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Rinsetheplates_first

You bastard!


[deleted]

Nice drapes. It’d be a shame if I booga booga’d in them.


Rinsetheplates_first

They’re called curtains and don’t bugger any of them!


[deleted]

👻 booga booga


Rinsetheplates_first

Argh 😰


garbageman193

yo let me join


Tacos_always_corny

Ectojism?


lady_laughs_too_much

Don't know what you're complaining about. Now you have a friend to hang out with you!


ThePumpk1nMaster

Well I’m gonna chill in your house


[deleted]

Id haunt the ghost thats in my house now waiting his turn in the queue.


Rinsetheplates_first

Yeah haunt him to distraction and steal his place in the queue!


[deleted]

Nice, the ghost plot thickens. Seems like a good premise for a movie.


Tacos_always_corny

Sounds like Betulguise


SDogo

Make sure to bring some head deshrinker dust first :D


GhostofSbarro

[banging pots and pans together by your ghost roomie's incorporeal ears] "HOW'S THAT SOUND FOR YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK?"


HopeItMakesYaThink

My widow. Do what I can so she lives a happy life without me. Find that hidden gold in the yard and get the dog to dig it up. Help her realize which of our neighbors are wanted criminals and let her get the prize money for that criminal’s arrest. Point out antiques she should sell. Lead her to a new partner. You know, keep her happy from beyond the grave.


northrupthebandgeek

I also choose this man's not-dead wife.


Necromartian

Me too.


SuburbanDJ

I too choose this dead guy’s wife.


miss_kimba

This is my answer. I’d figure out a ghostly way to get Pittsburgh to win the Superbowl and make sure my husband had tickets. I’d also sit with my dog, because I’m pretty sure he’d be able to see me. Maybe ghost me could explain why I had to leave for a while.


HopeItMakesYaThink

If Angels could be in the outfield, why not have ghost on the gridiron? If we didn’t live in such a jaded time, that could have been a good movie…


entertainmentornot

Love it


ReaperInTraining

Are you Mr. Piggle-Wiggle, by any chance?


StingerAE

While i applaud the sentiment, one month is probably a little soon to get her to move on? 


HopeItMakesYaThink

Okay, you’re absolutely right on that. A month is fast. Still, I can at least help her find someone willing to wait and help her heal. If she gets a relationship out of it, I’d be fine with it - you can say that person is vetted at least.


[deleted]

Some of those paranormal tv researchers. My strategy will be to wait until they turn the equipment off, and then go full poltergeist mode.


RedditingWhileStoned

"Psychic" grifters making money off the hopes and grief of vulnerable people. You want contact from the spirit world? You got it in the form of an asskicking.


Belteshazzar98

Doesn't your existence prove the spirit world is real, and as such that the psychics might be legit too?


anonmymouse

Well, you don't do it in front of their clients though... you gotta torment them in private and never show up when they're actually looking for you, so they can never prove to anyone that it's happening and slowly start wondering if they're actually going crazy. They don't believe in the stuff they're peddling, it's all a grift, they'd never expect it to happen for real.


New_Bodybuilder_3338

This needs to be a horror movie. Reminds me a little bit of that Swayze movie with the clay scene. I think it was called Ghost? I want that but no love story. Instead make it a horror.


PM_ME_UR_CHERRIES

> They don't believe in the stuff they're peddling. It's all a grift, they'd never expect it to happen for real. Many of them actually believe in their supposed powers. Often because they have it from their grandma or something.


RedditingWhileStoned

Whether or not the supernatural exists and we have some form of access to it doesn't mean there's not some ethical concerns around taking money from people to offer a continuance of communication to someone beloved that has been lost to death.


Rinsetheplates_first

Great shout! It’d be like when Patrick Swayze turns up at Whoopi Goldberg’s in ‘Ghost’ ‘Oh shit there’s actually one here!’


RedditingWhileStoned

I already have a shortlist of TV mediums I will be prioritizing.


clandestine_justice

Maybe some TV preachers could benefit from being assured of the existence of an afterlife.


PoochusMaximus

Holy fuck just going from grifter to grifter and just beating the pulp out of them. Which in “real” space is just someone getting bruised and bloody from the air 😂😂😂


ChaimCad

Or maybe just come and say "I'm an actual ghost and this bitch is full of shit"


goddm95624

I misread this as asslicking and spent a few moments considering a career change.


RayAnselmo

I'm going big here - Jeff Bezos. I'd claim to be an Amazon employee who died due to poverty and overwork, and I'd just annoy him until he changes his ways.


