How old are you?
Most of the single guys I know don't go out much and usually have solitary hobbies like hiking, biking, gaming, body building, etc. They're open to dating, they're just not actively pursuing it.
I fall squarely into this box yes. I’ve kinda fallen off the dating apps for obvious reasons. I’d go out drinking if it wasn’t so expensive and the vibe was more low key, hang out. As it stands, the low key bars tend to be super boujee and I’d rather not spend $50+ to drink by myself.
All my single friends are the same. They have solitary hobbies, or the hobbies they have that arent solitary they already have a specific friend group they do that with (like golf, board games, shit like that).
Too expensive to go out regularly hoping to meet someone, and incredibly burnt out from the dating app hell. They are single and open to dating/relationships. Just aren’t actively seeking anymore due to the hellscape that is modern dating
Unfortunately, they kinda have to set the prices like this.
5$ a drink means a group will come to party and order a lot of drinks for each killing the low key/hang out vibe.
Prices are there to manipulate customers behaviours.
Say you get 2 beers. That’s about $10-$15 each. Add on tip. You’re looking at close to $30. And then if you get a mixed drink, you’re easily over $50.
The value isn’t there unless the beer on tap is incredibly good, or the bar vibes are unique. I don’t like IPAs so that eliminates a good half of the breweries.
Jeez that's rough, I also only go to cheaper bars, aiming for 6-7 usd(converted ) for a beer. The average price for a beer here is around 8, can get to 11 too if it's central. Either you're living in a super expensive metropolis, or the prices really suck over there.
Do they not have dive bars where you live? The city I’m in has several inexpensive, popular dive bars with good jukeboxes, surly bartenders, and great vibes. I meet women in these places all the time.
I'm 28. And maybe that is the issue, maybe I'm not meeting single men because the single men aren't really trying to meet anyone. Maybe that means I need to just throw in the towel myself.
I don't think I agree with your framing. Like a buddy of mine was single for 6 years and met a girl at the grocery store and they're getting married in 3 months.
I think, as a woman, you have something of a social superpower in the sense that men generally have no strong objections about being approached anywhere, at any time. So while I think men are better off keeping their romantic pursuits to spaces that are specifically designed for it, I don't think you have that limitation. Like I've been asked out by six women in my life, four of those in what I would call non-traditional settings, and I said yes to all of them.
exactly this. Why can't women realise this? C'mon seriously? Men aren't putting in the effort to hit on women because of the era we are atm. If women want men, they should just say hello and carry on
Not happening.
Almost all of them were raised like a princess, and were taught to wait for a charming prince to sweep them away.
So, we have the majority of women thinking they're a princess, but less than 10% of men are perceived as princes.
It's a math problem right now.
Even as a man, I found that getting that I'll never be worse at it than the last time is pretty motivating, all things considered.
Also, you can make your own observations and conclusions.
What even worse is lots of women will just wait for a man to ask her out. Meanwhile, some women will throw a fit if you ask a woman out if she is in public enjoying herself or getting groceries not enjoying herself because “women are tired of men always hitting on them”. So many men respect those wishes and don’t ask women out. Then the larger group of women wonder why men don’t ask them out.
I ask out men quite frequently actually, on the apps or otherwise, what I've unfortunately experienced is that they feel like I'm overly interested, I've multiple men specifically express that to me. It's been so much of an issue that now I'm almost hesitant to do it for fear that I'll scare them away from the get go.
I used to never believe this but it happened to my friend a couple weeks ago. Some girl was showing a LOT of interest in him and he ended up calling it off cause it was so unexpected.
I understand and see where you are coming from in a scenario of a person cold meeting another. I can't speak to conversations had on dating apps (I never could get that far myself because I do not count monosyllabic responses or catfishing bots) but as an individual doing his grocery shopping as his one public outing for the next two weeks or month, depending on how thought out my meal plan is focused on my current task. Now, I (33 m 6' bearded and big) get immediately concerned if I am approached by anyone, especially a member of the opposite sex. My first thought is I'm in their way, politely pull my cart to the side, make eye contact with their nose, and attempt to politely ignore them. If a conversation is engaged maintain polite chitchat till I can get away. If the interaction is at all outside of polite queries I will become suspicious of their motives and leave as fast as possible. Was I always like this? No, I used to talk to people and attempted to be helpful, but I have had some bad experiences that have scared me.
I say this not to discourage you but to inform you because regardless of the place if it's not a repeated occurrence and rapport is not established beforehand, I will not take any romantic interest seriously. Sorry for the ramblings of a scared one-eared teddy bear on the side of a highway. I wish you the best of luck in your pursuit of love.
Yeah, I think the dating culture has changed lots :( I met my spouse at work, check out for some hotties at your work place? I also went on dates with folks I met at Meet-up events when I was younger so I found that a good way to meet people…
Women are even more afraid of rejection than Men. To a Woman the worst thing a Man can say is no. Their entire personality gets shattered from a dude saying no.
It's why we have such memorable comebacks as "what are you gay?" And "You must have a tiny dick!" when men simply state their desire to be left alone.
>memorable comebacks
>"what are you gay?" And "You must have a tiny dick!"
Not how I would describe those responses. That's pretty shameful and childish.
Then it's time for women to woman up. Quit giving themselves for cheap to Tyrone and Chad and actually have the ovaries to chase good man, oh wait, that's never going to happen
Thing is though when a woman rejects a man, it's brutal. Like BRUTAL!! Not kind or a gentle let down, can be humiliating. It's odd how no matter what position a man is, somehow women have to humiliate the man
Women are babied way too much to ever make the move. We are literally going to have it rotate back to being socially acceptable for Men to cold approach before Women as a gender ever step up like that.
Shit we have a slight suggestion of adding Women to the Draft and some of the most die hard Feminists are screaming to be let back in the Kitchen.
Women as a Gender have many cultural issues they need to fix but it's not socially acceptable for Men to say that.
Yes. It is especially baffling if you consider this woman talks about how much it hurts a woman to be rejected. If this is the case you would think they would be extra careful about how they reject men.
Of course we really don’t know if these are the same women. It could be that the women that hate rejection are different women from those that seem to get their kicks from how humiliating they be to men politely asking them out.
As a woman, I can tell you I've never been hit on by a man. Every man I ever got, I always made the moves first.
To be fair, I'm below average/average looking and overweight - so maybe that's the reason, but I'm like...not disgusting looking or anything. Still never been hit on.
I've found that if I don't go for.it, it will never happen
yes but it's because average men get crucified or at the very least is a real fear. it's not the "no" it's the social media putting them on blast and social aggression
Yeah, all I was really trying to say is that I get it. And if I want a guy (and I'm single), and think I've got a chance, I've put myself out there. I'm 42 and I've always been the person to ask first.
Just saying, some women get it
That's nice to hear because it's rough out there. Especially when men want help and are shamed to the shadow realm. And classics like "man up" and "figure it out for yourself"
Thank you for doing the work, i hope you find someone who loves you a lot ~
Yes, i know some woman who get it, generally 30+, age and experience help a lot in that regard.
Also it doesn't help that some men can't take no for and answer, or dont know how to process it and react badly
IMO there should be a class about this in schools, something like "social class I", where young people can learn a little about social cues, body language, etc etc.
There’s only been a few times when I said “no” to a woman who approached first, but that was when I knew they were trying to sell something to me or get me to join some organization.
Other than that, I’ve been fairly open.
If you are a woman it's much more simple. When you see a guy you like in public, strike up a convo. It's easier for women to approach men than the other way around.
It is literally a social no no to approach Women in public these days as a Man. Unless Women start actually putting in effort there are going to be a lot of lonely cat ladies in 20 years.
Literally just started dating my current 28 year old GF. We met at the Gym. She approached me and complimented me and laid on the clear interest.
You need to approach us and that can't be stressed enough. Recent social changes have made it so most stable sane Men will not approach you unless they're diabolically horny or the kinda dude you don't want to know your address.
I'm your age but a guy. I suggest finding a social place and spending a few nights a week going there regularly. I personally do this at tiny bars with only bar counter seats (no tables). If you go regularly, the regulars start recognizing you and talking to you and everybody gets to know each other. Small bars with only counter seats are ideal because they ensure there aren't too many people and it's expected to talk with your neighbors. I've befriended countless guys near our age this way and I know many of them to be single. Unfortunately, it's rare to see girls come alone to these places alone but if you pick somewhere with a good clientele, you probably wouldn't need to worry too much (what do I know as a guy though). Places like these are plenty in Japan and I've found them in other places in East Asia too, but not really in North America. I'm sure others have more concrete suggestions.
Now please tell me where all the single ladies hang.
small cocktail bars have the small bar izekaya vibe.
i live in a 60k city in the global north. sitting at the bar, listening to records and chatting up people who sit there while drinking $14 drinks.
i generally don't go out by myself though just to drink. i find i met more women through more relaxing settings like house parties, and dinners at friends places.
You said you meet a lot of men in relationships. Guess what, those dudes all have friends too. The best way to date is to never have to date. Find friends of friends, hang out with them in a group, if their cool become their friend. If your attracted to them ask them out
I'm a woman and I've found that with both men and women, if I want something to go past friendship.. I'm the one that has to make the first move.
If you want something done, do it yourself.
