Almost died on one of those. 3hrs. Probably stood there 30mins. Sex was terrible, fell asleep at the wheel around 4am. Luckily I hit the rigged part of the highway and woke up. Pulled into a gas station and took a nap.
When my wife and I were dating, she 16, me 17. I snuck over to her house late at night. Her mom had a red car that was really sun faded. So this night I knocked on her window. Helped her crawl outside and started making out on the side of her house. She showed me that she "shaved", it was my first time seeing her like that and I went to town. We were trying to figure out how to do this standing up and decided to lay her face down on the hood of her mom's car. All is done and she goes back to her room.
I come over the next day to help her job hunt and she shows me her mom's car in the daylight. Not sure if you know but heavily oxidized paint on cars really like to absorb the oils from your skin. You can see the silhouette of a girl on the hood of the car. You can make out hand prints, a cheek, her boobs, even her bellybutton. Her mom didn't notice until she was in town and after driving her car to church. My gf (wife) convinced her that someone was playing a prank on her. I saved the day by washing and hand waxing her car.
Fast forward a few weeks and I decided to pay my gf another late night visit. This time it was in the back seat of my camry (because I had learned my lesson I guess). She went back inside and went to bed. I started my car (mind you this car was flawless and had no mechanical problems ever, I wouldn't hesitate to drive it from California to Florida) when I started it, the solenoid decided to stick and cause my starter to stay in the starting position. Not sure if anyone has heard this before but it's like sticking a screwdriver in a metal fan blade. Noisy af. Her mom came running outside, neighbors turning on porch lights and dogs going crazy in the neighborhood.
That was fun trying to explain why I was there. Lol.
Yeaaaahh she definitely figured out the truth with the red car when you volunteered to wash and wax it.
If she didn't catch on then, she definitely did when your car broke.
Don’t think it’d be the horniest but I here we go.
Ex and I were in her room while the whole family was home. She was not allowed to close the door anytime I was over. It was okay to leave it open to the point where even a centimeter gap was left open it just could not be closed.
Her and I were cuddling, and the random horny energy just appeared out of nowhere due to us just being really close to each other (y’all know the feeling lol).
Next thing you know, both of our bottom halves came off, blanket on and we went on a mission bravo 6 going dark w/ a suppressor because of her family being right there all hanging out in the living room.
2-3 minutes later, we heard footsteps and her mom talking directly to my ex as she was approaching and getting closer to the barely opened door. Both of our face lit up and I just swooped my head on her chest and pretended to be asleep while she turned her eyes towards the tv, at the same time rubbing my back.
This all happened within 3-4 seconds prior to her mom opening the door. Happened very fast. They finished the conversation and her mom left the room. I was still rock hard inside her. Her and I both looked at each other and decided to call it off because we both got scared lol.
—-
Later on I realized her mom probably knew what we were doing just because of the nervousness from my exes voice and most likely her facial expression.
> we went on a mission bravo 6 going dark w/ a suppressor because of her family being right
https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/137993n/going_dark_crackermilk/
I have one almost exactly the same except she was riding me on the sofa and her dad walked right up next to us, even made a comment about "don't sit on him, get off" while I'm hard in her, and then he grabs something and walks back out while we practically shit ourselves lol
Had sex with a girl on the hood of her car while it was in the driveway of her parents' house in the middle of a typical suburban neighborhood. Just a makeout session that got out of control. I happened to be wearing a huge jacket that draped over both of us while I was on top of her. So we went for it.
In my culinary class i burnt my hand really bad so i tried jerking off with the other one but it was weird so i just used the original it hurt like hell but whatevs
At a small town wedding, but the wedding was **huge.**
Talking like, quadrupled the population type. Two ‘important figures’ got hitched, and the brides family was very close to mine.
Got a little tipsy, and had a few shots I could’ve taken. But I was civil.. in public lol…
At the peak of the night, when most of the peoples of the place were in dance floor mode. I went to go to the bathroom, saw the line was stretched along a wall and sighed.
Friend of the family, who I had just met via drunk aunt intro’s, came up to me just then grabbed my arm a little and then squeezed after the question... *”We can use the church down the street. You need to use the bathroom, right hun?”* she was checking me out all night and I knew this was massive potential to lead to something wild asf
Long story short, I went motorboating inside of a church with some rich lady
I know her from work, at a b day party this year my buddy asked me to hang out w her cuz she was alone and aside from his parents and his siblings she knew nobody, we talk about stuff (shes a cop) and I was thinking she looks great then she mentions something about ice and i went to get it, i turn around and shes there, we make out and im thinking "WOMAN PLZ YOUR NEPHEW ISS LIKE FAMILY" but she keeps going hard at me and my low self steem but horny ass never experienced that much pressure, she took me to her car by the hands and i yell "I DIDNT DO NOTHING OFFICEEER"
Some, but not all, do what are called "privates". Pretty typical when they're just starting out, but I knew some well-regarded models who would still do privates for top dollar clients. Bill Maher was one of those clients.
As for the how...I never bothered to ask. I would assume through their agency or other friends within the industry.
Source: I've worked in the industry for over a decade.
Once I cut off circulation of my ejaculation and achieved a Heaven-like eight-minute orgasm chasing the feeling and then exploding at the end. I wouldn't do that again, but it was a fantastic feeling.
I’ve talked to multiple people about it and they say it isn’t healthy to do something like this. Yes, it was the most pleasurable thing I’ve ever experienced, but now I frequently pre-cum when I do it normally now. Don’t do it, you could seriously harm yourself.
