My brother is consistently several hours late. Won’t call/respond to texts, just appears without explanation/apology. I stopped making plans with him after he asked for a ride to the airport, told me to be there at 5am and he wasn’t even awake yet, because we didn’t need to leave till 8. That mofo intentionally told me to be there 3 hours early because he has poor time management skills and assumes everyone else does. It’s infuriating.
I started telling these people that they need to make their own travel arrangements because it's so much less damaging than screaming at them. You just... take care of you. I'll meet you there.
My wife, after missing several flights and “almost miss other several flights” I have decided to go to the airport by myself and not have to worried about her being late all the time.
And somehow I am unreasonable and mean.
That’ll do it. Once I missed a flight because I made a mistake about the time it took off. Haven’t done that again. You learn from your mistakes. Don’t enable us, please, for your own sake.
I was told that people who are always perpetually late don't respect you or your time. I have a cure for that be there or I'm leaving your MFA problem solved lol
Sounds like my dad
"Thanksgiving dinner is at 5? Let me just show up at 7 and be mildly irritated at the scraps left for me to pick from"
Maybe be considerate and get here on time and you'd have more of a selection. I dunno, just an idea.
Jesus I thought my brother was narcissistic lol 😂 everybody has things though where they don’t know how it appears to other people. We all lack self awareness in some area
My friend is like this. He sets like 10 alarms each 5 minutes after the other. He claims it helps him wake up. Instead it conditions him to keep hitting the snooze button, and he still ends up late.
I wake up on one alarm every single time.
I’m also a snoozer, but I *do* actually get up on my third alarm, and I’m never late. I just love the feeling of being cozy in my blankets for 15 more minutes before facing the world lol
I used to be a many alarm person. What actually helped me the most is a bit counterintuitive... I stopped setting alarms altogether. I leave my window shades open enough that sunlight comes in in the morning and I'm wide awake earlier than I ever was when I had set an alarm. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, it also works when I need to be up super early; I frequently have to be up at 5-6am for work on random singular days and somehow my eyes just open 15 minutes before the alarm (I do set one on those days to be sure).
I had a roommate like that in college. She would set her alarm for really ridiculous time, like 3am, because she intends to get up early to study.
And she would set multiple alarms because she said she’s a heavy sleeper and one isn’t enough to wake her. That I’ll give her. She didn’t snooze any of her alarms. She would be snoring in her bed while alarms go off one by one, and none would wake her.
I lasted about a week and moved out. 😂😂
I recently bought my buddy’s truck and the first time I showed up somewhere expecting to be precisely late it turned out his clock was fast. So I decided not to check exactly how fast, and I sat there waiting for life to start moving again as one of the early people. Would not recommend 0/10
I'm the opposite, I'm always ridiculously early to things. 10 minutes up the street? Better leave 30-40 minutes early... whoops, made it in 6 minutes. Guess I'll just sit here 30 minutes.
But when I'm late? It's because I don't want to be there.
I met someone for a casual first date once who was always super early like that, I later learned. We agreed to meet at 9:00. I on the other hand usually run late a bit, but this time I was extra careful to be sure to arrive on time. I was cutting it close, but still wandered up at 8:59, just made it.
And my date was PISSED. Actually I saw her walking away from our meeting spot and ran up to catch her. I got berated, "Why are you so late! I've been standing here waiting alone for a half hour already, and I was done waiting for you and going home." Me: "Buuut, we're meeting at 9:00 right?? It's 9:00 right now." Her: "Yeah, but that doesn't mean show up at the last second! That's so inconsiderate."
I mean, if you want 8:30, then say 8:30? She calmed down and I still tested the waters to hang out for a bit, but her personality mostly remained about as calm and pleasant as that first interaction.
My uncle has a unique method of telling the time. Everything is rounded to the next 15 minutes until the half hour, then it's the next half hour.
It's 9.03? No, it's 9.15. It's 9.34? No it's 10 o'clock as far as he's concerned, and so everyone must just work with that.
She sounds like alot of our patients at the hospital I work at. "I've been here an hour already when am I going in" "sir your appointment isn't for another 30 minutes may I suggest not arriving 2 and a half hours early next time"
Before kids, I was early almost all the time, noting crazy, about 5 to 10 minutes. With kids it's usually between 3 minutes early and 2 minutes late, because one of them has to use the bathroom right as we need to walk out the door.
If my husband tries to "go fast", he always ends up taking longer.
I have two family members who are always late.
One is due to terrible time managment.
The other believes they are the main character. They believe the event won't start until they get there so why bother rushing?
We used to have that problem... until we stopped waiting for them. If we say we're eating at noon and they're not here by 12:05, we start without them and they can join when they get here. Meeting up to leave/ride somewhere together at 2pm? If they're not here by 2:05, we leave without them. That happened twice, and now they're usually early.
That's exactly how it's fixed. Too many people don't have the backbone to start on time, and the always-late aren't stupid, they know this. Start at the posted time.
I have Crohn’s disease. I can sit at home all day and be fine. But the second I need to leave I have to take a shit. Sometimes more than one / don’t feel like I’m finished
That being said, I know I have these issues so I start trying to go 30 minutes before I have to leave. But sometimes my stomach just doesn’t want to cooperate.
This is my thing 100%. If I know I have to be somewhere my stomach is like “hah! Challenge accepted.” Same for if I’m stuck in traffic or at a busy place and there’s one bathroom 😂
Sameeee but it’s IBS for me, sometimes I think it just something I ate but a lot of times I’ll feel like I’m done shitting or peeing then feel the need to go again when I pull my pants up….
Dude I cannot even imagine that sucks, just recently i've been having those "not feeling like you're finished" but you don't want to just sit on the toilet pushing nothing out, mild torture.
How does that work long term though? If you think showering will take 10 minutes but over time you find it takes 15, why don’t you just adjust your expectations? Same theory applies to all things…
Edit: I have ADHD.
I read that a lot of people like this assign things that take less than a minute a 0 value. So like tying your shoes is 40 seconds so it’s 0 time. Then when you have a bunch of these in a row all of a sudden it’s been 10 minutes and you underestimated.
YES. In my head I'm like "we need to leave at 5.20" but I never factor in getting shoes on, getting kids buckled in, etc. We need to *start* leaving at 5.15.
lmao I am the opposite and it drives my husband crazy. We need to leave at 5:20? I start rounding everyone up (1 child and 1 husband) at 5:10 so we are in the truck before 5:20. husband usually thinks he can squeeze in a game of rocket league at 5:05. ha, I think not sir
This is EXACTLY what I do. Or I think "we need to be there at 5" so I'll time it to where we get there at 5. But then you might have parking and walking or finding the exact room or whatever it is. I always think of that part ON the way then have horrible anxiety about being late and being an a**hole. Now that I'm almost friggin 40 I'll think about BOTH parts and am mostly on time (ish) these days.
My trick for that is I bundle all of those little zeros into a 10 min allocation. So like it's not tying my shoes = 0 + grabbing my watch and wallet = 0. It's tying my shoes, getting my pockets sorted, and grabbing my watch = 2 mins. And I just have that group of tasks in my brain as final tasks before leaving my room = 2-3 min.
Lol, I always think EVERYTHING will take at least 15 minutes. Gotta wash my face and brush my teeth? 15 minutes. Get dressed? 15 minutes. Drive somewhere 6 minutes away? 15 minutes
For me, I have no “feel” for what 15 minutes is, unless I’m staring at a clock constantly. I get in the shower, get out of the shower, was that 5 minutes or 15? No clue how long it’s been till I check.
this is exactly why i started listening to a specific playlist in the shower. might not remember how many songs have passed while i’m in there but i know when Frank Sinatra (the song, not the singer) comes on, it’s time to get out.
The bathroom is my worst enemy. I'll tell my husband I'm gonna take a quick shower and next thing I know it's been 20 minutes. I zone out terribly in the shower.
That's me. I have a pretty good sense of time. I joke that my superpower is that I can put something in the oven and come back to check on it with less than a minute left. It's not uncommon that I'll get so close that the oven timer beeps right as I get the oven mitt on. My wife is the opposite. She has no sense of time. She always thinks things will take less time than they do. I used to be on time when meeting up with people, now I'm married. And it's only gotten worse since having a kid 😂
I have the same kind of knack. For as long as I can remember if I put something in the microwave I'll usually (probably 8 times out of 10) end up walking back into the kitchen just in time to hear it ding. My boyfriend didn't believe me until we started living together. He calls it my shite superpower. Ha ha.
That’s even more wild to me. Time blindness is real and I have it and it sucks. I could be hanging with a friend and not know if I’ve been there for 45 min or for 3 hours unless I have visual cues like a clock or I can see the sun go down. I can think I did something 5 days ago but in reality it was several weeks. I will have memories of taking my meds and assume I did it that morning, but that memory was from the previous morning or the night before. I’ve got bottle caps with timers on them now so that’s solved, but everything else is still confusing.
Getting ready to leave the house in my mind should take me no longer than 20 min. But that only happens if I’m checking my clock every minute. If I go into the bathroom to brush teeth, wash face, and put in contacts, 30 min can go by without me realizing it. I’m constantly setting phone timers to go off every 5 or 10 minutes when I need to be staying on schedule. So being late for stuff has nothing to do with how much I care about someone else’s time, or my general unorganization, or laziness.
Sorry this turned into a vent. But I am very jealous of your abilities lol.
This is 100% me. Easily one of the things that I feel the worst about because I don't know anybody in my personal life who also deal with this level of time blindness. It's so draining to deal with
Time blindness is a real thing. I have this issue as well and I try and try to manage my time better but I can’t feel time and I can’t predict it. It’s hard to understand if you don’t have this glitch.
I have to use external timers for everything because otherwise I fall into a time black hole but I also have a huge problem with object permanence so a few weeks ago the cleaner moved my desk timer and I promptly forgot about it even though I use it continually each day and… fell into time blindness till today when I was looking for something and I found the damn timer.
It sounds so ridiculous even to me.
Same! My non-adhd sister uses timers for everything and moved very smoothly.
But I find that either the timers start making me anxious or my brain starts ignoring them because they’re not important.
My most helpful strategy is having a goddamn digital clock in every single room. I also find wearing a watch to be helpful.
I manage to get to things mostly on time. But I am a total mess when people at work expect me to tell them how long something will take me. I’m not good at estimating it, and it helps me to overestimate. So I’ll be like “ummm I expect to get this done in an hour” and I have definitely had bosses or colleagues be like “this should only take you 30 minutes, what’s going on that this would take you an hour?” And you know. I avoid giving time frames for work if I possibly can because of these experiences.
Set an alarm on your phone. If you know it takes 10 mins to shower, set an alarm for 10 minutes so you know. Time blindness is super common for people (like me) with Adhd, so if you have many of these struggles in your day to day life, consider getting yourself checked
Time to get a digital watch. My Casio is the only reason I'm not like this, I literally do check the time every 5 minutes. Haven't been late to anything in years.
Hmm never thought about that. You don’t sense time the way I do. I am never ever late and manage time extremely well. I don’t need an alarm because I always wake up 10-15 minutes before my alarm every day (still set it though).
My adhd daughter has zero awareness of time and thinks fifteen minutes of TikTok has gone by but it’s been four hours.
I feel sorry for her when I realize it means her job feels like it lasts a hundred years every night and she can’t ‘plan’ her day.
