Banged as soon as we woke up, and when I was cumming she breathed her morning breathe right into my nose, I came so hard. Not my proudest fuck, but I liked it
There was this one time I laid down and blacked out to have a diabetic seizure. My roommate noticed and called for paramedics. I distinctly remember trying to thrash around to grasp something to pull myself up. To everyone else though it just looked like I was wildly punching myself in the dick.
Also I'm told I kicked a police officer several times during that seizure.
If it makes you feel better, out of all the weird diabetic behaviors I've ever seen as a medic, I only remember ONE. TW for homophobic slurs because I feel the impact is the entire point of the story.
Guy just sitting, eating his breakfast. I'm told his sugar is low by family. I talk to the guy, he appears fully alert and oriented, and is attempting to refuse my assessment politely. So far, he is allowed to refuse it, legally speaking. Doesn't seem like his sugar is low, but he is also eating Cheerio's with sugar poured on top of it... could be he felt it coming on and tried to fix it and it's all good. But family knows him better than I do, so I need to try and find a tactful way to be able to treat this guy under what's called "implied consent" in case something is truly medically wrong, or I need to basically get medical control to say I can kidnap him with police assistance, just because family is telling me something is wrong. However, firstly: this is the nuclear option and rarely done as it is essentially me and the hospital suspending your civil rights temporarily until you are medically cleared. Second, fuck the police.
"So, you all are family, and I believe you that he isn't acting normal. But, if you could, please clue me in on how you know that his sugar is low? With everything I can see right now, he's allowed to tell me I can't touch him".
"Every time his sugar gets low, he really starts hating on his nephew. Normally they're super tight, and I heard him ragging on him all morning".
So the nephew gets up from the living room couch, and simply walks over and stands in the threshold to the kitchen. My patients face noticeably hardens.
Patient immediately launches into a tirade that was the highest "faggot"/min count I have ever heard. Spittle flying, distended veins, table pounding, the whole nine yards. The part I still remember is "What, are you in here to look for your boyfriend, you fucking faggot-ass bitch? Coming in here to try and suck my dick, you sick faggot? Get the fuck out of here before I kill you, you good-for-nothing fairy bitch!" Nephew takes a few steps back so he is out of sight. My patient immediately relaxes and resumes eating as if nothing happened.
"Is \[nephew\] even gay?"
"No. In fact, his girl stayed the night but left for work. She's the one who got \[Uncle\] that bowl of Cheerios."
I managed to talk patient into letting me get a blood sugar and verify it was low. Monitored him until it came up from the cereal, left him and family with instructions to get him a bigger breakfast.
My wife is type 1 so I related to this story very well and it was quite interesting and entertaining and upon finishing it and scrolling for 0.01 seconds I saw: Stuck the thumb in her ass in doggy with shit all over his hand and I remembered what thread I'm on.
Not to laugh at you having a seizure (im Type 2), but when i read 'looked like i was wildly punching myself in the dick', i got a visual, let out a laugh so big it scared my dog and he peed on my floor! Thanks! That was funny and a good laugh was had! Brb...getting paper towels and wood cleaner. 😂😂
Two questions. Where did you find queen/king/double bed transformer sheets? If you had a twin bed, what sorts of gymnastics did it take for three of y’all to get it in on mattress that size?
Dog started humping the pillow next to me while I was humping my wife. I slapped his ass yelling let’s gooooo. She busted out laughing while I mad art on her back. Then we went to Taco Bell, all three of us.
My wife and I occasionally sleep naked, thats not the freaky thing but it will become important later…
I woke up one morning to find myself covered in random brown streaks. Legs, arms, and a big spot on my stomach. I looked over at my wife and said, “what the hell happened!” as I noticed her whole back and arms were also covered.
Turns out, she was eating chocolate chips in the bed, forgot them, and the bag spilled open and melted between us while we slept. We laughed it off, but was definitely a terrifying thing to wake up to…
This made me laugh so hard. It reminded me of when my younger brother did this with chocolate chips when he was about 7. He fell asleep eating them and then woke up the next morning covered in brown spots. My sister told her grade school class (3/4 grade), and they all drew pictures of what it looked like. They hung the picture in the hall of the school. I still give him shit about this to this day, Thanks for reminding me.
My wife likes it when I eat her out from behind and last night for some reason I started licking her asshole which she responded very positively to, which turned me on, and I proceeded to eat her asshole out for like 5 minutes. It was a first for both of us. Pretty tame but I would have to say probably that.
My gf, her best friend, and I all drank one night and it ended up with my gf and I doing the dirty in front of her best friend.
Her best friend started to touch herself as she watched. My gf and I got tired and took a break laying naked on the bed. Her best friend comes over and ends up sucking me off wanting to taste both of our juices. My gf and I look at each other and let it be so we start making out while I'm getting sucked on.
I feel a lot of saliva come out of her best friends mouth which I ignored. Suddenly she stops sucking and says "I'm sorry I need to come clean about what just happened..... I threw up just now...."
She threw up while going down on me...
I got up, went to shower, and the night was over immediately. My gf and i agreed never ever again will that happen. I didn't even finish that night
My ex-wife and a high school girlfriend have thrown up on my cock (seperate occasions). It is not enjoyable. Also, did not even want to finish either time.
