I feel Ike it was more normal in my early twenties and late teens when sex was fairly “new” to us but now that we are all headed into our 30s we don’t do that anymore

We do get weirder as we get older so I understand.

Yeah at that point it's more of a TMI, like cool dude, you get sex, I need to save up more And remember to stay fit at the same time

A few exes of mine would discuss sex. They went into girth, size, technique, and who knows what else. Me? As a guy, very briefly. Me and my buds never go into detail. We just normally ask if she’s hot and if we smashed. Now, that usually only happens when it’s a hook-up. If I’m in a committed relationship, it’s… Did you Smash? Fuck yeah! Nice * Proceeds to give props. So anyway, I got this new video game… And our day goes on.

This is the bro code. I've rarely ever been with a group of guys willing to discuss specific intimate details. We speak in generalities. The only time someone gets specific is if it's one guy clearly just wanting to talk or brag. Most men don't do this. Especially married men. We don't want other men picturing our wives in a sexual context.

That's the thing. You'll share more details about a hook-up.

I find that the exception to this is when there was something extraordinary about the encounter, like the other party does something completely unexpected, a third party interrupts in a funny way, or a pet makes an unwelcome appearance. Also when some really weird or unique stuff happens, like attending a gangbang or being asked to crap on one's partner.

W friends

Yeah, women think men have locker room talk because that's what they do. We hardly ever talk like that.

I'm a guy and I never talk about that stuff with my friends, and they don't ask either. It's just not something we do. Personally I think it's pretty fucked up to discuss intimacy stuff with other people. That part of life should be private. It's considered wrong and often illegal to share lewd photos of your partner to other people without consent, yet for some reason discussing their body and sexual performance in detail is okay.

Yeah personally it makes me uncomfortable. Nobody I know discusses that shit. The few times I've been around people who do, they were not my friends and I didn't associate with them after. Not because of that, but I find the type of person who goes into shit like that ain't the type of person I want to spend time with.

Some guys go into a little more detail but I have yet to hear anything as detailed as what some women say. The "worst" I've heard from other guys: I hooked up with that hot chick from the bar...and her titties were FAT. Everyone else: Nice. Y'all wanna draft Mirrodin again or go back to Onslaught this week?

MTG players getting fat titties? Hmm...

I mean... fat titties can mean a lot of things. Also, size of the titties has nothing to do with shape etc... so... Yeah, not that surprising. I think "fat titties" and "nerd circles" are not the most unbelievable overlap in the world.

The rest of her was fat too, but who's asking?

Yeah, I can confirm the boob thing but it’s rare in my experience. We just care if the buddies are getting laid.

Depends on the circle of friends. I have several who talk like that. Just have to find the peeps that feel the same way you do. I have other friends I'd never dream of talking to about detailed intimacy because it would make \*them\* very uncomfortable, and so I never bring that stuff up. Other friends, however? We jive.

Given the amount of perspectives I've been getting on this, I feel like this is more the mean (average) male tendency to only share surface level details in conversation. I'm also subject to this, but I feel it might be about 60/40 between growing up in male centrism and autism. I just imagine if someone wants me to know something, they'll tell me. Otherwise it's prying.

My friend group has zero interest in sharing those details, nor should we. We literally just ask about being happy or if they like their new partner.

My friends know way too much about this stuff and not from me telling them. I've hooked up with friends of their girlfriends and the girls gossip about it, sometimes in front of them or their girlfriend relays the gossip. And the girls always talk me up to the point that I think my friends think I'm way better in bed and have a way bigger dick than is reality. So that's nice. So either I'm better in bed than I think I am or girls gossiping about sex exaggerate a lot.

We men are really weird but simple creatures, gotta love it.

We just wanna know if our homies are getting some. We don’t need details. I’m not going to ask about the girls head game because I don’t really care. You got laid, bro? Ata Boy! There may be a slip of “her boobs were banging” but that’s it. Ive never had an in-depth discussion about it but that’s me. An ex of mine, though? Her friends knew everything I did to her. They knew more than they should about my dick.

In my personal experience, this has to be more of a girl thing. Conversations with my mates around sex usually go Mate: I brought a girl back to mine on Saturday Me: was she hot and did you smash? Mate: yes and yes/no and yes/yes and no/no and no I know nothing about the sex life of my friends in committed relationships, and I wouldn't tell them about mine..

I’m pretty sure my wife’s friends know how big my dick is and all about my back hair. My friends know I’m married, a few of them remember her name LOL (jk, sorta).

Is it that big? Congratulations

Hey she married me, she knew what she was buying. And let’s just say, she was shopping at the discount outlet.

Yeah but she was shopping at the Gucci store for your sense of humor and charisma, mate ;)

Ladies love a bargain. It sounds like she got a good deal and didn’t even need a coupon. 

