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depressypenne27

Big rock in water make big splash


[deleted]

I threw a 24kg rock from 24 foot. Most satisfying moment of my life


Exotic-Opposite6385

im having an orgasm just by imagining that


Indicorb

Onga bonga! Monke is good.


HeihachiHibachi

Bro, your mixing of units of measurements hurts my brain. 24kg from how many meters? Or how many lbs from 24ft?


kiwidude4

13 stone from 28 paces


[deleted]

Big rock down hill make good rock and roll.


AliSaidHi

if I find a cool ass rock im picking it the fuck up


fuqdisshite

there are so many random friggen rocks around my house... sometimes i forgot why i picked them up but then it get them wet and remember i need to break out the rock tumbler.


metal_gearmen

All men know that when we go to urinate we have the "silent" or "noisy" mode


Preachersheets

Stealth Mode or Combat Mode


EatingCakeByTheOcean

We could call it Assault Mode as well


ScheduledCancer

My Assault Mode is when my pee hole is stuck together and I end up spraying in random directions.


LineSpine

That’s shot-gun mode.


seantgs

scatter shot


SpawnSnow

My SO was astounded when I demonstrated this lol


MDTashley

I'm picturing a woman staring on intently as you transition repeatedly from bowl to hole.


SpawnSnow

You'd be pretty much correct. "Quiet.... loud. Quiet... loud. See?"


CivilGator

I thought they were describing when you let out a big sigh during the pee (usually proceeded by "I've gotta piss like a Russian race horse") vs just a standard pee with no sound effects.


GingerlyRough

My friends used to riff on me for saying that 🤣 I’ve never heard anyone else specifically say “piss like a *Russian* racehorse.” They always said “It’s piss like a *HORSE!*” I always drunkenly told them to fuck off or pour another couple rounds cus I’m gonna be thirsty when I get back.


Slithy-Toves

Well racehorses are usually rushin' My buddy tried to say I gotta race like a piss horse one time when drunk and he sounded like he said "I gotta face like a fish shorts" so now that's what I say haha


SternLecture

I'm picturing a woman in some lab gear and a clipboard.


badwhiskey63

When water falls on water, It makes a sound that all can hear. But when water falls on porcelain, It falls silent to the ear.


GiantBlueSmurf

For real. Sometimes it smacks so hard against the back wall you think the girls in the next room can hear it. Then sometimes u wonder if ppl think you're even peeing. Fucking crazy


[deleted]

I'm a girl, but I can somehow change the noise levels at times. Probably not as drastic as a guy could though


[deleted]

To replicate this effect, point the nozzle of your kitchen sink to let the water softly hit and fall down the side of the sink and then move it to hit by the drain


jmplum

Crap. I read too quickly and missed the part about using the sink nozzle with water and now I have to sanitize my sink.


Distinct-Raisin-460

Yes its either stealth or dominance


Killrog8

If a man takes a hit to the nuts, we all feel it.


U_L_Uus

Even if it's a fictitious hit, **even** if said man exists only as a cartoon or anything alike


Quoctama

Exactly, it’s our connection. If aura and conscience and all that superstitious stuff exists. This is proof of that lol


[deleted]

I like the theory that the pain is partially taken on by all who witness. That is a small act of brotherhood to lessen the agony.


Empty-Potato-7383

Down nod: “how are you sir” Up nod: “what’s up g”


browncoattrumpeter

And we can't forget Right nod: Look over there


Sufficient_Poet_48

And the left nod: can I speak with you for a sec


Stormpooperz

I nodded in all 4 ways, my wife is worried I am going mental


Sufficient_Poet_48

Tell her you're practicing your communication skills


istasber

For extra man points, tell her using only nods.


WellEndowedHorse

That is so your wife. She thinks I’m going mental too


bat000

I read this dates back to primitive days . Nod up is showing your throat saying “I see you and trust you enough to offer you a kill shot”. nod down means “I see you but I don’t fuckin know you or trust you”


Stormtorch3

Similarly to animals, specifically pet cats, who use slow blinks as a sign of trust. As in, “I’m making myself vulnerable by closing my eyes, but I trust you to protect me and I trust that you won’t attack me.”


bat000

Since you changed the species I’ll extend to dogs who tend to look at their owners while the poop because they are saying hey bro I’m really vulnerable right now I’m making sure you’re on your feet ! I’ve gone pretty far from the topic at this point but I love these facts lol. Had no idea about the cat one !