I fell asleep with my jeans on at age 33 and woke up like I was in a fuckin nother dimension. Just wow what bed is this, is this my house? Why am I covered in drool? Either I became a werewolf orrrrr was in a light coma...
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again, after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
Okcupid had this match question, "do you want your partner to be kinkier than you?" The possible answers were no, yes, and not possible. After joining fetlife, I determined that people who answered not possible were either vanilla, or the scariest motherfuckers on the block.
I had a fwb dude who thought he was a freak, I asked him a couple of times if he had fetishes and fantasies, and he always responded with something like “not that anyone can ever know of” so I thought it was something.. no one actually could never know of. I didn’t even disclose my perverseness to him, I thought I was the vanilla one compared. After a while he confessed that he liked watching videos of women peeing in the woods 😂 bless him
Had a fmf threesome with a bi/lesbian couple. Stipulation to it happening is I had to let the lesbian of the couple peg me. 15/10 would do it again.
Edit: Thanks for the platinum! First time getting an award.
To add some details and answer some questions.
1. Yes it was my first time being pegged. And yes I'd do it again and I'm 99% straight. Most touching of dudes happens in incidental contact in mfm I've had.
2. I used bi/lesbian terms to keep it simple. The bi girl and I played and the "lesbian"and my only contact was the vibe attached to her strap.
3. Started on my back so i could watch her go in and then her partner sat on my face. Switched to doggy while going down on her partner.
After my uni graduation I went home and laid on my bed intending to check my phone for a little while before getting up to make dinner. This was around 5pm
I woke up after 9am the next day. No idea how I was so tired that I slept 16 hours. I hadn’t even eaten anything more than toast and dinner was going to be my only substantial meal that day but I slept through it.
Passed out on the job with a girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks (missionary position).
It's no excuse, but to be fair - it was my 22nd birthday, I'd been bought a **LOT** of drinks that night, and my dad had died two days prior.
I ate a whole cake in bed the other day while watching the extended cut of the Two Towers.
Sadly, these days as a single gent, that's about as kinky as I get.
I'm a single woman that has also eaten an entire cake, amongst other snacks, in bed whilst watching the entire extended trilogy. One of the best nights of my life.
The night my husband died, I hadn’t eaten much in a few days and a friend was there and getting ready to leave. She asked if there was anything I’d want and I said “cake” because she always made us great cakes. She said “no problem”. I happen to live extremely close to a very famous bakery and little did I know she ran to that bakery and bought a 4 layer chocolate soufflé cake. She was back within about 15 minutes. A knock at the door and she had this beautiful cake, I was so surprised and grateful. We said our goodbyes again and she left. I stood in my kitchen that night by myself and cried my eyes out while I ate most of that cake that evening, just crying and crying. It did brighten my day just a bit and I’ll never forget Eleanor.
Edit: Wow, I’m so thankful for all the sweet comments and sentiments, I didn’t mean to hi-jack the previous OP’s comment. My husband and I were together for 10 years before we got married in late 2014 here at our home, Eleanor and her husband were certainly here for that. Sadly my husband passed less than 4 months after the wedding from cancer we didn’t know he had until 6 weeks before he died and there was no treatment, he was 56, I was 43. Eleanor was very kind and helpful to me during that time as she was a retired nurse. Losing your spouse is so unimaginable and I’m here to say it’s even worse than you’d think. Peace.
That is a beautiful friend. She sounds like such a wonderful person. That cake sounds amazing, too. I really, really hope you're doing better these days. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.
one way I know of is if you’re on all fours (or some position like that) and you swing the dick back through your legs so it’s facing outwards. Then, she sucks away whilst behind you.
My first time was with a friend while my partner at the time handcuffed me to a bed and watched from across the room. I was in high school, on a marching band trip. We were in the cabins of a campground (Camp Jameson for any of the real ones out there) and the walls were Thin. We *were* walked in on and it *was* awkward.
We have one of these in Albuquerque. Massive walkin showers, glass doors, beds galore. I only know this because one evening per month they rent the facility to a youth crafts fair, which I attended. A bunch of underage kids selling beads and jewelry and art under neon pink lights.
I dated this really nasty freak. She was like, "Oh yeah, let's do it. I'm so nasty." And I'd be nailing her. She'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me. Me so horny. Me love you long time."
I grabbed her breasts, and they were like bags of sand.
Years back i had a bunch of electric shock pens, and at one point I decided to, for fun , bring them out with a person I was dating- and we played with them while playing with each other. We discovered you can do a poor mans body contact probe, (ala violet wand style) by holding a shock pen on the other person with it active, and using your other hand elsewhere to touch them, which would be electrified and the current would run to them. I was surprised when I used them or did this on certain areas (pussy, clit,etc)and it forced her to have REALLY hard orgasms , without fail. It was also cool running my hands over her bicep or leg or armpit or pussy and clit and watching her muscles convulse. But once I got to a erogenous area, the moans were nonstop, every time, and she would be on her way, FAST.
She then tried the same thing with me- and she starting playing with my penis while electrified, suddenly i felt the orgasm building, STUPID fast, as if i was masturbating, except i wasn't doing anything- and yeah, it worked on me as well, i'd be in a muscle clenching orgasm very soon, feeling the current running through my shaft. We discovered, it's really when you hit the right spots, it drives orgasms fast. It was really unlike anything else, suddenly having that feeling build hard- and then not being able to control the release at all and it was intense like nothing else ,every time. Though it took a bit of experimenting to find the right spots at first. We were even doing things like giving electrified massages with hands, and making out was interesting! It was interesting as well seeing her hit the area around my prostate and watching my penis spasm as if i was clenching that muscle on purpose(I wasn't)-hitting that area especially also triggered me getting hot fast as well....
