Take strength in the knowledge that despite your anxiety, you deal with the situation so well that you actually inspire other people. Trust me when I tell you that very few people are able to do that.
I've been told many, many times that people find me intimidating until they actually talk to me, thanks to my RBF and the fact that I don't talk unless I actually have something to say.
I've been called terrifying, intimidating, cold, guarded, critical and wary, but the same people who say that say that "after I got to know you I realized you are.." kind/generous/awesome/hilarious/crazy smart.
Neither group has it quite right.
Same. At times, it's made my social anxiety worse about meeting new people. I'm such a people pleaser, too, and would like to make them feel good and bring smiles, but they assume I'm a snotty bitch before I get to even talk. :/ I now overcompensate and contantly semi-smile like an idiot to break up my RBF. Seems to help but it's tiring.
Same here. I shine when it's my time to, but I don't control a conversation because I like to hear people out then insert my thoughts. Sometimes Im just not knoweledgeable on a subject so it's good to listen to the others talk to learn, but this can come off as "why you so quiet?"
Me too. I have trouble making friends. People think I’m a bitch but I’m actually really nice and thoughtful- I just get stuck in my head and I’m shy at first lol
yup. always been told i come off as “off putting,” too. really, it’s that i’d love to try and strike up a conversation, but i’m too anxious to do so. i just sit there, silently trying to come up with ways to say hello but chickening out at the end.
Ditto sister. People think I’m outgoing and ready to go, up for anything. I couldn’t be happier when plans are cancelled. I loathe small talk, specially one on one, even with people I’ve known forever.
Yeah kinda same. I'm mostly okay nowadays, but I do have depression that I don't ever see going away completely. I'm much better than I used to be, I actually function. I can be fine and next to symptom free, but I'll always have to struggle a bit more for everyday tasks, be a bit more insecure... However I'm also good at getting along with people, talking to them etc. Many people I get to know (that I don't know for long yet) are shocked when they hear of my history of severe depression and anxiety, including staying at a psych ward, and my AS on top of it. I'm very open talking about it (within reason, just not ashamed) but you probably wouldn't assume it meeting me and talking to me.
Please don't put yourself down like that. Because sometimes you can't think of what to say in some situations does not mean you are dumb. Could be as simple as a mild social anxiety. Be kind to yourself!
I decided a long time ago that the way people interpret what I say isn't my problem.
If someone wants to interpret what I say in the worst possible way, then that's what I meant. I have better things to do than try and convince anyone that they don't know what I'm thinking better than I do.
Urgh, for real. Too many times I've had to tell people I mean what I say, what I spelled out, there's nothing implied or some hidden meaning to my words. But people still think I'm talking about something else or mean something different, then get angry at me for things I didn't say.
I think we should head home.
Oh, you mean that in the sense of finding our spiritual home or returning to the path we know we should be on?
No, I mean it is 1am and I need to get to bed.
That I care what they eat. I like to eat healthy and prepare gorgeous over the top salads for work lunches. People assume I’m judging their meals. No really I don’t care. I have food standards for me. Just me. I literally don’t care what anyone eats.
Yeah I was going to say similarly. I think the reality is a LOT of people are insecure. Whether it's their food choices, clothes choices etc. They probably have received judgement on it at some point.
It's just so freeing when you realise that as a person, not everyone will like you. No one cares about people that much. No one is taking notice of this or that. (And that times when they DO take notice it's because they are miserable people, like years ago I had this annoying nosy neighbor but I think she was just lonely and had nothing going on in her life).
I’ve been trying out a bunch of Paige’s recipes here and I’ve gotta say I’m really impressed: https://www.lastingredient.com/category/salads/
They’re meals in a bowl for real, at least the ones I’ve tried. Even my redneck hunter carnivore husband is amped.
Try this.
https://www.recipetineats.com/roasted-sweet-potato-salad-honey-lemon-dressing/#wprm-recipe-container-24929
Absolutely amazing.
There was a guy on another ask reddit thread a long time ago sharing a sweet story about how he knew his gf was the one because she put strawberries in the salad. To this day, I wish I asked him the recipe. When I tried searching for salads like that they were all so different I didn't know which one to try.
I'm vegan so people think I'm judging them for eating meat. While I would, of course, be delighted if others became vegan since I think it's a good cause, I don't judge them. People have the right to eat whatever they want, and make their own choices. But there's a lot of people who, the second I say I'm vegan, start trying to defend or justify themselves to me. Unnecessary, because I wasn't judging them in the first place
Yeup, sounds like do-gooder derogation! I'm vegetarian, and I run into the same issue. I couldn't care less what other people eat, but I've had some weird hostility thrown at me.
My ex girlfriend is 10 years older than me. About 2 months after she split up with her husband she started messaging me. We got together and everything was fine until I found out she never even told her family that she had split up with her husband. We just showed up at her parents one day and everyone freaked out and rightfully hated my guts. We live in a small town so I knew their family before this all happened. I soon realized she was severely manic and abusive to her kids. I broke up with her after a few months of dating when she kicked her son in the balls when she was mad. At the time i was purchasing a new house and she had just sold her house and moved into her parents until she could purchase a new downsized house. So after that all happened the current rumor around town that she is spreading is that I split up their marriage, convinced her to sell her house and move in with me, then ghosted her and left her homeless. Not a single person including my friends has asked for my side of the story. Fun stuff.
