Start with common ground and move from there
Remember, most guys in the gym rightly think you're there for the gym and don't want to be hit on.
But also remember that he is being paid to be nice to you as you're a customer
>Remember, most guys in the gym rightly think you're there for the gym and don't want to be hit on.
This is the golden rule for most of the educated gym bros but imo only for men, I wouldn't approach a girl at the gym unless she starts something
i mean would it be too much to go over and be like hey i think i like you would you want to go have a coffee with me sometime ? (or something like that) i feel thats resonable
Yes, but, it's not impossible, it just takes more steps. Talk to them about their interests and become friends first, then pursue a relationship (this way it stays out of the gym). This technique also has the advantage of being able to vet someone to make sure they are suitable boyfriend/girlfriend material.
Nah, you can definitely hit on people anywhere, except doctors offices and some public restrooms. Just don't make it weird, don't be overbearing, and be willing to take no for an answer.
Everyone wants to be hit on, just depends on who the person is that is hitting on them. And since it's unlikely you'd know if you're the "right" person to be hitting on someone, don't make it weird and take no for an answer.
I highly recommend just talking to them like you're talking to anyone else at the gym though. And then, if they seem interested in talking to you, you can ask them if they would like to get a drink or something to eat sometime.
>remember that he is being paid to be nice to you
He is going "above and beyond" though in a way which she thinks means he is into her. And I think theres at least a 20% chance she is right.
Think about it yourself.
The issue isn't that it's a gym, imo, it's his work place.
Ask yourself - do you think it's okay for a man to approach a woman in her workplace that he frequents? I would say usually not - unless there's been very clear and unambiguous signals. It's just not considerate to give someone something else to potentially be stressed about at work.
If he's a coach/trainer he's going to be nice, supportive, encouraging to you. That's his job and how he needs to be with customers. Though your post does make it sound like he's being more attentive to you.
As it's his workplace, he's more likely to reject you, even if he likes you too. There's a number of reasons. Dating customers might be frowned upon by his colleagues or superiors. He doesn't want issues in the workplace with you if things don't work out. The potential cost to his reputation and career are not worth it. Etc.
Making you coffee/shakes seems pretty pointed lol. So if you do ask him, make sure you do it in a way that gives him an easy out to save face for both of you. Don't do it in front of his colleagues or other customers.
OP, I agree with this post.
Best move is to ask if he'd like to get coffee sometime and if not then no big deal. Be genuine in this as well.
Then hand him him your number and wait.
Solid advice. I'd prefer getting to know him outside of the gym first, before diving into romance and going on dates. But I'm not sure how to casually suggest hanging out and getting to know each other...
Take him aside and ask: "I was wondering if you would like to get together for a cup of coffee (or lunch) on your day off some time?"
Keep the date offering casual and short and be sure there is a face saving exit for both of you if he says "no".
Good Luck!
This is some good wisdom, and helpful for me to see too (different situation, but some similarity). Sometimes it seems like something as simple as asking someone out is such a minefield. I get that places have to be careful about not wanting people to harass employees, but it seems like quickly asking someone out and then just accept their answer shouldn't be a big issue. The issue is when you have someone who is persistent.
Ask him for lunch or coffee, if it goes well, then ask him on a proper date. If he says no, never bring it up again and just say no problem. Then keep acting normal to him.
People suggesting it’s not okay are just flat wrong. Or comparing it to the female experience of being asked out at their workplace, it’s not the same. Men so rarely get hit on or asked out. Plus he’s probably into you and thinking “oh god I could never ask her out though, she’s a client of the gym I manage!”
Easy entry-way for this is to take him up on his "training" offer. Ask if he'd workout with you a couple times. This will open floodgates for normal conversation - and things like "What are you doing later today" and "What are you getting into this weekend" will naturally come up in between sets etc.
Gives him an extra clue you're interested, creates opportunity, and you'll get to know him more all in a 1on1 setting.
We started off just chatting in class, but now he's helping me out with gym stuff, showing me how to bench press and talking about my diet. I'm kinda stuck on how to switch from fitness talk to something more chill and personal. Our convo's mostly been about holiday plans and work :/
The way I always get around this is on an early weekday ask - “So what’d you do last weekend”. There are 2 paths here:
1. He’ll say that he did something fun, and you can playfully say “Danng, where was my invite?” Or “Sounds like fun, let me know next time you do something like that”
2. He’ll say “I didn’t do anything”. Then you say that you did something fun like go to a bar or played a board game with friends. He WILL say something like “That sounds cool/fun” and then you can say “Yea you should come next time” or “Next time I do that, you want to an invite?”
Both of these scenarios should realistically lead to a phone number exchange. If you are getting push back or hesitation, then he may just not be feeling it. In that case, no harm no foul. Good luck!
Since you two have a habit of chatting, ask him if he has hobbies outside of work - this will likely hint to you on where you could interact with him outside of his workplace, and if he is into you, he'll probably pick up on the intention.
You just ask him to hang out in a casual way.
Talking to him and finding out his interests is a good start, that way you can see what similar interests you have. Or, if you don't have any similar interests, maybe he has a hobby that you're interested in trying or learning about.
Maybe he likes a local band that's having a show soon, and you can go together.
You could also tell him about a restaurant you've been to recently that you liked, and ask him if he's been there. If he has, great, you'll both enjoy eating there together. If not, tell him that you'll take him there sometime for lunch/dinner because you think he'd like it.
That's a good opening for him to say "I'm free tonight". But even if he doesn't say that, you can still gauge his interest. And then a few days later, if he seemed interested, tell him that you've been craving their food and ask if he would like to go.
Imagine a man typing this about a woman employee at a gym. Everyone is nice with clientele. It’s professionalism.
You could be entirely misinterpreting it. Ask him out for coffee.
I do agree with you for the most part, but if the details she’s sharing are true about him making her (I assume) free coffees/shakes and offering to continue helping her with training when he’s a manager now, it sounds like this guy is going out of his way and job description to treat her extra nice. It still could genuinely just be him being nice with clientele, but it seems he’s really going the extra mile with her if that is the case.
Agreed, next time he makes you a coffee, causally mention there is X coffee place that you enjoy and you'd like to buy him a cup. If he's acts like you say he does, then it will go one of two ways. 1) he says yes and make arrangements or 2) he's at work, so he'll politely decline and/or say he needs to get back to work and you move on and don't mention it again. Generally speaking, it isn't inappropriate to simply ask someone out even if they are at work. But you really only should do it the one time and then accept the answer.
I think it's each to their own. I think if you ask them and they say no and then you apologise and both move on from there then it's all good. When the asker starts getting pissy and creepy then that's when the problems start.
Tl:dr just act like a normal person.
My comment was a bit tongue-in-cheek. It's just funny how you see this huge double standard on this board between men and women.
Personally, if some woman asked me out in my workplace, I'd be flattered. But you see guys posting about how they are into some woman he sees at her workplace, and it's just a chorus of boos, heckles, and demands she be left alone.
Yeah that's true. As someone who's worked in hospitality it happens and had it happen to workmates and always better when someone just asks instead of them come in every day and I have to watch the awkwardness unfold each morning.
IMO it's fine if you put the ball in their court and aren't weird about it. And if they don't reciprocate never mention it again.
E.g. give them your number rather than ask for theirs. If you see them again and they haven't called back don't mention it at all.
There are so many rules about dating now that if you follow them all you will die alone.
"Hi ! I realize this isn't the best time because you're at work but I'd like to know if you'd like to get together and have a cup of coffee sometime. I would be interested in getting to know you better."
I have a personal rule of never asking out anyone that works in a place that I frequent, such as gym, coffee shop, deli, bank, grocery store. These are employees at my regular places. If they're a customer at those places, I might shoot my shot (minus the gym). It's a no-no to look at a girl at the gym longer the .05 second.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but there is the chance they aren't interested in me, and I don't like the awkwardness of having to see that person every day after I get rejected. Men get rejected more often than not.
This is just me, but do as you wish, just plan on maybe finding a new gym if it doesn't work out.
You're a girl, he's a guy, he's probably already interested in you but won't invite you on a date because it's 2024 and men are terrified.