I miss dating that person- the women i've dated and talked about this with since, didn't have an interest at the time in even trying anything with electricity, (or anything ,actually ) , and that killed all that ,sadly.
I now have more dedicated equipment that BLOWS the old shock pens out of the water when it comes to forcing orgasms,,, (Violet wand and body contact probe, two estim units so far one of which can play audio thru electricity), and sidenote: When you can control (and adjust) frequency and power level, like with a dedicated Estim box [and have the pads in the right spots ] it does cause that heat of orgasms to come suddenly and build stupid fast, every time. ) but now no girl to play with..
Which is also why I have a long term goal to find one open to electro play- and just try things similar to what I did before , with the pens -and things i didn't get to.
(electrified oral, playing music through the electricity and massaging someone with it , so they literally feel the music through the current- or electrified sex where both partners share the circuit -and other things like these that let you do insane stuff- and really drive someone wild. And there's the orgasm-forcing effect that only electricity can do)
electro is known to be the one thing that beats *vibrators* in getting people off(, but it's a little cheaty in terms of how-
The weak gentle currents spasms muscles in genitals and your erogenous zones, which is an indescribable feeling, ,the current actually activates erogenous nerves directly as it goes thru.genitals, and finally, the electricity goes through you , internally AND externally)
So it shouldn't be a surprise it's kinda intense with all that going on^
Yes, some turn it up with some devices to where it's uncomfortable and intentionally do pain play (Analogy: a water stream can be made to be uncomfortable if you make the stream thin aarrow and high power), but personally for me(not into pain play really)- the gentle sensual and other erogenous direct effects of it on people- are *way* too spoiling- and nothing else can stimulate people like this...
It must be one of the least known but weirdest secrets of science out there; that electricity will get someone off very fast before they realize it, when used correctly. Somehow i suspect no one else will have ever tried something quite like this... Hopefully I can find another 'sparky' someday....who'd have an interest in trying this sort of thing..,...
My girlfriend at the time wanted to do a kidnapping roleplay. So we decided on having me tie her to her bed posts and I teased her with toys and slowly seduced her into submission. I didn’t think it was gonna be my thing but it got really hot and I really got into it. She basically pounced me when she got loose
I was having my Bi awakening, and I was going a bit crazy as a divorce process was going on. I dealt with it by having my first experience with a guy be a threesome with a gay couple. I was in between them
I had a FFFF foursome with three of my friends, cocaine, alcohol and ecstasy were involved. It was great except I was supposed to drive 5 hours the next morning to go visit family. I did so on no sleep, which seemed like a good idea while I was still high at 8 am but I felt like an anxious zombie by the time I finished the drive to my parents house and had to try to pretend I felt fine.
A friend of mine fell asleep on her couch had a homeless guy break in and try to lay down with her, insisting it was his house. He was chased away finally by one of her guy roommates who heard raised voices. The crazy dude was hovering over her like he was just going to fall asleep on top of her. He didn't make any sexual assault moves, he was just casually going to nap on top of her it seemed.
I (F) was in my 20s. I met a couple (FM) with which I decided to have a threesome with. It was my first time with a couple so I was nervous.... but they offered drinks and pot and massaged me to help me relax (super shy and anxious to start until i warm up to my partner). We talked first (including safe boundaries). Eventually, she made the first move. I made sure to be very attentive to the F as I had heard many female friends tell me they felt like they became third wheels when experimenting in bed. In a threesome, those girls began just watching their bf screw someone while they felt ignored and I didnt want that. I wanted this to be enjoyable for everyone so I really tried to service both but favor her just a bit more. I never ignored her or left her out at any moment. Never stopped touching her.
She eventually passed me off to him and at some point the pot and group-make-out-session led out to the in-ground pool in the backyard. They had an extra tall fully enclosed fence and plenty of foliage surrounding the large yard. It was perfectly blue sky sunny weather with only a small puff of cloud here and there. She walked onto the pool deck and slowly stripped down to nothing before jumping into the pool. As i watched her, he helped me undress. Then I jumped in... he soon followed. I was... super stoned and relaxed.
At some point, I was lifted back out of the pool onto a towel with my ass hanging over the edge of the pool wall. It made my hips the perfect height for face level of anyone in the pool. He was face deep between my thighs while his gf was under the water blowing him when I heard a noise coming from above. I was laid back taking it all in and feeling the warm sun on my skin... but trying to sober up to determine what i was hearing. Then I saw this small private plane flying over head. For a moment, I panicked.... As someone who usually had bad anxiety and was self conscious about my body... I briefly tensed up at the idea of people filming or watching. But as I focused my eyes and saw how far the plane was... and I felt his tongue dig deeper into me.... it was hard to care. I melted into his face as I felt watched. It was hot af. In that moment I felt no shame. I felt like a Goddess. I knew servicing me to completion was a top priority for them as much as it was for me to return the favor. We were just three consenting adults enjoying their youth in a private residence.
Felt kinky AF.