>Not a single person including my friends has asked for my side of the story.
When my ex & I broke up, his parents immediately blocked me on Facebook and that hurt because we had always had a good (though not close) relationship while he thought he was better than them...and I can only imagine the lies he told them about why we broke up. They were good people and I'm still a little sad that they probably still think I'm the one who was being unreasonable.
Not that I'd really expect them to ask me for my side of the story because he's their son, but yeah...
That I don’t care about how I look.
I don’t like make up, and I wear simple, consistent clothes to work because I work in a volatile environment. But as a girl I feel like the assumption (sometimes made out loud to my face) is that I don’t care how I look. It hurts my feelings pretty much every time. Also there are certain things about my looks that I wish I could change, but just because I can’t doesn’t mean I don’t care.
I do get this. People assume that I try showing off my manly side.
What a fucking backhanded compliment. Yeah, I work out, I am strong and I don’t wear makeup. But it’s their dumb shit heads that don’t see how that is the woman in me.
Makeup doesn’t equal femininity or caring.
I actually care about not giving children a false sense of what they should look like.
So you could imagine “looking my best” doesn’t always work in my favor. Clean and professional yes. But I definitely go for neutral when it comes to attention-grabbing outfits/looks.
As long as you’re showering and washing your hair!
I had a coworker (who came from a wealthy family too and had designer everything and a big salary, so she wasn’t struggling financially) who would come to the office and go to hugely important meetings with multi-billion $ oil & gas companies with her hair DRIPPING in oil. Her face was oily, too. She looked disheveled, etc. There were other work-related things that pointed to her just not caring and not preparing. I couldn’t believe how oblivious and inappropriate she was.
Just take frequent showers, and that’s the most important thing. Who cares about makeup and a shiny new outfit every day? Neh. But, be clean.
Lately is that I am lucky and things come easy for me.
Yeah I live on the beach, disposable income , wfh, no debt have a loving relationship now, but it wasn’t for luck.
I crawled my way from poverty, divorce, low iQ, my own stupidity, dealing with 2 kids with mental health issues, sacrifices galore, etc etc etc. So its not luck at all, its just the results of a huge long battle.
People think I'm a pothead. Always have since high school. When I tell them I'm not they just always say "wow you're so chill all the time. You just seem high" like thanks I guess?😂
Yep. I work in the addiction + mental health realm, and everyone has a story about someone in their life with addiction. I have heard many of those stories. I’m not interested in hearing those stories off the clock unless I’m really close with you.
I now just say I work front of house at a clinic if it’s a situation where I can get away with that vagueness. This is not strictly wrong, but it’s also not totally true. But, it does not lead to any follow-up questions.
Omg I hate this! Like, don’t make the poor human work when they’re off the clock!!! Im sorry that happens to you! I have a somewhat similar experience when I tell people I have a degree in neuroscience or I did research on schizophrenia! People like to tell me about their mental health struggles and ask which meds they should take or tell me about someone they know and sometimes the stuff is really hard to listen to because it’s really sad and I feel bad because there’s nothing I can do to help, and like, I get annoyed because trauma dumping is just well, annoying at the least and triggering at its worst (I’m prone to panic attacks despite never having had any trauma, I’m just neurospicy)… and it’s like, dude…. I researched like… cells…. And how they grew after being treated with different chemicals…. Idk how that’s gonna help you. I spent loads of time in a biological safety cabinet whispering sweet nothings to my cells in hopes they wouldn’t die and in a small, dark microscopy room searching for specifically-shaped cells and marking their coordinates and taking pics and counting their little protrusions. Now I just tell people I’m a cell biologist because technically that’s what I am now for my job. I grow cells for cancer and autoimmune disease drugs. So… don’t ask me about the growth on your breast, or the rash on your back, thank you. (Not you specifically, but other people… I’m not a doctor! And even if I was, I’d tell you to make a damned appointment!)
:(
You sound like a friend of mine who works for a pharmaceutical company, and people are always asking her about meds and side effects and all that, but she works in HR! She can get quite flappy, as people can often be quite ruse when they are interrogating her for selfish reasons.
Ughhh, yeah, I work for a pharma company, but luckily I don’t get those questions as often. I get the “omg how can you work for big pharma, yadda yadda evil corporation stuff” but like, how else are people gonna get the meds they need at this point? I would love if the system improved and all that, but I don’t have control of it and I gotta pay my bills and academia pays shit and industry doesn’t, sorry.
ETA: a lot of the people who work for big pharma, especially the scientists, actually want to help people and really enjoy what they do and feel like they’re contributing to the greater good by assisting with research and discovery and manufacturing of life-saving meds and stuff.
That I have a high work ethic.
I, in fact, do not. I just *really* don't like having stuff hanging over my head to do, so I'll try to complete it as soon as possible. But I also hate having to redo work, so I try to make sure my work is good the first time.
Lol, I spend more time doing absolutely nothing at work than I do actually working. I started watching One Piece from the beginning and I'm certain that I'll be able to get to the end of it eventually during work.
Seriously, I do not have a high work ethic.
It's just so much more stressful to be bad at your job than it is to be good at your job, so I try to be really good at my job to make it easier on myself!!
