US Census data shows it takes $340,000 to raise a child to the age of 18 at the poverty level. Source, I worked for the US commerce dept. I have a friend with 3 kids, he's always broke. I ask him what it's like to be a million dollars in debt.
I have 5 kids my husband abandoned us last year, I can’t get child support because he disappeared. I’ve been experiencing raising children off of $2500 a month the last year. No government assistance. I get free health insurance through my job. ( which is a blessing in America ).
I pay my rent, car note, and insurance. I spend about $300 a month on groceries. My kids eat 3 meals a day but I’ve had to learn to be ok with fasting a few times a week. The younger two go to daycare which is about $900 a month. My parents watch the older kids ( also a blessing). For vacation we do cheap camping and hiking trips and I also invested in kayaks a few years ago and that’s another thing we do for fun and bonding time. I can’t save for college or future plans for them. I do believe that they $300,000 per child a year is factoring EVERYTHING into the mix and going off a 40 hour a week 9-5 schedule with child care costs and paying for future education. People are figuring out ways to save and survive now off the bare minimum.
And that's only because I don't have a choice . We're like forced roommates, neither of us chose each other voluntarily.
Whenever people say but you'll be lonely / you haven't met the right person yet , it's all I can do not to burst out laughing .
Gee what would not make my top 10 regrets list in life: not kids , not right person ,not confirming to patriarchal societal expectations of what a woman should be/do.
True! Especially financially, I'll just choose to do things I want and support my parents. It's such a very very big responsibility that I am still incapable of.
I don’t know where you live but food banks/food rescue places often also give away tampons/pads, tolieteries, dish soap, etc. it isn’t always food, and there may be sources for Period Poverty in your area to look into 🫶🏼
My partner and I have said this to some old coworkers and they turned around and said "don't worry about the money, the money finds you. Children are a blessing and are worth it" absolutely not.
Same. When we were seriously considering kids we landed on "we just barely clawed our way to the lower middle class, where we can afford what we need and a few niceties. Having a kid would be disastrous for our finances and we'd immediately and likely irrevocably be poor." Sucks but that's life.
because it's a lifelong responsibility. That's what i'm always scared of. It's not like you get a kid, and then you can just leave them there like a game or a show. It takes dedication, patience, understanding, money, lots of love and maximum effort, none of which i have enough of. I do really want kids but until i'm ready, i'm never giving birth to one just to subject them to my failure as a parent
This! I don’t understand why people need ‘reasons’ to hear someone’s story of not wanting kids? Some can’t tolerate the whines and tantrums of kids, and knowing how short tempered i can get when anxious, I have to find solutions….
I'm here for you, too! I *hate* the chaos and noise of small children. I immediately go into flight mode and don't unclench until I succeed in exiting the situation.
I didn't realize until I moved into my apartment that there's a playground right across the parking lot from me. I often have to keep my balcony door closed during nice weather because there will be children screaming absolute bloody murder out there.
Yep. I have misophonia so children are my literal nightmare. My brother has three boys all kindergarten/below. Being in the same room with them makes me want to claw my own skin off.
This. Like I know that it might be just okay for some people, but how do I know if I was one of them? Just sounds very risky to me so I decide not to take it.
I so get this. I got pregnant accidentally and chose to have a c-section. Medical staff trying to talk me out of it like "this is so rough on your body which was made for natural birthing", "just try it naturally, can always have a c-section later". Let me tell you, when that 8.8 pound human was pulled out of my 5 ft body they lined up at my bedside, asking me if I "knew", not saying out loud that there would have probably been no way this kid exited naturally.
Even if, I needed that TINY control in form of not having my vagina ripped into shreds. In most places, women and their wishes are worth nothing.
Fuck yes. Besides the fact that it's straight out frightening to be cut open while conscious and then being stapled back together, it really hurts. They only gave me Paracetamol (maybe because of breastfeeding, maybe because of misogyny, I dunno). Always had a high medication tolerance, so I maybe slept two hours the following night. Then you're full of gas for the operation which has to also exit the natural way. I however would not fart with another person in the room. You can't move, cough, laugh or lift your baby without immediate pain. I pressured to be released by the third day and when I made it to the second floor back home, I actually cried from pain.
It really depends on the person. I was very lucky and had an extremely easy recovery, I was up walking without pain a couple of hours later and going for walks around town as soon as I got home. But one of my friends had a c section days after me and had a horrific recovery including her incision opening back up and needing a wound vac, among other awful & painful things.
A lot of the time that's because they aren't planned c-sections. An emergency C-section is going to be way worse and with a longer recovery time than a planned one.
I would say it depends. I've had two, one emergency and one planned (because they were only 18 months apart).
The emergency recovery was brutal. When you spend 20+ hours using those muscles and then they cut them it's horrific to recover from. I didn't want to move, it hurt so badly and then on top of that they fucked up the stitching so badly they left a hole my husband had to spend nearly 2 months stuffing with gauze every day. They insist you get up and walk and they very nearly had to drag me out of the hospital bed.
The recovery from the planned was a completely different experience. I was up and walking on my own *willingly* in less than 24 hours. Literally woke up at 4AM and said "hey, let's take a walk around the halls". Very little pain, went home and didn't need much help at all around the house beyond the weight limit restrictions.
For both I was prescribed a narcotic but because I was breastfeeding I only used the ibuprofen. I needed it a lot after the emergency c-section but after the planned I barely took any. Hope this was informative!
There is not a single top-level comment here I have not agreed with, and this is one I'm more vehement about. The idea of being pregnant is an actual, literal nightmare to me, and I don't understand the positive adjectives people attach to it.
I respect it. I gave birth 5 months ago and honestly it wasn't that bad. I had an epidural and watched in a mirror. Napped a lot during labor. No tearing. It was pretty chill. However my friend just gave birth and her story sounds horrific, so you never know how it will go.