Blindfolded and tied my naked partner (at the time) to a wooden chair in a huge empty room I had in my place. Sometimes she'd be gagged. Sometimes not. Complete darkness. Blaring black metal/emo. Light whipping/smacks. Scratching. Oral. I'd leave the room for 5 minutes or 15. Come back at my leisure. Music blaring the whole time. I'd eventually release her and we'd fuck hard for 10-20 minutes. Did this more than a few times. My friends would ask why there was a single chair in this huge room and I'd just say "That's how I do. DON'T sit in it!" Lol
Using bondage to completely immobilise my submissive friend, whilst using him for my own pleasure and tormenting him. Impact play on the same friend and some pegging.
Was having vaginal sex with my baby mama when we both realized what we really wanted was anal.
There was no traditional lube to be had, so I ran to the kitchen and scraped my fingers across the softened butter on the counter and used that instead.
I'll never forget the feeling of the toast crumbs on my shaft that night.
Not my proudest moment.
A tinder date was into fisting, and she liked being stuffed front and rear at the same time. I’m a guy of quite considerable size with hands like bricks - she took it like a champ.
Until that night and since then every time I tried was 4 fingers to the knuckles max.
But she took half my forearms.
It’s a sexual core memory for me. 😅
Dressed up as a vampire and hid under the sheets waiting for my wife to come home.
I need to know what era of vampire, here. We talking Nosferatu, Dracula, or something more modern?
Count Chocula
Cock Blockula
Hada sneezing fit while eating pussy.could not stop laughing after
You may be allergic to cats
Genius wordplay about the foreplay
Let a sorority girl handcuff me to the bed, knowing she didn't have the key. Her sisters cut me out with bolt cutters later that evening.
Wait did you BOTH know she didn't have a key prior to handcuffing or did only SHE know she didn't have a key?
She told me, and I had her put them on anyway. Alcohol may have been involved.
LOL fair enough. That's wild.
Alcohol and horny leads to a lot of 50-50 coinflips lmao
Were they professional ones? Because, the ones you get at a sex shop can be open with just about any pointy object.
They were the real deal haha
Banged as soon as we woke up, and when I was cumming she breathed her morning breathe right into my nose, I came so hard. Not my proudest fuck, but I liked it
disgusting. i physically have to turn my head the opposite direction with morning sex to try not catching a whiff. whatever turns you on, I guess lol
Morning breath is the reason to branch out into other positions.
His dick was like "Yo I'll let you nut but we gotta have a serious talk afterwards"
There was this one time I laid down and blacked out to have a diabetic seizure. My roommate noticed and called for paramedics. I distinctly remember trying to thrash around to grasp something to pull myself up. To everyone else though it just looked like I was wildly punching myself in the dick. Also I'm told I kicked a police officer several times during that seizure.
If it makes you feel better, out of all the weird diabetic behaviors I've ever seen as a medic, I only remember ONE. TW for homophobic slurs because I feel the impact is the entire point of the story. Guy just sitting, eating his breakfast. I'm told his sugar is low by family. I talk to the guy, he appears fully alert and oriented, and is attempting to refuse my assessment politely. So far, he is allowed to refuse it, legally speaking. Doesn't seem like his sugar is low, but he is also eating Cheerio's with sugar poured on top of it... could be he felt it coming on and tried to fix it and it's all good. But family knows him better than I do, so I need to try and find a tactful way to be able to treat this guy under what's called "implied consent" in case something is truly medically wrong, or I need to basically get medical control to say I can kidnap him with police assistance, just because family is telling me something is wrong. However, firstly: this is the nuclear option and rarely done as it is essentially me and the hospital suspending your civil rights temporarily until you are medically cleared. Second, fuck the police. "So, you all are family, and I believe you that he isn't acting normal. But, if you could, please clue me in on how you know that his sugar is low? With everything I can see right now, he's allowed to tell me I can't touch him". "Every time his sugar gets low, he really starts hating on his nephew. Normally they're super tight, and I heard him ragging on him all morning". So the nephew gets up from the living room couch, and simply walks over and stands in the threshold to the kitchen. My patients face noticeably hardens. Patient immediately launches into a tirade that was the highest "faggot"/min count I have ever heard. Spittle flying, distended veins, table pounding, the whole nine yards. The part I still remember is "What, are you in here to look for your boyfriend, you fucking faggot-ass bitch? Coming in here to try and suck my dick, you sick faggot? Get the fuck out of here before I kill you, you good-for-nothing fairy bitch!" Nephew takes a few steps back so he is out of sight. My patient immediately relaxes and resumes eating as if nothing happened. "Is \[nephew\] even gay?" "No. In fact, his girl stayed the night but left for work. She's the one who got \[Uncle\] that bowl of Cheerios." I managed to talk patient into letting me get a blood sugar and verify it was low. Monitored him until it came up from the cereal, left him and family with instructions to get him a bigger breakfast.
My wife is type 1 so I related to this story very well and it was quite interesting and entertaining and upon finishing it and scrolling for 0.01 seconds I saw: Stuck the thumb in her ass in doggy with shit all over his hand and I remembered what thread I'm on.
Not to laugh at you having a seizure (im Type 2), but when i read 'looked like i was wildly punching myself in the dick', i got a visual, let out a laugh so big it scared my dog and he peed on my floor! Thanks! That was funny and a good laugh was had! Brb...getting paper towels and wood cleaner. 😂😂
I took one sock off and i also let my leg hang out from the bed where the monster could catch me 😈
You slept with socks on? The monsters were right to grab you
No. He is the monster.
