This is my policy. I generally always offer to put it on my card when out with friends, sometimes even pay out right. But if they offer to pay me back I gladly accept. But if they don't it just doesn't get offered anymore. And I spend a little money to learn a valuable lesson about a person
I would casually say, “hey, if you forgot to bring the cash today for lunch yesterday you can Zelle me.” And then offer to send her the link to your Zelle or tell her your username. She will have no excuse.
Right. At this point, i'm not harboring resentment, nor am I going to ask for the money back. I'm just going to not put myself in a position to be taken advantage of again by this worker.
Sounds like you’re acting very unconcerned to her face, which isn’t aligning with your expectations of her.
I would stop ruminating on it, and simply remind her before the end of the week.
In principle, you should not lend out money or do a favor that you expect in return.
And if you make it out to be no big deal, why would your co-worker scramble to pay you back promptly? Obviously you don't care that much.
Don't lend what you can't afford, don't expect it to come back, and don't lend again if you never see repayment or reciprocity.
Oh I understand the "principle". But OP stated that this person exhibited prior behavior that would make someone question her commitment, productivity and punctuality. And she lent her money anyway.
Therefore the principle is, if you lend money to someone who is constantly late, distracted and underproductive, don't expect the terms of repayment to be followed verbatim.
If the money wasn't there, the principle would disappear. Hence the principle is the money. I know that $15 will not ruin you financially. But it's enough to make you annoyed. If it was $0.10, you would forget about it and you wouldn't care that she didn't keep her word. It is about the money.
No. it would still matter. Even if she said she'd bring me a freaking sticky note, I'd still be pressed if she failed to keep her word. its the PRINCIPLE.
But if she didn't owe you anything material, the principle would disappear. Which proves that the material thing that she owes you is the principle. In this case, the material thing is $15.
I'm not missing the principle. I understand. From my perspective (uninvolved), you are being as stubborn as she is being disrespectful. Like you are looking for a reason to be upset.
Having to remind them once can be normal, if they still don’t do it, probably just assume you aren’t getting it back and let the situation go, but learn from it.
Just bring it back up to try and remind her. It doesn't hurt to try. If she plays it off, and acts like she doesn't remember, then that's when you have a problem.
I give people one freebie than never loan them money or cover them again if they don't pay it back. Looks like you paid $15 to learn she can't be trusted with money.
From your initial description of her, it sounds like she's not completely on top of her mental health. She probably just forgot. Maybe she even has the money with her and has just forgotten that she needs to give it to you, or just hasn't seen an opportunity to bring it up yet. As someone with mental health issues myself, I have similar situations all the time where even I'll have the thing and even remember that the thing needs to be dealt with, but have no idea how to bring it up even to the point of being unable to do it, because of massive social anxiety or whatever.
It's literally as simple as "Hey, do you have that money for lunch yesterday?". Then the ball is rolling, for some people, answering a social interaction that has already been started is much easier than starting one.
I’ve tried forgetting it and I’ve tried being direct with my expectation to be repaid. I’ve learned that first option usually results in me having to come up with excuses to avoid going out with them for a time until they get the hint and the second option makes me an asshole.
I choose to be an asshole who gets paid back. Might not the best choice and it might not be for everyone. But I’ve just come to realize I care more about not letting them get away with it than I do about the opinions of scummy people who try to avoid paying their debts.
Two typically British responses depending whether you see her in person or send her a message at the end of the day (I presume "zelle" is a bank transfer :) ):
"Hey, I really enjoyed our meal yesterday. If you haven't got the cash on you, would it be easier to zelle me after all?"
"Hey, sorry I didn't get chance to meet you today to pick up the cash - I'll collect tomorrow if that's ok?"
You can either:
Not ask for it and stew over it, and never pay again
Ask for it back, and never pay again. I would ask for it back, repeatedly until they paid. I’m not a charity
Not sure why people feel bad when they lend money and ask for it back. That said it's generally good to assume you won't always get that money back. I personally have no issues saying something like, "hey, do you have that 20 dollars, I really need it for gas". Not to make someone feel bad, but I don't see why I need to suck it up when they clearly communicated they'd pay me back. That said, I don't care to ask friends or family. If it's a random co-worker I'm not friends with, I won't harass them, but I will certainly bring it up and at least let them realize they need to pay me back, they can't just take advantage of me like that.
I would remind her, and ask her to go ahead and pay you. If she doesn't pay you immediately then I'd never go to lunch with her again.
