Releasing elementary students early on a regular basis is *bonkers*. Allowing elementary school kids to be in a moving vehicle without being properly secured is also nuts. Either there's a *lot* missing from this story, or this is an unsafe/negligent school.

My husband brought it up to the principal and she said that so many parents don't buckle their kids and have younger kids in their cars already that aren't buckled in...and basically I was the only one who it bothers.. but they would create a spot for people to buckle properly, but by then I was already walking and I felt like I was the crazy one creating a fuss

The school had a terrible perspective, and had there been an accident where a young child wasn't buckled up because it wasn't allowed, the school would probably have been liable. At the school where my eldest sister's grandson attends, drivers aren't allowed to get out and buckle their kindergartners because it would slow down the line, so staff does it. Letting out kids 10 or 15 minutes earlier than stated and then leaving them standing there unattended is also negligent. I'm a retired teacher. I hate the term "helicopter parent," as it's so demeaning, but honestly, it sounds like you're the only reasonably careful person there. Your son is lucky to have such a sensible, concerned mom.

Thank you for this validation, I hope I'm doing the best I can raising my kid, he is an only and sometimes I think there is a stereotype of only kids being spoiled or their moms being extra when I just want to keep him as safe as possible but giving him independence within reason for his age.. I thought maybe I'm just being too extra to expect this from the school

You're definitely not being extra, and I know what you mean about the stereotype. My kids are 10 years apart, so my son was an only for a long time. When he was in third grade, I discovered he wasn't using the school bathroom, as in *at all*. Apparently, there were boys who hung out there who'd tease and torment boys who came in to use the facilities. The stall doors had been removed, so there was no privacy. I went to talk to the principal. She said she'd removed the stall doors because boys would swing on them. I asked why the bullies were allowed to hang out in the bathroom so much and why all boys were punished via no privacy for the acts of a few. She looked at me with smug sympathy: "He's your only child, isn't he?" Yes, the only reason I'd be upset about kids bullying my kid in the bathroom is because he's a singleton./s Your views are valid and have nothing to do with how many kids you have, but I can see how you'd doubt yourself when facing a school that takes such risks. BTW, the next school year, I unabashedly used my teacher privilege to transfer him to a different school. The teachers were better, there was little bullying, and the stalls had doors.

That's a stupid reason not to have doors in the most private place in the school 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm surprised more parents *weren't* concerned about that. I don't have kids, but I know that if a child of mine came home and said there were no doors on bathroom stalls I'd be having words with the principal or someone at the district level about that

I know! The principal claimed I was the only one to complain, but I can't say I believe her. I thought about taking it to the superintendent, but then I was able to get him transferred, and I wasn't too sure the supe would listen to me if I really was the only one to complain.

I sincerely doubt you were the only complainant. Too bad there are no longer strong PTAs.

The other kids probably didn't think to tell their parents.

I only just learned this last year that the little kid bathroom doesn't have a stall door either. I got to volunteer to read to my kid's class and decided to go and walking in was... a single stall wide open no door. Looked at the big door to the hall, no lock. Is the little girl's bathroom to boot. I was certainly like What the fuck is this? These kids have 0 privacy? What's the point of the fucking stall if the stall Also had no door? So ANYONE can walk in on and have their privacy invaded? Flabbergasted is an understatement

School board. Department of Education. And depending on the setup of the town or city, the mayor / city council. Damn.

I would have gathered some mom friends, forced the principal into the bathroom, and told her to use it in front of us while all mocking her, and afterwards asked her if she was an only child. The principal is also a bully. I'm all about meeting bullies head-on.

The fact you’re reflecting on whether you’re a HMP (high maintenance parent), proves you’re not. My district literally noted this in student records. I always had them because “I could talk them off the ledge.” From the sound of it, you would not receive this label. I am dumbfounded that children would be dismissed one minute early. May I ask if this is a small town district? My 180,000 student district would never have thought to let walkers go early.

It is small, like 700 kids for K-12

Where in the world is this school?

Southeastern part of the US.

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My sister is paralyzed because she was in an accident and not wearing her seat belt. It's been over 20years. I will NEVER budge on car safety

I am in no way dismissing OPs concerns, but I was a public school teacher for 12 years. I worked car riders every day for that time. We were not allowed to buckle kids because if we did it incorrectly, there was an accident, and the seat or seatbelt failed, and we would be liable.

That’s why ours wouldn’t buckle kids in, or at least that’s what they said. “It’s a liability thing”. We had to pull to a different area to buckle in. (Which was further from the pickup line than I felt comfortable with, but just kinda had to deal.)

Exactly. At my school students through the end of 1st grade are walked out by their teachers and teachers or staff assigned to that door do not go back in until all their students are picked up. If a student is not picked up by 15 minutes after dismissal they are escorted back to the office where they wait until an authorized adult collects them.

Weird!

>My husband brought it up to the principal and she said that so many parents don't buckle their kids and have younger kids in their cars already that aren't buckled in...and basically I was the only one who it bothers Wow. That's the MOST irresponsible response I've EVER heard from a school. Does your son HAVE To go to this school????? I'd be sending my kid anywhere else BUT there at this point. This school is a disaster waiting to happen so that admin can flutter their hands, offer "thoughts and prayers" and then claim they had no idea anything could go wrong.

Is that not COMPLETELY illegal where you live? Wow.

The term you need to use to scare them is "en loco parentis". The school is acting in place of the parents, and are actually held more liable than parents if something happens, and it is their responsibility to supervise and keep the children safe until they are in the care of another authorized adult. I did after school care for years, and if a child didn't get picked up we were staying until their parents arrived (assuming we could get a hold of them), an emergency contact arrived, or the police depart arrived. Leaving them alone for half an hour is negligence and they should have the shit scared out of them.

I've seen people in carline with their younger kids (preschool age) climbing around in the back seat, leaning out windows, etc. and I live in an uptight suburb not rural. Meanwhile I'm over here and my 3.5yo is rear facing and my oldest just wrapped up 1st grade and we only just let him get out of a harness and into a buckle.  I've been an EMT. I don't care if people think I'm being inconvenient or uptight or a helicopter parent. Car safety is more important than others' opinions. Even on short drives btw. We were in an accident this winter where someone t-boned us less than half a mile from our house. Literally couldn't open my door or my then 2yo's door but she was entirely safe and barely noticed it. 

Oh my god, I try not to be judge-y, but the people with their tiny kids hanging out of the windows, sunroofs, etc. in the drop-off line give me *so* much second-hand stress. We have a pretty strict “all body parts stay in the car” rule, and meanwhile the car in front of us has a kid with their whole-ass upper body dangling out of the car.

