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Some good books already recommended here, but figured I'd just say that losing some of the naive passion you had at 19 is very normal. I don't think many, or anyone, gets to keep it.
Mans search for meaning. A story of a psychologist in a jewish concentration camp focusing his energy on being better, finding his way and helping others.
Oh snap, sorry man. I skipped right to the punchline. As soon as I see someone looking for a book recommendation that's the go-to. You can also try "Yes to life"
My fiance introduced it to me and its his rec to absolutely everyone. I find his outlook- the way he lived in mind and body to be so at peace, so committed. It was inspirational-not how he made it through the Holocaust but how he continued his life after. Showing the difficult situations sometimes do happen TO you and you have no control over the world but you always have your mind. You always have yourself.
Yea, sorry. Its super late and Im not reading thoroughly. I edited my post with more info. In general it just gave me a small bit of that energy and strength to be who I want to be/should be. My partner rereads it annually for new takeaways.
Another book is "Varieties of Religious Experience" by William James. The chapters on Tolstoy were of particular relevance to me. You can have it "all" and still have nothing. It's imperative to raise our eyes to beyond ourselves.
In my mid-30's, I discovered Alan Watts. You can find some of his lengthy lectures on Audible. Things like "Just so," or "You're It!" or "Out of Your Mind."
You can also get access to the near entirety of his lectures through the Sam Harris "Waking Up" app.
In my mid 30's, I just kind of broke. I found a few things that helped to pull me out of whatever hole I was careening down. He helped me realize that I was taking too much of life way too seriously and that I needed to chill out and accept things more as they were.
Anyway, it helped me a lot. I'm headed toward my mid 40's now, and I can tell you, without having found this, I'd have been in a much worse place.
Alan Watts has a bunch of books, too, if you prefer reading... but there's something so calming and direct about hearing him speak (at least for me). I took his lectures with me on trail runs, in the car, and just when I was sitting around and feeling useless and non-functional.
I love the Waking Up App and was stoked when I found SO many talks from Alan on there.
Such a great thinker and an incredible voice to listen to!
So much wisdom too. Always happy to hear that people still listen to him. I love going for a long walk with an Alan Watts seminar playing.
If I remember correctly, Sam partnered with the Watts' family to be able to include nearly the entirety of his lectures. It's an insane amount of material!
I had hundreds of hours of Alan's lectures before they were really ubiquitous on the web (and on Audible), and Sam has things that I never heard before.
Oh that makes sense, the app does have an incredible catalogue of his work.
One of the Life Series that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed and keep coming back to is The Stoic Path by William B Irvine. Very fascinating thought experiments that are quick and easy to implement. Highly recommend.
Reading Frank McCourt's autobiographical books was very inspiring. He is raised in total poverty, overcomes a lot of difficulties, and never ever gives up. The books are Angela’s Ashes, 'Tis, and Teacher Man.
His writing is also very enjoyable.
Against the grain: I suspect a book won’t be much help. I’ve been down this road. Books help when I’m doing well, but when I’ve been low, stronger medicine is in order.
Take a trip. Go see something in the American West. Yosemite. Joshua Tree. The Grand Canyon. Take in some of that feral masculine energy. Experience wonder. Be at one with the bigness of it all. Breathe in the spaciousness.
It is impossible in today’s world to be a young man, optimistic and full of life, and not get the shit knocked out of you. It happens to all of us in one way or another. If you want your life to move forward, you have to get back up and let yourself be rejuvenated. Don’t let your world begin to feel small and shitty. Everywhere out there is waiting for you. Don’t wait until you’re 65 or 68 or 72 and retired with a too-small retirement fund and an enlarged prostate to go meet it. You are young. This world is made for you. Go love it.
When you go, bring a copy of Moby Dick with you.
It did not help shape me per say, but it gave me this push of inspiration that i required. The novels I tend to read lack that certain ambition towards life. This one felt full of hope and passion, like the author wrote it to help reinvigorate those that have been kicked around in life. I suggest you go into it blindly, just enjoy the trip that it will take you on. Just go into it with an open mind, this isn't supposed to be some sad boy shit.
