T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Please do not comment directly to this post unless you are Gen X or older (born 1980 or before). See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/comments/inci5u/reminder_please_do_not_answer_questions_unless/), the rules, and the sidebar for details. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskOldPeople) if you have any questions or concerns.*


SubatomicGoblin

Honestly, I seem to be immune to it. I really, *really* enjoy being alone and doing what I want to do. I socialize only rarely, and I'm totally okay with that.


Healthy_Juice630

I'm with you. I feel the same way. I own my own home & always have things I need to do.


apurrfectplace

Agree! Plus my cats are my best companions. I have entered my catlady era.


Diane1967

Me too and I love it! My daughter razzes me all the time but I just laugh, they’re great companions!


apurrfectplace

My kids embrace my catlady life


challam

Ditto. I do rely on texts from my kids and I’m careful to keep my relationship with them as strong as possible, but I don’t need in-person contact much.


Cocojo3333

I’m so glad to hear this. I have never felt lonely, that I know of, in my entire life.


JackSpratCould

I'm the same. I went from my childhood home, to living with bf's or roommates, to being married (and divorced), to raising 2 children, who are 12 years apart in age, by myself. I'm VERY happy to be alone ❤️


bun65

Same here


chewbooks

I'm the same. It reminds me of a T-shirt I bought in 2020 that said, "Social Distancing Since Birth." Some of us are not wired to need people as much as others. In my case, being an only child was a contributing factor.


xeroxchick

Right? It’s like the older I get, the more work it is to want to be with others and build relationships. I do it because I know I should and it’s healthy. I am so happy just being with the dogs. As for family, Blech. So irritating.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Prestigious-Copy-494

That sounds like an AI generated post..


greyswearer

I am 40 and the older I get, the less people bother me to do stuff. It’s great!


Tasqfphil

I feel the same way, I have my cats to keep me company, and in laws nearby who drop in often to see how I am, including a grand nephew IL who stays in my house every night, especially now while his family home is being rebuilt. As I have a small convenience store attached to the front of my house, I see people daily (customers) so I m not lonely at all.


D3vilUkn0w

Same! I freaking love being alone honestly.


jigmaster500

Friends, family, pets too.. I was never lonely until my wife died... Really lonely now without her comfort


Any-Type-8017

Ah man, I hope you’re ok


jigmaster500

Thanks Any-Type-8017... I appreciate that.... That was nice of you to say...Never be the same but dealing with it.. Happens to all of us someday.. That's just the way it is..


DJMTBguy

That’s how you know you had a good one. Better to have memories of a good one than scars from a not so good. Wish you all the best, her love lives on in your love.


jigmaster500

Exactly, Thank you DJMTBguy... We were soulmates.. We blended together effortlessly.... I miss her so much I will always be thankful for how lucky I was to be with her.. Our love does live on together


[deleted]

Losing a loved one can create an immense void, especially when it's someone as close as a spouse. It's completely natural to feel that deep sense of loneliness after such a profound loss. Cherishing the memories and the comfort your wife brought into your life is important. Remember, it's okay to feel the pain of her absence, and it's okay to seek support from friends, family, and even pets during this time. They may not fill the exact same space she did, but they can offer companionship and love in their own ways. You're not alone in your grief, and it's okay to lean on others as you navigate this difficult journey.


jigmaster500

Thanks Grace, I appreciate your advice


DandelionDisperser

I'm sorry for your loss, it must be very hard. Wishing you peace and healing for your grief. 🫂


jigmaster500

Thanks Dandelion... That was very kind of you


Snoutysensations

Planning for retirement isn't just building up a financial reserve. It's building up your social support net. So invest in friendships and relationships. You'll want a mix of close friends and more distant acquaintances. Younger generations nowadays aren't having kids as much as 30 or 50 years ago, so this is particularly important. People will need to have non-family social networks more than ever before.


blackmirrorlight

Wise words. Thank you.