Just say "Hey, you wanna grab a drink some day?" and that's it. When you're a girl it's really not that complicated, most guys will say yes.
Are there any other employees you could speak to? Ask one of them if he's single as he'll definitely hear about your question and his behaviour around you afterwards will be very telling... And if he's not / starts avoiding you anyway then you know to just keep things professional
Omg.
Just ask him. The worst he can say is no I am not interested in you.
It’s important, especially now a-days, not to overthink everything. We need to get back to our “old-school” way of doing things. This was originally how people were meant to interact. I KNOW, shocking right!?
Be genuine and don’t look/act like a loon, what’s the worst that can happen?
Back in the old days, I biked to her house and ask her dad face to face if I could take his daughter out.
Now, kids have “anxiety” about asking someone out online? They do not know what anxiety is when you have to walk up to her house and knock on the door.
The number one thing I would think about with this, is was it difficult for you to get committed to going to the gym? Are you happy with where you're at with your progress? Do you think you have more progress to do?
And then the most important thing is, if this doesn't go in a direction that's a good ending, will all of your other answers to the previous questions become a problem when it becomes too awkward for you to go to the gym because he might be there?
Male friends, who probably want to be more than that, will tell you whatever you wanna listen.
You’re a 20yo woman. There’s plenty of options outside of the gym for you.
Dude works there, is not there as a customer like you are.
How so? Or what specifically? From a protection of employees and potential fraternization standpoint or the gym etiquette and possible double standard side? What do you find gross?
The number of personal trainers having sex with multiple members was rampant. Not commenting on this specific situation, just brought back gross memories. Lots of sleazy trainers doing the very same thing the poster described. So many players.
Okay, that’s sort of what I thought you meant. Is there anything that a scorned consenting ex lover can do after being played, in regards to filing complaints etc that you would have to follow up on? Assuming nothing “inappropriate” happened while on the clock.
No. It wasn’t policy not to engage with members in that way. So long as it wasn’t on company grounds or on the clock that is. I do remember hearing about a few HR calls with angry spouses of members. At the end of the day, we didn’t play the moral game. I remember hearing that and was actually surprised. It wasn’t a big part of my function, but I remember being grossed out about how it happened so often with the male personal trainers.
>Opinions are divided. Some say the gym's strictly for workouts, not flirtation.
Stop letting other people dictate how you live your life. Do the cost/benefit here, right. You make a move and either he isn't interested, in which case you've made one person vaguely uncomfortable, oh no how will they ever recover from someone being interested in them, or they are interested and now your life is on a different trajectory. Seems pretty obvious
Is it ever OK to approach somebody at their place of work when you're their customer?
I say no.
There's just too many opportunities for imbalances, misunderstandings, complications, and awkwardness. It's just not a good way to start things.
I consistently reject any woman approaching me at the gym. And it happens more often than you’d believe. Doesn’t matter who or what she is. If she can’t respect I’m there to focus on my workout, she is not worth my time.
For me, the answer would be "can you distance yourself from the outcome?"
If you're invested in the process and say something like "hey, could I ask you something personal not related to your job?" and just let him give you the up or down before telling him that you have a crush and you'd like to take him on a date of your choice. Again, all you're doing is asking if the person has interest. He'll let you know.
So if we so much as look at you at the gym, you throw a temper tantrum on social media but you can fucking harass the male employees? You will put this guy (read "human being") in an impossible situation. He will feel like they can't tell you
'no' without trouble and he will feel like they can't tell you 'yes' without trouble.
Stop hitting on people when they are not in a position to tell you 'no'.
He's paid to be nice to customers, you're a customer. Don't hurt yourself for misreading him.
Maybe befriend him and ask if he would be interested in doing something outside working hours, like bowling or a beer (not a romantic thing). And take it from there, outside his workplace.
Ask without asking.
All you ask is what time his shift ends. Tell him that you will be at a nearby coffee shop a few minutes after that if he'd like to stop by for a cup. Your treat since he's taken care of your drinks at the gym so often.
Just ask him. Ask him if he'd like to get a coffee away from the gym sometime and be ready for either response. The more you think about it, the harder it will be to approach the situation. Your fixation on him could also be keeping you from being open to other opportunities.
Start with this:
"Hey I know this is a bit out of the blue, but I was wondering if you were single and if you are would you be open to going on a date with me?"
"He answers"
Awkwardness is usually forced by one party, asking someone out isnt awkward, how you handle yourself after being rejected is what makes it awkward. My friend in college always walked by a girl he hooked up with and led with "this is gonna be so awkward." so I would just be friendly and kind and say hi, and that usually ended the awkwardness from my side of things, and reflected well on me. He chose to be awkward, but i didnt have to be grouped into it.
Basically: If it goes south, be kind and friendly, still say hi, and it wont be weird, you may even develop a good friendship of sorts.
Easy
You write you phone number down on a piece of paper and hand it to him. Tell you’re free certain night or 2.
He might say he’s taken or he might take the bait and set up a meet time to get together
I’ve never done the dating thing so maybe I’m simplifying it….
Why can’t you just say, Hey “Matt” you wanna grab a coffee some time ? Would be great to catch up.
That’s it….
ASK HIM OUT! As a guy, it's so obvious this guy has a massive crush on you too, but it's probably pretty shy himself. Plus, he's probably reluctant to ask out a customer. Make the first move - I guarantee he'll say yes.
Fuck all the wet blankets, shoot your shot and ask him to get coffee. Worst case he says no. You're not going to get him fired and it's not like your harassing him. Don't live with regret because some idiots on reddit have a bunch of dumb societal rules they made up. You've know him for a while and he has been kind to you (ostensibly above and beyond what is required of him by his job role).
You're not just going up to a gym bro and asking him out because he has a nice bum.
Ask for his social media like Instagram and talk with him through there. If he is open to it start flirting,keep escalating if he reciprocates, if he doesn't, just forget about it and move on.
I'm gonna add that gym trainers usually get a ton of attention from women at the gym, I think you are being a bit naive in the way you described him. I'm friends with a lot of trainers and the ones that are single pick up at lot of regulars, the ones in relationships are either dating former students, gym regulars or other trainers.
I'm just saying this because you mentioned you have feelings for him that go past a year. I'm not saying I can tell he is 100% a player just because he is a trainer, no, just for you to be careful with your expectations.
Exactly… I use to be employed at a gym. I work the front desk and would hang out with a trainer and janitor. All of us were knee deep in strange. All of us worked out which made us sexually appealing to a lot of members. Females of all ages would flirt with us and hook up with us in the parking lot. This guy knows he doesn’t have to say anything because if she doesn’t another will.
I kinda disagree with the whole "don't make a move on people at work" thing, there's respectful ways to do it, I personally never have, but I don't see a problem with saying something semi neutral like "hey! Just wanted to ask if you want to grab a coffee or something later, no stress either way but here's my number if you want to hang :)" and leave it at that. If they're interested they will hit you up, if not, now you know, and don't have to be anxious about it and move on. I think implying that it doesn't matter either way, and ensuring it's obviously friendly rather than flirty within his workplace is the main thing. What if the person was a woman that you got along with really well and wanted to ask if they were down to hang after gym? Just ask the same way, then you can make your intentions more clear after you get to know them a bit better.
"Hey, would you like to go out on a date sometime?"
It's that simple!! I promise either he will be to the moon and say yes, or he will politely decline. Go for it!
In a situation where they're working? I ask if they're seeing anyone. It gives them an easy out if they're not interested, and gives me an easy in if they are. If he says he's not, just ask him on a date. If he says he is, tell him you're happy for him and find a new crush. No need to over think it.
Maybe ask him if he wants to get coffee sometime outside of the gym. Could come off innocently enough and talk about more personal things there like work or your lives out of the gym. That could help gage the vibe and sort of move things onto a different phase: gym/trainer relationship to getting to know eachother in a friendlier out of work environment. If that goes well you guys could do something else or get coffee another time then explore dating as things move on.
This is sorta a perfect situation for you with the ball in your four.
What do you mean that you "developed feelings for him" ? Genuinely curious, as a man. I've not developed feelings for anyone that I wasn't dating regularly. Do you simply mean you are attracted to him?