Ugh, you’d think it would work that way, but it doesn’t for some people. I have ADHD and once an expected time gets stuck in my head, that’s how much time my brain defaults to, even if it isn’t realistic. I’ve literally even set timers to time out how long things actually take in order to reset my brain. Now, I’ve put analogue clocks with faces and minutes in every room in my house, so I can actually see the minutes decreasing. It mostly works, but I’m still 10 minutes late for work most mornings, even if I wake up extra early. I have no idea where the time goes. It’s deeply frustrating. Thankfully I work at a place that doesn’t care that much, and I put in tonnes of overtime anyways, so am not shortchanging work, but it’s a problem that I genuinely struggle with that’s really hard to explain to others who can sense time passing. It’s like I don’t have that sense. Time is only now.
I used to joke that I was kidnapped by aliens as I always lose 10 minutes somewhere when trying to leave the house. It's like one moment it's too early to leave, blink, now you're late.
This is a great explanation for how it is. I also have ADHD, and this is exactly how I am. I try to put clocks on almost every wall in my place, so I can always see the time.
This sounds like my manager. She shared with me that she has severe ADHD. She’s constantly late for meetings that she sets with me, up to an hour late. How frustrated should I be with her? It’s gotten to the point where me and her other direct report are very frustrated.
Just give her 10 minutes grace and say you can meet another time. ADHD or social anxiety or whatever can’t be an excuse for everything. Your time is valuable as well. I personally am not waiting on you for an hour because you can’t be on time.
I used to be like this. I couldn't figure out where I was losing time. A walk that should take 2 minutes took me 10. Sometimes people would tell me I moved slow and I had no idea what they were talking about. This went on for years.
Then I was diagnosed with depression. Now that I'm on medication I have a better sense of time. Mental illness can be a mindfuck.
They probably can’t adjust their expectations any more than someone with ADHD can just no longer have ADHD. Time blindness, executive dysfunction, and other related issues that contribute to chronic lateness are associated with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. You can’t just will yourself to stop because the issues are hardwired into your brain and how it functions.
Because people who struggle to process time struggle to process time. It’s *really* confusing and hard to implement adjustments like that because there’s a processing issue that’s overshadowing your time blocking. Heck, with time processing issues, you can fall behind even when using a schedule someone else has made for you!
In addition to being time-blind like /u/GegenscheinZ I do not have an overview of all the steps involved in a task. For example, I can check on google maps that my commute takes 15 minutes. But then I forget that it also takes time to put on my shoes and my coat, turn off the lights, take my bike out of the shed, and walk from my bike to my office desk.
I have tried to say okay I will need extra time for that, but how much time I have no clue. If I’m like okay let’s schedule 30 minutes extra, I will have a similar problem with whatever I’m doing beforehand (eg I have no clue how long it takes me to eat breakfast), and then I leave late anyway
Gotta love that ADHD
I used to be that person. Late ALL the time. Always had an excuse... But, the truth was that I just didn't make being on time a priority. Interesting to note, I would NEVER miss a flight or an appointment that was "important", like a job interview. For me, I think it was a passive-aggressive thing. Now, I just work towards doing what I say. My friends actually believe me (now) when I say I'll be there at a certain time. And, I don't stress about being late all the time... because I'm not. I allow plenty of extra time to get where I'm going, and get there early. In business, "If you're not 5 minutes early, you're late" is a great thing to understand.
It's really not even the lateness that bothers me. It's saying you'll be somewhere and then not saying something before the actual time you're supposed to be there.
Was in a very similar position to the poster above. I was the friend who was known as the “late one”, always in a rush, never ever on time etc etc.
I made my New Year’s resolution 2018 to stop being late to things. It sounds simple but all you need to do is leave earlier, that is it. If Google maps says 30 mins, give yourself 45 mins. If it says an hour, give yourself 1hr 20.
I now arrive 15/20 mins early to pretty much everything I go to. I’ve come to embrace being early. Meeting friends at a pub? Arrive early, find the best seats, order a pint and relax. Pub too busy? Walk to the next nearest one and tell your friends where to go.
Now for the amazing part. This has genuinely had an unbelievably positive impact on my mental health. I can’t stress enough how much more relaxed I am as person, it’s changed my entire outlook on life.
This was the best decision I have ever made and would anyone to commit to the lifestyle change!
Good luck!
>I made my New Year’s resolution 2018 to stop being late to things. It sounds simple but all you need to do is leave earlier, that is it. If Google maps says 30 mins, give yourself 45 mins. If it says an hour, give yourself 1hr 20.
I've tried exactly this countless times in my life, and it rarely works. Wiggle room is fatal when you have a distorted sense of time. If you set an alarm to leave 1 hour and 20 minutes in advance, but you *know* that the 20 minutes is "padding," then your brain says "ok, I dont *really* have to leave now, I have 20 minutes of wiggle room: I can finish this important email in 5 minutes and still be 15 minutes early instead of 20 minutes early." But then 5 minutes later you look at your watch and it's actually been 21 minutes.
I've had a lot more success by setting an alarm for the *exact last moment* I have to leave. So when the alarm goes off I know I have to drop everything this very second and head straight to my car or else I *will* be late. There is no wiggle room for my warped time-sense to misjudge. I may still occasionally be late due to the usual external factors: traffic, etc., but on average it works better than leaving my internal clock in charge.
> ok, I dont really have to leave now, I have 20 minutes of wiggle room: I can finish this important email in 5 minutes and still be 15 minutes early instead of 20 minutes early.
This is a prioritisation thing. You've decided the email is more important than the thing you put off doing.
To add on to what the other poster said regarding leaving early, you also need to give yourself more time to get ready. People underestimate how long is takes to get ready and actually get in the cars they leave a few minutes after they should.
This compounds with other issues outside their control like traffic or forgetting something and next thing you know you’re late. If it takes you 20 minutes to get ready then allow yourself 30.
The passive-aggressive thing sounds familiar. My mom is always late and she said years after she divorced my dad that she would be late on purpose to spite him. But unlike you she has never changed 😂
I'm no longer this person, but I was for many years. It was undiagnosed depression. Just making it to the function was a success some days, forget under some kind of condition like being on time.
Wow my narc mother was always late for everything too but I just thought that's how she was, but this makes so much sense!!
I on the other hand cannot be late for anything it is so damn rude!!
Yup that's how I am also, I show up early and drive around so I can be right on time, all because of my mother.
Now I have teenagers and it gives me ptsd
My dad is perpetually VERY early. Like 30 minutes early is practically late. We showed up for an event at a family friends’ house an hour and a half early and they were very clearly not ready for us to be there. They’ve been friends of my parents’ for decades so they know how he is and they weren’t put out by it, but they were still straightening up the house and needed to take showers, etc. The next time we showed up that early, I (kindly) told my dad that being so early to events is just as rude as showing up that late. He’s now much more reasonable in being early. More like 10-15 minutes
I now show up as close to perfectly on time as possible. I’ll wait in my car if I’m early and head to the door a minute or two past the designated time
Imo showing up early to someone's house is more rude than being late. I won't come in if I'm 10 minutes early to someone's house, I would wait outside. If someone shows up to my place 10 minutes early, there a 100% chance I am not ready and it will cause me a ton of anxiety. If I have a bra on, they are very lucky
That's why I start events on time regardless of people showing up late. Not that I want her around, but my MIL started being on time after she missed the baby opening Christmas presents. Everyone was saying let's just wait and I said "nope". People who treat your time as less valuable than theirs are scummy and shitty people.
Same thing with my business partner. If we have calls/meetings planned with partners/peers I'm starting at the scheduled time. I don't care if you're inconsiderate enough to take a call 2 minutes before our scheduled meeting. You can walk into the meeting 13 minutes late and come off like a lost child
When my parents got older, I was in charge of getting them to family events(Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc). I would always tell them it was an hour earlier than it really was just so I could get them there on time. My mom would always find out what I did same be upset with me, but by the next event she would have forgotten and I would do it again.
>That's why I start events on time regardless of people showing up late.
This works. A friend's best friend was always late to stuff. My friend's birthday, we're going to lunch, meet at restaurant at 2pm and this one would message to say she's running a few minutes late but would only arrive at like 3.15 or 3.30pm.
One day we just said "oh well" and ordered starters and mains and ate. By the time she arrived desserts were coming. She was pissed, but so were the 16 people who were there waiting for her to arrive.
Didn't happen again, though.
People will use negative behaviour as a way to control people and situations. My fil will use his stubbornness and even his anxiety as a way to control situations and people.
This is interesting. Had a very toxic and narcissistic boss who was never on time at all. Everyone in the office came in at 9 or even earlier, but she was always able to roll in at 10,11, sometimes even noon. Never thought it could be a narcissistic thing. She was always on time for company photoshoots and events tho 😵💫
Wow I never connected the two either! Had a narcissist boss who was plenty toxic in other ways but it would drive me crazy that she would be 10-15 min late to every single meeting. Didn’t matter if she was leading or if there were other VIPs joining. I was her keeper so I got really good at small talk and sincere apologies. Just realizing now it was all a power move..
This, I'm late to work a decent amount because I fucking hate that place, I do not respect it, and most of the time there's nothing to do anyway; but I'm always early when meeting people because I hate making people wait for me
I was told there are two types of people who are late: The first type is someone who is optimistic about being able to have enough time to do what they have to do and just ultimately not managing their time right. The second are people who think the world revolves around them and couldn’t give a second thought about other ppl than them.
I'm definitely the first type. My mental clock assessment of how much time something will take always excludes the in-between stuff and how long it takes.
Like, say to be somewhere at 1pm, and it's a 20 minute drive, I think no problem, I'll leave at 12:37. But somehow I always get caught up in whatever I'm doing, until 12:35pm, all relaxed, thinking "plenty of time, just one more minute", then realize about 5 different "oh crap, I still need to ...." (close up the house, change clothes, need to eat a bite, grab stuff I need to take with me), then notice I'm nearly out of gas and need to fill up, then need the time to park and get to where I'm going. So I'm always sprinting around multitasking haphazardly in a panic, finally leave at 12:58, and arrive at 1:25 all stressed and apologetic.
I know this. I know this will happen. I still can't seem to fix it. If I give myself an extra 20 minutes, somehow I encounter 40 min of stuff I need to do before I leave. I'm a very reliable 20-25 min late to everything somehow.
> The first type is someone who is optimistic about being able to have enough time to do what they have to do and just ultimately not managing their time right.
It's a chronic problem for people in general. Most people underestimate how long it will take to do significant projects, it's just that for normal everyday stuff most people eventually get a handle on it.
This is also why smart contractors will think about how long they THINK it will take, then add on some extra time to actually get how long it WILL take, because that first estimate is almost always low. It's better to be done with your project early than to say it will take two hours and it actually takes four.
I’m 100 percent the first type and am pretty consistently 20 minutes late to things. Even when I try so hard; I literally sometimes see the clock in my car and have NO IDEA how it got to be that late when I started getting ready on time and didn’t dawdle. I’ve finally started to tell myself “yes, you think you’ll have time to walk the dog, take a shower, do makeup and hair, choose an outfit, and do this extra thing that doesn’t seem like it will take much time. However, you know this always backfires on you so how about you do the most essential thing, the thing you can’t leave without doing, first (shower and get ready), then the dog, THEN the other project if you have time.”