Congratulations on your baby! I hope you’re doing okay.
But yes, I completely agree. It can go either way. As a woman, I’m down to having just one kid max. Seeing women go through it is scary. Truly is commendable 🤞
Right? Whenever I am confronted with this question I think the question is phrased incorrectly. Why do I want kids? Seems the proper question. I don't. If I don't have reasons to want a boat I'm not going to go out and buy a boat just because I lack reasons to not get a boat.
I like them (kids not babies), but I still don't want them. For some older people (only male) this just does not compute.
The fact that I don't want children is reason enough. Children should only go to parents who actually want them. Why would you want/try and convince somebody to have a child that doesn't want a child?!
pretty much. just don't feel like it.
i can come up with more specific "reasons" that make sense, but if the desire was genuinely there, then i'd happily find workarounds to those "reasons." it's the lack of desire that's the biggest driving force here
Same. Never wanted kids. Even as a child myself.
I enjoy children! I love being a part of my nephew's life and enjoy spending time with most kids. I am not a fan of babies (I don't really like interacting with kids until they can speak a little bit and ideally use a toilet). That being said I don't want my own. Never have. Never will. Besides the unspeakable horrors that are wrought upon the body while being pregnant and giving birth. I also do not want the responsibility of a lifelong commitment for something I don't even want.
Perhaps that is selfish but I can think of nothing more selfish than trying to convince somebody that doesn't want children to have them. It is certainly not in a child's best interest to be born to somebody who does not want to have children.
Same. I have a cat right now, who I love, but after that, no more pets. It's the only non "carefree" part of traveling and my life right now, and that's just a cat. I've always known I don't want kids, and surgically and irreversibly removed that option years ago. But pets are not something I want forever or again
When I was young I wanted a big family but now that I'm older I dont see any benefits. My sister just had her first baby boy and I think having nephews and nieces is enough for me. I can play with them when I want but I can give them back when I've got enough of it.
I’ve yet to see parents with kids under 7 years old who seem happier and more fulfilled than they were BEFORE they had kids. It seems like it just saps the life out of people. And as an outsider looking in I can’t imagine the workload - the constant meal prep, driving here or there, cleaning, etc.
Oh damn!! The first post in there right now is “I don’t want to do this anymore”.
Maybe that is the place I will send people when they ask what the OP did. 😂😂
If I go over a friend's house and their child is present for even a second, they will somehow add stress to said friend's life. 100% of the time. If it's meal time, there will be tension to get them to eat and behave. 100% of the time. Bedtime? There is some conflict. 100% of the time. Who tf can be happy living like that? Seems like hell to me
Oh man, one of my friends has two autistic sons. And she once posted this article about how having children is like, you expect to go to France but end up going to Greenland instead. You don't understand why you can't go to France but that's just the way it is.
I felt really badly for her.
Yeah. I feel more inclined to adopt a child who is already here.
I don't want to be responsible for the creation of a life but feel willing to care for an existing one.
And for all these reasons I feel that people who claim to love children and actively choose to bring them into this world have it so fucking backwards.
I don't need children to be happy in life. They are simply not necessary in my life. And before you ask what I'm going to do when I get old - first off I don't plan on living long (happy to die early relatively speaking). Second, after retiring I'm more than happy to either foster, or go and do charity/volunteer work to help existing but suffering children til death.
This is probably my number one as well. My husband and I don’t find it necessary to have one to live a fulfilling life. We have other goals and plans. He is a physical therapy assistant and he is always asked what we’re going to do when we get older and have no children to care for us. He’s like I believe we can manage. Also, (just my opinion) you can still have children but that doesn’t mean they will take care of you when you age. Things happen and you lose that relationship with a child. It just seems like a selfish reason to have a child.
I 100% agree.
I would also add that my personal view is that you aren’t a good parent if you end up putting your kids in a position (on purpose) where your kid has to take care of you.
Why would you choose to put that pressure and stress on your child? Wouldn’t you want them to be out living their life without having to worry about taking care of you?
Being a mom sounds like bullshit. You're stuck with a painful and sometimes debilitating pregnancy and childbirth. You cease to be a whole person and become "mom". Even doctors stop seeing you as a person, rather as an incubator.
Your gifts are really for the kid or the family. You're criticised for EVERYTHING. Usually end up being the default parent. Of the two to take time off when the kid is sick, its usually the mom, which in turn makes her "not a team player" or mommy-tracked.
Mental, physical and emotional load are on her 90% of the time. Household chores somehow end up being mostly on her. Its an endless cycle of laundry, vomit, poo, snot for no pay, no raises, no thanks. He forgets his mom's birthday, his wife gets blamed cause she should have reminded him.
Your body, life, goals, career, health, finances are all negatively affected. Fuck that. For me there is no up-side.
Wouldn't mind being a dad tho.
yeah everytime I bring up this reason my Dad always says that I would just "figure it out" and "there is always a way to make things work."
Fuck that. I grew up poor and will probably die poor. I would rather give my kids a nice starting off point instead of just winging it and hoping they can somehow be successful in this shitty economy.
Why have a kid?
So they can have an expensive AF childhood, brainwashed by gaslighting, go into lifelong debt for a degree, work 9-5 and get f$&@ed by WW3, government debt, never own a house, never own anything! (and be happy? Ok Larry fink lol who also wants to extend retirement to 70 or 75) and submit to a corrupt geriatric population addicted to self enrichment? Oh yea and marriage/relationships are nonexistent. They’re gonna have a sexbot spouse. Oh and they probably end up addicted to meth or alcohol.
On the other hand I could have no kids, do whatever I want with my money and not give a f$&@ if you f)$& heads ruin this world.
Lmao “well that was easy”.
Orphanages and adoption agencies are over flowing and under funded.