While masturbating I had a super intense orgasm. I thought everything was fine but when I looked down I realized I pooped the bed.
Bro was experiencing extreme pleasure
Fucked 2 girls on my transformers bedsheets.
***Autobots, Pull out!***
I’m so glad I set my tea down before reading this
Ooh...transformers! Lucky girls!
You can last all night thinking about starscream while f-in in broken spanish.
Two questions. Where did you find queen/king/double bed transformer sheets? If you had a twin bed, what sorts of gymnastics did it take for three of y’all to get it in on mattress that size?
Slept so hard my toes cramped up.
Eat more potassium.
Dog started humping the pillow next to me while I was humping my wife. I slapped his ass yelling let’s gooooo. She busted out laughing while I mad art on her back. Then we went to Taco Bell, all three of us.
Fucking dying at the Taco Bell part
So you had a foursome with your dog and a pillow?
I'm crying laughing at work. Well done.
That is hilarious
Put a champagne cork in my bum and farted it out for my ex wife’s amusement but I shit the bed and then cried.
Happy New Year!
Fucking lol
Fuck me. I was drinking water while I read this and almost choked to death.
THE ARISTOCRATS!
Is that why y’all aren’t together anymore?
They weren't even together then. He was trying to win her back.
Haven't you popped a bottle of champagne before? You have to be ready for the depressurization and spray. Rookie move.
And that's how that relationship ended. Not with a bang but with an ass blast from the past
I ate boiling hot soup with my shirt off in bed
I think that’s just called BDSM
Boiling Drops Shirts Missing
Bowl Drops, Scalding Man
Big Daddy Soup Mistake
Stuck my thumb in her ass in doggy then she shit all over my hand and I threw up on her back.
That is so romantic 🥰
Not gonna lie, if you can overcome that, you can overcome a lot.
Also, If you can come over that, you can come over a lot.
Spoken like a poet.
r/abruptchaos
And the winner of the thread goes to...
All you needed was for someone to piss and you would've had the trifecta.
Ah yes, the double down fireworks
My wife and I occasionally sleep naked, thats not the freaky thing but it will become important later… I woke up one morning to find myself covered in random brown streaks. Legs, arms, and a big spot on my stomach. I looked over at my wife and said, “what the hell happened!” as I noticed her whole back and arms were also covered. Turns out, she was eating chocolate chips in the bed, forgot them, and the bag spilled open and melted between us while we slept. We laughed it off, but was definitely a terrifying thing to wake up to…
Who pooped the bed.
It was Frank, and he would do it again.
Poop is funny
This made me laugh so hard. It reminded me of when my younger brother did this with chocolate chips when he was about 7. He fell asleep eating them and then woke up the next morning covered in brown spots. My sister told her grade school class (3/4 grade), and they all drew pictures of what it looked like. They hung the picture in the hall of the school. I still give him shit about this to this day, Thanks for reminding me.
Well when I fingered her, she shit down my arm…
Jay from the Inbetweeners has Reddit?!
My wife likes it when I eat her out from behind and last night for some reason I started licking her asshole which she responded very positively to, which turned me on, and I proceeded to eat her asshole out for like 5 minutes. It was a first for both of us. Pretty tame but I would have to say probably that.
Oh, 2023. When eating ass is "tame"...
2023 When eating ass is tame and a cream pie is kinky.
I wanna try this but i'm scared of nuggets
Don't go to poops house and be surprised when poops home.
This is the funniest thing I've read and/or heard l day
It’s gotta be post shower
Proper preparation prevents piss-poor performance. Poop, too.
Yeah, there’s like a million nerve endings there, it feels great.
My gf, her best friend, and I all drank one night and it ended up with my gf and I doing the dirty in front of her best friend. Her best friend started to touch herself as she watched. My gf and I got tired and took a break laying naked on the bed. Her best friend comes over and ends up sucking me off wanting to taste both of our juices. My gf and I look at each other and let it be so we start making out while I'm getting sucked on. I feel a lot of saliva come out of her best friends mouth which I ignored. Suddenly she stops sucking and says "I'm sorry I need to come clean about what just happened..... I threw up just now...." She threw up while going down on me... I got up, went to shower, and the night was over immediately. My gf and i agreed never ever again will that happen. I didn't even finish that night
....and that's how I met your mother?
Finally, I didn’t finish the show, so thanks for the reveal
I have been pissed on when cuddling but never puked, I had a friend's GF who liquid-shit the bed cuddling, id think Id want to die with that one..
Wait she shat form cuddling? Definitely don’t squeeze them that tightly lmao
Tootpaste
My ex-wife and a high school girlfriend have thrown up on my cock (seperate occasions). It is not enjoyable. Also, did not even want to finish either time.
I fell asleep with my jeans on at age 33 and woke up like I was in a fuckin nother dimension. Just wow what bed is this, is this my house? Why am I covered in drool? Either I became a werewolf orrrrr was in a light coma...
*and you may ask yourself, "how did I get here?"*
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again, after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
Hahaha That feeling when you're not sure if you're late for work, late for school you graduated from 15 years ago, or if it's Saturday.
Oh christ it's a little light outside... is this dawn or dusk?!