Same here. Perpetually lates means no regard for anyone else's time. In my mind, this is selfish.
Wife has a close friend who is like this. I can't stand it and will refuse to vacation with them because of it
Not necessarily always the case. There are studies (and no I can’t provide links, they are ones I’ve come across over the years) that certain cultures tend to always be late whereas others are always early or on time.
In my culture, showing up early to something is seen as odd, I don’t know why. Every wedding I’ve been to with a start time of say, 6PM, people don’t start tricking in until an hour and a half to 2 hours after the start time. And nobody thinks anything of it. People trickle in all night long and it’s acceptable.
>I don’t understand this. Why set a time at all if it’s not used.
I think some people / some cultures think of "setting a time" differently than others.
If I'm meeting a friend for coffee at 9 and they show up at 9:05 or 9:10, that's perfectly fine with me, unless I've specified that I'm on a tight schedule. For a casual event I see 9:10 as functionally identical to 9am. When I suggest 9am I mean it as a spectrum, not a hard line.
I have friends and relatives who are much more regimented about time, and if they say 9am *they mean 9am on the dot,* and the moment it ticks 9:01 they feel that a commitment has been breached and their time has been disrespected. Even if they're just meeting up for a casual social event and there's no objective reason the coffee would taste different at 9:02 vs. 9:00.
Of course when there are reservations, show/concert tickets, etc. involved, flexibility isn't always merited, but for the vast majority of social situations I think we can all afford to imply an "ish" after any time we specify.
Same.
I'll be 15 minutes early to my funeral.
I'm the type to stand in my front room and look for who evers coming over's vehicle. I don't want to make others wait. On that note, I'm always the first to leave parties and have perfected the 'Irish exit'.
Me too. I understand why people are quick to think that it is intentionally disrespectful or passive aggressive or because I simply don't care enough about being on time. It is annoying to wait. But time management is a skill, just like public speaking or mathematics or watercolour painting. Some people are naturally bad at certain skills, including time management, for whatever reason (in my case late diagnosed ADHD as well). It is something that I am working on and getting better at, but I am nowhere near perfectly punctual.
I'm either fashionably late, or annoyingly early because I'm overcompensating for my chronic tardiness. It's taking me some time to find a healthy balance.
yeah same, mine was diagnosed as a kid but i still haven’t fully been able to get rid of the time blindness. i use an app that times every step of my morning routine so i don’t take too long on tasks, and i use another app that reminds me to set everything i need out the night before. i have a special alarm app that makes me do puzzles and walk around. i use waze every single morning so i can get a feel of exactly how long i need to get to work on any kind of traffic day. using these methods i’m normally under 5 minutes late (used to be worse before i started doing this!), which isn’t really a problem at my current job because there’s no time clock and a lot of people are a few minutes late. i’m never late to things like meetings, i never miss flights or mess up reservations or anything like that. i mostly just have a lot of trouble with mornings. i know there’s other people like me who are really trying but still end up a few minutes late. i hate it every single time. i’m not a narcissist, i don’t disregard other people, it’s just a lot harder for some people and people who have never experienced this wouldn’t know how you can try and really care about being somewhere on time and still somehow mess things up.
this one :( I never LEARNED how to manage time, I couldn't see how long each task took to do, so I was always getting ready too late to be on time. I'm a lot better now, but school was definitely hell for me in that regard. Once I was diagnosed, it gave me the information I needed to manage my brain and realise that even if others might be able to do things faster, I simply can't and need to allow myself more time because I always get distracted and forget things a billion times before I can make it out the door.
This is the reason I am never late. I have so much anxiety over being late, I am always early. I tend to wait in my car or wander around the vicinity to not actually show up somewhere where it would be rude to be early. I found this extra difficult when I had a kid and have to get them ready too. My husband is a leave the house with only the exact amount of time needed person, thankfully he is accommodating to my anxiety and we meet in the middle. Usually this means I get me and the kid ready and he just has to get himself ready by a specific time 😅. I am medicated now so it's not as bad as it was.
My parents are late to everything and have been my whole life. They just wait until the last minute of when we are supposed to leave to get ready i have no idea why
I think there is a bit of a difference between perpetually late to work in the morning by a few minutes because getting out of bed is torture, and being late to meet friends etc. I am usually a few minutes late for work (probably averages at 7 minutes), I'm supposed to sign in at 7.15 but rarely do. When it comes to friends and stuff like that, i am more likely to be on time or early.
To add to what you said - I think being a few minutes late is a lot different than being like 30 min late or late and lying to a friend that you are “almost there,” or “5 more minutes” when it ends up being 20 minutes.
-someone who has often been a couple minutes late. It’s a habit for me often so that I would like to grow upon. The comments calling people lazy and other words is very harsh. I would say late can be a disrespect but you never know what it is like being in someone else’s shoes and regardless it may also be a habit. We all have our things that won’t please everyone. Just do your best in the matter of what your best looks like today♥️
I used to have major time blindness/poor time management. Then I was diagnosed with ADHD and once I started managing it … no longer late! I suspect a lot of people have a similar issue. For the ones who don’t - likely just rude/self involved.
I have ADHD too and my time blindness is so bad..it’s getting to the point where I think I’m just really fucking stupid. :( I’ve had multiple instances where something started at 10:30 so I would wake up at 6 to get ready and would STILL somehow manage to be late. I’m such an idiot and I don’t know why I can’t process time accurately. How did you learn to manage your time blindness? I really, really need help.
Not op, but I suspect I might have ADHD too and that's how I manage it, for example leaving for work:
- I have to be at work by 8am. I check the bus, the one that arrives before 8am starts from my bus stop at 7:15am.
- I have about 3-4 min walk to my bus stop so latest I can leave comfortably, without having to run is around 7:08 am.
- I know I am VERY slow in the morning, so I set my alarm for 6am, with cushion up until 6:05am.
- I can finish making breakfast until 6:30 and eating until 6:45, 6:50 being the latest. If I can finish earlier, then it's better, I only make things that are quick and smaller portions so I can eat quickly as I'm a slow eater.
- That leaves me around 20 mins to get dressed, brush teeth etc. Sometimes I'm still surprised it's 7:05 and I haven't left the bathroom yet lol
Also: what helped me immensely is a wristwatch. Phone distracts me too much and being able to quickly look at the watch without the distractions of social media really does wonders. Also I've practiced this routine for over 10 years, which is why I have the times in my head up to a minute. If I have a lot of buses I can choose, not one per hour, then I'm usually later than earlier tbh. Also, if I traveled by car I'd definitely have to redo the whole harmonogram because I have no bloody idea how long is the route from my house to work. I just know bus takes around 30 mins. With other events, anxiety of being late overcompensates time blindness for me.
The watch is a good tip I am going to try this because when I look at my phone for the time it’s so easy for me to be distracted and… I forget I was there for the time.
I don't know but I do know my sister was so bad we started telling her family stuff was starting an hour earlier than they actually did so she would show up on time. She caught on after a while and has been better though.
I just think she was a procrastinator and just waited until the last minute to do things and would run out of time all the time.
This is my mother.
I think the worse of her running lates happened last Christmas. My sister hosted, and when Mom was already 30 minutes late, we called her, and she had just started making the food she was bringing -and she lives 15 minutes away from my sister.
She showed up 2 hours late to her grandson’s first Christmas. Baby went to bed an hour after she got there.
I have really awful time blindness due to untreated (not for a lack of trying, healthcare system just sucks) ADHD. I feel like a lot of people don't really understand what time blindness is, so they're quick to just call you lazy or disrespectful. But sense of time is a real skill/trait, just like your sense of hearing or smell. Most people have it. Some don't.
I pay attention to the time. In fact I probably watch it closer than most. I always have a clock in sight. I have an alarm go off every 10 minutes so I always know what time it is. Most people can guestimate "this task will take me 3 minutes", and be done in about 3 minutes. Whether through practice/experience or just a really good sense of time.
Not me. Nothing is ever a consistent time. Supposed 30 minutes recipes take me 2 hours to make (this has happened multiple times. I still don't know how), so I don't really cook anymore. Getting dressed/ready takes me anywhere from 2-20 minutes and I don't know why the variation because I'm really not doing anything aside from getting ready. Don't put on makeup, don't do anything with my hair aside from throw it up in a ponytail, only wear whatever I grab first, etc. Yet still how long it takes is entirely unpredictable.
I've tried all the advice everyone gives me (without asking, I might add).
"Leave/get ready 10 minutes early". Okay somehow that makes it worse, because my brain is then tricked into thinking I have spare time so I try to get more done, then I'm 10 minutes late. I never seem to be on time unless I'm getting ready last minute and rushing out the door.
"Set up everything the night before". I do that. I always have my purse and backpack set up. All the stuff I need for work is in the same place, ready to grab and go. My wardrobe is simple and easily accessible. Everything is always set up ahead of time. I still forget stuff. My phone. My purse. My work badge. My backpack. Food. Water. Even though everything is there and ready to go, I still forget.
"Set alarms". See aforementioned "alarm every 10 minutes". I'm not exaggerating. The only time I don't have an alarm is when I'm supposed to be asleep. Alarms don't seem to help me, but I try to use it anyway.
"Use calendars and set reminders". I have 3 different calendars, and 3 different alarm/reminder apps. Doesn't help.
I'm trying. I'm really really trying. I've gotten a bit better this past year. And I'm *WAY* better than I was years ago when I was in highschool/beginning of college. But I'm still late or just barely on time for literally everything I do. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much. No one wishes they were on time and had their head screwed on straight more than I do. I'm really fucking trying within the best of my abilities.
And I still get called lazy.
Fuck time blindness. It sucks.
No dig or insult taken, I completely agree!
Trying to get things sorted out and get therapy for it, but the place I was referred to can't even be assed to call me back. It's going great 🙃
I see you and I understand. If they only knew how hard we try. Even when we tell them, and even if they attempt to be understanding, most people will eventually lose patience because it's just incomprehensible to them that there's anything to it other than laziness. It doesn't matter how early I start my day or plan things out. I'm still learning how to separate me from my disorder and accept that symptoms are not just me, but it's so hard when that's how other people see it.
There are obviously people who are habitually late because they don't care or think the world revolves around them, but there are also people who exhaust themselves to be punctual when their brains are literally working against them, and for whatever reason we're all grouped together. My brain is supposed to be my guiding force, but it's my biggest obstacle in so many instances. I've broken down on countless occasions because of it. Trust me, people, I hate this about me more than you possibly could.
Thank you for sharing this :( unfortunately, this is so relatable for me. What’s worse is when your loved ones refuse to believe ADHD even exists (I’m diagnosed, sought out on my own at 21 years old). My mom will NEVER believe in my ADHD or stop making me feel bad about being 5-10 minutes late, so I just have to deal with it. I’ll run in to wherever I’m going, usually sweaty/stressed/apologetic and still be berated for my tardiness.
They haven't figured out what "cushion time" is. For a chronically late person, trying to show up an hour early generally results in them being on time. Also, in most cases they don't realize the damage and disrespect they're causing from being late.
My son gave himself zero time cushion when going to school because he felt it unnecessary. He would walk out the door and right up into the school bus a minute later when it pulled up.
He got a reality check when the bus arrived a minute early and passed his empty stop once. The idea that the time cushion could apply/compensate for OTHER people’s actions was shocking to him.
