lmaooo I have ADHD and am crazy easily distracted, there's pretty much no winning during sex. Movie or music playing? I'm gonna get distracted. No background noise? Still gonna get distracted but this time by my own thoughts. Any significant noise change and my concentration is out the window 😭
Luckily my partner is also crazy ADHD so at least we're in this boat together lol
Prolonged arousal. It differs from person to person, of course. If you're really young and horny, you might be good to go in a minute. Some people (men and women) need some extra affection. Touching, oral, kisses, etc. You can't just drop your pants and expect them to have a good time. Let it marinate. The real joy of sex is the intimacy, so make it a good long time, otherwise it's like opening a book to the last page and reading the ending.
Don't bite my balls. The pain is like something is ripping me in half from inside out.
I had a girlfriend that had this genius idea while wanting to suck my balls and I thought I was gonna die. From feeling pleasure to MY SURVIVAL INSTINCTS KICKING SAYING I'M GOING TO DIE AT ANY MOMENT!
Now I stay wary if any girl tries to have her way with my balls. I think it is basically PTSD at this point.
Omg. I was friends with someone this happened to and was in the house when it happened. They were doing the deed in the shower then I heard a huge thud. Boyfriend “accidentally” went ham on the “wrong” hole and said friend passed out immediately. Fuckin yikes
Yep. It's so painful when you're unprepared. Even if you're an anal pro. I remember watching a porn where the guy "accidentally" (but very clearly intentionally) put it in the wrong hole without her consent and the scream will haunt me
I remember back in high school me and some friends of mine were all hanging out. This one couple I knew, she was high or something and she was telling us all how she was 69ing with her boyfriend who we all knew and she said he had little Klingons hanging from his hairs on his ass. It was so gross. He was there at the time and he turned so fucking red. We all laughed out ass off.
I was right. Mine is different. Three farts. Then a quick, but terrified scream. 1 more, slightly louder fart. An exasperated sigh. And finish it off with some whispered William Wordsworth.
Unclean anything in general. Hygiene is in the top 3 requirements right under consent and above protection/plan for pregnancy.
Edit: thanks for my first rewards and 1k+ likes ❤️🔥
Squeezing? I mean, I understand gentle cupping. But you are talking like, out of the blue, squeezing them like a stress ball or something. We’d have a serious convo about that.
Gotta follow up with unexpected passive aggressive nipple twist
Edit: Damn, my first comment with 1k up votes.
Edit: 3.4K up votes, I’m reddit famous 🥹
This is a little known fact! My mother would become unable to tell me who the president was, what year it was, or remember that my sister had died. It was heart breaking to watch without knowing what was causing it.
Yeah I found that out the hard way. The ER doctors and my parents thought I was on drugs. The negative tox screen and the UTI diagnosis did not change their mind, and they all treated me like shit. To be fair, I was out of my mind.
This is actually a good one. Also don’t just clip them. Clip them, file them, and sand those bitches down with some 30 grit sandpaper. If you think you’re being too careful, you’re not. I have accidentally cut a girl on the inside by fingering because I thought I clipped my nails good enough. You can never do it too thoroughly.
Edit: thank you for the award and upvotes. To be clear, I felt horrible and apologized profusely to the girl. I was young and still sexually inexperienced and didn’t realize how thorough you really have to be when cleaning and trimming your nails before having fun with your partner.
Edit 2: “30 grit sandpaper” was an intentional over exaggeration. Please don’t use 30 lmao. I wasn’t being serious about that part.
I cannot upvote this enough! A freaking hangnail from my partner caused a Bartholin’s cyst. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Care for your hands people, especially if you plan on going near other people’s squishy bits. 😖
Every time I’ve been fingered I’m thoroughly convinced men are taught that there’s gold up there or something. Like, they’re trying to fucking RotoRooter it or something.
I like this, I’m totally open to new ideas or suggestions, and feel free to tell me how good I am, but try not to be a downer and say some out of pocket stuff about how my face is weird to look at
It came up after sex one time, we were chillin and something made my boyfriend do the hyuck laugh and talk like goofy. I told him if he ever does that during sex I'm kicking his ass out the bed and taking care of myself lmao
People making any negative comments about the way I'm enjoying myself, 'haha your face looks funny when you cum' 'you moan too loud, it's not porn' etcetera. I can let myself go and enjoy fully without judgement towards myself or others, it would probably help you a lot if you'd learn that too.