NoFamilyDoc

I've become a recluse in the last 5 years or so. (I am 27.) I'm thinking maybe I should start investing in relationships, long-term lasting relationships. Also - why "more distant acquaintances"?


Snoutysensations

>Also - why "more distant acquaintances"? To have a BROAD social support network. Sure, close and tight friendships are great, but it's also healthy to have those pals you might see just a couple times a year but still appreciate. Maybe they're in another country, maybe you click on only a few levels. But it's good to have a diversity of friends and social relationship types. Having a lot of semi casual friends makes it easier too to make new friends who might turn into the very close friends too.


donquixote2000

Married. Move from hometown to 120 miles away to be near grandchildren. Joined a 175 year old spirit filled Methodist church. Go to Sunday school with a big room full of over 50's and laugh and cut up and learn. Joined the choir. I feel like I've lived here all my life. I wish this kind of good fortune on everyone. I'm not rich, but don't have to be. Because life is rich.


darkwitch1306

I’ve never been lonely even when I lived alone. I like me more than others.


FuddyDuddyGrinch

Coming here to hopefully to find the answer.


STRATILAT

Same. I hope that will find what we are looking for.


english_major

There is no one answer but there are answers and some may work for you but others will not. For me, I put a lot of effort into keeping up with old friends and with family and with making new friends. I make plans with people. If something is going on that sounds interesting, I ask someone if they want to go. We have people over all of the time. I volunteer with an active transportation advocacy group. I get out of the house and run into people. I do my best to connect with people from work, though I’ll be retired soon. It takes effort and getting over yourself. Sometimes you try to make plans with people and it just doesn’t work out. Don’t worry about it.


introvert-i-1957

I still keep in touch w my high school crowd. I keep in touch with my friends from nursing school. I keep in touch with two close friends from my last job (I retired in 2018). I keep in touch via text and phone. I'm a loner by nature and I love texting bc it's on my terms. I'm much less lonely now than when younger. I think young people are pushed to think they need to be out connecting constantly. They aren't comfortable alone bc society pushes that being alone is abnormal. As an old introvert I enjoy being alone. My loneliest times were with my husband when I lived with him. He had no interest in knowing me and what I wanted. The relationship was about him. My best friend and I have been best friends for 52 years. I've lost most of my family and we were a very dysfunctional family anyway, so maybe that's why friends are so important to me. Also, I have kids and grandkids, so if I'm feeling lonely I just text my daughter that I need to see everyone.


IMTrick

I found my person. Eventually married her. I'm good


lenaag

Wonderful!


chefranden

Haven't had to worry about it so far. Half my immediate family lives right here. Friends visit 2 or three days/week, and then there is coffee at Perkins on friday.


hasleteric

Perkins is still around?!!


chefranden

used to be 5 stores in this town. i think there are only 2 left.


TeaCourse

This, to me, is true wealth. I would have a regular social life over a million dollars any day.


explorthis

62m retired. Small group of trusted friends. Bride of 34 years retired as well. Dog - absolute entertainment. Hobby - woodworker.


6390542x52

A lot of you aren’t answering the question; you’re just stating how it’s not a problem for you. That’s not helpful for OP, unfortunately


Any-Type-8017

Yeah, thank you for noticing


chefranden

The would be against the rule about asking advice etc.


Misevicius

I go out amongst people. That usually makes me want to be alone.


Golden_Mandala

Honestly, I have more good friends now than I have at any previous time in my life. Most of them are retired, so they have time to hang out. I am the least lonely I have ever been.


Forever-Retired

I am fine by myself


[deleted]

I’m always in touch with family, but I like to frequent the town senior citizens center, play basketball in a senior league and I belong to the local Democrat club. 


Medill1919

Strangers on social media.