I know dating apps suck, but it was the only way I found to at LEAST weed out those that weren't at least looking for SOMETHING in the romance/dating arena. Plus it allowed me to know, up front, whether we had anything remotely in common besides just coincidentally being in the same place at the same time. I wanted a partner I could be friends with and do stuff with, so this was important to me. So, I actively read profiles and send first messages...and not just "hi". Like good solid messages that proved.id read their profile and thought about what I would say to them. At least a couple sentences, at least.
Don't wait for someone else to lead the conversation..prove to them you're an interesting person by talking about things you're interested in...and finding out if they are at all interested in the same things.
I recommend no tinder or any app that promotes hookup type culture if you're looking to date with serious intentions. Have separate paying first dates. Go the extra mile to meet your dates half way on everything (distance, time, mileage, tickets, meals etc etc). Don't wait for anyone to plan anything for you, have some date suggestions ready yourself and ask them. Make sure you're able to see their house/apartment/living arrangements in the first 6 dates to ensure they aren't married/living a double life.
Honestly most men have been very very very flattered I've asked/expressed interest. And those (very few) that have turned me down were either very rude (immature) or very kind and gracious. I count myself lucky I never dated the immature ones. And I'd like you to know I am NOT some crazy good looking girl that can pull. I'm average looking in the face and over weight...so definitely below average in looks overall.
I've found men respond to invites way way way more than women. And be ready with compliments -- the double standard that's alive today just kills me. If you like it when a guy says you look hot in that dress...imagine how great you'll make his day when you express interest/admiration for how he looks, too.
I hope this helps! Don't give up!! I met my BF on OK Cupid 6 years ago, we are still together today. There's good people out there!
Edited to add: if you can't afford to pay for your half of the date, be upfront and tell your date. Suggest a walk in the park or just coffee. There are so many ways to get out there and meet people, even on a budget. I was upfront with my current BF (I was a single mom, working full time, I just didn't have a lot extra per month) and he was totally cool paying when he could, me paying when I could and us just sometimes choosing cheaper activities.
> that means I need to just throw in the towel myself
No, it means you need to take initiative with men and ask _them_ out. You will be absolutely blown away by how easy it is if you just make the first move on men, I can 100% guarantee it.
I genuinely don't have the bandwidth to try and meet a long distance online boyfriend, I don't play video games very much and I need to see people in person to bond with them, I honestly don't even know how this relationship model is supposed to work.
Shit im in this group but didn’t realize how prevalent it was because im always being asked why I don’t have a girlfriend. Shit im not gonna date for dating sake
I've noticed the same. I'm the only one in my social group with a dating app profile and I only did it this year because of pressure from my parents (I'm 30 by the way).
My friends either met their partners during school or just stayed single.
It seems like it's gotten even worse in the last ten years. I'm glad I'm not dating in this era. Also, even if I did try to date, I think my wife would get mad.
I feel heard. It’s just work, supermarket, meal prep, & walk the doggo. If I hang with friends it’s usually a get together at a persons house or a private party at a restaurant (don’t bother us).
The only deviation from that for me is no dog and hitting the range. Even then, I live in the sticks, and am currently working on setting up my own range in the back few acres, so that'll be one less place to be bothered by folks.
At stores, I usually have earbuds in.
Oh I agree with you on that, I’ll go to the range every few months but it’s loud/we have muffs on so it’s not really a place to meet other people either.
You would be able to find me walking my dog or hanging out at the dog park.
I’m an introvert and I get my socializing done during work, running into people around town walking my dog, and online gaming. I don’t need a lot to be happy so it would be hard to catch me out anywhere.
I made this comment a week ago but it’s relevant here.
Men have been instructed to NOT approach women anywhere that isn’t a bar/club FYI. We will not hit on you at the gym, yoga class, the grocery store, the coffee shop, etc. because you told us not to.
Most men probably also engage in male centric hobbies and aren’t going to be at the farmers market or volunteering. You won’t find us there either and even if you did we are going to keep it very friendly for fear of coming off as creeps.
If you want to go find single men in the wild, go to bars, breweries, sports games, arcades… you know, places we are allowed to exist. If you don’t drink, join a run club instead.
100% this. Literally decades of being told what women want and DO NOT want. Mostly, have men leave them alone in public. So, we do.
Women have self-selected to receive no attention. Good, quality men have been listening.
I feel like this whole situation is one of unintended consequences. I dont know exactly why but i cant help but draw the parallel between this and Mao's great leap forward. Kill all the sparrows because they are eating the crops, oops actually they were eating the bugs eating the crops, now famine, surpised pikachu.
But here its like, im not here for your entertainment, im just here to dance. Oh my god leave her alone shes just trying to do her workout/job/grocery shopping. Men who listen liste, surpised pikachu.
Honestly the whole chorus to u+ur hand is kind of this whole situation in a nut shell 18 years ago.
I don’t think all men got the memo. I have a friend who is actively looking for women and uses the gym as his primary way to try and meet women. He doesn’t do dating apps. Also my wife gets hit on everywhere she goes. Apparently running clubs are becoming the new way to meet people…
It means those who want to respect what women have been communicating are the ones who are refraining from approaching women.
Those who don’t care that most women want to be left along are the ones still approachibg women.
It only takes a few, which is the issue, because the more most of those who respect that hear it and abide, the more the bad experiences are going to stand out.
The ones that did not care before are not going to care now, and these aren't going to be polite or respectful about it. So ironically, the average experience of women over time is going to get much worse.
Am I the only person who notices 3 men for every 1 woman when out having a drink at a hotel bar or regular bar? We have an almost 50/50 ratio at work, and it's 3 guys for 1 girl that go to after-work events. Where's there's music and musicians, I see 5 men playing instruments for every 1 woman. The gyms have more men. Bowling alleys have more men. I did martial arts - also many more men. Golfing has a a ton more men to women ratio.
I do photography meet-ups, and it's mostly men. The amateur astronomy and telescope events were almost al men. I play chess, and it's mostly men (never mind... all men).
**My recommendation, take up pretty much ANY hobby (especially one related to sports and fitness), and you'll find yourself with a better chance of meeting a man than staying home**. And yeah, many are taken, but that's the case anyhow after high school and college.
This right here. I live downtown in a major metropolitan city and every bar is 5:1 M/F ratio. There are men making themselves available to interaction literally everywhere every night of the week.
“I go to events around town” that’s the thing, lots of men aren’t going to go to a meetup event just to socialize unless they know people there. If you’re in you’re later 20’s-30s, these men already have friend groups, or they’ve given up on making friends.
We definitely aren’t going to meet women. That’s just a huge waste of time.
Oddly enough I experienced the reverse. As a man I went to various mainly college clubs/events looking for friends and also potential dates. I found a decent amount of fellow guys who were open to meeting new people but there were always fewer women, and they very often came with a friend or three with whom they would stay closed up
Same ish here. I've been trying tongo to meetup group things, but most of the population appears to largely be guys, with few if any women younger than 40 or so
I'm in a model train club, and every guy under the age of 30 is single. But admittedly, there's a reason for that, namely poor social skills. I include myself in this.
One issue as well is single men participating in social hobbies or events with finding a partner in mind is discouraged. That's not necessarily bad; it makes sense that people should do things they enjoy for that purpose rather than going to an event with an ulterior motive. However, that also means lots of guys will tends towards male-centric hobbies or more solo hobbies like gaming, reading, gym, etc.
IMO, there's a distinct lack of co-ed spaces and hobby groups that encourage participation from young singles, and moreover, that then attract young singles rather than couples, at least speaking from the perspective of medium-sized town/city in the Midwest US. The lack of easy transportation (low walkability, transit access, and infrastructure connectedness in most US cities) especially inhibits this.
I think it'd be great if spaces had events that specifically encouraged single people to come and show up, but without the pressure of a mixer/dating style event. Like, have a maker space have beginner classes where single people are encouraged to come learn or come and help teach. Or have a board game shop have a similar event. Or have a coffee shop have an open mic event where they merge a ton of tables forcing customers to sit next to strangers in seating arrangements that might resemble college classrooms, as opposed to individual seating that promotes people staying in their in-groups.
I've never seen anything like the above ideas at all in my town, so idk if they exist elsewhere. If they do/did, I'd be going every time I had the chance.
Co-Ed sports leagues is where you go for that honestly. then go to a house party where you meet their other friends and expand your social circle and when your talking to someone at a house party who's also single and you're hitting it off, go from there.
or go to a friend's house party where their SO also has their friend circles there, and do the same there.
I don't really like to go out without a purpose. Joined a band recently so performing then hanging out after is always a good time.
I do go to coffee shops too but women there are always looking busy on their laptops
Check dog parks, Discord servers, Online game lobbies, bars on the weekends.
They do have singles events if you live in a big city that are effective as well.
Oh, that question. "Where are good, single men", "Why men doesn't approach us anymore", "Why men doesn't open up".
The daily question that get repeated sometimes thrice per day.
Answer is pretty much the same:
We're socializing with our buddy, doing male-oriented things, where there are few or no women around so we can talk and act freely, without the worries of being recorded and shamed on TikTok, perceived as creeps or sexual harassers.
If you're a woman, ask yourself: Do I have a place that I socialize? Is that place woman-dominated? Bingo. We do exactly the same.
As for the another common, repetitive question, "where are good men"? We're simply invisible. Study says that 80% of men aren't attractive for 90% of women.
There are good, single men everywhere. They're just trees on the park, background filler of your day-to-day landscape.
It's not like men are hiding, its just you who made almost all of them invisible on your life.