High five to all the dead beat Breeders
"YoU WoUlDn'T UnDeRsTaNd U dOnT haVe ChIlDrEn"
Oh I surely do. Im one of those forgotten children the conservatives FoUgHt So HaRd FOr iN ThE WoMb, My RiGhT 2 Be BoRn and DiE, AnD i MuSt NeVeR FoRgEt 2 bE GrAtEfUl FoR iT.
lets not forget how fucked up it is that there are zero laws on pregnancy and so many drop off locations for babies...
A former friend and I were discussing abortion one day. I said it should be available to anyone that wants one.
He asked me "Well, what if your mom had aborted you? You wouldn't exist!"
And I answered, "That's right, and both my mom and I would have been WAY better off if that had happened". She wasn't ready to be a mother, even though she was more than old enough, and then resented me as I grew up because I don't have the preferences/tastes she expected me to have.
She wanted a dolly to dress up when I was a child, and a best friend when I became an adult. Since I didn't want to be either of those things and had my own path, including calling her/her husband out when they did wrong, I was worthless to her aside from the few times she could use me to brag about/lift herself up.
Please don't have kids unless you're ready to expect them to be their own person.
I would have loved to have been aborted. Instead I grew up in an abusive, neglectful and poverty stricken life. I was never supposed to be here, and I was reminded regularly. I don’t blame my mom though. She wanted an abortion but my breed kink predator father promised her he’d be there. The day I was born — he split.
When I tell people this they usually shut up.
Giving birth is scary, can kill you, leave you permanently scarred (physically and emotionally), can’t stand kids crying, screaming, they smell, they get sick and make messes that you have to clean up… no thanks to any of that
The relentless responsibility and the fear of not providing them with a perfect world. Also, the thought of sleepless nights doesn't sound too appealing.
Lack of 💸 probably, also too old to have one. I don't want them to grow up like me as well. Also inflation sucks. I can list a lot of reasons. But at the back of my head I still want one but now it's too late 😩
Dont want to pass on these fucked up harmones and genetics i got from my parents, literally been fed medicines since the age of 2-3 and nit just me, my brother too.
I want the opposite opposite, i don‘t want a loud baby or a misbehaving toddler, i‘d probably foster a teenager
Really interesting how different people are :\]
Same I work with kids and the little ones are a nightmare. Babysat babies and that sucked too. Preteens and up are pretty entertaining and low maintenance.
unfortunately for me children tends to sound gibberish for me (I'm not sure why maybe it's the noises they make that I'm not used to compared to adults) so yeah gimme a teenager I can at least understand! curse you my deafness.
1. I abhor the idea of being pregnant. Being pregnant would be one of my worst nightmares. I can’t understand how some women enjoy having their hormones and body all fucked up.
ps: In my country surrogacy is not legal and adoption processes take many many years and are very expensive.
2. I’m afraid I’m too selfish to be a parent. I like having the freedom to live as I please and need lots of alone time. So unless I feel differently at some point, not sure it works for me.
I used to not want them for many reasons but now I wouldn't mind one or two in the.coming years however I will struggle due to:
Lack of potential partners, I don't get many dates so how am I meant to meet someone to have a family?
Financially, I cannot raise a child, for me it feels unfair and negligent to raise a child on the breadline
State of the world, everywhere seems to be on the brink of war, social media is poisonous, everywhere feels so run down and negative
With climate change on the horizon, the idea that I can provide a better life to my children than the one I was provided is laughable. I couldn't possibly conjure a new human into existence knowing I can't protect them, and why would I? To keep me and my partner company? To keep us comfortable?
This is a huge part of it for me, too. I know that it *should be* that way for the children's sake, but it seems like when people (mostly women, ime) have kids that they lose so much of their identity and pursuits. And I don't want that, I'd rather have the options, freedom, autonomy, money, and goals that, for me personally, having kids would be at odds with
Because I know I won't be the one to break the generational family trauma, I can already see myself act like my strict mother or even stricter grand-mother despite always telling myself I won't be like that. It's inevitable
Just never have the desire to have any. That's really all the reasoning I needed.
Also the fact when I made a mental pro and con list on having kids, there was a novel worth of cons and a blank spot for reasons why I would want kids.
I have depression and ADHD. I barely have energy to care for myself. I also need time alone to recharge. I don't make enough money to afford another person in my live.
Still I like kids but I don't want my own
By now, I'd say I feel I'm too old. I'll be 50 soon, I'll probably be either dead or very ill before they even leave college. Before that, I always stated I didn't think I'd be a very good parent.
But the real number one reason: I just don't wanna. I don't mind kids, but I don't like them much either. I DO love my two nieces, always have. And I hope I can always be a part of their life.
But babies just do not interest me very much, They sorta just lay there until they start crying to have a need met. Some of those I can't help with, some of those nobody ever asked me to.
Then they grow up a little and become toddlers. And they're suddenly crawling around/running around, and getting in all kinds of opportunities to get hurt. And their parents, and other people who have been parents'just kinda tune that out. Whilst I'm always on high alert around it due to unfamiliarity. Saved a few of 'em from bumps, sometimes got thanked for it. But they're the kind of creatures that makes you feel you always need to be on high-alert around them if you don't have to do it daily.
They grow up a bit more, and become kids you can actually talk to. Establish some common likes with. Become pre-teens, and those likes change or go away. Become teens, and the same happens again.
Kids are just too fuckin' exhausting. That's the main, and selfish, reason.
There's also the less selfish reason, which is that right now might not be a good age to grow up in because the world is pretty fucked and unlikely to get better and VERY likely to get worse in their lifetime. But let's not get into that.
I don't want to bring another life in this world for my selfishness while he/she suffers. That and the kind of world we are leaving behind is not a world I'd want my kid to live in.
