Met up with a girl on a dating site. She tells me she's on break with her boyfriend. Of that wasn't enough she also she said something along the lines of I know he loves me because he knows how to put me in my place when I'm out of line.
That's how I knew my last relationship was ending, we were on a trip and she asked for me to take a picture of just her after she took one of us..... low and behold that's her new dating profile picture.
Talks about her ex in that nagging kind of way without me asking that lets you know she hung up on them/ hates men.
Jealousy off rip, family is weird af if you picked them up etc.
Talking about an ex in the first few months IMO is a red flag. I just don't see a point to bring it up until you get really serious and start talking more deeply about things like traumas/past relationships. It really doesn't matter at all in the first stages of dating
Being on her phone. Last date I went on before I found my girl, the woman was constantly checking her phone from the start. Itās rude as fuck to be getting to know someone on a date and be more interested in your phone
If the girl I am dating barely opens up about herself nor is curious about me. Like barely contributing to the conversation or even making an effort to make the date more fun. Mutual interest and effort is a must for me.
Went on a few first dates like that. There were no seconds. One even made an obvious gesture to sleep with me, but honestly didn't want the hassle.
I was much more enthusiastic with someone that actually cared to add to the conversation, even if it wasn't anything massive. Tangents are fun cause they bring laughter or weird lines of thought. That's how you get to know someone.
In general; If she brings up money. āI would run out the doorā: brings up spending *other peopleās money*. āMy ex took us on the most amazing trip to Franceā / āMy friend and I went to Vegas and drank Dom at some rich guyās tableā / āoh my Lexus? dad bought me that carā.
Thereās a big difference between those lines (which scream sheās used to others picking up the check for her) and:
āI went on the most amazing trip to France last yearā / āI took a girls trip to Vegas last weekendā / āMy parents gifted me this car after I graduated from collegeā
Even if she didnāt pay for those things, just the way itās phrased differently means there is an inherently greater respect for money.
I think at least half the time, astrology is just a polite excuse to ditch... Cause the reaction is usually better/safer vs just "No thank you, not interested"
"Oh nooo I can't date Tauruses!! š¢" Guys aren't gonna get triggered & stalk you or freak out over that. They just say, "what a weirdo. Astrology is stupid"
Im sure honesty would be preferred, but there's always a chance they're gonna not handle rejection well & go true crime on u
Honestly that should be just for everyone in general. If I was grabbing lunch with another guy that could be a potential friend, and he started treating staff poorly, Iād burn that bridge immediately
When theyāre on their phoneā¦
The amount of women Iāve went on dates with that were too busy fucking around on their phone instead of engaging in a conversation is ridiculous
"He put himself before me"
Yeah it takes a bit more to be a narcissist. In fact a true narcissist is scary as hell, they talk like honey and make you feel special and if you factually contradict them they will lovingly explain to you how uneducated and ignorant you are, and that it's not your fault, you poor thing.
People can be assholes, can be manipulative, can lie, can gas light you, can do many different shorty things all without being an actual narcissist lol
>Or if they describe all of their exās as narcissists
Ironically, one of the signs someone is a narcissist is that they think everyone else is.
They tend to think that when someone else fails to give them enough attention, it must be because that person is too selfish and self involved. Never that they themselves are expecting too much attention.
Not sure if this would matter to many people but if she doesn't ask any questions about you or stops asking questions it is probably a sign you showed a red flag to her or she doesn't find you interesting.
she brought her kid with her to and in and out date and than told the child "look your new possible daddy" I got up and said "I'll be right back" and walked out of the in and out and blocked her. I know this is going to sound bad, but I'm not playing on another man's saved file.
I don't think you sound bad - she had no care for her child's welfare not vetting a guy before introducing her kid and also she sounds like she was being very manipulative trying to guilt you into being a stepdad. Bullet dodged.
If someone brings along someone else to a date, and it's not communicated prior, I'd leave asap as well.
Once I asked a women I liked and was good friends with to come over to my place and have some dinner one night. She said yes very ecstatically, and I was so excited to spend the 1v1 time with her and get to know her more, as we had mainly only hung out in others company/with friends prior to this. Literally, 2 hours before she was to arrive, I was at the store thinking of what she'd like to eat and getting food/drink. She sent me a text, "hey I thought it would be really fun for my friend to come along as well, what do you think" Honestly I thought it was a fucking buzzkill, and would have rather her just told me we can stay friends and to not get my hopes up. That said they both ended up coming over and it was actually quite a nice time, had dinner with 2 wonderful women and went for a nice hike afterwards.
That doesn't bad, that sounds reasonable.
After a certain age there's an expectation of people in the dating pool having kids more often than not, but a) you let them know they exist before you meet in person, and b) there's an appropriate time to introduce them to you, and it's not date goddamn #1.
Save file comment notwithstanding, that would be an instant nope from me too, if just because if a single mom can't understand b) from above, I don't think they have the maturity or mental ability to be a decent partner. It's inappropriateness bordering on lunacy, particularly the 'new daddy' comment.
I appreciate this because they alway act like women are catfishing the hell out of them. Most men that I've met online look much different than their pics from 15 years ago. We all see ourselves as the person in the picture but everyone is going to portray their best self on a dating profile.