All I can think of is the school is assuming kids can buckle themselves. I babysit a lot of kids. All my younger kids (under kindergarten) need to learn and practice to buckle in themselves. I practice with them till they can. I’m assuming this problem is more that the teachers don’t have time individually buckle in 100s of students. Kids go into the car they buckle themselves or the parents pull ahead to the side and buckle them themselves. The other thing with the other kid is weird but expecting you to buckle you own children into cars seems totally Normal. It’s takes an hour for them to get into the cars I don’t need another 5/10 minutes per car for teachers to buckle my child into his seat. I just turn around and push the button. Takes me 15 seconds. If my kid is not behaving I pull ahead and then make sure they are buckled before we go ahead.

My kids’ school wouldn’t buckle them and they could buckle themselves at that age, but also the pick up line was so unreasonably slow at my kids’ school that I wasn’t concerned about them being buckled for the 5 minutes we spent stopping every 20 feet trying to get out of the pickup line. Releasing kindergartners on their own 30 minutes early is wild. My kids’ school doesn’t allow them to walk home alone until 3rd grade.

Our school system had the same policy (3rd grade and only with explicit parent permission). Bus riders also weren’t allowed to walk up their own driveway without a parent/adult in sight until then.

Our school has the same 3rd grade policy. If your child is younger than 3rd grade and is a “walker” (gets released to a parent on foot, not in car line) the parent/guardian has to physically be there and present their pickup pass before the child will be released.  If you forget your pickup pass you have to go down to the office. But there is no scenario where kids are just let loose. They all get checked out individually. 

You’re not crazy. The school admin is gaslighting you. This school seems like it’s breaking a lot of federal laws

Geez. My school sent parents an email this year reminding them we are mandated reporters and would have to report if they left the lot with the kids unbuckled.

It is AGAINST THE LAW for anyone to be unbuckled in a motor vehicle! Call the Traffic Division at your City's Police Department and ask that a traffic officer speak to the School administration. What a f∆cked up "rule". And dismissing early without prior day(s) notice is also stupid. What's it going to take? A pedophile snatching a kid? Thanks for watching out for the children of others.

What would be the "consequences" of getting out of your car to buckle your kid in? Like are they going to ban you from picking up your kid?

I would be getting out and turning my video on and strapping my kid in. And then posting the resulting complaints from staff that you're not allowed to do that.

.... aren't they mandated reporters? Lol wtf

Report that principal to the school district. Isn’t it the LAW to have all people in the car buckled in?

They should alert police, and start having random safety checks. Send home links to some of those British buckle up videos.

"So because all those other parents are breaking the law and endangering their children's lives, you want to force me to do likewise? No, thank you." Personally I'd shop around for charter schools in your area

That would be 100% completely illegal in Australia. Where are you?

Maybe the sheriff’s office or police department would be a better place to contact.

I find it EXTREMELY hard to believe you’re the only parent bothered by their child not being buckled in. Unless your town exists in the 1950s, most parents take car safety seriously in 2024.

A kindergartner should be able to buckle their own seatbelt. If your kid can’t, you should work on that

This! If they can’t buckle their own seatbelt, what about their pants, and their straw at lunch, opening their yogurts??? I get it, some kids need more help with motor skills but that is something you need to work on before you send your kid to school. My son was like that, but there’re was no way I was sending him to school helpless, so we practiced these things.

I don’t understand how you didn’t just get out and buckle the kid in? How can they stop you?

None of this story makes any sense. It's interesting that OP is the only one to care about kids'safety.

Probably other people have brought this to the school's attention and been similarly brushed off. Seems like the staff have an excuse for everything

Probably other people teach their kid to buckle their seatbelt. It's a requirement to be part of the pickup line at my kid's school. If you don't, then you have to park and go in and sign your kid out. For pickup and drop off, parents aren't supposed to get out of the vehicle. And I've seen what happens when they do. Always added time for everyone else who doesn't want to double their time spent in line.

And what about allowing kinder-age kids to just wander off without a parent?

Based on the fact that she says she was parking offsite and walking to school to pick up her child, I'm guessing that being allowed to park in a staff spot and go in the building to get her child would have been a very welcome option. Our school doesn't allow any parking during the pickup window - they even block off the rest of the lot. As a family of bus-riders, I was out of touch with the fact that they close the lot and cars start lining up an hour before dismissal. Really messed us up when I needed to pick my child up a half hour early to get to an appointment. Can't get to the front door!

My kid's school never releases early (it would be pointless anyway. Rural area, no one walks because no one lives near it. They gotta wait for parents and buses anyway), but they do not buckle your child or allow you out of the car to do so because it holds up the line. They expect your kids to be able to buckle themselves, and say if they can't, to park in the parking lot and come in to get your kid. Makes the most sense to me. If an adult is having to buckle every kid, that line just got a lot longer.

At my son’s school they will not buckle or unbuckle kindergartners from car seats. There was really no good place to park. I spent time teaching my son how to do it himself and let go of being crazy about it. It’s a short drive (2 miles) home.

Not a lot missing and I say that because I’ve had to do pick up for my then young granddaughter and always had to pull over to get her buckled in

I would tell them that my insurance doesn’t allow me to move this car an inch without everyone being properly secured.

Yeah, and if I were the school I would want the parents securing kids in cars seats, for insurance reasons.

If be more concerned about them changing release time constantly. In CA (not sure about where you are) there are required minutes children must be in school called “instructional minutes” - these minutes can’t include recess or passing periods. There’s NO WAY my school would meet our instructional minutes if we shortened our schedule on a whim. That’s so peculiar. A skilled kindergartener can walk down the block in my opinion (after an adult had taught them how to do it safely.) kids vary. Your kid might not be ready to do that, others are. It would be something you could work on with him this summer.

I am not sure about how they get their time, we have a 4 day school week here also, I trust my child to walk along the sidewalk now to recess without running in the road but I don't trust adults driving by lol, I do plan on this next school year letting him walk home by himself with me watching him from our porch, but my kid is very social and talks to everyone and although I tell him about stranger danger he always thinks he has superhero strength and can just beat an adult up, he just hasn't grasped the concept, hopefully soon he will

In terms of stranger danger, focus less on that and more on the concept "tricky people". I have super friendly kids as well who talk to everyone. The idea is, strangers are not really that dangerous. Most danger unfortunately comes from people we know. So kids need to understand situations- like one concept is an adult should never ask a child for help - if someone really lost their dog, they need an adults help not a 5 yr old. At most an adult may ask where your adult is to help them. This helps teach critical thinking as well. Plus lots of focus on consent. Kids *should* feel comfortable telling an adult no.

Yeah plus the likelihood of someone driving by a class of kids walking, stopping and kidnapping one in broad daylight is pretty low.

I would recommend (for anyone actually) listening to the podcast “You’re Wrong About.” They do an episode on stranger danger that really digs into the reality of stranger danger. They do an urban legends episode just before stranger danger that is also illuminating about things like trick or treating.