Omg I am the same. I usually do tasks right away because if not it gives me anxiety. Then we get to team meetings and my boss will be like “be more like bella, she got it all done early, dont wait until the last minute” and I want to crawl in a hole of embarrassment
I know this is a hard thing to do, but you could maybe hang a note at the entrance of the complex. Basically introducing yourself, no need to apologize or go at length about the 'episodes'. Simply state facts. It might not change anything, but it can't hurt, and some people might actually have empathy looking up online your conditions. Don't write anything that could be held against you.
I'm so sorry. It can be so hard for people to just have a little perspective and bring their defensiveness and possessiveness down a tad to get to know someone, human to human. You deserve to be treated nicely, and I hope things get better for you in the future. Because you deserve it.
That I’m a bitch. Sometimes I have a monotone voice and I can speak pretty bluntly, along with resting bitch face. I actually noticed recently that strangers tend to look timid around me, I couldn’t understand why until I realized I don’t smile much lol
That I don't take care of myself. I had a condition that caused me to lose the enamel on my teeth at a young age and inevitably, I lost most of my teeth young. Had them pulled at 23 but the dentist never could get my denture to fit so now I'm 28 with no upper teeth and very few, and very ugly bottom ones. I'm otherwise healthy and have a self care routine that could rival the Kardashians lol
People think I’m really good at what I’m doing at work; you know, meticulous or neat. But really I just have anxiety and major sensory issues and people pleasing tendencies. I do things nicely because it drives me nuts if I don’t.
RBF and a very dry/sarcastic sense of humor is a strong combination to make people think I dislike them when they're first meeting me. I've had several friends tell me they thought I hated them early on. I'm actually really nice and will usually go out of my way to help people, especially friends.
I don't know and honestly i don't care, i've been stared at my whole life and people still stare at me, i know i have a weird body, i know i am obese, i know i am handicapped. I've learned to ignore any misconceptions people may have because of how i look.
That I'm a know it all. I'm not, I just usually talk about subjects I know a lot and listen and ask questions when it comes to subjects I don't. If I'm in an argument, the opposing arguer better back up their statement with facts because I'll bring facts.
If people know me as someone Dutch, they can't believe I'm Jewish. If people know me as Jewish, they can't believe I am Dutch.
(Obviously, all these impressions only exist when I am outside of the Netherlands, but I haven't lived there in a long time by now.)
People assume I'm sad and miserable because I openly talk about my flaws. I tell them I don't talk about that them because I'm sad or anything. I mention them because I'm not ashamed of them.
People who don’t know me just see an old white guy with a white beard and some of them make assumptions based on my appearance. I hate that. I especially hate when another old white guy looks around and starts to say something, because I know from the look-around the sort of thing he is about to say.
I'm a stereotypically pretty white woman so I tend to be approachable by that exact type. The amount of times I get some old white lady all up on me with some racist bullshit is astounding.
I just say "what the fuck!?" And look horrified. That tends to end it quickly.
75% of the time it's in the grocery store. Not even the same one, just any grocery.
For some reason many people think I'm a healthy eater. I'm a vegetarian but I don't like vegetables or actually most of the healthy food. For some reason people link being a vegetarian to eating healthy, but I'd rather have a pizza than... Well, something green 😂
I've been vegan over 5 years. Every time I say I don't like a vegetable (courgettes and aubergines, it's always the same ones) I get an "aren't you supposed to be healthy?".
That I’m friendly. I’m nice to everyone because that’s the right thing to do but I am just not up for making friends and a lot of people confuse the fact that I’m never mean for wanting to be friends.
I might be the most approachable person in the world because of this. Every single time I go downtown someone walks up to me and asks me for help. It even happens in foreign cities and when I'm with someone else. They will ignore the person I'm with and ask me for help. It stresses me out because I never know the answer.
People assume that getting good grades comes easily to me. In reality I have debilitating ADHD and I work my ass of to learn and stay focused. I also am so failed of failing.
That I am weak because I am kind. People often mistake kindness for weakness. It takes a lot of strength to be kind. It’s really easy to not care about other people.
People think that I'm really hardworking person. They also think that I don't appreciate my efforts. I literally do nothing, how can I appreciate nothing?
MoreMorei:
Audience: What skill, what finesse, what focus. We are in the presence of a master.
MoreMorei:
Audience: That sigh was both evocate and self-effacing. We feel touched and comforted and also a deep sense of longing.
I'll join the people who apparently seem "cold", "aloof", "disinterested", "annoyed" or what-not. I'm quite the harmonious marshmallow, but being introverted and a bit quiet (especially in larger groups, not so much if it's just 1-3 people) seems to give off that vibe. I learned to live with it an try to make up for it by socializing more with people 1:1 :)
That I've been in the military. I've been asked SO many times, and had a few people just assume I was and had a puzzling headscratch when I revealed I wasn't.
That I’m an asshole.
My voice is super monotone. Practically no emotions comes over via my voice. About the only thing I can do is change the volume, but the tone is just bland.
It gets me in a lot of trouble and I think it makes most people assume I am bored or uninterested. That’s not the case, I can’t help it.
That I'm grumpy. I'm not. I just want people to leave me the fuck alone when I'm out & about. If I go to the pub on my own, it's because I want to be on my own. I, don't want to 'chat'.
