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Now that I’m old I have found that (1) I still don’t see well (nearsighted) (2) I forgot what I was thinking and although it looks like I’m staring, I’m trying to remember wtf I was doing/thinking/put my keys (3) I may be staring but I’m really just burned out
I used to poke fun at my Dad because of his ice cream bucket full of meds. Guess who now has a bucket? The poor guy was a zombie in his last few years. Mine occasionally effect me that way, but it's no where near as bad as it used to be.
I’m 42 and I’ve noticed myself staring. I don’t mean it. It’s hard to explain why I am. I just do. I catch myself and look away.
I do stare at my kids. Because, even though they’re 19, 15 and 12, I still can’t believe I made them. I still am amazed. And I still find them so cute.
But for strangers I dunno. I gotta work on that before it gets worse. When I’m stared at I’m so uncomfortable so it’s hypocritical of me to also do it.
I'm 70, and yesterday I caught myself staring at my son playing with his two daughters in the pool. They all looked so beautiful, and they are so unaware of how beautiful they are.
58 here and you took the words from my mouth. My kids are 12 and 16 and, from the day they were born, few sights are as beautiful as their faces. I stare at them constantly with a smile on my face.
Sometimes I find myself doing this with my sons, although they're in their 30s. I can't help but be amazed at who they are, and beneath the surface of being young men I still see glimpses of who they were during all the stages of their lives.
I have all of this, plus a brain disorder that gives me severe vertigo if I'm around too much visual movement (aka in public). Sometimes I stare because I'm locked in my own head, trying not to black out from dizziness and thinking, "Don't look drunk. Don't look drunk." repeatedly while attempting to finish whatever I needed to leave the house for so I don't need to go home and try again later.
Exactly. Just because it looks like you're being stared at doesn't mean you're the focal point. BTW - old public speaking trick is to look at the hair or forehead of members of your audience (if public speaking is one of your fears). In a one-on-one situation, look at the bridge of the nose. Your audience won't be able to tell the difference.
Every young person I see in my life is attached to some very personal and wonderful memories. I see my father in my nephew, and my sister in my grandchild.
We find you amazing, wonderful, nostalgic, and beautiful. You are wonderous creatures, full of life and potential. You are memories and hopes and dreams tied together, regrets and missed opportunity as well as love.
You are so much more than you see, but we have had time to see it all within you.
We aren't staring, we are admiring, remembering, and, in our own way, loving.
Please forgive us if we make you feel uncomfortable.
You made me cry. I can just admire my grand babies for hours. They are just so beautiful. Their smiles and cry faces and naughty faces and peaceful faces. I could go on forever. Lol. I just love them.
It's hard not stare at a young person who I remember as just a bump in my friend's belly, and seeing how they're just so... grown. Like how did you go from being that little thing who used to run around who could barely string a coherent sentence together and now you're damn near an adult?
Granted, it explains why my parents' friends would look at me and my siblings, especially when we got taller than our mother.
God, is that you? Surely no mortal could so perfectly and beautifully explain this truth? Beautiful.
It's like looking through a window of your childhood but the role is being played by different people. We watch with wonder and cherish to see it from a different perspective. There's no judgement, no ego, just love and wonder at the cycle of life. We wish the best for you.
Yes!! I see my father in my son. These younger people amaze me. They are so full of life and possibilities. I catch myself calling my grandson by my son’s name. They look so similar!
Is this why my adopted mom stares at me 😝.
I just feel so uncomfortable when anyone stares at me . I don’t like to be the center of attention. Penelope’s wallflower from Bridgerton resonated with me a lot
If you're feeling uncomfortable when people are looking at you, that is your issue. They aren't doing anything wrong. I mean unless they're staring at you with a grievous, drooling, grin and an odd tick. Then it's time to consider fleeing.
Have you ever been on a stage? Well, some people see Life as a stage and you as a performer. That's how important you really are.
my thing with the staring is that even when I nod and smile at them they just.. continue. to. stare. and it's unnerving and weird. Like I already know I look funny, I don't need more of an inner identity crisis.
It's not that you look funny. (I know you're joking and being humble -- and that's okay.) It's that you are beautiful. You represent so much to them, most especially life and love after loss. You will always be startlingly beautiful to them, a pure joy to watch.
Or bad vision and their eyes need time to focus.
I’ve found my visual clarity is getting worse with age. I recently turned 50.
I was walking next to my sister in law who is in her 30’s. She spotted the object we were looking for, when I passed it right up. She and my brother own a business and I work for them.
My fiancee, same thing, she’s in her early 40’s. She usually picks out grocery items way quicker when we are both looking for the same thing.
I pulled over to rescue a lizard off the road. It wasn't till I poked it with a stick after it didn't move, that I realised it was a piece of tree bark. I recently turned 50.
You made me smile with recognition.
I love getting older, and having eye problems, it makes life more interesting. stuff gets funnier. Mishearing makes for more interesting conversations.
The saying 'God makes our eyes go, so we don't see the wrinkles in our spouse's faces',
Glad i didn't write my reasons because you expressed so much better
Now that I'm 45, I stare both young kids but old people too, putting myself in their place and even trying to see my very young daughter as one of them. What will I be thinking feeling at that age.
It only makes me feel uncomfortable if I’m worried somebody’s staring because I’ve done something wrong. As long as we can also share a bit of eye contact and a smile we’re golden :D
Even if it’s family, especially if they’re young/still growing I find myself trying to set the new face into memory. Even though I know what he looks like? When I think of my baby brother it’s him at 9 yrs old that first pops into my head…not a grown man.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I see my sister at least 5 times a week but when I think about her…. She’s not in her 60’s she’s a long haired blond girl in bell bottoms and socks with individual toes circa 1976.
They stare because they were your age just yesterday. They miss being young and full of all of life's possibilities. It is amazing how fast one gets old
They might not even be looking AT you per se. Sometimes, old folks just fixate their eyes in a certain direction, and might not be thinking about you at all - lost in a totally different memory.