Thanks, I will look into it

There was a slate parenting episode about this recently, and 2/3 hosts thought letting a 6 year old walk around alone was bonkers- They're so vulnerable at that age. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4scMVjImz0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4scMVjImz0)

So, our school will start dismissing car riders if the line of cars had gotten so long that it blocks where the busses enter. On early dismissal days, they might be about 5-7 minutes early. BUT they only call the kids, by name, based on the order of cars in line.

No. It is illegal for him to ride without a seatbelt on. If they can’t buckle him and won’t give you a chance to, you don’t have a lot of choices. And I would NEVER as a teacher release a kindergartener by themselves, way too much liability. What is that school thinking?

I help bring kinder out and we group them and put them on the correct bus and verify with the driver, then verify parent pick up. The check in at the office that the students I’m responsible for were checked into the next location with another adult. We cannot even allow kids to walk home unless they have proper sidewalks with crossing guards. Under 3rd needs an adult to pick them up and walk with them because we cannot release children that young to an empty house.

If what you're saying is all true, I'd say this is a scary school 😬

That is a BAD school. None of that is ok. What else are they grossly mismanaging? Refusing to allow a child to be buckled in would be illegal in many countries. Letting kids out early and NOT having anyone watch them until actual school dismissal at least is neglect. Letting a little one wander off alone off campus with no supervision knowing the parent could be a half hour away is insane. In fact not checking they are releasing a 5 year old to the correct adult would be against the law in many places. Change schools if you can. Otherwise, get the local media to do a story on the stunning neglect on the part of the school.

Yes that is nuts. I’ve never heard of a school letting out at random times, how would you plan for that? But also, why can’t your son do his own buckle? That seems like a big developmental delay for a kindergartener.

He can now, just at the beginning was very slow, growing up we always had a bell and we're released at the bell, over the course of the year they let out early probably 10 times, and that means 10-15 minutes or so, day to day it was regularly 3-5 minutes early, I just planned to be there 5 early because I knew...

FWIW, some 5 year olds are still within the weight limit to be in a 5-point harness carseat. My kids' seats go up to 65lbs forward facing. We were told a 5-point harness carseat is the safest option until that weight limit is met.   While my kiddo can clip it all together, I don't believe I would trust him to ensure all the straps weren't tangled and that the chest clip is in the proper position.  Edit to add: I'm not saying 5+ year olds cannot buckle themselves ever. If they can, great! Only that I would not consider it a "big developmental delay" if they aren't able to secure themselves in a carseat. Especially given the difficulty of some 5-point harnesses. I also think, in general, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent wanting to ensure a child is properly secured before moving a vehicle. 

My 5yo is in a 5 point harness and has been able to buckle himself for some time now. If the chest strap isn’t in the right position, can you not just tell your child to move it to the correct spot?

I'm glad you have a system that works for you guys. I personally like to do a pinch test and double check it's correct without twists before we go.  I don't think it's far fetched to say some kindergarteners need assistance with a 5-point harness. Especially when I've seen plenty of adults fail to use them properly.  As the adult, I feel it is my responsibility to ensure my 5 year old is properly restrained. Which does require me to get in the back of my van with him for like 30 seconds. 

yea idc if my 4 or 5yo can do it himself. that’s awesome! but we’re not leaving until I ensure it’s done right and that he is safe. am i crazy to think it’s crazy that too many people are entrusting their young children with a life or death responsibility? hate to be dramatic here, but seriously… some kids can’t even tie their shoe at this age and they’re expected to property secure and/ or adjust a 5 point harness? ooookay

My kid is 7 and in a 5 point harness. He's been capable of buckling himself since he was at least 4 (I don't memorize what he does when so could have been 3, but he was able to do it before he started pre-K at 4). If his straps are tangled, the straps are too tight to buckle, so he figured that one out. As for the chest clip, he was pretty obsessive about it for a while, but all I have to do is tell him to move it.

It’s wonderful this worked for you, but this is not the safest option for all families or all kids.

That's great! I'm glad it works for you and your kiddo.  I like to do pinch test and double check it all before we go. It takes me like 30 seconds. I'm already back there securing my other children. 

Many kids are in a 5 point harness where I live. Those aren’t easy to buckle themselves. Also a good number of kindy students get OT/PT with early intervention in many places. That’s not a skill I’d expect from an entire grade at a school.

IDK my 7 year old can’t really buckle her seatbelt herself because the buckle is kinda behind the booster seat base and she has to twist her wrist at a weird angle and she can’t do that while pulling with enough force to keep the seatbelt from retracting on her… might just be my car sucks though. In any case our school has a row of short term parking spots by the pick up line so if you need to help your kid in or out of the car you can do it there and I can’t imagine not having that option.

No but where the he'll are faculty? Look they can get out for any reason. But no one is there to take care of students. This ain't high school.

It's a small school so it is K-12, I went to the same school growing up and I was always with a teacher, now it seems like kids just kind of aimlessly walk around, similar to high schoolers

Report it to the district or state dept of Education. This will not change until the school administration is shaken up. You mentioned some pretty scary things and, no - you're not being a helicopter mom. If the school wont change, consider a different school, public or private or home school (use a fulltime or partime tutor to help out since your work

I work at car rider lane in school. Am a teacher. Parents cut each other off, have babies 1 year or younger in the front seat (with/without an adult, or a seat belt, no car seat to be found), and cuss at us at 7 AM. All due respect, it is 100% not my job to secure a child in a car. I went to school to educate kids.

No you are not. But letting kids wander around without adults or parents in driveways isn't recommended.

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Understood but not letting a parent be a good parent and buckle their kid? That’s where things get sketchy. I used to work with a hospital ER, so maybe I’m biased like OP, but I agree that leaving small children unattended to make their way home is not a good thing. I know teachers aren’t paid anywhere near what they’re worth so it would be nice to get yard monitors or something for after classes.

Even if the car reeks of weed, kid has no sealt belt, and we report it, nothing changes. Where is the money for yard monitors coming from? My school has no money for normal school supplies, my pay rate won't even afford me rent in my area, and admin has asked us to call parents to send in toilet paper.

I’m a teacher and you aren’t overreacting. Frequently letting kids out early is asking for trouble. I wouldn’t move my car until the seatbelt is on and I’d call the school to complain and if it continued, I’d call the superintendent. If they continue letting kids out early next year, I’d complain to the principal and then take it to the superintendent, if needed. That whole thing is ridiculous and dangerous.

Since driving without a seatbelt is against the law, I wonder if police could be called if they actually refuse to let a parent buckle their child and insist the parent drive the vehicle.

