*Why communicate when you can get your point across by passive-aggressively stewing and simmering, 24/7, and then erupting 5-10 business days later??!*
So this... and let's add
1) Passive-aggressive comminicators
2) Aggressive and overly emotional communicators (people that just don't know how to take a breather before letting it all out with attitude and rudeness)
This is also horrible for friendships. I have met women who think they can just put a period at the end of a sentence over text and the other person should understand that they’re mad and want to talk about it… like what?!
Also, so many women just constantly lie. My SIL lies through her teeth about everything with the excuse that she doesn’t “owe anyone the truth” ???
Yes! It’s a thing. I think it’s mainly older Gen Z who do it but if they say “ok.” Or something, and it’s not how they normally text, they might be upset. Personally I ignore it completely. If someone wants to play that game they can talk to me directly about when and what they’re upset about. I don’t play games like that.
To be honest I used to do this as a teen as well, just because it’s how I learned to interact with people and it was a way to indirectly tell someone I was annoyed without actually saying it. Now I’m an adult who realizes games like that are pretty immature and actually saying something when I’m upset gets the best results.
This, I thought I was a pretty secure individual until I spent a year with an avoidant who wasn’t over her ex. Really highlighted a lot of my own issues, like you mentioned. Never again with an avoidant.
In my case, I recently realized that I lean more towards anxious/avoidant and dating her for the brief time I did was at times like looking into a mirror which highlighted the issues I had in dating that contributed to my anxiety. The problem for me was that the more I opened up about things, the more she pulled away which I noticed and it led to a feedback loop.
I have had that. It SUCKED. Especially when they begged you to Open up.
And at the end . "I just wasnt ready for just how much you actually carry. I didnt realize. And thats not my fault."
And then they run.
Makes you realize. Your expected to hold not just yours. But theirs too.
When you leave. Its immature and cowardice. When they run away its "safety and feel out their attraction"
Yeah thanks. Lol what away to show me that my hurt makes me unlovable.
It’s so hard to avoid them because they love to suck you in at the beginning. Only once you’re emotionally invested are they suddenly not sure if they want to be with you. I wish they’d wear bracelets or something to alert the rest of us they’re hung up on their ex. They are legit biohazards.
Oh god, this is exactly what happened in my recent experience. First 4 dates were great in spite of my nervousness, then my anxiety/nervousness only built up because things seemed to be going so well and she was into me, and then suddenly the vibe changed and nothing I did seemed to bring her back to how she was those early dates, including my opening up that I was nervous.
Man, what a roller coaster of a fling.
Went through a breakup with an avoidant last year. One of the hardest & most traumatic experiences I’ve ever been through. They don’t like the right hand know what the left hand is doing & refuse to communicate.
Someone that isn't interested in hearing me talk. I knew that was a bad sign when she gave up listening to anything remotely uninteresting to her. How self centered that made her.
ykno when you "talk" with someone but its not a conversation, its a monologue? and if they ever do pay attention to you its just to assume a bunch of things they want to believe, then quickly turn to themselves again. that.
kinda yeah. some people just want a nice looking rubber duck whose actual traits they can ignore for the sake of the fantasy inside their head. immature, but theres a lot of adults like this
Amen. I'm so open to talking about issues, but they weren't. Their inability to talk about emotions/things bothering them lead to them holding resentment for me. That led to them being snippy and avoiding talking, which built up over time. Which cycled back and caused more resentment and microagressions, and eventually, there was a tipping point.
I dated someone like this. Everyone else was the asshole but not her. Couldn't keep friends, relationship's didn't last, and didn't get along with her parents (even though they paid all her bills and was able to live in her own apartment and not work at 26) and everything was "poor me".
Couldn't comprehend that the reason she couldn't keep anyone around because she was a horrible person that just used people and tossed them aside when there was no more use for them. She was also a serial cheater. Anytime she was held accountable for anything she would get mad and make the other person out to be "the bad guy". Even make up lies to make her look like " a victim" whenever she had a chance even though it was the opposite.
Never again.
The person that makes you feel like you have to walk on eggshells. If someone is incapable of being challenged by people, gets upset when someone has a different opinion, or launches into a verbal attack before ever asking clarifying questions, *they gotta go*.
The hot party girl….there was a point in my life where I wanted to be with the hot girl from the club….I finally accomplished it….it was a lot of fun….for six months….the year after that was a horrific shit show….No thanks….not only do I no longer like to party, I want to stay far far away from women like her
depends. if the hot party girl grows up and matures with you, its great. i dated the hot party girl. she became a hot party woman and now shes a hot party mother to my kids.. the partying is significantly muted nowadays and we have a normal family life, but every now and then we turn up like old times. i would agree if the girl just wants to party and do drugs and get male attention as you continue to date and does not show any signs of maturing with you, then its time to go.
I think what happens is that you understand that what your loins want isn’t always good for you…attraction is what it is….it’s amoral and animalistic….however, there’s nothing like one of life’s good ass kickings to tame a reckless desire….when memories of the gigantic headache I went through reenter my head, it honestly makes me turn away in disgust….will some hot thing oozing sex and lust attract the wrong head, sure….but you begin to see the value in women don’t use sex as a weapon….that think sex is a special thing….the soft and the feminine is also sexy….so you seek more of that sexy and less the woman that is sexually aggressive
This.
The chick i was with was incredibly hot but it way always in sort of a 2d way.
Almost kind if like how you react to porn. And she was cool with that.
Sex with her was wild initially but it way always so empty.
In the end “just hot” is stimulating but its so empty and superficial.
Like you said, now i see an average jane and if she has a bit of that softness and femininity, im attracted to her in a way that isnt just visual or “hot”, its a lot more about the cinnection, acceptance, passion.
I wish experiences like this didn’t ruin partying. Having fun is still important but of course you learn along the way about yourself and others. Hope it doesn’t bitter your joy.
I have a regular 9-5 office job. Someone who works more irregular hours (or has no job at all) is often incompatible with my schedule. I love having fun on the weekends, but want to keep it pretty low-key when I need to work the next day.
My current gf works in the food industry and I'm a tradesman so I feel you bro sometimes her unwillingness to try and get matching shifts drives me nuts.
Eh I used to work as a server and now do 9-5. I would always choose to work weekends because I would make on a Friday + Saturday what I would make on work 3-4 weekdays.
