That I’ll perpetually be single (I’d like to get married and have kids one day)
That others find me less physically attractive than I think I am
That when I die, I won’t have left a mark on the world and that I’ll have just been another nameless face in a sea of people
Sometimes I feel boring. I’m naturally quiet and keep to myself in large groups, and my wife is very outgoing and talkative and funny and can make friends with anyone and everyone. We attend a lot of social events, and Sometimes I worry that I’m boring l, esp in social situations with her.
Not to dismiss your feelings, that are super valid by the way, but...
By succeeding in marrying someone who you consider outgoing, talkative and funny, by definition aren't you at least DEFINITELY NOT a boring person?
Your wife can be the more outgoing one, but that doesn't mean you are not fun and/or interesting. If you always compare yourself with someone you admire (your wife), you are bound to feel like you are a little less.
That makes sense and I appreciate the viewpoint. I guess I should say, in large group settings I feel boring. With our friends/family, I like to think I’m interesting 😁
In my looks... I was a fat kid so I never had great confidence... I know no woman is physically attracted to me but I can get them with my gold start personality
Variety is the spice of life, that is true, but
Some spices don't mix well with some food. Some food only taste right with the right spice.
And besides that, you can always put too much of a single spice. Like too much pepper on food.
For relationships, your many different traits are like a set of different dishes, and the way you use your traits and care for them, are your spices.
Your physical trait don't need to be extreme, like a super hot bod, it just needs to match your partner tastes, like salt and pepper on food. And your many other different traits are what add to you being loved, they complete the full course meal that you surely are.
Keep caring about your self. And talking with your partner could help ease some of your insecurities.
Remember that a bigger fish don't matter in a badly cooked food 😉
I just realized, in trying to answer this question, the advantage to having to deal with so much actual trauma is that any insecurities I could imagine are insignificant in comparison.
The fact that I only got my first job at 29 and still live with my parents.
The fact that I am overweight.
The fact that I have Asperger's and it's impact on interpersonal relationships.
So many women have wanted me, but I'm too anxious to go anywhere. Legitimate women of my dreams have asked me out and I couldn't do shit because of how afraid I am of dating.
Dude, keep going. A surprising amount of what I thought was gyno was just stubborn fat. Not trying to diminish your point at all. I was EXTREMELY discouraged by my chest and it took almost 2 years of consistent work and then some dieting to really get it into decent shape. Still my worst area.
Me too, brother. I’ve had it since I was 14. 34 now. I’ve always been fit, and there have been times when it was nearly unnoticeable, but it’s still always there. Unfortunately, surgery is the only option after puberty.
Worrying if I'm too old and damaged to be lovable. Life has kicked my ass. I've only ever known real love once, and it was ripped away from me so violently it nearly ended me. Now I fear that I may have a fear of loving someone again, because all the pain I've experienced has been inflicted either by people I care about, or the loss of those people.
I'm almost certain that I will die alone at this point, and nobody will mourn my passing. And that is both disheartening and reassuring. It means that I barely existed in the first place, but it also means that I don't have to disappoint anyone when my time comes. I don't have to be a burden, even in death.
The only thing I've done right in this world is try to teach people what real love looks like. Because I know abuse and how to recognize it. It has defined my whole fucking life at this point. So, by teaching people what to watch for, I can at least try to protect them from the pain I know all the way to my soul.
I'm an insufferably stubborn, impatient and arrogant ass hole, but my word means something and my love is genuine. I won't weep for dying with my honor. I will only weep that my potential went unrecognized and that I couldn't help more.
Right. Ego. Sure. If that's what you want to believe, go for it.
No. I suffer from acute sociopathy. An inability to empathize with others, or do so selectively. Mainly because I always had to look out for myself when I was young. Even when I was at home. My mother was abusive, so I spent the majority of my childhood hiding from her and trying not to give her reasons to look for me. I never had the chance to form friendships with my peers because a fucking custody arrangement had me moving across the country every time I had time off from school.
So, no. It's not ego. It's very much the opposite. The only ego I have is the fact that I made it out with my life. Not for lack of attempts to change that.
That I'm not as smart as I think I am. Or that perhaps I am on mental decline, and don't know it. Both of my parents had some variety of senility towards the end, and I worry about it for myself and how it might affect my family.
Its your life, if you don't care that much about your looks then don't force yourself if u don't want to
I am now training to be a powerlifter, 4 years ago being a powerlifter/bodybuilder was out of my mind, I didn't care at all. Now the goals I make in the gym are one of the biggest reasons I am still alive
On a real note, I tend to give the ladies a heads up, most of the times I get the answer "that's okay, it can be fixed"
Why should I have to fix it!?!?!??