Seriously, people have time (and the inclination) to criticize your O face?
WTAF?
Seeing and hearing my partner really enjoying herself is probably the biggest turn on! I'm not going to do anything to disturb that moment, I'm going to ride that wave all the way to shore!
>haha your face looks funny when you cum'
If someone said that to me, I would tell them to have a good look, bc this would be the very last time they get to see it.
Happened to my best friend without her knowledge. She only found out when a male friend of hers told her that the guy she slept with was showing all his buddies the videos
Can confirm, have had several dudes try to do this mid-sex or BJ. In case anyone reading this doesn’t realize, you need to ask for consent before you start just making porn of somebody with your device
As funny as this is, just in case anyone takes it seriously, do *not* actually do this.
Guys who will film without consent are quite likely the kind that shares these videos without consent, and all they have to do in this situation is cut out the audio.
Lack of enthusiasm. I like it if someone wants to be there and is having fun.
If I'm not doing something well, tell me.
If you'd rather we stop, tell me.
Want to do it differently? Hell yeah! Tell me.
Tell me whats fun for you and I'm in!
If you're thinking, you will just lay there for me to do all the work. That just a warm hole is all I want or all you have to offer. Yea, I'm gonna decline.
Thanks for the award. Please spend it on something better like family.
Bad smells due to poor hygiene. Unexpected/undiscussed penetration. I don’t want a random thumb up my butt with no lube and no discussion. Seems like it should be obvious, but apparently some people have a problem with that.
Classic “I don’t have a condom” most of the times I’ve gone to go hookup with someone. A lot of guys say this, when they already knew ahead of time. With a tone of “let me see if she doesn’t care?” and a shift in their face when I show them mine.
Not tolerating my boundaries.
I broke through a belt and other restraints when some fuck decided to do everything I told him not to.
I said I hated stinging pain. He whipped me with an electrical cord and emptied a bottle if hot sauce inside me.
The dude was lucky I didn't throw him off the balcony.
But my adrenaline went through the roof and I was fuckijg out of there.
A sex act that causes pain being done without it be agreed upon beforehand. It violates consent and you can accidentally really hurt someone if they aren’t expecting it and they freak out.
I had sex with a guy about a year ago and he was so aggressive. I never said it was okay and this mf was slapping me like I owed him money. I slapped him back and left 😂😂
Anal. I've tried to enjoy it, I've tried to use butt plugs and copious amounts of lube to prepare, but I just can't stand it. I do not enjoy feeling like I'm taking a massive shit during sex.
I do not tolerate surprises.
This was years ago, but my BF saw this move in a porno where the guy slaps the girl’s puss as she’s coming. One day, we were hooking up and I was getting close. This man rears back and without any warning, open-palm slams his hand down on my cooter right as I came. I was like… dude what the FUCK what THAT!? So he asks if I liked it and I was basically like “hell no, the fuck? why would i enjoy you slapping literally one of the most sensitive parts of my body with NO WARNING as I’m climaxing” and he was like “oh true sorry, saw it in a porn and she looked like she liked it”.
I then explained to him that those women are actresses, and it’s not real, it’s for the shot. Now, if he wants to “try an unconventional move” he saw from a porno, he knows he needs to explain what it is and ask if I want to do it.
Edit- Thank you all for the upvotes & support— my cooter is okay ❤️ Also rough sex is cool, but giving & receiving consent for rough sex is even cooler. Stay safe y’all.
One time instead of calling me “daddy” my ex called me “dad” to fuck with me. I did not like it.
Sorry Father for I have sinned
"Choke me daddy" "Restrict my airflow father"
Use the force, Luke
Selfishness. Only wanting pleasure but no interest in giving. I LIKE giving, but there are 2 of us here.