This was my last boyfriend - I was working in academia on top of having farm animals to take care of, and he had no job. He complained that he wanted to do more "fun" and "adventurous" things with me... like not on a Tuesday night, I just got home from work and feeding critters, and I have to work tomorrow! I'm kinda tired here, chief!
I’m a software engineer and have been hanging out with a bartender for the past few weeks. It’s been fun, but there is no way I can do this long term.
I usually drink maybe 1 times a week and now it has become 2-3 and many nights during the week. It has ruined my concentration during work and I’ve actually missed work events due to it.
I’m not blaming her, but it really is a tough lifestyle for someone with a 9-5….
Can relate, man. I grew up in similar social circles. Girls expecting one Euro trip per year, along with going skiing and all that. Screw that, I want a good life right here. Cook at home, go hiking nearby, etc. However, depends on the girl, I've seen how some welcome this sort of life as long you're a cool guy and have a decent social life.
Someone who lies to spare my feelings. I was with my ex wife for 4 years. We were trying for kids the entire time. Nothing. Miscarriage multiple times. We were having other marital problems, and sat down to talk. We could have fixed everything, until she told me that those miscarriages weren’t actually miscarriages. She just didn’t want kids. Went to planned parenthood instead, and lied about it. I’ve never felt so betrayed and angry. I left that day, moved in with friends and never looked back.
Thank you. I’ve since moved past it, but at the time it was awful. I’ve never been so angry in my life. I didn’t scream or yell or lay hands on her, but it is the only time I’ve ever actually seen red. I couldn’t even talk to her anymore, I just said “I’m leaving and I’m never coming back. I’ll send you papers for the divorce”, and immediately walked out.
My younger brother has had a slew of gfs who would become him in the process of dating. My brother definitely picks women based largely on a weird resume of talents and qualities that can be bragged about—so 2 egos merging, really. One was a NASA lawyer, I still do not know what an international space lawyer does—she ended up working for the state—suing said state for sexual harassment. Winning. And then, after 34 manic tattoos (he was starting to notice new ones while they showered—like “heyy that wasn’t there…yesterday…was it?” 😵💫
I recall him asking me if tattoos could be seen in any self harm kinda light? Hmmm. She then left the world of academia and law to be…. A stripper…..but not before panicking and cheating on him.
The next girl was hyper speed planning their wedding and practicing being a mom with my kids. (It seemed) they broke up. Then a nursing student who stayed friends with her exs to a PAINFUL degree, and broke up with him. (She was ten years his junior and even my kids saw that one coming. I suspect she’ll marry a doctor)
So many women would start adopting his mannerisms and word choices…since they’re so specific to him….it was very obvious. Even mirroring his odd choices at restaurants for orders. I just couldn’t fathom the why.
Isn’t mysterious and difference what enchants is to some degree?
Familiarity has its perks as well but it all reminds me of the scene in 101 Dalmatians where the owners and their dogs look identical.
I don’t understand anyone who makes their partner their whole world. You *need* to have a life, social circles, hobbies, etc. outside of your relationship. Your partner is and should be a part of your life yes, but they shouldn’t be everything.
I married my wife because she was strong and independent, with her own hobbies and supported herself. Now she has nearly no friends and no hobbies, doesn't work, sits at home all day, and wants up in everything I do. It's exhausting.
That's the problem with marriage, 10 years later they can be a totally different person but you're still married to them.
My last relationship before I met my amazing wife had BPD, and dear God, I could never go through that again. Constantly walking on eggshells, the gaslighting, etc.
Pulling out of that relationship was one of the best decisions of my life.
100% this. Be especially wary of the ones who are capable of hiding it for long periods. They're the most dangerous. Was with one of these and she tried to stab me to death in my sleep because I checked out.
They may be victims of circumstance, but they also will 100% no exceptions give you a bad time. As soon as you find out, leave, no matter how good things were until then. It's possible for them to work through it with years of therapy but the best case scenario from that is a ticking time bomb with a larger fuse delay than before.
100% agreed. I dated a woman like this. She did not try to physically hurt me, but mentally, emotionally, and financially she brought me to the brink of the abyss. She had her normal façade on for a while, and slipped slowly at first then totally fell off. I was in love and wanted to save her, but everything I did enabled her BS and craziness. I will never date someone like that again. Once they show you the crazy, I am out. Never again.
As coarse as it is, I agree with this. I just don’t see how I could ever make it work with someone with BPD with the examples I’ve been exposed to. Everyone I know with BPD (not a ton of people but a handful) has done absolutely heinous stuff to loved ones. It’s tough to say and is one of my least favorite personal takes because I really believe everyone deserves love… but I just couldn’t risk the sort of pain that I’ve seen these individuals inflict. It is not for me - life is hard enough already.
Lord knows I fucking tried and ended up losing EVERYTHING including myself. My heart is ice cold and clasped between my hands these days. I’m so broken from the experience don’t know if a can ever trust or love again or if I even WANT to. She broke me, man, and I foolishly let it happen. That’s on me. Never again.
Lol I got downvoted to oblivion once on reddit after I said I have zero tolerance for that. I even explained to some friends this and they called me not emphatic.
Bitch please, empathy is what brought me in this mess in the first place.
Yeah everyone talks about BPD and how much support they need to live a normal life, which.... OK, that's perfectly fine and I hope they can find a way to be happy without it being at someone else's expense.
But no one fucking talks about the empty shells they've sucked the souls out of also known as their previous/present romantic partners.
> But no one fucking talks about the empty shells they've sucked the souls out of also known as their previous/present romantic partners.
Oh yeah I know buddy, I know. So to protect myself from that, as soon if I hear or know someone has it, I'm staying away from that person.
Drama all the time, everyone is to blame, even friends and families, then goes back to being normal or extra loving. Harmful behaviour and such. I mean it’s a veeeery complex illness that leaves the people on the receiving end usually traumatised in some way (don’t ask how I know).
In Romanian we say what they do is something like "Du-te, vino." Which means "Go away, come back."
That's almost a defining feature. They'll push you away, call you all sorts of names, treat you like absolute vermin, then when they realize they might lose their grip on you, they bombard you with affection and act very loving.
BPD is not exclusive to women, but the representation is disproportionate.
In terms of non-romantic relationships, they'll often behave very well in those especially if they're casual friends.
Their best friends, however, will always be suckers, people who are easily roped into toxic friendships, so they'll have very few if any long-term (more than 5 years) friends unless those people are self-interested and tolerate her shit because they draw enough benefits from maintaining ties to make up the difference. But most of their friendships with \*normal\* people will end within a few months/years in very ugly drama, and almost always it's \*their\* fault from her perspective.
