Hey pretty close to the same here. It's Prey for me, the latest Predator movie from 2022. Does that mean I get to choose between the lead chick and the predator or do I have to try both?
After finishing the act, Snape leaned in close, his hooked nose an inch from mine, and swept his lank greasy hair from his face.
"If I had wanted 30 seconds of mind numbing disappointment" he sneered, "I would have just asked Longbottom"
Apparently 50 Shades of Grey came out of Twilight fan fiction. We could be on the cusp here of another incredibly crappy series of movies called "50 Shades of Hogwarts."
Aw.. I won't fuck you, but I am a therapist. Feel free to DM any questions you have about mental health, finding a therapist, surviving anxiety/depression... I hope you're getting your needs met!
Edit: Just wanted to say quick that I've gotten a few people reaching out which is great! I am going to do my best to answer everyone who contacts me. I did make this comment right before bed, and I am only one human so I just want to put out the obligatory:
I am not the right person to contact if you are currently in crisis. Even if you aren't suicidal, the national suicide hotline can be an excellent place to start if you need help NOW, you just dial or text 988.
I am a great person to contact if you have questions about therapy, finding a therapist, "would a therapist be able to help with this", or "wtf do you even actually do".. thank you for having the courage to ask someone about mental health/addiction/life stuff. It's hard out there, yo.
Edit 2: Whew! Well over 100 people have reached out! I am going to have to answer these in chunks throughout the week. Thank you for your patience if it takes me a while to respond!
Edit 3: also I lowkey feel bad about all the people who followed me after this because I don't really post therapist stuff lol. Maybe you will enjoy my series of asking questions about whatever video game I'm playing tho?
Currently down here in St Augustine my dude. It's a beautiful city and the beaches are prime! Leaving the great state of Florida tomorrow though. Seen lots of Florida Man activity in the 6 days since I've been here. Many people also ride without a helmet it seems.
āBest Buy near meā
What makes this funnier is that Iām an Australian visiting America and itās the first time Iāve been to Best Buy. Losing the Best Buy virginity
Maybe get checked out, just to rule out things. My brother had a super healthy lifestyle, but had a surprise heart attack at 34. Previously undiagnosed cardiac sarcoidosis.
The weeks beforehand, he kept saying it hurt a lot to lie on his left side or back and breathing was difficult. He thought he strained something.
> Are those just random words strung together?
Fascinating but no. Psocoptera are a paraphyletic group of insects that are commonly known as booklice, barklice or barkflies.
In a group of bark lice, a penis has evolved twice -- in the females. In their nutrient-scarce environment, 'seminal gifts' are an incentive for females to force mating, leading to the co-evolution of female penises and male vaginas.
Depending on the species, a female bark louse can spend up to 70 hours extracting sperm.
Australia.
Sounds like you're gonna get some fun down under š
^(reddit)
We're all fucked.
Yes
This is their only chance to lose their virginities. This opportunity may never come up again.
Norway? All of it?
I have Avengers: Endgame. Does that mean the entire universe, or only half?
Only half, the other half is already fucked.
Similar here. Edinburgh. Like... all of it?
Well, Edinburgh is kinda smaller...
Everyone knows.... its not the size that matters
Winnie the pooh: blood and honey. I don't know if I survive this
That just makes it better
the broad ass concept of, "weather". guess ill be fuckin "sunny with 0% chance of rain"
That weathussy looking plump
What a day to have eyes
r/BrandNewSentence edit: removed an S
āHow to pit a cherryā apparently I will be pioneering a fascinating new method
He's going to pop that cherry
This made me laugh harder than it should have
This made me ~~laugh~~ harder than it should have
Predator the movie. This is going to be difficult and bloody
Hey pretty close to the same here. It's Prey for me, the latest Predator movie from 2022. Does that mean I get to choose between the lead chick and the predator or do I have to try both?
The bear
The entire cast, as well as the developing crew
The blu-ray disc
Cast iron frying pan. Fuck
**insert bad pansexual joke**
Take my upvote and leave
Make sure to dry it good....you don't want rust next time you use it
Now I can add ācan cum make things rustā to my Google search history.
Sweet. Annie Edison from Community.
Nice
Yes, but we try not sexualize Annie.
Because she's younger (That's how that goes, right?)
Good thing you didnāt google Annieās Boobs
Could I ask why?