I think with guys asking a girl out time and place is very important. I think any time a girl asks a guy out is a fine time. Most guys would be happy to get the attention rather they were interested or not.
We men (unless it is a woman magnet) dream that a woman hit on us. Ask him out and if he is not interested he will try to be respectful, with a smile and say no, but at least you'll know what his intentions were.
>He always greets me by name in front of the class....
All those things do reception desk girls in my gym and they're close to my son age, so it may mean nothing.
Anyway, i'd simply ask: are you single? Wanna grab a coffe after the work?
Tbh none, i had been in a relationship for 11yrs of it, we separated I did get with a client 6 months after I had started training her, but were together 4 yrs.
I am now single for the first time in this career, either I’m oblivious to the signs(been in relationships for too long to notice them)or most girls these days are too busy looking at themselves anyway.
Just do it in a relaxed way, away from coworkers that he gets an out if it’s a no go. You’ll either win or have an awkward 30 seconds and then move on with your lives.
It sounds like he might be into you so just ask him out for a coffee. You’re over thinking this. The worst that can happen is it’l be awkward for you if he says no, but is that such a big deal really? Best is he says yes and it might be the start of something, or you’ll have some fun. Life’s too short to worry about societal expectations.
It sounds like he's into it but is restricting himself because he's at work and doesn't wanna get in trouble by taking the first move. Either be sly about it or grab outside the gym in neutral territory.
Ask! The 1st step is always the hardest. But start with something simple. Can be for a quick coffee post workout, hanging out somewhere near and having snacks or having post workout walks. Goodluck op!
Go for it! Just keep in mind is he might have to consider professional policy, so even if he wants to say yes, he could likely need time to put in more contemplate before answering. So if he doesn't have an answer immediately, maybe just leave him with your number. I'd also do it at the end of a session as it could be awkward doing your own workout afterwards.
Give that man a compliment! Guys will remember it forever. Then just casual small talk like getting to know eachother better. However, ask him if he can help you on a certain and while he’s helping you, create some small talk with him.
Flirting and hitting on people is okay everywhere. Those who say otherwise either do not want you to be successful (bad friends) or tell this lie to themselves because they are too much of a coward to approach people (reddit).
Just be respectful and remember where you are. The rules are different in a club than they are in the supermarket or gym.
For women, it is actually easy. Just lead with some smalltalk
"Hey, Matthew, right? Say, did the benching equipment/soda machine change///It has been more/less crowdy recently in here, any idea why? blabla the only constant I see is you behind the counter. I was wondering: Do you want to go for a coffee sometimes?"
It is fine to come straight to the point after the smalltalk
The reason why there is a societal hesitation on approaching people these days is due to women in many situations finding it uncomfortable. As a woman, this doesn't really apply to you. Though even then, anyone can approach anyone else as long as they are not being difficult or creepy about it all. Just shoot your shot and see how it goes
I’ve been in similar situations with females I’ve worked with ands one thing from dating to much a person can go out their way and be nice and still not interested in you like that. Maybe he likes you but you’re not giving him that vibe that you’re interested back to he’s not going to push forward like he once was.
Pen and paper. Write a short and direct note to him and skip it to him. Leave your number on it and think of a short one liner to say that will give him a heads up as to what the note might be about.
Something like “No pressure. But it would be nice to see you outside of the gym.”
Wow, that's sweet. In our country if a woman asked a man out, he would be safe to assume that shes part of a criminal kidnapping/murder/robbery attempt.
We've been talking in person quite a lot in the past year, although most of the interactions were initiated by him. I am too awkward to approach him...
Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you feel like you're awkward by nature, then just approach directly. No dropping hints endlessly. Just say what you want. Even if he's not interested, he'd appreciate the direct approach.
Here’s something to bear in mind.
It’s drilled in to guys that approaching a lady in the gym is a huge boundary not to cross. He’ll be very aware (even if you seem to be very friendly), that if he has mis-read the situation he will likely lose his job and maybe more.
You’re going to need to be very clear on what you want.
I’d suggest “I like you, we should have coffee together”.
Go for it, imo.
You're not going in cold, you have some experience around each other. I would say that, in this instance, you can safely deviate from the gym etiquette.
"Geo-locking" yourself out of potential connections seems a bit silly. You're a reasonable human that can decide if an approach is appropriate with context. From your description, it doesn't appear that you're stalking the guy and if his friendliness is professional or platonic, then you'll need to deal with that in a sensible way.
However, if his behavior is the result of interest, you may be finding the person that you'll share happiness with for a a long time.
There is a double standard, just accept it. Men do not feel threatened when women approach them & flirt. Period.
Unless you make it uncomfortable , embarrassing or it interferes with his doing his job he won’t be bothered. That being said be very discreet , he might get fired if he dates a customer, some chain gyms have policies.
Make casual conversation with him , ask him if you can speak privately when you feel the time is right. Unless he hates you, he will interpret this as a compliment even if he is not interested in dating.
The physical part is a bit funny because he's not my usual type. He's muscular, but somehow chubby, and I'm usually into skinny guys. I just enjoy interacting with him, and I feel a bit disappointed when I don't see him during my workout days sometimes
Tell him that but in a joking manner. "I needed your help yesterday, but you weren't here!". You can always bring up some new exercise you were wanting to try, and wanted his input.. then! You shift the conversation to exchanging numbers, that way you can always get his "input" for these related questions. If he's into you he'll be super excited, if he doesn't want to exchange numbers, you'll have your answer. Just be confident, I can't stress enough how much of a turn on it is when a woman knows what she wants and isn't afraid to put in the effort.
If the way he acts is true, he's already done what he can to gain your interest. He hasn't received the response he was hoping for, and now with you getting shy, he's reading that you want left alone.
If it was me, and Im a man so this situation is completely different for us, i'd start a conversation with him when you will have a minute. Like "Hey, I know this is your job, and this is totally inappropriate of me and I really hope it wont affect our friendship...But I'd love to go on a hike with you sometime." I think you'll be ok.
You're spot on. I just get super awkward when I have a crush on someone, even saying "hey" becomes a challenge. Me avoiding him definitely shows disinterest, so I want to approach him before the ship sails. At the same time, I'm afraid I might be delusional, and he's actually not interested (him getting paid to be nice is mentioned many times in the comments) . I'll still bump into him 2-3 times a week, which makes it even more nerve-wracking.
You’re overthinking. Just get him alone and ask if he’d like to get coffee with you on his day off some time. And if not, just say “ok no worries!” And then literally treat him no different than you always have. And he wants to, you’re in. See how coffee goes and then go from there. He is NOT going to ask you out if you go to the gym he manages. It’s possible you misread it, but it’s not the end of the world either way.
But if you don’t say anything to him, you will forever regret it.
Ask if he wants to go grab something to eat sometime this week, even if it’s just some burger joint. If you don’t want to jump in right away, try to find common interests like music or movies
We’re on a rock moving 17,000mph through an endless void of darkness across the universe. Nothing on this earth matters.
Do it. Or don’t. Nothing really matters anyways.
Totally the attitude of someone in a career that regularly shoots and kills innocent people in dressing rooms and then gets a paid vacation and promotion. How many have you shot in your years ?
Back in the day, people like you were seen, never heard. You hid in the dark corners and had no one to talk to. Now, thanks to social media, you are out of the shadows and have a platform where we have to suffer from your pompous banter.
Thanks for looking at my profile and thanks for helping fund my badass retirement. Although mostly useless, we’re still counting on you.
Thanks for subbing to my only fans! Back in the day, your kind hung people up in trees and burned them for sleeping with your wife. You are in no position to lecture the world you know very little about, but its okay, the retirement and hospice care homes will be waiting for you soon. Make sure you keep that fat pension funded, you will need it when you shit your diapers and have nobody to wipe it for ya cuz your kids hate your and your wife is dead long ago and you gotta fork over all that luck money to some nurses and orthopedics to keep you alive for another day of smelling your own farts and shit. Keep it up boomer thanks!
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Ask him out! If he's a decent human being, he'll be flattered. Worst case scenario, he politely declines. Best case, you go on a date. Worst-best case- he declines but not so politely, thereby ruling him out as a possible match anyway for being rude.
GO FOR IT. Life is short. Ask him out!!!