Still perpetually late/low or zero margin at 21, sadly. Family missed a flight because of this a few years ago, I’m am still a little salty when even that hasn’t resolved this.
Before I was diagnosed and found a medication that worked well for me, my reason was ADHD time blindness and executive dysfunction.
When I would try to perform a task, my brain wouldn't see the task as one discrete thing to be completed. I'd see the thousand little micro-actions I'd have to take to complete that task, and I'd become quickly overwhelmed by it all. Combine that with the fact that I didn't have a good sense of time passing, and I'd end up late for nearly everything. Getting out of the house was a feat.
The most common reaction I'd get was "If you really wanted to be on time, you would be," but believe me when I say that if I could have done something about it, I **would** have. I was screamed at, belittled, lost social supports almost as soon as I'd gain them, failed at many basic life tasks, was in constant legal trouble from things like missing jury duty, not paying parking tickets on time, etc.
It was absolute hell, and I'm so glad it's over.
I'm so jealous of you (and every other ADHDer in this thread who got their time blindness fixed) for getting treated 😭 I'm trying so hard to get treatment right now but mental health care in my area sucks so hard. They can't even return a phonecall, and phonecalls are so hard for me to make! I hope my time blindness gets fixed once I start therapy/medication. It's the thing that's fucking up my life the most right now, as well as the thing that I'm spending every ounce of energy I have into fixing, to the point I have no brain capacity left to fix anything else. My room currently looks like a bomb went off in it....
1. Getting out of bed is the single most difficult task of any given day. No matter how many alarms I set, getting up is a serious struggle.
2. I underestimate how long it takes me to get ready, and I'm overly optimistic about how quick I can be.
3. I used to show up early and stay late every day and still never got caught up, so now I'm burnt out and realize it doesn't matter when I show up.
4. I don't matter enough for my tardiness to really make a difference to anyone.
I'm still working on getting control of time blindness without overshooting into planning paralysis.
Time blindness: an inability to accurately track or keep awareness of the passage of time; it "slips away" unless you're intentionally tracking time. I once sat at my computer for 6 hours and wrote 10,000 words of a final draft without realizing it until I noticed there was no more daylight coming through the window.
Planning paralysis: "I have an appointment at noon so I need to leave at 11:45 so I need to eat lunch at 11:15 so I'll have to be dressed and ready by 10:45 which means I need to start getting ready at 10 so I should probably set my alarm at 9:30 just to be safe, and if I wake up earlier than that I really won't have time to do anything else so I'll just sit on my bed watching stuff on my phone till the alarm goes off"... there goes my morning.
I don’t think any of us really feel time “stops”, it’s just like time doesn’t exist. We don’t we believe the world will wait for us, it’s that we forget we’re a part of the world.
As far as work in the morning. I have never been a morning person. I have tried every remedy and tips and tricks to try and get up on time. Nothing works.
Other aspects, I am usually on time or maybe a few minutes late. I don't normally like being the first one to an event. Showing up after I know a few people have got there then I can blend in more easily
Multiple children. Some needs to bathroom. Someone came to the vehicle in flip flops but it’s snowing. Someone forgot a coat. Someone said they had their water bottle but forgot it. I forgot my my purse (because doing things for other people). It’s a hot mess.
To be honest I think it is depression. I just cannot do it. I sit in bed and I want to get dressed or start putting on make up or anything, but I cannot make myself do it. At some point I just gave up trying at all and I am late everywhere everytime by 15-20 minutes.
(Now reformed)
There were several factors.
- time blindness (how is it an hour later than five minutes ago?)
– overoptimism (if a journey takes 20 mins in average, I’d leave 20 minutes before the event
– early is boring. Why sit around for 20 minutes when I could do stuff at home?
– being bullied at school. On time or slightly late was safe. Early was not.
I’m still suffering from time blindness, but now I’m setting reminders and alarms on my phone. I’m curbing my optimism: it it’s 20 min on average, I leave 30 mins early. I have a phone to read/play games/check emails/write on, so 10 minutes early means time I can spend productively. I am no longer at school. Being early is fine.
My sister starts getting ready about a half hour before it's time to go. She walks to the car an hour later, then turns around and goes back in for another 20 minutes. Finally gets in and we go... until we need to turn around and get whatever she forgot.
One time I made her pack the day before a trip, she put all her stuff in the car and I had a checklist of all the things she needed. All she had to do was get dressed and grab her phone. She refused to leave 5 minutes early as it was a "waste of time". An hour into the trip, she realized that her wallet and the birth certificate she needed wasn't in the car. She had gone and taken stuff out of the car the night before while looking for makeup (that she was going to put on in the car).
I just don't think she values anyone's time but her own.
ADHD. i have very little concept of time. i think things won’t take as long as they actually do and have a terrible sense of how much time has passed. i have to constantly look at a clock.
I hear that. I’m from a Latino culture and everyone is consistently late. But it made me the opposite because of how disrespectful I saw it, since I was a kid
Time always manages to fast forward for me the second I have a deadline. Even if I leave 15 minutes early, I will be 15 minutes late anyway. I somehow always have to go to the bathroom before I leave, I will always forget something before I walk out the door, or that one minute to put on my shoes somehow becomes ten. I will miss my exit sometimes or manage to be in the slowest lane or hit all the red lights. I hate it.
Scanning the comments to see if my ex-wife finally figured out why she could never be on time. It got to the point where I'd tell her we needed to be somewhere about 2 hours before we really needed to, just so we wouldn't be more than 15-20 minutes late.
There was a day I'd be 30 minutes early to everything.
Now I'm 30 minutes late to everything. A few reasons:
1. All my friends are always 30 minutes late so there's no point and they've rubbed off on me
2. For the things I do and events I go to, it doesn't really make a difference. I don't have thay many truly time sensitive things. *FOR THE RECORD*, I am on time for time sensitive things and for the people who care. I'm that AH who shows up to the airport 3 hours early.
3. I've gotten older. I don't care as much and I like taking my time
4. Why rush to just wait and sit around? It's better to take your time and show up when things are fully immersed. I tend to go to a lot of *events* and gatherings and meet friends there. I'm more introverted. It's nice to show up and not be forced to awkwardly talk to the only other person there or have anyone attach themselves to you for the entire event because you're the only person they know. It's nice showing up when things are already happening.
I don’t know.
I will point out that I am not in fact perpetually late, actually I am rarely late. But I am always right on the edge of not making it on time and it is a huge source of stress. It’s not about disrespecting others - I’m usually successful after all, so nobody but me is inconvenienced. I doubt many people know how badly it stresses me out since usually I’m the only one affected. But I’m always trying to make up mysteriously missing time, even though I try so hard to leave plenty of extra time.
You know how other people have stress dreams about finding themselves naked in public, or having to take a final they forgot to study for? Those dreams? Not me - my stress dreams always center on desperately trying to not be late. Often featuring some sort of scheduled transportation.
I do have ADHD. But I’m aware of it, and reasonably able to compensate in the rest of my life. I certainly set enough reminders and alarms. This shouldn’t be so hard. But it is. Even my kids caught my perpetual anxiety about being late. I’d love to just calmly not be late for things, with, idk, effective advanced planning and shit? But instead I’m always running somewhere with my shoes untied because I don’t have time to stop and tie them.
I hate coming early. I'm always on the clock or close to. I don't like to linger either. And as a result. Sometimes, I'm 5 minutes late.
This does not apply to airports. But I'll still come at the minimum time. Which is around 1:45-2h before departure.
I’ll be the first to answer with some bogus excuse of a disorder. Specifically for work I like to leave as late as I think I can because I wanna sleep and chill tbh. And shit always takes longer than I think. I also know it’s not a big deal if I’m late. I think if I was held accountable I wouldn’t have a problem being on time. Based on the comments I’m sure you all think I’m an ass but I wanted to give an honest answe
I’m constantly 10-15 minutes late to things. In my head, I calculate drive time, but not getting ready time or parking time. If something starts at 5 and is 20 minutes away, I know I need to leave at 4:40. In my head, that means I need to stop what I’m doing and walk out the door at 4:40. But then it takes 10 minutes to brush my teeth, put on shoes, find my keys, etc.
I don’t like it either, and it’s something I’m working on. But even though I KNOW all that last minute getting ready stuff takes time, I still run late. If I get ready 10 minutes before I need to leave, then I think, oh, I have extra time, I can do my makeup or pick a cute outfit before I go and then still end up late. It just comes down to having no clue how long thing’s actually take to do.
The only thing that works is telling myself I’m going to get there 15 minutes early. Then I’m usually on time.
I am usually late to work due to a long commute and not getting enough sleep at night on a daily basis. I’m also not a morning person. I work hybrid and thankfully my company puts more emphasis on allowing flexibility, doing quality work and meeting deadlines vs micromanaging us and demanding we are in our desks at 8am and leave at 5pm. This has made the company more successful.
I know a guy who comes intentionally late to things because it gives him an ego boost if you let him annoy/inconvenience you and you still continue inviting him places. He thinks it's proof that the rest of his personality must be awesome if we tolerate his refusal to show up on time.
My brother is consistently several hours late. Won’t call/respond to texts, just appears without explanation/apology. I stopped making plans with him after he asked for a ride to the airport, told me to be there at 5am and he wasn’t even awake yet, because we didn’t need to leave till 8. That mofo intentionally told me to be there 3 hours early because he has poor time management skills and assumes everyone else does. It’s infuriating.
[удалено]
I started telling these people that they need to make their own travel arrangements because it's so much less damaging than screaming at them. You just... take care of you. I'll meet you there.
My wife, after missing several flights and “almost miss other several flights” I have decided to go to the airport by myself and not have to worried about her being late all the time. And somehow I am unreasonable and mean.
That’ll do it. Once I missed a flight because I made a mistake about the time it took off. Haven’t done that again. You learn from your mistakes. Don’t enable us, please, for your own sake.
My brother is just as bad but sorta the opposite. Will show up at my house at 7AM casually asking me to take him to a 8AM flight I knew nothing about.
"I really need to get there." "Lack of planning on your part doesn't necessitate an emergency on my part."
I was told that people who are always perpetually late don't respect you or your time. I have a cure for that be there or I'm leaving your MFA problem solved lol
Sounds like my dad "Thanksgiving dinner is at 5? Let me just show up at 7 and be mildly irritated at the scraps left for me to pick from" Maybe be considerate and get here on time and you'd have more of a selection. I dunno, just an idea.
Jesus I thought my brother was narcissistic lol 😂 everybody has things though where they don’t know how it appears to other people. We all lack self awareness in some area
Wow! I'll be 10 minutes late from time to time because I didn't plan well enough, but HOURS??? How does he manage his life?
Poorly, I would assume
My ex used to set all of the clocks 10 minutes fast so she wouldn't be late for work. It didn't help, she was still always late.
I used to do that, too, and quit because I wasn't even fooling myself. I compensated for the 10 minutes every time.
My friend is like this. He sets like 10 alarms each 5 minutes after the other. He claims it helps him wake up. Instead it conditions him to keep hitting the snooze button, and he still ends up late. I wake up on one alarm every single time.
I’m also a snoozer, but I *do* actually get up on my third alarm, and I’m never late. I just love the feeling of being cozy in my blankets for 15 more minutes before facing the world lol
Yeah I purposely set alarms to wake me up a bit earlier so I can relax in bed. But I know when a particular one comes around it's go time.
