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TheBlank16

An old buddy of mine was caught by those creep catcher guys. He was trying to hook up with a 14 year old girl. Our whole group has all severed contact with him.


Naborsx21

I was honestly shocked to see a channel on youtube dedicated to catching people chris hansen style about my town of like 166k people when college is in. And it wasn't just 1 guy they caught : ( lol , it's like 100+ now just from THEM.


MazerRakam

That was always the thing that creeped me about To Catch A Predatory. They would get well over 100 predators from within an hour or so of whatever house they picked to actually drive there. There are even more predators that didn't fall for the sting. How many predators are there?


doublestitch

When Ohio passed a law to lab test all the warehoused rape kits, the city of Cleveland took it seriously. Cleveland's law enforcement ended up prosecuting and convicting over 800 serial rapists on DNA evidence, when the DNA from those shelved kits matched either previously convicted sex offenders or else matched other DNA from their backlogged kits. Cleveland is a city of about 385,000 people. Those 800 convictions wouldn't have gotten every rapist off the streets in Cleveland because a substantial share of the kits no longer had usable DNA after years of warehousing, only the serial offenders were prosecuted, and relatively few rape victims get this type of evidence collection. Children are less likely than adults to have the knowledge and ability to get a rape kit test. So there's also that.


veronica_deetz

Considering how traumatic it can be to collect that evidence, it’s disgusting so many places just let rape kits sit to the point of degradation


cameliwv

I have one from 2007. Gave them my clothes and everything (my fav pair of jeans included 😑). —-NEVER HEARD A WORD—- Which sucks given what I had to go through to get that done. Had to go to the hospital with my *dad*. Who wanted to know the identity of the offenders (there were 4; they acted in a group) —but I didn’t want him to *literally go kill someone* so I didn’t give him much ID info (also didn’t know them before the incident)—so it was all extremely…embarrassing for me. Awkward I guess would be the best term. Like, Ben Stiller movie level of awkward, but with something way less funny. It just sucked cause like, you don’t want your dad knowing what goes inside of you at all ya know? Haha and he doesn’t wanna know either! All around, shitty day. And I reaped nothing, not even the sole promised benefit of going through all of it. I can think of a couple things that are more f*caked up, but like, only a couple. And not testing anyones rape kits is UP THERE!!!!


countzeroinc

I'm so sorry you went through that and hope you have found a way to heal.


cameliwv

Thank you! The more time that passes, the more open I am about it. And that helps. Idk why, but just the act of telling someone about it actually does something for you. Maybe subconsciously. Because I can tell you this: it no longer consciously hurts! I’d say I’m totally fine but when I read responses like yours (anyone’s, really) that re-validate that it actually happened and was wrong, I feel something. Maybe thankfulness/appreciation, mixed with another wave of anger towards the offenders? And that’s how I know I’m not just “over it”, but rather have just done a great job burying it. And that feels healing. Cause, otherwise, I wouldn’t broadcast something so shitty to everyone, knowing I was just fishing for sympathy and attention. Anyway we gotta keep the conversation open so things can change around here! (Like legally/ w/ rape kits etc.)


[deleted]

EXACTLY


2k21May

Getting a rape kit done is traumatic in itself, just because of how it has to be done. Plenty of people also don't want to go through that.


[deleted]

Crime lab backlogs are a MAJOR problem in the USA, and just now it's getting much needed attention and funding! My state just passed a new budget to work on the backlog, and in my town alone several cold cases of rape have been solved and the perp arrested as a result. BTW- I was PERMANENTLY BANNED from TrueCrime sub because I posted about this. My post was removed for being an "off topic" possible "rant." Apparently the mods deemed the crimelab abcklog to be a "social problem" rather than about crime. HUH??? When I protested, stating that the crimelab backlog was a major problem, don't we want to help SOLVE unsolved crimes on this sub, and PREVENT future crimes by those offenders who are not caught due to the backlog and run around for years, raping and killing MORE people? I was then permanently banned. Apparently the mods over at TrueCrime only want to revel in the gory details of crimes, and don't want anyone discussing solving them instead.


random-idiom

Well we need money for body armor and machine guns to combat weed dealers. Can't spend that kind of money on silly things like labs and science...


BrotherM

One wonders why the fuck they take these samples if they are just going to let them sit on a fucking shelf...


[deleted]

As a former teenage girl - a lot. I was catcalled by adult men in their 40s and 50s starting from age 11. I'm 26 now, and it's happening less and less. It still happens, mind you, but not as much as when I was walking around in my high school uniform or being a teenage mallrat with my friends. They're simply not as interested in harassing you when you look like an adult who could hypothetically defend herself. And To Catch a Predator always focused on strangers. But it's more often people you know - the teacher that all the girls know looks down their shirts any chance he gets, or your friend's dad only talks about how pretty and smart you are when she leaves the room. They like to gauge your reaction and see how far they can push it. Also fathers of daughters - if he talks about how hot "barely legal" girls are, I guarantee you he will hit on your teenage daughter if he thinks he could get away with it.