"Hello! I've been going here for a while, and I wanted to ask you something but have been quite nervous to do so. Would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?"
It literally is that easy to ask us.
He’s done every single thing he can safely do as a guy in a gym environment without getting called creepy. If you don’t get it by now that he’s waiting for YOU to initiate, there’s not much longer he’s gonna wait/try. Just flex your ovaries already and ask him to do a coffee or something.
The way you make it sound... Definitely yes!
Just ask him if he wants to go get a coffee sometime. You'll see where it goes from there.
If things end up really bad and awkward... He can always find a new gym to work at.
Just ask the guy if he wants to grab a coffee/drink sometime. Don’t see what the issue is. I mean worst case he has a gf or says he isn’t interested. I doubt he is going to go cry to HR about it.
ask him out. I don't go to the gym and never would because apparently if you are not just there looking down at the ground and don't make a sound, you are a creep or something. Get over yourselves. If someone finds you attractive and vice versa, go say hi ffs. You dont need to be rude, but this "never at the gym". Do the same rules apply at the beach? no. Ask him out ffs.
there’s no harm, nothing illegal or immoral by asking someone if they might be interested in exchanging information or interested in going out together. whether they are an employee or a customer at any public place. it just takes confidence and not giving a hell if they say no thank you and you now have to continue to see them at your gym. anybody could be a good match for anybody. if the dude is single and thinks you’re attractive he might be like hell yes let’s do it. he may not be single and may say no thank you. i’m all for politely shooting your shot. whether they are working or not just be prepared for any answer. i’d say since he was doing all those things you mentioned he probably thinks you’re attractive and those are all good signs he could be interested. it’s that simple. as a dude i’m probably not going to send mixed signals to someone and give attention to someone i don’t at least find attractive at surface level
I think most of us agree that we shouldn't be hitting on people while they are at work in general. However, your specific situation would create an open door, in my opinion, regardless of gender.
You didn't come on to him the first time you met him. Or the second time. You've developed a relationship that is at least professional, bordering on casual. Now, a friendship or more is possible. To me, there is nothing wrong with asking him if he's interested in getting coffee.... BUT!!! be ready for your relationship to cool slightly if you are misreading. This is the part that men are supposed be fine with when they get turned down, so you would need to handle it graciously too.
If the genders were reversed but everything else stayed the same -- the greetings, the drinks, remembering details, shyness around you, etc-- I believe it would be ok for a man to approach also. Again, not a first or second meeting. Not flirting or objectifying immediately. Asking if there is interest.
Good luck! I hope he says yes!
I use to work at a gym, and this is very common with female members. The employees are trained to be positive and supportive of all members regardless of gender or sex appeal. So female members would start to grow feelings towards us because we were hot guys who were nice to them. We all eventually hook up with a lot of girls. I had to quit because it was to chaotic trying to balance all the side quest hookups I had going on.
EDIT: After reading all the comments do not ask him to have coffee, understand you’re not the only female who likes him there. You’re not going to be the only female he hooks up with. He probably finds you attractive but is not going to pursue you because there’s probably has 10 other girls pursuing him. His mind set is if she doesn’t another will. If you’re interested in hook up or a little fling then do it but this guys not going to commit to you.
Do it. He's probably too nervous to hit on you at the gym because of the insane shit people have been posting online about supposed creeps at the gym. If you go to him that takes all the pressure away. All else fails couldn't you go to a new gym?
Maybe invite him to do a sport activity outside of the gym, then become friends outside of the gym coach dynamic and slowly make your way to a more romantic relationship
As some who works at a gym with a bunch of men they would be flattered and won’t stop talking about it for weeks on end. Just don’t break their hearts because it’s like a clique with gym staff and the talks that come after the heartbreak last longer than the initial talk of “omg she asked me out”
The double standard is if women ask a guy in the gym it’s acceptable, the reverse is harassment. If a man was asking for advice to ask out a female gym employee he would be told leave her alone and don’t bother people where they work. People are strange.
For me, it's more about whether it's appropriate to ask out someone while they're at work, considering they might just be nice because they're paid to do so and are in a difficult or awkward position to reject me.
Regardless if he works there are not, if you’re woman initiating, even if he isn’t interested I promise you he isn’t gonna make a scene about it. The opposite might get a different reaction. Men don’t get approached hardly at all, so at the most he’ll be flattered.
You don’t ever ask a man out, it don’t end well! If a man likes something or someone a man if fully capable of going after what they want, if a guy likes a women he will pursue her as much as society likes to make it seem like man ain’t nothing and can’t do this or that but in reality man are something they can marry, have children and be faithful and ect man have no problem being a man if they want to do if guy after a year isn’t asking you out he don’t like you you will waste your time and get your heart broken
Perhaps he's hesitant to approach me as a manager and risk his job? I can understand why he might be hesitant, especially since I haven't really given him any indication or positive sign that I'm interested in him
Go behind him smack his ass and say good game today you lift those weights like you put your back into today team player than go home fake your death than cut all contacts with your love ones become a spy for Russia.
Read the room and act on that. I just did the exact same thing on a female employee in my gym after I noticed her always looking my way and it worked out great
I think striking up innocent conversation at first is the best way to feel him out so that it is not obvious, you may be able to tell if he’s into you, maybe not.
After that, come up with a question to approach him for a second time within that week. By then You should be more comfortable talking to him. Then hit him with a “ random question are you single by chance”… if he says yes, “ would you want to maybe grab some food sometime?” And there you go
While it may be flattering, refrain from it. Gyms are solely for business and working out. If u date the guy or copulate casually and then something goes wrong, it wont be great for u to attend that gym any longer nor would it be easy for him to continue working there while u attend it.
Amd if u get rejected, its gonna be awkward having to see him everyday lmao.
Leave him alone and dont go after people in facilities u often attend as do they.
Start with common ground and move from there Remember, most guys in the gym rightly think you're there for the gym and don't want to be hit on. But also remember that he is being paid to be nice to you as you're a customer
>Remember, most guys in the gym rightly think you're there for the gym and don't want to be hit on. This is the golden rule for most of the educated gym bros but imo only for men, I wouldn't approach a girl at the gym unless she starts something
Even if I was single the gym is the last place to spit game. Go to a dance class tbh
From what I’ve heard, dance class is not the scene either
Try the Latin dances. Very intimate and woman focused
You know this from experience? You've been Salsa or Bachata dancing?
i mean would it be too much to go over and be like hey i think i like you would you want to go have a coffee with me sometime ? (or something like that) i feel thats resonable
Yup, too much, don't hit on girls at the gym, simple
Yes, but, it's not impossible, it just takes more steps. Talk to them about their interests and become friends first, then pursue a relationship (this way it stays out of the gym). This technique also has the advantage of being able to vet someone to make sure they are suitable boyfriend/girlfriend material.
Nah, you can definitely hit on people anywhere, except doctors offices and some public restrooms. Just don't make it weird, don't be overbearing, and be willing to take no for an answer. Everyone wants to be hit on, just depends on who the person is that is hitting on them. And since it's unlikely you'd know if you're the "right" person to be hitting on someone, don't make it weird and take no for an answer. I highly recommend just talking to them like you're talking to anyone else at the gym though. And then, if they seem interested in talking to you, you can ask them if they would like to get a drink or something to eat sometime.
>remember that he is being paid to be nice to you He is going "above and beyond" though in a way which she thinks means he is into her. And I think theres at least a 20% chance she is right.
Think about it yourself. The issue isn't that it's a gym, imo, it's his work place. Ask yourself - do you think it's okay for a man to approach a woman in her workplace that he frequents? I would say usually not - unless there's been very clear and unambiguous signals. It's just not considerate to give someone something else to potentially be stressed about at work. If he's a coach/trainer he's going to be nice, supportive, encouraging to you. That's his job and how he needs to be with customers. Though your post does make it sound like he's being more attentive to you. As it's his workplace, he's more likely to reject you, even if he likes you too. There's a number of reasons. Dating customers might be frowned upon by his colleagues or superiors. He doesn't want issues in the workplace with you if things don't work out. The potential cost to his reputation and career are not worth it. Etc. Making you coffee/shakes seems pretty pointed lol. So if you do ask him, make sure you do it in a way that gives him an easy out to save face for both of you. Don't do it in front of his colleagues or other customers.