The squeaks of the bed. I hate that shit. It fucks up my concentration.
lmaooo I have ADHD and am crazy easily distracted, there's pretty much no winning during sex. Movie or music playing? I'm gonna get distracted. No background noise? Still gonna get distracted but this time by my own thoughts. Any significant noise change and my concentration is out the window 😭 Luckily my partner is also crazy ADHD so at least we're in this boat together lol
Oh i feel that. Even when im Completely in the mood my brain can suddenly be like "shit i forgot that thing i Was supposed to do days ago".
Competition
I heard in a movie “sex is like a competition where you’re each trying to get the other side to win”
No foreplay.
"Wow you're so wet!" Josh, you spent 30 SECONDS rubbing my crotch from my over the top of my jeans. I can assure you, that's just discharge.
Yep, I've been wet all day bro don't flatter urself my bodies constantly leaking.
Yeah, wven with a quickie we usually tend to each other for a minute.
Prolonged arousal. It differs from person to person, of course. If you're really young and horny, you might be good to go in a minute. Some people (men and women) need some extra affection. Touching, oral, kisses, etc. You can't just drop your pants and expect them to have a good time. Let it marinate. The real joy of sex is the intimacy, so make it a good long time, otherwise it's like opening a book to the last page and reading the ending.
Don't bite my balls. The pain is like something is ripping me in half from inside out. I had a girlfriend that had this genius idea while wanting to suck my balls and I thought I was gonna die. From feeling pleasure to MY SURVIVAL INSTINCTS KICKING SAYING I'M GOING TO DIE AT ANY MOMENT! Now I stay wary if any girl tries to have her way with my balls. I think it is basically PTSD at this point.
What the FUCK! My balls hurt if my underwear are a tad too tight even let alone god damn teeth digging into them.
My balls hurt just reading OP’s comment
>Don't bite my balls The fact that this has to be said has terrifying implications
LICKING MY GODDAMN EYEBALL
WHAT..
How is that even a thing? Man I feel really vanilla lol
"surprise" anal. We can tell when it's a genuine accident and when you're trying to force your penis into our butthole
Omg. I was friends with someone this happened to and was in the house when it happened. They were doing the deed in the shower then I heard a huge thud. Boyfriend “accidentally” went ham on the “wrong” hole and said friend passed out immediately. Fuckin yikes
I bled out of my butt for days after someone tried doing that shit to me
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Yep. It's so painful when you're unprepared. Even if you're an anal pro. I remember watching a porn where the guy "accidentally" (but very clearly intentionally) put it in the wrong hole without her consent and the scream will haunt me
I don't understand how guys can do that either. It hurts the penis as well. I can't even stick my junk in a dry vagina either.
First time that we ever tried anal, there was ripping. not her. 6 months to heal.
Introducing.. butt blades, the new self defence method against the "wrong hole" approach!
Unclean buttholes
How many buttholes are usually present in a session?
How many you offering?
An amount of buttholes you can't refuse
Who’s your butthole guy? I can get you a smokin deal.
If your butthole starts to smoke, stop and use lubrication
>If your butthole starts to smoke You should also have a sit down with them about the negative effects of smoking.
MmmMmm smoked butthole. Just like mom used to make.
*opens trench coat You wanna buy a butthole?
At least 2 I would think
I remember back in high school me and some friends of mine were all hanging out. This one couple I knew, she was high or something and she was telling us all how she was 69ing with her boyfriend who we all knew and she said he had little Klingons hanging from his hairs on his ass. It was so gross. He was there at the time and he turned so fucking red. We all laughed out ass off.
We call those dingleberrys in my neck of the woods
Klingons orbiting Uranus.
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I was hitting it from behind one time with a chick I was seeing and it smelled foul and I lost all interest
Bruh what do you even do in that situation, “damn you’re shit stink, I gotta go home” lmao
Make the orgasm noise while spitting on her back and calling it a night.
Can you type out your orgasm noise please. Mine might be different.
Three grunts, groan really loudly, then start crying uncontrollably.
I was right. Mine is different. Three farts. Then a quick, but terrified scream. 1 more, slightly louder fart. An exasperated sigh. And finish it off with some whispered William Wordsworth.
Pfft pfft pfft. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA **Pfft.** ^"Milton! ^thou ^shouldst ^be ^living ^at ^this ^hour, ^England ^hath..."