>And let’s just say, she was shopping at the discount outlet. "What the hell is this? This hog is so fat, theres no way anyone could actually use this. How useless!" \* *puts it in the basket anyway* \*

*Huge* (waves tiny hands)

One of the girls I was hooking up long time ago was accusing me of hooking up with other girls for no reason so at some point she was pushing to see my phone I was fine ok lets exchange phones you go through mine and I will go through yours As she was going through my messages trying to find a girls I went through messages with her best friend. Literally first message after our first hookup was "we did it" or something like that, her response was something like "and how was it" and then my hookup at the time replying with "good and then describing my dick size and girth" probably while still with me in the bed I don't mind it that much because I am proud of my dick one of my favourite things about me love showing it off and love sending pics when girls ask, but still was thinking later imagine if you have small dick and someone is blasting you like this, someone you were intimate minutes and hours ago telling her friend how small you are or if you cum to fast or if you dont know how to fuck etc... Women can say that size doesnt matter but they do love talking about it and share it between themselfs. And this was just after the hookup who knows how much detailed she might be when she saw her or of they had a call later

I have a buddy I meet for lunch about every other week or so for the past year. Recently ran into him and his wife. I had no idea her name. I had to ask him the next time we had lunch. (he's said it before, but it just doesn't stick in memory) and I have worked to remember Nikki's name from then on so I don't embarass myself.

Totally. Usually it’s something along the lines of “how’s the wife and kids” and then move along to other topics, unless there is something major like serious illness or divorce happening. And I don’t think it’s that guys don’t care necessarily, it’s more that a man’s personal space / family zone is his and you don’t cross into that unless seriously invited.

I find this very weird. I definitely know the names of all of my friends' significant others

Definitely true. More or less all of my wife's friends know the details of my dick. Which I'm fine with, I'm above average so it never really bothered me that her girlfriends know my size. If anything it's made for some entertaining drunken flirting from time to time. The unfortunate part of all this is if your wife (like mine) is the type who has to tell me everything she hears, so I pretty much also know the size of every dude's dick who is with one of her friends. I knew about the one dude who her best friend fucked for a few months who was apparently packing a Monster can. Knew about which ones came too soon. This was all fine until we hooked two of our friends up and I found out my one buddy is apparently rather small (according to her description, it disappears with one hand). It's a secret I have to take with me to the grave but it's definitely something I can never unhear.

Man that’s kinda fucked up

What's even more fucked up is that you find out they are spreading lies.  My ex apparently told everyone it was tiny. She cheated on me, we broke up, then she alienated her friends. Ended up hooking up with two of them. First one turns out her ex friend was just being petty to my ex, but ended up straight up telling me that my ex lied. Second one happened because the first friend ended up setting the record straight. 

There are a lot of really immature and trashy women out there to where basically their partner's, be them current or ex, size of their dick changes depending on how angry she is at him at that moment. It's pathetic and I think indicative of mental disorders. I have never heard a man talk about his partners vulva/vagina. Rarely about a one night stand there will be comment as to whether it was pretty/messy tight/loose, great tits or ass or smell issue etc. There's not really an intention to hurt someone with the info, just a field report.

To add to the last bit, I have never heard a name mentioned in the field report

This is so bizarre to me as a woman. I have never had that kind of conversation with any of my friends. That's so disrespectful to your partner.

Really? Idk, I feel like every woman I've ever known gossiped about the dicks they were getting. It's literally like a trope in every women's TV show (Sex in the City for example).

I would be livid if my husband was sharing that kind of stuff with his friends, so it's a weird double standard that I dont understand. My friends definitely don't tell me that kind of stuff either, but we are all in our 40s, so maybe that matters?

As a woman, none of the women I know talk about sex.

I wish I could see a poll so I could know if it's the majority of women who do or if it's just a very loud minority.

That's so creepy.

Things I know about my males friends sex life: ______________________ Things I know about my female friends sex life: how many partners some have, who likes/dislikes to be choked, which one likes to be choked until they turn red, which ones like being spanked, which one likes being tied up, which one like to do it on hikes, which ones like anal, which one had a threesome, which ones only wear undies a few days out of the month, and I’m sure more that I’d have to actually think about to remember. This is all just from maybe four girls.

Which one likes anal?

The one walking funny.

Certainly not the one who likes to do it on hikes. This feels like one of those riddles where you have to get the animals across the river.

Whitney

Confirmed, I've never heard a male friend talk about their hookups in general, it's a wonder if you ever even hear the name of the person let alone any details, nor did they ever talk about their girlfriends in any sort of detail. Female friends on the other hand.. yeah. I don't mind it either way when I'm participating in the conversation, though it's kinda icky when I remember I was probably someone's topic of conversation in that sense though.