Not Op, but he is probably referring to the data i believe from match.com or okcupid where 80% of women swiped or matched with only 20% of men. After that, you can place your own ideas onto the data, I'm pretty sure there was no scientific peer reviewed study done on the data(I could be wrong).
How are you meeting these men? Are you just walking up to all men or just the ones you find attractive? Could it be that you're just preselecting men who are attractive and in-demand? Those are the guys who are most likely to be taken already.
I'm 29 and been single all my life, and I'm completely aware of the fact its because I don't go to any kind of social things. I don't go to a "third place" outside of work and home, because all my hobbies are either solitary or done with my core group of friends that hasn't changed since high-school.
My advice, if you see someone you like at the gym go talk to them. Any man I know would be ecstatic, we very much wish we could meet women there but have been scared off by the (probably loud minority) women who vehemently hate men doing that and consider it sexual harassment.
Get a part time job working evenings as a cashier in a supermarket. That's where we are, and you can assess us based on the contents of our basket. Although real men don't use baskets because it's too much like a handbag.
Bold of you to assume I socialize :P
But to be serious:
1) I post on reddit
2) I help newbies in Monster Hunter
3) I share my artwork in Owl House groups
We actually got a well established organization of secret auditoriums in every city of this planet that hold meetings
Every Friday evening where we sip tea and discuss about the social and economical state of the world
I go to raves, clubs, and music festivals but I don't go there to meet new people necessarily. I'm there to hang out with my friends, party, and dance with them. Most of them are women anyway. I meet new people too but those are passing 5-10 minute interactions at best. Some add me on FB, insta later but usually it fizzles out even before starting. Probably because I'm not thirsty or desperate to find someone. So they don't get the kind of attention they were hoping for from me.
You probably find men attractive who are not into you or already taken. Maybe you have attachment issues? For example I always get along way better with women who are in relationships.
The two main ways I socialize are 1) playing D&D with a group, but that's online so I don't leave the house for it; and 2) going to my married friends' house and hanging out with them and their kids for a few hours, so I don't leave their house for that.
I don't like events. I don't go to them by myself, someone has to ask me to go with them. And since I live 300 miles away from my friends, I don't go to them at all.
Best bet is dating apps, but if you really don't want to use those, then I guess you could try the grocery store on Friday afternoons or Saturday mornings. But try to get me before I hit the freezer section, because once I have cold things it's hard to pay attention to anything other than getting home ASAP.
Best place is gym. Men are discouraged to approach girls in the gym due to stigma. But luckily for you nobody will judge you for initiating with a guy at the gym. Try a local running club. Try a coed sport league, try pickle ball or tennis.
If you’re religious then a church is a good place to meet guys as well
I don't go out and socialize so much as I go out and exist in social spaces. Bars, parks, occasional events or festivals. I'm almost always by myself, so literally single. I don't have much of an eye for picking places to go where other singles might be, usually just somewhere comfortable where I can get a bite, or a drink, or engage in something I like
38m recently out of a long-term relationship. No kids. I have been going to the golf course I belong to, 3-4 nights a week. Either hanging out on the range or green or walking 9/18. Getting in decent shape from staying active and maybe eventually finding a woman in a similar circumstance. The golf and exercise are the main reasons, plus it's one of the better ways I enjoy spending my time.
There are weds-thurs night women's clinics and social gathering, they call them chip' n' sip. It's not my intent, but if I said I go weds and Thurs nights out of pure coincidence... I'd be lying.
> For the single men here, where do you usually go in the world to socialize
From my observation and personal experience men often don't. Socializing isn't a goal - it's a side effect of some other activity, mostly hobbies and work.
Younger "men" don't really socialize. Video game lobbies are as close as they get. Younger people in general don't socialize. They sit at home and stare at screens in their parent's house, where they still live. I rarely even see teens out and about anymore.
Well I'm 28, so I'm not trying to date teens, but I get your point, it seems like single people are often staying home or spending time with friends, not putting themselves in situations to meet new people.
As a 29 year old dude I spend most of my time socializing in discord with friends or I go to their place. Maybe we go out to dinner somewhere but definitely not a bar.
I think the answer is probably to approach even more men I guess. I think my problem is that I don't initiate enough interactions with women. I've been single and dateless for years - I've got a lot going for me, but I just never find myself talking with single women I'd be interested in.
I don't know where to find you ladies either. It feels like I'm never in the right environment to ask women out or flirt with them. I feel like I need to keep things professional and move on with my day most of the time I guess.
I think it can be hard to get into the right environment, but yeah, just finding single people seems hard too.
Find a male dominated social hobby and start doing that. A few options for you are golf, shooting sports, or table top games like magic the gathering or Warhammer 40k. These often come with easy ice breakers as well, so you can initiate the conversation easily.
Just note, even in these places, men have been conditioned to not approach women with more than small talk, so you may need to actually initiate the conversation and explicitly ask the person out.
most single guys are introverted and we are doing our own things some making ends meet and some just chilling, some pursuing the hobbies, some are handling their own mess, some are on their spiritual journey, and some are tired, some are addicted to Reddit.
I feel like the only thing I really have to say to this is that I've been nothing but rejected my entire life too, and I'm still trying, I'll always try, does it absolutely suck to be in this situation, yes for sure, but it doesn't mean it will be this way forever. But it garunteedly will be if I never even try. So maybe I'll continue to be rejected until the day that I die, but I'm still going to try.
All the places you listed are the places girls like. If a guy is there it's because his gf or wife dragged him there. Single guys go to work, the gym, a bar, or their home
If they're single they've probably been rejected until now and are less likely to be socializing at all, more so as they get older. There are very few places where single people can meet, with high chances that others are also single and open to being met, that don't get ruined by people just looking to exploit it for hookups. The more posts I see about this, the more I think there is a modern need for singles only spaces that exist for people to find each other for ltr. But again, something like singles cruises aren't geared toward marriage or ltr, they are marketed for, and attract people looking for a bit of no strings attached fun, a sexual adventure. They want to leave with a story but not a relationship.
Sometimes I wonder if us consuming so much tv and movie stories of love has left us trained to seek short term fantasy relationships but not long term real relationships. Given the amount of single parent households, high divorce rates and lower marriage rates, where the hell do children even develop an understanding of what a long term relationship actually is and why it's desirable, who they need to be to have one and what it entails to keep it? Tv and movies and novels? Stories meant to entertain for profit, not to teach? Maybe our culture has fed our emotion/social selfs sugar all our lives and so we don't even know what a nutritious and balanced relationship even looks like, let alone make us capable of providing it for each other.
We see this a lot in women, who demand very high value and unreasonably ideal partners, but aren't people who those men actually want. It leaves them jumping from man to man having short affairs and having to pursue...non conventional means of having families. Men have the opposite problem, of not being seen as valuable at all because they can't meet those unrealistic demands and it makes them isolated, frustrated, depressed and angry. Men also have almost no legal and morally acceptable non-conventional options to have families, which means never experiencing being a part of a family as the adult.
So...maybe there isn't anywhere to find long term partners. Maybe the single people have to build them first. God knows the married and coupled folks aren't spending their time and resources to help, they're possibly hindering it tbh.
This is a great take on the situation which aligns with what I have observed of people born between 1985-1995.
It’s a sad situation… there aren’t enough tall, handsome, rich, athletic men to go around so many women end up “settling” in other ways… in a situation ship or as a single mom because Prince Charming won’t settle for her.
With that said- I also see a disturbing number of discouraged young men who don’t “level up” in any sense other than with video games and have porn-star expectations of women. If you’re ashamed to take your shirt off at a pool party and introduce yourself to a woman then… what am I supposed to say to you?
Going out specifically to meet women is a dead practice for most young millennials and zoomer. The gen X and Boomers are too old for it. If you want to meet single men, then you'll have to get into their hobby groups. Gaming, rock climbing, the arts, travel, etc. And once you get in you'll have to invest time to gain their trust because the last thing men want is women invading their spaces specifically for male attention.
I do sort of tend to agree with what some others have posted in here, but many aren't treating it with the nuance it kind of needs, so this is going to be a bit of reframing:
BLUF: A lot of single guys don't get out that much. I suggest the grocery store, near the red meat.
Longer:
Generally speaking, guys that do go out more frequently are usually doing so with their significant other or with their buds. Groups that tend to be a little exclusive by nature.
It's true, but is an extreme, that for the last ~10+ years or so, there's been a lot of media (mass media, commercials, shows, movies, etc) that told guys it was inappropriate to cold approach women. Additional to that has been social media (black pill, some women's posts, the less formal media) that's also been aimed at men to tell them not to approach.
On the extreme other side (different flavor black pill), you have a lot of social media telling guys that women are not worth approaching at all, at least in the Western world due to extreme feminism, divorce rates, etc, and even if they are worth approaching, "they won't like you specifically, because you aren't 6'5" blue eyed, and rich, so what's the point? She'll just reject you, rudely."
Both sides are stupid.
However, you can't discount that this stuff is going to be a lot of, if not the only instruction guys have had in regards to meeting people in the current age. This is either at all or since their last relationship. This leads to a lot of dudes that don't even have a lot of practice trying to talk to women, let alone reading signs or anything.
I go to my friends apartment or talk in discord. Alternatively I talk to family when we get together at my parents house. You won't find me outside other than at the grocery store.
I'm, 24, either at home or out with a group. No inbetween. Mostly me and my friends cruise around the mall or go to car meets. I've thought about getting on dating apps but the online dating world is a fucking mess so I'm just waiting till I meet someone organically, which seems rarer and rarer these days. It all leads me to feel like my choices are girls I already know (taken, so... that would be rocky) or dealing with the demeaning and demoralizing onslaught that is tinder/hinge/etc.