Getting the kind of sleep where you wake up not even knowing for a second what is happening or where you are is the BEST kind of sleep.
One time I woke up in a bed I'd never seen before in someone else's pants.
Ate a big prime rib dinner then farted so loud the sheets rippled
You are the last air bender
It’s 2023, what’s even considered freaky any more
Missionary.
Normalling. https://youtu.be/BuTyC14OQw8
Okcupid had this match question, "do you want your partner to be kinkier than you?" The possible answers were no, yes, and not possible. After joining fetlife, I determined that people who answered not possible were either vanilla, or the scariest motherfuckers on the block.
I had a fwb dude who thought he was a freak, I asked him a couple of times if he had fetishes and fantasies, and he always responded with something like “not that anyone can ever know of” so I thought it was something.. no one actually could never know of. I didn’t even disclose my perverseness to him, I thought I was the vanilla one compared. After a while he confessed that he liked watching videos of women peeing in the woods 😂 bless him
Had a fmf threesome with a bi/lesbian couple. Stipulation to it happening is I had to let the lesbian of the couple peg me. 15/10 would do it again. Edit: Thanks for the platinum! First time getting an award. To add some details and answer some questions. 1. Yes it was my first time being pegged. And yes I'd do it again and I'm 99% straight. Most touching of dudes happens in incidental contact in mfm I've had. 2. I used bi/lesbian terms to keep it simple. The bi girl and I played and the "lesbian"and my only contact was the vibe attached to her strap. 3. Started on my back so i could watch her go in and then her partner sat on my face. Switched to doggy while going down on her partner.
That’s like saying you can have candy if you eat ice cream first
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
You! Yes you behind the bike stands. STAND STILL LADDIE!!
They all won that day.
If I'm not mistaken, the order of those letters matters, correct?
To some.
Idk why but I find that response funny af
Some prices you just have to pay.
You've gotta pay the troll toll, to get into this boy's hole
Slept for a whole 8 hours uninterrupted. I still fantasize about this all the time.
full 8 hours that’s so hot!
I wouldn’t be able to fit a whole, extra long, meaty 8 hours down my busy schedule. I think I’d die if I even attempted to fit that whole thing!
After my uni graduation I went home and laid on my bed intending to check my phone for a little while before getting up to make dinner. This was around 5pm I woke up after 9am the next day. No idea how I was so tired that I slept 16 hours. I hadn’t even eaten anything more than toast and dinner was going to be my only substantial meal that day but I slept through it.
damn dude thats kinda beautiful
Cum from butt stuff without touching my dick at all
I don't know if I should feel jealous. I have tried butt stuff... many times. It just feels like I have something in my ass and nothing more
Passed out on the job with a girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks (missionary position). It's no excuse, but to be fair - it was my 22nd birthday, I'd been bought a **LOT** of drinks that night, and my dad had died two days prior.
Only thing I wanna say is rest in peace to your father.
Jesus that sounds like a roller coaster of a time emotionally
Peeing on someone while they were inside me.
I peed in my exes ass. It was very difficult but she asked me to so I did my best.
Yeah not easy to pee when your urethra is blocked, I did mine for pay
Yeah, and now, every time I try to pee with a hardon I remember trying to pee in her butt and it makes me smile.
This part of the thread is either where I keep going and read all of it or shut it down for the night lol
I ate a whole cake in bed the other day while watching the extended cut of the Two Towers. Sadly, these days as a single gent, that's about as kinky as I get.
"Looks like cake's back on the menu, boys!"
I'm a single woman that has also eaten an entire cake, amongst other snacks, in bed whilst watching the entire extended trilogy. One of the best nights of my life.
The night my husband died, I hadn’t eaten much in a few days and a friend was there and getting ready to leave. She asked if there was anything I’d want and I said “cake” because she always made us great cakes. She said “no problem”. I happen to live extremely close to a very famous bakery and little did I know she ran to that bakery and bought a 4 layer chocolate soufflé cake. She was back within about 15 minutes. A knock at the door and she had this beautiful cake, I was so surprised and grateful. We said our goodbyes again and she left. I stood in my kitchen that night by myself and cried my eyes out while I ate most of that cake that evening, just crying and crying. It did brighten my day just a bit and I’ll never forget Eleanor. Edit: Wow, I’m so thankful for all the sweet comments and sentiments, I didn’t mean to hi-jack the previous OP’s comment. My husband and I were together for 10 years before we got married in late 2014 here at our home, Eleanor and her husband were certainly here for that. Sadly my husband passed less than 4 months after the wedding from cancer we didn’t know he had until 6 weeks before he died and there was no treatment, he was 56, I was 43. Eleanor was very kind and helpful to me during that time as she was a retired nurse. Losing your spouse is so unimaginable and I’m here to say it’s even worse than you’d think. Peace.
That is a beautiful friend. She sounds like such a wonderful person. That cake sounds amazing, too. I really, really hope you're doing better these days. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.
one time i went to sleep, woke up and couldn’t move while some nightmare creature stared at me
Sleep paralysis can be wild.
Have mismatched sheets and pillow covers
You animal. I bet your sheets don't match the curtains either
Got a bj from the back. Then she proceeded to eat my ass. Weird feeling.
How does a bj from the back work? I get the other part but was her body behind yours and her head between your legs?
one way I know of is if you’re on all fours (or some position like that) and you swing the dick back through your legs so it’s facing outwards. Then, she sucks away whilst behind you.
