Semi unrelated but my wife and I were discussing this. I found an opinion piece on it and tried to email it to my wife and accidentally sent it to the president of our HOA.
Genuinely thought this might be true even if it sounds like a joke, so just to be sure, I have verified it is not true. Lizards lick their eyeballs for several different reasons and being horny is not of one them.
If anyone can re-verify if I'm correct, and if not, send me fax
I saw an amateur porn vid once that included a cat. The couple was having sex in the foreground and their cat was sat behind them on the bed watching spongebob… I think about that video a lot and wonder how that cat’s doing
There are whole compilation videos of 'porn with cats in the background', walking across in the background, sitting near by and not caring etc.
Not that I am interested in that sort of stuff..
My cat loves laying in our bed with us but hates being on the bed while we have sex. So if he's chilling with me while I watch TV and my partner comes in the bedroom, he wakes up and starts watching us suspiciously to see whether we're going to sleep or have sex. If we touch each other too much, he huffs and stomps out of the bedroom to go find another place to nap in peace.
As far as he's concerned, sex is just us spitefully being loud and flailing around for the sole purpose of interrupting his sleep.
Our cat used to be that way. Now he’s gotten too lazy to care. Just glances over, gives an annoyed look, slow blinks, slaps his tail, then turns to face the other way.
This comment made me miss my cats so much, we have a dog who will fully just stay and stare at us or sleep he’s an old boy now 🥺 sometimes we kick him out sometimes hes out of the way and gets to stay. The things that dog has seen well imagine pets could talk
One time doing couch stuff my cats were having the zoomies and one of them used my back as a springboard to launch up onto the book shelf.
We don't do couch stuff anymore.
Oh my god my cats do this to us while we're sleeping or just relaxing. Much blood has been spilt. If we could effectively talk to animals, the first thing I would do is explain to every cat that the reason they're "sticky" is because their claws are literally piercing things. They seem to think they just have gecko hands.
Lol, no. They know. They just don't care.
All the cats I've had understood perfectly, if they wanted to wake me to feed them or something they would be very gentle with their feet, but if they didn't need for me to be in a good mood, they wouldn't care one bit that it hurt me.
Yeah one of my cats if she’s being a dick will climb you using claws but if she’s being sweet will wrap her legs around you and shimmy up without claws. It always lets you know if chaos or cuddles are incoming depending on how she climbs you lol.
My cat jumped up on the bed once when me and a girl I was seeing were in mid shag and started meowing at me. She laughed and said I bet this is the first time you've had 2 pussies in bed at the same time.
Ours will chill just outside the bedroom, wait until we finish, THEN start hanging out on the bed n stuff... makes me feel weird everytime lol, like do they know what we were doing and associated orgasm sounds with "oh cool so we can chill with you now"?
My cat just climbs on whoever's on top and squats down there and acts all pissy when we keep moving and he can't get comfortable.
At first it's funny, then he starts biting our ears as if to say "Stop. Fucking. And. Moving!"
We had a fox terrier. I was admittedly doing doggy style with my girlfriend on our knees over like an ottoman. Our foxy started getting frisky and was 'displaying' and backing up to me while we were doing it. Made us giggle a bit but was weird man, had to keep pushing her away.
My wife and I got a dog after we got married. The dog is very attached to me and has to be in the same room at all times. We started locking her out during sexy time because she would just jump on the bed and investigate sometimes. Locking her out made the dog upset so she would literally slam her body against the door. Then we decided to give her a treat that takes a bit of time to chew on. She accepted this and stopped trying to knock down the door. However.... now when me and wife are cuddling and watching tv..... and maybe kiss each other... the dog gets really excited and starts begging for her treat. Basically me and my wife can't kiss infant of our dog or she freaks out because she thinks it's time for a treat. Pavlov's dog gone terrible wrong.
Nothing like an unexpected cold nose on a booty hole or curious cat trying to hop on the bed mid fun time...I do not suggest having pets in the room. Mood killer and takes your focus away from your partner. You can always usher them out and let them back in once you are done. Let's be real, you won't be doing all day sessions, or even anything beyond 10 min-1 hr pending your libido.