Well that depends, and lately I usually just go home after work. At best I will occasionally go and hangout at one of 3 cafés I frequent, or to the gym. Not really to socialize but more just to get out of the house and change up routine, except gym, it depends if work has had me do more manual than mental work that day, and there tends to be a decent bit of manual labor lately, so i havent been going as often. So i go home and maybe do a light workout with my home wearable weights and dumbell. Otherwise I wouldn't call myself very social, not that I avoid people, but I don't actively seek interraction.
Otherwise my social net is basically all online now, we used to hangout IRL often at a park or the cafés if not eachother's homes, but we've all kindof gone our own ways, and I'm still around. There aren't any clubs or group activities that are easy to do but still be social around my area, I'm in the midwest, so options are pretty much isolated activities, not many groups or clubs that are easy going/low energy but good for socializing here as far as I know. I have half a mind about joining a dance club just to try it, but they're usually pretty late or is conflicting with my work schedule.
Me for example. I play sports and go to the dog park. That's where you will find me.
I'm a social person but in public i realized people don't like to socialize. I am always the person starting the conversation. Whenever a women started a conversation, it was because she was flirting.
Sadly most male only spaces have been proscribed in the modern age. For example in my country, gentlemen only clubs, working men's clubs, they've made it so they either have to accept women or essentially run them out of business. It's heartbreaking. Soon no man shall have a space where he can be alone with the spiritual intimacy of his own sex, whilst women are allowed any space they like to themselves. It's not just an overcorrection, it's penalisation.
The single men are mainly on the apps. A few go to bars, mainly with friends. The hot and good ones are mostly taken so you are gunna either spend a few years searching or choose between abusive or ugly.
This is becoming a very common question, it shows up every second or third day.
Let me share with you where the good single men are . . .
We’re in your swipe-left stack on tinder.
We’re in your friend-zone.
We’re in your “too nice” category.
We’re going to work every day on the bus or the subway invisible.
We serve you ice cream, or fries, or a big ass burger.
We fix your computer, your washing machine, we deliver your pizza.
We go to bars, and clubs, and gyms, and bookshops to socialise.
We are in the bottom 80%.
Only 20% of men are in the top 20%.
I don’t go places to solo socialize much. If I am out and about it’s with friends at concerts, sporting events, golfing, going to bars, movies etc.
People keep trying to get me to go to church to meet more women, but I’m not that religious.
Breweries are your best bet to meet single men becuase guys go there with their buddies to enjoy a brew and talk - at least, me and my friends do. I haven't mustered the courage to talk to any girls though.
I also do meet-ups and coffee-shops, but they haven't been all that fruitful for me on the relationship front. I live in a HCOL area, and I feel like the rare single man who has both a work-life balance that's skewed towards "Life" and lives well enough to go out frequently, becuase the meet-ups and coffeeshop attendees are overwhelmingly middle-aged and senior citizen (retirees). Everyone else I know my age is living paycheck to paycheck and working their ass off. The few times I see young people at coffeeshops near me, they're marries couples or people who are on their computer with headphones on (don't want to bother them, obviously). Tbf, the meet-ups I'm interested are book-clubs and photography, so the target audience is much older.
I've had a really hard time with meet ups too, I've tried hiking groups, art groups, and board game groups and they've also mostly been older people or just no single people. Like the board game group is mostly people in their 30's/40's but most everyone there is married.
When I'm single I usually stay busy so you could catch me volunteering is the best bet, no matter where i live i usually end up volunteering at the library, animal shelter, firehouse, church, or a local arts non profit. or I might be at a local music show or dive bar or sports bar, or somewhere there's pinball machines. but most of the time if I'm not working or volunteering I'm out with other people and hanging out with them not really mingling much.
and honestly i've almost-never met women through socializing out in public, it's almost always by way of my friend group that i end up meeting friends of friends or friends of co-workers or w/e and people who end up in the mix and at house parties and bbqs and hanging out with the group somehow.
I'm dealing with the same issue when it comes to single women. I go to Meetup groups, dance classes, coffee shops, friend’s parties, the dog park, even the grocery store, but all the women I meet are there with their partners. It’s super weird. Where are all the single people? lol
If you wanna stick out like a sore thumb, I'm at Cars and Coffee pointing at shiny cars with the boys. Feel free to walk up to me and say literally anything.
I definitely have the opposite problem. Women in their twenties just don't seem to go out anymore unless it's with their friends at some wildly unaffordable place like a rooftop bar or obnoxiously loud venue that I want out of after 5 minutes.
I'm single. Most of my guy friends are also single. I've met most of them through male centric and co ed hobbies. Specifically dance and sports. We all go out fairly regularly to do our hobby and meet up at a cheap dive locally sometimes.
Try meetup and go to things you would enjoy regardless of whether there were single people there. My friend group has a regularly scheduled thing we put on meetup and it gets a good mixed crowd and at least three of us are single.
I don't ever go to meetups around town and none of the guys I know go to meetups either 😂 You can catch me mostly at Starbucks, Chipotle, the gym, Barnes & Noble, or when I'm going door to door to businesses while working. You can catch the guys I hang out with at the mall, bars and clubs, the gym, fighting gyms, college, or Barnes & Noble.
We (my social circle, 20-30 y/o's) also all actively approach women in our free time so you can catch us just about anywhere there's a lot of women, and amongst us we've all found it to be Starbucks, Target, Barnes & Noble, bars, clubs, and the mall. Some of us don't go to bars and clubs, all of us go to Barnes & Noble.
Im 31. When i go out its usually to bars/restaurants with friends, i also go beach combing alone, i go hiking or walking through parks and i go to the gym.
They are somewhere where they can do the things they enjoy or they are working. Some would be inside playing video games, some are at local game stores playing trading card games and role playing games, some are at the library picking out new books to read, some are golfing or bowling, and many more. My best advice is find a hobby you are interested in and go to events based on that hobby. This way you find people with common interests and have something to start a conversation with.
Nowadays I'll go to the cinema or bars every now and then. I used to go to lots of concerts, bars, the cinema or just go out drinking in public in the city (it's legal where I live) when I was younger.
For me, I typically go to my rock climbing gym. That's where I've met most people I'm friends with now since I moved to the area I currently live four years ago. Granted, I'm not actively looking to be in a relationship, atm; but if you have an activity you love and join a group for it, it may be easier to find a partner that way since you already have something in common, and you don't have to deal with the unfavorable odds of online dating.
I don't get anywhere in particular to meet women, but I go out to the park, library, basketball court, movie theater, tacqueria, coffee shop, hiking trails, etc. in my neighborhood to do various things I enjoy at them and if a woman approached me in any of these environments I wouldn't object.
How old are you? Most of the single guys I know don't go out much and usually have solitary hobbies like hiking, biking, gaming, body building, etc. They're open to dating, they're just not actively pursuing it.
I fall squarely into this box yes. I’ve kinda fallen off the dating apps for obvious reasons. I’d go out drinking if it wasn’t so expensive and the vibe was more low key, hang out. As it stands, the low key bars tend to be super boujee and I’d rather not spend $50+ to drink by myself.
All my single friends are the same. They have solitary hobbies, or the hobbies they have that arent solitary they already have a specific friend group they do that with (like golf, board games, shit like that). Too expensive to go out regularly hoping to meet someone, and incredibly burnt out from the dating app hell. They are single and open to dating/relationships. Just aren’t actively seeking anymore due to the hellscape that is modern dating
Same but I don't drink, sometimes I'll get coffee and read a book but that's pretty much the only time I'm in public with free tine
Unfortunately, they kinda have to set the prices like this. 5$ a drink means a group will come to party and order a lot of drinks for each killing the low key/hang out vibe. Prices are there to manipulate customers behaviours.
I once got charged $90 for one vodka f\*ckin red bull - minimized going out after that
how? even the really stupidly expensive places i know of don't cost that much
It was Omnia in Vegas
50$? What kind of beer are they serving?
Say you get 2 beers. That’s about $10-$15 each. Add on tip. You’re looking at close to $30. And then if you get a mixed drink, you’re easily over $50. The value isn’t there unless the beer on tap is incredibly good, or the bar vibes are unique. I don’t like IPAs so that eliminates a good half of the breweries.
Jeez that's rough, I also only go to cheaper bars, aiming for 6-7 usd(converted ) for a beer. The average price for a beer here is around 8, can get to 11 too if it's central. Either you're living in a super expensive metropolis, or the prices really suck over there.
Do they not have dive bars where you live? The city I’m in has several inexpensive, popular dive bars with good jukeboxes, surly bartenders, and great vibes. I meet women in these places all the time.
This was my life when i was single. Most I did was walk around my neighboorhood, actively looking wasn't worth it.
I read gaming as gambling lmao
I put $50 down on the Panthers to sweep the Oilers and I came really close to making a lot of money.
God the blue balls you must’ve felt
The point exactly, i play online chess, i read books and everything else i do, i do it at home.
I'm 28. And maybe that is the issue, maybe I'm not meeting single men because the single men aren't really trying to meet anyone. Maybe that means I need to just throw in the towel myself.
I don't think I agree with your framing. Like a buddy of mine was single for 6 years and met a girl at the grocery store and they're getting married in 3 months. I think, as a woman, you have something of a social superpower in the sense that men generally have no strong objections about being approached anywhere, at any time. So while I think men are better off keeping their romantic pursuits to spaces that are specifically designed for it, I don't think you have that limitation. Like I've been asked out by six women in my life, four of those in what I would call non-traditional settings, and I said yes to all of them.
exactly this. Why can't women realise this? C'mon seriously? Men aren't putting in the effort to hit on women because of the era we are atm. If women want men, they should just say hello and carry on
Not happening. Almost all of them were raised like a princess, and were taught to wait for a charming prince to sweep them away. So, we have the majority of women thinking they're a princess, but less than 10% of men are perceived as princes. It's a math problem right now.
as a woman, I agree! Been beating a dead horse (a friend) of mine to stop waiting for men to make the move - & she wonders why she’s single 🤣
Even as a man, I found that getting that I'll never be worse at it than the last time is pretty motivating, all things considered. Also, you can make your own observations and conclusions.
What even worse is lots of women will just wait for a man to ask her out. Meanwhile, some women will throw a fit if you ask a woman out if she is in public enjoying herself or getting groceries not enjoying herself because “women are tired of men always hitting on them”. So many men respect those wishes and don’t ask women out. Then the larger group of women wonder why men don’t ask them out.
I ask out men quite frequently actually, on the apps or otherwise, what I've unfortunately experienced is that they feel like I'm overly interested, I've multiple men specifically express that to me. It's been so much of an issue that now I'm almost hesitant to do it for fear that I'll scare them away from the get go.
Men are not used to be pursed so some get jumpy at the new situation. Just keep trying and you will get there I’m sure. Good luck 🤞
I used to never believe this but it happened to my friend a couple weeks ago. Some girl was showing a LOT of interest in him and he ended up calling it off cause it was so unexpected.
I understand and see where you are coming from in a scenario of a person cold meeting another. I can't speak to conversations had on dating apps (I never could get that far myself because I do not count monosyllabic responses or catfishing bots) but as an individual doing his grocery shopping as his one public outing for the next two weeks or month, depending on how thought out my meal plan is focused on my current task. Now, I (33 m 6' bearded and big) get immediately concerned if I am approached by anyone, especially a member of the opposite sex. My first thought is I'm in their way, politely pull my cart to the side, make eye contact with their nose, and attempt to politely ignore them. If a conversation is engaged maintain polite chitchat till I can get away. If the interaction is at all outside of polite queries I will become suspicious of their motives and leave as fast as possible. Was I always like this? No, I used to talk to people and attempted to be helpful, but I have had some bad experiences that have scared me. I say this not to discourage you but to inform you because regardless of the place if it's not a repeated occurrence and rapport is not established beforehand, I will not take any romantic interest seriously. Sorry for the ramblings of a scared one-eared teddy bear on the side of a highway. I wish you the best of luck in your pursuit of love.
Do you not get guys asking you out?
On dating apps sometimes yes but in real life absolutely never
Yeah, I think the dating culture has changed lots :( I met my spouse at work, check out for some hotties at your work place? I also went on dates with folks I met at Meet-up events when I was younger so I found that a good way to meet people…
Women are even more afraid of rejection than Men. To a Woman the worst thing a Man can say is no. Their entire personality gets shattered from a dude saying no. It's why we have such memorable comebacks as "what are you gay?" And "You must have a tiny dick!" when men simply state their desire to be left alone.
I was wondering wtf - are women so entitled to think that the only reason I'm not into them is b/c I may be gay?
>memorable comebacks >"what are you gay?" And "You must have a tiny dick!" Not how I would describe those responses. That's pretty shameful and childish.
"I am gay, but only for you." That was a fun reaction. :)
"Try to picture this: you're absolutely right about me being gay if you're the last woman on Earth"
She was being sarcastic by describing them as “memorable”. She was implying that they are shameful and childish.
Really crappy! Just think of the selfishness involved here. They would rather make the man feel bad than experience the sting of rejection.
They're memorable because Women have used them for at least 3 generations of human life when turned down.
Then it's time for women to woman up. Quit giving themselves for cheap to Tyrone and Chad and actually have the ovaries to chase good man, oh wait, that's never going to happen Thing is though when a woman rejects a man, it's brutal. Like BRUTAL!! Not kind or a gentle let down, can be humiliating. It's odd how no matter what position a man is, somehow women have to humiliate the man
Women are babied way too much to ever make the move. We are literally going to have it rotate back to being socially acceptable for Men to cold approach before Women as a gender ever step up like that. Shit we have a slight suggestion of adding Women to the Draft and some of the most die hard Feminists are screaming to be let back in the Kitchen. Women as a Gender have many cultural issues they need to fix but it's not socially acceptable for Men to say that.
Yes. It is especially baffling if you consider this woman talks about how much it hurts a woman to be rejected. If this is the case you would think they would be extra careful about how they reject men. Of course we really don’t know if these are the same women. It could be that the women that hate rejection are different women from those that seem to get their kicks from how humiliating they be to men politely asking them out.
As a woman, I can tell you I've never been hit on by a man. Every man I ever got, I always made the moves first. To be fair, I'm below average/average looking and overweight - so maybe that's the reason, but I'm like...not disgusting looking or anything. Still never been hit on. I've found that if I don't go for.it, it will never happen
yes but it's because average men get crucified or at the very least is a real fear. it's not the "no" it's the social media putting them on blast and social aggression
Yeah, all I was really trying to say is that I get it. And if I want a guy (and I'm single), and think I've got a chance, I've put myself out there. I'm 42 and I've always been the person to ask first. Just saying, some women get it
That's nice to hear because it's rough out there. Especially when men want help and are shamed to the shadow realm. And classics like "man up" and "figure it out for yourself"
Thank you for doing the work, i hope you find someone who loves you a lot ~ Yes, i know some woman who get it, generally 30+, age and experience help a lot in that regard. Also it doesn't help that some men can't take no for and answer, or dont know how to process it and react badly IMO there should be a class about this in schools, something like "social class I", where young people can learn a little about social cues, body language, etc etc.
There’s only been a few times when I said “no” to a woman who approached first, but that was when I knew they were trying to sell something to me or get me to join some organization. Other than that, I’ve been fairly open.
If you are a woman it's much more simple. When you see a guy you like in public, strike up a convo. It's easier for women to approach men than the other way around.
It is literally a social no no to approach Women in public these days as a Man. Unless Women start actually putting in effort there are going to be a lot of lonely cat ladies in 20 years.
always
Literally just started dating my current 28 year old GF. We met at the Gym. She approached me and complimented me and laid on the clear interest. You need to approach us and that can't be stressed enough. Recent social changes have made it so most stable sane Men will not approach you unless they're diabolically horny or the kinda dude you don't want to know your address.
I'm your age but a guy. I suggest finding a social place and spending a few nights a week going there regularly. I personally do this at tiny bars with only bar counter seats (no tables). If you go regularly, the regulars start recognizing you and talking to you and everybody gets to know each other. Small bars with only counter seats are ideal because they ensure there aren't too many people and it's expected to talk with your neighbors. I've befriended countless guys near our age this way and I know many of them to be single. Unfortunately, it's rare to see girls come alone to these places alone but if you pick somewhere with a good clientele, you probably wouldn't need to worry too much (what do I know as a guy though). Places like these are plenty in Japan and I've found them in other places in East Asia too, but not really in North America. I'm sure others have more concrete suggestions. Now please tell me where all the single ladies hang.
small cocktail bars have the small bar izekaya vibe. i live in a 60k city in the global north. sitting at the bar, listening to records and chatting up people who sit there while drinking $14 drinks. i generally don't go out by myself though just to drink. i find i met more women through more relaxing settings like house parties, and dinners at friends places.
You said you meet a lot of men in relationships. Guess what, those dudes all have friends too. The best way to date is to never have to date. Find friends of friends, hang out with them in a group, if their cool become their friend. If your attracted to them ask them out
I'm a woman and I've found that with both men and women, if I want something to go past friendship.. I'm the one that has to make the first move. If you want something done, do it yourself. I know dating apps suck, but it was the only way I found to at LEAST weed out those that weren't at least looking for SOMETHING in the romance/dating arena. Plus it allowed me to know, up front, whether we had anything remotely in common besides just coincidentally being in the same place at the same time. I wanted a partner I could be friends with and do stuff with, so this was important to me. So, I actively read profiles and send first messages...and not just "hi". Like good solid messages that proved.id read their profile and thought about what I would say to them. At least a couple sentences, at least. Don't wait for someone else to lead the conversation..prove to them you're an interesting person by talking about things you're interested in...and finding out if they are at all interested in the same things. I recommend no tinder or any app that promotes hookup type culture if you're looking to date with serious intentions. Have separate paying first dates. Go the extra mile to meet your dates half way on everything (distance, time, mileage, tickets, meals etc etc). Don't wait for anyone to plan anything for you, have some date suggestions ready yourself and ask them. Make sure you're able to see their house/apartment/living arrangements in the first 6 dates to ensure they aren't married/living a double life. Honestly most men have been very very very flattered I've asked/expressed interest. And those (very few) that have turned me down were either very rude (immature) or very kind and gracious. I count myself lucky I never dated the immature ones. And I'd like you to know I am NOT some crazy good looking girl that can pull. I'm average looking in the face and over weight...so definitely below average in looks overall. I've found men respond to invites way way way more than women. And be ready with compliments -- the double standard that's alive today just kills me. If you like it when a guy says you look hot in that dress...imagine how great you'll make his day when you express interest/admiration for how he looks, too. I hope this helps! Don't give up!! I met my BF on OK Cupid 6 years ago, we are still together today. There's good people out there! Edited to add: if you can't afford to pay for your half of the date, be upfront and tell your date. Suggest a walk in the park or just coffee. There are so many ways to get out there and meet people, even on a budget. I was upfront with my current BF (I was a single mom, working full time, I just didn't have a lot extra per month) and he was totally cool paying when he could, me paying when I could and us just sometimes choosing cheaper activities.