Carry some scented baby wipes bruh and credit card swipe that bunghole 💳
Unclean anything in general. Hygiene is in the top 3 requirements right under consent and above protection/plan for pregnancy. Edit: thanks for my first rewards and 1k+ likes ❤️🔥
The oooold dick twist.
Grab his dick and twist it!!!
It's an mma fight bro!
Bop it, pull it, twist it!
Unexpected testicle squeezing
Squeezing? I mean, I understand gentle cupping. But you are talking like, out of the blue, squeezing them like a stress ball or something. We’d have a serious convo about that.
Gotta follow up with unexpected passive aggressive nipple twist Edit: Damn, my first comment with 1k up votes. Edit: 3.4K up votes, I’m reddit famous 🥹
"Passive aggressive nipple twist" was not a phrase that I ever thought I would read
wash your hands before they go anywhere near me, i don’t want a uti bc you had dirt under your nails
It wasn’t until I worked with the elderly that I discovered that UTI’s can cause temporary insanity.
This is a little known fact! My mother would become unable to tell me who the president was, what year it was, or remember that my sister had died. It was heart breaking to watch without knowing what was causing it.
Yeah I found that out the hard way. The ER doctors and my parents thought I was on drugs. The negative tox screen and the UTI diagnosis did not change their mind, and they all treated me like shit. To be fair, I was out of my mind.
That is a doctor who barely passed med school with ALL Ds. Lol
Literally just today I was texting with a friend of mine about UTIs. She said that every time her grandma gets a UTI she starts talking about cats.
This is actually a good one. Also don’t just clip them. Clip them, file them, and sand those bitches down with some 30 grit sandpaper. If you think you’re being too careful, you’re not. I have accidentally cut a girl on the inside by fingering because I thought I clipped my nails good enough. You can never do it too thoroughly. Edit: thank you for the award and upvotes. To be clear, I felt horrible and apologized profusely to the girl. I was young and still sexually inexperienced and didn’t realize how thorough you really have to be when cleaning and trimming your nails before having fun with your partner. Edit 2: “30 grit sandpaper” was an intentional over exaggeration. Please don’t use 30 lmao. I wasn’t being serious about that part.
I cannot upvote this enough! A freaking hangnail from my partner caused a Bartholin’s cyst. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Care for your hands people, especially if you plan on going near other people’s squishy bits. 😖
Every time I’ve been fingered I’m thoroughly convinced men are taught that there’s gold up there or something. Like, they’re trying to fucking RotoRooter it or something.
Nonconstructive comments about my performance. I WANT TO IMPROVE, SHERYL, I DON'T NEED CRITICISM, I NEED ADVICE >.>
Looking over her shoulder "Is that all you've got??"
**SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT**
**I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT**
DISQUALIFIED
I like this, I’m totally open to new ideas or suggestions, and feel free to tell me how good I am, but try not to be a downer and say some out of pocket stuff about how my face is weird to look at
"DEEPER" "THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT, SHERYL"
Refusing to call me Santa
Ho Ho ho bitch!
My sack is full, come get your presents
Not taking a shower
Before, after or both?? 👀
Yes
Talking like Goofy and doing his laugh.
I wanna hyuck you like an animal. Silver award: the Yaaaaaa-hoo-hoo-hooey when I orgasm next time is for you.
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You bring me closer to gawrsh!
"She wasn't funny. I said she was fucking Goofy"
It came up after sex one time, we were chillin and something made my boyfriend do the hyuck laugh and talk like goofy. I told him if he ever does that during sex I'm kicking his ass out the bed and taking care of myself lmao
If my wife ever said that to me she’d 100% be getting a “hot dog! Hyuck!” Right before she was about to cum the next time we had sex.
I'm so worried this is what's going to happen and imma be so mad. It better not awaken anything in me.
If you cum right after a goofy “hyuck”… that post nut clarity is going to send you to a therapist.
I can't stop laughing send help
That’s is the funniest shit I’ve read today
Crossing a stated boundary -- ANY boundary. If they're willing to ignore the "small" ones, I don't trust them to respect the big ones. Edit: typo
Sand, no sand anywhere please. Edit: lmao, highest voted comment ever for me. Good morning Reddit.
