You know what's funny? Last date I had, it fellt like the conversation was being forced. It felt like we were two professionals trying to remain as corporate as possible.
And then when it came time to end the date, I told her "can I be honest? You're really sweet but I really feel like our chemistry is really more of a friendly one than a romantic one"
To which she agreed as it was pretty obvious. But here's the funny part, the moment we realized there was nothing between us, the rest of the date actually became genuinely fun because there was no expectations.
And then we kissed and everybody clapped!
No, I simply offered to drop her home and the drive was really pleasant as we both didn't feel the need to filter ourselves anymore.
I think a big reason why there was so much tension is because our close friend had set us up and its hard to be yourself when you're worried about what might be said afterwards. Hence why i tend to not to go through the friend setup route but it was an experience!
This is interesting and makes sense. I wonder if there was another way to make eachother not take the date so seriously and relax a bit. There should be no pressure to perform.
Thrrr 100% would have. I think there were many ways to handle it differently but before i knew it i kinda fell into that corporate rythm because i just couldn't get a proper read on her until i had a fuck this moment and simply told her at the end of it
I remember one time I was on a date and the girl was telling me about how she always pays for her half of the bill on the first date because she doesn't want to feel like she owes the guy anything. I thought it was a pretty fair approach. Anyway, we ended up splitting the bill 50/50 and I never heard from her again, so I guess it worked out for her.
Fwb is a different dynamic.
Fwb if I was busy sometimes I couldn't see or hangout for a week or more, but I'm still big on communication myself so I would still talk and text
If she keeps hinting at a relationship and Ive been clear i wasn't interested I just kind of slow fade if they won't take no for an answer
Literally every date I don't want to pursue I follow up with 30 minutes after I get home (or when I've come to that realisation in the morning etc) "Hey it was nice meeting you but I don't think we'd be a good match, good luck" or something similar. I've had a few "Oh that's a shame I thought it went well"'s but mostly it's a "No worries, I was feeling the same but didn't know how to word it"
They could also just be trying to save face. Regardless, being honest in a compassionate way shouldnāt be predicated on how someone else will respond.
That's the last resource that I had to use, she kept pushing me to date her even though I said it wouldn't work and that I was and still not ready for a relationship
No. You have no obligation to go on dates to talk to someone, and you don't need a reason.
If the person has a reasonable expectation to see you, and you sudden disappear it is ghosting. You know, like a ghost. Now you are here with me. Now you are gone forever. Ghost. (If there is danger of any kind you can also disappear. And that is justified and recommended).
My mother always told me to be a gentleman and pick up the check. I did so on a date once that was going so-so. When I got up to use the restroom, she put her credit card on the table. I was so flustered I didn't know what to do. I picked up the check and said "thanks" and we parted ways.
Best rejection I got was him just saying "I don't think I've found what I'm looking for yet, but take great care and thanks for a nice date."
Seemed very sincere and I appreciate the not ghosting.
Honestly, sometimes I "ghost" someone because I am tired of being responsible for almost 100% of the communication as a man in a date, so sometimes I think: "fuck it, if you don't send me a message, I am fine with not sending you anything either".
This means she _will_ get an honest reply if she contacts me after a date, but guess how often I had to do that?
According to many female friends, the woman rarely reaches out. Even though we are in this "equity" climate, it seems that this is an area where they like things "traditional."
Fuck nuance. Life is complicated, human relationships doubly-so.
Everyone has off days, so itād have to be pretty catastrophic for me to not be open to a second date. If things are just not fun, and itās going really poorly, Iāll say āIām sorry, this just isnāt working for me.ā
I did this during a job interview that was going really poorly. The interview had taken on an adversarial tone, and trying to remain civil with the interviewer was exhausting. I cut them off mid-sentence and said, āIām sorry. This isnāt going to workā and left. Early dates arenāt that different from interviews. If it isnāt working, thereās nothing wrong with reclaiming your time.
Just donāt waste your time with hints and cues.
100% man I will cut dates short if it just isnāt going well.
Itās why I always carry $60 in cash on me for a first date so I can throw down, not leave her with the bill, and keep my time/sanity.