> that means I need to just throw in the towel myself No, it means you need to take initiative with men and ask _them_ out. You will be absolutely blown away by how easy it is if you just make the first move on men, I can 100% guarantee it.
Try gaming it sounds wild, but if you can filter out the cringe guys you might find a sold dude.
BRB off to Walmart to get an xbox
I genuinely don't have the bandwidth to try and meet a long distance online boyfriend, I don't play video games very much and I need to see people in person to bond with them, I honestly don't even know how this relationship model is supposed to work.
Shit im in this group but didn’t realize how prevalent it was because im always being asked why I don’t have a girlfriend. Shit im not gonna date for dating sake
Home, work, gym, grocery store
This is life 😂,
True and makes me sad
I work from home, use the apartment gym, get my groceries delivered. shit..
Wakeup, Make Money, Get Stronger, Eat, Sleep, Repeat 💪
eat, sleep, play
Bruh we've all given up. The only place I go out to anymore is the gym.
We are a pretty big social circle and its actually shocking how many regular/average guys have completely checked out of the system.
Tbh I don't think we're "checking out". Most of us never really checked in.
I've noticed the same. I'm the only one in my social group with a dating app profile and I only did it this year because of pressure from my parents (I'm 30 by the way). My friends either met their partners during school or just stayed single.
We're all tired of the bullshit and gaslighting. If it's not bullshit, it's gaslighting.
It seems like it's gotten even worse in the last ten years. I'm glad I'm not dating in this era. Also, even if I did try to date, I think my wife would get mad.
Same. That or Dungeons and Dragons
we dont leave the house
I feel heard. It’s just work, supermarket, meal prep, & walk the doggo. If I hang with friends it’s usually a get together at a persons house or a private party at a restaurant (don’t bother us).
The only deviation from that for me is no dog and hitting the range. Even then, I live in the sticks, and am currently working on setting up my own range in the back few acres, so that'll be one less place to be bothered by folks. At stores, I usually have earbuds in.
Oh I agree with you on that, I’ll go to the range every few months but it’s loud/we have muffs on so it’s not really a place to meet other people either.
You would be able to find me walking my dog or hanging out at the dog park. I’m an introvert and I get my socializing done during work, running into people around town walking my dog, and online gaming. I don’t need a lot to be happy so it would be hard to catch me out anywhere.
Examples from my life: Online gaming, amusement parks, bowling.
Pretty fun life ngl.
I made this comment a week ago but it’s relevant here. Men have been instructed to NOT approach women anywhere that isn’t a bar/club FYI. We will not hit on you at the gym, yoga class, the grocery store, the coffee shop, etc. because you told us not to. Most men probably also engage in male centric hobbies and aren’t going to be at the farmers market or volunteering. You won’t find us there either and even if you did we are going to keep it very friendly for fear of coming off as creeps. If you want to go find single men in the wild, go to bars, breweries, sports games, arcades… you know, places we are allowed to exist. If you don’t drink, join a run club instead.
This topic is posted pretty much every day, might as well make a bot that auto responds with this comment.
100% this. Literally decades of being told what women want and DO NOT want. Mostly, have men leave them alone in public. So, we do. Women have self-selected to receive no attention. Good, quality men have been listening.
Additionally, only the quality men will listen lol so quality men as a whole have been selected out of the dating pool.
In business school they call this ***Adverse selection***
I feel like this whole situation is one of unintended consequences. I dont know exactly why but i cant help but draw the parallel between this and Mao's great leap forward. Kill all the sparrows because they are eating the crops, oops actually they were eating the bugs eating the crops, now famine, surpised pikachu. But here its like, im not here for your entertainment, im just here to dance. Oh my god leave her alone shes just trying to do her workout/job/grocery shopping. Men who listen liste, surpised pikachu. Honestly the whole chorus to u+ur hand is kind of this whole situation in a nut shell 18 years ago.
I don’t think all men got the memo. I have a friend who is actively looking for women and uses the gym as his primary way to try and meet women. He doesn’t do dating apps. Also my wife gets hit on everywhere she goes. Apparently running clubs are becoming the new way to meet people…
It means those who want to respect what women have been communicating are the ones who are refraining from approaching women. Those who don’t care that most women want to be left along are the ones still approachibg women.
It only takes a few, which is the issue, because the more most of those who respect that hear it and abide, the more the bad experiences are going to stand out. The ones that did not care before are not going to care now, and these aren't going to be polite or respectful about it. So ironically, the average experience of women over time is going to get much worse.
“Why are all guys douchebags?” She asked, not realizing all of the decent men stopped interacting with her years ago.
Am I the only person who notices 3 men for every 1 woman when out having a drink at a hotel bar or regular bar? We have an almost 50/50 ratio at work, and it's 3 guys for 1 girl that go to after-work events. Where's there's music and musicians, I see 5 men playing instruments for every 1 woman. The gyms have more men. Bowling alleys have more men. I did martial arts - also many more men. Golfing has a a ton more men to women ratio. I do photography meet-ups, and it's mostly men. The amateur astronomy and telescope events were almost al men. I play chess, and it's mostly men (never mind... all men). **My recommendation, take up pretty much ANY hobby (especially one related to sports and fitness), and you'll find yourself with a better chance of meeting a man than staying home**. And yeah, many are taken, but that's the case anyhow after high school and college.
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To be fair, I listed some older-person hobbies. And business travel related ones I suppose.
This right here. I live downtown in a major metropolitan city and every bar is 5:1 M/F ratio. There are men making themselves available to interaction literally everywhere every night of the week.
Grinder obviously
That's probably where the hottest guys are.
All the distinguished gentlemen with their fiddles
Is this a dating site for people who like coffee?
Yes ..um precisely that.
“I go to events around town” that’s the thing, lots of men aren’t going to go to a meetup event just to socialize unless they know people there. If you’re in you’re later 20’s-30s, these men already have friend groups, or they’ve given up on making friends. We definitely aren’t going to meet women. That’s just a huge waste of time.
Oddly enough I experienced the reverse. As a man I went to various mainly college clubs/events looking for friends and also potential dates. I found a decent amount of fellow guys who were open to meeting new people but there were always fewer women, and they very often came with a friend or three with whom they would stay closed up
Same ish here. I've been trying tongo to meetup group things, but most of the population appears to largely be guys, with few if any women younger than 40 or so
I'm in a model train club, and every guy under the age of 30 is single. But admittedly, there's a reason for that, namely poor social skills. I include myself in this.
I'm not really looking for girls who are into trains anyway...
"Yo gurl, lemme be the conductor to your caboose."
One issue as well is single men participating in social hobbies or events with finding a partner in mind is discouraged. That's not necessarily bad; it makes sense that people should do things they enjoy for that purpose rather than going to an event with an ulterior motive. However, that also means lots of guys will tends towards male-centric hobbies or more solo hobbies like gaming, reading, gym, etc. IMO, there's a distinct lack of co-ed spaces and hobby groups that encourage participation from young singles, and moreover, that then attract young singles rather than couples, at least speaking from the perspective of medium-sized town/city in the Midwest US. The lack of easy transportation (low walkability, transit access, and infrastructure connectedness in most US cities) especially inhibits this. I think it'd be great if spaces had events that specifically encouraged single people to come and show up, but without the pressure of a mixer/dating style event. Like, have a maker space have beginner classes where single people are encouraged to come learn or come and help teach. Or have a board game shop have a similar event. Or have a coffee shop have an open mic event where they merge a ton of tables forcing customers to sit next to strangers in seating arrangements that might resemble college classrooms, as opposed to individual seating that promotes people staying in their in-groups. I've never seen anything like the above ideas at all in my town, so idk if they exist elsewhere. If they do/did, I'd be going every time I had the chance.
Co-Ed sports leagues is where you go for that honestly. then go to a house party where you meet their other friends and expand your social circle and when your talking to someone at a house party who's also single and you're hitting it off, go from there. or go to a friend's house party where their SO also has their friend circles there, and do the same there.
The better question is where do single women go to socialize?
Places they don't want to be approached
I don't really like to go out without a purpose. Joined a band recently so performing then hanging out after is always a good time. I do go to coffee shops too but women there are always looking busy on their laptops
Check dog parks, Discord servers, Online game lobbies, bars on the weekends. They do have singles events if you live in a big city that are effective as well.
I go home and not socialize lol people can cause too much headache 🤕.
Oh, that question. "Where are good, single men", "Why men doesn't approach us anymore", "Why men doesn't open up". The daily question that get repeated sometimes thrice per day. Answer is pretty much the same: We're socializing with our buddy, doing male-oriented things, where there are few or no women around so we can talk and act freely, without the worries of being recorded and shamed on TikTok, perceived as creeps or sexual harassers. If you're a woman, ask yourself: Do I have a place that I socialize? Is that place woman-dominated? Bingo. We do exactly the same. As for the another common, repetitive question, "where are good men"? We're simply invisible. Study says that 80% of men aren't attractive for 90% of women. There are good, single men everywhere. They're just trees on the park, background filler of your day-to-day landscape. It's not like men are hiding, its just you who made almost all of them invisible on your life.