OP, I agree with this post. Best move is to ask if he'd like to get coffee sometime and if not then no big deal. Be genuine in this as well. Then hand him him your number and wait.
Solid advice. I'd prefer getting to know him outside of the gym first, before diving into romance and going on dates. But I'm not sure how to casually suggest hanging out and getting to know each other...
Take him aside and ask: "I was wondering if you would like to get together for a cup of coffee (or lunch) on your day off some time?" Keep the date offering casual and short and be sure there is a face saving exit for both of you if he says "no". Good Luck!
Do this and nothing else anyone has suggested
This is some good wisdom, and helpful for me to see too (different situation, but some similarity). Sometimes it seems like something as simple as asking someone out is such a minefield. I get that places have to be careful about not wanting people to harass employees, but it seems like quickly asking someone out and then just accept their answer shouldn't be a big issue. The issue is when you have someone who is persistent.
/u/insecureconnection take this person’s advice. And please post an update!
Just say he's made you coffee so you owe him one
Ask him for lunch or coffee, if it goes well, then ask him on a proper date. If he says no, never bring it up again and just say no problem. Then keep acting normal to him. People suggesting it’s not okay are just flat wrong. Or comparing it to the female experience of being asked out at their workplace, it’s not the same. Men so rarely get hit on or asked out. Plus he’s probably into you and thinking “oh god I could never ask her out though, she’s a client of the gym I manage!”
Easy entry-way for this is to take him up on his "training" offer. Ask if he'd workout with you a couple times. This will open floodgates for normal conversation - and things like "What are you doing later today" and "What are you getting into this weekend" will naturally come up in between sets etc. Gives him an extra clue you're interested, creates opportunity, and you'll get to know him more all in a 1on1 setting.
We started off just chatting in class, but now he's helping me out with gym stuff, showing me how to bench press and talking about my diet. I'm kinda stuck on how to switch from fitness talk to something more chill and personal. Our convo's mostly been about holiday plans and work :/
The way I always get around this is on an early weekday ask - “So what’d you do last weekend”. There are 2 paths here: 1. He’ll say that he did something fun, and you can playfully say “Danng, where was my invite?” Or “Sounds like fun, let me know next time you do something like that” 2. He’ll say “I didn’t do anything”. Then you say that you did something fun like go to a bar or played a board game with friends. He WILL say something like “That sounds cool/fun” and then you can say “Yea you should come next time” or “Next time I do that, you want to an invite?” Both of these scenarios should realistically lead to a phone number exchange. If you are getting push back or hesitation, then he may just not be feeling it. In that case, no harm no foul. Good luck!
Since you two have a habit of chatting, ask him if he has hobbies outside of work - this will likely hint to you on where you could interact with him outside of his workplace, and if he is into you, he'll probably pick up on the intention.
You just ask him to hang out in a casual way. Talking to him and finding out his interests is a good start, that way you can see what similar interests you have. Or, if you don't have any similar interests, maybe he has a hobby that you're interested in trying or learning about. Maybe he likes a local band that's having a show soon, and you can go together. You could also tell him about a restaurant you've been to recently that you liked, and ask him if he's been there. If he has, great, you'll both enjoy eating there together. If not, tell him that you'll take him there sometime for lunch/dinner because you think he'd like it. That's a good opening for him to say "I'm free tonight". But even if he doesn't say that, you can still gauge his interest. And then a few days later, if he seemed interested, tell him that you've been craving their food and ask if he would like to go.
I've asked girls out at their work before. I was a regular do not just some random. 1 in 3 success rate
Imagine a man typing this about a woman employee at a gym. Everyone is nice with clientele. It’s professionalism. You could be entirely misinterpreting it. Ask him out for coffee.
I do agree with you for the most part, but if the details she’s sharing are true about him making her (I assume) free coffees/shakes and offering to continue helping her with training when he’s a manager now, it sounds like this guy is going out of his way and job description to treat her extra nice. It still could genuinely just be him being nice with clientele, but it seems he’s really going the extra mile with her if that is the case.
I’ll be honest man I think it’s pretty naked he likes her. This is starting to get into that “Does she like you” video territory of obvious.
Agreed, next time he makes you a coffee, causally mention there is X coffee place that you enjoy and you'd like to buy him a cup. If he's acts like you say he does, then it will go one of two ways. 1) he says yes and make arrangements or 2) he's at work, so he'll politely decline and/or say he needs to get back to work and you move on and don't mention it again. Generally speaking, it isn't inappropriate to simply ask someone out even if they are at work. But you really only should do it the one time and then accept the answer.
Men are constantly told that it's harassment to ask women out when they're at work.
Because it is.
If it's harassment for men to do it, then it's harassment for women to do it.
Yes.
Flirting in the gym is only off limits for men
I’ve commented this before but I genuinely thought it wasn’t cool to ask out an employee at their job? Is this not a thing anymore?
This thread is teaching me that it's cool if you're a woman. But if you're a dude, you're a creep.
I think it's each to their own. I think if you ask them and they say no and then you apologise and both move on from there then it's all good. When the asker starts getting pissy and creepy then that's when the problems start. Tl:dr just act like a normal person.
My comment was a bit tongue-in-cheek. It's just funny how you see this huge double standard on this board between men and women. Personally, if some woman asked me out in my workplace, I'd be flattered. But you see guys posting about how they are into some woman he sees at her workplace, and it's just a chorus of boos, heckles, and demands she be left alone.
Yeah that's true. As someone who's worked in hospitality it happens and had it happen to workmates and always better when someone just asks instead of them come in every day and I have to watch the awkwardness unfold each morning.
That's pretty much the attitude of about 80% of the commenters in here for any and everything. lol
IMO it's fine if you put the ball in their court and aren't weird about it. And if they don't reciprocate never mention it again. E.g. give them your number rather than ask for theirs. If you see them again and they haven't called back don't mention it at all. There are so many rules about dating now that if you follow them all you will die alone.
"Hi ! I realize this isn't the best time because you're at work but I'd like to know if you'd like to get together and have a cup of coffee sometime. I would be interested in getting to know you better."
I have a personal rule of never asking out anyone that works in a place that I frequent, such as gym, coffee shop, deli, bank, grocery store. These are employees at my regular places. If they're a customer at those places, I might shoot my shot (minus the gym). It's a no-no to look at a girl at the gym longer the .05 second. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but there is the chance they aren't interested in me, and I don't like the awkwardness of having to see that person every day after I get rejected. Men get rejected more often than not. This is just me, but do as you wish, just plan on maybe finding a new gym if it doesn't work out.
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You're a girl, he's a guy, he's probably already interested in you but won't invite you on a date because it's 2024 and men are terrified. Just say "Hey, you wanna grab a drink some day?" and that's it. When you're a girl it's really not that complicated, most guys will say yes.
Are there any other employees you could speak to? Ask one of them if he's single as he'll definitely hear about your question and his behaviour around you afterwards will be very telling... And if he's not / starts avoiding you anyway then you know to just keep things professional
Omg. Just ask him. The worst he can say is no I am not interested in you. It’s important, especially now a-days, not to overthink everything. We need to get back to our “old-school” way of doing things. This was originally how people were meant to interact. I KNOW, shocking right!? Be genuine and don’t look/act like a loon, what’s the worst that can happen?
Back in the old days I would get drunk, act like a loon then hit on women, hence why my success rate was poor
Back in the old days, I biked to her house and ask her dad face to face if I could take his daughter out. Now, kids have “anxiety” about asking someone out online? They do not know what anxiety is when you have to walk up to her house and knock on the door.
Bro you’re a hero. Wish we could reignite a little bit of that courage and teach young men how to boldly and politely express interest.
You have a very solid point sir. Can't imagine doing that
That’s weird. Women are people, not lawnmowers.
I mean I think its just a cultural shift. Back when you did that the culture was a good deal more permissive of that.
The number one thing I would think about with this, is was it difficult for you to get committed to going to the gym? Are you happy with where you're at with your progress? Do you think you have more progress to do? And then the most important thing is, if this doesn't go in a direction that's a good ending, will all of your other answers to the previous questions become a problem when it becomes too awkward for you to go to the gym because he might be there?
