We had been together for a short while when “things got too real” and he broke it off. Flash forward 6 years and I go on a blind date only to find out it’s him. That night started a series of very long conversations where we cleared the air and all the skeletons were taken out of the closet. And we decided to give it a go again. After being together for a few months he popped the question, I said yes and we started making plans. About a week later I received a call from his sister. He had died. He was a long haul trucker and had developed phlebitis (blood clots in his legs). One of the clots broke loose and caused a massive heart attack. Thankfully it was in his sleep so he didn’t suffer. I think about him every day and miss him terribly.
14 years post. It gets better. You will never be the same, but it does get better. I only recommend not waiting 7 years to talk to a professional like me.
He wanted an open marriage (we were engaged). I am monogamous and he knew how I felt about anything open.
Then I found out he was in a relationship with a co worker at his job. On top of that, I found out that If I did marry him, I would be wife number five! (he only told me about his first marriage and said that was it).
His daughter told me everything.
His other exes divorced him because he just didn't understand that being married and having a chick on the side wasn't an option.
Just throw the whole dude away.
Similar for me. Tried to warm me up to the idea of open relationship before revealing they had a multiple month head start already when I entertained the idea.
> He wanted an open marriage (we were engaged). I am monogamous and he knew how I felt about anything open.
Ha, have experienced this twice, both times it actually meant "I'm already cheating on you but would like to not have to continue putting effort into hiding it".
When the preacher or whoever says "any reason they should not be married" they are not looking for someone to profess their love for the bride. They are looking for this scenario. His current wife can say "yes, he is already married".
No one deserves that kind of abuse. It's good to hear that you're out of that situation. I'm wishing better days for you; you deserve good things in your life.
My first relationship ended in similar way.
She was openly celebrating how her suggestions were well recieved and she moved up the company ladder twice in a span of couple monthes, when I discovered that she was in sexual relationship with the head of the division and ended it.
Apparently she was actively gunning to go past being just sexual. She even managed to break up his engagement and move in with him, but they ended up breaking up soon after as at seems she projected quiet a different air about herself at work, then who she was in private time.
Alcoholism and never ending lies about even minor things. After 5 years of giving chances and hoping things will change, I realized that they, in fact, won't and this will be my life if I don't break it off.
You made the right choice. I stayed with an alcoholic 10 years and nothing in fact ever changed. When he knew I was done, he went and bought a $20 ring from the mall and said if I went to the court house and married him immediately he’d quit drinking. Glad I didn’t fall for that trap.
Ugh the alcoholism in a partner is a tough one. My ex fiance was an alcoholic and it changed her entire personality. She wouldn't open up about it, would lie about drinking all the time, and chose drinking over our relationship. We were together for over a decade. I was on my knees crying begging for her to get help but she just ignored me because she was trying to sleep because she was drunk.
She startled neglecting me and our relationship even more until I couldn't stand to be with her. We were engaged but I was scared to break up with her as we had a nice condo and two dogs together as well as possessions. She ended up breaking up with me and TAKING both dogs. Saying I could visit them. Yeah nope. Never visited them. Still haven't and it's been over two years.
I'm in a really good relationship now with an amazing woman and looking forward to the future. Losing my dog's and selling the house really sucked though. And losing a person to alcohol. They eventually got help, she gave me thee worst half apology I've ever heard. That's all I ever got.
It’s really so hard. Mine would always put his sobriety on me… *I* had to hide his ID, *I* had to put up with hours of being berated if I didn’t give it back and it was my fault if I gave in. My whole life was walking on eggshells because there was such a small sliver of time between “angry because no booze” and “angry because blackout drunk”. The peace I felt finally letting go of that was insane, I’m still angry at myself for spending my entire 20s that way.
My dad had a good 15 years of insane drinking. Like drink a liter of vodka, pass out at noon, wake up at 4, go get another liter and pass out for bedtime. He waited until me and my brother could take care of ourselves at least. He only stopped when my mom successfully cut off his access to money. Then a year later dementia kicked in.
My friend found her on tinder
Edit: didn’t expect it to blow up. To summarize the answers: no my friend didn’t match with her, just sent me the screenshot, I instead tinder and found her profile to double check. Her profile picture was a picture that I took after we got engaged so it wasn’t her old profile. On the upside I kept the tinder profile that I created to find her profile and eventually ended up meeting my future wife there so there’s that.
Edit 2.0: the way I approached my ex about the whole thing was creating a profile with my real name and photos and leaving a “super like” or whatever it’s called now so that if it was her she’d definitely see it. She did and she messaged me about it apologizing and trying to explain herself, so no, it wasn’t a catfish, my ex just didn’t think I’d find out because I never used tinder before.
I always wonder what they are thinking. Like as if none of their partners friends, mutual friends, family members etc are on tinder and will find them.
Same. I broke up with the most interesting, funny, loving, selfless girl ever because I wanted to screw around. I didn't know what I had and thought there'd be other girls like her. Haven't been in love since.
Hence why I proposed lol. If you're falling into the mental trap of comparing your partner to everyone else you see in the world and who else you think is *maybe* out there for you all because you're writing a growing list of impossible requirements for the perfect person, expect to end up alone or feeling alone. The current dating culture is a nightmare because so many people refuse to give anyone a true chance or make any type of compromise because social media has overinflated everyone's sense of self worth and idea of what they "deserve" in a relationship (while also totally ignoring what they do or don't contribute to a relationship beyond shallow ass things like good looks or money). Then they complain about being alone despite themselves acting like a shallow asshole toward everyone like they're God's gift to Earth and should date people like it's Build-A-Bear. Putting all your focus into checking off a long growing list of complex qualities in a partner typically leads to only finding very shallow partners or nobody you will be willing to partner with by your own fault. Time is finite. The world is far too big and divided and diverse for you to realistically find the exact perfect match you think you want by chance or have it work out where you're even living close enough to each other. Life isn't porn where we type all our favorite things into a search and it spits out your dream partner who will also love and treat you well and want to marry you for you lol.
And nobody is perfect, especially you (not just you OP lol). You would actually hate being married to most of them. Everyone will have something you don't like about them, even if you were dating yourself lol. That's why marriage is about compromise and working together. If you find someone who clearly loves you as you are (despite your own faults and differences), doesn't demand you to change in ways that are fundamentally part of you and make you unique (AKA it's not your job to become someone else's ideal person in every way at the expense of yourself), makes you truly happy consistently, you're compatible overall with your styles/values/dreams/needs/attitudes/morals, you don't fight all the time and actually can resolve conflicts and move forward because you value each other as equal partners, LEAN INTO IT! Give it an honest try. I'm convinced the internet has convinced far too many people that they've got so many options that surely they'll find *exactly* who they're looking for. It creates this decision/commitment paralysis excuse. And chances are you won't find them, ever. And even more likely, they don't even exist. And even if you think you did "find them", 9/10 times you'll find that perfect partner wasn't looking for you, wasn't waiting for you, already met someone, doesn't feel the same about you at all, has flaws you didn't expect, etc. AKA they were never actually your dream person. They were you projecting your dreams onto others unrealistically because you found someone attractive in ways they could never control or fix for you.
I joined the military after 3 years of a perfect relationship, after 2 months away from home she cheated on me while I was beating my ass so I could get home asap, I'll never forget how miserable I felt being away from home and knowing that the most important person in my life did that
Yep. Baghdad 2011. She fucked some other dude and ended up marrying him. I know it happened cause her co-worker kept feeding her the, “He’s a soldier and you see all of these soldiers here in Korea and they’re fucking around. You think he’s really being faithful?”
I took the wedding money and bought a Ducati.
But look at the bright side. You found out that that speciffic girl was in fact not the right person for you. If you would of found out later, probably would of hurt a lot more. Imagine finding out you’re being cheated once you are married. Possibly with children too!
So sorry for your loss.
I was in some dark places earlier this year. Left one morning deciding this was my last sunrise, but called 988 which saved my life.
After, having a discussion with my wife, seeing her break down crying at the thought of losing me over suicide broke me. It was at that moment I realized that even though people don't show it often with the business of life, that I do matter to others. As a husband, father, teacher, and other roles I fill in life. If you're feeling that way, sometimes you just need to sit down and say I'm sad and need some attention to work through this. You can't expect people to read the signs.
We were decent together and it seemed like the next logical step. I bought a ring and we flew to California for her to meet my parents. I was going to propose to her.
She knew my parents had money (but not to what extent), even though I didn’t have money. I was having a hard time making the mortgage on my 75k house with utilities and basic upkeep.
We spend a week living outside anything we could ever afford. Borrowed my parent’s cars, spent time at their house in Lake Tahoe, nice dinners.
Before I actually proposed she started talking about my trust (which never existed), how much they’d give us for a wedding gift, how much I’d be making when I took over my dad’s business (never going to happen. Never even worked for him). I decided to wait on proposing.
Within 2 months of us getting back home she traded in her car for an SUV she couldn’t afford, bought silly items she couldn’t afford, stopped paying her portion of household bills. She was a completely different person. Even when we talked about it she said she could see that my current lifestyle was just to make sure she wasn’t with me for the money. I could never convince her otherwise and we broke up a few months after our visit to California.
I’m married to a woman now who I’m obsessed with. We have a strong and loving marriage. We’ve supported each other through our career growth and are doing ok financially. I never dreamt I could be this happy. Luckily for me everything worked out great.
She thought you were being humble, and testing her, and that once she showed you that she was committed, you would go "surprise, I'm actually REALLY fucking rich, enjoy never having to work again"
She'd read too many stories about, as I said, "humble" rich people, basically people with money who don't act like it.
Either that or she thought you had, as you said, a trust that would only activate after you got married or at a certain age.
It didn't matter that you "acted" like you didn't have money, she deluded herself into thinking money was going to be coming.
Wow what an interesting way to dodge a bullet. That whole story is wild but the fact that she even stopped paying her portion of the bills is especially ludicrous
Covid. Just being a home, stuck together stressed about bills. The things we used to love about one another, we quickly grew to hate.
We went through the most toxic breakup I’ve ever been through in my life, 10 months of manipulation on both parts.
We had one last dinner together, a nice Italian place. We people watched a little, watched an awkward couple on their first date. Laughed some. Went back to her place and played “scattagories”. But we were both emotionally drained, trying to make something work. I could sense the emotional fatigue in her and she knew i was there too. That was the last time i saw her. We ended up mutually blocking eachother on everything you could think of. We didn’t talk for about two years. But dammit i still thought of her everyday and still loved her, even if she was bad for me. I liked to believe she was the one, at one point.