If I walking through town, I don't want charity collectors asking me if I can 'spare a minute' No I can't. I'm going somewhere. I don't want to hear your 'problems' quite frankly, I couldnt give a flying one. My circle of concern barely reaches as far as my immediate family, let alone strangers.
That I have good self confidence.
I'm actually rather shy, second guess myself often, am always afraid of making an ass of myself in social situations and have moderate impostor syndrome.
I have just decided to "fake it, till I make it" and gotten quite good at hiding all this. But it's very exhausting for me so when I'm done I generally just self-isolate to rest.
That I'm angry. I've been told that the tonal quality of my voice makes me sound pissed off. I don't hear it myself, so adjusting my tone is difficult.
It's a struggle.
That I'm a druggie because I look like a hippie and am always smiling. I've gotten pulled into the office at multiple jobs for "being high at work" and I'm completely straight edge minus coffee and nicotine gum.I don't even drink or smoke pot.
I smile, giggle, laugh alot. Very expressive with my face, and sometimes get a little bit of a "valley girl" tinge to my voice.
I also always have my hair and makeup done, enjoy putting effort into my appearance, etc.
People think i'm a ditz.
It's always gratifying to prove otherwise in an Elle Woods dropping knowledge kind of fashion.
That I’m stuck up. I’m actually an introvert and have terrible social anxiety, so I’m quiet in social situations.
Same. Having a resting bitch face doesn't help either.
Boss told me I always look at him like I’m disappointed. That was the day I learned I have resting disappointed face
Maybe my parents have this too and I'm not such a disappointment
Do they only have resting disappointed face when you're around though?
Nobody knows what they did but we are all very sorry for doing it
Resting dickhead face in my case.
Resting dumb face for me :(
i dont even have a face...
I always use somebody else's face
Resting confused face for me
Right there with you, got Dick head face and body works for me.
People think I am cool, calm and great under pressure. Nope. Massive anxiety... I just don't let anyone know about.
Same.
Me, too.
Take strength in the knowledge that despite your anxiety, you deal with the situation so well that you actually inspire other people. Trust me when I tell you that very few people are able to do that.
Hey, you’re a duck! Looks chill above the surface, mad paddlin’ going on below.
I've been told many, many times that people find me intimidating until they actually talk to me, thanks to my RBF and the fact that I don't talk unless I actually have something to say.
I've been called terrifying, intimidating, cold, guarded, critical and wary, but the same people who say that say that "after I got to know you I realized you are.." kind/generous/awesome/hilarious/crazy smart. Neither group has it quite right.
This is me 100%
Me too. In most social situations I am trying my hardest to be invisible.
I've had people say I'm stuck up and look down on them... I'm just tall.
Same. At times, it's made my social anxiety worse about meeting new people. I'm such a people pleaser, too, and would like to make them feel good and bring smiles, but they assume I'm a snotty bitch before I get to even talk. :/ I now overcompensate and contantly semi-smile like an idiot to break up my RBF. Seems to help but it's tiring.
Sigh. -joins group-
Dude I have asked people before what I did to make them think I was stuck up, and the answer is nothing?? How do I avoid this then!?
Same here. I shine when it's my time to, but I don't control a conversation because I like to hear people out then insert my thoughts. Sometimes Im just not knoweledgeable on a subject so it's good to listen to the others talk to learn, but this can come off as "why you so quiet?"
Introverts, unite!
Isn’t it a shame all of these commentators don’t know each other IRL?! We could make a very satisfying friend group.
Yup, me too. My introversion is uncomfortable to them so they make it about themselves.
I get told I come across as cold and arrogant. I'm not- I just hate small talk and prefer to remain professional with people who aren't close friends.
Me too. I have trouble making friends. People think I’m a bitch but I’m actually really nice and thoughtful- I just get stuck in my head and I’m shy at first lol
Me too. Been with my husband for 20 years and his family still hates me because I was so quiet at gatherings, so now I just gave up and don't go.
yup. always been told i come off as “off putting,” too. really, it’s that i’d love to try and strike up a conversation, but i’m too anxious to do so. i just sit there, silently trying to come up with ways to say hello but chickening out at the end.
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I need a friend like that.
THIS IS EXACTLY ME
My husband has an angry bird face. 😂 I adore him.
Same. Early in my career I was told that people thought that I thought I was superior. Nope. Terribly awkward, but not the slightest bit superior.
THIS I WAS ABOUT TO WRITE IT
Are we the same person?!
That I’m dumb. I’m much dumber than you think!
"They said I was dumb, but I proved them!" -Fry, Futurama
I like you already
Aw thanks. I like you too already
That’s cool-especially cause I’m dumb too!!!
We should form a dumb club! Maybe our dumbness will increase when combined!
That I’m aloof when really I have social anxiety.
Ditto sister. People think I’m outgoing and ready to go, up for anything. I couldn’t be happier when plans are cancelled. I loathe small talk, specially one on one, even with people I’ve known forever.
YESS
Yep definitely. I just can’t talk to people well, it doesn’t mean I dislike you :(
Same! I’m not good at social situations but I promise I’m nice and fun to be around when I’m not overthinking every word I say and move I make.
