That second one would have been a perfect description of a guy that briefly worked in my group. He was new so one of our other guys sat with him to train him. He never got the hang of it, so the guy ended up sitting with him for a couple of months. Eventually my manager was considering letting the guy go, but felt guilty. He was a nice guy, just terrible at his job. I told her that having him on the team was a net negative because he was tying up the other guy training him the whole time. It was like we lost a guy rather than gaining one.
My favorite that I made up one day. When someone is upset at me on video games I tell them “get upset”
They shut down every time because you can’t make a comeback to it without doing what I told you to do so they are always silently conflicted the rest of the match.
Have you ever been yelled at for something that wasn’t your fault because someone wasn’t paying attention? Would you have sympathy for someone who crashed into you and gets out of the car and immediately blames you and is yelling at a volume that lets you know they are not listening to anything you have to say? Why argue with people that can’t even hear your side? That’s why it’s “get upset” if I say that to you it’s because you are officially incapable of listening and shouting over other people to seem like a big person.
Your playing trios and both your teammates are in a party chat and not pinging what the plan or intentions are I can’t hear them they can’t hear me they die because they wandered off on no pings and the first thing I hear a person say is how stupid I am and how that is fully my fault even though I was in game chat the entire time and they were not(clearly hollow headed behavior). These people exist by the thousands and the conversations always happen the exact same way so it’s really easy to prepare for them.
It’s very satisfying to put people in their place when they think they can win arguments with voice
volume and not words.
“Baldrick, you wouldn’t know a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsichord singing “Subtle plans are here again”. — Rowan Atkinson’s character in “Blackadder” tv series. I think the only show I ever found myself laughing aloud at.
I was at a pub once years ago watching a really bad stand-up comic. A guy was sitting at the bar doing a cryptic crossword, minding his own business. The comic thought everyone should be paying attention to *him*, so he yells out: "Hey buddy, what's so interesting there?" Dude at the bar doesn't miss a beat: "Naked pictures of your mother." The whole place erupts in laughs. The comic tries to recover: "Oh yeah? Is she with the dog or the goat?" Still not looking up, the dude at the bar says: "I don't know; which side of the bed is she on?"
[удалено]
And here I was, thinking that the insult was going to come from the kitchen. I hope that old man is still putting kids in their place.
Somewhere a tree exists just making oxygen for you, and you owe it a fucking apology.
I'd rather shit in my hands and clap
"You aren't cute enough to be that stupid! "
[удалено]
☹️
From the jaws of victory, you managed to snatch defeat.
One of the investors in my old job said this to the CEO in front of everyone 😂
Wisdom has been chasing you, but you have always been quicker.
Most of the Full Metal Jacket dialog from the Seargent
"you look easy to draw."
(For a bald person) You're so ugly, your hair refuses to grow near your face
Similar one I've heard is "Your hair ran away from your face"
Yeah also good
Go fist yourself with a barbed wire glove on
It could be that the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.
[удалено]
That second one would have been a perfect description of a guy that briefly worked in my group. He was new so one of our other guys sat with him to train him. He never got the hang of it, so the guy ended up sitting with him for a couple of months. Eventually my manager was considering letting the guy go, but felt guilty. He was a nice guy, just terrible at his job. I told her that having him on the team was a net negative because he was tying up the other guy training him the whole time. It was like we lost a guy rather than gaining one.
My favorite that I made up one day. When someone is upset at me on video games I tell them “get upset” They shut down every time because you can’t make a comeback to it without doing what I told you to do so they are always silently conflicted the rest of the match.
I'd just go: I'm clearly already upset. It seems you're about as good at human interaction as you are at video games.
Have you ever been yelled at for something that wasn’t your fault because someone wasn’t paying attention? Would you have sympathy for someone who crashed into you and gets out of the car and immediately blames you and is yelling at a volume that lets you know they are not listening to anything you have to say? Why argue with people that can’t even hear your side? That’s why it’s “get upset” if I say that to you it’s because you are officially incapable of listening and shouting over other people to seem like a big person. Your playing trios and both your teammates are in a party chat and not pinging what the plan or intentions are I can’t hear them they can’t hear me they die because they wandered off on no pings and the first thing I hear a person say is how stupid I am and how that is fully my fault even though I was in game chat the entire time and they were not(clearly hollow headed behavior). These people exist by the thousands and the conversations always happen the exact same way so it’s really easy to prepare for them. It’s very satisfying to put people in their place when they think they can win arguments with voice volume and not words.
“Baldrick, you wouldn’t know a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsichord singing “Subtle plans are here again”. — Rowan Atkinson’s character in “Blackadder” tv series. I think the only show I ever found myself laughing aloud at.
I was at a pub once years ago watching a really bad stand-up comic. A guy was sitting at the bar doing a cryptic crossword, minding his own business. The comic thought everyone should be paying attention to *him*, so he yells out: "Hey buddy, what's so interesting there?" Dude at the bar doesn't miss a beat: "Naked pictures of your mother." The whole place erupts in laughs. The comic tries to recover: "Oh yeah? Is she with the dog or the goat?" Still not looking up, the dude at the bar says: "I don't know; which side of the bed is she on?"
Your mother's second greatest regret in life was feeding you as a child
You have the presence of a mouse fart in a high wind.
Once heard someone shout "go and jerk off a cat"
'shut up. Nobody likes you'