I ask for separate checks when the server comes for the drink order. Last time she said she forgot her purse, I simply paid for my check, stood up and left.
I met a girl for a date once and literally not even a couple minutes after we sat down, she starts talking about another guy in a sexual context. Mind you, we'd only met one other time, and she was way too comfortable with me. She ended up being a piece of work and I've met another girl like her since; it's just the blatant lack of social awareness, inhibition, and boundaries that is an obvious sign I need to gtfo. I don't want to hear about your escapades.
When the mask cracks slightly and they express signs that they have emotional issues. Like this one girl that was talking about her ex and how she would get annoyed with no texting when they were out. When you date someone that isn't up your ass.. you can't go back.
I call it the āfinancial colonoscopyā. When she is more concerned with my net worth than my movie preferences.
And the ādating history colonoscopyā. When she wants to know things about my messy divorce that only my closest friends know. Are you one of my closest friends now? No, not yet? Then Iām not telling you that. And apparently that means Iām being evasive.
There isnāt just one or even a few signs, itās a multitude of signs. One of the biggest signs is, does she show respect to her date and does she make you feel like you are her most important priority during the time spent with you?
Most women won't directly ask you how much you make on the first date. Many though will try to figure it out by asking pointed questions about your lifestyle, financial.habits, and occupation. I don't mind this on subsequent dates or dates that for people that are very much looking for long term partners, but damn my poor friends act more like they're going to a job interview half the time than going on an enjoyable date with a prospective partner.
Had something similar happen to someone I had wanted to date before I met my wife. She rejected like pretty much everyone else, and happened to talk to her while I was getting some lunch on the way back from a job. I mentioned that I had made 800 over the past two days from a remodel, and she, no lie, scooted 2ft closer to me and said, "you make $400 per day?"
I couldn't help but laugh in her face. My wife stuck with me at one of my lowest points in life, whereas this chick only got interested when she realized I probably made more than her.
Yep. I just got dumped over a tiny mistake ( not cheating or lying or anything serious ) and it hurts, but I'm just glad it was only 2 years dating and not a marriage.
I want a "through thick and thin" partner
They're hard to find. I stumbled across mine completely on accident. I had for the first time in my life genuinely not been looking for a serious relationship. Long story short, had a hole that was left in me after high school sweetheart relationship fell through. I was actively chasing, trying to fill that hole (giggity) until two months before actually talking to my now wife.
She told me later on that I looked like I was on death's door when we first met (was constantly drinking and apparently reeked of beer and cigarette smoke while working 16 hour days). After a few months we actually sat down to talk and I had all but quit drinking (have a beer once every 2-3 weeks now at work dinners). It was at that point something changed.
I don't know if any of this helps, but they notice a lot. There was time in there before I started drinking more, and nobody would give me a shot. If I had my guess, they could sense the neediness or at least something off and didnt like it. I know for a fact now I wouldn't be in the position I am now if I kept pity drinking.
Edit: and I put on some muscle with the work I was doing. I'm still rocking the dad bod, but at least have some definition in the arms/shoulders/chest when shirtless. Probably wasn't a big factor but definitely doesn't hurt.
Most women like this learn real quick to not be or aren't keepers from what I've witnessed. It's the adult version of and he's going to be prince charming and solve all my problems. Then they realize that's a fantasy (hopefully) and become adults (hopefully).
Lucky you for not having to deal with this or see it. Truth be told I've only seen it twice in real life. Most women are adults.
People are certainly like this, I'm a man so I can only speak to women but I've dated women this way before. They would later say things like "I knew you were broke since you took me here instead of there"
No, I took you here instead of there, because I literally had no fucking idea who you were, as it was the first date. We're not having a 3 star Michelin date until we make it to a substantial milestone.
Sheās one that is well known to not think things through. Like her recent car purchase.
$45k car. $7k down payment. Kept saying yes to add on sales. Turned it into a $2k down payment. With 8.4% APR. š¤¦š»āāļø
Oooooh, Well there was one. Let me think how it went.
She showed up wearing sweat pants. From there it was sort of off to the races.
She lived in a house that her parents either owned outright or were making payments on. She started complaining that they were going to make her start covering the electric and/or water bills.
She had kids from a previous relationship, but I could not ascertain who had custody of these kids. Not her. Not the father that was in prison for drug possession.
We started talking about motorcycles. She announced that she couldn't ride anything but a Harley. Why I would want a bike that breaks down and constantly needs maintenance? I couldn't tell you.
Then she announced she didn't like blacks, for some reason. My god daughter happens to be black, and I am very much in that girl's, now young woman's, life.
That list bit was the break for me. I went over to the bartender that I knew, and told him to get me out the back, then excused myself to the restroom.
I don't really remember, and calling my darker skinned countrymen "blacks" is how I grew up. Now it's a misnomer, and we knew it back then, they were no more black in color than I am white. Either way, they were always my friends and teammates, and I didn't tend to regard it as more than a description.
It's not that bad.
Well. It is. But you found someone amazing, so that says amazing people exist. You just have to blow through a lot of weirdos before you find your flower.
