Well, both improving but in fairness was mild use that very quickly got worrying over the period of a stressful month at work so before becoming a true issue.. I’ve knocked it on the head and am doing just fine. How’s the non drinking?
No more smoking, drinking, and other substances… (quitting smoking was by far the hardest thing I’ve subbed in my life)
Replaced by running, and so so so much better off
2 months clean from all nicotine. Red’s were my go to. Still miss it every now and again after mowing the yard or doing labor. Appreciate being able to breathe a little better though.
Chantix and Nicotine gum worked surprisingly well. First 3-4 days fucking sucked though.
Came here to say this. Switched from a pack a day to a pen vape. No more smelling like garbage. No more having to walk outside every 45 minutes. No more leaving buts everywhere. No more being looked down on for being an idiot smoker. Felt a huge increase in my health after about a month.
Vaping isn't ideal, but it's way better than cigs. And somehow its mostly accepted in society.
Vaping helped me quit cigarettes altogether. 6-7 years i vaped, after quitting cigs.. always used same style tank / bat, mixed my own ever decreasing strength liquid. They stopped internet sales in Ca. All my stuff was old and not available in the fancy vape stores. I can still see my last tank/bat rolling off the kitchen counter and the hear the noise of my addiction breaking on the floor forever. Picked it up, no light, trash, done!
Second this. I've been 30 pounds overweight for most of my adult life but I guess I carried it well and didn't think it was a problem. I've lost 40 pounds over the last 15 months and I can't believe how much my quality of life has improved. IBS used to rule my life but now it's gone. No more stomach pain. No more joint pain. All movement is easier, like my veins are filled with helium. I stand naked in front of the mirror without shame now. I didn't know any of that was related to weight and over eating.
Seriously. I know it's hard as fuck sometimes to lose the weight. But I was 300, down to 230 now. Still need to get down to around 210. I'm not even on a diet. Just eating less and not hitting up fast food and gas stations as much. Two years of still eating what I want but less of it has dropped 70lbs. Did it because I had a kid but the amount of things that are better in my life are wild. More energy, more confidence, better mental health, work (construction) is easier and far less miserable. I didn't know any of these things were an issue.
I’m working on this now. I don’t know how it happened, but I’ve gotten up to 360. I’m working with a weight loss program to try and help it come down, but I am eagerly awaiting the day I feel healthy again.
Two things mainly:
1. Lift weights. Its so simple, yet so life changing.
2. Don't put much stock into what others think of you.
Number 2 comes easier with age, but man, if I was this nonchalant at 18, it would have been a game changer.
I never cared bout what boss thought of me, I didn t like him, I did care bout getting long with other workers . I know long as showed up every day did my job was nothing he could do to me,,
Definitely comes with age, which is something I had seen before but it was before it translated. At some point a switch just flips. I think it’s once you realize what actually matters, all the irrelevant stuff like what people think about you ceases to matter as much. It takes being grown & the reality of it hitting you to put your focus on the important things.
In lieu of “lifting weights”, as that requires monetary investment (ie a gym membership or buying and storing the actual weights), I would suggest just consistently doing body weight exercises. The key is consistency, but merely doing sit ups and pushups properly for fifteen minutes a day will be a game changer for most people.
Making these sorts of changes is a lifestyle choice, and a commitment to that change for good. Doing otherwise is pointless.
My dude, sit ups and push ups are not even close to as good as an actual lifting routine. You're literally only really hitting like 2-3 muscle groups with that workout.
It s better than nothing. you can do lot with out weights long as you stay with it,, For people that don t get much exercise even walking 3 to 5 miles day make A differance
The feeling of being stronger, looking better, and hitting personal goals has done wonders for my confidence and attractiveness. The health benefits are awesome and keep me feeling more youthful that other guys my age. The discipline you build from sticking to your workouts long after the rush of motivation bleeds over into other areas of your life as well.
It's something I plan to do for the rest of my life, whether that's maintaining 3 days a week or dropping down to two.
During my 15-28 years I wasn't into any sports activities. At 29 I finally picked up lifting weight + cardio and after first 2 months of "this fuckin sucks" when it becomes your routine/habit and your body gets accustomed to a new constant load, your mental health also improves, your overall day-to-day mood gets better and you have much more mental clarity.
I finally understood the meaning behind a russian proverb - "In a healthy body is a healthy mind".
It depends on your hobbies/interests, but personally lifting weights in my 20s made me go from feeling like a wimpy dweeb around all my stronger friends to feeling like Captain America and looking forward to going out to bars. It was so surreal actually feeling women checking me out. Huge increase in self-confidence. It made me interested in striking up conversations with strangers at bars which I never would’ve done beforehand.
You can do that without muscles, of course, but I was always the super skinny kid growing up and got made fun of for being weak. So flipping that on its head as an adult was a game-changer.
It’s helped my mental health as much as my physical health. It’s also helped my confidence and was the first healthy thing I’ve found after a stressful day. I think everyone can benefit in those ways.