I put my finger halfway up a dude's butthole. And that was enough
That is EXACTLY enough, assuming it's mid bj!
Ate my man’s butt and made him beg for more 🤷🏻♀️
Get it, girl
Eating on my SO side so my side doesn’t have crumbs but his side does lmfao
You Animal. Absolute savagery. Get some help.
do you find pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats?
smoked a joint while getting my back blown out.
Lol my ex and I used to do this all the time. You smoke and fuck often enough and the two mingle.
A foursome in my late teens. It was fun and memorable, but more like partner swapping and just having sex next to another pair than anything else.
Used a king size duvet on a queen bed.
Boss mode unlocked.
Ate a nature valley bar in bed
Psychopath
Twisted my leg at an almost 360 angle. If I had to guess, maybe 350? All I know is that I will NEVER do it again
Once this girl asked me to simultaneously fist her, choke her, and penetrate her analy(is that the spelling?) I felt like a confused sex pretzel.
Shoved a toothbrush up my butt
[удалено]
Asking the real questions
I once slept for 16 hours straight.
That beats my 11-hour personal best.
An ex and I swapped with another couple we met on Facebook
Did you forget to swap back?
My first time was with a friend while my partner at the time handcuffed me to a bed and watched from across the room. I was in high school, on a marching band trip. We were in the cabins of a campground (Camp Jameson for any of the real ones out there) and the walls were Thin. We *were* walked in on and it *was* awkward.
This one time, at band camp...
I fed a spider a dead fly with tweezers
Bro befriended the spiders so that they may assist him in the future
[удалено]
[удалено]
Sex club. It was watch or be watched night.
We have one of these in Albuquerque. Massive walkin showers, glass doors, beds galore. I only know this because one evening per month they rent the facility to a youth crafts fair, which I attended. A bunch of underage kids selling beads and jewelry and art under neon pink lights.
Now, they're banned from that Ikea
I dated this really nasty freak. She was like, "Oh yeah, let's do it. I'm so nasty." And I'd be nailing her. She'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me. Me so horny. Me love you long time." I grabbed her breasts, and they were like bags of sand.
Me so horny.. oh ME SO STUPID!
Ass to mouth
have you ever done ass to ass?
A guy wanked me off, while is gf blew me. I came on her tits, but one shot him on the left eyebrow
Years back i had a bunch of electric shock pens, and at one point I decided to, for fun , bring them out with a person I was dating- and we played with them while playing with each other. We discovered you can do a poor mans body contact probe, (ala violet wand style) by holding a shock pen on the other person with it active, and using your other hand elsewhere to touch them, which would be electrified and the current would run to them. I was surprised when I used them or did this on certain areas (pussy, clit,etc)and it forced her to have REALLY hard orgasms , without fail. It was also cool running my hands over her bicep or leg or armpit or pussy and clit and watching her muscles convulse. But once I got to a erogenous area, the moans were nonstop, every time, and she would be on her way, FAST. She then tried the same thing with me- and she starting playing with my penis while electrified, suddenly i felt the orgasm building, STUPID fast, as if i was masturbating, except i wasn't doing anything- and yeah, it worked on me as well, i'd be in a muscle clenching orgasm very soon, feeling the current running through my shaft. We discovered, it's really when you hit the right spots, it drives orgasms fast. It was really unlike anything else, suddenly having that feeling build hard- and then not being able to control the release at all and it was intense like nothing else ,every time. Though it took a bit of experimenting to find the right spots at first. We were even doing things like giving electrified massages with hands, and making out was interesting! It was interesting as well seeing her hit the area around my prostate and watching my penis spasm as if i was clenching that muscle on purpose(I wasn't)-hitting that area especially also triggered me getting hot fast as well.... I miss dating that person- the women i've dated and talked about this with since, didn't have an interest at the time in even trying anything with electricity, (or anything ,actually ) , and that killed all that ,sadly. I now have more dedicated equipment that BLOWS the old shock pens out of the water when it comes to forcing orgasms,,, (Violet wand and body contact probe, two estim units so far one of which can play audio thru electricity), and sidenote: When you can control (and adjust) frequency and power level, like with a dedicated Estim box [and have the pads in the right spots ] it does cause that heat of orgasms to come suddenly and build stupid fast, every time. ) but now no girl to play with.. Which is also why I have a long term goal to find one open to electro play- and just try things similar to what I did before , with the pens -and things i didn't get to. (electrified oral, playing music through the electricity and massaging someone with it , so they literally feel the music through the current- or electrified sex where both partners share the circuit -and other things like these that let you do insane stuff- and really drive someone wild. And there's the orgasm-forcing effect that only electricity can do) electro is known to be the one thing that beats *vibrators* in getting people off(, but it's a little cheaty in terms of how- The weak gentle currents spasms muscles in genitals and your erogenous zones, which is an indescribable feeling, ,the current actually activates erogenous nerves directly as it goes thru.genitals, and finally, the electricity goes through you , internally AND externally) So it shouldn't be a surprise it's kinda intense with all that going on^ Yes, some turn it up with some devices to where it's uncomfortable and intentionally do pain play (Analogy: a water stream can be made to be uncomfortable if you make the stream thin aarrow and high power), but personally for me(not into pain play really)- the gentle sensual and other erogenous direct effects of it on people- are *way* too spoiling- and nothing else can stimulate people like this... It must be one of the least known but weirdest secrets of science out there; that electricity will get someone off very fast before they realize it, when used correctly. Somehow i suspect no one else will have ever tried something quite like this... Hopefully I can find another 'sparky' someday....who'd have an interest in trying this sort of thing..,...