This is a simple one but itās always served me well. If a girl doesnāt use your name. Like if she canāt take the time to really get to use your name. Itās a personal touch that Iāve always appreciated but you would be surprised how many people canāt be bothered to use it.
Smoking
Texting or using their phone
Refusing to go Dutch when they pick the place
Not contributing to the conversation to the point where I feel like I need to force conversation
No prospects for themselves
She lights up a cigarette. Smoking is one of my two absolute, unconditional, non-negotiable dealbreakers, so it's an instant "Check please!" moment.
My other dealbreaker is less of an issue, because it tends to get filtered out before a first date even happens.
Started talking about wanting to live a very lavish lifestyle, but has shown no clear signs of how she is going to achieve it (meaning she expects you to provide her this lavish lifestyle) and I mean LAVISH. Itās just a weird vibe
I have an ex GF who was raised in poverty in Mexico. But the way she was raised was that the man had to pay for everything. Well, she only wanted the expensive things that's it, if it wasn't name brand or over a certain amount (mainly because she wasn't paying for it) she didn't want it. Plus she always tried to take a mile when given an inch. She told me she had no intentions of working. Then she gave me a passionate speech about that's the way it's been in her family since her great grandparents and she honestly felt it has to be that way for her. I told her she's an idiot and she was just too lazy to work. She also had no problem begging and asking people for money.
"Oh look at my phone, my work paged me, I'm going to have to go." 'I didn't see that human head in your fridge, nope, I did not." #dexter\_needle\_move #shi . . .
When a girl is overly sexual on the first date. Iām all about being open with your sexuality, but some people are clearly severely insecure and are desperate for physical validation.
Understood. Thatās my bad.
Yeah, I like it when girls are more direct and forward with their communication. It really helps when youāre a super duper shy person. Thatās a whole different situation though.
I remember this date with a nice girl i just met. We were talking for a while but half way though she established he established that were a couple and going to get married in 6 months. I can understand being exclusive but the saying we're getting married in 6 months was pretty crazy for me. When I didn't agree with the marriage part she tried to argue with me. I decided that it's not worth it so I paid for what was ordered and left.
Antivax. It has become the gateway drug into the conspiracy rabbit hole. 3 days later they're supporting Putin, flat earth and everything is a lie unless it suits their narrative.
Mental issues arenāt the problem itās what they do, I donāt discount anyone for having issues and I donāt think anyone should
But if someone is popping pills on the nightly over it, thatās an issue
To nope myself out of a date would require the date to not really care or seem interested
If she looks at her phone or says anything disrespectful. Anything else has most likely been brought light before then and they didn't make it to this point.
It's not that. I've met many thousands of women. Most of them do nothing. They watch tv, drink mimosas, eat hot chips and lie. I've met a small amount that are interesting or have any initiative or spark. I've met a tiny handful that really have interests and persue them. I'm from the one country in the world that has moose and despite that I've never, ever, ever met a woman who has a pet moose.
If they cant reciprocate in conversation.
It just screams red flag to me.
Im pretty sure i have the tism so i would rate my conversational skills below average but i have been on dates Where i felt like an interviewer because they couldnāt keep the conversation going past bland close ended replies. And leaving me to totally carry the convo. I literally wanted to blurt out āit seems we are both Autistic arenāt we Janeā and walk back to my truck.
Like when Iām dating Iām looking for my equal not someone to talk at.
It takes two to tangoā¦
When she says stuff like "women need to train men", "men are pigs because they only want one thing", or "I'm looking like THIS and you're going to take me to a bistro!!!???"
If she's distracted and not there to get to know me. As other's have said on the phone, but also distracted in general, starts chatting up other people, constantly looking around instead of paying attention, etc.
I'm not mad at bad behavior typically and I'm still willing to get to know people, but if the point is to get to know someone and you aren't doing that? Bye.
Pro tip: pretend you're interested in what kinda social media content she likes. Find out what subreddits she visits, what kinda tiktoks she likes. That will quickly tell you what kind of person she is. If any of it is man-hating, run.
Any indication that she is a feminist is an instant nope. I have no interest in bringing a person who hates me into my life. I don't want to have a person who wants to see themselves as my victim around. Hard pass. Being alone is far better than being with someone like that.
Not sure how that would come up during coffee. "So . . . do you think that kidnapping people and raping them and murdering them and torturing them and selling them to work as lifetime forced labour on cotton plantations is a good or a bad idea?" "I mean labour costs were low so the profits were good . . ."
Her raising up politics. Irregardless of any positions, introduction of such an inherently vitriolic subject is bound to rarely end well. It also showcases their immersion in it, which correlates with narcissism, as many studies indicate.
Being unnecessarily rude to waiters or staff, like why? they're just ppl too ā ļø
Also entitlement of expecting you to just do shit, i think "icks" get stupid but if i have one it's definitely when u do something like opening the door or getting someone something and they go "as you should"... obnoxious behavior.
Doesn't need to be a mental issue but if she complains about a coffee/bagel (or something at a similar cost) first date, then I'm out immediately. I can afford to do more. I won't for a first date.
Someone would have to do something pretty heinous for me to bail out during the date.
I've been on plenty of dates I knew damn well early on there wasn't going to be a 2nd. I just finished the date and tried to have a good time.