Fucking amen. Well said.
This. But she won’t listen.
Do they ever? She will probably repost this tomorrow under another account haha
This isn’t even my situation as I’m all settled but you’re spitting flames hottdam
Can you refer me to the study? I need for argumentative reasons (winning a discussion)
Not Op, but he is probably referring to the data i believe from match.com or okcupid where 80% of women swiped or matched with only 20% of men. After that, you can place your own ideas onto the data, I'm pretty sure there was no scientific peer reviewed study done on the data(I could be wrong).
How are you meeting these men? Are you just walking up to all men or just the ones you find attractive? Could it be that you're just preselecting men who are attractive and in-demand? Those are the guys who are most likely to be taken already.
Most single men are at home. They go to the gym / play videos game after work.
That's way too broad of a question. There is no one place all guys go, not even a handful of places.
She could go to the DMV. EVERYBODY goes to the DMV.
Everybody goes to the doctor. She could hang around the local GP's. Or maybe the grocery store?
You don't go to the grocery store? Weird.
I'm 29 and been single all my life, and I'm completely aware of the fact its because I don't go to any kind of social things. I don't go to a "third place" outside of work and home, because all my hobbies are either solitary or done with my core group of friends that hasn't changed since high-school. My advice, if you see someone you like at the gym go talk to them. Any man I know would be ecstatic, we very much wish we could meet women there but have been scared off by the (probably loud minority) women who vehemently hate men doing that and consider it sexual harassment.
Socialize?
Get a part time job working evenings as a cashier in a supermarket. That's where we are, and you can assess us based on the contents of our basket. Although real men don't use baskets because it's too much like a handbag.
Drinking alone at a dark, quiet bar, looking at old photos and reminiscing about what could have been…
Bold of you to assume I socialize :P But to be serious: 1) I post on reddit 2) I help newbies in Monster Hunter 3) I share my artwork in Owl House groups
We actually got a well established organization of secret auditoriums in every city of this planet that hold meetings Every Friday evening where we sip tea and discuss about the social and economical state of the world
Depends on what kind of man you want to date Edit: I’m not saying this to be a jerk. We genuinely need more information to help.
The Internet. It isn't just for dating apps.
As a single man, I would also very much like to know the answer. I need some friends, man…
I go to raves, clubs, and music festivals but I don't go there to meet new people necessarily. I'm there to hang out with my friends, party, and dance with them. Most of them are women anyway. I meet new people too but those are passing 5-10 minute interactions at best. Some add me on FB, insta later but usually it fizzles out even before starting. Probably because I'm not thirsty or desperate to find someone. So they don't get the kind of attention they were hoping for from me.
You probably find men attractive who are not into you or already taken. Maybe you have attachment issues? For example I always get along way better with women who are in relationships.
The two main ways I socialize are 1) playing D&D with a group, but that's online so I don't leave the house for it; and 2) going to my married friends' house and hanging out with them and their kids for a few hours, so I don't leave their house for that. I don't like events. I don't go to them by myself, someone has to ask me to go with them. And since I live 300 miles away from my friends, I don't go to them at all. Best bet is dating apps, but if you really don't want to use those, then I guess you could try the grocery store on Friday afternoons or Saturday mornings. But try to get me before I hit the freezer section, because once I have cold things it's hard to pay attention to anything other than getting home ASAP.
Best place is gym. Men are discouraged to approach girls in the gym due to stigma. But luckily for you nobody will judge you for initiating with a guy at the gym. Try a local running club. Try a coed sport league, try pickle ball or tennis. If you’re religious then a church is a good place to meet guys as well
I don't go out and socialize so much as I go out and exist in social spaces. Bars, parks, occasional events or festivals. I'm almost always by myself, so literally single. I don't have much of an eye for picking places to go where other singles might be, usually just somewhere comfortable where I can get a bite, or a drink, or engage in something I like
38m recently out of a long-term relationship. No kids. I have been going to the golf course I belong to, 3-4 nights a week. Either hanging out on the range or green or walking 9/18. Getting in decent shape from staying active and maybe eventually finding a woman in a similar circumstance. The golf and exercise are the main reasons, plus it's one of the better ways I enjoy spending my time. There are weds-thurs night women's clinics and social gathering, they call them chip' n' sip. It's not my intent, but if I said I go weds and Thurs nights out of pure coincidence... I'd be lying.
> For the single men here, where do you usually go in the world to socialize From my observation and personal experience men often don't. Socializing isn't a goal - it's a side effect of some other activity, mostly hobbies and work.
Younger "men" don't really socialize. Video game lobbies are as close as they get. Younger people in general don't socialize. They sit at home and stare at screens in their parent's house, where they still live. I rarely even see teens out and about anymore.
Well I'm 28, so I'm not trying to date teens, but I get your point, it seems like single people are often staying home or spending time with friends, not putting themselves in situations to meet new people.
As a 29 year old dude I spend most of my time socializing in discord with friends or I go to their place. Maybe we go out to dinner somewhere but definitely not a bar.
I think the answer is probably to approach even more men I guess. I think my problem is that I don't initiate enough interactions with women. I've been single and dateless for years - I've got a lot going for me, but I just never find myself talking with single women I'd be interested in. I don't know where to find you ladies either. It feels like I'm never in the right environment to ask women out or flirt with them. I feel like I need to keep things professional and move on with my day most of the time I guess. I think it can be hard to get into the right environment, but yeah, just finding single people seems hard too.
Find a male dominated social hobby and start doing that. A few options for you are golf, shooting sports, or table top games like magic the gathering or Warhammer 40k. These often come with easy ice breakers as well, so you can initiate the conversation easily. Just note, even in these places, men have been conditioned to not approach women with more than small talk, so you may need to actually initiate the conversation and explicitly ask the person out.
most single guys are introverted and we are doing our own things some making ends meet and some just chilling, some pursuing the hobbies, some are handling their own mess, some are on their spiritual journey, and some are tired, some are addicted to Reddit.
I am all of these things in one....
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I feel like the only thing I really have to say to this is that I've been nothing but rejected my entire life too, and I'm still trying, I'll always try, does it absolutely suck to be in this situation, yes for sure, but it doesn't mean it will be this way forever. But it garunteedly will be if I never even try. So maybe I'll continue to be rejected until the day that I die, but I'm still going to try.
All the places you listed are the places girls like. If a guy is there it's because his gf or wife dragged him there. Single guys go to work, the gym, a bar, or their home
At work
You very likely have guy friends who are single. Why not date one of them? Most single guys don't really go anywhere to socialize tbh
If they're single they've probably been rejected until now and are less likely to be socializing at all, more so as they get older. There are very few places where single people can meet, with high chances that others are also single and open to being met, that don't get ruined by people just looking to exploit it for hookups. The more posts I see about this, the more I think there is a modern need for singles only spaces that exist for people to find each other for ltr. But again, something like singles cruises aren't geared toward marriage or ltr, they are marketed for, and attract people looking for a bit of no strings attached fun, a sexual adventure. They want to leave with a story but not a relationship. Sometimes I wonder if us consuming so much tv and movie stories of love has left us trained to seek short term fantasy relationships but not long term real relationships. Given the amount of single parent households, high divorce rates and lower marriage rates, where the hell do children even develop an understanding of what a long term relationship actually is and why it's desirable, who they need to be to have one and what it entails to keep it? Tv and movies and novels? Stories meant to entertain for profit, not to teach? Maybe our culture has fed our emotion/social selfs sugar all our lives and so we don't even know what a nutritious and balanced relationship even looks like, let alone make us capable of providing it for each other. We see this a lot in women, who demand very high value and unreasonably ideal partners, but aren't people who those men actually want. It leaves them jumping from man to man having short affairs and having to pursue...non conventional means of having families. Men have the opposite problem, of not being seen as valuable at all because they can't meet those unrealistic demands and it makes them isolated, frustrated, depressed and angry. Men also have almost no legal and morally acceptable non-conventional options to have families, which means never experiencing being a part of a family as the adult. So...maybe there isn't anywhere to find long term partners. Maybe the single people have to build them first. God knows the married and coupled folks aren't spending their time and resources to help, they're possibly hindering it tbh.
This is a great take on the situation which aligns with what I have observed of people born between 1985-1995. It’s a sad situation… there aren’t enough tall, handsome, rich, athletic men to go around so many women end up “settling” in other ways… in a situation ship or as a single mom because Prince Charming won’t settle for her. With that said- I also see a disturbing number of discouraged young men who don’t “level up” in any sense other than with video games and have porn-star expectations of women. If you’re ashamed to take your shirt off at a pool party and introduce yourself to a woman then… what am I supposed to say to you?
Going out specifically to meet women is a dead practice for most young millennials and zoomer. The gen X and Boomers are too old for it. If you want to meet single men, then you'll have to get into their hobby groups. Gaming, rock climbing, the arts, travel, etc. And once you get in you'll have to invest time to gain their trust because the last thing men want is women invading their spaces specifically for male attention.