Rinsetheplates_first

Political! I like it! You’d be a ghost with spirit!


smiledontcry

Forsooth. A ghost with spirit. An apparition with ambition. A poltergeist of unfaltering feist!


Trevorblackwell420

Treating your workers like shit isn’t a political strategy. It’s just moral bankruptcy.


HulaViking

Get two other ghosts to take turns visiting him at night.


JBlooey

I am the ghost of Amazon Present. Come in, and know me better, fucko!


shiny_arrow

Quality reference, 10/10


reichjef

I think you need at least 4 ghosts to make that a possibility. Maybe 5. He may harder to change than Scrooge.


NErDysprosium

Scrooge needed 5, depending on which version you're using (the Muppets had Marley, Marley, Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future)


reichjef

Double Marley!


Cridor

I vote we "A Christmas Charol" the lot of them. Bezos, Musk, etc. The ones that don't change would be verifiability evil sociopaths. Let the living do with that info what they will.


Caliber70

If you do it right, this will take less than a week. Make a list of scummy corporations to go through.


Trevorblackwell420

Personally I don’t think he’s capable of such change. I would just make him kill himself somehow. Constant agonizing torture of some kind until he breaks. And before anyone says that’s too far for just treating workers poorly. Just know that until bad things start happening to the rich, we will never have fairness in the marketplace and generations of poverty and suffering will continue to be the norm because the rich write the rules.


isfrying

My kids. I would just watch them play and send good vibes.


Rinsetheplates_first

Yeyyy! What a great answer! Amen to that x


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isfrying

Heeeeey!!


Michami135

Wrong queue


_Hotwire_

Ohhhh so close, no wrong. Follow the kids around. Fuck with their enemies. Bully? Push him into the lockers, trip him in the hall, pull his pants down in the cafeteria, make his father veer off the road into a tree and leave beer at his grieving mothers doorstep until she develops a habit, when the ghost father arrives and he’s watching over his kid pretend nothing happened. You gotta go bigger, homie


RecentlyDeceasedSA

What if you find out that they're actually little shits though


isfrying

I know that already. But they're MY little shits. Haha


cotsomewhereintime

I'm attending all kinds of concerts and sporting events. I'll mysteriously make some booze and dank disappear.


CriticalInspection22

All my coworkers. I work in a machining factory so I’d go around everyday and start Shutting off their machines throughout the day and see them get pissed off and wonder why their machines aren’t working 😂


Ornery_Intention_346

So you would go to work?


Eldudeareno217

And for the first time enjoy each minute of it. 


OfferChakon

Work isn't even on the list of places id vieit. This is crazy


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Kidney__Failure

You're not allowed to haunt theaters because usually they leave the ghost light on. It's like a salt ring-forcefield of light :(


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StingerAE

Wonder if I can make it to Antarctica in 1 month...


dr_badass01

I kinda just want to haunt random people, and hand them stuff they're looking for, like "here you go" while they're distracted and then just fuck off and watch from the other side, leaving them confused as hell. I think that could be fun.


Mister_Brevity

I would haunt Elon musk. Nothing huge, I would just keep moving everything while he’s asleep so it’s further away than he remembers. I want to see if I can get him to start a ghostbusters company.


[deleted]

Holy shit I was about to comment the same thing


WandaDobby777

My abusive mother who already suffers from religious delusions from psychosis. This should be hilarious.


Rinsetheplates_first

I don’t think you’ll have to wait in that queue!


WandaDobby777

Why not? Lol.


Rinsetheplates_first

You’re pure evil!


WandaDobby777

You wouldn’t say that if you knew her. Everyone is scared of her and for damn good reason.


Rinsetheplates_first

I’m only teasing. I’m sure it must have been awful for you. No judgment x


WandaDobby777

Why, thank you! Lol. My family are atheists but we’ve joked about how she’s going to willpower her way into becoming the first ghost. If I go first, I’m flipping the roles. 😂


Rinsetheplates_first

Haha😂


thehoagieboy

My family, to let them know I'm good. I'd do the Interstellar book thing or dust writing.


ReaperInTraining

What about the Joyce Byers wall from Stranger Things?


thehoagieboy

Ooo, I’ll have to remember that one


fappyday

Ron Desantis. I'd go full poltergeist on him, but stop completely once anyone was around. I'd make sure he gets tossed in the loony bin.


ZenEvadoni

So like, is my entry through the Pearly White Gates guaranteed already, or do my actions as a ghost count toward the morality system?