Also, I try to follow the rule, if I cannot risk losing the money entirely, I will not loan it.
Bring that shit up I don’t give af how awkward it is as long as I have proof I’ll make a daily deal out of it until they pay
It’ll be our only talking point if I see them actively avoiding it also
Your situation sounds like honest mistake territory just say
“Hey sorry did you bring the cash for the food the other day by any chance?”
I mean that the forgetting to pay seems so early at this point that I would assume it’s an honest mistake
If you’re repeating this to her every day for 5 years, we are past the mistake zone/territory into your coworker just choosing to be a dick who took advantage of you
If you haven’t even reminded her yet = seems like still an honest mistake type of situation/zone/territory/area
if it's been like a week or whatever, you could ask her if she wants to go to the same place again, and then say "you have your wallet this time, right? you got us this time?"
If all it costs you is the price of a lunch to learn about this loser then rack it up to experience and don't be going to anymore restaurants with her.
Ask her to lunch again and she can pay? Or you can ask her for the cash, or to zelle you... its money just ask. If there are excuses never pay for their shit again and you know when they get paid next. You are sorted
work is work, its not a place to make friends. you worry too much;
"She comes in late every morning, has pretty low energy, is always on her phone, is seemingly unproductive and doesn't put much effort into here appearance. She also has called off 3 time in the 4 weeks that I've been here."
You tryna justify the wage gap or something? What goofy drama over forgetting to pay $15 within 24 hours
It's too low stakes to mean anything. Tbh it's weirder that you're almost ready to throw hands over it instead of just reminding/asking again like a normal person lmao
You're talking about principle after not getting paid by end of next business day?
That's not normal social grace. And I'm making an edgy joke about how this type of nonsense drama over nothing is the "female tax" and why they get paid less.
Dude, I’m a construction project manager. Trust me, I’m not getting paid “less”. And yea, the principle that of promising something then not keeping her word. It speaks volumes to character. Nobody’s “throwing hands”. You sound delusional for even allowing a train of thought to run that rampant.
It's just expression lmao, some people are just living their life and not constantly judging themselves and others so harshly
If it bothers you, be nice and direct. Empathize with the fact that there are an infinite number of reasons why people may forget that they have nothing to do with your principles.
If you're so principled, one of those principles should be letting people know before you get so upset with them you make a post on reddit lmao
And I literally said it was a JOKE. Although you're working overtime to make it seem valid 😂
Asking for the money before the end of the time period when the person said they would pay them back would definitely seem petty. It’s just $15 and OP says she not hurting for cash. The civil thing to do is to at least wait until the day is over.
That’s obvious yes. Simple solution right? Yes. But some people are aware of what they are doing and also asking for money back is tacky. Why would a person be comfortable owning money? Like how can you forget? Then suggest to pay cash next day instead of Zelle like you initially suggested?
Nah... I did see the other comment and agree that it's the best approach! Give them a choice rather than ask straight up
But generally, I just ask and don't worry too much about how it appears! Like you said, it's not about the money... it's to find out who you're dealing with!
I've forgotten money that I've owed and it's sometimes left... I'm more embarrassed when I remember 2 months later than when someone reminds me the next week
It's just now tomorrow. Simmer Down Now..... This isn't a problem for like a week or two.
Also, move on. Just don't do it again. That's the cost of a good education if she doesn't pay it back. It ain't worth the time and effort to put that on Reddit.
I'd say it cost you $15 to never have to talk to her again.
(aside from very specific necessary work related questions)
Pretty cheep lesson.
As for resent, why would you resent someone who is obviously not doing as well as you.
Try on pity instead.
She might just be so disorganized she honestly forgot.
If she cant get to work on time, or at all, is she expected to remember other details?
Why are you assuming she forgot? She said initially that she’d Zelle. Then after she invited the cash option, only to not fulfill her promise. The principle.
Simple... just never do that again.
right
This is my policy. I generally always offer to put it on my card when out with friends, sometimes even pay out right. But if they offer to pay me back I gladly accept. But if they don't it just doesn't get offered anymore. And I spend a little money to learn a valuable lesson about a person
Spot on.
This is the way.
Purely out of curiosity, why is this in r/askmen?
Idk, I feel like men always give a straight to the point answer without all the bullshit
So how are you going to handle this?
Move on and never lend to this person.
If it were in askwomen or God forbid, 2xc...