I do sort of tend to agree with what some others have posted in here, but many aren't treating it with the nuance it kind of needs, so this is going to be a bit of reframing: BLUF: A lot of single guys don't get out that much. I suggest the grocery store, near the red meat. Longer: Generally speaking, guys that do go out more frequently are usually doing so with their significant other or with their buds. Groups that tend to be a little exclusive by nature. It's true, but is an extreme, that for the last ~10+ years or so, there's been a lot of media (mass media, commercials, shows, movies, etc) that told guys it was inappropriate to cold approach women. Additional to that has been social media (black pill, some women's posts, the less formal media) that's also been aimed at men to tell them not to approach. On the extreme other side (different flavor black pill), you have a lot of social media telling guys that women are not worth approaching at all, at least in the Western world due to extreme feminism, divorce rates, etc, and even if they are worth approaching, "they won't like you specifically, because you aren't 6'5" blue eyed, and rich, so what's the point? She'll just reject you, rudely." Both sides are stupid. However, you can't discount that this stuff is going to be a lot of, if not the only instruction guys have had in regards to meeting people in the current age. This is either at all or since their last relationship. This leads to a lot of dudes that don't even have a lot of practice trying to talk to women, let alone reading signs or anything.
I’m just sitting at the bar, waiting for a woman with an equal amount of love for alcohol to find me. It won’t work out any other way
I go to my friends apartment or talk in discord. Alternatively I talk to family when we get together at my parents house. You won't find me outside other than at the grocery store.
I'm, 24, either at home or out with a group. No inbetween. Mostly me and my friends cruise around the mall or go to car meets. I've thought about getting on dating apps but the online dating world is a fucking mess so I'm just waiting till I meet someone organically, which seems rarer and rarer these days. It all leads me to feel like my choices are girls I already know (taken, so... that would be rocky) or dealing with the demeaning and demoralizing onslaught that is tinder/hinge/etc.
I go to the gym to get strangled by purple belts until my anxiety quiets down and then I stay home and do homework till I go train again.
Well that depends, and lately I usually just go home after work. At best I will occasionally go and hangout at one of 3 cafés I frequent, or to the gym. Not really to socialize but more just to get out of the house and change up routine, except gym, it depends if work has had me do more manual than mental work that day, and there tends to be a decent bit of manual labor lately, so i havent been going as often. So i go home and maybe do a light workout with my home wearable weights and dumbell. Otherwise I wouldn't call myself very social, not that I avoid people, but I don't actively seek interraction. Otherwise my social net is basically all online now, we used to hangout IRL often at a park or the cafés if not eachother's homes, but we've all kindof gone our own ways, and I'm still around. There aren't any clubs or group activities that are easy to do but still be social around my area, I'm in the midwest, so options are pretty much isolated activities, not many groups or clubs that are easy going/low energy but good for socializing here as far as I know. I have half a mind about joining a dance club just to try it, but they're usually pretty late or is conflicting with my work schedule.
I don’t socialize, not with women who aren’t related or I have known for a long time and that is those rare times where I actually do socialize.
Work 7 days a week, sometimes the grocery store then home for the rest of my free minutes.
I usually stay at home
Lots of single guys show up to the local bike nights and car shows.
So.. socialize?
Me for example. I play sports and go to the dog park. That's where you will find me. I'm a social person but in public i realized people don't like to socialize. I am always the person starting the conversation. Whenever a women started a conversation, it was because she was flirting.
Sadly most male only spaces have been proscribed in the modern age. For example in my country, gentlemen only clubs, working men's clubs, they've made it so they either have to accept women or essentially run them out of business. It's heartbreaking. Soon no man shall have a space where he can be alone with the spiritual intimacy of his own sex, whilst women are allowed any space they like to themselves. It's not just an overcorrection, it's penalisation.
The single men are mainly on the apps. A few go to bars, mainly with friends. The hot and good ones are mostly taken so you are gunna either spend a few years searching or choose between abusive or ugly.
This is becoming a very common question, it shows up every second or third day. Let me share with you where the good single men are . . . We’re in your swipe-left stack on tinder. We’re in your friend-zone. We’re in your “too nice” category. We’re going to work every day on the bus or the subway invisible. We serve you ice cream, or fries, or a big ass burger. We fix your computer, your washing machine, we deliver your pizza. We go to bars, and clubs, and gyms, and bookshops to socialise. We are in the bottom 80%. Only 20% of men are in the top 20%.
You can try your luck DMing me if you want
Find a good Masonic Lodge and petition.
Wait, we supposed to go some where? An socialize too???
I don’t go places to solo socialize much. If I am out and about it’s with friends at concerts, sporting events, golfing, going to bars, movies etc. People keep trying to get me to go to church to meet more women, but I’m not that religious.
Call of Duty lobby.
Breweries are your best bet to meet single men becuase guys go there with their buddies to enjoy a brew and talk - at least, me and my friends do. I haven't mustered the courage to talk to any girls though. I also do meet-ups and coffee-shops, but they haven't been all that fruitful for me on the relationship front. I live in a HCOL area, and I feel like the rare single man who has both a work-life balance that's skewed towards "Life" and lives well enough to go out frequently, becuase the meet-ups and coffeeshop attendees are overwhelmingly middle-aged and senior citizen (retirees). Everyone else I know my age is living paycheck to paycheck and working their ass off. The few times I see young people at coffeeshops near me, they're marries couples or people who are on their computer with headphones on (don't want to bother them, obviously). Tbf, the meet-ups I'm interested are book-clubs and photography, so the target audience is much older.
I've had a really hard time with meet ups too, I've tried hiking groups, art groups, and board game groups and they've also mostly been older people or just no single people. Like the board game group is mostly people in their 30's/40's but most everyone there is married.
If they're in their 30s and 40s it makes a lot of sense that they're mostly all married tbh
Been the other way around for me at Meetups. The rare times a decently attractive single girl shows up she's surrounded by neckbeards the whole time
When I'm single I usually stay busy so you could catch me volunteering is the best bet, no matter where i live i usually end up volunteering at the library, animal shelter, firehouse, church, or a local arts non profit. or I might be at a local music show or dive bar or sports bar, or somewhere there's pinball machines. but most of the time if I'm not working or volunteering I'm out with other people and hanging out with them not really mingling much. and honestly i've almost-never met women through socializing out in public, it's almost always by way of my friend group that i end up meeting friends of friends or friends of co-workers or w/e and people who end up in the mix and at house parties and bbqs and hanging out with the group somehow.
I don’t Social situations are exhausting, and I’ve got enough on my plate with work
I'm dealing with the same issue when it comes to single women. I go to Meetup groups, dance classes, coffee shops, friend’s parties, the dog park, even the grocery store, but all the women I meet are there with their partners. It’s super weird. Where are all the single people? lol
If you wanna stick out like a sore thumb, I'm at Cars and Coffee pointing at shiny cars with the boys. Feel free to walk up to me and say literally anything. I definitely have the opposite problem. Women in their twenties just don't seem to go out anymore unless it's with their friends at some wildly unaffordable place like a rooftop bar or obnoxiously loud venue that I want out of after 5 minutes.
Try bookstores.
If you are athletic , join a social sport , tennis pickleball, other adult sports leagues If not , search meetup for something that interests you
Ask the married guys you meet if they have any single guy friends. You can ask their wives if they know anyone while you're at it!
I'm single. Most of my guy friends are also single. I've met most of them through male centric and co ed hobbies. Specifically dance and sports. We all go out fairly regularly to do our hobby and meet up at a cheap dive locally sometimes.
Home, work, gym, or with a group of friends / family at one of the things you listed. Rarely do I go out into the world alone anymore.
Try meetup and go to things you would enjoy regardless of whether there were single people there. My friend group has a regularly scheduled thing we put on meetup and it gets a good mixed crowd and at least three of us are single.
I don't ever go to meetups around town and none of the guys I know go to meetups either 😂 You can catch me mostly at Starbucks, Chipotle, the gym, Barnes & Noble, or when I'm going door to door to businesses while working. You can catch the guys I hang out with at the mall, bars and clubs, the gym, fighting gyms, college, or Barnes & Noble. We (my social circle, 20-30 y/o's) also all actively approach women in our free time so you can catch us just about anywhere there's a lot of women, and amongst us we've all found it to be Starbucks, Target, Barnes & Noble, bars, clubs, and the mall. Some of us don't go to bars and clubs, all of us go to Barnes & Noble.
Im 31. When i go out its usually to bars/restaurants with friends, i also go beach combing alone, i go hiking or walking through parks and i go to the gym.
They are somewhere where they can do the things they enjoy or they are working. Some would be inside playing video games, some are at local game stores playing trading card games and role playing games, some are at the library picking out new books to read, some are golfing or bowling, and many more. My best advice is find a hobby you are interested in and go to events based on that hobby. This way you find people with common interests and have something to start a conversation with.
Nowadays I'll go to the cinema or bars every now and then. I used to go to lots of concerts, bars, the cinema or just go out drinking in public in the city (it's legal where I live) when I was younger.
For me, I typically go to my rock climbing gym. That's where I've met most people I'm friends with now since I moved to the area I currently live four years ago. Granted, I'm not actively looking to be in a relationship, atm; but if you have an activity you love and join a group for it, it may be easier to find a partner that way since you already have something in common, and you don't have to deal with the unfavorable odds of online dating.
Golf courses
I don't get anywhere in particular to meet women, but I go out to the park, library, basketball court, movie theater, tacqueria, coffee shop, hiking trails, etc. in my neighborhood to do various things I enjoy at them and if a woman approached me in any of these environments I wouldn't object.
I peruse through REI once in a while. Sometime I’ll buy something sometimes I’ll try stuff of on to later buy them on a sale.
You should look for different social circles too. You gotta find those groups/crews such gather regularly, most likely to have single men in them