I-Am-Disturbed

Can we request to stay here longer? I feel like I’ll need more time…


StopThisMan2k22

I would relentlessly haunt Damian Lillard. That fucker has been haunting me since 2019 after pulling up from the logo in Paul George's eyeballs. That moment shattered my 6-leg parlay, my 5k payout, and the entire OKC Thunder franchise.


Independent-Ad5852

Putin to make him end the war in Ukraine, or Trump to make him stop being such an embarrassment to all Americans 


ClockLeather

I’d haunt this guy


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gairloch0777

Trump is hoping for an economic crash so he can get a bump in the polls. That's a pretty big embarrassment


Independent-Ad5852

Trump is more embarrassing. He's the biggest narcissistic asshole among every american.


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KhalasSword

In post Soviet countries basicly everyone made memes about how dumb, fat and strange Trump is. So yeah, while Biden is an old man, Trump is just straight up a clown, no-one else in decades made America more of a circus than he did.


Leggomyeggo69

Trump wanted to nuke a hurricane.....


Aussiegamer1987

And inject bleach into people to fight covid.


Some-Philly-Dude

In all honesty what has Trump done for America? And don't go all what aboutisms and deflect.


Independent-Ad5852

Trump thinks that the constitution doesn’t apply to him and that he has the right to do whatever he wants 


stoopidrotary

Why not both?


ReaperInTraining

They’re both stupid old men, one is just more dangerous. Both are equally incompetent though.


No-Time-2068

My ex and viciously


MiddleAgedGamer71

I'm getting 3 other ghosts waiting in line to help me out, and we're "Scrooging" as many Fortune 500 CEO's as we can find.


stonesthrowaway24601

Can I haunt an animal shelter that kills animals that have been there too long to make them think I'm the ghost of perfectly fine animals they put down?


Initial_Blacksmith37

Noel and Liam Gallagher, leave them signs everyday for a month hinting at an Oasis reunion! That must do it


fireledge

Or alternatively…. Fuck with Noel and piss him off instead https://www.vice.com/en/article/znmza5/noel-gallagher-spent-years-moving-furniture-around-to-make-liam-believe-in-ghosts


POKECHU020

I am going home and I am CHILLING. No work, no responsibilities, for a month? I am vegging OUT. Maybe stop by my friends and family to make sure they're okay and stuff.


Hopeful_Factor9084

I would haunt my sister by playing little pranks on her. I always made fun of her tastes in horror movies where the scares revolve around doors slamming or pans falling in the kitchen, but I would totally do that to her


Rinsetheplates_first

Those classic horror movie tropes like the cat jump scare! Your poor sister! You’ll drive her. Crazy!


Hopeful_Factor9084

My ghost would purposefully pick up a cat, get it in a cabinet and wait for her to open it for it to jumpscare her, then give it back to the owner


Rinsetheplates_first

😂 I love that! ‘The cat has served its purpose. Sister has been suitable scared. Now return cat to owner’


etownrawx

I'm going to haunt the fuck out of my bitch-ass stepfamily who deliberately turned my stepmoms funeral into a nightmare for my family yesterday after my father declined to pay for the funeral service and made them use about 1/3 of their life insurance payout for a funeral at a hateful anti-LGBT church. That choice was particularly hurtful (and deliberate) for my lesbian sister and her GF. Evangelical churches and the BS they pull in the name of God are a thing that humanity should be fucking ashamed of.


ReaperInTraining

Can I copy your answer?


jonnywarpspeed

I'm with you guys. This is a feel good haunting


The_Dragon_Lover

I'll check on some people all over the world, sometimes helping them and teaching others a lesson in life by showing up in their dreams or breaking things in their house if they are full of hate! But mostly helping people, there's nothing good in making other people's life more miserable than it is already!


AccomplishedAd6520

Unrealistic. No one cares for me and I’d be in the queue for hell.


Rinsetheplates_first

I care! Don’t bloody go to hell! Have some fun first!


zombieblackbird

That highway has no queue, just 9 HOV lanes and one slow lane.


GunstreetGirlie

I’m haunting you first I’ll see to it that the plates don’t get rinsed and then I’ll head over to hang with Ana de Armas because Ana de Armas


Rinsetheplates_first

The plates will always get rinsed!


GunstreetGirlie

👻💦🍽️


Rinsetheplates_first

Dick head! X


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Rinsetheplates_first

Whatever passes the time my friend x


twoplustwo_5

Donald Trump


TinyGreenTurtles

At this point, we have a queue for Trump. And I'm gonna be in it. 100%.


