to half her level in terms of beauty and intellect as well as character. She was beautiful, had a really empathetic nature, and was intelligent as well. And she was 14 and I was 17. I'm now 24, and girls my age still don't match up to how mature she was at 14. So yeah, I haven't forgotten her one bit😂 7 fucking years have passed since we parted ways PS: Imagine vidya balan, watch her interviews, and you'll understand the kind of girl my ex was. Very very similar in terms of speaking style, and depth of intellect
14? 💀
Dont worry bro . He was talking school play
I am surprised you feel you have met a woman at 14 who is complete in intellect and beauty( at 14 you are pubescent meaning your body is still developing) you cannot tell me that is what beauty standard is for you
Uggh, yeah I know how creepy it comes off in the text, but I've been following her insta and all, and I was talking about her current looks. She doesn't have big boobs or ass and all that, and by good looks, i meant good skin, and a beautiful and kind looking face
Ok gotcha.. well goodluck if have some faith in the red string theory haha
My toxic bf is doing the same to me, taking everything for granted and never putting in effort. I wonder if this is a problem with specific type of men, and if it's worth putting effort in such cases
I suggest communicating with him how he's making you feel unloved and unwanted. If he doesn't change, dump him. He will then realise what he's lost. And I'm sorry for the way you've been treated. Usually the people who do this are themselves hurting from within, and they don't realise how much they are hurting the other person.
How would you know if someone is indeed out there that can match up to her unless you give it a chance by dating other people? Also, it seems like she was too good for you and you don't really deserve someone that can match up to her.
>seems like she was too good for you and you don't really deserve someone that can match up to her. True. That's why I have taken a sabbatical from dating till I fix my issues and be someone worthy of that level of person again. I am unwilling to date someone who is below that standard, and would rather be alone than compromise my standards. Sounds self absorbed and delusional, but I do believe I am capable of a lot more. I am really good looking and receive a lot of attention, that too from attractive women everywhere I go, but this only makes me more disillusioned and disappointed as all these attractive women are the shallow types with whom I don't feel any connection whatsoever
She started dating by 14 ? Her bc would have crossed double digits by now
She only had 2 bfs since our relationship
Yeah It took almost 5 yrs
No
Thrs no use waiting for the same train . Move on 🚂 #movingon #newbeginnings
Nope, probably because i haven’t been able to get in another relationship since then. If I did and it was as good as that one then I’d probably have an easier time letting it go.
I agree with this
She rejected me because she was having a crush over some other guy, but she is not in a relationship with him, instead she has her male-best friend in her work city, in our city she has a well-wisher and still I think she will consider me one day in her life above these guys...
Aaoge tum kabhi , meri jaan keh rahi
nope 🙂
Naah bhi aabhi to thodi der pahle text kiya tha aur kuch din pahle baat kari thi
If by forget you mean I'm still missing her or miss her at times, no. However one cannot delete all the memories (good or bad).
YES.
No
Nope with time I came to realise it was infatuation.Also ,I guess I haven't fall in love ,attraction is something else.But love is two way ,I haven't experienced that in all case it was me who was crazy for her.
Yes, she is just a memory now and there are no feelings left.
You guys had first love ?
No
Nope, not at all. I still miss her smile. Sometimes at night just before falling asleep, I think about her and wonder if I could have done something to make my life different
Still talking with him but not with any feelings. He ghosted me for hours and I am doing the same now. Didn't even post a bday story for him until he told me to do so. He is a narcissistic.
This guy seems so weird💀
He always tells me how "cool" "superior" "people's favourite" he is and how people "respect" and how girls fall in love with him.
Stop talking to him, he probably still thinks you want him real bad
Will stop talking to him after I ask him about a place. Kaam nikal kei jaungi na ;)
After i forgot my first love, my second love became my first love. It's been going on for years.
I dont remember who it was 🤔
The first person I ever loved changed me for good, I couldn't express my feelings and then it was too late she is dating someone now and even I started dating someone else. I had a breakup and my first love helped me cope through it. I don't think I can ever forget my first love but after a while the romantic love from my side transitioned into this platonic relationship.
I hardly remember his name. Duh ! (He used to verbally abuse me & it's me who broke up )
Forgive your enemy but don't forget his name. Quote: Linkon.
Im rn in my first love relationship, should i be worried?
Not really don't worry, not everyone's first loves are meant to leave
Why would i ever wanna do that? I am fighting against forgetting, not for it.
Nothing heals the past like time
No, never
Forget kya.. bc doesn’t even acknowledge I exist whereas i still think about her some days
Not the first but yes found the soulmate in second
Let it fade with time. Time is the best medicine.
There's nothing like LOVE. It's all about attachments, you get attached to someone you spend time with/talk for long periods. Once you break up, the routine stops, slowly you adapt to a new routine or new person.
No , it’s been 4 years now . I have dated other people after him but I cannot forget him . But then I remind myself why it ended and it’s past now so , let’s move on
Crush ko nahi bhul pae. Love ki baat karte ho
Would it be weird if I say I haven't had one. 👁👁
Lol. I don't even think about him in 3-4 months. Sometimes a person's name similar to him would remind me of him.
5 years and counting.
Gone but not forgotten
Does first love mean first relationship or first infatuation? Cause I never been in a relation and don't remember my first crush
Lives move on and eventually it become a memory
Wtf is love....
I've stopped caring so much that sometimes I ask myself the question, was it even love?
So its been 8,9 years since we even interacted properly as time passed I completely forgot about her and its great i did coz when we stopped talking initial 1,2 years were so hard
that person doesn't give that sort of feeling at all now. if that's what you are asking.
Got cheated on, moved on and forgotten it all.
https://i.redd.it/y3zgwnpw60sc1.gif
For me it's been 7 years snd still i haven't been in any relationship. And I don't even know if she has been in it or not. At first for me it was very difficult and then after 3-4 years I'm distracted with other things. But the only reason is you never forget your first love is just because They carry a special place in your heart and as well as some precious memories back in the brain.
That's how I remember my passwords... You put a name you don't forget!
Love = Yes Sex = NO
I don't forget but I just haven't needed to think of her any more as life progressed and I entered the workforce. I've got other stuff to occupy my mind with.
No Still think of her whenever someone brings the topic of marriage. Our whole relationship to breakup was little complicated lol
It was one sided, and yeah went for 2 years before I got over it then I told her after the end of the 2 years. We became best friends after that.
No way, I only had one in my life yet and i probably won't be able to love anyone else like i loved her. So I'll never forget her.
You are wrong you are going to love someone more than that person
I hate these type of people so much who say That love happenes only once and bla bla
Idk maybe i will, I'm trying to focus on myself more now. Thanks
Stop living in delusion. You’d love someone even more. Hopeless romance is the biggest weakness of men
Yes, forgetting is easier than moving on.
Yes
I am not eligible to answer this 😐
Yes.
Maybe no. Hard to accept though. Still feels like seeing her, here and there even though she is far away
U mean daydreaming about her ?
Never https://preview.redd.it/w267u8oiovrc1.jpeg?width=415&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9acfc14315025f4b21db2e1ec5ceefb4d22093f5
It's controversial