Parental relationships will usually be completely broken. Father is more often than not absent, and the mother is more often than not overbearing or emotionally abusive.
The person who gets the worst deal out of all these people is whatever romantic partner slips accidentally into her orbit. They're usually very hot, so it's not extraordinarily hard to get to that point. They don't have trouble finding more people to just feed off of.
Hope this helps.
So people have given you the actual signs so let me give you an anecdotal one with no actual evidence to back it up, based off my experience.
Extremely, superbly hot but tells you very early on that a lot of guys just leave her for some reason and she hopes that you'll be different. That or all of her past boyfriends were jerks, no good prior relationships somehow.
I didn't even know what BPD was back then, but as I opened my mouth to reassure her that I wouldn't leave like that, something in the back of mind told me to cut that sentence off and I didn't know why. Months later, I understood.
Don’t confuse BPD (borderline personality disorder) with Bipolar.
The latter is a chemical imbalance that can be kept at bay with meds, the former is due to childhood neglect, no meds can cure it and the only way to treat it is several years of painful re-training of their instincts
Untreated cluster b
Edit to add: any of them, the effects on partners are going to be dramatic in any case if the person has not been under long term treatment. Paradoxically, the flavour of cluster B that deserves the most compassion, patience and love is the one that will screw you up the worst. Because you can see there is good person there… usually
An Italian American woman who’s like, way too into being Italian. Like it’s totally okay to be proud of who you are, but every woman like that I’ve dated in the past will use it to excuse every single one of their toxic traits or handwave away any bad behavior.
“Oh sorry I blew up on you over this very minor thing, I just can’t help it, it’s my fiery Italian blood tee hee”
Lol as someone who’s actually born and raised in Italy, I can confirm that’s bullshit. Toxic people are toxic in the same way in any country. It’s like saying “sorry I came across as such a racist, it’s my WWII German blood”. Avoid at all costs.
Someone who needs to be fixed. I was Captain save a you know what when I was younger. Learned most people just take advantage of you, don’t care how much you helped them or did for them, and cheat on you with someone else. Don’t ever date someone that doesn’t have their life together or been to counseling or therapy for whatever trauma they have been through.
Someone who treats my expressing my boundaries as controlling behavior. Example: “(me) I really don’t like you posting “x” about me on FB.” “(her) You can’t control me!”
A girl who browses Instagram while my mother is telling a story at the dining table, buys fake plants for the "aesthetic" over real ones despite working from home and having ample time to take care of them, consistently breaks previously agreed boundaries, has a penchant for trauma dumping in whatever environment, gaslights during disagreements, is heavyhanded in disciplining her dog, reacts with anger first, has documented issues at work regarding emotional control, will pick up hobbies/activities just because they're trendy, has a job in advertising/marketing, constantly lies to her parents despite having a very stable and normal childhood, impulsively consumes drugs during nights out, etc..
Literally 10 minutes ago I was thinking about buying fake plants because they look nice and I work from home but I for some reason can’t keep plants alive to save my own life. It’s an out of sight out of mind thing for me, not a time thing.
Narcissistic. If there’s one hint that all the person cares about is theirselves, I’m out.
Someone who lacks any sort of drive. Not that I can’t afford to take care of someone, but life’s a lot easier and more relatable with someone that’s also pursuing goals or what not.
My ex wife.
Jeez, how did I allow her to wreck havoc in my life..
I have to deal with her now that we have children together.. it’s a real hassle..
What was wrong with her or what did I miss? Oh boy.. from the start, she works as a make up artist for retail store job. No offense but these people are shallow. I thought my ex would be different, but she’s exactly like them.. she bitches about everyone in her life too. I should’ve took note of that since she would be bitching about me, not seeing me as a life partner.
Shes a validation seeker. Anyone who gives her attention, she loves it. Including other men.. anyways, she lined up my replacement and jumped when it was convenient for her to do so, leaving me to pick up the pieces and raise the children.
Every now and then, she orders me to do stuff. Most of the times, I ignore her. Meanwhile, she portrays herself as a victim and hangs around the same shallow people that she bitches about.
She’s a real piece of work.. I never understood her. Now I know why.
Someone who knows something they are doing is very hurtful to you. But refuses to make any effort to stop the behavior.
Someone who is only interested in you understanding what they have to say, while becoming impatient as soon as you take your turn in a conversation.
Someone who is comfortable being critical of you but will accept no criticism of themselves
Someone who says things just to hurt
Someone who will pretend to listen to you about a mutual issue but upon a later recounting they won't remember anything you had to say. Instead only remembering their own opinions.
Someone who never tries to say anything to lift you up. Only ever to bring you down or to be neutral.
Someone who thinks their pain is greater than your own
Someone who is willing to lie or exaggerate or have a selective memory just to win an argument
Someone who uses their own mental health to excuse negative treatment of others but will not excuse or forgive any mistakes you might have made due to your own mental health.
Someone who has a justification for everything, instead of simply apologizing
Someone who expects you to always give way to them when remembering something differently
Cluster B. She had all of them. 3 month thing that I'm still not over. 6 months later and I still fluctuate between loving and hating that individual.
Regardless would never go back, it's just not possible for those people to be in a healthy relationship.
Girls that believe in gender equality, but only the parts where it benefits them, none of the part where they are held accountable for. Like paying for their share of things.
Any, i'm done. I'm married (12 years now).. if i ever divorce, i'm completly done. I'll live alone and happy, i'll see my kids, I'll do road trips, I'll have everything i need in a tinyhome on wheels. it's either my marriage works out, or i'm free from drama forever.
>doing the work and maintaining connected.
This is the most important thing! If they're not doing the work to heal then they're going to dump that pain on you eventually.
Yeah just done that. Felt like everything was a past trauma and I had to be a (bad) therapist half the time.
Example: she calls me and I miss the call. She later tells me she has a trauma about a previous bf not answering her calls ( don't remember the exact phrasing )
Someone who wants to pleasure me without acting like it’s a chore! Someone who doesn’t value money more than relationships. Someone that puts themselves before their partner all the time. It’s a 60/40 split in a relationship and both parties should be fighting to do the 60%
A "pretty" narcissistic girl. A messy girl that's too attached to me. An overly aggressive tom boy. A submissive girl that doesn't know what she wants. A sadistic tease that's just playing games. A self proclaimed "queen" that's lost in her own sauce. An aloof scene chick that needs a jester to entertain her. A confused girl that's just messy and doesn't really have a clue beyond eyelashes and twerking.