I was once sitting, zoned out thinking about something completely random. When I came out of it, I realized my brother in law was now standing in front of me, and my line of sight was his crotch. He just happened to look over as I snapped out of my thoughts and saw where I was staring. That was super awkward lol
It might not be just you. There could be several reasons why older people, including your grandparents, might stare at you:
1. **Curiosity and Interest:** Older people might simply be interested in you. They could be observing how you’ve grown or changed, or they might be curious about your behavior and mannerisms, especially if you don’t see them often.
2. **Declining Social Awareness:** As people age, they sometimes lose some social cues and might not realize that prolonged staring can be uncomfortable for others.
3. **Hearing or Vision Issues:** They might be trying to hear you better or understand what you’re doing if their hearing or vision isn’t as sharp as it used to be.
4. **Reminiscence:** Seeing you might remind them of someone they knew or remind them of their own past. They might be lost in thought or memories while looking at you.
5. **Affection and Concern:** It could also be a sign of affection and concern. They might just enjoy looking at you because they care about you and are happy to see you.
6. **Don't Give a Fuck:** some transcend the world of judgment and simply don't care about social rules anymore.
If it makes you uncomfortable, it’s perfectly okay to gently ask them about it or simply start a conversation to break the silence. This can often help in understanding their perspective and making you feel more at ease.
I’m going to admit that I will sometimes stare at my 5 year old great-granddaughter. I’m in awe of her beauty and let it soak in. And, she reminds me of her mom, my granddaughter and her grandmother, my daughter but still has her very own identity. I’ll also confess that I’m envious of her endless energy and enthusiasm for life and recharge my battery with a stare now and then.
It's not just an "old people" thing, it is an *intelligent person* thing, though older people have better-learned to focus. Looking at something or someone for more than just a brief moment is one way to learn about said subject and better remember it.
I'm looking at who you used to be and how you have turned out to be the wonderful person that I hoped you would. I , as the adult, made the best choices even though at the time I thought that I might be messing up your life. Now my eyes are leaking damn you 🥲
As I’ve gotten older I find young people beautiful. Doesn’t matter what they look like, their beauty is in their youth. I just like seeing the beauty of youth. Nothing more.
First your Grandparents are not all old people. 2nd Sounds like you have no kids. They stare at you because they love you. If it's your mom's parents maybe they see your mom in your face and are flooded with such wonderful memories. Enjoy that precious moment with them where nothing is said. Just an exchange of souls and love.
Your grandparents were a lot cooler than you are. When they look at you they think "When I was that age......." and drift off in some fond memories of surfing, horseback riding, spur of the moment parties with live music, a weekend of white water rafting, water or snow skiing and...well you get the idea. Then they think 'youth is wasted on the young, if I was that age again.'
Making and holding eye contact with someone while in conversation was considered polite and respectful. While looking away was a sign of deceit, looking at your phone or other object a sign of inattention and looking toward the door a sign you wished to be elsewhere. Your grandparents, no doubt, grew up with someone saying " Look at me when I talk to you."
It's amazing how many young people don't seem to understand this.
Absolutely! I'm not a grandparent (yet, if ever). I became a parent a bit later than most and I marvel at my children! I stare at them & their pictures. They don't like it necessarily and I try to respect their wishes, but I can't help it sometimes. They give me a little more grace now that they are young adults.
P.S. Have you ever asked them in a non-confrontational tone why they are staring? Try it! Maybe the answer will surprise you.
Our generation grew up using people watching as an entertainment. We don’t need constantly changing screens to hold our attention. Normal average life is very exciting.
Just looking at you. Lighten the fuck up. Probably not even looking at you anyway. Maybe they thought you were their inconsiderate fucking grandson that never calls even when you send the little cocksucker $100 for his birthday.
People can look wherever they want. Just get over your self.
Staring is just eyes that seem to look in your direction. They could be zoning out. Maybe on medication. Maybe looking at something behind you. They may not even have the 20-20 vision to see you clearly.
Back before internet it is how we observed the world , showed interest or appreciation or made decisions about intentions or potential need. There can be a smile or nice expression involved . Now days we may also find ourselves reminiscing , remembering or genuinely enjoying people, the life happening all around us and may even be readying a compliment that we must now navigate not sharing (or a good comeback 😅we are keeping to ourselves )
I’m remembering when I’m looking at my grandchildren. Remembering what they looked like as infants, toddlers, and with my oldest, pre-teens.
I’m thinking about who they resemble, and at the same time, how unique they are. I’m realizing how we all change in appearance with time, and realizing that we don’t really see it in ourselves.
I’m never judging; I’m admiring biology and the the wonder of being human. I’m dwelling on the deep love I feel for them.
I’m admiring them and being thankful for getting to see my extended family, something I never had until I had my daughter, since I’m the only child of older, only children, meaning I never met my grandparents and didn’t have aunts, uncles or cousins.
I don’t stare at other younger people, but I will give them a quick, kind, approving smile, especially if they’re teens with blue hair and their own, unique style.
I’m basically just feeling so much love for my grandchildren that it’s hard to look away. I will stop watching them if they begin to appear uncomfortable. If they asked why I keep looking at them (they haven’t), I’d tell them it’s because I think they’re so cool.
I do know some people my age will judge, and if you’re sensing judgment, that sucks.
The only person I can judge is myself.
I would love to be able to stare at my long departed grandpa. I saw world and family history in his face, wrapped up with loving memories and smiles. Great food, Greek music playing on the victrola, as he called it, and the raw intelligence he possessed along with an incredible memory. Now I'm crying.
I was sitting at an outdoor Cafe one time, watching whales in the bay. Suddenly this dude approaches me and rudely asks why I'm staring at his girlfriend. They were sitting about 20 degrees to my right and out about 30 ft. I was looking beyond them out into the bay over a half mile away where orcas were playing. I had only just noticed them. I knew they (people) were there but I wasn't looking at them. But according to them I was being a creepy old man. Must be a real drag to live with a big chip on your shoulder all the time. Or be suspicious of everything. Or, have to show off for your girlfriend beating your chest like a little boy. Because that's what the experience was.