MyPenIsEnlarged

Changing the species again. Birds are the same way as cats. If they’re fluffed up and slowly closing their eyes while making eye contact with you, they trust you to protect and not harm them!


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Maleficent_Ad_7617

In my 45 years of life as a female I have had one time where the men's restroom line was vastly longer than the ladies. It was at the break after the first 4 hrs of the Professional Engineering exam.


AyeHaightEweAwl

Rush concerts were also like this during set breaks.


smarmageddon

And Happy Birthday, Geddy!


ominously-optimistic

I am the only female in an majority male military paramedic course. I have the restroom to myself haha


PyrocumulusLightning

Put a sofa in it; kick back


whitemanwhocantjump

Penis owner here, I've been in lines at the bar before where we all make an agreement to open up one of the sinks if there are multiple. Anything to keep the line moving.


HurtsToSmith

This was common during Eagles games at Vet stadium. My first Eaglea game was educational. GO BIRDS!


jdj7w9

I remember seeing those bathrooms at the Vet as a kid. Learned a lot about life that day.


Jswissmoi

The most exhilarating pee I’ve had was at a pink floyd cover band at red rocks- there was a 100+ line for the mens. We women pranced by high fiving each other in awe as there was no line for the womens. Hehe


[deleted]

Adversely, I took my wife to a Harry Styles concert last year and the mens room was a tomb. Zero line.


Daloure

Went with my gf to a similarly woman centered event in Swedens biggest arena. I was looking forward to no lines but the bastards had put temporary signs over almost all toilets making them female instead of male..


[deleted]

Actually, when they go to sporting events it's the other way around.


urbanwild85

You don't ask questions when another man digs a hole. You either admire it and make encouraging comments, or you help him dig.


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greenbabyshit

How deep do you think it is?


AwfullyTimedHumor

You gotta respect someone if they find a cool stick Also hello Tik-Tok apparently, still hate your site


GlorifiedPanWithArms

Y e s. The power of the Stick


Syn_Contamino531

They can be anything! A gun, a sword, a fire poker, a marshmallow roaster, hotdog roaster, the list goes on!


Mellopiex

The other day I was dragging my apathetic spouse around, trying to find a piece of wood for a project. Right around the time I turned and shouted for him to really seriously help me, I witnessed him pull a glorious staff out of the woodpile and wave it around while shouting something Gandalf says to the Balrog before he battles it. It was truly something to behold.


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-SheriffofNottingham

I gave him a dollar


chiselmybrownpants

I’d announce myself as “Arthur….king of the Britons” and stand triumphantly.


Tinctorus

Not much more "multitool/multi use" than a good stick ami right? *edit spelling


IhaveaBibledegree

Nothin like a good fire poker find!


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daveescaped

Why? Do you have a cool stick? Can we see it?


Tonythunder

Yeah! Show us your stick!


IReplyWithLebowski

Hey fellas, this guy’s got a cool stick!


jesuswig

Is this where we get in line to see the really cool stick?


Starionn

Yeah! OP please, send us all your Stickpics!


JVortex888

did a dog write this?


gliitch0xFF

Yes. This is Dog.


[deleted]

Hi dog. Go fetch.


MarcusAshby

Not just any old stick will do though, has to be a super cool fancy stick like the baboon in the lion king.


Doctor_Loggins

Found. A. Stick on the ground and now I'm gonna use it All this power that i found gonna totally abuse it!


CGYTGaming

Throwing rocks into bodies of water is fun as hell and can entertain us for hours.


TheAirNomad11

Hey I also live by the quarry! We should get together and throw things down there!


[deleted]

Definitely we should


Legal-Scholar430

*Don't disturb the water*


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[deleted]

That lunging step, or the sideways step, or the hand in the pocket, or...


DesperateTall

Don't give away our secrets!


captaincumragx

Haha now next time I see my boyfriend do that I'm just going to turn to him and be like "are you adjusting your balls?" Lmao


m_sporkboy

Hopefully he’ll remember the correct answer: deadpan “Constantly”.


Usual-Operation-9700

Zippers are dangerous


you_know_whats_good

Yeah, 7 year old me found out the hard way of this fact…


bEKKNQV3

I went commando when I was a kid at school and got my Jimmy jammed when I was playing games on my PC.. like I was undoing the zipper while playing because the pants were tight and I wanted to take them off


you_know_whats_good

I was taking a leak with a pair of jeans on and recently was taught to put the worm through the tunnel that the zipper creates. Everything went well until I went to zip back up. I must’ve been in a rush and didn’t make sure the worm was completely back underground. Zipped up what felt like half my head. Had to call on my mom to help get the teeth of the zipper to stop biting…


bEKKNQV3

My..my.. almost same but I am uncut so luckily it was just foreskin and it got free.. and didn't go full smush like the pain Olympics between the zippers


kneight88

How the hell did you get the beans above the frank?!?