The only really terrible date I had, the girl kept putting herself down with almost every breath. The whole vibe of the date implied that it was a foregone conclusion that she'd sleep with me, and she seemed confused and hurt *but also somewhat relieved* when I took her home. The whole thing just made me really sad. I thought about all the pump-and-dumps she had in store for her, and the abusive psycho who would inevitably be her first real relationship. The whole thing was depressing as fuck, and then I felt like a bad person for feeling sorry for myself that spending a few hours with this girl made ME feel so bummed out. This chick was an emotional tar pit.
vague talk about living status is #1 (she's cheating); #2 overtalk about the ex (you're a rebound); #3 not asking a single question (she doesn't care, this is just to get out for a night)... #4 an obsession with wicca/ancient aliens/astrology (she's on too many meds)
When you're on your phone all the time. Makes me feel like I'm boring you or you don't like me.
I do this to my friends too. If my friends are on their phones while we're hanging out and they're not contributing to the conversation AT ALL, I'll say "I'm sorry that I'm boring you." Like dude. We can be on our phones whenever we want. I can only hang out with you some times.
I was out on a date with a guy and not only did he complain about his exes, he complained about his hook ups. Not gonna lie, he was an entertaining storyteller but still hard nope.
Met up with a girl on a dating site. She tells me she's on break with her boyfriend. Of that wasn't enough she also she said something along the lines of I know he loves me because he knows how to put me in my place when I'm out of line.
"You should call him, because you're out of line right now."
That would've been perfect lol
šš
Yeah you were a free dinner that night
šāāļø
I would put her in her place, but only for that night.
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That's gotta be at the top. I'm not in the dating scene but I'd just get up and walk out without a word.
If she keeps taking selfies and pictures of her food or drink, but doesnāt take any pictures with you.
That's how I knew my last relationship was ending, we were on a trip and she asked for me to take a picture of just her after she took one of us..... low and behold that's her new dating profile picture.
This and treating random people poorly doing their job
In that case it's easy to sneakily walk away. Just text her goodbye once you're home.
Talks about her ex in that nagging kind of way without me asking that lets you know she hung up on them/ hates men. Jealousy off rip, family is weird af if you picked them up etc.
Talking much about an ex on any kind of "getting to know you" date is kind of a red flag imo
Talking about an ex in the first few months IMO is a red flag. I just don't see a point to bring it up until you get really serious and start talking more deeply about things like traumas/past relationships. It really doesn't matter at all in the first stages of dating
Being on her phone. Last date I went on before I found my girl, the woman was constantly checking her phone from the start. Itās rude as fuck to be getting to know someone on a date and be more interested in your phone
If the girl I am dating barely opens up about herself nor is curious about me. Like barely contributing to the conversation or even making an effort to make the date more fun. Mutual interest and effort is a must for me.
Went on a few first dates like that. There were no seconds. One even made an obvious gesture to sleep with me, but honestly didn't want the hassle. I was much more enthusiastic with someone that actually cared to add to the conversation, even if it wasn't anything massive. Tangents are fun cause they bring laughter or weird lines of thought. That's how you get to know someone.
In general; If she brings up money. āI would run out the doorā: brings up spending *other peopleās money*. āMy ex took us on the most amazing trip to Franceā / āMy friend and I went to Vegas and drank Dom at some rich guyās tableā / āoh my Lexus? dad bought me that carā. Thereās a big difference between those lines (which scream sheās used to others picking up the check for her) and: āI went on the most amazing trip to France last yearā / āI took a girls trip to Vegas last weekendā / āMy parents gifted me this car after I graduated from collegeā Even if she didnāt pay for those things, just the way itās phrased differently means there is an inherently greater respect for money.
That's an important distinction, good call buddy
Well said, the delivery shows you what is actually on their mind. The experience itself, or just being around shitloads of money.
When she talks the tiktok language and is asking me if Iām moody today cause my astrological sign is a Leo.
urgh people who lead their life according to astrological signs are a cancer
I see what you did there you wee rascal š
Your energy is off. Lol jk
You just have to manifest the positive vibesā¦
š„
Yeah, can't stand people like that, such pisces of shit
Hardly likely to be a Leo. Probs a Scorpio š
Your Mercury is in Gatorade
Sounds like someone was moody because of his sign.
Honestly you might want to nope out if they talk about signs period. Would rather not have a partner that makes decisions based on signs.Ā
I think at least half the time, astrology is just a polite excuse to ditch... Cause the reaction is usually better/safer vs just "No thank you, not interested" "Oh nooo I can't date Tauruses!! š¢" Guys aren't gonna get triggered & stalk you or freak out over that. They just say, "what a weirdo. Astrology is stupid" Im sure honesty would be preferred, but there's always a chance they're gonna not handle rejection well & go true crime on u
Oooohh Leo, eh? We go together ;)
On the first date, you see her being really rude to service workers. Bolt for the door ASAP..
Or if she's servicing the service workers. #awkward
That too
Honestly that should be just for everyone in general. If I was grabbing lunch with another guy that could be a potential friend, and he started treating staff poorly, Iād burn that bridge immediately
When theyāre on their phoneā¦ The amount of women Iāve went on dates with that were too busy fucking around on their phone instead of engaging in a conversation is ridiculous
If a girl canāt remotely hold a conversation, feels like Iām doing all the talking. Or if they describe all of their exās as narcissists š
Narcissist and psychopath are two terms that are misused a whole hell of a lot today, usually by the people they were intended for, who are clueless.