She passed away last year. That was a tough phone call i got.
I also had a distinct “last dinner together”. It’s strange to sit there with them, doing something you’ve done hundreds of times, but somehow know that you’ll never do it again.
> doing something you’ve done hundreds of times, but somehow know that you’ll never do it again.
same thing applies after your last time sleeping together. Knowing it will be the last time but knowing you cant change it. I still think about the "last time" with the girl that got away from time to time and can remember/picture every detail of it, not just the sexual stuff....but where we were, what time of day it was, that it was raining, her demeanor, her sounds, the strange misplaced passion of the moment that we couldnt resist even though things were fragile, that it felt like the first time all over for some reason, that we both knew it was just the last fling of a fading thing.
Ive had a few "last times"" in relationships, but nothing has hit, or stayed in my mind, like that one.
Covid got me too, not that it may not have happened either way.
Pre-covid in 2019 I sold my house, she ended her lease and we found new jobs to start in 2020 in another State. It's hard to find 2 jobs in the same city and we work on very niche tech things. Covid happens. We have no idea what to expect or how things will go. We move to new State. Everything is completely shut down.
Not being able to socialize or make friends, not being able to go out on dates or go do anything fun around town, not being able to get haircuts and work out nuked my confidence, depression, stress, starting brand new jobs in the middle of everything which is always stressful in itself. I get my haircut every 2 weeks and I think I had to grow it out for 6-8mo before I could get one.
We couldn't even look at condos or houses. Landlords stopped showing rentals. I got stuck in a tiny backyard airbnb with 3 dogs, gf, and myself for 2 months. Even airbnb stopped allowing rentals in my State (CO). I had to pay the guy under the table a fortune because I had to stay there for 2 months when it was supposed to be a week so I could look at neighborhoods.
It literally felt like the world was just out to fuck me in 2020. Prior to this I thought I finally had it all together and had a little family to start. Had a gf I loved, our dogs, awesome new jobs.. I'm late 30s and she was the first woman I ever, ever considered and saw being a mother of my children. I've never wanted children.
We broke up not long after we moved into a real place. I wound up completely alone in a house I finally found for practically a year. Restaurants and bars started to finally open up but they would only seat groups. You couldn't sit at the bar. I couldn't even get into places because I was alone and would have to sit and waste an entire table. I'm a super social extrovert and was so miserable and lonely. I had nobody to talk to and no friends here.
Icing on the cake is that my house is now valued at TWICE what it was when I sold it in 2019.
I've completely given up on dating anyone. I'm perfectly happy being single and doing my own thing and I can't go through that again. I'm also almost never attracted to people. I have a fairly specific type. I've been completely single since 2020.
I have no idea what she's up to. She was with someone else shortly after, like a month later. She actually didn't even tell me we had broken up. She would go through depression at times and the last message was "hey i'm gonna be mia for a bit." I thought she was depressed and told her I understand, and gave her space. I'd check in on her every few days and get no response. She didn't speak to me for a month and when she finally did she told me she couldn't be alone and that she made all these new friends that she was partying with blahblah. I didn't realize she meant she had found someone else. I thought she meant that she was surrounded by these new friends she'd made that she never introduced me to to help her get through depression. I was ok with the breakup until it clicked that she meant she had a new partner. I found that out because we were still spotify friends and she had a new playlist from the other guy. That wrecked me and I felt like an idiot because I was so nice and kind and understanding when I responded to her telling me that.
She could be married with kids now. I hope she's happy at least.
About 6 months after our "breakup" I was walking down the street at Pride to meet my friends and her and her boyfriend walked right by me. Literally 10' away. I didn't make eye contact or even realize it was her until I heard "That's my ex" as she passed by and looked back and saw her purple braids. I was walking the opposite direction and just sped up my pace and was gone. My gay friends always joke about how Pride is when they run into all of their exes. Now I am absolutely paranoid every Pride that I'll see her. I have no idea what my reaction/feelings would be like if I had to see her face/eye-contact. I am so, so fucking glad I was tying my shoe as she went by. Like some weird divine intervention.
Never seen her again. No idea if she's here. I stay out of the neighborhood she moved to.
Even today it's hard for me to not feel worthless after that experience. Like you could just drop me that easily. I've never gotten a drunk text, nothing. Just gone. She didn't care if we never spoke again. Didn't care about saying goodbye or anything. Her dog was one of my dogs best friends and he was so sad for a long time. He'd hear the doorbell ring and run to it for months thinking it was her with his friend. Now he doesn't get up at all from his bed when it rings.
god this fucking hurt to write
edit: I completely missed that your partner passed. I'm sorry. That's awful.
I have now in the last 6 months or so. Nobody super close and nowhere near the number of friends I had in Austin. I have a lot of "friends" who are just bar drinking buddies, but I finally get to socialize again and I can go out nightly and talk to some buds if I want to.
Thanks for asking
They came for the guy who lived in the next dorm room over when I was in college. We all knew he had an unhealthy anime obsession but it turns out there were much more unhealthy things he was into like selling kiddy porn. This was also the 90s so it wasn't over the internet. When they busted him they took dozens and dozens of boxes filled with VHS tapes out of his room.
My fiancé died 3 weeks ago. I'm still in disbelief even though he's on our table.
ETA oh goddammit. I'm not suicidal. Please don't report me to the reddit bots for being fucking destroyed by the loss of the love of my life. I want to live forever. I'd be a vampire with no moral qualms about it if I could.
I am so sorry. The shock of death can make you unable to function. I know nothing I can say will lessen your grief. I couldn't pass your comment by without letting you know I saw it. I see your pain and I wish you healing and comfort. 💜
I opened a new account because I'd talked about my loss so much on here. I'll probably come back and delete this msg so it's not in my comment history. But, honestly, random strangers on the internet responding with heartfelt messages was truly welcome.
Strangers can be so kind and genuinely care.
Take comfort where you can. Accept that sometimes you can't. Sometimes people will say something and you will mentally throat punch them. I had a person I would tell about those times. It felt better to be able to have someone to get that stuff out with.
Stages of grief are BS. The woman who wrote them has said that she wrote them for people who were terminally ill. Accept that you'll cycle through them daily, hourly, randomly.
Life goes on. Of course it does. The sun rises and sets and you wake up every day. That doesn't stop. The grief never leaves you. It's like a two lane highway. You're in the 'life lane' and the grief lane runs right alongside you. For now you have no control, you're crashing into the grief lane, you can't get yourself out. It's like a demolition derby. As time goes on you will get better at going straight. You'll still veer over into the grief lane but you'll get better at pulling yourself out. When you drift over it may be for a moment or it may be a violent crash but you'll get back on track every time. You'll see the road ahead and you'll pass milestones in life. The grief lane will always be present but it won't be that dangerous place it once was.
You'll feel joy again and if you it doesn't come to you then you must seek it out. The person who told me that said she wished someone had told her that.
I giggle snorted at your edit.
The only advice I have is to allow yourself the space to feel what you feel. I was in this weird limbo of "WTF" for quite a while.
I settled on calling him my "Almost husband" because nothing else really fit.
We didn't break up, so he isn't an ex. We weren't married, so I am not a widow. I'm not currently engaged to him, so "my fiancee" doesn't fit either.
His kid came after me at age 18, to scream at me "for stealing everything his dad had." I had the "pleasure" of watching this kid's heart break all over again, when he finally understood that his mother, as his guardian, blew through the money. Sold the truck and ATVs, blew through that. Sold the house. Blew through that too.
It's definitely been a weird as fuck rollercoaster, that's for sure. It took a long time for the pain to dull, and the awesome and bittersweet memories to take over. I still hear his laugh. I still hear "Heh heh heh, got ya again love!"
Hey...
You'll never "get over" it, but it gets a lot easier. Cliche, but give it time. Everything that hurts now... I don't want to say "you'll look back on and laugh", because that's not quite it... but most of it will turn into fond memories, painful now treasured later kind of thing. Though, everything from the hospital still makes me sad, but that lessens as well.
Like, you'll find a new love, and this'll still just always be with you. It's okay.
Absolutely. It was over 10 years ago, and knowing what I know now, about his disease, he exited in the least dramatic/traumatic way he could, before his disease took that option away.
I am currently married to an awesome man who gives me space to mourn what I thought my future would be, on the important dates, like my almost husbands birthday, our supposed to be wedding day, and the day he died. Those are the days where the grief button is hammered. Every other day of the year, I am 100 percent in the present, and loving my life and my future with my husband.
That happened to my mum.
After years of not even considering the dating pool again due to my former stepbastard, she met this guy, bit of an oddball, but made her happy, they had got engaged, they didn't tell us, because of said stepprick, worried we wouldn't accept the guy.
He took my brother to a football game, then when he went home afterwards, he died in the close hallway, of a clot in his lung.
Yup my partner left me for another woman a week after telling me I was his soulmate. A few weeks into the relationship and she cheats on him with his best friend lmaooo was she worth it Daniel?
Relationships that begin with cheating are doomed. Both parties showing that they're okay with it is a recipe for disaster, and it's always hilarious to see someone surprised when it happens again later down the road.
We were discussing former partners and somehow she got to the point where she told me she didn't expect me to be her last partner.
And not in the sense of "after you die, I'll go on with my life". She sincerely didn't expect us to stay together forever.
Now I can respect some realism in a relationship, but I decided right there and then that we weren't going to make it.
We broke up that same week.
I had an opposite situation. Dated a girl, was pretty crazy about her, months in she was talking about how we were soulmates and should get married. I told her I was open to marriage but wouldn't rush into it like that.
About a year into our relationship we got in a big fight. I wanted to work through it, but she just bailed. She even told me it was lucky we didn't get married so we wouldn't have to get a divorce now.
We had made plans to do something for my birthday and at the last minute it got canceled to help her family with something. I've never been the kind of person to take birthdays that seriously so I was ok with it. But about a month later, she expected me to take time off work and spend money for us to partake in her sister's birthday and I said no.
(former) wife of a buddy of mine told him and friends prior to marriage that she thinks it's hard to see the marriage as a life long promise cus you don't know much about your future and how things go on etc.. like your case it was also something like 'she did not expect them to stay together forever' although she wanted to marry him.
they married and have two kids. little did he know she already cheated on him while they were engaged
Didn't cheat on her or anything. I wasn't where I wanted to be in life and wasn't pleasant to be around. As a result, not much effort was spent on nurturing the relationship
We had been together for 3 years when I proposed. We held a big engagement party at my parents place in the country, and invited both of our families.