Do better.
Someone who doesn't have opinions or thoughts. I don't want to decide every meal, movie, vacation, etc. It made me feel like I was constantly playing a guessing game.
The kind who calls you on the phone and, when you answer, they continue their conversation with whomever they’re with before acknowledging you. Respect from a partner shouldn’t be a chore.
Passive-aggressive self-centered histrionic narcissist who can love bomb for years, even while lying and cheating behind your back.
Edit: Also, someone who is extremely shy. I married a very shy woman a long time ago, turns out she's on the spectrum. It's been exhausting having to carry virtually every conversation, whether alone or with friends. To be fair, she's gotten more comfortable with that and is doing better but our ideas of romance are far different. I didn't understand that she was mimicking early on.
One of those hot “fit and adventurous” influence wannabes female. I dated an asian girl who was so into herself and claiming to be positive but can’t deal with stress. She constantly ask for money to get away stress so she could indulge in eating, traveling or just hates paying her own bills. After a while I’m tired of her BS and gave up on her. I took back my second car that I let her borrow and that was that until she accidentally left her digital camera and passport in the glove compartment. I found she have made foreign trip without me knowing and in her camera there were pictures of her with other people and doing drugs. I don’t know how I feel about this but my opinion is she lives in a bubble and just too entitled because she lacks thing when she was younger.
An ultra feminist. I should have known I was wasting my time when she had an overall general hatred of men. Within the first week she said things such as "men get away with everything" and that she "hates men."
I'm all for equality, but she legitimately hated everything about me without even wanting to get to know me lol. It was the strangest dating experience I've ever had.
Women with no ambition and indecision. They can’t communicate because they don’t know what they want. You try everything you can to motivate them or give them options, yet nothing is ever good enough. Their apathy is exhausting
A woman with a severe trauma that’s unwilling to address it same with a certain level of insecurity. It’s like you’ll constantly be tested by things that have nothing to do with you and you’ll never get credit for showing up as a good man for her.
Alot of hot-party girls are alcoholics, with trauma. So they drink to numb the trauma, and then get drunk and all the trauma seeps out. Over, and over.
Society makes a hot girl drinking sexy. It’s really, really sad how we enable them. Not worth it.
I married above my appearance. In other words, my wife is in another league then I in terms of looks. This has lead me to putting her on a pedestal and worrying she will want someone better looking. It’s brought out insecurities I didn’t know I had. She’s also really focused on her appearance and can be high maintenance. Were I to be single again I’d definitely shoot for a 7 instead of a 10.
The "*it's the way I am, woman.*" You explain to her, how something that she said or did was disrespectful or insensitive, and her response is that those are just some of her qualities that you had better get used to. No apologies, explanations, or making amends.
Most conversations include a monologue about the way that she operates and that it does not need to be justified or self-improved.
In the end, I believe that she had a diagnosed but untreated personality disorder.
Non communicators.
*Why communicate when you can get your point across by passive-aggressively stewing and simmering, 24/7, and then erupting 5-10 business days later??!*
"But he should know!"
“I shouldn’t have to ask”
You could at least agree on the convention defining "business days"
So this... and let's add 1) Passive-aggressive comminicators 2) Aggressive and overly emotional communicators (people that just don't know how to take a breather before letting it all out with attitude and rudeness)
Non-communication can be used as a manipulation tactic, especially when used for extended periods of time. It’s borderline abusive in some contexts.
This is also horrible for friendships. I have met women who think they can just put a period at the end of a sentence over text and the other person should understand that they’re mad and want to talk about it… like what?! Also, so many women just constantly lie. My SIL lies through her teeth about everything with the excuse that she doesn’t “owe anyone the truth” ???
Wait, what am I missing here? Putting a period at the end of a sentence in a text means the person is angry? Is this a thing for real?
Yes! It’s a thing. I think it’s mainly older Gen Z who do it but if they say “ok.” Or something, and it’s not how they normally text, they might be upset. Personally I ignore it completely. If someone wants to play that game they can talk to me directly about when and what they’re upset about. I don’t play games like that. To be honest I used to do this as a teen as well, just because it’s how I learned to interact with people and it was a way to indirectly tell someone I was annoyed without actually saying it. Now I’m an adult who realizes games like that are pretty immature and actually saying something when I’m upset gets the best results.
Narcisistic in any shape or form
Someone who complains non-stop and never takes responsibility for the fact that they might be to blame sometimes too.
A good givaway for that is when they have tons of exes and it was always there fault, why the realtionship has failed
Thisss
An avoidant who can't communicate their wants and needs. Expect me to read their minds.
Lol I just had this experience recently. It was an eye opener for me and highlighted a lot of my own issues as well.
This, I thought I was a pretty secure individual until I spent a year with an avoidant who wasn’t over her ex. Really highlighted a lot of my own issues, like you mentioned. Never again with an avoidant.
In my case, I recently realized that I lean more towards anxious/avoidant and dating her for the brief time I did was at times like looking into a mirror which highlighted the issues I had in dating that contributed to my anxiety. The problem for me was that the more I opened up about things, the more she pulled away which I noticed and it led to a feedback loop.
I have had that. It SUCKED. Especially when they begged you to Open up. And at the end . "I just wasnt ready for just how much you actually carry. I didnt realize. And thats not my fault." And then they run. Makes you realize. Your expected to hold not just yours. But theirs too. When you leave. Its immature and cowardice. When they run away its "safety and feel out their attraction" Yeah thanks. Lol what away to show me that my hurt makes me unlovable.
Currently going through this, I've learned a lot but man the cost is steep
It’s so hard to avoid them because they love to suck you in at the beginning. Only once you’re emotionally invested are they suddenly not sure if they want to be with you. I wish they’d wear bracelets or something to alert the rest of us they’re hung up on their ex. They are legit biohazards.
Oh god, this is exactly what happened in my recent experience. First 4 dates were great in spite of my nervousness, then my anxiety/nervousness only built up because things seemed to be going so well and she was into me, and then suddenly the vibe changed and nothing I did seemed to bring her back to how she was those early dates, including my opening up that I was nervous. Man, what a roller coaster of a fling.
Went through a breakup with an avoidant last year. One of the hardest & most traumatic experiences I’ve ever been through. They don’t like the right hand know what the left hand is doing & refuse to communicate.