Male friends, who probably want to be more than that, will tell you whatever you wanna listen. You’re a 20yo woman. There’s plenty of options outside of the gym for you. Dude works there, is not there as a customer like you are.
Him being an employee in the place is its own conversation rather than it being at the gym. Will your gym interactions survive the attempt?
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That is the question indeed…and what precedent or example does that set if we just throw away the rules?
No. If it was a male gym goer asking out female employee it would be considered harassment and creepy. Just let the guy do his job.
It's his place of work so I wouldn't. Guys are constantly told they shouldn't ask out women at their jobs. It's the same for women, imo.
Having supported the HR function of a gym company for years, this post grossed me out.
How so? Or what specifically? From a protection of employees and potential fraternization standpoint or the gym etiquette and possible double standard side? What do you find gross?
The number of personal trainers having sex with multiple members was rampant. Not commenting on this specific situation, just brought back gross memories. Lots of sleazy trainers doing the very same thing the poster described. So many players.
Okay, that’s sort of what I thought you meant. Is there anything that a scorned consenting ex lover can do after being played, in regards to filing complaints etc that you would have to follow up on? Assuming nothing “inappropriate” happened while on the clock.
No. It wasn’t policy not to engage with members in that way. So long as it wasn’t on company grounds or on the clock that is. I do remember hearing about a few HR calls with angry spouses of members. At the end of the day, we didn’t play the moral game. I remember hearing that and was actually surprised. It wasn’t a big part of my function, but I remember being grossed out about how it happened so often with the male personal trainers.
>Opinions are divided. Some say the gym's strictly for workouts, not flirtation. Stop letting other people dictate how you live your life. Do the cost/benefit here, right. You make a move and either he isn't interested, in which case you've made one person vaguely uncomfortable, oh no how will they ever recover from someone being interested in them, or they are interested and now your life is on a different trajectory. Seems pretty obvious
Is it ever OK to approach somebody at their place of work when you're their customer? I say no. There's just too many opportunities for imbalances, misunderstandings, complications, and awkwardness. It's just not a good way to start things.
Crazy how out of touch this thread is Why go for somebody who's at work when you could meet somebody literally any other way
Here we go again the double standards
I've never worked in a gym but I have no problem being asked out at work, or anywhere else really.
I consistently reject any woman approaching me at the gym. And it happens more often than you’d believe. Doesn’t matter who or what she is. If she can’t respect I’m there to focus on my workout, she is not worth my time.
It's perfectly fine. Just be prepared to find a new gym when it goes sour.
For me, the answer would be "can you distance yourself from the outcome?" If you're invested in the process and say something like "hey, could I ask you something personal not related to your job?" and just let him give you the up or down before telling him that you have a crush and you'd like to take him on a date of your choice. Again, all you're doing is asking if the person has interest. He'll let you know.
Don’t tell him you have a crush! That could be overkill. Just ask him if he would like to grab a coffe on his day off some time.
So if we so much as look at you at the gym, you throw a temper tantrum on social media but you can fucking harass the male employees? You will put this guy (read "human being") in an impossible situation. He will feel like they can't tell you 'no' without trouble and he will feel like they can't tell you 'yes' without trouble. Stop hitting on people when they are not in a position to tell you 'no'.
“Hey man, wanna grab a drink?” Answer will be either “yes” or “no” We’re not complicated
He's paid to be nice to customers, you're a customer. Don't hurt yourself for misreading him. Maybe befriend him and ask if he would be interested in doing something outside working hours, like bowling or a beer (not a romantic thing). And take it from there, outside his workplace.
Ask without asking. All you ask is what time his shift ends. Tell him that you will be at a nearby coffee shop a few minutes after that if he'd like to stop by for a cup. Your treat since he's taken care of your drinks at the gym so often.
Just ask him. Ask him if he'd like to get a coffee away from the gym sometime and be ready for either response. The more you think about it, the harder it will be to approach the situation. Your fixation on him could also be keeping you from being open to other opportunities.
Start with this: "Hey I know this is a bit out of the blue, but I was wondering if you were single and if you are would you be open to going on a date with me?" "He answers" Awkwardness is usually forced by one party, asking someone out isnt awkward, how you handle yourself after being rejected is what makes it awkward. My friend in college always walked by a girl he hooked up with and led with "this is gonna be so awkward." so I would just be friendly and kind and say hi, and that usually ended the awkwardness from my side of things, and reflected well on me. He chose to be awkward, but i didnt have to be grouped into it. Basically: If it goes south, be kind and friendly, still say hi, and it wont be weird, you may even develop a good friendship of sorts.
If I was the gym employee I would say no. To high of a risk that the relationship eventually ends and I lose my job to some false accusations.
girl to girl, please don’t ask someone out while they’re working. it’s as uncomfortable for us as it is for them!
Easy You write you phone number down on a piece of paper and hand it to him. Tell you’re free certain night or 2. He might say he’s taken or he might take the bait and set up a meet time to get together
Sounds like the guy is just being a good employee. Leave him alone.
Ask him to do something fitness related outside of the gym then see how you go
Flirting in the gym is only forbidden when you are a guy i guess
I’ve never done the dating thing so maybe I’m simplifying it…. Why can’t you just say, Hey “Matt” you wanna grab a coffee some time ? Would be great to catch up. That’s it….
ASK HIM OUT! As a guy, it's so obvious this guy has a massive crush on you too, but it's probably pretty shy himself. Plus, he's probably reluctant to ask out a customer. Make the first move - I guarantee he'll say yes.
Fuck all the wet blankets, shoot your shot and ask him to get coffee. Worst case he says no. You're not going to get him fired and it's not like your harassing him. Don't live with regret because some idiots on reddit have a bunch of dumb societal rules they made up. You've know him for a while and he has been kind to you (ostensibly above and beyond what is required of him by his job role). You're not just going up to a gym bro and asking him out because he has a nice bum.
If he is "fixing his hair in a selfie camera" he likely wants to go to Ulta or Sephora with you to help him pick out concealer
You dont,it's rude to ask someone out at work
Ask for his social media like Instagram and talk with him through there. If he is open to it start flirting,keep escalating if he reciprocates, if he doesn't, just forget about it and move on. I'm gonna add that gym trainers usually get a ton of attention from women at the gym, I think you are being a bit naive in the way you described him. I'm friends with a lot of trainers and the ones that are single pick up at lot of regulars, the ones in relationships are either dating former students, gym regulars or other trainers. I'm just saying this because you mentioned you have feelings for him that go past a year. I'm not saying I can tell he is 100% a player just because he is a trainer, no, just for you to be careful with your expectations.
Exactly… I use to be employed at a gym. I work the front desk and would hang out with a trainer and janitor. All of us were knee deep in strange. All of us worked out which made us sexually appealing to a lot of members. Females of all ages would flirt with us and hook up with us in the parking lot. This guy knows he doesn’t have to say anything because if she doesn’t another will.
Ahhh I just noticed you said he’s a group ex instructor…..chances are he is gay. Just sayin’
Have him smell your finger, but don’t be weird about it
I kinda disagree with the whole "don't make a move on people at work" thing, there's respectful ways to do it, I personally never have, but I don't see a problem with saying something semi neutral like "hey! Just wanted to ask if you want to grab a coffee or something later, no stress either way but here's my number if you want to hang :)" and leave it at that. If they're interested they will hit you up, if not, now you know, and don't have to be anxious about it and move on. I think implying that it doesn't matter either way, and ensuring it's obviously friendly rather than flirty within his workplace is the main thing. What if the person was a woman that you got along with really well and wanted to ask if they were down to hang after gym? Just ask the same way, then you can make your intentions more clear after you get to know them a bit better.
Worst he can say is no
"Hey, would you like to go out on a date sometime?" It's that simple!! I promise either he will be to the moon and say yes, or he will politely decline. Go for it!
In a situation where they're working? I ask if they're seeing anyone. It gives them an easy out if they're not interested, and gives me an easy in if they are. If he says he's not, just ask him on a date. If he says he is, tell him you're happy for him and find a new crush. No need to over think it.
Its obvious he likes you. Ask him on a date!