Not only did our families not really get along, we didn’t even get along with our own families. We had a long talk about dropping 5 figures on a glorified party for people we don’t like. That led to a conversation about whether we really believed in marriage.
Together, we called off our engagement at that party (but we didn’t tell people for months.)
This year will mark 19 happily unmarried years we’ve been together.
Edit: Thanks to everyone for the kind replies! In Canada, you get many benefits from a common law partnership. You can also register as a domestic partnership at any Service Canada centre, which we’ve done. Only took a few minutes.
This was lovely to read! I also think marriage is mostly useless but there are a few perks, like when you get older and medical issues might arise or one of you has an accident and decisions need to be made, a married spouse has more rights than a partner. Else the family will have the power to make decisions and not everyone wants that.
My uncle got kicked out of the hospital by his partners family when partner had had an accident and was unconscious. They had been together 15 years and the family did not like him. They weren't allowed to get married back then. Partner is fine btw, they are still together :)
And for the rights, you don't need a big expensive ceremony, a marriage certificate works just fine! It's a magic piece of paper.
(So happy to hear that your uncle is still with his beloved!)
It took me a while to figure out that she was actually an entitled grand daughter of a once-rich Asian family. There never really is just one thing and maybe I ignored it when we first started dating. But here is a list of things I realized after about a year of dating
1. She flat out said that public school kids (like myself) weren’t as good as boarding school kids (her)
2. Her expectation was that everything was going to rely on my salary. At the time, I was making about 2x her salary
3. She was a closet racist. She’s Korean and I’m Chinese and just had to take jabs. One time I was in line in the grocery store while she had to get something. When she came back, there were a few people in between us and I just told her to come up and cut the line. She made a comment like “…just like a Chinese person” underneath her breath.
4. Her mom would buy her business flights tickets back home. She came back once and implored that was the life that she wanted. Sure, but she was on a $70k salary.
5. She was nostalgic about the life she had that her grandfather built for the family. Wealth really lasts three generations and she was never “taught” what job or vocation would make money for a life. She was smart and well educated (art history major) but the fancy education really is just an intangible Louis Vuitton bag that was there to make her more marriage material.
Obviously the family is still rich if they are paying for “business class” seats.
But yes you buy into a lifestyle. She was looking for someone to continue wealth and even earn it for her. Whilst she loved and lived life.
She probably thought Chinese they are becoming successful maybe next Ali baba king stick around.
Lucky you ended it, because she would have eventually. Good call really.
My ex was like that, although she would try to act like she was from poorer beginnings she really had no idea. Dad was super rich and would just spend money to have her fly here or there get a new car etc..
He came from old money vs I came from no money. (as in familial wealth). Education wise, on par. He is Jewish, I am Afro-Latina. Parents (mom + step dad) threatened to cut him off if he continued the relationship. We break up suddenly after a few really fun years. Sucks to suck.
Mine, too. We were 25, and I thought we'd be together forever. He died in an Elvis way by having a heart attack in the bathroom. It was very fitting for him, as a musician.
It really does hurt, doesn't it.
Oh yes I'm an old lady with grandchildren now I was 16 and he was 19. Was a accident but I still remember the day I got told by my best friend. I loved him very much and my parents thought he was great guy
He started drinking a lot and I just didn’t want to end up with someone like my dad. I adore my dad but it hurts to see him struggle and I knew I couldn’t handle loving two men with drinking problems. It broke my heart because he was otherwise such a great guy.
It was ultimately the right choice though. My husband is the true love of my life. And I can’t imagine being happy in any other life.
Oh man. We'll call her "A." In the early days A was such a delight. I knew it was her when I started to have actual dreams about what our children would look like, which was something I've never experienced before or since.
For a long, long time, I was blind to all others but her.
"A" did not feel the same. The emotional distance that she kept between us eventually came to a head when my mom had a severe stroke. It nearly killed my mom, took months for her to recover to a minimal level, and simply stripped away much of who she was.
Far from offering support and encouragement during what was, at the time, the worst point in my life (not to mention my mom's), I began to realize that "A" seemed to view the whole thing as an inconvenience.
The realization that my life, and my family, didn't really matter to "A" at all broke me in ways that I'm still recovering from. I saw what I wanted to, of course. In hindsight "A's" relationships were always about projecting an outward appearance of high-value normality in order to boost her own fragile ego, and little more. My mom's stroke (and my resulting mental state) were not relevant to her because neither added value to her.
To this day I'm not sure if she's really capable of treating people as anything more than set props.
How's your mom doing? Mine had a stroke in 2018 and it did the same to her. I've been taking care of her since 2019 and I couldn't have done it without my husband.
I'm sorry you didn't have the support you deserved during that time.
Thank you. I hope your mom is doing well.
Mine lives with me full-time now so that she can stay out of assisted living. She eventually regained about 70% of her mobility and speech, but most of her memories from the middle part of her life are just gone. Some days are hard but I think we have far more good days. She is surrounded by family including a whole gaggle of kids from my two brothers, so that's the important thing.
Right as I started to think of marriage he quit his job, then decided I needed I made enough to pay for the 2 of us. Then got mad when I cut the cable TV and things like Netflix to save money, because he was not looking for a job and we were slowly going broke.
As a gay man myself, I am not paying for another grown man to live. I don't care if he works 35 hours a week at McDonalds, he has to contribute something.
Fellow gay man, ran into the same situation. Dude started quitting jobs or just outright refusing to show up. He sat in my house all day, complained about the food (that I was providing), and played the victim whenever I tried to encourage him to contribute.
I paid the deposit, first month rent, and utility fees for his first apartment just so he'd stop squatting in my house and sandbagging me financially.
Good. Fucking. Riddance.
He dreamt I was trying to kill him with a six foot frozen fish and in his sleep tried to defend himself by choking me.. He had very strange dreams that he physically reacted to in his sleep. We decided after the third or so time it wasn't going to work.
Because she broke up with me on our 1 year anniversary (if it's called that when ur just dating) for her "best friend" who I had asked for her to stop flirting with several times because she was making me insecure with how much she did it
People with narcissistic tendancies are not gonna start going around reddit posting about their flaws. They're out there abusing people and living in a fantasy of their own creation, seeking new supply.
I developed a health issue that took a while to find the cause of. We were young and she held me down for a while but eventually I was too much of a drag. Felt like we could have gone the distance but it was a lot to deal with especially at such a young age when we should have just been having fun. When she left I completely understood and didn't fight it but it took a while to get over.
Well despite telling me she was meeting her mum and friends for extensive wedding planning, she was actually meeting another guy, as well as mortgage advisors for their home they were buying together.
Rough few years followed but now with my perfect wife, 2 kids, 2 dogs, tortoise, it was a real blessing.
Looking back we were only really rushing into a wedding because her dad was really unwell and I asked her because I knew he wanted to be able to walk her down the aisle.
My dad wrote a letter to me. It was after we got engaged and if he had said it face to face we both would've gotten mad and he knew I would never listen to him if I was mad. So he calmly laid out his reservations in a letter. He Had valid points like her attitude to education and working etc. They struck a chord. I started to notice the points he made more and more in our relationship. I gave her a chance to change them and emphasised that it was important for me and for us. She didn't change and wasn't going to. So called it quits. Im married to a much better woman now with 2 kids and a happy life and healthy and happy relationship. I have thanked my dad and my mom so many times for that letter changed my life for the better and saved my from what would've been the worst mistake of my life.
He became an entirely different person after his father died. He didn’t become a bad person, but it was just a complete shift from the person I’d known almost all my life. His father died of a heart attack fairly young at about 50, and unfortunately, he was the person to find the body. He dropped out of college, grew out his hair, and moved states to go form a band. Last I heard a few years ago, he was still making a living with his band. I’m still a little sad for what we could have had, but I wish him the best.
She wasn’t ready when I was and then I wasn’t ready when she was. We had a lot of maturity issues because of the time in our lives, but we both seem to be doing really well now so I don’t harbor any regrets or bad feelings. Just wasn’t the right time. Even when we broke up she joked that she wished we had a met a few years from that time because she knew things would’ve been different.
I can relate. It's been 4 years for me and I still think about her. Made the stupid mistake of calling her a few months ago. Didn't expect her to pick up because she had blocked me after we broke up, just was in a weird place in my life and decided, fuck it, why not? She's got a boyfriend and living her best life. I'm single and not sure what the hell I'm doing. So that killed my day...
At least you shot that shot. I never could do it. I wanted her to be happy and I didn't give her happiness when we were together. It does kill your day though when you do something like that. Gretzy said it best: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Also, shout out Flyer nation lol
She slept with our roommate who then go her pregnant and tried to play it off as mine until he black mailed her by saying he would tell me if she didn’t leave me for him. But it was the best thing that happened as life is absolutely amazing now.
I was in a long term 4 year relationship from the ages of 19-23 and we really just grew up. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, the relationship felt “normal” and “healthy.” But we both were entering adulthood and starting our careers and I realized I wanted different things. Certain small things I wanted from the beginning but he wouldn’t do, I would just say “eh it’s not a big deal” but then with time, I realized like you know what I do want these things, so why can I have these certain characteristics in a guy? I would tell him about my concerns and wants and he wouldn’t do anything about it. It was like I was talking to a wall. I constantly debated if these reasons were even “break up worthy” and after I finally dissociated myself from the relationship, I made the move to end the relationship. Now over a year later, I’m with a new partner who luckily satisfied my needs without me having to constantly repeat myself. He WANTS to do work on things and it gave me the validation I needed that I wasn’t asking for too much.
She went put with a friend one night and asked me to come pick her up the next morning. I knocked on the apartment door, and my fiance answers, she said, "You want to just wait out here while I get dressed? It was 32 degrees outside, so I said no and walked in. I could hear rustling around coming from one of the bedrooms. I said, oh Is that Kasey(Her best girlfriend)? I walk back there, and she's literally trying to hide two men in her closet. I looked at my fiance and said, "I'll ruin your life if you ever try to contact me," and I left.
I've been happily married to the love of my life for 10 years. So thanks, Kasey, for taking Haley out that night!
I will never be able to understand how a person can do that to someone. It seriously boggles my mind to the point it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully trust someone again.