A girl I was seeing had a Mastiff. Aka...big fuckin' dog. I remember looking over while we were shacking up and I just saw his dead-eyed stare in the dark. My opinion is that was enough to unnerve me
I weirdly have like the same experience. Same breed. Except this girl also liked to sleep cold so like the fan would be on, windows open, in the winter. At a certain point I questioned myself about wanting to get laid so badly that I was willing to do it in basically a room a serial killer would use for their victims.
Nice girl though. No regrets.
I disagree. While it's a temporary discomfort for me, if I feel my wife is cold in the middle of the night, I make sure to warm her up. Then I get to share that comfy cozy feeling.
It's cold for a split second, well worth it for the skin to skin endorphin rush and the satisfaction that comes with satiating a kleptotherm. I am a furnace, I make enough heat for both of us.
I was trying to remember the name mastiff, so was searching big dog, huge dog, with my coworker looking over my shoulder. I was trying to explain there is a dog that looks like a bear.
So I typed BIG FUCKING DOG out of frustration, and saw a lot of people getting railed by dogs in google images.
I couldn't blink for a week.
Edit: It was a Tibetan Mastiff if anyone wants to search for the dog and not the act
Being a non-native english speaker, i sometimes write english words the way they sound - And that is how I discovered the difference between hotmail and hotmale
Ah, no way! Haha, I have a nearly identical story: in 1997, my friend was at my house and we were both using my computer (we were 13 yrs old). He was navigating, I was watching and chatting w/ him. He's a native English speaker but horrible at spelling (might have Dyslexia).
My computer was in the living room, which allowed my parents to always see whatever I was doing on the computer. From my position, I could see my mom coming up the hallway, and thus she had a perfect view of the computer monitor. At this very moment, my friend tried to check his email and he went to hotmale.com This was 14.4k modem days, so images slowly loaded. In a panic, I quickly saw my mom approaching and then saw the screen but knew that it was too late for me to do anything about it. In fact, if I rushed to close the browser, it would only further look like we were deliberately doing something naughty.
My mom never said anything or gave an indication that she even saw all of the naked images, but I always figured that there's a non-zero chance that she thought I was deliberately looking at gay porn w/ my guy friend.
huh...you aren't lying. I typed exactly "BIG FUCKING DOG" because I thought no way would something that inappropriate pull up. Sure enough the first 5 or so links were all smut
We tend to kick the cats out, the wife suddenly throwing the cats out of the bedroom is generally a good sign of things to come.
They’re gonna be let in a few minutes later anyway 😂
Edit: Told my wife about this post and she reminded me of the time we thought we had kicked both cats out… as we started to get busy we were interrupted by an urgent scrapping at our bedroom door.
It was our youngest cat trying to escape from the sheers horrors happening in the room, the absolute panic in her eyes is a sight myself (and the cat) will take to the grave.
A cat popping her head up right next to the bed with an inquisitive little "Mrrow?" at a key moment was enough for me to make sure they were locked out of the room every time after that. I mean, it was hilarious, but it still threw things off-kilter.
>They have zero awareness of what's going on and would come and head nuzzle mid act.
Also sometimes they attack your feet like they're a stuffed mouse on a string. Ouch.
My cats are usually good about staying away if they walk into the room during actual sex, bit during foreplay they can be menaces.
But sometimes they just sit in the windows and watch, so they get called cat pervs
I used to have a big fat DSH cat that would curl up in a ball under my ex-wife when we were going at it doggy style. That cat got locked out after the first couple times that happened
Our one cat will refuse to leave the bed, so she'll sit on the far corner of it facing away from us. Then when we're done after a few minutes of cuddling she'll hop over and pretend she didn't just hear what was going on. We call her The Pervert.
Was waiting for someone to mention cold nose!!! I have a Doberman and she’s very attached to me, when my now husband then boyfriend first came to my place and we went into my room for sexy time I didn’t really think anything of it, she has a bed next to my bed and is very good at entertaining herself. She was big chilling in her bed when we started to get nasty
Cue several minutes later, my husband was on top of me when he suddenly shrieked the loudest scream I’ve ever heard him make and jump/ role off of me in shock, and my dog is startle running towards the door barking and growling at him
Well apparently she decided to be a little cheeky and while he was on top of me she took a moment to stick her nose between his butt cheeks and gently bite/lick the side of one of his cheeks.