One thing I've learned in life, the problem is mine, not theirs. If I see somebody looking my direction and they're obviously continuing to do so, I look behind me to see if there might be an aerobatic aircraft or something I'm missing out on behind me. I don't automatically make it all about myself.
I stare because I can't hear you and I'm reading your lips. My hearing is shot (yours will be too if you don't turn down the music) and you use slang that I'm not hip to and maybe you don't enunciate...
Also, you're a wonderful reminder of many great thing in my past.
I must do this. Sometimes I see a young BF/GF and it brings back memories of my relationships when I was young, a long time ago.
When I see a happy family, I see what I missed out on.
When I see a happy couple I see what I once had.
When I see small children playing I like to watch them. It reminds me of my nieces and nephews and how much fun we had.
I am all alone now, I don't mean to creep anyone out. I'll try not to do it.
Younger people have a problem with eye contact or even slightly looking at someone. Yall literally live your life as if you're not supposed to look at anyone. What yall call staring is literally just looking at someone. Perhaps do the Kanye thing and cover your face in public so that no one can see you. Otherwise get over people using their eyeballs for the intended use.
The first thought is that people watching is kind of fun. But not in a judgmental way, just what are people doing, where are they going. The other thought it that they enjoy watching people have fun, or maybe it took them back into some memory of another time -watching kids, for instance, might bring back a thought of their own now adult kids.
As for your grandpa and grandma -they adore you, and are soaking in every bit of you while still on this earth.
It's just you.
At a bus top a while back I sort of wanted to talk to a young African-American man because he was in his work uniform and I kind of wanted to apply to that place, but I was shy to ask him about his job and how he liked it. Still I thought he looked pretty sharp in his uniform, but it was a long wait for the bus and I made up my mind not to ask him. I kind of forgot he was even there.
Finally he turns on me and wants to know why I kept looking at him. I said I'm just waiting for the bus. I was thinking though that I really am an asshole who didn't know how to behave in public.
The bus eventually arrived, I sat way way behind him in the usual part of the bus I prefer, and forgot all about him, for a second time.
A while later, another oldish white man sat directly behind him, (it being a public bus and getting more crowded), and five minutes later, he jumps up and angrily complains that *this* man was staring at him!
So, yeah, it's you.
Sometimes you're just lost in a memory or something. I see kids playing and it makes me think about my own kids when they were little and memories will come up. You don't always know you are staring.
We’re wondering if you’re the result of one of the escapades of our misspent youth, lol. Or maybe we’re just having a senior moment and trying to remember where we left our glasses.
For me, it because sometimes when I’m looking at someone/something my mind drifts to something else. So, it’s not YOU I’m staring at, it your earring that reminded me of a concert I went to in my youth or something.
Same reason your dog looks at you and you stare at your dogs They love you and are getting happy hormones from doing it. Looking at someone you love feels nice, specially if they don't see you a lot. Throw in failing eyesight and if their hearing is going looking at your face can help them understand what you are saying. But either way it means they are interested in you.
I'm 61 and sometimes we see what you're doing and we know what's going to happen, so I've just elbowed my buddy and told him to "watch this shit" and we don't want to miss a second of it.
You ever look at your pet when it’s just enjoying itself doing something and stare at it and think things like “how cute are they? How did their parents ever get together to produce this creature? Look at them playing with their little toys! Look at them talking to the other pets! What would they be doing if I wasn’t in their life?”
Same thing, but you’re not a pet.
Vision problems, focus, and IF they have Dementia or some other ailment sometimes, they are simply trying to figure out what it is they see, or trying to remember what it is called.
It is sometimes very sad and terrifying to watch that happen to someone you know.
N. S
My mother (77) has started doing this at the end of even the most benign conversations. To the point I’ve asked “What? Did you understand me?”. It really weirds me out.
I love the way this thread is so full of compassion, heartfelt. No one is being mean, or snarky. We old people were once young people, full of places to go, people to see, and things to do.
Now we're taking it slower, savoring the time we have left. If we're staring, it may because we're marveling at the energy young people have with places to go, people to see, things to do, and wish we were young. or maybe we're happy where we are now. No offense meant in staring. <3
A friend of mine required some pretty strong meds that left his cognitive abilities impaired. He would just stare at me for a long time before responding to questions. There was a playground included with his apartment complex and one of the young mothers complained to management that he was staring at her kids (he was at the designated smoking area) and he had to move out. So I’m going to say staring could be a result of impairment of some sort…or you might have odd hair and say silly things. :-)
1) Poor eyesight, need a second to focus.
2) Slower cognitive functions, need a second to figure out what they’re looking at.
3) Just spacing out, looking at no one in particular but you happened to be in front of them.
4) No more shame.
I do all of the above and I’m not even that old yet (or so I like to think).
We are not necessarily staring, but ruminating. Happens to me all the time, I'll come out of my thinking session and find I'm looking directly toward someone, even though I wasn't looking "at" them. I try not to do that as I know it can make people uncomfortable, but it still happens. While I'm old now, it's something I've always done, get lost in my thoughts. Perhaps I'm just weird.
For me, it's just really poor vision. Even when wearing glasses, I don't see well. My neighbor told me he was waving at me while I was in the pool and staring in his direction. I literally didn't see him. Fortunately, he knows how blind I am without glasses and laughed it off.
Sometimes I (inadvertently) stare because as I’ve grown older I’ve begun to see more beauty in each human being and some people just knock me out. I will also stare out of shock if I see a person who reminds me of someone else, especially if they’re dead. Finally, I will stare in a disapproving mom-like way if I see someone acting out/speaking in cruelty, etc.
Sometimes your offspring remind you of different relatives. It can be a facial expression or a mannerism reminding them on their great uncle or their grandmother. Or even themselves or their spouse. You could always just ask what’s going through their minds at that moment. It might spur an interesting conversation!
I look at my baby who is 24 and I see her at one day old sometimes.....and sometimes I look longer because I like the outfit or makeup. And sometimes you just might be put together super cool. That would be GQ .