I rarely turn down a second date. It has to go extremely horribly. I usually always go on a second date to confirm that I donāt want to date her. People can be nervous and stiff on the first date. Once theyāre comfortable theyāll be able to show you their best self. I wait for that second date to see if things will get better or worse.
I donāt give hints. Itās not really healthy or helpful to anyone. Iām politely and direct. There are signs though. One sure way to know Iām not interested in dating further is if thereās minimal to zero physical contact. Especially if I reject a kiss. If I turn down sex I 100% donāt want to date you. Thatās not me giving hints though. Itās me not wanting to lead her on and hurt her.
This answer is unique to me. I donāt recommend using this answer to generalize other guys.
I think I was ghosted because of thisā¦ I was so nervous and uninteresting even though I still liked being in his presence . How weird
But he was a jerk.
Yeah, I don't feel it's ghosting if neither party says anything. If nobody reaches out, that's mutual.
Ghosting requires ignoring attempts at communication.
I'm opposed to ghosting, but I'm fine with mutually going our separate ways.
Yeah, everyone on Reddit is quick to call this sort of thing "ghosting", but if you're both on the same page that's not what it is. In my day, this was plain ole "fizzling out".
Yeah I think if I reached out to a dude to see if he was interested in another date and he didnāt respond, *then* thatās not great
But if no one reaches out, then fair enough
Don't think alot of people in this thread understand the word "subtle" lol
Also pretty sure most of them are not >30 and grew up in the age of texting as kids cuz everyone is saying they send a firm rejection text explaining it but anyone who knows modern dating knows that's not the norm. Most "subtle" hints you'll get involve a 12+ hour reply text, if one at all.
You see this type of selection bias in all the threads in this sub. People are terrified of the downvotes when it comes to admitting they just ghost like the majority.
That's kinda the thing though. As men we are expected to initiate everything including conversations in the early stages. So for men "ghosting" normally means you just decided not to send her a message that day, and she never did because you never did. And rather than take the initiative she just gets mad that you didn't and says you ghosted. When ghosting in reality would mean she sent messages and he never responded.
Iām glad you said that. Most women donāt seem to understand communication goes both ways. Even if the date wasnāt the best, it would mean a lot if they still initiated afterwards and showed interest. Itās very attractive when somebody demonstrates a desire for you.
And if not well like you said, I have no problem not falling over myself to pursue them either.
Exactly. It's not even necessarily ghosting. If you both were meh about the date, it's just regular ole fizzling out. This is very common in dating. Only on Reddit do you get 90% of the users saying they type out a clear rejection text.
You don't *need* a rejection in most failed dating situations. Really only need it if the other person is trying to reach out to you.
Personally I wouldn't call that ghosting, that's just ceasing to talk to each other. If someone isn't left on read then I wouldn't consider it being ghosted
So I've been on very few first dates.
3 total.
1 didn't have a second date.
1 was a long-term goth girlfriend that ended in us breaking up because she chose drugs and doing porn over me
And finally my last first dated ended with me marrying my best friend.
The first first date I ever had ended because she broke my arm because I didn't want to give her a kiss good bye. Worst blind date by a friend ever.
I met my wife the old fashioned way. Got hit by a car and she took me to medical.
I tell her with an unusual way to communicate...******words******
50/50 is a given from the beginning for me, there is no first date if she's not willing
Everyone in this thread talking about ghosting. If both of you never follow up after the date, itās not ghosting. Itās just the end, a mutual end at that. You only need to say something if she comes back later asking to keep things going. Maybe itās an age thing (mid 40s guy here) but most women wait for the guy to continue the conversation after the first date.
I'd love to get to know you better (if she's friend material) but romantically, I think we can both agree there is a better match for us out there. Why subtly hint? Just let them know
Not need to be subtle, just be direct. We're adults.
This is explained BEAUTIFULLY in Moneyball and I'm paraphrasing here....
"What would your rather have, bullet to the head....or 5 to the chest and bleed out?"
A LOT more people will respect you just be being direct and NOT wasting their time. NEVER understood why ghosting or bsing would ever be a better option.
"Hey....I've had a lot of fun talking to you and spending time with you, but I just don't think this is for me."
"I've really appreciated the time we've spent but I'm not exactly feeling the vibe and I think it's better we just part ways."