I've learned to avoid dating people who lack empathy and respect. Life's too short to be with someone who doesn't appreciate you!
My ex
someone who doesnt talk to me but at me
I see you met my mother.
And I'm never dating her again.
We’ve all met your mother
Someone that isn't interested in hearing me talk. I knew that was a bad sign when she gave up listening to anything remotely uninteresting to her. How self centered that made her.
I need to know what this one means.
ykno when you "talk" with someone but its not a conversation, its a monologue? and if they ever do pay attention to you its just to assume a bunch of things they want to believe, then quickly turn to themselves again. that.
Like they don't let you talk, and when they do, they don't really listen to what you have to say and don't try to understand your point?
kinda yeah. some people just want a nice looking rubber duck whose actual traits they can ignore for the sake of the fantasy inside their head. immature, but theres a lot of adults like this
Yea, that sounds exhausting mentally and physically. I wouldn't put up with that either.
Their conversation towards us is either about them, about how we treat them, or about how we improve ourselves.
Ahh you've met my boss!
Well said
[удалено]
thats narcissistic
An avoidant person
Amen. I'm so open to talking about issues, but they weren't. Their inability to talk about emotions/things bothering them lead to them holding resentment for me. That led to them being snippy and avoiding talking, which built up over time. Which cycled back and caused more resentment and microagressions, and eventually, there was a tipping point.
Somebody who comes back after ghosting.
Yes. Somebody who ghosts.
Anyone with a strong victim mentality. The whole world is against them and it's everyone else's fault. Nothing but fights and a lack of character.
Oh god! I had one such co-worker and it was horrible to work with them in collaborative projects! Can only imagine how hard it’d be to date !
I dated someone like this. Everyone else was the asshole but not her. Couldn't keep friends, relationship's didn't last, and didn't get along with her parents (even though they paid all her bills and was able to live in her own apartment and not work at 26) and everything was "poor me". Couldn't comprehend that the reason she couldn't keep anyone around because she was a horrible person that just used people and tossed them aside when there was no more use for them. She was also a serial cheater. Anytime she was held accountable for anything she would get mad and make the other person out to be "the bad guy". Even make up lies to make her look like " a victim" whenever she had a chance even though it was the opposite. Never again.
The person that makes you feel like you have to walk on eggshells. If someone is incapable of being challenged by people, gets upset when someone has a different opinion, or launches into a verbal attack before ever asking clarifying questions, *they gotta go*.
Bonus points if they start shit constantly, then lose it when they get a fraction of it in return
The hot party girl….there was a point in my life where I wanted to be with the hot girl from the club….I finally accomplished it….it was a lot of fun….for six months….the year after that was a horrific shit show….No thanks….not only do I no longer like to party, I want to stay far far away from women like her
Same. You make that mistake once.
I suspect that many guys dream of getting that opportunity once, to make that mistake and put it behind them.
depends. if the hot party girl grows up and matures with you, its great. i dated the hot party girl. she became a hot party woman and now shes a hot party mother to my kids.. the partying is significantly muted nowadays and we have a normal family life, but every now and then we turn up like old times. i would agree if the girl just wants to party and do drugs and get male attention as you continue to date and does not show any signs of maturing with you, then its time to go.
So, seems that the learning should be to know when to cut loose.
That’s probably a wise takeaway
Yeah my answer is former stripper. It was fun till it wasn’t.
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If I could get dates, I’d much rather date the average down to earth girl than the hot model who lives a different life than most.
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I think what happens is that you understand that what your loins want isn’t always good for you…attraction is what it is….it’s amoral and animalistic….however, there’s nothing like one of life’s good ass kickings to tame a reckless desire….when memories of the gigantic headache I went through reenter my head, it honestly makes me turn away in disgust….will some hot thing oozing sex and lust attract the wrong head, sure….but you begin to see the value in women don’t use sex as a weapon….that think sex is a special thing….the soft and the feminine is also sexy….so you seek more of that sexy and less the woman that is sexually aggressive
This. The chick i was with was incredibly hot but it way always in sort of a 2d way. Almost kind if like how you react to porn. And she was cool with that. Sex with her was wild initially but it way always so empty. In the end “just hot” is stimulating but its so empty and superficial. Like you said, now i see an average jane and if she has a bit of that softness and femininity, im attracted to her in a way that isnt just visual or “hot”, its a lot more about the cinnection, acceptance, passion.
Immediately started singing that age’ol blink-182 classic “the party song” reading this
And then I saw her standing there With green eyes and long blonde hair She wasn't wearing underwear -at least I prayed that.
They're unstable.
I wish experiences like this didn’t ruin partying. Having fun is still important but of course you learn along the way about yourself and others. Hope it doesn’t bitter your joy.
Thank you for the good wishes….I still have fun, just in quieter ways
If only those partying weren't so often toxic...
Partying isn't at all having fun if you thought about it....I have better time going camping or having nice conversations or joking around
I have a regular 9-5 office job. Someone who works more irregular hours (or has no job at all) is often incompatible with my schedule. I love having fun on the weekends, but want to keep it pretty low-key when I need to work the next day.
My current gf works in the food industry and I'm a tradesman so I feel you bro sometimes her unwillingness to try and get matching shifts drives me nuts.
Eh I used to work as a server and now do 9-5. I would always choose to work weekends because I would make on a Friday + Saturday what I would make on work 3-4 weekdays.
I work on call for the railroad and these comments made me realize things wouldn't work if she wasn't a stay at home mom; we'd never see each other!
This was my last boyfriend - I was working in academia on top of having farm animals to take care of, and he had no job. He complained that he wanted to do more "fun" and "adventurous" things with me... like not on a Tuesday night, I just got home from work and feeding critters, and I have to work tomorrow! I'm kinda tired here, chief!
I’m a software engineer and have been hanging out with a bartender for the past few weeks. It’s been fun, but there is no way I can do this long term. I usually drink maybe 1 times a week and now it has become 2-3 and many nights during the week. It has ruined my concentration during work and I’ve actually missed work events due to it. I’m not blaming her, but it really is a tough lifestyle for someone with a 9-5….
Alcoholics. The overwhelming selfishness that accompanies that is tough to deal with...
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Can relate, man. I grew up in similar social circles. Girls expecting one Euro trip per year, along with going skiing and all that. Screw that, I want a good life right here. Cook at home, go hiking nearby, etc. However, depends on the girl, I've seen how some welcome this sort of life as long you're a cool guy and have a decent social life.
