Well he probably thinks he blew it, is not good enough for you, and you don’t like him as romantic/sexual partner. Sounds like he is a little bundle of insecurity/anxiety and I’m not reading anything here of you explicitly reassuring him of anything. So yeah, he probably thinks you’re checked-out or just being polite/friends.

But I asked him to ice cream last week and he was dismissive about it? So he must realize I’m still interested? Also I asked him if we could have a talk five days ago and he has left me on delivered for 5 days now :( He promptly responded to my two texts before that

Yeah that’s a logical signal… but I have a feeling he’s in his head and may not be interpreting it that way. If you want to know for sure you likely gotta make your interest in him a lot more direct.

I reached out to him and was open and vulnerable and he left me on read an hour ago (he normally always responds right after reading texts). This guy told me he reached out to me from the hospital bc he knew ghosting is an asshole move and now he does this. Oof, very rough. Idk what happened or why but it does not feel great.

Aw I’m sorry to hear that. It sucks, but at least there won’t be anymore wondering. If he’s not matching your enthusiasm it would be a chore to keep the relationship anyway.

Thank you. From your perspective, do you have any idea what happened here or why he might have ghosted? I’ve never been ghosted before and I can’t understand why he did this. He told me that he reached out to me from the hospital bc he knew he would be perceived as an asshole if I thought he was ghosting and he spent most of last summer being depressed and in therapy bc he felt like he was no longer having a positive impact on people’s lives and yet he does this? I’m very confused.

There’s no way of really knowing. The “whys” and “what-ifs” of things like this can eat you up. It’s best not to linger on them too long. You’ll be bummed, but try focusing on doing other things that make you happy.

Your lack of response to him after sex told him that you didn't enjoy it. He gave a second chance with his next text. I notice that you haven't mentioned how you responded. So, I am left to assume that your lack of further interest is why his efforts are dwindling. You are receiving what you are giving. TLDR: He is realizing that the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

I’m not sure what you mean? I was withdrawn that first week, but I reached out to him the week after and explained to him that I had an anxiety attack and was checked out because of it, and he responded and apologized for me having a bad time, but his texts did not go back to their usual engaging playful self. I have since asked him to ice cream twice (so clearly expressing my interest) but he has still been dismissive and avoidant and withdrawn. Idk what to think. And I’ve been on delivered for 5 days since I sent the “ can we have a talk” text

Where is that info in your OP?

Sorry I might have missed out. I was trying to keep it short! I texted him and initiated conversation that week (he didn’t at all) and asked him about finals,so I wasn’t nearly as withdrawn as him, I just said glad you had fun! When he texted me the next day and said he had a lot of fun the night before and just hearted his message that said “hopefully I’ll see you some other time” when I said he wasn’t actually allowed to come to the party I had previously invited him to for the third date (I wasn” told I wasn’t allowed a plus one), but I reached out repeatedly after that and he never initiated anything since the second date

You blew it.

lol what? How? Again, he was much more withdrawn than me and I was still the only one putting effort into the conversation

Mate, if I'm reading it right you are only giving signals and not assuring him directly. And it's obvious he feels you are not into him and by the looks of it feels like he might make it worse if he tries any more with you. Why not make it directly known? Like, call him/face time him (instead of just texting) when both of you are free and show him that you are still interested in going out with him, make plans for the next outing? It might be difficult to be direct given you also mentioned your anxiety but one of you clearly needs to do something, it doesn't appear it is going to be him. If you are that interested, I do think you need to put in a little more effort. If he still doesn't respond well, move on - you've put in your fair share of effort.