I would casually say, “hey, if you forgot to bring the cash today for lunch yesterday you can Zelle me.” And then offer to send her the link to your Zelle or tell her your username. She will have no excuse.
That is such a clever way to mention it lol
If you’re gonna harbor resentment it’s not worth letting slide. Just get the money back and go about your life lol
Right. At this point, i'm not harboring resentment, nor am I going to ask for the money back. I'm just going to not put myself in a position to be taken advantage of again by this worker.
Straightforward, no hard feelings, just taking care of business! I like it.
I would not mention it. Maybe she'll buy you lunch sometime.
I thought the same.
So what's the worry? It's a few dollars.
It’s the principle
Sounds like you’re acting very unconcerned to her face, which isn’t aligning with your expectations of her. I would stop ruminating on it, and simply remind her before the end of the week.
In principle, you should not lend out money or do a favor that you expect in return. And if you make it out to be no big deal, why would your co-worker scramble to pay you back promptly? Obviously you don't care that much. Don't lend what you can't afford, don't expect it to come back, and don't lend again if you never see repayment or reciprocity.
WHAT PART OF THE PRINCIPLE DONT YOU UNDERSTAND????????? It's not about the money, it's about keeping your word!
Oh I understand the "principle". But OP stated that this person exhibited prior behavior that would make someone question her commitment, productivity and punctuality. And she lent her money anyway. Therefore the principle is, if you lend money to someone who is constantly late, distracted and underproductive, don't expect the terms of repayment to be followed verbatim.
... and the principle is the money.
No, the principle is keeping your word.
If the money wasn't there, the principle would disappear. Hence the principle is the money. I know that $15 will not ruin you financially. But it's enough to make you annoyed. If it was $0.10, you would forget about it and you wouldn't care that she didn't keep her word. It is about the money.
No. it would still matter. Even if she said she'd bring me a freaking sticky note, I'd still be pressed if she failed to keep her word. its the PRINCIPLE.
But if she didn't owe you anything material, the principle would disappear. Which proves that the material thing that she owes you is the principle. In this case, the material thing is $15.
Okay, sir. What if she promised to give me a hug, and didn't??????? do you see the principle now???!
And she'll likely buy you lunch. What's the issue? She'll get you back. It's been one day.
If she can't even pay me back or keep her word, what makes you think she'll buy me lunch??????
It's been one, now two days. Buying each other lunch is just normal people behavior.
"buying each other lunch" was not the agreement. Are you missing the principle?
I'm not missing the principle. I understand. From my perspective (uninvolved), you are being as stubborn as she is being disrespectful. Like you are looking for a reason to be upset.
Maybe I am being stubborn. I'm disappointed that a person mad a promise to me but failed to keep their word.
Try this: "Hey, since you forgot cash to pay me back, maybe it would be easier that next time we go to lunch you can cover us?"
I appreciate the feedback. If we ever end p going to lunch, I'd not expect anything from her, but wonder if she'd offer to cover me.
You could offer her this as an opportunity to pay you back because it's so important to you.
It's not important to me. it's a disappointment. some people don't value reputation and morale the way i do. that's fine. Again, it's the principle.
Just remind her. Maybe she forgot.
I considered that too.
But?
There’s an angle that maybe she’s doing it on purpose and may flip it on me if I ask. Like get “annoyed”
Well, you can point out she said she was going to pay you back in cash tomorrow.
Yea but today IS tomorrow
Yeah, so if she tries to get annoyed at you just shut it down by saying she's not keeping her word.
Having to remind them once can be normal, if they still don’t do it, probably just assume you aren’t getting it back and let the situation go, but learn from it.
Just bring it back up to try and remind her. It doesn't hurt to try. If she plays it off, and acts like she doesn't remember, then that's when you have a problem.
That's a good point. I keep thinking about how the polite thing to do is just let it go but also being wise in never covering her again. fool me once.
A wise Man once said, on tv: “Fool me once shame on you, fool me - You can't get fooled again''
Dude, are you talking about George Bush in that J.cole song??! lmao
[he actually said it](https://youtu.be/KjmjqlOPd6A?si=GjbcKMcvPP6P6epi)
i know
I give people one freebie than never loan them money or cover them again if they don't pay it back. Looks like you paid $15 to learn she can't be trusted with money.