But specific to me I have a disabled daughter who is in a wheelchair and 23. About the only thing we spend a significant amount of money on is travel, we love it. A couple years ago in Italy I had to lift her and her chair so many places. it’s a beautiful country but not accessible at all. I came back from that trip so broken down physically and mentally. But I decided I wasn’t ready to stop traveling and I never wanted to feel that way after a trip again, so I committed myself to getting stronger. I rarely have back issues and carry her around so much easier now. It’s given us a second life.
Exercising more. I always thought running/hiking would be boring and it never interested me. I started trail running last summer and really enjoyed it. After a month or so I started to feel a lot more energetic and healthy. Both physically and mentally.
About 2-3 miles so nothing crazy. I usually only have around an hour before or after work to fit it in. The park I go to has about 5 miles total with different trails. Some have hills and others are pretty flat. But it's nice to switch up my routes every day for a change of pace.
This is so true. I'm not great at the finances part. I get by with enough to do leisure activities. But I've been single for I think a full year now for the first time in my adult life and genuinely happy with it. Not to say I've been the type to write relationships off or anything, but I'm happy outside one finally. I've also gotten rid of a really toxic friend on top of reconnecting with really good ones I lost over time. It's made me so much happier.
Treating sleep apnea. I resisted getting a CPAP for so long. My dad and brother both needed one and I just stayed in denial. I had a couple car accidents because I was dozing off behind the wheel from years of shit sleep.
Also, I should have quit drinking a long time ago.
I will often say “Your opinion of me is none of my business so please don’t share it” Ultimately you have to simply make yourself believe it, much like getting on an airplane where I believe it’s perfectly safe. It’s a mindset.
In my case, work a job that you're massively over qualified for so you don't give two shits about what people think of you (and be good at it). And be over 40.
This is the number one reason why I started going into a co-working space from time to time despite having space at home. It also somehow helps that I see other people around even if I don't know them or speak to them.
Care to share any further details that could be useful to some of us in LTR? Anything you wish you knew before you got married, aside from obvious red flags like lying, cheating, etc.
Sure. I would say “listen to your friends and family” when they share concerns over your prospective partner, and “take a cold, hard look at your prospective partner’s parents and upbringing” and understand the tendencies for behaviour cycles that repeat through generations. I was absolutely head-over-heels for this woman and while I saw red flags I naively believed I could somehow “fix her”, or more accurately “save her” from her horrendous upbringing. Many people gently and thoughtfully expressed their concerns: my parents, siblings, friends, and even older family friends from church (who were not necessarily overly biased like immediate family would be). In hindsight I don’t feel any of these people were out of line or inappropriate in voicing their prescient and valid concerns. It would have saved a whole lot of heartbreak and damage if I’d put my ego and pride aside and listened. I ended up enduring years of violence, verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation, constant gaslighting, being cheated on, and being falsely accused, all of which she’d witnessed from her own mother to her father. I lasted eight years with her before I ended up in the hospital following a self-unaliving attempt. It took a while to get the divorce finalized, but when my lawyer presented me the signed decree from the judge, I felt absolutely empowered to live.
Thank you for sharing your experience and story.
I do agree that we should all make deliberate efforts to occasionally check in with third party check-ins for our relationships to make sure we’re checking the rose colored glasses.
Care to share any further details that could be useful to some of us in LTR? Anything you wish you knew before you got married, aside from obvious red flags like lying, cheating, etc.
I work nights 5-6 times a month and it cooks me. Awful heartburn. Lousy sleep. Short temper/zero patience. It’s truly for the birds. And grossly underpaid IMO
is it just shifts or staying at night overall? I'be been going to sleep at 7-8am and waking up at 1-2pm for quite some time now, I'm much more productive and giggly at night, but I also have no strength during the day, not sure if I should keep doing it. I love nights tho, it's so peaceful, quiet and I can do whatever I want
I would recommend stopping. Your bodies circadian rhythm will be much happier. I was recovering from an injury at the time and the healing was very slow until I quit that job and then the recovery improved very quickly. There is also a long list of health concerns from working night shifts. Your immune system takes a hit.
Exercising often and consistently. I dread certain exercises but I trick my brain into feeling way better when I'm finished. Also having muscles is nice
I need to get back into this. I wasn’t a gym rat by far before the pandemic but I still went on a semi regular basis and also did workouts at home. My main issue though is no matter what I did I saw very little progress. It was mainly just always being sore with nothing to show for it
Stop worrying about what I “should” be doing. Drop the feeling that I always need to do something.
Life will throw shit at you that you need to deal with. If nothings being thrown at you, you’re good just chill.
Plenty of things, but the biggest bang for my buck was just prepping things for the next morning.
I’m notoriously lazy in the mornings. So much so that I used to take any excuse I could to just laze around half the day.
Night-Me started taking more and more of those excuses away from Morning-Me. Smallest example I can think of is picking out my clothes the day before. Super simple, but when it’s *so* easy to just keep watching YouTube or scrolling reddit, removing even the smallest of steps between you and stepping outside is worth its weight.