Yeahā¦..if every girls ex was a clinical narcissist or psychopath weād have a big problem as a society š
"He put himself before me" Yeah it takes a bit more to be a narcissist. In fact a true narcissist is scary as hell, they talk like honey and make you feel special and if you factually contradict them they will lovingly explain to you how uneducated and ignorant you are, and that it's not your fault, you poor thing.
People can be assholes, can be manipulative, can lie, can gas light you, can do many different shorty things all without being an actual narcissist lol
Agreed.
If online dating is the worst thing to happen to dating in this current generation, the weaponization of therapy talk is very much a close second.
>Or if they describe all of their exās as narcissists Ironically, one of the signs someone is a narcissist is that they think everyone else is. They tend to think that when someone else fails to give them enough attention, it must be because that person is too selfish and self involved. Never that they themselves are expecting too much attention.
Not sure if this would matter to many people but if she doesn't ask any questions about you or stops asking questions it is probably a sign you showed a red flag to her or she doesn't find you interesting.
I'm afraid they'll feel interrogated and be annoyed.
It's a give and take. Just practice. Men really put a high value on feeling like a woman is interested in them as a person.
I would rather this than her just flirting about trying to sleep with you...
Hahaha all I do is ask questions to the person as I think my life is boring. Wonder if that's weird too
Tbh I'd not mind if u were asking me qs, but make sure to say some stuff about u. Like I'm *inserts the name, I do that and that, I like cats/dogs*
I cut all people out my life who canāt be bothered to ask me the occasional question
It can also be a sign that someone has the social skills of a 13 year old when they're a fully grown adult.
Passive aggressiveness. Especially if I get the feeling they're treating me like I was the ghost of their ex coming back to haunt them.
she brought her kid with her to and in and out date and than told the child "look your new possible daddy" I got up and said "I'll be right back" and walked out of the in and out and blocked her. I know this is going to sound bad, but I'm not playing on another man's saved file.
I don't think you sound bad - she had no care for her child's welfare not vetting a guy before introducing her kid and also she sounds like she was being very manipulative trying to guilt you into being a stepdad. Bullet dodged.
Her poor kid, she probably does this all the time. How confusing. š
I am very much open to being a step-dad but if the girl I met for a date brought her kid and said that I wouldāve done the same exact thing.
Yeah , even if you're open to dating a woman with kids, that's Crazytown
I feel terrible for the kid whoās mother acts like that.
Whoa!
If someone brings along someone else to a date, and it's not communicated prior, I'd leave asap as well. Once I asked a women I liked and was good friends with to come over to my place and have some dinner one night. She said yes very ecstatically, and I was so excited to spend the 1v1 time with her and get to know her more, as we had mainly only hung out in others company/with friends prior to this. Literally, 2 hours before she was to arrive, I was at the store thinking of what she'd like to eat and getting food/drink. She sent me a text, "hey I thought it would be really fun for my friend to come along as well, what do you think" Honestly I thought it was a fucking buzzkill, and would have rather her just told me we can stay friends and to not get my hopes up. That said they both ended up coming over and it was actually quite a nice time, had dinner with 2 wonderful women and went for a nice hike afterwards.
I agree.
she sounds manipulative asf for doing that to you. its honestly pathetic behavior on her part
That doesn't bad, that sounds reasonable. After a certain age there's an expectation of people in the dating pool having kids more often than not, but a) you let them know they exist before you meet in person, and b) there's an appropriate time to introduce them to you, and it's not date goddamn #1. Save file comment notwithstanding, that would be an instant nope from me too, if just because if a single mom can't understand b) from above, I don't think they have the maturity or mental ability to be a decent partner. It's inappropriateness bordering on lunacy, particularly the 'new daddy' comment.
When she walks in and you canāt even recognize her because sheās older or heavier.
Yep, and the guy is always way shorter and much older.
I appreciate this because they alway act like women are catfishing the hell out of them. Most men that I've met online look much different than their pics from 15 years ago. We all see ourselves as the person in the picture but everyone is going to portray their best self on a dating profile.
Dude should have had more control on his diet and eaten all of his GrowUpTallās
Or just honest about his height
When she says that she didn't bring her purse, or any other way to pay.
āWow! Neither did I! Do you want to wash or dry?ā
I had that happen once and just said "That's bullshit, because you have your phone"
I ask for separate checks when the server comes for the drink order. Last time she said she forgot her purse, I simply paid for my check, stood up and left.
yikes, how did that go?
For me first dates are always coffee only, for this reason. But also, I live in a culture where its the norm to split, even on dates.
Once my boss invited me out to a business dinner, pulled this move, and never paid me back. I ended up quitting, for other reasons.
I met a girl for a date once and literally not even a couple minutes after we sat down, she starts talking about another guy in a sexual context. Mind you, we'd only met one other time, and she was way too comfortable with me. She ended up being a piece of work and I've met another girl like her since; it's just the blatant lack of social awareness, inhibition, and boundaries that is an obvious sign I need to gtfo. I don't want to hear about your escapades.