"I really enjoyed talking to you but during the date you kind of kept talking and didn't exactly stop when I tried to say something. I get that you're maybe nervous but I just don't think our vibes mesh well and id rather just be direct with you than waste your time. I appreciate everything and wish you the best nonetheless."
Isn't it us who are usually complaining about women and their inability to ask for what they want?
Just tell her, don't be subtle, do both of you a favour.
I've had it happen a few times that the lady and I just did not click.
I generally sent the following:
"Hi XYZ, I had a great time this evening but truly speaking I did not feel a connection beyond friendship, which is not what I am after. I wish you luck, I know your guy is out there".
My move was always either to not text her after the date to say what a good time I had, or either that, to text her to thank her for her time and wish her luck in her search while saying I didn't feel a connection.
Approach was determined based on how crazy I thought they'd be about handling the rejection.
We met, hugged and chatted. We walked around the park, and did not sit down for coffee. I walked her to her car and was about to ask for a second date. I asked her if she enjoyed kayaking. She gave such a sarcastic response with an ugly face to show disgust. A simple no thanks would have been enough.
I said just , 'ok'. I turned and walked away. I got in my car and unmatched.
I bumped into her a month or so later. I saw her and smiled. She stopped, turned a 180 and ducked into a shop.
I wonder if I made it to 'are.we dating the same guy?'
You could just be a grown ass man about it. Just be honest and kind.
āHey, I appreciate your time. I just donāt think weāre a good fit for each other. I wish you the best of luck.ā You donāt really have to give more detail than that.
Iāve always thought that giving people hints and ghosting people is pretty cowardly. Youāre just giving people false hope for no other reason than you not being able to participate in an awkward conversation. Ghosting people and giving hints just makes shit wayyyyyyyy more awkward in the long run anyway.
Edit: there are exceptions to this of course. Obviously, itās probably best to ghost someone if youāre worried theyāre gonna hunt you down or just generally be crazy. Best to build that wall fast.
Why hinting when telling straight up is the most efficient way to communicate the message.
I would have said something along the lines of "thanks for the date, I can see that you're a good person but I can also unfortunately not see any chemistry between us and think it is better for both of us to go separate ways. Good luck!"
I donāt give a subtle hint. I send a message afterwards in which I either say that I want to see them again or that I am not interested in pursuing things further. Iām direct, but polite. I see no reason to leave hints rather than be direct. Leaving hints is nowhere near as clear as people ever think it is. I donāt want to waste anybodyās time by leaving room for doubt.
If my date felt like that, I'd prefer she straight up tells me so. We're not kids anymore. No need for unneccessary games. So I'd just politely tell her "it's been a grest evening, but I just don't feel that it would work out"
LADIES, LADIES WE ARE MEN WE DON'T GIVE "HINTS"! Nor do we know what they are. And we sure as hell don't know how to read them or LOOK for them. Hints are like fairy tales, made up dreams from someone's imagination. At best a long-forgotten language like Klingon that only super hyper nerds know and understand.
So come back from your delusional fantasy world where everyone speaks in "Hints" and somehow understands what they really mean and use real words to communicate with us. Remember we are decedents of Neanderthals. Hints make as much sense as fart in the wind. Something you make jokes about and then forget.
I tell her āthanks for the date, but Iām not interested in a second.ā
I split all dates 50/50. Itās a quick way to weed out freeloaders and entitled women.
It depends. Some that can handle it, you tell them to their face. Others that may go ballistic you call them. The creepy ones who may stalk you, just ghost them. It depends.
I'm a very direct person in general, so I'd just say something like "you seem great but I just don't think there's any chemistry. I wish you all the best and I appreciate you giving it a shot."
Or... Depending on the situation it could be something like "this was a bad idea and I have no desire to see you again"... Admittedly this has only happened once and it was when she showed up late and immediately started making fun of our server who was obviously overwhelmed and trying to keep up with too many tables because they were under staffed. I don't play that game. If you treat service workers or dogs poorly, I'm instantly out. And I'll tell you exactly why if you want to know.
First of all, definitely no kiss at the end. If she doesn't text you after the date it's likely she didn't have a good time either. If she texts you and you get the sense she wants it to continue, just tell her you didn't feel a connection.
āHey, I had a great time but Iām not feeling the romantic connection Iām looking for. I wish you the best.ā
Keep it simple, keep it honest. If they react negatively, it says much more about them than you. If youāre willing to open the door and enter a persons life, you should be willing to close it too.
The bill one is a good indicator.
Another one is the "we'll see" and other evasive stuff should she push for another date.
That said, most women don't have the spine to do that and hope you will.
I always wait to see if she will offer to split the bill. If she does, it's a green flag and I'll go for a 2nd date. If she doesn't, she goes in the hookups only category. She's telling me that she's simply interested in using me so I feel zero reason to not use her. Users get used.
I'll do a "check please" early, if I want nothing to do with her. If she offers to pay, I might give her a 2nd chance at that point. Offering to chip in is a pretty solid "quality human" signal for me.
You know what's funny? Last date I had, it fellt like the conversation was being forced. It felt like we were two professionals trying to remain as corporate as possible. And then when it came time to end the date, I told her "can I be honest? You're really sweet but I really feel like our chemistry is really more of a friendly one than a romantic one" To which she agreed as it was pretty obvious. But here's the funny part, the moment we realized there was nothing between us, the rest of the date actually became genuinely fun because there was no expectations.
And then?
And then we kissed and everybody clapped! No, I simply offered to drop her home and the drive was really pleasant as we both didn't feel the need to filter ourselves anymore. I think a big reason why there was so much tension is because our close friend had set us up and its hard to be yourself when you're worried about what might be said afterwards. Hence why i tend to not to go through the friend setup route but it was an experience!
Sounds like you should give her a call...
Yeah seems they hit it off well and wouldve for longer if they both communicated they were both just a bit stressed
Lol these comments. He gave a good answer and people are hounding him.
No wonder people get so confused about dating.
Yea, sounds like you are both in the exact same mindset š¤£
This is interesting and makes sense. I wonder if there was another way to make eachother not take the date so seriously and relax a bit. There should be no pressure to perform.
Thrrr 100% would have. I think there were many ways to handle it differently but before i knew it i kinda fell into that corporate rythm because i just couldn't get a proper read on her until i had a fuck this moment and simply told her at the end of it
āIt was great meeting you, but itās not a match for me.ā
*āYeah, thatās gonna be a no from me Dawg.ā*
"For you, the chase is over."
*isn't"
The Randy Jackson special
I remember one time I was on a date and the girl was telling me about how she always pays for her half of the bill on the first date because she doesn't want to feel like she owes the guy anything. I thought it was a pretty fair approach. Anyway, we ended up splitting the bill 50/50 and I never heard from her again, so I guess it worked out for her.
Why canāt all men be this straight forward. I rather know than waste my time guessing and waiting
Men and women could both stand to be more straight forward about their intentions. I don't think this is exclusively a men thing.
100% I was just saying that coming from my perspective. But yes you are right
If it's more than 3 days with no contact and you're still guessing, don't
Even for FWB? Iām curious how it varies with guys.
Fwb is a different dynamic. Fwb if I was busy sometimes I couldn't see or hangout for a week or more, but I'm still big on communication myself so I would still talk and text If she keeps hinting at a relationship and Ive been clear i wasn't interested I just kind of slow fade if they won't take no for an answer
Literally every date I don't want to pursue I follow up with 30 minutes after I get home (or when I've come to that realisation in the morning etc) "Hey it was nice meeting you but I don't think we'd be a good match, good luck" or something similar. I've had a few "Oh that's a shame I thought it went well"'s but mostly it's a "No worries, I was feeling the same but didn't know how to word it"
They could also just be trying to save face. Regardless, being honest in a compassionate way shouldnāt be predicated on how someone else will respond.
Pretty much my method. Never gotten a bad response from it
āIt went well but not wel enoughā
How is this subtle.
It's not, but that is the point. Instead of dancing around the topic and saying vague things, you just communicate clearly where you're standing.
That not so subtle bro.
Thatās the point. You should not be subtle about this. Be a man and cut her loose.
I just tell her. I never ghost anyone
Straight up, āI had a really good time but I donāt feel any chemistry, you seem awesome though, best of luckā
"i didnt have a good time and you was awful thanks for nothing pimp"
šš
That's the last resource that I had to use, she kept pushing me to date her even though I said it wouldn't work and that I was and still not ready for a relationship
Is it ghosting if youāre asking someone to leave you alone and you have to avoid them?
No. You have no obligation to go on dates to talk to someone, and you don't need a reason. If the person has a reasonable expectation to see you, and you sudden disappear it is ghosting. You know, like a ghost. Now you are here with me. Now you are gone forever. Ghost. (If there is danger of any kind you can also disappear. And that is justified and recommended).
The world needs more people like you
My mother always told me to be a gentleman and pick up the check. I did so on a date once that was going so-so. When I got up to use the restroom, she put her credit card on the table. I was so flustered I didn't know what to do. I picked up the check and said "thanks" and we parted ways.
Why did her generosity flabbergast you?
Honestly, this.
respeck
Tell her after the date or if she reaches out to you again??
This is the way. Telling a woman that there won't be a second date is presumptuous unless she's asking for a second date.
I move to Uruguay before the dessert arrives
Tell her you have to go to Yemen on business
15 Yemen road, Yemen.
When we get to Reddit can I crash at your place?
ššš
Go to Belize. You know, where Mike is?
Or just blurt out āwe should do this again sometime!ā
Ahhhh *sigh* my familys native country. My {to be}Retirement location š„°š„°š„°
Best rejection I got was him just saying "I don't think I've found what I'm looking for yet, but take great care and thanks for a nice date." Seemed very sincere and I appreciate the not ghosting.
Honestly. Just tell her. Ghosting is mean, cowardly, and immature.
appreciate u š«¶š»
Thanks!š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Honestly, sometimes I "ghost" someone because I am tired of being responsible for almost 100% of the communication as a man in a date, so sometimes I think: "fuck it, if you don't send me a message, I am fine with not sending you anything either". This means she _will_ get an honest reply if she contacts me after a date, but guess how often I had to do that?
Must have been one hell of a date.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
According to many female friends, the woman rarely reaches out. Even though we are in this "equity" climate, it seems that this is an area where they like things "traditional."
Fuck nuance. Life is complicated, human relationships doubly-so. Everyone has off days, so itād have to be pretty catastrophic for me to not be open to a second date. If things are just not fun, and itās going really poorly, Iāll say āIām sorry, this just isnāt working for me.ā I did this during a job interview that was going really poorly. The interview had taken on an adversarial tone, and trying to remain civil with the interviewer was exhausting. I cut them off mid-sentence and said, āIām sorry. This isnāt going to workā and left. Early dates arenāt that different from interviews. If it isnāt working, thereās nothing wrong with reclaiming your time. Just donāt waste your time with hints and cues.
You are on š„
100% man I will cut dates short if it just isnāt going well. Itās why I always carry $60 in cash on me for a first date so I can throw down, not leave her with the bill, and keep my time/sanity.
Job interviews are a lot like dating women. No one wants to be the first to take a chance on you.
A handshake and wishing her luck in finding what they are looking forā¦
I just tell her Iām not feeling it.
Grow a pair and just tell her you're not feeling it. Come on.
I rarely turn down a second date. It has to go extremely horribly. I usually always go on a second date to confirm that I donāt want to date her. People can be nervous and stiff on the first date. Once theyāre comfortable theyāll be able to show you their best self. I wait for that second date to see if things will get better or worse. I donāt give hints. Itās not really healthy or helpful to anyone. Iām politely and direct. There are signs though. One sure way to know Iām not interested in dating further is if thereās minimal to zero physical contact. Especially if I reject a kiss. If I turn down sex I 100% donāt want to date you. Thatās not me giving hints though. Itās me not wanting to lead her on and hurt her. This answer is unique to me. I donāt recommend using this answer to generalize other guys.
I think I was ghosted because of thisā¦ I was so nervous and uninteresting even though I still liked being in his presence . How weird But he was a jerk.
awkward side hug.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Fist bump
Chest bump
Dick to ass bump.
Ohh so this is what it means
āIām not gay, but Iāll learnā.
āIm married to the seaā
ššš
If she reaches out Iāll tell her but if she doesnāt, Iāll leave it at that
Yeah, as a woman, this is my preferred way. It feels like a mutual understanding.
Yeah, I don't feel it's ghosting if neither party says anything. If nobody reaches out, that's mutual. Ghosting requires ignoring attempts at communication. I'm opposed to ghosting, but I'm fine with mutually going our separate ways.
Yeah, everyone on Reddit is quick to call this sort of thing "ghosting", but if you're both on the same page that's not what it is. In my day, this was plain ole "fizzling out".
Yeah I think if I reached out to a dude to see if he was interested in another date and he didnāt respond, *then* thatās not great But if no one reaches out, then fair enough
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ja feel
What kinda cues? š¤
Don't think alot of people in this thread understand the word "subtle" lol Also pretty sure most of them are not >30 and grew up in the age of texting as kids cuz everyone is saying they send a firm rejection text explaining it but anyone who knows modern dating knows that's not the norm. Most "subtle" hints you'll get involve a 12+ hour reply text, if one at all.
You see this type of selection bias in all the threads in this sub. People are terrified of the downvotes when it comes to admitting they just ghost like the majority.
That's kinda the thing though. As men we are expected to initiate everything including conversations in the early stages. So for men "ghosting" normally means you just decided not to send her a message that day, and she never did because you never did. And rather than take the initiative she just gets mad that you didn't and says you ghosted. When ghosting in reality would mean she sent messages and he never responded.
Iām glad you said that. Most women donāt seem to understand communication goes both ways. Even if the date wasnāt the best, it would mean a lot if they still initiated afterwards and showed interest. Itās very attractive when somebody demonstrates a desire for you. And if not well like you said, I have no problem not falling over myself to pursue them either.
Exactly, we want to be wanted too
Exactly. It's not even necessarily ghosting. If you both were meh about the date, it's just regular ole fizzling out. This is very common in dating. Only on Reddit do you get 90% of the users saying they type out a clear rejection text. You don't *need* a rejection in most failed dating situations. Really only need it if the other person is trying to reach out to you.
Personally I wouldn't call that ghosting, that's just ceasing to talk to each other. If someone isn't left on read then I wouldn't consider it being ghosted
So I've been on very few first dates. 3 total. 1 didn't have a second date. 1 was a long-term goth girlfriend that ended in us breaking up because she chose drugs and doing porn over me And finally my last first dated ended with me marrying my best friend. The first first date I ever had ended because she broke my arm because I didn't want to give her a kiss good bye. Worst blind date by a friend ever. I met my wife the old fashioned way. Got hit by a car and she took me to medical.
I just tell them. Subtlety has never been my thing.
I tell her with an unusual way to communicate...******words****** 50/50 is a given from the beginning for me, there is no first date if she's not willing
Everyone in this thread talking about ghosting. If both of you never follow up after the date, itās not ghosting. Itās just the end, a mutual end at that. You only need to say something if she comes back later asking to keep things going. Maybe itās an age thing (mid 40s guy here) but most women wait for the guy to continue the conversation after the first date.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You're absolutely right! I can NOT house I've never been in. lol
Fart
Subtle AF lmao
You guys get dates?
Just tell her upfront with all the respect you posses of.
If she comes off as a decent human being, I tell her. If she comes off as a shitty human being, she never hears from me again.
I'd love to get to know you better (if she's friend material) but romantically, I think we can both agree there is a better match for us out there. Why subtly hint? Just let them know
I fart. I fart hard and loud. This usually makes not having a second date her decision.
She said: āthis was fun. I would like to do this againā I said: āyeaaaaaaaaaah. Maybeā
She said: āthis was fun. I would like to do this againā I said: āReally?ā
I'll go start the car
I don't have one, I usually get ghosted before that happens
Not need to be subtle, just be direct. We're adults. This is explained BEAUTIFULLY in Moneyball and I'm paraphrasing here.... "What would your rather have, bullet to the head....or 5 to the chest and bleed out?" A LOT more people will respect you just be being direct and NOT wasting their time. NEVER understood why ghosting or bsing would ever be a better option. "Hey....I've had a lot of fun talking to you and spending time with you, but I just don't think this is for me." "I've really appreciated the time we've spent but I'm not exactly feeling the vibe and I think it's better we just part ways." "I really enjoyed talking to you but during the date you kind of kept talking and didn't exactly stop when I tried to say something. I get that you're maybe nervous but I just don't think our vibes mesh well and id rather just be direct with you than waste your time. I appreciate everything and wish you the best nonetheless."
Most dudes donāt do hints
Isn't it us who are usually complaining about women and their inability to ask for what they want? Just tell her, don't be subtle, do both of you a favour.
I've had it happen a few times that the lady and I just did not click. I generally sent the following: "Hi XYZ, I had a great time this evening but truly speaking I did not feel a connection beyond friendship, which is not what I am after. I wish you luck, I know your guy is out there".
Tell her. No subtleties.
Calling them bro or dude
Climbing out the bathroom window and leaving her with the bill
Not making tentative plans to hang out again. Not making any effort to touch her. Calling her Bro or Dude
My move was always either to not text her after the date to say what a good time I had, or either that, to text her to thank her for her time and wish her luck in her search while saying I didn't feel a connection. Approach was determined based on how crazy I thought they'd be about handling the rejection.
These are both baaaad. The mini ghost or the HR response. š
When I cancel the burner number I gave her.
You are a great girl, but not the girl for me.
If you don't want a second date just say, don't give freaking hints. Like why in the world you do that and not just say it.
We met, hugged and chatted. We walked around the park, and did not sit down for coffee. I walked her to her car and was about to ask for a second date. I asked her if she enjoyed kayaking. She gave such a sarcastic response with an ugly face to show disgust. A simple no thanks would have been enough. I said just , 'ok'. I turned and walked away. I got in my car and unmatched. I bumped into her a month or so later. I saw her and smiled. She stopped, turned a 180 and ducked into a shop. I wonder if I made it to 'are.we dating the same guy?'
My mom thought me tp treat others how I wanted to be treated. So I just straight up tell her.
The subtle hint I give is saying "It was nice meeting you, but I don't think we'd work out.."
You say it best, when you say nothing at all.
Donāt give a hint, just be up front.
When you can't get a first date.
Girl here, I just give them an awkward hug and get tf in my car.
"So... got any hot sisters?"
Why hint?
āYouāre very nice, but I donāt see a future with you. I wish you all the best!ā
Lmao āsubtle hintā? Bro we just tell them we arenāt interested
You could just be a grown ass man about it. Just be honest and kind. āHey, I appreciate your time. I just donāt think weāre a good fit for each other. I wish you the best of luck.ā You donāt really have to give more detail than that. Iāve always thought that giving people hints and ghosting people is pretty cowardly. Youāre just giving people false hope for no other reason than you not being able to participate in an awkward conversation. Ghosting people and giving hints just makes shit wayyyyyyyy more awkward in the long run anyway. Edit: there are exceptions to this of course. Obviously, itās probably best to ghost someone if youāre worried theyāre gonna hunt you down or just generally be crazy. Best to build that wall fast.
Why hinting when telling straight up is the most efficient way to communicate the message. I would have said something along the lines of "thanks for the date, I can see that you're a good person but I can also unfortunately not see any chemistry between us and think it is better for both of us to go separate ways. Good luck!"
Send her a [link](http://evaapp.ai) to Eva AI sexting bot, lol
Men don't hint at anything. We can be quite blunt
I donāt give a subtle hint. I send a message afterwards in which I either say that I want to see them again or that I am not interested in pursuing things further. Iām direct, but polite. I see no reason to leave hints rather than be direct. Leaving hints is nowhere near as clear as people ever think it is. I donāt want to waste anybodyās time by leaving room for doubt.
Men donāt really āhintā, I would just tell her nicely.
If my date felt like that, I'd prefer she straight up tells me so. We're not kids anymore. No need for unneccessary games. So I'd just politely tell her "it's been a grest evening, but I just don't feel that it would work out"
LADIES, LADIES WE ARE MEN WE DON'T GIVE "HINTS"! Nor do we know what they are. And we sure as hell don't know how to read them or LOOK for them. Hints are like fairy tales, made up dreams from someone's imagination. At best a long-forgotten language like Klingon that only super hyper nerds know and understand. So come back from your delusional fantasy world where everyone speaks in "Hints" and somehow understands what they really mean and use real words to communicate with us. Remember we are decedents of Neanderthals. Hints make as much sense as fart in the wind. Something you make jokes about and then forget.