I took all the toxic people out of my life by going no contact, I lost multiple friends, family, and stopped caring about events and place I frequented for hobbies and started changing where I went and who I interacted with from that point on. Now my life is extremely fulfilling and happy, I get to enjoy my life knowing that I will never have to deal with those horrible people ever again.
Divorce led to a domino effect of great things in my life. I got a much better job, I made enough in 9 yrs to retire, I have a much better relationship with my kids, I have had a steady flow of zero-drama girlfriends. I am now able to pursue my hobbies, my health has improved. The list goes on and on, conversely, her life went to hell, she lives in a dinky one-bedroom apartment in a less-than-ideal part of town. She had her car repossessed, has a dead-end job, and our kids can barely stand her. And for those who care, yes she cheated and when she lost her car, I paid the back payments on it so she could get it back. I did that because I didn't want my kids worrying about her. Oh and the guy she was cheating with dumped her for a younger woman whom he also married. I mean damn, it reads like a Karma warning.
My ex cheated with my neighbor. We fought, broke up, she left and literally drove next door. Whatever, she wasn’t worth chasing. That dude got arrested chasing her with a different guy in her car. Then his grandma died and he lost his house. Bye neighbor. LOL!
My ex - lost all custody of our son except for supervised visits at my discretion. Drugs, 6 counts of felony prescription forgery (among other charges, some felony, some misdemeanor) and years of bad decisions. She has 5 kids with 4 different fathers - my son is the oldest.
My son is 21 now. During that time, my ex spent 3 or so years total in jail, another 3 with almost no contact voluntarily as she was busy making new babies while shacked up with her drug dealers).
I’ve been married for 18 years. I’m not at retirement, but my house is paid for and we’re financially very stable. I bought all of my kids their first cars, paid cash, oldest two are in college, everyone financially sound.
1.Saying no, or im busy to things i really didn't want to do, or join in on. 2. Letting things go that i can't control. There really are times you can be selfish, and it hurts NOBODY.
To add on to number 2, learning to eat crow is a good one too imo. We all want things to go our way, but it's good to realize when you can have a better outcome by just letting someone else have their way instead.
This is gonna sound dumb but being responsible. I'm still not the most on top of it guy, but resolving to actually do shit like keeping my room clean and brushing my teeth daily really did turn my mental completely around, and got me to finally stop loathing my existence.
Getting a motorcycle. And started just being direct with my wife and asking for sex. Instead of always being stand off ish because I was afraid of being turned down.
Learning to budget, paying off all my debts and creating a 3 month nest egg. Relieved a lot of stress at home and work. Honestly take car payments and mortgage payments out of the equation and see how much better life is.
Other than the brain damage from repeated concussions doing boxing is the best thing ever.
The confidence from knowing you can handle yourself and being tested (compared to "thinking you can" but never being sure) is astounding.
Unfortunately the concussions are why I don't box any more. Judo is an acceptable substitute.
Quit smoking weed and now always sober. Weed will make you content with life and keep you from moving on. It was really a coping mechanism for a lot of underlying issues I was ignoring to face.
**Weight training.** As in lifting progressively heavier weights and managing e.g. diet and sleep to support that.
**Having kids.** Yeah it's a lot of work, but a family forces you to set priorities (which is good). I don't know that I would have been a better parent if I'd had my kids in my 30s, but I'd definitely be a better grandparent.
**Dating to find a partner.** I dated for a long time before and after my first marriage, and I wish I'd done it more strategically. Like, this woman is pretty but doesn't bring anything else to the table, so what am I doing here?
**Going Health First.** I lift twice a week, and nothing save a family emergency keeps that from happening. Ditto getting eight hours' sleep, drinking water, and eating healthy food. Like I will hit my macros if it means I'm packing a protein shake to a Passover Seder.
**Not Buying Dumb Shit.** So my first business did OK and what do I do? Buy a BMW z3. Pretty car but dumb as fuck. Always in for warranty work. Tires were like $1500. I called it the Fuhrer's Revenge and then a friend of mine totaled it and once I knew he was OK it was the happiest day of my life.
But there's so much dumb shit. Suits and watches and blah blah fucking blah. Nobody cares. So whatever you're buying, get the Toyota Corolla version of it. The thing that Just Works. The house in the subdivision.
Quitting drinking - a revelation. You non alcoholics should appreciate the good things you've had in your life without even realising it. (Fuck Alcohol and Cancer)
Hormone replacement therapy was tested at 40, and my T levels were in the toilet and probably had been for a long time. Got my levels up to a healthy level, gained some mental clarity, lost a bunch of weight, and strapped on a bunch of muscle.
Meditate. Spend time alone with your thoughts. You don’t realize how much the chaos muppets are running your thought process until you take the time to center and calm.
Reference: 55yo male that has been meditating nearly all of his life.
Removal of a maxillary sinus mucous retention cyst (that I was, of course, assured was causing no problems at all for several years) and septoplasty. Went from 2-3 migraines a week to 0.