This is a funny comment with your username.
Look, even commanders wanna be comfy sometimes okay? 😂
I used to be a many alarm person. What actually helped me the most is a bit counterintuitive... I stopped setting alarms altogether. I leave my window shades open enough that sunlight comes in in the morning and I'm wide awake earlier than I ever was when I had set an alarm. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, it also works when I need to be up super early; I frequently have to be up at 5-6am for work on random singular days and somehow my eyes just open 15 minutes before the alarm (I do set one on those days to be sure).
I had a roommate like that in college. She would set her alarm for really ridiculous time, like 3am, because she intends to get up early to study. And she would set multiple alarms because she said she’s a heavy sleeper and one isn’t enough to wake her. That I’ll give her. She didn’t snooze any of her alarms. She would be snoring in her bed while alarms go off one by one, and none would wake her. I lasted about a week and moved out. 😂😂
Staring at my 10-minute fast clock that I always compensate for.
So actually it starts to slow you down even more because you're wasting time figuring out what the real time is in your head
I recently bought my buddy’s truck and the first time I showed up somewhere expecting to be precisely late it turned out his clock was fast. So I decided not to check exactly how fast, and I sat there waiting for life to start moving again as one of the early people. Would not recommend 0/10
For me, four minutes was the sweet spot. Anything beyond that I could easily compensate for but four minutes allowed me to keep the charade longest.
I'm the opposite, I'm always ridiculously early to things. 10 minutes up the street? Better leave 30-40 minutes early... whoops, made it in 6 minutes. Guess I'll just sit here 30 minutes. But when I'm late? It's because I don't want to be there.
I met someone for a casual first date once who was always super early like that, I later learned. We agreed to meet at 9:00. I on the other hand usually run late a bit, but this time I was extra careful to be sure to arrive on time. I was cutting it close, but still wandered up at 8:59, just made it. And my date was PISSED. Actually I saw her walking away from our meeting spot and ran up to catch her. I got berated, "Why are you so late! I've been standing here waiting alone for a half hour already, and I was done waiting for you and going home." Me: "Buuut, we're meeting at 9:00 right?? It's 9:00 right now." Her: "Yeah, but that doesn't mean show up at the last second! That's so inconsiderate." I mean, if you want 8:30, then say 8:30? She calmed down and I still tested the waters to hang out for a bit, but her personality mostly remained about as calm and pleasant as that first interaction.
Wow. I tend to be early, but wouldn't consider someone late unless they were, well, actually late.
My uncle has a unique method of telling the time. Everything is rounded to the next 15 minutes until the half hour, then it's the next half hour. It's 9.03? No, it's 9.15. It's 9.34? No it's 10 o'clock as far as he's concerned, and so everyone must just work with that.
Nice of her to showcase her red flag collection straight away though.
She sounds like alot of our patients at the hospital I work at. "I've been here an hour already when am I going in" "sir your appointment isn't for another 30 minutes may I suggest not arriving 2 and a half hours early next time"
The people at my job do it too and they’re such dicks about the wait time. But my brother in Christ, you did this to yourself
I get the whole “If you’re on time you’re late” thing but damn, she took it a little too seriously.
Before kids, I was early almost all the time, noting crazy, about 5 to 10 minutes. With kids it's usually between 3 minutes early and 2 minutes late, because one of them has to use the bathroom right as we need to walk out the door. If my husband tries to "go fast", he always ends up taking longer.
I have two family members who are always late. One is due to terrible time managment. The other believes they are the main character. They believe the event won't start until they get there so why bother rushing?
Oh, crap. This is my relative playing both roles here.
We used to have that problem... until we stopped waiting for them. If we say we're eating at noon and they're not here by 12:05, we start without them and they can join when they get here. Meeting up to leave/ride somewhere together at 2pm? If they're not here by 2:05, we leave without them. That happened twice, and now they're usually early.
That's exactly how it's fixed. Too many people don't have the backbone to start on time, and the always-late aren't stupid, they know this. Start at the posted time.
I have Crohn’s disease. I can sit at home all day and be fine. But the second I need to leave I have to take a shit. Sometimes more than one / don’t feel like I’m finished That being said, I know I have these issues so I start trying to go 30 minutes before I have to leave. But sometimes my stomach just doesn’t want to cooperate.
Similar with me. Not as severe as Crohn's, but my bowels will almost always delay my departure no matter how early I'm ready. It's sad.
Oof, this is me too. And the stress of being on time does not help.
This is my thing 100%. If I know I have to be somewhere my stomach is like “hah! Challenge accepted.” Same for if I’m stuck in traffic or at a busy place and there’s one bathroom 😂
Sameeee but it’s IBS for me, sometimes I think it just something I ate but a lot of times I’ll feel like I’m done shitting or peeing then feel the need to go again when I pull my pants up….
Dude I cannot even imagine that sucks, just recently i've been having those "not feeling like you're finished" but you don't want to just sit on the toilet pushing nothing out, mild torture.
This is literally me, plus I don't have a car so I have to rely on commuting which isn't the most reliable :(
I constantly think things will take less time than they do.
How does that work long term though? If you think showering will take 10 minutes but over time you find it takes 15, why don’t you just adjust your expectations? Same theory applies to all things… Edit: I have ADHD.
I read that a lot of people like this assign things that take less than a minute a 0 value. So like tying your shoes is 40 seconds so it’s 0 time. Then when you have a bunch of these in a row all of a sudden it’s been 10 minutes and you underestimated.
YES. In my head I'm like "we need to leave at 5.20" but I never factor in getting shoes on, getting kids buckled in, etc. We need to *start* leaving at 5.15.
lmao I am the opposite and it drives my husband crazy. We need to leave at 5:20? I start rounding everyone up (1 child and 1 husband) at 5:10 so we are in the truck before 5:20. husband usually thinks he can squeeze in a game of rocket league at 5:05. ha, I think not sir
This is EXACTLY what I do. Or I think "we need to be there at 5" so I'll time it to where we get there at 5. But then you might have parking and walking or finding the exact room or whatever it is. I always think of that part ON the way then have horrible anxiety about being late and being an a**hole. Now that I'm almost friggin 40 I'll think about BOTH parts and am mostly on time (ish) these days.
You may have just changed my life, I felt a lightbulb switch on reading that comment. I’ve gotta start allocating one minute to those things
My trick for that is I bundle all of those little zeros into a 10 min allocation. So like it's not tying my shoes = 0 + grabbing my watch and wallet = 0. It's tying my shoes, getting my pockets sorted, and grabbing my watch = 2 mins. And I just have that group of tasks in my brain as final tasks before leaving my room = 2-3 min.
Lol, I always think EVERYTHING will take at least 15 minutes. Gotta wash my face and brush my teeth? 15 minutes. Get dressed? 15 minutes. Drive somewhere 6 minutes away? 15 minutes
My husband rounds down constantly! I keep telling him when it comes to time, round up!
For me, I have no “feel” for what 15 minutes is, unless I’m staring at a clock constantly. I get in the shower, get out of the shower, was that 5 minutes or 15? No clue how long it’s been till I check.
I put a clock in the bathroom just for this reason I zone out in the bathroom a lot, and I can pace myself better with a clock to reference.
this is exactly why i started listening to a specific playlist in the shower. might not remember how many songs have passed while i’m in there but i know when Frank Sinatra (the song, not the singer) comes on, it’s time to get out.
The bathroom is my worst enemy. I'll tell my husband I'm gonna take a quick shower and next thing I know it's been 20 minutes. I zone out terribly in the shower.
As a person that habitually guesses how much time has elapsed over hours without checking. This is wild.
That's me. I have a pretty good sense of time. I joke that my superpower is that I can put something in the oven and come back to check on it with less than a minute left. It's not uncommon that I'll get so close that the oven timer beeps right as I get the oven mitt on. My wife is the opposite. She has no sense of time. She always thinks things will take less time than they do. I used to be on time when meeting up with people, now I'm married. And it's only gotten worse since having a kid 😂
I have the same kind of knack. For as long as I can remember if I put something in the microwave I'll usually (probably 8 times out of 10) end up walking back into the kitchen just in time to hear it ding. My boyfriend didn't believe me until we started living together. He calls it my shite superpower. Ha ha.
I'm deeply jealous of your super powers.
That’s even more wild to me. Time blindness is real and I have it and it sucks. I could be hanging with a friend and not know if I’ve been there for 45 min or for 3 hours unless I have visual cues like a clock or I can see the sun go down. I can think I did something 5 days ago but in reality it was several weeks. I will have memories of taking my meds and assume I did it that morning, but that memory was from the previous morning or the night before. I’ve got bottle caps with timers on them now so that’s solved, but everything else is still confusing. Getting ready to leave the house in my mind should take me no longer than 20 min. But that only happens if I’m checking my clock every minute. If I go into the bathroom to brush teeth, wash face, and put in contacts, 30 min can go by without me realizing it. I’m constantly setting phone timers to go off every 5 or 10 minutes when I need to be staying on schedule. So being late for stuff has nothing to do with how much I care about someone else’s time, or my general unorganization, or laziness. Sorry this turned into a vent. But I am very jealous of your abilities lol.
This is 100% me. Easily one of the things that I feel the worst about because I don't know anybody in my personal life who also deal with this level of time blindness. It's so draining to deal with
[удалено]
I knew I'm not alone
That's how I time my showers
Time blindness is a real thing. I have this issue as well and I try and try to manage my time better but I can’t feel time and I can’t predict it. It’s hard to understand if you don’t have this glitch. I have to use external timers for everything because otherwise I fall into a time black hole but I also have a huge problem with object permanence so a few weeks ago the cleaner moved my desk timer and I promptly forgot about it even though I use it continually each day and… fell into time blindness till today when I was looking for something and I found the damn timer. It sounds so ridiculous even to me.
Same! My non-adhd sister uses timers for everything and moved very smoothly. But I find that either the timers start making me anxious or my brain starts ignoring them because they’re not important. My most helpful strategy is having a goddamn digital clock in every single room. I also find wearing a watch to be helpful. I manage to get to things mostly on time. But I am a total mess when people at work expect me to tell them how long something will take me. I’m not good at estimating it, and it helps me to overestimate. So I’ll be like “ummm I expect to get this done in an hour” and I have definitely had bosses or colleagues be like “this should only take you 30 minutes, what’s going on that this would take you an hour?” And you know. I avoid giving time frames for work if I possibly can because of these experiences.
Set an alarm on your phone. If you know it takes 10 mins to shower, set an alarm for 10 minutes so you know. Time blindness is super common for people (like me) with Adhd, so if you have many of these struggles in your day to day life, consider getting yourself checked
Time to get a digital watch. My Casio is the only reason I'm not like this, I literally do check the time every 5 minutes. Haven't been late to anything in years.
Hmm never thought about that. You don’t sense time the way I do. I am never ever late and manage time extremely well. I don’t need an alarm because I always wake up 10-15 minutes before my alarm every day (still set it though). My adhd daughter has zero awareness of time and thinks fifteen minutes of TikTok has gone by but it’s been four hours. I feel sorry for her when I realize it means her job feels like it lasts a hundred years every night and she can’t ‘plan’ her day.