My list of reasons is so long, it’s hard to think of the number one reason but here’s a few of my top reasons in no particular order:
•I’m selfish and I don’t want to put anyone else’s needs/wants/desires before my own
•My child would probably turn out just like me
•Kids are fucking expensive and I’m poor
•Parenting is a lifelong deal. It’s not just for 18 years, it’s until death and that’s a long time
•I don’t want to pass my mental illness and addiction problems onto my offspring. The fact that they COULD end up like me is enough to not have any. I’m not totally heartless.
•I like being able to do what I want when I want
Have you seen the absolute state of the late-stage capitalist nightmare that the previous generation built for us? Yeh I ain’t submitting a kid to that shit chief
I'll often think to myself when I get home from work, "Wow, can you imagine if there were 2 or 3 kids running around right now?" And honestly, I think I would lose my mind because after a long day at work, the only thing that I want to do is relax. Props to all of the parents who come home and have to feed and bathe children before they can do anything else. I am not cut out for that life!
I just can’t stand them. Babies have a shrill cry that makes me want to abandon them at a fire station, not see what’s wrong with them. Children are obnoxious with their running around and shouting. Begging for this item or that item. Having a tantrum because they are told they can have the cheaper off brand version. Always oblivious to just how much in the way they are of everyone. For the most part teenagers are okay but it seems like it’s only when out in public with their parents. If their parents aren’t around and they are with their stupid friends they turn into mentally handicapped children.
I just don’t. Plus, watching my friends go through struggles raising their babies, I’m ok never having to experience any of that. My friend had a baby last year and her and the baby almost died. I can’t imagine going through something like that just to have a kid.
I'm too messed up to even care for myself. On top of that we have generational brain problems. I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective and the idea of knowingly bringing someone in to this hell is a no go for me
I raised my siblings all 5 of them when my mother left and my dad remarried..the trauma I developed after all the suffering and doing all I did as a first born and there's a big age difference between me and second born and the rest ..only for me to be blamed for everything when my mother came back .I decided I don't want kids and that was it.
I barely can take care of myself
Same. I also have a lot of mental health issues.
Progress isn't linear. Keep ya head up.
I feel like I'm still a kid who can't take care of himself, so I don't want to have a baby until I'm ready, unless I can take care of him.
US Census data shows it takes $340,000 to raise a child to the age of 18 at the poverty level. Source, I worked for the US commerce dept. I have a friend with 3 kids, he's always broke. I ask him what it's like to be a million dollars in debt.
I have 5 kids my husband abandoned us last year, I can’t get child support because he disappeared. I’ve been experiencing raising children off of $2500 a month the last year. No government assistance. I get free health insurance through my job. ( which is a blessing in America ). I pay my rent, car note, and insurance. I spend about $300 a month on groceries. My kids eat 3 meals a day but I’ve had to learn to be ok with fasting a few times a week. The younger two go to daycare which is about $900 a month. My parents watch the older kids ( also a blessing). For vacation we do cheap camping and hiking trips and I also invested in kayaks a few years ago and that’s another thing we do for fun and bonding time. I can’t save for college or future plans for them. I do believe that they $300,000 per child a year is factoring EVERYTHING into the mix and going off a 40 hour a week 9-5 schedule with child care costs and paying for future education. People are figuring out ways to save and survive now off the bare minimum.
And that's only because I don't have a choice . We're like forced roommates, neither of us chose each other voluntarily. Whenever people say but you'll be lonely / you haven't met the right person yet , it's all I can do not to burst out laughing . Gee what would not make my top 10 regrets list in life: not kids , not right person ,not confirming to patriarchal societal expectations of what a woman should be/do.
This is a big problem actually, because if I don't take care of myself, I can just do it another day. But with a child, nobody else would do that
True! Especially financially, I'll just choose to do things I want and support my parents. It's such a very very big responsibility that I am still incapable of.
I’m fucking broke and can’t even afford my current situation
Cant even buy proper new Tampons...
I don’t know where you live but food banks/food rescue places often also give away tampons/pads, tolieteries, dish soap, etc. it isn’t always food, and there may be sources for Period Poverty in your area to look into 🫶🏼
They were responding to the prior person’s user name :)
Oh! Whoops! thank you for being kind about it 😭
I thought it was for real too! Tampons are so expensive!
They sometimes have some in public bathrooms? Hope your situation improves!
My partner and I have said this to some old coworkers and they turned around and said "don't worry about the money, the money finds you. Children are a blessing and are worth it" absolutely not.
Same. When we were seriously considering kids we landed on "we just barely clawed our way to the lower middle class, where we can afford what we need and a few niceties. Having a kid would be disastrous for our finances and we'd immediately and likely irrevocably be poor." Sucks but that's life.
Id be a horrible parent. And I know that
Same. I don't want kids, if I were to have them I know I wouldn't be able to mask enough for the kid to grow in a healthy environment.
Everyone should have that choice
Sameeesies. I don't want to be horrible parent.
[удалено]
Kinda same, though mine is mainly that I simply don’t have a good reason to have them.
You don’t need a reason or justify why you don’t want to have kids. Ever.
Exactly. It’s not that there’s a reason I don’t want to, there just isn’t a reason I do.
So true. It’s no one’s business. Personal choice.
because it's a lifelong responsibility. That's what i'm always scared of. It's not like you get a kid, and then you can just leave them there like a game or a show. It takes dedication, patience, understanding, money, lots of love and maximum effort, none of which i have enough of. I do really want kids but until i'm ready, i'm never giving birth to one just to subject them to my failure as a parent
I wish all parents had your sense of responsibility.
I agree. There’s so many people who have children thoughtlessly.
I don’t have the money or energy for kids
And i certainly dont have any love for them either, my love would be exclusively for my girlfriend if i ever found one in the future.
I am so sensitive to sound, especially screaming and crying. Also, I have trouble liking babies/kids.