Bought a house. Rentals are horrific in Australia and Real Estate agents/landlords are the absolute scum of the earth sub humans when it comes to that whole thing
And more personally. I opted for gastric sleeve to help lose weight and keep it off. I dont suggest it as a first option. Mine was after many attempts and fails at shedding kilos. Went for over 150kg to just over 100 and been there for about 5 years. I should have made more effort to lose weight sooner. May not have needed to get the sleeve done then. But ita done and im glad.
Sleeping right, I had no idea how tired I actually was all the time til I wasn’t. Got a sleep study, CPAP, new mattress, all new pillows, one of those ugg bed sets and blacked out curtains. Life changing.
Keeping my teeth, hair, and nails in good shape. It takes a little but not too much, but like the wise ones say, everyones crazy for a sharp dressed man.
Exercise every day with emphasis on cardio. Not too intense. A brisk 40 minutes a day..oh 20 minutes of sauna 4 to 5 days a week. It beats any antidepressants by far
Learning that I don’t have to have an option or reaction to everything perceived slight, be it real or imagined. Life is too unpredictable to dwell or act on things that won’t matter when it’s time to cut the grass.
Quitting smoking
Backing on your awesome comment: quit drinking
Backing up your comment good sir: quit cocaine
Legend. Bloody good move. How's your bank account and nostrils now?
Well, both improving but in fairness was mild use that very quickly got worrying over the period of a stressful month at work so before becoming a true issue.. I’ve knocked it on the head and am doing just fine. How’s the non drinking?
Great. Almost 5 years. And won't go back.
Backing up your comment, fine fellow : quit smoking, drinking, and meth
No more smoking, drinking, and other substances… (quitting smoking was by far the hardest thing I’ve subbed in my life) Replaced by running, and so so so much better off
[удалено]
All three of you get an upvote from me because that’s fucking awesome and a random stranger ER nurse (me) is proud as fuck of you!
People will hate me for saying this, but I'm glad I stopped smoking weed. Walking around oblivious all the time is not a great way to go through life.
It is when you want to drown everything out
Backing on your awesome comment: start taking drugs
2 months clean from all nicotine. Red’s were my go to. Still miss it every now and again after mowing the yard or doing labor. Appreciate being able to breathe a little better though. Chantix and Nicotine gum worked surprisingly well. First 3-4 days fucking sucked though.
In a year you'll feel a lot better, stick through it, I've quit twice in my lifetime.
Quit drinking
Came here to say this. Switched from a pack a day to a pen vape. No more smelling like garbage. No more having to walk outside every 45 minutes. No more leaving buts everywhere. No more being looked down on for being an idiot smoker. Felt a huge increase in my health after about a month. Vaping isn't ideal, but it's way better than cigs. And somehow its mostly accepted in society.
Vaping helped me quit cigarettes altogether. 6-7 years i vaped, after quitting cigs.. always used same style tank / bat, mixed my own ever decreasing strength liquid. They stopped internet sales in Ca. All my stuff was old and not available in the fancy vape stores. I can still see my last tank/bat rolling off the kitchen counter and the hear the noise of my addiction breaking on the floor forever. Picked it up, no light, trash, done!
What did it do for you?
I'm a little over a year off cigs. I agree with this statement.
Just kicked drinking. Nicotine is next. Weed is staying for the foreseeable future lol
Losing some weight - every aspect of my health has improved.
Second this. I've been 30 pounds overweight for most of my adult life but I guess I carried it well and didn't think it was a problem. I've lost 40 pounds over the last 15 months and I can't believe how much my quality of life has improved. IBS used to rule my life but now it's gone. No more stomach pain. No more joint pain. All movement is easier, like my veins are filled with helium. I stand naked in front of the mirror without shame now. I didn't know any of that was related to weight and over eating.
Seriously. I know it's hard as fuck sometimes to lose the weight. But I was 300, down to 230 now. Still need to get down to around 210. I'm not even on a diet. Just eating less and not hitting up fast food and gas stations as much. Two years of still eating what I want but less of it has dropped 70lbs. Did it because I had a kid but the amount of things that are better in my life are wild. More energy, more confidence, better mental health, work (construction) is easier and far less miserable. I didn't know any of these things were an issue.
I’m working on this now. I don’t know how it happened, but I’ve gotten up to 360. I’m working with a weight loss program to try and help it come down, but I am eagerly awaiting the day I feel healthy again.
I didn't know I was 300 until I was wondering why my shirts weren't fitting anymore. It snuck up on me.
You sound like a really similar story to me. Good job mate, stay strong.
Sounds like your mirror is the real winner here.
Yes, the mirror is relieved.
Two things mainly: 1. Lift weights. Its so simple, yet so life changing. 2. Don't put much stock into what others think of you. Number 2 comes easier with age, but man, if I was this nonchalant at 18, it would have been a game changer.
Why let 30 seconds of someone else’s opinion damage any part of your 24 hours?