SleepsinaTent

I was never a TV or movie watcher, never even had a TV, but now I watch a lot of stuff online. And I read. And I look at Reddit. I learned in my 20s to love being alone with myself through backpacking, but I always had a romantic relationship going. Now in my 60s I find it is not so easy to find the kind of man I'd like. I do have kids, but they have their own lives and live pretty far away. I care for my mom, but at 97 she cannot really hold conversations anymore. So I started calling up old friends I had neglected and found they were happy to hear from me. And I started skiing every chance I got, putting more money into it than previously. That has really helped a lot. I like my life even though I still wish I had a loving companion. Mostly I feel grateful for what I do have, and I make the most of what I'm able to do still that I love. To answer your questions, I make long drives halfway across the country every year both to ski and to see my grown kids and their families. While I'm making those long drives I call my old friends and have long talks. I try to make some shorter drives to see my friends, too, when I have a chance. Really, after working for a couple of years at doing the things I love and keeping in touch with--and visiting--some old neglected friends, that aching kind of went away. I'm content now, and generally more than content when I'm able to ski and visit my kids. Life isn't all I wished for, but it is what it is, and there are things I love and ways to make life a little more fun still.


Beyond_the_Matrix

Loneliness has nothing to do with being alone. You can be in a room full of people you know *and* still feel lonely. You work on yourself and you develop the ability to enjoy your own company. For a lot of people regardless of age, they can enjoy solitude. I know a lot of people who grew up as only childs developed the ability to enjoy being alone. They didn't really have a choice.


Interesting-Wind2699

I was a neglected child and spent my teens working a full-time job and school, not having a long-term relationship until 35. Now my son is too busy doing his thing, caught his mother cheating and moved into my car. Sancho is sleeping in my bed, and I am done with dating. I have some acquaintances but no friends spending my days and nights focusing on rebuilding a new life, making myself comfortable, and preparing to build my castle in the sand . I drove 18 wheels solo 10 years and used to being alone, so I think a lot, write, engineer something I may need but on a tight budget so I make it instead of paying 10 times for it at stores. Keep myself busy, and it's less stressful, less expensive, and peaceful. "Too much time on my hands." "Loverboy" an 80's band song... " I got dozens of friends, and the fun never ends. That is as long as I'm buying."


PitchWitty8049

You still drive trucks?


Interesting-Wind2699

I still know how to but unable to pass the medical and physical requirements to get medically certified and be licensed, so no I can't drive 18 wheels which provides me with a gainful income. Can't get a job in property management because I don't speak Spanish, don't have recent experience and Iet my CCRM certification expire 20 years ago can't physically work in maintenance because I can't work fast enough for employers and there's no open positions for Walmart greeters and they are putting in self checkouts laying off cashiers making them homelessness unable to get the rent.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Interesting-Wind2699

OK I have diabetes and an allergy to iodine and once you have a diet stick to it you don't need to order fast food or restaurant get a one burner camp stove a skillet sauce pan and cook your meals or make sure your truck is equipped with an augsilory power unit and inverter and buy a 700 watt microwave and carry water fruit you can get a 12v refrigerator or low watt ac to plug into your inverter and when driving charges and parking APU is. Go to CR England and they have premiere truck driver school and will house and feed while in class but paid training on a training truck working. And tell them about your allergies and they have to accommodate your needs. Good luck


Interesting-Wind2699

I lived out of Walmart for 10 years and truck stops give free showers when you get fuel


[deleted]

[удалено]


Interesting-Wind2699

Seeing the country is a positive thing but you don't realize that the only part you will see is the freeway and the industrial parts of town


[deleted]

[удалено]


Interesting-Wind2699

Oh yeah and if you are smart get know the business end contract hauling buy your own rig network with shipping and receiving talking with them aways be on time and little to no damages or issues and then you are set with accounts that will keep you in business with a dedicated routine for home time and site seeing spending spring break in Florida 4th of July in San Diego or Dallas reno great places for fun if you are inviting into your retirement plans and I should have built my back up retirement instead of the illusion of the rest of our lives together until the end of time fairytale and avoid casino free truck parking