Needless to say after that she now gets sent out of our room whenever we decide to have sex. We still bring this story up fairly often 😂😂.
Never had a dog decide to act weird during sex, but I've had it happen during one of those long kissing sessions on the couch. We looked over to see her dog sitting right next to us, his face a couple inches from ours, watching the action with the saddest "but what about me?" look on his face. It was too cute and funny.
One of my dog might just stay and sleep.
But the older dog will get out of bed, go to the couch, and the MOMENT we’re done, he knows. He’ll hop back into bed and demand cuddle time.
I didn’t train him to do this. I don’t even know how or what point this developed
It’s uncomfortable but our cats stay in the room while we do it. Usually they just ignore us while we’re doing the deed. One of them has a staring habit but she had a litter so it ain’t exactly like she’s innocent
My girlfriend had an old mostly deaf dog when we met. He’d sleep on his bed oblivious until we got loud enough to wake him. Then he’d haul himself up off the mattress, snorting and sneezing in disgust, then clomp out of the room, sneezing at us the whole time, until he was a room or three away.
I used to not have any problems with that, but after I read a story somewhere (might've been reddit) about someone who's balls got bitten by a cat a couple of years ago, I've started asking the girls I get with that they keep their pets outside the room if they have any.
Yeah I closed the door while I did the deed with my now-hubby and my dog did hear it through the door and I don't know what she thought was happening but she decided she needed to help so she jumped against the door and the door knob and got the door open. Came tail wagging to us and was super excited. I had to escort her out and barricade the door before we could continue...
So I prefer to not have my pets watching.
We have a dog that will jump on the bed and the other thinks we are playing, so he will try to join. We have to lock them out too.
Edit “doctor” to “dog” I have no idea how *that* happened!
My partner had two ferrets. They were old when I moved in with them, and they passed about a year later. Friendly, sweet, nosy babies. My partner told me a story of having sex once and during it, Moxxie licked between their toes and she learned to fly as a result.
I hooked up with a dude who had 3 or 4 ferrets. While we were in the bedroom one got out and made its way to us. I just felt something hairy slither across the back of my leg and nearly kicked the poor thing into the ceiling. Little guy just wanted to say hello.
I'm Scottish and have never heard of any other kind of kelpie than the murderous sub-aqua horsey bastards. I'd never turn my back on one of them long enough to let it lick my arse.
Heard a similar story from a friend recently, that i didn't want to hear. But now it is stuck in my head forever.
As he had it going on with his now ex, his dog >!used to lick his balls from behind.!<
That could've been the case. I just said quickly so that no one can imply that I let the licking go on for an x amount of time. So quickly was one lick, and I made a sound what I think sounds like a hamster having a stroke.
My cat just stares at a distance while sitting on something really tall and comfortable but still judging. Also sometimes his ears prick back when I moan so that's kinda funny.
He's a good voyeur. Not engaging, just staring.
My brother used to have a dog that would start humping his (the dogs) blanket if he didn’t put him out of the room. Brother gf found it weird but he thought it was hilarious.
My dog did the same exact thing. It got to the point where anytime my partner would come over, my dog would almost immediately start humping his blanket. He doesn’t do that anymore though now that he isn’t present in the room to see or hear anything being done
I say no no no, I once had my cat jump up on the bed after hiding below it during the deed. It mostly had me laughing but I just couldn't go on afterwards.
My neighbor's big male buck goat was banging their female mini-donkey in the front yard all weekend long, I don't think animals are shy about sex. LOL.
Yeah animals def don't care. I have a variety of animals but I keep my pigeons out back in an aviary. Damn near every time I go out there to garden or even clean up after them they start doing the deed. And it's very obvious, too, because they have a whole ritual they go through first. Meanwhile I'm standing there scraping their poop off their perches. Pretty sure they're fully aware that I am the lesser animal in that scenario and they're just asserting their superior dominance over me, their poop-cleaning and feeding servant.
lol it’s pretty uncomfortable when your new lady friends Doberman pincher sneaks in the room and pops his head into the action, just staring at what you’re doing to his master. I will say, it’s a great way to assert dominance.