Amheirel

Getting kicked in the nuts hurts


Akiiz_

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes


Yaancat17

Except for cheetahs. They move closer to the speed of light 🐆💨


canesauce

It’s not the heat that gets ya, it’s the humidity


Thorn_The_Annoying

Unironically my dad has said that before


idontlikebaseball

Surprised I have not seen the "If you find the hole at the beach, you must help dig the hole" rule


fireaoponsnap

I love when i dig a hole and a squad of bros come and help me. May all of those go to heaven


Substantial-Fig-1907

I like this one


europahasicenotmice

I went trail running one day and spotted a big hole a bit off the trail. About 4 feet across, couldn’t tell how deep because it was filled with water. Every man I told had the exact same reaction. “A hole in the woods? Let’s go check it out.”


RichardBonham

Brought a shovel once on a camping trip to the beach with friends, for managing the coals in the fire rings. Several of the teens asked to borrow it. They ended up digging a hole in the beach so big the lifeguards had them fill it in because it was legit big enough to lose one of their Jeeps in.


yoweigh

I like digging holes and connecting them to the water and I bring extra shovels. Lots of times I end up with free child labor to help.


Unlikely-Answer

your own personal hot tub on the beach, I'm not going to disclose how the water got so hot


currently-on-toilet

Breathing is typically a good thing


Jak_n_Dax

Not when it’s my enemies that are doing the breathing.


Mincelo

That's why they said "typically" and not "always"


mkwas343

Know anyone with a choking kink?


SuperMorto2020

Anacondas.


ilikehockeyandguitar

A man must not pee next to another man if there are multiple urinals at their disposal.


Alpcake

Man that reminds of some people I knew in high school who would not only pee next to each other but would actively engage in conversation and maintain eye contact while doing so. It was really weird and honestly pretty funny.


sterlingback

I miss that. The only satisfying small talk I could have. That was a thing, you would not just pee side by side without the peeing time conversation.


Skorne13

Small talk


Capn_Zelnick

Here is a puzzle: There are three urinals in a bathroom. They are all side-by-side. The urinal on the left is one of the short ones for small children. The urinal on the right is being used. Do you use the children's urinal or the one next to the occupied urinal?


thebucketoldpplkick

Children's urinal


bluntsandbears

Pulling your pants straight down to your ankles and standing a few feet feet away from the childrens urinal to practice your long distance targeting is still far less questionable than using the stall next to the dude already there


Faeleah

Question from a woman: when standing in front of the children's urinal, couldn't you just practice your long distance targeting by peeing into next dude's urinal to simultaneously establish dominance?


bluntsandbears

It’s kind of risky because if you forget to say “no homo” after you have to get married and open a bed and breakfast in Northern California and I’m just not ready for that type of commitment.


Cellyst

Instructions unclear... Peed on the floor.


[deleted]

2 tong clicks before grilling is the secret ingredient.


[deleted]

Also slapping something twice when doing handyman work to make sure it stays there.


[deleted]

You have to, or it won’t stay there.


jjking714

Ratchet Straps. 2 twangy, "that ain't going nowhere"


aarondigruccio

Gotta make sure the tongs still work.


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CarterCartel94

The excessive amount of asshole hair I have may one day be the death of me.


CantTakeMeSeriously

Having your sweaty balls meld with one of your legs during hot weather is unpleasant.


orioles0615

That’s what the long step is for


HxCMurph

The post-meld peel is actually kinda nice tho


bhyarre_MoMo

Irs even worse when you're wearing jeans


SuvenPan

It's really hard to get rid of the last urine drop after peeing. No matter how much you shake it will go in the underwater.


bhyarre_MoMo

Helicopter Helicopter


mrmoe198

I take one little square of toilet paper and press it to the urethra for it to absorb into the TP


LounginLizard

I love how wiping after peeing is considered like a secret techique or something for men. I say that as a man who just started doing it recently.


[deleted]

https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/9u8cqi/lpt_guys_after_urinating_press_on_your_taint_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share I can't find the recent post with all the medical info but this has been discussed on reddit


SmokersCough69

The "pinch-and-roll" procedure feels fantastic and is incredibly effective.