This is absolutely bonkers and irresponsible. I’m not even getting into the dismissal thing. Our K-2 school doesn’t release any kids without an approved adult picking them up. Dismissal is done one-by-one (or family) at the gym doors. If the staff manning the door doesn’t recognize the adult, they need to show ID. The staff member marks off each kid as they leave. A lot of kids take the bus, but we’re till talking 80-100 kids on any given day. Maybe it’s regional, but here even in semi-rural NJ this is totally normal. Not a single adult thinks it’s over kill. It’s annoying that there’s no staying in the car option, but no one really complains since it’s obvious with the with the set up of the parking lot it just wouldn’t work. As for drop off with the buckle, there’s some kids who can’t do it, they can use those little devices to help, but there’s plenty of families who don’t like the pressure. Like I said, this is NJ, so I f you can’t keep the pace of a line GTFO of it. We have a parking lot so I’d say about 1/4 of drop offs park and walk them to where the staff are waiting. Driving unbuckled is absolutely insane. Unbuckling while in the line waiting to open the door is totally normal for a 5+ year old though.

Right? The pick up and drop off is along a main road, next to the playground, and right next to an intersection, so there isn't a spot to pull into, you just pull out and are on a road at a 4 way stop.. a few times I would pull away and into a driveway or along the road but didn't feel safe myself, granted it is a small town, but I didn't know the owners of said houses... and there is no real shoulder to safety pull off, but I was headed for a highway and didn't want him not properly buckled...

I work parent pick up on a rotating duty with other teachers. I hotline parents who have students improperly restrained. We have to. I’m in NY.

Yea, that’s just really irresponsible. I would never drive away with my kid unbuckled and even if he could buckle himself, I would check it before getting on the highway/busy small town road. Maybe post on a facebook group and see if anyone is willing to let you use their driveway for the 10-15 minutes a day for a fee or exchange of something? Yard work, meals, garbage to the dump, etc.

exactly! When i was helping out with my sister's kids in MA, we had to register me as an approved person with the school.

Personally, I'd take up the early dismissal issue at a school board meeting. Your child isn't getting the full education they could be. Spe isl education student aren't getting the required minutes stated on their ieps either.

"Am I a helicopter mom?" Your job. Your most important job... is to care for your children until such time as they are able to care for themselves. You may run into people who think you're 'overprotective' or that you're spoiling your kid. Or any number of things you're doing wrong in their view. So? Fuck those people. It is your job to protect your child. Sounds like the school in general doesn't really care too much about taking care of your kid. Also, in this age where everyone sues everyone else for existing, do they not understand the risk of a lawsuit when they fail to take care of your child's safety?

What the hell kind of school is this? I've NEVER heard of this.

This is insane to me. Our school won’t let kindergartners off the bus if someone isn’t there to grab them (any grade above K can walk home alone from the bus stop). They would NEVER dismiss children to no one (especially in K). I can’t fathom how they are not getting shit for it.

Our school district won't let kids K-2 off the bus without someone there! In 3-5, they'll only let kids off by themselves if parents submit a permission slip!

Sounds crazy to me. When I was in elementary school, they didn’t even let you come down off the steps till they identified the car picking you up and called your name.

What country is this in? I've been a principal in California and I would lose my job and my teaching/admin credentials for being so negligent.

You aren’t out of line at all. Every single one of your concerns are valid and I’d be at the district talking to their lawyers as each concern is a huge liability issue. First, not allowing you to buckle your kid in is insane. I would not have moved my car until my child was buckled in and, since I’m disabled and so is my child, the line would wait while I buckled her in. Next, letting a 5 yo walk by themselves because released them early is a huge liability on the schools part so the principal is an idiot. If my kid were injured/taken cause they were released early, I would sue the principal individually as well as the school , district etc. You should call the district and ask to speak to their lawyers. That behavior should stop immediately and that principal deserves to be fired for allowing these dangerous situations to happen. Who knows what other terrible decisions this idiot is making.

Report this to the school district. Your child's school should have safety at the very top of their priority list. You mentioned a number of things that would concern me as a parent of a young child. Young children should not be walking unescorted by an adult past a construction zone. The should never try to make you drive on before the seat next is buckled. And early release for their own convenience on a regular basis is inappropriate. Teachers and students are required to spend a specific number of hour in class each day, week or year with exemptions for holidays, bad weather conditions, or some unforseen problems. Letting out early for sporting events is not appropriate as every child is not necessarily involved. Start with your school principal and wo

A kindergartner cannot do his own buckle??

He could just slow... and I liked to make sure it was properly fitted, by the end of kindergarten he does it fine

OP, There’s plenty of kids who don’t quite have the hand strength to do that yet. You can get a small plastic thing (no clue what it’s called) that helps them push the button down to release it. We start Kindergarten next year and are no where near ready for that either.

My kindergartner was still in a convertible seat and definitely couldn’t do his own buckle. I don’t feel like that’s too uncommon

Mine can do the chest buckle, but just doesn’t have the hand strength to do the one between the legs 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not worried about a kid who has been taught “walk to this location to the car” kids are all developmentally different. I AM worried about the school just releasing kids early- a kid knowing to walk to Mom’s car is a different situation if Mom won’t be there for 15 more minutes. The car buckle situation is a double edged sword. I both agree that the kids need to be buckled, but any time spent doing that will back the line up which will lead to any staff doing pickup duty getting absolutely screamed at. I think that would be one of the skills I would practice with my kid as a parent- making sure they can buckle themselves in. I teach middle so it’s different but when I was a child in elementary school, my school had a list of “walkers” who were able to sign out with their teacher at dismissal. Then bus riders would be dismissed to the bus. Then the rest of us would be walked to the pickup loop and we would be checked off on a list as we were picked up. If the teacher didn’t recognize who was picking you up, they would check the adult’s ID against the list of parent supplied names.

So absolutely not a helicopter mom for this. I could not imagine letting elementary aged kids out early from school on a regular basis with principals deciding the day of?! This is unheard of. In our neighborhood, kids 2nd grade and below have to have a trusted adult outside or where the bus driver can wave to be released from the bus.

My kids school won't allow anyone from prek-2 grade to walk from the school with out an older sibling or parent. The fact they just them wonder off is INSANE. In the pick up line if the kid can't buckle themselves they will do it real quick so we don't have to park and get out.

Our buses won’t let kindergarteners off unless they have an adult waiting at the stop for them, they take them back to the school if no one is there for them. They would never release them to walk home by themselves. This seems insane to me, they’re FIVE.

No. It's completely irresponsible of the school to be sending kids home 30 minutes early without advance warning when there is no emergency. "Day of" is *not* an advance warning. Assuming you are in the States, your state education department may find your school's loosey goosey attitude towards dismissal times to be quiet ... interesting.

That’s not even close to being a helicopter mom. The dismissal thing is very odd, but I guess for small-town school 🤷‍♀️ As for seatbelt - I would get out of the car and buckle my kid in. If someone would try to intervene they would end up strapped over my hook like a deer and taken for a ride. My car isn’t moving until everyone is strapped in.