Never bothered me, my dog just watches politely from far away. Only the first time he was confused and wanted to join us and play, then he understood its one of the off limits time.
We tried locking our dogs out of the room the first time. They were whining, pawing at the door and carrying on. I could not enjoy what we were doing listening to them and feeling bad for them, so we ended up letting them in. It was awkward and still is.
Semi unrelated but my wife and I were discussing this. I found an opinion piece on it and tried to email it to my wife and accidentally sent it to the president of our HOA.
>Didn't think much of it with our Frenchie in the same room. Link?
https://www.vice.com/amp/en_us/article/yv57gb/is-it-weird-when-pets-watch-you-have-sex
My lizard just stares. Unmoving. Unblinking. Unfazed
Google > Incognito mode > "How to tell if lizard is horny"
Lizards lick their eyeballs when they're horny. This means "suck mah balls" in lizard sign language.
Google > Incognito mode > "Do lizards have suckable balls"
FBI Agent: “Sir, can I just go back to tracking child molestors?”
"NO! Keep looking at lizard balls you dirty boy!"
*quiet sobbing and keyboard noises*
This all contributes to the next GPT model 👍
I have faith in humanity. It’s chats like this that will ensure we’ll make sex robots way before the activation of the Skynet.
Genuinely thought this might be true even if it sounds like a joke, so just to be sure, I have verified it is not true. Lizards lick their eyeballs for several different reasons and being horny is not of one them. If anyone can re-verify if I'm correct, and if not, send me fax
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So he was "black out" drunk?
We’ve always had cats and they just run away when we start having sex, they want no part of a bouncing bed lol
I saw an amateur porn vid once that included a cat. The couple was having sex in the foreground and their cat was sat behind them on the bed watching spongebob… I think about that video a lot and wonder how that cat’s doing
I’d say that cats got life figured out, no stress no worries
There are whole compilation videos of 'porn with cats in the background', walking across in the background, sitting near by and not caring etc. Not that I am interested in that sort of stuff..
r/watchitforthecat NSFW
My cat loves laying in our bed with us but hates being on the bed while we have sex. So if he's chilling with me while I watch TV and my partner comes in the bedroom, he wakes up and starts watching us suspiciously to see whether we're going to sleep or have sex. If we touch each other too much, he huffs and stomps out of the bedroom to go find another place to nap in peace. As far as he's concerned, sex is just us spitefully being loud and flailing around for the sole purpose of interrupting his sleep.
maybe cats hate human sex sounds as much as we hate cat sex sounds...
It's just biology, no need to make a big deal out of my barbed penis.
I sulk every time I am reminded my sweet boy cat is packing a devil rod.
Our cat used to be that way. Now he’s gotten too lazy to care. Just glances over, gives an annoyed look, slow blinks, slaps his tail, then turns to face the other way.
The fact that you've noted that during sex is hilarious
Well, when it’s EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!!! It’s hard not to notice…
This comment made me miss my cats so much, we have a dog who will fully just stay and stare at us or sleep he’s an old boy now 🥺 sometimes we kick him out sometimes hes out of the way and gets to stay. The things that dog has seen well imagine pets could talk
How DARE you!
One time doing couch stuff my cats were having the zoomies and one of them used my back as a springboard to launch up onto the book shelf. We don't do couch stuff anymore.
I'm sorry, but the image of this is killing me lol
Add the brrr sound of a diving board someone jumps off from.
Oh my god my cats do this to us while we're sleeping or just relaxing. Much blood has been spilt. If we could effectively talk to animals, the first thing I would do is explain to every cat that the reason they're "sticky" is because their claws are literally piercing things. They seem to think they just have gecko hands.
Lol, no. They know. They just don't care. All the cats I've had understood perfectly, if they wanted to wake me to feed them or something they would be very gentle with their feet, but if they didn't need for me to be in a good mood, they wouldn't care one bit that it hurt me.
Yeah one of my cats if she’s being a dick will climb you using claws but if she’s being sweet will wrap her legs around you and shimmy up without claws. It always lets you know if chaos or cuddles are incoming depending on how she climbs you lol.
My cat jumped up on the bed once when me and a girl I was seeing were in mid shag and started meowing at me. She laughed and said I bet this is the first time you've had 2 pussies in bed at the same time.