Exactly. But I actually cut off the semen BEFORE it entered my penis. The buildup led to an eight-minute orgasm, I actually timed it, and it could have been longer if I could have withstand more pleasure/pressure. After eight minutes I had enough and just unloaded my biggest semen release of my life.
Get out of here man! You don’t want none of this shit! It’s called multi-orgasm and it’s the best feeling possible. It’s the cheapest way to get off and it’s non-habit forming. It turns all your bad feelings into good feelings. It’s a nightmare!
I once woke up around 2am and drove 4 hours to a girl's house after she called me over. I had to work the next day too.
Drove all the way there with a printout of directions from Map Quest. This was before modern day smart phones.
I even had the presence of mind to print out directions from the address she gave me to my job. I taped the return directions to my dashboard. Because that drive was gonna be ROUGH.
Worth it. She was BAD.
Fancied the shit outta this girl in university. She was a wee bit older. She worked in one of the local bars and had a side gig as a Suicide Girl, so I was borderline obsessed with her.
One night, thinking it would be another failed attempt to chat her up, things actually went my way and I ended up back at hers.
Not wanting to mess up my chance I made an absolute meal out of her pussy. Just ate that thing like the cure to cancer was at the back of it. She seemed to love the borderline worship and came really hard.
So anyway, I'm thinking nows time for the main event but she stops, says "that was wonderful but I have an early start tomorrow" and then rolls over to go to sleep.
So I tried to sleep but not a chance. My dick stayed hard for ages, the fucker was pulsating. So, I checked to make sure she was out, and then started to very discreetly see to myself.
Took ages but eventually I got close when it hit me "what the fuck am I gonna do with this when it comes out?"
No tissues or anything by the bed so I ended up just catching it in my hand.
Now I'm looking around this room in the dark for anywhere to deposit this. There's a bin by the bed but it's an auld wire mesh one with no bag, so that's no use.
I get my phone out to try and shed some light but this was back in the day, it was an auld 3210 with a dull Green glow that would barely startle a Gremlin.
Meanwhile, like any good sauce, this stuff is starting to separate in my hand and is getting more and more watery.
Anyway, this, THIS is the moment she decides to wake up and roll over to cuddle.
Desperately wanting to see this girl again and with no other options I took the only avenue left ...and hoofed it down my throat.
It's actually not as bad as it sounds, though I wouldn't be dipping my chips in it any time soon, the stuff was largely inoffensive.
Anyway, that was about 15 years ago at this stage and we now have three beautiful children.
LOL! Nah. We had breakfast the next morning but then she went off to some appointment and I went to class and I never got so much as her phone number.
She'd still flirt and tease me at the bar when I was around but I never got with her again. I think she got off on just how infatuated I was with her.
Eating the jizz was a low point but I really can't emphasise how hot this girl was. Overall, i still look on it as a good memory. That pussy was delicious
Hurricane irene hit my area really hard and there was intense flooding and trees coming down all over my town. I lived on the other side of town from my gf we were horny and i was in highscool at the time. I rode my bike 10 miles across town during the middle of the hurricane to get laid. I was the only person i saw the entire time aside from armored disaster relief trucks. I had to climb over giant trees and drag my bike across. I walked my bike through waist high flood waters where it was too rough to ride. I rode past dozens of downed powerlines and street signs. The wind was whipping person sized branches past me. I literally thought i was gonna die. Still got laid though so it was worth it. Looking back i cant believe what a horny little dumbass i was.
honestly, that walk itself sounded like the highlight. It lowkey sounded like an apocalyptic setting or something, and walking by yourself must've been pretty cool if not a bizzare and terrifying experience. Still how the fuck did you manage to do this in high school, my parents would've had my ass if they saw me walking out there lmao
Had a friends-with-benefits situation and we were both invited for a sleepover at a mutual friend’s place who did not know. We were sleeping on opposite sides of the mutual friend’s room but we were so horny that we would crawl across the floor to silently kiss and give oral. It was so hot and we were SO LUCKY the mutual friend who slept on their bed wore noise canceling headphones. Homie didn’t even stir and snored.
I miss it just thinking about it lol
Edit- to clarify, it was a straight FWB. So I gave him head and he ate me out.
A long time ago, my crush from band class gave me her old trumpet because she quit, so my immediate thought as a horny teenager was to empty her spit from the valve and use it to stroke my meat
Ashamed to say it, but when I was 17, I would sometimes smell the car seat of where my old gf would sit after one of our dates. We were never that intimate so I think it might’ve been my way of coping with it. I never told her about it.
Fingered an ex under the table when she handjobbed me during a family diner, with ver parents and grandparents a round the table. We were teenagers and used to have sex like 10 times a day. I have not met a single person with such a sex drive and I dont think ill feel that kind of intensity again….
Was playing pool on the second floor of a pool club, they usually didn't open it unless for tournaments but I played there a lot so they let me up there, it was just my and my ex gf.
She bent over to take a shot, I put my hands straight up her skirt and pulled her underwear down and smashed her right there over the pool table.
5 stars, would recommend.
Met this older lady at a night club at a resort I was staying at. We were outside sitting at a table on the patio socializing by ourselves when she just randomly threw out “I want to suck your d***”. Instantly dropped pants and she pleasured me underneath the table. Throughout the rest of the night we walked around the resort and she sucked me off 5 more times at random locations lol
Was pretty drunk at a wedding reception and took a woman to a storage area and completely slutted her out. Like really rough pounding, spanking, gagging her, calling her names, facial, ruined make up, it was hot and rough. We’ve been married for 11 years, together for 16. When the wedding pics pop up my wife always ask if I remember that wedding with a grin.