This was a wild read
Loved and accepted myself for who I am Then I woke up
My girlfriend at the time wanted to do a kidnapping roleplay. So we decided on having me tie her to her bed posts and I teased her with toys and slowly seduced her into submission. I didn’t think it was gonna be my thing but it got really hot and I really got into it. She basically pounced me when she got loose
I was having my Bi awakening, and I was going a bit crazy as a divorce process was going on. I dealt with it by having my first experience with a guy be a threesome with a gay couple. I was in between them
Holy shit
Lucky Pierre! I've had a FFF threesome and it remains one of the most fun sexcapades I've ever had.
I had a FFFF foursome with three of my friends, cocaine, alcohol and ecstasy were involved. It was great except I was supposed to drive 5 hours the next morning to go visit family. I did so on no sleep, which seemed like a good idea while I was still high at 8 am but I felt like an anxious zombie by the time I finished the drive to my parents house and had to try to pretend I felt fine.
Rolled over and woke up a complete stranger who wasn't there when I went to sleep.
A friend of mine fell asleep on her couch had a homeless guy break in and try to lay down with her, insisting it was his house. He was chased away finally by one of her guy roommates who heard raised voices. The crazy dude was hovering over her like he was just going to fall asleep on top of her. He didn't make any sexual assault moves, he was just casually going to nap on top of her it seemed.
Cum over my own face while jerking off
Bro has a sniper rifle
Eating more pineapple now?
I woke up hungover, face planted into half a pizza
Not vomit, so that's a win
Had sex with a woman
I (F) was in my 20s. I met a couple (FM) with which I decided to have a threesome with. It was my first time with a couple so I was nervous.... but they offered drinks and pot and massaged me to help me relax (super shy and anxious to start until i warm up to my partner). We talked first (including safe boundaries). Eventually, she made the first move. I made sure to be very attentive to the F as I had heard many female friends tell me they felt like they became third wheels when experimenting in bed. In a threesome, those girls began just watching their bf screw someone while they felt ignored and I didnt want that. I wanted this to be enjoyable for everyone so I really tried to service both but favor her just a bit more. I never ignored her or left her out at any moment. Never stopped touching her. She eventually passed me off to him and at some point the pot and group-make-out-session led out to the in-ground pool in the backyard. They had an extra tall fully enclosed fence and plenty of foliage surrounding the large yard. It was perfectly blue sky sunny weather with only a small puff of cloud here and there. She walked onto the pool deck and slowly stripped down to nothing before jumping into the pool. As i watched her, he helped me undress. Then I jumped in... he soon followed. I was... super stoned and relaxed. At some point, I was lifted back out of the pool onto a towel with my ass hanging over the edge of the pool wall. It made my hips the perfect height for face level of anyone in the pool. He was face deep between my thighs while his gf was under the water blowing him when I heard a noise coming from above. I was laid back taking it all in and feeling the warm sun on my skin... but trying to sober up to determine what i was hearing. Then I saw this small private plane flying over head. For a moment, I panicked.... As someone who usually had bad anxiety and was self conscious about my body... I briefly tensed up at the idea of people filming or watching. But as I focused my eyes and saw how far the plane was... and I felt his tongue dig deeper into me.... it was hard to care. I melted into his face as I felt watched. It was hot af. In that moment I felt no shame. I felt like a Goddess. I knew servicing me to completion was a top priority for them as much as it was for me to return the favor. We were just three consenting adults enjoying their youth in a private residence. Felt kinky AF.
Blindfolded and tied my naked partner (at the time) to a wooden chair in a huge empty room I had in my place. Sometimes she'd be gagged. Sometimes not. Complete darkness. Blaring black metal/emo. Light whipping/smacks. Scratching. Oral. I'd leave the room for 5 minutes or 15. Come back at my leisure. Music blaring the whole time. I'd eventually release her and we'd fuck hard for 10-20 minutes. Did this more than a few times. My friends would ask why there was a single chair in this huge room and I'd just say "That's how I do. DON'T sit in it!" Lol
Using bondage to completely immobilise my submissive friend, whilst using him for my own pleasure and tormenting him. Impact play on the same friend and some pegging.
All that just to be called a friend...
"I've got a frieeeend in me~"
Lol the friend zone has changed a lot from how I remember it.
Ate a full Indian take-out. Curries, rice, naan, Side orders and poppadoms.
Got peed on while she was on top and I finish in her while bounding up and down
Was having vaginal sex with my baby mama when we both realized what we really wanted was anal. There was no traditional lube to be had, so I ran to the kitchen and scraped my fingers across the softened butter on the counter and used that instead. I'll never forget the feeling of the toast crumbs on my shaft that night. Not my proudest moment.
A tinder date was into fisting, and she liked being stuffed front and rear at the same time. I’m a guy of quite considerable size with hands like bricks - she took it like a champ. Until that night and since then every time I tried was 4 fingers to the knuckles max. But she took half my forearms. It’s a sexual core memory for me. 😅