It's the name of a monkey
Troy names his pet monkey Annie's boobs
Boopy Doopy Doop Boop Sex
Eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness
Whatās a point of diminidfhjgddszthh
See, I know thatās the line, but my god is it not true for her.
I last googled Ben Chang....
Newfoundland
Sure we're already fucked, luh. Yes b'y.
I'll be gentle.
I couldn't remember Daniel Radcliff's name. so i googled "the actor for harry potter" so i'm basically going to nail danny boy.
Unless it showed the whole male cast, in which case have fun.
"Master has given Dobby a cock!" Edit - thanks for the awards guys! Never had Platinum before, my thanks for an ad-free month!
š Take my poor manās award - I laughed so much I had a coughing fit!
Oh Snape.
After finishing the act, Snape leaned in close, his hooked nose an inch from mine, and swept his lank greasy hair from his face. "If I had wanted 30 seconds of mind numbing disappointment" he sneered, "I would have just asked Longbottom"
This feels disturbingly close to harry potter fanfiction
Very bold way to tell us you're reading SnapeĆReader
Please, I'm far more uncultured than that. Dobby x reader all the way.
How about Dobby X Sorting Hat?
Apparently 50 Shades of Grey came out of Twilight fan fiction. We could be on the cusp here of another incredibly crappy series of movies called "50 Shades of Hogwarts."
āComing somewhere, Potter?ā
Lucky
I guess I'm fucking my town's whole fire department š¤·š¼āāļø
That's gonna be one spicy fundraiser calendar.
We appreciate your service.
Im officially having sex with a punctuation mark
Interrobang?
Colon
>Interrobang? Downvote because you didn't use an interrobang. For shame.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Shocking!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
butt plugs
Teddy Roosevelt. Soā¦ is someone handing me a shovel or am I building a time machine?
Both, both is good
Bro, imagine if someone dug up your body, went back in time and fucked ot in front of you. Would be traumatising.
USPS, itās gonna be slow and boring
Your package might not even come.
Theyāll say it delivered, but it didnāt.
It never will and never has
Gorilla Glue š¤£
Hope your pullout game is good
He will prevail in the lawsuit like hair lady did
RIPenis
A therapist
Aw.. I won't fuck you, but I am a therapist. Feel free to DM any questions you have about mental health, finding a therapist, surviving anxiety/depression... I hope you're getting your needs met! Edit: Just wanted to say quick that I've gotten a few people reaching out which is great! I am going to do my best to answer everyone who contacts me. I did make this comment right before bed, and I am only one human so I just want to put out the obligatory: I am not the right person to contact if you are currently in crisis. Even if you aren't suicidal, the national suicide hotline can be an excellent place to start if you need help NOW, you just dial or text 988. I am a great person to contact if you have questions about therapy, finding a therapist, "would a therapist be able to help with this", or "wtf do you even actually do".. thank you for having the courage to ask someone about mental health/addiction/life stuff. It's hard out there, yo. Edit 2: Whew! Well over 100 people have reached out! I am going to have to answer these in chunks throughout the week. Thank you for your patience if it takes me a while to respond! Edit 3: also I lowkey feel bad about all the people who followed me after this because I don't really post therapist stuff lol. Maybe you will enjoy my series of asking questions about whatever video game I'm playing tho?
>I won't fuck you Such an aggressive intro... /s Hope you find the help you want OC!
Lol.. given the context, I thought just "I'm a therapist!" had a slightly nefarious connotation to it.
hahaha for sure
I mean, as long as itās not YOUR therapist, that doesnāt seem horribleā¦
Analrapist
Anal "The" Rapist
Parts for a chainsaw.. Itās gonna get bloody.
Lego Yoda
The Yoda, I shall fuck
The cast of Night Court... well this is about to be a very special episode.
*saxophone*
Given that many members of the cast are dead, it's going to be a very messed up episode.
My bank. I think it'll be the one fucking me.
Fucking is a two way street, unless you count masterbation. Either way though, youāre fucked.
Oh no... Skin walkers
wendussy
Wear ear plugs, I hear they like to whistle
Jacksonville Florida. Now I have to get tested and treated for each and every possible STD
Bortles!
Throw a Molotov cocktail and BOOM you have a different problem
Currently down here in St Augustine my dude. It's a beautiful city and the beaches are prime! Leaving the great state of Florida tomorrow though. Seen lots of Florida Man activity in the 6 days since I've been here. Many people also ride without a helmet it seems.
>Many people also ride without a helmet it seems. That's what they were getting at.