MichaSound

Oh yeah - I never had as many 40 something guys hitting on me as I did when I was 15-16 years old


ginns32

Yes and I looked really young for my age too. I looked like I was 13 when I was 16. Just gross.


arbyshateclub

Around 15 was the peak for me it started at 12 or 13


[deleted]

Can confirm. I started being catcalled when I was 12. I remember waiting for a bus to take me home after school when this guy pulled up in his car and motioned at me to get in. He was easily 21 or older.


SirensMoon

When I was 17-18 I was walking along the main road in a small town to get to the nearest bus stop. I had a complete stranger who I think was probably 30s pull up in his truck and repeatedly offer me a ride. I kept walking and he kept pace next to me for a good few minutes trying to persuade me to get in his vehicle. I'm 34 now and I still vividly remember feeling creeped out and very unsafe.


Viperbunny

I was cat called as soon as I hit puberty. Every single woman I know has been harassed, groped, molested or raped. Every single one. It is sad that it is so common. I have daughters. My 8 year old had to deal with some perv on Roblox yelling, "sucky sucky," at her. Luckily, her friends (the sons of my best friend) yelled at him and got him booted. They made sure my daughter was okay. But what the fuck! She's 8 and was playing a kid's game!


[deleted]

You know there's jokes people my age make about being groomed on sites like Habbo Hotel, Club Penguin, or Neopets to cope with the pain. It breaks my heart to know that it still happens to young children. It never stopped, just changed platforms.


CantaloupeStPierre82

Another can confirm. I experienced CSA from ages 4-8 and I can remember there barely being a full year between the end of that and the beginning of random, strange men catcalling me or making gross comments. To a fucking 9/10 yo. The answer to “how many predators?” Is easy, SO many, TOO many- and what makes it worse is that more develop as they gain things like social status, wealth and power. Being beyond reproach is absolutely part of what leads to a ton of predatory behavior, especially in situations where people have leverage against you if you don’t do what they want. It’s fucking horrifying.


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GarthVader45

I grew up going to church and the pastor there did the same thing. This weirdo 19 year old got caught molesting a 10 year old girl… and then it came out he had been doing it *a lot*. 10+ victims all between 5-10 years old, including the pastors daughter. Pastor was one of the first to find out and tried telling all of the parents of the victims to not report it to the proper authorities - he wanted to handle it himself. Even had the audacity to tell them the that the predator would still be volunteering with his mom in the church childcare program… which was the thing that enabled him to molest all those kids in the first place. Turns out the predators parents were wealthy and donated generously… and the pastor was pocketing a lot of that money. Lost all respect for that dude when this all came out - he cared more about protecting his paycheck than he cared about the safety of those little kids, including his own daughter. Honestly I think this played a big part in me rejecting religion in general - I’ve heard the same story way too many times, religious leaders protecting monsters.


NoMalarkyZone

They definitely bribed him with way more than anyone knew about.


GarthVader45

Wouldn’t surprise me. Most of the parents were not okay with how the pastor wanted to handle it and went straight to the police, so it didn’t end up going their way. The dude got off easy though - only went to jail for like two months. Fucked up situation all around.


ames2833

Same, except in this case, there were two girls who were 12 and 13. And he did meet up with them and raped at least one of the girls. I didn't actually know the guy too well, but was friends with his girlfriend (they had broken up before he got busted), and his bandmate was my coworker/friend. Pretty sure everyone in the group cut him off though. *Edited for clarity since apparently some people thought I was implying that what he did wasn't rape* q


toriblush

“12 and 13. And he did hook up with them.” No. That’s not “hooking up”. That is rape.


kingoden95

I had a friend convicted of rape and he admitted to it, I burned that bridge immediately.


Foreseti

Had it happen too. Not convicted, but arrested and admitted. Victim was another friend of mine. Cut all connections immediately, had no interest in having any kind of relation with him any more


Totally_Not_Anna

Well this is making me realize I have kind of shitty friends. I was raped and they would still invite us both over to game nights and not think to mention to me that he was invited. Rapist moved out of state and the couple that hosted game nights broke up but that still hurts.


tjkrutch

Kind of shitty friends? You have horrible friends. I’m sorry for you. Find new friends.


More_Cowbell8

Same thing as your mom leaving you alone with the same uncle who molested her. VERY, INCREDIBLE SHITTY thing of those monsters to do to you. I'm sorry but you're worth more than sharing your


Hip_Hop_An0nym0us

Are you kidding me?? That is despicable! I’m so sorry she did that to you. Parents are supposed to PROTECT their children. Good grief!


Dontbehorrib1e

Those people aren't your friends.


Pleasant_Selection32

They were horrible people.


yenks

Invite him to game night? They should've ended him.


Ralphie99

I had a friend that raped a couple of girls in high school. Neither of them wanted to press charges. I found out long after the fact and cut off all contact with him. Many years later I ran into him at an arena because our kids were playing hockey against each other. He had just arrived from work, still in his police uniform.


nnbns99

Sickening.


lacitar

My sister's rapist was the sheriff's son. He made all the evidence go bye bye


Flaky-Lengthiness326

Fuck them.


kelsobjammin

Fucking pig


TingleyStorm

If I had a friend admit to raping anyone, I’d burn that bridge and then go to the victim and offer to help in any way I could.


[deleted]

This happened. They are no longer my friend.


doccogito

Same. Very weird to hear after a party that I brought him to that he’d forced himself on one of the women who’d invited me in the first place, and weirder that once that came out other friends back home were like “that’s just what he does, don’t be alone with him.” Wtf


LittleTay

I used to be "that's just how they are" type of person. I had a friend (now ex-friend) who would hug really tight, touch anyone (even if they didn't like being touched), cat call ~~women~~ girls who were clearly in highschool. Everyone else said that "that's how he is", even me. I later found out he is a sexual preditor and is on said list for CP. I didn't know this guy nearly as long sd others, but others knew and still said that "that's just how he is". never will I ever just say "that is how he is" ever again.


Hot_Mention_9337

I had to sit down and explain this shit to my husband not too long ago. He kept insisting this friend of his is one of those ‘that’s just how he is’ types. The friend is this complete misogynistic twatwaffle that refers to himself as an alpha male, I refuse to let the bastard into my home and leave when I run into him when I’m out and about. But according to other guys “as long as you’re not a chick, he’s a cool dude”. I was like: Baby, you understand that would be the same thing as me saying one of my massively racist coworkers was ‘a really nice person, despite the fact that they hate Black people and think all Mexicans are dirty and should go back to where they came from?’ (husband is Latino). It was like a damn lightbulb went off and he finally realized that he was coming from a privileged place to be able to ignore behavior that he knew wasn’t acceptable. It’s easy to turn a blind eye and minimize someone’s actions when it doesn’t directly impact you.


timesuck897

“He’s a great guy, if you are white” or “he’s a great guy, as long as he doesn’t want to rape you.” It’s frustrating how people choose to ignore things that are uncomfortable to deal with.


[deleted]

“That dude is awesome when he’s not shooting people on public places y know?”


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foxsimile

Kim Jong Un’s pretty great ^^^if ^^^you ^^^are ^^^outside ^^^of ^^^North ^^^Korea


_-Generic-_-Name-_

"He's a great guy. Except when he isn't"


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horriblyefficient

*“as long as you’re not a chick, he’s a cool dude”* so they just straight up admit women don't matter to them, then?


Hot_Mention_9337

He (and his two other friends that we were with) had totally not made that connection or understood how *that is exactly what it means* until I reframed it for them. But, hey. They had no arguments, no hackles were raised. When I say it was a lightbulb moment, I’m not joking. It was like a some sort of serious clarity and understanding hit them. *this whole discussion came about after the dickbag in question asked a bartender what sort of tips she cleared a night and said ‘bet it’s good with a rack like that’


horriblyefficient

good that he understood it!


DefrockedWizard1

>refers to himself as an alpha male, Oh, dead give away


[deleted]

One of my friends said something to me a few months ago. She had found a conversation on her husband's phone where his friends were going through *her* friends, and either talking shit about them, rating them etc and she was like excuse me wtf is this? Same answer. "It's just a thing guys do." He tried setting me up with a buddy of his, and it went exactly how you think it went.


[deleted]

Alarming though that it impacts *you*, and he still ignored it. You should not have had to explain.


gooderj

I just cannot understand this mindset. If you have a bad attitude towards one segment of society, you are not a nice person. He’s not just “as long as you’re a guy, you’re okay”. Would it be okay if he treated your wife like that? Or your sister? Or your mother? Coming from South Africa, I grew up with racists everywhere and I will not tolerate racism or prejudice in any form. If you’re okay to one group, but not to another, you’re an asshole, no discussion.


TheRealSugarbat

I love you for saying “twatwaffle,” which I’d never heard before. Also: Way to go. 👸


Felwinter12

A dude my friend works with talked about how he would live trap his neighbor's cats and then put them in a bucket filled with water, all because they were in his yard. The people who were in this conversation just seemed to shrug it off and still say he's "such a nice guy." That's some serial killer type sht right there and I'm really uncomfortable around him now.


DaManJ

Fuck that dude


SIXXOFNINEJR

See.. people like him only feel confident saying shit like this because they haven’t ran across the person who wouldn’t let them. He’ll get his. Edit: He ain’t human. Fuck em.


Magnaflorius

Thank you so much for changing your mindset. Many aren't able to do that and I commend you. Something to consider shifting in your vocabulary: women in high school are not women. They're girls.


LittleTay

You are very correct.


ironwheatiez

I can't believe there are still enablers like this out there. A guy threatened to rape my wife in our local watering hole and the manager and owner were just like "oh that's just Roland."


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LookMa_ImOnReddit

I knew a guy in high school that we all said this about. We all knew not to fall asleep drunkly around him or he would have sex with you. It was a known and accepted thing for some reason. The girls he would sleep with were his friends too. I recently thought about it and am flabbergasted as to why we were ok with a rapist among us. It's mind boggling and infuriating that he was allowed to do that.


robottestsaretoohard

It was a different era where there was more emphasis on us ensuring our own safety, going to the bathroom in pairs, keeping an eye on your drink etc. I can see this happening in the 90s or 2000s


NotMyNameActually

>We all knew not to fall asleep drunkly around him or he would ~~have sex with~~ **rape** you. > > > >The girls he would ~~sleep with~~ **rape** were his friends too


Majestic-me-52

"he's just a little rapey, it's fine" THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! COMPLACENCY. disgusting....I have few words. Blegh!


AnonymousMonk7

Similar situation happened to me about 20 years ago. This acquaintance was someone who was in a "Christian" band that a lot of people looked up to, and I was so disgusted I just sent them some choice words in a chat and blocked them forever. I do sometimes wonder how I would have had to handle it if this I hadn't been moving away at the time, been more likely to run into them frequently etc.


ZookeepergameSea3890

Not a rapist in my case, but he videotaped his friend drugging and raping a girl. I reported him and then cut him off. He was my best friend for over 15 years.


timesuck897

It’s great when people record themselves doing crimes.


ZookeepergameSea3890

I know, right?! Best part:. My former bestie POSTED a still-shot of the poor girl all messed up ON FACEBOOK, calling her an ugly dirty pig slut right online as a comment for the photos. And he laughed about it when I questioned him about it. He said it was no big deal, it was fun, that she was into it (ummm, I don't think she could even tell really what was happening to her from the sounds of it, and how she looked in the photos), etc. And about how he couldn't believe his friend would even f*ck a ditch pig like her. He had the audacity to call me a prude when I called him out on it, because he figured that me working in sexwork at the time somehow made this all okay with me.


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ZookeepergameSea3890

Thanks. It was hard to see how much my bestie had changed since we met and became friends all those years ago. It broke my heart a little. I'm a girl but I'm definitely ok with being called a Dude.


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CantaloupeStPierre82

Your username is so great! *fins don’t lie*


HippyHitman

Something similar happened at my high school. The hockey team had a ritual where they (17-18 year olds) would get a 15 year old drunk and then gang-rape her, and the coach would film it. It made national news and everything. The coach was also one of the middle school gym teachers, and he kept Playboys on his little desk cart. Guess that should’ve been a red flag.


WeAreDestroyers

Please tell his ass got fired and sent to jail. That's... I don't even have a good word.


ZookeepergameSea3890

Holy crap, that is terrible. The coach was not only abusing the poor girl, but his team as well. He should have been coaching them on good sportsmanship, not raping underage girls. I hope they all got in huge trouble.


Lifeboatb

I REALLY hope that coach is in prison.


notmyusername1986

Jesus fucking christ. And then some guys wonder why so many girls/women are in a perpetual state of hyper awareness ...


eatMYcookieCRUMBS

I had a friend that raped a girl I ended up dating later. I didn't know until she told me. Stopped hanging out but if we saw him in a bar he would try to say hi. She insisted to not confront him so I begrudgingly would fist bump. He ended up getting hit by a car and died 10 years later. I had heard of other girls saying he raped them too. After his death people were trying to get a skatepark named after him. It didn't take.


HalloweenFreak260

One of the things I hate soooo much is that we have this fucked up tendency to make a dead person an automatic "saint". It's repulsive. Like so tf what if they're no longer breathing and they're now taking their dirt nap?! They were still a shitty human when they were fucking breathing...at least now they'll never hurt anyone again! It's just something that's always baffled me.


QuietGoliath

\^\^ This - the whole "don't speak ill of the dead" is bullshit. Truth needs to be spoken.


im-a-kookie

Truth absolutely needs to be spoken. I would only caution that once someone is dead, you won't find closure by dwelling on things they did. You can't undo it, you can't bring justice against them, in many ways I think it's better to try and forget them and move on. And to not create monuments and skate parks and whatever else memorializing their pathetic existence and making it harder for the survivors of their bullshit to move on and find peace.


LiquidHellion

Here, too. The victim reported it to their mutual employer (he was her supervisor) and to law enforcement. No one did anything. Then the rapist threatened the victim with lawsuit if she told anyone else about it. She doesn't have the money for lawyers and he does. He ultimately moved out of state to get a new job, but he essentially escaped without consequence. He was the extrovert glue that kept our friend group of introverts together, but fuck that guy. We're all better off without him.


NilPill

same, but I was shocked that everyone else wanted to keep being his friend. They still are to this day.


4t0micpunk

To act like it’s normal behavior is pretty much condoning it. They would no longer be my friend after a brutal blanket party in his honor.


NilPill

That's how I feel as well. I'm no longer friends with the rest of them either. Some took longer than others to part ways with, but you know... in the end it turns out they were all pretty horrible people.


Beefy888

Good for you. Disgusting fuckers like those deserve zero pity


rangeghost

They're dead to me now.


[deleted]

I might want to extend that to everyone and also in general


tacohexadecimal

He was already serving his sentence when an old friend at distance contacted me. It hurt really badly. It was confusing. I still have a hard time accepting what he did. You don't want to believe it; you have to. You think you know someone. We were close until about 18 years old. His parents fed and clothed me because my Mom had divorced and was struggling. I stayed entire weekends playing DnD and Sega Saturn there. He did well in life; a criminal lawyer. He also raped his step daughters for years and ran a CP ring. I hadn't talked with him in 10 years; nor had been to more than a handful of holiday parties with many others of that friend group between 18 and maybe 25. He was convicted at 38. We are both 42 now. I do not know how long he was married to the Mother of his victims. I don't know and do not want to know anything more than what was public info, and what I was told by another close friend. This may be different than what you were looking for; I get the feeling you mean someone in the present who hasn't been caught. It's heartbreaking. The mask comes off and the kid you knew vanished into a monster. His Mom contacted me on FB a couple years ago (also a couple since he'd been put away). The one time I broached the topic in talking; well she hasn't accepted it. Complete denial and quick conversation redirect as if I knew her through her other, older son. The few times more we talked she pushed that idea, bringing up the brother as if he was the one I was close friends with. I didn't and won't press that. Even rapists have mothers. Heartbreaking and confusing. My skin crawls with disgusted anger anytime I think about it too long. Like now.


WinterAssassin2004

Man what a sad story


yakahnteatthat

This is so fucked up, it really puts it in perspective.


jessonamission

Yeah my childhood best friend was also convicted of rape. He was a person that I loved unconditionally. My closest friend and like a brother to me, and suddenly I can’t live with myself if I see him again. We have not talked in 6 years. Looking back on us just laughing together hurts so bad. I have really genuine and wonderful memories of us just sitting together. In a way, I’ll always love him, but I can’t talk to him without feeling like I’m going against my morals. Your comment made me tear up because it’s a truly awful feeling to know there is nothing that will mend your relationship. I grew up with him, and he protected me, and there’s nothing I could do but walk away. Sometimes I feel like I abandoned him, but as a woman myself that lives with the fear of sexual assault, I will never talk to him again. I remember one of the last conversations we had, when out of this he said “are you mad at me?” And I responded “I’m not mad at you, I’m incredibly sad for you”


tacohexadecimal

I'm sorry to hear. The right thing is often not the easy thing. In my case, if you were to ask me about my former friend one day before I was made aware of his crimes, I would've said "It's been years, and despite the time, hopefully we'll reconnect after life settles; when we're getting older" ...


Hemenucha

Turn them in to the police.


Uhhlaneuh

They includes family. I don’t know how the fuck people keep secrets like “yeah my friend/sister killed someone like 20 years ago” fucking tell the police!


frazzzledazzler

Two of my best friends were repeatedly molested by their older cousin. The entire family knows but his parents would never admit it’s true because that would mean their precious baby is nothing but a monster


Uhhlaneuh

I know someone who was raped. It was her ex best friends cousin. The cousin raped her AND her best friend. That asshole is still walking around free today.


TreasureTheSemicolon

Just FYI, you likely know quite a few women that men have raped. It’s not unusual. Edit: The vast majority of men who commit rape suffer no consequences at all.


KOCMNK_HORROR

My grandmother was heavily abused by her second husband, a judge, who later "turned up dead in a lake" in the middle of winter, with heavy implications that other members of the family had some knowledge of what actually happened. If it ever turned out that it wasn't as much of an accident as was concluded, I can't say that I would necessarily say anything.


Uhhlaneuh

Murder, in terms of self defense are where most people are ok with.


[deleted]

I think if anyone killed their rapist to stop from or continuing to be raped should not be charged, they have to live with surviors guilt even though their actions were based on protecting themselves, some rapists are sadistically cruel, intentionally cause more damage, enjoy inflicting such pain on another, society has no place for rapist really, why should we punish someone who stopped A predator?


[deleted]

Man, I remember hearing a story how they just recently recovered a girl's body from the *family home* of the prime suspect. Imagine your kid kills a girl, and you let that family grieve for 20 years, knowing full well where she is.


[deleted]

You would be suprised just how many people live like that.


RepresentativeIcy190

I know a family who covered for their son who raped their daughter. Apparently its okay because "they don't sleep in the same house anymore"


Uhhlaneuh

Yeah it’s disgusting


timesuck897

How many more times will they cover for their rapist son?


2017hayden

If they would cover that event they’ll cover any other one they can. It’s enabling that behavior pure and simple, they know what their son is they just refuse to accept it and think if they make the “mistake” disappear it won’t happen again. And they’ll tell themselves that every time it happens.


triggerhappypoptarts

“bUt FaMiLY iS fAmiLy” not when they do that shit thanks


corrado33

Fuck that shit. Half of my family are all piece of shit assholes who think it's OK to abuse their children (physically, and I'm not just talking spanking if you think that's abuse) because "their dad did it to them." Fuck those people.


Uhhlaneuh

Right? What kind of toxic ass family does that


KiokoMisaki

Mine for example. Mostly lovely people, but grandma loves her drug addicted sons (3 of them) that are not working, constantly stealing from her so that she lives in miserable house and will protect them from anyone trying to force them out of her house and turn deaf to anyone saying anything about them and them taking drugs. Fuck, one has a child with a woman that lives in a shelter because they are literally homeless. Her older son is in children's home and her newborn constantly monitored by social services. They even asked my 70 year old grandma if she would take her if necessary. My nan already has a child in foster care that one of them brought home. He's not blood related, only my uncle slept with her mother. Nothing against that boy, he's 13 now (10 years living with my nan) and bit behind his peers due to his mother taking while being pregnant. People are fucking crazy. And the best thing is. If she would let my father to throw them out, she would live like queen. Have new things, more money, much nicer home and less health problems. My dad would make sure they stay away. But my nan and mum won't let him and he wants his peace (and they don't dare to fuk with him). Crazy family. That's why I don't live anywhere near.


[deleted]

I worked with a guy who was busted for allegedly raping his step daughter and his best friend I also worked with went and bailed him out. I don't know the details but eventually his trial came up, that went poorly for him, now he's in prison for real. Last I heard he complained to his friend that bailed him out about how they're mistreating him there. I know everyone would reasonably say they'd do the right thing and turn their friend in, apparently that not a thorough statistic though. Not sure the point of telling this story, guess it's just relevant.


tke494

Yeah, I don't think anyone is going to openly say "I'd still be friends with him. He can do what he wants. He's not doing it to me."


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justbrowsing987654

There’s gotta be a line though. Rape is well beyond it for any normal person.


SatanTheSanta

The problem is trust. Presumably if they are your friend, you trust them. So when some absurd allegation comes out about them, you would naturally take their word over the word of some stranger. So I doubt its often people knowing they are rapists and staying friends, it more knowing there were allegations but believing their friend and staying friends.


creditnewb123

Agreed. If a friend of mine told me they had been raped I would immediately believe them. After all if I thought for a second they were capable of making a false accusation they wouldn’t be my friend to begin with. If a friend of mine was accused of rape I wouldn’t believe it. After all if I thought for a second they were capable of being a rapist they wouldn’t be my friend to begin with.


anthraxl0l

There's something convincing about hearing the story from a friend's perspective. The ability of a predator to warp the narrative - "the step daughter was the one coming on to me, she's only calling it rape because she doesn't want to be judged" - is quite remarkable when you're close to the person. I've never been convinced of such things in regards to sexual crimes, but I definitely have been regarding people partaking in emotional abuse. It's only separation and time that makes you truly realise.


seamustheseagull

This is important when it comes to judging people. Someone you call a friend and you think wouldn't harm anyone is accused of rape. The first thing most people do is doubt the story. Of course you do, it runs contrary to everything you think you know. It can't be true. This is then backed up by his story. They hooked up consensually, but she's a psycho. She's a work colleague who's trying to get revenge on him. She's a silly little teenager who's annoyed that I turned her down. Stories that you want to be true because they better fit the reality that you believe in. Someone who still sticks by a rapist though after the evidence has ben heard; regardless of whether legally a rape conviction occurs; I have no words for that shit.


Wraisted

I'd tell them to turn themselves in or I will


sad_swampwitch

Our friends group had this happen. Half of us decided to end all contact, support the women involved, keep our side free of the rapist and his apologist friends. The other believed him, call us all sluts & the rapist moved countries to avoid repercussions.


Beefy888

Wow that sucks for the victim, rapist should never get support or apologist


chihuahuacomplex

I briefly dated a guy once while living abroad and his best friend/roommate gave my roommate odd vibes. Both of them had zero social media and no prior interest in the country’s language or culture, which seemed strange for such a drastic move across the world. Shortly into the relationship, dude’s roommate tells him to break up with me and he does. Totally out of the blue and I was distraught. My roommate follows her gut instinct and goes FBI google mode on both guys. She finds an entire archive of tumblr posts from women from their hometown coming forward to warn people of him, with various allegations that the dude’s roommate was a rapist and abuser. So dodged that bullet…


wanderous-boi

Guess I'd be down 1 friend and up 1 enemy. If I had evidence, I'd turn them in. Rapists make me sick.


BiryaniBabe

Thank you for pointing out the evidence part of this… some people don’t realize how traumatic it can be to have to go through everything with authorities. Even when you have evidence, it’s not likely much will be done, without it it’s like you’re completely invalidated and traumatized again.


Affectionate-Dog4704

Was it you? Dodgy post history.


Billy-Willie

“Minecraft and chill 14+” “the things I did in the past rip me apart”


cuffedbisexualjeans

OP deleted that “things I did in the past rip me apart” post


[deleted]

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Chim_Pansy

To be fair, it sounds like OP is in high school themselves. In another post, they mention having to see someone around at school. I'm guessing they may be 14-16.


Masiaka

I was curious so i looked at their whole post history. They are absolutely a minor, but clearly they have seen some shit. IMHO, i dont think they are a rapist but they clearly are struggling with something.


Chim_Pansy

Yeah, sounds about the same as the conclusion I came to myself. If anything, I think they may *know* a rapist.


Affectionate-Dog4704

It's all very ick.


odaxsaku

[major yikes from me dawg](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/suzvpp/aita_for_sexual_harassing_a_friend_of_mine/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


Enleyetenment

Was it his two posts before this about "something big and horrible he did that people would unfriend him over if they found out." that gave it away? Or the post from 6 months ago in r/explainlikeimfive asking "why is sexual harassment bad?"? Is this for real? Edit: thought they were deleted. My bad. They aren't showing up on OPs profile anymore though. Hidden? Can still find them by search through his comments.


PastaPalace

Really shitty stupid people really do exist everywhere.


[deleted]

Honestly u/Beefy888 is incredibly suspect. Someone else called them out for this exact thing 200 days ago… https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/t70o5e/eli5_how_is_sexual_harassment_inherently_a_bad/hzerq03/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3


Independent-Bell2483

bruh if theyer aware whyd they even ask about it?


[deleted]

Or the post where he’s looking for 14yo Minecraft friends


elasticicity

I checked after I read this comment and I agree, the last two posts are vague and a bit scary in the context of this post.


[deleted]

This should be much higher up if for real lol


kinggregus

It had to be, OP is super suspicious


Mayokopp

"Why is sexual harassment bad? Eli5" Excuse me what the fuck??


OldGodsAndNew

> I’m so angry and sad that I can’t take back the past […] it consumes me completely. I just wish I hadn’t did it > what i did was so big, that if most people found out they’d stopped being my friend and cut me off fucking YIKES


Finnn_the_human

I could understand a psychological breakdown of the drivers and effects if sexual harassment. That's good knowledge. But in this context, and with his other posts...bruh


Merlinpig

In this thread full of people who were sexually abused the one person they offer sympathy to is the person who was falsely accused of rape.


rafrafruff

Just realized this and went from seeing him as the victim to seeing him as the potential "rapist friend". Really, ignorance is bliss.


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techlabtech

I found out the guy who did my tattoo was a prolific, serial rapist. Like, possibly 20-40 women that we even know of. I only saw him for about 45 minutes, during shop hours, and my husband was with me, so he just seemed very pleasant. He was getting women clients to come in for long sessions late in the day so that most of the other tattoo artists would be gone. Then he'd offer them drugs and whatnot and rape them. Afterwards, he acted like it was consensual, and he'd usually give them a discount on the tattoo so he could claim it had been a trade. When it came out, all of the other tattoo artists said they knew he'd been sleeping with clients after hours, they just thought it was all consensual. He didn't even work at that shop anymore and it still ended up shutting down. They found out so many of those women had gone to the cops, and due to the fact that they were all alternative lifestyle or admitted to taking drugs, the cops refused to do anything, repeatedly. Apparently a bunch of the women had even called the wife because they assumed she didn't know and she just screamed at them that she had children and not to break up her family. Anyhoo, it was a huge scandal and the cops still did nothing and he still has his own studio.


ImXHunter

What’s the studio called?


Liimbo

I don't even understand the logic. How would the police catching more bad guys make them look bad? That just proves they're doing their fucking job.


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theCroc

They get pressure from the city to keep crime stats low so property values aren't affected.


brpajense

Sad stuff. In cases like this where the victim of the sex crime is a child, you can also report to the FBI. Sex crimes against minors is one of their specialties and they take it very seriously.


ForswornPheonix

This is fucked up. A rapist AND a pedophile? And they blamed the victim? Damn, the world needs it, r/noahgettheboat


PussyCyclone

Oh underage victim blaming totally happens and very often. It happened to me, the cops called me (the under 14 victim of years worth of molestation/rape) all kinds of names and said I liked it. And the paper ran an article that called it a 'relationship'...and somehow everyone in this lil gossipy town knew it was me. Like...I'm sorry what? Oh then let the guy himself write like an op ed about it with his name attached to it while he was awaiting trial. Like...no no no no. Whole town talked about it and debated if it was my fault or his; my family literally would field people in like Walmart trying to ask us stupid questions and my mom was so sick of it she started every interaction in public for a couple months with 'if you ask me any questions about my daughter I will smack you with my very heavy purse'. Victims services? 'Not a thing for you'. And after the immediate fuckery died down and the trial and all, my siblings and I would get sheepish peers asking about a new weird rumor related to it at school every year. like 'hey I heard this thing...' It suuuucked for years. and we were quite poor so it's not like we could up and just move and disappear. Many many years later in some support group I attended in another city I learned just how common it is for minors to get blamed or treated in this manner and it was gross...but also reassured me that I wasn't the only one. In my case the guy did get convicted and jailed because my parents (for all their faults) actually did give a shit though. My dad in particular was overly aggressive about ensuring the evidence he found and turned in was documented properly, taken seriously, and that this guy went to jail. He got a pitiful sentence but at least he went to jail, and has to register for life.


[deleted]

Do you need to talk, OP?


inbredandapothead

[Maybe to an attorney?](https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/t70mqb/why_is_sexual_harassment_bad_eli5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


trog12

Next week: AITA for sexually harassing people at work?


PinkRadioPlaylist

We would no longer be friends. If I had the evidence, I would go to the police as well.


dinosanddais1

Then they're not my friend. I had an acquaintance in my choir and he raped my best friend and now he's not my acquaintance and I will happily spit on his grave. I've disowned my closest family members because of shit like that. You think a friend is going to be different? No, fuck you.


randtcouple

I couldn’t. My best friend knows I am a sexual abuse survivor. If he raped someone he would know that I would cut ties. I just can’t be associated with such a person.


boocatbex

No longer my friend/blocked from my life.


Sweeeet_Chin_Music

A rapist is no friend of mine


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harriettehspy

Thank you for doing this. I had this happen to me (didn't know until my friend told me the next day) and it took me decades to realize I was raped. I think I was drugged, but even if I wasn't, I couldn't move, couldn't speak. We had a small party at my apartment. I found myself slumped over on a chair on the porch. This guy at the "party" I didn't even know (just saw around town) picked me up and carried me to bed. I remember thinking, "Thank GOD someone is helping me" because I couldn't physically move. I couldn't even lift my head and was thinking, "How the hell am I going to get to bed?" The last thing I remember was him picking me up. Found out the next morning "we had sex." Everyone there knew and heard us (apparently they heard us). I didn't know until my friend said some sly comment about me having sex the night before. I said, "Oh! THAT'S why I was naked in bed!" He just gave me this weird, semi-concerned/disgusted look and didn't say anything further. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. No way could I consent. And everyone there knew it. And no one did anything. This was around 2001 or so and I think back then the idea of rape was much more defined as, you know, man hides in bush, jumps out at woman jogging, holds a knife to her throat, and forces himself upon her sexually. Culture was different back then. Anyway, I am very glad to know women have a louder voice and especially have more advocates these days. So, thank you.


Menis_Mind

"Hello? 911?"


[deleted]

I did. He raped my then girlfriend now wife. Found out. Pointed a rifle at him till he left my apartment. That monster is my neighbor so we are still in the process of finding a new place. Kicker is we both where prior army service. Brothers in arms means nothing to him


STLR043

Did you report him to the police?


L_Rayquaza

I found out my friend *was* a rapist After he raped another friend New title is former friend


CameronsTheName

When I was 18ish, my 16/17 year old mate got accused of raping an under-age girl. He told me in confidence that he didn't do it. I covered all the court costs and backed him up for everything because I beleived him. Got him off the hook. About 6 months after court, he admitted to me he did rape that girl and had raped others. He fell over a few times and smashed his face, i dont know how it happeneds, but he got dragged to the cop shop and I narced on him. He's done nothing with his life. 25, still lives with his mother. Can't get a job. Smokes dope all day. Has nothing to his name. Rides a skateboard around and hangs out with under age girls to this day.


[deleted]

> He fell over a few times and smashed his face. I don’t care if it gets me banned again. This is the right answer.


CameronsTheName

I haven't spoken to him since I dropped him at the Police Station all those years ago. He was my best friend and I gave him so much money for court and defended him about everything for so long, just to find out who he really was. I never expected it to be honest. He was utter scum. I don't understand how he avoided jail or prison. I didn't see him for a 3-5 years. But I see him around all the time. He only lives a few blocks away from me.


WildDisplayName

When I found out my former roommate was I kicked him out. He tried to convince me that he wasn't because he "didn't intend harm."


Enleyetenment

This gets really creepy when you check his post history. Edit: thought the posts were deleted. My bad. They aren't showing up on OPs profile anymore though.


PangeaPrince

Contact the authorities


MonsieurRacinesBeast

I did. They're not my friend now. He still works at the church as a youth Sunday school teacher. The church knows. They've forgiven him, so it's all good. /s I and my kids left the church and the faith after that.


t0mmyboy68

Wouldn’t even need to be a full on rapist. Friendship over. A friend came to one of our parties years ago and decided to slip his hand down my wife’s friends pants and cop a feel. She told us about it and we never hung with him again. It wasn’t even like they were making out but anything. They were talking in my kitchen, she had on loose fitting pants, he grabbed her pussy. She kept great composure and quickly found someone else to be around. What a shit heel thinking that’s ok.


ComplexComfortable85

Ask to move cells


Silvertongued99

He’s in prison now. His whole family has cut contact with him. Any friends he had would now happily put him in a grave. Whenever he comes up in conversation, it’s usually because someone is hoping hell will be a better place for him. I do not think about him much otherwise. His girlfriend’s family invited him to move into their home. He raped his girlfriend’s sister, a 4 year old, and was selling the footage. It makes me sick to my stomach.


IllustriousSignal575

Is there factual proof or word of mouth? If factual, i will not be friends. If word of mouth, i would find the truth.


freshlyintellectual

Question for you though- what would you count as factual proof? And how exactly would you obtain it? It’s generally not an easy crime to prove, and I’m wondering what your logic is


FlyingPotatoGirl

It's so rare that rape leaves any evidence. The rapist can just say it was consensual sex. Then it is the victims word against the rapist.


Beefy888

Factual clear cut evidence


IllustriousSignal575

In that case, fuck that person. Tell him/her to never speak to you again and leave it at that.


AcidBuuurn

>fuck that person Very holy taking the "do unto others" route.


Canadianretordedape

We’re gonna first have words. Then he’s getting a courtesy ride to the hospital.


MateriaMuncher

Disassociate