I agree with you. I don't care about people who don't matter think about me. I do care what my boss, wife and my trusted friends think about me.
I never cared bout what boss thought of me, I didn t like him, I did care bout getting long with other workers . I know long as showed up every day did my job was nothing he could do to me,,
Definitely comes with age, which is something I had seen before but it was before it translated. At some point a switch just flips. I think it’s once you realize what actually matters, all the irrelevant stuff like what people think about you ceases to matter as much. It takes being grown & the reality of it hitting you to put your focus on the important things.
In lieu of “lifting weights”, as that requires monetary investment (ie a gym membership or buying and storing the actual weights), I would suggest just consistently doing body weight exercises. The key is consistency, but merely doing sit ups and pushups properly for fifteen minutes a day will be a game changer for most people. Making these sorts of changes is a lifestyle choice, and a commitment to that change for good. Doing otherwise is pointless.
Add tension bands and you got yourself a proper workout. And they're cheap too.
I picked some up at The Dollar Store.
My dude, sit ups and push ups are not even close to as good as an actual lifting routine. You're literally only really hitting like 2-3 muscle groups with that workout.
It s better than nothing. you can do lot with out weights long as you stay with it,, For people that don t get much exercise even walking 3 to 5 miles day make A differance
I mean, it'll help build some muscle and a routine, but doesn't hold a candle to weights. It's better than nothing of course.
How was lifting weights life changing to you?
The feeling of being stronger, looking better, and hitting personal goals has done wonders for my confidence and attractiveness. The health benefits are awesome and keep me feeling more youthful that other guys my age. The discipline you build from sticking to your workouts long after the rush of motivation bleeds over into other areas of your life as well. It's something I plan to do for the rest of my life, whether that's maintaining 3 days a week or dropping down to two.
During my 15-28 years I wasn't into any sports activities. At 29 I finally picked up lifting weight + cardio and after first 2 months of "this fuckin sucks" when it becomes your routine/habit and your body gets accustomed to a new constant load, your mental health also improves, your overall day-to-day mood gets better and you have much more mental clarity. I finally understood the meaning behind a russian proverb - "In a healthy body is a healthy mind".
It depends on your hobbies/interests, but personally lifting weights in my 20s made me go from feeling like a wimpy dweeb around all my stronger friends to feeling like Captain America and looking forward to going out to bars. It was so surreal actually feeling women checking me out. Huge increase in self-confidence. It made me interested in striking up conversations with strangers at bars which I never would’ve done beforehand. You can do that without muscles, of course, but I was always the super skinny kid growing up and got made fun of for being weak. So flipping that on its head as an adult was a game-changer.
It’s helped my mental health as much as my physical health. It’s also helped my confidence and was the first healthy thing I’ve found after a stressful day. I think everyone can benefit in those ways. But specific to me I have a disabled daughter who is in a wheelchair and 23. About the only thing we spend a significant amount of money on is travel, we love it. A couple years ago in Italy I had to lift her and her chair so many places. it’s a beautiful country but not accessible at all. I came back from that trip so broken down physically and mentally. But I decided I wasn’t ready to stop traveling and I never wanted to feel that way after a trip again, so I committed myself to getting stronger. I rarely have back issues and carry her around so much easier now. It’s given us a second life.
Exercising more. I always thought running/hiking would be boring and it never interested me. I started trail running last summer and really enjoyed it. After a month or so I started to feel a lot more energetic and healthy. Both physically and mentally.
That does sound like a lot of fun. How far? How intense of a run?
About 2-3 miles so nothing crazy. I usually only have around an hour before or after work to fit it in. The park I go to has about 5 miles total with different trails. Some have hills and others are pretty flat. But it's nice to switch up my routes every day for a change of pace.
Not chasing women. Not keeping shitty friends. Focusing on building my finances
Shitty friends for sure, I would rather be alone than with people like that anymore
This is so true. I'm not great at the finances part. I get by with enough to do leisure activities. But I've been single for I think a full year now for the first time in my adult life and genuinely happy with it. Not to say I've been the type to write relationships off or anything, but I'm happy outside one finally. I've also gotten rid of a really toxic friend on top of reconnecting with really good ones I lost over time. It's made me so much happier.
Not chasing women is a big step.
Are you a FIRE path guy?
Getting rid of the toxic people in your life. Be ruthless.
Quit drinking
How much were you drinking prior? I drink once a week and I’m not sure if my quality of life would be better but I’d love to hear your reasoning
Daily 2-4 beers (7-9%) and then it was more during covid. After the beers there was wine and/or bourbon.
Gotta do that! Having a beer every evening after work kinda sucks.
Treating sleep apnea. I resisted getting a CPAP for so long. My dad and brother both needed one and I just stayed in denial. I had a couple car accidents because I was dozing off behind the wheel from years of shit sleep. Also, I should have quit drinking a long time ago.
I second the cpap. It changed my life for the better.
Bidet.