They think I'm ok. :/
Annie are you ok say Annie are you ok are you ok Annie
Yeah kinda same. I'm mostly okay nowadays, but I do have depression that I don't ever see going away completely. I'm much better than I used to be, I actually function. I can be fine and next to symptom free, but I'll always have to struggle a bit more for everyday tasks, be a bit more insecure... However I'm also good at getting along with people, talking to them etc. Many people I get to know (that I don't know for long yet) are shocked when they hear of my history of severe depression and anxiety, including staying at a psych ward, and my AS on top of it. I'm very open talking about it (within reason, just not ashamed) but you probably wouldn't assume it meeting me and talking to me.
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Please don't put yourself down like that. Because sometimes you can't think of what to say in some situations does not mean you are dumb. Could be as simple as a mild social anxiety. Be kind to yourself!
Arguably far more intelligent of you to keep you mouth shut when others would give their half-baked opinions
Most of what people do say is pretty dumb. I wouldn't worry about it.
That my words mean something other, or deeper, than what they say.
I decided a long time ago that the way people interpret what I say isn't my problem. If someone wants to interpret what I say in the worst possible way, then that's what I meant. I have better things to do than try and convince anyone that they don't know what I'm thinking better than I do.
Its a good way to feel, but practically that can cause you issues. Probably only worth addressing if its very frequent though.
Urgh, for real. Too many times I've had to tell people I mean what I say, what I spelled out, there's nothing implied or some hidden meaning to my words. But people still think I'm talking about something else or mean something different, then get angry at me for things I didn't say.
I think we should head home. Oh, you mean that in the sense of finding our spiritual home or returning to the path we know we should be on? No, I mean it is 1am and I need to get to bed.
I hear you. "There's only one line. You can't read between it."
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That I care what they eat. I like to eat healthy and prepare gorgeous over the top salads for work lunches. People assume I’m judging their meals. No really I don’t care. I have food standards for me. Just me. I literally don’t care what anyone eats.
People apply that logic to everything! It's silly how much we all think other people care about us and fear their judgement.
Yeah I was going to say similarly. I think the reality is a LOT of people are insecure. Whether it's their food choices, clothes choices etc. They probably have received judgement on it at some point. It's just so freeing when you realise that as a person, not everyone will like you. No one cares about people that much. No one is taking notice of this or that. (And that times when they DO take notice it's because they are miserable people, like years ago I had this annoying nosy neighbor but I think she was just lonely and had nothing going on in her life).
I would like some salad suggestions if you have any. I always feel bored with my salads, but I love salad.
There’s a book called Come Hungry that looks like it has good salad ideas.
I’ve been trying out a bunch of Paige’s recipes here and I’ve gotta say I’m really impressed: https://www.lastingredient.com/category/salads/ They’re meals in a bowl for real, at least the ones I’ve tried. Even my redneck hunter carnivore husband is amped.
Thank you!
Omg those look delicious. I think one of my girls will really like that chickpea one. Thanks for sharing. I've bookmarked it. Have a good night.
Try this. https://www.recipetineats.com/roasted-sweet-potato-salad-honey-lemon-dressing/#wprm-recipe-container-24929 Absolutely amazing. There was a guy on another ask reddit thread a long time ago sharing a sweet story about how he knew his gf was the one because she put strawberries in the salad. To this day, I wish I asked him the recipe. When I tried searching for salads like that they were all so different I didn't know which one to try.
I'm vegan so people think I'm judging them for eating meat. While I would, of course, be delighted if others became vegan since I think it's a good cause, I don't judge them. People have the right to eat whatever they want, and make their own choices. But there's a lot of people who, the second I say I'm vegan, start trying to defend or justify themselves to me. Unnecessary, because I wasn't judging them in the first place
Yeup, sounds like do-gooder derogation! I'm vegetarian, and I run into the same issue. I couldn't care less what other people eat, but I've had some weird hostility thrown at me.
Do you have any recipe links? Prettying up food is one of my strategies for eating better.
My ex girlfriend is 10 years older than me. About 2 months after she split up with her husband she started messaging me. We got together and everything was fine until I found out she never even told her family that she had split up with her husband. We just showed up at her parents one day and everyone freaked out and rightfully hated my guts. We live in a small town so I knew their family before this all happened. I soon realized she was severely manic and abusive to her kids. I broke up with her after a few months of dating when she kicked her son in the balls when she was mad. At the time i was purchasing a new house and she had just sold her house and moved into her parents until she could purchase a new downsized house. So after that all happened the current rumor around town that she is spreading is that I split up their marriage, convinced her to sell her house and move in with me, then ghosted her and left her homeless. Not a single person including my friends has asked for my side of the story. Fun stuff.
Hit up her husband. Team up and set the record straight. Also, please report physical abuse when you see it. That kid is unsafe
>Not a single person including my friends has asked for my side of the story. When my ex & I broke up, his parents immediately blocked me on Facebook and that hurt because we had always had a good (though not close) relationship while he thought he was better than them...and I can only imagine the lies he told them about why we broke up. They were good people and I'm still a little sad that they probably still think I'm the one who was being unreasonable. Not that I'd really expect them to ask me for my side of the story because he's their son, but yeah...
Please, tell me you reported the child abuse?!
That I check their username and profile.
What if the username was taken though?