This! I don’t understand why people need ‘reasons’ to hear someone’s story of not wanting kids? Some can’t tolerate the whines and tantrums of kids, and knowing how short tempered i can get when anxious, I have to find solutions….
Thank you for making me feel understood, sir. I kind of needed that.
I'm here for you, too! I *hate* the chaos and noise of small children. I immediately go into flight mode and don't unclench until I succeed in exiting the situation. I didn't realize until I moved into my apartment that there's a playground right across the parking lot from me. I often have to keep my balcony door closed during nice weather because there will be children screaming absolute bloody murder out there.
Yep. I have misophonia so children are my literal nightmare. My brother has three boys all kindergarten/below. Being in the same room with them makes me want to claw my own skin off.
The crying is loud and if it doesn’t stop after tlc is given I’m left out as to how to resolve their pain🤷🏻♀️
Mental illness up the wazoo. The curse ends with me.
Same here. I wouldn’t curse a child with my genetics. I’d adopt though.
Been saying this myself since before I turned 18 lol
I don’t wanna put my body through the atrocities of child birth. I wish certain individuals respected it.
This. Like I know that it might be just okay for some people, but how do I know if I was one of them? Just sounds very risky to me so I decide not to take it.
I so get this. I got pregnant accidentally and chose to have a c-section. Medical staff trying to talk me out of it like "this is so rough on your body which was made for natural birthing", "just try it naturally, can always have a c-section later". Let me tell you, when that 8.8 pound human was pulled out of my 5 ft body they lined up at my bedside, asking me if I "knew", not saying out loud that there would have probably been no way this kid exited naturally. Even if, I needed that TINY control in form of not having my vagina ripped into shreds. In most places, women and their wishes are worth nothing.
Is recovering from a c section painful?
Fuck yes. Besides the fact that it's straight out frightening to be cut open while conscious and then being stapled back together, it really hurts. They only gave me Paracetamol (maybe because of breastfeeding, maybe because of misogyny, I dunno). Always had a high medication tolerance, so I maybe slept two hours the following night. Then you're full of gas for the operation which has to also exit the natural way. I however would not fart with another person in the room. You can't move, cough, laugh or lift your baby without immediate pain. I pressured to be released by the third day and when I made it to the second floor back home, I actually cried from pain.
Omg it is so fucked that women have to endure that. I bet if men had to give birth they’d have invented much better pain relief by now
Don't forget free abortions at every gas station lol.
Yes and free contraception, handed out in schools
In every candy jar on every counter. I am really letting myself get carried away here. 😂
It really depends on the person. I was very lucky and had an extremely easy recovery, I was up walking without pain a couple of hours later and going for walks around town as soon as I got home. But one of my friends had a c section days after me and had a horrific recovery including her incision opening back up and needing a wound vac, among other awful & painful things.
Oh my gosh I’m glad it was okay for you but sounds so awful for many others. Amazing you were walking so soon.
A lot of the time that's because they aren't planned c-sections. An emergency C-section is going to be way worse and with a longer recovery time than a planned one.
I would say it depends. I've had two, one emergency and one planned (because they were only 18 months apart). The emergency recovery was brutal. When you spend 20+ hours using those muscles and then they cut them it's horrific to recover from. I didn't want to move, it hurt so badly and then on top of that they fucked up the stitching so badly they left a hole my husband had to spend nearly 2 months stuffing with gauze every day. They insist you get up and walk and they very nearly had to drag me out of the hospital bed. The recovery from the planned was a completely different experience. I was up and walking on my own *willingly* in less than 24 hours. Literally woke up at 4AM and said "hey, let's take a walk around the halls". Very little pain, went home and didn't need much help at all around the house beyond the weight limit restrictions. For both I was prescribed a narcotic but because I was breastfeeding I only used the ibuprofen. I needed it a lot after the emergency c-section but after the planned I barely took any. Hope this was informative!
There is not a single top-level comment here I have not agreed with, and this is one I'm more vehement about. The idea of being pregnant is an actual, literal nightmare to me, and I don't understand the positive adjectives people attach to it.
This!!!!!!!!!
I respect it. I gave birth 5 months ago and honestly it wasn't that bad. I had an epidural and watched in a mirror. Napped a lot during labor. No tearing. It was pretty chill. However my friend just gave birth and her story sounds horrific, so you never know how it will go.
Congratulations on your baby! I hope you’re doing okay. But yes, I completely agree. It can go either way. As a woman, I’m down to having just one kid max. Seeing women go through it is scary. Truly is commendable 🤞
My body has suffered enough trauma so that's the biggest deterrent for me. I also like having the freedom and money to follow my dreams.
I just don’t like them.
I don’t understand why this isn’t an acceptable answer for people. Cheers fellow non breeder
Right? Whenever I am confronted with this question I think the question is phrased incorrectly. Why do I want kids? Seems the proper question. I don't. If I don't have reasons to want a boat I'm not going to go out and buy a boat just because I lack reasons to not get a boat.
They're emotional/physical vampires . I like kids from afar , I'm a great aunty.
I am the cool aunt that brings them candy and chocolates a piñata 🪅 have tons fun with them however, and the end of the day give them back.😜🤣
I like them (kids not babies), but I still don't want them. For some older people (only male) this just does not compute. The fact that I don't want children is reason enough. Children should only go to parents who actually want them. Why would you want/try and convince somebody to have a child that doesn't want a child?!
I also don't like them. Activity avoid them.
I heard my father's voice coming out of my mouth.