With me it isn't from malice. Or since I'm getting old , maybe I remembered something right then.
Good gosh I'm pretty much convinced this is a whole bunch of young people talking right now. Why do soldiers when they come back from war stare why do people who've seen the relatives murdered, why do people have been through horrible life experiences stare. If you're going to jump on somebody else's horse you sure you know how to ride one on your own.
Maintaining a gaze is necessarily not staring. Maybe generations who grew up with less face to face social interaction have a different perception of the socially appropriate length of time to maintain a gaze.
If it’s your grandparents specifically and you don’t socialize with them super frequently, maybe they just love you and enjoy looking at you.
You're speaking at me. I've started to apologize to people because I find or have found myself zoned out not really looking at the person but it looks like I am. I also take a medication that can make me stare at nothing/something without me realizing. Sorry. It's not you.
Strangers often remind me of someone. I can stare at someone for an hurrying to place who they remind me of. I mean, I know this 20-something isn’t “that girl I knew in high school”. But if I could just place who she looks like….
We actually aren’t looking *at you,* our eyes just settle on whatever is around and then we faze out really hard. Usually trying to remember what was happening.
There is symptom that many medical professionals call “reduced gaze” which can be a sign of dementia (and other neurological conditions). It’s that thing that some people have where they seem to be staring, not blinking, not tracking, seemingly not engaging. Joe Biden during the debate the other day was a perfect example. It’s often the one of the first symptoms loved ones see - what the dementia patient calls hogwash.
Im 66, my 90 year old mother sometimes looks like her head is frozen, never blinking, mouth open, zoned out, expressionless. She doesnt experience what Im seeing. If we are out for dinner, or church or visting I'll gently touch her hand and quietly say "mum" and she'll unfreeze.
Of course, this is a very specific type of staring.
When I find myself staring, it's more lost in thought. Remembering when you were young things like that.
With others it's just lost in thought and not really staring at you.
I'm 51
My son was sitting across from me, recently and ask why I was staring at him. I wasn't, I was totally zoned out, thinking of other things, what I needed to get at the store that day, what I'm going to make for dinner, etc.
Sometimes, in just day dreaming.
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Now that I’m old I have found that (1) I still don’t see well (nearsighted) (2) I forgot what I was thinking and although it looks like I’m staring, I’m trying to remember wtf I was doing/thinking/put my keys (3) I may be staring but I’m really just burned out
My dad was just fucked up from all the medications he had to take, plus all the things you said haha I miss my dad.
I used to poke fun at my Dad because of his ice cream bucket full of meds. Guess who now has a bucket? The poor guy was a zombie in his last few years. Mine occasionally effect me that way, but it's no where near as bad as it used to be.
Wait until you need pain killers or something that screws with your other meds. "Fart or Shit" isn't a fun game, I'd rather play my playstation.
I’m 42 and I’ve noticed myself staring. I don’t mean it. It’s hard to explain why I am. I just do. I catch myself and look away. I do stare at my kids. Because, even though they’re 19, 15 and 12, I still can’t believe I made them. I still am amazed. And I still find them so cute. But for strangers I dunno. I gotta work on that before it gets worse. When I’m stared at I’m so uncomfortable so it’s hypocritical of me to also do it.
I'm 70, and yesterday I caught myself staring at my son playing with his two daughters in the pool. They all looked so beautiful, and they are so unaware of how beautiful they are.
Aw I love this.
I feel this is more watching. Staring implies unwavering gaze I guess is the best I can describe it.
58 here and you took the words from my mouth. My kids are 12 and 16 and, from the day they were born, few sights are as beautiful as their faces. I stare at them constantly with a smile on my face.
31 and 34 and I’ve never seen anything as beautiful.
I’m so glad I’m not alone. I thought it was just me who did that.
Youth really is beautiful - we're all hardwired to appreciate it.
Sometimes I find myself doing this with my sons, although they're in their 30s. I can't help but be amazed at who they are, and beneath the surface of being young men I still see glimpses of who they were during all the stages of their lives.
This is how I see my kids too.
LOL perfect answer
I have all of this, plus a brain disorder that gives me severe vertigo if I'm around too much visual movement (aka in public). Sometimes I stare because I'm locked in my own head, trying not to black out from dizziness and thinking, "Don't look drunk. Don't look drunk." repeatedly while attempting to finish whatever I needed to leave the house for so I don't need to go home and try again later.
You forgot the "WTF" stare when people we live are just doing something stupid. LoL 😆
This but also they may just be loving you from afar or.. admiring your youth. Youth is beautiful. Let us at least look!! lol!
Yeah, this. Or I'm having trouble seeing you and trying to bring you into focus.
Exactly. Just because it looks like you're being stared at doesn't mean you're the focal point. BTW - old public speaking trick is to look at the hair or forehead of members of your audience (if public speaking is one of your fears). In a one-on-one situation, look at the bridge of the nose. Your audience won't be able to tell the difference.
Yup. As I get older, I blank out like an orange cat.
Every young person I see in my life is attached to some very personal and wonderful memories. I see my father in my nephew, and my sister in my grandchild. We find you amazing, wonderful, nostalgic, and beautiful. You are wonderous creatures, full of life and potential. You are memories and hopes and dreams tied together, regrets and missed opportunity as well as love. You are so much more than you see, but we have had time to see it all within you. We aren't staring, we are admiring, remembering, and, in our own way, loving. Please forgive us if we make you feel uncomfortable.
You made me cry. I can just admire my grand babies for hours. They are just so beautiful. Their smiles and cry faces and naughty faces and peaceful faces. I could go on forever. Lol. I just love them.
It's hard not stare at a young person who I remember as just a bump in my friend's belly, and seeing how they're just so... grown. Like how did you go from being that little thing who used to run around who could barely string a coherent sentence together and now you're damn near an adult? Granted, it explains why my parents' friends would look at me and my siblings, especially when we got taller than our mother.
This is the rudiment of grief, beautifully written.