Leave me alone
That I don’t care about how I look. I don’t like make up, and I wear simple, consistent clothes to work because I work in a volatile environment. But as a girl I feel like the assumption (sometimes made out loud to my face) is that I don’t care how I look. It hurts my feelings pretty much every time. Also there are certain things about my looks that I wish I could change, but just because I can’t doesn’t mean I don’t care.
I do get this. People assume that I try showing off my manly side. What a fucking backhanded compliment. Yeah, I work out, I am strong and I don’t wear makeup. But it’s their dumb shit heads that don’t see how that is the woman in me. Makeup doesn’t equal femininity or caring. I actually care about not giving children a false sense of what they should look like.
That’s my view as well.
This is the opposite of toxic masculinity. This is *empowering femininity*. You make me think of tiger lillies.
May I ask what line of work you are in? Just curious bc of the word "volatile".
High acuity inpatient psych. Lots of psychosis and individuals with homicidal tendencies.
Whoa. Wow. Okay.
So you could imagine “looking my best” doesn’t always work in my favor. Clean and professional yes. But I definitely go for neutral when it comes to attention-grabbing outfits/looks.
As long as you’re showering and washing your hair! I had a coworker (who came from a wealthy family too and had designer everything and a big salary, so she wasn’t struggling financially) who would come to the office and go to hugely important meetings with multi-billion $ oil & gas companies with her hair DRIPPING in oil. Her face was oily, too. She looked disheveled, etc. There were other work-related things that pointed to her just not caring and not preparing. I couldn’t believe how oblivious and inappropriate she was. Just take frequent showers, and that’s the most important thing. Who cares about makeup and a shiny new outfit every day? Neh. But, be clean.
People think I don’t like them but I’m very aloof and closed off at first. Once you get to know me I’m much more open
Lately is that I am lucky and things come easy for me. Yeah I live on the beach, disposable income , wfh, no debt have a loving relationship now, but it wasn’t for luck. I crawled my way from poverty, divorce, low iQ, my own stupidity, dealing with 2 kids with mental health issues, sacrifices galore, etc etc etc. So its not luck at all, its just the results of a huge long battle.
People think I'm a pothead. Always have since high school. When I tell them I'm not they just always say "wow you're so chill all the time. You just seem high" like thanks I guess?😂
That because I work in a caring profession, I must GAF about their nonsense
I used to get this working with pets. I like animals, but goddammit it's not my whole identity, can we talk about something else?
Yep. I work in the addiction + mental health realm, and everyone has a story about someone in their life with addiction. I have heard many of those stories. I’m not interested in hearing those stories off the clock unless I’m really close with you. I now just say I work front of house at a clinic if it’s a situation where I can get away with that vagueness. This is not strictly wrong, but it’s also not totally true. But, it does not lead to any follow-up questions.
Omg I hate this! Like, don’t make the poor human work when they’re off the clock!!! Im sorry that happens to you! I have a somewhat similar experience when I tell people I have a degree in neuroscience or I did research on schizophrenia! People like to tell me about their mental health struggles and ask which meds they should take or tell me about someone they know and sometimes the stuff is really hard to listen to because it’s really sad and I feel bad because there’s nothing I can do to help, and like, I get annoyed because trauma dumping is just well, annoying at the least and triggering at its worst (I’m prone to panic attacks despite never having had any trauma, I’m just neurospicy)… and it’s like, dude…. I researched like… cells…. And how they grew after being treated with different chemicals…. Idk how that’s gonna help you. I spent loads of time in a biological safety cabinet whispering sweet nothings to my cells in hopes they wouldn’t die and in a small, dark microscopy room searching for specifically-shaped cells and marking their coordinates and taking pics and counting their little protrusions. Now I just tell people I’m a cell biologist because technically that’s what I am now for my job. I grow cells for cancer and autoimmune disease drugs. So… don’t ask me about the growth on your breast, or the rash on your back, thank you. (Not you specifically, but other people… I’m not a doctor! And even if I was, I’d tell you to make a damned appointment!)
:( You sound like a friend of mine who works for a pharmaceutical company, and people are always asking her about meds and side effects and all that, but she works in HR! She can get quite flappy, as people can often be quite ruse when they are interrogating her for selfish reasons.
Ughhh, yeah, I work for a pharma company, but luckily I don’t get those questions as often. I get the “omg how can you work for big pharma, yadda yadda evil corporation stuff” but like, how else are people gonna get the meds they need at this point? I would love if the system improved and all that, but I don’t have control of it and I gotta pay my bills and academia pays shit and industry doesn’t, sorry. ETA: a lot of the people who work for big pharma, especially the scientists, actually want to help people and really enjoy what they do and feel like they’re contributing to the greater good by assisting with research and discovery and manufacturing of life-saving meds and stuff.
Some people in the "caring" professions give the least amount of fucks. Caregiver fatigue is very real.
It really is. It can be seriously rough, and a lot of people don't really get that.
Upvoting as I sit in silence eating cheesecake after a long day as a case manager :')
That I have a high work ethic. I, in fact, do not. I just *really* don't like having stuff hanging over my head to do, so I'll try to complete it as soon as possible. But I also hate having to redo work, so I try to make sure my work is good the first time.
Thats exactelly high work ethic...