It took a long time to trust again. I was I'm severe depression for quite a while. I started using cocaine and alcohol like my life depended on it. Then, one day, the most perfect angel crossed paths with me. She helped me get clean. She is the most supportive and loving woman I've ever encountered.
My wife and I dated for 2 years, got engaged for 2 years, and then we finally married on April 11, 2014. It was the absolute greatest day of my life. Most people say the day their child was born, but without my wife, there is no child.
Met her online when we were both 17. Flew over to her country and spent a few months with her. Visa expired and I had to come back home. We planned to have her move over, but when I raised the money she realised she couldn’t leave her family and I couldn’t expect her to.
Said something about finding herself. Anyway, she was looking for herself in other guys’ beds, which I thought was a funny place to look for one’s self
My girlfriend was married to the most 1980's tv villain of all time. No really. It kind of was that bad (verbally/emotionally at least).
Very successful, highly religious and condescended to her like the servant the bible and his community told him women should be.
She promised me she was leaving him for years, but her family were fundamentalists and a divorce from a man they adored would kill them.
I believed her. It took eight years, but she finally moved out and in with me and was (supposedly) in the process of asking for a divorce. In retrospect I wish it wasn't just out from him and in with me and that she had gotten her own place, but thats too late to change.
About six months later of ups and downs, but mostly ups in my opinion. It wasn't perfect, I wasn't perfect either, but she had only ever been with just him and had years of not being allowed any of her own agency. Still all in all, it felt within the normal ranges of a healthy relationship. But I know how much the estrangement from her parents hurt her. Less than a year together and she was diagnosed with cancer. Another six months and she was spending almost full time in the hospital. During this time the writing was on the wall and she decided that she wanted to die with a happy family around her rather than a devastated boyfriend so I was cut out of the picture and legally kept from seeing her. Years later I recognize it as a kind of the kind of break up you do to someone you want to spare and I know for a fact from the nurses (I was a CNA at the time) that she actually wanted to see me but was giving in to her parentsas she was exhausted with no energy. I deeply regret was not fighting the breakup or at least making one great show for her to know how much I loved her at the end. I just never rallied through my own sense of betrayal because I was young(er) and stupid..
Her fundamentalist parents of course blamed me for causing her cancer and hated me with a burning passion of a 1000 suns for being the cause of everything -because thats how their God works. I have to remind myself that I do know for a fact that the only time she was happy in that last 10 years was when she was with me. She was just more of a loyal, loving daughter than they were ever capable of giving her credit for. They didn't deserve her and not to be maudlin, I guess I didn't either.
I wasn’t ready and the pressure of marrying her by a deadline started making the relationship feel inorganic. I faulted to my anxious avoidant personality and thought she would be better with out me… so I ran. I am ready more than ever now and I miss her more than anything, but she probably moved on. I’m sorry Nancy, I love you and I wish I handled things more maturely.
My ex turned out to be about as abusive as my parents that I escaped from.
All the red flags were just flags when seen through my rose-coloured glasses.
Because she kept accidentally falling on other guys dicks.
It's crazy, I've never even had it happen once and it used to happen to her once a month.
I don't want the mother of my children to be some clumsy goofball that is constantly falling.
Lol I had a hs gf like this. I moved away and like 5 years later she facebooked me saying she'd leave her husband and kid for me.
I laughed at the bullet passing over my head.
I could write a book. The truth, I think, is that we met each other at the wrong time in both our lives. I was immature and didn’t recognize how incredibly rare what we had was. She hadn’t resolved the trauma in her past causing her anger issues.
It’s been over a decade since we broke up and I never saw her again. Through shared friends, I know she’s married with kids (I am, too) but that’s basically all I know about her. I don’t ask anyone about her or want to bother her, by the way, just to be clear.
I truly hope she’s happy and having a good life. I’m not proud in the least to admit that I have and even still do miss her from time to time.
We were together 10 years. He proposed on year 8. When we first got together, we promised each other to communicate if we were to have any feelings of being done, checked out, or just not into it anymore. We said we were done playing games and this was it. That was in our early/mid 20s. In the beginning (first 3-4 years) I used to say how I'd be down to have kids with him. I loved him so much and thought he was the one. He made me feel special and was seemingly into me and all my quirks. Throughout the course of the years following those honeymoon years, I started to notice weird, selfish tendencies that made me question his reliability. Also sometimes when he would blow up and yell, it'd be concerning as hell because of HOW the fights would go. We would make up and stuff but I'd always still be in question of the overall security of the relationship. He had a habit of not sharing his feelings or telling me when he was traveling out of state. I'd find out after he'd already bought the tickets - this happened multiple times. I'd feel terrible because I wanted to go with him and it always felt like I got left behind and/or out of his life. That "I'd have a kid with you" door started closing faster because I didn't feel like I could fully trust him. Not to mention his weird opinion about how stupid it was that I was terrified to be pregnant and felt like I had no support. After some more years of him playing the boyfriend role, he proposed. I thought whoa, this is it. I get to keep him and he actually wants me. One time we were arguing about why would I need reassurance when I have a ring to prove he's dedicated (lol). Right at the 10 year mark I broke up with him, because he had already checked out and failed to tell me (even though he'd lie to my face and said he wanted me and still wanted to get married and all this nonsense). ONE MONTH after breaking up, he has a whole girlfriend (who has kids of her own).
When I left him, he said he was lost, has no interest in anything or anything and I was a dead end and our relationship was a dead end. When I asked him if there was someone else, he lied and said there wasn't. I eventually found out through IG and blocked him on everything, ever. Sigh. A whole decade of time invested in someone who thought they were settling with me. Like bro, be honest about your feelings. But no, when asked about how he felt about us and where we were going he'd just say "yeah it's fine, I'm fine."
Merp. I'm still single a year and half later. I can't bring myself to trust anyone. So that's my souvenir.
I had imagined how perfect a relationship with her would be for 14 years. Then, out of nowhere, we actually entered a relationship together.
Could anyone have possibly lived up to that level of expectation?
A few weeks after we became engaged, she became controlling, passive aggressive, demanding of my time, bossy. We dated for 4yrs and she was nothing like this for 95% of the time.
He was not meant for “settling down” as they say. We dated expecting marriage in the future but some people abhor commitment and he fooled himself into believing he could settle down as well but but turns out commitment was difficult for him and this is something I should have realized way before in the relationship
This is all happening right now I got back from being deployed in a combat zone for 9 months three days ago. Two weeks before I got back my girl who I've been with for over four years left me and the same day got with another dude and is now just kinda going out basically everyday drinking and finding new dudes and man I'm absolutely obliterated it's only been three days of this and I already feel myself sinking into depression. We have to live together for the next several month and I don't know if I'm gonna make it out the other side in one piece mentally
Unmanaged mental illness made them someone I no longer recognized and they had 0 intention of coming back down to earth. They're alive still, but it feels like they died.
Many moons ago. Was dating a girl who kept pushing marriage after about a year. She was HOT but many red flags but she was also living with me at that point in my place. I finally gave in when she wanted to go pick out an engagement ring cause I was like: it's only an engagement. About halfway there she started up on all the things we were going to do with our life of which most were basically changing everything I was or did and I just couldn't.
I pulled over on the side of the road and said: Look maybe we need to re-think this plan. I mean there is always time to get married.
She clammed up and said take me home. When we got there she said she need to stay at her parents that night and think. 3 days later, I came home and all her stuff was gone. 3 weeks later I heard thru the grapevine she was already dating someone else. 6 months later I heard she got married. End of Story.
Always trust your gut.
We had been together for a short while when “things got too real” and he broke it off. Flash forward 6 years and I go on a blind date only to find out it’s him. That night started a series of very long conversations where we cleared the air and all the skeletons were taken out of the closet. And we decided to give it a go again. After being together for a few months he popped the question, I said yes and we started making plans. About a week later I received a call from his sister. He had died. He was a long haul trucker and had developed phlebitis (blood clots in his legs). One of the clots broke loose and caused a massive heart attack. Thankfully it was in his sleep so he didn’t suffer. I think about him every day and miss him terribly.
Aw I'm so sorry! To get back together and lose him again just sounds horrible. 💔
It was and is. It’s definitely a reminder that life is short and to say what you need to say to those you love while you can.
Virtual Reddit hugs on the way
She committed suicide. Over 50 years and I'm still not really over it.
That's heartbreaking man I'm so sorry
Same. I’m only 1 year post and I know I’ll never be over it.
14 years post. It gets better. You will never be the same, but it does get better. I only recommend not waiting 7 years to talk to a professional like me.
Coming up on 15 years here too. 100% agree on getting professional help. It definitely gets better.
So sorry for your loss ❤️
He was engaged to me and someone else. When I found out I dumped him. A few years later he murdered his wife.
So you may have literally dodged a bullet. That is pretty scary.
He wanted an open marriage (we were engaged). I am monogamous and he knew how I felt about anything open. Then I found out he was in a relationship with a co worker at his job. On top of that, I found out that If I did marry him, I would be wife number five! (he only told me about his first marriage and said that was it). His daughter told me everything. His other exes divorced him because he just didn't understand that being married and having a chick on the side wasn't an option. Just throw the whole dude away.
Daughter did you a solid.
Yea she saved her. Kinda hope they have a good relationship (minus shitty dad)
Similar for me. Tried to warm me up to the idea of open relationship before revealing they had a multiple month head start already when I entertained the idea.
Yeah, if the guy isn't going to learn the first FOUR times, I don't think the fifth time will work. Good daughter though!
> He wanted an open marriage (we were engaged). I am monogamous and he knew how I felt about anything open. Ha, have experienced this twice, both times it actually meant "I'm already cheating on you but would like to not have to continue putting effort into hiding it".
He ended up having a wife I did not know about
When the preacher or whoever says "any reason they should not be married" they are not looking for someone to profess their love for the bride. They are looking for this scenario. His current wife can say "yes, he is already married".
Or for the wife's brother to come and tell everybody that the groom is already married and keeps the first wife locked in the attic
Ahhhh the Rochester way
What about the wife that you DID know about?
First person I was engaged to ended up beating the shit out of me. That was the end of that
I am so sorry! Glad that you saved yourself from a horrible future! 🫂
Thank you❤️
No one deserves that kind of abuse. It's good to hear that you're out of that situation. I'm wishing better days for you; you deserve good things in your life.
She decided having sex with her boss for more money was a better deal
Should have told her to fuck your boss and get you a raise too.