God, is that you? Surely no mortal could so perfectly and beautifully explain this truth? Beautiful. It's like looking through a window of your childhood but the role is being played by different people. We watch with wonder and cherish to see it from a different perspective. There's no judgement, no ego, just love and wonder at the cycle of life. We wish the best for you.
Yes!! I see my father in my son. These younger people amaze me. They are so full of life and possibilities. I catch myself calling my grandson by my son’s name. They look so similar!
This person Halmarks
You said that beautifully and it's true 💗
Is this why my adopted mom stares at me 😝. I just feel so uncomfortable when anyone stares at me . I don’t like to be the center of attention. Penelope’s wallflower from Bridgerton resonated with me a lot
I definitely stare at my kid. She is my heart, everything I love most in the world all wrapped up in her own person. I am in awe.
She is my heart….well put! I know that feeling but could not figure out how to express it. Thank you.
Probably, just in wonder and wondering how she got so lucky. Smile back!
I definitely do :)
If you're feeling uncomfortable when people are looking at you, that is your issue. They aren't doing anything wrong. I mean unless they're staring at you with a grievous, drooling, grin and an odd tick. Then it's time to consider fleeing. Have you ever been on a stage? Well, some people see Life as a stage and you as a performer. That's how important you really are.
Haha that made me laugh. You’re right.
my thing with the staring is that even when I nod and smile at them they just.. continue. to. stare. and it's unnerving and weird. Like I already know I look funny, I don't need more of an inner identity crisis.
It's not that you look funny. (I know you're joking and being humble -- and that's okay.) It's that you are beautiful. You represent so much to them, most especially life and love after loss. You will always be startlingly beautiful to them, a pure joy to watch.
I appreciate that but can you do me a favor and pass out the memo for the others to at least acknowledge the smile or greeting? lol
Trust me- to them you look heavenly
Damn. That pulled at the heart.
This is very true. l love to look at my kids and grandkids faces, especially when they're happy or having fun or just existing!
Why am I crying?
But sometimes it's dementia.
Or bad vision and their eyes need time to focus. I’ve found my visual clarity is getting worse with age. I recently turned 50. I was walking next to my sister in law who is in her 30’s. She spotted the object we were looking for, when I passed it right up. She and my brother own a business and I work for them. My fiancee, same thing, she’s in her early 40’s. She usually picks out grocery items way quicker when we are both looking for the same thing.
I pulled over to rescue a lizard off the road. It wasn't till I poked it with a stick after it didn't move, that I realised it was a piece of tree bark. I recently turned 50.
You made me smile with recognition. I love getting older, and having eye problems, it makes life more interesting. stuff gets funnier. Mishearing makes for more interesting conversations. The saying 'God makes our eyes go, so we don't see the wrinkles in our spouse's faces',
I'm glad you recused it even if it was just bark
That's so understandable given how many lizards are evolved for tree/branch camouflage! Thank you for looking out for critters.
That is so very beautiful. Thank you !
My eyes are leaking
That's beautiful. And true.
Damn, now I'm crying.
Well I’m crying. This is beautiful. My heart just swelled up. Thanks for this.
Glad i didn't write my reasons because you expressed so much better Now that I'm 45, I stare both young kids but old people too, putting myself in their place and even trying to see my very young daughter as one of them. What will I be thinking feeling at that age.
That's such a splendid explanation. Thank you.
It only makes me feel uncomfortable if I’m worried somebody’s staring because I’ve done something wrong. As long as we can also share a bit of eye contact and a smile we’re golden :D
We aren’t staring, we’re zoned out.
I’ve been doing this my whole life. Is this not a thing anymore with the young ones? I certainly didn’t start when I got older lol
If it’s family, I just want to look at them. If it’s strangers I’m trying to focus to see their features. Do I know them?
Even if it’s family, especially if they’re young/still growing I find myself trying to set the new face into memory. Even though I know what he looks like? When I think of my baby brother it’s him at 9 yrs old that first pops into my head…not a grown man.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I see my sister at least 5 times a week but when I think about her…. She’s not in her 60’s she’s a long haired blond girl in bell bottoms and socks with individual toes circa 1976.
We’re just treasuring you. (Also too maybe we grew up making a lot more eye contact than the current generation?)
Trying to see through the cataracts.
This made me chuckle lol
A laser did the trick for me, aids in my ears, feel almost normal again.
They stare because they were your age just yesterday. They miss being young and full of all of life's possibilities. It is amazing how fast one gets old
They might not even be looking AT you per se. Sometimes, old folks just fixate their eyes in a certain direction, and might not be thinking about you at all - lost in a totally different memory.
I was once sitting, zoned out thinking about something completely random. When I came out of it, I realized my brother in law was now standing in front of me, and my line of sight was his crotch. He just happened to look over as I snapped out of my thoughts and saw where I was staring. That was super awkward lol
It might not be just you. There could be several reasons why older people, including your grandparents, might stare at you: 1. **Curiosity and Interest:** Older people might simply be interested in you. They could be observing how you’ve grown or changed, or they might be curious about your behavior and mannerisms, especially if you don’t see them often. 2. **Declining Social Awareness:** As people age, they sometimes lose some social cues and might not realize that prolonged staring can be uncomfortable for others. 3. **Hearing or Vision Issues:** They might be trying to hear you better or understand what you’re doing if their hearing or vision isn’t as sharp as it used to be. 4. **Reminiscence:** Seeing you might remind them of someone they knew or remind them of their own past. They might be lost in thought or memories while looking at you. 5. **Affection and Concern:** It could also be a sign of affection and concern. They might just enjoy looking at you because they care about you and are happy to see you. 6. **Don't Give a Fuck:** some transcend the world of judgment and simply don't care about social rules anymore. If it makes you uncomfortable, it’s perfectly okay to gently ask them about it or simply start a conversation to break the silence. This can often help in understanding their perspective and making you feel more at ease.
#6 - the best part of getting old.
I picked up this particular side effect early. Like 30 years early.