I’ve heard girls share anatomical details I know they would be infuriated to find out their partners were sharing with their buddies. I know my cousin’s fiancé’s dick curves to the left. I also know she would end the engagement in an instant if she were to find out he told his friends/family that her labia weren’t symmetrical or anything like it. The double standard is toxic and we need to stop normalizing it. Saying “girls just like to talk” is the equivalent of “boys will be boys.”

You’re absolutely right. I’d be MORTIFIED if I knew a partner was telling (especially physical) details about me. Then again, I don’t share intimate details about partners. If it’s ‘good’, why am I telling you? And if it’s ‘bad’, why am I telling you??

>Saying “girls just like to talk” is the equivalent of “boys will be boys.” That is a good analogy. 

Yep this really is the bottom line, and thank you for verbalizing this in such a. Concise and digestible way. There's being open with your friends, and then there's the intimate details of your partner without their consent. Shitty behavior doesn't magically become better because the person doing it is a women versus a man.

I find that a majority of women that I have dated and known in my life do not give a fuck about a double standard. My sister-in-law will have all these rules and stipulations for my brother but pretty much none of them apply to her. It's infuriating because my brother is miserable because of it.

>The double standard is toxic and we need to stop normalizing it. >Saying “girls just like to talk” is the equivalent of “boys will be boys.” The closest comparable is sharing your partner's nudes with your friends. Most women would be furious, and there's a push to add laws to prevent this type of activity.

I was talking to my mom about my wife being sick. And my wife goes to me, "I don't like you sharing stuff about my health with people." To which i responded, "I can't talk to my mother about how my wife is sick? But you can have a few glasses of wine and tell an entire bar all of my uncomfortable health issues?' Her response is, 'Well, i was drunk!" and i said, "i asked you to stop multiple times, and you just kept saying, 'its okay'' when it wasn't." Women are completely blind to double standards. Edit: People who think my wife is a bitch without ever having met her. No, she is a woman. She thinks that her body is somehow more sacred than a mans body. That I am somehow not embarrassed by my night terrors and cold sweats, and that because im a man, "it's okay" and that i should onow better than share that she had the stomach flu. Diarrhea to my mother is more personal than night terrors to strangers. She doesn't see it as a double standard. She sees it as 2 entirely different things.

Adults who use their alcohol consumption as an excuse for bad behavior are toxic. Being drunk is not a "be an asshole for free"-pass.

I used to hang out with someone (who I’ll call Dipshit) who was a walking example of why bars should have 25 as an age minimum. He’d get a couple beers in him and start mouthing off, and I took him aside one time and told him that being drunk wasn’t some immunity shield for when he pissed off the wrong person. Not two weeks later, I was out with him and my one sister’s boyfriend, who had a knee brace on and was walking slow as a result. Sure as shit, Dipshit gets a couple beers in him and says something to a guy near him. That guy stands up. I grab Dipshit by the shirt and pull him away. He tells me to let go of him…and that he was going to fuck my sister once he beat up on “her cripple boyfriend”. So I took him outside and whipped his ass. The boyfriend wanted to do it, but I figure since I’d already warned Dipshit I had first dibs. And me whipping his ass would make me look like a good brother, while it might make the boyfriend seem overbearing.

I used to hang out with someone similar only he'd just randomly punch people when he got drunk. One day he punched the wrong person at a house party, they called the cops, and the cops got recorded video from one of the guys living in the house at the time. I don't know what happened after that but probably nothing good. Sad thing was the guy was probably in his early 30's when he did that. Hopefully it caused him to grow up.

My rule is "if you can't take responsibility for what you've done drunk, you've passed your limit."

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That isn't normal behaviour for women, though, your wife was being a hypocritical arsehole here. Normal, well-adjusted women will respect boundaries and are capable of keeping things private, especially when you've explicitly asked them to. And when they fuck up (like we all do sometimes) they'll apologise. The only woman I've been with who didn't is my ex for a reason.

Dude I have the WORST night terrors, to the point I'm jumping out of bed fighting shit that isn't there. We had to move all furniture away from the bed because I was punching/kicking it. First Christmas party I was at with my girlfriend, she introduced me to her boss and he goes "oh, is this the guy who fights ghosts in his sleep?!" My gf gets pissed at me if I share with my family that she isn't feeling well. I have to just say now that when she's not able to come to a gathering that she "had other plans". Sharing a lactose related stomach issue is out of bounds, but sharing the real distressing mental issue I've got going on, that has resulted in physical injury is just "fun work talk" And women wonder why men don't open up with them about stuff...