Or fuck her boss while she watches. Establish dominance
to further establish dominance, fuck her boss better than she did, so much so that he gives you her job!
Don’t to forget to maintain eye contact with her while you do it.
My first relationship ended in similar way. She was openly celebrating how her suggestions were well recieved and she moved up the company ladder twice in a span of couple monthes, when I discovered that she was in sexual relationship with the head of the division and ended it. Apparently she was actively gunning to go past being just sexual. She even managed to break up his engagement and move in with him, but they ended up breaking up soon after as at seems she projected quiet a different air about herself at work, then who she was in private time.
Fucking your boss and still having to do more work after for the money is about as low as it gets.
Alcoholism and never ending lies about even minor things. After 5 years of giving chances and hoping things will change, I realized that they, in fact, won't and this will be my life if I don't break it off.
You made the right choice. I stayed with an alcoholic 10 years and nothing in fact ever changed. When he knew I was done, he went and bought a $20 ring from the mall and said if I went to the court house and married him immediately he’d quit drinking. Glad I didn’t fall for that trap.
Ugh the alcoholism in a partner is a tough one. My ex fiance was an alcoholic and it changed her entire personality. She wouldn't open up about it, would lie about drinking all the time, and chose drinking over our relationship. We were together for over a decade. I was on my knees crying begging for her to get help but she just ignored me because she was trying to sleep because she was drunk. She startled neglecting me and our relationship even more until I couldn't stand to be with her. We were engaged but I was scared to break up with her as we had a nice condo and two dogs together as well as possessions. She ended up breaking up with me and TAKING both dogs. Saying I could visit them. Yeah nope. Never visited them. Still haven't and it's been over two years. I'm in a really good relationship now with an amazing woman and looking forward to the future. Losing my dog's and selling the house really sucked though. And losing a person to alcohol. They eventually got help, she gave me thee worst half apology I've ever heard. That's all I ever got.
It’s really so hard. Mine would always put his sobriety on me… *I* had to hide his ID, *I* had to put up with hours of being berated if I didn’t give it back and it was my fault if I gave in. My whole life was walking on eggshells because there was such a small sliver of time between “angry because no booze” and “angry because blackout drunk”. The peace I felt finally letting go of that was insane, I’m still angry at myself for spending my entire 20s that way.
My dad had a good 15 years of insane drinking. Like drink a liter of vodka, pass out at noon, wake up at 4, go get another liter and pass out for bedtime. He waited until me and my brother could take care of ourselves at least. He only stopped when my mom successfully cut off his access to money. Then a year later dementia kicked in.
My friend found her on tinder Edit: didn’t expect it to blow up. To summarize the answers: no my friend didn’t match with her, just sent me the screenshot, I instead tinder and found her profile to double check. Her profile picture was a picture that I took after we got engaged so it wasn’t her old profile. On the upside I kept the tinder profile that I created to find her profile and eventually ended up meeting my future wife there so there’s that. Edit 2.0: the way I approached my ex about the whole thing was creating a profile with my real name and photos and leaving a “super like” or whatever it’s called now so that if it was her she’d definitely see it. She did and she messaged me about it apologizing and trying to explain herself, so no, it wasn’t a catfish, my ex just didn’t think I’d find out because I never used tinder before.
He match?
God damnit lol
This is what happened to me. The only time I’ve broken up with someone with zero hesitation
I always wonder what they are thinking. Like as if none of their partners friends, mutual friends, family members etc are on tinder and will find them.
They're not thinking of anyone but themselves, that's the problem.
Because I was an idiot and didn't appreciate what I had.
Same here, had literal my dream girl, extremely pretty, good mannered, social, ambitious and fun. I could only think and talk about gaming....
A very real combo of comments here. I wish I'd read this at the start of last year
Same. I broke up with the most interesting, funny, loving, selfless girl ever because I wanted to screw around. I didn't know what I had and thought there'd be other girls like her. Haven't been in love since.
Seems like you learned from your mistakes, which is really good. Not everyone is capable of doing so.
Recognizing a mistake and learning from it are two different things
Hence why I proposed lol. If you're falling into the mental trap of comparing your partner to everyone else you see in the world and who else you think is *maybe* out there for you all because you're writing a growing list of impossible requirements for the perfect person, expect to end up alone or feeling alone. The current dating culture is a nightmare because so many people refuse to give anyone a true chance or make any type of compromise because social media has overinflated everyone's sense of self worth and idea of what they "deserve" in a relationship (while also totally ignoring what they do or don't contribute to a relationship beyond shallow ass things like good looks or money). Then they complain about being alone despite themselves acting like a shallow asshole toward everyone like they're God's gift to Earth and should date people like it's Build-A-Bear. Putting all your focus into checking off a long growing list of complex qualities in a partner typically leads to only finding very shallow partners or nobody you will be willing to partner with by your own fault. Time is finite. The world is far too big and divided and diverse for you to realistically find the exact perfect match you think you want by chance or have it work out where you're even living close enough to each other. Life isn't porn where we type all our favorite things into a search and it spits out your dream partner who will also love and treat you well and want to marry you for you lol. And nobody is perfect, especially you (not just you OP lol). You would actually hate being married to most of them. Everyone will have something you don't like about them, even if you were dating yourself lol. That's why marriage is about compromise and working together. If you find someone who clearly loves you as you are (despite your own faults and differences), doesn't demand you to change in ways that are fundamentally part of you and make you unique (AKA it's not your job to become someone else's ideal person in every way at the expense of yourself), makes you truly happy consistently, you're compatible overall with your styles/values/dreams/needs/attitudes/morals, you don't fight all the time and actually can resolve conflicts and move forward because you value each other as equal partners, LEAN INTO IT! Give it an honest try. I'm convinced the internet has convinced far too many people that they've got so many options that surely they'll find *exactly* who they're looking for. It creates this decision/commitment paralysis excuse. And chances are you won't find them, ever. And even more likely, they don't even exist. And even if you think you did "find them", 9/10 times you'll find that perfect partner wasn't looking for you, wasn't waiting for you, already met someone, doesn't feel the same about you at all, has flaws you didn't expect, etc. AKA they were never actually your dream person. They were you projecting your dreams onto others unrealistically because you found someone attractive in ways they could never control or fix for you.
Are you the Almighty force from above who just rained the much needed words of wisdom?
It was a long distance relationship and she found someone closer
I tried that in college. We were only an hour away from each other. Turns out she also likes girls, especially her roommate. Edit: grammar
Grammars too? Man that's rough. :( sorry bro.
It's not your grandma it's your grammar
I joined the military after 3 years of a perfect relationship, after 2 months away from home she cheated on me while I was beating my ass so I could get home asap, I'll never forget how miserable I felt being away from home and knowing that the most important person in my life did that
Yep. Baghdad 2011. She fucked some other dude and ended up marrying him. I know it happened cause her co-worker kept feeding her the, “He’s a soldier and you see all of these soldiers here in Korea and they’re fucking around. You think he’s really being faithful?” I took the wedding money and bought a Ducati.
Most surprising part of this story is you beating the trope and not buying a Camaro.
or a Charger
But look at the bright side. You found out that that speciffic girl was in fact not the right person for you. If you would of found out later, probably would of hurt a lot more. Imagine finding out you’re being cheated once you are married. Possibly with children too!
Jodie always wins
I'm in a long distance relationship now 😭
I was in a long distance relationship 25 years ago, we've been married for 19 years now. It can work.
He found a girl in another state, while I mourned my dads death
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
He committed suicide. Was the love of my life.
So sorry for your loss. I was in some dark places earlier this year. Left one morning deciding this was my last sunrise, but called 988 which saved my life. After, having a discussion with my wife, seeing her break down crying at the thought of losing me over suicide broke me. It was at that moment I realized that even though people don't show it often with the business of life, that I do matter to others. As a husband, father, teacher, and other roles I fill in life. If you're feeling that way, sometimes you just need to sit down and say I'm sad and need some attention to work through this. You can't expect people to read the signs.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your grief.
We were decent together and it seemed like the next logical step. I bought a ring and we flew to California for her to meet my parents. I was going to propose to her. She knew my parents had money (but not to what extent), even though I didn’t have money. I was having a hard time making the mortgage on my 75k house with utilities and basic upkeep. We spend a week living outside anything we could ever afford. Borrowed my parent’s cars, spent time at their house in Lake Tahoe, nice dinners. Before I actually proposed she started talking about my trust (which never existed), how much they’d give us for a wedding gift, how much I’d be making when I took over my dad’s business (never going to happen. Never even worked for him). I decided to wait on proposing. Within 2 months of us getting back home she traded in her car for an SUV she couldn’t afford, bought silly items she couldn’t afford, stopped paying her portion of household bills. She was a completely different person. Even when we talked about it she said she could see that my current lifestyle was just to make sure she wasn’t with me for the money. I could never convince her otherwise and we broke up a few months after our visit to California. I’m married to a woman now who I’m obsessed with. We have a strong and loving marriage. We’ve supported each other through our career growth and are doing ok financially. I never dreamt I could be this happy. Luckily for me everything worked out great.
"make sure she wasn't with me for the (non-existent) money" \*Proceeds to act like you guys are going to be rich once she marries you.
We split almost 10 years ago and I still can’t wrap my head around her thought process. It’s like she thought we were in a movie.
She thought you were being humble, and testing her, and that once she showed you that she was committed, you would go "surprise, I'm actually REALLY fucking rich, enjoy never having to work again"
I guess she thought I was driving around in July with a rusted out truck with no AC to *really* test her.
"These dumpster diving tests are really starting to get on my nerves"
She'd read too many stories about, as I said, "humble" rich people, basically people with money who don't act like it. Either that or she thought you had, as you said, a trust that would only activate after you got married or at a certain age. It didn't matter that you "acted" like you didn't have money, she deluded herself into thinking money was going to be coming.
Wow. I’m glad you found someone who valued you and not your parents’ money.
Wow what an interesting way to dodge a bullet. That whole story is wild but the fact that she even stopped paying her portion of the bills is especially ludicrous
She couldn’t afford her portion of the bills with the payment on the Trailblazer. She had to move back in with her parents when we broke up.
