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I don't think I would "call them out." If I know someone has depression and I haven't heard from them, I'd be checking in. Not calling out.
I don't expect my friends' worlds to revolve around me. If they're going through something with their mental health, that has nothing to do with me. Calling them out implies that I should be offended by their depression, which is a weird stance to take on friendship.
I don’t. Unless it’s a close friend, I leave people who ghost me to their own devices. It’s not my job to continue trying to communicate with them.
If it’s someone I care about, I just address it directly to find out what’s going and work towards a solution.
You don’t “call them out”. That’s pretty shitty.
How bout *you* reach out? “Just was thinkin bout ya.” Every few days.
If her having gaps in communication is unacceptable to you, then next time she ghosts you, that’s it. If she writes back, you have a few options:
1. Use [I Statements](https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/words-matter-you-vs-i/) to set boundaries. “I know you’re struggling, but I need something from you regularly so I know you’re ok. Even if you just tell me you’re having a bad mental week so I know what to expect.”
2. Use [I Statements](https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/words-matter-you-vs-i/) to end the friendship. “I’m sorry you were sick, but I need something more attentive. I’m glad you’re feeling better and I’ll see you around.”
3. Ghost her back
Give it time. Write a script of what you want to say, and revise it as many times as it takes to feel good about it. Then either call, text or email it to them. Be sincere - it’s ok to voice your worth & feelings & very possible to do so without being inflammatory or spiteful.
Please don’t do this. If you need to voice your feelings on this, do it in a journal and with a therapist. This advice will end up feeling shameful to her, possibly spinning her out more.
I disagree. Being depressed doesn’t give someone a free pass to just not communicate.
The reason I answered this question is because a.) I suffer from depression and b.) I’ve been ghosted by a friend who also suffers from depression. We’re still human beings, we still appreciate when our friends hold us to standards and speak respectfully to us about their feelings.
It’s not a demand for a full in-depth synopsis of why you ghosted. It’s, “Hey - I need a pass on this one. Don’t feel like talking about it but wanted you to know so that you aren’t stranded alone in a strange city” - for example.
Editing to clarify - I’m reading this as a close relationship, and also wanting to stress that concern/love for them & the relationship is the primary reason for reaching out.
Not exactly. One is improper behavior towards someone with depression and one is an accepted tenet of mental health care. Interrogating and insulting someone suffering from depression leads to suicide, SH, continued suffering, and deepening suffering.
You have **NO** right to answers.
Respectful & loving communication ≠ interrogating & insulting. As someone go suffers from depression and has many relationships with others who suffer, our communication style works perfectly for us.
I’m glad it “works” for you, and it’s fine to set boundaries, but yeah, forcing someone to communicate with you and you having to tell your side is not healthy; it’s selfish. Bring this whole thread in to your next session. They may be able to explain it better.
**Attention! [Serious] Tag Notice** * [Jokes, puns, and off-topic comments are not permitted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/wiki/index#wiki_-rule_6-) in **any** comment, parent or child. * Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * Report comments that violate these rules. Posts that have few relevant answers within the first hour, and posts that are not appropriate for the [Serious] tag will be removed. Consider doing an AMA request instead. Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskReddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't think I would "call them out." If I know someone has depression and I haven't heard from them, I'd be checking in. Not calling out. I don't expect my friends' worlds to revolve around me. If they're going through something with their mental health, that has nothing to do with me. Calling them out implies that I should be offended by their depression, which is a weird stance to take on friendship.
Just drop it.
I don’t. Unless it’s a close friend, I leave people who ghost me to their own devices. It’s not my job to continue trying to communicate with them. If it’s someone I care about, I just address it directly to find out what’s going and work towards a solution.
You don’t “call them out”. That’s pretty shitty. How bout *you* reach out? “Just was thinkin bout ya.” Every few days. If her having gaps in communication is unacceptable to you, then next time she ghosts you, that’s it. If she writes back, you have a few options: 1. Use [I Statements](https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/words-matter-you-vs-i/) to set boundaries. “I know you’re struggling, but I need something from you regularly so I know you’re ok. Even if you just tell me you’re having a bad mental week so I know what to expect.” 2. Use [I Statements](https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/words-matter-you-vs-i/) to end the friendship. “I’m sorry you were sick, but I need something more attentive. I’m glad you’re feeling better and I’ll see you around.” 3. Ghost her back
Give it time. Write a script of what you want to say, and revise it as many times as it takes to feel good about it. Then either call, text or email it to them. Be sincere - it’s ok to voice your worth & feelings & very possible to do so without being inflammatory or spiteful.
Please don’t do this. If you need to voice your feelings on this, do it in a journal and with a therapist. This advice will end up feeling shameful to her, possibly spinning her out more.
I disagree. Being depressed doesn’t give someone a free pass to just not communicate. The reason I answered this question is because a.) I suffer from depression and b.) I’ve been ghosted by a friend who also suffers from depression. We’re still human beings, we still appreciate when our friends hold us to standards and speak respectfully to us about their feelings. It’s not a demand for a full in-depth synopsis of why you ghosted. It’s, “Hey - I need a pass on this one. Don’t feel like talking about it but wanted you to know so that you aren’t stranded alone in a strange city” - for example. Editing to clarify - I’m reading this as a close relationship, and also wanting to stress that concern/love for them & the relationship is the primary reason for reaching out.
You *always* have a free pass to not communicate. You do ***not*** have a free pass to make someone, other than your therapist, listen.
Difference in world views / opinions I suppose.
Not exactly. One is improper behavior towards someone with depression and one is an accepted tenet of mental health care. Interrogating and insulting someone suffering from depression leads to suicide, SH, continued suffering, and deepening suffering. You have **NO** right to answers.
Respectful & loving communication ≠ interrogating & insulting. As someone go suffers from depression and has many relationships with others who suffer, our communication style works perfectly for us.
I’m glad it “works” for you, and it’s fine to set boundaries, but yeah, forcing someone to communicate with you and you having to tell your side is not healthy; it’s selfish. Bring this whole thread in to your next session. They may be able to explain it better.
Are you a therapist?