Many women are attractive enough to retain men accepting of double standards. FTFY

Women that share intimate physical details about their SO are Just as bad as guys that share nudes of their women. they'll deny, but it's just as piggish of a behavior. Just stop.

Yes. Its creepy.

My wife has informed in the past about the size and shape of my BIL’s member. I have no interest in this information, but there it is.

My ex-wife’s friend’s husband had weirdly shaped balls.  Nice guy, but when we went on double dates I could not get the idea out of my head his balls were triangular.  

This deserves a follow up question... how does she know?

From her sister who is married to said BIL, I would guess.  I know relatively trivial (nonsexual) things about my BIL that I'm fairly certain he wouldn't necessarily choose to share simply because his wife (my SIL) overshares with my wife, her sister, and my wife tells me out of bewilderment and amusement.

My SIL is a sharer. They talk about everything. I am sure it goes the other way as well.

That might be true for straight guys, but some gay men have no filter. I have a gay friend who treats sex as a hobby so he would talk about his sex life just like how people talk about their hobbies. He would show us videos of him having sex with his partners (video is consensual of course). I have seen his dick and asshole, and I haven't even slept with him. He has no inhibitions and would just laugh when he shows us these videos. It's a bit off-putting though with me being attracted to some guy only to find out this particular friend has already slept with him, and then proceeds to talk about his dick, etc. Sometimes I wonder why the f*** am I friends with this guy.

I think your friend might be getting off on showing you, brother. Just a thought

I'm gay and I definitely share more than straight men but that's excessive and sorta inappropriate

This seems so true. My ex would talk about how her friends would grill her about our sex life and she wouldn’t give any details. They acted like it was super weird. Meanwhile, my buddies and I NEVER talk about sex but more about relationship stuff.

This is so true, I looked after my kids for a number of years and got to know a lot of the mums at PG and school etc to the point I was invited to their nights out. Holy s**t the graphic details they would tell each other about previous boyfriends and even their husbands and their sex life’s together was toe curling! I also go for beers with their husbands and we never discuss wives in that way at all! Previous girlfriends are fair game but not wives…..

That's absolutely the case from my experience as well. I've been married for going on 20 years. Lots of my friends are also in the 10-20 year range. At most I might know if they're having intimacy issues or not. We talk a lot about the upsides and struggles of being a father and husband but I've literally never had a conversation where someone wanted to share explicit details unless it was some young college dude trying to brag. I know for a fact that my wife has shared very intimate details about us. I put a ton of work into the bedroom so hopefully its good stuff. That being said I also suspect my wife and other women would be upset if I shared those same details with my male friends. Its a giant double standard but not one I spend time being upset about.

Yeah. I'm vaguely aware that a couple of them might have bisexual tendencies, and I know that one of them fucks everything that has breasts. But apart from that I'm not even quite sure who of them is single and who isn't. 

Definitely a girl thing They will talk about all this stuff with each other

I’ve shared notable or funny stories about hookups, but yeah it was not a regular conversation topic amongst guy friends. 

buddies in college would share details about girls that they viewed as just a hook up. but i dont think anyone ever gave any info other than "yes i had sex" about a girl they eventually ended up dating

I'm a woman and I don't do this and my friends don't either. I'm not saying women don't but it's not something I've encountered at all.

Yeah, it’s very disappointing to hear that so many other women do this. I would be embarrassed discussing this stuff or listening to someone else discuss it.

Not all women!

THIS! Talking to buddy’s: Buddy: “Did ya give it to your ol lady last night?” Me: “yep” Buddy: “Nice. Me too.” Wife and her friends: *3 hour monologue of the entire night beginning with what she had for breakfast that morning*

In my experience, none of my guy friends have done this. I haven’t heard a guy go into detail about sex since like high school when people first started having it. Dudes aren’t really interested in hearing details about what other guys do with their dicks lol. We be like “did you hit that?” and then we congratulate them if the answer is yes, and that’s about as far as most stories go. But most of my ex-gfs have admitted to sharing intimate details about our sex life with their friends, and they always acted completely casual about it too. Like it was perfectly normal. I think women talk about us the way they must assume we talk about them, but guys don’t really do that as much as women probably think we do.

The last part is so true. Girls think we exchange every detail which is not true at all. Them on the other hand? Jesus i don‘t even want to know how much they go into details when telling their friends.

It’s impolite to kiss and tell, and a fella oughta be aware of it.

Bad gas travels fast in a small town

Give ya balls a tug!

I wish you weren't so awkward bud

You are spare parts, aren't you bud?

There's such a thing as too much horn talk, and a fella oughta be fuckin' aware of it.

Like a policeman’s flashlight from the 1980s hanging there.

Looked like a tube of tennis balls hangin there, 4 pack.