When I was in high school, this kid was making out with two chicks in the back of the school bus. I tried to insinuate myself, and was politely told to leave.
Was at a dive bar with friends. I’m a good clean guy but was thinking with my wrong head. Mother and daughter came in clearly looking for trouble and dude so I started a conversation with them…daughter was hot but def dressed like sluts. Decided to leave with them. Daughter was probably 21-24 and mom was in her forty’s.
I’m in the backseat drunk with another random dude that came along and mom and daughter in the front. At a red light mom who is driving did a line of coke. I was like wtf did I get into but still drunk and for some reason didn’t get out of the car.
Made it to some apartment complex who knows how long later. Went in and there was no furniture. Mom brought up some dudes that were hanging outside and they started doing drugs and doing a gang bang in the living room area.
The daughter asked me to come with her to the community pool. She gave me a blowjob by the hot tub area before a bunch of other dudes showed up and just started getting naked. I got out of the way and they just started running train on her right there.
I left the pool area and found a cool spot to sit by an apartment wall and passed out from somewhere around 3am to 5am. I woke up kinda sober and climbed a fence and started calling my buddies for someone to pick me up. I ended up being in the seediest part of town 25 miles away. I got picked up and brought back to my apartment.
Did a married woman anally standing up with her bent over a hotel balcony with cars passing below. I still don't think that tops the gal who went skinny dipping then blew all 3 of her friends.
Went on a solo trip in Japan, met up with a British guy on tinder, took him down a tight alley at midnight in shinjuku, sucked him off, plastered my face, said thankyou and went back to my airbnb haha
I masturbated while driving 100 mph in the middle of nowhere, almost wreaked. The post nut clarity hit really hard really fast. Would i want to be found with no pants on flipped in a ditch? Nah.
Got fucked in some small clearing between trees and shrubbery in some ravine. I ran into stinging nettle while we made our way down there and I had been wearing a skirt. It fucking hurt but I still let the guy smash 💀 He was great, we fooled around a few times that summer 😩
Hooked up with my ex’s aunt 2 years after we broke up. Even knowing full well that she had gone from an optometrists assistant (I think was the title), to an escort. I had always thought she was attractive as hell and I had graduated highschool a year and a half before. She was a pothead and as was I, I told her I knew where to get some Molly if she really wanted to have fun, we both took some and things went from there. This was almost 10 years ago now, I don’t do drugs anymore and I am married with kids, I slowed down, A LOT.
I was too horny and I decided to go fuck my ex when I was trying to stay the fuck away from her. She started sending nudes and I just decided to take her for another spin.
Same, but she had been stalking and harrassing me, and I recently found out she tried running over her ex before me. She said the right things on the right day and apparently it was worth the risk at the time.
I know I should say no but, it's kind of hard when she's ready to go.
Got drunk at dinner with my gf on our anniversary, and on the walk home and decided it would be a good idea to bend her over in a doorway just outside the city courthouse. After I filled her up we went around the corner to the plaza where there was a live music thing going on. We sat on a step, she sat on my lap and I played with her pussy (it was late and dark) and teased her for a little bit while we drank out of a flask. After we finished it we walked the rest of the way home and then we finished her off and went to sleep. That was a great night and it being at the courthouse was the icing on the cake lol.
LOL well I was going to say I, but I don't want to take all the credit, she participated too. 😂
Haven't been there yet, but who knows what will happen after a few too many drinks one of these days. 😂
Had sex with a girl in her car in a regionally known hiking trail parking area. We’re in her back seat going at it while trying to hide out of family’s views. 10/10 would recommend
Probably not the horniest, but it came to mind when I read some comments. I did some dumb shit in HS...
My ex and I were somewhere with her parents and drove separately from them. On our way back to her place, we made it there before her parents. She thought she forgot her key, so we did exactly what you would expect...
If you guessed that was lifting her skirt, sliding her panties to the side, and raw dogging her on the front porch in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday, broad daylight, full view of the road, in bible belt suburbia... you win!! I didn't realize the weight of what happened until I pulled out and came in a potted plant on the porch! Oh, and turns out she actually had her key!
Thinking back on that relationship, we had sex in a lot of wild places, but that one takes the crown!
Had worked a really long day at a customer site with the CEO/primary owner and one of the other owners. We worked from 8 in the morning until 8 at night and then had a 7 hour drive back home. We were rotating drivers. I tried to sneak in a nap so that I wouldn't fall asleep during my shift. I was in the backseat and for some reason horny as hell and just could not fall asleep due to the boner. So I threw a jacket over me and got myself off.
1980, 19 years old, in the Navy (and I swear, if any one of you starts singing it...so help me...) and stationed at the Navy Annex, living at Fort Myer. There was a "porn" theater, not far off base. I put "porn" in quotes, because they never showed hard x-rated films; the actors' privates actually had a black box over them on the screen. For my age, with extremely limited exposure to porn except for my occasionally beating off to, this was pretty stimulating to a horndog as I was back then. After leaving a playing one night, there was a telephone booth just outside the theater. I called my then girlfriend (who is now my beautiful wife of nearly 36 years), collect, via my parents' phone line (look it up, this is how long distance was done back then), we spoke for a while (we had not yet begun intimacy with each other, but damn, her voice!).