Maybe ask him if he wants to get coffee sometime outside of the gym. Could come off innocently enough and talk about more personal things there like work or your lives out of the gym. That could help gage the vibe and sort of move things onto a different phase: gym/trainer relationship to getting to know eachother in a friendlier out of work environment. If that goes well you guys could do something else or get coffee another time then explore dating as things move on. This is sorta a perfect situation for you with the ball in your four.
The more zombies you crush the less of this kind of post I’ll have to see.
What do you mean that you "developed feelings for him" ? Genuinely curious, as a man. I've not developed feelings for anyone that I wasn't dating regularly. Do you simply mean you are attracted to him?
I think with guys asking a girl out time and place is very important. I think any time a girl asks a guy out is a fine time. Most guys would be happy to get the attention rather they were interested or not.
Do it
We men (unless it is a woman magnet) dream that a woman hit on us. Ask him out and if he is not interested he will try to be respectful, with a smile and say no, but at least you'll know what his intentions were.
>He always greets me by name in front of the class.... All those things do reception desk girls in my gym and they're close to my son age, so it may mean nothing. Anyway, i'd simply ask: are you single? Wanna grab a coffe after the work?
I work in a gym, have done for 15+ yrs. Ask him if he wants to grab a coffee after his shift one day. He should take care of the rest from there.
How many females did you hook up with in a year.
Tbh none, i had been in a relationship for 11yrs of it, we separated I did get with a client 6 months after I had started training her, but were together 4 yrs. I am now single for the first time in this career, either I’m oblivious to the signs(been in relationships for too long to notice them)or most girls these days are too busy looking at themselves anyway.
Just do it in a relaxed way, away from coworkers that he gets an out if it’s a no go. You’ll either win or have an awkward 30 seconds and then move on with your lives.
Play it safe. Don’t shit where you eat.
It sounds like he might be into you so just ask him out for a coffee. You’re over thinking this. The worst that can happen is it’l be awkward for you if he says no, but is that such a big deal really? Best is he says yes and it might be the start of something, or you’ll have some fun. Life’s too short to worry about societal expectations.
It sounds like he's into it but is restricting himself because he's at work and doesn't wanna get in trouble by taking the first move. Either be sly about it or grab outside the gym in neutral territory.
Ask! The 1st step is always the hardest. But start with something simple. Can be for a quick coffee post workout, hanging out somewhere near and having snacks or having post workout walks. Goodluck op!
Go for it! Just keep in mind is he might have to consider professional policy, so even if he wants to say yes, he could likely need time to put in more contemplate before answering. So if he doesn't have an answer immediately, maybe just leave him with your number. I'd also do it at the end of a session as it could be awkward doing your own workout afterwards.
Give that man a compliment! Guys will remember it forever. Then just casual small talk like getting to know eachother better. However, ask him if he can help you on a certain and while he’s helping you, create some small talk with him.
Flirting and hitting on people is okay everywhere. Those who say otherwise either do not want you to be successful (bad friends) or tell this lie to themselves because they are too much of a coward to approach people (reddit). Just be respectful and remember where you are. The rules are different in a club than they are in the supermarket or gym. For women, it is actually easy. Just lead with some smalltalk "Hey, Matthew, right? Say, did the benching equipment/soda machine change///It has been more/less crowdy recently in here, any idea why? blabla the only constant I see is you behind the counter. I was wondering: Do you want to go for a coffee sometimes?" It is fine to come straight to the point after the smalltalk
The reason why there is a societal hesitation on approaching people these days is due to women in many situations finding it uncomfortable. As a woman, this doesn't really apply to you. Though even then, anyone can approach anyone else as long as they are not being difficult or creepy about it all. Just shoot your shot and see how it goes
I’ve been in similar situations with females I’ve worked with ands one thing from dating to much a person can go out their way and be nice and still not interested in you like that. Maybe he likes you but you’re not giving him that vibe that you’re interested back to he’s not going to push forward like he once was.
Pen and paper. Write a short and direct note to him and skip it to him. Leave your number on it and think of a short one liner to say that will give him a heads up as to what the note might be about. Something like “No pressure. But it would be nice to see you outside of the gym.”
Wow, that's sweet. In our country if a woman asked a man out, he would be safe to assume that shes part of a criminal kidnapping/murder/robbery attempt.
Jesus Christ. Listening to half of these responses is insane. Go for it. Who cares. Either it works or it doesn’t. Don’t die wondering.
The rules of asking out people only apply to asking out women You can ask out a guy anywhere you want
Just ask him, your good
Don't date players.
Would you want to be hit on and asked out at your job?
Ask yourself what you'd think if the genders were reversed. Besides that, try to strike up conversation. Build rapport first.
We've been talking in person quite a lot in the past year, although most of the interactions were initiated by him. I am too awkward to approach him...
Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you feel like you're awkward by nature, then just approach directly. No dropping hints endlessly. Just say what you want. Even if he's not interested, he'd appreciate the direct approach.
“Hey I know this may be out of line but is there something here we could explore?”
Here’s something to bear in mind. It’s drilled in to guys that approaching a lady in the gym is a huge boundary not to cross. He’ll be very aware (even if you seem to be very friendly), that if he has mis-read the situation he will likely lose his job and maybe more. You’re going to need to be very clear on what you want. I’d suggest “I like you, we should have coffee together”.
Same thing I tell every woman that over complicate these situations and runs to reddit for advice: Be like Nike and just do it. That's it.
Go for it, imo. You're not going in cold, you have some experience around each other. I would say that, in this instance, you can safely deviate from the gym etiquette. "Geo-locking" yourself out of potential connections seems a bit silly. You're a reasonable human that can decide if an approach is appropriate with context. From your description, it doesn't appear that you're stalking the guy and if his friendliness is professional or platonic, then you'll need to deal with that in a sensible way. However, if his behavior is the result of interest, you may be finding the person that you'll share happiness with for a a long time.
Just go for it. I think he's thinking the same thing you are.
There is a double standard, just accept it. Men do not feel threatened when women approach them & flirt. Period. Unless you make it uncomfortable , embarrassing or it interferes with his doing his job he won’t be bothered. That being said be very discreet , he might get fired if he dates a customer, some chain gyms have policies. Make casual conversation with him , ask him if you can speak privately when you feel the time is right. Unless he hates you, he will interpret this as a compliment even if he is not interested in dating.
You might spend your life with him, what do you have to lose
Is this just a physical attraction at the moment or do you have something in common?
The physical part is a bit funny because he's not my usual type. He's muscular, but somehow chubby, and I'm usually into skinny guys. I just enjoy interacting with him, and I feel a bit disappointed when I don't see him during my workout days sometimes
Tell him that but in a joking manner. "I needed your help yesterday, but you weren't here!". You can always bring up some new exercise you were wanting to try, and wanted his input.. then! You shift the conversation to exchanging numbers, that way you can always get his "input" for these related questions. If he's into you he'll be super excited, if he doesn't want to exchange numbers, you'll have your answer. Just be confident, I can't stress enough how much of a turn on it is when a woman knows what she wants and isn't afraid to put in the effort.
They're paid to be nice to customers....don't make shit awkward..
If the way he acts is true, he's already done what he can to gain your interest. He hasn't received the response he was hoping for, and now with you getting shy, he's reading that you want left alone. If it was me, and Im a man so this situation is completely different for us, i'd start a conversation with him when you will have a minute. Like "Hey, I know this is your job, and this is totally inappropriate of me and I really hope it wont affect our friendship...But I'd love to go on a hike with you sometime." I think you'll be ok.
You're spot on. I just get super awkward when I have a crush on someone, even saying "hey" becomes a challenge. Me avoiding him definitely shows disinterest, so I want to approach him before the ship sails. At the same time, I'm afraid I might be delusional, and he's actually not interested (him getting paid to be nice is mentioned many times in the comments) . I'll still bump into him 2-3 times a week, which makes it even more nerve-wracking.
You’re overthinking. Just get him alone and ask if he’d like to get coffee with you on his day off some time. And if not, just say “ok no worries!” And then literally treat him no different than you always have. And he wants to, you’re in. See how coffee goes and then go from there. He is NOT going to ask you out if you go to the gym he manages. It’s possible you misread it, but it’s not the end of the world either way. But if you don’t say anything to him, you will forever regret it.