That's a keeper
The cat...? Well, nevermind.
Agreed. Someone you make happy memories with that always makes you smile is absolutely a keeper.
Ours will chill just outside the bedroom, wait until we finish, THEN start hanging out on the bed n stuff... makes me feel weird everytime lol, like do they know what we were doing and associated orgasm sounds with "oh cool so we can chill with you now"?
This is ours! She knows when the excitement dials down and she comes back to her spot in the corner of the bed😂
My cat just climbs on whoever's on top and squats down there and acts all pissy when we keep moving and he can't get comfortable. At first it's funny, then he starts biting our ears as if to say "Stop. Fucking. And. Moving!"
"sorry babe, the tarantula enclosure stays in the room during sex."
In the tarantula’s defense, they don’t see very well
Evolution be like: Here, 8 fuckin’ eyes. You still can‘t see shit tho lol
Evolution in all cases: you made it to breeding age with that half finished? Good enough!
Not a fan. Girlfriends Jack Russell bit my ass because it thought I was hurting her, that or it wanted some of this sweet rump steak.
You have to DOMinate...
i'm not being aggressive, I'm being dominant. TSST
My girl's dog licked my foot at one point mid-coitus and I asked her if it counted as a threesome. It did not.
We had a fox terrier. I was admittedly doing doggy style with my girlfriend on our knees over like an ottoman. Our foxy started getting frisky and was 'displaying' and backing up to me while we were doing it. Made us giggle a bit but was weird man, had to keep pushing her away.
My wife and I got a dog after we got married. The dog is very attached to me and has to be in the same room at all times. We started locking her out during sexy time because she would just jump on the bed and investigate sometimes. Locking her out made the dog upset so she would literally slam her body against the door. Then we decided to give her a treat that takes a bit of time to chew on. She accepted this and stopped trying to knock down the door. However.... now when me and wife are cuddling and watching tv..... and maybe kiss each other... the dog gets really excited and starts begging for her treat. Basically me and my wife can't kiss infant of our dog or she freaks out because she thinks it's time for a treat. Pavlov's dog gone terrible wrong.
Damn, that's one hell of a pavlov conditioning.
I wonder if OP sees the treat in the supermarket or wherever, and he gets horny.
Pavlov’s horndog
idk I see that as a win. kiss the wife, bam, dog needs a treat, bam might as well have sex
Best wing man
Pavlov’s Dong
Don't kiss the infant of your dog!
Nothing like an unexpected cold nose on a booty hole or curious cat trying to hop on the bed mid fun time...I do not suggest having pets in the room. Mood killer and takes your focus away from your partner. You can always usher them out and let them back in once you are done. Let's be real, you won't be doing all day sessions, or even anything beyond 10 min-1 hr pending your libido.
I do it all the time. My fish doesn't seem to care.
Fish tanks make for some killer mood lighting.
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A girl I was seeing had a Mastiff. Aka...big fuckin' dog. I remember looking over while we were shacking up and I just saw his dead-eyed stare in the dark. My opinion is that was enough to unnerve me
I weirdly have like the same experience. Same breed. Except this girl also liked to sleep cold so like the fan would be on, windows open, in the winter. At a certain point I questioned myself about wanting to get laid so badly that I was willing to do it in basically a room a serial killer would use for their victims. Nice girl though. No regrets.
I know the type. I'd be under two blankets, trying to cuddle her for warmth, and she complains I'm cold to the touch.
Nothing worse than someone who is like a block of ice trying to touch you in bed while you are all comfy cozy
I disagree. While it's a temporary discomfort for me, if I feel my wife is cold in the middle of the night, I make sure to warm her up. Then I get to share that comfy cozy feeling.
It's cold for a split second, well worth it for the skin to skin endorphin rush and the satisfaction that comes with satiating a kleptotherm. I am a furnace, I make enough heat for both of us.
> kleptotherm Oh man, this is a glorious term.
You cucked a mastiff
Marmacuck, if you will.
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This is better team collaboration than I’ve seen in any company I’ve worked for
Masochistic wife says slap me hit me tie me up, the sadistic husband said no….
That's like the famous masochist who loved starting his day with an ice-cold shower. So he took a warm one instead.