This happened to me with my nephews , heard my mother voice it was like a booster shot reminder reaffirming my stance .
the very idea of giving birth scares me off, and other than that i’m damn broke
Because I don't want to. Period.
pretty much. just don't feel like it. i can come up with more specific "reasons" that make sense, but if the desire was genuinely there, then i'd happily find workarounds to those "reasons." it's the lack of desire that's the biggest driving force here
Same. Never wanted kids. Even as a child myself. I enjoy children! I love being a part of my nephew's life and enjoy spending time with most kids. I am not a fan of babies (I don't really like interacting with kids until they can speak a little bit and ideally use a toilet). That being said I don't want my own. Never have. Never will. Besides the unspeakable horrors that are wrought upon the body while being pregnant and giving birth. I also do not want the responsibility of a lifelong commitment for something I don't even want. Perhaps that is selfish but I can think of nothing more selfish than trying to convince somebody that doesn't want children to have them. It is certainly not in a child's best interest to be born to somebody who does not want to have children.
This is really the only answer we should need.
I appreciate my freetime, snoozing, and don't want to have the responsibility. No kids and no pets either.
I'm actually more pro kid than pro pet. lol And I grew up with dogs my whole life!! But people think I'm insane for not wanting one myself.
Having a dog was what absolutely, without a doubt, 110% cemented that I did not want a kid.
I really want a pet; the responsibility bit is what stops me.
Heavy on the no pets either! Don’t wanna take care of no one but myself!
Same. I have a cat right now, who I love, but after that, no more pets. It's the only non "carefree" part of traveling and my life right now, and that's just a cat. I've always known I don't want kids, and surgically and irreversibly removed that option years ago. But pets are not something I want forever or again
When I was young I wanted a big family but now that I'm older I dont see any benefits. My sister just had her first baby boy and I think having nephews and nieces is enough for me. I can play with them when I want but I can give them back when I've got enough of it.
I’ve yet to see parents with kids under 7 years old who seem happier and more fulfilled than they were BEFORE they had kids. It seems like it just saps the life out of people. And as an outsider looking in I can’t imagine the workload - the constant meal prep, driving here or there, cleaning, etc.
No matter what they say about how happy they are, I'll never believe it.
And I always wonder how many parents straight up regret having kids. I know they would never admit to it though.
Wait till you see r/regretfulparents
Oh damn!! The first post in there right now is “I don’t want to do this anymore”. Maybe that is the place I will send people when they ask what the OP did. 😂😂
If I go over a friend's house and their child is present for even a second, they will somehow add stress to said friend's life. 100% of the time. If it's meal time, there will be tension to get them to eat and behave. 100% of the time. Bedtime? There is some conflict. 100% of the time. Who tf can be happy living like that? Seems like hell to me
What if my kid came out wrong / not normal? Incurable diseases, severe autism, etc.
Oh man, one of my friends has two autistic sons. And she once posted this article about how having children is like, you expect to go to France but end up going to Greenland instead. You don't understand why you can't go to France but that's just the way it is. I felt really badly for her.
[“Welcome to Holland”](https://www.emilyperlkingsley.com/welcome-to-holland)
PS I'm loving your user name! 😂
I’ll second this.
your kid could also come out normal then get cancer or into a horrible accident or other long-term health problems
My selfishness knows no bounds.
I agree and raise you with my limitless laziness .
Mostly it's that I've been around kids.
Just don’t. Never have, never will and I can’t stand them. (Yes I realize I was one once, I’ll also be a corpse, I still don’t want one)
Put them on this planet for what? To live through the "find out" era of three generations of "fuck around" with laws, economy, pollution,climate etc?
Yeah. I feel more inclined to adopt a child who is already here. I don't want to be responsible for the creation of a life but feel willing to care for an existing one.
And for all these reasons I feel that people who claim to love children and actively choose to bring them into this world have it so fucking backwards.
Tear end to end nothing else needs to be said 😐
Yep. Those tears will affect you the rest of your life. Some people call me selfish but I like to call myself “intact”.
I'd like to call myself "no problems enjoying sex" lol
I don't need children to be happy in life. They are simply not necessary in my life. And before you ask what I'm going to do when I get old - first off I don't plan on living long (happy to die early relatively speaking). Second, after retiring I'm more than happy to either foster, or go and do charity/volunteer work to help existing but suffering children til death.
This is probably my number one as well. My husband and I don’t find it necessary to have one to live a fulfilling life. We have other goals and plans. He is a physical therapy assistant and he is always asked what we’re going to do when we get older and have no children to care for us. He’s like I believe we can manage. Also, (just my opinion) you can still have children but that doesn’t mean they will take care of you when you age. Things happen and you lose that relationship with a child. It just seems like a selfish reason to have a child.
I 100% agree. I would also add that my personal view is that you aren’t a good parent if you end up putting your kids in a position (on purpose) where your kid has to take care of you. Why would you choose to put that pressure and stress on your child? Wouldn’t you want them to be out living their life without having to worry about taking care of you?
i have other priorities
I don’t want to raise any children in the filthy world
Being a mom sounds like bullshit. You're stuck with a painful and sometimes debilitating pregnancy and childbirth. You cease to be a whole person and become "mom". Even doctors stop seeing you as a person, rather as an incubator. Your gifts are really for the kid or the family. You're criticised for EVERYTHING. Usually end up being the default parent. Of the two to take time off when the kid is sick, its usually the mom, which in turn makes her "not a team player" or mommy-tracked. Mental, physical and emotional load are on her 90% of the time. Household chores somehow end up being mostly on her. Its an endless cycle of laundry, vomit, poo, snot for no pay, no raises, no thanks. He forgets his mom's birthday, his wife gets blamed cause she should have reminded him. Your body, life, goals, career, health, finances are all negatively affected. Fuck that. For me there is no up-side. Wouldn't mind being a dad tho.
I would want kids under the right conditions/ timing. Like if I knew I could provide for them and that I was mentally stable for it
my exact reasoning, comes from growing up the exact opposite. you don’t want to put them through that too
yeah everytime I bring up this reason my Dad always says that I would just "figure it out" and "there is always a way to make things work." Fuck that. I grew up poor and will probably die poor. I would rather give my kids a nice starting off point instead of just winging it and hoping they can somehow be successful in this shitty economy.