Covid. Just being a home, stuck together stressed about bills. The things we used to love about one another, we quickly grew to hate. We went through the most toxic breakup I’ve ever been through in my life, 10 months of manipulation on both parts. We had one last dinner together, a nice Italian place. We people watched a little, watched an awkward couple on their first date. Laughed some. Went back to her place and played “scattagories”. But we were both emotionally drained, trying to make something work. I could sense the emotional fatigue in her and she knew i was there too. That was the last time i saw her. We ended up mutually blocking eachother on everything you could think of. We didn’t talk for about two years. But dammit i still thought of her everyday and still loved her, even if she was bad for me. I liked to believe she was the one, at one point. She passed away last year. That was a tough phone call i got.
I also had a distinct “last dinner together”. It’s strange to sit there with them, doing something you’ve done hundreds of times, but somehow know that you’ll never do it again.
> doing something you’ve done hundreds of times, but somehow know that you’ll never do it again. same thing applies after your last time sleeping together. Knowing it will be the last time but knowing you cant change it. I still think about the "last time" with the girl that got away from time to time and can remember/picture every detail of it, not just the sexual stuff....but where we were, what time of day it was, that it was raining, her demeanor, her sounds, the strange misplaced passion of the moment that we couldnt resist even though things were fragile, that it felt like the first time all over for some reason, that we both knew it was just the last fling of a fading thing. Ive had a few "last times"" in relationships, but nothing has hit, or stayed in my mind, like that one.
I’m sorry.
Eh. That’s life. I’ve made my peace with it all. There’s no malice in my heart at all about any of it.
Covid got me too, not that it may not have happened either way. Pre-covid in 2019 I sold my house, she ended her lease and we found new jobs to start in 2020 in another State. It's hard to find 2 jobs in the same city and we work on very niche tech things. Covid happens. We have no idea what to expect or how things will go. We move to new State. Everything is completely shut down. Not being able to socialize or make friends, not being able to go out on dates or go do anything fun around town, not being able to get haircuts and work out nuked my confidence, depression, stress, starting brand new jobs in the middle of everything which is always stressful in itself. I get my haircut every 2 weeks and I think I had to grow it out for 6-8mo before I could get one. We couldn't even look at condos or houses. Landlords stopped showing rentals. I got stuck in a tiny backyard airbnb with 3 dogs, gf, and myself for 2 months. Even airbnb stopped allowing rentals in my State (CO). I had to pay the guy under the table a fortune because I had to stay there for 2 months when it was supposed to be a week so I could look at neighborhoods. It literally felt like the world was just out to fuck me in 2020. Prior to this I thought I finally had it all together and had a little family to start. Had a gf I loved, our dogs, awesome new jobs.. I'm late 30s and she was the first woman I ever, ever considered and saw being a mother of my children. I've never wanted children. We broke up not long after we moved into a real place. I wound up completely alone in a house I finally found for practically a year. Restaurants and bars started to finally open up but they would only seat groups. You couldn't sit at the bar. I couldn't even get into places because I was alone and would have to sit and waste an entire table. I'm a super social extrovert and was so miserable and lonely. I had nobody to talk to and no friends here. Icing on the cake is that my house is now valued at TWICE what it was when I sold it in 2019. I've completely given up on dating anyone. I'm perfectly happy being single and doing my own thing and I can't go through that again. I'm also almost never attracted to people. I have a fairly specific type. I've been completely single since 2020. I have no idea what she's up to. She was with someone else shortly after, like a month later. She actually didn't even tell me we had broken up. She would go through depression at times and the last message was "hey i'm gonna be mia for a bit." I thought she was depressed and told her I understand, and gave her space. I'd check in on her every few days and get no response. She didn't speak to me for a month and when she finally did she told me she couldn't be alone and that she made all these new friends that she was partying with blahblah. I didn't realize she meant she had found someone else. I thought she meant that she was surrounded by these new friends she'd made that she never introduced me to to help her get through depression. I was ok with the breakup until it clicked that she meant she had a new partner. I found that out because we were still spotify friends and she had a new playlist from the other guy. That wrecked me and I felt like an idiot because I was so nice and kind and understanding when I responded to her telling me that. She could be married with kids now. I hope she's happy at least. About 6 months after our "breakup" I was walking down the street at Pride to meet my friends and her and her boyfriend walked right by me. Literally 10' away. I didn't make eye contact or even realize it was her until I heard "That's my ex" as she passed by and looked back and saw her purple braids. I was walking the opposite direction and just sped up my pace and was gone. My gay friends always joke about how Pride is when they run into all of their exes. Now I am absolutely paranoid every Pride that I'll see her. I have no idea what my reaction/feelings would be like if I had to see her face/eye-contact. I am so, so fucking glad I was tying my shoe as she went by. Like some weird divine intervention. Never seen her again. No idea if she's here. I stay out of the neighborhood she moved to. Even today it's hard for me to not feel worthless after that experience. Like you could just drop me that easily. I've never gotten a drunk text, nothing. Just gone. She didn't care if we never spoke again. Didn't care about saying goodbye or anything. Her dog was one of my dogs best friends and he was so sad for a long time. He'd hear the doorbell ring and run to it for months thinking it was her with his friend. Now he doesn't get up at all from his bed when it rings. god this fucking hurt to write edit: I completely missed that your partner passed. I'm sorry. That's awful.
You made some friends yet though homie?
I have now in the last 6 months or so. Nobody super close and nowhere near the number of friends I had in Austin. I have a lot of "friends" who are just bar drinking buddies, but I finally get to socialize again and I can go out nightly and talk to some buds if I want to. Thanks for asking
FBI knocking at my door to arrest him for being a pedophile and a kiddy porn salesman. No joke.
They came for the guy who lived in the next dorm room over when I was in college. We all knew he had an unhealthy anime obsession but it turns out there were much more unhealthy things he was into like selling kiddy porn. This was also the 90s so it wasn't over the internet. When they busted him they took dozens and dozens of boxes filled with VHS tapes out of his room.
Holy shit. Looking back were there any signs? I can't imagine how much that would blindside somebody
He died.
My fiancé died 3 weeks ago. I'm still in disbelief even though he's on our table. ETA oh goddammit. I'm not suicidal. Please don't report me to the reddit bots for being fucking destroyed by the loss of the love of my life. I want to live forever. I'd be a vampire with no moral qualms about it if I could.
I am so sorry. The shock of death can make you unable to function. I know nothing I can say will lessen your grief. I couldn't pass your comment by without letting you know I saw it. I see your pain and I wish you healing and comfort. 💜
Thank you. It helps.
I opened a new account because I'd talked about my loss so much on here. I'll probably come back and delete this msg so it's not in my comment history. But, honestly, random strangers on the internet responding with heartfelt messages was truly welcome. Strangers can be so kind and genuinely care. Take comfort where you can. Accept that sometimes you can't. Sometimes people will say something and you will mentally throat punch them. I had a person I would tell about those times. It felt better to be able to have someone to get that stuff out with. Stages of grief are BS. The woman who wrote them has said that she wrote them for people who were terminally ill. Accept that you'll cycle through them daily, hourly, randomly. Life goes on. Of course it does. The sun rises and sets and you wake up every day. That doesn't stop. The grief never leaves you. It's like a two lane highway. You're in the 'life lane' and the grief lane runs right alongside you. For now you have no control, you're crashing into the grief lane, you can't get yourself out. It's like a demolition derby. As time goes on you will get better at going straight. You'll still veer over into the grief lane but you'll get better at pulling yourself out. When you drift over it may be for a moment or it may be a violent crash but you'll get back on track every time. You'll see the road ahead and you'll pass milestones in life. The grief lane will always be present but it won't be that dangerous place it once was. You'll feel joy again and if you it doesn't come to you then you must seek it out. The person who told me that said she wished someone had told her that.
I giggle snorted at your edit. The only advice I have is to allow yourself the space to feel what you feel. I was in this weird limbo of "WTF" for quite a while. I settled on calling him my "Almost husband" because nothing else really fit. We didn't break up, so he isn't an ex. We weren't married, so I am not a widow. I'm not currently engaged to him, so "my fiancee" doesn't fit either. His kid came after me at age 18, to scream at me "for stealing everything his dad had." I had the "pleasure" of watching this kid's heart break all over again, when he finally understood that his mother, as his guardian, blew through the money. Sold the truck and ATVs, blew through that. Sold the house. Blew through that too. It's definitely been a weird as fuck rollercoaster, that's for sure. It took a long time for the pain to dull, and the awesome and bittersweet memories to take over. I still hear his laugh. I still hear "Heh heh heh, got ya again love!"
I am so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
Hey... You'll never "get over" it, but it gets a lot easier. Cliche, but give it time. Everything that hurts now... I don't want to say "you'll look back on and laugh", because that's not quite it... but most of it will turn into fond memories, painful now treasured later kind of thing. Though, everything from the hospital still makes me sad, but that lessens as well. Like, you'll find a new love, and this'll still just always be with you. It's okay.
"Time doesn't heal anything, it just teaches us how to live with the pain" -Itachi Uchiha
I hope you’re doing better friend <3
Absolutely. It was over 10 years ago, and knowing what I know now, about his disease, he exited in the least dramatic/traumatic way he could, before his disease took that option away. I am currently married to an awesome man who gives me space to mourn what I thought my future would be, on the important dates, like my almost husbands birthday, our supposed to be wedding day, and the day he died. Those are the days where the grief button is hammered. Every other day of the year, I am 100 percent in the present, and loving my life and my future with my husband.
Not gonna lie, this warms my heart
That happened to my mum. After years of not even considering the dating pool again due to my former stepbastard, she met this guy, bit of an oddball, but made her happy, they had got engaged, they didn't tell us, because of said stepprick, worried we wouldn't accept the guy. He took my brother to a football game, then when he went home afterwards, he died in the close hallway, of a clot in his lung.
She decided to go with another guy, who she had a baby with and then he left her for some other girl.
Yup my partner left me for another woman a week after telling me I was his soulmate. A few weeks into the relationship and she cheats on him with his best friend lmaooo was she worth it Daniel?
Well, was it DANIEL?!?!
Honestly, not the best
Relationships that begin with cheating are doomed. Both parties showing that they're okay with it is a recipe for disaster, and it's always hilarious to see someone surprised when it happens again later down the road.
Found out she was cheating a week after I ordered the ring to propose, positive side was the store was very understanding and got me a refund ayy
We were discussing former partners and somehow she got to the point where she told me she didn't expect me to be her last partner. And not in the sense of "after you die, I'll go on with my life". She sincerely didn't expect us to stay together forever. Now I can respect some realism in a relationship, but I decided right there and then that we weren't going to make it. We broke up that same week.