Yeah I got that a lot of times. Mostly some of my Fml friends are like shave it it doesn't look good. But i mean i was born this way. If I shave it once it won't just stop. I'll just have to shave a gigantic area (in comparison with a beard) every week or so. It's not fixing. It's just making a man shit a lot of problems
I hate being out in public. Hate it.
That annoying Youtuber MrBeast could call me, say "just drive through the nearby city once and I'll pay you $1M." And I'd say "wrong number" and hang up.
My smarts, I'm a good looking guy and had so much potential, but the simple aspect of teenage fun and years of cannabis use, I'm afraid I'll never be able to retain the potential of intelligence I could have had. Been smoking since 13 now I'm 19. 6 years of brain fog, definitely gonna have permanent effects
Because of things from childhood I have abandonment issues so I'm constantly under the assumption she'll leave at the slightest bump in our relationship.
Not having enough money to live today unless I go back to school and become a corporate drone. Not getting married before my grandparents pass.
I have 7 inch hands which is very small for a guy (my palms are normal just my fingers are short) and it brought me a ton of insecurity my whole life and I hate when women notice them which is rare but…just insecurity
That I may never find a partner that truly makes me feel wanted in the sexual aspect of our relationship. The girls I’ve been involved with have all used sex to get commitment out of me and then once they have that sex becomes a reward for good behavior. Good behavior meaning reading their minds and changing who you fundamentally are to fit their view of how you should be.
Sex is a huge compatibility issue in relationships and it seems like I’m always lied to about the sexual health of my partners libido and when they start to weaponize it in the relationship and I pull away because of it I’m the one who’s changed and isn’t being fair…
I want a genuine sexual connection where my partner wants to engage in sex with me for no other reason than they want to. Sex is not a reward, sex is not a privilege to be taken away when you aren’t happy. At this point sex isn’t worth the hurt of investing emotionally in a partner only to find out they used it to manipulate you.
Not fitting in, not from a ivy league background or anything like that but when it comes to dating i feel like women tend to opt for kids that come out these schools? Idk maybe I'm overthinking but Itd be nice to date these attractive girls and not get shut down by my educational background.
The fear that I might not be able to accept the feeling of being cared/loved by a partner, and am going to f**k things up eventually because I might be expecting too little? Too much? Something different?
Wish I could live a thousand random different lives so I could feel more confident on this one
That once my mother dies, I’ll never have someone who will love me unconditionally ever again. My father left ahead of her, so she is the only parent I have left. Ik siblings are supposed to be like that but it just feels burdensome to them, and all of my friends feel like I can only show a certain part of myself to them. Even with a significant other, their is a certain side of myself I have to portray to them, nothing can replace a parents love.
That I’ll perpetually be single (I’d like to get married and have kids one day) That others find me less physically attractive than I think I am That when I die, I won’t have left a mark on the world and that I’ll have just been another nameless face in a sea of people
Don't worry love we all feel that way ^-^
They forget about us 10 minutes after we die.
I'm emotionally stunted and socially retarded.
Happens to the best of us. Ok maybe not but atleast the ones with ADHD
very personal and individual that, in my case that I'll never reproduce (have lost two children)
I’m so sorry.
Extremely sorry for your loss! Hope you're in a better place now
That my friends just tolerate my existence
the way i walk, talk and have conversations with people. i really am just so awkward and weird
Same I blow all the first Impressions because I just act weird
Most women like weird. Embrace the weird.
Feeling like I'm not good enough.
Omg this
Sometimes I feel boring. I’m naturally quiet and keep to myself in large groups, and my wife is very outgoing and talkative and funny and can make friends with anyone and everyone. We attend a lot of social events, and Sometimes I worry that I’m boring l, esp in social situations with her.
Not to dismiss your feelings, that are super valid by the way, but... By succeeding in marrying someone who you consider outgoing, talkative and funny, by definition aren't you at least DEFINITELY NOT a boring person? Your wife can be the more outgoing one, but that doesn't mean you are not fun and/or interesting. If you always compare yourself with someone you admire (your wife), you are bound to feel like you are a little less.
That makes sense and I appreciate the viewpoint. I guess I should say, in large group settings I feel boring. With our friends/family, I like to think I’m interesting 😁
In my looks... I was a fat kid so I never had great confidence... I know no woman is physically attracted to me but I can get them with my gold start personality
I know this pain especially where you pull on your shirt when you sit down.
I don't experience it anymore but... yes I remember that pain brother
[удалено]
Variety is the spice of life, that is true, but Some spices don't mix well with some food. Some food only taste right with the right spice. And besides that, you can always put too much of a single spice. Like too much pepper on food. For relationships, your many different traits are like a set of different dishes, and the way you use your traits and care for them, are your spices. Your physical trait don't need to be extreme, like a super hot bod, it just needs to match your partner tastes, like salt and pepper on food. And your many other different traits are what add to you being loved, they complete the full course meal that you surely are. Keep caring about your self. And talking with your partner could help ease some of your insecurities. Remember that a bigger fish don't matter in a badly cooked food 😉
My scoliosis Not being as strong as I look Not being able to talk to women even if I am kinda good looking (I went a lil too personal I think)
I have a lot of trust issues.