Why have a kid? So they can have an expensive AF childhood, brainwashed by gaslighting, go into lifelong debt for a degree, work 9-5 and get f$&@ed by WW3, government debt, never own a house, never own anything! (and be happy? Ok Larry fink lol who also wants to extend retirement to 70 or 75) and submit to a corrupt geriatric population addicted to self enrichment? Oh yea and marriage/relationships are nonexistent. They’re gonna have a sexbot spouse. Oh and they probably end up addicted to meth or alcohol. On the other hand I could have no kids, do whatever I want with my money and not give a f$&@ if you f)$& heads ruin this world. Lmao “well that was easy”.
Stressful, expensive, time consuming, energy intensive, sensory overwhelming and everyone would constantly tell you how amazing it is? No thanks.
Orphanages and adoption agencies are over flowing and under funded. High five to all the dead beat Breeders "YoU WoUlDn'T UnDeRsTaNd U dOnT haVe ChIlDrEn" Oh I surely do. Im one of those forgotten children the conservatives FoUgHt So HaRd FOr iN ThE WoMb, My RiGhT 2 Be BoRn and DiE, AnD i MuSt NeVeR FoRgEt 2 bE GrAtEfUl FoR iT. lets not forget how fucked up it is that there are zero laws on pregnancy and so many drop off locations for babies...
A former friend and I were discussing abortion one day. I said it should be available to anyone that wants one. He asked me "Well, what if your mom had aborted you? You wouldn't exist!" And I answered, "That's right, and both my mom and I would have been WAY better off if that had happened". She wasn't ready to be a mother, even though she was more than old enough, and then resented me as I grew up because I don't have the preferences/tastes she expected me to have. She wanted a dolly to dress up when I was a child, and a best friend when I became an adult. Since I didn't want to be either of those things and had my own path, including calling her/her husband out when they did wrong, I was worthless to her aside from the few times she could use me to brag about/lift herself up. Please don't have kids unless you're ready to expect them to be their own person.
I would have loved to have been aborted. Instead I grew up in an abusive, neglectful and poverty stricken life. I was never supposed to be here, and I was reminded regularly. I don’t blame my mom though. She wanted an abortion but my breed kink predator father promised her he’d be there. The day I was born — he split. When I tell people this they usually shut up.
My genetics
Giving birth is scary, can kill you, leave you permanently scarred (physically and emotionally), can’t stand kids crying, screaming, they smell, they get sick and make messes that you have to clean up… no thanks to any of that
This world is just going to shit, I can’t imagine bringing kids into this..
The relentless responsibility and the fear of not providing them with a perfect world. Also, the thought of sleepless nights doesn't sound too appealing.
I don't want to be a parent.
Lack of 💸 probably, also too old to have one. I don't want them to grow up like me as well. Also inflation sucks. I can list a lot of reasons. But at the back of my head I still want one but now it's too late 😩
Dont want to pass on these fucked up harmones and genetics i got from my parents, literally been fed medicines since the age of 2-3 and nit just me, my brother too.
I only want a baby, and I don't want to raise a child
I’m the opposite. Babies are boring af but toddlers are fun. Coming from a father of a 2.5y/o and a 5 day old.
I want the opposite opposite, i don‘t want a loud baby or a misbehaving toddler, i‘d probably foster a teenager Really interesting how different people are :\]
This. They don’t require a lot of physical care, they’re more rational, but it’s neat when they trust you and I love mentioning wisdom/guidance.
Same I work with kids and the little ones are a nightmare. Babysat babies and that sucked too. Preteens and up are pretty entertaining and low maintenance.
Toddlers are far from fun in my opinion.
unfortunately for me children tends to sound gibberish for me (I'm not sure why maybe it's the noises they make that I'm not used to compared to adults) so yeah gimme a teenager I can at least understand! curse you my deafness.
I don't know
Ive always been undecided on the topic, but spending almost a year living with a couple with a 4 year old child kinda made the decision easy for me
In this economy?? Naw
The world is way too f-d up
1. I abhor the idea of being pregnant. Being pregnant would be one of my worst nightmares. I can’t understand how some women enjoy having their hormones and body all fucked up. ps: In my country surrogacy is not legal and adoption processes take many many years and are very expensive. 2. I’m afraid I’m too selfish to be a parent. I like having the freedom to live as I please and need lots of alone time. So unless I feel differently at some point, not sure it works for me.
I don't like kids and I'm selfish and love living my life for myself.
I'm unfit for being a parent.
they disgust me.
When I see small kids rolling bring on the floor in the supermarkets/cafes/planes, I feel it too
I didn't have a proper childhood so I want to enjoy my little life with the money I earn. I don't want to share yet.
I used to not want them for many reasons but now I wouldn't mind one or two in the.coming years however I will struggle due to: Lack of potential partners, I don't get many dates so how am I meant to meet someone to have a family? Financially, I cannot raise a child, for me it feels unfair and negligent to raise a child on the breadline State of the world, everywhere seems to be on the brink of war, social media is poisonous, everywhere feels so run down and negative
Don't have the energy anymore. 20s and 30s I did, but now, I don't. Also no fucking money
With climate change on the horizon, the idea that I can provide a better life to my children than the one I was provided is laughable. I couldn't possibly conjure a new human into existence knowing I can't protect them, and why would I? To keep me and my partner company? To keep us comfortable?
You can't give them back if it doesn't work out.
They become your priority
This is a huge part of it for me, too. I know that it *should be* that way for the children's sake, but it seems like when people (mostly women, ime) have kids that they lose so much of their identity and pursuits. And I don't want that, I'd rather have the options, freedom, autonomy, money, and goals that, for me personally, having kids would be at odds with
They might be allergic to my cats. Then I'd have to get rid of the kid.