Probably a little of both here. It's very weird to regularly release early like that. 3-5 minutes is nothing, but the 15-30 minutes is unusual. 6 year olds should definitely be able to buckle themselves so I'm glad he's able to do that now. Pulling up a house or two without a buckle on wouldn't bother me one bit. Kindergartners walking home or away from the school on their own is totally normal here. Someone snatching a kid from a group walking up the street just wouldn't happen here or most places, that's not how the absolute majority of kidnappings happen. Like the chance of it is astronomical. You're probably being a bit helicopter in some ways but there are some things they're doing that is unusual as well.

Read the first five words of your post and that’s all the info I needed. No such thing as a helicopter parent for a child in kindergarten. Doing anything different is already getting into borderline child neglect territory.

This is totally crazy to me! I am an educator who has car rider duty. We encourage parents to strap in the children. If anyone complains about a hold up, I remind them that it's all about the safety of our students.

If it were me, I'd be reporting this to the school board and the superintendent asap.

It’s illegal to have a child unbuckled in a moving car. Ignore them and follow your safety instincts.

No. We have to confirm an adult before dropping students off the bus. Seems odd a kindy student can just walk home with no confirmation with a last minute change. We make parents write what the plan is for a last minute school day change as well. I just hotlined a parent who had children improperly buckled that I saw during parent pick up. If your children’s school is this lackadaisical about safety where parents can see, I’m very anxious about what they’re doing that you cannot see….

My kids school doesn’t even allow kids in K off the bus if no one is there to get them so allowing a K to walk off school property alone is wild.

I asked my hubs, who is a teacher, and he said the school is being incredibly negligent. You're not being a helicopter mom - this school is fucking nuts. Edited to add - after seeing your comments, I'm doubling down on my previous statement. What kind of dystopian hellacape of a school is your kid going to??? You're completely within your rights to be anxious about the wacko-ass nonsense this school is getting up to.

I would tell them to eat shit. How are they gonna stop you from getting out of the car? 

The buckling is a clear situation of schools not keeping up with car seat safety. My 5 year old CAN buckle herself, but do I trust her to do it properly? No. Many kindergarteners today are (or should be) still in a 5 pt. harness and those aren’t easy to buckle properly.

Buckling your child is the law where I live. This schools activity is a red flag based on how our schools operate. I sub at a public school where my kids go to and I have never seen this behavior.

Unbuckling themselves is one thing, but theres no way a child can tighten the straps properly once getting in the car in the afternoon. Its not possible in any carseat/booster with a 5 point harness. You aren’t being crazy. Leaving a kid alone in a parking lot for that long is asking for trouble. It doesnt matter if they know the whole stranger danger thing, it takes no time for a bad person to snatch them up. Not saying its in your area, but there have been several interviews of those type predators who all said it started by watching the kid and observing their routines. Knowing the kids path and observing it can lead to trouble if they see the parent isnt there. Id be losing my mind especially if i was that mom who discovered my kid was left alone unattended especially for that long. Absolutely unacceptable

Isn’t it illegal to drive with your child not properly buckled? They would have to physically stop me from buckling my child. Correction, they could try to physically stop me from securing my child. They would be unsuccessful in their attempts. If the school has a problem with that have the police respond and let them know that the school is not buckling kids in AND not letting parents buckle them in.

As a childless person, I'm ready to read this school the Riot Act. Not buckling kids in? No. Releasing them early with less than 24 hours notice? No. Kids wandering down streets by themselves before the age of 10? No. What in god's name is going on at this school? ETA: This came up in my feed and I *had* to weigh in to let you know you're not unwarranted in your feelings.

I always stopped to buckle my kids no matter how much everyone hated me. So they made a pull off area for the few parents who actually buckle their kids. Most people the toddlers aren't even in car seats nobody is buckled. My kiddos were all still in 5 point harnesses in K.

You are not crazy at all. I’m an educator and this is not ok! The school is liable if something happens and more than that educators should care about kids and families, leaving kids unsupervised and unsafe does not show care for kids or families.

No. You are not a helicopter mom. The school is absolutely foolish in their security measures. I work in NYC and elementary schools (all the way until 5th grade) do not just release children. This sounds like 1980s level stuff!

That scenario you describe is totally unsafe

Maybe you should suggest a tour of your services after a tragic car wreck where no seatbelts were worn. Maybe a little shock treatment will temper the flippancy about it. You’re not over-reacting at all.

Not a teacher, but I find your thought-process to be logical and sound. These are things that you should be paying attention to, and yes, leaving a child that young by himself is a recipe for disaster. Not only do they have YOU observing things, but I guarantee there are others with bad intentions who are also watching & observing. Glad you were there for this little fellow brava on being an observant, protective, proactive Mother.

At our school, the kindergartners are not allowed to leave their classroom until an adult picks them up. It is outrageous that they not only release early, but they let kinders walk away unattended!

I would flip my shit, if they just let my kindergartener leave the building without one of the approved adults on the list doing the pick-up. I would go scorched earth, if my 5 or 6 year old was left alone in a parking lot for half an hour because they can't plan, too. This is such a huge safety issue!

Oh hell no. My car doesn’t move if my kid isn’t buckled in. Id go to school board letting little kids out that young, unsupervised is crazy. Letting them out early at the school’s discretion isn’t ok. They need to follow the schedule.

Oh God no. Our schools require you to sign in if u want to eat lunch with your child. You are also required to show i.d. if you choose to check the child out. You MUST be on the pick up approval list. Going through the drive thru each child & parent has an i.d. the parents are place in the car window until the child leaves. No child would leave the premises unsupervised. Tooooo many crazy people in the world. S*x offenders aren't permitted to live within a certain distance from schools or playgrounds. That doesn't mean they don't visit friends & family on the school street. They could easily snatched a child.

This is crazy to me. I've never dealt with a school that let out early, even 5-10 minutes, unless given notice days ahead of time. Until the bell rings at precisely end of school time, absolutely no students pass through the doors. I'd be livid if my 5 year old was left standing in a parking lot unsupervised so the school could start a sporting event early.

The early release is definitely concerning but my school also has the same policy about not allowing parents out of their cars/not assisting children in buckling. We were caught off guard but turns out after a very small amount of practice my girl in kindergarten was able to buckle herself and she was super amped to learn something new that made her feel like an older kid. To answer your question you don’t sound like a helicopter mom to me, as a parent I’d both be annoyed at the school since I can’t drop everything in an instant to pick up my kid on their rotating schedule and appreciate of you offering to watch over my kid while I was rushing over. I don’t know all the details on your move, but if it was a full move just to be in walking distance of the school then I’m still saying okay for elementary but definitely suspect if you did it again in middle school lol

My ex-wife's youngest, Alan, went to a Catholic elementary school. They were super controlling about dropoff, which became a problem. Alan would occasionally refuse to get out of the car, but the school staff lost their minds if I tried to get out of the car. The first time it happened, I just lowered his window, turned the car off and started playing Angry Birds. Told them if they didn't want me to get him out of the car, they could handle it themselves, but I wasn't turning the car back on while he was still in it. I did offer thoughts and prayers. Bloody papists.