Damn, she was right all along.
I had an opposite situation. Dated a girl, was pretty crazy about her, months in she was talking about how we were soulmates and should get married. I told her I was open to marriage but wouldn't rush into it like that. About a year into our relationship we got in a big fight. I wanted to work through it, but she just bailed. She even told me it was lucky we didn't get married so we wouldn't have to get a divorce now.
What was the fight about if you don't mind sharing.
We had made plans to do something for my birthday and at the last minute it got canceled to help her family with something. I've never been the kind of person to take birthdays that seriously so I was ok with it. But about a month later, she expected me to take time off work and spend money for us to partake in her sister's birthday and I said no.
Thanks for sharing. I've been in similar situations.
Self-fulfilling prophecy
(former) wife of a buddy of mine told him and friends prior to marriage that she thinks it's hard to see the marriage as a life long promise cus you don't know much about your future and how things go on etc.. like your case it was also something like 'she did not expect them to stay together forever' although she wanted to marry him. they married and have two kids. little did he know she already cheated on him while they were engaged
She's a nice girl and I was a shitty boyfriend.
Like can you explain what do you mean by shitty??
Didn't cheat on her or anything. I wasn't where I wanted to be in life and wasn't pleasant to be around. As a result, not much effort was spent on nurturing the relationship
We had been together for 3 years when I proposed. We held a big engagement party at my parents place in the country, and invited both of our families. Not only did our families not really get along, we didn’t even get along with our own families. We had a long talk about dropping 5 figures on a glorified party for people we don’t like. That led to a conversation about whether we really believed in marriage. Together, we called off our engagement at that party (but we didn’t tell people for months.) This year will mark 19 happily unmarried years we’ve been together. Edit: Thanks to everyone for the kind replies! In Canada, you get many benefits from a common law partnership. You can also register as a domestic partnership at any Service Canada centre, which we’ve done. Only took a few minutes.
This was lovely to read! I also think marriage is mostly useless but there are a few perks, like when you get older and medical issues might arise or one of you has an accident and decisions need to be made, a married spouse has more rights than a partner. Else the family will have the power to make decisions and not everyone wants that. My uncle got kicked out of the hospital by his partners family when partner had had an accident and was unconscious. They had been together 15 years and the family did not like him. They weren't allowed to get married back then. Partner is fine btw, they are still together :)
And for the rights, you don't need a big expensive ceremony, a marriage certificate works just fine! It's a magic piece of paper. (So happy to hear that your uncle is still with his beloved!)
It took me a while to figure out that she was actually an entitled grand daughter of a once-rich Asian family. There never really is just one thing and maybe I ignored it when we first started dating. But here is a list of things I realized after about a year of dating 1. She flat out said that public school kids (like myself) weren’t as good as boarding school kids (her) 2. Her expectation was that everything was going to rely on my salary. At the time, I was making about 2x her salary 3. She was a closet racist. She’s Korean and I’m Chinese and just had to take jabs. One time I was in line in the grocery store while she had to get something. When she came back, there were a few people in between us and I just told her to come up and cut the line. She made a comment like “…just like a Chinese person” underneath her breath. 4. Her mom would buy her business flights tickets back home. She came back once and implored that was the life that she wanted. Sure, but she was on a $70k salary. 5. She was nostalgic about the life she had that her grandfather built for the family. Wealth really lasts three generations and she was never “taught” what job or vocation would make money for a life. She was smart and well educated (art history major) but the fancy education really is just an intangible Louis Vuitton bag that was there to make her more marriage material.
Obviously the family is still rich if they are paying for “business class” seats. But yes you buy into a lifestyle. She was looking for someone to continue wealth and even earn it for her. Whilst she loved and lived life. She probably thought Chinese they are becoming successful maybe next Ali baba king stick around. Lucky you ended it, because she would have eventually. Good call really. My ex was like that, although she would try to act like she was from poorer beginnings she really had no idea. Dad was super rich and would just spend money to have her fly here or there get a new car etc..
He came from old money vs I came from no money. (as in familial wealth). Education wise, on par. He is Jewish, I am Afro-Latina. Parents (mom + step dad) threatened to cut him off if he continued the relationship. We break up suddenly after a few really fun years. Sucks to suck.
Sorry to hear that, kind of happened to me but after almost 5 years of marriage.
He died. Broke my heart
Mine, too. We were 25, and I thought we'd be together forever. He died in an Elvis way by having a heart attack in the bathroom. It was very fitting for him, as a musician. It really does hurt, doesn't it.
I hope you’re doing okay. I didn’t even think of this as an option when I wrote this question. Reminds me I need to go to the doctor.
Oh yes I'm an old lady with grandchildren now I was 16 and he was 19. Was a accident but I still remember the day I got told by my best friend. I loved him very much and my parents thought he was great guy
Oh hey, mine too. 3 weeks ago. I don't know how to accept this.
He started drinking a lot and I just didn’t want to end up with someone like my dad. I adore my dad but it hurts to see him struggle and I knew I couldn’t handle loving two men with drinking problems. It broke my heart because he was otherwise such a great guy. It was ultimately the right choice though. My husband is the true love of my life. And I can’t imagine being happy in any other life.
Oh man. We'll call her "A." In the early days A was such a delight. I knew it was her when I started to have actual dreams about what our children would look like, which was something I've never experienced before or since. For a long, long time, I was blind to all others but her. "A" did not feel the same. The emotional distance that she kept between us eventually came to a head when my mom had a severe stroke. It nearly killed my mom, took months for her to recover to a minimal level, and simply stripped away much of who she was. Far from offering support and encouragement during what was, at the time, the worst point in my life (not to mention my mom's), I began to realize that "A" seemed to view the whole thing as an inconvenience. The realization that my life, and my family, didn't really matter to "A" at all broke me in ways that I'm still recovering from. I saw what I wanted to, of course. In hindsight "A's" relationships were always about projecting an outward appearance of high-value normality in order to boost her own fragile ego, and little more. My mom's stroke (and my resulting mental state) were not relevant to her because neither added value to her. To this day I'm not sure if she's really capable of treating people as anything more than set props.
How's your mom doing? Mine had a stroke in 2018 and it did the same to her. I've been taking care of her since 2019 and I couldn't have done it without my husband. I'm sorry you didn't have the support you deserved during that time.
Thank you. I hope your mom is doing well. Mine lives with me full-time now so that she can stay out of assisted living. She eventually regained about 70% of her mobility and speech, but most of her memories from the middle part of her life are just gone. Some days are hard but I think we have far more good days. She is surrounded by family including a whole gaggle of kids from my two brothers, so that's the important thing.
Damn
Right as I started to think of marriage he quit his job, then decided I needed I made enough to pay for the 2 of us. Then got mad when I cut the cable TV and things like Netflix to save money, because he was not looking for a job and we were slowly going broke. As a gay man myself, I am not paying for another grown man to live. I don't care if he works 35 hours a week at McDonalds, he has to contribute something.
Fellow gay man, ran into the same situation. Dude started quitting jobs or just outright refusing to show up. He sat in my house all day, complained about the food (that I was providing), and played the victim whenever I tried to encourage him to contribute. I paid the deposit, first month rent, and utility fees for his first apartment just so he'd stop squatting in my house and sandbagging me financially. Good. Fucking. Riddance.
He dreamt I was trying to kill him with a six foot frozen fish and in his sleep tried to defend himself by choking me.. He had very strange dreams that he physically reacted to in his sleep. We decided after the third or so time it wasn't going to work.
Because she broke up with me on our 1 year anniversary (if it's called that when ur just dating) for her "best friend" who I had asked for her to stop flirting with several times because she was making me insecure with how much she did it
He had an affair with my stepmum.
Oh that’s just awful. I hope you and your dad are doing okay
Turned out she was a cheating narcissistic liar and I had been trying to ignore the signs. Bullet dodged.
My man turned into Neo
Everyone on Reddit seems to date narcissist liars but no one admits that they were the narcissist liar. Except me.
People with narcissistic tendancies are not gonna start going around reddit posting about their flaws. They're out there abusing people and living in a fantasy of their own creation, seeking new supply.
I needed to face my baggage by myself
Watched her blow weed smoke into a babies face.
Whoa. That would do it.
I developed a health issue that took a while to find the cause of. We were young and she held me down for a while but eventually I was too much of a drag. Felt like we could have gone the distance but it was a lot to deal with especially at such a young age when we should have just been having fun. When she left I completely understood and didn't fight it but it took a while to get over.
Well despite telling me she was meeting her mum and friends for extensive wedding planning, she was actually meeting another guy, as well as mortgage advisors for their home they were buying together. Rough few years followed but now with my perfect wife, 2 kids, 2 dogs, tortoise, it was a real blessing. Looking back we were only really rushing into a wedding because her dad was really unwell and I asked her because I knew he wanted to be able to walk her down the aisle.
My dad wrote a letter to me. It was after we got engaged and if he had said it face to face we both would've gotten mad and he knew I would never listen to him if I was mad. So he calmly laid out his reservations in a letter. He Had valid points like her attitude to education and working etc. They struck a chord. I started to notice the points he made more and more in our relationship. I gave her a chance to change them and emphasised that it was important for me and for us. She didn't change and wasn't going to. So called it quits. Im married to a much better woman now with 2 kids and a happy life and healthy and happy relationship. I have thanked my dad and my mom so many times for that letter changed my life for the better and saved my from what would've been the worst mistake of my life.
He became an entirely different person after his father died. He didn’t become a bad person, but it was just a complete shift from the person I’d known almost all my life. His father died of a heart attack fairly young at about 50, and unfortunately, he was the person to find the body. He dropped out of college, grew out his hair, and moved states to go form a band. Last I heard a few years ago, he was still making a living with his band. I’m still a little sad for what we could have had, but I wish him the best.
he married someone else on my birthday because he got her pregnant.
Wow the birthday part is just unnecessarily evil. I'm sorry.
We grew apart
She wasn’t ready when I was and then I wasn’t ready when she was. We had a lot of maturity issues because of the time in our lives, but we both seem to be doing really well now so I don’t harbor any regrets or bad feelings. Just wasn’t the right time. Even when we broke up she joked that she wished we had a met a few years from that time because she knew things would’ve been different.
She cheated with a co worker and dumped me
Same. With a 13 year age gap
We ended up wanting different things. All good and glad we realised that.