I’m going to admit that I will sometimes stare at my 5 year old great-granddaughter. I’m in awe of her beauty and let it soak in. And, she reminds me of her mom, my granddaughter and her grandmother, my daughter but still has her very own identity. I’ll also confess that I’m envious of her endless energy and enthusiasm for life and recharge my battery with a stare now and then.
It's not just an "old people" thing, it is an *intelligent person* thing, though older people have better-learned to focus. Looking at something or someone for more than just a brief moment is one way to learn about said subject and better remember it.
I'm looking at who you used to be and how you have turned out to be the wonderful person that I hoped you would. I , as the adult, made the best choices even though at the time I thought that I might be messing up your life. Now my eyes are leaking damn you 🥲
As I’ve gotten older I find young people beautiful. Doesn’t matter what they look like, their beauty is in their youth. I just like seeing the beauty of youth. Nothing more.
Youth and energy and sweetness and openness and optimism and joy at life-sweet smiles and sweet voices
First your Grandparents are not all old people. 2nd Sounds like you have no kids. They stare at you because they love you. If it's your mom's parents maybe they see your mom in your face and are flooded with such wonderful memories. Enjoy that precious moment with them where nothing is said. Just an exchange of souls and love.
Your grandparents were a lot cooler than you are. When they look at you they think "When I was that age......." and drift off in some fond memories of surfing, horseback riding, spur of the moment parties with live music, a weekend of white water rafting, water or snow skiing and...well you get the idea. Then they think 'youth is wasted on the young, if I was that age again.'
Making and holding eye contact with someone while in conversation was considered polite and respectful. While looking away was a sign of deceit, looking at your phone or other object a sign of inattention and looking toward the door a sign you wished to be elsewhere. Your grandparents, no doubt, grew up with someone saying " Look at me when I talk to you." It's amazing how many young people don't seem to understand this.
Spot on. The next inane post will be “Why do older people ignore/dismiss younger people?”
We are attempting to focus
You'll figure out that answer on your own someday
This is the accurate response. So many of Reddit’s questions will be answered if you live long enough.
Because the void also states back into us.
I’m trying to figure out what you said. I remember my dad telling me to slow down, I was talking too fast and now I understand. 😁
Absolutely! I'm not a grandparent (yet, if ever). I became a parent a bit later than most and I marvel at my children! I stare at them & their pictures. They don't like it necessarily and I try to respect their wishes, but I can't help it sometimes. They give me a little more grace now that they are young adults. P.S. Have you ever asked them in a non-confrontational tone why they are staring? Try it! Maybe the answer will surprise you.
Because staring is easier than spitting out words you’ll likely ignore anyway.
This. Right here.
My grandma stared. It was like a game to her. Until she would suddenly yell "BOO YOU WHORE' classic, miss her dearly.
We are no longer in a hurry all the time. We have time to really take in sights and sounds. We have time to think.
Our generation grew up using people watching as an entertainment. We don’t need constantly changing screens to hold our attention. Normal average life is very exciting.
Just looking at you. Lighten the fuck up. Probably not even looking at you anyway. Maybe they thought you were their inconsiderate fucking grandson that never calls even when you send the little cocksucker $100 for his birthday. People can look wherever they want. Just get over your self.
We are probably wishing we are as attractive and young as you, again.
Staring is just eyes that seem to look in your direction. They could be zoning out. Maybe on medication. Maybe looking at something behind you. They may not even have the 20-20 vision to see you clearly.
We’re simply soaking in memories. They know life is fleeting and want to remember these days as long as possible.
Back before internet it is how we observed the world , showed interest or appreciation or made decisions about intentions or potential need. There can be a smile or nice expression involved . Now days we may also find ourselves reminiscing , remembering or genuinely enjoying people, the life happening all around us and may even be readying a compliment that we must now navigate not sharing (or a good comeback 😅we are keeping to ourselves )
I’m remembering when I’m looking at my grandchildren. Remembering what they looked like as infants, toddlers, and with my oldest, pre-teens. I’m thinking about who they resemble, and at the same time, how unique they are. I’m realizing how we all change in appearance with time, and realizing that we don’t really see it in ourselves. I’m never judging; I’m admiring biology and the the wonder of being human. I’m dwelling on the deep love I feel for them. I’m admiring them and being thankful for getting to see my extended family, something I never had until I had my daughter, since I’m the only child of older, only children, meaning I never met my grandparents and didn’t have aunts, uncles or cousins. I don’t stare at other younger people, but I will give them a quick, kind, approving smile, especially if they’re teens with blue hair and their own, unique style. I’m basically just feeling so much love for my grandchildren that it’s hard to look away. I will stop watching them if they begin to appear uncomfortable. If they asked why I keep looking at them (they haven’t), I’d tell them it’s because I think they’re so cool. I do know some people my age will judge, and if you’re sensing judgment, that sucks. The only person I can judge is myself.
I would love to be able to stare at my long departed grandpa. I saw world and family history in his face, wrapped up with loving memories and smiles. Great food, Greek music playing on the victrola, as he called it, and the raw intelligence he possessed along with an incredible memory. Now I'm crying.
"how do you know they are staring at you , if you're not staring at them?" 🤣
I was sitting at an outdoor Cafe one time, watching whales in the bay. Suddenly this dude approaches me and rudely asks why I'm staring at his girlfriend. They were sitting about 20 degrees to my right and out about 30 ft. I was looking beyond them out into the bay over a half mile away where orcas were playing. I had only just noticed them. I knew they (people) were there but I wasn't looking at them. But according to them I was being a creepy old man. Must be a real drag to live with a big chip on your shoulder all the time. Or be suspicious of everything. Or, have to show off for your girlfriend beating your chest like a little boy. Because that's what the experience was. One thing I've learned in life, the problem is mine, not theirs. If I see somebody looking my direction and they're obviously continuing to do so, I look behind me to see if there might be an aerobatic aircraft or something I'm missing out on behind me. I don't automatically make it all about myself.