I have lots of surgical scars I'm still not entirely happy with
Probably just that I'm a bit socially awkward, especially with new people.
I just realized, in trying to answer this question, the advantage to having to deal with so much actual trauma is that any insecurities I could imagine are insignificant in comparison.
The fact that I only got my first job at 29 and still live with my parents. The fact that I am overweight. The fact that I have Asperger's and it's impact on interpersonal relationships.
Same as most other men, that I'll fail. That I'll fail to live up to my commitment to myself or to others. We're kind of all the same and that's OK.
So many women have wanted me, but I'm too anxious to go anywhere. Legitimate women of my dreams have asked me out and I couldn't do shit because of how afraid I am of dating.
Wow you sound just like a guy I tried to date lmao
Trust .
My body hair, I'm 20 and I have alot of body hair and I hate it but I also don't want to shave my whole body every 2 weeks so idk I just live with it
My voice and speech. I'm working on it, but damn I hate it.
Not being enough
Same
My looks (I was never attractive) and my achievements (don't have any)
I got gyno and it makes me want to quit working out all together.
Dude, keep going. A surprising amount of what I thought was gyno was just stubborn fat. Not trying to diminish your point at all. I was EXTREMELY discouraged by my chest and it took almost 2 years of consistent work and then some dieting to really get it into decent shape. Still my worst area.
Me too, brother. I’ve had it since I was 14. 34 now. I’ve always been fit, and there have been times when it was nearly unnoticeable, but it’s still always there. Unfortunately, surgery is the only option after puberty.
Social anxiety, getting hurt in relationships and not being able to resolve it because of fear of conflict.
Loosing my hairs
Replacement and betrayal
Preach.
Worrying if I'm too old and damaged to be lovable. Life has kicked my ass. I've only ever known real love once, and it was ripped away from me so violently it nearly ended me. Now I fear that I may have a fear of loving someone again, because all the pain I've experienced has been inflicted either by people I care about, or the loss of those people. I'm almost certain that I will die alone at this point, and nobody will mourn my passing. And that is both disheartening and reassuring. It means that I barely existed in the first place, but it also means that I don't have to disappoint anyone when my time comes. I don't have to be a burden, even in death. The only thing I've done right in this world is try to teach people what real love looks like. Because I know abuse and how to recognize it. It has defined my whole fucking life at this point. So, by teaching people what to watch for, I can at least try to protect them from the pain I know all the way to my soul. I'm an insufferably stubborn, impatient and arrogant ass hole, but my word means something and my love is genuine. I won't weep for dying with my honor. I will only weep that my potential went unrecognized and that I couldn't help more.
So you suffer your own ego? There's no honor in that.
Right. Ego. Sure. If that's what you want to believe, go for it. No. I suffer from acute sociopathy. An inability to empathize with others, or do so selectively. Mainly because I always had to look out for myself when I was young. Even when I was at home. My mother was abusive, so I spent the majority of my childhood hiding from her and trying not to give her reasons to look for me. I never had the chance to form friendships with my peers because a fucking custody arrangement had me moving across the country every time I had time off from school. So, no. It's not ego. It's very much the opposite. The only ego I have is the fact that I made it out with my life. Not for lack of attempts to change that.
That I'm not as smart as I think I am. Or that perhaps I am on mental decline, and don't know it. Both of my parents had some variety of senility towards the end, and I worry about it for myself and how it might affect my family.
Im fat, not obesse, and no so strong....
All can be changed.
I eat too fast
I feel like my resting face makes me look unapproachable.
Height and socially I am pretty shit
I was fat, and that led me to obsess about fitness. Now im a gym rat, but there always lingers self-doubt
Same.
Making my insecurities public.
The small one
Mine is probably very normal, but it surrounds my body. I don’t like my weight/body shape
Go gym, its never too late
Mine is heavily genetic. Work in a high stress job and I am a stress eater and a night owl. This all combines to make it challenging! But I hear you!
There are 24/7 open gyms :)
Its your life, if you don't care that much about your looks then don't force yourself if u don't want to I am now training to be a powerlifter, 4 years ago being a powerlifter/bodybuilder was out of my mind, I didn't care at all. Now the goals I make in the gym are one of the biggest reasons I am still alive
My long eyelashes
My weight, and honestly, my boobs. I've struggled with this shit forever, and I'm over it.