Ugh, you’d think it would work that way, but it doesn’t for some people. I have ADHD and once an expected time gets stuck in my head, that’s how much time my brain defaults to, even if it isn’t realistic. I’ve literally even set timers to time out how long things actually take in order to reset my brain. Now, I’ve put analogue clocks with faces and minutes in every room in my house, so I can actually see the minutes decreasing. It mostly works, but I’m still 10 minutes late for work most mornings, even if I wake up extra early. I have no idea where the time goes. It’s deeply frustrating. Thankfully I work at a place that doesn’t care that much, and I put in tonnes of overtime anyways, so am not shortchanging work, but it’s a problem that I genuinely struggle with that’s really hard to explain to others who can sense time passing. It’s like I don’t have that sense. Time is only now.
I used to joke that I was kidnapped by aliens as I always lose 10 minutes somewhere when trying to leave the house. It's like one moment it's too early to leave, blink, now you're late.
This is a great explanation for how it is. I also have ADHD, and this is exactly how I am. I try to put clocks on almost every wall in my place, so I can always see the time.
This sounds like my manager. She shared with me that she has severe ADHD. She’s constantly late for meetings that she sets with me, up to an hour late. How frustrated should I be with her? It’s gotten to the point where me and her other direct report are very frustrated.
Just give her 10 minutes grace and say you can meet another time. ADHD or social anxiety or whatever can’t be an excuse for everything. Your time is valuable as well. I personally am not waiting on you for an hour because you can’t be on time.
Yes ADHD as well and I very much have that issue. It’s embarrassing and frustrating and I am angry at myself even.
Don’t forget all the last minute distractions and diversions as you’re trying to leave! ADHD loves to turn 10 minutes early into 10 minutes late.
I used to be like this. I couldn't figure out where I was losing time. A walk that should take 2 minutes took me 10. Sometimes people would tell me I moved slow and I had no idea what they were talking about. This went on for years. Then I was diagnosed with depression. Now that I'm on medication I have a better sense of time. Mental illness can be a mindfuck.
They probably can’t adjust their expectations any more than someone with ADHD can just no longer have ADHD. Time blindness, executive dysfunction, and other related issues that contribute to chronic lateness are associated with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. You can’t just will yourself to stop because the issues are hardwired into your brain and how it functions.
Because people who struggle to process time struggle to process time. It’s *really* confusing and hard to implement adjustments like that because there’s a processing issue that’s overshadowing your time blocking. Heck, with time processing issues, you can fall behind even when using a schedule someone else has made for you!
In addition to being time-blind like /u/GegenscheinZ I do not have an overview of all the steps involved in a task. For example, I can check on google maps that my commute takes 15 minutes. But then I forget that it also takes time to put on my shoes and my coat, turn off the lights, take my bike out of the shed, and walk from my bike to my office desk. I have tried to say okay I will need extra time for that, but how much time I have no clue. If I’m like okay let’s schedule 30 minutes extra, I will have a similar problem with whatever I’m doing beforehand (eg I have no clue how long it takes me to eat breakfast), and then I leave late anyway Gotta love that ADHD
No it's called time blindness.
For some reason I consistently think the time I need to be somewhere is the time I need to start getting ready. It’s gotten better.
Same , seems to be common with adhd.
This is the correct answer
I used to be that person. Late ALL the time. Always had an excuse... But, the truth was that I just didn't make being on time a priority. Interesting to note, I would NEVER miss a flight or an appointment that was "important", like a job interview. For me, I think it was a passive-aggressive thing. Now, I just work towards doing what I say. My friends actually believe me (now) when I say I'll be there at a certain time. And, I don't stress about being late all the time... because I'm not. I allow plenty of extra time to get where I'm going, and get there early. In business, "If you're not 5 minutes early, you're late" is a great thing to understand.
Big respect for the self-awareness and newfound accountability.
It's really not even the lateness that bothers me. It's saying you'll be somewhere and then not saying something before the actual time you're supposed to be there.
What made you change your ways?
More importantly, HOW did you change your ways? Asking for a friend...
Was in a very similar position to the poster above. I was the friend who was known as the “late one”, always in a rush, never ever on time etc etc. I made my New Year’s resolution 2018 to stop being late to things. It sounds simple but all you need to do is leave earlier, that is it. If Google maps says 30 mins, give yourself 45 mins. If it says an hour, give yourself 1hr 20. I now arrive 15/20 mins early to pretty much everything I go to. I’ve come to embrace being early. Meeting friends at a pub? Arrive early, find the best seats, order a pint and relax. Pub too busy? Walk to the next nearest one and tell your friends where to go. Now for the amazing part. This has genuinely had an unbelievably positive impact on my mental health. I can’t stress enough how much more relaxed I am as person, it’s changed my entire outlook on life. This was the best decision I have ever made and would anyone to commit to the lifestyle change! Good luck!
>I made my New Year’s resolution 2018 to stop being late to things. It sounds simple but all you need to do is leave earlier, that is it. If Google maps says 30 mins, give yourself 45 mins. If it says an hour, give yourself 1hr 20. I've tried exactly this countless times in my life, and it rarely works. Wiggle room is fatal when you have a distorted sense of time. If you set an alarm to leave 1 hour and 20 minutes in advance, but you *know* that the 20 minutes is "padding," then your brain says "ok, I dont *really* have to leave now, I have 20 minutes of wiggle room: I can finish this important email in 5 minutes and still be 15 minutes early instead of 20 minutes early." But then 5 minutes later you look at your watch and it's actually been 21 minutes. I've had a lot more success by setting an alarm for the *exact last moment* I have to leave. So when the alarm goes off I know I have to drop everything this very second and head straight to my car or else I *will* be late. There is no wiggle room for my warped time-sense to misjudge. I may still occasionally be late due to the usual external factors: traffic, etc., but on average it works better than leaving my internal clock in charge.
> ok, I dont really have to leave now, I have 20 minutes of wiggle room: I can finish this important email in 5 minutes and still be 15 minutes early instead of 20 minutes early. This is a prioritisation thing. You've decided the email is more important than the thing you put off doing.
To add on to what the other poster said regarding leaving early, you also need to give yourself more time to get ready. People underestimate how long is takes to get ready and actually get in the cars they leave a few minutes after they should. This compounds with other issues outside their control like traffic or forgetting something and next thing you know you’re late. If it takes you 20 minutes to get ready then allow yourself 30.
The passive-aggressive thing sounds familiar. My mom is always late and she said years after she divorced my dad that she would be late on purpose to spite him. But unlike you she has never changed 😂
I'm no longer this person, but I was for many years. It was undiagnosed depression. Just making it to the function was a success some days, forget under some kind of condition like being on time.
My job keeps letting me get away with it. Also I hate my job.
My mother was perpetually late, it was because she was a narcissist and it was her way of exerting control over others.
Wow my narc mother was always late for everything too but I just thought that's how she was, but this makes so much sense!! I on the other hand cannot be late for anything it is so damn rude!!
I too cannot be late to anything because of my mother. Has this turned into a therapy session??
Yup that's how I am also, I show up early and drive around so I can be right on time, all because of my mother. Now I have teenagers and it gives me ptsd
My dad is perpetually VERY early. Like 30 minutes early is practically late. We showed up for an event at a family friends’ house an hour and a half early and they were very clearly not ready for us to be there. They’ve been friends of my parents’ for decades so they know how he is and they weren’t put out by it, but they were still straightening up the house and needed to take showers, etc. The next time we showed up that early, I (kindly) told my dad that being so early to events is just as rude as showing up that late. He’s now much more reasonable in being early. More like 10-15 minutes I now show up as close to perfectly on time as possible. I’ll wait in my car if I’m early and head to the door a minute or two past the designated time
Imo showing up early to someone's house is more rude than being late. I won't come in if I'm 10 minutes early to someone's house, I would wait outside. If someone shows up to my place 10 minutes early, there a 100% chance I am not ready and it will cause me a ton of anxiety. If I have a bra on, they are very lucky
Damn this is eyeopening. I'm exactly the same for the same reason.
That's why I start events on time regardless of people showing up late. Not that I want her around, but my MIL started being on time after she missed the baby opening Christmas presents. Everyone was saying let's just wait and I said "nope". People who treat your time as less valuable than theirs are scummy and shitty people. Same thing with my business partner. If we have calls/meetings planned with partners/peers I'm starting at the scheduled time. I don't care if you're inconsiderate enough to take a call 2 minutes before our scheduled meeting. You can walk into the meeting 13 minutes late and come off like a lost child
When my parents got older, I was in charge of getting them to family events(Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc). I would always tell them it was an hour earlier than it really was just so I could get them there on time. My mom would always find out what I did same be upset with me, but by the next event she would have forgotten and I would do it again.
>That's why I start events on time regardless of people showing up late. This works. A friend's best friend was always late to stuff. My friend's birthday, we're going to lunch, meet at restaurant at 2pm and this one would message to say she's running a few minutes late but would only arrive at like 3.15 or 3.30pm. One day we just said "oh well" and ordered starters and mains and ate. By the time she arrived desserts were coming. She was pissed, but so were the 16 people who were there waiting for her to arrive. Didn't happen again, though.
People will use negative behaviour as a way to control people and situations. My fil will use his stubbornness and even his anxiety as a way to control situations and people.
This is interesting. Had a very toxic and narcissistic boss who was never on time at all. Everyone in the office came in at 9 or even earlier, but she was always able to roll in at 10,11, sometimes even noon. Never thought it could be a narcissistic thing. She was always on time for company photoshoots and events tho 😵💫
Wow I never connected the two either! Had a narcissist boss who was plenty toxic in other ways but it would drive me crazy that she would be 10-15 min late to every single meeting. Didn’t matter if she was leading or if there were other VIPs joining. I was her keeper so I got really good at small talk and sincere apologies. Just realizing now it was all a power move..
I like sleep more than I like going to work.
This, I'm late to work a decent amount because I fucking hate that place, I do not respect it, and most of the time there's nothing to do anyway; but I'm always early when meeting people because I hate making people wait for me
Poopin
Ok understandable 😂. I know some people have wild GI issues
I have Ibs and If I’m late for work now the owner just texts me “poo?” And I go “yes” he just says feel better see you soon . Good guy
What a fucking good boss. Give him a Hi-5 for me
It seems like every morning I’m ready to leave and as soon as my hand touches the front door I have to shit.
Username checks out
I was told there are two types of people who are late: The first type is someone who is optimistic about being able to have enough time to do what they have to do and just ultimately not managing their time right. The second are people who think the world revolves around them and couldn’t give a second thought about other ppl than them.
I'm definitely the first type. My mental clock assessment of how much time something will take always excludes the in-between stuff and how long it takes. Like, say to be somewhere at 1pm, and it's a 20 minute drive, I think no problem, I'll leave at 12:37. But somehow I always get caught up in whatever I'm doing, until 12:35pm, all relaxed, thinking "plenty of time, just one more minute", then realize about 5 different "oh crap, I still need to ...." (close up the house, change clothes, need to eat a bite, grab stuff I need to take with me), then notice I'm nearly out of gas and need to fill up, then need the time to park and get to where I'm going. So I'm always sprinting around multitasking haphazardly in a panic, finally leave at 12:58, and arrive at 1:25 all stressed and apologetic. I know this. I know this will happen. I still can't seem to fix it. If I give myself an extra 20 minutes, somehow I encounter 40 min of stuff I need to do before I leave. I'm a very reliable 20-25 min late to everything somehow.