I stare because I can't hear you and I'm reading your lips. My hearing is shot (yours will be too if you don't turn down the music) and you use slang that I'm not hip to and maybe you don't enunciate... Also, you're a wonderful reminder of many great thing in my past.
I must do this. Sometimes I see a young BF/GF and it brings back memories of my relationships when I was young, a long time ago. When I see a happy family, I see what I missed out on. When I see a happy couple I see what I once had. When I see small children playing I like to watch them. It reminds me of my nieces and nephews and how much fun we had. I am all alone now, I don't mean to creep anyone out. I'll try not to do it.
'Cause we're tired and moving our gaze is tiring.
Are you speaking loudly or fidgeting? Some young people really don’t know how loud they are, or how their jittery movements irritate others.
Because our eyesight is not that good anymore.
I'm not staring, I'm just dissociating in your direction.
Same. I stare off into what I think of as space but could be someone there. I'm making my never-ending lists in my head.
Younger people have a problem with eye contact or even slightly looking at someone. Yall literally live your life as if you're not supposed to look at anyone. What yall call staring is literally just looking at someone. Perhaps do the Kanye thing and cover your face in public so that no one can see you. Otherwise get over people using their eyeballs for the intended use.
Yes, thank you!
The first thought is that people watching is kind of fun. But not in a judgmental way, just what are people doing, where are they going. The other thought it that they enjoy watching people have fun, or maybe it took them back into some memory of another time -watching kids, for instance, might bring back a thought of their own now adult kids. As for your grandpa and grandma -they adore you, and are soaking in every bit of you while still on this earth.
for me its mental buffering. If you look closer, you'd see that the lights are on, but I've accidently slipped gears.
It's just you. At a bus top a while back I sort of wanted to talk to a young African-American man because he was in his work uniform and I kind of wanted to apply to that place, but I was shy to ask him about his job and how he liked it. Still I thought he looked pretty sharp in his uniform, but it was a long wait for the bus and I made up my mind not to ask him. I kind of forgot he was even there. Finally he turns on me and wants to know why I kept looking at him. I said I'm just waiting for the bus. I was thinking though that I really am an asshole who didn't know how to behave in public. The bus eventually arrived, I sat way way behind him in the usual part of the bus I prefer, and forgot all about him, for a second time. A while later, another oldish white man sat directly behind him, (it being a public bus and getting more crowded), and five minutes later, he jumps up and angrily complains that *this* man was staring at him! So, yeah, it's you.
I'm an old bastard and I can tell you why we do this. We're high as fuck son.
Wondering why the hell your hair is blue.
Don’t worry.The drugs are just making you paranoid.
We are looking at the long ago times, or perhaps having an old fart moment.
4 eye surgeries. Am I sure of what I think I'm seeing?
Sometimes you're just lost in a memory or something. I see kids playing and it makes me think about my own kids when they were little and memories will come up. You don't always know you are staring.
We’re wondering if you’re the result of one of the escapades of our misspent youth, lol. Or maybe we’re just having a senior moment and trying to remember where we left our glasses.
For me, it because sometimes when I’m looking at someone/something my mind drifts to something else. So, it’s not YOU I’m staring at, it your earring that reminded me of a concert I went to in my youth or something.
The Eyes are the Windows to The Mind. It freaks some folks out...
It could honestly be admiration. Your life is so much different than theirs at your age.
I’m semi old and find myself staring at my kids. Thinking wow that beautiful kid is mine I made that!
Same reason your dog looks at you and you stare at your dogs They love you and are getting happy hormones from doing it. Looking at someone you love feels nice, specially if they don't see you a lot. Throw in failing eyesight and if their hearing is going looking at your face can help them understand what you are saying. But either way it means they are interested in you.
I'm 61 and sometimes we see what you're doing and we know what's going to happen, so I've just elbowed my buddy and told him to "watch this shit" and we don't want to miss a second of it.
You ever look at your pet when it’s just enjoying itself doing something and stare at it and think things like “how cute are they? How did their parents ever get together to produce this creature? Look at them playing with their little toys! Look at them talking to the other pets! What would they be doing if I wasn’t in their life?” Same thing, but you’re not a pet.
A lot of older people are a little blind and they truly are trying to figure out if they know you or you may remind them of someone.
We’re not staring we’re just spacing out and you’re in our line of sight
Ahhh, yes. The vanity of youth. Can’t wait for old age to codwollop OP upside the head and some zygote starts crying that “OP is just staring at me!”
They’re probably not staring at you. It’s called the middle distance & a lot of people stare into the middle distance when lost in thought.
The War
It's not staring if you only look once./s
You just think we’re staring. We haven’t been able to focus yet. lol
We are thinking about the best way to rob you.
65m. I don’t stare at anyone ever. It’s fucking creepy.
Vision problems, focus, and IF they have Dementia or some other ailment sometimes, they are simply trying to figure out what it is they see, or trying to remember what it is called. It is sometimes very sad and terrifying to watch that happen to someone you know. N. S
we dont want to miss the little changes we had no time for earlier in life
My mother (77) has started doing this at the end of even the most benign conversations. To the point I’ve asked “What? Did you understand me?”. It really weirds me out.
It takes time to register in the brain and when it does, it leaves quickly for the next visual clue…. Their not being rude
I stare, mostly unnoticed (I hope) at my wife and kids thinking, "Holy shit! how did I arrive at this point of my life?"
I love the way this thread is so full of compassion, heartfelt. No one is being mean, or snarky. We old people were once young people, full of places to go, people to see, and things to do. Now we're taking it slower, savoring the time we have left. If we're staring, it may because we're marveling at the energy young people have with places to go, people to see, things to do, and wish we were young. or maybe we're happy where we are now. No offense meant in staring. <3
A friend of mine required some pretty strong meds that left his cognitive abilities impaired. He would just stare at me for a long time before responding to questions. There was a playground included with his apartment complex and one of the young mothers complained to management that he was staring at her kids (he was at the designated smoking area) and he had to move out. So I’m going to say staring could be a result of impairment of some sort…or you might have odd hair and say silly things. :-)
i'm thinking and you're just in the way. you're not that important or interesting to be stared at, kid.