I don't know if I could take care of my wife and my kids... If I let them down It would destroy me. That and I'm to poor to date right now.
afraid of some one have to rely on me
They're noisy.
I’m allergic to it
Because I know I won't be the one to break the generational family trauma, I can already see myself act like my strict mother or even stricter grand-mother despite always telling myself I won't be like that. It's inevitable
Just never have the desire to have any. That's really all the reasoning I needed. Also the fact when I made a mental pro and con list on having kids, there was a novel worth of cons and a blank spot for reasons why I would want kids.
Don’t want the responsibility
I have depression and ADHD. I barely have energy to care for myself. I also need time alone to recharge. I don't make enough money to afford another person in my live. Still I like kids but I don't want my own
I love dogs more than humans🤣
Loss of freedom
By now, I'd say I feel I'm too old. I'll be 50 soon, I'll probably be either dead or very ill before they even leave college. Before that, I always stated I didn't think I'd be a very good parent. But the real number one reason: I just don't wanna. I don't mind kids, but I don't like them much either. I DO love my two nieces, always have. And I hope I can always be a part of their life. But babies just do not interest me very much, They sorta just lay there until they start crying to have a need met. Some of those I can't help with, some of those nobody ever asked me to. Then they grow up a little and become toddlers. And they're suddenly crawling around/running around, and getting in all kinds of opportunities to get hurt. And their parents, and other people who have been parents'just kinda tune that out. Whilst I'm always on high alert around it due to unfamiliarity. Saved a few of 'em from bumps, sometimes got thanked for it. But they're the kind of creatures that makes you feel you always need to be on high-alert around them if you don't have to do it daily. They grow up a bit more, and become kids you can actually talk to. Establish some common likes with. Become pre-teens, and those likes change or go away. Become teens, and the same happens again. Kids are just too fuckin' exhausting. That's the main, and selfish, reason. There's also the less selfish reason, which is that right now might not be a good age to grow up in because the world is pretty fucked and unlikely to get better and VERY likely to get worse in their lifetime. But let's not get into that.
I'm too damn selfcentered. I'm 63 and have the maturity level of a 16 year old
I am mentally ill , well , haven't got to a doctor but deep down i know, Raising kids while you can't take care of yourself is ridiculous
they’d hurt my feelings
I enjoy my life already, and there's plenty of reasons I would not want to limit my life and bring a child into the current world.
It's 100% selfish decision, you force them to be born, live, struggle, and inevitably face death.
Short fuse. Most Kids are annoying. I cant stand getting annoyed. Im sure I would yell at em sooner or Later. No Kids for me
I wouldnt be a good mother, im far too selfish.
Why is this being asked every other week?
Too focused on my own problems…I don’t need more
I don't want to bring another life in this world for my selfishness while he/she suffers. That and the kind of world we are leaving behind is not a world I'd want my kid to live in.
I am M (73)
The fear I wouldn’t make a good parent.
I’m scared they’ll be bullied by other kids, and I’ll go to jail for beating up some kid and their parents.
Can’t take care of myself, would struggle + I just don’t think I can take care of someone else most of the time (while also taking care of myself)
My mental condition is genetic and I don't want to subject another person to it.
My list of reasons is so long, it’s hard to think of the number one reason but here’s a few of my top reasons in no particular order: •I’m selfish and I don’t want to put anyone else’s needs/wants/desires before my own •My child would probably turn out just like me •Kids are fucking expensive and I’m poor •Parenting is a lifelong deal. It’s not just for 18 years, it’s until death and that’s a long time •I don’t want to pass my mental illness and addiction problems onto my offspring. The fact that they COULD end up like me is enough to not have any. I’m not totally heartless. •I like being able to do what I want when I want
Really expensive, and don’t really like the idea of it
They’re expensive
My freedom
Don’t enjoy being around them
I’ll 85 missed my window
Have you seen the absolute state of the late-stage capitalist nightmare that the previous generation built for us? Yeh I ain’t submitting a kid to that shit chief
Haven’t met the right person to have them with.
Fear.
Money
Money, a lot money
Ive got some really shitty genes and I ain't passing that hell on to an innocent child.
Borderline personality disorder.I don't want to pass that on or have my difficulties negatively affect anyone,child or not.
I'll often think to myself when I get home from work, "Wow, can you imagine if there were 2 or 3 kids running around right now?" And honestly, I think I would lose my mind because after a long day at work, the only thing that I want to do is relax. Props to all of the parents who come home and have to feed and bathe children before they can do anything else. I am not cut out for that life!
I just can’t stand them. Babies have a shrill cry that makes me want to abandon them at a fire station, not see what’s wrong with them. Children are obnoxious with their running around and shouting. Begging for this item or that item. Having a tantrum because they are told they can have the cheaper off brand version. Always oblivious to just how much in the way they are of everyone. For the most part teenagers are okay but it seems like it’s only when out in public with their parents. If their parents aren’t around and they are with their stupid friends they turn into mentally handicapped children.
Having to priortize them before my things
I just don’t. Plus, watching my friends go through struggles raising their babies, I’m ok never having to experience any of that. My friend had a baby last year and her and the baby almost died. I can’t imagine going through something like that just to have a kid.
I'm too messed up to even care for myself. On top of that we have generational brain problems. I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective and the idea of knowingly bringing someone in to this hell is a no go for me
I raised my siblings all 5 of them when my mother left and my dad remarried..the trauma I developed after all the suffering and doing all I did as a first born and there's a big age difference between me and second born and the rest ..only for me to be blamed for everything when my mother came back .I decided I don't want kids and that was it.
Unpopular but true: I don't like kids, as at all. I would help them if they were in danger or so, of course, but that's it.
I’m selfish
I really just don’t like them.