AlexJustAlexS

To anyone confused, to get rid of an itch on your balls you can pinch and roll the skin instead of scratching it


4d3d3d3_TAYNE

I guess I do a pinch/scratch hybrid. My thumb is the base, get some sack between that and my fingers and then scratch with those.


Substantial-Fig-1907

Instructions unclear. Balls stuck in a knot


1Shadowspark1

Urinal. *Space.* Urinal.


[deleted]

As joker once said „every poo poo time is a pee pee time, but not every pee pee time is a poo poo time“


[deleted]

Damn, that's deep


therealclucknorris

That's what she said.


fendenkrell

No, she didn’t.


drollerfoot7

Born to shit, forced to pee


IncelLikeIronically

born to shit, forced to whipe


waffleznchicken

It’s like he’s in our minds brooo


Kooky-Copy4456

Peeing with a dick is fun sometimes


Syn_Contamino531

Lightsabers.


cleverkname

Zippers hurt. Be cautious.


Then-Comfortable3135

If you're not profusely bleeding you're going to be okay.


Gommy

If you *are* bleeding profusely, walk it off.


OnRedditAtWorkRN

If you're unable to walk it off, you just need help getting into the driver's seat


FOILBLADE

I would like to take it a step further. If you are capable of walking, you're going to be okay.


MaixHil

Bread👍🏼


[deleted]

Bread👍🏼


External_Luck_1209

Bread👍


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J-c-b-22

*nods*


BDady

*nods*


marslander-boggart

War is hell.


[deleted]

Hawkeye: War isn’t Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse. Father Mulcahy: How do you figure that, Hawkeye? Hawkeye: Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell? Father Mulcahy: Sinners, I believe. Hawkeye: Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them — little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.


marslander-boggart

Yes that's correct point.


DetroitLionsSBChamps

War is war and hell is hell, and war is worse


_Cabbage_Corp_

Sinners go to hell. There are no innocent bystanders. In war, except for a few of the brass, almost everyone involved is an innocent bystander


HighlyUnoffended

Even if you don’t do it, there’s always an urge to drop stuff from a high point just to see it smesh


ItsMyView

Never stick your dick in a running blender.


Bauti_Fujisaki

Or so you say


adept_ignoramus

Being able to pee standing up, in the woods, is liberating.


Deefaroni

Itching our balls sure does feel good, doesn't it?


idkwhatswrong99

Couple of times I scratched so hard that it become rash , idk the proper word but it was worth it xd


GreedyOctopus

Pinch and pull is the way to go!


[deleted]

I think we can all agree on the annoyance of the last piss drop in the underwear


AlexanderGson

That we are glad that we're not the ones having a period once a month.


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mrmoe198

Or at least use their words to say things directly like, “I think I like you, do you wanna do something fun?” Or later, “I’d like to kiss you, is that ok?”


ItsEntsy

Woman: "I am interested in sex with you." Man: "sorry I'm not gay and you clearly must be a man in a wig. Let me introduce you to my friend Larry."


mrmoe198

Late teens and early 20s me feels personally attacked


I_AM_AN_ASSHOLE_AMA

Seriously. In my life I’ve had a bunch of girls say to me that they used to have a thing for me and they wished I asked them out. Every time my first thought is, well maybe you should have asked me as well? Said something? I don’t read minds.


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sutando747

Peeing outside and not needing to adjust or aim at all is amazing


AritzBUG

Never say "Relax" to a woman. You can easily tell by yourself that you're dead after that.


AE_WILLIAMS

That the best feeling in the entire world is the one where you FINALLY get to pee. Men know *exactly* what I mean.


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[deleted]

More like I was staring upwards with my eyes closed


RisenSecond

Exerting primal growls that deliver rejuvination to the mind, body, and soul.


IhaveaBibledegree

With the satisfying chill up the spine at the end!


East_Guarantee_7912

It's orgasmic


[deleted]

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LivingWithWhales

“Life is hard, life is cold. Titty soft, titty warm”


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conradbirdiebird

The pain/panic/sick feeling is so unique. It's like all of your ancestors across an uncountable amount of time are screaming out in pain. Its like the Big Bang itself is occurring in your balls


kgxv

You gotta’ click tongs together twice every time you pick them up


unmellowfellow

Gas prices are too high.


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fricks_and_stones

“But those are the funnest ones!” -my friend with two kids from a crazy one


[deleted]

Dental Hygiene is very important.


bitcoinovercash

Post nut clarity hits hard