Lol, I spend more time doing absolutely nothing at work than I do actually working. I started watching One Piece from the beginning and I'm certain that I'll be able to get to the end of it eventually during work. Seriously, I do not have a high work ethic.
It's just so much more stressful to be bad at your job than it is to be good at your job, so I try to be really good at my job to make it easier on myself!!
That's a good point.
Sounds like a high work ethic to me
Haha. I agree!
Sounds like an efficient work ethic. Efficiency is the melding of speed and efficacy. Get it done fast and good so you only have to do it once.
Omg I am the same. I usually do tasks right away because if not it gives me anxiety. Then we get to team meetings and my boss will be like “be more like bella, she got it all done early, dont wait until the last minute” and I want to crawl in a hole of embarrassment
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I know this is a hard thing to do, but you could maybe hang a note at the entrance of the complex. Basically introducing yourself, no need to apologize or go at length about the 'episodes'. Simply state facts. It might not change anything, but it can't hurt, and some people might actually have empathy looking up online your conditions. Don't write anything that could be held against you.
Sorry to hear that..I feel like there’s nothing better than being able to lose your shit in peace!
I'm sorry you were treated that way. Sending love
I'm so sorry. It can be so hard for people to just have a little perspective and bring their defensiveness and possessiveness down a tad to get to know someone, human to human. You deserve to be treated nicely, and I hope things get better for you in the future. Because you deserve it.
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Don’t give up!
You should get your story printed on a small business card and give it to them
I'm so very sorry. I wish these people could read what you said to all of us, so they'd be able to be more understanding. :(
That I’m a bitch. Sometimes I have a monotone voice and I can speak pretty bluntly, along with resting bitch face. I actually noticed recently that strangers tend to look timid around me, I couldn’t understand why until I realized I don’t smile much lol
A newer colleague recently told me that he thought I was intimidating and authoritative until he got to know me. I am far from being either!
That I don't take care of myself. I had a condition that caused me to lose the enamel on my teeth at a young age and inevitably, I lost most of my teeth young. Had them pulled at 23 but the dentist never could get my denture to fit so now I'm 28 with no upper teeth and very few, and very ugly bottom ones. I'm otherwise healthy and have a self care routine that could rival the Kardashians lol
That I don’t care about style. I do. But my style is not in style. If that makes any sense.
You have your own style.
They think I talk a lot, but all I am doing is trying to make them stop talking
People think I’m really good at what I’m doing at work; you know, meticulous or neat. But really I just have anxiety and major sensory issues and people pleasing tendencies. I do things nicely because it drives me nuts if I don’t.
I’m a veteran so I must be a conservative…
That because I don’t drink I don’t know how to have fun.
My RBF makes people think I'm angry or just a b*tch. I'm not angry..I just have a staring problem. Especially if I'm trying to pay attention.
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Take my hug.
I feel this because I struggle with the same. I present outward well but inside I'm a mess. Big hugs! <3
Hugs
RBF and a very dry/sarcastic sense of humor is a strong combination to make people think I dislike them when they're first meeting me. I've had several friends tell me they thought I hated them early on. I'm actually really nice and will usually go out of my way to help people, especially friends.
People in high school always assumed I was super innocent and nice, but I was actually just shy and didn't spill my secrets.😂😂
I don't know and honestly i don't care, i've been stared at my whole life and people still stare at me, i know i have a weird body, i know i am obese, i know i am handicapped. I've learned to ignore any misconceptions people may have because of how i look.
That I'm gonna be good in bed ( spoiler I'm a fucking Virgin) 💀
You still Might be good in bed…just spend time investigating the wobbly bits-you’ll do fine!
That I'm a know it all. I'm not, I just usually talk about subjects I know a lot and listen and ask questions when it comes to subjects I don't. If I'm in an argument, the opposing arguer better back up their statement with facts because I'll bring facts.
If people know me as someone Dutch, they can't believe I'm Jewish. If people know me as Jewish, they can't believe I am Dutch. (Obviously, all these impressions only exist when I am outside of the Netherlands, but I haven't lived there in a long time by now.)
that I give a flying rat's ass what they think
People assume I'm sad and miserable because I openly talk about my flaws. I tell them I don't talk about that them because I'm sad or anything. I mention them because I'm not ashamed of them.
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People who don’t know me just see an old white guy with a white beard and some of them make assumptions based on my appearance. I hate that. I especially hate when another old white guy looks around and starts to say something, because I know from the look-around the sort of thing he is about to say.
Oh look, another white person. I should absolutely say the racist and sexist shit bubbling in what I call a brain.
I usually stop them first. I just say “don’t”.
I'm a stereotypically pretty white woman so I tend to be approachable by that exact type. The amount of times I get some old white lady all up on me with some racist bullshit is astounding. I just say "what the fuck!?" And look horrified. That tends to end it quickly. 75% of the time it's in the grocery store. Not even the same one, just any grocery.
For some reason many people think I'm a healthy eater. I'm a vegetarian but I don't like vegetables or actually most of the healthy food. For some reason people link being a vegetarian to eating healthy, but I'd rather have a pizza than... Well, something green 😂
I've been vegan over 5 years. Every time I say I don't like a vegetable (courgettes and aubergines, it's always the same ones) I get an "aren't you supposed to be healthy?".