When the mask cracks slightly and they express signs that they have emotional issues. Like this one girl that was talking about her ex and how she would get annoyed with no texting when they were out. When you date someone that isn't up your ass.. you can't go back.
I call it the āfinancial colonoscopyā. When she is more concerned with my net worth than my movie preferences. And the ādating history colonoscopyā. When she wants to know things about my messy divorce that only my closest friends know. Are you one of my closest friends now? No, not yet? Then Iām not telling you that. And apparently that means Iām being evasive.
There isnāt just one or even a few signs, itās a multitude of signs. One of the biggest signs is, does she show respect to her date and does she make you feel like you are her most important priority during the time spent with you?
Most women won't directly ask you how much you make on the first date. Many though will try to figure it out by asking pointed questions about your lifestyle, financial.habits, and occupation. I don't mind this on subsequent dates or dates that for people that are very much looking for long term partners, but damn my poor friends act more like they're going to a job interview half the time than going on an enjoyable date with a prospective partner.
Had something similar happen to someone I had wanted to date before I met my wife. She rejected like pretty much everyone else, and happened to talk to her while I was getting some lunch on the way back from a job. I mentioned that I had made 800 over the past two days from a remodel, and she, no lie, scooted 2ft closer to me and said, "you make $400 per day?" I couldn't help but laugh in her face. My wife stuck with me at one of my lowest points in life, whereas this chick only got interested when she realized I probably made more than her.
Yep. I just got dumped over a tiny mistake ( not cheating or lying or anything serious ) and it hurts, but I'm just glad it was only 2 years dating and not a marriage. I want a "through thick and thin" partner
They're hard to find. I stumbled across mine completely on accident. I had for the first time in my life genuinely not been looking for a serious relationship. Long story short, had a hole that was left in me after high school sweetheart relationship fell through. I was actively chasing, trying to fill that hole (giggity) until two months before actually talking to my now wife. She told me later on that I looked like I was on death's door when we first met (was constantly drinking and apparently reeked of beer and cigarette smoke while working 16 hour days). After a few months we actually sat down to talk and I had all but quit drinking (have a beer once every 2-3 weeks now at work dinners). It was at that point something changed. I don't know if any of this helps, but they notice a lot. There was time in there before I started drinking more, and nobody would give me a shot. If I had my guess, they could sense the neediness or at least something off and didnt like it. I know for a fact now I wouldn't be in the position I am now if I kept pity drinking. Edit: and I put on some muscle with the work I was doing. I'm still rocking the dad bod, but at least have some definition in the arms/shoulders/chest when shirtless. Probably wasn't a big factor but definitely doesn't hurt.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Most women like this learn real quick to not be or aren't keepers from what I've witnessed. It's the adult version of and he's going to be prince charming and solve all my problems. Then they realize that's a fantasy (hopefully) and become adults (hopefully). Lucky you for not having to deal with this or see it. Truth be told I've only seen it twice in real life. Most women are adults.
People are certainly like this, I'm a man so I can only speak to women but I've dated women this way before. They would later say things like "I knew you were broke since you took me here instead of there" No, I took you here instead of there, because I literally had no fucking idea who you were, as it was the first date. We're not having a 3 star Michelin date until we make it to a substantial milestone.
When her fiancĆ© shows up halfway through. š¬
What? Awkward
Yo, *what*?
Had no idea. Took her to dinner and a movie. Got through dinner, got to the theatre and when I turned off my truck, there was a tap on her passenger window. This bearded dude is staring at us looking pissed. I figured maybe I cut him off on accident or something driving. Til she opened the door and was like, āWhat are you doing here?ā Him: āWhat am I doing here?! What are YOU doing here?!ā Tells me who he is and asked what we were going to see. I tell him. Turns out she saw it with him THE NIGHT BEFORE. So he tells me heās taking her home and I just said āokā and told her to get out. The most wild part- my sister set us up and KNEW she was engaged. āBut her fiancĆ©e is a psychoā was the excuse. Hands down the most insane date Iāve ever been on. And man, Iāve met some doozies.
Your sister already knew? That's messed up.
Sheās one that is well known to not think things through. Like her recent car purchase. $45k car. $7k down payment. Kept saying yes to add on sales. Turned it into a $2k down payment. With 8.4% APR. š¤¦š»āāļø
Did you call out your sister out later for setting you up like that?
Your sister is a psycho for not telling you and putting your life in danger wtf
Surprisingly, the dude was pretty chill with me. It was almost like this wasnāt his first time in that scenario.
Yeah thereās nothing like a bro who was screwed over by the same gal who screwed you over. Thatās how epic friendships can start sometimes
Oooooh, Well there was one. Let me think how it went. She showed up wearing sweat pants. From there it was sort of off to the races. She lived in a house that her parents either owned outright or were making payments on. She started complaining that they were going to make her start covering the electric and/or water bills. She had kids from a previous relationship, but I could not ascertain who had custody of these kids. Not her. Not the father that was in prison for drug possession. We started talking about motorcycles. She announced that she couldn't ride anything but a Harley. Why I would want a bike that breaks down and constantly needs maintenance? I couldn't tell you. Then she announced she didn't like blacks, for some reason. My god daughter happens to be black, and I am very much in that girl's, now young woman's, life. That list bit was the break for me. I went over to the bartender that I knew, and told him to get me out the back, then excused myself to the restroom.