From your initial description of her, it sounds like she's not completely on top of her mental health. She probably just forgot. Maybe she even has the money with her and has just forgotten that she needs to give it to you, or just hasn't seen an opportunity to bring it up yet. As someone with mental health issues myself, I have similar situations all the time where even I'll have the thing and even remember that the thing needs to be dealt with, but have no idea how to bring it up even to the point of being unable to do it, because of massive social anxiety or whatever. It's literally as simple as "Hey, do you have that money for lunch yesterday?". Then the ball is rolling, for some people, answering a social interaction that has already been started is much easier than starting one.
I really appreciate this feedback. Thank you 🙏🏽
Probably nothing, other than just not covering them again.
Ask her for the cash.
Send her a Zelle request
OoooooOohhhhh good pointttt
I’ve tried forgetting it and I’ve tried being direct with my expectation to be repaid. I’ve learned that first option usually results in me having to come up with excuses to avoid going out with them for a time until they get the hint and the second option makes me an asshole. I choose to be an asshole who gets paid back. Might not the best choice and it might not be for everyone. But I’ve just come to realize I care more about not letting them get away with it than I do about the opinions of scummy people who try to avoid paying their debts.
I totally agree with the majority of this. Thank you
Yo btw you got that cash for lunch? Thanks homie. Oh, you forgot? that's cool just bring it by tomorrow.
I would ask her for the cash.
Two typically British responses depending whether you see her in person or send her a message at the end of the day (I presume "zelle" is a bank transfer :) ): "Hey, I really enjoyed our meal yesterday. If you haven't got the cash on you, would it be easier to zelle me after all?" "Hey, sorry I didn't get chance to meet you today to pick up the cash - I'll collect tomorrow if that's ok?"
I'd let it slide and just never pay for them again
15$ is a low price to pay to find out if someone is reliable or not.
Steal small things from them constantly like pens, phone chargers etc until it reaches the value of the lunch
This is diabolical 😂
If all it costs you is a lunch to discover your coworker is an asshole, you got off cheap.
I wouldn't say anything. Maybe she will pay the next lunch. If not.. then that would be the last freebie from me.
Love it. Nice approach.
You can either: Not ask for it and stew over it, and never pay again Ask for it back, and never pay again. I would ask for it back, repeatedly until they paid. I’m not a charity
Frankly, I wouldn't mention it and if you get paid back then you get paid back. If you don't get it, then don't expect to.
Not sure why people feel bad when they lend money and ask for it back. That said it's generally good to assume you won't always get that money back. I personally have no issues saying something like, "hey, do you have that 20 dollars, I really need it for gas". Not to make someone feel bad, but I don't see why I need to suck it up when they clearly communicated they'd pay me back. That said, I don't care to ask friends or family. If it's a random co-worker I'm not friends with, I won't harass them, but I will certainly bring it up and at least let them realize they need to pay me back, they can't just take advantage of me like that.
I guess I don't mind confrontation. I would just be like yo do you got my cash and await a response lol
Well, it's been 7 years so I guess nothing.
But it feels personal
I would remind her, and ask her to go ahead and pay you. If she doesn't pay you immediately then I'd never go to lunch with her again. Also, I try to follow the rule, if I cannot risk losing the money entirely, I will not loan it.
Bring that shit up I don’t give af how awkward it is as long as I have proof I’ll make a daily deal out of it until they pay It’ll be our only talking point if I see them actively avoiding it also Your situation sounds like honest mistake territory just say “Hey sorry did you bring the cash for the food the other day by any chance?”
Great points. What’s mistake territory?
I mean that the forgetting to pay seems so early at this point that I would assume it’s an honest mistake If you’re repeating this to her every day for 5 years, we are past the mistake zone/territory into your coworker just choosing to be a dick who took advantage of you If you haven’t even reminded her yet = seems like still an honest mistake type of situation/zone/territory/area
if it's been like a week or whatever, you could ask her if she wants to go to the same place again, and then say "you have your wallet this time, right? you got us this time?"
Let it go and never do it again.
finally, some wisdom.
Remind her. Then don't loan money again.
It seems like she has a casual, loosely-goosey approach to life. You may get your money, . . . or not.
Right. Glad you noticed.
If all it costs you is the price of a lunch to learn about this loser then rack it up to experience and don't be going to anymore restaurants with her.