Anakin?
YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!
IT WAS SAID YOU WOULD DESTROY THE SITH, NOT JOIN THEM!!!!
BRING BALANCE TO THE FORCE, NOT LEAVE IT IN DARKNESS!
FIND THE CLITORIS NOT IGNORE IT!
MAKE HER WANT TO MOAN, NOT GROAN!
It's over Anakin, I have the thigh pound.
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People making any negative comments about the way I'm enjoying myself, 'haha your face looks funny when you cum' 'you moan too loud, it's not porn' etcetera. I can let myself go and enjoy fully without judgement towards myself or others, it would probably help you a lot if you'd learn that too.
Seriously, people have time (and the inclination) to criticize your O face? WTAF? Seeing and hearing my partner really enjoying herself is probably the biggest turn on! I'm not going to do anything to disturb that moment, I'm going to ride that wave all the way to shore!
>haha your face looks funny when you cum' If someone said that to me, I would tell them to have a good look, bc this would be the very last time they get to see it.
I would say "sorry, I'm bad at faking it"
Strong body odor, bad breath, a partner who doesn't listen or is selfish.
Ignoring safe words
Yeah that's a hell no
Guys who start with a condom then remove it with out consent. People would be surprised how often this happens
I can’t think of a single friend who hasn’t experienced this. It should be illegal.
In Canada this has been unequivocally declared to be rape.
Slapping me in the face or surprise anal. THANK YOU FOR THE AWARD FOLKS! I'M HONORED. **TAKES A BOW**
Guys who think they can just take out their phone & start filming me during sex
There’s no way I’d have time to pull out my phone during 23 seconds of shivered convulses before letting out a screech and falling asleep.
Alright buddy no need to brag
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23 seconds... we got a high performance athlete over here
And then has the ability to just fall asleep like a perfectionist.
Happened to my best friend without her knowledge. She only found out when a male friend of hers told her that the guy she slept with was showing all his buddies the videos
People do that without asking? Fuckin wild.
Yes they do
Well that's fucked.
Can confirm, have had several dudes try to do this mid-sex or BJ. In case anyone reading this doesn’t realize, you need to ask for consent before you start just making porn of somebody with your device
"Okay, now cum again in a Cockney accent"
Dudes think they are porn stars.. you need to start yelling random shit like hey mike I think you need your duck pump again the dick is limp
As funny as this is, just in case anyone takes it seriously, do *not* actually do this. Guys who will film without consent are quite likely the kind that shares these videos without consent, and all they have to do in this situation is cut out the audio.
Goblins sneaking in to steal my fruit trees. Sorry but if that perimeter alarm goes off then everything stops.
Lemon stealing whores are a big problem in real life.
We do have a couple lemon whores in this community
The light up sketchers stay on during sex. Sorry, not sorry.
Shit, I’m trying NOT to be a one pump chump over here!
Then you need the Reebok Pumps. Takes at least 10 to get then snug.
Stanky feet are a HELL NO ! If I smell them I will instantly decline.
Clearly a reverse cowgirl fan
Teeth on the shaft as she’s sucking. It’s not a 🥕
Using an apostrophe to indicate plural.
Lack of enthusiasm. I like it if someone wants to be there and is having fun. If I'm not doing something well, tell me. If you'd rather we stop, tell me. Want to do it differently? Hell yeah! Tell me. Tell me whats fun for you and I'm in! If you're thinking, you will just lay there for me to do all the work. That just a warm hole is all I want or all you have to offer. Yea, I'm gonna decline. Thanks for the award. Please spend it on something better like family.
My man speaking facts
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Once had an ex who said he wanted to kill me and screw my body. Wasn't with him for very long lmao.
"Accidental" anal after I've said no.
Mockery.
A standing ovation
no cuddles after the shag :(
Bad smells due to poor hygiene. Unexpected/undiscussed penetration. I don’t want a random thumb up my butt with no lube and no discussion. Seems like it should be obvious, but apparently some people have a problem with that.