Size Queens. I don't have what they want.
someone who involves his mother in every argument of the relationship
damn that must be a nightmare!! As my dad used to say, be careful because when you marry someone you're marrying their entire family 🤣
One who drinks 22 dr peppers in a day and a half
So 21 is the limit?
Fair what about Mountain Dew?
ZOOM!! ZOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Someone who lies to spare my feelings. I was with my ex wife for 4 years. We were trying for kids the entire time. Nothing. Miscarriage multiple times. We were having other marital problems, and sat down to talk. We could have fixed everything, until she told me that those miscarriages weren’t actually miscarriages. She just didn’t want kids. Went to planned parenthood instead, and lied about it. I’ve never felt so betrayed and angry. I left that day, moved in with friends and never looked back.
Wow that is devastating. I’m so sorry to read this. That makes me angry for you
Thank you. I’ve since moved past it, but at the time it was awful. I’ve never been so angry in my life. I didn’t scream or yell or lay hands on her, but it is the only time I’ve ever actually seen red. I couldn’t even talk to her anymore, I just said “I’m leaving and I’m never coming back. I’ll send you papers for the divorce”, and immediately walked out.
Women who latch onto me and make me their whole world. Get some friends, get a hobby. I don't have the time or the will to entertain you 24/7.
My younger brother has had a slew of gfs who would become him in the process of dating. My brother definitely picks women based largely on a weird resume of talents and qualities that can be bragged about—so 2 egos merging, really. One was a NASA lawyer, I still do not know what an international space lawyer does—she ended up working for the state—suing said state for sexual harassment. Winning. And then, after 34 manic tattoos (he was starting to notice new ones while they showered—like “heyy that wasn’t there…yesterday…was it?” 😵💫 I recall him asking me if tattoos could be seen in any self harm kinda light? Hmmm. She then left the world of academia and law to be…. A stripper…..but not before panicking and cheating on him. The next girl was hyper speed planning their wedding and practicing being a mom with my kids. (It seemed) they broke up. Then a nursing student who stayed friends with her exs to a PAINFUL degree, and broke up with him. (She was ten years his junior and even my kids saw that one coming. I suspect she’ll marry a doctor) So many women would start adopting his mannerisms and word choices…since they’re so specific to him….it was very obvious. Even mirroring his odd choices at restaurants for orders. I just couldn’t fathom the why. Isn’t mysterious and difference what enchants is to some degree? Familiarity has its perks as well but it all reminds me of the scene in 101 Dalmatians where the owners and their dogs look identical.
Wow, going from a NASA lawyer to a stripper is one helluva trip.
I don’t understand anyone who makes their partner their whole world. You *need* to have a life, social circles, hobbies, etc. outside of your relationship. Your partner is and should be a part of your life yes, but they shouldn’t be everything.
I married my wife because she was strong and independent, with her own hobbies and supported herself. Now she has nearly no friends and no hobbies, doesn't work, sits at home all day, and wants up in everything I do. It's exhausting. That's the problem with marriage, 10 years later they can be a totally different person but you're still married to them.
A people pleaser. They love bomb you constantly but they’re in a bad mood all the time.
Ended up writing a book in this text box just to delete it all so I could sum it up with “someone who doesn’t love me the way I love them”.
materialistic
social media ass girls
If she needs 1000000 likes per post she's not your girl she's our girl you're just keeping her company for a while.
BPD
My last relationship before I met my amazing wife had BPD, and dear God, I could never go through that again. Constantly walking on eggshells, the gaslighting, etc. Pulling out of that relationship was one of the best decisions of my life.
Also the people that lie and say they have BPD. Just if it’s ever mentioned… RUN
100% this. Be especially wary of the ones who are capable of hiding it for long periods. They're the most dangerous. Was with one of these and she tried to stab me to death in my sleep because I checked out. They may be victims of circumstance, but they also will 100% no exceptions give you a bad time. As soon as you find out, leave, no matter how good things were until then. It's possible for them to work through it with years of therapy but the best case scenario from that is a ticking time bomb with a larger fuse delay than before.
100% agreed. I dated a woman like this. She did not try to physically hurt me, but mentally, emotionally, and financially she brought me to the brink of the abyss. She had her normal façade on for a while, and slipped slowly at first then totally fell off. I was in love and wanted to save her, but everything I did enabled her BS and craziness. I will never date someone like that again. Once they show you the crazy, I am out. Never again.
As coarse as it is, I agree with this. I just don’t see how I could ever make it work with someone with BPD with the examples I’ve been exposed to. Everyone I know with BPD (not a ton of people but a handful) has done absolutely heinous stuff to loved ones. It’s tough to say and is one of my least favorite personal takes because I really believe everyone deserves love… but I just couldn’t risk the sort of pain that I’ve seen these individuals inflict. It is not for me - life is hard enough already.
Lord knows I fucking tried and ended up losing EVERYTHING including myself. My heart is ice cold and clasped between my hands these days. I’m so broken from the experience don’t know if a can ever trust or love again or if I even WANT to. She broke me, man, and I foolishly let it happen. That’s on me. Never again.
Lol I got downvoted to oblivion once on reddit after I said I have zero tolerance for that. I even explained to some friends this and they called me not emphatic. Bitch please, empathy is what brought me in this mess in the first place.
Yeah everyone talks about BPD and how much support they need to live a normal life, which.... OK, that's perfectly fine and I hope they can find a way to be happy without it being at someone else's expense. But no one fucking talks about the empty shells they've sucked the souls out of also known as their previous/present romantic partners.
> But no one fucking talks about the empty shells they've sucked the souls out of also known as their previous/present romantic partners. Oh yeah I know buddy, I know. So to protect myself from that, as soon if I hear or know someone has it, I'm staying away from that person.
What are the tell-tale signs of someone having BPD?
Drama all the time, everyone is to blame, even friends and families, then goes back to being normal or extra loving. Harmful behaviour and such. I mean it’s a veeeery complex illness that leaves the people on the receiving end usually traumatised in some way (don’t ask how I know).