You're not supposed to look at the cameraman
I was trying to remember the name mastiff, so was searching big dog, huge dog, with my coworker looking over my shoulder. I was trying to explain there is a dog that looks like a bear. So I typed BIG FUCKING DOG out of frustration, and saw a lot of people getting railed by dogs in google images. I couldn't blink for a week. Edit: It was a Tibetan Mastiff if anyone wants to search for the dog and not the act
Being a non-native english speaker, i sometimes write english words the way they sound - And that is how I discovered the difference between hotmail and hotmale
Ah, no way! Haha, I have a nearly identical story: in 1997, my friend was at my house and we were both using my computer (we were 13 yrs old). He was navigating, I was watching and chatting w/ him. He's a native English speaker but horrible at spelling (might have Dyslexia). My computer was in the living room, which allowed my parents to always see whatever I was doing on the computer. From my position, I could see my mom coming up the hallway, and thus she had a perfect view of the computer monitor. At this very moment, my friend tried to check his email and he went to hotmale.com This was 14.4k modem days, so images slowly loaded. In a panic, I quickly saw my mom approaching and then saw the screen but knew that it was too late for me to do anything about it. In fact, if I rushed to close the browser, it would only further look like we were deliberately doing something naughty. My mom never said anything or gave an indication that she even saw all of the naked images, but I always figured that there's a non-zero chance that she thought I was deliberately looking at gay porn w/ my guy friend.
huh...you aren't lying. I typed exactly "BIG FUCKING DOG" because I thought no way would something that inappropriate pull up. Sure enough the first 5 or so links were all smut
S-mutt*
Was def weird when my cat jumped on her back during. He was just riding there.
The beast with three backs.
I was cat sitting (in my apartment) and she was just staring the whole time like 👁👄👁
We tend to kick the cats out, the wife suddenly throwing the cats out of the bedroom is generally a good sign of things to come. They’re gonna be let in a few minutes later anyway 😂 Edit: Told my wife about this post and she reminded me of the time we thought we had kicked both cats out… as we started to get busy we were interrupted by an urgent scrapping at our bedroom door. It was our youngest cat trying to escape from the sheers horrors happening in the room, the absolute panic in her eyes is a sight myself (and the cat) will take to the grave.
self roast
r/suicidebywords
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A cat popping her head up right next to the bed with an inquisitive little "Mrrow?" at a key moment was enough for me to make sure they were locked out of the room every time after that. I mean, it was hilarious, but it still threw things off-kilter.
That Mrrow mid action would have had me burst out laughing 🤣
>They have zero awareness of what's going on and would come and head nuzzle mid act. Also sometimes they attack your feet like they're a stuffed mouse on a string. Ouch.
My cats are usually good about staying away if they walk into the room during actual sex, bit during foreplay they can be menaces. But sometimes they just sit in the windows and watch, so they get called cat pervs
I used to have a big fat DSH cat that would curl up in a ball under my ex-wife when we were going at it doggy style. That cat got locked out after the first couple times that happened
My cat will be a menace and scratch at the door so I typically just throw a blanket over him.
Yeah.. My cat would start prowling and pouncing on my dick. That's a no no.
Lol my money is on cat pouncing on the wife's hair flailing around
My cat usually thinks I'm attacking his momma. I have a few scars on my rear end that taught us to put him out first. Definite mood killer
Our one cat will refuse to leave the bed, so she'll sit on the far corner of it facing away from us. Then when we're done after a few minutes of cuddling she'll hop over and pretend she didn't just hear what was going on. We call her The Pervert.
look at mr. sex machine over here lasting minutes
No, especially when either a cold nose gets stuck where it doesn't belong or a set of claws takes a swipe at dangling things going back and forth.
Was waiting for someone to mention cold nose!!! I have a Doberman and she’s very attached to me, when my now husband then boyfriend first came to my place and we went into my room for sexy time I didn’t really think anything of it, she has a bed next to my bed and is very good at entertaining herself. She was big chilling in her bed when we started to get nasty Cue several minutes later, my husband was on top of me when he suddenly shrieked the loudest scream I’ve ever heard him make and jump/ role off of me in shock, and my dog is startle running towards the door barking and growling at him Well apparently she decided to be a little cheeky and while he was on top of me she took a moment to stick her nose between his butt cheeks and gently bite/lick the side of one of his cheeks. Needless to say after that she now gets sent out of our room whenever we decide to have sex. We still bring this story up fairly often 😂😂.
What kinda audience do you tell this to😂
it would be embarrassing to watch my dog watching or jump into bed at that moment
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Got a real good sniff that time.
Couch sex was all fun and games until her overly friendly lab puppy joined the mix. Wasn’t trained yet to go away
Never had a dog decide to act weird during sex, but I've had it happen during one of those long kissing sessions on the couch. We looked over to see her dog sitting right next to us, his face a couple inches from ours, watching the action with the saddest "but what about me?" look on his face. It was too cute and funny.
Yea my dog would jump in and think its cuddle time
One of my dog might just stay and sleep. But the older dog will get out of bed, go to the couch, and the MOMENT we’re done, he knows. He’ll hop back into bed and demand cuddle time. I didn’t train him to do this. I don’t even know how or what point this developed
If he can lick his dick in front of me, he can handle that.
are we talking about humans or animals here?
Same question
Same answer
It’s uncomfortable but our cats stay in the room while we do it. Usually they just ignore us while we’re doing the deed. One of them has a staring habit but she had a litter so it ain’t exactly like she’s innocent
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My girlfriend had an old mostly deaf dog when we met. He’d sleep on his bed oblivious until we got loud enough to wake him. Then he’d haul himself up off the mattress, snorting and sneezing in disgust, then clomp out of the room, sneezing at us the whole time, until he was a room or three away.
He knew what was up
Long ago, doggie doing my wife, our female golden retriever started doggie doing me, making a doggie train for about 2 seconds.
You lasted 2 seconds…interesting.
He’s just bragging
Spent the second second apologizing
Doesn’t matter, had threesome
🎶"Still counts! I just had sex...."🎶
*scratches “have a threesome” off bucket list*
At least your dream of being in a threesome came true
"It was me, my wife, and a blonde bitch"
“It was me, a filthy dog, and our golden retriever”
Lol fuckin got me
Wait what
he was doggo'ing his wife and their doggo start doggo'ing him. He lasted two seconds.
Wifey in the front, bitch in the back, Thrusting like youngmindoldbody, Two seconds and he cracked.
I kick my bird out cause I’m scared he gonna repeat some words
Guest comes over: Bird: "yeah you like that you dirty little slut"
I used to not have any problems with that, but after I read a story somewhere (might've been reddit) about someone who's balls got bitten by a cat a couple of years ago, I've started asking the girls I get with that they keep their pets outside the room if they have any.
My brother-in-law’s dog bit his nuts whilst he and his wife were doing the deed. No real damage, but not fun at all
The real damage is in the trauma we carry along the way.
Yeah I closed the door while I did the deed with my now-hubby and my dog did hear it through the door and I don't know what she thought was happening but she decided she needed to help so she jumped against the door and the door knob and got the door open. Came tail wagging to us and was super excited. I had to escort her out and barricade the door before we could continue... So I prefer to not have my pets watching.
We have a dog that will jump on the bed and the other thinks we are playing, so he will try to join. We have to lock them out too. Edit “doctor” to “dog” I have no idea how *that* happened!
“Doctor” seems very unprofessional ngl.
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Dog gets locked out of the room: gets sad and cries at the door Dog has to watch sexy time: gets sad and tries to jump on the bed You can't win
Just never have sex again, problem solved.
With a steady stream of games like Tears of the Kingdom, that could be very possible.
Lock them away. I’ve had a tongue show up and I’m like “thanks for the help, but I got this”
Never with ferrets. They are nosy little fuckers. * Brought to you by RIF. https://youtu.be/UzWHE32IxUc Skip ads.
Ferrets are the limousines of rats
I will miss Reddit for this calibur of comment, alone. Well done, and thank you for the laugh.
My partner had two ferrets. They were old when I moved in with them, and they passed about a year later. Friendly, sweet, nosy babies. My partner told me a story of having sex once and during it, Moxxie licked between their toes and she learned to fly as a result.
I hooked up with a dude who had 3 or 4 ferrets. While we were in the bedroom one got out and made its way to us. I just felt something hairy slither across the back of my leg and nearly kicked the poor thing into the ceiling. Little guy just wanted to say hello.
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He had me in the first half, not gonna lie.
Sounds like the dog had him in the 2nd half.
It was doggy style I’m assuming.
The real twist is that it was Ratatouille’ing him through the magic of analingus.
I looked up kelpies and got a mythological Scottish horse looking thing 😳
I'm Scottish and have never heard of any other kind of kelpie than the murderous sub-aqua horsey bastards. I'd never turn my back on one of them long enough to let it lick my arse.
I read you saying that in a Highland accent
I read it in a Glaswegian accent.
Australian sheep dog. There is a famous song [about one called Bob](https://youtu.be/0cRKKwHN5Yo), who comes when you whistle.
Thats going to get messy real quick
Heard a similar story from a friend recently, that i didn't want to hear. But now it is stuck in my head forever. As he had it going on with his now ex, his dog >!used to lick his balls from behind.!<
Blink-182 wrote several songs about this back in the day
Like, it was a regular thing??
Had an ex going down on me, then start licking my nipples... except she was still down there, it was her coonhound.
Kelpie? A Scottish horse monster?
Doggie rimjob
r/holup
Not a fan. Had a cat quickly lick my balls once and now we make sure that all animals are somewhere else with no access to the room.
The use of the word “quickly” is doing me in. Like the cat was trying to sneak a lick without anyone noticing.
That could've been the case. I just said quickly so that no one can imply that I let the licking go on for an x amount of time. So quickly was one lick, and I made a sound what I think sounds like a hamster having a stroke.
Just be glad it didn't think it was a beanbag and start batting them around
„Hah look what I can do by not being castrated“
We can fix that…
My cat just stares at a distance while sitting on something really tall and comfortable but still judging. Also sometimes his ears prick back when I moan so that's kinda funny. He's a good voyeur. Not engaging, just staring.
Your fucking username really paints a picture...
Our cats reposition themselves a few times to get different angles. I honestly get really self conscious.
Just be sure your pet is of legal age.
This comment right here officer
I'd find it hard to finish if there was a cat or dog watching us
My brother used to have a dog that would start humping his (the dogs) blanket if he didn’t put him out of the room. Brother gf found it weird but he thought it was hilarious.
"Like this, father?"
My dog did the same exact thing. It got to the point where anytime my partner would come over, my dog would almost immediately start humping his blanket. He doesn’t do that anymore though now that he isn’t present in the room to see or hear anything being done
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Boy, you'd love the zoo!
No. They stare.
I say no no no, I once had my cat jump up on the bed after hiding below it during the deed. It mostly had me laughing but I just couldn't go on afterwards.
My neighbor's big male buck goat was banging their female mini-donkey in the front yard all weekend long, I don't think animals are shy about sex. LOL.
Yeah animals def don't care. I have a variety of animals but I keep my pigeons out back in an aviary. Damn near every time I go out there to garden or even clean up after them they start doing the deed. And it's very obvious, too, because they have a whole ritual they go through first. Meanwhile I'm standing there scraping their poop off their perches. Pretty sure they're fully aware that I am the lesser animal in that scenario and they're just asserting their superior dominance over me, their poop-cleaning and feeding servant.
Enjoy the show you dirty dogs.
Well, I hope the cats don't judge us too harshly either.
lol it’s pretty uncomfortable when your new lady friends Doberman pincher sneaks in the room and pops his head into the action, just staring at what you’re doing to his master. I will say, it’s a great way to assert dominance.
Or when the cold nose of the bastard dog poke your buttcheek
I'm a redditor, I don't have sex.
We aint nuthin but mammals
It really upsets the co-workers and creates a strange vibe in the workplace. Especially if the animals are really into it.
Never bothered me, my dog just watches politely from far away. Only the first time he was confused and wanted to join us and play, then he understood its one of the off limits time.
We tried locking our dogs out of the room the first time. They were whining, pawing at the door and carrying on. I could not enjoy what we were doing listening to them and feeling bad for them, so we ended up letting them in. It was awkward and still is.
Luckily my dog isn't nearly as determined as yours are. He's got a lot of quit in him lol