Classic “I don’t have a condom” most of the times I’ve gone to go hookup with someone. A lot of guys say this, when they already knew ahead of time. With a tone of “let me see if she doesn’t care?” and a shift in their face when I show them mine.
Going from ass to mouth/ass to puss.
"Never go ass to mouth"
Not tolerating my boundaries. I broke through a belt and other restraints when some fuck decided to do everything I told him not to. I said I hated stinging pain. He whipped me with an electrical cord and emptied a bottle if hot sauce inside me. The dude was lucky I didn't throw him off the balcony. But my adrenaline went through the roof and I was fuckijg out of there.
Please, if you're willing, call the cops on this. Thats not cool and the guy could do shit like that to someone else.
Shrek crocs will never come off
"D'you think maybe he's compensating for something?"
I think you are just jealous of the Shrek crocs
Body shaming, never experienced that, but I’m sure that shit hurts.
Bad/poor hygiene
pressuring me for condomless sex
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Political campaigning
Feel the Bern
A sex act that causes pain being done without it be agreed upon beforehand. It violates consent and you can accidentally really hurt someone if they aren’t expecting it and they freak out.
I had sex with a guy about a year ago and he was so aggressive. I never said it was okay and this mf was slapping me like I owed him money. I slapped him back and left 😂😂
When she tries to take off my naruto headband
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Friendly fire will NOT be tolerated
Friendly fire isn’t friendly is it
Clowns... Don't ask.
Ok, I won’t ask, I’ll demand. Tell me what you know so I can protect myself from the inevitable.
The clussy be honkin tho
My cat watching
... it's also judging you
Anal. I've tried to enjoy it, I've tried to use butt plugs and copious amounts of lube to prepare, but I just can't stand it. I do not enjoy feeling like I'm taking a massive shit during sex.
Slow internet connection.
"Me and my ex used to do this" NO Never has been said in the bedroom and I'm thankful but my god if it got said I would kick my boyfriend out of bed
For anyone wondering, the better thing to say would be 'Hey, I like'.
Being spit on.
My dog staring at me and my girl as we're going at it. They know exactly what's going on.
I do not tolerate surprises. This was years ago, but my BF saw this move in a porno where the guy slaps the girl’s puss as she’s coming. One day, we were hooking up and I was getting close. This man rears back and without any warning, open-palm slams his hand down on my cooter right as I came. I was like… dude what the FUCK what THAT!? So he asks if I liked it and I was basically like “hell no, the fuck? why would i enjoy you slapping literally one of the most sensitive parts of my body with NO WARNING as I’m climaxing” and he was like “oh true sorry, saw it in a porn and she looked like she liked it”. I then explained to him that those women are actresses, and it’s not real, it’s for the shot. Now, if he wants to “try an unconventional move” he saw from a porno, he knows he needs to explain what it is and ask if I want to do it. Edit- Thank you all for the upvotes & support— my cooter is okay ❤️ Also rough sex is cool, but giving & receiving consent for rough sex is even cooler. Stay safe y’all.
Don't let that dude watch Superman. He'll put his underwear over his pants and throw himself off of a building.
Humiliation. Not hot, just mean
Pets in the same room.
You don't like an audience?
I like the audience, but I don't like them if they're smelling my back while I'm doing her the dirty.
Once had a cat lick my (M) gooch while i was in missionary position. Quite odd feeling. Never again
Our cat(s) have randomly nibbled on our toes--separate occasions, different cats. NOT OKAY.
Every now and then my cat, who likes to sleep under the covers, will randomly lick my nipple. It's quite jarring.
My cat has done that. I sat her down and explained that that's not the kind of relationship we have. She hasn't done it again and we're okay now.
Teeth
Pets, about to ….. and look over and see my dog panting making eye contact scars you for life that shit
Don't get parrots... it's awful hard to concentrate when one is standing on a butt yelling "weeee!!!"
Dick cheese
Smegma male
My wife's boyfriend coaching me.
Go get ‘er champ!
Having my head shoved down during a blowjob. No thanks
Nudity
"There are dozens of us...dozens!"
My ex Scooby Doo laughed whenever he nutted during doggy style. Never again.