I was young. Didn't know what I had. Would be different now. I think about her everyday and it's been 11 or 12 years since I've even seen her.
I can relate. It's been 4 years for me and I still think about her. Made the stupid mistake of calling her a few months ago. Didn't expect her to pick up because she had blocked me after we broke up, just was in a weird place in my life and decided, fuck it, why not? She's got a boyfriend and living her best life. I'm single and not sure what the hell I'm doing. So that killed my day...
At least you shot that shot. I never could do it. I wanted her to be happy and I didn't give her happiness when we were together. It does kill your day though when you do something like that. Gretzy said it best: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Also, shout out Flyer nation lol
She slept with our roommate who then go her pregnant and tried to play it off as mine until he black mailed her by saying he would tell me if she didn’t leave me for him. But it was the best thing that happened as life is absolutely amazing now.
She cheated. Still unsure if the child is mine.. that was 14 years ago
Curious, why haven't you ever gotten a DNA test?
I realized I was settling.
How?
I was in a long term 4 year relationship from the ages of 19-23 and we really just grew up. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, the relationship felt “normal” and “healthy.” But we both were entering adulthood and starting our careers and I realized I wanted different things. Certain small things I wanted from the beginning but he wouldn’t do, I would just say “eh it’s not a big deal” but then with time, I realized like you know what I do want these things, so why can I have these certain characteristics in a guy? I would tell him about my concerns and wants and he wouldn’t do anything about it. It was like I was talking to a wall. I constantly debated if these reasons were even “break up worthy” and after I finally dissociated myself from the relationship, I made the move to end the relationship. Now over a year later, I’m with a new partner who luckily satisfied my needs without me having to constantly repeat myself. He WANTS to do work on things and it gave me the validation I needed that I wasn’t asking for too much.
realized i would’ve been his second mom for the rest of my life instead of his partner
She went put with a friend one night and asked me to come pick her up the next morning. I knocked on the apartment door, and my fiance answers, she said, "You want to just wait out here while I get dressed? It was 32 degrees outside, so I said no and walked in. I could hear rustling around coming from one of the bedrooms. I said, oh Is that Kasey(Her best girlfriend)? I walk back there, and she's literally trying to hide two men in her closet. I looked at my fiance and said, "I'll ruin your life if you ever try to contact me," and I left. I've been happily married to the love of my life for 10 years. So thanks, Kasey, for taking Haley out that night!
I will never be able to understand how a person can do that to someone. It seriously boggles my mind to the point it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully trust someone again.
It took a long time to trust again. I was I'm severe depression for quite a while. I started using cocaine and alcohol like my life depended on it. Then, one day, the most perfect angel crossed paths with me. She helped me get clean. She is the most supportive and loving woman I've ever encountered. My wife and I dated for 2 years, got engaged for 2 years, and then we finally married on April 11, 2014. It was the absolute greatest day of my life. Most people say the day their child was born, but without my wife, there is no child.
Met her online when we were both 17. Flew over to her country and spent a few months with her. Visa expired and I had to come back home. We planned to have her move over, but when I raised the money she realised she couldn’t leave her family and I couldn’t expect her to.
His mother wanted him for herself. He couldn’t decide who he’d rather be with. I let her have him.
Said something about finding herself. Anyway, she was looking for herself in other guys’ beds, which I thought was a funny place to look for one’s self
My girlfriend was married to the most 1980's tv villain of all time. No really. It kind of was that bad (verbally/emotionally at least). Very successful, highly religious and condescended to her like the servant the bible and his community told him women should be. She promised me she was leaving him for years, but her family were fundamentalists and a divorce from a man they adored would kill them. I believed her. It took eight years, but she finally moved out and in with me and was (supposedly) in the process of asking for a divorce. In retrospect I wish it wasn't just out from him and in with me and that she had gotten her own place, but thats too late to change. About six months later of ups and downs, but mostly ups in my opinion. It wasn't perfect, I wasn't perfect either, but she had only ever been with just him and had years of not being allowed any of her own agency. Still all in all, it felt within the normal ranges of a healthy relationship. But I know how much the estrangement from her parents hurt her. Less than a year together and she was diagnosed with cancer. Another six months and she was spending almost full time in the hospital. During this time the writing was on the wall and she decided that she wanted to die with a happy family around her rather than a devastated boyfriend so I was cut out of the picture and legally kept from seeing her. Years later I recognize it as a kind of the kind of break up you do to someone you want to spare and I know for a fact from the nurses (I was a CNA at the time) that she actually wanted to see me but was giving in to her parentsas she was exhausted with no energy. I deeply regret was not fighting the breakup or at least making one great show for her to know how much I loved her at the end. I just never rallied through my own sense of betrayal because I was young(er) and stupid.. Her fundamentalist parents of course blamed me for causing her cancer and hated me with a burning passion of a 1000 suns for being the cause of everything -because thats how their God works. I have to remind myself that I do know for a fact that the only time she was happy in that last 10 years was when she was with me. She was just more of a loyal, loving daughter than they were ever capable of giving her credit for. They didn't deserve her and not to be maudlin, I guess I didn't either.
I wasn’t ready and the pressure of marrying her by a deadline started making the relationship feel inorganic. I faulted to my anxious avoidant personality and thought she would be better with out me… so I ran. I am ready more than ever now and I miss her more than anything, but she probably moved on. I’m sorry Nancy, I love you and I wish I handled things more maturely.
Covid hit and she hit the bottle.
My wife did that... I confronted her about it and \[it; the drinking\] slowed down significantly to where it's not a frequent problem any more.
I found out he had been banging his big toothed coworker
He was killed in a car accident.
My ex turned out to be about as abusive as my parents that I escaped from. All the red flags were just flags when seen through my rose-coloured glasses.
Because she kept accidentally falling on other guys dicks. It's crazy, I've never even had it happen once and it used to happen to her once a month. I don't want the mother of my children to be some clumsy goofball that is constantly falling.
Mostly all the other dicks in her. The schizo-effective disorder didn't ***help*** at all, but it was mostly the other dicks in her.
Lol I had a hs gf like this. I moved away and like 5 years later she facebooked me saying she'd leave her husband and kid for me. I laughed at the bullet passing over my head.
Her husband was vehemently against it
I could write a book. The truth, I think, is that we met each other at the wrong time in both our lives. I was immature and didn’t recognize how incredibly rare what we had was. She hadn’t resolved the trauma in her past causing her anger issues. It’s been over a decade since we broke up and I never saw her again. Through shared friends, I know she’s married with kids (I am, too) but that’s basically all I know about her. I don’t ask anyone about her or want to bother her, by the way, just to be clear. I truly hope she’s happy and having a good life. I’m not proud in the least to admit that I have and even still do miss her from time to time.
We were together 10 years. He proposed on year 8. When we first got together, we promised each other to communicate if we were to have any feelings of being done, checked out, or just not into it anymore. We said we were done playing games and this was it. That was in our early/mid 20s. In the beginning (first 3-4 years) I used to say how I'd be down to have kids with him. I loved him so much and thought he was the one. He made me feel special and was seemingly into me and all my quirks. Throughout the course of the years following those honeymoon years, I started to notice weird, selfish tendencies that made me question his reliability. Also sometimes when he would blow up and yell, it'd be concerning as hell because of HOW the fights would go. We would make up and stuff but I'd always still be in question of the overall security of the relationship. He had a habit of not sharing his feelings or telling me when he was traveling out of state. I'd find out after he'd already bought the tickets - this happened multiple times. I'd feel terrible because I wanted to go with him and it always felt like I got left behind and/or out of his life. That "I'd have a kid with you" door started closing faster because I didn't feel like I could fully trust him. Not to mention his weird opinion about how stupid it was that I was terrified to be pregnant and felt like I had no support. After some more years of him playing the boyfriend role, he proposed. I thought whoa, this is it. I get to keep him and he actually wants me. One time we were arguing about why would I need reassurance when I have a ring to prove he's dedicated (lol). Right at the 10 year mark I broke up with him, because he had already checked out and failed to tell me (even though he'd lie to my face and said he wanted me and still wanted to get married and all this nonsense). ONE MONTH after breaking up, he has a whole girlfriend (who has kids of her own). When I left him, he said he was lost, has no interest in anything or anything and I was a dead end and our relationship was a dead end. When I asked him if there was someone else, he lied and said there wasn't. I eventually found out through IG and blocked him on everything, ever. Sigh. A whole decade of time invested in someone who thought they were settling with me. Like bro, be honest about your feelings. But no, when asked about how he felt about us and where we were going he'd just say "yeah it's fine, I'm fine." Merp. I'm still single a year and half later. I can't bring myself to trust anyone. So that's my souvenir.
I had imagined how perfect a relationship with her would be for 14 years. Then, out of nowhere, we actually entered a relationship together. Could anyone have possibly lived up to that level of expectation?
She got a better offer.
A few weeks after we became engaged, she became controlling, passive aggressive, demanding of my time, bossy. We dated for 4yrs and she was nothing like this for 95% of the time.
He was not meant for “settling down” as they say. We dated expecting marriage in the future but some people abhor commitment and he fooled himself into believing he could settle down as well but but turns out commitment was difficult for him and this is something I should have realized way before in the relationship
He was a flake who, whether intentionally or not, strung me along for years.
We were too young.
This is all happening right now I got back from being deployed in a combat zone for 9 months three days ago. Two weeks before I got back my girl who I've been with for over four years left me and the same day got with another dude and is now just kinda going out basically everyday drinking and finding new dudes and man I'm absolutely obliterated it's only been three days of this and I already feel myself sinking into depression. We have to live together for the next several month and I don't know if I'm gonna make it out the other side in one piece mentally
Unmanaged mental illness made them someone I no longer recognized and they had 0 intention of coming back down to earth. They're alive still, but it feels like they died.
Many moons ago. Was dating a girl who kept pushing marriage after about a year. She was HOT but many red flags but she was also living with me at that point in my place. I finally gave in when she wanted to go pick out an engagement ring cause I was like: it's only an engagement. About halfway there she started up on all the things we were going to do with our life of which most were basically changing everything I was or did and I just couldn't. I pulled over on the side of the road and said: Look maybe we need to re-think this plan. I mean there is always time to get married. She clammed up and said take me home. When we got there she said she need to stay at her parents that night and think. 3 days later, I came home and all her stuff was gone. 3 weeks later I heard thru the grapevine she was already dating someone else. 6 months later I heard she got married. End of Story. Always trust your gut.