You saw his hard disk?

Thing looked like a deflated football hangin' there

Great day for Hay!

Sundays are fer picking stones.

McMurray’s a piece of shit

Say McMurray's a piece of shit...? Ok, McMurray's a piece of shit.

Bonnie McMurray!

That's straw. And that's barley.

This seems predominant with women and their close friends. It was a bit of a revelation for me when I found out that my wife and her friends know every single detail about the other's partners. Wife blurted out something when she was drunk and when I asked how she knew something about one of her friend's husband she told me that they share everything. Like someone mentioned in this thread earlier, it's going to be weird for me to run into the other dude in a social situation and the first thing that pops into my mind is "oh the dribbler"

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Funny you say that. We were at Mother's Day brunch and the table next to us would not shut up about their hookups. Families all around and then this group of hungover people complaining about dick size.

> Families all around and then this group of hungover people complaining about dick size. I would buy tickets to that show

I was at dinner once for my friend's bday and this girl I've never met kept talking about anal, like please I'm trying to enjoy my tacos without that mental image

I legit don't know why things like this are taboo. I wish everyone was way more open about all their shit. Just air out reality to help everyone else realize all their weird shit is pretty normal. But I also know most people don't agree with me so I keep it to myself. 

I'll take it. I'm in the latter mostly, and wish that we could discuss sex and sexuality more openly (so long as all involved parties are down).

One day your friend is going to marry one of these people and every time you meet them for the rest of your life you're going to think "oh this is the guy with the cone penis" or "ah, yes, low-hanging labia lady." Everyone should keep in mind that sharing intimate details about your partner isn't just (potentially) disrespectful to your partner, it puts a burden of awkwardness on your friend that can last a lifetime.

My boy once almost ditched a girl because she smelled bad down there. They’re getting married now and I can’t shake that off.

That’s generally something pretty easily resolved with a dr.

It can be, but not always. I had an ex that just couldn't get rid of it. We didn't break up over it though.

Bro probably found a can of Febreze laying around. Issue is already taken care of fo sure.

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I still hold a festering resentment of my mum for being oversharer like this. I remember being utterly humiliated that she discussed a bowel movement of mine with fam when I was 5 or 6 and was exceedingly private after that. I have a decent relationship with my mum, partly owing to the fact I live on the opposite side of the world so we talk a lot, but I have the freedom to share on my own terms. But even when I got my first period I didn’t want it to be the family broadcast so went and bought supplies myself. As an awkward 13 year old in a small town. Makes me sad thinking about this, I feel sorry for poor young me needing to keep everything private but yeah.

I feel this in my bones. I vividly remember my mother broadcasting some private embarrassment of mine when I was a child and deciding then and there that I was forever done letting her in on anything about me. Then came the years of her wondering out loud and often about why I was so closed up. Funny how childhood emotional trauma works, ain’t it?

I've had the exact same experience, but add to that some guilt because it feels like I made lifetime decision (which did affect our relationship) at 5 years old?

Part of me thinks the internet can actually *help* with these kinds of things when it comes to *currently* raising children. Partly because stories like yours can emphasize how detrimental it is for parents to overshare and warn modern parents not to do it. And also partly so parents can have an anonymous online forum to talk about this, so they aren't *obligated* to share with their family about it if they feel like it's something they have to share.

It's me, the current parent who is taking this advice to heart.

Someone in my family did the same thing, broadcasting to everyone that her son likely has a micro penis. It pisses me off so much that we all know this because one day he will be a grown man and we should not know that info about him. I can already anticipate a situation where it’s used against him in an argument or something.

It’s true - a friend of mine shared that the guy she just started seeing had weird low hanging balls and then they got married and I think of it everytime.

To add, you can share intimate details without going shape-of-genitals level. I generally never talk about my sexual experiences in a way that would mock or belittle my partners. Also because it makes for less interesting conversations. I'd rather talk about things I enjoyed/didn't enjoy etc, not so much graphic details

Honestly to each their own but I kinda don’t talk about it out of respect of my partner. She’s someone I hope to marry soon and want all my friends and family to like so I’d prefer they not see her in another light.

Respectable :) 

Just to clarify. A close friend of mine insists on doing this despite me telling her repeatedly that it makes me feel very uncomfortable. It led to a fight and I’m left wondering if IATA. Edit: spelling error.

NTA that is a whole different scenario than just talking about it with friends and everyone is in the conversation. If it made you uncomfortable and you spoke up and they got mad at you, they are in the wrong and not you

I don’t mind if it naturally comes up in a conversation, it’s a normal part of life. But they kept pushing my boundaries, I had to say something …

Just to make it clear, the subject matter in this case doesn’t matter at all. If your friend is talking about something that makes you uncomfortable and you’ve asked them to stop but they won’t, they’re an asshole. It’s perfectly healthy to talk about sex, even in gratuitous detail *but only if everyone involved is comfortable with that*.