A girl I used to see called it a "white girl" book and I can see why. It's not girly in any way, just really accessible, but truth be told, I couldn't give two shits, a good story is a good story, no matter how popular/simple it is. Sometimes, that's what you need in life and based on what I read, it sounds like you need it.
Don't listen to the chooch that replied to this with his self-absorbed, negative bullshit. The Alchemist is a good book. It's a good story and you can read it how you like. In fucking fact, take any book and read it the way you want to read it. Just practice doing things consciously, whether it's reading books, eating, working out, participating in hobbies, whatever.
Your enemy is compulsion. Doing things without thinking about them is how we train ourselves to take shit for granted. Be alive with what you have and stop looking for external stuff to fix you.
I don't want to sound overly negative but I wouldn't really recommend The Alchemist. I like Paolo Coelho but Alchemist to me is extremely overrated and while I liked it when I read it in school, later in life on a re-read I was surprised how much it just pretends to be this philosophical all encompassing thing when in reality it's just a pseudo philosophical nonsense pretending to be something more than it is, a lot of empty words and phrases, sort of like 90% of self help books out there.
On the other hand if you end up reading it, please post your experience.
If you read my comment, I told him to go into it with an open mind.
Dude sounds like he's been kicked around, sometimes a feel good book is what you need to gain even a little bit of rythm back.
Is it a perfect book? No. Is it a fun, light, adventure that could make you smile? It would be hard not to.
The dream giver
- a narrative story about pursuing your dreams and the friends, foes, and challenges you’ll meet along the way. Helps you feel like you can identify where you are in your journey.
The compound effect
- how staying dedicated to habits can lead to massive results over time.
The one thing
- how finding a focus and sticking to it can work better than starting many things and not finishing any of them.
Atomic Habits
- how to create good habits and stop bad ones
I see myself as a Jack of all trades and like my ability to be multi-talented like you describe, but I’ve also learned to apply my varied skillsets to a general profession and be dedicated to that general subject area. It still allows me to dive into my passions and not get bored, but stay focused on an overall goal that keeps me focused and moving forward.
I would say you probably need to do some goal setting. I often feel apathetic when I don’t know where I’m going. Keep in mind that goal setting doesn’t have to be “I will get a $90k job working at Boeing Airlines” it could be, I want to get my first $90k job.
Goal setting should also include things like your social life, family, and whatever spirituality (or non-spirituality) you adhere to.
Once you have a goal, your next action is to break your goal into manageable steps that you can take to accomplish the goal. The important piece of these steps is to make the steps things that you control. For example, you control how many jobs you apply to or how many messages you send to datable partners, but you don’t control how many jobs make you offers or how many people choose to go on dates with you. That said, you probably can determine that 50 job applications sent out will lead to 1 interview or 30 Tinder messages can lead to 1 date on average. - make the tasks you create in order to accomplish a goal things that you control, not things that other people control.
What are you doing to fill your time outside of work? I’m sort of in the same boat at 32 years now. Figure out the biggest “life” wasters and cut down on those. Mine is just being on my phone scrolling. I am trying to cut that out but it is way harder than I thought. Sounds dumb but just being on my phone waste so much time.
Ya social media addiction is definitely an issue for me.
But it's looking like for the next month or so what I'll be doing outside of work is more work unfortunately. I've got a lot of learning to do.
Tuesdays with Morrie - shows you how short life is, and what the end game could look like if you do things right
Siddharta - about a man’s spiritual journey of self discovery
Not who you're responding to, but the book is extremely popular. People probably dislike it because disliking popular things makes them feel special.
It's a good book but not some universal truth. The trick is to read lots of things with different perspectives, then form your own ideas based on what you've learned. And then learn some more, we're never the same people we were a few years ago.
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread. Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Some good books already recommended here, but figured I'd just say that losing some of the naive passion you had at 19 is very normal. I don't think many, or anyone, gets to keep it.
I second this. Work and responsibilities will wear you down.
Mans search for meaning. A story of a psychologist in a jewish concentration camp focusing his energy on being better, finding his way and helping others.
Thank you. This was the one I wrote in my post. I've heard good things. Would you possibly be comfortable sharing how it's helped shape your life?