[deleted]

[удалено]


Interesting-Wind2699

Oh, and don't think that truck driving is non physical it's a physical job sometimes you need to unload or tail gate the pallet with a hand jack and drop and hook trailers and jamming gears 11 hours takes a lot of effort and will wear you down and holidays weekends vacation forget that it a 24/7 365 day job if your wheels ain't rolling you are not earning most especially rookies are paid by the mile. And if you have someone special kiss them good bye you're now a single person because long distance relationships don't work they get lonely and suspect you are to and if you're going to cheat so are they believe me that is why I am homeless and she kept me clueless while I paid her daughters college and bought her a house then her Sancho an attorney takes everything so get a pre nup if you are going to marry.


PitchWitty8049

Definitely gonna get a prenup otherwise I am not interested. Most of my life I have been doing physical work I don’t mind the hard work. There is a lot of money to be made in construction where I live not enough houses and too many people.


Interesting-Wind2699

But construction is seasonal in general, and unemployment during the wet season, I've been down that road too it's great money but if you are not saving for winter tough titty said the kitty when the milk runs dry.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Interesting-Wind2699

Depending on most new forms, plumbing is installed before and during the sticks as some builders call them frames or framing is done. Maintenance is a great job to get into apartments you get discounted or free rent and a paycheck or property manager. However, in the trucking industry, there's already automated robo 18 wheelers out there like robo taxis, so managers will be replaced by a kiosk and prefab manufacturer home built by machinery. I would be trained in binarie code and mechanical engineering because the rise of machines is really happening. I know for sure they are building termination units this very day at area 51 for war, robocops, and tanks operated by AI after you get replaced by a machine do you think they are going to give welfare to everyone that is why they are building termination units. POPULATION CONTROL


PitchWitty8049

Can’t be living life scared.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AskOldPeople-ModTeam

Hey /u/Medill1919, thanks for contributing to /r/AskOldPeople. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: Multiple post Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskOldPeople&subject=&message=). Thank you!


[deleted]

[удалено]


AskOldPeople-ModTeam

Hey /u/Medill1919, thanks for contributing to /r/AskOldPeople. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: Multiple post Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskOldPeople&subject=&message=). Thank you!


[deleted]

[удалено]


AskOldPeople-ModTeam

Hey /u/Medill1919, thanks for contributing to /r/AskOldPeople. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: Multiple post Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskOldPeople&subject=&message=). Thank you!


[deleted]

[удалено]


AskOldPeople-ModTeam

Hey /u/Medill1919, thanks for contributing to /r/AskOldPeople. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: Multiple post Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskOldPeople&subject=&message=). Thank you!


Intelligent-Carry-58

I don't.


HelpfulJones

I've got the opposite problem -- How to get people to go away? Don't get me wrong, I understand that most folks crave some form of "company" and I have no problem with others who need that social interaction. That's not me. I'm not like that. I could be a hermit at the end of the world and I would be as happy as a clam.


Something_morepoetic

I volunteer, read, join book clubs, have cats, stayed friends with my kids.


WaywardJake

Honestly, loneliness isn't much of a factor. I've always been quite content keeping my own company, so now that I am unmarried and living alone, there's a freedom and contentment I never when I was surrounded by the plethora of people who were always expecting things from me. That said, on those rare occasions when I do feel lonely, I have people I spend time or touch base with, and while none of them is family in the traditional sense, they are my tribe. Some are from my company, which I joined in 2015. Some are locals I've met since moving to this area in 2016. Several are from the internet, and I've known some of those since 2006. I also had my moggies (cats) from 2006 until 2021, when the last one died of cancer. My ex husband is even still a friend. I also have the people and animals I see and greet when I'm out for my walks. We all recognise each other, and many of us have exchanged meaningful conversations at one point or another. That, all by itself, makes me feel a part of something bigger than me. I often hear people talk about how alone they are when they have a family – a spouse, maybe kids, or even parents still living. (And, I do get that because I know that you can feel more lonely in a crowd than when you're alone.) But here I am, living 6,000 miles away from 'home' with no family to speak of, and I'm about the least lonely person you'll ever meet.


ozzleworth

Hobbies


Any-Type-8017

What do you mean?


ozzleworth

You meet people through doing hobbies. Especially if they take you out of the house. You connect with a community


FireandIceT

Sure do!