In Romanian we say what they do is something like "Du-te, vino." Which means "Go away, come back." That's almost a defining feature. They'll push you away, call you all sorts of names, treat you like absolute vermin, then when they realize they might lose their grip on you, they bombard you with affection and act very loving. BPD is not exclusive to women, but the representation is disproportionate. In terms of non-romantic relationships, they'll often behave very well in those especially if they're casual friends. Their best friends, however, will always be suckers, people who are easily roped into toxic friendships, so they'll have very few if any long-term (more than 5 years) friends unless those people are self-interested and tolerate her shit because they draw enough benefits from maintaining ties to make up the difference. But most of their friendships with \*normal\* people will end within a few months/years in very ugly drama, and almost always it's \*their\* fault from her perspective. Parental relationships will usually be completely broken. Father is more often than not absent, and the mother is more often than not overbearing or emotionally abusive. The person who gets the worst deal out of all these people is whatever romantic partner slips accidentally into her orbit. They're usually very hot, so it's not extraordinarily hard to get to that point. They don't have trouble finding more people to just feed off of. Hope this helps.
So people have given you the actual signs so let me give you an anecdotal one with no actual evidence to back it up, based off my experience. Extremely, superbly hot but tells you very early on that a lot of guys just leave her for some reason and she hopes that you'll be different. That or all of her past boyfriends were jerks, no good prior relationships somehow. I didn't even know what BPD was back then, but as I opened my mouth to reassure her that I wouldn't leave like that, something in the back of mind told me to cut that sentence off and I didn't know why. Months later, I understood.
NPD
Borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, or bipolar depression? Lol
I think my mom has that. I never had a positive interaction with her. It gets heavy and I end up just ignoring her.
+ BPD2
Holy bpd girl the worst experience in my life. Bombloving at first hell afterwords and trauma aftermath
Don’t confuse BPD (borderline personality disorder) with Bipolar. The latter is a chemical imbalance that can be kept at bay with meds, the former is due to childhood neglect, no meds can cure it and the only way to treat it is several years of painful re-training of their instincts
I just commented this exact same thing - I know what to look out for now, and will never go into that world of fuckery ever again
Borderline personality disorder or Bipolar disorder?
Untreated cluster b Edit to add: any of them, the effects on partners are going to be dramatic in any case if the person has not been under long term treatment. Paradoxically, the flavour of cluster B that deserves the most compassion, patience and love is the one that will screw you up the worst. Because you can see there is good person there… usually
An Italian American woman who’s like, way too into being Italian. Like it’s totally okay to be proud of who you are, but every woman like that I’ve dated in the past will use it to excuse every single one of their toxic traits or handwave away any bad behavior. “Oh sorry I blew up on you over this very minor thing, I just can’t help it, it’s my fiery Italian blood tee hee”
Lol as someone who’s actually born and raised in Italy, I can confirm that’s bullshit. Toxic people are toxic in the same way in any country. It’s like saying “sorry I came across as such a racist, it’s my WWII German blood”. Avoid at all costs.
Any woman with borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder.
When everything is about them and nobody else, worst type of people to date
Married women.
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Well, I was young, mid 20's. I was full of myself, she was hot and willing. That was all there was to it. It wasn't some great romance.
Someone who needs to be fixed. I was Captain save a you know what when I was younger. Learned most people just take advantage of you, don’t care how much you helped them or did for them, and cheat on you with someone else. Don’t ever date someone that doesn’t have their life together or been to counseling or therapy for whatever trauma they have been through.
Someone who treats my expressing my boundaries as controlling behavior. Example: “(me) I really don’t like you posting “x” about me on FB.” “(her) You can’t control me!”
A girl who browses Instagram while my mother is telling a story at the dining table, buys fake plants for the "aesthetic" over real ones despite working from home and having ample time to take care of them, consistently breaks previously agreed boundaries, has a penchant for trauma dumping in whatever environment, gaslights during disagreements, is heavyhanded in disciplining her dog, reacts with anger first, has documented issues at work regarding emotional control, will pick up hobbies/activities just because they're trendy, has a job in advertising/marketing, constantly lies to her parents despite having a very stable and normal childhood, impulsively consumes drugs during nights out, etc..
Is this... The same person? I'm not sure if that would make this better or worse but damn. My deepest sympathies either way
Yeah, all the same person.
Literally 10 minutes ago I was thinking about buying fake plants because they look nice and I work from home but I for some reason can’t keep plants alive to save my own life. It’s an out of sight out of mind thing for me, not a time thing.
Geez
Sounds like a Cluster B mental disorder like Narcissism
I’m glad you got this out. Sounds like a person who never learned how to actually be a person. Good riddance.
All this kind of baggage doesn’t come from a normal childhood. Just sayin
I was gonna say someone with borderline personality disorder but I think I'll extend that to the whole Cluster B spectrum of personality disorders
Mamas boy. The youngest. NEVER IN MY LIFE!
It's soooooo attractive to hear your man say "My mom doesn't permit it" /s
It’s sooo attractive when he on purpose doesn’t wash his clothes as says “let my mom come over to wash my clothes”. < mf!!! YOURE 37 years old!!!
Narcissistic. If there’s one hint that all the person cares about is theirselves, I’m out. Someone who lacks any sort of drive. Not that I can’t afford to take care of someone, but life’s a lot easier and more relatable with someone that’s also pursuing goals or what not.
Probably any, but specifically, vain. I fucking hate vain people now, because I did it once and it was awful.
BPD. Would not recommend. Great in the beginning, but when it starts going downhill, there is no turning back.
My ex wife. Jeez, how did I allow her to wreck havoc in my life.. I have to deal with her now that we have children together.. it’s a real hassle.. What was wrong with her or what did I miss? Oh boy.. from the start, she works as a make up artist for retail store job. No offense but these people are shallow. I thought my ex would be different, but she’s exactly like them.. she bitches about everyone in her life too. I should’ve took note of that since she would be bitching about me, not seeing me as a life partner. Shes a validation seeker. Anyone who gives her attention, she loves it. Including other men.. anyways, she lined up my replacement and jumped when it was convenient for her to do so, leaving me to pick up the pieces and raise the children. Every now and then, she orders me to do stuff. Most of the times, I ignore her. Meanwhile, she portrays herself as a victim and hangs around the same shallow people that she bitches about. She’s a real piece of work.. I never understood her. Now I know why.