Oh snap, sorry man. I skipped right to the punchline. As soon as I see someone looking for a book recommendation that's the go-to. You can also try "Yes to life" My fiance introduced it to me and its his rec to absolutely everyone. I find his outlook- the way he lived in mind and body to be so at peace, so committed. It was inspirational-not how he made it through the Holocaust but how he continued his life after. Showing the difficult situations sometimes do happen TO you and you have no control over the world but you always have your mind. You always have yourself.
That's okay. Thank you for your input! It's good to hear some reinforced feedback on the book.
Yea, sorry. Its super late and Im not reading thoroughly. I edited my post with more info. In general it just gave me a small bit of that energy and strength to be who I want to be/should be. My partner rereads it annually for new takeaways.
Another book is "Varieties of Religious Experience" by William James. The chapters on Tolstoy were of particular relevance to me. You can have it "all" and still have nothing. It's imperative to raise our eyes to beyond ourselves.
Came here to add this.
In my mid-30's, I discovered Alan Watts. You can find some of his lengthy lectures on Audible. Things like "Just so," or "You're It!" or "Out of Your Mind." You can also get access to the near entirety of his lectures through the Sam Harris "Waking Up" app. In my mid 30's, I just kind of broke. I found a few things that helped to pull me out of whatever hole I was careening down. He helped me realize that I was taking too much of life way too seriously and that I needed to chill out and accept things more as they were. Anyway, it helped me a lot. I'm headed toward my mid 40's now, and I can tell you, without having found this, I'd have been in a much worse place. Alan Watts has a bunch of books, too, if you prefer reading... but there's something so calming and direct about hearing him speak (at least for me). I took his lectures with me on trail runs, in the car, and just when I was sitting around and feeling useless and non-functional.
I love the Waking Up App and was stoked when I found SO many talks from Alan on there. Such a great thinker and an incredible voice to listen to! So much wisdom too. Always happy to hear that people still listen to him. I love going for a long walk with an Alan Watts seminar playing.
If I remember correctly, Sam partnered with the Watts' family to be able to include nearly the entirety of his lectures. It's an insane amount of material! I had hundreds of hours of Alan's lectures before they were really ubiquitous on the web (and on Audible), and Sam has things that I never heard before.
Oh that makes sense, the app does have an incredible catalogue of his work. One of the Life Series that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed and keep coming back to is The Stoic Path by William B Irvine. Very fascinating thought experiments that are quick and easy to implement. Highly recommend.
Reading Frank McCourt's autobiographical books was very inspiring. He is raised in total poverty, overcomes a lot of difficulties, and never ever gives up. The books are Angela’s Ashes, 'Tis, and Teacher Man. His writing is also very enjoyable.
Against the grain: I suspect a book won’t be much help. I’ve been down this road. Books help when I’m doing well, but when I’ve been low, stronger medicine is in order. Take a trip. Go see something in the American West. Yosemite. Joshua Tree. The Grand Canyon. Take in some of that feral masculine energy. Experience wonder. Be at one with the bigness of it all. Breathe in the spaciousness. It is impossible in today’s world to be a young man, optimistic and full of life, and not get the shit knocked out of you. It happens to all of us in one way or another. If you want your life to move forward, you have to get back up and let yourself be rejuvenated. Don’t let your world begin to feel small and shitty. Everywhere out there is waiting for you. Don’t wait until you’re 65 or 68 or 72 and retired with a too-small retirement fund and an enlarged prostate to go meet it. You are young. This world is made for you. Go love it. When you go, bring a copy of Moby Dick with you.
Thank you for the advice. Unfortunately at the moment I don't have enough money to travel. How I'm gonna close that gap I don't know.
The alchemist
Thank you. Any chance you'd be comfortable sharing a brief synopsis and how it helped shape your character?
It did not help shape me per say, but it gave me this push of inspiration that i required. The novels I tend to read lack that certain ambition towards life. This one felt full of hope and passion, like the author wrote it to help reinvigorate those that have been kicked around in life. I suggest you go into it blindly, just enjoy the trip that it will take you on. Just go into it with an open mind, this isn't supposed to be some sad boy shit. A girl I used to see called it a "white girl" book and I can see why. It's not girly in any way, just really accessible, but truth be told, I couldn't give two shits, a good story is a good story, no matter how popular/simple it is. Sometimes, that's what you need in life and based on what I read, it sounds like you need it.