That because I'm kind, I have no spine or won't stick up for myself. Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.
That I’m friendly. I’m nice to everyone because that’s the right thing to do but I am just not up for making friends and a lot of people confuse the fact that I’m never mean for wanting to be friends.
Great answer! I not only relate-- I isolate.
That I'm nice. Resting baby face.
I might be the most approachable person in the world because of this. Every single time I go downtown someone walks up to me and asks me for help. It even happens in foreign cities and when I'm with someone else. They will ignore the person I'm with and ask me for help. It stresses me out because I never know the answer.
This is me. I easily look 10-15 years younger that I am. It has yet to be a positive for me.
That I‘m happy as a single mom and not motivated to start another relationship. I feel so complete at the moment.
That because I tell jokes I am happy.
People assume I am gay. And stuck up (just shy and bad at small talk. A problem when you live in the south).
irl: that i am mad, i just look very angry but that's never the case online: that i am a dude
People assume that getting good grades comes easily to me. In reality I have debilitating ADHD and I work my ass of to learn and stay focused. I also am so failed of failing.
That I am brave to have loved my life as I have, but actually I had no choice.
That I'm such a sweet person, not realizing that I can rip you apart in tiny little shreads when warranted.
That I am weak because I am kind. People often mistake kindness for weakness. It takes a lot of strength to be kind. It’s really easy to not care about other people.
That im nervous or in a bad mood. I frown really hard when focused. Im almost always focused on something. Usually daydreaming.
That I give a flying fuck.
People think that I'm really hardworking person. They also think that I don't appreciate my efforts. I literally do nothing, how can I appreciate nothing?
MoreMorei:
Audience: What skill, what finesse, what focus. We are in the presence of a master.
MoreMorei:
Audience: That sigh was both evocate and self-effacing. We feel touched and comforted and also a deep sense of longing.
That I want to talk to them.
I'll join the people who apparently seem "cold", "aloof", "disinterested", "annoyed" or what-not. I'm quite the harmonious marshmallow, but being introverted and a bit quiet (especially in larger groups, not so much if it's just 1-3 people) seems to give off that vibe. I learned to live with it an try to make up for it by socializing more with people 1:1 :)
That I’m passive when really I just think 99% of battles aren’t worth fighting. Getting angry takes way too much effort.
That I’m a b*tch. I have a terrible rbf and am super shy. I have had several people tell me they thought I was stuck up when they first met me :(
I’ve been told on way too many occasions that I’m intimidating-my family and friends and co-workers are always baffled by that
That I’m chill and easy going. Or maybe I am the one with the misconception 🤯
That I am shy. I'm not i just don't like people.
That I'm unhappy because I generally prefer to be alone doing my own nerdy stuff.
I don't smile much and must be an asshole but really just depressed with a hint of asshole
That I am very emotionally strong and wise. I just have a way of listening to people that gives that impression, I believe.
That I've been in the military. I've been asked SO many times, and had a few people just assume I was and had a puzzling headscratch when I revealed I wasn't.
That I’m an asshole. My voice is super monotone. Practically no emotions comes over via my voice. About the only thing I can do is change the volume, but the tone is just bland. It gets me in a lot of trouble and I think it makes most people assume I am bored or uninterested. That’s not the case, I can’t help it.
That I am intelligent. I am pretty fucking useless, I just put words in a fancy order sometimes
That I'm rude I'm not I'm autistic.
That I make less than my husband. I don't.
That my quietness is a weakness…..It’s actually been a strength on many of occasions.
That because I'm broke and disabled that I'm also stupid.
That I'm grumpy. I'm not. I just want people to leave me the fuck alone when I'm out & about. If I go to the pub on my own, it's because I want to be on my own. I, don't want to 'chat'. If I walking through town, I don't want charity collectors asking me if I can 'spare a minute' No I can't. I'm going somewhere. I don't want to hear your 'problems' quite frankly, I couldnt give a flying one. My circle of concern barely reaches as far as my immediate family, let alone strangers.
People tend to think I’m “tough” cause I’m a farm girl and a lesbian. I’m such a friggin whimp though 😂
That I have good self confidence. I'm actually rather shy, second guess myself often, am always afraid of making an ass of myself in social situations and have moderate impostor syndrome. I have just decided to "fake it, till I make it" and gotten quite good at hiding all this. But it's very exhausting for me so when I'm done I generally just self-isolate to rest.
That I'm angry. I've been told that the tonal quality of my voice makes me sound pissed off. I don't hear it myself, so adjusting my tone is difficult. It's a struggle.
That I'm a druggie because I look like a hippie and am always smiling. I've gotten pulled into the office at multiple jobs for "being high at work" and I'm completely straight edge minus coffee and nicotine gum.I don't even drink or smoke pot.
That when I ask “why?” or “what do you mean by that?” I’m challenging them, when I’m just being curious and trying to understand them better.
That i'm a happy, uplifting and humorous person when in fact i'm suicidal.
I smile, giggle, laugh alot. Very expressive with my face, and sometimes get a little bit of a "valley girl" tinge to my voice. I also always have my hair and makeup done, enjoy putting effort into my appearance, etc. People think i'm a ditz. It's always gratifying to prove otherwise in an Elle Woods dropping knowledge kind of fashion.