Thank you for responding! I’m confused, I did ask him to ice cream twice (first time was the week after the second date and I said it more casually “hopefully I’ll see you around, maybe we can grab ice cream”,) and last week I directly asked him if he still wants ice cream and if this or next weekend works, and he said he still wanted to have ice cream, but he’d let me know when he’d back back in town (he didn’t pick a date), and he just left a thumbs up on my message saying no worries (he has never left a thumbs up on anything before, always hearts and always says thanks!! When I wish him luck on anything but this past week he just left a thumbs up and didn’t say anything else, which my guy friends said is a bad sign and that he likely will not ever text me back for ice cream. He said this specifically: Hey! Yeah I’d like to get ice cream still! Sorry I’ve been busy since getting back home, classes and cleaning out my old room and trying to apply for jobs. I don’t know which days I’ll be free or when I’ll be back out to ______, but yes ice cream is on, I’ll let you know :) And then just left a thumbs up when I said no worries, good luck on everything, we’ll catch up when we can! Here are the all texts since the second date (the most recent ones at the bottom): https://imgur.com/a/texts-since-second-date-v2Zwqe1 I feel like I’ve pretty directly expressed that I’m still interested in seeing him when I asked him to ice cream and he was still kinda dismissive? That made me wonder if he did truly lose feelings or if it’s still defensive behavior? Someone else said he is behaving avoidantly and this reeks of him shutting himself down before I have the chance to shut him down but I really can’t tell. If you have any advice for what I can say to him to get clarity on this that’d be great!

The last text makes me feel like you wanted to talk about something urgent/important/serious. If you gave a "been a while since we spoke, just wanted to catch up" vibes and if he still doesn't respond positively, then time to move on. I mean, I honestly feel like you've made the effort here. He is either really busy or your assumptions are right. May be shoot him one final text (if you feel like it) something along the lines of "been a while since I heard from you, hope everything is ok. Good to catch up on a call if you are free?" and if it still feels like you have to carry the conversation, I'd say drop it. You are still very young and he won't be the last guy who you'd be interested in.

Yea! I’ve been left on delivered for 5 days since I sent that message. I plan to reach out one last time and just be straightforward with him and let him know I’m still interested and ask if he does actually want to see me again and to pick a date if he is. If I don’t get a good answer from that, I’ll just have to shut the door on this and move on. Thank you, I appreciate your input! Idk if it is lost feelings or if he is just too fragile to get over this/can’t get over it, but there’s only so much I can do.

I reached out to him and was open and vulnerable and he left me on read an hour ago (he normally always responds right after reading texts). This guy told me he reached out to me from the hospital bc he knew ghosting is an asshole move and now he does this. Oof, very rough. Idk what happened or why but it does not feel great.

Couple of things come to mind: He might have just wanted sex and the whole “feel sorry for me” act was made up in order to sleep with you. He really is as odd as you make him out to be and he really did freak out and withdrew from you( and probably most women). Either way, you need to move on. You sound like you are really young and have a lot going on for yourself, you will meet someone that matches you. Clearly, this guy, ain’t it. Guy sounds like he has a lot of baggage. You can’t fix him. You’ll get over it.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and respond! What details in my post make you think he might have been using me for sex? I feel like he put in waay too much effort for just sex? Like he was asking the nurses for me when he was concussed and he got his moms phone and DMd his friend to ask him to text my friend so she could let me know that he was hospitalized and not ghosting me. Also, again, he trembled BADLY the first two times we made out. I feel like he’d have to be a phenomenal actor to do that convincingly? Just seems like he has a lot of anxiety. Also, wouldn’t he have left after the first time we had sex if he just wanted to sleep with me? At the end of it he did say “you’re so fucking hot and I just want to do a good job” and he was very shy and avoiding eye contact and wasn’t able to talk to me at all at a pregame even the day after we made out. Like he really just seems very shy and anxious. He also kept texting me and putting in effort even during finals when he was very busy and only withdrew immediately after the second time we had sex, and couldn’t look at me the next day and got super quiet and visibly uncomfortable after we had that awkward sex after the second date. I definitely don’t see him as long term relationship material, I primarily wanted to have like a summer fling type relationship with him. I’m only holding on to him as much as I am because I haven’t connected with someone right off the bat like I did with him before.

Then it sounds like this guy is just awkward and odd. But if all you want is a summer fling, why make so much a big deal over this dude? Why invest so much of your time and emotion over him? If you say you look like a model and have brains, you ll have no trouble finding another guy for a fling. Did this guy know he was a summer fling? Had that been discussed? We’re you going to invest all this effort only to dump him?

I understand your point, but like I said, it’s very rare for me to connect with men, and for some reason I did with him and I did enjoyed spending time with him. Aside from his issues, he is/was very sweet and affectionate. I rarely date, and I haven’t ever clicked with someone right off the bat like I did with him. I am going on dates and exploring other options in case this doesn’t work out as well. The both of us are planning to move away at the end of summer (his move might or might not happen), but he was seriously into me and invested in me and implying longer term plans, but I figured while he was strongly interested, he knew there was no long term potential there. Of course if we do somehow get back together, I’d make that conversation a priority.

[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. FootballHumble6694 originally posted: * Met at a party 2 months ago, spoke for 7 hours, fell asleep together, when we made out he **trembled** severely(he was the one who very nervously initiated the first kiss), he said he was very intimidated by me (I've been recruited by modeling scouts, and go to an Ivy league school w/ a STEM major, about to go to med school), he got my number the next day and we were texting non stop. * He told me multiple times that he’s very insecure, has a big fragile ego, didn’t get girls until he was 17, has body dysmorphia, fear of rejection, got dumped by his first girlfriend last year and was heartbroken, had a rebound last summer, walked around without a shirt on last summer just so he could get stared at (clearly has a lot of issues) * A few days later, reached out to me from the hospital after being in a bad accident and being severely injured (just to give you an idea of how much he was into me) just so I didn't think I was being ghosted. * Made multiple comments about wanting to please me, make me happy, said "you're so fucking hot and I just want to do a good job" after the first time we had sex (after the first date), said "I'm supposed to be good at this" when he couldn't get me off during the second time we had sex, but I did a bad job as well (had an anxiety attack) and did not match his rhythm when I was on top (I was counter thrusting), I was quiet too (mentally checked out from the anxiety attack) and he nervously said "why are you being so quiet"?, I moved my hands awkwardly, and he asked "what are you doing?" twice lol However, before the sex and on the way home from the second date, He was very affectionate, holding my hand, playing his favorite music for me on the ride back to his place, laughing and calling me so cute when I was hiccuping right before the sex. We had that awkward sex (he slipped out twice, couldn’t find the cl**, he got off, I didn't, he said "I had fun" right after, I said nothing, he got very quiet (he hates silence and normally never shuts up, complete yapper), avoided eye contact with me next morning, looked taken aback when I kissed him goodbye. * Next day he texted me thanking me for the night before and said he had a lot of fun, but From then on, his texts were not at all as engaging as they used to be. He used to put a lot of effort into keeping the convo going, but he stopped doing that, was just replying to my texts. He said "Hopefully I'll see you some other time" after I cancelled our previously scheduled third date (for a legit reason and he knew that too) and I just hearted it but did not respond to it and asked when I could drop off his sunglasses. From then on, mixed signals and delayed responses from both sides. At this point (a month since we saw each other), I'm very confused about where he is at mentally. His texts lately have been a bit dismissive and avoidant (after I asked him if he wanted to grab ice cream). I still wanted to see him again if there's a chance that he does actually still have feelings for me but is just embarrassed and insecure (which is what most of my friends are saying), but it's been 5 days since I asked him if we could talk and he left me on delivered (he has never done this, he has read receipts on as well). he replied promptly to my previous two texts though. Idk if he's just freaking out and thinking I'm about to confront him or what. I'm attaching our texts since the second date. I really don’t know what happened here. This guy was SO into me, and only switched immediately and withdrew after the sex on the second date. Is it about himself or is it about me? I’m not that experienced either but I’ve had a partner before where the sex was not great at first but we worked on it and got much better with time. I’ve never experienced this before and I do feel like I have whiplash because of how quickly he pulled away but mostly confused by what happened. Is it the sex? Is it about him or me? Could he have just lost interest? What happened? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*