Moved to a job that was in person last year, lost access to my daily bidet usage, feel like an unclean monster.
Portable bidet I went with the tushy one Not the same thing as the hook up but life saving for work and travel
This didn’t come to mind when I read the title but oh how it is sooooo true!
Stopped caring what others thought about me.
How’s the best way to achieve this?
I will often say “Your opinion of me is none of my business so please don’t share it” Ultimately you have to simply make yourself believe it, much like getting on an airplane where I believe it’s perfectly safe. It’s a mindset.
Wow that’s a very nice way of putting it, I usually say “well it’s a good thing I didn’t ask for your f***ing opinion”
Meditate. It teaches you to stop impulsive feelings before they take over. Anger, fear, anxiety too.
In my case, work a job that you're massively over qualified for so you don't give two shits about what people think of you (and be good at it). And be over 40.
Discernment is great.
Got out of my apartment where I worked from home and into a house. Being in the same place most of the time was taking a toll on my mental health.
This is the number one reason why I started going into a co-working space from time to time despite having space at home. It also somehow helps that I see other people around even if I don't know them or speak to them.
This is what I need. To get the eff out
Divorce
my first wife was such a Terror. her cheating on me turned out to be the best ting ever, I finally woke up and left that bitch.
Right on. Bad marriages are just bad living.
Same here, I’ve never been happier
I came here to say this.
Damn. Should’ve wrote that, that was my second option.
Best day of my life so far. I gave my ex way too many chances.
Care to share any further details that could be useful to some of us in LTR? Anything you wish you knew before you got married, aside from obvious red flags like lying, cheating, etc.
Sure. I would say “listen to your friends and family” when they share concerns over your prospective partner, and “take a cold, hard look at your prospective partner’s parents and upbringing” and understand the tendencies for behaviour cycles that repeat through generations. I was absolutely head-over-heels for this woman and while I saw red flags I naively believed I could somehow “fix her”, or more accurately “save her” from her horrendous upbringing. Many people gently and thoughtfully expressed their concerns: my parents, siblings, friends, and even older family friends from church (who were not necessarily overly biased like immediate family would be). In hindsight I don’t feel any of these people were out of line or inappropriate in voicing their prescient and valid concerns. It would have saved a whole lot of heartbreak and damage if I’d put my ego and pride aside and listened. I ended up enduring years of violence, verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation, constant gaslighting, being cheated on, and being falsely accused, all of which she’d witnessed from her own mother to her father. I lasted eight years with her before I ended up in the hospital following a self-unaliving attempt. It took a while to get the divorce finalized, but when my lawyer presented me the signed decree from the judge, I felt absolutely empowered to live.
Thank you for sharing your experience and story. I do agree that we should all make deliberate efforts to occasionally check in with third party check-ins for our relationships to make sure we’re checking the rose colored glasses.
My soul knew this answer would be pretty high up
Care to share any further details that could be useful to some of us in LTR? Anything you wish you knew before you got married, aside from obvious red flags like lying, cheating, etc.
Quit working night shifts.
Never again
I work nights 5-6 times a month and it cooks me. Awful heartburn. Lousy sleep. Short temper/zero patience. It’s truly for the birds. And grossly underpaid IMO
is it just shifts or staying at night overall? I'be been going to sleep at 7-8am and waking up at 1-2pm for quite some time now, I'm much more productive and giggly at night, but I also have no strength during the day, not sure if I should keep doing it. I love nights tho, it's so peaceful, quiet and I can do whatever I want
I've been working nights for 10 years now. I'm seriously thinking about stopping.
I would recommend stopping. Your bodies circadian rhythm will be much happier. I was recovering from an injury at the time and the healing was very slow until I quit that job and then the recovery improved very quickly. There is also a long list of health concerns from working night shifts. Your immune system takes a hit.
Exercising often and consistently. I dread certain exercises but I trick my brain into feeling way better when I'm finished. Also having muscles is nice
I need to get back into this. I wasn’t a gym rat by far before the pandemic but I still went on a semi regular basis and also did workouts at home. My main issue though is no matter what I did I saw very little progress. It was mainly just always being sore with nothing to show for it
Seeking help for a mental illness.
This is Dolph Lundgren on going to therapy, he was an abused kid [Youtube Dolph Lundgren](https://youtu.be/iNOE0dZpHcY?si=AjOGDxwDdccxyufU)
Damn what a great Ted Talk. Had no idea about Dolph’s background until watching this. Seems like a great dude.
Stop worrying about what I “should” be doing. Drop the feeling that I always need to do something. Life will throw shit at you that you need to deal with. If nothings being thrown at you, you’re good just chill.
personal trainer / athletic coach. worth every fecking penny.
Going to the gym four times a week. It's nice to have a constant in life, and seeing some definition in my body definitely helped my confidence.
Cut sugar and alcohol. That is use them sparsely
Me too, my dude. Added Wellbutrin. Alcohol and sugar seriously screws you good. Best of luck.
I switched from shopping whenever I needed to cook to shopping once a week. Costs less money, saves time, and makes me eat healthier.