In my area, no elementary kids are allowed to walk home even in groups…which I think is bizarre, unless a parent picks them up on foot…but every child, no matter how far they live from the school is provided a bus. Even bus drivers don’t drop kindergarteners off without a parent present at the bus stop. My house is right at the bus stop and one afternoon I was on the phone and not outside, which was out of the ordinary so the bus driver had to make a decision. The driver did let my kids off, but I believe she drove back by my house and I waved a thank you to her. My kindergarten son managed to reach the garage door keypad to get in the house. His 3rd grade sister had her head in the clouds I guess. Sorry…going on and on. All that to say, helicopter parent or not, my county is helicopter enough for us all. I don’t think elementary kids are allowed to walk to school alone either, but I think it’s because there’s no crossing guard?? Idk When I was teaching 25 years ago, the bell rang and we sent the kids out the door. I have no idea how my students got home. I taught 3rd/4th so perhaps there were different times for K/1. As a rather neurotic worrisome mom, I just want you to know that you will find all kinds of moms out there and some will criticize. So, just let it roll off your back. You will get more and more comfortable letting go as your child grows up. ETA: you don’t really appear to be a helicopter mom in this post. **As a total aside, my college son was home this weekend and he told me his friend (a girl…who just graduated by the way) would go out on campus and every time she left her apartment her mother texted her to find out where she was going and with whom! 😳

FFS people.. walking to school in the US is actually safer than ever but evidently that fact has missed most parents of young children. Yes, you are a helicopter parent. No tg3 school does not have any responsibility for what happens in private citizens cars. And yes those kids can very easily walk a block or six on their own.

Letting kindergarten kids walk or leave the bus without the parent or guardian there to pick them up is crazy! Where I live kids below grade 3 can not be let off the bus or walk by themselves. That is unacceptable! I would be to the superintendent about this. It's not safe. I remember when my youngest started kindergarten the bus driver made her get off the bus before her stop. Which pissed me off because the younger kids had tags on their backpacks with their names, grade and bus stop on it. I was livid!! Luckily her God Father seen her 2 blocks away on the other side of a busy street and brung her home. I told the bus driver that she was lucky she was safe and sound because I wouldn't have been responsible for my actions if anything happened to my baby. I immediately called the school and reported her. The kids had a new driver the next day.

That is absolutely crazy! In our school district my daughter wasn't allowed to leave school property until a designated person (from a short list I provided that included my high schooler and her best friend's parents that live a few houses away). They aren't allowed to walk home or any distance alone until 5th grade! That is so reckless on the school's part IMO. However, my district is also very "inner city" by Connecticut standards so maybe it's different here

That’s not helicopter. They are KINDERGARTENERS. Definitely say something to the district because that can be dangerous. Does no one watch the babies to make sure they go with a parent??? wtf . So any random person can just walk up to the school be like that’s my kid and walk away with the child???

My sons elementary has 5th graders as “saftey patrol”. Each is paired with a kindergartner to make sure they either walk them to get on the bus, or wait with them until their parent arrives. It’s a wonderful program and no, you are not a helicopter mom! Every school should have some program similar to ours and it’s just wacky that they expect 5 year olds to just stand there alone or walk home alone? The school is being lazy and negligent, no question.

He should know how to do his own buckle but if he’s special needs to something, I’d guess they just don’t want to slow the line. Parking and walking was a good compromise. A public school shouldn’t have varied release times- this must be a private school that isn’t government funded. Sounds like they cater to specific clientele.

He could buckle himself just very slowly at the beginning of kindergarten, by the end he can do it himself fine, this is a public, small town school, probably 700 kids between K-12.

OP, my kids were slow at buckling, too, and my youngest had a hard time opening the door. We just stayed there for as long as it took to buckle and one of us would open the door for our kid. If they aren’t going to help, then you do what you need to do to help your child. Honestly, I probably would have ripped the staff a new one if treated me and my husband the way they’ve treated y’all.

That’s very odd! Yes, I’d be concerned as well.

I have taken van loads of kids to fields trips. I promise you, many of the young ones can not buckle.

The pickup line needs to operate like a machine to be efficient. If your child can't buckle themselves, you need to park a block or two away and walk to collect your child, rather than holding everyone else up while you're getting out of your car and buckling your kid. It sounds like you ended up doing this (the correct action), after an unnecessary bout of getting upset. On the other hand, schools releasing kids before the scheduled time is absurd. Parents plan around the school's published timings. If I know my kid is going to be walking out of the front door of the school at 3:45, then I'd better be at least on my way home at 3:30, so I know I get home before he does. I think you probably have helicopter tendencies that you're trying to keep in check. You get an NTA on balance from me.

I think your concerns are valid. Any chance you can contact other parents and get them to ask the school too? Calling you a 'helicopter mom' is just an ad hominien because they don't know how to have a respectful argument.

It is a small town, I know most of the teachers and school board, although I casually mention my concerns I feel like nothing has changed, just yesterday they let out 13ish minutes early, last day of summer school.. summer school here is for any kid. I have felt maybe I was the issue, and I was being too overprotective, and talking to other moms may just make me look crazy or dramatic... although My husband agrees with me completely.

I walked to school in the 1970s. It was a distance of <1 mile. It was residential streets until we reached the street the school was on -this was a moderately busy street with a crossing guard. I walked with another 5 year old and his siblings 10 and 12. It was normal then. When I was 8 I rode my bike to the pool and stayed there all day. I can’t speak to OPs situation but we kids had a lot more freedom and it gave us a sense of independence.

No I don’t think you’re in the wrong here. I teach K and we have staff at the door to make sure the student gets to the adult picking up. If a parent is not there on time, we bring them to the office and contact parents where they can wait safely.

Been teaching for over 20 years, this is weird. I do teach in an urban area in one of the largest districts in the country and because of this we are rally strict with some things. One of them being that dismissal time is dismissal time. I cannot dismiss one minute early, I can only keep kids 10 minutes after dismissal but I would get into some serious trouble dismissing kids even a minute early. Also, if there are early dismissal days that are put into the calendar at the beginning of the year. If they need to be changed the school needs permission from the district and parents must be notified at least a week in advance. The state is strict with instructional minutes and cutting out 10-15 instructional minutes a day is a big deal. ETA: in this context I do not think you’re a helicopter parent

You are NOT WRONG about anything here.

Yes. Just read the emails.