Someone who knows something they are doing is very hurtful to you. But refuses to make any effort to stop the behavior. Someone who is only interested in you understanding what they have to say, while becoming impatient as soon as you take your turn in a conversation. Someone who is comfortable being critical of you but will accept no criticism of themselves Someone who says things just to hurt Someone who will pretend to listen to you about a mutual issue but upon a later recounting they won't remember anything you had to say. Instead only remembering their own opinions. Someone who never tries to say anything to lift you up. Only ever to bring you down or to be neutral. Someone who thinks their pain is greater than your own Someone who is willing to lie or exaggerate or have a selective memory just to win an argument Someone who uses their own mental health to excuse negative treatment of others but will not excuse or forgive any mistakes you might have made due to your own mental health. Someone who has a justification for everything, instead of simply apologizing Someone who expects you to always give way to them when remembering something differently
Cluster B. She had all of them. 3 month thing that I'm still not over. 6 months later and I still fluctuate between loving and hating that individual. Regardless would never go back, it's just not possible for those people to be in a healthy relationship.
Militant vegans.
They might stab you in your sleep, but rest assured that they will not eat your corpse.
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Someone who drinks alcohol often or takes drugs.
Religious
Amen
💀
Girls that believe in gender equality, but only the parts where it benefits them, none of the part where they are held accountable for. Like paying for their share of things.
Bipolar and dishonest. I’m sensitive to a person’s mental health but at this point I just want to breathe man.
Someone who makes me the center of their universe and relies on me for all of their happiness.
Any, i'm done. I'm married (12 years now).. if i ever divorce, i'm completly done. I'll live alone and happy, i'll see my kids, I'll do road trips, I'll have everything i need in a tinyhome on wheels. it's either my marriage works out, or i'm free from drama forever.
A self-absorbed selfish narcissist
Someone unemployed (unless they've had steady jobs for the last couple of years).
Military. I realize that's a sweeping generalization, but the experience was just so bad...
Someone with BPD.
A girl with past relationship trauma. Either no trauma at all, or fully healed from the past.
I personally let in the person who might still struggle from time to time but is doing the work and maintaining connected.
>doing the work and maintaining connected. This is the most important thing! If they're not doing the work to heal then they're going to dump that pain on you eventually.
Yeah just done that. Felt like everything was a past trauma and I had to be a (bad) therapist half the time. Example: she calls me and I miss the call. She later tells me she has a trauma about a previous bf not answering her calls ( don't remember the exact phrasing )
Everyone. After the current bf, I'm done. I just want to be alone with my animals and land to roam.
If I ever broke up with my current partner, I am going to stay single by choice.
Hey if you ever want to stay single together with pur animals hit me up 😂
Someone who wants to pleasure me without acting like it’s a chore! Someone who doesn’t value money more than relationships. Someone that puts themselves before their partner all the time. It’s a 60/40 split in a relationship and both parties should be fighting to do the 60%
The type that doesn't communicate his feelings and runs from his problems
Mentally ill.
Will never date a toxic narcissist again. I feel very badly for her kids.
A "pretty" narcissistic girl. A messy girl that's too attached to me. An overly aggressive tom boy. A submissive girl that doesn't know what she wants. A sadistic tease that's just playing games. A self proclaimed "queen" that's lost in her own sauce. An aloof scene chick that needs a jester to entertain her. A confused girl that's just messy and doesn't really have a clue beyond eyelashes and twerking. Do better.
How many woman are left after this?
The doll he keeps in his closet. She's not like those gross real girls 😤
A selfish one
Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder I know what to look out for, now - and never again do I want to go through that fuckery, ever
A single mom.
Someone who doesn't have opinions or thoughts. I don't want to decide every meal, movie, vacation, etc. It made me feel like I was constantly playing a guessing game.
The kind who calls you on the phone and, when you answer, they continue their conversation with whomever they’re with before acknowledging you. Respect from a partner shouldn’t be a chore.
Narcissist. This one. My god, the trauma. Never again.
emotionally unavailable woman.
Passive-aggressive self-centered histrionic narcissist who can love bomb for years, even while lying and cheating behind your back. Edit: Also, someone who is extremely shy. I married a very shy woman a long time ago, turns out she's on the spectrum. It's been exhausting having to carry virtually every conversation, whether alone or with friends. To be fair, she's gotten more comfortable with that and is doing better but our ideas of romance are far different. I didn't understand that she was mimicking early on.
Deeply Insecure, Possessive, obviously traumatised person.
Someone with very bad temper, physically abusive.
One of those hot “fit and adventurous” influence wannabes female. I dated an asian girl who was so into herself and claiming to be positive but can’t deal with stress. She constantly ask for money to get away stress so she could indulge in eating, traveling or just hates paying her own bills. After a while I’m tired of her BS and gave up on her. I took back my second car that I let her borrow and that was that until she accidentally left her digital camera and passport in the glove compartment. I found she have made foreign trip without me knowing and in her camera there were pictures of her with other people and doing drugs. I don’t know how I feel about this but my opinion is she lives in a bubble and just too entitled because she lacks thing when she was younger.
An ultra feminist. I should have known I was wasting my time when she had an overall general hatred of men. Within the first week she said things such as "men get away with everything" and that she "hates men." I'm all for equality, but she legitimately hated everything about me without even wanting to get to know me lol. It was the strangest dating experience I've ever had.
A girl who goes to clubs/music festivals.
Women with no ambition and indecision. They can’t communicate because they don’t know what they want. You try everything you can to motivate them or give them options, yet nothing is ever good enough. Their apathy is exhausting
A woman with a severe trauma that’s unwilling to address it same with a certain level of insecurity. It’s like you’ll constantly be tested by things that have nothing to do with you and you’ll never get credit for showing up as a good man for her.
A women with adult sons that lives at home
A liar
Avoidant attachment style guy
A person who snores like a cow. Never again! Like, naurrrr 😖😣
Obese women. I like a little pudge and softness but when the fatness is all consuming, it takes away from living. Forever dieting and failing.
Alot of hot-party girls are alcoholics, with trauma. So they drink to numb the trauma, and then get drunk and all the trauma seeps out. Over, and over. Society makes a hot girl drinking sexy. It’s really, really sad how we enable them. Not worth it.
I married above my appearance. In other words, my wife is in another league then I in terms of looks. This has lead me to putting her on a pedestal and worrying she will want someone better looking. It’s brought out insecurities I didn’t know I had. She’s also really focused on her appearance and can be high maintenance. Were I to be single again I’d definitely shoot for a 7 instead of a 10.
The "*it's the way I am, woman.*" You explain to her, how something that she said or did was disrespectful or insensitive, and her response is that those are just some of her qualities that you had better get used to. No apologies, explanations, or making amends. Most conversations include a monologue about the way that she operates and that it does not need to be justified or self-improved. In the end, I believe that she had a diagnosed but untreated personality disorder.