N_S_Gaming

I move my reservation to the equally long line for Hell, before haunting every world leader I can find.


DontYuckMyYum

id haunt the shit out of Trump. how'd id haunt him, id float around behind him while he's giving speeches, poke him behind the ears, whisper shit to him.


Massive-Ad7628

no one, I'd play and comfort lonely animals at shelters


Cukimonster

I’d spend the month with my son, trying to let him know that I was ok somehow. Doing anything I could to help with his grieving. Let him know how much I will always love him, and how great I hope the rest of his life will be.


Jayko-Wizard9

I’d haunt Ryan and Shane and mess with them in ghost hunts lol also will help out people but theyll still get freaked out lol


tbone338

A ghost could get past all security.. so I would haunt the shit out of some unnamed presidents/dictators that prefer war against unnamed countries in hopes they would … idk go crazy and not have a war?


AnUnusedCondom

I actually recently had a dream where I died and saw the bits of me that were left. I had 24 hours left on earth to see the ones I love. I couldn’t comfort them or take care of them and my grief was so painful. It was one of the single most painful dreams I ever had and woke up still in that purgatory and pain. That being said, I would haunt my loved ones and find a way to let them know I’m ok, just a bit of a delay at the airport.


immadoosh

Just gonna watch how the leaders of the world do their stuff, and see how they come up with those stupid ass decisions.


Puzzled_Fly8070

I would want to be at the most haunted place and get all the gossip on those who have passed. 


Double_Stuffed_Boi

Well if my goal is to get into heaven, I’d do reverse haunting. Do my best to help someone if they forgot something, like lock their door at night etc lol


Mediocre_Purple6955

Anybody with more money than they need and like a poltergeist your lovely dinner is about to fly across the room enjoy


sirlionel13

Probably spend a week hanging out with family, then spend the other three weeks Christmas Carolling Bezos and Musk


Head_Razzmatazz7174

I'd see who else in line can't stand Mr. Orange, and we would en masse descend on him to force him to confess all of his bs.


TapPsychological2043

I'd go watch my kids let them know that I'm ok if that's possible and then I'd go scare the shit out of my ex then I'd see how much trouble I could cause in the local shopping centre might as well have fun with it if I only got 1 month


FruitParfait

Haunt my husband by slapping his butt. I’ve told him this already when we’ve discussed becoming ghosts lmao


Kaylycat

Every old politician til they die and billionaires.


billnyethedeadguy

i got a feeling im not getting into heaven XD


Bimmer_Boi_

I will haunt the car sales people that think charging 50-150k over msrp because of a “market adjustment” is okay.


tryoracle

If there is a heaven I am not going there


fkyouthatswy

Not too late to change that.


Legitimate_Cold4590

I'll explore the world or something


Theazel

Vet clinics and animal shelters. I'm the ghost that makes sure someone's very best friend or an animal that's been forgotten doesn't cross the rainbow bridge alone. I think I'd be pretty good at it.


DRHORRIBLEHIMSELF

I would haunt a strip club because why not?


StingerAE

My other half...firstly by trying to encourage them to take up pottery...


sothicarreragt

I'd help her make a vase. Hope someone is old enough to understand this reference


Select_Number_7741

Trump. I whisper “Loser” in his ear, when he is speaking in public, then tell him it’s Fred, his dad.


Shumatsuu

Assuming i cansee other spirits, in or around others. I'd possess a brain dead person and go experience more life before the end. I know I have exactly a month, I'm not wasting that on some petty revenge.


kaiderson

One of me wifes friends, id love to catch her in the shower


Rinsetheplates_first

There’s definitely some kind of register in the afterlife for ghosts like you!


N8teD066

Chiefs are repeating. All I'm saying.


[deleted]

I'm gonna haunt Gretchen Bitchmer and make her think she's going crazy. That's what you get for essentially putting 9.6 million people under house arrest, causing a mass loss of jobs, and shutting down an oil pipeline which made gas more expensive in the UP. The fact that there was a plague is irrelevant, people suffered big time. Not to mention that she galavanted around the UP while the rest of us were trapped in our houses trying not to go insane, kill each other, or kill ourselves. So for making so many people suffer (and not to mention the fact that she's ugly as fuck with her Lord Farquaad lookin' mug), I'd make her feel the wrath of 9.6 million angry people.


Newsfeedinexile

Cool story but that’s not how death works.


manofmanynames55

All my ex girlfriends


aTypingKat

Given some believe dogs can see invisible things and bark to them, I'd just chill with my doggos.