It was about a 1.5 mile walk back to the barracks, dead quiet, and probably close to midnight. I was horny beyond reason, and I never liked masturbating in the bathroom, and I couldn't in my room because my 2 roommates would definitely notice.
Right next to Fort Myer us Arlington National Cemetery, and there was a stone wall about 4 feet high and absolutely no one around except the sentry at the guard shack about 1/4 Mike up the winded road.
I couldn't take it anymore, I was almost painfully erect, leapt over the wall and hid behind a rather huge monument. I did the deed, thinking of my girlfriend (the movie really wasn't that stimulating or even inspiring), finished rather quickly and got myself back together, jumped the wall and kept walking back to the barracks...
Within the next day or so, walking to my shift at the Navy Annex, curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know whose graveside I soiled the other evening...
I found the monument, walked around to the front, and the name Robert Todd Lincoln stared me right in the face..I honestly don't recall my initial reaction, but I do remember laughing almost all the way to work.
It was a good day...
EDIT: Instead of being civilly corrected and informed of my mistake, I've been told that I'm "full of crap," that Mary Tidd Lincoln is buried in Springfield, IL. I did some digging (pun intended) and discovered it is ROBERT Todd Lincoln who is buried in Arlington National Cemetery. I've edited my post, and I feel a bit less "embarrassed" that I didn't soil her gravesite/memorial.
2nd EDIT: everyone please bombard u/JackfruitJackelope with a plethora of thanks for responding to my correction of my photographic memory, and not recollecting and saving for posterity, the EXACT name of the gravesite that I soiled, one night, 44 years ago.
Fucked my girlfriend on the tile floor of the local pizzeria , i was the dough guy .. the dough shiift started at 4am ,she passed by for a quickie at 6 am, later on that yearthe new manager girl was flirting and i asked what she was doing tonight , she said "you"
I had mojo back then, not as much these days lol. Good times
Drove 2 hours to just fuck for 2 minutes
those drive homes afterwards are the worst
Almost died on one of those. 3hrs. Probably stood there 30mins. Sex was terrible, fell asleep at the wheel around 4am. Luckily I hit the rigged part of the highway and woke up. Pulled into a gas station and took a nap.
caught a flat on the way home after a 2hr drive for 20mins of mediocre sex. that post nut clarity hit different, should’ve stayed home & beat it
Just beat it? (Beat it)
This is why I always beat it bro. Every stupid thought that was going through your mind mere seconds before instantly vanishes without a trace.
Why would anyone do that? There are hot, horny singles in your neighborhood. The internet told me so!
i can attest , but for some reason they all ask for my credit card number
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Wdym? That was 3 already.
Traveling hundred miles for vertical smiles
Fucked a woman that was 30+ years older than me in the back seat of her car while her dog watched. Unintentionally got myself a sugar momma for that.
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It’s time to log out of Reddit, MizzLickles.
Forever.
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The KGB couldn't have got this info out of me.
I hope this didnt awaken anything inside you.
When my wife and I were dating, she 16, me 17. I snuck over to her house late at night. Her mom had a red car that was really sun faded. So this night I knocked on her window. Helped her crawl outside and started making out on the side of her house. She showed me that she "shaved", it was my first time seeing her like that and I went to town. We were trying to figure out how to do this standing up and decided to lay her face down on the hood of her mom's car. All is done and she goes back to her room. I come over the next day to help her job hunt and she shows me her mom's car in the daylight. Not sure if you know but heavily oxidized paint on cars really like to absorb the oils from your skin. You can see the silhouette of a girl on the hood of the car. You can make out hand prints, a cheek, her boobs, even her bellybutton. Her mom didn't notice until she was in town and after driving her car to church. My gf (wife) convinced her that someone was playing a prank on her. I saved the day by washing and hand waxing her car. Fast forward a few weeks and I decided to pay my gf another late night visit. This time it was in the back seat of my camry (because I had learned my lesson I guess). She went back inside and went to bed. I started my car (mind you this car was flawless and had no mechanical problems ever, I wouldn't hesitate to drive it from California to Florida) when I started it, the solenoid decided to stick and cause my starter to stay in the starting position. Not sure if anyone has heard this before but it's like sticking a screwdriver in a metal fan blade. Noisy af. Her mom came running outside, neighbors turning on porch lights and dogs going crazy in the neighborhood. That was fun trying to explain why I was there. Lol.
Just the thought of her driving that car through town and to church is just hilarious
Yeaaaahh she definitely figured out the truth with the red car when you volunteered to wash and wax it. If she didn't catch on then, she definitely did when your car broke.
I had told her that I was coming from my cousins house and my car started making a horrible noise so I pulled it up to her house.
Listen, folks…whatever we’ve done, no matter how desperate or cringy, at least none of us have repeatedly fucked a rotten coconut on purpose.
I..I please tell me ….no…..
Reddit history, up there with the poop knife.
Don’t think it’d be the horniest but I here we go. Ex and I were in her room while the whole family was home. She was not allowed to close the door anytime I was over. It was okay to leave it open to the point where even a centimeter gap was left open it just could not be closed. Her and I were cuddling, and the random horny energy just appeared out of nowhere due to us just being really close to each other (y’all know the feeling lol). Next thing you know, both of our bottom halves came off, blanket on and we went on a mission bravo 6 going dark w/ a suppressor because of her family being right there all hanging out in the living room. 2-3 minutes later, we heard footsteps and her mom talking directly to my ex as she was approaching and getting closer to the barely opened door. Both of our face lit up and I just swooped my head on her chest and pretended to be asleep while she turned her eyes towards the tv, at the same time rubbing my back. This all happened within 3-4 seconds prior to her mom opening the door. Happened very fast. They finished the conversation and her mom left the room. I was still rock hard inside her. Her and I both looked at each other and decided to call it off because we both got scared lol. —- Later on I realized her mom probably knew what we were doing just because of the nervousness from my exes voice and most likely her facial expression.
Been there my man.
How did you meet his girlfriend?
Did you not get the memo?
> we went on a mission bravo 6 going dark w/ a suppressor because of her family being right https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/137993n/going_dark_crackermilk/
SEAL TEAM 69 EXECUTIN' A HIT
WTFFFF AINT NO WAY
I have one almost exactly the same except she was riding me on the sofa and her dad walked right up next to us, even made a comment about "don't sit on him, get off" while I'm hard in her, and then he grabs something and walks back out while we practically shit ourselves lol
investigated reddit subreddits
Came out with a plexiglass fetish. Do not recommend.
What on earth is a plexiglass fetish? I’m scared to google 😅
Had sex with a girl on the hood of her car while it was in the driveway of her parents' house in the middle of a typical suburban neighborhood. Just a makeout session that got out of control. I happened to be wearing a huge jacket that draped over both of us while I was on top of her. So we went for it.
How big was this jacket
Frodo’s coat when Sam falls down the mountain looking at the black gates big
In my culinary class i burnt my hand really bad so i tried jerking off with the other one but it was weird so i just used the original it hurt like hell but whatevs
Jeez, you couldn't wait til you got home?
He needed some ingredients.
At a small town wedding, but the wedding was **huge.** Talking like, quadrupled the population type. Two ‘important figures’ got hitched, and the brides family was very close to mine. Got a little tipsy, and had a few shots I could’ve taken. But I was civil.. in public lol… At the peak of the night, when most of the peoples of the place were in dance floor mode. I went to go to the bathroom, saw the line was stretched along a wall and sighed. Friend of the family, who I had just met via drunk aunt intro’s, came up to me just then grabbed my arm a little and then squeezed after the question... *”We can use the church down the street. You need to use the bathroom, right hun?”* she was checking me out all night and I knew this was massive potential to lead to something wild asf Long story short, I went motorboating inside of a church with some rich lady
Just motorboating?
Just motorboating some chick and then wandering back to the party is a very funny image.
Blububububububbubububub. Anyway, I think I hear my jam!
You motorboating son of a bitch you
You old sailor you
My friend literally told me to hang out with his aunt and we did more than that
…go on…
username checks out.
I know her from work, at a b day party this year my buddy asked me to hang out w her cuz she was alone and aside from his parents and his siblings she knew nobody, we talk about stuff (shes a cop) and I was thinking she looks great then she mentions something about ice and i went to get it, i turn around and shes there, we make out and im thinking "WOMAN PLZ YOUR NEPHEW ISS LIKE FAMILY" but she keeps going hard at me and my low self steem but horny ass never experienced that much pressure, she took me to her car by the hands and i yell "I DIDNT DO NOTHING OFFICEEER"
She took you by the hand. Made you a man.
that one night
THAT ONE NIGHT
r/unexpectedoffice
So wrong/ so right /all night /all right /oh yeah Edit: So raw?
You made everything alright.
CAVITY SEARCH!
Jerked it to some mountains that looked like titties.
Twin Peaks
The Grand Tetons?
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My man that 10k could’ve gotten you 1 hr session with like 5 top tier porn stars
My man that 10k could’ve gotten you 100 sessions with high tier strippers at HK in TJ
Can you really just book a porn star? How would you even go about doing that? Start yelling? HEY RILEY REID, WHERE ARE YOU
Some, but not all, do what are called "privates". Pretty typical when they're just starting out, but I knew some well-regarded models who would still do privates for top dollar clients. Bill Maher was one of those clients. As for the how...I never bothered to ask. I would assume through their agency or other friends within the industry. Source: I've worked in the industry for over a decade.
We may have a winner
The post nut clarity must've hit hard
Please tell us this was 10k in like Zimbabwe Dollars or hell even the Yen would be more acceptable
Once I cut off circulation of my ejaculation and achieved a Heaven-like eight-minute orgasm chasing the feeling and then exploding at the end. I wouldn't do that again, but it was a fantastic feeling.
Wait why wouldn't you try this again cause I just got an idea
I’ve talked to multiple people about it and they say it isn’t healthy to do something like this. Yes, it was the most pleasurable thing I’ve ever experienced, but now I frequently pre-cum when I do it normally now. Don’t do it, you could seriously harm yourself.
Had a buddy die from that in high school. It’s called the choking game or something like that. Definitely don’t recommend doing it.
But..... an 8 minute orgasm!
That’s what your grave will read
Went down fighting hard
He died doing what he loved
Himself
They call it the Carradine Method.
He don't think he choked himself, just his dick prior to ejaculation. I'm guessing the buildup of pressure made it more pleasurable?
Exactly. But I actually cut off the semen BEFORE it entered my penis. The buildup led to an eight-minute orgasm, I actually timed it, and it could have been longer if I could have withstand more pleasure/pressure. After eight minutes I had enough and just unloaded my biggest semen release of my life.
you cant say "dont do this" but keep saying stuff like this
Get out of here man! You don’t want none of this shit! It’s called multi-orgasm and it’s the best feeling possible. It’s the cheapest way to get off and it’s non-habit forming. It turns all your bad feelings into good feelings. It’s a nightmare!
I once woke up around 2am and drove 4 hours to a girl's house after she called me over. I had to work the next day too. Drove all the way there with a printout of directions from Map Quest. This was before modern day smart phones. I even had the presence of mind to print out directions from the address she gave me to my job. I taped the return directions to my dashboard. Because that drive was gonna be ROUGH. Worth it. She was BAD.
Usually that kind of story ends with the appearance of Chris Hanson.
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so do you still keep up the tradition or do you use a bed like a buncha' chumps?
Had sex in the mental institution with my then committed GF in a room with no locks.
one blew over the cuckoo's nest
Drove literally all day to have sex and didn’t actually have sex. Saw a cool dam though
You saw a good dam? Are you a beaver?
My Dick brought me to places I woudnt go without a gun.
Tell me more
Bold words for someone within ~~gun~~cumshot distance.
Fancied the shit outta this girl in university. She was a wee bit older. She worked in one of the local bars and had a side gig as a Suicide Girl, so I was borderline obsessed with her. One night, thinking it would be another failed attempt to chat her up, things actually went my way and I ended up back at hers. Not wanting to mess up my chance I made an absolute meal out of her pussy. Just ate that thing like the cure to cancer was at the back of it. She seemed to love the borderline worship and came really hard. So anyway, I'm thinking nows time for the main event but she stops, says "that was wonderful but I have an early start tomorrow" and then rolls over to go to sleep. So I tried to sleep but not a chance. My dick stayed hard for ages, the fucker was pulsating. So, I checked to make sure she was out, and then started to very discreetly see to myself. Took ages but eventually I got close when it hit me "what the fuck am I gonna do with this when it comes out?" No tissues or anything by the bed so I ended up just catching it in my hand. Now I'm looking around this room in the dark for anywhere to deposit this. There's a bin by the bed but it's an auld wire mesh one with no bag, so that's no use. I get my phone out to try and shed some light but this was back in the day, it was an auld 3210 with a dull Green glow that would barely startle a Gremlin. Meanwhile, like any good sauce, this stuff is starting to separate in my hand and is getting more and more watery. Anyway, this, THIS is the moment she decides to wake up and roll over to cuddle. Desperately wanting to see this girl again and with no other options I took the only avenue left ...and hoofed it down my throat. It's actually not as bad as it sounds, though I wouldn't be dipping my chips in it any time soon, the stuff was largely inoffensive. Anyway, that was about 15 years ago at this stage and we now have three beautiful children. LOL! Nah. We had breakfast the next morning but then she went off to some appointment and I went to class and I never got so much as her phone number. She'd still flirt and tease me at the bar when I was around but I never got with her again. I think she got off on just how infatuated I was with her.
I don’t know what I expected while reading this, but that was NOT it!
Imagine how I felt
Damn, she sounds selfish tbh
This post is a work of art
Didn't feel like that at the time but Im glad something good came out of it
Bruh omfg, I nearly choked on my fucking water.
Better than what I choked on
So I guess it wasn't worth it hey lol I'd have probably rubbed it on the side of the bed or the floor lmfao
Oh it was definitely worth it. It's better to have lusted and lost than never to have lusted at all. I do often wonder how she is now though
At least it want your cum I guess?
you win
In an emergency you can push with reasonable force on your taint and you won't actually let out any cum. Your welcome.
You might even achieve an eight-minute-long orgasm!
yo that's too meta for this thread
Can you describe it for left handed people?
This does not sound like advice anyone would thank you for
God damnit dude
Eating the jizz was a low point but I really can't emphasise how hot this girl was. Overall, i still look on it as a good memory. That pussy was delicious
So red head, I now understand
It's my weakness
Hurricane irene hit my area really hard and there was intense flooding and trees coming down all over my town. I lived on the other side of town from my gf we were horny and i was in highscool at the time. I rode my bike 10 miles across town during the middle of the hurricane to get laid. I was the only person i saw the entire time aside from armored disaster relief trucks. I had to climb over giant trees and drag my bike across. I walked my bike through waist high flood waters where it was too rough to ride. I rode past dozens of downed powerlines and street signs. The wind was whipping person sized branches past me. I literally thought i was gonna die. Still got laid though so it was worth it. Looking back i cant believe what a horny little dumbass i was.
honestly, that walk itself sounded like the highlight. It lowkey sounded like an apocalyptic setting or something, and walking by yourself must've been pretty cool if not a bizzare and terrifying experience. Still how the fuck did you manage to do this in high school, my parents would've had my ass if they saw me walking out there lmao
Had a friends-with-benefits situation and we were both invited for a sleepover at a mutual friend’s place who did not know. We were sleeping on opposite sides of the mutual friend’s room but we were so horny that we would crawl across the floor to silently kiss and give oral. It was so hot and we were SO LUCKY the mutual friend who slept on their bed wore noise canceling headphones. Homie didn’t even stir and snored. I miss it just thinking about it lol Edit- to clarify, it was a straight FWB. So I gave him head and he ate me out.
Yeah, sounds like your friend without benefits knew EXACTLY what they were doing when they put on the noise cancelling headphones.
A long time ago, my crush from band class gave me her old trumpet because she quit, so my immediate thought as a horny teenager was to empty her spit from the valve and use it to stroke my meat
You basically got a blow job
Bluetooth blowjob
As a trumpet player The fuck
This guy put the horn in horny
This is right up there with the guy that sniffed his car seat where his ex sat
This is way, way worse
I didn’t wake up this morning expecting to compare these things, but, for what it’s worth, I’m with you on this one
Jesus Christ dude 😧
A one armed Mormon stripper
go on...
Too late i already finished !!!
Ashamed to say it, but when I was 17, I would sometimes smell the car seat of where my old gf would sit after one of our dates. We were never that intimate so I think it might’ve been my way of coping with it. I never told her about it.
Jesus Christ dude
I know. It’s bad. This isn’t even my main account because I don’t want it to be shown there haha
Fingered an ex under the table when she handjobbed me during a family diner, with ver parents and grandparents a round the table. We were teenagers and used to have sex like 10 times a day. I have not met a single person with such a sex drive and I dont think ill feel that kind of intensity again….
Gahhh damn
*“Hey Frank, I’m giving this guy a handy under the table. You jealous?”*
Was playing pool on the second floor of a pool club, they usually didn't open it unless for tournaments but I played there a lot so they let me up there, it was just my and my ex gf. She bent over to take a shot, I put my hands straight up her skirt and pulled her underwear down and smashed her right there over the pool table. 5 stars, would recommend.
Who won the game though??
Pool balls prob went everywhere
Can confirm. Had my quarters on the rail. Not a bad show for $1
2 balls, centre pocket.
I hope you chalked up first before slamming it into her corner pocket.
Met this older lady at a night club at a resort I was staying at. We were outside sitting at a table on the patio socializing by ourselves when she just randomly threw out “I want to suck your d***”. Instantly dropped pants and she pleasured me underneath the table. Throughout the rest of the night we walked around the resort and she sucked me off 5 more times at random locations lol
Jesus christ 6 times? What are you the chosen one?
No, she is.
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Hey, it's me, your friend from reddit
HERE WE GO AGAIN!
Was pretty drunk at a wedding reception and took a woman to a storage area and completely slutted her out. Like really rough pounding, spanking, gagging her, calling her names, facial, ruined make up, it was hot and rough. We’ve been married for 11 years, together for 16. When the wedding pics pop up my wife always ask if I remember that wedding with a grin.
Damn she’s lucky
When I was in high school, this kid was making out with two chicks in the back of the school bus. I tried to insinuate myself, and was politely told to leave.
He musta had a million dollars.
Went skinny dipping and then gave 3 blow jobs
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To your bf or 3 different men?
3 friends
"Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot" /s obviously
Was at a dive bar with friends. I’m a good clean guy but was thinking with my wrong head. Mother and daughter came in clearly looking for trouble and dude so I started a conversation with them…daughter was hot but def dressed like sluts. Decided to leave with them. Daughter was probably 21-24 and mom was in her forty’s. I’m in the backseat drunk with another random dude that came along and mom and daughter in the front. At a red light mom who is driving did a line of coke. I was like wtf did I get into but still drunk and for some reason didn’t get out of the car. Made it to some apartment complex who knows how long later. Went in and there was no furniture. Mom brought up some dudes that were hanging outside and they started doing drugs and doing a gang bang in the living room area. The daughter asked me to come with her to the community pool. She gave me a blowjob by the hot tub area before a bunch of other dudes showed up and just started getting naked. I got out of the way and they just started running train on her right there. I left the pool area and found a cool spot to sit by an apartment wall and passed out from somewhere around 3am to 5am. I woke up kinda sober and climbed a fence and started calling my buddies for someone to pick me up. I ended up being in the seediest part of town 25 miles away. I got picked up and brought back to my apartment.
Did a married woman anally standing up with her bent over a hotel balcony with cars passing below. I still don't think that tops the gal who went skinny dipping then blew all 3 of her friends.
True, by my reddit algorithm, you are just beneath her.
Just behind her, even.
Went on a solo trip in Japan, met up with a British guy on tinder, took him down a tight alley at midnight in shinjuku, sucked him off, plastered my face, said thankyou and went back to my airbnb haha
8th grade. Jerked off as I was walking home from track practice. Like actually walking and jerking it at the same time through a neighborhood.
I’ve done that. Literally walking home from school. To be a teenager…
Like just out in the open? Not even under a coat or sweatshirt?
I masturbated while driving 100 mph in the middle of nowhere, almost wreaked. The post nut clarity hit really hard really fast. Would i want to be found with no pants on flipped in a ditch? Nah.
Got fucked in some small clearing between trees and shrubbery in some ravine. I ran into stinging nettle while we made our way down there and I had been wearing a skirt. It fucking hurt but I still let the guy smash 💀 He was great, we fooled around a few times that summer 😩
Hooked up with my ex’s aunt 2 years after we broke up. Even knowing full well that she had gone from an optometrists assistant (I think was the title), to an escort. I had always thought she was attractive as hell and I had graduated highschool a year and a half before. She was a pothead and as was I, I told her I knew where to get some Molly if she really wanted to have fun, we both took some and things went from there. This was almost 10 years ago now, I don’t do drugs anymore and I am married with kids, I slowed down, A LOT.
Let a couple guys watch me finger my pussy and asshole until I came. I didn’t know them.
Oh was that you!?
Lol
Fucked my hand *Sad Music starts to play*
Like..... you cut a hole in your hand.... and fucked it?
Ah, the Jesus jerk
Nailed it.
I was too horny and I decided to go fuck my ex when I was trying to stay the fuck away from her. She started sending nudes and I just decided to take her for another spin.
Same, but she had been stalking and harrassing me, and I recently found out she tried running over her ex before me. She said the right things on the right day and apparently it was worth the risk at the time. I know I should say no but, it's kind of hard when she's ready to go.
Got drunk at dinner with my gf on our anniversary, and on the walk home and decided it would be a good idea to bend her over in a doorway just outside the city courthouse. After I filled her up we went around the corner to the plaza where there was a live music thing going on. We sat on a step, she sat on my lap and I played with her pussy (it was late and dark) and teased her for a little bit while we drank out of a flask. After we finished it we walked the rest of the way home and then we finished her off and went to sleep. That was a great night and it being at the courthouse was the icing on the cake lol.
> we finished her off " we " ?
LOL well I was going to say I, but I don't want to take all the credit, she participated too. 😂 Haven't been there yet, but who knows what will happen after a few too many drinks one of these days. 😂
Had sex with a girl in her car in a regionally known hiking trail parking area. We’re in her back seat going at it while trying to hide out of family’s views. 10/10 would recommend
Probably not the horniest, but it came to mind when I read some comments. I did some dumb shit in HS... My ex and I were somewhere with her parents and drove separately from them. On our way back to her place, we made it there before her parents. She thought she forgot her key, so we did exactly what you would expect... If you guessed that was lifting her skirt, sliding her panties to the side, and raw dogging her on the front porch in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday, broad daylight, full view of the road, in bible belt suburbia... you win!! I didn't realize the weight of what happened until I pulled out and came in a potted plant on the porch! Oh, and turns out she actually had her key! Thinking back on that relationship, we had sex in a lot of wild places, but that one takes the crown!
Beat my shit to a ceiling titty
You get in a house of certain era, you could pound away in virtually every room of the house.
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I have a feeling that some did figure it out, not to mention the smell must be noticable
Had worked a really long day at a customer site with the CEO/primary owner and one of the other owners. We worked from 8 in the morning until 8 at night and then had a 7 hour drive back home. We were rotating drivers. I tried to sneak in a nap so that I wouldn't fall asleep during my shift. I was in the backseat and for some reason horny as hell and just could not fall asleep due to the boner. So I threw a jacket over me and got myself off.
Jacket on. Jacket off.
1980, 19 years old, in the Navy (and I swear, if any one of you starts singing it...so help me...) and stationed at the Navy Annex, living at Fort Myer. There was a "porn" theater, not far off base. I put "porn" in quotes, because they never showed hard x-rated films; the actors' privates actually had a black box over them on the screen. For my age, with extremely limited exposure to porn except for my occasionally beating off to, this was pretty stimulating to a horndog as I was back then. After leaving a playing one night, there was a telephone booth just outside the theater. I called my then girlfriend (who is now my beautiful wife of nearly 36 years), collect, via my parents' phone line (look it up, this is how long distance was done back then), we spoke for a while (we had not yet begun intimacy with each other, but damn, her voice!). It was about a 1.5 mile walk back to the barracks, dead quiet, and probably close to midnight. I was horny beyond reason, and I never liked masturbating in the bathroom, and I couldn't in my room because my 2 roommates would definitely notice. Right next to Fort Myer us Arlington National Cemetery, and there was a stone wall about 4 feet high and absolutely no one around except the sentry at the guard shack about 1/4 Mike up the winded road. I couldn't take it anymore, I was almost painfully erect, leapt over the wall and hid behind a rather huge monument. I did the deed, thinking of my girlfriend (the movie really wasn't that stimulating or even inspiring), finished rather quickly and got myself back together, jumped the wall and kept walking back to the barracks... Within the next day or so, walking to my shift at the Navy Annex, curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know whose graveside I soiled the other evening... I found the monument, walked around to the front, and the name Robert Todd Lincoln stared me right in the face..I honestly don't recall my initial reaction, but I do remember laughing almost all the way to work. It was a good day... EDIT: Instead of being civilly corrected and informed of my mistake, I've been told that I'm "full of crap," that Mary Tidd Lincoln is buried in Springfield, IL. I did some digging (pun intended) and discovered it is ROBERT Todd Lincoln who is buried in Arlington National Cemetery. I've edited my post, and I feel a bit less "embarrassed" that I didn't soil her gravesite/memorial. 2nd EDIT: everyone please bombard u/JackfruitJackelope with a plethora of thanks for responding to my correction of my photographic memory, and not recollecting and saving for posterity, the EXACT name of the gravesite that I soiled, one night, 44 years ago.
Well Mary Todd Lincoln isn’t buried in Arlington, but Mary Todd Lincoln’s daughter-in-law Mary Harlan Lincoln is. Wild place to do it nonethless xD
Redditors try not to ask sex related questions (hard mode)(not easy)
H-hard? 🤤
Got into a 3 year toxic relationship because the sex was out of this world
Degenerates all of you
Went skinny dipping then this chick blew my 2 mates and I
Had sex with three different girls from the same town. One of them blew me right before picking up her sister in a driveway
Fucked my girlfriend on the tile floor of the local pizzeria , i was the dough guy .. the dough shiift started at 4am ,she passed by for a quickie at 6 am, later on that yearthe new manager girl was flirting and i asked what she was doing tonight , she said "you" I had mojo back then, not as much these days lol. Good times
i cut a hole in the bottom of a stuffed animal and went in raw, it hurt and i immediately regretted it