This was a contributing factor to my ending a longtime friendship. Definitely not the only reason, but a contributor. I damn near begged her to stop a couple of times, but she was just determined for some damn reason.

I am going through the same thing … I think it boils down to them not being able to see things from other people‘s perspectives. Or just disregarding the other person‘s feelings and getting upset when they get called out.

Some people just have serious problems with personal boundaries. Not wanting to hear intimate details of other people's sex lives is an entirely reasonable boundary to have. It's not something someone should have to be repeatedly asking a friend to stop oversharing with them.

If you are an experienced mountain climber, and your friend sticks to the local trail, you don’t insist they climb a mountain* with you! Instead, you say “let’s do a hike together.”  When it comes to (reasonable) boundaries, friends should stop at the more conservative line. It’s not tone policing or censoring, it’s just good communication.  *In my head it’s absolutely Mt. Sex Positivity

I agree. I thought I was the one in the wrong… they have a way of making me feel that way :p

Yeah, so did my former friend. She'd get very hurt and angry and try to tell me that her other friends would've let her tell them, blah blah, etc. I pointed out that a) her other friends had the same kinks that she did, b) she knew damn well I had SA trauma and that she was being insensitive, and c) regardless of anything else I had asked her SEVERAL times, very politely before I started getting stern, and then had to give up and start snapping at her. The fact is, I was her friend, not her sexual partner. There was absolutely no reason in the world I needed to know that shit AND my not wanting to know was a reasonable boundary and not a personal rejection of her, which is how she was taking it. It was her problem and she needed to stop trying to make it mine. I miss other things about her, but I definitely don't miss any of that in the slightest.

Im so sorry to hear you have SA trauma… and I think it was a good decision to stay away from that friend. Good friends respect each others boundaries anf especially given your past, she should’ve been more considerate.

NTA 100%. You communicated your boundary and they keep crossing it.

That’s her problem not yours. You did nothing wrong you don’t want to know and she isn’t respecting that

NTA, if you don't want to hear details she shouldn't force you to listen to them

If it were problems, I’d be happy to talk about it! But it’s more like graphic details that I really don’t want to know about …

You are NTA. You did not consent to this (sexual) conversation. Her partner(s) probably didn't consent either. I don't think people shouldn't talk about their sexual life or practices, but thoose conversations have a place and time.

NTA - boundaries should be respected, especially if they're 'a friend'. Especially especially if they're 'a close friend'.

If it's a random encounter I have no problem sharing.. Why? Because it's interesting and funny. I'm mostly talking about weird or embarrassing stuff and poking fun at myself. Like the time I was so drunk that I passed out during the act, or about a particular girl that was very toothy or strange locations that hookups have occurred. To me it's not much different from telling my friends about other interesting stuff that's happened in my life.

I really wouldn’t mind those kinds of stories at all!

Off-topic, but i read your comments and you're not an asshole at all. If you're not comfortable with someone telling you something and they continue doing it then it's not on you. If they think that you're an asshole for respectfully and forcefully setting your boundaries then they aren't worth your energy.

Completely agree. If you tell someone to stop talking about a topic because it makes you uncomfortable and they continue to do so anyway, stop talking to that person. They do not respect your boundaries, and you don’t have to placate them. I’ve also had to learn this and it’s tough, but at the end of the day, believe in your worth and believe in your boundaries. We do not need to listen to the details of someone’s intimate bedroom life, i think that’s a completely fair and reasonable ask.

Yeh I've only spoken about the mad stuff that's happened while shagging. Not in a crude way, just anything funny that happened etc with a one night stand or on holiday,. I've never told my mates about an actual partner.

Men might talk more shit, but women are scarily detail-oriented. You should not share intimate moments with people who weren't there, that should not be news to anyone ...

I don’t think men talk more shit..

Correct. We don't want to hear that shit either. For decent men that registers as disrespectful towards women which we're constantly told to avoid.

My wife and I will share very surface level details. Never anything that would upset each other. People take themselves too seriously

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The gall of some people...

Some people I've known go into the nitty gritty and I just don't wanna know that

My SO has a friend who is constantly trying to steer the discussion to sexy time stuff and its frankly annoying and disturbing. I dont know why people do this. Nothing good comes from this. I wish more young people would understand how this is almost guaranteed to end badly. Keep private things private. Its crazy that the same people who will rail about data brokers and government snooping will share sexy time details with just about anyone.

It's weird. I don't want to know about your dick or your girl squirting, lol

Can I tell you about the bomb ass quesadilla I made the other night instead?