BPKofficial

>How often do you keep in touch with family? Do you still talk to your old friends? It seems, IMHO, as people age they get more and more involved with "their own life". I talk to my elderly mother almost daily. My brother has two kids; one is disabled now, and he's always busy. I have a few lifelong friends, and one in particular, we text every weekday to keep in touch. We both watch Jeopardy, and we'll text eachother during Final Jeopardy and see who gets it right.


Handbag_Lady

You water your relationships like a freaking garden. Plant what you can, give what you can, don't be afraid to take when offered. Offer yourself out.


Pandora29

I got divorced in my late 40s and moved to the city about 90 minutes away from where I had been living. I don't have kids and everyone warned me that I would be terrifically lonely. I saw all the headlines about middle-aged women being invisible and undateable. I decided that I would nurture my small network of old friends, and also be happy pursuing my hobbies and quiet evenings of Netflix after work. And I did, but somehow, my life has evolved into a non-stop party with a small inner circle of close friends (and my boyfriend) plus larger concentric rings of social connections in a number of different circles, including friends going back decades and new friends too. It helps to have an outgoing personality, which I realize is not everyone, but also to be intentional about trying to connect with people and taking the time and effort to nurture those connections. I think it is also important to be authentic and focus on those people you truly vibe with. I understand that as the years go on, I will get to stages where it all may become harder, but I am not as worried about it as I used to be. What I have learned is that there all sorts of cool people everywhere hungry for connection and I think you can find them at any age.


Interesting-Wind2699

No but I was born at the start of the Vietnam War seen many military action over the years including the twenty years War we just finished and China is preparing and the United States has been too why do you think all those immigrants flooding the border in caravans and sanctuary cities this country was founded by immigrants and immigrants has come for every war since the Revolutionary War it just a matter of time and we are already in the middle of Russia and Ukraine remember WW2 Germany and UK. US in the Middle supporting the UK then Japan hits US now Russia Ukraine US middle and China hits US history repeated again


RecognitionExpress36

Overcome loneliness? Lol. You *embrace* it. The more relationships I've annihilated, the happier I've become.


TripzNFalls

Family? Friends? Why bother? I've got our pups, don't need anything else. Dogs will never let you down.


jeffro3339

You get different woes. After a while, if I make it safely to & from work, my car doesn't act up, my cats aren't sick, my bills are paid, I guess I can be lonely.


dixiedregs1978

My wife won’t let me be lonely.


Gnarlodious

I don’t. I have too many friends. Need to get rid of some.


Intelligent-Stand838

It seems to be looking after itself. The older I get, the less I want to be around people. I already have my own opinions. Why would I want to hear their's?


Medical_Ad2125b

Loneliness, never gone, only getting worse as I get older. I’m not the social type, and expect to die very lonely.


Hargelbargel

For me, eventually it just went away. Took over 15 years though.


Elegant-Hair-7873

I have good friends that are younger, so they will likely outlive me lol. But I do enjoy my own company.


SlimChiply

I don't


frecklearms1991

I've never had that many friends. The ones I talk to now either in person or online is very small. But I'm so used to it that it really doesn't bother me anymore.


Mash_man710

Why the assumption? Sure, some may experience loneliness but being alone is not the same thing. I've never felt lonely in my entire life.


HumbleAd1317

I hang out with people, but really enjoy my solitude.


icemage_999

Honestly? It's hard. I lean into my hobbies. Karaoke and video games. The former lets me connect with real people in the real world, the latter lets me hang out with online friends (some of whom have become real life friends).