She really said āblacksā over āblack people?ā Thatās even worse.
Apparently they're not people to her. Wow.
I don't really remember, and calling my darker skinned countrymen "blacks" is how I grew up. Now it's a misnomer, and we knew it back then, they were no more black in color than I am white. Either way, they were always my friends and teammates, and I didn't tend to regard it as more than a description.
Wow
Iām so damn glad Iām married. Between this, TikTok, half the other social media shits. Iād just solo for the rest of my life.
It's not that bad. Well. It is. But you found someone amazing, so that says amazing people exist. You just have to blow through a lot of weirdos before you find your flower.
Blowing weirdos, you say? I guess I've tried everything else...
Trust me, when the blowing is done you feel sooooo much better ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
When she tells you she's in between jobs and doesn't have a driver's license. That combo is never great.
This is a simple one but itās always served me well. If a girl doesnāt use your name. Like if she canāt take the time to really get to use your name. Itās a personal touch that Iāve always appreciated but you would be surprised how many people canāt be bothered to use it.
If sheās being disrespectful to others like waiting or counter staff, or in general if she has nothing good to say about anyone but herself.
"I'm actually 16" EDIT: This never happened to me, just a hypothetical.
Oh shit
Smoking Texting or using their phone Refusing to go Dutch when they pick the place Not contributing to the conversation to the point where I feel like I need to force conversation No prospects for themselves
They say they love you before you're even sure you're ready for another date.
she expects me to spend excessive money on her her priority is on her phone *There's sort of just a vibe*
She lights up a cigarette. Smoking is one of my two absolute, unconditional, non-negotiable dealbreakers, so it's an instant "Check please!" moment. My other dealbreaker is less of an issue, because it tends to get filtered out before a first date even happens.
Smoking Filtered out. I see what you did there
Started talking about wanting to live a very lavish lifestyle, but has shown no clear signs of how she is going to achieve it (meaning she expects you to provide her this lavish lifestyle) and I mean LAVISH. Itās just a weird vibe
I have an ex GF who was raised in poverty in Mexico. But the way she was raised was that the man had to pay for everything. Well, she only wanted the expensive things that's it, if it wasn't name brand or over a certain amount (mainly because she wasn't paying for it) she didn't want it. Plus she always tried to take a mile when given an inch. She told me she had no intentions of working. Then she gave me a passionate speech about that's the way it's been in her family since her great grandparents and she honestly felt it has to be that way for her. I told her she's an idiot and she was just too lazy to work. She also had no problem begging and asking people for money.
There's a human head in her fridge.
Perhaps that qualifier isn't required. Any head in fridge is enough for me. Haha.
Fun fact. Um or just a fact... A Swedish villager kept his wife in the freezer for five years.
That's cold.
Right. Because ANY respectable lady knows to put ty hem in a jar of formaldehyde and keep it on the desk.
At that point, itās already too late
"Oh look at my phone, my work paged me, I'm going to have to go." 'I didn't see that human head in your fridge, nope, I did not." #dexter\_needle\_move #shi . . .
Racism
Anything resembling she doesnāt respect the value of men.
When a girl is overly sexual on the first date. Iām all about being open with your sexuality, but some people are clearly severely insecure and are desperate for physical validation.
This is because we read all the posts from guys that want sex immediately after the date ends.
If you are not mentally ill and seeking physical validation, my comment wasnāt directed to you.
Oh I know , just enjoying the discussion.
Understood. Thatās my bad. Yeah, I like it when girls are more direct and forward with their communication. It really helps when youāre a super duper shy person. Thatās a whole different situation though.
She is laying cards to see into the future. That's how i predicted it won't work out between us.
I remember this date with a nice girl i just met. We were talking for a while but half way though she established he established that were a couple and going to get married in 6 months. I can understand being exclusive but the saying we're getting married in 6 months was pretty crazy for me. When I didn't agree with the marriage part she tried to argue with me. I decided that it's not worth it so I paid for what was ordered and left.
If she brings up astrology, religion, or politics Iām out. I wouldnāt be able to feign interest long enough to finish the date.
She brings a friend who Iām expected to pay for, she starts talking about being a super feminist, shows up with blue hair or a shaved head.
did you just assume her pronouns?
Her bringing her kid.
When she asks me if I have skibidi rizz
Finger nails longer than the fingers and fake eyelashes. š¤¢
Talking about exes too much
perpetually being late
When she shows up 20kg heavier than the pic.
Antivax. It has become the gateway drug into the conspiracy rabbit hole. 3 days later they're supporting Putin, flat earth and everything is a lie unless it suits their narrative.
If she ever mentions her cash app
Not being able to hold a conversation. Lieing. No interests/hobbies aside from watching soaps
First date, and she is making finalized plans for the wedding.
Mental issues arenāt the problem itās what they do, I donāt discount anyone for having issues and I donāt think anyone should But if someone is popping pills on the nightly over it, thatās an issue To nope myself out of a date would require the date to not really care or seem interested
If she looks at her phone or says anything disrespectful. Anything else has most likely been brought light before then and they didn't make it to this point.