> The first type is someone who is optimistic about being able to have enough time to do what they have to do and just ultimately not managing their time right. It's a chronic problem for people in general. Most people underestimate how long it will take to do significant projects, it's just that for normal everyday stuff most people eventually get a handle on it. This is also why smart contractors will think about how long they THINK it will take, then add on some extra time to actually get how long it WILL take, because that first estimate is almost always low. It's better to be done with your project early than to say it will take two hours and it actually takes four.
I’m 100 percent the first type and am pretty consistently 20 minutes late to things. Even when I try so hard; I literally sometimes see the clock in my car and have NO IDEA how it got to be that late when I started getting ready on time and didn’t dawdle. I’ve finally started to tell myself “yes, you think you’ll have time to walk the dog, take a shower, do makeup and hair, choose an outfit, and do this extra thing that doesn’t seem like it will take much time. However, you know this always backfires on you so how about you do the most essential thing, the thing you can’t leave without doing, first (shower and get ready), then the dog, THEN the other project if you have time.”
I don't get it either. I would rather be early and wait than late and someone waiting for me.
Same here. Perpetually lates means no regard for anyone else's time. In my mind, this is selfish. Wife has a close friend who is like this. I can't stand it and will refuse to vacation with them because of it
Or it also means being bad with keeping time, maybe because of some illness or disability you're not aware of.
Not necessarily always the case. There are studies (and no I can’t provide links, they are ones I’ve come across over the years) that certain cultures tend to always be late whereas others are always early or on time. In my culture, showing up early to something is seen as odd, I don’t know why. Every wedding I’ve been to with a start time of say, 6PM, people don’t start tricking in until an hour and a half to 2 hours after the start time. And nobody thinks anything of it. People trickle in all night long and it’s acceptable.
I don’t understand this. Why set a time at all if it’s not used.
>I don’t understand this. Why set a time at all if it’s not used. I think some people / some cultures think of "setting a time" differently than others. If I'm meeting a friend for coffee at 9 and they show up at 9:05 or 9:10, that's perfectly fine with me, unless I've specified that I'm on a tight schedule. For a casual event I see 9:10 as functionally identical to 9am. When I suggest 9am I mean it as a spectrum, not a hard line. I have friends and relatives who are much more regimented about time, and if they say 9am *they mean 9am on the dot,* and the moment it ticks 9:01 they feel that a commitment has been breached and their time has been disrespected. Even if they're just meeting up for a casual social event and there's no objective reason the coffee would taste different at 9:02 vs. 9:00. Of course when there are reservations, show/concert tickets, etc. involved, flexibility isn't always merited, but for the vast majority of social situations I think we can all afford to imply an "ish" after any time we specify.
Same. I'll be 15 minutes early to my funeral. I'm the type to stand in my front room and look for who evers coming over's vehicle. I don't want to make others wait. On that note, I'm always the first to leave parties and have perfected the 'Irish exit'.
I don't really want to be here.
Congrats, soon you won't be invited!
What's weird is the flakiest person I know is also the most punctual. Like you can literally set your watch to when they promised to arrive.
Poor time management due to a lifetime of undiagnosed ADHD. I'm getting there, slowly.
Me too. I understand why people are quick to think that it is intentionally disrespectful or passive aggressive or because I simply don't care enough about being on time. It is annoying to wait. But time management is a skill, just like public speaking or mathematics or watercolour painting. Some people are naturally bad at certain skills, including time management, for whatever reason (in my case late diagnosed ADHD as well). It is something that I am working on and getting better at, but I am nowhere near perfectly punctual.
I'm either fashionably late, or annoyingly early because I'm overcompensating for my chronic tardiness. It's taking me some time to find a healthy balance.
You can do it! We believe in you.
yeah same, mine was diagnosed as a kid but i still haven’t fully been able to get rid of the time blindness. i use an app that times every step of my morning routine so i don’t take too long on tasks, and i use another app that reminds me to set everything i need out the night before. i have a special alarm app that makes me do puzzles and walk around. i use waze every single morning so i can get a feel of exactly how long i need to get to work on any kind of traffic day. using these methods i’m normally under 5 minutes late (used to be worse before i started doing this!), which isn’t really a problem at my current job because there’s no time clock and a lot of people are a few minutes late. i’m never late to things like meetings, i never miss flights or mess up reservations or anything like that. i mostly just have a lot of trouble with mornings. i know there’s other people like me who are really trying but still end up a few minutes late. i hate it every single time. i’m not a narcissist, i don’t disregard other people, it’s just a lot harder for some people and people who have never experienced this wouldn’t know how you can try and really care about being somewhere on time and still somehow mess things up.
this one :( I never LEARNED how to manage time, I couldn't see how long each task took to do, so I was always getting ready too late to be on time. I'm a lot better now, but school was definitely hell for me in that regard. Once I was diagnosed, it gave me the information I needed to manage my brain and realise that even if others might be able to do things faster, I simply can't and need to allow myself more time because I always get distracted and forget things a billion times before I can make it out the door.
Anxiety and depression.
This is the reason I am never late. I have so much anxiety over being late, I am always early. I tend to wait in my car or wander around the vicinity to not actually show up somewhere where it would be rude to be early. I found this extra difficult when I had a kid and have to get them ready too. My husband is a leave the house with only the exact amount of time needed person, thankfully he is accommodating to my anxiety and we meet in the middle. Usually this means I get me and the kid ready and he just has to get himself ready by a specific time 😅. I am medicated now so it's not as bad as it was.
My parents are late to everything and have been my whole life. They just wait until the last minute of when we are supposed to leave to get ready i have no idea why
I think there is a bit of a difference between perpetually late to work in the morning by a few minutes because getting out of bed is torture, and being late to meet friends etc. I am usually a few minutes late for work (probably averages at 7 minutes), I'm supposed to sign in at 7.15 but rarely do. When it comes to friends and stuff like that, i am more likely to be on time or early.
To add to what you said - I think being a few minutes late is a lot different than being like 30 min late or late and lying to a friend that you are “almost there,” or “5 more minutes” when it ends up being 20 minutes. -someone who has often been a couple minutes late. It’s a habit for me often so that I would like to grow upon. The comments calling people lazy and other words is very harsh. I would say late can be a disrespect but you never know what it is like being in someone else’s shoes and regardless it may also be a habit. We all have our things that won’t please everyone. Just do your best in the matter of what your best looks like today♥️
I used to have major time blindness/poor time management. Then I was diagnosed with ADHD and once I started managing it … no longer late! I suspect a lot of people have a similar issue. For the ones who don’t - likely just rude/self involved.
I have ADHD too and my time blindness is so bad..it’s getting to the point where I think I’m just really fucking stupid. :( I’ve had multiple instances where something started at 10:30 so I would wake up at 6 to get ready and would STILL somehow manage to be late. I’m such an idiot and I don’t know why I can’t process time accurately. How did you learn to manage your time blindness? I really, really need help.
Not op, but I suspect I might have ADHD too and that's how I manage it, for example leaving for work: - I have to be at work by 8am. I check the bus, the one that arrives before 8am starts from my bus stop at 7:15am. - I have about 3-4 min walk to my bus stop so latest I can leave comfortably, without having to run is around 7:08 am. - I know I am VERY slow in the morning, so I set my alarm for 6am, with cushion up until 6:05am. - I can finish making breakfast until 6:30 and eating until 6:45, 6:50 being the latest. If I can finish earlier, then it's better, I only make things that are quick and smaller portions so I can eat quickly as I'm a slow eater. - That leaves me around 20 mins to get dressed, brush teeth etc. Sometimes I'm still surprised it's 7:05 and I haven't left the bathroom yet lol Also: what helped me immensely is a wristwatch. Phone distracts me too much and being able to quickly look at the watch without the distractions of social media really does wonders. Also I've practiced this routine for over 10 years, which is why I have the times in my head up to a minute. If I have a lot of buses I can choose, not one per hour, then I'm usually later than earlier tbh. Also, if I traveled by car I'd definitely have to redo the whole harmonogram because I have no bloody idea how long is the route from my house to work. I just know bus takes around 30 mins. With other events, anxiety of being late overcompensates time blindness for me.
The watch is a good tip I am going to try this because when I look at my phone for the time it’s so easy for me to be distracted and… I forget I was there for the time.
I don't know but I do know my sister was so bad we started telling her family stuff was starting an hour earlier than they actually did so she would show up on time. She caught on after a while and has been better though. I just think she was a procrastinator and just waited until the last minute to do things and would run out of time all the time.
This is my mother. I think the worse of her running lates happened last Christmas. My sister hosted, and when Mom was already 30 minutes late, we called her, and she had just started making the food she was bringing -and she lives 15 minutes away from my sister. She showed up 2 hours late to her grandson’s first Christmas. Baby went to bed an hour after she got there.
I have really awful time blindness due to untreated (not for a lack of trying, healthcare system just sucks) ADHD. I feel like a lot of people don't really understand what time blindness is, so they're quick to just call you lazy or disrespectful. But sense of time is a real skill/trait, just like your sense of hearing or smell. Most people have it. Some don't. I pay attention to the time. In fact I probably watch it closer than most. I always have a clock in sight. I have an alarm go off every 10 minutes so I always know what time it is. Most people can guestimate "this task will take me 3 minutes", and be done in about 3 minutes. Whether through practice/experience or just a really good sense of time. Not me. Nothing is ever a consistent time. Supposed 30 minutes recipes take me 2 hours to make (this has happened multiple times. I still don't know how), so I don't really cook anymore. Getting dressed/ready takes me anywhere from 2-20 minutes and I don't know why the variation because I'm really not doing anything aside from getting ready. Don't put on makeup, don't do anything with my hair aside from throw it up in a ponytail, only wear whatever I grab first, etc. Yet still how long it takes is entirely unpredictable. I've tried all the advice everyone gives me (without asking, I might add). "Leave/get ready 10 minutes early". Okay somehow that makes it worse, because my brain is then tricked into thinking I have spare time so I try to get more done, then I'm 10 minutes late. I never seem to be on time unless I'm getting ready last minute and rushing out the door. "Set up everything the night before". I do that. I always have my purse and backpack set up. All the stuff I need for work is in the same place, ready to grab and go. My wardrobe is simple and easily accessible. Everything is always set up ahead of time. I still forget stuff. My phone. My purse. My work badge. My backpack. Food. Water. Even though everything is there and ready to go, I still forget. "Set alarms". See aforementioned "alarm every 10 minutes". I'm not exaggerating. The only time I don't have an alarm is when I'm supposed to be asleep. Alarms don't seem to help me, but I try to use it anyway. "Use calendars and set reminders". I have 3 different calendars, and 3 different alarm/reminder apps. Doesn't help. I'm trying. I'm really really trying. I've gotten a bit better this past year. And I'm *WAY* better than I was years ago when I was in highschool/beginning of college. But I'm still late or just barely on time for literally everything I do. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much. No one wishes they were on time and had their head screwed on straight more than I do. I'm really fucking trying within the best of my abilities. And I still get called lazy. Fuck time blindness. It sucks.
This is not a dig, but : your mind sounds like a nightmare.