This is underrated. Eating well and treating your diet with the respect it deserves is foundational to a healthy life.
Changed jobs when I didn’t think I could
Plenty of things, but the biggest bang for my buck was just prepping things for the next morning. I’m notoriously lazy in the mornings. So much so that I used to take any excuse I could to just laze around half the day. Night-Me started taking more and more of those excuses away from Morning-Me. Smallest example I can think of is picking out my clothes the day before. Super simple, but when it’s *so* easy to just keep watching YouTube or scrolling reddit, removing even the smallest of steps between you and stepping outside is worth its weight.
Lifting weights/walking more, cutting out pop and drinking lots of water
Regular sleep.
I took all the toxic people out of my life by going no contact, I lost multiple friends, family, and stopped caring about events and place I frequented for hobbies and started changing where I went and who I interacted with from that point on. Now my life is extremely fulfilling and happy, I get to enjoy my life knowing that I will never have to deal with those horrible people ever again.
Went cold turkey on all (100%) of Alcohol.
Stretching.
Starting a small business.
Right on. Keep rockin it mate.
Just the time that you gain is incredible
What did you start?
Freight Transportation company because online deliveries have become very popular
Divorce led to a domino effect of great things in my life. I got a much better job, I made enough in 9 yrs to retire, I have a much better relationship with my kids, I have had a steady flow of zero-drama girlfriends. I am now able to pursue my hobbies, my health has improved. The list goes on and on, conversely, her life went to hell, she lives in a dinky one-bedroom apartment in a less-than-ideal part of town. She had her car repossessed, has a dead-end job, and our kids can barely stand her. And for those who care, yes she cheated and when she lost her car, I paid the back payments on it so she could get it back. I did that because I didn't want my kids worrying about her. Oh and the guy she was cheating with dumped her for a younger woman whom he also married. I mean damn, it reads like a Karma warning.
My ex cheated with my neighbor. We fought, broke up, she left and literally drove next door. Whatever, she wasn’t worth chasing. That dude got arrested chasing her with a different guy in her car. Then his grandma died and he lost his house. Bye neighbor. LOL! My ex - lost all custody of our son except for supervised visits at my discretion. Drugs, 6 counts of felony prescription forgery (among other charges, some felony, some misdemeanor) and years of bad decisions. She has 5 kids with 4 different fathers - my son is the oldest. My son is 21 now. During that time, my ex spent 3 or so years total in jail, another 3 with almost no contact voluntarily as she was busy making new babies while shacked up with her drug dealers). I’ve been married for 18 years. I’m not at retirement, but my house is paid for and we’re financially very stable. I bought all of my kids their first cars, paid cash, oldest two are in college, everyone financially sound.
A vasectomy
How?
Allowed my wife to come off birth control pills and her sex drive came back after a 10 year absence
As soon as I saw the whites of my 2nd daughters eyes I booked that appointment so fast.
1.Saying no, or im busy to things i really didn't want to do, or join in on. 2. Letting things go that i can't control. There really are times you can be selfish, and it hurts NOBODY.
To add on to number 2, learning to eat crow is a good one too imo. We all want things to go our way, but it's good to realize when you can have a better outcome by just letting someone else have their way instead.
This is gonna sound dumb but being responsible. I'm still not the most on top of it guy, but resolving to actually do shit like keeping my room clean and brushing my teeth daily really did turn my mental completely around, and got me to finally stop loathing my existence.
I’m an adult, I take my joint with my morning coffee and I’m set for the day. No need to drink multiple energy drinks like I used to
Giving up porn. My mind feels so much clearer. I don’t feel anxious. I still masturbate and think everyone should. But porn is a poison.
Anxious because of porn?
Getting a motorcycle. And started just being direct with my wife and asking for sex. Instead of always being stand off ish because I was afraid of being turned down.
Start getting some proper sleep. Sorry, child me. I have failed you.
Getting rid of Narcissistic friends that suck the life out of everyone around them.
Learning to budget, paying off all my debts and creating a 3 month nest egg. Relieved a lot of stress at home and work. Honestly take car payments and mortgage payments out of the equation and see how much better life is.
Got a dog. Have a best buddy around all the time and forced to go out on walks and hikes. A dog has gotten me outside more than anything else.
I have two. Quit Drinking Got LASIK
Quit dating forever
Boxing lessons.
Other than the brain damage from repeated concussions doing boxing is the best thing ever. The confidence from knowing you can handle yourself and being tested (compared to "thinking you can" but never being sure) is astounding. Unfortunately the concussions are why I don't box any more. Judo is an acceptable substitute.
I have no intention of getting in the ring or hitting anyone. I take lessons for the discipline, cardio, and to live my Rocky IV fantasy.
Eating minimal junk food
Quit smoking weed and now always sober. Weed will make you content with life and keep you from moving on. It was really a coping mechanism for a lot of underlying issues I was ignoring to face.