She says she is going home with the thug she called up after you spent $100 on her, then asks you to PPO her ex
What is āPPOā?
Put him on your health insurance?
She brings a friend along or her parents, or a pet moose. An actual Moose.
You passing up dates with a girl who has her own moose? You got her number?
This man has a moose fetish.
It's not that. I've met many thousands of women. Most of them do nothing. They watch tv, drink mimosas, eat hot chips and lie. I've met a small amount that are interesting or have any initiative or spark. I've met a tiny handful that really have interests and persue them. I'm from the one country in the world that has moose and despite that I've never, ever, ever met a woman who has a pet moose.
USA and Canada both have moose bro.Ā
Just overall lack of engagement
If they cant reciprocate in conversation. It just screams red flag to me. Im pretty sure i have the tism so i would rate my conversational skills below average but i have been on dates Where i felt like an interviewer because they couldnāt keep the conversation going past bland close ended replies. And leaving me to totally carry the convo. I literally wanted to blurt out āit seems we are both Autistic arenāt we Janeā and walk back to my truck. Like when Iām dating Iām looking for my equal not someone to talk at. It takes two to tangoā¦
If they ask me to read their manifesto-
If she brings a friend along. That's not a date.
When she says stuff like "women need to train men", "men are pigs because they only want one thing", or "I'm looking like THIS and you're going to take me to a bistro!!!???"
If she's distracted and not there to get to know me. As other's have said on the phone, but also distracted in general, starts chatting up other people, constantly looking around instead of paying attention, etc. I'm not mad at bad behavior typically and I'm still willing to get to know people, but if the point is to get to know someone and you aren't doing that? Bye.
Pro tip: pretend you're interested in what kinda social media content she likes. Find out what subreddits she visits, what kinda tiktoks she likes. That will quickly tell you what kind of person she is. If any of it is man-hating, run.
Any indication that she is a feminist is an instant nope. I have no interest in bringing a person who hates me into my life. I don't want to have a person who wants to see themselves as my victim around. Hard pass. Being alone is far better than being with someone like that.
If she tries to minimize the horrific nature of slavery.
Not sure how that would come up during coffee. "So . . . do you think that kidnapping people and raping them and murdering them and torturing them and selling them to work as lifetime forced labour on cotton plantations is a good or a bad idea?" "I mean labour costs were low so the profits were good . . ."
Is this a common first date subject for you ?
Her raising up politics. Irregardless of any positions, introduction of such an inherently vitriolic subject is bound to rarely end well. It also showcases their immersion in it, which correlates with narcissism, as many studies indicate.
Interesting. What studies?
Or maybe she just wants to get some dealbreakers out of the way for herself š¤·š»āāļø
She broke my arm because I didn't want to give her a kiss goodbye in high school.
Red Flags https://youtu.be/GFokXnCCMf8
Being unnecessarily rude to waiters or staff, like why? they're just ppl too ā ļø Also entitlement of expecting you to just do shit, i think "icks" get stupid but if i have one it's definitely when u do something like opening the door or getting someone something and they go "as you should"... obnoxious behavior.
When she says "I can't talk right now my boyfriend/ husband is here"
went on a date and the girl kept talking about all of her bad dating experiences. I was like, "well, add one more."
Sheās glued to her phone.
Doesn't need to be a mental issue but if she complains about a coffee/bagel (or something at a similar cost) first date, then I'm out immediately. I can afford to do more. I won't for a first date.
Someone would have to do something pretty heinous for me to bail out during the date. I've been on plenty of dates I knew damn well early on there wasn't going to be a 2nd. I just finished the date and tried to have a good time.
Getting catfished.
If she arrives with her family/friends and expects me to pay for them all
The only really terrible date I had, the girl kept putting herself down with almost every breath. The whole vibe of the date implied that it was a foregone conclusion that she'd sleep with me, and she seemed confused and hurt *but also somewhat relieved* when I took her home. The whole thing just made me really sad. I thought about all the pump-and-dumps she had in store for her, and the abusive psycho who would inevitably be her first real relationship. The whole thing was depressing as fuck, and then I felt like a bad person for feeling sorry for myself that spending a few hours with this girl made ME feel so bummed out. This chick was an emotional tar pit.
āAll my exāes were abusiveā This can mean two things and Iām not interested in either.
vague talk about living status is #1 (she's cheating); #2 overtalk about the ex (you're a rebound); #3 not asking a single question (she doesn't care, this is just to get out for a night)... #4 an obsession with wicca/ancient aliens/astrology (she's on too many meds)
When they start talking about astrology and baby names on the first date within minutes of sitting down
When you're on your phone all the time. Makes me feel like I'm boring you or you don't like me. I do this to my friends too. If my friends are on their phones while we're hanging out and they're not contributing to the conversation AT ALL, I'll say "I'm sorry that I'm boring you." Like dude. We can be on our phones whenever we want. I can only hang out with you some times.
She's feminist.
Racism and no self awareness.
I was out on a date with a guy and not only did he complain about his exes, he complained about his hook ups. Not gonna lie, he was an entertaining storyteller but still hard nope.