Ask her to lunch again and she can pay? Or you can ask her for the cash, or to zelle you... its money just ask. If there are excuses never pay for their shit again and you know when they get paid next. You are sorted
Send her a zelle request
Expense it. Put her not paying, as the reason for the reimbursement request.
just worry about you only, her life and soul it's not your responsibility.
what does this have to do with anything??
work is work, its not a place to make friends. you worry too much; "She comes in late every morning, has pretty low energy, is always on her phone, is seemingly unproductive and doesn't put much effort into here appearance. She also has called off 3 time in the 4 weeks that I've been here."
Dude, just communicate. She probably forgot and got busy. Take the zelle if you're worried about it.
It feels personal since she offered to bring cash the second time but initially told me she would zelle.
You could always slash her tires if she doesn’t pay up.
right. stand on business over those $17 tacos
First I don't tell him anything, then I ask him for a loan and I don't pay him, for vipolar.🙃
lmaoooo diabolical ahahhaha!!
I wouldn't bring it up. It's $30, and you're going to be seeing her for 40 hours a week, and it's not worth awkwardness or animosity.
There’s already awkwardness and animosity because how can you “forget” to pay a person back?? And I have to see you 40 hours a week
She seems like somebody that has gotten good at exploiting people. Take it as a lesson learned and keep your distance, and keep your guard up.
Love this
You tryna justify the wage gap or something? What goofy drama over forgetting to pay $15 within 24 hours It's too low stakes to mean anything. Tbh it's weirder that you're almost ready to throw hands over it instead of just reminding/asking again like a normal person lmao
Where am I ready to “throw hands”? Where am I mentioning a “wage gap”? I didn’t invite delusional ideas in the discussion.
You're talking about principle after not getting paid by end of next business day? That's not normal social grace. And I'm making an edgy joke about how this type of nonsense drama over nothing is the "female tax" and why they get paid less.
Dude, I’m a construction project manager. Trust me, I’m not getting paid “less”. And yea, the principle that of promising something then not keeping her word. It speaks volumes to character. Nobody’s “throwing hands”. You sound delusional for even allowing a train of thought to run that rampant.
It's just expression lmao, some people are just living their life and not constantly judging themselves and others so harshly If it bothers you, be nice and direct. Empathize with the fact that there are an infinite number of reasons why people may forget that they have nothing to do with your principles. If you're so principled, one of those principles should be letting people know before you get so upset with them you make a post on reddit lmao And I literally said it was a JOKE. Although you're working overtime to make it seem valid 😂
Keep living in your world of whimsy. Some people live in the REAL world and believe in people keeping their word. It's the principle.
This was yesterday? Give her time If you bug her the day after lunch that would feel petty to me unless you need the money.
It would feel petty for someone to ask for their cash back that YOU promised to return????!!!!?
Asking for the money before the end of the time period when the person said they would pay them back would definitely seem petty. It’s just $15 and OP says she not hurting for cash. The civil thing to do is to at least wait until the day is over.
Mention it... isn't that obvious? Mention it until it's beyond doubt that she's wilfully not paying you
That’s obvious yes. Simple solution right? Yes. But some people are aware of what they are doing and also asking for money back is tacky. Why would a person be comfortable owning money? Like how can you forget? Then suggest to pay cash next day instead of Zelle like you initially suggested?
Nah... I did see the other comment and agree that it's the best approach! Give them a choice rather than ask straight up But generally, I just ask and don't worry too much about how it appears! Like you said, it's not about the money... it's to find out who you're dealing with! I've forgotten money that I've owed and it's sometimes left... I'm more embarrassed when I remember 2 months later than when someone reminds me the next week
Shrug and move on. There are a lot of things to fret and worry over, a lunch debt doesn't even show up on my radar these days.
It's just now tomorrow. Simmer Down Now..... This isn't a problem for like a week or two. Also, move on. Just don't do it again. That's the cost of a good education if she doesn't pay it back. It ain't worth the time and effort to put that on Reddit.
Definitely worth the time to put it on Reddit
I'd say it cost you $15 to never have to talk to her again. (aside from very specific necessary work related questions) Pretty cheep lesson. As for resent, why would you resent someone who is obviously not doing as well as you. Try on pity instead. She might just be so disorganized she honestly forgot. If she cant get to work on time, or at all, is she expected to remember other details?
This woman just spent $350 on meat and she has a husband.
Was all this stress and effort worth the ~$15 that she forgot to give you back?
Why are you assuming she forgot? She said initially that she’d Zelle. Then after she invited the cash option, only to not fulfill her promise. The principle.