Optimal-Scientist233

Loneliness is only a problem if you get lonely. I am more often someone who enjoys peace and quiet, and seeks out some quality time by myself. I keep in touch with my family more often as I age, and I certainly enjoy the occasional gathering with family. It is exceedingly rare for me to seek out the company of old acquaintances, which often makes it more special and notable to those I do reach out to I feel personally.


IGotFancyPants

I’m somewhat introverted, but still put effort into building and maintaining social ties. I still work full time, so there’s that. I’m also active in my church and 12-step group. I’m not that good at maintaining ties through phone calls and cards for birthdays and Christmas, but some people are really dedicated to that. I was widowed five years ago, and have not dated since, but I’m not lonely. I’m pretty beat by day’s end and am happy to wind down quietly and go to bed.


pepperpat64

I have friends all over the world due to social media. I find them through shared interest groups. Plus two of my siblings live in the same state as I do, and I have several local friends. Make sure to correspond with them regularly even if we don't see other in person aa often as we'd like.


txstepmomagain

I contact old friends occasionally-my current social group is formed mainly of people I’ve met in the past 10-15 years. We’re super active and it’s normal to decline some invitations because of having too many options. I’ve never dealt with loneliness. But I live in a big, vibrant city with tons of things to do and plenty of welcoming, friendly people all around.


Hoposai

I don't get lonely, work hard, and then get home and play with my hobbies, loneliness has never been an issue


Nsg4Him

I don't feel lonely often. I like being alone with my dog. She's great company. I live in a 55 plus apartment community so I can have company with a knock on a door if I want it.


Doughspun1

Was never afflicted with it in the first place. I dislike having to interact with people.


2manyfelines

I see old friends as often as I can, but I also try to make new ones. I also volunteer as an English tutor.


lenaag

Semi-retired on a medical break. I really miss the interaction in person with younger people that work provides. I volunteer, met new people on meetups, I'm very mobile and enjoy the downtown and the possiblities with a rotation of people. Multiple people know that if they want company to drive to a place, I'm probably the first one to call. I've learned to keep interactions positive and only with longtime friends talk about more serious life issues PART of the time, most of our interaction is fun. I now have a knee ligament issue and had a few friends to talk on the phone and catch up. A few invites to people's second homes. Some financial freedom to do little breaks. The day is not structured and full however, as it was when I worked, though I enjoy the freedom now. Most places and pastimes are tailored to working people and weekends. weekdays are harder to fill. Even hiking groups for seniors mostly meet on weekends, when I mostly see my friends who work. I also network for various causes and I made it a mission to do something bigger than what I did in my worrking life which was not small. It works, if you meet people who know people and enjoy introducing you to others. Online and in person. This took a few years to develop, organically. Key is to know the queen bees and eventually you kind of becomee a queen bee.


Wakey_Wakey21

My rescued chihuahua's are the best company and give enormous amounts of unconditional love.


Space_Cranberry

I think I’m not a super social person. I have hobbies — artsy stuff — that keeps my mind active. And I am still in school and audiobooks.


Horror-Morning864

Get drunk and talk to my self or a light pole or maybe a trashcan when I'm Sick of me


phcampbell

I’m an introvert, and there are days that are so busy I just want some me time! Admittedly some of those days involve doctor’s appointments with my Mother.


JohannesLorenz1954

You find the answer, let me now. I'm married and lonely.


pyrofemme

The loneliest I’ve ever been was the 10years I allowed an abusive alcoholic to live with me. I overcame it by putting him out of my life. The stress of living with him nearly killed me. I live alone on my farm now at the end of the road with no neighbors in sight. I have three dogs and a slew of cats. I have a lover that visits me about once a week and another waiting hopefully in the wings waiting to audition. Other than that I see almost no one. I do curbside pick up at Walmart and Aldi once a month and that is my live human contact. I have friends I text with, email to, and talk over the phone with every day. I am not a bit lonely.