Guys almost never talk about their wives/girlfriends unless there is a genuine problem they need advice about from another guy, or a quick "I hooked up last night." "Nice." quick update. Certainly no sexual details. Women on the other hand know literally every gory detail there is to know. My wife has alot of social circles so I hang out with her women friends alot along with her and man...I know WAY too much about their sex lives and their husband/boyfriends intimate body details. I wonder, is this just a USA culture thing, or do guys never talk about their sex lives and women tell each other everything worldwide?

How will my friends know when to celebrate our 5 year analversary unless I tell them when it happened?

As far as I know, this is a women thing. Rarely do men talk about their partners like that if their relationship is serious.

Agreed. I've known some guys who'll talk about their exes or one night stands like that, which I think is more or less okay. But we never ever talk to each other about our sex life with our current partners.

I know if I was the subject of that sort of conversation, I would feel wildly disrespected.

Since you asked why and a lot of people seem to avoiding that answer and instead making it a gendered discussion. Here are a couple reasons:   tips and tricks, everybody's body is different and broadening your horizons and understanding of sex can help make you a better lover,  it can also help you learn about foreplay, how to make putting on a condom sexy, better clean up routines. Sex is a life skill, imagine if you never discussed cooking, you might figure somethings out, you might even be a natural, but you need to learn to be great   Normalization, sex is still very taboo and a lot of the sexual media people consume is unrealistic (whether it be aimed at the male gaze or the female gaze, about the best you'll find is gay porn made for and by gay people, and even then you don't have a lot of the clean up or the very real human elements of laughing or weird happenstances) talking about those sorts of things benefits realistic expectations. It's also great for issues, most guys refuse to talk about sex with their partner in detail but how do you discuss the anxiety of ED with your partner when they might not know how that feels? The more you keep something hidden and make it shameful the more you risk pathologizing it. Better to have open and frank discussions with friends so that you build your support network, and ground your experiences and expectations in reality  Discovery, this is kinda a mix of the first two, how do you know what you're into if you don't talk about it, how will you know how to approach things in conversation if you don't have a little discussion and planning meeting first, and then how do you set up ways of hitting the breaks, or discussing boundaries. Normalizing sexual conversation and conversation about sex in ways that make it easier to broach difficult topics is important to self discovery and growth. Not everybody wants that, but if you aren't having the conversations how do you know you don't want that? You can debate yourself all you want but you're keeping yourself in the most closed echo chamber you can.

Thank you! My friends & I share info about our sex lives because we share our lives, period, & sex is part of our lives. We don't do GRAPHIC detail, or repeated play-by-plays, but stuff like "My girlfriend got a new dildo for her strap-on & it's AMAZING," or "I recently tried reverse cowgirl anal & it was mindblowing" is us sharing our lives as well as sharing tips.

And everything you mention can be accomplished without my wife telling her friends that my penis small/large/thick/thin, I have a mole on my ass, I giggle like a schoolgirl when I orgasm, or I like / dislike pegging. Discretion is a lost art and there is a huge difference between learning some 'tips & tricks', normalizing things, and discovery, and discussing intimate, private details about your partner.

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Cause my co-workers and I are weirdos who don't really care. So our conversations go from a range of topics.

My one friend does this and it’s gross. Like especially with his girlfriend, I don’t want that image in my head and it was unprovoked. He’s the same guy who has walked into my bedroom where I was shirtless just laying on the bed talking to my gf and he proceeded to throw a fit telling us to be more private. Like dude we go to the beach every weekend, we train at the same gym, I’ve been shirtless around you more than her lmao. Weird guy with weird boundaries

I’ve found this to be more common among women than men. Most guys it’s a simple did you hit, yes/no question. The women I know will go into excruciating detail and talk about the circumstances leading up to it, how it was during, what their plans are after, and because they do this with most of their hookups they inevitably compare. My theory is that this all began with the sexual liberation movement and feminism. Sex and the City is a prime example - in its heyday, the notion that women could lead fulfilling lives and have sexual interests was revolutionary, cheeky, fun, and interesting. The show was intentionally pushing boundaries but was accepted as a new norm, thus the oversharing of details that would previously have been considered crass or inappropriate. The benefit is that it lets women compare notes as it were and establish what they can expect as a baseline in their community. The downside is that yes, many don’t know the line where things cross from fun/exciting into an invasion of another person's privacy. Like most things, moderation is key.

As a girl, the only convos I’ve ever had with my friends about intimacy were, “You didn’t do anything you didn’t want to/He’s not putting any pressure on you, right?” Just girls having each other’s backs. For some reason, my ex-boyfriend thought it was appropriate to discuss his girl friends’ sex lives and make weird jokes about it…So I’ve been on the other end of some weirdness.