Ask if he wants to go grab something to eat sometime this week, even if it’s just some burger joint. If you don’t want to jump in right away, try to find common interests like music or movies
We’re on a rock moving 17,000mph through an endless void of darkness across the universe. Nothing on this earth matters. Do it. Or don’t. Nothing really matters anyways.
Totally the attitude of someone in a career that regularly shoots and kills innocent people in dressing rooms and then gets a paid vacation and promotion. How many have you shot in your years ?
Back in the day, people like you were seen, never heard. You hid in the dark corners and had no one to talk to. Now, thanks to social media, you are out of the shadows and have a platform where we have to suffer from your pompous banter. Thanks for looking at my profile and thanks for helping fund my badass retirement. Although mostly useless, we’re still counting on you.
Thanks for subbing to my only fans! Back in the day, your kind hung people up in trees and burned them for sleeping with your wife. You are in no position to lecture the world you know very little about, but its okay, the retirement and hospice care homes will be waiting for you soon. Make sure you keep that fat pension funded, you will need it when you shit your diapers and have nobody to wipe it for ya cuz your kids hate your and your wife is dead long ago and you gotta fork over all that luck money to some nurses and orthopedics to keep you alive for another day of smelling your own farts and shit. Keep it up boomer thanks!
I’m 38 lol Who hurt you
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Ask him out! If he's a decent human being, he'll be flattered. Worst case scenario, he politely declines. Best case, you go on a date. Worst-best case- he declines but not so politely, thereby ruling him out as a possible match anyway for being rude. GO FOR IT. Life is short. Ask him out!!!
"Hello! I've been going here for a while, and I wanted to ask you something but have been quite nervous to do so. Would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?" It literally is that easy to ask us.
He’s done every single thing he can safely do as a guy in a gym environment without getting called creepy. If you don’t get it by now that he’s waiting for YOU to initiate, there’s not much longer he’s gonna wait/try. Just flex your ovaries already and ask him to do a coffee or something.
The way you make it sound... Definitely yes! Just ask him if he wants to go get a coffee sometime. You'll see where it goes from there. If things end up really bad and awkward... He can always find a new gym to work at.
He should record you harassing him in the gym and post it on social media for internet victim points.
Just hand him a note with your number on it and say call me sometime
Just ask the guy if he wants to grab a coffee/drink sometime. Don’t see what the issue is. I mean worst case he has a gf or says he isn’t interested. I doubt he is going to go cry to HR about it.
ask him out. I don't go to the gym and never would because apparently if you are not just there looking down at the ground and don't make a sound, you are a creep or something. Get over yourselves. If someone finds you attractive and vice versa, go say hi ffs. You dont need to be rude, but this "never at the gym". Do the same rules apply at the beach? no. Ask him out ffs.
Use your face hole to make mouth noises and ask him out for coffee.
there’s no harm, nothing illegal or immoral by asking someone if they might be interested in exchanging information or interested in going out together. whether they are an employee or a customer at any public place. it just takes confidence and not giving a hell if they say no thank you and you now have to continue to see them at your gym. anybody could be a good match for anybody. if the dude is single and thinks you’re attractive he might be like hell yes let’s do it. he may not be single and may say no thank you. i’m all for politely shooting your shot. whether they are working or not just be prepared for any answer. i’d say since he was doing all those things you mentioned he probably thinks you’re attractive and those are all good signs he could be interested. it’s that simple. as a dude i’m probably not going to send mixed signals to someone and give attention to someone i don’t at least find attractive at surface level
I think most of us agree that we shouldn't be hitting on people while they are at work in general. However, your specific situation would create an open door, in my opinion, regardless of gender. You didn't come on to him the first time you met him. Or the second time. You've developed a relationship that is at least professional, bordering on casual. Now, a friendship or more is possible. To me, there is nothing wrong with asking him if he's interested in getting coffee.... BUT!!! be ready for your relationship to cool slightly if you are misreading. This is the part that men are supposed be fine with when they get turned down, so you would need to handle it graciously too. If the genders were reversed but everything else stayed the same -- the greetings, the drinks, remembering details, shyness around you, etc-- I believe it would be ok for a man to approach also. Again, not a first or second meeting. Not flirting or objectifying immediately. Asking if there is interest. Good luck! I hope he says yes!
I use to work at a gym, and this is very common with female members. The employees are trained to be positive and supportive of all members regardless of gender or sex appeal. So female members would start to grow feelings towards us because we were hot guys who were nice to them. We all eventually hook up with a lot of girls. I had to quit because it was to chaotic trying to balance all the side quest hookups I had going on. EDIT: After reading all the comments do not ask him to have coffee, understand you’re not the only female who likes him there. You’re not going to be the only female he hooks up with. He probably finds you attractive but is not going to pursue you because there’s probably has 10 other girls pursuing him. His mind set is if she doesn’t another will. If you’re interested in hook up or a little fling then do it but this guys not going to commit to you.
Don't ask people out who are just trying to do their job.
Do it. He's probably too nervous to hit on you at the gym because of the insane shit people have been posting online about supposed creeps at the gym. If you go to him that takes all the pressure away. All else fails couldn't you go to a new gym?
Maybe invite him to do a sport activity outside of the gym, then become friends outside of the gym coach dynamic and slowly make your way to a more romantic relationship
As some who works at a gym with a bunch of men they would be flattered and won’t stop talking about it for weeks on end. Just don’t break their hearts because it’s like a clique with gym staff and the talks that come after the heartbreak last longer than the initial talk of “omg she asked me out”
I have the perfect Shia LaBeouf video for you.
Ask him out. Simple as that
At the very least do it after his shift, or even better don't, dating custumers is not proffesional and can get him fired.
The double standard is if women ask a guy in the gym it’s acceptable, the reverse is harassment. If a man was asking for advice to ask out a female gym employee he would be told leave her alone and don’t bother people where they work. People are strange.
For me, it's more about whether it's appropriate to ask out someone while they're at work, considering they might just be nice because they're paid to do so and are in a difficult or awkward position to reject me.
Regardless if he works there are not, if you’re woman initiating, even if he isn’t interested I promise you he isn’t gonna make a scene about it. The opposite might get a different reaction. Men don’t get approached hardly at all, so at the most he’ll be flattered.
The reasonably worst thing that could happen assuming you're both normal and not insane messes is that you'll have to find a new gym.
You don’t ever ask a man out, it don’t end well! If a man likes something or someone a man if fully capable of going after what they want, if a guy likes a women he will pursue her as much as society likes to make it seem like man ain’t nothing and can’t do this or that but in reality man are something they can marry, have children and be faithful and ect man have no problem being a man if they want to do if guy after a year isn’t asking you out he don’t like you you will waste your time and get your heart broken
Perhaps he's hesitant to approach me as a manager and risk his job? I can understand why he might be hesitant, especially since I haven't really given him any indication or positive sign that I'm interested in him
Don't. You will frighten him
Go behind him smack his ass and say good game today you lift those weights like you put your back into today team player than go home fake your death than cut all contacts with your love ones become a spy for Russia.
Just friend him for a while and see if you guys vibe.
Read the room and act on that. I just did the exact same thing on a female employee in my gym after I noticed her always looking my way and it worked out great
YO DONT LISTEN TO ANYONE. YOU MAKE THE DECISION AND BE CONFIDENT ABOUT IT 💯 DONT WAIT AND DONT THINK JUS DO IT. YOU GOT THIS
I think striking up innocent conversation at first is the best way to feel him out so that it is not obvious, you may be able to tell if he’s into you, maybe not. After that, come up with a question to approach him for a second time within that week. By then You should be more comfortable talking to him. Then hit him with a “ random question are you single by chance”… if he says yes, “ would you want to maybe grab some food sometime?” And there you go
While it may be flattering, refrain from it. Gyms are solely for business and working out. If u date the guy or copulate casually and then something goes wrong, it wont be great for u to attend that gym any longer nor would it be easy for him to continue working there while u attend it. Amd if u get rejected, its gonna be awkward having to see him everyday lmao. Leave him alone and dont go after people in facilities u often attend as do they.