No dig or insult taken, I completely agree! Trying to get things sorted out and get therapy for it, but the place I was referred to can't even be assed to call me back. It's going great 🙃
I see you and I understand. If they only knew how hard we try. Even when we tell them, and even if they attempt to be understanding, most people will eventually lose patience because it's just incomprehensible to them that there's anything to it other than laziness. It doesn't matter how early I start my day or plan things out. I'm still learning how to separate me from my disorder and accept that symptoms are not just me, but it's so hard when that's how other people see it. There are obviously people who are habitually late because they don't care or think the world revolves around them, but there are also people who exhaust themselves to be punctual when their brains are literally working against them, and for whatever reason we're all grouped together. My brain is supposed to be my guiding force, but it's my biggest obstacle in so many instances. I've broken down on countless occasions because of it. Trust me, people, I hate this about me more than you possibly could.
Thank you for sharing this :( unfortunately, this is so relatable for me. What’s worse is when your loved ones refuse to believe ADHD even exists (I’m diagnosed, sought out on my own at 21 years old). My mom will NEVER believe in my ADHD or stop making me feel bad about being 5-10 minutes late, so I just have to deal with it. I’ll run in to wherever I’m going, usually sweaty/stressed/apologetic and still be berated for my tardiness.
They haven't figured out what "cushion time" is. For a chronically late person, trying to show up an hour early generally results in them being on time. Also, in most cases they don't realize the damage and disrespect they're causing from being late.
My son gave himself zero time cushion when going to school because he felt it unnecessary. He would walk out the door and right up into the school bus a minute later when it pulled up. He got a reality check when the bus arrived a minute early and passed his empty stop once. The idea that the time cushion could apply/compensate for OTHER people’s actions was shocking to him. Still perpetually late/low or zero margin at 21, sadly. Family missed a flight because of this a few years ago, I’m am still a little salty when even that hasn’t resolved this.
It was ADHD, but now I'm always too early because of coping mechanisms. Feels a lot better.
Before I was diagnosed and found a medication that worked well for me, my reason was ADHD time blindness and executive dysfunction. When I would try to perform a task, my brain wouldn't see the task as one discrete thing to be completed. I'd see the thousand little micro-actions I'd have to take to complete that task, and I'd become quickly overwhelmed by it all. Combine that with the fact that I didn't have a good sense of time passing, and I'd end up late for nearly everything. Getting out of the house was a feat. The most common reaction I'd get was "If you really wanted to be on time, you would be," but believe me when I say that if I could have done something about it, I **would** have. I was screamed at, belittled, lost social supports almost as soon as I'd gain them, failed at many basic life tasks, was in constant legal trouble from things like missing jury duty, not paying parking tickets on time, etc. It was absolute hell, and I'm so glad it's over.
I'm so jealous of you (and every other ADHDer in this thread who got their time blindness fixed) for getting treated 😭 I'm trying so hard to get treatment right now but mental health care in my area sucks so hard. They can't even return a phonecall, and phonecalls are so hard for me to make! I hope my time blindness gets fixed once I start therapy/medication. It's the thing that's fucking up my life the most right now, as well as the thing that I'm spending every ounce of energy I have into fixing, to the point I have no brain capacity left to fix anything else. My room currently looks like a bomb went off in it....
1. Getting out of bed is the single most difficult task of any given day. No matter how many alarms I set, getting up is a serious struggle. 2. I underestimate how long it takes me to get ready, and I'm overly optimistic about how quick I can be. 3. I used to show up early and stay late every day and still never got caught up, so now I'm burnt out and realize it doesn't matter when I show up. 4. I don't matter enough for my tardiness to really make a difference to anyone.
I'm still working on getting control of time blindness without overshooting into planning paralysis. Time blindness: an inability to accurately track or keep awareness of the passage of time; it "slips away" unless you're intentionally tracking time. I once sat at my computer for 6 hours and wrote 10,000 words of a final draft without realizing it until I noticed there was no more daylight coming through the window. Planning paralysis: "I have an appointment at noon so I need to leave at 11:45 so I need to eat lunch at 11:15 so I'll have to be dressed and ready by 10:45 which means I need to start getting ready at 10 so I should probably set my alarm at 9:30 just to be safe, and if I wake up earlier than that I really won't have time to do anything else so I'll just sit on my bed watching stuff on my phone till the alarm goes off"... there goes my morning.
I am person 2, every damn day. It’s exhausting.
These are both me depending on what the scenario is
I'm always early. I think people who are always late just have no concept of time. They seem think time stops when they pause to do something.
I don’t think any of us really feel time “stops”, it’s just like time doesn’t exist. We don’t we believe the world will wait for us, it’s that we forget we’re a part of the world.
As far as work in the morning. I have never been a morning person. I have tried every remedy and tips and tricks to try and get up on time. Nothing works. Other aspects, I am usually on time or maybe a few minutes late. I don't normally like being the first one to an event. Showing up after I know a few people have got there then I can blend in more easily
My wife, I tried so hard to get us to things on time but she won and I have given up the battle.
[удалено]
Multiple children. Some needs to bathroom. Someone came to the vehicle in flip flops but it’s snowing. Someone forgot a coat. Someone said they had their water bottle but forgot it. I forgot my my purse (because doing things for other people). It’s a hot mess.
To be honest I think it is depression. I just cannot do it. I sit in bed and I want to get dressed or start putting on make up or anything, but I cannot make myself do it. At some point I just gave up trying at all and I am late everywhere everytime by 15-20 minutes.
(Now reformed) There were several factors. - time blindness (how is it an hour later than five minutes ago?) – overoptimism (if a journey takes 20 mins in average, I’d leave 20 minutes before the event – early is boring. Why sit around for 20 minutes when I could do stuff at home? – being bullied at school. On time or slightly late was safe. Early was not. I’m still suffering from time blindness, but now I’m setting reminders and alarms on my phone. I’m curbing my optimism: it it’s 20 min on average, I leave 30 mins early. I have a phone to read/play games/check emails/write on, so 10 minutes early means time I can spend productively. I am no longer at school. Being early is fine.
My sister starts getting ready about a half hour before it's time to go. She walks to the car an hour later, then turns around and goes back in for another 20 minutes. Finally gets in and we go... until we need to turn around and get whatever she forgot. One time I made her pack the day before a trip, she put all her stuff in the car and I had a checklist of all the things she needed. All she had to do was get dressed and grab her phone. She refused to leave 5 minutes early as it was a "waste of time". An hour into the trip, she realized that her wallet and the birth certificate she needed wasn't in the car. She had gone and taken stuff out of the car the night before while looking for makeup (that she was going to put on in the car). I just don't think she values anyone's time but her own.
ADHD. i have very little concept of time. i think things won’t take as long as they actually do and have a terrible sense of how much time has passed. i have to constantly look at a clock.
It can be a cultural thing to some extent. Different cultures around the world have a different concept of “on time”.
I hear that. I’m from a Latino culture and everyone is consistently late. But it made me the opposite because of how disrespectful I saw it, since I was a kid
Time always manages to fast forward for me the second I have a deadline. Even if I leave 15 minutes early, I will be 15 minutes late anyway. I somehow always have to go to the bathroom before I leave, I will always forget something before I walk out the door, or that one minute to put on my shoes somehow becomes ten. I will miss my exit sometimes or manage to be in the slowest lane or hit all the red lights. I hate it.
Scanning the comments to see if my ex-wife finally figured out why she could never be on time. It got to the point where I'd tell her we needed to be somewhere about 2 hours before we really needed to, just so we wouldn't be more than 15-20 minutes late.
I be tryin
Either i am lazy or i dont want too
There was a day I'd be 30 minutes early to everything. Now I'm 30 minutes late to everything. A few reasons: 1. All my friends are always 30 minutes late so there's no point and they've rubbed off on me 2. For the things I do and events I go to, it doesn't really make a difference. I don't have thay many truly time sensitive things. *FOR THE RECORD*, I am on time for time sensitive things and for the people who care. I'm that AH who shows up to the airport 3 hours early. 3. I've gotten older. I don't care as much and I like taking my time 4. Why rush to just wait and sit around? It's better to take your time and show up when things are fully immersed. I tend to go to a lot of *events* and gatherings and meet friends there. I'm more introverted. It's nice to show up and not be forced to awkwardly talk to the only other person there or have anyone attach themselves to you for the entire event because you're the only person they know. It's nice showing up when things are already happening.
I don’t know. I will point out that I am not in fact perpetually late, actually I am rarely late. But I am always right on the edge of not making it on time and it is a huge source of stress. It’s not about disrespecting others - I’m usually successful after all, so nobody but me is inconvenienced. I doubt many people know how badly it stresses me out since usually I’m the only one affected. But I’m always trying to make up mysteriously missing time, even though I try so hard to leave plenty of extra time. You know how other people have stress dreams about finding themselves naked in public, or having to take a final they forgot to study for? Those dreams? Not me - my stress dreams always center on desperately trying to not be late. Often featuring some sort of scheduled transportation. I do have ADHD. But I’m aware of it, and reasonably able to compensate in the rest of my life. I certainly set enough reminders and alarms. This shouldn’t be so hard. But it is. Even my kids caught my perpetual anxiety about being late. I’d love to just calmly not be late for things, with, idk, effective advanced planning and shit? But instead I’m always running somewhere with my shoes untied because I don’t have time to stop and tie them.
I have no concept of time
My girlfriend just doesn’t care. She also hits snooze 3-5 times but won’t set the alarm earlier.
I hate coming early. I'm always on the clock or close to. I don't like to linger either. And as a result. Sometimes, I'm 5 minutes late. This does not apply to airports. But I'll still come at the minimum time. Which is around 1:45-2h before departure.
To steal the limelight
I’ll be the first to answer with some bogus excuse of a disorder. Specifically for work I like to leave as late as I think I can because I wanna sleep and chill tbh. And shit always takes longer than I think. I also know it’s not a big deal if I’m late. I think if I was held accountable I wouldn’t have a problem being on time. Based on the comments I’m sure you all think I’m an ass but I wanted to give an honest answe
I’m constantly 10-15 minutes late to things. In my head, I calculate drive time, but not getting ready time or parking time. If something starts at 5 and is 20 minutes away, I know I need to leave at 4:40. In my head, that means I need to stop what I’m doing and walk out the door at 4:40. But then it takes 10 minutes to brush my teeth, put on shoes, find my keys, etc. I don’t like it either, and it’s something I’m working on. But even though I KNOW all that last minute getting ready stuff takes time, I still run late. If I get ready 10 minutes before I need to leave, then I think, oh, I have extra time, I can do my makeup or pick a cute outfit before I go and then still end up late. It just comes down to having no clue how long thing’s actually take to do. The only thing that works is telling myself I’m going to get there 15 minutes early. Then I’m usually on time.
A wizard is never late, he arrives precisely when he means to.
I am usually late to work due to a long commute and not getting enough sleep at night on a daily basis. I’m also not a morning person. I work hybrid and thankfully my company puts more emphasis on allowing flexibility, doing quality work and meeting deadlines vs micromanaging us and demanding we are in our desks at 8am and leave at 5pm. This has made the company more successful.
I know a guy who comes intentionally late to things because it gives him an ego boost if you let him annoy/inconvenience you and you still continue inviting him places. He thinks it's proof that the rest of his personality must be awesome if we tolerate his refusal to show up on time.
Lack of consequences.