Thank you. I appreciate the input!
Don't listen to the chooch that replied to this with his self-absorbed, negative bullshit. The Alchemist is a good book. It's a good story and you can read it how you like. In fucking fact, take any book and read it the way you want to read it. Just practice doing things consciously, whether it's reading books, eating, working out, participating in hobbies, whatever. Your enemy is compulsion. Doing things without thinking about them is how we train ourselves to take shit for granted. Be alive with what you have and stop looking for external stuff to fix you.
I don't want to sound overly negative but I wouldn't really recommend The Alchemist. I like Paolo Coelho but Alchemist to me is extremely overrated and while I liked it when I read it in school, later in life on a re-read I was surprised how much it just pretends to be this philosophical all encompassing thing when in reality it's just a pseudo philosophical nonsense pretending to be something more than it is, a lot of empty words and phrases, sort of like 90% of self help books out there. On the other hand if you end up reading it, please post your experience.
If you read my comment, I told him to go into it with an open mind. Dude sounds like he's been kicked around, sometimes a feel good book is what you need to gain even a little bit of rythm back. Is it a perfect book? No. Is it a fun, light, adventure that could make you smile? It would be hard not to.
The dream giver - a narrative story about pursuing your dreams and the friends, foes, and challenges you’ll meet along the way. Helps you feel like you can identify where you are in your journey. The compound effect - how staying dedicated to habits can lead to massive results over time. The one thing - how finding a focus and sticking to it can work better than starting many things and not finishing any of them. Atomic Habits - how to create good habits and stop bad ones I see myself as a Jack of all trades and like my ability to be multi-talented like you describe, but I’ve also learned to apply my varied skillsets to a general profession and be dedicated to that general subject area. It still allows me to dive into my passions and not get bored, but stay focused on an overall goal that keeps me focused and moving forward. I would say you probably need to do some goal setting. I often feel apathetic when I don’t know where I’m going. Keep in mind that goal setting doesn’t have to be “I will get a $90k job working at Boeing Airlines” it could be, I want to get my first $90k job. Goal setting should also include things like your social life, family, and whatever spirituality (or non-spirituality) you adhere to. Once you have a goal, your next action is to break your goal into manageable steps that you can take to accomplish the goal. The important piece of these steps is to make the steps things that you control. For example, you control how many jobs you apply to or how many messages you send to datable partners, but you don’t control how many jobs make you offers or how many people choose to go on dates with you. That said, you probably can determine that 50 job applications sent out will lead to 1 interview or 30 Tinder messages can lead to 1 date on average. - make the tasks you create in order to accomplish a goal things that you control, not things that other people control.
What are you doing to fill your time outside of work? I’m sort of in the same boat at 32 years now. Figure out the biggest “life” wasters and cut down on those. Mine is just being on my phone scrolling. I am trying to cut that out but it is way harder than I thought. Sounds dumb but just being on my phone waste so much time.
Ya social media addiction is definitely an issue for me. But it's looking like for the next month or so what I'll be doing outside of work is more work unfortunately. I've got a lot of learning to do.
Tuesdays with Morrie - shows you how short life is, and what the end game could look like if you do things right Siddharta - about a man’s spiritual journey of self discovery
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson Also check out his YouTube channel - incredibly motivating.
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Not who you're responding to, but the book is extremely popular. People probably dislike it because disliking popular things makes them feel special. It's a good book but not some universal truth. The trick is to read lots of things with different perspectives, then form your own ideas based on what you've learned. And then learn some more, we're never the same people we were a few years ago.
Man's search for meaning, Viktor Frankl
You should read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
No religious content, you're possible easily swayed and that'll bring on a lot more negativity.
a few ideas * Wolfe - A Man in Full * De Botton’s - How Proust Can Change Your Life * Murakami - The Wind Up Bird Chronicles
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
First thought that comes to mind is *The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck*, but I'm not sure if it'll do exactly what you are going for.
Reality Transurfing, it gave me new hope and a sense of control-