1) Poor eyesight, need a second to focus. 2) Slower cognitive functions, need a second to figure out what they’re looking at. 3) Just spacing out, looking at no one in particular but you happened to be in front of them. 4) No more shame. I do all of the above and I’m not even that old yet (or so I like to think).
Stop it. Young people eating gummies stare more than me
We are not necessarily staring, but ruminating. Happens to me all the time, I'll come out of my thinking session and find I'm looking directly toward someone, even though I wasn't looking "at" them. I try not to do that as I know it can make people uncomfortable, but it still happens. While I'm old now, it's something I've always done, get lost in my thoughts. Perhaps I'm just weird.
They're tired, and they have fewer interesting things to look at.
I know my kids get tired of me staring at them, but I’m at awe on who they are becoming and that they are a part of me.
Probably thinking back to when they were younger and had their whole life ahead of them
For me, it's just really poor vision. Even when wearing glasses, I don't see well. My neighbor told me he was waving at me while I was in the pool and staring in his direction. I literally didn't see him. Fortunately, he knows how blind I am without glasses and laughed it off.
Sometimes I (inadvertently) stare because as I’ve grown older I’ve begun to see more beauty in each human being and some people just knock me out. I will also stare out of shock if I see a person who reminds me of someone else, especially if they’re dead. Finally, I will stare in a disapproving mom-like way if I see someone acting out/speaking in cruelty, etc.
I have no idea you might consider me old at 65 but pretty sure I don’t do that
Pictures
Not looking at you. Inside my mind.
Sometimes I stare because I am so thankful for the person I am gazing at
Sometimes your offspring remind you of different relatives. It can be a facial expression or a mannerism reminding them on their great uncle or their grandmother. Or even themselves or their spouse. You could always just ask what’s going through their minds at that moment. It might spur an interesting conversation!
We are trying to adjust our eyes and see if we recognize you!💕 old people stare at each other too. Carry on.😊
I think it’s because that can’t believe what they are seeing. It also depends on what you consider old. Maybe the question should be “ older people…”
Did you watch the debate
Bad eyesight
I look at my baby who is 24 and I see her at one day old sometimes.....and sometimes I look longer because I like the outfit or makeup. And sometimes you just might be put together super cool. That would be GQ . With me it isn't from malice. Or since I'm getting old , maybe I remembered something right then.
I’m 71 and don’t stare at anyone! But why do young people spend so much time in the bathroom
good question, Probably on their phones or looking at themselves in the mirror
If the person they are staring at is talking, they may be concentrating, struggling to hear.
Do you have breasts?
Sorry I was mentally refactoring a faster method to code something I was working on last week. Last week me was an idiot. Oh shit I’m staring
They probably need a good 45 seconds to even focus lol
It takes longer to focus to see further back in their past.
You young people do it too, but it's just at your cell phone.
Good gosh I'm pretty much convinced this is a whole bunch of young people talking right now. Why do soldiers when they come back from war stare why do people who've seen the relatives murdered, why do people have been through horrible life experiences stare. If you're going to jump on somebody else's horse you sure you know how to ride one on your own.
I could stare at my grandchildren all day. Your grandparents love you more than they love their children. Enjoy the love. They will be gone too soon.
They are thinking back to when they were your age.
I’m usually just really stoned & spacing out.
Maintaining a gaze is necessarily not staring. Maybe generations who grew up with less face to face social interaction have a different perception of the socially appropriate length of time to maintain a gaze. If it’s your grandparents specifically and you don’t socialize with them super frequently, maybe they just love you and enjoy looking at you.
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Same. They told me it was rude to stare.
You can explain most odd behaviors of old people with “they spaced off.”
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It's not staring, the Oxy is kicking in and I'm seeing MASH reruns.
Huh? What did you say?
Are they staring at you? Or just staring off into space? And their heads are pointed in your direction?
We can’t see, takes a minute to focus. Of course you might be cute too, old folks have no chill they stare at things they like. 😃
I am old too and I stare too but only people that is interesting and not to annoy them :) just a bad habit coming from a lonely life perhaps
You're speaking at me. I've started to apologize to people because I find or have found myself zoned out not really looking at the person but it looks like I am. I also take a medication that can make me stare at nothing/something without me realizing. Sorry. It's not you.
Strangers often remind me of someone. I can stare at someone for an hurrying to place who they remind me of. I mean, I know this 20-something isn’t “that girl I knew in high school”. But if I could just place who she looks like….
Most of the time we are staring thinking to ourselves, " That person looks familiar. Where have I seen them before?"
It’s probably cos we’re trying to remember what it was we were going to say
Sadly accurate!
We actually aren’t looking *at you,* our eyes just settle on whatever is around and then we faze out really hard. Usually trying to remember what was happening.
They think they're invisible because most of the time they are.
There is symptom that many medical professionals call “reduced gaze” which can be a sign of dementia (and other neurological conditions). It’s that thing that some people have where they seem to be staring, not blinking, not tracking, seemingly not engaging. Joe Biden during the debate the other day was a perfect example. It’s often the one of the first symptoms loved ones see - what the dementia patient calls hogwash. Im 66, my 90 year old mother sometimes looks like her head is frozen, never blinking, mouth open, zoned out, expressionless. She doesnt experience what Im seeing. If we are out for dinner, or church or visting I'll gently touch her hand and quietly say "mum" and she'll unfreeze. Of course, this is a very specific type of staring.
If you noticed that they were staring, then why are you staring at them 🤔
When I find myself staring, it's more lost in thought. Remembering when you were young things like that. With others it's just lost in thought and not really staring at you.
We're wondering what drugs you are on today.
I'm 51 My son was sitting across from me, recently and ask why I was staring at him. I wasn't, I was totally zoned out, thinking of other things, what I needed to get at the store that day, what I'm going to make for dinner, etc. Sometimes, in just day dreaming.
Cause we don’t care & we’re not staring at you.