The school is being irresponsible releasing the kids that early without providing supervision for those kids whose parents haven't arrived to pick them up yet. They are setting themselves up for a major liability issue. If the normally scheduled school day goes until 3:30 then they are responsible for providing supervision until 3:30 unless it's an early release that has been planned for enough in advance that all parents have enough time to find alternative arrangements. If they are just changing release times willy nilly like this I'm surprised there hasn't been more of an uproar from the parents.

All of OP’s complaints are valid and I cannot image a school system thinking it’s ok.

I'm in england we dont have pick up lines we park up or walk if close enough/ timings allow and then wait in the playground up to year 5 ( ages 9-10) teachers will walk their class and the kids shout mrs xxx I've seen my mum and run off but they wont just dismiss a kid. We dont have school buses for kids this age either only at secondary school 11 up

What country is this? Letting small children out of school grounds sounds negligent if not illegal?? Schools in the UK won’t even let the young kids out of the classroom unless the teacher recognises the grown up picking them up.

I would prefer a helicopter mom to one not involved! I teach high school. 70% of the parents do nothing. The 30% that do can be overbearing or obnoxious but their kids do the work and let me know when I am not doing my best. I need that and I love when kids are involved and when parents are. It is super important to their success.

I'm assuming this is not a public school. I'm a teacher, and in public schools you have to sign kids out during the day, and there is no way school would just randomly be let out early unless there was a weather emergency, and it was for the safety of the children. This is a HUGE liability. You have every right to be upset and anxious. Their policies need changed immediately. They are lucky a kid hasn't been killed or kidnapped yet. Schools also have policies on WHO can pick up a kid. Sometimes there are parents that are not allowed to pu the kids bc they have criminal issues or such. I am blown away that kids are being released to no one. You should report them.

The one time I wasn't at pickup for my kindergartener because my 1 year old daughter had a fever, and I was new at having a kid in school, AND new at having my son in before/after school daycare. (I work shifts, so sometimes I pick him up, the other times he goes on a van) So, I had told the daycare driver I was gonna pick him up myself. Then my daughter was sick and ended up having a nap during school letout. So the van driver told my son to not get in. I didn't show up. (I honestly thought he would get in the van since I wasn't there) The school was calling me within 10 minutes. They have an outside teacher watching, and they had him sitting in the office surrounded by teachers. I school shouldn't be ending early unless there is some serious weather event going on and the roads are getting so bad you won't be able to drive. The school expects the kids to show up on time in the morning, they can't just quit early for a soccer game. sorry not sorry. And last time I checked, the school can't tell you you can't get out of your car.

No. If something isn't done, the school is just asking to get a kid run over.

None of what the school is doing is okay. You’re spot on and a good person to keep an eye on that other kid.

I don't think you're a helicopter mom! For perspective my school, in Canada, does not release Kindergarten children until they are with an older sibling or known adult. In terms of dismissal times...WTF! I would be furious at the school for changing those times on the regular, the day of! We'll dismiss early on the 28th this month...the last day of school. The practice of changing dismissal times is assuming that all families are nuclear families with 2 caregivers (and at least 1 has a flexible schedule)! As a teacher I'd find that frustrating too.

Not at all a helicopter mom. It's wild to me that they let kindergartners out without an adult. At our school (public) the kinders must be released to an adult, they cannot walk home alone or wait outside the school. They have to remain in the classroom under supervision of the teacher until an adult physically arrives to take them. Anything else seems wildly unsafe for a 5-6 year old child.

I’m in the US. I have a five year old who is starting preschool. I looked at the handbook and I’m not allowed to get out of the car to buckle him up or out at drop off or pickup. I’m sure I could request a reasonable accommodation if either of us were disabled. But I can usually reach back and finish buckling him in. I would be okay in our very safe neighborhood if my kindergartener had a smartwatch that was also a phone so he could call me and I could see where he was on the GPS. But he wouldn’t be happy about that and I honestly think that it wouldn’t be responsiblr

I think it’s strange that dismissal time varies from day to day. That’s just wild to me.

Thats crazy I pick up my 5 th grader and she is not allowed to walk out of the building until the teacher sees me and I say who I'm there for. By this time at fifth grade she knows me so as long as I'm standing there she let my daughter out but if there is a substitute we have to wait so they make sure.

What country is this?

They let Kindergartners walk by themselves?! The the local schools here, K and grade 1 teachers have to see the approved adult/older sibling before releasing the child. Once a child reaches the age of seven they are allowed to walk home with written consent from the parent. I'm not sure of the age an older sibling has to be to be responsible for a younger sibling for the walk. Here there's no pick up line for cars. Parents have to park in the school lot (if their lucky) or the street and then walk to pick up their kid (so no dealing with buckling). They also don't release the kids until the bell rings (sometime the older ones come out a few minutes early, especially if they are coming from gym but that's it). I would definitely bring the safety concerns up to the school board since the principal is so cavalier about it.

Usually, I'd say, "try the chain of command route, and speak w someone from the school district?" But here, I'd start sending emails and video to all news stations for the county, and main stations for the state, and nation. They didn't take abuse and/orneglect at home, or bullying at school/online from peers seriously enough, and look what happened?? V Tech? Yes, but no . . Think younger. Columbine? Yes, but even more twisted . . Sandy? Yeah. Not just peers, but little fucking kids his junior. Anyway, the point was school shootings. Something will eventually happen to one of those kids, by the school acting the way it does. Start recording convos, and sending emails. No more speaking in good faith w these ppl, if it were me, I'd prepare for war.

Our kindergartens have to be picked up by someone in person; either a sibling or an approved adult. We would NEVER let a 5/6 yr old walk out into the neighborhood alone. That is dangerous and a huge liability.

Our elementary has parents meet the teacher at the door to get the kid unless they ride the bus or they are specified as walkers with specific written permission. We only live half a mile away from the school and he can ride the bus and only a block or two from home. We don’t live in a big city.

At 6 he should be able to buckle himself into his car seat.

You’re not being a helicopter mom, you’re just being a protective mom. There’s a difference. Please report this school, they should NOT be releasing tiny children like that and allowing them to just walk home by themselves with no regards to their safety! I’d be livid if that happened to my child.

Releasing kids early sounds insane. Not safe.

OP where do you live? Either you have OD on some meds and aren’t telling us the story accurately. (If so, please share). Or you have a school admins who are breaking the law letting kids out early and not making sure they are securely buckled. They would be FIRED immediately where I am. That’s crazy.

I see your edit that he can buckle now but I’ll still touch on your first concern. IMO, it is not the job of an elementary school employee to buckle a child in. At that age, they should be able to do that themselves. Those pick up lines go fast and are trying to be efficient. It would take forever if they were buckling kids in/letting parents get out to do it. Preschool I’d get but it’s not weird to hear that they don’t let you do those things at the elementary school age. Letting kindergarteners walk out and away from the school alone? That’s weird. At our school, K/1 get walked out and teachers wait until all kids are picked up by guardians.