Probably useless to test, just start all the treatments.
Judge judy
"no no no stop right there, shut up, just tell me where to put my vagina and stop giving me unnecessary details"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm so sorry.
āBest Buy near meā What makes this funnier is that Iām an Australian visiting America and itās the first time Iāve been to Best Buy. Losing the Best Buy virginity
Chimpanzee without hair š
Lads are fit as hell. Not in a sexual way but damn, why am I going to the gym? I should start behaving like a chimpanzee. I already got no hair.
My oculus. I'm sure how we'll make that work. But all relationships have challenges
What time does the DMV open.
FUCK THE DMV!!
The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader team, no effing way
That sucks man.
noooooooo fuck heās ruined :(
Death by snu snu
I feel like I'm missing something here.
His dad's on the squad
18 naked cowboys
Ram ranch
Big hard throbbing
Broccoli casserole....it's gonna get messy
Messy is fine, just have to let it cool off first.
You stole my brokkoli casserole recipe 8 years ago and claimed it was yours. You claimed it was yours.
woman falls out of ceiling at restaurant
She might be sore, be gentle.
Florida man
Hope you like PCP
Ugh it's nikocado avocado.... Blech. I was looking up what's wrong with him.....
Look up his onlyfans to prepare yourself.
He... he has an onlyfans?
I really miss 30 seconds ago when I didn't know about this. Life was so much better then.
My thoughts exactly haha
What *is* wrong with him?
A lot
The worst answer I've seen so far I'm so sorry lol
ummmm, hiroshima lookin kinda fine right now
To be fair, it looks better now than it did 77 years ago.
It was way hotter 77 years ago.
A tickling anus. Donāt ask
*asks*
Don't
*asks more intently*
Butt worms. š¬
REDRUM alcohol. It fucked me over the first and only time I drank it, so I guess it's payback time now.
Salad fingers. Iām down for it crazy little green man. Letās goooooo
I shit you not, Ellis island
Lady Liberty is a bit too hard for meā¦
Ram trucks
Ram you say? š
Olivia Cooke, re reading/rewatching Ready Player One atm.
Loadingā¦*READY PLAYER 2*
Woot! It was mystique from the X-Men. I was looking for a cosplay costume
Lucky it wasn't Rogue
Blakeās bear coat from Workaholics
Fur...sure.
gay russian pornstars
My friend I have questions
Good it was porn
The Chicago White Sox. This shouldn't take long
A great white sharkš
Can cats eat mint ice cream?
Well, can they?
Emily Bronte
Owensboro, Kentucky. Looks like I might be getting sloppy seconds. I think somebody already fucked this place real good.
My local movie theatre. Better double wrap, Iām not confident about the hygiene.
funnel web spider. oh no.
Handheld vacuum š³
Could be fun?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe get checked out, just to rule out things. My brother had a super healthy lifestyle, but had a surprise heart attack at 34. Previously undiagnosed cardiac sarcoidosis. The weeks beforehand, he kept saying it hurt a lot to lie on his left side or back and breathing was difficult. He thought he strained something.
Safety boots. At least they leather.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Google translate.
A Barrett, why would I fuck a gun that shoots .50 BMG?
Jane Fonda
I looked up, āwhatās inside a cocoon?ā Iām not cool with this.
The divers that rescued the Thai boys from the cave. So I guess I'm ok with that.
The Zoologist from Terraria, At least it's humanoid
[I'm okay with that](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephan_Jenkins).
Risky click of the day
GODDAMNIT ITS RICHIE TOZIER
Stove. I hope itās hot
Giancarlo Esposito
I would prefer not to fuck the entire state of Arkansas
Uuuhhhhh.... female bark lice penis... It was on another reddit thread and i was curious š
Female bark lice penis. Are those just random words strung together?
> Are those just random words strung together? Fascinating but no. Psocoptera are a paraphyletic group of insects that are commonly known as booklice, barklice or barkflies. In a group of bark lice, a penis has evolved twice -- in the females. In their nutrient-scarce environment, 'seminal gifts' are an incentive for females to force mating, leading to the co-evolution of female penises and male vaginas. Depending on the species, a female bark louse can spend up to 70 hours extracting sperm.
What in the actual warp fuckery have I just learned. UNLEARN IT. UNLEARN.
HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Interest planets. Well I have a large job to do
Infected anal glands in dogs ass
lymphoedema
When does school start, for my brother.