"We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors."
No eye contact
I tell her āthanks for the date, but Iām not interested in a second.ā I split all dates 50/50. Itās a quick way to weed out freeloaders and entitled women.
Subtle? real men are not subtle.
Subtle hint? Are we women? Either ghost her kr or be awkward and tell her.
I won't mention doing this again or asking when she's free next.
im just ghosting tbh. we are all adults they can handle not hearing from the person they known for 2 days
Your inability to communicate is part of the reason you're dating and not married.Ā
I donāt follow up text Or I might and just say Iām not feeling it, which is probably the nicer thing to do
Honesty
I'm pretty forward will usually send a message after the first day just saying I was not feeling it. Polite but forward
Don't hint. Tell them you aren't interested. If it's a safety concern, get yourself home beforehand.
Side hug.
I am not a person for subtle hints. I just tell it how it is.
At the end of the date, I talk less and make less questions. Awkward silences...
"No."
It depends. Some that can handle it, you tell them to their face. Others that may go ballistic you call them. The creepy ones who may stalk you, just ghost them. It depends.
I pay the check and leave it at a noncommittal hug. Pretty clear.
You are a gentleman
It's a no for me dog
I tell her I have to return to the future in my DeLorean.
Female here, but why do guys at the end of a date say, āthis was fun ,we should do this again!ā And then ghost you?
I'm a very direct person in general, so I'd just say something like "you seem great but I just don't think there's any chemistry. I wish you all the best and I appreciate you giving it a shot." Or... Depending on the situation it could be something like "this was a bad idea and I have no desire to see you again"... Admittedly this has only happened once and it was when she showed up late and immediately started making fun of our server who was obviously overwhelmed and trying to keep up with too many tables because they were under staffed. I don't play that game. If you treat service workers or dogs poorly, I'm instantly out. And I'll tell you exactly why if you want to know.
I'm super subtle, I usually say the following, thank you for tonight but I feel we aren't a fit. Wish you the best though.
First of all, definitely no kiss at the end. If she doesn't text you after the date it's likely she didn't have a good time either. If she texts you and you get the sense she wants it to continue, just tell her you didn't feel a connection.
be an adult tell the truth
āHey, I had a great time but Iām not feeling the romantic connection Iām looking for. I wish you the best.ā Keep it simple, keep it honest. If they react negatively, it says much more about them than you. If youāre willing to open the door and enter a persons life, you should be willing to close it too.
Don't kiss or fuck her
I tell her I love her. That guarantees she'll never call again.
Is she dtf? The conversation can wait until I dip my wick.
Best of luck in your future endeavours
I donāt think a hint is an adult thing to do unless youāre in a hostage situation.
I fling the condom against the wall, thank her and tell her weāre a one and done.
Just telling them over chat after the date is over. As I can gather my thoughts better.
It was nice to meet you, wish you all the best
I just say āIāll give you a call, (pause) sometime.ā
I just tell her. Or sometimes I won't even go for a goodbye hug.
You seem nice, I'm not sure I want to date you, but can we be friends?
I sometimes said ādo you want one more drinkā to make it clear it was the last. Often this would be the 2nd drink of the night.
The bill one is a good indicator. Another one is the "we'll see" and other evasive stuff should she push for another date. That said, most women don't have the spine to do that and hope you will.
I stop asking to hang out
I emotionally/mentally check out from the conversation and I end the date with a quick ānice meeting youā or āsee ya laterā.
Asking her what time it is while still on our first date
A lot of people on this thread donāt know what ghosting means.
I always wait to see if she will offer to split the bill. If she does, it's a green flag and I'll go for a 2nd date. If she doesn't, she goes in the hookups only category. She's telling me that she's simply interested in using me so I feel zero reason to not use her. Users get used. I'll do a "check please" early, if I want nothing to do with her. If she offers to pay, I might give her a 2nd chance at that point. Offering to chip in is a pretty solid "quality human" signal for me.
Whatās a date?
Just Stop putting effort in to conversation.