**Weight training.** As in lifting progressively heavier weights and managing e.g. diet and sleep to support that. **Having kids.** Yeah it's a lot of work, but a family forces you to set priorities (which is good). I don't know that I would have been a better parent if I'd had my kids in my 30s, but I'd definitely be a better grandparent. **Dating to find a partner.** I dated for a long time before and after my first marriage, and I wish I'd done it more strategically. Like, this woman is pretty but doesn't bring anything else to the table, so what am I doing here? **Going Health First.** I lift twice a week, and nothing save a family emergency keeps that from happening. Ditto getting eight hours' sleep, drinking water, and eating healthy food. Like I will hit my macros if it means I'm packing a protein shake to a Passover Seder. **Not Buying Dumb Shit.** So my first business did OK and what do I do? Buy a BMW z3. Pretty car but dumb as fuck. Always in for warranty work. Tires were like $1500. I called it the Fuhrer's Revenge and then a friend of mine totaled it and once I knew he was OK it was the happiest day of my life. But there's so much dumb shit. Suits and watches and blah blah fucking blah. Nobody cares. So whatever you're buying, get the Toyota Corolla version of it. The thing that Just Works. The house in the subdivision.
[удалено]
Talcum powder. It keeps everything smooth during the day.
Hearing aids. They aren’t just for old people.
Walking more often
Marrying a rich woman.
ADHD medicine
Dating your mom. SHE ALWAYS HAS SNACKS
Quitting drinking - a revelation. You non alcoholics should appreciate the good things you've had in your life without even realising it. (Fuck Alcohol and Cancer)
I stopped keeping score. Who does more at work, home etc.
##r/StopDrinking Do it, now.
Quitting weed for mushrooms. Leaving my wife. Don't stick your dick in crazy.
Hormone replacement therapy was tested at 40, and my T levels were in the toilet and probably had been for a long time. Got my levels up to a healthy level, gained some mental clarity, lost a bunch of weight, and strapped on a bunch of muscle.
Marrying a woman who made twice what I did and didn’t make me feel like shit
T. Vasectomy. Divorce. Not necessarily in that order.
Empathy, compassion, self-care and complete respect for the struggles that women face in all walks of life.
Sucking dick as a straight guy.
Well, that was one of the least expected responses, but I guess everyone has their path.
You need to elaborate bro
That’s not gay, you’re just secure.
Protect your peace of mind as much as possible
A good quality bidet
Quitting alcohol
Road running and going to gym. Trying to eat once a day. Trying to give up alcohol(almost there)
Started taking edibles for pain management and sleep.
Getting sober.
Getting sober. Life changing, but more importantly, life saving.
Yoga
Changing career paths from what I’d been told was important to what was actually important for me.
Setting Boundaries with people.
Meditate. Spend time alone with your thoughts. You don’t realize how much the chaos muppets are running your thought process until you take the time to center and calm. Reference: 55yo male that has been meditating nearly all of his life.
Getting a dog.
Working from home
Quitting alcohol
CPAP!
Quitting drinking
Quitting drinking
LASIK
Removal of a maxillary sinus mucous retention cyst (that I was, of course, assured was causing no problems at all for several years) and septoplasty. Went from 2-3 migraines a week to 0.
Sleeping
Bought a house. Rentals are horrific in Australia and Real Estate agents/landlords are the absolute scum of the earth sub humans when it comes to that whole thing And more personally. I opted for gastric sleeve to help lose weight and keep it off. I dont suggest it as a first option. Mine was after many attempts and fails at shedding kilos. Went for over 150kg to just over 100 and been there for about 5 years. I should have made more effort to lose weight sooner. May not have needed to get the sleeve done then. But ita done and im glad.
Quitting drinking/smoking Seeing a psych and getting properly checked out mentally was also a game changer.
Sleeping right, I had no idea how tired I actually was all the time til I wasn’t. Got a sleep study, CPAP, new mattress, all new pillows, one of those ugg bed sets and blacked out curtains. Life changing.
Antidepressants.
Consistent gym and less drinking
Keeping my teeth, hair, and nails in good shape. It takes a little but not too much, but like the wise ones say, everyones crazy for a sharp dressed man.
Mindfulness. I feel much better when I’m tuned in to what’s going on inside and around me.
Walking every day.
Packing in cigarettes , now I have emphysema and asthma, wish I’d known earlier but fuck i looked cool …… not
Buying a really high quality premium office chair. That helps reducing back pain
Stretching before bed
Getting sober
Cutting alcohol.
Quit drinking. It's been thirteen years.
Started regularly playing my childhood sport again, it makes me happy and keeps me in better shape ⚽️
Exercise every day with emphasis on cardio. Not too intense. A brisk 40 minutes a day..oh 20 minutes of sauna 4 to 5 days a week. It beats any antidepressants by far
Divorce
Learning that I don’t have to have an option or reaction to everything perceived slight, be it real or imagined. Life is too unpredictable to dwell or act on things that won’t matter when it’s time to cut the grass.
I went back to a landline telephone.