This is crazy to me, where I live the schools will not release the lower grader children, like 3rd and younger, without an adult there to receive them. The fact that this school is letting kindergartners just wander off alone blows my mind…. I don’t think you’re a helicopter parent for being concerned about what’s going on over there.

Raise your kid how you want. From atleast this snippet you don't sound insane on the points you brought up. For a kindergarden, not having a spot you can set up your kid right and early dismissal without notice is just bad. Maybe by elementary school for the first, and for middle school for the 2nd it could make sense In general though try and be contientious of how you really do see the worst, that it isn't likely, and while your kid getting hurt/killed is an awful possibility they do also need space that isn't always perfectly safe. My mom was an ER doc, and saw the absolute worst of the worst. I could never go to a sleep over, own a scateboard, anything motorized, walk home alone (half mile) until high school, go to concerts, etc. Its bc she saw a lot of messed up stuff. Kids being sexually abused, kids getting hit by cars, kids ODing on drugs they tried "just once" the list goes on. I have to assume its similar for you. For me though, many of my core memories are from the confidence I gained when I had space to make it on my own, and overcome my own obstacles and mistakes. So as he gets older (no 5 year old really needs or wants anything but a helicopter parent) just make sure to think not just to the bad you've seen, but how you grew up. If you survived, your kid probably will too. Age appropriate independence can be necassary for kids to grow up confident and social.

In nursery school, my son was picked up in a line of cars like you described. The parents didn't get out of the cars due to time constraints for the school. But the staff opened the back door of the car and buckled the kids in their car seats. I do think you are overly nervous. But the school should notify you when they are dismissing children early. My son's kindergarten teacher told me kids his age were capable and more self aware than I realized. So I think I was too over protective as well. All in good time.

This is what I was kind of curious about, is my kindergartener, as of a few days ago, 1st graded.. more capable than I'm thinking, when I am not around, obviously I still fear kidnapping or accidents but, does the school allow small kids to be more independent because it is good for them and I'm being over the top or are they too lax..

The teachers take many child psychology courses to learn what children are capable of at each age. Then they practice teach for many aged children. My son was a K-5 teacher. He had to observe/help starting at daycare, then nursery schools, and grades K-5 in Urban, Suburban, and Charter Schools for all those grades. That's all in college to be able to graduate the teaching program. The last 2 years are all student teaching. Plus they need ro major in another main subject too. So children's teachers do see and learn about whole groups of kids at specific ages. They do know at what ages the kids can be more independent. We, as parents, just see our own, and those we are close to. So elementary teachers do know what your child should be able to do. Of course, they don't know our child. But as my kid's kindergarten teacher kindly told me, he was more socially ready than I realized he was. I was too over protective.This doesn't mean the school can slack on safety measures though. It sounds like a some of them, some of you issue. The school should be more careful. But you are underestimating what your child is ready for. Good luck!

I am confused. You say you park a few blocks away and walk. But in the comments say you live and work on that block and can watch him walk from the school to home next year. Isn't it a lot more work to pick him up in a car when you can apparently just walk across the street?

Not at all.

As someone who grew up with the benefits of free range parenting: letting 5 year olds walk home unsupervised is insane, you're not being a helicopter Mom. Yet. With all kindness, you seem to have the kind of anxieties that make it easy for someone to be a helicopter mom, and you might find it hard letting your kid have the autonomy they need as they grow up. But right now, they're 5, and you're doing just fine.

I teach older kids along with a lot of family members teaching various grades and every school we’ve ever been in the kids are never supposed to be without an adult…Even in a high school I would only leave the kids if there was an absolute emergency. I might trust them more but our job is that we are responsible for kids when their parents are not there so we have to be present. At my current school safety is our number one rule ALWAYS. It’s so ingrained that our kids tell each other. I grew up friends with a lot of kids of helicopter parents and my concerns there usually might be not allowing freedom, free time to balance academics, or pushing unhealthy perfectionism. My job in a school though is not at all about how a parent should parent. I can give information and some advice but it isn’t my job to judge parenting styles. Now from working in schools, young kids should never be allowed unaccompanied outside of the school. Sometimes parents give permission for older kids to walk home with their younger siblings but otherwise young kids should never be allowed to leave without an adult or a designated person as requested in writing by the parent or guardian. (Some cultures vary significantly but in the U.S. this is the general expectation.) In the school, especially elementary, they are never to be unaccompanied. They have privacy in the bathrooms naturally and might walk down the halls alone (hopefully briefly). Also rapid changes to the schedule that would leave kids at risk at all is CRAZY. We sometimes release early due to weather and send notices but the kids aren’t kicked out or abandoned- they just can get picked up early. In the U.S., these things would and should bother most educators.

Is there a PTO? These sound like valid concerns. Raise them there. If no one listens go to the school board.

I wouldn't consider you to be a helicopter mom unless you were walking your teen aged children to and from school. LOL! You're being a typical cautious mom. You did the right thing bringing your kid's classmate over to your house to wait for his mom. A young kindergartner should not be waiting alone in a parking lot for 30 minutes. He would have been the prime target for a child snatcher or he could have been hit by a car. Also, you need to go to a school board meeting and let the board know that when the school says it's going to release the kids at 'X' time, releasing them 15 or 30 minutes prior to that stated time is dangerous and inconvenient to the parents. I'd also bring up the fact that they don't let parent's properly secure their children in seat belts before pulling away from the pickup line. That's also egregiously reckless.

My daughters school won't release kindergarten students unless the teacher spots the students person. I don't think you are over reacting. I would be livid.

The car line thing is normal- it’s not outlandish for a child to be able to buckle themselves at kindergarten age and that is what the expectation is, so if they can’t, it needs to be worked on. People getting out of the car in the drop off and pick up line when my son was elementary was a huge pet peeve of mine because it just took so much longer. We did have a large parking lot that would have been a solid option for people needing to assist though. Releasing kids early is absolutely insane and I don’t know what they’re thinking. What about busses that show up on a specific schedule? Or daycare transports that bring kids to after school daycare programs? Does your state have a certain amount of required student contact hours? This doesn’t seem like it makes sense at all. I can’t believe more people haven’t raised hell about this. Do most people at your school have a stay at home parent?

For goodness sake, you live next door. Let the kid walk to and from school by himself. When I was 6 I walked half a mile on city streets to school, back home for lunch, and then back again for the afternoon. My mom walked with me the first time so I'd know the way, and then it was on me, and I was fine.

Are you in the USA? Asking because I am a teacher and we have laws saying how much time, minimum, students need to be in school. If they are regularly releasing early and it is not built into their schedule, the they are probably not meeting their time requirements.