My weight, im so skinny
For me, it's my looks and lack of social skills. I think I'm unattractive and I don't know how to interact with women.
I have hair on my back, and chest :(
Yeah same here. I just tell myself that Connery has a hairy chest too. One step closer to being 007 my man.
Honestly, very true....let me hop into my Aston
F**k yes. And bring me a vodka martini. I may sleep with some lonely girls later.
On a real note, I tend to give the ladies a heads up, most of the times I get the answer "that's okay, it can be fixed" Why should I have to fix it!?!?!??
Yeah I got that a lot of times. Mostly some of my Fml friends are like shave it it doesn't look good. But i mean i was born this way. If I shave it once it won't just stop. I'll just have to shave a gigantic area (in comparison with a beard) every week or so. It's not fixing. It's just making a man shit a lot of problems
I've been contemplating lazer, but I usually just trim it down so it's not as thick. I rather not be a mole rat....not manly at all lol
Yeah trimming is something I do something at a time. Golden middle road
Exactomundo.
My addiction
By being myself in the sense that I’m weird, goofy, talkative, sensitive, and being too nice
I have this fear for a while which is: I am very insecure, but I am afraid of becoming confident and with that being seen as arrogant.
Demons tryin to fck up my sh!t
Not so much an insecurity anymore but an accepted fact now. I have not nor will I ever be important in any way. I have made my peace with it now.
Not today FBI!
Are you really going to stand I the way of your FBI agent getting a promotion?
abso-freaking-lutely
I maybe laughed whaaay to hard at that answer! Thanks for that!
I hate being out in public. Hate it. That annoying Youtuber MrBeast could call me, say "just drive through the nearby city once and I'll pay you $1M." And I'd say "wrong number" and hang up.
You're not alone. . . . Sorry for pointing that out.
That this question is going to get asked more frequently.
That all this is pretty pointless if you think ab it
That I will never be good enough for my lady 😔 and I am scared of therapy.
Idk why, but my confidence is thru the roof. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not as great as I think I am.
Mainly my height.
I have terrible foot odor.
My inability to be responsible with my behaviour for more than 2 days in a row Oh and I’m really thin and tall so that too
Just letting people in. Its hard to allow myself to show emotion.
Is mine too big 🤨🫤🙁☹️
Not having kids and family. Not making enough money. Not being physically built/good looking enough.
My smarts, I'm a good looking guy and had so much potential, but the simple aspect of teenage fun and years of cannabis use, I'm afraid I'll never be able to retain the potential of intelligence I could have had. Been smoking since 13 now I'm 19. 6 years of brain fog, definitely gonna have permanent effects
There it goes already *7 years
Because of things from childhood I have abandonment issues so I'm constantly under the assumption she'll leave at the slightest bump in our relationship.
That when the aliens arrive , I won't be considered good enough to live..
They'd do me the favor!
Not having enough money to live today unless I go back to school and become a corporate drone. Not getting married before my grandparents pass. I have 7 inch hands which is very small for a guy (my palms are normal just my fingers are short) and it brought me a ton of insecurity my whole life and I hate when women notice them which is rare but…just insecurity
That I would never be able to provide and I’d remain mediocre
That I may never find a partner that truly makes me feel wanted in the sexual aspect of our relationship. The girls I’ve been involved with have all used sex to get commitment out of me and then once they have that sex becomes a reward for good behavior. Good behavior meaning reading their minds and changing who you fundamentally are to fit their view of how you should be. Sex is a huge compatibility issue in relationships and it seems like I’m always lied to about the sexual health of my partners libido and when they start to weaponize it in the relationship and I pull away because of it I’m the one who’s changed and isn’t being fair… I want a genuine sexual connection where my partner wants to engage in sex with me for no other reason than they want to. Sex is not a reward, sex is not a privilege to be taken away when you aren’t happy. At this point sex isn’t worth the hurt of investing emotionally in a partner only to find out they used it to manipulate you.
Not fitting in, not from a ivy league background or anything like that but when it comes to dating i feel like women tend to opt for kids that come out these schools? Idk maybe I'm overthinking but Itd be nice to date these attractive girls and not get shut down by my educational background.
The fear that I might not be able to accept the feeling of being cared/loved by a partner, and am going to f**k things up eventually because I might be expecting too little? Too much? Something different? Wish I could live a thousand random different lives so I could feel more confident on this one
I'm a horribly shy person that's afraid of irl people knowing how shy I am. It really cripples my ability to be around others for a long time.
That once my mother dies, I’ll never have someone who will love me unconditionally ever again. My father left ahead of her, so she is the only parent I have left. Ik siblings are supposed to be like that but it just feels burdensome to them, and all of my friends feel like I can only show a certain part of myself to them. Even with a significant other, their is a certain side of myself I have to portray to them, nothing can replace a parents love.