RandyRavage69

I'd haunt bibi Netanyahu and the majority of the israeli government cabinet. Jus to keep them up at night so hopefully make rash decisions and less people are killed


Dozerdog43

Imma gonna haunt Las Vegas strip clubs


VirinaB

Some highly respected scientist so that I can take his career with me to the grave. Imagine Bill Nye claiming to be haunted. He'd be done for.


tlincbldr1

I'd haunt my friends who don't believe in God just to help push their opinion in the other direction. I'd haunt my kids just to let them know I'm alright. And last... I'd haunt my ex. 1 just to see her again naked and enjoy the view but 2 to fuck with whatever new chump she's banging and somehow remind her that it'll never be as good as me.


Ok-Tomorrow-7158

I’d haunt my own corpse And any opportunistic necrophiles


Kennychery89

Probably help my loved ones in some everyday things they are trying to handle while in my ghost form


[deleted]

My coworker from Autozone because he hates me 😂😂😂. I'll just slap the register close when he has to give change to customers. Or when he tosses stuff into the trash I'll slap the hell out of it so it'll go across the store. And violently try to open the locked doors screaming at the top of my dead lungs: LET ME IN LET ME INNNN!!!


theLaLiLuLeLol

I think I'm just going to go for a hike.


Legion357

Haunt my workplace just for shits n giggles. Move stuff in the office. Turn the heat on in the summer and AC in the winter. Poltergeist stuff.


Undead-James

I haunt my ex and make her feel like she’s being watched all the time


[deleted]

I'm definitely getting some people institutionalized


corkas_

All you people waiting in line for heaven when all yall not gonna get in there


SaltLife0118

My boss. And I'm gonna haunt him by making his pillows smell like poop.


RH5050

My Xwife, any way I can


keestie

Every time Pierre Poilievre tries to pull some creepy xenophobic shizz, I make him wet himself. He'll learn right quick.


Danivelle

My kids, all adult and my newly legally an adult grand daughter. They do something stupid, they're going to feel a smack upside the head.


IshtarJack

Emma Watson, and I'd want more than a month.


Fire-FoxAloris

But that would have to mean i believe in ghost, and um get a carbon dioxide detector people. But if ghost are real, id like to send those whom id left behind that im ok.


smileymom19

I’d haunt my husband and probably judge anyone he dates.


PotatoThatSashaAte

I'm not even gonna haunt people, I'll just watch them, watch the stories of various people, stories of love, stories of tragedy, you never know what that random 26yo guy who passed by you was thinking


iggyfenton

I would come back and tell my that I’m ok and I was wrong about what happens in the afterlife.


Merk0411

This sounds like fun. I'd haunt that stupid fucking wretch of an ex.


Elegant_Spot_3486

Not really haunt anyone. I’d probably take in some concerts. Go see some sights I never got to when alive.


not_an_alien_lobster

Refusal of the task, if it's faster can I just be sent to hell?


Ok_Artist_8262

definitely my friends i would just throw shit across their rooms and scare the shit out of them in the craziest ways


GaryWestSide

Find out about government or other world secrets kept from the public just to have that closure.


Aromatic-Hawk-4848

Reverse uno and get payback on those ghosts that haunted me when I was living. 😒


rimshot101

Most of the hauntees I can think of will probably have pretty long queues themselves.


galaapplehound

I'd haunt my theater troupe's rehearsals. Misplacing props and making inappropriate noises in silences. I'm pretty sure they'd guess it was me too.


amyaurora

My ex. And I just torture him.


howto1012020

A former friend who has an unhealthy addiction to anything Star Wars related. I'm gonna float all of his Darth Vader s\*\*\* around the room all hours of the day and night for a month! I'm gonna drop the temperature in his house so low, the planet Hoth will seem like Bermuda in comparison!


Strange_Stage1311

Firstly, no your not. Second, my aunt.


Friendly_Afternoon19

Id haunt the shit out of my asshole ex and kids dad. Id just fuck with him till I drove him insane like he did to me. 


Round_Illustrator65

My ex boss. Make his life fucking hell.


RecentlyDeceasedSA

I'd haunt just some random guy. I'd like go to the mall and shop for an individual and then follow them EVERYWHERE! But I wouldn't like do big scares, no, no,no I'd do little things. Tap on the shoulder when he's in a crowd. Whisper his name as he puts his earpods in so he takes em out and goes huh and get weird looks by those around him. I would move their cups when they place it down. Randomly turn on the Bluetooth devices in his house. Just little boos c: