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DarthLysergis

All the time. My doctor told me to; his exact words "you could have a stroke at any minute"


Taste_of_Space

I’m literally wanking it all the time too. Your doctor sounds cool, mine just said “put your cock away and don’t come back.” Edit: I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed that this is on track to be my highest upvoted comment.


monkeber

Sounds like the doctor suggested you to come upfront


SafetyDanceInMyPants

That’s weird — my doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, and he said “because I’m trying to examine you.”


YinzerFromPitsginzer

A nun told us 6th graders if you masterbate, you'll go blind. I'll quit when I'm crosseyed.


[deleted]

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Gary_Boothole

I told my wife that guys need to nut 3 times a week so now she’s jerking everyone off. Thanks a lot, Tina.


Popo0017

Well, now I KNOW my wife is trying to kill me.


[deleted]

between 3 and 103 times a week


sportsnwars

this is hilarious but so real all at the same time


CoolBreeze125

Literally milking the eel rn


THE_MONARCH1183

Isnt It a bit hard typing with one hand?


McShit7717

It's always hard


Ded1nside

🤨📸


IamMooz

"You gotta get those numbers up, those are rookie numbers"


EllinorMetalhead-

Everyday before I need to sleep and get out of bed. Idk why it helps in the morning tho


Several_Show937

Morning rounds need to be quickies though, I put myself back to sleep more than once


Ehero88

Guess is just me, I don't do in morning coz after masturbate I'm sleepy......so it help me to sleep at night


Stabinzee

Dude, I’ve jacked it twice since I’ve been here.


[deleted]

I've jacked twice since you've been here too!


GreedyNovel

Another reddit marriage is under way.


Moist_Action_8647

I am jacking off right now


ph33r

If I have the house to myself I’m certain I could hit a grand slam by noon.


jisachamp

Attaboy


Sburban_Player

One of the greatest “attaboys” I’ve ever bore witness to.


onlyrightangles

I don't really keep track, maybe a couple times a week on average? The number goes up when I'm on my period. The horny is REAL with those fucking hormones lol


d0omkitty

It can actually help speed up a period! Orgasms cause uterine contractions which helps with the sloughing of tissue.


TimmyRL28

How can people hate the word moist when the word sloughing exists?


WeirdlyStrangeish

How about degloved? Most off putting word I've come across.


[deleted]

I came for masturbation, and I'm leaving learning new words.


[deleted]

This happened to my hand in a car accident 🤢 I’m into reading true crime so I’d heard of it before. After the car had settled and I looked down at my hand I just thought “that’s degloved”.


Neptunesfleshlight

Did you find your glove?


EmergencyNoodlePack

I got gloves for my glove action figures.


jkd2001

Hey, don't even *think* about having a wank now. No glove no love remember?


theknights-whosay-Ni

Had a coworker deglove a finger at work on one of our machines. Luckily it was only the finger.


DrMontyy69

yeah that was one of the worst short sentences i have laid eyes upon


drmojo90210

Uhh, yeah baby! You feel those uterine contractions? I'm gonna slough! I'm gonna slough so hard! I'm gonna slough all over you!


Accurate-Cut3488

Goodnight everybody


TriteEscapism

No don't go now! You don't want to be accused of... sloughing off, now do ya?


QueerInEverySense

Oh. Here I've been avoiding it on my period, except when I have bad cramps or I can't resist (is that tmi?). I knew it helped with cramps, but I didn't know it could speed up the period.


Zach_luc_Picard

Asking if that’s TMI on a thread like this is funny 😆


HumanContract

Idk about speeding up periods.. once it's about to end you can continue to bleed or even start bleeding earlier with orgasms/contractions.


climenuts

My gf was in the same situation until I set up an ergonomic period sex situation in the shower. Now our hot water bills are off the scale.


My_Little_Pony123

Dude, get her that non pointy cup (which collects period) while you bang away raw. I don't even do solo now because she's always using me lmao. Forgot the name, but it's not a contraceptive just to be clear...


kiwilapple

Always using me lmao. Congratulations, dude, you've achieved sex toy status. An admirable accomplishment. Have fun, drink water.


Lavender_Kai

And when im ovulating, its like a animal in heat lmao


ChefhatShoeface

isin't that kind of exactly what it is, an animal in heat


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hatty130

All the women here know exactly what you're talking about. I'm ovulating right now, have had sex many times this week with husband. I told him it's my animal brain.


Zpik3

All of your brain is an animal brain. You are literally an animal.


QueenBunny7

I call it the lizard brain, as opposed to the lady brain.


magnetic_mystic

I'm past menopause and I still get the animalistic horniness every month at the point I would be ovulating (conveniently the full moon).


MSQ-_-YANIS

Are you the werewolf of the heat ?


PrivateVenue

I feel this.


DynastyLoops

i have to agree there i really only do it when im on my period


emms222

Preach! I’m so single at the moment and fall asleep with my vibrator so much when I’m hormonal lol


AceOfCheems

OK so very serious question When you, how you say..., "beat the bean" do you have menstrual blood on your hands...or... I'm very curious..and also writing down notes Edit: Thank for coming to my ted talk I knew that beating the bean would make people laugh.


stephers85

Lol it's flick, not beat 🤣 Poor bean haha We don't have a continuous stream of blood pouring out, it's easy to avoid a mess if you wear a tampon.


Diligent-Raccoon-513

Never again will it be "flick" always beat the bean from here on out 😅😅🥰


PersistentPuma37

nurture the bean.


leefvc

Sprouting my bean


MissTakenID

A lesbian couple would be "grinding beans" jsyk.


karmaster

Making coffee


SirMooSquiddles

Au Lait


onlyrightangles

RIP my dms already, but to clarify, I wear tampons and don't masturbate vaginally, I just... beat the bean, as you say lmao. So no blood cleanup to worry about.


Beautifulbeliever69

Lol, beating the bean sounds painful. I, for one, very rarely finger myself. Doesn't do much for me. I also won't use penetrating toys when on my period because 1. Penetrating yourself with a tampon in is a good way to hurt yourself, and 2. going sans tampon just isn't worth the mess when there are other ways and I don't often use penetrating toys anyway. If I put a tampon in before taking a shower, as long as I use the right size and change it when I should, there's little to no blood externally. Using a toy on my clit during my period is almost no different from when I'm not.


[deleted]

Lmao beat the bean 😂 if you have a tampon in it’s fine, most women get off on clitoral stimulant for orgasm anyway


djuna_esme

babe, the bean is the clit. menstrual blood comes from the vagina.


ResearcherExotic8900

Yes! And if I catch the hubby before it gets heavier it’s a bonus! Something about that orgasm during that time.


Few_Radish6488

I’ll be with you in a minute.


[deleted]

Its been 5hours. That must be an endurance world record.


actually-walrus

Would have to get over 10 hours to get close. https://unrealfacts.com/masturbation-world-champion-masanobu-sato-masturbated-for-nearly-10-hours/ Like in everything else on the planet, there's a Japanese person doing it better.


nicolaswiths

How tf did he like sit in front of a jury of the Guiness Group for 10 hours?


[deleted]

He waits. That's what he does.


lordnacho666

Better? Surely that's 10 hours worse than most of us.


NormalGuyForReal

Still haven't found that perfect video?


SomebodyGetMeeMaw

It’s really tough


prettykittytitty12

7 hours later…


iamnotchad

Still waiting on that update.


JyroClassified

That's a long ass minute


mk1ddo

Yo, u alright there?


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ArrogantSenpai

Hmm.. 22 here matching your current performance :(


Clancys_shoes

That’s okay! everyone is different!


MrsUnicornRainbow81

I mean thats legit good numbers


malortForty

Depends, once or twice per day on weekends, minimum 3 times on workdays. Boss makes a dollar, and I make a dime, that's why I jack off on company time.


ThatCuriousJ

Glorious poem


hobomojo

Working from home does have its advantages. You are working from home, right?


Contest-Electrical

Once or twice a day, going on six years now if I’m not mistaken


k2nxx

masturbation a day, keep the doctor away


Ehero88

I'm afraid, I already past a decade with this healthy masturbation life 🤣


Enough-Motor1038

Most nights


Legoman987654321

I don’t know


[deleted]

Anymore


[deleted]

[удалено]


PrimaryGuidance352

This is it, boys, this is war


rcrobodude

What are we waiting for?


Late-Specialist3426

Why don’t we break the rules already?


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MagicHead108

Save that for the black and white


CanVegetable7392

Try twice as hard, and I'm half as liked


ami2weird4u

Two rights make a wrong. Three rights make a left.


DesignerKey3762

Could be but two Wrights make a plane


[deleted]

As a woman, probably on average every 2 to 3 days


No_Molasses3788

It’s like every night. It’s like i don’t really have to. I just do 🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️


Mysteriouss-Oil

"I am, therefore I do."


Brllnlsn

Meh if you're bored, then you're bored


PeakedAtConception

Usually multiple times a day. My libido is way too high for how unattractive I am.


maniac_mack

User name checks out!


Cynical_Rae

A couple times a day, less when I’m depressed more when I’m stressed 😅


WeirdlyStrangeish

The depression hits the libido hardest. When I'm up I'm up, but when I'm down I'm down.


Liveangel

And when you're only halfway up, you are neither up nor down?


Necromancer14

Bro I’m the reverse, I do it more when I’m depressed (as a coping mechanism) and less when I’m stressed. (I’m too anxious to feel horny)


Several_Show937

Yo same that lil dopamine boost works wonders for a solid couple minutes lol. Stress no chance though


eggtart_prince

And then you fall into deeper depression after reality kicks back in.


28nov2022

On full moon nights, but only between 9PM and 10PM, and only after sacrificing a small animal, and turning down the pictures of jesus to face away.


totalnewb02

dude, are you jerking off or summoning Satan?


GentleLion4

Maybe he's jerking off Satan


Creepy-Independent12

That's how he summons Satan, by bashing the Bishop


biffybear1

28F — I know it’s weird, but I never do. I have a very low sex drive, likely due to antidepressants. I have sex about once every 2 weeks tho!


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Sloth-boy98

I feel this so much. Like a lot.


canadianbacon6

I feel this in my soul. I swear what I am about to say is 100% true. I hid my wife's Christmas present in the drawer she keeps her vibrator because I was convinced it was the one place in the house she wouldn't find it. It has been just less than a month and she hasn't found her present yet.


All_Is_Not_Self

I am not and have never been on any antidepressants, don't take any hormonal birth control, am 30F, and also never masturbate. I don't think I can. I'm just not horny when I'm by myself. And "forcing it" feels pointless and doesn't really work. I'd rather do other things.


ilmbb03

I relate to you so much. I used to have a bit of a sex drive but after i started hormonal birth control, i have barely any. I still enjoy sex with my boyfriend. Specifically I never ever have the desire to masturbate, it upsets me because I'm not able to orgasm either.


Theshredder116

♾️


Paranormalishh_

I used to do it all the time just for serotonin or dopamine and whatever but honestly I think it ended up making me more sad somehow, sex drive got super low, I quit doing it which I was doing good with for a few months but I did it again like a week or two ago and it wasn't worth it. I'm gonna force myself to resist bc the few seconds of high don't outweigh the lows yk?


Life-Leg5947

Same thing happened to me. I used to be a bit of an addict in hs but I got really depressed and had to stop because I was in the hospital. Once I came out I was still depressed but had abstained from it for a bit. Now I feel like it’s attached to an empty feeling.


bokkachodaa

I also used to do it everyday.But i realised it was making me lazy or sleep deprived. So switched to once a week or sometimes 2-3 a week.


DankTony7

Yeah I've noticed that if I do it before going to bed, I just don't sleep.


TeeTownRaggie

Daily


Comfortable-Bat-1310

3/4 times a week.


IvaNoxx

so you never finish ?


bamboozled_indeed

So you nearly finish.. then start again the next week.. nearly there.. then next week.. Longest edge in history.


HeatherVal1987

As often as it takes to satisfy my sexual "itch"....


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fapswhiledriving

*Gestures to username*


Snoo3763

Please tell me you're not a bus driver.


Epicurus1

Everyone *get off*,


Misandrybones

Not often, once a week to once a month


The_Fireheart

Same. Sometimes it’ll be twice in one week then just nothing for like a month. I’m ace spectrum so low libido works for me. Feeling a need to masturbate all the time sounds super inconvenient.


MysteryMan999

1-2 times a week but I would probably do it 3 or maybe 4 times if I had the time tbh.


CoolBreeze125

If you have time to comment on Reddit you have time to choke the chicken. Go on and have some fun


[deleted]

3-5x a day. I’m a woman


[deleted]

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Supermassive_weiner

I just laughed so hard I spit out my food, so thanks for that


wearingmyseatbelt

You're not alone, Supermassive_weiner


Crusty_Old_Fart

She laughed so hard, the fork shot out!


tygrsku

How do you find the time?


[deleted]

I have a fast trigger. It’s only a few min of my time each time. It doesn’t disrupt my life at all


MeThisGuy

you just stick_a_fork_in_it and say 'yep, she's done' ?


Ordinarypanic

10 maybe 20


Dry-Delivery-6631

A week right?


gnome_warlord420

An hour


Dry-Delivery-6631

The true minuteman


Altruistic-Coast5333

lol


Noah_Dycke

A day? You’re a fuckin animal.


SwansonsLoveChild

It is December.


Noah_Dycke

Got your 14 in today?


SwansonsLoveChild

Yeah. Stay hydrated.


Noah_Dycke

Oh ya gotta stay hydrated


Scottsquatch05

I am a guy and most days twice, sometimes once, sometimes 3 times.


Thats_Haunting_

This is the way


[deleted]

Too often.


Zmirzlina

I see you have excellent one handed typing skills.


[deleted]

No handed. 😉


sneaky_pinay26

1~2x a day. Female


InsatiableAnApetite

used to do it like 3-4 times a day everyday, but ive cut it down to a few times a week


Logical-Discipline43

Respectfully, how tf did you have the time for 3-4x/day? I cannot fathom.


WeirdlyStrangeish

It's called being a teenager. Or just The Flash


justintrudeau1974

The friction burns he must have.


mikeonbass

"It was me Barry!"


fattyboomba123

I usually only masturbate at work before stressful meetings to sort of calm be down and keep my mind clear. That being said, you can probably find me in the disabled toilets jacking one out everyday at 2pm. See you there.


[deleted]

I love that you have a specific stall. Like a second office.


[deleted]

I can’t figure out how to do it in the first place (barehanded at least) :( I’m also too cheap and lazy to buy a vibrator Edit: Nothing revives my faith in humanity more than a bunch of anonymous strangers that are concerned with my sexual well-being :D


Peanuts4Pierre

Electric toothbrush ;) It doesn’t have to be fancy, just the battery-powered Oral B ones. They’re pretty quiet too


VeryLastBison

Just don’t use toothpaste.


Life-Leg5947

$10-20 can get you one on Amazon? Holiday gift maybe??


CuriousPincushion

You are really missing out on some nice stuff..


kaybet

I used to masturbate up to 12 times a night (I'm a female who comes very easily), but after getting a boyfriend honestly 2-3 a month. Not being depressed as much helps, anti depression meds do not. Edit: Call yall messaging me stop messaging me and asking to masturbate with me? A) it's creepy and b) did you not read the part that said I had a boyfriend? Fuck off.


littledylan216

Honestly, maybe once a week. My girlfriend takes care of the rest.


[deleted]

I’m sure she cherishes Little Dylan. Or would it be Little, little Dylan?


littledylan216

Contrary to popular belief - I'm short vertically, not horizontally


[deleted]

Big Dylan. High five 👋


[deleted]

Once or Twice a week


N-E-B

Man here. Late 20’s. I’m about once every two or three days now. Sometimes I go through phases where I’ll go daily for a week and then cool off and go back to every other day. Being engaged and sexually active helps but I also just don’t have the sex drive I had when I was younger. I don’t need to orgasm twice a day anymore so if I think there’s a shot I could get laid or get head I’ll hold it in. We also go through phases in our sex life. Sometimes we do it daily, other times we take a break for a few days. I couldn’t sleep if I hadn’t rubbed one out when I was younger. Now I can sleep just fine without it. I still love to jack off and have sex when I do it, it just doesn’t consume my brain like it used to.


galactic_cactus760

maybe every couple days, pretty much whenever the mood strikesre


Buncos

Like once a week, hormones go brrr and make me horny


hajiomatic

Who wants to know?


[deleted]

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hajiomatic

Hi mom. I never ever think of sex. You know that


Savings-Table-9174

Personal worst was like 13 times in one day. Didn’t even feel good after so many times, honestly it hurt. Left me bruised as fuck, sore, tired. Anyways, time to choke the chicken


idotattoooo

Well I’m not at risk for prostate cancer, I’ll put it that way


[deleted]

Used to be at least once a day, now I just couldn't be bothered. Effort


[deleted]

Male mid20s here. Anywhere from once a week to 10times a week if I'm honest. I also do significantly more DIY during the dry seasons that I'm not sexually active. Dating right now so my wrist is finally getting a bit of a break.


Scared_Standard4052

Almost everyday since I discovered I could at age 11-12. I'm 40 now and didn't slow down in that matter.


Tasty-Instruction-78

30-M about once or twice a week but usually one bc I work and tired


daughter-of-cain

Pretty much daily.