I don’t go out of my way to talk about it but if it comes up I don’t beat around the bush. I find it fun to talk about things that are traditionally taboo or uncomfortable. I prefer to be open and honest, and I sort of just want to break the barrier when it comes to uncomfortable subjects. That being said, if you told someone it makes you uncomfortable, they should respect that and not talk about it.

I will never understand this. I had a friend who loved to talk about her sex life, and I never talked about mine. So she just assumed that I was prude.

Thats a redflag for me if personal stuff gets shared/leaked about me anyway. Absolute disgusting.

Seriously. I bet some of the people who casually discuss details about their partner would be upset to learn their partner does the same. Consent seems to matter in every form of intimacy except when ot comes to discussing about it with other people. It's fucked up.

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I'm troubled by the impetus being placed on the partner to request to "tone it down", rather than an active process of acquiring consent to share and determining what level of sharing is comfortable for their partner, that your last paragraph seems to represent. I would expect a woman who wants to share intimate details of her and her partner's sex life to ask what said partner is okay with BEFORE doing so, not relying on the idea that partner will somehow be aware of the content and extent of the conversations between said woman and her friends AND feel comfortable in requesting a "tone it down" after the damage has been done and the partner was made uncomfortable 

The default should be that you share no details about your significant other until you have consent, not that they should ask you to tone it down later on.

And when the reverse situation happens, how comfortable are these women if they find out their husband’s/boyfriends friends know how she looks naked or what position she likes, or that she likes her hair pulled?

> I think it's good in the sense that it helps women be more open and comfortable with themselves as sexual people & as people with their own needs. Would you feel the same way if you walked in on your boyfriend or husband as he's in the middle of giving a detailed description of your genitals to a group of his friends? "Oh, hey honey! I was just telling everyone about that funny thing your butthole does when I thrust."

I have a friend who is in a sex group. They are poly. My wife and I are not. They tell us everything about their sex life....like EVERYTHING. I hate it so much I've actually started avoiding hanging out with them. Like, it's awesome you are comfy in your sex life, but seriously, nobody cares or wants to know. Also had a dude I was on an opposite shift with and I came in on day and the fucking texts he showed me from his wife were fucking weird....WE. DO. NOT. CARE. it's like being in highschool. But I mean amateur porn exsists so there is basically no shutting people up about sex. I've gotten pretty okay with telling people "yeah, I don't care". The military was far worse than know. "Hey, you see that chick? I fucked her"......"yeah dude I really don't care."

Three things to never discuss at work: politics, religion, sex.

This is more of a woman thing. Most men don't share intimate details about their bedroom life with their friends. The last thing a man wants is his friends fantasizing about his ladies prowess in the bedroom.

Friends that talk about their sexual conquests as of their trophies don’t seem to know it’s not really cool and friends that talk about their SO is just rude to their SO if all their friends know you like things that require rope and lube. Idk, unless your in the link scene or youngin sharing war stories with other youngins doing their thing is what happens, but people eventually realize sex, drugs and rock n roll aren’t the things to show off.

People always talk about the men's locker room talk as if we're discussing all of the details about all of the ladies. In reality we're probably talking about the game or about exercise and weights if it's at the gym. As for talking about the ladies in most situations or anybody wants to know is "did you or didn't you." That's about it. Now my experience with my ex's is that they'll talk with the friends, The neighbors, the random person they meet at the store, etc.

I had a friend who would go into extreme detail. I eventually told him he needs to stop telling me. We aren’t in high school, getting laid isn’t a flex, I don’t need to know what he did with his dick. It’s just weird

Discussing your partners nude body with strangers without their consent is vile and horrid behaviour.

I share things to be open and reduce stigma. For example I just had surgery and can’t do typical bedroom activity. We just so happen to be trying for a second child and my wife is ovulating. So we bought some insemination kits, which are just overpriced sanitized syringe plungers and that’s what we’ve been using! Told the guys about this and it’s humorous but also enlightening. All good reasons and this can be an option for couples trying to conceive. Cheers

That’s very wholesome. Best of luck to you and your wife!

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If your partner is okay with that, sure. But consent should be important even when it comes to just discussing intimacy details with others.

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I think you’d have to flip the syntax “Fun to talk with your friends about sex”

As a woman I find this shit weird and creepy. No one needs to know the details of your sex life. That’s nasty.

The only time I would discuss intimate details is if it was an important conversation, like knowing if something was going wrong or something. General me and my friends don't get into details about sex. It usually amounts to "we went back to my place and I f-cked her." And while they've never said it I personally don't want to imagine my friends having sex, and I imagine they don't want to imagine me having sex either, so that's also part of the reason I don't share, so they don't have to have those images in their mind.